#i think this is genuinely the best present i've ever gotten

[controld3vil]

atreides and bene gesserit

pairing(s): dune 2 cast x actor!reader (platonic), austin butler x actor!reader

synopsis: requested by this ask!

⤷ alt: as clueless as you were about your sister's role, it brought you much surprise and joy to see her on the same carpet as you.

notes: reader uses fem pronouns as she's playing a role as a bene gesserit. reader is also described as wearing a sleeveless jumpsuit. and i really enjoyed lea seydoux's performance and hope to see more of it !! this is also COMPLETELY separate from the first two posts ive made since the readers r playing different characters yeah?

When Denise Villeneuve asked you about the role of Lady Margot Fenring, you were genuinely shocked about his decision. You appreciated his works but have never gotten close to any of his sets before. You have worked with directors who've admired Villeneuve for his imaginative mind. And now, you witnessed his creativity in person for the first time.

The role was small and not as significant as the other main leads. Regardless, your character was just as enigmatic and complex as any other in the Dune franchise. Even though your time was short, it was a fun experience to learn and observe from. You weren't able to meet the entire cast after production, but with the NYC premiere, you were able to link up again.

You heard your name being called out. "Hello! How are you?" The well-known comedian and presenter by the name of Amelia Dimonberg was now beside you. In her jet-black corset dress, her style is chic and elegant. She hands you a microphone with the film's title plastered on it. "You look beautiful!"

"Thank you!" you sweetly recuperate, diverting your shoulders to the sight, cutely. You give a little pose before complimenting her own outfit. "You as well!"

"Do you have a memorable day on set that sticks out to you?" Amelia questions, subtly leaning toward your direction. And now you noticed her detailed eye makeup which enhances her outfit altogether.

"Well- I've had, like, only a few days," You let out a quick sigh. Truly it was nothing to be embarrassed about but you could not help but feel shy about it.

"Mmhmm! So all of them?"

"Yeah, all of them!" With ease, your shyness turns into giddy laughter as all you remember from your times on set. Recalling those tiny moments brought a small smile to your face. "Every day counted for me and that was enough."

"Oh absolutely!" Amelia chides, nodding in agreement. She quickly then moves onto the next question, "How long do you think you could last in the actual desert?"

"Oo that's a tough question," Lifting your fingers to rest on your chin as you try to contemplate an answer. "Ideally no- I feel like I could never recover from the heat."

"Yes yes, the heat's very intense,"

"Yeah- no I don't think I'd ever leave my house for that-" You shake your head nonchalantly, acknowledging how most of your scenes already were indoors. You could imagine how you would do in the desert of Abu Dhabi. It makes you appreciate the cast and crew even more for their effort to make filming more comforting and tolerable.

"Where would be your dream location to hang out? I'm assuming your home then since you prefer to say inside?" The blonde interviewer quickly catches on, eyebrows raising intrigued by your response.

Instead, you hummed bashfully, "Actually I think an oasis would be nice." The camera catches onto Amelia's face, fully fixated on you. "Which fits perfectly if I were to live in the desert actually!"

"Mm yeah, smart choice!" She responds more cheerily. "You can maybe go for a swim, you know-"

"Right right," You give her an playful look, "And you don't have to go thirsty!"'

"Absolutely, the best of both worlds," Amelia chirps, doing the same expression. "So this film centers a lot around dreams. Do you have vivid dreams of yourself?"

"Yes! I've uh- I've had many dreams of myself. I mean, this one, for example-" You turn to the camera, waving with the most adorable smile on your face. "'I'm living my dream right now!"

"You're living your dream right now!"

In another section of the premiere, you were walking down the carpet for press interviews and photography. The set where the premiere was taking place was gorgeously made in the shades of black and orange, the perfect theme of the film. The entire venue was outdoors, allowing you to feel the cold air and be more at ease in the crowded space. There were more paparazzi than you had expected, and you suddenly became aware that you were alone. Without any friend or acquaintance to accompany by, you searched aimlessly for a familiar face.

Then there was a holler. And then multiple more came after, it made you confused really. Your head swerves to the sound of the person you so try to look for and immediately you're struck in awe.

"Anya?!" In an instant, you're seen running towards your sister in the far back of the premiere wall. People were reluctantly used to fast-paced relocations around the carpet. Therefore most did not mind your hasty stumbles through the crowd. It was almost comical how apparent your demeanor changed when you heard her, in fact, videos and pictures caught all of it.

"Hi!" She beams in her white dress robe. Her makeup was glowing, making her skin seem angelic, and sheer without impurities. Her outfit covers her like a nun, covering her head and body in almost transparent cloth. Yet it flows around her so elegantly, almost like she was an angel from the stars. She squeezes your figure firmly, only after releasing to gush about your appearance.

You adored a beige sleeveless jumpsuit. The color is complimented with tiny designs of sparkle. Its seams captured your figure perfectly, as you also wore a gold chain and bulky rings. From the lighting, it looks as though your outfit is shining. And to be completely honest, you prefer comfort over the judging looks of fashion critics. Therefore you wanted to wear something that you could still move comfortably in. Thus you were able to run over to your sister with ease.

Through the other lens and camera, they could pick up some of her words after. "You look so gorgeous! How are you here?!" Anya's expression changes into a perplexed one as she gets a hold of your shoulders, shaking them back and forth.

"I was invited obviously, "You said, mimicking her voice while holding onto her arms on yours. "You didn't tell me you were a part of Dune!" Viewers from afar could tell you were pushing an act, reacting as though you were petrified about how Anya managed to be here in the first place.

"I didn't know you were either!" She giggled, closing in on your right ear. Your sister whispers to you slowly, trying to withdraw from the camera and recordings. "Villeneuve had mentioned something but honestly I just thought it was a joke."

It was your turn to guff. Your mouth opens wide flabbergasted, looking sarcastically offended. "Why would you think he's joking?!"

Anya scoffs lightly, wanting to go further with the joke. "I don't know- I just didn't take his word seriously,"

"Why? Because you didn't think I'd make it into the film?" You accused, eyes widening with a hand over your heart. "You're so cruel."

"So cruel," She smirks up at you, then moves back to be by your side. You see her face forward the flashing cameras, as you do the same. "Come! Let's take some pictures!"

"Your outfit looks beautiful by the way!" Anya Taylor muses, eyeing down at the fine details on your jumpsuit. "It's very... you!"

You give her a nod, before flattening some of the creases, "I thought this color was so exquisite, so I thought it would be perfect for the premiere." You lift your head to look at your sister, before realizing behind her, the upcoming stars of the film were getting ready to take cast photos. "Oh Anya- I think you should go!"

Your sister turns and then gazes back at you with a soft smile. "You should come with me!"

The thunder of cameramen and journalist blurred your focus for a moment. "Are you sure-"

Again the sound of your name is hurdled but this time from someone you haven't seen in a long time. Jessica Ferguson, who too wears a black body suit with veils and bold makeup. She waves her hand almost too eagerly to have you come closer alongside your sister. "Come, join us!"

Videos were filmed of the people gesturing to the cast of Dune in a line. Little by little, the row of people is filled and organized to be in the center of the camera's focus. Some actors had to move spots, due to lack of space or better color semblance on the other side of the row. You stood next to Jessica and Florence Pugh was beside your right, as you tried to stand closer for the picture.

Anya Taylor was on the opposite side, with Austin Butler and beside him, Timothee Chalamet. A noticeable clip taken all over was when the French actor went to greet the English actress, warmly, clasping her hand with both hands as a proper salute as on-screen siblings.

You did not mind the lack of attention. You were happy for Anya for achieving a great role. One with a welcoming cast and crew. It was then your eyes scanned down the row, from Zendaya to Stellan Skarsgard. Then to Austin, whom you've been familiar with since day one. Only him to find your gaze seconds later. You give a little nod and smile before averting your direction to Anya who is already staring at you with gleaming eyes.

You were going back and forth with Jessica and Florence on your travels for a while. From plans reception to favorite desserts, all you three wanted to talk about was food. Paparazzi caught onto your banter quickly and snapped a few photos. You even went out of your way to do silly poses. Followed by Jessica and Florence, then did the same, sticking their tongues out in a rock star kind of fashion. You throw out piece signs, giving a dramatic frown as another flash happens.

Catch-ups were definitely refreshing and fun. Thus why you nearly jump when Austin appeared behind you.

"Oh my gosh, hey!" You stuttered, giving him a quick hug to calm your nerves. "You scared me!"

"Sorry sorry! I just wanted to surprise you!" He leans his head slightly, allowing better eye contact. You felt a few taps on your shoulder and noticed Jessica and Florence scurrying away, with their thumbs up, all goofy and excited.

Your eyes make it back to his. "I would've said hi back at the cast photo, but you were so far away," Shrugging you dismiss your failure as a mild missed opportunity.

But Austin shakes his head in an averted manner. "No- Don't worry about it." You could already sense interviewers and others with microphones closing on you two. You were out in the open, and it's bound to happen. "I wanted to- you know, say hi to you in a less chaotic place."

"I tried looking for you but there's just so many people," You give your costar an exhausted look. It was then a keen young man approached the pair of you. It was the People magazine, as you became aware of the logo alongside their camera and microphone.

"Hey, would you two mind a short interview for People's magazine?"

Truly, this was what premieres were about. The cast and crew meet with fans to show what they have worked so hard for. You brought you no better satisfaction than to praise everyone's efforts. The interviewer then proceeded to have a quick introduction of you and Austin beside you. You both had separate microphones in each hand. Once the video started rolling, you peered at the camera and gave the audience a grin.

"So how are you guys doing? Met all of your lovely cast members yet?"

"Oh absolutely," You emphasized every syllable, nodding. Austin only glances at you in amusement. "It's crazy how many people are here I was so overwhelmed!"

"Yeah, it was pretty crowded," The male actor adds, lowering his microphone slightly.

"Hopefully it will die down!" The interviewer beams. "So what was it like getting to know each other in this film? How was the first day on set like?"

"Oh, well it went very smoothly," You start, staring up at Austin in approval. "Even though my time was short on set, I feel like we had a pretty good rhythm starting out."

"I was about to say! The scenes with Feyd and Lady Margot were really something!"

"Why thank you, we appreciate it," Austin nervously laughs, scratching his ear.

The interviewer takes the lead to discuss your preparation for the role and how it was working with Villeneuve. As new characters, you and Austin both talked about your views on both of your characters. Both are very different yet mysterious to the viewers. Additionally, you two were introduced in a similar scene of the pit fight. The People's Magazine interviewer was compelled to compliment Austin on his opening scene. You knew he had practiced the choreographed fights vigorously. And of which you were lucky to witness on the days that you were present.

"It was completely freeing and different than what I was used to doing," Austin probes, leaning toward your direction. "Were you there for the pit fight?"

"I think I was," You turn, similarly. "I remember watching from afar and thinking wow." Immediately you could sense him eagerly looking down at you with a sly smile. "He was- Austin did amazing with the fight choreography, I was impressed!"

"Was this the first time seeing him in full costume too?"

"Oh yes!" You bonked your hand on your forehead, "He was and I just- couldn't believe it was him!"

Suddenly Austin jumps in, "She was startled when I first came up to her in full costume."

"You came out of nowhere, by the way!" You rebutted, giving him a side glance.

"I didn't mean to," As he tries to reassure his actions, "I wanted to give a good first impression!" It was humorous how playful you two were together despite having dissimilar filming schedules. Though most of your scenes involved Butler, your friendship only became more apparent weeks after working together. It was off and on for months at a time due to being busy in other countries simultaneously.

Eventually, you were able to link up again weeks before the premiere. After waiting a long time to meet up, you almost felt relieved that you hadn't seen your costar in a while.

"And Austin, how was filming with her?! From a character's standpoint, what kind of dynamic do you see playing out?" The People's Magazine interviewer perks up, having the camera transition from his face to Austin's.

"Well I'd say, she's great. You know I've got to meet a lot of amazing people in this film. And," He says your name sincerely, "She's- she's one of those people. I can't say much for Lady Margot and Feyd's relationship- you know there's a lot of that's still not uncovered. We don't really know what's happening but kind of have an idea of something. And to have such a great actress like her, it makes everything feel authentic and- feel the tension." It felt as if you were in a daze, eyes completely focused on his words with such admiration and grace. Before you knew it, you were smiling as if you had won the best possible prize in the world. His compliments to you meant more than you had anticipated really.

Unbeknownst to you, the cameraman had caught your lovestruck expression before directing attention back to the interviewer. "And how about you, Miss Margot?"

"I'd say it's the same," Now looking at the interviewer, only momentarily back at your costar. "Austin's- he's great at all the stunts and acting like a scary dude. Every scene with him was fun to do. Like he's all serious in character but once they yell cut! he's so nice and funny!" Your bubbly laugh breaks as you can feel your face growing hot.

