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bunnakit · 4 months

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last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

#bunn meta #last twilight #last twilight the series #mhokday #morkday #userjamiec

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mostlysignssomeportents · 11 months

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Monopolizing turds

Update 31 May 2023: an earlier edition of this article identified the price of Rebyota as $20,000; this was the rumored price prior to Rebyota’s release in December 2022, when Stephen Skolnick wrote the article I referenced. When Rebyota was actually released in 2023, the average wholesale price (AWP) was $10,800. Thanks to Benjamin Jolley for catching this error, and to Stephen Skolnick for getting to the bottom of it.

It’s been ten years — to the day! — since I first started writing about the bizarre, amazing world of turd transplants, in which a sick person receives a microbiotic infusion in the form of some processed poop from a healthy person:

https://web.archive.org/web/20130608030455/http://blogs.plos.org/publichealth/2013/05/29/why-diy-fecal-transplants-are-a-thing-and-the-fda-is-only-part-of-the-reason/

Gut biomes are one of those understudied, poorly understood medical areas that are both very promising and also full of sketchy medical claims from “supplement” companies, influencers, quacks and grifters. But in the decade since I first started tracking turd transplants (formally called “Fecal Microbiota Transplants” or FMTs), a growing body of sound science has emerged on the subject.

One thing that’s increasingly undeniable is that the composition of your microbial nation is related in significant ways to both your physical and mental health. What’s more, as antibiotic resistant “super bugs” proliferate, FMTs are becoming increasingly central to treating dangerous gut infections that otherwise stand a high chance of killing you.

“Eat Shit and Prosper” is Stephen Skolnick’s delightfully named newsletter about poop and health science. Skolnick is a physicist by training, but has a long history of collaboration with Openbiome, a nonprofit that coordinates between doctors, patients and donors to provide safe FMTs:

https://stephenskolnick.substack.com/

In an edition of Eat Shit from last December, Skolnick recounts the amazing history and dismaying future of FMTs. In 2013, the FDA announced it would regulate FMTs as “Investigational New Drugs,” which could only be administered as part of a registered clinical trial:

https://stephenskolnick.substack.com/p/a-monopoly-on-poop

At that point, FMTs were already in widespread use by docs to treat otherwise untreatable cases of Clostridioides difficile (C. diff), an antibiotic resistant bacterial infection that literally makes you shit yourself to death. These doctors were in no position to run registered clinical trials, which meant that they would have to stop using the most effective therapy they had for a potentially lethal infection.

Doctors and patients kicked up a fuss, and the FDA walked back its guidance, announcing that it would exercise “discretion” in enforcing its Investigational New Drug rule, giving a pass to docs who were treating C. diff with FMTs:

https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2013/07/18/2013-17223/guidance-for-industry-enforcement-policy-regarding-investigational-new-drug-requirements-for-use-of

That’s where things have stood for the past decade or so. The “discretion” rule means that patients could still get FMTs, but their insurance wouldn’t cover it. But even if you had cash to pay for an FMT, your doc probably wouldn’t administer it for anything except a C. diff infection, despite the promising signs that FMT can help treat other conditions, and despite the generally safe nature of FMTs.

If your doc did give you an FMT, chances are good that they sourced their poop from Openbiome. Openbiome recruits very healthy people, gets them to poop in a bag, then processes the poop — removing nonbacterial solids, testing it for pathogens, freezing it, portioning it, and sending it to docs. All this is done at cost, and it’s not cheap: $1–2k/treatment, mostly due to cold-chain logistics (the poop is shipped at -80C).

Despite the cost, and despite the limitations on treatment, the Openbiome method has proved very reliable. Indeed, FMTs as a whole are pretty darned safe, with the most common side-effects being transient gas and bloating. In the past decade, there’ve been a total of six “adverse effects” associated with Openbiome’s 5,000+ procedures, all in severely immunocompromised people, and none conclusively linked to the treatment:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0016508522003511/pdf

A decade into this system, the FDA has taken the next step forward — only it’s actually a step backwards.

During this intervening decade, a pharma company called Ferring has conducted clinical trials on FMTs and received approval for an FMT product called Rebyota. The process for making Rebyota is effectively identical to the process used by Openbiome: collect poop, remove solids, test for pathogens, add glycerol, freeze and ship.

The main difference between Rebyota and Openbiome’s poop is price. While Openbiome charges $1–2k per treatment, Rebyota charges $10,800

That’s some expensive shit!

Fine. Getting Rebyota through clinical trials means that insurers might start covering it, and perhaps some patients will prefer brand-name poop to open-source poop. But as part of the FDA’s approval of Rebyota, the agency also rescinded its “discretionary enforcement” guidance, making it illegal for docs to source their poop from Openbiome:

https://www.fda.gov/regulatory-information/search-fda-guidance-documents/enforcement-policy-regarding-investigational-new-drug-requirements-use-fecal-microbiota

For Ferring, this is a monopoly on shit, one that lets them charge patients $10.8k for poop that costs $1–2k to process. The FDA does not claim that this is being done in the name of safety. Instead, an FDA official told Skonick that the goal was to “incentivize innovation without creating an access crisis.”

That is, the FDA changed its guidance and put nonprofit stool banks out of business because it wants to incentivize pharma companies to perform expensive clinical trials, and it believes that these companies won’t pay for trials if they have to compete with the likes of Openbiome, which would make it impossible to charge 900% markups on poop.

Trials are important! Evidence-based medicine is important! But Ferring’s clinical trials didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know. FMTs were already the best therapy we had for C. diff. Testing Rebyota against a placebo didn’t tell us anything new — unlike testing Rebyota against the existing therapies, e.g. product from open stool banks.

Such a trial might have given rise to a very different regulatory outcome, because the cure rate reported by Rebyota is much lower than the cure rate from Openbiome’s own interventions:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40265-022-01797-x

That is, using the $1k poop from Openbiome seems to be much more effective than using the $10.8k poop from Ferring. But Openbiome, a nonprofit, hasn’t been able to perform the kind of rigorous — and expensive — clinical trial that Ferring funded.

This points to a significant problem with the FDA’s model. The agency wants good clinical data for the medicines it regulates, as it should, It presumes that the only way to get that data is through granting commercial exclusivity to a for-profit, which ends up costing patients vast sums, and locking many patients out altogether.

This creates all kinds of new dangers. 150,000 people/year in the US contract Recurrent Clostridium difficile Infection (RCdI). FMT increases the cure rate by 20% relative to antibiotics alone. That means that if everyone with RCdI gets a poop transplant, 30,000 extra people will get better. That’s a big number!

For well insured people, Rebyota probably represents a cash-savings — if your insurance covers the $10,800 procedure, you might pay $500 out of pocket, which is far less than the $1–2K you’d pay to get an Openbiome poop transplant. But if you’re uninsured or underinsured, the FDA’s new enforcement rules mean that you’re now on the hook for $10,800.

The FDA did carve out a loophole: if your doc or their hospital are willing to prepare the poop transplant themselves, they can administer that. On the one hand, preparing a poop transplant isn’t that hard — some people do them at home, on their own:

https://web.archive.org/web/20211015060558/https://thepowerofpoop.com/epatients/fecal-transplant-instructions/

But on the other hand, there’s been exactly one death conclusively linked to FMT, and it was from one of these hospital-prepared transplants (the patient had just had a marrow transplant for cancer that wiped out their immune system, and the donor had a novel pathogen that the hospital failed to test for).

So the FDA has created a situation where, if you can’t afford a $10,800 proprietary formulation, your only option is to convince your doc or hospital to prepare their own poop transplant, which will cost less than the $10.8k for Rebyota, but more than the $1–2k from Openbiome, which has all kinds of economies of scale. And if you do manage it, you’ll be getting a procedure that has a much worse safety track-record than the Openbiome process that the FDA just killed.

The FDA has an important role to play here, but as with so many policy questions, how the FDA plays that role depends on things that are far upstream from the agency and its decisions. The choice to fund medical trials through the promise of exclusivity — and with it, extremely high margins — puts the FDA in the position of choosing winners in the marketplace: Ferring wins, Openbiome loses.

Ironically, this is the thing that exclusivity is supposed to prevent. By using profit to incentivize medical research, the FDA is supposed to be recruiting the Invisible Hand as its partner in regulation. But exclusivity is incompatible with the idea of medicine as a public good. The tens (hundreds) of millions that Americans will pay for $10.8k poop transplants from Ferring will add up to far more than it would cost to underwrite clinical trials for an open process like Openbiome’s.

The result: both Americans’ wallets and Americans’ guts suffer.

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Hay-on-Wye, Oxford, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/29/oh-shit/#rebyota

[Image ID: A poop emoji wearing a top hat and a monocle, posed against a backdrop of e coli bacteria seen through a high-resolution microscope.]

#pluralistic #stool bank #eat shit and live #pharma #fda #regulatory capture #fecal transplants #microbiomes #rebyota #openbiome #c diff #fmt #fecal microbiota transplant

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simonalkenmayer · 4 months

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There’s a small story I haven’t told, about when I first came to where I currently reside. If you’ve read some of my short stories about my life history, then this would follow directly after “The Suits”.

Back in those days, the place I currently live was almost entirely devoid of women who weren’t already married. It was a very manly man place of wild forests being logged, natives being colonized, and all sorts of hurdy guedy. A man by the name of Mercer began a transplant of women, who were to be educated and married off to the men of the area, so as to “civilize” the place.

After that plan was enacted, women began doing this in their own. And incentives galore existed, including reduced fares, housing, sheltering so forth. When I came up, I switched genders, because of this advantage. I had won myself a deed to some property here, in a poker game. I then pretended to be my own sister, sent to set up the stead and “marry myself off”.

