#i think we can try visual introduction soon

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Death In Paradise And How The Show or Shows Have Unknowingly Made Beautiful Autism Representation An Eassay By An Autistic Person

Introduction

I never get this personal or sappe but hi I'm Mel and just recently I got my Autism diagnosis. Recently I've been trying to discover who I am and what parts were just lies after realising i have been making and trying to imitate and please people my entire life.

I started watching Death In Paradise at the end of Season 10 my Mum had it on the tv and I thought it was interesting so I started watching. I then watched the first Christmas special and fell in love even more before giving season 11 a watch. Really loved all the characters and especially loved the characters, the visuals and the mystery aspect. Infact it made murder mysteries/who dunnits become one of my special interests. Started watching Beyond Paradise and some of the earlier seasons with Richard Poole.

Two things have made me realise why I probably love Death In Paradise since I have gotten my Autism diagnosis.

1: I was discussing the series finale with a fan who has sadly but understandably deleted their twitter account about how all the DI'S especially Neville when he was flashing back to the scene he was arrested found myself relatable as I replay my memories like that.

2: Martha's breakup monologue as heartbreaking as it was to Humphrey because she's absolutely out of line since they could adopt but her gut reaction is absolutely right. She has treated Humphrey appallingly not communicating with him about his feelings till that moment and not being honest with Humphrey resulting in him being dishonest in return. I am a people pleaser and will often think about others happiness before my own and Humphrey impulsively agreeing to move to Shipton Abbott is a good example as he really struggled setting in. Martha is right Humphrey is awkwardly nice to everyone even the police commissioner who I would have no patience with.

Now I realise that I am invested in these shows not just for the mysteries and the who dunnit element but to see Autistic people like me have human struggles in a very stressful job.

Even though I'm on a very different career path to all the DI'S as an Autistic person I think all the DI's are Autistic and show their own unique struggles. This is why I fell in love with the character of the Doctor to. If the DI'S aren't cannon Autistic they're definitely Autistic coded and it's my headcannon and I'm over riding the bbc on this one because when we see the way Autism is represented on screen within other white male characters I can see that Neville, Jack, Humphrey and Richard ain't no Rainman or Sheldon Cooper or Good Doctor which is why I feel so represented through these characters.

So with from what I've seen I would like to break down each DI that has been on the show and essentially justify why I have head cannoned all of the DI'S as Autistic.

1: DI Richard Poole

There are so many things that make me think he's Autistic I'm up to S2 Episode 7 of Death In Paradise as I'm wanting to catch up and as soon as this man came on screen I knew that there was no way in heck that Richard Poole is just neurodivergent grumpy english man as Camille would put it. One of the episodes I related to was Season 2 Episode 5 because if there's one thing I struggle with as an Autistic person its giving people the correct comfort they need.

Which links perfectly to my first point.

1: Richard And Emotion

Constantly throughout the first two seasons we see Richard struggle to communicate his emotions and hide how he's feeling. When sad things come up in s2 ep 5 and when he's asked to hold baby Rosie for the first time he struggles to display how he's truly feeling and how best to react. It shines especially when he asks Dwayne how he comforted Camille. I think Season 2 Episode 6 and Episode 5 was the first time we'd properly seen Richard sort of embrace the sand and open up emotionally.

2: Sensory Needs

Similar to Neville he makes it very clear that he does not enjoy the loud festivals on the island. He seems most comfortable up in his shack secluded reading a good book and chilling out.

He also seems to wear no summer clothes on the island as despite the heat he only seems comfortable with suits. Personally I struggle with being in bare t shirts and shorts so I can definitely relate to the fact. Richard seems definitely like one of those people who doesn't climatise for the summer and will not wear coats in the winter.

Overall an absolutely amazing relatable character.

2: DI Humphrey Goodman

I haven't gotten to S3 with Humphrey yet but I can also see relatable Autistic Representation in him. This is all based on from what I've seen in Beyond Paradise Humphrey wants to please and get on with everyone so he often hides his own emotions and puts others first. I can also see that he stims, forgets stuff if there's a change in routine and burnout hits him hard. I think he was partly burnout as the falling out with Martha must have been quite exhausting.

Masking is a huge thing with Humphrey so in my head cannon I think people including Humphrey have dismissed him being Autistic as just him being quirky. In my opinion the beyond paradise finale and episode five showed just how much Humphrey represses his emotions and then when it comes to burst it's bad.

1: Masking and Socializing

Humphrey throughout the beyond paradise series constantly tries to hide his uncomfortableness with Archie being around and his feelings about Martha stopping IVF. I know he came around and was sincere in the finale but I honestly think he wanted to pretend he felt ok with it so he wouldn't lose Martha.

Social wise he is also very awkward with people and struggles to communicate what he wants them to feel. Fights and conflicts seem to also exhaust Humphrey. Talking to Esther in Episode Five he admits he doesn't know how to feel about Martha not wanting kids and can't stop thinking about it. Infact he's so distracted by his fight with Martha that he can barely help Esther with the case. I'm often overwhelmed with socialising and go away to relax and think things through is definitely a coping mechanism I use.

2: Stiming And Info-Dumping

A form of stiming I picked up from Doctor Who was flapping my hands about when I'm talking and rambling. Humphrey out of all of the detective's seems to do this the most even when not talking about the solutions to a case.

He also is very passionate when talking about his special interests. I also think the way in the beyond paradise series he pictures the crime in his head and relives it whilst explaining it to Esther is very not neurotypical I view memories and emotions in my head like that sometimes.

Overall a very relatable character regarding his social skills and his need to people please.

3: DI Jack Mooney

This is going to be very short as I haven't seen much of Jack Mooney due to the fact I'm on S2 of my Death In Paradise rewatch but even the three episodes I watched whilst it was rerunning alongside Beyond Paradise I got very not neurotypical vibes from him.

The episode where he's rooming with Dwayne shows his struggle to interrupt other people's emotions, read social cues and understand the right moment to intrude on a conversation. It's absolutely hilarious when he just walks in on Darlene and Dwaynes date without considering that it's not an appropriate time. Not to mention when he interrupted Dwayne from his shower.

Through all three episodes I saw I can tell that he really struggles with grief so Florence is a good friend that he can consol. She helps him realise what stuff might make the shack feel more comfortable and friendly, like having a record player etc.

If any Autistic DIP fans want to reblog this and share their own thoughts about why they headcannon Jack as Autistic.

4: DI Neville Parker

Ah Neville Parker a character that I can definitely see myself in especially after season 12. Although I started watching from half of season 10 I still have enough reasoning to justify my headcannon. The way Neville organisises his meds and takes rejection from other people shows. Although you don't have to be Autistic to experience and anxiety Neville from what I've seen definitely overlaps with both.

Similar to Richard he seems to really struggle with the environment but at least have the sense to not where his blazer all the time and change into island built clothes off shift. Season 12 shows that Neville has adapted so well to the island that if he was put anywhere else like a prison cell its nerve racking and difficult for him. Not to mention from my own experience I've switched off when I'm sad or when something too difficult to process has happened and Neville does just that at the end of S12 through the Sophie or should I say Rebecca situation.

1: Lack Of Red Flags + Social Cues

Season 12 showed that because of Nevilles desire to have a relationship with someone and get over Florence he was unable to ignore the red flags about Sophie until he was in jail for her murder. Ok I'm pretty sure not all of the neurotypical Death In Paradise fans didn't fall for Sophies scheme but like Neville I truly felt no bad vibes from her until the very end. I haven't seen the red flags till to late and its costs me my mental health.

Neville seems to really struggle how to communicate his feelings as also seen by his crush on Florence.

2: Stimming + Special Interests

Throughout the show Neville is very rigid he fidgets and waves his arms about enthusiastically when he has found out who the killer is.

Throughout the show we can also see that Neville is a passionate reader and loves Star gazing. He was absolutely thrilled to info dump about the famous star gazer that has been unalived. We see he struggles with stuff outside of his limits and will glady lovingly share fun fact with his team.

3: Emotions/Shutdown

As mentioned Neville tends to become quiet when he's upset and shutdown. We can see throughout the case in episode 8 he's not entirely there till he confronts Sophie for the final time.

Neville insanely loses his enthusiasm and energy after he's arrested. If you look back he does not instigate any of the conversations whilst he's in the cell unless it's Sophie. Most people would react screaming and yelling when arrested but Neville is just too shocked to move. As an Autistic person I've had a shutdown only once but I definitely relate that if I was arrested I would just be frozen in panic not wanting to upset anyone.

Being quiet seems to be one of Nevilles best coping skills when something immensely stressful has happened.

Again when he had that freeze frame recalling when he was arrested and who could have switched the keys it seemed very relatable and not neurotypical. Not to mention a lot of Autistic people have a high sense of justice which could explain Neds fearless anger and frustration at the end of Ep 7.

Conclusion

I think even if coded having Autistic representation that's not cis white man super intelligent with no struggles is impactful its also why I want a black or biracial DI on the show as it would be even more impactful.

Honestly all the DIS being Autistic or on the neurodiverse spectrum as a whole adds to alot of the fish out of water element of the show.

I highly encourage reblogs as i assume I'm not the only autistic or neurodivergent fan of the show.

-Melody-

They/Them

#beyond paradise #death in paradise #humphrey goodman #neville parker #richard poole #jack mooney #beyond paradise spoilers #actually autistic #neurodivergent

[autumnoficarus]

a brief analysis of Lokius and what their characters have to do with numbers, π, and mathematical constants

i really live for meta analysis on cinematography used in shows and movies, so i especially enjoy reading about analyzations of the loki series right now. one of the theories i've seen and immensely enjoy is the visual repetition of numbers throughout the show, and how they symbolize certain elements of the narrative. the fact that pie is significant - the mathematical ratio of π has a constant (3.14159 or 22/7) - and we watched characters being almost drawn there multiple times before the finale is just so neat to me. That being said, I'm not sure if I've missed anyone pointing this out yet - but I think THIS is a very interesting choice, even more so in how it's framed:

The way the scene above ends with Mobius positioned right next to that HUGE '2' is, I think, very telling. He's also standing so that the smaller '5' is almost completely obscured, letting the '2' be displayed more prominently (I'm not sure yet if there's more reason here behind '5' being used, other than that it's to further clarify where we're at in the timeline of the show (the location being where mobius' and loki's initial introduction took place) but I plan to re-watch the series from the beginning solely to find possible points of analysis that may have been missed soon. I will have to see if and how much certain numbers pop up in scenes). Putting the constant of pi and numbers theory aside for a moment, just having the '2' stand nearly as tall as Mobius and Loki while they shake hands and part for the last time...it's a pretty clear nod towards their partnership. I am convinced this was a set design choice to really hone in on the fact that these two characters when paired together are what was needed for a successful solution to the multiverse's instability. Here's my reasonings for that:

Firstly, I think this could have multiple meanings or house numerous symbolizations, but I'm gonna really try to stay on focus and as close to how I interpret the significance of π as I can. Straight away, we could say the '2' is a throwback to the theory of fundamental constants as it is a variable of π's equation. However, I want to break down why I believe the variable's even factor can correspond with what we know about these characters.

1) Mobius represents order in its purest form, which embraces the importance of chaos (which is then mirrored by Ravonna's own representation, order that oppresses chaos and why that inherently cannot WORK). If we think about physics for a moment, or even basic mathematics, integers exist to be combined, divided, and shared - right? And without divisions of integers that create remainders or function improperly, we wouldn't have constants (such as π). Without equations that use both even and odd qualities, there wouldn't be the natural continuum of real numbers that we rely on in order to understand our universe. Mobius' character constitutes as one side of an equation - the side of order and, more specifically, an integer that can further divide into equal distribution - where the sum is a functional constant.

2) I personally like to further interpret how Mobius's character could overall stand for the '2' in π's constant through the fact that two being equally divisible means he has an equivalent amount of 'order' to his mindset as he does 'chaos'. Both components make Mobius who he is and that's ultimately the reason he's 'order at its purest'. And I know I'm silly and crazy, but I'll dive even deeper here. It can also be argued to be just as meaningful that '2' is able to divide and share the same amount of something because of how we see in the show that Mobius' patience, empathy, and other positive qualities start to reflect - and be matched - in Loki's growth as a character.

3) Another thing I want to point out is that there would be no 'change' without sums that end irrationally or are absent of means to be expressed. In other words, if mathematics lacked equations that ended in remaining values and instead only functioned via numbers that divide until nothing is left then there would never be any outcome that can undergo change. Everything would always zero out, and - of course - we saw what happened if the sum is always 0; Timely's invention fails, the Loom still overloads, and no one survives the outcome. Mobius is a necessary factor because of his divisible qualities and sense of order, but so is Loki because without them changes wouldn't be possible. As a duo, they are both equal parts transformed and combined to produce the right outcome of events.

4) Of course, Mobius alone does not finish the equation. It is in the combined efforts of Mobius and Loki that we see a successful end in the finale. Loki does not accept their burden and ascend the throne to become the God of Stories until their last conversation with Mobius where they are reasonably lost on how to solve the problem of the multiverse ending. Mobius' influence, both the entirety of his presence within the series and in the last bit of advice he gives to Loki, is what provides the final results of Loki's arc. Likewise, Mobius doesn't leave the TVA and avoids knowing about his life on the timeline until Loki sacrifices themselves so he can still have that choice to look. And then when he does look, it's heavily implied that Mobius was encouraged by Loki's words during their discussion over pie ('never look, never know'). The sum of their journeys are only achieved after knowing and changing the other. Their arcs and the multiverse status are left uncompleted until they come together as the two variables of an irrational fraction that creates a circle (a loop with a beginning and an end).

5) Returning to my first point and the significance of Mobius + order, we are meant to regard Loki as his opposite. Loki is 'chaos in its purest form', and during Loki's arc they learn to accept the consequences, and viability, of life devoid of any structure (again having a mirrored version in Sylvie who is seen to function under similar chaos, but refuses any semblance of order; this only creates problems that then divide into even more problems. We get confirmation that Sylvie's mentality - like Renslayer - does not WORK, which is seen in Loki's numerous attempts to fix the domino effect that Sylvie starts by killing HWR). Order and chaos being meaningful and having their own separate potentials to be good and bad has been a running theme in this show. Entropy is needed - just like irrationalities and remaining values in mathematics - for life to thrive, but there needs to be a balance in place. Disorder and the regulation of disorder is a necessary constant, and Loki becomes that constant from the sum of their and Mobius' relationship.

6) Hear me out: Loki being at the heart of Yggdrasil is a lot like how the automat was the center of the TVA. The automat had an endless source of pie; Loki fueling the 'tree of life' with their magic creates continual growth and rejuvenation of the multiverse's branches. The finale showed us that the sum of Mobius' and Loki's partnership results in the perfect equilibrium of chaos and order, which becomes the solution to what had been an unsolvable equation - even for HWR. The culmination of their shared bond provides a foundation for the multiverse going forward, and Loki's ability to maintain it stems from the purpose and love that they found from that bond. Notably, the constant of π - 22/7 - is an irrational number. When expressed, its decimal is known to be non-repeating and non-terminating. The multiverse is now a non-repetitive, non-terminating constant that - I say, once again, with feeling - is established only by Mobius and Loki growing and changing because of each other.

I'm not sure if anyone will find this small observation in the goodbye scene and my subsequent insane ramblings interesting, but uhhh. This is just one of the many things I haven't been able to get out of my head since the finale, and I desperately needed to write out at least some of these thoughts or lose the last of my marbles (now asking for donations of any unused marbles towards my mental state, thank you).

#i am currently charlie day pointing to a conspiracy wall full of red string with a cigarette #i wrote a lot and feel like i said nothing tbh #loki spoilers #loki meta #lokius meta #loki series #lokius #marvel #txt: icarus foaming @ the mouth analysis

[chubs-deuce]

Heya! if you don't mind me asking, what is it like in your ultrakill discord server? I'm mostly wondering about its set up and atmosphere, but I'm all ears if you have anything else you'd like to mention lol

I've been looking to find more people to talk about the game with, but joining discord servers make me a bit nervous, you know?

Hope you're having a nice day!

Hiya! :D

First of all, I'm flattered you're thinking about joining our server (join link here if you need it) and I appreciate your inquiry about its insides! :D I'm sorry that this became such a long response, but I hope it gives you some peace of mind either way xD

We're currently two mods if you include me as the admin, with @cogsanity being the other, and ca 85 people total.

In terms of setup, I've designed the categories roughly after the layers of hell within the game, although the channels within don't necessarily all reflect that lol. It's more for easier sorting and visual distinction really.

Limbo is more for moderation, organization and information.

You can read up on the rules, assign yourself some roles via a reaction-roles system, write an optional introduction with the pinned template in #terminal-entries, see any announcements me or Shin make (dw we rarely ever ping @everyone unless it's dire or important, tho I also just generally use it to log changes made to the channel structures) and ask us mods if anything's unclear :3

Then we have two gen channels with some fun extra channels to dump photos and pet related things in...

...and two main art channels (a lot of us are artists), as well as extra channels for headcanons, brainstorming, AUs, OCs, off topic infodumping and memes/spam as well as a spoiler channel for screenshot saturdays hype and whenever act III may release, so that people can catch up in their own time without getting spoiled prematurely :3

Oh! And we also of course have a channel for bragging abt your high scores in and another to ask for gameplay help from more experienced players!

We have carl-bot for reaction-roles and PluralKit for systems, and while we technically also have a music bot, the one we have rn is kind of a bitch to get working the way I need it to so I'm probably going to replace that one soon, until then it's functionally not really count-able lmao.

We allow a certain amount of sex jokes for the most part (with the deliberate exception that they are never to be directed at other members) since this is a 16+ ultrakill server - however actually explicit content (i.e. memes, writing, artworks) are to be kept to their own secluded section that an access role has to be given manually for and is only given to people that are 18+. We strictly moderate in this regard to ensure it's a safe and comfortable space for everyone.

In terms of atmosphere we're all very neurodivergent and very queer :'DD some very chatty folks, some more quiet ones, lots of good jokes and an overall pretty easygoing and respectful air.

We are strictly against any and all forms of discriminatory and phobic behavior and try to encourage mutually supportive creativity.

Here's our current lineup of emotes^ (the drones spin, one slower, one faster and the sideways v1 and v2 are doing patty cakes), all of which are credited in a pinned message on-server within the emote suggestions channel.

We have an event planned for november (we're setting up a pool of server banner designs made by the members that we're then picking every month via randomizer to be the server banner for the next 30 days) and are currently cooking up another event for around christmas as well >:3.