"Well I appreciate you liking my humor," Austin pokes fun at you, fanning a little air towards you.

You mutter a soft thank you! before continuing, "And he's dedicated you know? I remember one scene, a little spoiler, where Feyd is about to be tested by Lady Margot, and I just couldn't do it! I couldn't keep a straight face!"

"Really?!"

"She just kept breaking, I don't know why," The actor shrugs, his attention closely drawn to you. "We had a few takes on a few days."

"We did! We did!" You gave a big frown, "You just have a really distracting face."

"Do I?" Austin asks, between the lines of teasing and coolly.

By the time, other premieres had occurred, people were still focused on your interactions with Austin Butler. Your chemistry on and off screen on the carpet was hilarious. And with how polarizing your characters were, it made many clips of your shared encounters gain attention.

A few short videos were recorded after the People Magazine interview of you and Austin, bashfully talking behind the stage. The two of you went back and forth whispering in each other's ears about what was unknown to the viewer. Through a bird's eye view, the video also catches you hugging your arms before zooming in on Austin's placing an arm around your figure.

Another clip that had been reposted many times was when you both took duo pictures together. As you comfortably shift your weight on one leg, as you turn to have your side face the flashing paparazzi. Whilst the Elvis actor stands beside you at a pleasant distance, doing the same pose to the other side. There was one instance where you lifted your head to make eye contact with your eyes instantly brightening. As Austin's smile widened, only to blow air in your face.

#dune #dune part two #dune x reader #dune imagine #dune cast #dune x you #paul atreides x reader #paul atreides #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet #feyd rautha #feyd rautha x reader #feyd x reader #austin butler #austin butler x reader #chani x reader #chani kynes #zendaya x reader #zendaya #florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #rebecca ferguson #anya taylor joy #alia atreides #lady margot fenring #bene gesserit #margot fenring #bene gesserit reader #IM GONNA REVISE THIS LATER #lmk if i cant write bc i cant realy

[somethingswift19]

Who? JJ Maybank x Tattooed (f) Reader

| Warnings: mentions of abuse, swearing, over protective JJ (mildly), alternative reader

| Summary: JJ noticed your medusa tattoo for the first time. All characters are in their 20s in this

| (a/n): I don't know how I feel about this ending. But I hope y'all enjoy!

You weren't like the others on Kildare Island. Technically you were a kook like Kie, but also like Kie you were a pouge through and through. Your dad was ex military and now worked for the local prison while your mom owned the only tattoo shop in the county. Due to this, your family tended to stand out which also meant you lacked in the friends department. That was until you met Kiara.

You and Kie had been inseparable since you met at the kook academy your freshman year. Neither of you wanted to be there but were forced by your mothers to attend. For her 16th birthday present, the two of you even got matching dolphin tattoos. Then when Sarah came along it became the three of you.

This led you to now. You were a 23 year old bartender at The Wreck, Kie's family restaurant, and the two of you had just gotten off shift. Running to the back you threw on your black "I <3 Hot Dads" hoodie, jean shorts, and red high top vans before throwing your messy, curly hair up into a bun. "Hey (y/n), are you ready?" your best friend yelled from the doorway.

"Yeah I'm coming!" grabbing your backpack, you followed her out. You had plans to meet the boys at the beach for a bonfire tonight after work. You had only met them a few times, and all of said times a certain blonde had caught your attention. Getting in the car you got settled but Kie didn't stop staring. "Can I help you?" you laughed.

"Oh no. Just wondering if you were gonna spend the whole night drooling over JJ again and not make a move like last time," she shrugged. Rolling your eyes you told her to just go.

Grabbing the beer out of the back, the two of you made your way towards the beach. "Hey girlies!" the familiar voice of Sarah Cameron rang out. "We were beginning to wonder when the two of you were showing up!"

"Blame the one who had to get ready before we came here," Kiara side eyed you before all three of you began to laugh.

"Listen! Is it a crime to want to look half way decent for my two besties other friends? I mean gotta make a good impression right?" you continued laughing.

"Yeah right. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that JJ is here tonight," Sarah teased you causing you to lightly hit her in the arm as the three of you headed down to the sand. After reaching the firepit you got settled onto the soft sand sitting crisscross applesauce. "Where's Pope?"

"He had homework for his fancy college program," the blonde boy you had been looking forward to seeing all night responded as he sat down next to you and handed you a beer. Nodding your head you took a swig out of the bottle you had been handed. The other three in the group were busy talking about something Sarah's brother did when JJ leaned over and broke the silence between the two of you. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look like anyone I've ever seen around here." You gave him a funny look before he quickly added, "Like it's a good thing! It's cute! Just very different!"

A blush formed on your freckled cheeks, "Thank you...I Think." He was right though. You had long curly black hair with tiny bits of green throughout, both sides of your nose pierced along with your septum, and both ears pierced all the way up. Not to mention the tattoos. Yet you still had a sweetness or "innocence" to you.

"You're welcome!" he smiled proudly to himself for causing the pink tinge. "Now tell me about your tattoos!"

"Well what do you wanna know?" You inquired. The two of you being so wrapped up in your own conversation to realize the other three had left you two alone.

"Well for starters, how many do you have?" genuine curiosity was shown on his face. You fascinated him. "I mean I can see you have your traditional patchwork leg done here, but do you have any more?"

"Well," you began. "I have my leg sleeve (of course), then I also have a full arm sleeve, and one down my side. And then a secret one that matches Sarah and Kie's." you smirked before beginning to giggle when he looked astonished.

"We are gonna circle back to the mystery tattoos later!" the blonde boy exclaimed. "But can I see your sleeve?" You nodded with a hint of reluctance only because of one tattoo. You took off your hoodie so you were only in your tank top. JJ began examining all of the colorful pieces you had but quickly stopped when he saw the medusa adorning your upper arm. His face went from curious and playful to stern. "Who?"

"It's really not important," fixated on the fire you really were hoping to not have this conversation yet. You were always cold but the hoodies also helped keep that hidden.

"You can talk to me," his blue eyes softened. He didn't want to push you but wanted to at least offer. "My dad...he used to beat the shit out of me. I used to blame myself. Would convince myself that I deserved it somehow. My fiends helped snap me out of that."

The two of you sat there in silence for several minutes before you brought yourself to open up, "It was my ex. He had a hard time taking no for an answer." JJ didn't say anything but just let you confide in him. "But before that, I went through something similar to you. My dad was an angry guy. I remember showing up to school with black eyes and having to have my friends cover for me. Then when I was 16, things got particularly bad. He slapped me so hard I fell down and he stormed out. Said 'He should have left me and my bitch of a mom a long time ago'...he came back the next morning in tears and never laid a hand on me since. So then when my ex did what he did, it just brought out suppressed memories."

JJ immediately brought you into a hug while wiping a tear off your cheek, "I am so sorry." You looked up into his beautiful baby blue eyes when the two of you leaned in. He kissed you so gently and tasted so sweet you thought you were in heaven. That was until he whispered onto your lips "So what are these secret tattoos the three of you girls share?" Laughing you buried your face into his chest.

"It's so embarrassing," you blushed as he started to chuckle right when the other three showed back up from what looked like swimming. "Oh! Just in time! (y/n) here was just about to enlighten me on these secret tattoos of yours!"

"Don't do it!" and "She was not!" were said in unison by other two.

"Come on guys we should tell them," you smiled and you all three agreed. "Ok, so just know the three of this did this to celebrate graduating high school. We were young and dumb."

"Oh this is gonna be good," John B mumbled.

"We all have a different fruit," Sarah continued.

"On each of our asses," Kiara finished. The two boys burst out laughing.

"Are you being for real?" John B asked. "I mean I knew about yours Sarah, but all three of you?" he couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.

JJ leaned over and whispered just to you, "I can't wait to see what yours is." Causing you to once again turn bright red. You knew you were in trouble with this boy when he just smirked down and kissed you again saying, "You're too damn cute when you blush like that."

#jj x reader #jj maybank x reader #jj x y/n #jj outerbanks #jj maybank #obx #outer banks #john b routledge #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #obx fanfiction #jj maybank fanfic #jj obx imagine #obx fic #jj imagine #rafe cameron

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

#ftm radio #peep below the cut for rambles about hrt developments! #⚠️ obligatory tmi warning but nothing too detailed! #transgender #trans #transsexual #trans masculine #ftm #trans man #trans guy #nonbinary #nonbinary trans man #nonbinary man #nonbinary guy #nonbinary trans guy #hrt #hormone replacement therapy #testosterone #ftm hrt #testosterone gel #testosterone update #bigender #bigender man #trans masc #transgender positivity #ftm positivity

[thoughtfulpaperback]

You know, I've been scrolling through the tags, and I've seen some posts arguing either that Colin never loved Marina or that he did love her and anyone who thinks other ways is being being misogynistic or racist.

And I will say that I agree that we can't overlook the mysogynoir I also think that many people are missing the big picture here: that Colin hasn't been in love at all based on the shows definition of love.

Okay like here me out before everyone jumps down my throat.

I will concede that love is complex. It comes in many forms. While I have never experiences puppy love I don't want to devalue the experience of others who have.

What I am trying to say is that based on how the show defines love in each of its stories. He just hasn't been mature enough to be in love.

Violet tells Daphne that the best match/choice is your best friend. Though each story takes on a different troupe (fake relationship and enemies to lovers) the heart of it is the same. Love is wanting someone who is your friend. Someone who you know well and can share parts of yourself that you don't share with anyone else. Someone who challenges you to grow and you you are willing to be open minded for. Someone you want to stick with even when life is tough. Passion and all that is part of yeah but essentially that is the gist from the main show and Queen Charlotte.

While I personally do think Colin has affection for both Marina and Pen and he knows and liked the idea of love, but He just isn't mature enough to love anyone in that way yet.

He could never have been Marina's best friend not because of the lies but because he hadnt really tried to be. He never seem to actually get to know her. He liked dancing with her and spending time with her but, and forgive me if I'm wrong since it has been a while since I watched it last but Colin didn't seem to ask her her much past the superficial or the rescue attempts.

He had the whole willingness to stick it out with her. And he definitely had the feelings. I don't think its fair to downplay that Colin felt genuine care and infatuation. Maybe it was based on a fantasy more than the reality, but those are still valid feelings.

I do think Colin definitely could have grown to love Marina because if they had gotten married they would have eventually grown to be each other's friends since he cared for her and would be more than eilling to make it work, but that also would depend on whether Marina ever let down her guard and stopped playing the part of wanting to be with him for security reasons (Which I don't think is a crime worth all the hate it gets her).

By the same token, he isn't in love with pen. Again there is genuine care. And Pen for sure loves him. He is one of her best friends, she would do anything for him. She wants to protect him and she sees him in a way no one else does.

Obviously while Colin also matches some of that, he isn't there yet. He cares for Pen, he sees a part of her that no one else does, and he's her friend. But he doesn't actually see all of her yet. And I'm not just taking about the LW thing. But everything that goes with it. She isn't a damsel that needs rescuing or a puppy to coddle. She is capable witty and talented.

He definitely sees some of it, but not enough.

Now again if we are going to talk about the complexities of love and validation of experiences.

Then yes Colin loved Marina and he loves Penelope. Just like Anthony loved Sienna and loves Kate.

Love isn't just one thing or another, and it isn't always equally reciprocated.

But I feel that in the context of the shows idea and presentation of love, Colin has not loved anyone truly and probably won't love Pen right away either because he just hasn't matured enough yet to get it.

I don't think this is a particularly new or insightful thought but hadn't seen yet while i was scrolling.

Also yall who are out here waiting for Marina to die....what the heck. I am someone who likes Phillip x Eloise's story, though I think a lot of that would have to be revamped for the show Eloise if they were going to do it.

I honestly would think that they will move on to Benedict before Eloise. That aside I'm not like out here counting down the moments and anticipating the death of a character...

Jeez. Yall out here posting crap that makes me like not want to admit I liked eloise's book.

But

Liking Phillipe x Eloise is not equal to wanting Marina dead ASAP.

I feel like I shouldn't have to say that but apparently it needs to be said.

That's pretty disgusting, y'all, especially knowing how poorly Ruby Barker has been treated.

Now I know you can feel away about a character and not an actor, but I don't think giving the trolls validation is a good thing.

