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#i think there's something like

Random ass post, but I dunno how to go about it. But I’m not vibbing with Kotone Shiomi (or at least the Kotone part). I think Atlus should go for a diff name if they bring Hamu to the mainline games with a “canon” name. I have two names, but I’ll just say one atm. I nominate the name “Kokoro Otonashi”, because it sounds cute, has double meaning that not only works by itself but plays off each other well to give a whole new double meaning. And that new double meaning makes me wonder if it sounds just as morbid in Japanese as it does to me in english. 

And the morbid double meaning being “Kokoro meaning heart/soul” and Otonashi meaning “no sound” so it basically reading (at least in english) as “heart with no sound” and I’m sure you can figure it out from there. ;D

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I’m reading this fic and it’s pretty good but it just used one of the tropes in atla that I just really really don’t like

Idk if my dislike of it can be called hatred since I’ve read and probably still will be reading things with that trope

Heck, one of my favorite fics ever, Towards the Sun by the amazing Muffinlance uses it to a great success

So maybe I just don’t like if it’s kinda a cheat code that somehow still works? Like that code in the Sims 3 that gives you lot of money (honestly idk, I’m probably the only person that doesn’t like to play using that code)

I think i like it as a cheat code that backfires, and there’s angst and they need to work it out or something

Oh and that trope is Iroh telling the Gaang about how and why Zuko got his scar, without his consent when the Gaang still hates his guts to help them understand or to humanize Zuko

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I’ve spent years not being able to write a single sentence despite fantasizing about the same story all the time, but now that I’m writing just for my own entertainment and not cause I need to publish it later on and change the world, it’s so much easier and enjoyable. I know this book isn’t gonna matter one bit, but for me it does, and that’s what counts 😊

#i read somewhere that anxiety comes along with a sort of heightened self-awareness that sometimes seems similar to narcisism, #and like in my case that was the case everything i did HAD to be PERFECT and spectacular and all that, #which ofc is impossible to achieve so I became even more insecure felt even more like i had to prove something and yada yada, #but now it's so much easier to think... i'm also just a regular human being like everyone else, #i'm also just trying and failing and enjoying the little things in life, #i deserve to experience the world like a daughter of this earth just like everyone else, #like the sun rises for us too you know, #and i don't need to prove myself to anyone. my self-respect is unconditional but i like where i'm going, #which may seem a bit ironic considering my life is kind of messy rn with being kicked out of the house, #still looking for a job and distanced from my dad, #but i feel so much more normal now, #none of weaknesses or flaws are horrible enough to make the earth stop turning, #there's nothing extraordinary about all the emberassing moments in my life or the mistakes i've made. it's human nature, #just like everyone else i keep on living and trying and growing. and it's enough, #i feel so much more calm now. just living in the moment. there's less of an urgency to prove myself or to win others' approval, #god created everyone as equals. i don't have to prove i deserve to be alive. i just try to be kind and helpful and that's enough :)
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Who wants to start a commune for disabled/neurodivergent Christians in the PNW with me where we all get a house together and take care of each other so when one/a few of us are having Bad Days the others can help us through it, I know a lot of us can’t hold jobs because of our disabilities but like there’s gotta be a better alternative out there than finding a romantic partner to rely on I’m so tired and I just want a house with my friends where we all mutually take care of each other because nobody can do it alone and we aren’t Meant to do it alone

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People should really stop saying how much work my diabetes is. I know it is, but it’s literally my life from now on. You can’t tell someone their entire life is a hassle. What do they want me to do? Stop? Quit trying so hard to keep myself alive? Just die already? That’s basically what they’re saying. Such a hassle to stay alive, babe.

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thank you so much, anon! you’re too kind. my first hbo rowena post is here, but hbo rowena and sam together are [late-night cups of tea in the Bunker kitchen after long rituals or bad dreams] [both of them always trying to forget the coppery taste of blood] [spells cast jointly, the two of them stronger together than any full coven] [rowena’s delicate fingers swallowed up by sam’s hand, both of them glassy-eyed and panting with the electric pleasure of shared power] [muttered conversations that cut in and out like bad radio because they keep slipping into telepathy] [raw animal terror that lurks in the dark recesses of both their brains] [shattering every lightbulb in the room when they really argue, everything plunged into darkness cut with flashes of violet] [bent over a sumerian translation, their shadows flexing and leaping against the far wall as if alive] [sam wearing rowena’s jewelry] [three-eyed ravens delivering strange mail to the Bunker: fabric scraps, vintage postcards, manila envelopes full of human teeth] [demons watching them walk the forest corridors of rowena’s hell. there goes the flame queen, they whisper, and the boy king too.] [a half-dozen shared pocket dimensions where they keep tea leaves and skulls and rare herbs and the fears they’ve only told to each other] [rowena touching sam’s jaw. drawing his mind back from the memories of the Cage. whispering he’s dead samuel over and over again] [sam carding a hand through rowena’s hair. cradling the back of her neck where the bones still remember how it felt to be snapped. whispering he’s dead rowena over and over again]

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sorry if i decided to vent in my art account but i hope its not too bad to do so.

up until now after 2 years, it still hurts and haunts me that there will be people who scorns me. it feels like I’ll never be forgiven, its the only thing that’s filling my heart with void and i feel like I deserve it.

#/vent, #its like there's no room for sudden mistakes here in the internet, #because if you do, #they'll harass you, #and its why im so so scared of doing soemthing that would accidentally be seen as something bad when my intention was to never hurt anyone, #but no matter what they'll do whatever it takes to take you down, #with no remorse, #what's scary is that in these situations im vulnerable and emotional, #and i dont know who to trust when something like this happens, #I don't want that to happen again, #but i feel like a few years later someone will actually try to search up my past mistakes and tell the world what kind of person i am, #+from before and will try to, #do whatever it takes to cancel me, #so please, #whatever i did when i was a young stupid kid who knows nothing about the real world and was only passionate to draw what they want to draw, #please forgive them, #I'm so fed up and traumatize from people trying to manipulate me into thinking im bad, #when im not, #it makes me feel like every single issue that was created in this world was my fault, #and it just makes me think i dont deserve to be happy for something like this, #even after months of doing my best to take good care of myself this is the only thing that holds me back and scars me because there's people, #who probably still thinks im terrible for one mistake i did 2 years ago, #i couldn't stop thinking about it for 2 years, #and even now im suddenly writing this in tumblr, #im scared, #im traumatize and fed up, #i dont want something like this to happen anymore, #i just want to be happy and move on, #i've been educating myself more than i ever did way before and im learning, #i just want to be happy but i feel like the internet doesn't want that but i'll do my best to be better
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