We also have a minecraft realm with extra channels for that purpose (locked behind a self-assign role just so it's not visible and bothersome to people that have no interest in it) and try to do somewhat weekly activities such as gartic phone, magma and I've also heard talks of a karaoke night being attempted soon, as well as some jackbox and cards against humanity being considered some time :D

Since this server is a very chatty one that loves hanging out en masse in vc, we've set up 5 main voice channels:

one for specifically art streams

one for game streams (or really streams in general, we often have some artists stream art on the side while another streams gameplay lmao)

one for just talking

one for activities like gartic phone

and because people tend to get overwhelmed with more than 5 people in vc, we also have a limited capacity vc for those that prefer a calmer hangout spot :3.

There might be more added in the future depending on activity and demand tho.

As a frame of reference, when we did the gartic phone session last weekend, we were ca 16 people in vc, and we only lasted about 3 rounds before everyone got a headache from overstimulation and needed to log off or split up into the campfire vc lmfao.

I'm surprised that one went as well as it did though, since it was very chaotic but still in a very controlled and fun way. VC sessions rarely get that big anyways, but I'm very glad that when they do, it's not pure, unadulterated, deafening chaos and that the means we've provided for self-managing your needs do get used as intended :').

Also just as a sidenote, there's a lot of users on there that are also floating around the main Ultrakill tag frequently, so I'm sure you'll recognize a few familiar faces if you do decide to join :3.

#long post #ultrakill #chubs answers

[ohlookjostudies]

hello everyone,

this is my official first post on my studyblr, aaaah exciting!

(side-note (possibly unpopular opinion?): I'm really disliking the whole tumblr layout on desktop, definitely prefer mobile, it's way more intuitive imo)

I wanted to make a little introduction post to properly start off this blog before the new semester, since I'm already doing all sorts of prep work before classes, so I thought I might as well include that on my studyblr:)

So, hi, I'm Jo, I'm a transcultural communication BA-student with working languages German, English, Polish; my personal interest lies more with written translation than interpreting, and recently I've become more interested in audio-visual translation (AVT), specifically.

I'm a huge language nerd in general, as in, I want to learn ALL the languages, but sadly I am only one person, so I guess I have to take it one step at a time :/. At the moment I'm trying to self-study Korean, and refresh my Latin to help my younger sister in her high school studies. I also learned French in school and loved it, but I don't really have opportunities irl to practice regularly, so I've forgotten quite a lot :(

In the future, I want to learn Italian, Sign Language (ÖGS), possibly Russian or Ukrainian, maybe Spanish, and I would love to learn a bit of Irish, as well as at least some basic Japanese.

I hope I will be able to post here at least semi-consistently; I really want to try to use this as a sort of study diary/goal planner and tracker, but with my gremlin of a brain I can never be sure if a new method will work for me and pay off or not (we stan being probably-neurodivergent, lol).

I think I will make a separate post with just bullet points of basic "about me" information that I can pin at the top of the blog, since this is quite a block of text, but I just wanted to make a first text post to let go of the anxiety I had about it, tbh.

(oh god do i need to sign off somehow? this isnt a youtube video, but still i feel like is should say "talk to you soon!" or smth like that...)

#studyblr #studyblr introduction #about me #languages #translation #translation student #text post

[miyakuli]

End of Lines

I discovered the French studio Nova Box just a few months ago with their game Seers Isle, and I was enormously charmed by it, especially in terms of atmosphere. So it seemed obvious to me to dive into their new game End of Lines, especially as it uses the same gameplay system as its predecessor. We are this time immersed in a post-apo universe where our choices and resource management will influence the destiny of a family.

Once again, the studio was able to grab me immediately in its universe, the atmospheric work being definitely their strong point. However, I do have a few reservations on certain points.

❤ A well-written story that's very much rooted in reality, since it's about ecology and what we're leaving for future generations, without being too moralistic. The game is more about raising awareness and asking ourselves, like little Sam, how we can try to improve things on our own scale. ❤ I continue on the writing, dwelling a little more on the dialogues and interactions between this little troupe. Nova Box brilliantly shows that you don't need long tirades or cheeky lines to create emotion. On the contrary, the dialogues are brief and profound, and the simple gestures are enough to make you feel the essential. And how beautiful it is :')

❤ I was delighted to find again the meticulous work on the visual and sound atmosphere. The illustrations are breathtaking, and the color work really makes us share that heavy heat with the characters. The soundscape is not to be outdone, with beautiful music and sound effects that immerse us in every scene.

+/- The system of resources to manage is a good idea, but to tell the truth, even after several games I can't really tell if they really influence the course of the story. I think there's a lack of potential here. +/- Pretty good replayability, with 4 unlockable endings and key scenes, but there aren't that many branches, so it gets pretty repetitive if you want to complete everything.

✖ The game is really very short (compared, for example, to Seers Isle, which was short but better balanced). It took me barely 2 hours to play my first game, without rushing. As a result, the development of certain characters feels "too fast", and I would have liked to linger on them longer. ✖ Also, since the narrative remains similar most of the time, replaying a game will take even less time to finish if you try to "skip" the scenes you've already read. ✖ I had complained about this in their previous game, but there is no "skip" option or even indications for text that has already been read. The only way I've found is to hold down the space bar to speed things up a bit, but that's still pretty laborious. ✖ The beginning of the story is too brutal, let me explain. As soon as I started my game, I found myself in the middle of a dialogue, without any real introduction. So yes after that we quickly get into the story, but every time I restart the game, I find this first scene too abrupt and I miss it as a real introduction (not necessarily with texts, but like we feel that we are embarking on something).

While I'm still seduced by Nova Box's visual and narrative universe, I'm a little less convinced by this one in view of its repetitive nature over a short playing time. But yes, I've once again had my eyes and ears totally thrilled, so my experience remains very positive, and I'll be following their future projects with great pleasure!

➡ My personal VN ranking (in french) ➡ My Steam page

#end of lines #I loooooooooove their work on the design <33333333 so pretty!!!!!!!! #Lola plays games #personal

[canadiancryptid]

Just watched Across the Spiderverse! That was amazing! Now I can stop avoiding spoilers like the plague!

Definitely gonna want to watch that again soon. There was a lot to take in, and a combination of a late show and a poor sleep schedule left me less than 100% awake, sadly. Not that I mind an excuse to see it nore than once! Gonna love that when I wake up.

Loved the combination of all the animation styles for the different universes.

Since I've had to dodge spoilers left and right, let me put more of my tired thoughts below the cut, for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. They're probably not gonna be in chronological order, but whatever.

- Renaissance Vulture had such a cool animation style. Loved him. Want to see more of the DaVinci notes style animation. That's awesome.

- The Spot is just... *chef's kiss.* He's the perfect blend of goofy joke villain and genuinely terrifying. And he looks like he's a living scetch covered in ink blots, which was such a cool design.

- "Being Spider-Man is easy!" The confidence of this man is unreal. Pavitr is in for a rough time and he has no idea. He does not seem to realize how badly the universe wants to kick him in the nuts because of his new job. Once it stops collapsing like a whiney 3 year old because it didn't get to murder a cop. That's still a thing that never got fully resolved. Hope that works out at some point.

- Peter B. is such a proud dad. Mayday is adorable. Him showing baby pics to everyone with a pair of eyes and trying to get Miles to hold his little bundle of joy was the most wholesome thing. Probably shouldn't be taking your baby to somewhere like that, but she seemed happy. And adorable.

- If all these Spider-Men are just... hanging out in the Spider Society, are they just leaving their universe without its Spider-Man? How is that not causing problems? How often do they have to go home? Gwen says she's been gone for months... and clearly didn't want to go back.

- Spider-Punk was... a lot. Loved him, but honestly had a hard time keeping track of everything during his introduction. There was just a lot going on on there, so my overtired brain had trouble taking it all in. One of the reasons I want to see it again. His whole visual effect was super cool, but... again, want to take it all in when I'm more awake. Think I read somewhere that he overthrew the government? Anyways, loved his vibe, but his colage-like effects did a number on my brain. Hobie seems cool.

- Miguel seems a little... not okay. He looked like he was gonna just straight-up EAT the Vulture instead of sending him home. And he keeps blaming Miles for starting everything, as if he CHOSE to get biten by that spider. Love him, even if he's seemingly starting to lose it.

I just found out there was a post credits scene with him in the first movie when I was trying to double check everyone's names. How did I not know this? He seemed a lot more well-ajusted there. Or at least less crazy. Taking that much weight onto his shoulders must have done quite the number on him.

- Canon Events leave me with so many questions. Since her dad is still alive, Gwen clearly hasn't had the whole "police capitan dies saving a child" event yet, and if he's gonna quit... does that mean that event won't happen? Is that enough to keep him safe? Is she gonna get close to the new captain and have them die? Is her dad still gonna die? Did she just accidentally skip that Canon Event, dooming her entire universe? Or is it not that big a deal?

- How much of the damage we saw was done by Miles saving the captain and not by the Spot? It looked more like the Spot's portals than it did glitchy multiverse rules. Or did Miles just amplify what was already there? If the Spot WASN'T messing everything up, would the damage have been nearly as bad?

- Wait, if the Spot was an anomaly, then how was that a Canon Event? Was something else supposed to happen? Or does the universe just take whatever excuse it can get to force these things to happen and throw a hissy fit if something stops it from happening?

- If Earth 42 doesn't have a Spider-Man, it can't have Canon Events. How is it still in one piece? Is having a Spider-Man created by a spider from that universe enough to keep it together? Or did Miles' dad dying happen as a Canon Event dispite the lack of a Spider-Man to screw with?

- If there wasn't supposed to be two Spider-Men in his universe, and the original Peter died, why does Miles still get forced into Canon Events? I feel like most of the questions I'm asking are either answered with a simple "because that's how the plot works", or it's gonna be super relivent in the next movie. I like overthinking stuff, it helps me sleep!

- Speaking of overthinking stuff to help me sleep, I'm gonna go do that. I'll probably update this with more thoughts in the morning, but its already a miracle I'm still awake.

#across the spiderverse #spiderverse #spiderverse spoilers #cryptid says stuff #animation #way to tired to articulate my thoughts well

[beeblogtrial]

Pompo: The Cinéphile

Today, I learned what Cinéphile meant, it means a person who really loves cinema/movies. 

I learned this word from watching the movie “Pompo: The Cinéphile” with my partner today. I know who would've thought I would learn about the word cinephile in a movie that has that word specifically on it. Anyways, me and my partner were planning to watch a movie today and we came across this movie, the poster was intriguing so we watched the trailer for it, we both were in shocked to see how eye catching the animation is on the small parts that we saw on the trailer and was even more surprised on what the story was about. My partner proceeded to tell me about what he knew about the movie on how it was a movie showing the struggle and passion and the making of a Movie it seemed so interesting so we gave it a shot.

The movie started, we were excited to learn more about the cinema world and how things would work. It started with a musical note which was very catchy and the small introduction of the main cast that we will be seeing more often soon showing how they are slight, giving us a glimpse of who they truly are. While a woman performed on stage with stunning visuals, literally that was good animation! They were showing the location they were at and me and my boyfriend laughed at the sight of “Nyallywood” we made fun of it saying nyamerica and nyalifornia, after that we were introduced to the character Pompo, she's apparently a genius producer and we saw more of her skills as she talked about movies with her assistant gene ho looked like he needed sleep like seriously, the story moves on form gene getting late for auditions and the introduction of other characters.

It is later revealed that Pompo picked Gene because she saw potential in him so she entrusted Gene to make a move from the script she wrote and Gene was nervous. I mean even I would if it suddenly happened like that. I love how they slowly put in characters we saw from the beginning and showing the importance of the situation that's happening right now, so they got to work Gene was trying his best and how he was a loner before and stuck in his own world thinking about movies since he loved them so much so he wanted to really make his first movie the best he can it really showed how hard the work is  being a director editing the the movie, marketing and finding sponsors for the movie the cinema world is scary. 

I don't wanna bore and spoil too much of the movie so I'll be Moving forward seeing the amazing visuals animation that they put on and more info about the movie production scene. Watching the movie really gave me an insight on how hard it is. Me and my partner loved watching the movie and it really showed how the characters struggled and especially Gene. Gene struggled to put himself in his movie, not in the literal sense no, put himself in a way of doing it because he's passionate, making his movie because it's his movie and his mark on the world and so he made his movie inspiring others at hand. I saw how hard the industry really is, but I also saw why we do things we do as people and as artists of our craft to inspire people and make our mark on the world.

#school blog #Pompo: The Cinéphile

[bathshebaeliam-borninelysium]

"Danganronpa 5: my Worst Dream and Best Nightmare, or the Lament of the Grounded Ultimate Spaceman" by Bathsheba Eliam

(This is the genesis of a self-contained alternate universe worldbuilding assignment and eventually a Multi-Media Masterdocument of sort, dictating a vision of the corporate popularization and immediate selling-out of and moral panic around a hard soft reboot of Danganronpa supposedly made "by the fans" "for the fans."

The situation begins as a byproduct of Danganronpa V3 being received differently, as well as an uptick in the acclaim for the series after 2017 as a sort of cult classic, one that takes over places where no one in this reality cares. This is resulting in perception of it being Game (Series) of the Year for more than one year, coinciding with the 10-Year-Anniversary and the resulting forced cancelation of Kodaka's comparative original vision of I) the pacifist Alterate Universe installment that we recieved a short version of this dimension and II) an immediately following darker, more impressionistic Danganronpa 4 with the working title of "Danganronpa c4 — Great Depression" that would have taken place in the Kuril Islands and followed Jin Kirigiri, who was secretly spared by Monokuma, trying to prove that the killing games have continued in a secret location, years after the aforementioned "broadcast" ended and the world had "rebuilt".

Whatever else happens as a result of the reinterpretation of Danganronpa as a "legacy franchise," the constant marketing of a "Spyfi Era", and constant negotiations around an early-to-mid-2020s-spanning "Inter-active, Inter-national Event" to lead into the fanfare of an announced Danganronpa Monoverse and Multiverse, respectively, is indicated through hints and character introductions in this "pilot."

I will gladly offer my other more visual and varied sources from this controversial dimension, that can include any kind of media from this world but limited to the Monoversal Online Commune (that dimension's resulting militarized fandom specifically for Danganronpa 4, stylized as 5) and its many outlets. Although if anyone cared as much as I did, I would be willing to copy kinds of media that tangential as well (quizzes from fansites, official passages of dialogue from the game(s), biographical featurettes about its creators, merchandise, transcripts of Let's Plays and certainly more, as I do not think of anything as too detailed) in the vein of an obsession of mine that lasted about as long I have been working on these...things.

Enjoy if possible.)

(Taken from Blogger's The Girl's Time-Travelling Closet, published at 9:04 AM, October 4th, 2023, by St. Elizabeth Barnabas)

Danganronpa 5 is real and I thought I would be celebrating, privately at least.

Yet, the enabling vagueness of the unanimous hatred that the fans are feeling in private is enough to compell me to be the Spartacus and be the first to put it into, let's say, unsympathetic words. The appeal of the "killing game international" theory from YouTube based on the "5" anagram in the untouched treasure troves of codes in THH was fascinating and I would have given even more money for it to be true as of 2021 when it was really soaring as people were putting it together again after the first video. It was surprisingly compelling. ALSO. The implications of the Kuma Klan reveal in the early marketing that confirmed the theory was, tantalizing to say the least. The second that the new animation style was revealed and no one cared because they were so dazzled by Kokichi as Headmaster, I had a feeling that the darling campaign of teasers was a "too good to be true" scenario, not that I thought it was too good. Then the premier happened and I fell in love with how the prologue confirmed the entire theory in one uninterrupted gesture, and I soon enough could not be more disappointed.

Why did they let the game come off like a mobile game spinoff with the kindergarten palette of a Cut the Rope or Crossy Road??

Why did the whole first trial get wasted by a bunch of century-old Italian/"dark-skinned European" (I kid you not) stereotypes when the game was supposed to idolize and stylize in a distinctly love-lettery way the countries featured, when we already have to deal with the resulting anticlimactically cartoony Scottish Monokuma makeover stupidity????

Why was my darling Ultimate Astronomer Yura with her whimsy and distinctly Great Glass Elevator/Phantom Tollbooth aesthetic relegated to the straightman and then killed in such a basic manner just because of their sudden ultimately fetishistic obsession with Europe and Southern Asia and wanting to give Japan the "backseat"????

Why did they have god forsaken Jon Wagner the real worst character of the franchise, a literal implied groomer and canonical blonde haired "patriotic" GERMAN (albeit green-eyed), kill three students as if to immediately force him into the Nagito slot and give him a villainous allure posthumously that cannot go away for the rest of the game (before the twist when we get to thankfully have a flashback to easier days)?????

I digress. I do not care about the characters' fashions and debatably humor being "too millennial" like some of the vocal, supposedly liberal young fans that this installment has somehow basically created are making identical video essays about. I do not even resent them, despite how hyperbolic they are with their approach to getting this game cancelled at least ELEVEN MONTHS too late. I just find it ultimately a waste of the fandom's newfound agency that the high-budgeted delights of this whole soft reboot and the beginning of Generation, Too which definitely is getting delayed for a reason, has made other fans into frightened peacekeepers just because of how grateful the new writers say that they should be for how big of a deal it all is, despite only giving them so much in the way of faux-3D visuals and games-within-games that the random, unpunished in-character abuse of past characters, new more vulnerable characters and, in the guise of the "bone-dry humor" of characters like the Quadruplets and even Noa and Catalina, REAL PEOPLE AND CULTURES looks like something that is not a big enough deal that 6 and 4 could be not worth having.

Despite  this ... of course I am looking forward to Danganronpa Feud: All-Despair Dynasty. If anything it's just because of the Arcana Studio/Witchblade-like concept art from the trailer which was practically an AMV (especially that of the  Samurai who I am so psychically confident is the Yokai Form for Nagito not Naegi, despite what the "dead once, born twice" speech by Watatsusami implies) and worldbuilding for the Monobeasts/overall arguably revolutionary concept, even among these Danganronpa Whatif minigames that have been released for the overlong anniversary. In spite of my willingness to discuss this at most conveniences, the summer that I lost to Danganronpa 5: Life Exchange is almost traumatic, to the point where I would literally deny the existence of a trailer if they in spite of the latest "hiatus" WERE to reveal A) the oft-forgotten webseries that IS happening at least according to the self-indulgent Ronpa Writers Room Tumblr, or B) the last of the mascot-revealing short films/teasers for 6, both of which would be befitting of Halloween. I am also irrationally interested in the suspected webseries for the fact that my history with Dimension 20 and selectively Critical Roll gives me a decent insight into what this Erika Ishii-voiced-Monokuma is going to be like, despite the voice filter that she said she did need, however sure I am that that was just a joke about the Batman "and you'll never have to" gag running throughout the similarly recent Adventuring Party finale for Starstruck Episode II—Iliad not that anyone here is going to encourage me having thoughts about my other less passionate interests than this one, AS WELL as this one.