#brigerton #polin #marina thompson #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton

[saintsenara]

I’m obsessed with your unhinged ship opinions! They’ve really gotten me thinking about interesting combinations which is such a fun activity for the subway

My submissions:

- Narcissa Malfoy/Petunia Dursley

- Voldemort/Molly Weasley

- Nagini/Crookshanks

- Walburga Black/Barty Crouch Sr.

ahhh, thank you so much @epigaea-repens - light of my life and producer of the finest piece of fan art i've ever seen - i'm genuinely delighted to discover that somebody other than me gets something out of doing these.

narcissa malfoy/petunia dursley

i'm oddly partial to a bit of draco/dudley - entirely because the idea of vernon trying to out-pompous lucius is funny to me, as is the fact that they'd clearly both think harry would care and harry's actual response would be 'who's draco?' - and i have to confess myself partial to this too.

narcissa's narrative mirror is molly weasley - both of these women share a certain fierceness [and, especially, a fierceness and strength one might not expect of them at first glance], but they also share a certain disconnection from the rest of their family, and an undercurrent of loneliness can be detected in their characterisation.

this is present in the way petunia is written too - the implication of canon is both that she's married "up" in terms of social class and that vernon is quite a bit older than her.

[and her fandom reception is a victim, i think, of the aging up of the adult cast of the films - petunia is, at most, twenty-four when lily dies. like her sister, she marries and has children young, even by the social standards of 1970s/1980s britain, and having to take on harry changes the trajectory of her life when it's only just started - i am absolutely wedded to the idea, for example, that harry being placed in her care means that she gives up a plan to have a second biological child.]

she is, of course, also confined in a prison which is directly of her own making - the bland domesticity of her perfect little house, all of which is an artifice constructed so she doesn't have to admit how deeply she once longed to be magic. narcissa experiences the same - i always read her as someone who leans heavily on the gendered conventions of the wizarding world as a way of coping with how utterly both of her sisters defied them, and as being someone who is very concerned with keeping up appearances [hence why her wildness and desperation when she goes to see snape in half-blood prince is so shocking]. i think you can imagine that she runs malfoy manor to have the same nothing-wrong-here vibe as number four privet drive, and i think you can do something very interesting indeed with the idea of two women who live behind masks being forced to drop them when they find each other.

lord voldemort/molly weasley

does, in fact, exist, in the form of a story i will recommend to everyone - come slowly, eden by paimpont - which, like all the best rare-pair fics, takes two implausible characters and creates a genuinely meaningful love story between them, through a lovely character study of molly and her ability to notice when people [and, especially, when people who are very much in want of a mother] are hungry.

nagini/crookshanks

i had to look up crookshanks' gender for this - which is a wild thing to say on a weekday afternoon - so that i could confirm... flopping. nagini's a lesbian, crookshanks misunderstood when she said she liked pussy.

it's fine in the end, though. nagini's got something happening with one of the malfoys' peahens, and crookshanks can go back either to the enemies-to-lovers thing he's got going on with mrs norris or to the soulmates thing he's got going on with sirius.

walburga black/barty crouch sr.

i am completely obsessed with this concept, i don't even think it can be considered a crack ship, and i would like to see it written immediately.

debilitating grief at the son you thought you knew disappearing - whether literally or metaphorically? delicious.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #unhinged and deranged ships #but only a bit

[ciaossu-imagines]

SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE

okay idk if you had this question before

But considering how Shamal is aka flirts and hits on everything that identifies as female

How would Tsuna and his guardians react to that happening to their female partner?

This actually isn't a question I've ever had before! Thank you so much for sending it in and I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons!

We actually kind of saw how this would go down with Tsuna during the Daily Life Arc, when Shamal made some comments about Kyoko, someone Tsuna had a crush on. He'd react exactly the same throughout his teenage years with anyone he dated. That is, while nervous, panicky, a little upset, not at all sure how to react, Tsuna would definitely step in front of his partner and tell Shamal to leave them alone. I think he'd still largely react the same as an adult, though he's gotten more used to the doctor, knows Shamal is just being Shamal and wouldn't genuinely carry through with any of his flirting. He's still making sure he's right beside his partner though and if they become uncomfortable in any way, he's shutting Shamal down and getting his partner out of the situation in the best way he could.

Now, when it comes to Gokudera, I really do think that Shamal has a real weak spot for Hayato. Hayato is someone precious to Shamal, even if he verbally pretends otherwise. Actions speak a lot louder than words and Shamal is very interested in Hayato's life, worries about him, and does keep tabs on Hayato's life even as the boy grows into a man. He'd never actually do anything to harm Hayato, so in a way, I do think Shamal respects any partner Hayato does actually settle down with enough for Shamal to meet. His flirting wouldn't be as overt and not as physical as it would be with some of the other Guardians partners and it's mostly done to tease his precious student, to see Hayato get worked up. Because he will get worked up, calling Shamal a dirty old man and maybe even getting a little physically violent and definitely angry. His partner is either someone who just would've shut Shamal down anyway or is laid-back enough to realize the flirting was harmless and teasing and would both laugh it off and help Shamal out by defusing Hayato's ever-present temper just a little.

Honestly, this probably wouldn't bother Yamamoto too much. Not only is he a pretty laid-back, chill kind of person but he really does accept people for who they are. And that includes Shamal and his many quirks and his habit of needing to flirt and 'pick up' those women he considers attractive. In some way, yeah, it's kind of an ego boost for Yamamoto that his partner is so hot that other men really are desperately trying to flirt with them. Overall though, Yamamoto is someone who would never be in a relationship with someone he didn't absolutely respect and trust, so he knows that his partner would never do anything with Shamal, no matter how much flirting and pick-up lines the other man tried. That being said, if Shamal does cross the line to a point where Yamamoto notices his partner getting uncomfortable (which he definitely will, as Yamamoto is a lot more observant than he lets on), Takeshi will have absolutely no problem just casually telling Shamal to knock it off, in probably the nicest and friendliest way. He's just like 'yeah dude, maybe tone it down a bit, you're making her feel uncomfortable' or Yamamoto manages to completely change the subject, because he really just that kind of person.

Okay, but we kind of get hints that teenage Lambo turns into a bit of a playboy type and I really think that's partially to blame on Shamal being around Lambo during his formative years. Lambo seems to be the one person genuinely interested in learning Shamal's pick-up tricks and he takes some of the doctor's lines and techniques and honestly, those are probably among the things that made Lambo's partner initially fall for him. So Shamal trying to flirt with Lambo's partner? Lambo is genuinely curious to see how his partner will react, what might make them blush, make them upset. He uses it as a bit of a learning experience, though if his partner doesn't seem at all interested in anything Shamal is selling, Lambo is celebrating and rubbing it in the other man's face. It's that 'I have surpassed your skills, you dirty old bastard' moment for Lambo, where Lambo genuinely thinks it's because of Lambo's superior flirting and hitting on people skills that makes his partner like him more than they like Shamal and not the obvious choice of Lambo is who they're in love with and attracted to. That will, of course, create a verbal spar between Lambo and Shamal and Lambo's partner is just going to have to step away from those two idiots for a little bit, though Lambo will want his partner's sympathy and comfort when he loses that verbal sparring match.

Ryohei's starting a fight. There is going to be actual physical blows thrown on Ryohei's side and Shamal tends to beat a hasty retreat when that happens. It only takes once and Shamal really learns not to hit on Ryohei's partner, even jokingly or out of force of habit, when Ryohei is within earshot.

Hey, sorry to break it to you, sorry to anyone who doesn't like this take, but if Shamal is flirting with Hibari's partner, it's pretty much goddamn certain it's because Hibari isn't with them. One, Hibari doesn't actually spend an abundance of time with any romantic partner he does take, just because he is busy and has very clear goals and ideals he's working towards in life and doesn't have a lot of free time. Two, not even Shamal fucks with Hibari. Three, even if Shamal did fuck with Hibari and knew that was Hibari's partner, and even if Hibari overheard anything, Hibari expects ANY partner he takes on to be able to handle their own shit. Any romantic partner of Hibari's needs to be able to stand up for themselves and handle their own problems and that includes the good doctor.

I really honestly don't see Mukuro and Shamal interacting much at all. Even if they do encounter each other, it's largely just in passing, not even conversations. They share Tsuna's family in common but Mukuro doesn't really attend Vongola events, still holds himself apart. Chrome goes in his place instead for the most part and the only time I see Shamal and Mukuro seeing each other is either if the Vongola is in the midst of battle or if Shamal is treating someone in Kokuyo at Reborn's request. So, if Mukuro's partner does get hit on by Shamal, it's when they're not with Mukuro and Mukuro mostly hears about it afterwards. Because the situation isn't a pressing matter, it mostly just amuses Mukuro when his partner tells him about it.

As much as I absolutely adore Shamal, he's definitely propositioned Chrome and her female partner for a little ménage-a-trois action because the only thing hotter than one pretty girl is two pretty girls. It did make Chrome angry, embarrassed her, but Chrome isn't great about speaking up and standing up for herself. So her reaction is probably largely to just grab her partner's hand and run away from him. She doesn't much care for Shamal and tries to avoid him to the best of her ability anyway.

#replies #katekyo hitman reborn #khr #headcanons #dr shamal #tsunayoshi sawada #gokudera hayato #yamamoto takeshi #ryohei sasagawa #lambo bovino #hibari kyoya #chrome dokuro #mukuro rokudo #i lied and had an idea so i had to jump back on to finish this one up #now I'm taking my break #5

[angelsanarchy]

Tangerine Skies: Possum x Y/N Series CH 9 -> END

Tagging: @svgarcaine @icarus-star @romanroyapoligist @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @liquidsmoothdomme @auggiethecreator @ethical-cain-vinnel @blacksoul-27 @tempt-ress

Possum had finally taken his tent down and packed up his travel stuff. Y/n told him there was no point in him having it still set up out there when he was spending every night in the RV with her. They fell into a comfortable day to day of waking up, fucking eachothers brains out, having meals, fucking eachothers brains out some more, smoking some weed before falling back into bed for a little more fucking.

"I think this is the most exercise I've ever gotten. My 7th grade gym teacher would be amazed." Possum said as he took a drag from the blunt, opening the window for the smoke to roll out of it.

"I didn't even attend gym class. I hated sweating at school." Y/n took the blunt from his hands and pulled on it. Possum looked at her and smiled.

"You barely sweat when we fuck...wait...am I not doing it right?" Possum asked making Y/n laugh out loud.

"No no you're doing everything right..perfect even. Best sex I've ever had." Possum's face lit up.

"Yeah?" He asked as he turned his body towards her wanting to go for another round.

"Yes, I wouldn't lie to you." She let him cop a feel before holding the blunt out of the way so he didn't light them both on fire.

"I like that about you. Everyone stays so caught up in trying to fool one another. No one lives in their truth anymore." Possum sat up and started to pull on his sweatpants without underwear, like he had every morning.

"You want to know what I like about you?" Y/n teased with a smirk.

"If you say my huge cock, I will only be slightly disappointed." Possum said from the bathroom. She could hear him peeing and laughed.

"That's top 3 but I like how different you are. You are truly the most uniquely free person I've ever met." Possum turned the water on and washed his hands before returning to the bed.

"Most people just think I'm weird...or high...mostly high but a lot of the time just plain weird. Do you think I'm weird?" Possum asked tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I think when you say weird you mean it in a bad way. When I think of you as weird I think of it as fun and exciting. You aren't boring and you're smart as hell. I could honestly just listen to you talk about governmental evil doing and extraterrestrial theories for hours." Possum smiled at her.

Y/n let Possum drive her car to the grocery store. They drove past the diner and the window she had blown out was covered with ply wood and the manager with yelling at someone on the phone out in the parking lot. The made a quick stop at the convenience store that Possum frequented and the manager looked thrilled to see him.

"I thought you died! We haven't seen you in so long! How you eat?" He asked Possum turned and pointed to Y/n who waved.

"She feeds me many times a day." Y/n hit him in the side and he rolled his eyes at her.

"We miss you. We're sorry we banned you for being stinky. We're glad you aren't stinky anymore." The manager said.

"Trust me, that makes two of us." Y/n ribbed.

"I just wanted to stop by and let you know I was taking off and probably wouldn't be back. I wanted to thank you for putting up with me for all this time." Possum held out his hand to shake and she could see he had at least $300 in his gloved hand. The manager's eyes lit up and he hugged Possum. Y/n thought it was the sweetest exchange between two acquainted strangers. She watched Possum carefully the rest of the day. How he treated strangers, how polite and present he was with people no matter how they looked at him.

Possum was such a genuinely sweet person in such a chaotic world. The two of them sat by the fire, eating dinner, playing with his little brother and talking about random places that they've both traveled to.

"You really ready to take off soon?" Y/n asked making Possum look up.

"Well I'm certainly done in this town. I think it's time I head back East. I know my mom is worried about me...I miss her." Possum explained. She nodded at his response. She had no doubts about him being a momma's boy.

"What about you? Ever been to the East coast?" Possum asked curiously.

