#i took 4 hours to troubleshoot exporting

[cosmosogler]

hey nerds! it’s 10:48!!! time to die!!!!!

this week there aren’t labs because homecoming means we have a day off on friday (???). so i slept in until 8:20 and didn’t miss anything! i had a pokey morning and then i biked in and got to the office around 10:45-ish. then i wasted time dicking around with harrison and playing pokemon until other people arrived. i had some lunch and then at 1:00 i actually got started on my quantum assignment. i worked until 3 and then i went to see my e&m professor. he made me wait 35 minutes to see him.

then he basically told me i did badly on the test for 25 minutes straight and i had no opportunity to try to move the conversation forward because he gets so mad when i interrupt him. he kept finding new ways to tell me i did badly on this test and he wasn’t the person to talk to about how to do better even though he was the academic advising expert in the department for 7 years but i need to look into other resources and wow, man, i just did horrible on that test! 

and he asked why i didn’t do such and such a thing over and over, and i couldn’t tell him that i DID do those things, because he kept charging forward with his suggestions. i felt like a useless lazy blob. he told me to be more proactive. 

like my brain latches on to that and is like “yeah! you suck! you should do more!!” and the other part of me says “but i did...??? this is nonsense?????” but i still feel really bad. i looked like i was gonna cry by the time i got back to the office. i scrubbed my face with my palms to try to look less miserable. 

at 4:30 we all went upstairs to celebrate the nobel peace prize being awarded to the head of a project that our department gave a lot of help to. we hung out and ate cake for like an hour and a half. most of my classmates had at least one glass of wine.

a few things happened at the party that i would like to note but i am not sure what to think of them quite yet. i have thoughts but not complete ones.

jennica and the others were talking and she said i was “sweet.” i kind of frowned and asked if that was true. she said yeah and when i asked keegan and harrison about it later they both agreed. keegan described it as “you are the wholesome memes of the department.” 

my first thought is “i’m not sweet! i’m edgy.” but thinking about it i guess there’s worse niches for me to fill in a social circle. 

the other thing that happened was i got interrupted constantly for the entire hour after the lecture. i had to start one story over more than 6 times (i stopped keeping count) and i didn’t even ever get past the first sentence before everyone left. i joked to keegan later that i didn’t get to finish even one story that whole social event. he looked kinda guilty but also i got interrupted again after that. 

i dunno. maybe i talk too much. maybe i talk about myself too much. i think the stories are great and not necessarily about myself (just things i was present for) but maybe i tell them bad. i know sitting through one of jennica’s stories is agonizing with all the asides and losing the plot and changing details halfway through a thought. but i thought i told stories pretty well. i don’t know any more.

after that i diddled around in the office while my classmates went to their extra e&m lecture. i had some dinner and studied study strategies. i never did find recommendations for “multi modal” learning preferences. just one of the four as a specialty. i guess i have to figure out how to mix them up myself. 

tomorrow is my first group therapy session. i saw on my planner. kind of concerned about that... i think i talked about it a little yesterday. not sure how much it’ll help now that it’s literally midterms.

i finished the quantum assignment with a little problem... i was having a lot of trouble finishing the questions after i reached the end of the calculations i knew how to do. suzanne said i DID finish answering the question but i feel like i didn’t quite reach what i was looking for. i helped jennica with it a bit at least even though i was having trouble making words happen out of my mouth. 

i biked home and then it was 9:15 and i made some dinner and then it was 9:45 and i did some work. i looked at the notes suzanne sent (the pdf didn’t export correctly though...? we’ll have to do some troubleshooting tomorrow) and i wrote a letter to my cousin for her wedding which i cannot attend and i took care of getting more food for snoopy and did a little more study stuff and i organized my planner for tomorrow. my to-do list is very long but it’s made up of stuff that’s not too hard to check off i think. like one is “send the letter” and another is “talk to one person in the department about their research.” i dunno.

now it’s 11:10. i am talking to keegan about whether or not i should talk less around them. 

that came out wrong.

i asked if i should dial it back. he said no. so i guess i will charge forward and get interrupted again another day.