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pawsitivelymiraculous · 3 years

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Damian, the little brother, Dupain-Cheng (Part 1)

I'm backkkk! I explained why this series went on hiatus on this post but yeahhh the Damian Dupain-Cheng series is back and will be posted on it's old schedule (which is every other week) Anyway I really appreciate you guys,, sorry for taking so long and let me know what you think! Comments really motivate me to keep writing.

(I promise I'll add a read more thing and the links tomorrow but I need sleep. for now I'll add the masterlist you can find everything there)

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Ao3 Masterlist

~♡~ Recap ~♡~

Marinette kidnapped/adopted Damian after seeing him with Talia in the Miraculous Café. She gives him the choice between staying with her or a non assassin relative. He chooses to stay in hopes of stealing the miracle box, but since that didn't work he lashed out and tried to kill Marinette and her friends repeatedly. This makes Marinette doubt in herself because she feels guilty about the whole situation. After hearing Marinette cry, Damian runs away confused at the whole situation, but he didn't get far before realizing that he was actually okay with the idea of Marinette becoming his mother. Marinette finds him and they go home. Time passes, they get a dog, Damian grows closer to Marinette and Marinette legally adopts him.

This takes place some time after all of this, like a couple of months.

~♡~♡~♡~

Why am I still in Paris?

Jason asked himself this every day, and yet he could never find the answer.

Maybe it was because he really had nothing else to do. Well besides killing a Bat.

Or maybe it was because being in Paris somehow cleared some of the madness leftover from the Lazarus Pit that clouded his brain.

In either case it seemed like every time he tried to leave, he would convince himself to stay with the lie that Marinette Dupain-cheng was just as dangerous as Talia had claimed she was.

And that his "brother" really was in danger.

Which only led to him tailing after the pair like a complete creep while feeling miserable because who was he kidding? The woman who had taken Damian in was just as dangerous as a basket of golden retriever puppies and Damian would have a way better life living with her rather than with Bruce.

And still he could not f*cking leave.

So he continued to observe from the shadows. Trying to remain invisible.

Which had worked out perfectly fine until that day it seemed, because Jason soon found himself pressed against the cold concrete after being flipped by a woman half his size.

Jason tried to look up, but he felt the heel of a shoe pressed against his head.

"Ow"

"Oh, I'm sorry did I hurt you?" Jason heard a familiar voice say. The only difference was that she was speaking in English with a slight accent rather than French.

How the h*ll did she know that he spoke English?

Jason tried to get a better look at his attacker, but she just pressed down her heel deeper making it very clear that she was not sorry at all.

Marinette leaned down to talk to him. "Look kid, I just want to know why you keep following me. Now we can talk like normal people, or I'll have to be a little… unconventional. So what do you say?"

Kid? Jason couldn't remember the last time he had been called. It was especially surreal coming from such a petite woman who couldn't be older than thirty.

"Now I'm going to let you stand up just… don't do anything stupid."

Stupid seemed to follow Jason because as soon as he felt the pressure on his head lessen, he stood up and ran. The only thing in his mind was getting away from the woman.

He wasn't able to go far though. As soon as he got to the end of the ally they were in, Jason suddenly felt all the muscles in his body grow weak. Everything around him became blurry and for the second time that day, Jason fell down and hit the gravel.

~♡~♡~♡~

Marinette hadn't meant to use a tranquilizer she made from the bee's miraculous venom on the guy. Honest.

But she needed answers, and he didn't seem in the mood to be the one providing them, so she had to do something before he got away.

Marinette did find it strange how he seemed more interested in running rather than harming her in any way. But she could think about that later. For now, she had to do something about the unconscious body on the ground.

First, Marinette tried to drag him back into the ally because she didn't want to risk anyone seeing her. It was ridiculous how difficult it was to move the guy a couple of inches. Even with all the strength she got from being ladybug, Marinette found herself incredibly tired when she finally managed to get to the end of the alley.

There was no way that Marinette could drag the guy to a safe location. Unless… she had the horse miraculous.

Marinette swiftly grabbed her phone and called Adrien while still holding down the guy in case he regained consciousness. "Hey kitty! Are you busy right now?"

"Um no?" He replied cautiously. "Unless you need me to bury a body, then I'm really busy." He would gladly lie to the police and give marinette suggestions on how to get rid of the body, but actually digging a hole sounded like too much of a hassle in Adrien's opinion.

Marinette laughed nervously. "Don't worry it's not a body." She paused "Not a dead one at least" she added under her breath.

Adrien heard her anyway "Marinette."

"I just need you to get the horse miraculous and come here." Marinette added quickly when she heard Adrien's disapproving tone.

"Do I even want to know why you need it?"

Marinette hesitated. Adrien still acted weird around Damian, and she wasn't sure that he would want to get involved with this. "Well I found the guy that was following me" she explained "and accidentally knocked him out" Marinette stopped when she saw a portal open. "And you’re already here, was there no traffic?"

Adrien laughed as he walked out of the portal. "I was already getting the miraculous while you talked." He explained with a shrug then he looked at the unconscious guy on the floor. "Sooo… do you need help with that?"

~♡~♡~♡~

Kagami was already at the café's storage area by the time Adrien and Marinette passed through the portal.

Adrien did a double take when he saw her. "Woah, I literally just texted you."

"You said you found the stalker, and I was nearby, and I figured that you would need help interrogating him." she explained.

"With a sword?" Marinette asked, eyeing Kagami's left hand. "Where did you even get that?"

Kagami smiled. "Yes, and your son has an excellent taste."

Marinette looked at kagami, with a very confused and slightly worried expression. "Wha- when did you go sword shopping?"

Adrien replied instead. "When you asked me to babysit, your little gremlin scares me and gami wanted a sword, so I let him go with her." Then he grabbed a nearby chair and sat the guy in it, and also tied him to one of the stands that held coffee supplies using zip ties.

"You have broken my trust Agreste." Marinette said trying to sound as serious as possible but failing at it. "No, but seriously, let me know next time okay?"

"Yes ma'am"

It took a couple of minutes for the guy to regain consciousness. And as soon as he did, he thrashed around trying to break free from his restraints. Looking around him wildly until his gaze landed on Marinette.

His eyes narrowed. "You" he lunged towards her but was held back.

His attitude was completely different from their first meeting. Before he seemed conflicted and confused. But while he still seemed very confused that confusion was now mixed with rage. Which Marinette could understand, she had just knocked him out and brought him to a strange place.

But Marinette needed answers, the guy was very clearly part of the league, his aura reeked of their darkness, and she was not about to feel sympathy for anyone connected to the league of assassins.

So Marinette held no remorse when she allowed kagami to approach him with her sword after he calmed down a bit.

"Who are you?" Kagami asked threateningly, then raised the blade dangerously close to his neck. "And why have you been following Marinette?"

The guy didn't even flinch. "Name's Jason" then he turned slightly to look Marinette in the eye. "I am Damian's brother," he continued.

Marinette's eyes widened. The room fell silent for a moment.

Jason smirked at his captors' shocked faces as he gave the final blow. "And I'm here to take him to his father."