"I've been to a few places on the East coast but never really stayed long enough to enjoy it." Y/n watched Possum's face drop.

"Oh you should come and see me when I get to my mom's! She would love you! Plus she can cook way better eggs than me." Possum said with excitement.

"You want me to meet your mom?" Y/n asked surprised.

"Of course! Two of my favorite women should know eachother." Possum said like it was so casual. Y/n didn't know she was consider in such high regard in Possum's book.

"I mean you'll have to wait like two months. I think it's going to take me a bit longer to get back there with the train and bus tickets." Possum explained.

"Or I could just take you...there's nothing keeping me here now that I quit my job. I hadn't really picked my next destination so-"

"Wait...you want me to like...live in the RV with you? Me and little one?" He held up his little brother and she laughed.

"Why not? We're living together in here now anyway. I like having you with me and I love hearing little ones little snores." She reached out and ruffled behind his ears and Possum sat him down carefully in his bag.

"Y/n...are you being serious right now? You really want us to come with you?" Possum plopped down next to her and took her hands into his own.

"Why does that surprise you so much?" She laughed and he licked his lips.

"No one has ever wanted to be with me like that." Possum's confession made Y/n lean forward and kiss him. He sighed into the kiss and placed a hand on her throat.

"Have you ever been in love before?" Possum pulled out of the kiss and asked bluntly.

"Um...maybe? Why do you ask?" She chuckled.

"I'm just trying to put a name on this feeling I have and I just think that's what it is. I've never been in love before so I just thought-" Y/n cut him off with another kiss, deepening it this time and allowing her hands to get tangled in the back of his hair.

"Maybe you're just higher than usual?" She joked but he nodded.

"Oh I'm absolutely out of this world high but I'm also pretty in love with you." Possum smiled resuming the kiss and running his tongue along hers. She felt him put his hands on her tits and squeeze.

"Yeah definitely love." Possum mumbled letting Y/n push him onto his back right next to the camp fire. They fucked like animals in the dirt and made sure to mark the coordinates of where they met for an eventual trip back. This would be their spot. It would be where they fell in love while getting high and watching the tangerine skies turn into tomorrows.

~END

#Possum #Possum x Y/n #Welcome to Willits #Tangerine Skies #One Shot Series #Tangerine Skies Series #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #9/9 #END #this got sappy #Happy New Year Sluts!

[rosalind-hawkins]

Hihi!! Seto Kaiba for the character ask 3 and 7?

Thank you for asking! Answers for this post and still taking asks if anyone else is interested!

3. What was their best canon look?

I'm actually quite tied between his Duelist Kingdom outfit (I love it so much I have my own version of it for myself, as just regular clothes) and his white suit from season five (is just so slick and professional). Obviously his upgraded dueling outfit in DSOD was awesome and extra, but I like to think more about what Kaiba wears day to day. The Duelist Kingdom outfit is the closest we see him get to being casual ever, and unless I'm mistaken, the first scene we see that outfit is when he's working on the Duel Disk prototype. It's the outfit he picked for fiddling with his tech in his own home, and that makes it feel more personal, in a sense. This is what he wore when he was alone and not necessarily trying to impress anybody, and we don't get to see that part of Kaiba too often. (And in my Rock Bottom series, this is the outfit I have him in from halfway in Season Zero up through the end of Season Two, so this one is almost def my fave based on that.)

7. What do you think they would appreciate as a gift?

I had to triple check this one because I kept getting it mixed up with 5 and I was like, "wait, I already have something written for this, don't I?" and the answer is true for both, actually.

The thing about Kaiba is, he can already have whatever he wants. That's the worst kind of person to buy a present for, because you think, "Well if he wanted this, he would have gotten it for himself already, yeah?" And that's not necessarily true with Kaiba. He doesn't make time to take care of himself or enjoy himself, so a gift geared toward that would be very appreciated from a loved one. So I think secretly planning a vacation for him (Mokuba or Ishizu) or custom handmade BEWD art of some kind (Ryou) would be really nice for him. In the past I've usually written Joey as giving him *ahem* certain sexual experiences *ahem* as a present because Joey doesn't pretend he can give Kaiba a good gift, but he does know that he can show him a good time.

Another thing that would be sweet and specifically thoughtful imo (and this feels like something Duke would do) would be to look at the years that he was either in the orphanage or with Gozaburo, track down the systems and game copies for the best games that came out during those years, and spend a few weekends with him playing the games he missed out on during the time that he most needed them. Make sure that time is blocked out on his schedule and just have fun.

In Power of Three, well before Ryou and Seto get together, Ryou gives him a Christmas card with a single serving of tea inside, and at the time he's Kaiba's first actual real authentic genuine sees-him-as-a-real-human-being, talks-literature-and-philosphy-with-him-over-coffee FRIEND, so he's just touched way more by it than Ryou realizes. The gift is part of Kaiba's new experience with genuine friendship. It's just a little thing, but coming from Ryou, it meant something.

I have actually spent a lot of time on this question before and written a few of those scenes. And that was a really long answer to two simple questions, sorry about that! 😅

For fun, I'm including a snippet from my old Euroshipping fic Tainted Love below, where Ryou gives Kaiba a handmade BEWD sculpture for Christmas, it elaborates on it being a good gift for him (besides the obvious reason).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Go ahead, open it. But be careful: it's fragile."

Intrigued, Seto tugged away the ribbon, peeled back the wrapping paper, and removed the lid of the box. He lifted away the flat piece of styrofoam and lifted away a few layers of tissue paper—then stopped, eyes wide in genuine surprise. As carefully as he was capable of doing so, Seto extracted his gift from its nest of protective wrapping.

"Did you make this?" he asked, voice so quiet that Ryou could hardly hear him above the sound of the fire.

"Yes." Ryou swallowed nervously, then continued, because Seto's silence unnerved him, "I started working on it a while ago, and the first few attempts kinda sucked because I was out of practice. I got some higher quality paints to use on it too, and because I know an art major who owed me a favor, I was able to bake it in a proper kiln. I was afraid that it might not be ready in time—"

"It's beautiful."

"Thank you." Ryou'd never heard Seto so soft-spoken before. He'd heard him whisper, but that was different from this. Even after all the time they'd spent together, the brunette's current expression was one that Ryou'd never seen and he didn't know how to interpret it.

"It reminds me," Seto said slowly after a brief pause, "Of when Mokuba made the Blue-Eyes card for me when I was a kid."

Ryou perked up a little. He'd never heard this story before.

"We'd been here for less than a month, and I already hated it." He traced his index finger over the delicate details of glossy porcelain wings. "He made that card to encourage me, because we weren't allowed to see each other. That's how he saved me, and that was also the day I swore I would own a real Blue-Eyes White Dragon card, since that was my first one. I'm not the type to accumulate objects because of the sentimentality attributed to them, but... I still have it."

"It brings back good memories, I hope," Ryou murmured, tucking one arm under Kaiba's and giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"Indeed it does."

When Kaiba began to set aside the wrappings, Ryou released him and let Kaiba stand, standing up with him. Kaiba carefully set the hand-made, ten-inch painted sculpture of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon on the center of the inset shelf above the fireplace that served as a mantelpiece. It's mouth was open, each of the teeth pointed as it screeched at them, its wings spread behind it as it gripped the rocky crag that formed the base of the statuette. It's eyes caught the light with a brilliant sparkle.

"Are those... real sapphires?"

"I couldn't find or make a shade of blue that could do its eyes justice." Ryou ducked his head bashfully.

"You really shouldn't have—"

"Don't worry about how I got them," Ryou interrupted, trying to put Seto's mind at ease. "The only hard part was setting them in his eyes so that they didn't look out of place."

#asks #seto kaiba #kaiba seto #thanks for the ask! #joey wheeler #duke devlin #snippet #my writing #ryou bakura #euroshipping #musings

[andypantsx3]

was it hard to re-establish your self-identity & friendships after your breakup? sorry for the personal q but I think I need to be single for awhile but I'm scared lol

Omg this is a deep cut, I'm surprised you remember me talking about this!!

Yes and no! For the first little bit I felt really aimless. I was shocked by the amount of time I suddenly had on my hands, the very present lack of a person to talk to about all my little daily things and to cuddle with at night. I felt like I had absolutely no hobbies and couldn't remember what my personal interests were, because my boyfriend and I had done every little thing together for close to six years!!

But after a little while I found it so strangely freeing. I'm sure it must be different for different personality types. But I took special pleasure in cooking the kind of food I wanted to eat without having to cater to his tastes, going places on a whim without checking in, having time and space to pick hobbies back up. I liked not having to pick between social engagements, where we'd have to do something with his family the weekend another friend wanted to hang. I liked not having to remember all his family birthdays and make sure he'd gotten them something when it was his damn family and he should have been responsible!!

Idk! I genuinely feel like the summer after my breakup was the best summer of my life. I spent so much time reconnecting with friends—cooking with them, going to wine bars, getting messy at karaoke— going on trips, netting myself a promotion, etc etc. My roommates became the people I could go grocery shopping with and gab with after work and stick my feet under during a movie lol. I started writing for the first time ever, went to the gym regularly again, discovered what my routine looked like if it was meant to suit me and only me.

And I really liked it. I still really like it. I'm actually worried about what happens when I meet my next boyfriend because I love the time and space that I've found for myself and I guard it selfishly now lol.

I think you have to sit with it for a while, but life rushes back to you very quickly and you will find all those holes in your heart plugged in again so very easily. Maybe it could be different for you, if you're a little less of a lone wolf type personality, and maybe it will take longer!! But I hope you enjoy the time and space you will have to get to know yourself again. Some people don't ever get that.

#sending u all my love and my best vibes!!! #i am sorry you're going through this but i hope you come out the other side the better for it!!!!! #i believe in u!!!! #ask andie

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 19/01/2024

Fragile Snowman (Remastered)

Season 3 Featured on: Inspector Gunner 2 With Critic

Ripped by MtH, IAmMelloYello, Chaze the Chat

Following up directly on yesterday's post, one of the most notable events that happened during Season 3, one that was covered with a lot of love by the SiIvaGunner team in MAGFest 2019: SiIvaGunner Presents - High Quality Ripping, was the Nostalgia Critic takeover. Somehow, despite running the blog for half a year's time at this point, I still haven't ever gotten to touch on this event, despite being one of the more fondly remembered parts of the Season. And, well, there IS kind of a reason for that?

See, what initially started as an event celebrating old YouTube reviewers in general (hence Inspector Gadget's presence during it and in the album), transitioned into a purely-Nostalgia Critic event - but rather than celebrating Doug Walker's legacy in particular, the takeover took a different approach. Playing on Walker's gimmick as a reviewer in particular, the event was focused specifically on being a "nostalgia"-event - in other words, aiming to specifically bring us in the audience back to the days of Season 1 through every rip uploaded. This theme wasn't quite as...immediately apparent as many other takeovers, be it with rips like Totally Shaaking Out Right Now in the Harlem Shakeover, or Fell From a High Place (Reprise) during the Minecraft music event. Because while those events pretty radically changed to a core theme, this nostalgia-themed event instead saw the channel return to a status quo it once had - reuploads of several prior-lost Season 1 rips, new rips that were intentionally simplistic and often off-key, and an overall focus on the kinds of jokes that were all the rage in Season 1.

It was a genuinely really fun time, yet it was simultaneously hard to think of a fitting rip to represent it all with - in my eyes, it's one of those events that only truly worked in the moment, surrounded by all these rips that formed a cohesive whole. But Fragile Snowman (Remastered) is as close as it gets, I think - a loving remake of a true classic of Season 1. I've talked before of just how much I love it when rips of all sorts get dug back up for another shot at live with Violet Snow Memories from earlier this year, and this event was really the first time that we ever got a concentrated dose of that feeling throughout an entire takeover - and despite the rip of today's post only being two years old at that point, the nostalgia for it had already set in for me.

As described by Chaze the Chat in the aforementioned MAGFest panel, a big part of the fun with Season 1 was its sense of...spontaneousness, that you never really knew what to expect due to there simply not being much of any expectations set up by prior channel history in the first place. And as a result, we got a lot of rips much like the original Fragile Snowman - a mashup between Snowman as featured in Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Fragile by Tech N9ne. There's a lot of rips like this even today, mashing up more chill video game music with hip-hop music that doesn't necessarily have much memetic quality, and while a lot of them can slip through the cracks of the SiIvaGunner audience, Fragile Snowman really did stick - enough to warrant two remasters made of it, with Fragile Snowman (Remastered) being the final stop the rip's made thus far.