Nonetheless, I should hope that the franchise can get over Suki da Minamoto's infamous scripting method, stop relying on her RWR and their constant "retreats", and have the intended successor for Kodaka return from her still-shelved film project at Picona Studio before this period of reflection is over, and the two most crucial games of the new series are terrorized the same person that came up with the "Danganronpa Decade" era in the first place. I have to stop myself.

Since I am editing this to add any remaining positivity that I have after the epilogue was released, I should say the one part of the game that I have always understood people's willingness to use in fangans and such afterwards, unsurprisingly from Trial 5, in the Colloseum Room.

In the words of everyone's favorite self-proclaimed Ultimate Killing School Dropout, Chester "goddamn the Chevalier" Valentine,

"she made me realize that it's not Hell or Heaven ... It's Hell then Heaven! After everything, after Monokuma, after Tyranno Rex, and after the universe ... good's the last thing there is!"

#danganronpa #fanganronpa #alternate universe #alternate history #worldbuilding #danganronpa art #danganronpa fanart #danganronpa v3 #dimensionranpa #dimension 197 #danganronpa 2

[16mmtoodeep]

art and grief

As I had a very busy week, and it's officially October, I asked around for a spooky movie I could watch for my field report. A lot of people pointed me towards Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. They thought I, as a film major, would be interested to see a different take on what a superhero movie could be, especially from the mind of a primarily horror director. So, I took a chance on it. 

I'm not a Marvel lover or hater. I'll watch a movie if the premise interests me. With the few I've seen, the original Doctor Strange has been my favorite. I enjoyed the use of special effects sparsely and thoughtfully in order to create a few really impactful scenes using the sorcerer's reality bending powers at their full strength. Or it could've just been my love of Benedict Cumberbatch as an actor. Either way, I enjoyed it and it's character driven story as an introduction to what would soon be one of the most important character's in the MCU.  

The film was... a little disappointing. It was visually spectacular, but there was so much happening the story felt weak and rushed. Many times I wondered the motivations of character, or even the mechanics of their magic. For Wanda, her powers have been established for almost a decade; for Strange, a few years – referring to the Marvel films, of course. Powers can change and grow through many factors, but for the story to work around them they must be established. I understand the MCU is heading in a direction aligning closer to the fantasy of the comics – while I don't watch every single piece of Marvel media, I keep tabs on them, what they're doing, and how they're being formed – and that these new concepts can only be established through retcon/exposition, but I feel it could've been integrated better visually. It's the classic show, don't tell.  

Though apart from critical analysis, watching this film made me decide on a new direction to take these field reports. While watching this film, one constant was the memory of my now ex-boyfriend telling me about the movie when he first watched it. He wasn't an MCU fanatic, but enjoyed watching them with friends who were. I remember him telling me about it, how I'd enjoy it as a film major, and how we should watch it together. Sadly, that didn't come to pass. But it's inspired me to put a new framework onto my field reports. Since I was broke up with very recently and I'm still trying to process my grief, I think it would be interesting to take one piece of media that is connected to my past relationship and examine it each week. Things like continuing to watch shows that we watched together but never finished, exploring the discography of his favorite artists, reading pieces from his favorite writers. All of this to get a better grip on how this life change is affecting me, how I see art, and how I make art.  

As a person and a partner, he supported all my artistic endeavors. He watched every draft of every film, read every poem, went to every orchestra concert. He was my muse in a way, the person that pushed me to create what only I could. Now that he's gone, it's been a struggle to find my creative voice again. Infact, the sudden degradation of our relationship has changed my creative voice. I want to explore this loss in depth, so I can maybe heal myself and my art in the process. 

P.S - it just occurred to me that Multiverse of Madness is the aftermath of Wanda's process of grief in Wanda Vision, and through this film I have decided to document my process of grief and aftermath in these field reports. Interesting.  

[oxangejuice]

hii,, would you please write an andre harris x f!reader please, as a university au?

i'm not too picky about plot or amything like that,, i'd just like it if reader had a sort of grunge/quiet aesthetic (similar to jade's visual aesthetic, but personality wise is still sarcastic but more quiet) and is at hollywood arts for theater tech and vocal performance <3

thank you for writing requests for others,, it means a lot hehe

hi! i didn’t know if you wanted the college au or have hollywood arts in a college setting, so we can just imagine hollywood arts as a college setting with the characters aged up. :)

for sure though, lol. i love to write so why not try to do it on tumblr as well.

♯. okay — andre harris

warning: none

she/her pronouns and fem terms are used

HOLLYWOOD ARTS was a school that could be simply defined as: chaotic.

The school held plenty of students from different backgrounds, talents,... Sinjin.

Regardless, everyone at Hollywood Arts had an exceptional talents, including her. Her various talents didn’t shock anyone that seen her work. Vocally gifted and a wiz with the technology that made every single show at Hollywood Arts phenomenal.

She had an amazing friend group who always supported her in every aspect of what she deemed possible in her life, and that never went unnoticed. Still, her boyfriend, Andre Harris, had always been her number one supporter.

They said opposites attracted and the what people loved to say about her and Andre, but the two had much more in common than what meets the eye.

The couple had very different styles; she had a very grunge look, and Andre’s style held a more laid back and “easy to approach” type of vibe. But both had unique talents of art and production that no one could deny.

That’s exactly why Tori Vega enlisted the two of them to help with newest her newest play that just had to star her scene partner, Jade West.

Andre was a wonderful songwriter and she had an amazing voice, so of course the both of them were willing to help their friend.

“How’s the sound?” She asked into the mic.

“Sounds good.” Andre smiled.

She sat in the Blackbox theater, and only she and Andre had been inside. Tori and Jade had constantly been arguing about what they should or shouldn’t keep in the play, but that didn’t matter to the couple. They wanted to get the songwriting process done so they could do something other than work, even if it was on something they enjoyed.

Andre soon joined his girlfriends side, pulling a chair forward as he held his keyboard close and moving his girlfriend closer.

She giggled softly and held the notebook in her hands. She was definitely was shyer than her outward appearance showed. She kept to herself most days, and when she wasn’t alone, she stuck with her friends and Andre.

But she liked that about herself. It was her... her.

“Tori said we could try and complete the song her and Ryder end up ditching for the Full Moon Jam.” She signed, “They never finished writing the lyrics for the song. Maybe we can reword something and try and come up with something.”

Andre propped the notebook against a nearby chair and began to play a random tune.

“I like your smile, but even introductions need to last awhile.” She sang softly., almost to herself.

Her voice had always memorized Andre, and as cheesy as it sounded, he would compare her voice to something as an angel’s touch. No one else’s voice could compare to hers.

She continued to absentmindedly sing words that flowed with the lyrics next, “Deep in my head now it's like a dream.” She trailed off, “So? What do you think?”

She finally looked towards her boyfriend, his eyes never leaving hers as he continued to play the repeated tune over and over again.

“Andre?” She laughed, “Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm.”

She held a bright smile, wrapping her arm around Andre’s neck. She scrunched her nose as she place her forehead against his.

“It’s was very. Definitely something we can work with.” Andre smiled.

“I’m sure you’ll get it done, Music Man.”

She gently kissed Andre’s forehead before standing from her seat, “I’m going to see if the soundboard still works. Sinjin spilled soda all over it.”

She waved a small goodbye to him, even though she would only be up on the banister fixing the soundboard that someone else had ruined.

Andre Harris was lucky. He had a beautiful girlfriend with a beautiful voice, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

lucy’s notes: BRUH this is was kinda all over the place </3 but i hope you liked it 🙏

reminder: request are open :) check who i write for just to see what i can try and do :)

#andre harris #victorious #andre harris imagines #andre harris x reader #victorious imagine #victorious imagines #nickelodeon #nickelodeon imagines

[mercy-burning]

Roommate Agreement

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader x Luke Alvez Summary: After about a year of living with Spencer, Y/N gets excited when he introduces her to a new potential roommate. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Free use, threesome, cum play, penetrative/unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (male receiving), rough sex, dirty talk Word Count: 2.3k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: I was gonna write this as a blurb, but it got a little longer than I anticipated lol. I’ve been super into this kink/fantasy lately, so uh.. this was just pure indulgence 🥰✌

———

Apartment hunting and living on my own sucked, which is why Spencer Reid coming into my life was the biggest blessing I ever could have hoped for. He was handsome, kind, welcoming... And he let me live with him for free.

Well, not entirely.

But regardless of our little agreement, I still slip him some cash when rent comes up because it's just common courtesy. I'm grateful that he lets me stay with him and provides me with what I need (and then some), and if there's any way for me to return that favor, I'll do it.

He gets annoyed with me whenever I do it, but I always know how to get him to forget about it...

Just thinking about last night brings a smile to my face as I put away the last few glasses in their respective cupboards.

The heavy padding of Spencer's feet behind me makes me turn around then, and I nearly clench my legs at the sight of him, dressed and ready for work, except his dick is out and hefty in his right hand. It's hard, leaking, and by the look on his face I can tell he's about ready to let go.

"Give me your panties, sweetheart."

Before he even gets out the whole sentence, I make quick work of lifting my shirt out of the way and opening up the fabric, pulling it away from my body and giving him an opening. He walks up with a hungry kiss to my jaw as he jerks himself off, right into my panties until he's making a mess of them. I sigh out happily as he hums against my skin.

And when he's done, he kisses my cheek chastely and uses my shirt to clean up a bit before tucking himself back neatly into his pants. I adjust my panties and feel the warmth spread over my skin while he grabs his bag from the back of the chair to leave.

"Have a good day, Doctor," I call with a cute smile, my hand dipping down to feel the mess he made and wishing he didn't have to go.

"You too, sweetheart," he returns with a wink. He turns to leave, but before he's at the door, he throws back, "Oh, and make sure you're dressed properly when I get back, he's coming over with me after work."

"Wait, really?" I ask brightly, my heart starting to race.

"Mhm. He's excited to meet you."

I’d had plans to run some errands today, but as soon as he tells me the good news, I know I won't be able to get anything done.

———

The second I hear the door, I'm waiting like a dog with a wagging tail, excited for extra company and eager to make a new friend. I flatten my tiny skirt, though with how frilly it is, it really makes no difference— I think that as excited as I am, I'm definitely anxious about potentially adding a new person to our dynamic.

My hands reach behind my back and clasp together as I rock slowly on my feet, ready to welcome them when they come through the door.

Spencer, as always, looks positively delicious, and it only amplifies when he sees me and smiles, reaching out for me. "Somebody's excited..."

In his embrace, I laugh and welcome his hand as it slips up the front of my skirt to make sure I've followed his instructions. He quickly runs his middle finger through my opening, a smile forming on his lips— I can feel it against my neck. "Good girl."

"I couldn't help it," I tell him earnestly, refraining from whining in protest when he removes himself from me entirely. Then I look over his shoulder to see our guest of honor, Spencer's co-worker Luke Alvez. With a shy smile, I reach my hand out to shake his. "I have a new guest to impress."

Luke accepts my hand with a smile all his own, accompanied by wandering eyes that make me feel warm from head-to-toe. It reminds me of how I felt when I first met Spencer while apartment hunting last year. Luke's eyes are just a few shades darker but regardless of color, the hunger swimming within them remains plentiful.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N," he says smoothly. His voice makes me feel a whole new sense of ease and the overwhelming need to submit to him entirely. "I've heard great things."

With introductions out of the way, Spencer ushers Luke into the apartment and I close the door. "Let me show you around a bit," he says, and the two walk off, leaving me to follow behind.

We tour the whole apartment, Spencer taking his sweet time with the walking and the talking... I swear he's doing it on purpose, to make me wait and get me riled up, but regardless I stay patient and involve myself in their conversations as normal. Actually, it would have all felt like a completely normal apartment tour in the first place, had I not been thinking about how the men accompanying me would use me in the future...

Spencer saves the living room for last, and once we make it to the couch, I pray that he's ready to start showing Luke the added benefit of choosing to live here rather than in an apartment by himself...

And he knows me so well, because he pulls me aside with a cheeky smile, his hand resting firmly on my ass and under my skirt. "So, Alvez, you wanna give her a whirl?"

"You're uh... You're sure this is alright? You don't mind?"

His concern is sweet, but I can see the lust sparkling in his eyes as he looks over me once more.

Spencer laughs a bit, squeezing my ass with a nod. "Of course. Look how happy she is to see you... So ready to be used up..."

Luke's tongue darts out over his bottom lip at my roommate's words, his decision becoming more clear.

Still, I help out. "It's true... When Spencer first mentioned adding a new roommate to our arrangement, I couldn't wait... And you're perfect.

"So what do you say?" Spencer asks once more with finality.

Luke strides over to me slowly, my head tilting higher with each inch he gets closer. He looks down at my lips and smiles before bringing his thumb gently to my mouth. "This pretty little mouth has been calling to me since I walked through the door..."

I hear Spencer laugh beside me as Luke slips his thumb past my lips and over my tongue. I suck it into my mouth with a tiny groan, flitting my eyes up at him and arching my back as Spencer's grip on my ass gets tighter.

"Get on the couch, sweetheart," he says, letting go and giving me a small spank.

Luke's thumb pops out of my mouth and I stumble to the couch, getting on all fours so my hands are on the arm and my knees are buried in one of the cushions.

The unmistakable sound of their laughing fills my ears and makes me even more eager, though I know better than to tell them outright what I want. Unless either of them asks me to, I'm not going to beg. I mean, I'm not sure about Luke, but I know that Spencer prefers when I use visual signs in our daily routine. He likes to hear me use my words, sure, but that's only on occasions where he's in a happier, more giving mood. Most of the fucking we do is when he comes home frustrated and needs to take. No questions asked.

And truthfully, I like that more. Which is why I'd agreed to be his roommate in the end.

Spencer does seem to be more giving today, moving this right along and taking his pants off before walking over to me while his friend follows suit, but I follow our rules anyway, wanting to make a good impression on Luke (though I'm positive I've already secured that bag).

Luke's pants come off too, though he waits until he's right in front of my face. I'm looking up at him with my bottom lip between my teeth, and when he starts to work at his belt, I look down to see.

Meanwhile I feel Spencer's weight dip down behind me, and it doesn't take long for him to slide right in, spreading my legs further and beginning to fuck me steadily. He gathers my hair from my face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand while the other rests at my hip. "You gonna be a big girl and open your mouth wide, or do I have to make you?"

I respond in kind by slacking my jaw and welcoming Luke, his hands coming down to tilt my chin and slide his thick, hard dick into my mouth.

"That's right, sweetheart," Spencer praises, giving me another small spank and a slight tug of the hair. Meanwhile Luke is slowly fucking my throat, pushing himself deeper with each thrust.

Eventually, the two of them are fucking me with perfect rhythm. Each time Spencer goes in, Luke goes out, and their force is even the same. It's building and building with each second, and I can feel my whole body start to go numb with pleasure. My knees are tingling from the couch, my ass is surely red from how many times Spencer has spanked me, and my throat is bruising beautifully.

Spencer's hand releases my ass and reaches out to my throat. The way he's bending forward gives him a deeper angle inside me, and I can't help the choked whimper that comes out of my mouth because of it. He can feel it, too, because his fingers rest just under my chin.

"His cock feels so good down your throat, doesn't it, baby?" he coos, driving into me harder.

I squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds to blink away the tears that blur my vision, and when I open them I look up at Luke, pure unadulterated bliss painting his features. He looks down at me with awe and lust and need, and I can tell that it won't be long before he snaps.

"When he comes, you're gonna keep it in, okay? I wanna see it..."

I clench around Spencer at his words, and my orgasm follows shortly after. As soon as I start to come down, Luke holds himself still at the back of my throat and comes with a shout, his hands rooting in my hair. I try my hardest to keep it all in, meanwhile Spencer starts to stutter as well. And by the time Luke is pulling himself away from me, his friend is coming inside me, just like he's done so many times before.

It's a familiar, wonderful feeling, though this time it's even better because I know I have cum filling both ends of me. I feel so full, so warm and numb and fucked out, and I never want to go a single day without it that way.

When Spencer pulls out and leaves the couch, Luke makes room for him in front of me. He steps into view then, reaching his hand out to pry my mouth open and examine his friend's work.

"Oh, sweetheart, you look so pretty with all Luke's cum in your mouth... Doesn't she look pretty, Alvez?"

The other man muses, his hand coming down to graze my cheek. Both their hands are on either side of my face, and they're gazing down at me with such wonderment that I swear I'll do anything to feel this way again— to make them feel this way again.

"She sure does," Luke says, and I nuzzle into his hand. "Just like a proper cumdump."

Their words and their eyes and their touches send butterflies soaring through my whole body and bring an open-mouthed smile to my face.

"You can swallow now," Spencer says, tapping my cheek. I do, and immediately afterwards he leans down to kiss me deeply. I lean into him and flutter my eyes closed, the feeling of his cum dripping out of me and down my leg only adding to the blissful state I'm in.

He pulls away, and I glance over at Luke, who has his dick in his hand and an amused smile on his face. "Damn, I could almost go again..."

I can tell he only means it as a way to keep the mood light, maybe as a joke, but in hopes that it will make him more comfortable with the idea that he can quite literally use me whenever he wants to, I smile as sincerely as I can. "That's what I'm here for," I offer brightly, getting up off the couch and trying to stand on wobbling legs.

I somehow manage, Spencer helps to steady me, and then he laughs, kissing me on the cheek. "You two have fun. I'm gonna shower, and then I have to take care of some errands. That okay with you?"

Luke and I give our approval, Spencer kisses me once more, and then admires me for a few seconds before throwing his friend a wink and heading off to the shower.

The moment I'm alone with Luke Alvez, he takes my hand and gives it a kiss. "You really are something special, princess..."

The nickname, while not entirely new since Spencer had mumbled it a few times with my mouth wrapped around his dick, sounds absolutely delightful coming from Luke's lips.

"Thank you," I purr, leading him to the couch and pulling him on top of me. "But there's still so much for you to discover..."

He hums amusedly, tracing my mouth with his thumb again. This time I take it gently between my teeth before he slips his cock inside me, which inadvertently makes me let go of it in favor of a whimper.

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing I'm moving in..."

———

PERMANENT TAGLIST (tags not working are struck out): 

@elldell1204​ @muffin-cup​ @calm-and-doctor​ @slutforthegubes​ @rainsong01​ @yourmisosoup​ @liveloudwriteloud​ @reidsconverse​ @la-vie-en-amour1​ @edgycowboy666​ @averyhotchner​ @centiaaa​ @lizziechaseee​ @coffeeandendlesswords​ @usuck​ @spenxerslut​ @goldensonlyangel @emilyprentisslittlewhore​ @takeyourleap-of-faith​ @reidyoulikeabook​ @spencerreid9​ @b-a-utiful​ @jareauswifey​ @flipperpenguins​ @pansexualthing​ @donald4spiderman​ @awesomebooklover17​​ @shemarmooresfedora​ @izraahh1​ @bakugouswh0r3​ @singularityjc​ @xoxospencerreid​ @thatsonezesty13​ @big-galaxy-chaos​ @mggskneescrews @youabitchhhh​ @spencersjello​ @moonlight-2-6​ @starrylang​ @foreveryoungxx3​ @spencerreidscoffeecup​ @morganwilliams​ @emilyprsntiss @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm​ @gubswh0re​ @mrsobrien888​ @loveeee2134 @umbreonwolfy​ @ayla-1605

If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment and I’ll get on it right away!