~♡~♡~♡~ TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

(If you want to be added please let me know)

@elmokingkong @anjuschiffer , @ii-fox-demon , @justcourttee , @tazanna-blythe , @lozzybowe , @idontfuking, @wannajointhecrabcult , @bakergirl13 , @rosalineandrosemary , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @our-preciousss , @consumeconstantly , @jiso-lee , @allthegooddaimenettenamesaregone, @justcourteesuportline , @finallyaniguana , @user00000003 , @whydoexamsexist , @justafanwarrior , @violetfandomaddict, @smolplantmum @fidget-eep ,@cadenceh2o , @justarandomtumblerblog , @ramos123 @iwantasecretidentity @t1dwarrior-of-earth @thesunniestdays @alice-hazelwood

~♡~♡~♡~ PERMANENT TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

@charme-de-malchan , @theatreandcomicfreak , @m3owww, @elliebelliegirl , @genevieve-the-demonologist, @vixen-uchiha , @t1dwarrior-of-earth , @waffleyunsure , @technicallyburninggarden , @azuremayscarlet , @vroomtaka , @emistar0 , @ichigorose , @maskedpainter , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @alysrose-starchild , @jayjayspixiepop , @abrx2002 , @nathleigh , @icerosecrystal , @jumpingjoy82

#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #my trash writing #my writing #damian dupain cheng #mominette

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ruby-whistler · 3 years

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Srry but i noticed in one of ur dream posts u Referred to tommy's cat as hope. I must correct u, that cat was born pussbou and died pussboi. /lh Also tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile btw just wanna say Also for ur posts about dreams trauma or wilbur manipulating him can u provide links to vods or other proof? Srry if i seem rude i mean that in a "genuinely curious way"

Aaa sorry if my ask came off as rude im just genuinely curious :(((

hi! dw, you don't seem rude at all, and i'm extremely happy someone with a different perspective has found my blog! i really appreciate that sort of attitude and am happy to answer :]

/dsmp /rp

the cat was called pussboy by tommy, but dream only called it "the cat" and then said that "it was hope", which is why it sort of became a symbol (his hope is dead, basically) - that's why i kind of made its name capitalized, because it was more of a metaphor than anything.

most c!dream fans call the cat hope because it's just really nice and really symbolic, and also really sad when you think about it. that's why the name was used in the essay, just to clear up the confusion!

tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile

i don't really think so? mooshroom henry was entertainment more than anything, and even if it was bad, when watching the stream i don't remember seeing him mourn that much - on the other hand, dream was very quickly and very obviously attached to the cat, with it being his only companion in months of isolation, along with the hope that even when tommy left it would keep him company.

keep in mind c!dream has been deprived of stimuli and human contact for so long it's officially classified as psychological torture at that point.

i don't mean to compare trauma or even compare deaths - because honestly, what c!dream and c!tommy have gone through individually is incomparable and i think neither should be diminished in favor of the other since they're both terrible situations.

that's why i disagree that it "was nothing compared to" - it had an obvious effect on c!dream, and was still c!tommy killing an animal specifically to hurt him, no matter what reasons he had.

when i'm talking about effects people's actions have had on c!dream, i'm not talking about those people. i'm talking about him. :) /lh

as for the trauma, a lot of people agree that a lot of the things he says or does are trauma responses, and hence it's very possible that he's had trauma before he went into prison!

this includes being repeatedly called a tyrant via propaganda by about half of your friends who decided to betray you, trying to keep peace and being pushed deeper into villainy instead, repeatedly being put in between a rock and a hard place in order to make sure the people you care about don't start killing each other, then being betrayed by your closest friends after merely trying to keep peace (sapnap & george) and just in general having no control over your life or image and grasping at straws to gain it back.

i know a lot of people with trauma who heavily relate to certain trauma responses, which aren't always just shaky breaths and flashbacks, but trauma often also manifests itself in extremely ugly and destructive ways, both inwardly and outwardly.

trying to control the people around you is also very often a response to going through trauma, as well as emotional repression which is... rather evident on c!dream during season two. it only seems to get worse with repeated abandonment.

in the end, during the vault scene, the way he acts really just isn't at all the way a healthy person would act, and a lot of his really bad mindsets come from the way he was taught by the world around him.

the character is very reserved however, and since we don't have his pov we can't really say for certain - a lot of people claim it in good faith because they have a lot of evidence for it, and i think they're certainly valid in that.

that is just before the prison, however. from what happened during the prison arc? there is no denying he's traumatized at this point.

he's been emotionally and physically abused by c!sam since the very beginning of being imprisoned, and being in solitary confinement for over two weeks is generally considered psychological (and maybe also physical?) torture. that alone shows up in a lot of symptoms of his mental deterioration while in pandora's during people's visits, and quackity's "sessions" just absolutely drove the point home.

what he's gone through during this arc is absolutely incomparable to anything others charactes have faced before, and it's just plain suffering being endured by someone who is, despite everything, still a human being.

as for the wilbur manipulation thing!! it's talking about the whole vassal scene (though even beforehand a lot of their interactions are pretty iffy), and here's a post about that :]

I also have a small question about the analysis u last reblogged cus it says "why dream needed lmanburg gone rightfully" and like. The house analogy is poor because for one cus the land is infinite. And 2 cus punz's yard was literally larger then lmanburg. And also stuff about dream being a mediator? Can u provide examples?

i wouldn't say it was poor. dream's said a lot of times that he didn't care in the slightest about the land - a lot of his problems with l'manberg arose with the fact that wilbur basically built it on lies and tried to disallow half of the server to come there. c!dream was mad about the division and the fact that wilbur wanted "freedom" to have authority in his lands - over others, as can be seen in this post also.

the table analogy was fitting not because dream was some overlord, but because these were literally friends he invited to hang out and live in a place he wanted to call home. claiming a part of it for yourself and saying people of a certain nationality can't come in is directly opposing those goals.

in the early days of the smp, dream's always been a mediator between his friends - sapnap and george, who would often get into fights and go around killing each other! he would always do his best to stop the conflict, which continued after tommy joined when he took him to court and then later tried to mediate conflicts he was a part of, which resulted in tommy killing him unprovoked, stealing his gear, and starting the disc wars when dream was trying to get his stuff back. later, during pogtopia, he is also most concerned with peace over everything, and this seems to continue indefinitely after.

Today i was thinking about how messed up the final control room was. Like. Dream arranged the betrayal and punz and sapnap killed tommy and tubbo who like. Were literal children and their pals (because the author, wilbur soot, is dead/j but srsly if u take the streamers words tommy said he was 9 during the revolution sooo)

Sorry im gonna ramble about how dumb canon ages are for a second cus like. Streamers can say the characters are one way or another (wilbur saying he is mentally 30-something, etc.) But in the end the characters act like they(or at least their streaming personas) do.

i... honestly don't find it that bad? they were in a war, and the final control room was basically just supposed to end it quicker. the l'manbergians made it clear they were going to fight to the death, so they really left c!dream no other choice. and it's not like he didn't give them chances to give up.

also yeah the 9 year old thing was retconned, because in that case c!dream would've been 14 and i don't think that's true.

c!tommy and c!dream were both young and once again, in a war. the final control room was an attempt to assure victory, which both sides would've taken if possible, but only c!dream saw he had the option.

i do agree the whole child soldier thing was bad but... complain about that to c!wilbur, methinks. he talked naive kids into fighting for his personal power. however, the age argument isn't really valid either way. they had enough agency to sign up for it, and whether or not c!wilbur pushing the intense nationalism onto them had something to do with that is another debate entirely.

Bacl to final control room cus like??? Also fun fact punz took 2 of wilbur's canon lives. And like that probably is what started wilbur's paranoia which later lead to his spiral and i. Many thoughts full of lmanburg today.

i'm pretty sure cc!wilbur said what lead to c!wilbur's spiral was a "dark, twister view of possessions" and "disregard for his fellow citizen whom he claimed to love so much", but i really wouldn't say it was the control room; if anything the sudden loss of power after the elections seems to me like the trigger for his spiral.

I watched the exile arc live and. I feel dirty almost for feeling little to no sympathy for c!dream (srry ive been forgetting to add that aa) because of his actions toward c!tommy and like. The whole probation was so humiliating and unfair and c!dream was planning to frame him for the crimes he and puffy did under the the guise of "pranks" and c!quackity was planning to seize the vice president role.

i mean... to be fair, if you didn't watch the prison arc much yet or only watch tommy's perspective i understand not feeling that sympathetic - however, i encourage you to maybe watch a few prison visits, since they could help you see the whole picture better!

i also watched it live, and i also thought it was terrible, but i share very much the same sentiment for the prison arc because. absolutely no one should have to go through either of those things, you know?

i don't think probation was that humiliating? he was just. being asked to not start conflict with the other factions for two weeks. of course, what happened as a result is in no way justified, but i don't think probation itself would've been bad at all. either way yeah the framing and c!quackity's behaviour was. very yikes, i agree.

Also c!tommy antis are dumb because they say "he deserved exile angry emoji" i dont see u saying that about ranboo. Just say you hate cc!tommy and go. Also people say c!tommy was just as toxic to c!dream and i??? No. One is the victim and one is the abuser and like. :/// man. This part is rambly srry

i wouldn't say they hate cc!tommy? cc!tommy has a persona who people think is annoying at first ( but then they subscribe because he is super entertaining big man! ) but a lot of c!tommy's actions are straight up toxic to certain characters, such as c!funndy and c!jack. he has a very dismissive attitude towards others and their trauma and it does affect the people around them very negatively.

examples; his repeated bullying and behavior towards fundy:

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

......