So I came as a woman, and set myself up in a residence hall for young ladies. Why? Because of the proprietress, who kept a secure and tight ship for propped “gels”. I wanted that security, as there is no watchdog better than a large woman with a rolling pin looking out for virtue. My room was essentially Fort Knox. But I didn’t move around town as a woman! Heavens no. Such would be impossible, especially given the condition of the city, which was mud half the time and not set up for skirts.

I worked out of the lumber mill. Dressed as a man. I made friends with a batch of German and Austrian immigrants, because I could understand them. One in particular seemed very taken with me. Probably because he wasn’t much of a talker and I was mute. But then one day he turned up at the boarding house, and I realized he had figured me out, perhaps because he’d followed me home from the drinking hole we all frequented.

I suspected he’d come to the conclusion that I was a woman masquerading as a man to obtain employment. I suspected I’d have a difficult moment ahead.

One night he came to my window at the boarding house, after I’d just quitted the nightly meal. He was drunk as a skunk, and singing love songs at me. I knew the lady of the house would beat him stupider, so I dragged him inside. Then I noticed he was covered in blood. Apparently hed injured himself on the rough fence outside.

Imagine me, dressed in proper female dinner attire, bodily proppping a giant, German man against a wall, as he gibbers and bleeds at me. I shushed him, and told him he had made a terrible mistake. He said he hadn’t. That his life till then was a mistake. I was brave and wonderful and pretty in all the ways. I told him to stop talking rubbish. He realized he was bleeding and fell onto my bed. I say him up with some difficulty, as he extolled my many virtues. “How amazing,” he sang, “that you can push logs and look so fine.”

I offered to push him into the sea off the nearest cliff. He called me mysterious. It was a very lopsided conversation. I set about patching him up. Which led to the following events.

He, seated on the end of the bed, no shirt, facing away from the door. Me, kneeling in my gown, making plaintive noises. Of a sudden, there came a frantic cry and a bashing sound. In crashes the lady of the house, in her shift and pantaloons, her house dress open and flapping like the wings of a harpy. Her face was a red contortion as she smashed a hole into the wood. Jack Nichlson could have taken a lesson from her as she shrieked out a curse through the splinters.

She got the wrong impression from what she saw. It was an impression that unfortunately led to even more frantic mangling of the door. My gentleman caller hurled himself bodily through the window, chased by the very embodiment of Victorian internalized misogyny, screaming bloody murder. Literally.

I evicted myself. I went into the woods to my property and set up a cabin, where I lived to upset the logging and train operations. I went feral.

My man friend, later was injured in an accident, and died. It wasn’t until I spoke of this series of events with some of you, that I came to a different interpretation than I had all this time. I now believe that he actually thought I was a man, dressing as a woman to obtain housing. The things he said while intoxicated make far more sense if that was his assumption. I now realize I broke his heart in a different way than I’d even realized.

Perspective sometimes comes decades later. Sometimes you don’t even know your own past so well without the future.

I gain perspective like this almost constantly, and I realize more and more that I have never taken in all the information I could have. I’ve viewed the world you made through your lens. Silly thing to do, but how was I to know? It’s not as if I had the genius of Frankenstein’s creation to teach myself the truth of all things with a bible. No. Some of us had incompatibility with humanity altogether and couldn’t make sense of it without your biases.

I think about this often.

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era-the-witchy-birdkid · 1 year

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DP X DC Prompt/Idea

Long time writer for the DC fandom (mostly Batman specifically Tim Drake joins the batfam early AUs and Titans Tower AU) on Archive, Danny Fenton also known as Astroboy2025, decides three days after his ‘Accident’ to create a Jason wakes up a Halfa in his coffin fic. He only does this to help himself process his emotions after well lets be honest his death and revival. And later once the ghost attacks pick up and he picks up the mantle of a hero as a way to covertly get advice/figure out on how to fight ghosts better by transplanting all his ghosts into Gotham for Fic!Jason to fight.

Danny wasn’t expecting much to come from this, he wasn’t expecting the fic to blow up in popularity for ‘creative storylines’ and ‘unique original villains with a ghostly flare to go against the ghostly Robin now named Phantom’ it was just a vent fic with a bit of wishful thinking on his part with Ghost!Jason and Bruce's relationship being so close (He ends up writing Jason getting hugs and affirmations that Bruce still loves despite all the ghost stuff that happening now whenever his Parents go on a tirade about how all ghosts are evil and need to be ripped apart molecule by molecule)

He definitely wasn't expecting his fans to find out about the real Phantom and figure out his identity from there. (Blame Penelope Spectra she had a history unlike the others in his rogues gallery with a bloody trail across America of sharply increase Suicide rates in more isolated smaller cites/large towns that was being tracked by Redditers that had hard stopped in Amity park just a few days before he dropped the chapter of Jason facing her himself)

While the Amity Park tourism to see a IRL Hero in action, and the Anti-Ecto acts Riots, as they would later be called, made by DC fans throwing a fit about the threat to the world’s first superhero were the lesser consequence in the grand scheme of things. Finding his fan Discord was a trip and a half especially since Tucker had to hack into it into the first place because his fans we're extremely protective of his secret ID and reinforced the server a crapton to be stronger then most banks.

While Sam was insisting on this being a horrible Idea and he should try to dissuade his thousands of fans from the truth of his Identy. Danny was just chill with it after the brief panic. And the Fan Discord was super helpful for getting Advce with! while the jokes that he was Batman Adoption bait was annoying the group was amazing for ideas on how to train his powers and advice on how to better fight ghosts. the Discord even make a Power list for him so he wouldn’t forget a power because he wasn’t training it. plus the comfort they gave after Circus Gothica was A+ even with the jokes about how the Batfam curse of clown trauma, despite matching the look as a human batman isn’t real so as much as his fans joke about him being the prefect Bat bait that will not happen.

To bad after a particularly nasty ghost hate rant in front of him in ghost form while being shot at by his parents that before the server would spawn 3 chapters of Family fluff in his fic, was whatched angrily by a fan who in a fit of annoyed rage said these words. “I really wish batman WAS real, then maybe you could be safe in your home for once”

unfortunately Desiree was out and about and heard the wish granted she had no idea who Batman was so went to read the DC comics after that. Good news the DC universe is so messed up as is that Desiree decided no twisting was necessary she’d just to bring everything to life. Bad news all the supervillains now exist along side the now existing superheros and Desiree is now Kaiju sized and now way to powerful for Danny to deal with alone...

At least the now real Batfam are taking their sudden existence well? and are willing to help Danny stop the Mad Genie dispite the risk that they would pop into nonexistence (with the entire city of Gotham and the other cities, villains, and heroes made real by Desiree’s power) if she’s stopped

#dp x dc #dc x dp

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beenjen · 2 months

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It’s been a long holiday weekend here and it has been much needed. A chance to slow down. I’ve done some deep cleaning pockets. We’ve rearranged some things to make the house flow better, and tomorrow I have an impromptu day off, which was meant to be a solo day, but sister is on the mend after a bug this weekend and I’m cashing in on the close to preschool and no count school days and keeping g her with me.

I was going through the math today and I’ll be 43 in September… I’m closer to 45 than 40 now, and I don’t feel it? Yeah there’s stress and my weight has pendulmed to the ‘higher’ range at the moment with a struggle to get a routine of late - dad, sick kids, work dramedy, limited reliable kiddo care options - I’m feeing strong though, and my yoga game is hitting hard. It’s been a beautiful blooming of breaking through some previous limitations as far as hip opening and a shoulder impingement. So I guess that’s called a non scale victory? And for lack of a better term, I just am feeling good. I’ve fully embraced the natural hair movement - if there is one - and even though my grandmother would roll over in her grave, I haven’t dyed my hair in 3 years (I think?)… I am digging the silver strands coming through. It’s ultimately a feeling of peace and resonance right now.

The weather is changing here and looks that spring has sprung. My first daffodils poked through this week and how funny because we had a foot of snow and iced roads a month ago, now everything is budding. I’m anxious to see if my mums we transplanted lasted the winter made it 🤞

We are looking for a platform/slide bed for our 5 year old to convince her she DOES want to sleep in her bed and not wedge in between mommy and daddy every night between 11p-2a. I think that will be her Easter present. We also have some treehouse modifications and climbing assists for the front yard for J man I think he will enjoy with the warm weather.

We would like to plan a camping trip for April when we will both be off and the kids have a long weekend. We take 2 weeks for our anniversary every year and the timing lines up. The prob comes with our dogs and who can watch them. We are leaning towards asking dad to come down, and I think it would be a fun thing for him to do maybe? His treatment is going well as far as it can, is it insensitive to ask him? C’s mom said the dogs are too much for FIL, so, is it the same with my dad or would it be fun company for him? I don’t know.

1// J’s gorg locks

2// my first attempt at homemade apple cider vinegar

3// c and my girl

4// the kids ‘cooked dinner’ for valentines 😍😍😍

I also felt super homesteady this week; I made my homemade cleaner out of orange rinds and apple cider vinegar. I save all the peels then soak in vinegar for 1-2 weeks, then strain and add some water and tea tree oil - it’s AMAZING. Then you take the used rinds and put them in your garden to prevent pests. The picture is apple peels/cores that you soak for 1-2 weeks in cloth covered jar, then strain to make your own apple cider vinegar. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Every little bit helps. Everything you do good, is something good xx

#do something good #east nashville #nashville #every little thing #working mom #family time #opt outside #yoga

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booksandabeer · 9 months

Note

Hi,

First of all thank you for all the recs you do, it couldn’t be easy doing all that. I just wanted to ask you about your favourite fics where Steve and Bucky were already together during first avenger and get back together in the future? Once again, thank you so much. Even if you don’t answer this I would still be grateful because I got so many of my favorite fics from your blog. You’re amazing and take care.