#spencer reid x reader #ralvez x reader #spencer reid x reader x luke alvez #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #luke alvez smut #luke alvez fanfiction #luke alvez x reader #spencer reid x reader smut #luke alvez x reader smut #ralvez x reader smut #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fanfiction #luke alvez #spencer reid

[sugakuns]

[hc] tanaka, nishinoya, sugawara & daichi when terushima flirts with their s/o

first time writing for simp, simp #2 and desdchi wish me luck!! :P

✿ tanaka ryūnosuke

pissed tf off

terushima wouldn’t leave you alone, repeatedly asking for your number even though you told him no multiple times

god you even told him you had a boyfriend! mans desperate

“hey frizzy hair! why don’t you go find someone else to flirt with?” mans really holding himself back cause this is a public match

he woulda gone feral if daichi and suga didn’t scare him straight

terushima has to keep up his swav act so he leaves with a ‘whatever’ and flirtatious wink

you have to tell ur simp that he’s the only boy you’re interested in

“go win for me, ryū~”

you bet your ass he gave his all that day

✿ nishinoya yū

FERAL

SOMEONE PUT THEIR CHIHUAHUA ON A LEASH

foaming at the mouth lv

you know that episode where ennoshita and suga hold back hinata and nishinoya..yeah

noya has really been holding back but he can’t stand the look on terushima’s face, and he also can’t stand the way you’re trying to curl into yourself to get as far away from the blonde as possible

“I-I have a boyfriend”

“he doesn’t have to know” - terushimas last words

suddenly there’s a lightning bolt and OH MY GOD DID NISHINOYA JUST TACKLE TERUSHIMA 😳

he looks like a child trying to climb smth no cap BAHAHAHA

terushima is literally terrified like WHO IS ON ME

expect him to run away as soon as you and asahi can peel him off of the blonde

noya be like: “this is my baby, ain’t NOBODY GONNA TOUCH MY BABY”

like tanaka, noya definitely gave it his all that day

✿ sugawara kōshi

“suga-san, does (y/n)-chan know that boy?” yachi u have no idea what you just started

terushima must like older girls cause he is tryna talk you up when you’re visually giving him signs of rejection

y/n: “i have a boyfriend”

teru: “i don’t see him”

y/n: “he’s literally glaring at you from the bench”

teru: legally blind

“(y/n)~ your super amazing boyfriend sugawara is here~” SHAMELESS

lowkey even Ukai tuning in on this tea

“you never told me you had a boyfriend..”

“I JUST DID”

sugawara is giving such a creepy look (I.e gif above) that it makes terushima uncomfortable enough to leave, even without a flirty comment

“you can stop making that face now”

✿ sawamura daichi

daichi is internally beating the shit out of terushima

on the outside? he looks eerily peaceful

since he’s the captain he can’t afford to have an outburst like the others

so, as calmly as possible he tries to pass it off as captain talking to another captain

“terushima, right? I’m daichi, this ones boyfriend” his polite smile paired with the innocent arm swung around toir shoulder would look like a nice introduction, if it wasn’t for the pure anger radiating off of him

lowkey was scaring u too

“..I think my teammate is calling me..” BRO TERUSHIMA LOOKS LIKE A DOG WALKING WITH ITS TAIL IN BETWEEN HIS LEGS BAHAHA

“i coulda solved it myself..” to be fair, you probably wouldn’t have lmao it’s desperateshima

“just call it captain instinct to take care of you”

“i thought we don’t use that name outside bed?”

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! #hq hcs #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sugawara fluff #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara koshi x reader #sugawara headcanons #sugawara x reader #tanaka x reader #tanaka ryuunosuke x reader #nishinoya hcs #nishinoya imagine #daichi sawamura #daichi x reader #hq drabbles #hq x reader

[persephoneyss]

Bad Movie.

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x f! Reader. Ft. Jungkook.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, angst, gore a little.

Summary: ❝Looking for the person you love, beautiful woman.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, harassment / stalking, humiliation, forced marriage, non-sexual intercourse, abuse of power, implicit murder, drug use naming, minor past master / pet relationships, secondary character abduction, ugly hallucinating hoseok , beatings, blood, photos depicting abuse, mistreatment and death, bribery, sexism and humiliation (directly aimed at female prostitutes), hoseok mistreats and humiliates jk, awkward marriage proposals, use namjoon as a secondary character because it hurts more:(, etc.

Number of words: 6000+

︙Author's Note: This is my longest fic so far, I think. It took a lot for me to do it, especially since I didn't have a clear idea about the whole plot that would take and the role that each character would develop. So if you see Jungkook in a kind of strange character, blame my mind for including him almost last. Also, I hate Hoseok in this fic. Namjoon angel and fallen soldier, by the way let me know if they cried with his death, it hurt me to write it. Thank you very much for the 200 notes in my previous fic, I'm crying.

Read the Warnings well and enjoy!

(Sorry for any mistakes, my first language is not English and I am not fluent either.)

Puedes leer este fic y más aquí en español.

Confidence, a beautiful and treacherous feeling at times.

Feeling superior is a constant whisper of the ego within you, calling to be released and make others feel as what they really are, despicable and useless trash. It was fun laughing at losers when you haven't had that sense of defeat yet.

Hoseok fervently watched his rivals fall at his feet, laughing at his incompetence and stomping even more pathetic defeated form even though they were already dead in tears of pain. He smiled, he always did when he felt invincible and He bit his lip gently to hold back an excited laugh.

No one could be compared to him, and in his high sense of power he could never be alert when he struck him with a blast of vengeance.

It was you.

His eyes stared at you in horror and anger, his ego inside him hated you from the first moment. Because while despicable, he loved you for much more than his pride and winning sense.

He fell at your feet but he never made you notice it, behaving as he normally would around you even though he was always behind you.

Luck was her greatest ally, he always smiled at her and she helped him. It was fun to play with your opponents pretending to be the victim, the cornered mouse and then smash everyone with a snap of your fingers.

His mother looked at him with love and his father with pride, he was the only and favorite son of the Jung family. His success was never derived from love, much less, it was blasphemy in his family to say something so false and impossible.

Hoseok admired his family when they met in the great message of his parents' house, his grandparents smiled and his relatives brought out their most exquisite stories to entertain. They were all crows pretending to show interest in a prestigious place in the will of the family's monarch, his grandfather.

It was at one of those dinners that he got to meet you, he used to get bored of hearing his cousins ​​tell their anecdotes with prostitute women who mostly called, whores of a night. Mocking their shocked faces when they refused to pay them and threw them out of their big luxurious houses.

He rolled his eyes when a family friend, little Jungkook who was known to his father because of his prestige in his last name, chimed in trying to get into the conversation with a shy smile.

Lucky bastard, he thought bitterly. He didn't like the little idiot sticking his hands in boiling water, he wasn't even supposed to be there.

He hummed a goodbye as he walked out the front doors, walking aimlessly to his bored eyes. His feet stopped abruptly with a strangled sigh when he first saw you, you looked tired as you apparently searched for a key inside your bag. Could visualize the logo on your shirt from the grocery store where he assumed you were employed, He stood looking for what seemed like an eternity at you before you find the keys and rush through the back door. He snorted before lazily continuing on his way, however the next day he ended up following in your footsteps again and with even more confidence.

It took a few weeks for him to be able to enter the small commerce store and be able to look you face to face for the first time, it was expected that you would serve him with a smile asking if he was offered something. But he did not see you anywhere, he looked for you before another equally young woman approached him kindly, he sighed making a face of disgust surprising the she worker, his expensive shoes got dirty on the floors of the humble place with shame. His little investigation and search took him through many corridors of the establishment, he observed the shelves and each person who seemed to be wearing the uniform of the store thinking of finding you distracted with your work, maybe he thought of approaching you and asking for directions which he clearly didn't need. Knowing that  she you couldn't refuse because that was your job. In a way, you were there to serve him.

He let out a bored sigh, tired of playing hide and seek, he turned around ready to leave that place that disgusted him so much in a certain way, but once again he stopped in an instant. It was a moan. He clenched his fists, walking hurriedly to the place where the noise came from, he was sure it was your voice and that made him even more angry thinking that he would find you in a compromising position with someone.

He did not think that his lover would be such a stupid and dirty person.

You were crouched on the floor, grimacing with pain and exhaustion. You seemed very annoyed trying to lift a box with your arms, the scene was tender and certainly pathetic, she smiled noticing that you were so distracted that you were never aware of how I was watching you with carnal desire and painfully bad adoration.

"I-can I help you." He was surprised at his little babble, justifying himself later. Nobody ever managed to make him nervous, his father used to despise weak people and certainly he always sought his approval by doing things that were not correct. "They seem heavy."

Your face pale before the scare, turning into a face of shame quickly, you shook your head with a gentle movement, smiling still pained. "I'm fine sir. Can I help you? Maybe he got lost, let me guide-..."

"Actually, I do need help but not with your services." I speak in disagreement, you seemed confused but she nodded at his request. The customer is always right, right? How convenient. "I need you to allow me to help you with that heavy box, not to be rude or calling you weak miss, but you can't seem to handle it."

Lie, under his politically correct excuse was a dialogue about how insufficient you are even with things as easy and common as carrying a box, obviously you needed his help and Hoseok could give you that and more, much more. You just had to say it, it was so simple and fun.

"I -... I can do it, but i will accept your help sir ..." He smiled making an emphasis for he to give him his name, he let out a small laugh finishing his sentence.

“Hoseok, you can call me Hoseok, darling..." He mock imitating his position, your name left your lips like a melody and he immediately felt the sweet taste of it slide down his tongue. Beautifully perfect, indeed. "Now that we can finish the introductions please allow me."

Her expensive outfit crumpled as she bent down to lift the box with ease, you were once again oblivious to her incoherent and certainly crazy fantasies, it was like a romance comedy movie in her eyes. The charming fellow always stays with the girl. And likewise, no one could go against the fictional plot.

He was immersed in the beautiful narrative that you would be hers at the end of the credits.

It was not the last time she saw you, she returned to her same routine of continuing to stalk you with obvious impudence. The only thing that really changed was her new setting and her character, he was hiding between the shelves waiting for the right moment to appear in front of you with a charming smile. Over and over, he was locked in an infinite loop.

He was starting to get tired of just having you in his arms and sheets just in his heavy and lustful dreams.

"A date? How funny Hoseok."

His face twisted in annoyance, but he put on a fake smile again when you looked at him again. "Hobi." He corrected in a high-pitched voice, insisting that you call him that. "And she spoke very seriously my dear, everything is ready."

"Eh ... I -..." A simple wave of her hands was enough to shut you up, you frown in confusion and secretly disgusted.

"On Saturday, I'll send you the address of the restaurant. Goodbye, dear!"

You watch it for a few seconds but he's already gone, you resign yourself to continuing with your work of ordering the products on the shelves. Thinking and trying to remember when you gave him your number. A very characteristic noise distracts you, a call makes you smile with love and adoration.

The plot is taking an interesting turn.

Hoseok was charming by nature, his economic position made him even more desirable to the opposite gender and even his own. It was not strange to see people flirting with him or being suggestive with his proposals, he was on a pedestal and he enjoyed it. His subconscious whispered a little bored. I couldn't deny that he became boring in a way, but you appeared in the story as an extra who soon became a main character. You changed the script of his life already established and narrated.

You were so funny.

He smiled in front of the mirror when he thought of you, since he met you that day he started chatting with you secretly from your supervisor. You had told him several anecdotes to make him laugh, you were also naturally charming pulling out various expressions of adoration that you did not even notice. Oblivious to that, you'd better get ready for the climax of the movie.

The wind was strong in the streets of Seoul, your hair was noticeably messy causing you to let out a tired sigh. You should be planning your wedding banquet right now, but you honestly didn't want to leave Hoseok alone at the dinner he had organized. You put the invitation in your bag, thinking of giving it to her when the time was right with a smile. He seemed like a good person and undoubtedly a good friend in the future.

"You're on time, I was just about to order our food. Honey." The last word slid down his tongue with malice and arrogance, Hoseok inwardly chuckling at your disengaged expression.

"Thanks, but don't stop you can order for both." You say arranging your chair correctly.

The restaurant looked relatively empty, there were only three other people including a couple who ate dinner while chatting enthusiastically.

You smile unconsciously, thinking about what would also make you feel the same way.

"I was looking forward to this dinner, my dear. I also hoped I could tell you how much you have captivated me for a long time, specifically since the first day I saw you." And the others too, he thought shifting your posture.

"Thank you, I'm very flattered to cause that feeling ... in, good in you." You whisper clearly uncomfortable forcing yourself to stay calm. You were sure that you had never given a hint or anything else in Hoseok to establish romantic feelings. "But I-... "

"I know, darling. That is why I have to offer you the opportunity to be my girlfriend and my future wife."

Wife?

For a moment, you feel a rush through your body. You refuse to make a scene in front of all the few people present out of respect, you calm down by counting to ten slowly in your head, but it becomes very difficult for you as you continue to observe his comfortable smile and how he behaves. He seemed very sure of the affirmative respect you would give him, you snort angrily at the thought.

"I am sorry to have been misunderstood Mr. Hoseok, but I am not seeking a relationship with you and very sorry I reject any relationship beyond friendship." Your body lifts up, making Hoseok laugh well in advance of your final sentences. "I am engaged and my future husband is waiting for me, good afternoon."

Trembling, you leave the invitation in silence, leaving the luxurious premises in the same way. The waiters watching you with surprise, being an audience of rejection and humiliation on your part. Hoseok sighs, sipping his wine glass patiently pretending not to hear what the couple behind him are saying.

What a bad luck.

Life wanted to want to return all his damn vanity to him, making fun of him with your almost imminent rejection, obviously he knew that you were engaged and that you loved the poor man who had the bad luck to be his competition, but love is not always the important thing in a relationship or at least not of both parties. The voices of the waiters and the couple distract him from his plans for his next step, he clenches his fists angrily dropping the silverware on the plate calling the attention of everyone in the place.

"Filthy vulgar and talkative people, she will be my wife even if her words have been heard by her prying ears." He raised his voice, causing everyone to shut up. "It's just part of the script."

Maybe if the character who wanted to be the main loses the role of him, he should be the villain. The bad guy in the movie.

He read the invitation with meticulous delicacy, laughing at the little message you put aside. He thought about attending for a second, wondering if it would be nice to walk in to go straight to the altar and shoot your husband willing to take his place by your side. But that would be risky.

"Where are we going, sir?" He asked his driver with a smile.

"Take me to the best brothel in Seoul." He whispered delicately, smiling just as happily as before your rejection. I'd make you pay double the bill for your indulgence.

And likewise, the world is a truly small place. Jungkook nodded clearly uncomfortable obeying someone other than Mr. Jung. Hoseok cornered him like a helpless rabbit in the claws of a cunning fox, flashing his jaw in warning. He felt confused about his little assigned task, watching the direction pointing the right way to his chauffeur who only followed orders.

A small feeling of remorse ran through him, making him want to vomit when he remembered how Hoseok's face was so close to his with arrogance, as his hands roamed his arms gently. He was disgusting how he used his power to such a useless and demanding gain, sometimes without any realism.

"Little Jungkook, you have a very lovely name. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, you were so insignificant that you seemed pathetic to me." He whispered making her wince. "My father told me that you are good at obeying, I would like to test his theory." His cold hands were constantly running down his arms, making a shiver run through his body. "Still remembering well, I already did it before."

Jungkook was weak under his cloak of power, where he could so easily hide it. Lose it. "Yes, h-hyung." An inappropriate moan came from his lips causing him to cover her mouth in shame, a little touch near his crotch was enough to tempt him. Hoseok smirked, narrowing his eyes before walking away slowly wiping his fingers on his expensive clothes in disgust.

"I want you to befriend someone, don't ask, just do it. I'll tell you your next step when you're done." He ordered bored.

"We are here, young Jeon." Notice Jimin with a smile, Jungkook sighed wearily thanking him before getting out of the car ready to fulfill his mission.

I observe him for a few seconds standing in the entrance without doing anything, he was cleaning the windows of the building with force. He seemed like a nice person, certainly a bit humble. He approached making the man bow respectfully, even though he was older. Money can buy everything, they say.

"I am young Jeon, a new investor. May I have a chat with you?"

The man was surprised, no one who was someone by name and a few numbers along with several zeros would be able to notice his presence and at least greet him. A coffee sounded more intimate and undoubtedly inconvenient for him, but again out of respect he accepted the offer with a smile adorning his features.

"My name is Jungkook informally, but I like you and you can call me that." He spoke kindly.

"Namjoon, Mr. Je -... I'm sorry, Jungkook." He corrected sheepishly, making her smile.

He still didn't understand that he planned to do Hoseok with a building cleaner, but he didn't feel in a position worth asking. Furthermore, he would still not receive an honest answer.

He passed by the same place every day, pretending to enter the building only so he could meet Mr. Kim and talk about unimportant subjects. He gained his trust almost immediately, promising that he would give her a better job soon at his own company. He felt like an idiot taking advantage of the man in front of him in such a way for a simple whim from Hoseok.

He was an idiot, but he didn't want to go back to what he was before. A pet.

"I'm very happy, I think she will make a good wife." He responded with encouragement, seeing how Namjoon nodded looking for a picture of his fiancée to show him. He seemed excited, Jungkook understood his happiness after he explained that he saved for a long time to achieve his dream of getting married in a church. They were both in it together, in looking for a future.

He got lost in his thoughts, maybe if he lied to Hoseok about gaining trust from him, saying that Namjoon was a very cold and quiet man, he could make him forget about it. He sighed squeezing the coffee cup in his hands, Namjoon caught his attention by showing a photo of you smiling at the camera with a background of the bridge and the sun behind making a beautiful background.

Jungkook became alert, having seen that face before.

Hoseok had you as the wallpaper on his phone, he knew it was you because of your characteristic features and the scarf you wore in both photos. You were the new fad of a rich fool.

"T-is ... She's so cute, you're very lucky."

Namjoon nodded with a smile, apologizing before returning to his work upon being called by his supervisor. Jungkook put aside his cup feeling the bitter taste of his thoughts, Hoseok was planning something, he knew he was a son of a bitch who liked to keep his plans under lock and key and in a deep grave. He walked away calling for Jimin quickly, before being accosted by Namjoon who came running over, seemingly forgetting something of the utmost importance.