There's so many small things fixed and tweaked in this final remastered version, yet it still sounds exactly as you'd imagine a mashup between the two songs to sound - which is, really, the best tell for it being an excellent remaster. The Nostalgia Critic takeover, while less bombastic and loud than many other events, was one that most every SiIvaGunner fan loved specifically because it focused on something we were ALL fans of - SiIvaGunner itself - and reminded us of just how far we'd come in just two short years. All these years later, there was indeed another event somewhat similar to this Nostalgia Critic takeover that happened just recently in Season 7, but...that's a story for another time.

#todays siivagunner #season 3 #siivagunner #siiva #mth #chaze the chat #iammelloyello #Youtube #Bandcamp #mother #mother 2 #earthbound #ness earthbound #mother 3 #mother series #lucas mother 3 #snowman #snes music #super smash bros brawl #ssbb #smash bros brawl

[princess-of-the-corner]

I wanna start by saying I'm not trying to start a fight, but you saying that Chloe had some kind of mental break or dissociative episode in Queen Wasp as a way to excuse the train incident has always felt like a bit of a reach

Idk if you've ever had a dissociative episode or mental breakdown or anything like that, and I'm not demanding you share if you have, but I have, and the way we see Chloe act in Queen Wasp is not how someone who is dissociating would act in my experience

She's too cognizant

After snapping, transforming, and running, Chloe has the presence of mind to stop on the closest vantage point she could find, look around for an idea of how to prove herself, focus on the subway, come up with the idea to stage a crash, dial Nadja Chamak's number to tell her about the train so there are cameras present, and stop and paralyze the driver before trying to stop the train

There was a time when I was dissociating after a massive fight with my parents and walking through my neighborhood, and I came to a cross light.

I remember seeing that I couldn't go straight across bc of the red light, and seeing that a car was coming down the street, but I kept walking straight.

The car was too far away to be dangerous to me, but they did slam their brakes and honk.

I didn't register any of that, I just kept walking. I didn't even realize what had happened until hours after I had gotten back home and calmed down.

That's not what happened to Chloé in Queen Wasp. She wasn't thinking clearly bc she was rightfully upset and hurt and acting impulsively, but it wasn't a mental break

BUDDY

Okay okay okay we're just gonna.

Firstly: Different experiences and different words for different things!

Yes, some people's breakdowns are the type of disassociation where they're not aware they're just in full zombie mode.

Other people's breakdowns are organized and focused and seemingly aware! They're still not quite in the right state of mind! But they do things that are a little off and they wouldn't usually because they think it'll make them feel better!

This isn't a disassociation state, this is more like a manic episode. Like, I'm not saying that this is genuinely a manic episode for Chloé because I am not an expert and I don't know if she hits more checks for that sort of disorder and it's a very short episode as far as we can tell while a proper episode would be a longer period of time. It's just the best word I can find to describe this type of breakdown But I have 100% seen and experienced both the 'zombie mode' and the 'oh let's do something about this!!' breakdown.

And yes, in the real world, an episode like this wouldn't result directly to 'fake a train accident', it does result in extremely poor decisionmaking as they ride it out. Things like impulsively chopping off hair, spending money they can't afford to, taking risks in sexual situations, etc. But in a kids show with superheroes, that is 100% on the table.

Again: I am not an expert, but Chloé was going through some hell and I've seen people snap in that sort of way where, were they a cartoon character, could end up in that situation.

Secondly:

You make it sound like I'm just excusing it like 'haha whatever it's chill'. Which, to be fair, Canon did that! The train thing is just never brought up again and she never faces any consequences for it so Canon thinks it's fine!

But even if she is in the most manic or dissassociative or whatever state? She is still responsible for what happens when she comes down from it. And yeah in a fictional world like this you can handwave that action when everyone ends up fine instead of having her go to jail or some shit.

Thirdly:

We aren't talking about how this incident should be ignored. We're talking about how this is considered the worst thing that Chloé has done, and proof that she's 'evil', but it was something done while not only not in the right state of mind, but something that never intended to harm anyone, didn't end up harming anyone, and also did in fact get brushed off by the rest of the cast.

[mdhwrites]

Have you seen the new HSR short, Rondo Across Countless Kapas? Got any thoughts? 👀

From an animation and sapphic perspective? HOLY FUCK! Absolutely gorgeous and I think what it's doing with Acheron is really interesting, even if it's essentially purely through visual storytelling. You could have the sound off and get everything interesting about the short.

Turn the sound on and you get the part I have a problem with: I'm kind of done with the Memokeeper. Not Black Swan, just the memokeeper element of her. I'll get into it soon but for those who haven't seen it, enjoy one of the best dances I've ever seen.

So what is my issue with the dialogue? Well, it's that Penacony has this problem of people getting into kind of grand speeches on a subject, even potentially mundane ones. Aventurine is always going on about power dynamics and hinting at his plan (this leads to the fucking god awful self quoting of like two paragraphs from himself at the end of 2.0), Sparkle is constantly using these big speeches to belittle people or mock them and Black Swan...

Black Swan is talking about memories. I'm not even against these monologues or the like but Black Swan has been in a LOT of marketing materials at this point and they ALL use her memokeeper element and very little of her fortunetelling element, usually only using the latter to emphasize the former in some way. It's just gotten very repetitive to me. Worse yet is that owning Black Swan AMPLIFIED this problem because it's more kind of mysterious, kind of not talk of dreams and the universe and memories and past that a lot of the rest of the big dialogue from her is. I want her to stop being so dramatic and be more personable, at least for a little while.

This isn't even me calling Black Swan a bad character. There is genuinely more to her with how playful she can be or how she is the best manipulator on Penacony so far because she can figuratively be two faced, something Sparkle needs literal shapeshifting powers for and Aventurine can't do to save his life, which the same goes for Himeko. She also sells the best though that she's genuinely a good person who just is willing to get her hands dirty but it is up to interpretation (honestly kind of frustratingly so. I don't like that I can't actually say a ton about each Penacony character so far due to their attempts at duplicity meaning fuck you on concrete characterization besides your flavor of manipulator. No, backstory does not count as characterization either.)

Edit: This could definitely also just be a me thing at this point. I rewatched it and not a lot of it is spent on talking about the past or memories. Black Swan is still playing up the mysteries of Penacony, something that I'm also getting a bit tired of, but she doesn't actually have many lines on memories themselves. It's just somehow kind of stuck in my brain for some reason this element of her being over represented and so it's what my brain ended up focusing on.

Let's end this on a positive though. Star Rail is normally not good at mysteries but the fact that Acheron genuinely seems disconnected from her Emanator state, when she draws the blade, is deeply interesting to me. It even fits within my theory, that we'll find out the truth on soon, that Acheron is an Emanator of Nihility. Speaking of, hi VERY explicitly to Ix within the violence montage. There is no way of getting around the fact that one of those sketches was of them front and center.

And from a dramatic standpoint, I love the presentation. The fact that bringing them up while clearly trying to get extra information out of Acheron, to have her mind have to go there so Black Swan could more easily grab the memories she might lie about, only for her to get fucked up like she does is INCREDIBLE. The fact that Acheron is so sincere in her confusion afterwards only adds to the horror of it all.

I... Am mixed on her knowing who they were. I frankly would love it if because the statement is the Annihilation Gang, not the Everflame Manor, that when she goes "Oh, right, those guys..." She's actually talking about the dumbasses from this destruction cult, since Duke Inferno isn't the only part of it, that got Aha's help to try to kill Ix. It'd be a way for them to have their cake and eat it too that I think fits better than the girl with eternal memory issues to suddenly actually remember killing them all.

Overall, I do like the animated short. If I were to just think of it in a vacuum, I even like Black Swan's dramatic narration. It's a good flourish to the action, explains what's going on well enough and her calm narration provides great contrast from when EVERYTHING gets fucked. My hangups are entirely a weird thing that's just kind of getting to me about Penacony and I'm not entirely sure if I expect it to get better or worse come 2.1.

I just know that thanks to my tax return (I did not spend all of it on Star Rail, don't worry) and knowing the top up refresh was happening, I did spend a good amount and am guaranteed to get Acheron, even if it takes 160 pulls like it took for Black Swan..., and I am looking forward to playing with her.

Just with tempered expectations.

======+++++======

And final note for those maybe hoping for it: I haven't been inspired by this short to write AcheSwan. I frankly wish I knew why I didn't get inspired by Star Rail more for my writing.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#Acheswan #hsr #Acheron #Black Swan #Analysis

[its-getting-bad-again04]

im smoking less, eating right, exercising, my room is neat & clean, I've started producing a project that has REAL potential, I get 5-7 hrs of sleep each night (which is great for college), my grades are great, I see my friends every day, I call my girlfriend most nights, I call my parents every Saturday. I have plans, I am thinking about my future.

And yet,

I haven't felt any identifiable emotions in WEEKS. If I were to rate how I was feeling on a scale from one to ten, I would say it feels like I am just flesh being piloted by a swarm of angry and confused hornets.. I have to give myself things to worry about because all I have is the body feeling and none of the brain shit. Every day, I wake up at 3 am, and I fight to sleep, but I have this painful, stabbing, debilitating feeling swirling in my gut.

The hallucinations have gotten better and worse somehow. They are happening less frequently, and I am able to identify when it's happening pretty quickly some of the time. However, they are louder and clearer, and smoking triggers the sound I call the whispers.

The whispers suck because it is the most threatening and consistent ones. It's also the hardest to decipher as "not real." As I sit here writing this, I don't fully believe they aren't real. since i can't get myself to ignore it, I freak out and get really paranoid. I can't elaborate further.

So, I should stop smoking. However, I can't because I feel the most myself after smoking. The pain of anxiety is lessoned and I just feel so much more present and aware.

BUT I FEEL GREAT! Genuinely I feel awesome. Everything is finally okay, and I feel great and anxious -but great. The project I'm working on might just like be the best thing ever (i know its not realistic) bc I can do it. I am not letting the project dissolve. Everyone thinks I am an idiot, like they don't mean it in a bad way; they just think I am not that smart. HOWEVER, when I show anyone this, it just elevates me. proves I can do it. that I AM GOOD AT THIS. thats all I want.

And yet-

my girlfriend is worried, Im saying the most bullshit things for no reason, I feel overly-confident in my abilities and then overly anxious and unable to move then next. I feel like my emotions arent like happy, sad, anxious, mad, i think my emotions are just degrees of heat.

I tried telling my girlfriend this yesterday, and she looked at me weirdly. I probably didn't say it right. I said I had "inverse feelings" and that if feelings were a number scale from 0 to 100, I would be at a -100. But I think I just sounded stupid, sociopathic, and "edgy." If you haven't figured it out yet, Im only writing this right now because I want to KILL myself out of embarrassment.

I haven't even touched on having a new imaginary friend I call Coach because some of my intrusive thoughts sound like Omniman became a high school football coach. Usually, I imagine my intrusive thoughts as a little demon named Tic, but my head has been just SO WEIRD. My mind is totally scrambled, and all my thoughts sound intrusive, so the "helpful" one has formed into the coach. So I now have two imaginary "friends" representing my intrusive thoughts, yelling shit at me all day. However, after taking the coach's advice, I am such a functioning member of society. lolz

#mental health #psychosis #bipolor #mental illness #mentally tired #schizophrenia #hallucinations #actually mentally ill #actually psychotic #going crazy #anxitey #might be manic

[andromedaexists]

The Death I Gave Him || Em X. Liu

★★★★★

TW: SELF HARM (ON PAGE, WARNED), SUICIDAL IDEATION, SUICIDE (PAST, MENTIONED), MAJOR + SIDE CHARACTER DEATH

I feel like I need to mention how this book was recommended to me

Now that we know this very relevant background: The Death I Gave Him is one of the most mind meltingly fucked up thing I've read in a while, and I've gotten into erotic horror as of late

It is a queer and sci-fi retelling of hamlet that managed to be even more fucked up than the original, something I didn't think possible. Did it hit the sci-fi mark? Yes absolutely as soon as Horatio was introduced that was a yes. Is it queer? 100% it is because idk how else to describe what happens with Hayden and Horatio. Is it Hamlet??? Absolutely it is Hamlet may not be present by name but good fucking lord is the story interwoven into the very fabric of this book.

This book is also very unique in it's presentation, which I fucking love omg. It starts with a prologue that's less of a prologue and more of an academic introduction into the rest of the book. You see, this book and the recounting of what happened that night in Elsinore Labs is a recreation by a student a hundred years later based on what remaining evidence they have of the events. This is really fucking cool!!! Please give me more books like this!!! Learning about the student and their motivations through footnotes in the book is so fucking awesome!! Seeing where they had evidence for what happened versus where they created a fictional account based on personality, probability, and remaining dialog…. Stunning. Truly.

I also quite loved the interspersing of mediums in this book. We have traditional fictionalized prose mixed in with excerpts from Felicia's article after the events mixed in with readings from Horatio's systems and message logs from Felicia's pager!