Hi!

Thank you very much for your kind words. It's lovely to hear that I could help you find some of your favorite fics. 🥰

I've sat on this ask for a few days now because it's actually a really difficult one for me to answer/find recs for without getting into things that can be quite, uh, awkward to discuss "on main." But I will try. As always, I'm going to ramble, so I'll put this under a cut.

(There will be fic recs in here, I promise. Just scroll down if you want to skip the waffling.)

So. When it comes to fics set in canonverse, I mostly stick to either stories that end before the war or stories where Steve and Bucky only get together once they meet again in the future. I hardly read fics with the premise you've described in your ask because—and this is where it gets dicey—they are rarely ever done in a way that I personally find satisfying.

Here’s the thing: If you read a story set in canonverse, inevitably, at some point the war will arrive and with it: Peggy. Now there’s a much larger, much more complex discussion to be had here about Steve’s perceived sexuality, societal expectations of what constitutes "successful masculinity" in the 1930s/40s, and self-repeating and -reinforcing cycles of fanonization that I don’t want to get into right now, so I’ll just say this: Unless the author goes the polyamory route (which I personally don’t care for and therefore don’t read; at least not in that particular combination), usually none of the characters involved come out of such a scenario looking their best or like they haven’t received a personality transplant from one chapter to the next. I know that some people love that kind of conflict and are really into the angsty drama that comes with it—and they may find my stance on this boring and square—but to be honest with you, there’s already plenty of angsty drama in any story involving Steve and Bucky to begin with; I don’t need this on top of it.

And also—look, to be very blunt about it: If I click on a Steve/Bucky story I want to read a Steve/Bucky story, and decidedly not a story about Steve falling in love with Peggy halfway through—especially not when he’s already been practically married to Bucky for years. I'm okay with scenarios where Steve falls in love with her (or the idea of her, really) because he cannot or thinks he cannot be with Bucky for reasons ranging from very reasonable to entirely idiotic, but in a world where they are already together? Honestly, no thanks. I don't want it.

(Also, let's not even pretend that I don't have a huge Bucky-bias.)

But! you asked for recs and not 500 words of waffling, so I went through my lists and bookmarks to find stories that either try to grapple with this *problem* in a sensitive and thoughtful manner, find elegant ways around it, or simply skip over it entirely.

Here we go:

(Note: The exact meaning of 'Being Together' can vary greatly from story to story)

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by newsbypostcard | 6 parts, 146K, T-E

Author's summary: "You keep asking me what I want," Bucky manages, eventually. "But on any given day, my number one priority is to get through the day alive and myself, and to do it without killing anyone. Everything else is extra." Each work is a standalone.

-> A Post-CW AU that also tells Steve and Bucky's history with each other through flashbacks. Apart from this series, you can really read any story by this author because they do this neat thing where they use roughly the same pre-war/wartime backstory and then depending on when they wrote it and where MCU canon was at the time, the fics branch off from there. Plus, all of their stories are simply wonderful and I will alway recommend them any chance I get.

The Good Morrow by Hark_bananas | 75K, E

Author's summary: Every night, Steve falls asleep and finds himself dreaming about a diner, and every night he finds Bucky waiting for him there. But in the waking world, Bucky has disappeared, gone on the run after the fall of the Triskelion and Project Insight, and the strange dream that they share may be the only way that Steve has to bring him home.

après nous le déluge by tomorrowsrain | 9K, T

Author's summary: After us, the deluge. Steve and Bucky break, mend, and try to find their place in the world without the mantles of Captain America or the Winter Soldier. AU, post Civil War.

-> Part 1 of gale song series, the second part of which which I recced in my Road Trip Rec List. In fact, there are quite a few fics on that list that fit the premise of 'together before/during the war and getting back together in the 21st Century,' so if you haven't already, you might want to take a look at it!

Roll On by jaxington | 3 parts, 306K, T-M

Author's summary: In 1938, there's a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She's always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it's a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, "When will you do something about that best friend of yours?" In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway. Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.

Practice Makes Perfect by nekare | 10K, M

Author's summary: And it’s just. It’s too much. Weeks of pain and months of missing Steve and his mouth and the stupid shit that comes out of it; years of molding himself to his back at night and pretending there’s nothing else to it apart from sharing warmth; a decade of his stomach twisting with the foolish desire to make Steve laugh. It's August and sweltering when Steve asks, out of nowhere, if Bucky wants to try kissing. Just to see what it's like. Bucky then spends far, far too many years pretending it didn't mean anything at all.

a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride by synonym4life | 67K, E

Author's summary: After Steve and Bucky rescue their pals from the Raft prison, they decide to dig deeper into Zemo’s involvement in the UN headquarters’ bombing which sends them on a backpacking trip across select European countries. Steve and Bucky believe this is a story about their mission. Scott Lang and Sam Wilson, who join them halfway through, believe it’s a story about their Eurotrip (and they’re probably right). This writer, however, has been waiting to tell you that the fic’s true mission is Steve and Bucky missioning towards missionary. Follow them on their journey across Europe in tiny cars, packed subway trains and even on skis as they tumble down the Swiss Alps (in a fun way this time!), all the while reigniting untold feelings of the past through inappropriate sexual encounters and terrible communication skills.

Five times Steve kissed Bucky by paragon | 16K, T

Author's Summary: (+ once, finally, it was the other way around)

-> I'm very amused by how short this summary is, but the fic really is exactly what it says on the tin: Steve and Bucky kissing, pre-war to post-CA:TWS.

I Wanna Live in the Hidden Parts of Your Skin by Voylitscope_speed | 10K, E

Author's Summary: Sometimes, Steve looks at Bucky across the floor of their apartment or in the middle of the sidewalk, and it's not goddamn fair how good Bucky looks. It's not fair how Steve, who's spent his whole life fighting with his lungs for air and his heart for a steady beat, sometimes looks at Bucky and his breath and pulse are wrong for reasons that aren't his lousy health at all. And ever since the day with the purple ink, Steve can't stop thinking about people being canvases, like the models at that exhibit. Steve keeps thinking that Bucky'd be the most stunning canvas a guy could ever ask for. (Or: Steve and Bucky discover a kink in 1940. They find a reason to come back to it 80 years later. )

All The Angels and The Saints by Speranza | 48K, E

Author's summary: In which Steve Rogers loses God and finds God and loses God, and also: Bucky.

-> Look, this fic does some of the exact things I said above I usually try to avoid, but (1) it doesn't really do it (kind of, it's hard to explain), and (2) it would be *absolutely ridiculous* to not include it when putting together a list of fics with a pre-war to post-WS arc. This fic is legendary for a reason. It rewired my brain. It was one of the first Stucky fics I read that made me realize and appreciate the full potential and beauty of this ship, and to this day, it remains one of my absolute favorites.

▶ I'm really sorry that I didn't write something for every individual fic like I usually do, but I'm moving back to my home country in less than three weeks, so time is very limited right now. I hope this is still ok, and that you'll find something on this list that you like!

▶ There is a series that would've been perfect for this list but unfortunately it was deleted without warning a few months ago. If anybody has a saved copy of apricotcake's long is the road that leads me home that they'd be willing to share with me, I would be forever grateful! I'm still so sad that it's gone and angry with myself that I didn't download it when I had the chance. :(

#stucky fic rec #stucky rec list #stucky #stucky fic #steve x bucky #steve x bucky fic rec #stevebucky fic rec #stevebucky #asks #my recs

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homeslices · 1 year

Note

Hey I love your best friend writing with chishiya. Was wondering if you could do a before the borderlands how they became friends. You said they met in collage so I guess they meet there and become friends. Maybe when they very first enter the borderlands as well. Like what they were doing before the fireworks.

Best Friends 0

Part 1 Here

Part 2 Here

A/N: I finally got this done!!! If I’m being honest I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this because it is all before the show, romance, and smut, so any feedback would be amazing. Also I’m not sure how ooc Chishiya is in this, I’m sorry 😭

Summary: This is apart of my Best Friend series. This is Pre-Borderland, and mostly just mutual pining.

Pairings: Shuntaro Chishiya x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: None

The first day of school has never rattled you. You have thought like this since you were a child and had to leave your home in order to attend preschool for the first time, then for kindergarten, then for elementary, and so on and so on, and it’s the same now, your first day of medical school.

If you're being honest with yourself, school was always more like a chore to you. While you enjoyed learning, that’s all you really liked about school. It’s not like you didn’t have friends, quite the opposite you had quite a few, but you knew friendships from childhood hardly ever lasted outside in the real world, and if you were being truthful, you much preferred the quiet.

Your lecture started in 5 minutes, and although most people wanted to get there early, you just wanted to slip in under the radar. The door to the lecture hall was propped open, and just as you’d hope you were able to go in and take a seat in the very back completely undetected. Well, almost completely undetected.

There weren't many people around you. In fact there was only one other person in your row who was also pretty much invisible to everyone there, everyone besides you.

You sat a few seats away from the mysterious blonde, taking notice of him, just as he was taking notice of you. You set all of your supplies in front of you, however much to your annoyance, your pencil rolls off the table right in front of him.

The blonde looks at the pencil that rolled over to his shoe, then to you. He gives you an amused look before finally speaking.

“Well that’s inconvenient.”

You raise your eyebrow, curious more than anything. Most normal people would just hand you the pencil without a word, yet he seems to be dragging it out.

You hum in agreement, “yeah it is.”

He looks down at the pencil once again then back up at you. In response you shrug and turn back to your desk only to pull out a pen inside.

His lips quirk up slightly, and a few moments later, your pencil that fell at the strange blondes feet rolled its way over to you on the desk.