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

( credit for transcript: @/findingjoynweirdstuff )

he's also responsible for a big chunk of c!jack's trauma, both with actions and words, and that's why i think certain people might dislike the character, and i don't think that's wrong of them. anyone can dislike any character they want if they don't attack people for liking them, in my opinion.

also c!tommy was most definitely toxic against c!dream in the cell. it's of course understandable but that doesn't change the fact he was constantly hitting and insulting him (without dream doing anything back for a long while until he snapped) which is toxic behaviour.

i wouldn't say he was "just as" though, so i agree with you on that. they're different and they behave differently.

i made a dream blob keychain today. Is it possible to send images if u wanna see? Idk cus i havent used tumblr before. I think that's all for now. Thx for letting me talk :D peepoShy -curious anon (but fr a connoreatspants c!dream redemption arc would be cool)

yooo that's cool! i don't really,,, know if it's possible to send images? try it out and if it isn't i'll try find a way to turn it on.

also, no problem! just please remember this is a c!dream sympathetic blog, and me as well as my followers are uhh,, oftentimes emotionally attached / personally relate to the character, so if you could avoid sending hate on the character (not that you have or that i expect you to, just a friendly reminder) in the asks that would be great! we already see a lot of it unwillingly so, i'd rather not see more, but as long as the discussion is civil i'm absolutely ok with you asking more and with me answering more questions if you'd want to! :)

if anyone else would like to reblog this and add some things i might've missed with my answers, feel free to, just go easy on her (she uses she/her pronouns!) and keep it factual.

i hope u had a good or at least ok time at school today :D

thanks! i gtg now because exam tomorrow but i'm going to try write the redemption essay tomorrow as well because ohhh boy i have a lot of ideas about what all i could write around the concept.

also sorry this was long, i can't keep my tongue on the leash :[

#c!tommy critical #c!wilbur critical #my asks #curious anon #long post #history #tw torture #tw manipulation

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lchufflepuffcorn · 4 years

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Teaching Sarcasm (Blue Beelte x Reader)

Author’s note: ahaha, hate the end tho... (You can find my masterlist here, check out my patreon maybe ?)

Words: 1435

Warning: None..? The gif is not mine it belongs to its owner/creator.

Resume: Five times, Kaji Da didn't understand your sarcasm, and Jaime had to explain to him that it was a joking way. One time where Kaji Da responds to her in a sarcastic comment.

1- During group night.

''Yeah, because I'm sooo scared!'' You responded jokingly at something Megan had said. The gang was hanging out, but you weren't frequently part of that gang, for you were not a young hero. And Jaime was glad about it. It was already hard to see his friends get hurt weekly. He didn't particularly want to see his newly acquired girlfriend the same way. Were you aware that he was a hero, well, he never did tell you explicitly, but you weren't dumb either.

''Jaime Reyes, your mate, does not seem in a position of danger, why would they say such things if they are false?'' Jaimes groaned internally.

Scarab, while being one with Jaimes, had yet to understand your frequent use of sarcasm. Six months it had been going on. ''They're joking'', he muttered under his breath. Superboy turned his head toward him with a frown, but Jaime only smiles in his direction, clenching his hand on yours for a second. You didn't ask him about it. He liked it that way.

Preferred it, was more like it. You didn't ask questions, because the last time you did when he came back to your home all battered and a suspicious amount of blue retracting to his back, he snapped at you that it was too dangerous for you to know. You'd been angry at him for some time, maybe you still were right now, but you didn't ask any more questions after that night. And you didn't ask questions about that weird group of kids he was hanging around—all weirder than the others. For that to he was glad.

2- Date night at your restaurant.

There was this small restaurant. A little outside of El Paso where Jaime had taken you for your first serious date, it had soon become 'your restaurant.' It was funny seeing as you had your table near a window, the waiter knew your names and your drinks by heart now. You reminded people of their grandparents in a way.

''I have more important things to do...'' Jaime was saying. The conversation had led to the homework he still hadn't done for the next Monday. You rolled your eye.

''Yes, because running around all night is way more important than your education!'' You responded in a smooth voice, putting honey on your toast. Maybe their honey was better than the one you had at home?

He stared at you, his mouth full of eggs, incapable of defending himself. But before Jaimes could swallow, Sacrab interrupted his train of thought.

''Jaime Reyes, your mate, resent anger, it seems like a trap.'' The poor boy nearly choked on his egg. He hissed once his throat was cleared.

''It's not a trap, they're angry!'' He whispered yell at the voice in his head. You rolled your eyes, not asking who he was talking too, you already knew the answer, It's hard to explain...

3- Study time

''I'm telling you, Miss Keller wants us dead. Why else would she give us a million of pages to do before tomorrow.'' Whined Jaime, his head resting on your shoulders while you were actually doing the ten pages homework your teacher had given the week before. You'd agree it was a bit much, mainly because of his nightly shifts of whatever he didn't want to tell you, but doable if you did a little bit each night. You hummed in response.

''Why did I have to take french, you are a sadist, you know that we could have taken Spanish, but noo, you wanted French.''

''You already speak Spanish at home, Jaime, that would have been too easy for you...'' you sigh, turning your page, pencil raised in the air like a missile waiting to be dropped.

Jaime gave you a disconcerted look. ''So what? It would have been funnier!'' He crossed his arms across his chest and started pouting. He wasn't usually one to sulk, but he felt playful today, and he really didn't want to do his homework.

He finally made his mother agree to you and him alone in his room (without entirely closing his door though) on the argument that it was calmer to study. And you were actually studying—what a loss.

''Sure, et tes devoirs vont se faire tous seuls, Jaime?'' You responded, raising your eyebrows and gesturing at his book open before him. He frowned and pushed you lightly, playfully before retaking his pen.

''Your mate doesn't seem angry, or having un this time, Jaime Reyes, why do they use this tone now?'' Asked Scarab in his head.

Jaime groaned, wishing his school would have a course on how to become a telepath.

''They're mocking me...'' he whispers.

4- When you met someone you disliked.

Jaime knew that you didn't like this one guy at school. Jacob, or Jerry... or was it Aaron? Anyway, there wasn't a particular reason why you didn't like him, you know those who just irritate you and breathe the same air as you do? That guy, whatever his name was, was that kind of person for you. He was also the kind of guy that liked talking to everyone.

That was why you were currently sitting outside the school during lunchtime, facing Jaime, while Jacod/Jerry/Aaron/whatever was sitting on your right.

''Did you guys heard about the last party?'' Asked the guy, he hadn't stopped talking since he sat down next to you, twenty minutes ago. ''Aight, Imma tell you.''

''Oh, please do, we're dying to know.'' You grumbled under your breath, your head resting in between your arms.

The guy looked so insulted, gazing over to you than on him, just as Scarab spoke.

''You mate does not feel intense excitement toward the tale, nor are they dying, why would they say such things?''

Jaime used the confusion on the boy's face to respond to both his questions and Scarab's. '' I think they're tired.''

5- That one fight

He arrived at your house, still dressed in his hero costume. And you had recognized him. He looked like a mashed potato and absolutely refused to talk to you. Thus bringing your rage to him.

''So what, I'm too stupid for you to even tell me about this? You expect me to be fine with you getting killed? Do your parents even know? Did you even think about telling me?''

''I told you it would be dangerous if you knew...'' Jaime started to say, but you cut him off.

''Oh, because while I didn't know, it wasn't as dangerous! For sure, I could still die or be captured and tortured, but yeah, sure, I was perfectly safe!'' You roared in a fake and dry laugh.

Jaime had his face in his end by the end of your sentence. In his head, arguments for his silence were running around, and Scarab's voice was not helping anything.

'Your mate has good points, Jaime Reyes, but I don't understand why they agree with you...' he was saying. The boy grunted.

''I'm sorry, (Y/N). That I made you mad and felt unprotected... and that I didn't trust you'' You sighed.