"I apologized Mr. Jeon, but I wanted to give you this personally. It is an invitation, in addition to the proposal to be the best man at our wedding. My fiancee said that it would be appropriate for me to choose someone and I decided that you were perfect, you can decline if you prefer. . " He spoke kindly, as always. Namjoon seemed to have no hatred in his heart, making his own feel heavy on his chest.

Could he bear the blame?

"It's my pleasure to accept her proposal, thank you for considering me. Good afternoon, namjoon-hyung."

He said goodbye by getting into the car as fast as he could, making Jimin look at him with derision. Obviously noticing his nervousness, Jungkook sighed hiding the invitation as much as he could before reading Hoseok's message ordering him to go to his house to sort out his affairs.

It seemed like a joke as he always looked so flawless, ready to humiliate him again.

"Jungkookie, I'm glad to see you again. Now, we'd better come in for our talk." He smiled making anger grow inside him, Hoseok sat on one of his expensive furniture before pouring himself a glass of wine. "Well, I heard from a little bird that you accomplished your task. Good pet."

"Don't call me that, hyung." He grunted in annoyance, making him laugh. "I can't go through with this, I did what you wanted. Leave Namjoon-hyung alone."

"Oh, they're close now really cute. But you forget that I can't fulfill your wish, because "Namjoon-hyung " is an essential piece in my little game." I speak mocking him as always. "Then we will move on to the next step ..." He thinking for a moment, before snapping his fingers. "Invite him to a bachelor party night at the brothel in the center, I already made the reservation. When they are there, leave him alone. A whore will take care of him properly, and maybe you can go make him a oral another yourself." He sneered evilly, reminding her of his past, Jungkook bit his tongue resisting the urge to respond properly. "Since you're clearly good at it, little pet."

"Yes, hyung."

Hoseok nodded saying for him to leave asap, tired of seeing his stupid face. He got up ready to do so, but his arm was taken tightly before bringing his face closer to hers, Hoseok let out a sigh, doing he could smell his breath of mint and wine combined. His hand lowered him into his pockets dangerously close to his crotch, he bit his lower lip to resist a moan escaping him, this had happened before and he begged it to stop forever. From his pocket, she pulled the invitation out, making her gasp in horror.

"Godfather of wedding, new facet of you... kookie." Rolling he eyes pushing him away from him, he fell to the ground before being met by a blow to his cheek. "What a shitty pet, you idiot."

Two days was enough for you to tremble at the thought. Your dress was proud to be seen, it was the most comfortable dress you could find at a fair price. Namjoon tried to enter but he was stopped by your friend who said that he will wait until you keep the dress out of his sight avoiding bad luck. A smile wavered on your face, everything was perfect up to a point.

Namjoon looked at you, a blush covering his cheeks before asking his obvious question. You didn't expect him to want a bachelor party, but you couldn't refuse because you simply trusted him.

Maybe it was your mistake.

You wished him luck, feeling an inexplicable emptiness. Your friends didn't offer to make one for you, they just sat on the couch in their living room talking about movies and arguing about what color the cake would be. It was the calm before the storm.

Jungkook felt a giant headache, the lights of the place were making him dizzy. Jimin had insisted on going with him to such an 'unusual' place to keep him safe. Namjoon had brought a couple of friends who seemed to be always close to him preventing the woman who did the job Hoseok had him do from becoming difficult.

He smiled, thinking that he would have no choice but to let it go. But Hoseok was not a good loser, and neither was he a good winner.

Hoseok:

He distracts his friends, and be careful what you say, kookie.

Received at 11:30 p.m.

He bit his lip, glancing around the bar, thinking he'd find him sitting somewhere spying on everything but nothing looked suspicious. He sighed, sending Jimin out for drinks with one of Namjoon's friends who he gladly accepted. He got up having pushed one away, the other who introduced himself as Jackson seemed more reluctant to leave his friend alone but with a few excuses about feeling bad managed to get him out of sight.

Believed that he would find Namjoon sitting right where he was before but no, he was gone. He felt a burning feeling of guilt, maybe if you didn't find out, nothing would happen.

"You're still the same as before, boss." Jimin sat down next to him, making him uncomfortable.

"Same as before? I am no longer a child."

"But you continue to obey as one. The manipulation they use on you is your greatest weakness, you are afraid, you obey without hesitation thinking about how this will indirectly affect you. But you never do anything to avoid it, you feel bad about this but you still sit here without doing nothing."

"What can I do, Jimin? I don't know if he really left by his will, or if they forced him. I don't want to enter a room in this dirty place and see him sleeping with another woman, because he wanted to and is a fucking infidel . "

Jimin ignored his words, falling silent after several seconds.

Feeling unhappy is a horrible feeling without a doubt. The curious eyes looked at you as if they themselves could judge your story.

Namjoon disappeared as quickly as the wind, many sharp tongues said that he eloped with a lover so as not to marry you. Others believed it was a kidnapping, maybe a robbery gone wrong and he was taken away or he was killed somewhere far away. A sob escaped you just thinking about it, the detective in front of you watched you cautiously.

"We don't know anything about him yet, but we will continue with the investigations."

You nod, without saying a word. Jungkook came in minutes later with a handkerchief in hand, he observed you before gently hugging you. You had the pleasure of meeting him after Namjoon disappeared that night, he introduced himself as a close friend from work and quickly offered to help you with the search.

Maybe he felt guilt.

"Thanks, Jungkook." You smile wiping the tears that escape from your eyes.

"They are looking for the best they can, they even alerted the Japanese embassies in case they might take him there."

"Japan?" Puzzled questions. "Why would someone take him so far? He's just a man with little money, that's ridiculous."

"We don't know, but I promise I won't rest until I find it."

Hoseok sighs bored, witnessing the moment. He had been bribing the bloody police force to hide the information from you about the discovery of your fiancé's corpse floating in the middle of the waters of the river where they used to go together. The only thing that was removed intact from his clothes was a small photo of you smiling, sitting on the banks of the same river.

The police mourned the death, but his faces left grief when they saw the money in his hands. He made fun of Jungkook as usual, who passed by him ignoring him when he went to his house to talk to his father, he knew that the useless little one was very meddlesome in the search for your future husband and ex-fiance. He rolled her eyes remembering how she used to look at him with discontent in meetings, suspicious of him.

He was a good detective, he couldn't deny the obvious.

"You didn't have to do this, a I'm sorry was enough." You say admiring all the bouquets of flowers that came to your house from him. "And I'm sorry for your loss."

He wasn't sorry.

"My dear, losing a loved one is something without a name. I can give you more than this if you promise to smile again, I love your smiles."

Jungkook snorts approaching you from behind, Hoseok to growl at noticing him so close and see how he puts his hand on your shoulder, apparently like support.

"Hyung, he didn't think it's a good time for ... That."

"But little kook, when is not a good time to express how you feel about your loved one?"

"When that person you say you love is crying over the loss of someone special because of evil people who don't know what remorse is. Do you understand that, hyung?"

"No, not really." He laughs cynically making you lose your patience, your little body comes between the two men, with one already furious and the other inadvertently giving up, you make a face of annoyance before speaking.

"Sirs!" You yell at him immediately, Jungkook steps back adjusting his tie. A mania that he had and that you noticed when he presented himself in front of you with regret, he did it when he was uncomfortable or nervous. "This is not the time to argue, I think you'd better leave my house if you're just wasting your time. Thanks for the flowers Hoseok, and Jungkook ... I, I want to continue the investigation on my own."

"That?!"

"What you heard, don't feel responsible for Namj's disappearance -..." You tremble correcting your words, making Hoseok scoff. "My husband, he was just at the wrong time in the wrong place. Thanks for your help, I'll see how to pay you very soon." Jungkook denies trying to insist but fails when you are already closing the door and giving him an apologetic smile.

Your breath feels heavy, you sigh falling to the ground sobbing again. You wanted to find Namjoon, but a large part of you was afraid of how. Dead, with another woman, with serious injuries or simply ... Alive but with trauma for life. You did not want to see him suffer, it was your judgment in life to see the person you love cry in his pain.

You observe yourself, telling yourself that you would be fine when you find it.

Your email seems to explode with thousands of messages received from people claiming to have seen a man like Namjoon near their homes. You ignore them knowing that most of them were false, the first few days you read all of them giving the police false clues that they quickly denied and dismissed.

You dry your tears, closing all the windows and cooking a simple instant soup, eating in absolute silence. It was overwhelming feeling alone at home, where you were supposed to feel safe indoors.

The rain, thunder, and evil outside seemed to be invisible within that place.

A chill runs through you, the control of the television seemed tempting to calm that neat silence and avoid your boredom. You give up turning on the TV, you see the first channel, you keep changing looking for the unknown, you didn't know what you wanted to see. Maybe a newscast saying they found a tall man with dark brown hair and charming eyes unconscious, with a couple of blows to the face and a few scratches but okay, safe, alive and waiting to see your face waiting for him with a warm smile.

Swearing never ever to let go.

A couple of tears slide down your cheek, ruining your fast food. A few knocks on the door manage to scare you, causing you to bite your lip in anger.

"Who is?!" Questions in a shout.

Nothing.

"It better be good ..." You say in muttered, you open the door expecting to see a child running to his house laughing at his childish joke.

But no, there is no one at the door. Just a small envelope that easily slipped underneath, you take it hoping it's a letter from the police announcing good news. Maybe a simple identification of suspicious faces, or footprints at the club.

"I hate being the bad guy, it makes me feel good.

He's dead, I did it for you. For me. For us. I want to make you happy but it's so difficult when I don't know what you want, tell me what you want.

Love you. Love you. Love you.

My heart is so weak in your cold eyes, I feel that you look at me with ignorance of my feelings. Do you want to find it? Do you want to do it?! Okay. Good luck with it. "

It was everything, plus a picture of a golden ring with a large diamond shining brightly. You wrinkle the letter in anger, tossing it into the first bin you found nearby. It seems that in the end, someone did want to joke with you.

Your days remained the same, you went out to work and in the afternoons you called each of the investigators to ask for new news, it was almost always a solid wall, there was nothing really important to report and little by little, they gave up.

Jungkook knocked on the door, he heard some footsteps approaching making him have a little hope. But when the door opened he saw you with a worried face, he felt his heart squeeze in his chest when he tried to get closer but you avoid him by leaving in a hurry. You were dressed in a long black skirt and a white blouse, you were elegantly ready for something.

"Where are you going?" He ask stopping your hurried pace, taking your arm tightly.

"Yo, listen... He... Or her, I don't know who it is but ... You know, he or her know where, he's alive I know. I just don't have time, please."

Your mouth moves wiht fear, you were hiding something but not from him. You were willing to tell him but not now. Not at that time.

"Let me accompany you, I can take you and I will feel better if you are safe."

You nod, letting go of his grip and running down the stairs, outside there is a very elegant car, apparently waiting. The driver smiles at you as if he had known you before, you make an uncomfortable face trying to continue on your way but Jungkook introduces him saying that he works for him.

"Jimin, he's Jimin. He's a good person and a great friend, I've told him about you before."

"I see, sorry." You speak with a bow before climbing to the back, Jimin just smiles kindly, as always.

"Where are we going today?" He asks animatedly, Jungkook takes your hand for support making Jimin remove the smile from him. Your nervous state and your afflicted face are enough for him to understand the situation.

You give him an address, Jimin searches the map being unknown to the place. Your eyes sparkle when the lights of Seoul are reflected in them, Jungkook holds your hand tightly in fear of letting you go again. He felt sick when you stopped calling him, cutting connections with him totally to this day. He spend sleepless nights looking for more clues, the only thing I had until that moment was the identity of the woman, she was a prostitute without anything special, when he spoke with her he seemed indifferent saying that he did not know Namjoon and that the last time he saw him It was when he drugged him and left him in a room as ordered.

The whore made fun of him saying that he would give him this information if he did not tell the police anything, he obviously accepted. Now he repented, the woman disappeared after that and days later she was found in a garbage container. It seemed to be a suicide, the container was from her building, the window of her old apartment faced just where she was supposed to fall if she threw herself without thinking twice.

Right in the garbage.

The wheels of the car made a thud when it stopped, it was a cabin, the only one nearby. You came down quickly thanking Jimin who just made a flirty face. Your hands trembled with the cold, you look at the letter that tells you where and when you should be standing at the door.

"Wait for me here, if we don't go out or you hear noises, you know who to call."

"Yes sir!" Jimin obeys with a laugh at the boss's serious tone of him.

"Y-you should go, I can do this alone." Your voice rises in the echo of the silent place, Jungkook rolls his eyes before offering his arm to you, making his decision clear.

You laugh calming your nerves, the door opens just as you both step close to it. A man stops them, saying that only you can enter the next room. You stop Jungkook who was to protest, you calm him down by leaving your ring in his hands with a smile.

Your body disappears when another man closes the door silently, Jungkook sighs looking annoyed at the guards who ignore him.

A message coming to his phone distracts him for a few seconds.

Jimin:

Should I call the police, Mr. Jung, or the hospital?

Received at 9:35 p.m.

Smile ready to answer before hearing the door open again, he approaching you to ask everything and at the same time nothing. Your pale face is enough to make want to hit the person who was inside with you. Questions remain in the air, your arms surround him while you sob for forgiveness.

From the shadows Hoseok smiles, admiring the document in his hand, your signature shiny as gold is glued to it. He thought it would be more difficult to convince you to accept his marriage proposal, but the precious and expensive ring fit you perfectly. He raised his hand proudly admiring his own, the wedding would be planned as soon as possible making him jump like a happy child.

You had accepted, with the promise that he would bring you back to Namjoon.

But it was never specified in the contract that he would be alive.

The wedding was in a meadow, outdoors with distinguished guests and a few friends and family of yours. Hoseok greeted everyone, by taking your hand tightly introducing you as his wife immediately. It's as if he wants to show everyone that you now belong to him, as if you were a prize.

And maybe if you gave him the key to her success.

"You better smile my dear, nobody wants to know what will happen if you don't." Her lips brushed your hand before placing a chaste kiss on it. "I love you, my beautiful protagonist."

You sob, tears falling from your face as you melt into his disgusting caresses. The man in front of you, your un-predestined husband. The one who stole the position of your true love, he was kissing you delicately.

"Don't cry, decorate the room just the way you wanted. The photos were a special touch ..." His teeth bit into the sensitive skin of your neck, an involuntary groan of pain escaping. "Love you."

Your eyes move desperately to find a photo where the beaten, abused or dead body of Namjoon cannot be seen. You scream when you find one where you see blood everywhere, you are resigned to look down at the ground where Hoseok was crouching kissing the inside of your thighs.

Your mind tried to process the idea that Namjoon had been killed, mutilated and thrown into a river that washed away his body along with happy memories. Farewell to him was prolonged as your body faded in pain.

Hoseok enjoyed the sight of your eyes tightly closed, his cock throbbing inside you as she fucked you like his wife.

The head of the bed moved crashing into the wall, and unconsciously your walls tightened around it causing it to release a curse aloft to the sky.

We got to the end of the movie, smiled as he dazzled the credits by seeing Jungkook's lost name. His little bitch who was his toy for many years, laughed remembering how she did wonders with her mouth.

He pretended not to know him when her father introduced him, taunting her hurt face.

He held you in his arms tightly, you had been struggling to free yourself from his grip as he continued to abuse you over-stimulating your pussy. Your eyes closed falling asleep from crying so much.

He caressed your face, kissing your dry, chapped lips.

The end.

#bts #bts smut #bts yandere #yandere #kpop #yandere bts #yandere bts au #yandere kpop #yandere!bts #hoseok yandere #yandere hoseok #jhope #yandere! jhope #jhope smut #hoseok smut #bts fic #bts x reader #hoseok x reader #yandere hoseok x reader

[whatwillyoudodifferently]

Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri? 

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong. 

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English. 

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings. 

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me. 

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women. 

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm. 

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her. 

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga. 

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3.  “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit. 

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair. 

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published  in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

#otherside picnic #shwd #goodbye my rose garden #sexiled #seabed #a lily blooms in another world #superwomen in love #the blank of describer #even though we're adults #doughnuts under a crescent moon #how do we relationship #still sick #bloom into you #yuri is my job #riddle story of devil #our teachers are dating! #yuri #cocoon entwined #wwydd #side by side dreamers #a tropical fish dreams of snow #now loading...! #i married my best friend to shut my parents up #adachi and shimamura #after hours #flowers #wwydd?

[spvce-cowboy]

songbird

ch. 4 of i’ll be here in the morning (the mandalorian x fem!reader)

previous-ch. 3: “reunion”

next-ch. 5: “the hero’s shoulders”

rating: mature

11.3k words

warnings: PERIL!!!, violence, alcohol and drug use, jealous/protective mando

a/n: apologies in advance for the slight cliffhanger—this chapter got WAAAYY too long so I had to split in two. luckily means I’ll be able to get the next one out to you all asap ! <3

summary: you are forced to go undercover in order to help Mando capture his next quarry, the lionized Tyreus Cavill. 

**

You’re most nervous about remembering the proper steps to a waltz. You know, instead of being worried about aiding one of the deadliest bounty hunters in the galaxy on his highest profile mission yet. Because that totally makes sense, right?

At the Estate, you and Febhana were taught dancing in order to entertain the Lord’s guests. Digging up any memories from that period of your life is enough to have the taste bile flood your mouth. You do your best to swallow it down, keeping a cool face for your sake and everyone else’s.

Honestly, you’d trade being afraid of the known over the unknown any day. The anxiety of remembering your time at the Estate was more familiar, something you could deal with, and have been for years now.

Thinking too hard about the severity of the current situation, about how you had absolutely no idea what you were doing, that was the kind of fear you avoid at all possible cost. So you settle for being nervous about a waltz, nothing more and nothing less.

Mando is seated beside the driver. He doesn’t turn back to address you and Febhana directly, instead tilting his head slightly in order to look at the two of you through the rearview mirror. Before the three of you left, he gave you a small listening device that you now have tucked against the edge of the undergarments you have on. The dress is too exposing to hide it anywhere else.

He debriefs you on the specifics of the mission the entire ride there, showing you multiple images of the quarry, plans of action, a blur of different scenarios and how you should react that you have already quickly forgotten in the haze of your building anxiety.

“The main rule is no secondary locations,” he concludes. “We can’t risk either of you being alone with him. It’s too unstable of a situation as is.”

You nod, staring at him through his partial reflection. From the back of your mind there’s a quiet glimmer of endearment, how you’ve never seen him this thorough about a hunt—Mando seems more like a wing-it-and-figure-it-out-from-there kind of guy. You’re not sure if you’re getting special treatment because he doesn’t like involving someone like you in his job or because this quarry is too valuable of a target to botch. The former doesn’t add to your anxiety, so you run with that.

You tear your eyes from the mirror when Febhana digs through her purse and plops a set of papers in your lap. You examine them closely, trying to bring the little details to memory as best you could.