From that day forward you always say in the back a few seats next to the guy, who’s name you later found out was Chishiya.

Over the next few months you became close. You partnered together for group work, studied together preparing for tests, and even just hung around for the hell of it. You found out you both had a lot in common, including your sense of humor, and over time you also realized you were beginning to develop feelings for the blonde. You would rather die than admit that to him though.Those months blended into years and now you're both working at the same hospital, much to your pleasure and annoyance.

“You know, most friends would’ve gotten their friend caffeine when they work a 13 hour shift together.”

Chishiya nods his head in agreement, before taking a sip of his coffee and replying to you.

“Yes they would.” A smug smile makes his way to his face and continues. “Good thing we’re not most friends, huh?”

You narrow your eyes in fake annoyance only to be handed Chishiya’s half drunk coffee as he stands up.

“I need to get going. One of my patients, Hayato, has a donor for his transplant lined up and I need to tell him and the family.”

An actual, genuine smile graces your face.

“That’s amazing, Shun,” you respond, calling him the nickname you gave him long ago.

He only hums in agreement, but when you make eye contact with him, you can see how happy he actually is. Hayato has been a patient of Chishiya’s for a while, so naturally he’s become close to both him and his family.

As Chishiya walks out of the break room, you take a sip of the coffee he handed you and immediately grimace.

“Who the hell drinks black coffee?” You mutter, only to look at the clock in the corner of the room and realizing you have 4 more hours left of your shift.

Sighing you take another drink of the bitter liquid and close your eyes ready for this day to be over.

Over the next few days, you can see how the good news has affected Chishiya. He seemed lighter somehow. His lips quirked up more often, he humored you during break, and he even got you caffeine. However, like most good things, it didn’t last.

It was a week before the transplant when everything fell apart. Chishiya left with one of your superiors, and once he came back, it was like all the light had left his body.

It was after your shift, on your way home, the Chishiya told you the news about Hayato no longer getting the transplant he so desperately needed. You of course were beyond angry, yet Chishiya only sighs and in a monotone repeats what both of your superior said to him.

“It’s just the way it is.”

And a few days later, you both were on the second floor watching the young boy’s mother, whose son just passed, sob. Chishiya’s jaw was tense and eyes were as black as a void, drained of everything. Yet, all you could do to show your best friend emotional support in that moment, was hold onto his hand and squeeze.

Chishiya would never admit how much this hurt him, and you would never push him to, but you were always there to try to make him feel better. This leads to another thing Chishiya would never admit, his feelings for you.

You were always there for him as he was for you, yet neither of you were ready to acknowledge that. At this point, for a stranger looking in, it almost seemed like you both were already dating. You were always with each other, supported each other, and just clicked.

This leads to where you both are now, walking down the busy streets of Tokyo trying to get to your usual café. While crossing the busy street you take notice of someboys, about both Chishiya and your age, screwing around in the middle of it. You just huff out a laugh at their childlike behavior. Your attention soon is drawn to fireworks being lit up in the sky.

“That’s weird,” You say to Chishiya. “Is it some sort of holiday I forgot?”

Chishiya only looks up to the fireworks, while not breaking pace, and shrugs.

“I don’t believe so.” He pauses only to continue with one word. “Strange.”

You snort in amusement.

“You think?”

Chishiya’s lip twitches up slightly and when you both reach your usual café, he opens the door for you.

You mumble out a thank you before entering your normally crowded café, only to find it empty. The only sound you could hear was Chishiya’s footsteps behind you coming closer.

“This is even more strange.”

You turn to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the situation, only to gap in shock as you see outside.

The big windows of the café is where you and Chishiya usually sit and people watch, observing the people walking down the street. Yet the only thing these big windows show are the empty streets of Tokyo.

Chishiya follows your gaze and his eyebrows raise.

“Huh.”

“Where the hell did everyone go?” You wonder aloud.

“No idea.” Chishiya responds casually.

His carefree attitude makes you press your lips together and sigh.

“What do we do now?”

“Probably look around.” Chishiya responds after having a moment to think.

Seeing as there was no other option, you nod and make your way outside of the café with the blonde. You both wander around the town, going in and out of different buildings, not finding a single soul. You did find out though that phones and other non-battery powered electronics do not work here. Wherever here is.

Taking a few useful supplies with you both, and temporarily stumped from the lack of clues, you both head to where you began, the café. At this point it was dark and you honestly just wanted to rest. However, the sudden brightness of a build board turning on blinds you for a second.

‘Players this way’ with an arrow pointed to the left, graces the screen. You glance towards Chishiya, who is already looking at you.

“You think we should go?”

“I think that we would get more answers.”

You hum in agreement to him, and brush your arm against his as you pass, follow the way the random arrow points you to.

Finally reaching your destination, you and Chishiya find a lit up restaurant. You glance at him, to which he nods, and simultaneously you enter the building, both with blank faces. The building was not empty, in fact, there were four other people waiting inside. They all looked nervous, but not because of the unknown. They all looked like they have done this before. In fact, that’s probably why they all were so anxious, you piece together.

Finding a table with phones on top and a sign saying ‘one per person’ you and Chishiya both take one. It turns on surprisingly, scans your face, and the words ‘register closes in:’ and a countdown appear on the screen.

A generic feminine voice rings out, interrupting the silence.

“Registration is now closed. The game will now commence. Game: Blackjack. Difficulty: 6 of Diamonds.”

Following the voices direction you all file into the restaurant to the table in the center, with nooses hanging over the chairs. Not giving anything away with your face, as to not to seem vulnerable, you take in the scene before you, and as the voice instructs, sit in a chair around the table and place the noose around your neck.

You look over at Chishiya, who was seated right next to you, while the voice lists all the rules, which you were paying close attention to. Once again, you find him already looking at you. His face, similar to yours, holds no emotion, but his eyes display curiosity. Yours do too you're sure, but also slight fear as there was a noose hanging around you and the person you care most about.

The last sentence makes both your gazes harden.

“The game clears once there are two survivors.”

The quick conversation with your eyes between you and Chishiya is clear, and as you look around the table, analyzing the strangers that sat with a noose, identical to Chishiya’s and yours, around their necks, you know that only you and Chishiya are walking out of this alive.

#aib chishiya #alice in boderland x reader #alice in borderland #alice in borderland imagines #chishiya #chishiya alice in borderland #chishiya imagine #chishiya shuntaro #shuntaro chishiya x reader #shuntaro chishiya #chishiya x reader #chishiya x you

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swiftsdelucaa · 1 year

Note

Can I request a Amelia/Arizona x fem!reader fic? maybe with the reader being a visiting attending or during their time when they'd both be at Johns Hopkins?

❛ 𝑺𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 ❜

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Arizona Robbins x f!reader ♡

𝘼/𝙣: I thought to do Arizona this time, I hope this was like your idea! <3

You had to face a very long journey, from Los Angeles to Seattle, for a very important uterus transplant. You already met the patient some time ago. She had come for a consultation to try to have a baby since after so many attempts she had never succeeded. You did everything to help her, but she was furious. She wanted a baby badly. And she just blamed you and your methods, and she was gone, probably looking for some other study that could unnecessarily help her.

Then you were called by Grey-Sloan Memorial to perform one of the most important transplants in the world, your patient who has been diagnosed with a disease that compromised the formation of her uterus, and with one of the most important fetal surgeons, Arizona Robbins . You didn't believe it when you read that name.

It was her? The same Arizona Robbins from Johns Hopkins? The same gorgeous girl you were in love with?

Yes, you and Arizona were in a relationship when you both attended Johns Hopkins. But it was as though you both cared for each other you hurt each other... And in the end each one followed their own path without thinking or doing anything else. You were really sad for this.

The journey had tired you a lot, as soon as you arrived and entered in the hotel room you threw yourself on the bed, just wanting to close your eyes and be able to fall asleep.

The next day, when you entered the hospital, you asked for information about the patient in order to reach her. God, this place was huge, but it was amazing. You've never felt so disoriented.

Arizona was already in the patient's room, probably already explaining the various risks of the surgery. It was really her, the always cheerful one, with her smile and her unique way of being so beautiful and cute.

You entered with a smile at your patient, then turned to Arizona. She changed her expression and met your eyes. You couldn't tell if she looked happy, but a little surprised maybe.

You finished exposing the last details, now you just had to take her to the operating room, everything was ready for the surgery.

"Scalpel" the nurse handed you the scalpel, you looked at Arizona for a second, then lowered your gaze to begin the incision.

~X~

The surgery had gone perfectly. There were some complications, but nothing that together you couldn't solve. The patient was in the recovery room, as soon as she woke up you couldn't wait to tell her the good news.

"Y/n" you turned around and saw Arizona.

"Yes?" that's all you just answered not knowing what to say. How do we behave in these cases?

"We didn't have time to greet each others..." she tried to smile at you.

"Well, hi" you said turning back to the patient's room. If she was even a little interested in you she could have called you, but she didn't. Even you. You actually tried, but you never succeeded.

Now you didn't want to ignore her or act childish, of course, you still cared a lot about her, in fact, since you saw her again you've gone back to being 20 and feeling the same way. It sounded pathetic, but when you started your internship, you even wished that she had chosen the same place too.

“Y/n, it's been years” she figured you were still referencing that. When someone hurt you, you could hardly get over it.

"I know, in fact I don't know why you brought up the subject" you retorted pretending nothing happened.

"I missed you" she said causing you a rather surprised face.

"And you don't know how happy I am to see you again" she added with a sincere smile.

"But you didn't call, or looked for me" you said looking into her eyes.

"You too" It's true... "Unless you didn't care" you raised your eyebrows.

"I didn't cared? God, you have no idea how hurt I was about this!" you said raising your voice slightly at the end.

"We were so stupid..." she replied shaking her head.