''Just'' you started, voice restrained as if something inside of you was hurting ''next time something that could get me killed happens in your life, tell m okay? So I'll know.''

6- Sassy Khaji

Jaime was listening to you talk excitedly about the oral presentation you had to do in French (he was your partner in that project because Heck no, he won't let Jimmy or whatever be it). The subject was free as long as it wasn't sexual or in another language than French. And because he participated in hero-ing work, he used Khaji Da's knowledge to bring up his first hero, which became one with the Scarab, Pharaon Kha-Ef-Re.

Your group of mutual friends listening by one ear, because it wasn't to them, you were talking anyway, Jaime sighed. If life could be like that all the time, his would be very much less complicated.

''As if you don't like the thrill, Jaime Reyes.'' Muttered Scarab in his head. Surprising Jaime with his tone of voice, which as suspiciously close to yours.

Jaime took his phone as if he was receiving a call and walk a bit farther away from the group.

''Are you sassy-ing me?'' He asks, his phone near his ear.

''Your mate always feels better after talking like that...''

#young justice league imagine #yjl imagine #blue beetle imagine #blue beetle #blue beetle x reader #young justice league x reader #yjl x reader #fluff #five times #jaime reyes #jaime reyes imagines #jaime reyes x reader #writing #young justice league fandome #blue beelte fandom #khaj da

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horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 20

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- nothing really happened in this either? but he’s really thinking tho? next chapter more stuff will happen i promise :) idk when itll be posted because i work the next 4 days but ill try to take some time to work on it.

- thank you so so so so much for everyone who reads this and especially those who comment. honestly it means so much, you guys make me smile. you make me want to update more and faster. so thank you. thank you so so much <33

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 20 : His chapter

NIALL

When Olivia left, I waited for Maya to show up. I decided to invite her home but as I was waiting for her, I changed my mind and decided that maybe it was a mistake. I didn't want to give her the wrong impression and I also didn't want to be stuck with her. It was too late though and the more I thought about what she had done, the angrier I was getting. When the doorbell rang, I literally jumped off my couch and ran to the door.

There she was, on my porch, with a large smile gracing her lips, and it made me realize I would literally have to break her heart. I breathed in and sent her a polite smile before moving out of her way.

"Come in." I simply said as she walked inside.

Her eyes lingered on all the bags still laying in the lobby and I noticed she frowned but I just closed the door and walked past her to reach the living room. I moved my hand to show her the couch and I waited until she was sitting down to take a seat on an other couch but still close to her. We remained silent for a few minutes and I looked at her as her eyes roamed around the room.

"Where is she?" she asked without looking at me.

"Who?" I frowned.

"Olivia."

I felt surprised that she asked but I didn't know what to answer. Was that a question I was required to answer? I shook my head slightly but she finally turned back to look at me, sending me a weird look. She looked a mix of pissed and hurt and I was not sure I really understood her reaction until she talked again.

"Before we left, you told me you wanted to be alone." she added, explaining her question. "But her stuff is in the lobby. Why did you lie to me, Niall?"

I was flabbergasted by her reaction and at the same time, I was getting pissed. I didn't understand exactly what gave her the right to act possessively with me but I was clearly beyond annoyed.

"That's why I asked you to come here."

"So you're breaking up with me? For her?"

I made a grimace and shook my head.

"Wait, what?"

i didn't understand how she came up to that conclusion and I frowned more, trying to remember the conversations we had had in the past few days. I didn't remember that seeing a girl would bring all of these problems but I knew it did. It reminded me most of the girls I used to date before and how hard it was every single time because of the friendship I had with Olivia. I used to get so many questions, get into so many arguments... I knew it would be different if my best friend was a guy but that fact that she was a girl made all of my relationships so fucking complicated. The only exceptions were girls like Heidi, who didn't see any competition when they looked at my best friend. Perhaps that was why she was the only one I still had something going on with.

"You said you didn't feel like hanging out, yet you're hanging out with her." she repeated. "She's not only your best friend, right? She's not really dating Harry?"

I took a big breath and brought my hands to my face before rubbing my eyes. I was so tired of people expecting Liv and I to be in love, so tired to have everyone telling me how I supposedly feel, so fucking tired to argue and fight about it... I was not in the mood to repeat over and over again that we were just friends and that it wasn't anyone's place to decide for us what our relationship consisted of. Plus, I was already mad at Maya for that stupid picture she posted online and that was the only thing I wanted to address at this moment.

"I am not dating Liv, she's my best friend. You know that."

"Yea, I know that the first time we almost had sex, you left when I was half naked to go take care of her. I know that you and her are close, maybe even too close, for friends. And I know that earlier you told me you didn't want to be around people yet you invited her here."

The memory of that time, a few months ago, when we almost fucked, came back to my mind. I swallowed hard at how wrong it sounded the way she just explained it and I knew I should feel guilty but I didn't. I was fine with leaving her there and yes, maybe I had just changed my mind about wanting to have sex with her but everyone makes mistakes, right? At that moment, leaving seemed like the best solution and I couldn't pretend that running away didn’t seem like a great solution to escape this ridiculous discussion, too.

"I didn't ask you to come here to talk about Olivia!"

"I don't care, Niall, I came here to make love, but clearly now i'm not in the mood anymore."

She inhaled angrily and got up, making me do the same quickly.

"I didn't invite you here to fuck, Maya!" I let out a bit too loud. "I asked you to come here about this!"

Roughly, I brought my phone closer to her face where the picture of us was posted. Her gaze moved from mine and down to the screen of my phone before her face softened slightly, turning into a guilty look.

"I thought we were dating." she explained so low I barely heard.

Her words made me even angrier than I already was and I swallowed hard all the rude words I wanted to tell her. I was not an angry person normally but in the past few days, it seemed like everything annoyed me and I became way more impulsive than my personality normally shows.

"You know damn well we're not dating, Maya." I let out in a lower tone, trying not to sound too mad. "I said I wanted to try. I said we'd start with a date."

"We kissed, too. And held hands... I thought-"

"I know." I cut her quickly, watching her facial expression turn into sadness. What was it with me, recently? Why did I hurt everyone? "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but you need to delete this picture."

She scoffed and shook her head, avoiding my eyes and I could feel the pain emanating from her body, making my anger decline slightly. I didn't want to hurt her but at the same time, we really needed to make things clear about how we felt and what we expected from this relationship.

"Do you know how many times this picture has been liked, Niall?"

I sighed loud and rubbed my eyes again, letting out a short groan. I didn't know but I could certainly take a good guess. I was also aware that someone probably took a screenshot of it in the next few seconds after it was posted. I hadn't taken the time to look at the comments but I could bet there were many and I wasn't too sure I wanted to read.

"Take the picture off." I asked again, feeling defeated. "Or at least, change the damn caption, Maya."

It took her a while but eventually, she rolled her eyes and took her phone in her purse. I waited impatiently as she typed on her phone and with a sigh, she looked up at me.

"I deleted it."

"Thank you."

I was not sure why but it felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders and I closed my eyes. I felt lighter, like half the stress I had had just disappeared. My whole body relaxed and it's when I realized how tensed I had been. When I opened my eyes again, Maya was throwing back her phone in her purse, making sure our eyes didn't meet.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I just asked in a calmer way as she shook her head.

"Not now, Niall." she admitted, passing a hand in her hair nervously. "I need time."

"I think we need to clear up what this relationship is exactly." I insisted.

This time, she looked up right in my eyes and I knew that if looks could kill, i'd be a dead man. As I stared back at her, I realized that all these problems and fights were definitely not worth the relationship we could have and the thought made me feel guilty as shit. She stood there in front of me, extra gorgeous and fucking sexy, and I couldn't feel an ounce of regret at the thought of stopping things with her immediately. Even the way she was angrily looking at me should have been some sort of a turn on but I felt nothing and I had no idea why.

"We don't need to clear up anything, Niall." she let out harshly, putting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "You were very fucking clear."

We stared at each other in silence for about a minute and I knew that her irritated expression hid something else, I could read it in her eyes. She expected me to say something, beg her to stay, tell her I have feelings for her... I knew it. I just didn't want to say these things and lie to her. For a few seconds, I saw sadness in her eyes but she quickly shook her head and pressed her lips together.