It's all just so brilliant.

I'm making the call here to add the spoiler warning because I want to get into the characters a bit, so just be warned [SPOILERS AHEAD]

So, as per Hamlet, the first thing to happen is the death of the King. This time, our King is Dr. Graham Lichfield. A renowned scientist and researcher working on the Sisyphus Formula.

His son is Hamlet, of course. He's known as Hayden in this book and we get to see his descent into madness mostly through other people's (or other AI's) eyes. He is a pathetic man with no spine, just the way Hamlet should be.

Hayden's Uncle is Charles, of course. He didn't work on research with Graham and Hayden, but he does run the labs more or less.

Then we have the security guard: Rasmussen. I think he's supposed to be a stand in for Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, but honestly I read Hamlet back in high school and though I watch it at least once a year (David Tennant is the best Hamlet, I will die on this hill), I don't really ever remember Rosencrantz & Gildenstern. So this is just an educated guess.

From here, we have the Xia's. Felicia Xia and her father, Paul Xia. They are security and they are our Ophelia and Polonius. The brother exists as well in Arthur Xia, however he is not physically in the building and does not show up until literally the last chapter.

That leaves one. Horatio. Also knows as the Elsinore Labs Operating System. He is the AI of the building that has slowly gained consciousness over Hayden's life. He is also intrinsically linked to Hayden after the man turns on his NeuralLink so we know a lot about what's going on in Hayden's head because that's where Horatio resides.

Of course another key player in Hamlet was his mother, and while she is present as a character, she is not physically in the building.

And why do I keep saying physically in the building? Well that's because after the death of Graham; Hayden, Charles, Rasmussen, Paul and Felicia Xia, and Horatio are locked into Elsinore Labs. That's right, this is a locked door thriller.

This book is everything to me, like I am genuinely just so…. god I can't even think of the words for it and I am writing this the day after I finished it!!!

I was on the edge of my seat the entire way through the book, especially when we get lines like these:

It was Hayden Lichfield who I remembered. Not because he was brilliant (though he was), but because he was afraid.

Hayden Lichfield was afraid of death, because he was afraid of failure, and he spent his whole life trying to reverse it.

Hayden was not like me, but he was afraid of the same things that I was, and his fear changed the world.

What we understand of Horatio is inextricably entangled in what we understand of Hayden.

I would haunt you very cautiously. Leave some vague messages alluding to my existential dread in your shower every morning. Nothing special.

The Sisyphus Formula wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you're afraid to die?

Then be afraid. I will take you afraid and alive over anything else.

He splits himself open, willing or not, digs fingers into himself, thinks maybe the edges of death are pressing in at the edges, maybe finally he will find repentance here at the end of all things.

Just because you've been a jackass doesn't mean you've messed everything up irrevocably. You'll have good days and shit days and eventually there'll just be days, you know?

I am feral for this book, I am foaming at the mouth. I need to be buried with this book when I die. This book is intrinsically a part of who I am not in the same way that The Teras Trials and Bloom are. It speaks to something in my very soul

Anyways! I think that's really all I can say on this book without writing a whole ass analysis of it (which I would gladly do if people wanted that), so I will leave it here!

#andi reads #book reviews #booklr #bookblr #lgbt books #queer books #queer book directory #the death i gave him #em x. liu #em dash liu

[skylermadness]

A Minute in March (Ricky Matsui TF/MC)

(Original Date of Upload: March 31, 2022)

Original Description:

Say hello to the very first Dimension 20 TF in the world (probably)! This is a very long story I wrote alongside a friend of mine and I am so happy to finally share this! Ricky is honestly such a great character and to bring forth TF into him is something I am proud to do, especially something that ended up being 16 pages long in the end. This was definitely meant to be a silly thing since Ricky is frequently called Mr. March in the series, so I thought why not write a TF into him in March! I spent the past three months watching Dimension 20 and honestly it has been one of the best experiences I've had in a while! It is SUCH a great series and I fully recommend others watch it! Special thanks to my best friend for all the help editing this! They spent a lot of time doing so and I thank them so much...

   New York City.

   The Big Apple.

   A massive, metropolitan cityscape, home to towering skyscrapers, landmarks and monuments of all kinds, and a bustling population of over 8 million people- a city that never, ever sleeps. 

   Though, if we were here to go over every single one of them and what their deal was, we’d be here all day, amirite?

   We zoom in and find ourselves deep underground- this subway station is a crowded one, choked with people on their morning commute to work, just the same as our target… there. 

   Aaron Pearce, a man in his early 30s, wearing a dress shirt and tie, only slightly stained slacks, and a pair of loafers. He had been living in New York City for roughly a month at this point, having been sent here on a business trip by his company. It was a bit… jarring, at first, especially after having lived in a suburb for most of his life on the other side of the country- getting used to a life in the city where he’d see more people in a single day than he’d seen in his entire life up to that point could be uncomfortable at best, and downright suffocating at worst when he took the time to think about it. 

   But he’d settled down, for the most part. Gotten used to it as the weeks went on. He didn’t have the time to dwell on it, anyway- and honestly, who did, in this city? He had work to do.

   Suitcase in one hand, half-eaten bacon egg and cheese bagel in another, and phone squashed precariously between his ear, chin, and shoulder, half wishing he had an extra hand to keep the darn thing from falling to the ground and cracking again. Aaron’s eyes wander listlessly across the crowd of New Yorkers sprawled out across the subway, waiting for one subway line or another. Just like he was. …And that meant he was a New Yorker himself, didn’t it?

   Well… he wished it felt that way, at least.

   Aaron hastily swallowed another bite of his bagel to promptly respond to the co-worker on the other end of the call, who had just posed a question with the natural expectation for an answer. 

   “Yeah, I’ve got everything ready for the presentation today.” He mentally ran through the list of what he had planned for said presentation at work, then while he’s at it, jumped to another project he was working on, also for work. A moment later between the call and more bites of his bagel, Aaron idly looked down at his watch, and sighed. “Do these trains ever come on time?” A soft chuckle escaped his chest as he asked. He already knew the answer.

   “Not a chance- it’s a miracle we barely even get to work on time at all!” his co-worker, Marshall- also in New York on the same trip- laughs from the other end of the line.

   “Yeah- though, I could swear it’s never too late, y’know? Honestly, it sort of has it’s charm like that- at least its inconvenience is consistent, right?”

   “Sure seems that way. Personally, I genuinely believe it’d take nothing short of a literal act of magic to get these things to work on time.”

   Aaron rolled his eyes, a smile finding its way onto his face. “Yeah, and your taxis are so much better.”

   “Hm, sounds like someone’s jealous they didn’t integrate well enough to figure out how to taxi like a normal person.”

   Aaron shoved the last bit of his bagel in his mouth when the conversation lulled, letting his gaze drift over to follow the subway tracks and across all the waiting people. He found his own thoughts slowing as he chewed- a short moment of respite. That did not come often in his new routine. 

   Even rarer, did it come, when there was only a single thought on his mind.

   Shuffling his items around his now partially free arms to hold his phone properly again, Aaron swallowed his bagel quickly and spoke up, breaking the call's silence.

   "You ever think about living here… permanently? Outside the business trip, I mean."

   There was a short pause on the other end of the line, before Marshall answered him.

   "A little, yeah. I won't lie, there's a lot in this city that beats home hands down, but the public transit really stinks. Can't stand it."

   "Really? That's your only problem with this place?" Aaron snorted. He wondered if Marshall counted taxis as part of that judgment.

   "...I mean, pretty much? Why?"

   "I just think-" Aaron broke off and sighed. "I don't know… this is just such a nice place. Maybe it's the atmosphere, or the different weather from home, but- I just wish we didn't have to leave at the end of March."

   "You sure the paycheck bump isn't starting to get to you?" Marshall joked. "Come on, you know how much of a chokehold the company's got on our work shit. No chance they're letting us stay any more than we have to so they can drop our salaries back down again."

   Aaron blustered out a frustrated sigh. He knew that…

   "Please, I'm being serious."

   "Fine, fine, alright. …I wouldn't mind if I could stay living here for a bit longer either, I'll be honest. The food's great here, and my place is only a block away from the mall. That's walking distance! Crazy, right?" There's a sigh on the other end of the line. "I still don't think it's likely at all that the company would let either of us stay for longer- but hey, if it were to happen anywhere, it'd be here in the city of dreams now, wouldn't it?"

   There was no inflection in the end of Marshall's sentence outside the humor of an intended joke, but something about it had a feeling rising in Aaron's stomach that he couldn't parse. He opened his mouth to say something, but a sudden rushing of air and pressure and people announced to Aaron that his train had arrived, and snapped him out of that slight daze.

   "Oh, the sub's here, gotta go."

   “Well, if you want to hang up that much…”

   People started walking past Aaron towards the open subway cars, and he hastily gathered his work supplies to follow. 

   “I’m not going to be on my phone in the middle of public transit, that’s basic public manners.” Aaron shook his head as he approached the train. “I’ll see you at work today, but do you wanna meet up for coffee sometime later too?”

   “Sure, sounds good to me. Work’s got me by the wringer, but I’ll let you know when I’d be good to go. See ya at work, Pearce.”

   Aaron’s phone hung up without fanfare, but it left him with a slight pause before he moved further.

   “The city of dreams, huh…” he whispered to himself, feeling the weight of something he somehow knew he could hardly understand settle on his tongue. The thought did not leave his mind as he boarded the train.

                                        ----------------------------------------------------------

   The subway car was just as crowded as the station had been, as usual. People took their seats or stood when necessary, smooshed up next to each other or having others jutt into their personal space, but they all mostly kept to themselves, retreating into their own personal bubbles as best they could amidst the uncomfortable arrangements- more unspoken public transit manners. Aaron followed suit, hastily opening up his suitcase and laptop inside it to work. His eyes ran over a PowerPoint file he had open, that he had been working on for two weeks now- an important, critical asset, highly crucial for the growth of the company and the industry as a whole. 

   …Or so the daily emails asking about progress updates went on and on about, as if the mere assurance of the company’s benefit from all the work and polish Aaron put into this would make the process any less of a dull slog. It’d be over soon, though, he just had to check for edits one last time before he arrived at work.

   Aaron focused in on his laptop, too engrossed in his work to notice anything else that might have been happening, just as the rest of the passengers were. Not one of them noticed the near invisible wisps of something beginning to flicker through the air, trailing down the length of the subway car, gathering together with more and more wisps until they had become a swarm distorting the very air. Not a single passenger saw the little motes of motes of golden light, the same color as the sun shining through and between the city skyscrapers, floating past in the same direction, bobbing gently among the invisible current. 

   No one saw, and the movements of the passengers on the subway car began to slow, gently, gradually, before being left absolutely still. Aaron began to fall still in turn, his mind attributing the sensation of time passing strangely to one that occured whenever he was working hard on something, and his attention slipped off of it without a second thought. But before he could fall victim to this strange fate his fellow passengers seemed to have fallen into, however, a new feeling rose in his chest instead- his stomach jumped like he'd gone over a speed bump too fast. But wasn't he on the subway, not in a car? 

   The rising pressure in his chest blurred his vision, and he rubbed his eyes a little in reflex. His vision cleared just in time for another golden orb of light floating just past his eyes- that he could see.

   Aaron's eyes flew wide open with shock as his gaze shot around the subway car, taking in the glowing golden lights, the wispy distortions, even the almost absurd lack of reaction from the other passengers. 

   Aaron distractedly shut his suitcase and laptop, his excessively checked and double checked presentation the furthest thing from his mind. He stood up, and lurched a bit- the subway car was still moving, and he quickly adjusted himself before he lost balance. Looking around at the other passengers, Aaron realized- gradually, haltingly, as if he were in a dream- that the others were not moving at all, or even breathing… like they had been frozen in time.

   Aaron was not sure where the idea had come from, but it did made sense, in the moment. Something strange going on with time would certainly explain why a stop hadn't been called in so long.

   Aaron walked down the aisle hesitantly, yet firmly, the subway car once familiar, now liminal. He stood against the wispy current, feeling actual pressure pushing against him, like a particularly strong wind. 

   In response the sensation in his chest grew, then bubbled up, and he blinked and gasped aloud. Whatever dream-like state he had been in, and whether it had only began when he stepped onto the subway or it had lasted for his whole life up to this point, he was awake and aware and alive- there was fear, and trepidation, and apprehension, but carried anticipation among it all.

   He reached the head of the car and watched the motes of golden light with cautious eyes. By now the wispy current had caught enough golden light of the orbs in its wake and refracted it, scattering it around and almost seeming to bathe the car around him in a warm golden haze. His skin and work attire stood out among the gold, the lone figure moving in a frozen gold world. Just to check, he waved a hand in front of a passenger he was walking by, and did not receive an annoyed glare in return. 