You looked down not knowing what to say.

"You could stay here to work. Well, I mean, there aren't many fetal surgeons..." a smile came out spontaneously from your face.

"Seriously?" you asked laughing.

"Why not" she seemed really serious. "Together we'll work even better" it wouldn't have been so bad if you thought about it, it was true, during that surgery you both were awsome, imagine with others.

Before you could answer she pulled you by the arm into a call-room, closing the door.

"Wh-" she kissed you deeply placing her lips against yours interrupting you and making you feel so freaking good.

"Sorry, I- I couldn't don't do it-" you smiled at her biting your lower lip.

"And you're more beautiful than I remembered..." she added.

"So this is how new colleagues are welcomed in this hospital?" you asked with an ironic tone earning yourself another kiss.

#arizona robbins #arizona robbins x reader #arizona robbins imagine #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #greys abc #greys anatomy x reader #greys anatomy imagine #fanfics #y/n #my writing #requests

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captainsbestgal · 1 year

Text

Headcannons for Javi Peña post Narcos

So I wanna credit @the-ginger-hedge-witch and @wheresarizona for their amazing post Narcos Javi series, The Crush and Learning to Live respectively. They 100% are the inspiration in writing these HC cause they're both *chefs kiss*

I 100% think after Columbia most definitely has PTSD. But as you enter his life, he starts seeing the goodness in people again, and starts to really heal. He may not be the same Javi that left Laredo, but he's closer than he thought he would ever be.

Javier is a horse guy, they really bond over their quiet strong exteriors. But you catch him one day softly singing to the horses as he's cleaning them up from a day of work, and he's doing the cutest little dance around them as he cleans. You wish you could video it to savor forever, your strong man being so soft and goofy.

He and his dad 100% go out riding together, maybe they'll talk maybe they don't. It's a good soul healing time.

Chucho adores that Javi is beginning to lighten up because of you. He's swears he hasn't seen his son smile so much since before his momma passed.

I imagine he ends up with a transplant, someone who didn't grow up in Laredo but probably still front Texas. So he ends up showing her all the best spots in Laredo, every date night he takes her somewhere different and tells her stories about himself growing up.

I'd like to imagine Lorraine is supportive of Javi and his bonita/cielito (I adore both nicknames from the two series above so he uses them interchangeably). It's unavoidable that Lorraine and them will cross paths. She sees how happy Javi is, and knows this is where it was all meant to lead for them both.

Bonita and Javi end up adopting dogs, both working dogs for the ranch and pet dogs for the home. I'd like to think a blue heeler for the ranch, since it's a cattle ranch. And maybe a golden retriever for the "pet" even though it 100% follows Javi around while he works the ranch.

This leads to Bonita getting taming some of the barn cats kittens, and having a mess of kitties in the house for her company while Javi and Chucho are out working.

Javi surprises his cielito with a sweet Appaloosa horse for her birthday a few years after they've been married (it'd be weird to get a girlfriend a horse, so yeah). Cielito starts going on those trail rides that Javi and Chucho go on together, and it's a very sweet bonding time for them all. Javi also will take her out on trail riding dates where they end up having a picnic and.... well I don't want Tumblr to yeet this into the abyss so go read the two series I mentioned if you wanna know what they get up to on those picnic dates🥵🥵🥵🥵

Javi proposes with his mommas ring. When he asks Chucho for the ring he takes it off his chain necklace he's been wearing since his wife passed, and says his mom would adore his Bonita. That night Chucho plays his first dance song, feeling super nostalgic and missing his wife. Bonita, not knowing what song it is, asks Javi to dance and he looks to his pop to check if that's OK. It is their song after all. He nods with glassy eyes, and watches his son dance with the love of his life. Chucho starts to play music more and more in the house, especially that song, just to see his son and soon to be daughter-in-law smile and dance more. It becomes Bonita and Javis first dance song.

If Javis PTSD is triggered, I think Cielito learns quickly how to help him manage it. Maybe starts strongly suggesting he go out for a ride with her. Or help her groom the horses. Something to get his mind and body back in the present. If it's out in public she will guide him to somewhere more calm, and by God if people start to talk about him and his mental health in a negative way. Well Bonita may be scarier than Pablo Escobar and all his sicarios combined.

#javier pena imagine #javier pena #javier pena smut #narcos imagine #narcos smut #javier pena x you #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction

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spicy-picklez · 1 year

Note

After reading “I can’t lose you” btw beautifully written! Send all my love to you. 🤍

Think about how cute she would be if Reader would be pregnant over the pregnancy and delivery. In an instant the kitchen scene in my head.

Hey Anon!

I’m so glad you liked it. Apologies for this taking so long, I was out at a skid meet on Friday night and now my sleeping is shot. 😂 Thank you for your request, I hope you like it!

-Picklez

———————————————————

Your Little Family

Includes:

Childbirth

Characters:

Miranda Hilmarson x fem!wife!reader

Summary:

After a long but incredible 9 months, it’s time for your son to be born.

Word Count:

———————————————————

“Your mommies love you very much, my darling boy. We can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to teach you how to get all the attractive boys or girls. I mean look at me, I have your mother as a wife and I’ll be honest…” Miranda excitedly peppers kisses on your belly as she kneels between your legs in front of the couch. She leans forwards to continue her next sentence. “I still don’t know how I get to call her mine everyday.” She whispers, a gentle chuckle escaping you as you run your hand through her hair. “I think the same thing every day, my love. You’re way too good to me.” You grin as she comes up to place a gentle kiss on your lips. This entire IVF journey has been so incredible, Miranda has been so excited throughout the past 9 months, you still remember the day when you decided to expand your family.

A loud squeal escapes you as a wall of water crashes over your body. “Babe!” Miranda can’t stop the uncontrollable laughter escaping her as you gasp in shock. Grinning, you reciprocate the splash, starting the ultimate Water Wars as the salty waves gently lap around your waist. The back and forth splashing continues, gasps, laughs, and squeals escaping the two of you as the sun shines down over the crowded beach. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I surrender!” She laughs, another wall of water cascading over her body. You grin as she pulls you into her body. Your hand placing itself on her chest as she grins back down at you. She would be an amazing mum. You can’t stop the thought of your gorgeous wife running around with the kids in the backyard, jumping into leaf piles with them in autumn. “Baby…” You start, as she signals for you to continue. “Remember when we had the conversation on our first date when you said you wanted kids?” She nods, her body full of excitement- are you finally going to ask? “Well, I think I’m ready. I love you, Miranda Hilmarson and I want to start a family with you.” Joy lights up her features as she brings her lips to yours, your hand sneaking up behind her head to pull her close. Her hands wrap around your waist as excitement flows through both of your veins.

Or the day you found out the IVF transplant was successful.

Miranda’s arms wrap around your waist, her chin resting on your shoulder as a cold flush of nerves shoots through both of your bodies. The pregnancy test lies on the smooth marble sink in front of you as the two of you wait in anticipation in the bathroom. She turns off the timer on her watch which had started beeping. With shaking hands, you pick up the test, an excited scream leaving your lips as you see the two lines. A giddy laugh escapes her as you turn around pulling her into a hug, your faces bright with joy. “We’re pregnant!”

A fond, reminiscent smile is on your face as you look at Miranda who had knelt back in front of you and is now going on about winter. It’s her favourite season, she loves going out in the snow. You can’t help but grin as you picture her out tobogganing with your son. The snowball fights and snowmen building competitions that would entertain you for hours. A gasp leaves your lips as your lower back aches. A heavy pressure settles in your pelvis as you feel your abdomen contract. “Babe?” She looks up at you, concern in her eyes as you lean forward, trying to readjust. Lifting your head up, you grimace. Excitement, fear, and pain shoot through your veins as you look at her. “It’s happening… I think I’m in labour.”

Her eyes widen as she looks at you. “Are you sure? It’s not Braxton Hicks again?” You shake your head, one hand over your protruding bump, the other forcefully grasping at the couch. “No, it’s the real thing. This doesn’t feel like the other times.” A grin pulls at her face as she pulls out her phone to start timing your contractions. The pain subsides and you let out a sigh of relief. A soft popping sensation comes from your uterus and you feel a gush of fluid escape you. Miranda’s grin grows brighter as she sees it, as does yours. “It’s definitely labour.” Adrenaline and excitement flows through both of your veins as she grabs a spare change of clothes to get into.

Helping you get changed, she leads you over to the edge of the couch again as her hands begin to massage your lower back. She’d spent an entire day learning how to give a back massage for this. As her hands rub over your lower back, you can’t help but let out a relieved moan. “I love you.” You mumble, resting your head back on her shoulder. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, she grins. “I love you too, you’re doing amazing, my love.” Your hand flies back to grip onto her shoulder as another contraction hits, your teeth gritting together as a suppressed groan of pain escapes your lips.

Placing kisses to your head, Miranda’s hands wrap around your waist to lift up your baby bump. Most of the pressure on your lower back dies down as she does this. You close your eyes, sighing relievedly. As the pain dies down again, she checks her phone. “It was 7 minutes between the last contraction and this one lasted 40 seconds.” You groan upon earning this, exhausted tears forming in your eyes. “You’re doing amazing, my love. I’m so proud of you. We’re going to have a family. You, me and our son.” You can hear the excitement in her voice and you can’t help but chuckle.

“You’re going to be the best mum to our little boy, darling. I just wish you could say you want a child and then you get a child. This whole pregnancy thing hurts.” She laughs upon hearing your words. “I know my darling. You’re handling it incredibly. We just gotta wait a bit before we can go to the hospital and get the epidural, if you want it.” You had originally said no epidural, you wanted to experience having a child in its most pure form but now? You’re definitely considering it.