"Goodbye, Niall Horan."

I was almost expecting her to add something like 'I hope your dick gets bitten off by a wild animal’ but she just walked past me quickly as I stood there motionless and powerless to the whole situation. Did we just 'break up'? How can you break up with someone you weren't even dating? I shook my head to get out of my thoughts and ran behind her until the front door.

"I'm sorry!" I let out. "Are you still in for that double date?"

She stopped dead in her track and stayed without moving for a while, her back facing me, as i held the side of the door, keeping it ajar. She seemed to hesitate as I asked myself internally why the hell I had just asked that. It's not that I didn't want to try with her, it's just that clearly, we were on a different page. She wanted something steady and I just wanted to have fun.

She finally turned around slowly and I raised my eyebrows.

"!'m sure Liv and Harry are still up for it." I let out, shrugging one of my shoulders.

"But she-"

"She's my best friend." I explained a bit louder, cutting her. "Just my best friend."

I watched as her shoulders fell and she closed her eyes with a sigh. I was not sure why she wanted to try again, or why I even proposed it to her but I felt bad for hurting her and I didn't know how to make things better. The small smile she sent me proved that I did the right thing.

"Alright, call me."

The left corner of my lips raised up and I nodded.

"Sure will." I promised with a small wave.

I was a bit surprised when she blew me a kiss but I sent her a bigger smile and waited until she got in her car and drove away to get back inside and close the door behind me. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes and leaning against the door before sighing loud. Once again, I felt like I took a wrong decision but if i wanted to be honest, it felt like a recurrent thing these day. I was trying to make Maya happy, to respect Harry and Liv's relationship, to convince everyone that Liv was just my friend and to keep all my bitter remarks to myself. I hit my head gently against the door a few times and groaned, searching for my phone in my pocket.

'I'm done. Come by whenever you want.'

I quickly hit send, not really expecting my best friend to run by my side unless it didn't go well with Harry but I still waited a few minutes against the door, trying to convince myself to move. I ended up back on the couch, laying down, scrolling through social medias when I really shouldn't. I wanted to know who had seen the picture Maya had posted and what everyone was saying but at the same time, I didn't want to.

I went back to the picture Harry had posted on instagram and my eyes caught the name of my best friend in the comments. I couldn't stop myself from reading what people had written and I felt my heart twist in my chest. I was not the kind of person to let what people say affect me but some of these comments could really put me in a bad mood, sometimes.

'Harry is dating Olivia????'

'!!!!! look how he's nuzzling her hair !!!'

'this makes me want to puke'

'I ship it!'

'I was so sure she and Niall would end up dating why is she with Harry and why is Niall with that girl?'

'IS HE DATING HER??? IS SHE A MODEL?'

'OMFG SHE'S SO PRETTY!'

'he's hot and she's hot'

'wow big surprise he's now dating a model 🙄 so predictable'

'i hope she dies'

'you guys need glasses that girl is fucking ugly'

'😭😭😭😭'

'Niall and Olivia are literally my OTP this is so fucking sad'

I blinked a few times, staring at the last comment and decided to open google to search for that term I didn't understand. Most of the reactions were not surprising but the comments about my best friend and I made my heart sink in my chest. Clearly, we were doing something wrong if everyone, including people who didn't know us, thought we had feelings for each other.

"One true pairing." I read outloud.

It took me a few seconds to realize what it meant and I cursed low, shaking my head with a sigh. After all this time being friends with Olivia, we had some random people wishing -and expecting!- us to end up together. I placed my phone on my chest and closed my eyes, trying to think of which comments seemed more off to me. The ones about me dating Maya, or the ones about me being meant to be with Liv.

I let my mind wander on some of the memories we had and it made me smile. I couldn't deny that we had amazing chemistry and that we understood each other like no one else did but at the same time, isn't it a fun part of starting a relationship? Getting to know each other? There were definitely some things I didn't know about her but I knew a whole lot and I was wondering if it would make things boring or monotone to date my best friend. There was one thing I didn't know about her but just thinking about it reminded me of my dream and I closed my eyes even tighter, trying to get rid of the images flooding my brain. There was also that time when I caught her masturbating a few days ago that seemed to appear in my mind randomly and although I had found it funny at first, now I couldn't help but wonder why the hell I remembered it so clearly and intensely.

I felt myself get harder in my pants and groaned, annoyed by how easily I was turned on. It was not like me to get hard with random thoughts, especially not about my best friend, and I sighed, passing my hand in my hair, irritated by my own behavior. I heard the doorbell ring and with a lot of effort, I jumped off the couch and walked to the door.

My heart jumped in my chest when my best friend's smiling face appeared behind it and I didn't know why. After all, I did expect her, but maybe the fact that I had been thinking about her naked only a few seconds before she got here was embarrassing me slightly.

"Oh, hey."

Her smile fell a bit and she scoffed, pushing my shoulder jokingly.

"You're the one who told me to come back here." she explained, raising her eyebrows. "I can leave if you want."

"No, no it's not you." I groaned. "Wasn't pleasant with Maya, t's'all."

I saw her frown but she took a step inside and I sighed again, turning around and walking back to the living room. I lied back down and closed my eyes again but I felt her push my legs to sit next to me.

"You're a paiiiiin in my ass." I let out dramatically but jokingly.

"But you wouldn't be happy without me."

"That's right." I confessed with a sigh, searching for her arm and pulling on it when I finally found it. "Come here."

I felt half her body laying on mine and she moved, trying to find a better way to lay with me. She ended up holding herself on my stomach and I groaned again when she hurt me a bit.

"Ouch?"

"Sorry!"

She ended up laying on her side next to me, her arm around my chest and mine around her shoulders. We remained like that for a few minutes until she finally talked.

"Is it weird that we cuddle like that?"

It took me a few seconds to understand what she said but I finally opened my eyes and turned her way, my face in her hair and a lock of it sticking to my lips. I didn't want to answer because I didn't know what to answer. I wanted to say no, and if she had asked me that a few months before, that would have been my answer. But now, everyone seemed to say that things had changed and that our friendship was not normal. Some people even wanted us to be together, which was a new thing for me and kind of hard to assimilate. I was not lying to myself and I had no idea why everyone thought so. I had a few moments of weakness where I actually lusted my best friend, big deal.

"We've always cuddled like that." I just replied, pointing out the obvious.

She looked up in my eyes and I sent her a smile. I was not sure if it was fake or not but she answered it and after a while, I tapped her arm a few times and sat up.

"Come on, I'll prepare some food for us, what do you say?"

She followed me to the kitchen and reached for the fridge, opening it and bending down to take a look inside. My eyes fluttered close and I groaned again at the sight, deciding I had been abstinent for way too long if I was about to think about sex every single time my best friend was bending down. I couldn't get hard whenever I saw some skin, I was not 16 anymore, and the whole thing sounded so juvenile that I was starting to be mad at myself.

"Pancakes night." I just said, trying to think about something else than how horny I was.

She giggled and I opened my eyes again, noticing she was holding the milk and flour in her hands. I smiled back and shrugged, not really surprised we had thought about the same thing. We started preparing everything and without any surprise again, she dropped an egg on the floor and spilled floor over it. I hated messes, that was a fact, but watching her face all white with powder as she tried to clean her mess was more endearing that I could admit.

"You're such a clumsy ass." I chuckled, bending down to help her.

"Yea, and you're an asshole." she joked, avoiding my eyes as she used a paper towel to clean the egg. It escaped her fingers and she cursed in a whisper.

"Actually, Maya said-"

"Maya can go fuck herself."

We both stopped moving at the same time, startled by her harsh words and I moved my head up very slowly to look at her. Her lips were parted and I could even swear I saw her bottom one shake slightly.

"I mean..."

Her words lingered in the air, turning the atmosphere upside down until she sighed and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I know you and her have something going on but I just, I don't know. She gives me a bad vibe."

I raised my eyebrows in shock realizing she felt for my sort-of relationship exactly what I felt for her sort-of relationship. It was weird and sad at the same time, especially that we both seemed to enjoy each other's company more.

"You and Harry give me a bad vibe too."

She looked up and her eyes met mine. I didn't know why my heart jumped in my chest again but it did and I just accepted it.