“Is that even a real name?” You ask, face screwed up slightly, pointing where it’s listed on the fake ID.

Febhana cranes her neck over your shoulder, looking down at the papers with you. “Sophste Wilkbail? Sure, sounds like a poet or something. You can play that up.”

From the front seat, Mando gives a sardonic huff of air. It’s such a cruel sound you can practically visualize the scowl he’s put behind it. Febhana rolls her eyes.

“Listen, darling, believability is just about the last thing we need to worry about, right now,” Febhana settles back into her side of the speeder’s velveteen cabin. “Hiding who you are is more important. As soon as we get past the guards it’ll be easy. Just try your best to pretend like this is any other party.”

You neglect to tell her that you have not been to any parties besides the ones at the Estate. Instead, you nod, training your gaze out the front windshield.

The driver lights another cigarette as he pulls the speeder into a line of idling vehicles that border the streets outside the Tagge mansion. You can tell that you’ve arrived by the bright lights and banners flooding from the building’s open face, an intimidating amount of guards tucked away at every discernible outpost. You drum your fingers against your knee to the song you can faintly hear playing from the radio.

Febhana’s soft hand against your arm breaks you from your reverie. Her words are far more gentle now. “Are you ready?”

You nod. It’s a sharp, curt movement of your head. Steadfast. You’re kind of scared shitless, but determined. She smiles at you, widely, and it’s enough to have you smiling back.

“Let’s get this show on the road, then.”

**

The first thing you are certain of upon entering the Tagge’s mansion is the fact that this isn’t a home. It’s a cathedral. Possibly the biggest, most extravagant place you’ve ever been in.

The entranceway alone is enough to have you clinging to Febhana’s side a little tighter than you had initially intended to. It looks like… it looks like a marble maw, stretched open, fangs bared. You and Febhana follow the tongue-like carpet down the hall in small, measured steps. She takes to ducking her head in greeting to those she recognizes, you  

It only takes a few moments for you to realize the awe you’re feeling is a strange combination of genuine wonder and pure intimidation. You think that’s the point. It doesn’t help with the uneasy feeling that’s situated itself in the cavity of your chest since getting into the car.

“They like to play pretend royalty here, don’t they?” Febhana mutters under her breath, giving a polite smile to a passing guard as she does. “Stars, you’d think they’d try to lay claim to Naboo itself with a place as decked out as this. Tasteless.”

You huff a laugh as she continues to lead you down the main hall. You try to look as dignified as possible, as if environments like this were an everyday occurrence. It’s difficult to do, but with the assurance of her at your side and Mando a few rigid steps behind you, the anxiety pressing from within your chest is somewhat quelled.

The main dancehall is filled with people. Everything—from the tall curtains to the paintings on the walls—is in cool tones of green and gold, interrupted by great expanses of marble. At the far end of the room are two twisting staircases leading to a platform where the band is playing. The ceiling has some kind of intricate mural you desperately want to examine, but when you try to crane your head back Febhana tugs at your arm slightly, reminding you to play it cool.

You square your shoulders as Mando sidesteps to remain pressed against the walls with the other guard droids, the movement a little too fluid for someone who is supposed to be a robot. You pray everyone is too drunk to notice. They are.

With Mando’s presence lost you sink a little further into your anxiousness as Febhana begins introducing you to a flurry of different people. She delicately places a drink in your hands from a passing server, murmuring a word of encouragement in your ear before moving to the next group. It all passes in a blur, but smiling and graciously dipping your head seems to get you through a lot of the interactions without having to actually pay attention.

You quickly realize she is strategically maneuvering her way towards the stage—or, rather, those who are gathered beneath it. There are a collection of small tables lining the perimeter where people are seated if they are not dancing. Below the stage are three larger tables that overlook the entirety of the ballroom. It’s too crowded from where you’re standing to see any of the occupants.

What you really notice, right after taking in what you can of your surroundings, is that there will be no feasible way for you to pull this off. Not here in the Tagge house at least. Every entrance into the private portions of the house are heavily guarded, cameras everywhere. You do your best to swallow the mounting sense of dread, keeping a smile on your face while Febhana continues to lead you through so many introductions all the names and faces blur together.

You tug at Febhana’s arm slightly between introductions to signal your need to speak with her. She eventually pulls you into the cubby of a towering window after disentangling the two of you from another meaningless conversation.

“Febhana,” you lower your voice and maintain small smile on your face to keep prying eyes and ears disinterested. Better safe than sorry. “There’s no way this is going to work. Not here. I’ve counted at least five guards around every possible entrance.”

“I know, I saw,” Febhana takes a deep breath, eyes wandering out the window. “Let’s just… tough it out. See what happens. I don’t really want to get on the Guild’s bad side, or your friend’s for that matter.”

You wince slightly as the idea that this plan could affect her in any way but nod, trying to swallow your guilt in not fully thinking through how much you were asking of her to help you and Mando out like this. You step out of the little alcove and move your way back to the perimeter of the floor.

From this vantage point, you can see one of Febhana friends wander up to the main tables and hug a seated boy in greeting. The contact leans down and says something in the boy’s ear before turning back to glance at where you are standing.

You’re close enough, now, to realize the table the contact just approached is where the Tagge siblings are sitting. The playboys surrounding them have such a loud presence you’re surprised you didn’t notice them earlier.

They’re all practically kids, at least a year or two younger than you, but they act in that way where they knew they were untouchable. They have lived and breathed an entire lifetime of knowing that they are people who could get away with absolutely anything—and have, more than once. It radiates off of every movement they make, from the way they throw their heads back in obnoxious laughter, to the cruel tilt of their mouths as they speak. Everything about them set off some deep-seeded instinct in you to stay away.

Scanning their faces, you recognize the quarry almost instantly.

The photos Mando showed you didn’t do him justice. Tyreus Cavill is wearing a crisp black suit and has skin so pale it’s nearly opalescent. His hair is slicked back close to his scalp, the severe nature of his bone structure combined with some of the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen gives him the appearance of a leering jackal. 

Cavill stares up at the ceiling, tracing the rim of his wineglass with long fingers as the person seated beside him speaks. He looks bored--they all do, a kind of lax slant to their gathered bodies that stands in stark contrast to the tight, aloof postures of most everyone else around them.

You tear your eyes from Cavill as the boy that Febhana’s contact is talking to begins to stand. You look at the new boy evenly from where you’re standing, holding his gaze as confidently as you can, before turning back to where Febhana is standing behind you.

Febhana flashes you a sly look. You can practically see the gears turning in her head as she flicks her eyes in the direction of the Tagge brothers and Cavill. You quickly put two and two together.

Whoever it was that’s approaching you right now is your invite to the table. Possibly the only one you’d be getting all night.

“I’ve got eyes on him,” you murmur to yourself, hoping Mando’s device can pick it up. You glance to where he is positioned against the wall and see him dip his head slightly in response. Feeling a little more confident, you pull your shoulders back and pretend to make conversation with Febhana.

The boy enters your periphery shortly thereafter, standing at your side as he greets Febhana first.

“Febhana,” the boy tucks his head in greeting to her, then turns his gaze to you. His hair is a thick mop of curls, nose slightly twisted in a way that suggests he isn’t too good at fighting. The crooked smile he gives you is warm enough to push off your initial feeling of disquiet concerning his friends. “And who is this?”

“Lucius, this is my old friend, Sopheste Wilkbail,” Febhana introduces you by your fake name, then motions to the boy. “Sopheste, this is Lucius Laycam, his father owns the racetrack we went to earlier.”

“Dreadful business,” Lucius’s eyes glint, keeping his head tucked slightly in that way men do when they want you to feel like you’re the only person in the room. You don’t like the fact that he knows to say something like that, it demonstrates an ability to read you too easily.  

Lucius takes your hand delicately, leaning down to kiss the ridges of your knuckles. He straightens to say his next words directly into your ear, getting unnecessarily close to do so.

“I’d like to treat you to a dance, if you don’t mind,” his voice rumbles. Your eyes flick to the table from over his shoulder. You make brief eye contact with Cavill, who has leveled his head to take a swig straight from the decanter at the center of the table, entirely disregarding the glass already in his hand. Cavill actually looks at you this time, and holds it, albeit briefly. Lucius finishes his proposal as you train your gaze back to the floor, “And then another drink.”

You give him your best smile and nod. It’s just a small dip of your head, but he eagerly pulls you away from Febhana and towards the center of the dance-floor.

Luckily for you, Lucius isn’t a flashy dancer. He’s amicable in a way you weren’t expecting, considering the company he keeps. He reminds you a lot of the village boy you were having a bit of a fling with before you left Am’ile’s planet: slightly empty-headed, but cute, and very enthusiastic about whatever task he’s put to. There’s a certain goofiness to him that pushes away any residual anxiety with the fits of laughter you tumble into as a direct result of his antics.

It’s kind of… exciting. You don’t want to admit it fully, but there’s something thrilling about someone taking so much interest in you. You’ve been so touch-starved that just the feeling of his hand partially cupping your exposed back in enough to send butterflies straight to your stomach. A different kind of anxious butterflies. Good butterflies.

Maker, it’s only been a few months since you left Am’ile’s and you’ve already been reduced to a giddy schoolgirl at the very brush of someone’s hand against your bare skin. You don’t know how Mando does it, you really don’t.

Lucius pulls the two of you to a halt when the band dies down, the singer murmuring something unintelligible into the mic.

“It was a pleasure, Miss Wilkbail,” he steps back, kissing your hand again and bowing. By this point you’ve figured out that his exaggerated, gentlemanly manner is just another shtick of his. You press your lips together to poorly conceal a giggle, giving him your own mock curtsey in turn.

“And you, Mr. Laycam.”

“Now if you’d like to join me, I’m on a mission to get absolutely plastered before these blowhards,” he motions to the others on the dancefloor with a twirl of his finger, “find a way to make this night even more suffocating than it already is.”

“Sounds just about perfect,” you say as you take the arm he offers you. He pulls you toward the table and you try to keep up with his long strides, bunching some of the skirt of your dress in your hand and lifting the fabric to prevent tripping.

Lucius pulls out a seat for you, introducing you to the playboys seated beside him. You’re directly across from Cavill, who is still nursing the table’s decanter, completely disengaged from the conversation occurring between the two friends that are seated on either side of him.

“Are you new to Canto?” The playboy who asks is a Tagge twin, one of the three brothers who are currently seated at the table with you. You can tell by the signature white-blonde hair.

“A friend of mine wanted me to stay with her for a while,” you say, graciously taking the champagne glass that Lucius plucks off a passing server’s tray to offer you.

“Febhana, you sister’s friend,” Lucius clarifies for the Tagge boy.

“The visiting court singer Heresta was telling me about, before?” The Tagge brother directs the question to Lucius, when his friend nods he raises both eyebrows and shoots you a grin.

“I’m still in training,” you clarify with a nervous laugh, finding it easier to talk if your eyes are trained on the glass in your hand. “But yes, that’d be me. The court singer.”

“What did you say?”

Cavill’s voice quiets the conversations of the other playboys almost immediately. The other Tagge brothers glance over but quickly resume a normal volume. The hierarchy of the table becomes very clear, after that.

“I’m training to be a court singer,” you repeat yourself, sliding your head towards the quarry with your best stab at a cool, practiced gaze of utter ambivalence. Cavill’s eyes remain trained on you, utterly serpentine.

Ah. You press your lips together and look down at your hands folded neatly in your lap, initial resolve broken.

“A court singer?” His voice is a low purr. You raise your gaze again. It seems as though once he takes interest in something, most of his buddies do too. A few of them glance away from their conversations to give you a scathing examination. It takes everything within you to not crawl out of your own skin. So much for the ease you felt back on the dancefloor. “Will you sing for us?”

Your cheeks fill with a heat that quickly travels to your chest. Didn’t expect that. Maybe you should have.

“I... Not here. The singer the Tagges have hired is so lovely, I’m afraid they far outshine me,” your eyes flick back up to his at your last word, you do your best to mask your burning revulsion as shyness.

“That wasn’t a request.” Cavill’s response is so blunt and immediate you actually flinch a little.

“C’mon Tyreus,” Lucius’s voice is quick to intervene. “Leave her alone, she just got here.”

Cavill blinks slowly, as if his eyelids are too taxing of a weight for him to bear. He hums, leaning back in his seat slightly and stretching his arms out to rest on the backs of the chairs on either side of him.

When it becomes clear he has nothing else to say, the other conversations at the table continue as a normal. As if there were no previous interruption. You gradually return to the sense of ease you’d begun to develop earlier, the feeling is seemingly dependent on Cavill’s lack of attention.

Eventually, one of the playboys taps Lucius on the shoulder in passing, quickly murmuring something in his ear before leaving the table to chase down one of the serves for another decanter. Lucius nods, then turns back to you.

“Tyreus wants to extend an invitation to a club we’re going to in an hour or so, if you’d like to join us,” his fingers graze over the peak of your exposed shoulder from where his arm is resting against the back of your seat. For some reason it does not feel as nice as his touch had previously. It’s more intentional, all his playfulness gone. You think that’s why. “Way better than this shit, not so fuckin’ rigid. More private.”

The emphasis he places on those last words is so overt you have to resist an eye-roll. You nod, trying to keep your expression light and ditzy while straightening slightly in your chair. “Tell him it would be an honor.”

Lucius smiles, the fingers that were tracing the line of your opposite shoulder coming up to brush against the shell of your ear. You blink at the touch, vaguely aware of his face inching closer to yours.

You stand without warning, mumbling something about having to use the bathroom before quickly maneuvering your way around the tables and through the arching marble columns that line the ballroom. You walk as briskly as you can into one of the adjoining hallways, following it down and into the women’s bathroom.

Taking a shuttering breath, you place your hands on your hips and close your eyes. Your brain runs at a mile a minute, trying to figure out how to adapt the plan as Mando communicated it to you, considering the fact that Cavill’s posse was leaving within the hour.

You reach your conclusion quickly. You’re the one with the invite, with the way into the inner circle. No time to try and bring Febhana along with you. Honeypot it is.

The bathroom door slamming open breaks you from your thoughts. You gasp, hand pressed to your chest as you whip around. There’s a second of blind panic at the decorated droid stiffly stands at the door’s threshold, both fists clenched at its side, before you remember Mando’s disguise.

You open your mouth indignantly to scold him for bursting in like that but he holds a finger up to shush you, entering the bathroom in one long stride, checking under the stalls for people then briskly locking the main door behind him.

He’s furious. It’s the most blatant display from him you think you’ve ever seen.

“I—” Mando grits out. “Your singing. He doesn’t deserve to get that. None of them do. They’re just using it to get to you.”

You blink twice, completely baffled that that’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

He makes another frustrated sound, obviously recognizing your shock, and tries to clarify. “They were… clearly making you uncomfortable but they just kept pushing you—you shouldn’t have to just sit there and take that—"

“Yeah, Mando, that’s kind of how flirting works when you’re dealing with a bunch of entitled assholes,” you snap, finally finding your words. Out of any other possible thing he could be angry about and this was it? “I’ll have to play into what they want to get closer to Cavill. Lucius seems sweet, a little overbearing but sweet. It’ll be fine.”

You’re already hovering the fine line between tipsy and just plain tired. All you want is to get home at this point—your feet hurt, the dress is uncomfortable, and, by your book, making conversation with these silver-spoon pricks could be comparable to pulling teeth. You love Febhana, and you could see the fun in a night like this, but you’re also trying to help Mando do his damn job and if he doesn’t start cooperating—

“He doesn’t. Lay. A finger. On you.” There’s an anger in his voice you’ve never encountered before, not while directed at you, at least. It stops any other thoughts from entering your head. He takes a deep, quivering breath to calm himself. It doesn’t work. “If you’re… if you don’t want it. He will not even look at you. The second—I don’t care if it makes a scene I’ll—"

“Mando.” You lay a hand on his chest. He instantly freezes. “I know that. Thank you. I’m a big girl, I can hold my own. It’s okay.” Trying to lighten the mood, you lift your chin up a bit, smiling at him as brightly as you can manage. “Can we please just talk about how we’re gonna pull this off?”

He gives you a tight nod.

“I… I know that you’ve been doing this for a lot longer than I have, which is the understatement of the millennia, but just… hear me out here. Lucius just invited me to go with them to a club—like, right now.” You feel like if you stop talking he won’t listen to what you have to say, so you keep plowing forward. “I know you made a point about no secondary locations. But, if we have the time I think the best plan of action would be for me to split off, go with them to the club and draw him out to you in some way. The security here is so tight, there’s no way I think we could pull this off without it blowing back on Febhana. She’s important to me and I would appreciate if we could get her out of this scot-free.”

You take a breath, glancing up at him to gauge his reaction thus far. When he doesn’t interject, you continue, keeping your hand on his chest as you speak—for some reason you feel like he listens to you better when you do. “Lucius mentioned that things are way more lax there, so I’m thinking that’ll translate to security measures too. I’m sure Febhana is familiar enough wherever they’re going. She can give you enough intel to be able to get an idea of the place on your way over. Then we can go home.”

“I agree.” His reluctance is palpable, but his next words are far more level-headed than you expected. “You’re right, we shouldn’t jeopardize Febhana. Try to get one of them to tell you a specific location and I can meet you there. I just—” he flexes his hands. “I need to get off this planet.”

“I know,” you sigh, giving his chest a reassuring pat before turning away to go back to the line of mirrors stationed above the sinks, checking your makeup. “Me too.”

You turn on the faucet and lean down to drink straight from the tap. You’re stone sober at this point and the icy water is potentially the best thing you’ve ever tasted. The headache pushing at the back of your eyes has increased to a dull throb.

Mando’s voice from behind you. “Ladylike.”

You turn off the sink and straighten, rolling your eyes. “Oh bite me,” the sharpness of your voice is negated by the laugh you have to push through to get the words out. Relieved that the charged air between the two of you has dissipated, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “Let’s get this over with, I’m exhausted.”

Mando escorts you back down the dimly lit hall, the low hum of the party forms a gradual crescendo the closer you get to the intricate archway where the hallway breaches the ballroom. He pulls you to a stop with a hand on your forearm before you are able to enter.

Despite the heels you’re wearing, he still has to lean down to speak to you.

“Be careful,” he murmurs. Unexpectedly, he swipes his thumb across your elbow before turning heel and rejoining the other droids against the wall.

It’s such an unnecessary motion you can’t help but freeze, unsure how to process that small display of… well, if you didn’t know any better you’d describe it as intimacy. And not the unique sort of platonic camaraderie you’ve started getting used with him. It feels too much like a stolen gesture for that. Something he’s only done out of a pure disregard for his usual utilitarian ethos.  

You swallow and square your shoulders, putting on the best smile you can before heading back to the Tagge table.

Biting your lip as you sink down onto the seat beside Lucius, you drag the knuckles of a relaxed hand down the length of his arm.