A few hours later, you were finally in active labour. You’d been having contractions lasting between a minute to a minute and a half every five minutes for just over an hour. You’re sure that you look absolutely atrocious. You can feel your hair damp with sweat as Miranda slowly leads you out to the car, her hand rubbing your lower back. Showering you with kisses and compliments, she opens up your door, placing a pillow under your lower back as you get into the car. Placing a kiss on your forehead, she gives your hand a comforting squeeze. Closing your eyes, you focus on your breathing, trying to find even a second of relief from the now agonising pain. Miranda’s knuckles whiten as her grip on the steering wheel tightens, her free hand comfortingly squeezing your thigh. Laboured breathing escapes you as another contraction hits.

The short seven minute drive to the hospital felt like it took hours, no position is comfortable anymore. She can’t help but grin as she pulls up to the birthing unit of the hospital, walking over to your door to help you get out. Groaning in pain, you take her hand and slowly raise yourself to your aching legs. Locking the car, her arm wraps comfortingly around your waist, helping you stand as you slowly make your way into the building. You were accepted into a room rather quickly and before you knew it you were in a hospital birthing gown on the bed. Your hand clasped in hers, she places a wet flannel on your forehead, brushing back your dishevelled hair from your face. It was getting harder and harder to mask the pain, what were once suppressed groans are now loud, agonising screams as your contractions begin to last longer and come more often. You’re sure you’ve dislocated every knuckle in her hand but if you did, she didn’t seem to care. Her thumb strokes over the back of your hand gently, as she smiles lovingly at you.

“I love you so much my darling. You are so incredibly strong, you’re handling this like a goddamn beast.” She says, placing a gentle kiss to your cheek. A young midwife enters the room, a clipboard clutched to her chest. “Hi Mrs Hilmarson. I’m Stella, I’m going to be your midwife tonight. I understand you’ve been timing your contractions?” She smiles comfortingly at you as you nod. “They’re now 4 minutes apart, lasting for around a minute and a half.” Miranda says as a loud scream escapes you, agonising pain throbbing through your lower abdomen. “You’re doing really well Y/N, I just need to check how dilated you are, we just want to get an estimate on when to call the rest of the team in.” You aggressively nod, trying to distract yourself from the pain as you open up your legs as she walks over to the sink to wash her hands.

Coming back over to you, she bends down to get easy access to you. “Alright, Y/N. I’m just going to check how dilated you are. It will hurt a little bit, but I will try to be quick, ok?” You nod. “Go ahead, my pain will most definitely be worse actually pushing him out.” You say through gritted teeth, your free hand digging into the bed as Stella slips three fingers inside you. The pain grows more intense with each finger she adds. She nods before gently pulling her fingers out. “Not long now Mrs Hilmarson, you’re about 8cm dilated. You’re doing so well. Did either of you need anything?”

With heavy breathing, you nod. “An epidural… please.” Your face is contorted with pain as you say this. Miranda gives your hand a comforting squeeze as Stella nods. “Of course Y/N, I’ll get that arranged for you.” She gives you a soft smile before exiting the room. You groan as tears re-emerge in your eyes. “I love him but my fucking god I need him to get the fuck out of me.” A solitary tear falls down your cheek as you say this as Miranda’s thumb darts out to catch it on your skin. “I know baby, but you need to be 10cm before you can push. You’re doing so well and I’m so fucking proud of you, my love. The epidural should help take the edge off and I’ll be here. I’m not leaving you.” She places a kiss on your cheek as she says this, a sympathetic smile pulling at her lips.

It was about an hour later before Stella returned, a middle aged man at her side. “Hi Y/N, I’m Mark, I’m an anaesthetist. I understand that you were wanting an epidural?” He says, coming over to your side as you nod. You try not to look at the needle but curiosity gets the better of you. Your eyes widen as you see the 8cm needle and small tube soon to be in your back. Miranda’s hand squeezes yours, she saw it too and was now looking in any other direction. Taking a deep breath, you lean forward. “Alright Y/N, you may feel a sharp pinch. Just focus on your breathing, I’ll be quick.” He says calmly, placing his hand on your back. Closing your eyes, you tense up as a sharp pressure shoots through your spine. “Good job, I’m just inserting the catheter now. Keep breathing, you’re doing amazing Mrs Hilmarson.”

Your hand tightens its grip around Miranda’s as you feel the small tube being inserted. “You’re doing amazing, love. I’m so proud of you.” She whispers and you nod, a pained smile on your face. “I love you.”

“Alright, there we go. It should start to work in around 15 minutes. I wish you the best of luck.” Mark says, stepping away from you a reassuring smile on his face. You nod. “Thank you.” You say as he leaves the room. Stella steps out of the corner she’d put herself in while you got the epidural. “I’m just going to check your dilation again, Mrs Hilmarson.” She says as you nod, you seem to be doing a lot of nodding today. It’s the only thing your brain can manage to do correctly through all the pain. Stella’s grin is evident as she steps away from you. “I think it’s time to call the team in. You’re at just over 9cm, it looks like your labours progressing rather quickly which is good. It means it’ll be over faster.”

An excited squeal escapes Miranda, a grin evident on her face as she squeezes your hand. “We’re going to be parents.” You can’t help the wide smile on your face despite the pain. Adrenaline, fear, exhaustion, and excitement. These feelings flood your veins as you look up at your wife who’s proudly looking down at you with love in her eyes. “I’m so fucking exhausted, and in so much pain. I don’t even know if I can push.” You laugh, causing a chuckle from her. She brings her lips to yours, your hand still clasped tightly in hers. “I’ll be here every step of the way, my love. You have got this, I know you do.”

By the time Stella returns with your team, Miranda was helping you slowly around the room, trying to relieve the insane pressure throughout your body. It wasn’t entirely painless but the epidural was indeed working wonders. “Y/N, this is Kate and Riley. They’ll be the ones keeping an eye on your baby during birth. Of course, you’ve met Dayno, your nurse. He’ll be here to keep an eye on you and I’ll be the one helping you have your son. They’ll just be setting up everything for now, I just need to check your dilation again.” She points to each of them in turn as she introduces them. “Jesus Christ, are all of them going to be looking at my cooch?” You can’t help but think as you see them, giving a pained smile as you get back onto the bed for Stella to check you. Miranda’s eyes shine with pride and care as she gives you a gentle smile. “It’s happening!” Excitement rings through her voice as she looks down at you. Tears form in your eyes again as you chuckle. “Ok Mrs Hilmarson, you’re fully dilated, it’s time to push. Are you two ready to be mums?”

You didn’t have time to reply as a contraction crashed down on you. Your hand desperately grasping at Miranda’s, a pained scream escapes you as you push. Her hand buckles as you accidentally dig your nails into her, too oblivious by the pain to notice. “That’s it, my love. Keep pushing.” She whispers, her hand brushing back the sweaty hairs that were stuck to your forehead. “Good job Y/N, just push again when you’re ready.” You were exhausted, having been in pain for hours. Every muscle in your body was screaming for help. Another scream falls off your lips as you push. Miranda’s free hand is gently rubbing your shoulder as you sit forward, your abdomen clenching. “He’s crowning! There’s his head, one more push Y/N.”

“One more push, my darling. You’re so incredible, one more push.” Miranda’s eyes glisten with pure love and admiration as she looks at you. Your scream fills up the room, tears escaping you as you push for the final time. Your body had nothing else left to give, absolutely exhausted beyond comprehension as you feel the pressure in your body disappear, replaced only by a burning pain around your vagina. Silence falls before a higher-pitched scream fills the room. Miranda’s own tears start falling, a grin of disbelief on her face as she sees your son. Stella quickly lifts him up, taking off the top of your hospital gown so she can place him on your chest.

Silent sobs escape you, an exhausted but ecstatic grin on your face as you gently place your hands on your son. Miranda’s hand, now bleeding from your nails gripping into her, places itself on top of yours. She gently leans down, giving you a loving kiss before gently kissing the top of your son’s head. “Congratulations Hilmarsons. We just need to clean him up and double check everything’s ok with him and then you’ll get him straight back.” Kate says, her voice soft as a proud smile grows on her face. You nod, gently lifting him up to pass to her. Miranda’s face was bright, emotion lighting up her features as she wraps her arms around you lovingly, her eyes still not leaving your son.

“So do you have a name in mind?” Dayno asks as he wipes your chest clear from blood and amniotic fluid. You give a soft smile, looking up at Miranda. “Actually yeah… Asher Blake Hilmarsson.” She grins, a single silent sob escaping her as she hears his middle name. Blake was her childhood best friend who unfortunately died in a car crash when he was 18. Both you and Miranda decided on Asher as his first name but you kept his middle name a secret from her. “I love you.” She whispers, afraid her voice would break if she spoke any louder.

“A stunning name for your stunning boy.” Kate says as she returns to your side, Miranda, already reaching out for Asher. You smile proudly as you watch your wife carefully rocking your son with an ecstatic grin on her face. Your little family.

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#miranda hilmarson #top of the lake #woman x woman #pregnancy #childbirth

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balkanradfem · 2 years

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What I learned about growing vegetables in the last 3.5 years of doing it:

Squash: it will grow even in poor soil, summer squash will grow even in the worst conditions, winter squash needs a little more care! If you plant them far apart they will grow huge. Winter squash struggles in heat, but will generally survive it and start growing again once it's not too hot.

Peppers: They have to be watered consistently and periodically after being planted outside. Even if you don't water anything else, you have to water peppers, or they will remain small. They will also cross-pollinate and if you plant hot peppers next to non-hot peppers and try to collect the seeds, next year you will have all hot peppers.