"I know."

We stayed motionless for a while but eventually, we finished cleaning and kept on cooking in silence. It's only when we sat at the table to eat that I dared to look at her. She was sitting besides me and I poured some syrup on my pancakes as she was grabbing the butter, spreading some on hers. She looked sad and I hated it. All I wanted was to see her smile again. i dipped one of my fingers in the syrup and quickly wiped it on her cheek. She held her breath as I started laughing and she finally turned to me, sending me angry eyes. I knew she wasn't really mad but the sight was hilarious and I laughed again.

"Oh hey, Liv, you’ve got something on your cheek." I chuckled, getting up. "Let me help you with it."

Quickly to make sure she didn't have time to react, I bent down and licked her cheek, making her scream in a high-pitched voice. I burst into laughter again as she rubbed her hand on her cheek. I let myself fall on my chair again and when I opened my eyes, she was smiling widely at me.

"Just for that smile, it was worth it."

Her eyes softened and her smile turned into a fond one. At that exact moment, I would have given anything to find out what was going on in her head but I just reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers.

"Come on, eat." I proposed, moving my chin her way.

She reached for the bottle of syrup and put it out of my reach, making me laugh again. I didn't want to hear about what happened between Harry and her, and I didn't want to tell her about Maya and I's conversation. All I wanted was to spend time with her, pretending no one else was important. I just wanted to pretend things were exactly the way they were a few months ago because If I wanted to be honest, that's precisely how I thought things should be: me, her, and no one else.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfictions #my fanfics #amc #hope this chapter isnt too bad?

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bestillmyslashyheart · 5 years

Text

AK ficlet #8 - Renn & Adrian talk

“Hey Adrian,” a woman’s voice came from behind him.

Adrian turned his head around as far as he could without displacing the board in his lap. He had to put a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun so he could see who had spoken.

“Renn?” He replied. “Hey. What’s up? Been a while.” He couldn’t help but take in her extended belly. Normally he wouldn’t comment on a woman’s body but it was clear she was pregnant. “Congratulations.”

She snorted a little and pushed a piece of hair out of her face. “Thanks. You got a minute?”

Adrian nodded and moved his board off to the side. He’d finish with it later. “Do you want to sit?”

She shook her head. “I’m not so good with getting down to the ground these days. Let alone getting up after. Can we find some place with chairs?”

Adrian stood up and wiped some of the sand off of his hands. He looked around briefly, though he really didn’t need to. He’d come to this beach precisely because it was pretty deserted. There were a couple of other local surfers but the closest business was a few miles away. He gestured over to the cars. “No chairs but if you want to sit in my car...” She nodded and he led the way over. He started to open the passenger door but she opened the trunk first. She had already hopped up on the ledge by the time he made his way around to the back.

He didn’t say anything at first. She had asked to talk to him so he figured she would start the conversation. Truth be told he wasn’t sure what she could have to talk to him about. They’d never exactly been what you would call friends. They knew each other sure. They both surfed. And they both hung around the Cody’s. They knew each other well enough to say hi when they ran into each other but not enough for her to seek him out. Or at least that’s what he had thought.

Eventually it became obvious that she wasn’t going to talk. “Sooo.” He dragged it out a little too long. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m pregnant.” She told him.

He paused. “I uh-I can see that.”

She shot him a dirty look. “Let me finish asshole.” He waved her on. “It’s Craig’s.”

Adrian was a little taken aback. Last he had heard, Craig had left her on her bathroom floor after an overdose. Not exactly a relationship conducive to getting her pregnant. “Uh”

“He knows I’m pregnant but I told him it wasn’t his.”

“...ok.” Adrian still wasn’t sure where she was going with this or why she was telling him.

She rubbed her belly a little bit. “Lately, I’ve started to think that maybe I should tell him. He deserves to know right?”

Adrian nodded but didn’t say anything.

“But he’s Craig, you know? What the hell does he know about a baby? Could I even trust him around a kid? What if it’s a boy and Smurf gets her hands on him? God what if it’s a girl? Can I really have a baby with a Cody?” She rambled on a bit.

Adrian had to admit; those were all very valid questions. God knows he wouldn’t let Smurf near a kid. Ever.

“I uh-. Why are you telling me this, Renn?”

She didn’t look at him. “I wanted to get your opinion.”

Adrian scoffed. “My opinion? Why would you want my opinion?”

“Because you’re still there.” Adrian looked away. He didn’t like to think of himself as still being a part of the Cody’s world but since Smurf got him out of jail it’s been harder and harder. “You know that whole shit show better than anyone that’s not a Cody. Do you think Craig could handle having a kid? Do you think he could keep Smurf away?”

Adrian didn’t answer. They both knew he couldn’t. Of all of them, Craig was the one most tied up with Smurf. He had never really learned how to live on his own away from her. Sure there were those few months in Mexico with Renn while Smurf was locked up. But even then he ended up crawling home when things went apeshit. Adrian knew it killed Deran that his brother would never get away from her. For all the distance Deran had tried to place between himself and his mother, his relationship with his brother had kept him tied to her. Because Craig couldn’t get away. And because honestly, for all his talk, Craig didn’t really want to. So there was no way he would leave Smurf for Renn and a baby. Which meant that inevitably, Smurf would get her hands on that kid.

“Renn,” he started to answer. “Do you really think that that could happen?”

She let out a short humorless laugh and shook her head. “No. He’s never gonna get out. And I never used to care. Like it’s his life he can do whatever.”

“But with the baby...” Adrian supplied when she stopped.

“But with the baby,” she agreed, “I just can’t let my kid get dragged into Cody shit. I feel bad. I mean. He deserves to know he has a kid and the kid deserves to know its dad but-”

“You could tell him. And tell him you don’t want Smurf involved. So maybe he has something to work towards. A real reason to try and get out.”

“Yeah, I thought about that. But what are the chances Smurf doesn’t find out? I mean. Look at J and Lena. Julia and Cat both tried so hard to keep their kids away from her and she still got to them. I don’t want that. I don’t want her to ever know.” Adrian wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Renn this animated, this angry. Just the idea of Smurf latching onto her child was enough. Adrian couldn’t imagine what Renn would do if she actually did.

“Then don’t tell him.” Renn looked up at him. “He won’t keep it from her. He won’t be able to. He’ll try, I’m sure. But he’ll get mad, then get drunk or high or both, and it’ll slip out. I like the guy but you know it as well as I do.” Adrian shrugged. “You want to keep Smurf away? No Cody can ever know.”

Renn nodded. She looked down at her stomach again. “I just- I don’t want to fuck up this kid. And I feel like hiding who its father is gonna be a pretty bad start.”

Adrian moved to sit next to her. “I think you’ll be a great mom, Renn.”

“How do you know that? You don’t know me that well, Adrian.”

“No I don’t. But I think someone who is worried this much about what the best choice is for a kid that’s not even born yet? That’s a good parent. And sure, you’ll probably fuck it up, because who doesn’t, but I also think that you’ll try. You’ll try to do your very best and that’s all anyone can ask.” He nudged her shoulder gently. “And if your very best means doing it on your own? Then you just go ahead and be supermom.”

She smiled gently. “Thanks, Adrian.”

He stood back up and faced her. “And hey, if you ever need a helping hand, just let me know. My sister just had a kid so I’m learning all the ropes.” He chuckled.

He reached out a hand to help her stand up. “Thank you.”

She reached out and gave him a quick hug. He was too startled to reciprocate before she pulled back. She laughed at the look on his face. “Yeah apparently I’m a hugger now. Who knew?” She turned and started towards her car. Adrian made sure all of his things were out of the way and closed his trunk. When he turned around he was surprised to see her standing a few feet away, looking back at him. He raised an eyebrow in question.

“You know you can’t tell Deran, right?” She said.

Adrian closed his eyes briefly. He did know. He wasn’t kidding when he said that no Cody could ever know about Renn’s baby. He knew that asking Deran to keep that secret from his brother would be cruel.

He nodded. “I know. And I won’t. I promise.”

She smiled and nodded back at him, finally turning to leave. Adrian watched her go; made sure that she got in her car alright.