“Could I say goodbye to Febhana before we go?” You say as innocently as possible, still figuring out a way to organically ask where the fuck they were going to be taking you without acting too suspicious.

Lucius’s eyes flick over the table, only a few of the seats have emptied. Cavill is gone already.

“Yeah, that should be fine. Just find me when you’re done.”

You stand back up, stretching your neck to find your friend among the crowd. Quickly spotting Febhana, you navigate your way back through the crowd. Just as she has predicted, the uptight façade of the event is quickly dissolving as glasses empty and bodies inch closer together. The crowd you are now navigating through seems completely different from the one you’d encountered upon first entering the dancehall. The heady breath of the gathered crowd leaves a different crackle of energy over the room—considering Cavill’s circle wants to leave this for something “more exciting” is foreboding. Wherever you end up, you’ll deal.

Reaching Febhana’s side, you gently touch her arm to get her attention. She turns, smiling as she sees you.

“There you are! I thought I’d lost you,” she aligns her inner forearms with the length of yours, gripping you lightly in greeting. Touch was once meant survival for the two of you. Back on the Estate, sometimes the only communication you would be able to engage in for days on end, the smallest of reassurances are sometimes the most solid. Old habits die hard. You reciprocate the motion, grasping the inner portion of her elbows.

You duck your head in the direction of the person she was speaking to in a small apology for interrupting. Leaning in to quietly inform her of the change of plans, you tell her that Mando is going to try to meet you at the club. Febhana keeps a straight face as you do, but there’s a glint of worry in her gaze.

“Alright,” she says cheerfully. “I’ll tell the driver to wait outside. He can pick you up and take you back to the apartment when you’re ready to call it a night. I’ve prepared the guest room for you, the service droid can lead you there.”

“Febhana—” your brow furrows as you pull back, unwilling to take advantage of her kindness more than you already have, let alone her only way home. She interrupts you before you can insist.

“I’m going for drinks with friends after this, I’ll ride with them. Please, darling,” she kisses your cheek. “Good luck, and be safe,” she says softly as she pulls back, still gripping you by both elbows. You squeeze her forearms, giving a curt nod.

“I’ve learned from the best,” you manage a confident smile and disentangle her arms from yours. You tell her you’ll update her over the comlink and turn to rejoin Lucius, who was in the midst of his own farewells.

Febhana leaves as you wait for Lucius to finish his conversation. Mando has long since disappeared from his place at the wall. Taking a deep breath, you keep your shoulders back and your head high. You were completely alone.

**

There are five neat lines of spice on the mirrored platter. The Tagge twin is the one to offer it to you, pushing the surface in your direction before sinking back into the velveteen material of the curved couch.

You are in a private room at the club, one of a series of pod-like structures suspended over the dance-floor. The private pod opens into an expansive piece of curved glass that fills out the rest of its intended, ovular, form. If it weren’t for all the plush carpeting, the liquor and smoke and sultry lighting, it would make a decent observation deck. The room makes you feel like the surrounding world is a fish tank, all those people below you just interesting little creatures to look down at and inspect.

There’s something about the very nature of the space that drips luxury—but it’s a kind far removed from the crisp marble lines of the Tagge mansion. This is all seduction. All contours. All darkness and deep tones of amber, starkly contrasting against the pulsing blue lights of the dance-floor below.

The table before you is cluttered with empty glasses, bottles, as well as a few personal items owned by the boys who had already left to chase down the bodies below: a tuxedo tie here, a watch probably worth more than the Crest itself there—you know, the usual things you abandon in search of a warm mouth.

Lucius and Cavill are sharing a cigarette, the burning cherry one of the brightest sources of light in the room. Everything else is illuminated by low shades of red and orange from the warbling fixtures woven against the solid portion of the wall, which then part to trace the curved edges of the observation window.

The music is subdued at this height, yet the grinding pulse of a guitar still sends vibrations through the floor. Through you. The boys’ cigarette traces patterns between them as they exchange it, back and forth, saying very little in between.

Taking a deep breath, you glance down at the platter on the table. You press your lips together, glancing up at Lucius, then Cavill, who has gradually started to pay more attention to you the further into the night you descend.

Pretending to take another sip of your drink, you push the platter towards Lucius. Trying not to draw too much attention to your refusal, you move a little closer to his body as a potential distraction. Either it works or they didn’t care to begin with. Lucius curves into himself, pressing a finger against his nostril to inhale a line. Cavill does two.

Genuinely, there’s no way they could find any kind of appeal to this. You just can’t fathom it—they barely talk to one another, this group. And when they do they seem just as bored in the act as everyone else is. You’d take a night spent with Mando and the kid over this any day.

The Tagge boy jolts back awake, blearily rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. The motion is so sudden it startles you, jumping slightly as he pushes away from the table.

“M’gonna go downstairs,” Tagge’s legs wobble like a newborn calf’s might. “Getta girl.” His departure is unceremonious, just like the others had been. You have a feeling the only thing keeping Lucius at this table is you, and the only thing keeping you at this table is Cavill. Fuck doesn’t really cut it.

As the two of them work on what remains on the platter, you carefully shift out of the circular booth, pacing over to the glass wall to look down at the crowd of writhing bodies.

“Have y’ever been to this place before?” Lucius asks after a moment. He stretches over the top of the couch to look down at the crowd with you. As he does, because you think the universe genuinely hates you, you notice Mando’s disguised silhouette—he’s barely concealed by the darkness of the dance-floor’s periphery. You look away as to not draw too much attention to that one spot.

“No. Never. I’ve been cooped up at the conservatory for most of my life,” you say as angle your body towards the couch, crossing your arms and leaning against the wall with one shoulder. Like this, you’re able to keep Mando in the very edges of your periphery.

What you just said was true for your mother, you knew that. Honestly, you’ve gotten through most of the night by just adopting what you remember about her. It was far too natural of a mask to adopt—maybe that should have creeped you out, but the ease of being able to do so is comforting considering the scope of the mission before you.

You take a breath to clear your mind, needing to get ahead of the conversation before either of them can corner you in a story you’re not able to fabricate. You need to give Mando a clue about where the hell you are.

“How far up do you think we are?” You ask, cocking your head slightly, praying that Mando’s comlink can hear your above what you’re sure is a raucous crowd. It works, you see his head jerk up to finally notice the private rooms above him. Thank the Maker.

“I dunno,” Lucius turns his head to look where you’re looking. “You afraid of heights or something?”

You give a nonchalant laugh, shaking your head slightly. By the time you look back up to scan the crowd one more time you’ve lost track of Mando. Either he’s disappeared in the mass of bodies or he’d gone completely. You have absolutely no clue, and you don’t want to draw attention by continuing to search for him.

Leveling your gaze back to the two boys, you look them over in a way you hope will draw either’s attention. Both are belligerently intoxicated, the glasses before them long since emptied, the smell of spice thick. It gives Cavill the air of a cat luxuriously stretched in the sun, as if it were just some kind of a natural, comfortable state for him.

As if he can read your thoughts, he speaks.

“Why wouldn’t you sing for us, earlier,” Cavill’s voice alone is enough to make your skin crawl. He ashes the cigarette he was smoking. There’s a loud sound of inhaling from Lucius, whose shadowy form is hunched over the table as he finishes what is left on the platter before him.

“Could you quit it,” Lucius mumbles as he rubs either side of his nose, head thrown back as he sniffs indignantly. “She obviously doesn’t want to.”

“If you were shy earlier, it’s just the three of us now. Completely different,” Cavill says, reaching over to wipe his fingers over the platter’s surface. He rubs his gums with the residue. You expect Lucius to defend you and divert the conversation like he’d done earlier. He doesn’t. Cavill sucks his teeth, leaning back once again. “Sing. I want to hear you.”

“It just feels strange is all,” you bite your lip, voice admittedly a bit brisk in how absent-mindedly it disregards what Cavill is asking. Your turn your gaze back out over the club, mainly to get Cavill’s off you.

You’re worried about Mando, about how long it’s taken him to give you some kind of sign that he’s ready. Maybe he’s waiting until you’re completely alone with Cavill? He pushed that in the car, how this whole thing has to be done as quietly as possible. The problem is that you’ve got absolutely no idea how to get Lucius out of the picture.

“Before there were too many people and now there are too little? What do you want?” Cavill’s words float in the air behind you as you pace to the bar cart, determined to busy your hands by remaking the drink you hadn’t touched since entering the room. “Isn’t that what you’re training for?”

Maybe Mando has been stopped? Your eyes flick to the circular doors partitioning the enclosed room from the catwalk hallway. You remember loudly greeting the guards that were there when the posse first entered the room, giving him the best heads up you could organically muster. Could he take both of them out on his own? Quietly?

“Um, yeah I suppose. It’s just different, there. In conservatory.” Dropping ice into your glass, you hear Cavill scoff. Lucius mumbles something. You bend slightly to get some of the bitters from the cart’s lower shelf.

And an explosion of glass shatters right where your head just was.

You whip around in shock, only to see Cavill already standing, swaying a bit on his feet, dress-shirt partially unbuttoned and messily untucked. It’s almost like some kind of switch went off, transforming him into something utterly unrecognizable.

He’s a fucking mess. Eyes nearly black. The empty decanter from the Tagge mansion in his hand.

“In conservatory,” he mocks, his lips pulled upwards in a vicious snarl. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Before you can react, the decanter is being flung at you—it misses, again. Shattering on the ground in front of you this time. You press yourself as far as you can against the bar cart, eyes wide. Cavill spits, then wipes his mouth with his hand, looking at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Kneel.”

Horrified, your gaze flicks from Lucius back to the tantrum-throwing, wolf-eyed aristocrat standing in front of you.

“What?” You ask incredulously, browns knitted together in complete confusion.

“I said kneel,” Cavill jabs his finger to the ground. “Pick that shit up.”

Lucius does a poor job of concealing a pained grimace. Or maybe you’ve grown far too good at reading the tiniest expressions from your masked companion that you’ve become hyper-aware of these kind of things. He gives a small: “Maker, Tyreus.” If it were supposed to be a warning it was a shitty one.

Survival instincts set in immediately. You turn your eyes to the floor and make your breathing as small and quiet as possible. Obediently, you comply. Kneeling on the ground and reaching out a shaking hand to begin plucking the shards from the carpet.

Cavill stalks behind you in an instant, one hand sealing around the back of your neck and pushing your head down to immobilize you. Simultaneously, his other hand wraps around your wrist, twisting your arm back and making your body to fold in on itself, pressing you into the ground.

You can’t help but cry out, the sharp motion forcing you to quickly catch yourself with your free hand. Your palm lands directly in the broken glass. You’d give anything to erase the wet sound it makes from your head forever.

It takes you less than a second to realize he’s trying to force your face into the carpet. Into it. Fuck.

“D’you want to tell me, huh?” He’s folds in half to speak directly in your ear, his spit hitting your cheek. He twists your arm further, grinding the hand supporting the rest of your body deeper into the glass. You grit your teeth to prevent another pained sound from escaping. “Wanna tell me who the fuck you think you are? Too good for me, whore? Too good for all this?”

The doors burst open. Cavill lets go of you in shock, it gives you time to crawl away from him as Mando levels his blaster at the boy. You scrape one of your knees in the process, you don’t notice it over the adrenalin pulsing through you.

Lucius swears loudly, standing.

“Don’t move.” Mando’s words are more of a growl than anything else.

In the pause this creates, you’re able to kick out your leg and take Cavill out from the back of the knees. It’s not graceful or pretty but it works. Cavill falls to the ground and you quickly clamber on top of him, forcing his hands behind his back, keeping him down with a bloodied knee to the spine.

Mando throws you the cuffs, training his blaster back on Lucius as you work on securing the binds around his quarry’s wrists.

“The spice,” Mando barks out the order. Lucius, eyes wide with terror, looks from the bounty hunter, to you, back to the bounty hunter.

“W-What?”

Mando shoots Lucius in the leg. The boy screams a curse, folding into himself in pain. The air smells like burnt flesh and coins. You swallow, looking back down and busying yourself with keeping Cavill still as he struggles against the floor.

“The. Spice.” He repeats. Choking on his sobs, Lucius reaches a shaking hand into his suit jacket’s pocket, throwing the little bag on the floor. Mando stalks over to him, Lucius cowers.

“Listen, man I—I’ll give you anything you want, ok? My father—”

Mando pistol whips him, the force behind it is enough to also slam Lucius’s head into the table as a result, knocking him unconscious. The bounty hunter turns, snatching up the spice on the ground and crossing over to you, kneeling beside Cavill, whose face is pressed into the ground.

“Mother fucker,” Cavill snarls, the first coherent set of words he’s said since Mando entered. Without reacting, Mando pinches Cavill’s nose shut. You’re confused for a moment, then Cavill opens his lips to either breathe or continue his litany of abuses and Mando takes that opportunity to empty the rest of the spice directly into the quarry’s mouth.

Cavill’s eyes widen, then almost immediately roll back into his skull. He jerks once, then lays still.

It all happens so fast you barely process Mando’s gentle order for you to stand. You do eventually, your legs a bit shaky as you cross back over to the bar cart, holding your palm up to the light in order to puck the largest pieces of glass out before wrapping your wound with a decorative napkin.

When you turn, Mando is pacing the room’s glass perimeter, looking down at the dance-floor to see if anyone noticed the commotion over the pounding music. His takes two brisk strides to cross the room, back to you.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his voice curt and professional. You duck your head in a nod, still pressing the napkins to your bleeding hand. Mando then turns to deal with Lucius’s body, stuffing his mouth with one of the tux ties on the table, binding his wrists. Buying the two of you time, you guess.

You look down at Cavill’s crumpled body. Unconscious, like this, you realize he couldn’t be more than twenty years old. Maybe even nineteen. “They’re all just kids, aren’t they?”

Mando’s sighs, crossing the room again to lean out the open doors to gauge the best way of getting back to the driver. “Pel kar’ta.” Whatever he just called you, it sounds like an accusation “That doesn’t excuse it.”

“No,” you murmur to yourself, gaze still fixed to the boy on the floor. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”

**

The napkins you use on your injured hand manages to somewhat stop the bleeding. You wait in the backseat as Mando and the driver stuff Cavill’s body into the trunk. You manage to pluck the last of the shards out of the meat of your palm once Mando silently slides into the seat beside you.

The driver leans over to the seemingly empty passenger seat, plucking a bundle of swaddled fabric and passing it back to Mando. It’s the child, sleeping deeply.

“Febhana said she had a feeling you’d want to get off planet as fast as possible. She sends her well wishes,” the driver grits out. He pulls the speeder off the roof of the club, quickly maneuvering the vehicle into Canto Bight’s weaving back alleys.

You take a deep breath, leaning your head against the window.

“I’m sorry,” you manage after a few minutes of driving, the words so soft they break slightly as they leave your mouth. “I… I didn’t think it could get that messy. I should have stuck to the plan.”

He says your name softly, it crackles over the speakers of the modulator. You take too much comfort in how he says it, the way it fills the space between the two of you. “Jobs like this are never clean.”

“You said this needed to go quietly,” you turn your head to look at him directly. “That wasn’t quiet.”

“I should have interfered earlier, that was my fault,” his response is immediate. “You shouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes and resting your head against the window. “I am not trying to make this about me. I just—I know it was a leap of faith involving me in this. I screwed it up, I want to apologize.”

“I didn’t think you were. I was making a clarification. You shouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

The kid makes a small sound in his sleep, you know he’s stretching and nuzzling into the crook of Mando’s arms without having to look over.

“Okay. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

He says your name again. You shake your head.

“Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen like that, if that’s okay?” You keep your gaze trained out the window, watching the city as it passes a good distraction from the pain pulsing from your hand up your wrist. “I’ll be fine once we get home.”

From your periphery, you see Mando nod.

Arriving at the hangar, you scoop the child in one arm and open the speeder door with a slight wince. You thank the driver and make a beeline for the Crest, busying yourself with tucking the little one in his cradle while Mando deals with the body.

By the time you shed the dress Febhana leant you—now ruined, thanks to that asshole—and quickly shower, you’re starting to catch a second wind of energy. You’re wide awake by the time you pull on a sleep shirt and a soft pair of shorts, catching yourself on the wall as the Crest rumbles into hyperspace.

Settling at your med station, you examine your injured hand under a small portable light, making sure you didn’t miss any pieces of glass due to the dim lighting of the landspeeder’s interior. You hear Mando step behind you.

“Let me see it,” he says. You straighten, looking up at him. Mando is holding a hand out, for yours. He’s back in the clothes he sometimes wears during your long stretches of travel, no armor save for the helmet on his head. His gloves are removed.

The first time he’d done this it had nearly knocked the wind out of you, stopping your words mid-sentence as you entered the cockpit to feed the kid breakfast. He was reclined in the pilot’s seat, the sturdy fingers grasping a rag to oil the pauldron he held in his other hand. You only caught the brief glimmer of a thick beskar ring on his thumb before averting your eyes, stuttering an apology.

At this point, you’ve seen enough of his hands to have memorized every scar and callous. You know it all, from the broken mountains of his knuckles to the small tattoo below the web of his thumb, so weathered by age you still cannot make sense of what it’s supposed to be.

This is different, though. He’s asking to touch you, skin on skin. That’s what makes you pause, looking at him blankly. Mando tries again.

“It’s my fault you got hurt—please, let me take care of you this once.”

There’s something in his voice that sounds incredibly pained, it’s enough to break you from your thoughts. You hesitate, then shift to face him on the crate you’d pulled over to sit on.

You offer him your hand, palm up, in wordless agreement.

He starts his work there, diligently giving it one last look over for glass before slathering it in bacta and firmly wrapping it with gauze. His hands feel just as you thought they would, rough but warm, hesitant at first but firmer once he gains the confidence to really touch you.

Mando then begins to examine your shoulder, delicately asking you to lift your arm, shift it in different directions and tell him when it hurts. You comply, easily succumbing to his little, light touches.

Maker, if Lucius had managed to give you butterflies on the dance-floor this… this couldn’t even be qualified at anything close to that feeling. The flight of birds, more like. A whole flock. A force only rivaled by the quick beat of your pulse.

“I got you something.” If you didn’t know any better you’d think his voice has a certain tinge of shyness to it. “A few days ago. I kept forgetting to give it to you.”

“Do tell,” you manage a casual yawn, then wince when his fingers dig into your scapula. “Ow.”

“Sorry,” he removes his hands from you, turning and walking to the other side of the hull. He rifles through a crate and emerges with what looks like a little box, offering it to you. You balance it in your bandaged hand, recognizing the object the second you see the speakers affixed to either end of it.

A wide grin breaks out over your face as you look up at him. “Is this a radio?”

He nods, plucking the tube of muscle warming agent from the med-kit and spreading it against your shoulder. His gloves are still off, the rough feeling of his hands against you enough to steal all words from your parted lips.