Tomatoes: They're the biggest monster plants and they will grow so vigorously and stubbornly I actually have no clue how to stunt or stop these once they're on the open fields. You're supposed to prune them but they get out of hand so fast. If they survive the 'seedling' stage god himself can't kill them. But blight could so if the lower leaves are looking sick and yellow, cut them off.

Beans: Another thing that will grow in poor soil, the most important thing I learned is that the bush variety will produce earlier, and it's a way safer bet to plant them, because if there's a drought, or slug infestation, or whatever the hell happens, bush variety will give you the produce earlier, and you're very likely to get a harvest. Pole beans, or the climbing variety, is capable of growing so much bigger producing much more beans, but does it slower and is at more risk to be attacked or sun-damaged! So plant both, always.

Carrots: I am still not great at carrots! There are many tricks to germinating them, and I always try to sow them early in the spring, then again in the summer, and it will sometims have better results if you put a big plank over the soil after planting them, to keep them from drying out. They really need soft and well-fertilized soil. Also if you plant them in the fall, harvest before the late spring comes because they will start going to seed.

Onions and garlic: Honestly there's no effort in growing these, bulb stuff grows as long as its underground, it's more of a challenge to stop them from growing really. Even if you cut up the tops they'll regrow like some kind of zombies. Beware of onion fly tho that stuff is evil.

Sunflowers: Do Not Let the seeds fall around your garden, they Will take over your Entire Garden and you will be helpless as these monster plants devour your garden space while You feel too Guilty to tear the pretty flowers away from your space. Do Not be Deceived. That's exactly what they Want you To Think. Will stunt your beans if planted close so be careful. Zero effort in growing, will grow in any dirt.

Cabbage and Kale: They need so much fertilizing, or they will just stay sad and small, you have to give them compost, mulch, and water them with some sort of fertilizer tea (you can make that by mixing nettle with water and letting it sit in the sun for 10 days) or you will not get the gorgeous full plant that you want. Also they are frost hardy but if there's not much sun they won't grow very fast in the cold.

Leek: they do not tolerate being grown inside as seedlings, but if you direct sow them every seed will come out I Swear. Can be grown in a bunch in one place then transplanted around later. Onion fly can also mess them up but I have no idea what to do about that.

Parsley and Celery: seems to do better direct-sown than transplanted, needs a lot of seeds to be thrown in order to germinate. I've never tried the root variety but leaf varieties grow very easy.

Potatoes: They're extremely easy to grow, as long as you put the potato underground you've done it, now if you want them to do amazing, you need to plant them in spring while the soil has a lot of water content in it, and you want to keep adding soil/mulch on top of them as they grow, in oder for them to grow more potatoes. I absolutely love growing them in mulch instead of soil! If you dig a hole, put a potato in it, then cover it in hay, or dry leaves, not only it will grow, but you won't have to dig out the potatoes, you can just feel them thru the mulch! 10/10 Love growing in mulch. They still spread their roots into the soil, but the potatoes itself have a good time growing in mulch because it creates no resistance to potatoes getting bigger underneath. Also they like having decent amount of water, if planted in hot times.

Green beans: You need to put 5-6 seeds in one place in order for them to do well, they like having more of their own kind around to create shade and stability, they get easily damaged by the sun so they appreciate being around each other and protecting each other. Bush varieties do best in my climate, but I'm longing for the evasive pole green bean plants, I want to see them tall one day.

Cucumbers: I've only grown this once and all I have to report is that it was very stubborn, grew in poor soil and with no care, kept creating cucumbers long after I've expected it to call it quits, sometimes they grow bitter and it takes a Ritual to make them edible, good for canning tho.

Peas: This is one thing I suck at so don't do what I did – don't take out seeds from hybrid varieties of peas and expect them to grow next year, they will germinate at abysmal rates. I finally bought some heirloom seeds so we will see if my luck changes.

Chives: Absolutely immortal, zombie plant, grows always except when frozen, grows like grass, loves being cut, unlimited onion seasoning exists and its chives, not as sweet as green onions sadly, but I appreciate it's properties of being an endless supply, a woman needs that sometimes.

Spinach and Swiss Chard: Idk if it's just me but I Never know when these are randomly going to go to seed and it drives me Insane. Cannot be relied upon because they all just loooove going to seed whenever sun hits them in a Way. Plant in fall to have some to eat in the spring for 2 weeks until they decide they're ditching you because sunlight now exists.

Basil: Oh, oh, don't get me started, I thought, originally, this plant needs lots of sunlight to succeed and it made Sense! I mean why Not! But then for several years they did badly..? And then, then I find out, basil grows better in Shade! I find this via youtube video randomly! Really?!?! I have planted the forsaken herb in the shade and I'm Watching its Every Move. It's doing fine for now we'll see tho. =_=

#growing food #gardening knowledge #gardening tips #homesteading #vegetables #notice how it just spirals down into ranting #how dare those vegetables not obey me #ah well i'm sure i'll learn more!#i'm happy with knowing what i know right now #it's enough to grow a lot of food

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clayberesford · 4 days

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//It's been a while since I've posted on here since it's been really busy for me with work and personal life. I'm hoping I can write more often again though. I love writing Clay's journey but sometimes it's difficult and I can't imagine what he could possibly be going through. I do know he deserves so much love and happiness and that is the direction I'm going towards with him and his recovery. ☺️❤️

*Is sitting at his favorite cafe again writing in his journal.*

"It has been a while since I have written on here. I am starting to recover slowly from the transplant. I am still in pain emotionally and not sure if I will ever get over my trauma, but I am hoping one day that I can at least stay in control of my emotions and be able to learn to trust again.

My aunt Elizabeth has been taking care of me and I'm really grateful to have her by her side to keep me company. She is really an amazing person and she has done so much for me to help me recover. ❤️

I have been working from home, but will be going back to the office soon. I am a bit nervous to see everyone again and I know people will be talking about what happened to me regarding my heart transplant and my mother's sacrifice as well. It has been all over the news and in the office as well.

I really hope everything will be okay and will feel normal again some day, but for now I guess I just have to take things one day at a time."

#awake 2007 #clay beresford #hayden christensen #role play account #clayton beresford #awake rp #role play post #role playing

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skippyv20 · 1 year

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Even Harold is disillusioned with Hollyweird?

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim checking in with some thoughts on the latest hi-jinks from the Harkle’s & company. How typical of narc/grifter Diva to think she can outdo all the other mega stars in the most elite court-side seats, looking up to see her mug on the jumbo screen! How amazing a Getty photographer just happened to be positioned exactly at the same level as their private suite, having a click fest with her face, while she acts oh so shy, in her “glam” outfit, surrounded by her slobby staff, stuffing their faces. The dynamics are hilarious! One headline said they returned home to their LA mansion…?

Full-face surgery would take months to recover from, not weeks, causing much swelling…hmmm…perhaps new dentures and that “skinny shot”, which makes most who try it very nauseous because it is for diabetics. Her legs are extremely thin and that is saying a lot for her…so they could be cheating their way to being super thin which at a tipping point becomes a health hazard. The body is forced to tap into muscle tissue for energy, which starts the physical dangers of being anorexic, but you don’t have wrinkles or jowls.

The DailyStar says Harold is thinking about returning to the UK for 6 months of the year….could he have finally figured out what he so casually tossed away? Observing up close & personally, how real people live…even those with massive wealth…just doesn’t have the ultimate, magic touch that comes from being royal. Also, just because you can hang out with the super rich or successful, doesn’t mean you can ride on their coattails. CA. is a viper pit of defensive egos.

Perhaps, KCIII has him on the hook and is slowly reeling him in, hoping to land him onboard, so to speak. What about the invisible kids? Will they be transplanted every 6 months? Will ILBW be along for the ride too? GAG A RAMA for the royal relatives and the UK public! Today there was a photo of the psychic goat nibbling on the paper that said they would stay to together. LOL

Finally-The excellent artistic efforts have been really funny! So glad there are lots of us attending art class these days. It is very cathartic and I am working on a new one…over and out for now.

They are just boring…..they are nobodies….a comedy duo….ohhh, I can’t wait for your new artwork!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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menalez · 2 years

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https://traycakes.tumblr.com/post/695544490407198720/a-terf-on-twitter-insisted-that-trans-women-sneak

this post has more than 50k notes and it seems ridiculous. it‘s supposed to frame radical feminists as some sort of pornbrained freaks. anytime i’ve heard radfems refer to porn it has been in a critical way. what do you think?

this is so hilarious bc it’s all a bunch of projection.

“terfs are totally saying that one day you’ll be able to totally change your sex and replace women and get a womb and-”

yet it’s trans women arguing they’ll soon get uterus transplants, taking hormones to produce fake milk to breastfeed with, and constantly argue that that’ll totally be a reality one day while women question why on earth they keep arguing something practically impossible will totally happen within a few years, if ever.

“actually terfs are so obsessed with porn and have sexual fantasies about trans people bc they brought up how many are literally involved with sissy hypnosis fetish videos!!”

but.. a huge portion of AGPs who they’re now arguing are the exact same as trans women overall and not at all different ARE into those things and get so into it that they argue that it IS changing them. many downright claim that!! here’s a quote from a famous trans writer:

wait no maybe it’s an indication that i have this fetish if i notice many trans women are publicly identifying it as the start of their desire to transition tho??? apparently being into the fetish is a-ok and means nothing, but knowing of it means you totally are into it and spend hours watching sissy hypno porn daily. make it make sense

“a terf said trans women masturbate in the women’s bathrooms!!! it’s totally just from a hentai manga tho!!!”

remember that nasa employee that posted about being a trans woman who goes to the women’s bathrooms and masturbates there among NUMEROUS other examples? yeah knowing about that makes u a porn sicko apparently :/

(this person proceeded to share an 8 minutes long video masturbating in the women’s bathroom). i can’t find the NASA tweets but i remember it caused a shitstorm so if anyone wants to add em feel free to but.. lord the projection here is off the charts.

it’s amazing how every single example is just “terfs listen to what many trans women have said and done and then reiterate it & the statements are really extremely pornographically driven… therefore actually terfs are super pornsick themselves!” … if i said many men ive come across are into rape porn or sth would it mean im into rape porn??? like this is the kind of logic we’re working with here.