He figured he’d probably be doing a lot of this in the future. Keeping an eye on Renn. It’s funny - half an hour ago, they were barely acquaintances. Now they would be bonded for life by this secret. Adrian smiled to himself, there were worst people to be bound to. And besides, keeping this secret from Smurf might just get him through some family dinners.

#ak #animal kingdom fanfiction #my fic #adrian dolan #renn x craig #deran x adrian #both implied #does renn have a last name?

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flowerpot101 · 6 years

Text

By Chance

Barry Allen x Reader

Request #1: Hi, could i have a Flash fic where the reader is a metahuman and the Justice League finds her. They ask her to join them and at first she refuses them. But eventually she joins and after that, she and flash just *click*

Request #2: Can you please do a justice league barry allen x reader smut where aqua man know how the reader and barry feel about eachother so he flirts with the reader to get barry mad enough to “ do something about it” and then smut ensues??

Word Count: 2841

Warnings: Smut and language

Lights flashed, cars honked, people yelled as she ran across the rooftops. She had just stopped a jewelry robbery from happening and as she was just about to leave, the Justice League had just showed up, giving her a clear sign that it was definitely time for her to go before she was caught. There was only one thing she wanted to do and it was to help others the best she could, not to be part of some hero group. There were times where Y/n thought to herself about how it would be if she did join a group such as theirs, yet she didn’t want to follow their rules, she wanted be free and be able to do whatever she wanted with no questions asked.

She could hear them behind her as they followed, turning her head back for a split second was an instant mistake as she found herself tumbling to the ground as it felt like some had tripped her. Letting out a groan, she turned to look at the group as they came to a stop just a couple feet away from her, she watched as a flash of lighting zipped in front of her and watched as he gave her a slight wave.

Her eyes were furrowed as she turned her glare towards Batman, “Listen, I’m not joining and that’s final so just let me go; you won’t have to hear or see from me again.”

Diana looked to Bruce before taking a step towards you, “We could use someone with your skills…” Y/n was taking small steps back when she cutted off Wonder Woman’s little speech, “And I said I don’t want to join your little club.” Taking a quick step onto the ledge, she leapt off before any of them could react and watched as she ran to another set of buildings..

They all just stood there letting the moment soak in before Arthur spoke up, “Told you she wouldn’t join.”

Bruce rolled his eyes as he walked past him, saying in a low gruff voice, “Shut up.”

As the team began walking off to head back to the mansion, Barry stayed where he stood for a moment, staring at the spot where you had just been, before quickly following after them.

That had just been a little over a month ago and ever since, wherever you were, they were all there too. And every time they tried to recruit you, but none of them exceeded in doing so. But as you faced a team of robbers who seemed to all have special abilities, Y/n knew now more than ever, she was going to need all the help she needed to capture them. Sure enough, the team showed up and with the help from the Justice League, it wasn’t too long before all the robbers were tied up, waiting for the police to take them away.

Y/n stared at the scene as the officers walked around talking to different individuals that were sitting at the edge of the ambulances, red and blue lights flashed on her face before a small gush of wind blew in her face. Turning her head to look beside her, there was the Flash, smiling at her while she wore a blank expression.

She rolled her eyes before letting out a deep sigh, “Just ask the question already,” she exasperated.

“How do you feel about joining us now?”

Y/n took a moment to think before she answered, “Yeah, I’ll join. Now let’s get out of here.”

Barry smiled as she walked away, flashing to the car, he stared at her as she fixed her hair and as she got into the car she said a quiet, “Thanks.” Then the car was off.

Y/n watched as the scenery passed her, she had no clue where they were going just that it was the place where everyone stayed. But to her left, she saw something that she had only seen in newspapers years ago, the Wayne Manor. She leaned closer to the other side of the car as they drove past and once it was out of view, she sat back down in her seat with loads of questions filling her thoughts.

Once the car parked in front of a smaller mansion that resided beside the lake, Y/n slowly got out of the car and stood beside the door, until Barry came up beside her, “Follow me.”

Walking through the halls of the mansion, she made a quick admiration of the paintings that adorned the walls. Soon, they came to a small study with an old grandfather clock, Y/n watched confusingly as Barry began to turn the clock’s hands and after the final turn, a clicking noise could be heard. She watched in amazement as the door pushed in by itself then slid to the side, revealing a cage like elevator. The Flash stepped in first and beckoned her to come in, with hesitant steps, she entered with the doors quickly closing behind her. The descent to wherever the elevator was taking them felt long to Y/n, both her and Barry kept giving each other side glances. Once the doors slid open, she let Barry out first before following behind him.

She was awestruck as they walked down the hallway, is was cold and dark, the walls were basically that of a cave but as they got closer to their destination, the brighter the hall became. What she thought was going to be a old looking cave, was actually a state of the art equipment. She was baffled at what stood before her and she was even more baffled when she saw Bruce Wayne himself.

“What the fuck,” she whispered to herself, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear as they all began to silently laugh.

Diana walked up to Y/n, grabbing her hand to gently hold, “I am so happy that you finally decided to join us.” Y/n gave her a small smile back as she just stood in front of everyone as they stared at her like she had five heads.

Rocking on the back of her heels with her hands clasped in front of her, “Sooo… What now?”

Bruce walked up to her, “Well formalities are in order then we need to see what you can do.”

With that said, Y/n just nodded her head as she watched everyone tell her their names. She was shocked when Barry took off his red cowl, revealing a much younger man than she originally had thought that was underneath. Once she knew everyone’s names and they knew hers, it was time for her to show what she could really do.

By the time she showed the full extent of her abilities, she was exhausted to her limits. There was a reason why she only ever used them in emergencies, but she left everyone impressed as she controlled the elements to her own desire. When everything was done, they all headed back upstairs to have dinner. At first, Y/n felt like she was intervening on something that she didn’t belong to, but as time passed, the more she felt welcomed and belong. Helping Alfred with the dishes, she found herself deeply wishing to finally go get cleaned up and just sleep, but she didn’t know where she was staying or even if she had a place to sleep. However, Barry flashed in front of her, slightly scaring her, with a giant smile upon his face, “I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

The five of them watched the two walk out of the room, and once they knew you were out of hearing range, Arthur instantly perked up, “I think our little Flash has a crush.” All of them laughed and began to talk about the bond that had already formed between Y/n and Barry.

As time passed, her and Barry got close to one another, they both had feelings for one another but never acted upon those said feelings. Everyone in the league could see that there was something between the two of them and knew with Barry, it would be a long time before anything happened between you two. Diana made it her mission to make settle hints to Y/n and Barry about their feelings for each other, while Arthur made sure to flirt with Y/n whenever they were in the same room as Barry. Y/n was oblivious to how Arthur flirted with her but Barry wasn’t, and it made him tick every time he watched them.

It was the fourth month that Y/n had been part of the league and they had gotten nowhere to getting Y/n and Barry together. Everyone was taking the day off from their duties and even though it was a day off, all of them were in the bat cave working away on what they needed to get done. Victor and Bruce were working on a new system while Diana and Clark worked on coming up with new techniques. Barry was working on his suit since the last mission they went on ended with it pretty much getting destroyed, but he was too busy watching Arthur as he flirted away with Y/n. His anger was boiling the more he watched until he no longer could handle it.

Quickly he stood up, causing the little trey next to him tp almost fall to the floor and he stumbled to grab it before it completely clashed to the ground. Making sure the trey stayed where it sat, he walked away towards her and Arthur. Standing next to the two causing them to turn their heads to him, “Sorry, excuse me I’m going to have to steal her away from you for just a moment.”

Arthur was smirking while Y/n looked confused, “Why?” she asked.

Barry looked at her and with confidence he told her, “Because he’s flirting with you and I don’t like it.”

Y/n was standing now as she stared at him, “And why do you exactly care, Barry?” Arthur butted in as he looked between Y/n and him.

His eyes widened and began to stumble over his words, “W-Well, uhm.” He cleared his throat before quickly saying, “BecauseIlikeY/n!”

It took a moment before Y/n realized what he said and once she understood the words he had just said, her eyes widened at his confession, “You do?”

Barry swallowed before nodding his head, “Yeahhh.”

Y/n smiled towards him and before he could comprehend what was going on, her lips were on his and before he could react she was pulling away from him, “I like you too, Barry.”