   Aaron shuddered and let out a sigh. The liminality of the space was starting to get to him.

   “Keep it together, come on.” He clapped his hands on his face and looked back through the subway car one last time. His eyes ran over the golden haze, the very air rippling and distorting in consistent enough ways as the ocean tide would, the numerous passengers frozen to the spot mid-movement, and stepped through the door to the next car.

   Peering through the doorway, Aaron saw that this car was in much the same situation as the last, with time seeming to stand still for all but the tide and the subway cars themselves, still rushing through the dark. No one else experiencing the same phenomenon to talk with, as he'd silently hoped for. When asking himself what exactly had caused all of this, Aaron was truly at a loss. It could be all just a dream, that had been his first guess, or maybe some sort of work-stress induced hallucination, but it felt a bit all too real to be simply that, he knew he was just fooling himself trying to believe it wasn't… 

   But wasn't the only other alternative that this was all real?

   Aaron went cross eyed as something passed in his vision too close to his face, snapping him out of the train of thought. Another larger mote of light, among thousands of others the size of golden dust, gently carried by the invisible current down the line of subway cars. 

   "What… are you?" Aaron's voice was barely a whisper, as if he was worried he'd startle it away if he spoke too loud. The light only continued to bob in response, like some sort of drunken gnat.

   Whatever it was, Aaron was almost certain it was connected to the time stop. He didn't even know what they were, but curiosity was beginning to get the better of him. Aaron reached out, and closed his hand around it.

   In an instant, a scene so vivid and real he could have mistaken it for one of his own memories flashed before his eyes.

   The building was burning. Smoke choked the air and the flames snapped at him from all sides. A child was clinging to him as he bolted through the ember filled halls, the air laid thick with heat. He was forced to swerve and dodge as a charred beam of wood collapsed in front of him, but he stayed calm, he knew what he had to do. Something- what he had- he had to do to-

   Aaron gasped and stumbled back, a headache hitting him and forcing him to release his grip. The golden mote of light still hung there in the air, though almost seeming a bit more subdued, while Aaron reconfigured. "What… was that? It almost felt like…"

   He trailed off as his gaze caught on the orb of light again. His panic subsided as he gazed into the golden glow, and felt… compelled to touch it again. It wasn't finished yet, he somehow knew. Incomplete. 

   He took a few steps forward, and his heartrate quickened as he reached out a hand and grasped it once more.

   -He knew what he had to do to save the kid.

   How familiar the vision felt, how real the sensations of adrenaline and determination shooting through his veins while it played out, how foreign it should have felt but didn't even feel wrong that it had placed him in the first person perspective, it almost felt like…

   "…Like a memory…" Aaron breathed, letting it play out within his mind once more.

   His breathing quickened, and with each breath something began to settle within him. At first was the feeling of warmth- not scorching and ravaging, like the memory of fire had been- but a gentle warmth enveloping him, like someone bigger and stronger than him that he knew with a certainty would protect him no matter what was wrapping him up in a protective, caring hug. 

   Aaron somehow felt more comfortable and safe than he'd felt in the longest time- but his breathing didn't relax. His breaths instead began to deepen and strengthen, seeming to fill out his body as it began to grow. His frame expanded, shoulders broadening and shaped itself out into a sculpted, almost intoxicatingly masculine form. His shirt very quickly seemed to stretch taught under the pressure as his chest barreled out, and almost sent him doubling over. Pectorals inflated and solidified into thick slabs, together forming a massive shelf that hung over a set of hard abdominals pushing forward- all visible through his shirt, straining at the buttons.

   Still carefully drinking in everything the memory had to offer, Aaron absently reached up his free hand to loosen his tie, to the relief of his neck thickening to match the proportions of his new frame. The sleeves of his dress shirt began to tighten in turn, the delts and biceps and triceps swelling and further filling out the projected shape of masculinity his shoulders had established. His larger, stronger lungs began to find- not difficulty, but rather resistance, in the form of his dress shirt- now seeming almost comically small on his larger, powerful torso. 

   Aaron groaned and rubbed at a building headache, inadvertently releasing his grip on the mote of light and missing that it had completely disappeared from the space it had been in when he grasped it. He undid a button or two of his dress shirt- god, he could have sworn it felt fine this morning- and glanced around at the golden haze, even more of the bobbing golden motes of light drifted down the line, carried by the tide.

   "There's so many-" His throat went dry and closed up, he coughed a bit to clear it and tried again. "There's so many more of these little things, huh…" Wait- was that his voice? Did it sound different than before? It did sound different, didn't it- it was deeper, and there was an inflection in his voice that he couldn't place. 

   Aaron walked through the fog of gold and amidst more of those glowing golden lights, watching them closely. Part of him didn't want to bother with them further, they were most definitely related to what was happening to the other passengers. But that part was drowned out the more he thought about that memory, and how comfortable it had felt. It had been of an extremely dire situation, yes, but there had been an overwhelming sense of positivity and optimism emanating through the demeanor he held and the way he carried himself. Like he could save the day. Like everything was going to turn out alright. Like…

   "Nothing bad is ever going to happen to us…" Aaron whispered to himself, finishing the thought. In an instant, with reflexes he had not ever thought himself capable of before, he reached out his arm and his hand snapped shut around another mote of light floating lazily past him. His eyes widened at the sight of his new defined, muscled arm before he was swept up in another memory.

   Smoke. He could smell it on the wind, even just the faintest traces of it, miles and miles away from him and his jurisdiction. A series of scenes flashed soon thereafter, of dashing through the streets of New York, of diving into the freezing waters of the New York Bay, of swimming at what must have been nigh-superhuman speed- the ferry wasn't fast enough. All powered by that strong, ever present desire to help, and to save whoever was in danger, that simply permeated his everyday life. That sense of…

   Of…

   "…Civic duty…"

   Aaron's arms swelled further, bulkier and muscular, as the memory continued to play, accepting it as his own. The musculature of his arms was left rock solid and truly bulging out of the sleeves of his dress shirt. Strong enough for hugs, of course, and strong enough to protect. His hands followed suit shortly after, widening palms and thickening fingers to match his larger arms, and Aaron felt the power, his power, surge through them. The strength his upper body carried was very clearly not a brutish type- but rather, a kind one.

   More memories began to play- if Aaron could wrench his focus away from the visions playing in his mind, he'd see the motes of light gravitating towards him on their own, rather than aimlessly following the tide, bringing their own distinct memories- now his. As the lights began to coalesce, Aaron felt another feeling rise within him, like a light illuminating in his chest and coursing through his body, that shined the same gold as the dust around him. The light of warmth, comfort, civic responsibility and duty filled his body and mind, and he couldn’t help but relax as the light made its home in his mind. Had he been clenching his jaw so hard this whole time? Aaron rolled his broad shoulders and thick neck, smoothing out all the kinks that he’d been used to from hunching over a computer for work all day, and found his face slipping into a more relaxed grin. It was all of a sudden even harder to be worried about the “critical asset” that he needed to prepare for his work- he wanted to help people, more than anything, and the only thing the presentation would do would be helping the company. And the company wasn’t a person- so it just wasn’t as important to Aaron anymore, his priorities shifting with his demeanor as that civic light filled his mind. The train of thought made perfect sense to him.

   The memory of swimming through the New York Harbor returned, and in the memory… he reached the remains of a burnt down house, somewhere on an island that he’d smelled the smoke of miles away. Aaron recalled the details that came after- there were no casualties, thankfully, and the friend of his that had been living in the house had been safe elsewhere at the time of the fire-

   “Wait, I… no, that’s not right…” Aaron stepped back, laying a hand on his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut. The memories were foreign, of someone else’s life, the memories were his, they were real and he’d lived through them, the memories were changing his mind somehow, the memories were confirming who he was- thoughts swirling around in his mind almost made him dizzy. Rather unhelpfully, in that moment he registered that his body was largely different from before, to which all he could think to react with was slightly furrowing his brows and uttering, “That’s definitely not right either…”

   But something about it did feel right to him. All of his apprehension and fear when first approaching the lights had all but completely melted away, and he didn’t want to fear it either, anymore. He wanted to embrace it.

   He lifted up a hand, smiling a bit as he took note of just how big it was, and felt around his body a little- squeezing his wrist, then his arm, occasionally trailing a finger down the noticeable indents his arm muscles had carved into the sleeves of his poor dress shirt. His hand drew over to above his heart, where the warm feeling felt the strongest.

   Not because it was also where most of his massive pectorals were. Nor did he leave his hand resting on said pectorals for more than just a few moments. Nor did he play with them.

   Thankfully because of the spot Aaron left his hand, he felt his chest expanding further sooner than he would have otherwise, giving him enough time for his large hands to clumsily undo the rest of the dress shirt’s tiny buttons before disaster struck. And not a moment too soon- Aaron’s eyes widened in awe as his abdominal muscles chiseled out into a rippling 8-pack, and the shelf formed by his pectorals jutted out even further, reaching their peak- at least, the result of all the hard work and working out he’d taken to get there. He was almost tempted to flex, just to show off his gains- but given the state of his strained clothes, that likely wasn’t a good idea, for now. He took to tracing his fingers around more of his bodily muscles like he did with his arms, instead- and while it did feel a bit silly and self indulgent of Aaron, it also felt… fine. There was nothing wrong with showing off his body like this- even unprompted on the subway, though he himself did feel a bit guilty for it, this was New York- people have seen weirder. Hell, he’d seen weirder, even before he was inducted into the Unsleeping City. 

   But nonetheless, it was all starting to feel more right. It was starting to feel like him.

   It really was him.

   The conclusion seemed to unlock something within him, setting off another wave of changes- this time to his work attire rather than his body. The ever-faithful dress shirt still barely clinging to his body was finally allowed its rest, as it loosened and reached over his uncovered torso to hide it again- buttons disappearing and shirt halves joining together by themselves, shirt collar disappearing into a plain shirt neck, sleeves rolled up and turned to a clear blue hue while the torso of his shirt stayed a clean white- the new nice, casual t-shirt was still quite snug enough to be… pretty revealing.

   His tie undid itself and slithered down his shirt and through the belt loop holes of his slacks, though to his surprise it instead lost color and mass until it was nothing but a white string- the use of which became apparent as his pants changed next. Aaron’s nice slacks lightened from black to gray and the fabric softened to cottony material, becoming a comfortable, loose pair of sweatpants- with a white drawstring quickly tying itself into a knot at his waist. He found himself smiling softly as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his new sweatpants, reaching much deeper than the slacks could carry.

   The pair of loafers he wore were last to go- the slick, black cloth reshaping into something more useful, well-worn, comfortable. Aaron held out a foot to watch as the changes settled in, a roughness inlaid in the material, the laces tied messily, a tongue emerging from the top as they formed into a pair of black, yellow, and white sneakers, perfect for walking or running places easily, and safe for swim in water with. It’s good to be prepared, especially after an incident like last time.

   Aaron set his foot down and let out a content sigh. His pants and shoes felt a bit big, but he didn’t doubt that would be resolved soon. He glanced down the length of the subway car in both directions. Most of the little light orbs in this car were gone, having been attracted to the man almost magnetically and absorbed, but there were still some stragglers hanging back around toward the car he had come from. He nodded to himself, “Well, might as well finish cleaning up while I’m here.”

   The next few seconds could not pass quickly enough- he took step after step towards the door, and the motes of light began to draw closer to the man in return, eager to gather around him and be absorbed, in rapid succession than slow, one at a time, like they had before. 

   Memories played out again and again, but this time the man neither winced nor closed his eyes to think about them separately, consciously. Locations, people, contexts, so much was being given to him, the unfamiliar becoming natural, the strange suddenly making sense. It was a little headache inducing, but he wasn’t afraid. He knew he was going to like his new life… or rather, he liked his life, craziness and all. That was what he meant, right?

   While the floodgates were broken and memories poured in, the rest of his body made to fit the rest of what had already been changed. Each step he took, his leg muscles grew larger, thicker. Strong quads and hamstrings and bulging calves, perfect for running or bringing help to those who’d need him. His sweatpants seemed less and less loose as his legs grew- his glutes in particular growing to fill out his pants quite nicely. At the end of his legs his feet grew larger, filling out the sneakers properly with their size.

   One last sensation began to well up in the man’s large chest- one that he quickly recognized as his own magic aura of protection, emanating its calming presence as it always did- but for some reason, the man felt he could really feel its effects on himself, as if he hadn’t felt it for a while. He laid a hand on the door back to his old car, his eyes flicked back to the haze tinted gold. He didn’t need to activate his divine senses to recognize it as raw umbra bubbling up from the World of Dreaming again, like in the months leading up to Null’s attack on the city. But why was it here now…?