#anonymous

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touchtheinvisiblestars · 3 months

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The scowl on his face was enough to set off a wave of irritation in you. You'd had plenty of disagreements in the run up to your leaving date. The last ending in him leaving the hotel room you were staying in the night before, unsure of when you'd broken his trust so badly.

Which made for a really awkward flight the next day. He point blank refused to speak, sitting down next to Benny. Feeling dejected, you couldn't work out why he'd decided you shouldn't join them. To the point you weren't sure whether you should.

***

"I just don't think you coming to location is the best idea."

"Frankie, what the hell? You've never had an issue with this before. We've been to far worse places."

Standing across the room from each other, he had his arms crossed defensively over his chest. It wouldn't take a genius to work out he wasn't saying everything he wanted to. Even more so that you'd known each other for over eight years. Been to more countries than you could count on both hands, spent month after month sleeping in the same room as each other.

"That's not really the point is it." He was almost scowling at you, at this point you were wondering if he'd hit his head and had a total personality transplant.

"Go on then. What is your point?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you. I'll speak to Pope in the morning."

"Why don't you just spit it out. You're clearly hiding something, and to be honest you're acting like a dick."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't think you should be on this mission."

"Okay, but why? You can't even give me a valid reason?!"

"I- you know what I'm not going to stand here and list all the reasons."

"So there's a list? What have you been supervising me for the last eight years? Inspecting my work? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Someone who knows better than you, you've been getting sloppy over the last year. I read that report from June last year. Your bad Intel nearly got a whole fucking group killed."

Losing all the fire from your anger, you physically recoiled, "Frankie I told you that in confidence. Not so you could use it against me later on." Refusing to look at him, you stepped back and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't do that okay, I'm just trying to look out for you."

"Mhmm."

"Nope. I'm not letting you guilt trip me into changing my mind. Fuck that."

***

Choosing an empty seat near the front of the small jet, you slumped down and stretched your legs out. Looking out of the window, the air marshals capturing your attention.

"What on earth is wrong with you and Fish?" Pope's voice brought you back into the plane.

You gave him a look, "why don't you ask him?"

"I've tried!" His voice raised a few octaves, and you let out a chuckle, "that man is in one heck of a grump. I'm wondering if you were to blame."

"Me?!" You narrowed your eyes at him, "well, I'm sorry that I came. Seems like everyone's pissed at me for existing."

"Woah, woah, woah, no one's saying that. Hang on. What the heck were you two arguing about last night anyway."

"I'm not gossiping Santi, I'm really not in the mood." You crossed your arms over your hoodie and tucked your legs up on the seat.

"No- I just want to know what's going on. I'm not having any unresolved issues going in. We need to work together on this."

Looking at Santi, he had a furrow in his brow. You understood how important this was for him, but you held up your end of the bargain fine. You'd put together the profile as you always did and the concept was going to be easy to put into practice. It was the people who were going to be harder to organise.

"Well. Go ask your pilot why he's so dead set against me coming. He was acting like I'm going to fuck up the whole thing." Meeting Pope's eyes, he'd softened slightly.

"What? Fish thinks you're amazing at what you do, more than half of our missions would have gone sideways if it wasn't for you."

"That's not how he was acting last night. Or for the last two weeks."

He sighed, thinking for a moment, "trust me when I say that none of us think you aren't capable. You're a fucking badass okay? I'm going to get Benny to swap with me and I'll talk to him."

As if on cue, the seatbelt sign pinged off. Shooting you a cheeky smile he gave your knee a squeeze and pushed himself out of the seat.

Not long after a larger figure sat down next to you, looking over to see a pair of bright blue eyes and a suspiciously wide grin greeting you.

"Jeez, did someone put some tequila in your orange juice this morning or what?"

"Whatever I had. You need some of it." He jibed back at you, "you and Fish are a real bore this morning."

"Yeah well I'm sorry. Guess someone just too the wind out of my sail."

"Pfft. Oh come on, you can't let me down. I need my drinking buddy back for tonight." He poked a finger into your ribs, making you jump involuntarily.

"Oh I'm definitely drinking tonight. I'll need to after you finish your scout of the place."

"Hang on. You aren't coming?"

"I think it would be better for you guys if don't. I'll probably just fuck everything up."

"Oh no you don't. I need my eyes with me. You can't pussy out on us."

"Well you're going to have to convince Frankie. Cause I've spent the last three weeks arguing with him about it. He's decided he can't stand me."

"Why didn't you say? We would have just told him to shut it."

"Same reason I guess he didn't tell you either."

There was a bit of a pause before Benny replied, looking at him, he had this almost offended puppy dog look on his face.

"Something must be up with him, he wouldn't act out like this for no reason."

"I sure hope you're not blaming me for anything. Mr."

"No! No I'm not, sweets, you can't seriously think he just decided to hate you overnight?"

"If you saw the way we were arguing yesterday. You'd have a different opinion."

"Okay, well I know Pope won't have any of it and..." He paused, shifting in his seat to get a better look down the aisle of the plane, "seems like they're having a pretty serious conversation."

"Good for them."

"Why don't you try and get some sleep. I bet you hardly slept last night, and we need you well rested." He gave you a smile and when you sighed, accepting defeat he broke out into a grin.

Settling yourself into a more comfortable position, your brain kept trying to creep back into overthinking mode like you had been for the last day. But you forced it to shut up and enjoyed thinking about nothing.

A warm hand on your arm brought you out of the unexpectedly deep sleep you had fallen into. Blinking your eyes repeatedly trying to get rid of the remnants of sleep.

"Mhmm?"

"It's okay sweets it's only me, cabin crew told me I had to wake you up."

"Oh, right."

You'd somehow tucked yourself in a tight ball in the corner of the seat. Stretching out your muscles, they ached at being stuck still for so long. You winced at the twinge.

"Feeling a bit better?"

"Uhh, ask me in half an hour, I'm all groggy." You laughed lightly, it's always a risk having a nap. 50/50 you're going to wake up feeling like dirt, or completely fine.

The plane landed quickly, and we all filed off.

We got into the two jeeps waiting for us, with Frankie obviously jumping into the other one.

Arriving at a private tucked away villa. Before we could all scatter and chill, Pope explained to us we would be having two days downtime, to travel to the location.

"Wait Pope, that's not what you told us last week." Benny asked.

"I know. I had to keep it under wraps what was really going on, we're going to another location."

You hated this. Being less prepared because plans changed without you being told.

"Look, I know this isn't ideal. But the information we're after changed hands because of our intel. So I couldn't risk it happening again because we all knew."

"Was it just you?" You asked Pope, gaze falling on Frankie.

"Was just what me?"

"Was it just you that knew?"

The others got wind of what you were implying, and both Miller brothers let out a characteristic huff.

"You knew." You pointedly spoke to Frankie.

"What the hell was so bad about this You couldn't share with the rest of us." Benny jumped in.

"I had Fish do some digging and it was almost ridiculous what he found they had about us from our last visit here." Pope explained, a slight wave in his voice made you realise he wasn't just being a dick. We had got ourselves into trouble.

"It- it wasn't just what they had from the mission. They had some people follow a couple of us back." Frankie spoke up, it felt weird hearing his voice for the first time in like twelve hours.

You had stupidly assumed you could all go unnoticed. Suddenly feeling very exposed, you excused yourself from the table.

"I'll be back in a bit guys. Just carry on without me."

You made a beeline for the front door, and rushed out of it. Feeling stupid for not realising that's why Frankie was so adamant you shouldn't come. You'd been followed home. You did have a snaking suspicion someone had been following you the last few weeks. But you'd initially brushed that off, putting it down to living in a small town and meeting the same people in multiple places. The supermarket, the gym, the park, even at the bank. Clearly you'd let your guard down.

Sitting down at the end of the garden, the house was fairly high up and had a beautiful view over a jungle valley.

"Fuck!" You exclaimed, the gravity of the situation had just hit you like a landslide.

"I'm sorry but I tried to tell you."

"Great job, flinging insults at me and vague accusations." You snapped back at him.

"Pope insisted you had to come, but is it really worth it?"

"Well. I'm here now! Can't really do much about that."

"You weren't going to be. I almost had him convinced to have you back home."

"Thanks, making me feel so much better."

"But then he said you'd be safer with us. That anything could happen while we're away and we wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

"If you're now trying to tell me. That this whole you kicking up a stink about me going, was because you were worried for me... Is absolute horseshit Morales. This is just not even funny anymore. You've spent the last two weeks telling me that you don't think I'm good enough for the team anymore, and that I'm not going to help you guys. We'll you know what? You can shove your half-assed non-apology right up your conceited ass. Because I'm done with you. Whatever bond we had over the last eight years, you just totally threw away. So well done. I've had enough."

You could see the panic in his expression. But you just didn't care. He'd totally stomped on your trust for him, and you'd had enough.

"Hey wait." He intercepted you as you walked past where he was standing. A rough hand softly gripping you left elbow.

"What? Don't bother trying to force out an apology. Its not worth it and its not going to help either of us." You couldn't look at him, he had one of those faces you couldn't say no to. Even if you were mad as hell.

He let out a deep sigh and let go of your arm. Stepping back, he said nothing. Which was almost worse than him saying something stupid.

#frankie morales #francisco morales imagine #frankie morales imagine #triple frontier #triple frontier imagine

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