“Thank you,” you manage. “Mando—this is so nice I—”

“It’s nothing,” he says it frankly. You gladly don’t continue your sentence, turning the object over in your hand. “The woman told me it should work just about anywhere. If it loses signal it’ll just play some kind of recorded catalogue.”

You nod, bracing your forearms against your thighs and fiddling with the radio’s controls as he continues to talk, his thumbs working against every part of the joint they can. The feeling is far too easy to give into, you allow yourself to close your eyes as he continues, placing the radio beside you and leaning back to rest your elbows on the table to your back.

“I thought it was the least I could offer you. You seem so happy whenever there’s music,” Mando says as he kneels in front of you, wiping off your injured knee, rubbing away the scabs that were already forming with a disinfectant-soaked towel. He disregards the hiss you give and begins applying the bacta to the scored surface. “Especially tonight, when you were dancing. I didn’t realize you could.”

You laugh, smiling to yourself. “I was most nervous about that, as ridiculous as it sounds.” You muffle a relieved groan at the numb warmth that begins to spread as soon as the bacta sets in. You turn over what you want to ask for a long time before you muster the courage to say it. Why not? “I could teach you.”

A pause. “What?”

“I could teach you to dance, if you want me to,” you open your eyes to look down at the man kneeling before you. His fingers are frozen against the bandage he was in the process of tying off—incorrectly, you might add, but you can fix it later. You can’t help but smile at him. “Put this radio to use.”

He pauses for a moment longer, then shakes his head and goes back to adjusting your bandages. “Don’t mess with me like that, I’ll take back the compliment.”

“Hey! C’mon,” you bite your lip, stretching out your uninjured leg to faux-kick his side. He grabs your foot before it can make contact, gently guiding it back to the floor. “I’m being serious. Gotta blow off some steam before I can sleep.” Heat shoots up to your face, the words leaving your mouth before you can think them through. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Alright.” Mando stands, crossing his arms over his chest to regard you.

You genuinely don’t believe it. Your smile widens. “Are you serious?”

His head cocks to the side. “If you make a big deal out of it I’ll purposefully step on your toes.”

It’s hard to contain your glee. You push yourself up to your feet, Mando’s arms shooting out in a protective gesture to catch you when you wobble slightly.

“Relax, I’m fine,” you gently push his hands away, walking over to the other side of the hull to place the radio on top of a stack of crates. Fiddling with it for a moment, you find a station playing something slow.

Turning back around, you see that Mando has turned off the med-station’s light, the brightest source of illumination now coming from the radio’s tiny interface behind you. The rest of the hull’s sconces are in night mode, the dull orange glow just enough to see what’s in front of you.

“Okay,” you begin, standing in the middle of the room and motioning Mando towards you. He complies. You hold out both hands. When he doesn’t get it, you press your lips together to suppress a smile, taking them for yourself where they rest limply at his sides. “So, you’d start by approaching your lady and holding her hand up, like this.” You bend your right elbow, your loosely interlocked hand forcing his left arm to do the same.

Mando nods, head bowed to you in observation, a diligent student.

“Then,” you continue, guiding his right hand to the curve of your waist. “You’d place your other hand here, or mid-back, whatever feels most appropriate for the situation.” He doesn’t move his hand. It sends a bit of a thrill through you. You place your left hand on his bicep, looking up at him and grinning. “See? You’re a natural.”

The both of you laugh at that one. His comes out as nothing more than a hoarse release of air from the modulator, but it’s enough to have you absolutely elated.

You start to sway slightly, to the rhythm of the song now playing from the radio’s speakers. Mando picks up the hint, taking up the role of leader while you gladly follow. He’s actually okay—granted, the two of you are just swaying in place, but still.

“I meant that, you know.”

“Hm?” You ask, partially distracted in trying to figure out what move to teach him next. The waltz you and Lucius did would be far too complicated, maybe there would be some kind of way to simplify it…

“What I said earlier. You looked beautiful, tonight,” Mando says, chin still tucked to look down at you. You blink, only actually processing what he’d just said a few seconds after he said it. You purposefully keep your eyes trained to his chest in order to keep your thoughts straight. “I um… I didn’t know how to tell you. Earlier. In the car. But I wanted to.”

“Hate to inform you, but the dress is in tatters and I am way too lazy to put all that makeup on again,” you chuckle, using the side of your foot to nudge him into a bit of a wider stance. He has the resting state of a soldier at attention—fitting, you guess, for a Mandalorian. It’s something so natural about to him that you’ve only really noticed the rigidity of it now.

“No, no I’m not… That’s not what I meant. You look that way always just—tonight, especially.”

“Well, Mando, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you sound a little bashful right now,” you joke, trying to move on as quickly as possible to cover up the fact that you had no idea how to take a compliment. You turn your head a little too quickly to look back down at his feet, ready to instruct him on the next steps, and your forehead collides with him helmet.

It fucking hurts.

You wince, cursing slightly under your breath and screwing up your face, trying to laugh off the heat burning in your cheeks and across your chest. “Ow.”

“Fuck, sorry,” Mando mutters, releasing your hands and cupping either sides of your jaw with his hands. His thumbs press along the underside of your chin, tilting your face up towards him as he inspects it for damage. “Are you okay?”  

You close your eyes and nod, swallowing. “Yeah, just surprised me is all—never had to teach a tin can how to dance before, forgot I had to be conscious about the...” one of his thumbs traces a curved line against your chin before he removes his hands from your face. The motion is quick and then gone immediately, just as he had done in the hallways of the Tagge mansion. It has a far more vivid consequence of completely scrambling your thoughts, this time around. “Helmet,” you manage.

After a moment, Mando tilts his head.

“Close your eyes,” his voice is husky, from the modulator or something else you don’t know.

You comply without question, pulse increasing as you feel Mando step away and rummage through something. He returns, standing behind you this time. Fabric is wrapped around your eyes—once, then twice. You reach a hand up to touch it, recognize the slightly rough texture of gauze almost immediately.

There’s some kind of a hissing sound, then the clank of metal being placed on something solid. Then he’s back in front of you.

“Think you can teach me like this?” And it’s his voice. His voice. Rough but warm and unobstructed. Just as his hands had been. It takes the wind right out of your lungs.

“Mando,” if you could think of anything else to say, you’d cringe at how breathless you sound. What are you, a locked-away damsel in distress?

“When I was younger I was… a bit more lax. Running with the wrong people. I relied on… technicalities, in our code, a little too heavily back then.” You never want to stop hearing his voice. There’s something about the modulator that doesn’t do the light lilt to his words justice, the low but crisp resonance of his voice. “But I’ve… this is new. But okay. Within the rules.”

“Are you—” clearing your throat, you try again. More firm this time. “Are you sure?”

“Just don’t touch my face with your hands,” his voice remains clipped, slightly cautious, but resolved. Typical. “If you—I can put the helm back on, if this makes you uncomfortable.”

“No!” You interject, placing both hands on his chest in reassurance. “No, I… no. I feel honored and happy, really happy, that you’d trust me like this. It means a lot.”

You hear him hum low in his throat, a sound you know he makes sometimes when he nods. He takes your hand, again, the other going back to your waist. “Okay, start over.”

“So,” you begin again, trying your best to run your mouth enough to distract from how… serious this feels. You know it most likely isn’t a huge deal, if he’s willing to do this after one accidental collision—but, well. Still. “When you’re ready, you’ll step forward and I’ll step back. And… uh…” you bite your lip as his hand drifts lower, just an inch, to rest at the small of your back. You look up at him through the blindfold out of habit. “You lead, I follow, simple as that.”

“Simple as that?” His words have a rare, palpable heat to them. You can never be certain, of course, but you’re convinced there’s a small smile behind his question. It’s easier to tell, now.

“Yeah,” your chest feels tight with an emotion so close yet so different from the joy you’re used to feeling. Your smile is uncontainable, if barely visible in the hull’s dim light. “It really is.”

He’s a fast learner, easily taking you in slow, looping circles around the room for the next few songs. The silence between the two of you is comforting.

The longer the radio plays, the deeper you sink into one another, your entwined movements eventually spiraling back to the center of the space, settling into an easy, sedentary sway there. You only really notice this as Mando’s hand drifts from your lower back to wrap around the curve of your opposite hip, the length of his sturdy forearm braced against your body. After a beat, you let go of the hand you’re holding onto and wrap both arms loosely around his neck, leaning into him fully.

The two of you don’t acknowledge it, playing it off as an incidental thing, this gradual enclosure of your bodies. The equally quick thrum of your hearts betrays the known secret behind the little game you are playing.

“What did that phrase you use mean, when we talked earlier?” You press the side of your face to Mando’s chest. He props his chin against the crown of your head in welcome response.

The hand previously holding yours moves up your spine in order to gently cradle the back of your neck, gently holding you in place. His thumb traces repetative arcs against the sensitive line between the corner of your jaw and your earlobe. It feels like a salve in its own right, erasing the feeling of Cavill’s skin pressed against your own.

“What did what mean?” Mando asks innocently enough, as his hand continues its serene movement. It’s the most he’s ever touched you, and you suppose he keeps his tone completely casual to make up for the fact. As if the two of you were conversing from other sides of the room, not entangled in each other. You’re more than willing to play into the charade if it means you can have this, the ability to close your eyes and take in the rumble of his voice against your ear.

“Pel… pel kar-ta?” You wince at your gross mispronunciation. “What you called me back there, at the club.”

“Oh—” he seems surprised, like he didn’t even remember saying it. “That’s—that’s Mando’a. It means… well it’s the closest expression to kindness we have.” He keeps rubbing the corner of your jaw with his thumb, keeping rhythm with your movements. If it could even be considered that, at this point. “A more direct translation would be ‘soft hearted.’ Someone who is unapologetically forgiving towards others, even to those don’t deserve it. An ability to love that clouds greater judgment.”

“I have the feeling it’s not the most complimentary nickname for Mandalorians.”

“No, no it isn’t,” the breath of his laugh ruffles your hair. You can’t help but hide your smile in the warm fabric of his shirt, laughing with him. Mando shifts slightly, curving over you, your cheek against his, rough with a well-developed five o’clock shadow. “But, um. I mean it as a compliment, for you. As stupid as you can get.”

If someone punched you in the gut it wouldn’t have left you this breathless. You try to disguise the euphoric feeling it gives you in humor. You’re worried that if you give too much away he’ll stop touching you. Stop holding you like this. Like you were the one gentle thing he’d succumb to.

“Well, it seems hardly fair that you get to call me a nickname and I get nothing at all,” you huff in playful offense, barely able to keep the smile off your face. “Totally unfair.”

“Give me your best, then.” He’s still smiling, you don’t know how you can tell but you just can. It’s infectious.

“What about… hmm… I dunno—tin can?”

“That one’s taken.”

“Oh, have some lady in waiting I should know about?”

“That’s probably the exact opposite way I’d describe him.”

You laugh. “Bucket head?”

“Not very original.”

“Well,” you give an airy hmph. “I’m stumped. You win. Mando it remains.”

Continuing your sway as the music maintains its soft tumble from the radio’s speakers, the two of you go so long without speaking you think the conversation has ended--until:

“Din.” He says the word so softly it wouldn’t have been picked up if he were still speaking through the vocoder.

Your brow furrows. “Sorry, what?”

“Din. Din Djarin. My name. When it’s… when it’s just us, you can use it. If you’d like.”

You cup your hand around the other side of his neck and pull back slightly. His hand automatically lifts to press against your cheek, a refusal to allow you to move any further despite the fact that you’re wearing the blindfold. Pure habit, you think.

You blink against the fabric stretched over your eyes, trying to quell your burning desire to do something absolutely disastrous.

So you say his name instead.

**

tag list: @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11 @walkingthegrounds @roseallisonparker @kaitlyn2907 @dinsbeskar @mandoandyodito @kyjoraven @ineffableloveforyou

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#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x y/n #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din and grogu #mandalorian and grogu #grogu #reader insert #i'll be here in the morning #i'll be here in the morning ch4 #fanfic #star wars fanfiction

[book-of-curse]

A Guide to Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, and Hedgecrossing [2]

Hedgecrossing

Hedgecrossing refers to the state of mind that occurs when one is lucid during light sleep. This state of mind is useful for spiritual and psychological work. People who subscribe to a mystical belief system may use this state of mind to contact spirits or perform a ritual or detect something about the world. People who see these states of mind as psychological tools may use this state of mind to access parts of their memory - similar to using hypnotherapy techniques.

Procedure

The general procedure for hedgecrossing is to meditate in a comfortable position until the mind begins to enter a sleeping state. There are certain tells that the mind has entered such a state - the thoughts that automatically come to us become random, nonsensical. As with all dream-based work, it is important to try many times to attain and work with these states. It is very easy to fall asleep or to fail to enter into a dream state at all and this can be discouraging for many people. Hedgecrossing is the easiest lucid dream state to attain because it takes place in the first stage of sleep, so it is the first dream state entered. People don’t feel as though they have left their body but they do feel like their imagination has taken on a mind of its own and it can surprise them with moments of insight and inspiration.

We will be creating a specific mental place inside for each of the three lucid dream states. Eventually, our brains come to associate this internal mental space with the state of mind provoked by each type of dream state. Over time, as the association becomes stronger, this helps us enter into a particular dream state more easily.

Lay down in a comfortable place that you ordinarily sleep in. Practicing good sleep hygiene, especially the step where you only sleep in the room/area you sleep in so that your mind can associate that area with sleeping, can help. Beginning at a time where you are naturally tired and normally go to bed helps. This state is prompted by entering the first stages of sleep, light sleep.

Clear your mind as though you are meditating. Enter your mind’s eye and focus solely on the experience of being inside of your imagination. Ignore external thoughts and sensations as they come up, letting go of them and turning back inside. You are free to develop your own set of visualizations. The general framework for developing your own system of visualizations to distract you until you enter light sleep is, more or less, this: enter the first of your visualizations and ground yourself in your 5 senses; leave the area to a second room associated with hedgecrossing; leave to a third room where you engage in a repetitive (hypnotic) motion; then leave to a final room where you can walk endlessly until you enter a hedgecrossing state/light sleep state. I will give an example below.

Enter your mind’s eye at the foot of a blue cliff with the opening to a black cave. Feel the blue grass beneath your feet. Drink from a nearby pool of clear water above pastel blue sand. Look at the deep blue sky above and listen to the wind blow through the blue leaves coming off the black trees behind you, smelling the cool, chilly, evening air. Enter the cave.

Enter a black room with blue steps leading down. Blue stars line the walls of the cave, approximating the complexity of the universe. Look at them as you continue downwards. At the bottom of the stairs is a glowing blue number one on the walls instead of stars. This mental state, hedgecrossing, is associated with the star symbol as well as the color blue and the number 1. Giving specific symbols meaning like this helps make entering this state from this mental location easier in the future. There is a door with a large blue A glowing on it. Walk through the door, feeling the texture of the doorknob in your hand.

Enter a room with blue crystals and a pool of water with a waterfall. Watch the waterfall flow endlessly into the pool of water, feeling the cool water wash over your hands. Listen to the sound of the water flowing into the pool. Dive into the water.

After entering the water, enter a room without water. This area is a maze. Ankle deep water and blue crystals and stars line the walls. Walk through the cave, taking random turns, until the area begins to randomize and things begin to change outside of your control. You will have entered the state informally called hedgecrossing (lucid dreaming during light sleep) when the area and things inside of it are partially outside of your control.

Some people find it helpful to take a small amount of caffeine; others find this does not help at all. Stimulants can make it easier to maintain lucidity, but also harder to fall asleep. I have narcolepsy and I’m prescribed Ritalin and I accidentally lucid dream on it all of the time because of this.

Uses

Soul retrieval and hypnotherapy both force the practitioner into a trance that is similar to light sleep or near light sleep in order to enter into and manipulate the mind in a deeper way than is normally possible in a waking state. This allows us to cross mental barriers, such as the barriers that keep memories repressed, and view normally forbidden materials in our mind. This also means that, since our emotions are more vivid, the things that we think and the way we interact in our mind leaves a stronger impression than is normally possible during a waking state where our emotions are more repressed. The increased emotional vividness serves as a flag to our mind that what we are thinking is more important than normal.

The following techniques can be practiced in other sleep states, although the form they take may differ between stages of sleep. Because it is difficult to remember information between a waking and sleeping state, it is essential to keep a journal nearby in order to write down important thoughts. Get into a habit of writing about the contents of every lucid dream, regardless of which stage of sleep it occurred in, as soon as you wake up. Write down every regular dream, as well.

Symbols are important elements of our mind. Symbols serve as associative cues to different places in our memory. When we hedgecross, we enter into a state of mind where we are closer to our memory, almost living in it as we do when we are deeply sleeping. We can use symbols to interact with our mind. When we are hedgecrossing, we can call up a symbol. Say, the color red. We visualize this color, and because our thoughts have become more random, they will warp and respond to the introduction of this cue. We could randomly remember a memory connected to the color red. Or we could spontaneously imagine a character or the beginning of a story prompted by thinking about the color red.

We think about the world in certain ways that are connected to our different types of memories. We have special neurological processes dedicated to processing things like narratives, relationships, time, other people, cultural stereotypes, and places. These elements become easy to notice when we engage in dream work. We become immersed in the components of our memory, and the types of components we can think in become obvious quickly. Elements that frequently recur in dreams often have some significance, and it is worth it to interact with these symbols - doing so can reveal old memories and can allow us to interact with these ideas to inspire or change the self. This is the process of dream analysis. By interacting with these symbols, characters, and other ideas, we can see their meaning. Dream analysis books offer interpretations based on cultural symbolism. This is helpful to some extent, but personal symbolism is what matters the most, and it can be quite contextual and idiosyncratic. It is possible to interact with an idea or symbol in a dream and to talk to it, touch it, see what is inspired by interacting with it. The ideas that spring up from interacting with this element can be used to analyze its meaning.

Interacting with symbols in the mind can be used as a hypnotherapy tool. If someone has a troubling thought loop or memory, they can interact with it in a dream state to learn more about it and to gain mastery over the memory. However, it is possible to trigger nightmares in doing so. That is the risk of good dream work - there is some element of difficulty to it, and one must be willing to face and master difficult thoughts to proceed. This can be used to identify core thoughts and traumas and integrate with them in the course of dealing with difficult personal experiences and thoughts.

[ If you liked this, check out my book, The Path: Psychomancy. It goes over this particular topic in addition to covering how to practice and understand other occult and alternative psychological techniques.

https://www.amazon.com/Path-Psychomancy-Astora-Diam-ebook/dp/B08F2YD1GM

]

#astral #dream #lucid #hedgecrossing #shamanism #shamanic #hedgewitch #hedgecraft #spirits #spiritwork #carl jung #dream analysis #astral projection #lucid dreaming #occult #magick #witchcraft #pagan #hypnotherapy #soul retrieval #soul flight