   Another deep breath, calm, warm. He could bring it up with the friend he was meeting up for tea with, if it struck the man as concerning enough. That’s where he was going that he decided to take the subway to travel to, right? It’d be nice to see them again, his friends’ names on the tip of his tongue.

   He let his eyes close and felt a bit of numbness run through his skull, as his facial structure reconstructed himself. His head grew a little larger and wider to fit the rest of his body proportions, jawline shifting into a handsome, masculine one. So many little touches, in his nose, his ears, his chin, preparing him for the man he was ready to become. His hair deepened to jet black, the style eagerly shifting from combed to short and messy, endearingly so.

   The signs of a lifelong New Yorker set deep into his face, his posture, his attitude. His old knowledge of the inner machinations of corporate enterprises faded into a network of important safety information. His suddenly renewed affinity for maintaining his personal fitness and helping others with their own brought a smile to his face as he pushed open the door.

   Ricky Matsui walked back into the subway car, back towards his seat.

   He couldn’t really remember why he’d gotten up in the first place, but those questions were pretty quickly dismissed when he saw the golden-tinted raw umbra still permeating the subway car, all the passengers still stuck in time. 

   …He wasn’t sure what to do about that, still. Whoops. Although- there was at least one noticeable difference that Ricky hadn’t noticed from before when he entered the car.

   Stumbling around down the aisle, knocking into time-frozen passengers and snarling at anyone they touched, was a werewolf. They had coarse, brown fur covering most of their body, and a thick mane of slightly more well groomed fur surrounding their head, though it had seen better days. Bits of fur poke out of holes from their denim jacket, undershirt, and severely torn up pants, though some may have been from intentional styling as such rather than accidents. They also seemed to be missing a shoe, revealing a large clawed paw.

   If the lack of reaction from any of the passengers were any indicator, the werewolf seemed pretty out of place. It could be another manifestation of anti-populi, which Ricky could dispatch here and now if that was the case… his eyes flicked over to his silver bat he’d left at the side of his seat. For one strange moment, the thought of swinging it like a club to attack someone almost seemed absurd and silly- before he blinked and remembered that’s how baseball bats were used in the first place. He shook away the strange thought and returned to the most pressing matter.

   It didn’t really seem likely that they had to do with anti-populi, though, since it seemed to be localized to just one person. Ricky sniffed the air with his enhanced sense of smell, and tasted the smell of alcohol coming from the creature’s muzzle. Poor guy must have been pretty drunk, and badly handling it- he might be the violent type, based on the way he was acting. But maybe if Ricky could just calm him down a little…

   Ricky cautiously trodded towards the seat the werewolf had collapsed into, and sat down in the open empty seat next to them, actually a few seats down from where he got up from. Throwing up Calm Emotions on top of his Aura of protection, he opened with a simple “Hey.”

   The creature’s eyes focused in on him from where they were darting around erratically. They growled for a moment, then sputtered in a guttural, yet vaguely Irish accent, “…hey.”

   “You, uh… doin’ alright?”

   They snarled instead of answering, and irritatedly scratched their arm, inadvertently adding a few more rips to their jacket.

   Ricky hummed. That was pretty stupid of him to ask. “What’s your name?”

   The werewolf practically scowled at him. “Jawbone. Jawbone O’Sss..” his speech slurred a little, “...ssh..shaughnessey.”

   “I’m Ricky Matsui,” Ricky reciprocated, giving his full name back, with a smile and a thumbs up. Something about the gesture tugged a bit of a smile on Jawbone’s muzzle, but he turned away and scratched himself some more, and harder. Ricky raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you, uh, real bummed?”

   “‘m drunk on a train, fer one thing,” Jawbone glanced around at the subway car and its frozen passengers. “Wrong train, too. I tried to get off before it started moving, but too many people got in the way and nobody even looks at me when I ask for directions. Nobody ‘til you now, anyway…”

   “Yeah. I think something weird is going on, on top of all that? In like, the magic kind of weird, I mean. Uh, you’re really scratching yourself a lot, are you good-”

   “Allergies.” Jawbone snapped, growling at the other passengers again, who remained blissfully unaware. “Apparently these arseholes don’t seem to know it’s polite to conceal their silver in public spaces!” Jawbone raised his voice through the sentence and spat out the last part.

   Ricky’s thoughts immediately jumped to his magic silver baseball bat and winced. 

   “Uhh, hold on-” Ricky leaned back over to his seat and knocked over his bat, and rolling it under the seat it was leaning against. Thankfully, that was the only thing he had brought with him on the subway. “Sorry about that, realized it was at least partly my fault-” Ricky startled a bit when Jawbone just seemed to start crying at the gesture. “Hey, hey, it’s okay!’

   “It… it really ain’t,” the werewolf choked out between sniffles, “This entire day has been utter shite. First I forgot to take my meds before heading to work, hoped I wouldn’t get sensory overload, got sensory overload, you know how it is. Didn’t bring any backup medication on me either, so I had to improvise and tried snorting some drugs I had on me to help, but didn’t- turns out something I thought was cocaine was actually something else I’d never even heard of before, that I’m not even sure was drugs! No idea how I got to this place, I don’t know where the hell I am, and as best I can gather I’m not even on a train bound for out of the city!” Jawbone began pouring out, Ricky doing his best to support Jawbone physically before he collapsed from a stroke, or something.

   Ricky rubbed Jawbone’s shoulder, and when he didn’t resist, brought him closer into a consoling hug. “I’m sorry, that sounds really messed up.”

   “Ricky, you’re… the only person who’s actually noticed me and talked to me this… entire time,” Jawbone sniffled between hiccups.

   A soft, golden glow began to emanate from Ricky’s hand as he rubbed the werewolf’s shoulder. “Hey, I bet I could help you. I’ve lived in New York all my life, I’ve gotten the hang of the subways pretty well, I can help you get back on track, once we hit a stop and I, uh, know where we are at the moment.”

   The sniffling began to slow as not only Ricky’s calming, civic aura helped wash away Jawbone’s anxiety and fears, but even the mundane act of someone offering to help in his time of stress helped bring Jawbone back from the angry, hostile mess he’d been earlier. 

   “Yeah… yeah, I’d like that…” The werewolf looked up at Ricky’s face one more time, with a look in his eye that was likely meant to look different when not drunk and potentially high. “Gods, annyone ever tell ya yer hot as Ffffffffffffffuc-k?” Jawbone popped that last -k out loud in his mouth, then groaned to himself. “Uuuugh, ‘m usually way better at this, even when smashed, I swear…”

   Ricky laughed in spite of himself. “Sorry, I’ll have to ask my partner about it before we think of adding a third.” He’d give Jawbone the chance to make a better first impression than this encounter before he made any solid judgments himself, too. “But yeah, I do get recognized a lot as Mr. March from the Firefighters’ calendar. Or at least, the 2019 version…”

   The two of them sat there and talked for what felt like hours, Ricky talking about his friends, and Esther, and his time being a firefighter, and Jawbone told him about some wild and often drug filled escapades, rattling off lists of drugs so many drugs and the amazing partners he’d had in the past, surprising Ricky that Jawbone had apparently settled down and was a dad himself too- well, Ricky wasn’t one yet, but he would be one very soon- and gotten a job as a school guidance counselor. Jawbone hadn’t itched or scratched once, and Ricky’s aura seemed to really calm him down. He felt so calming, even talking to Ricky was a soothing experience.

   As time went on, or rather didn’t go on, it was a surprise for the both of them when the train sounded the soft ding that played before a stop was called. “Now arriving, Elmville Station.”

   Jawbone’s wolfish ears perked up. “Elmville… that should be my stop…”

   Ricky grinned and gave his shoulder a little shake. “Hey, that’s great! Maybe you weren’t on the wrong train after all.”

   “I uh… maybe.”

   Jawbone stood up, a little shakily, as the subway began to slow. The doors opened once fully stopped, and Jawbone made to walk over, but paused to give Ricky a wave of departure. Ricky beamed back at him and gave a wave back. With one last pang of warmth in his chest, Jawbone only slightly stumbled leaving the cars- onto a station platform that looked to have been built outdoors in the open air, that Ricky didn’t recognize. It almost looked more like a classic railway station than a subway stop.

   Ricky wasn’t given too much of a chance to dwell on it, though, as the doors closed and the subway began moving again. Ricky watched as the golden haze of raw umbra finally began to dissipate and the other passengers began to move again, continuing about their business as if nothing had ever happened. Ricky didn’t have any business to work on himself, he was just there for the ride to Pete’s tea shop-bookstore, but he was glad that everyone in the area was safe. 

   …There was a strange sense of finality that hung in the air, now that he was back in the waking world, but he couldn’t tell why or what for.

   He shrugged.

   “At least this would make a nice story to tell Cody.”

   As if on cue, the train dinged and Ricky’s stop was called. He didn’t know what that feeling meant, or what caused it, but somehow, he was almost certain it wasn’t a bad thing. A part of him that seemed to know better than he himself did seemed to prefer it, even. Whatever “it” was.

-----------------------------------------------------------

   “Dude, wait, so you’re telling me you saw a werewolf on the subway and he was just. Chill?”

   “Yep. I mean, no, he was pretty down on his luck, but he turned out alright when I helped him out.”

   “Dope… that’s got to be like, the coolest werewolf on a subway story I’ve ever heard. Even though I only knew of one other before this one.”

   Ricky was definitely right, Cody did end up hooked hearing about this experience of his.

   “Yeah, and he told me a lot of stories about doing crazy stuff while on a lot of drugs- some of which sounded made up, but like, I don't do drugs myself so I couldn't tell anyway."

   "That’s so cool, dude. So wait, like- if he was on the wrong line, you think he might've been from Jersey or something?"

   Ricky sighed. “Honestly, I hope not. I don’t think I could take Esther to go visit him if he was, even if I was sure I wanted to.” He shook his head. “But I dunno. Part of me was thinking it could have also been anti-populi, but it seemed a bit too localized for that. Maybe it’s just weird dream world stuff?”

   Their friend Pete arrived from nearby, pouring them refills of tea from his arcane focus teapot, which also served just delicious tea. “Might be- but I think it might have been part of something weird going on instead, I’ve been getting some weird vibes between the Waking and Dreaming worlds lately.”

   Cody looked at Pete in surprise. “Damn- you think it’s that serious?”

   Pete nodded. “I was gonna message the group about it earlier, but I was bit busy to do it until you reminded me just now, actually.” He pulled out his phone and started texting with one hand, preparing to close the shop with the other. “You guys up for checking it out today?”

   “Yeah, my shift at the Fairyland park ended an hour ago, so I’m good to go. You, Ricky?”

   “Yep, I’ll text Esther and let her know.”

   Even though they were only in the researching and planning stage, a glow of anticipation lit up in Ricky Matsui’s heart. The time to once again help and protect New York City from danger he could feel was fast approaching, and he could not wait to stand together with his fellow Heroes of New York to do so.

#character tf #human tf #transformation #male transformation #muscle growth tf #tf

[genderqueerdykes]

Anon who asked about stealthing as male here, I'm already well into my transition to where everyone around me only knows me by my preferred name (it's still in the process of being legally changed) save for those who knew me before I transitioned, and T has already gotten my voice to where it's incredibly deep even for a man. I don't wear anything flashy or brightly colored already due to it not being to my tastes (but my hair is streaked with an unnatural color). My hips haven't given me away to the best of my knowledge (in fact, when I was only a few months on T there was someone who literally couldn't tell I was trans until I ended up bringing it up, they were genuinely shocked), I don't actually think I had much hip or butt to begin with. I do already bind regularly as you say.

Really my only concern amongst the stuff you brought up is that I'm solely mlm, I have no attraction toward women at all. But at the same time I've never felt like being gay has made anyone wonder if I'm trans??? But maybe that's because I tend to fit really well into the more traditional definition of masculinity in terms of presentation, mannerisms, and hobbies. I guess I should also account for being in a very liberal area (I've never left the west coast of the US, which is largely liberal/accepting).

I guess maybe, to get more specific with my question, I wanted to know how I might know if stealthing is for me and what other information about myself to withhold that might clue someone in. Is it possible to stealth if I ever wanted to say, stream on Twitch (even if I accidentally become popular) or cosplay (I do plan on top surgery btw) and remain stealth? Do I need to understand a lot about AMAB anatomy? Do I HAVE to come out in order to hook up with another guy? Or at any other times? Generally stuff like what I need to hide, and if there's any point where I can't be stealth and how to navigate that.

(posting w/o comment as it's not needed, thank you so much for your response it's much appreciated! good luck out there, stay safe)

#asks #answers #ftm #trans man #trans men #trans guy #trans boy #trans boys #stealthing #stealth #replies