“Awe, finally! I was hoping this moment would happen!” Diana’s sweet voice boomed through the cave as everyone turned to her, to see her staring at the interaction with eyes filled with adoration.

Y/n blushed deeply at Diana’s reaction while Arthur clapped the back of Barry’s back. Turning to Barry, she asked him, “You wanna go?”

His head shot towards and instantly responded with, “Yes.” And without saying anything else, Barry wrapped her in his arms and sped towards his room.

They both sat on the edge of the bed in Barry’s room, saying nothing as they thought over what had just occurred downstairs in the bat cave. Slowly Y/n turned her head to look at Barry, “So…” She trailed off as Barry turned to look at her, “What are we going to do?”

His eyebrows furrowed down, “What do you mean?”

Y/n let out a sigh as she stood up from the bed, “What I mean is what are we going to do, are we going to be like an item or something.” Stepping towards him, she put her hands on his shoulders as she stared at him, “Barry, we both just told each other and the league, that we like each other. Are we not going to act upon those feelings? Because I would like to.”

Slowly barry stood up, chest to chest, Barry looked at Y/n, “So would I,” he whispered. Leaning down, his lips captures hers while his hands came up to cup her cheeks.

Reaching up, she put her arms around him as their lips moved against one another. Taking a step back, Barry fell backwards onto the bed as Y/n landed on top of him. His hands began to roam up her body as he took off her shirt causing their kiss to break and she quickly return the favor with taking his shirt off then throwing it across the room. In a flash, Barry had twisted them around so he was above her, his fingers weaved themselves into her h/c locks.

Moving away from her lips, he husked, “You really want to do this?”

She smiled up at him as her hand stroked the side of his head, “Yes.” His lips moved towards hers again but was stopped when she put her hand onto his chest to stop him, he looked at her confusingly, “You have a condom don’t you?”

His eyes widened at the question, “N-No.”

She quickly sat up, “Barry-” Before she could say anything else, Barry flashed back down to the cave.

Barry was behind Arthur, “Hey Arthur, by any chance you have a-” Arthur lifted his hand up with a gold square held between his fingers, “Thanks.” Barry grabbed the gold package and flashed back up to his room.

Y/n watched as he held up the little package, “Now, where we were.” Barry was quickly hovering over her as they got to business of taking their pants off. His hands began to roam up and down her body, it wasn’t too long until Barry found her folds, slowly teasing her as he moved his fingers across her already wet pussy. “Barry, don’t tease,” she whispered.

His fingers then slowly entered her as he moved them in and out, it was a snail pace but as his fingers began to move in a figure eight motion, the faster his fingers began to go. It wasn’t long until his fingers were going at a pace that was inhuman, her back was arching up as her moans filled the room, “B-Barry.”

Trailing small pecks down her body, his mouth quickly found her pussy and began to slurp greedily, causing her legs to wrap around his head and fingers to weave tightly into his dark locks. Barry’s tongue darted out as he lapped up the juices that already began to spill out of her pussy. Quickly it wasn’t just his fingers that were moving at a inhuman speed, it was quickly joined with his tongue, “I-I’m g-going…” Before she could complete her sentence, her body convulsed against the Barry’s mouth as he lapped every drop of her sweet juices causing her to moan out for him.

Pulling away from her body, he quickly unraveled the condom and slid it on to his pulsing cock, he looked at her, “Are you ready?”

All she could do was nod as she was still coming off the high she just had. Moving over her body, he wrapped his arms around her body as she did the same. Kissing her lips as he teased her folds with his cock, he slowly pushed himself into her tight pussy. His thrusts were slow as he rocked into her, their lips were smashed against each others, her moans were muffled while small groans fell from his lips. As time went on, his thrusts became fast and powerful, sliding his hands under her thighs, he sat up as he thrusted into her faster causing the sound of skin slapping against skin to become louder.

Leaning over as he fucked into Y/n, his mouth found her breasts slightly sucking and fondling them as his thrusts didn’t falter. Her senses became heightened as her legs wrapped tighter around his waist, moving his lips up her body, he pressed his lips just below her ear making her moan louder. Arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders, his thrusts were making her slide up the bed, she could feel her stomach coil as her climax was close, “Barry.”

Hearing Y/n moan out his name caused Barry to kick into hyper drive, going into flash mode, they both quickly came undone. Her body tightened around his as he planted his lips back onto hers while he slowly kept thrusting before he finally pulled out and rolled next to her. Standing up, Barry quickly threw the condom away and laid back down next to her. Their legs became entangled as she rolled closer to him and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before parting away from him.

Before she laid back down, she whispered into Barry’s ear, “Best sex ever.”

And as she plopped back down, Barry’s smiled a great Cheshire smile as he looked up to the ceiling with thoughts of Y/n filling his mind.

@dekahg @tieddown-withbattleshipchains @stressedandbandobessed7771 @ek823

#Barry Allen #barry allen imagine #barry allen x reader #The Flash #the flash imagine #the flash x reader #justice league #justice league imagine #justice league x reader #aquaman #Arthur Curry #barry allen smut #the flash smut #ezra miller #x reader #smut #imagine

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80srockher · 6 years

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Yuri on Ice Rewatch and Live-Commentary, Episode 1: Easy as Pirozhki!! The Grand Prix Final of Tears

*There are spoilers throughout. I also make assumptions that anyone reading has already seen the episode or has a grasp of the content.*

Source: http://yurionicescreencaps.tumblr.com

The opening scene is so pretty. Really sets a tone. I went in knowing nothing about the anime first go-around, so I found Yuri and Victor’s grow/glow-ups montages interesting.

This theme song is… not my favorite. Maybe it’s the French horns? That and too much synth. I usually skip over it but want to give it a chance this go-around.

Heh, Victor and his gold blades to match his gold medal. And his European af haircut. Can’t remember the last time I saw an American past the age of 12 with bangs. No mistaking him for anything other than Eastern European.

Also, the poster on the left is for Victor, I believe. Can he pull his leg that high in the air? Was that featured and I forgot? I’ll be on the lookout for it.

Also, looks like Jean JACK made it to Sochi and placed third here too, lolz.

Yes, please listen to your coach, Yuri. Don’t poke the wound. Stay off the internets. ESPECIALLY the figure skating internets. What little I remember from when I used to follow the sport is that it’s dramatic, to put it nicely.

I keep getting distracted by the utter Euro-ness of the Europeans in this show. The cut of Coach Celestino’s suit is so Italian I weep. He’s too smooth.

Yuri’s name tag has his name in Cyrillic as well? Cute.

My first impression of Yuri was that he looks about 18 and that impression hasn’t changed. Perhaps it’s the glasses, but he def looks youthful. I’m also someone who’s been accused of looking a decade+ younger than I actually am, so I can sympathize.

Speaking of sympathy – Yuri caved to pressure, binged ate before the competition while mourning his dog, then bombed his first trip to the Grand Prix final. All in front of his idol. Damnity damn damn. Sorry, kid.

Is Cao Bin ever introduced on the show? Something else I forgot, maybe?

Now, when I first saw this poor child crying in the bathroom, that’s when I knew the series was going to be much different from the light-hearted anime about figure skating I expected. It got real deep real quick.

Yuri Plisetsky “The Russian Punk”. Is this something the in-universe media refers to him as? Because I only recall (JPN) Yuri saying it and only this once.

This screencap is during the scene where the journalist Marooka (sp?) is hassling Yuri about his future plans and instead of answering, Yuri can only stare at someone else’s puppy that reminds him of his dead Vicchan.

This baby is crying. Cry.ing. This has been a tough day for poor Yuri, overall.

And he talks down to himself so much. It’s all his fault he caved to pressure. He was an idiot to think he could meet his idol on the same playing field. He’s come so far and still thinks so little of his accomplishments.

So, I understand this “one year later” is not really accurate, lol. It’s just the new year following the previous season. I was confused initially about a number of soon-to-happen events before Yuri’s mental alter ego cleared it up.

So, per Minako’s voice actress, Yuri really is pronounced YOO-RI. Cute.

Four Continents is… not a Grand Prix competition? My figure skating knowledge is all rust now.

LOL, Minako does. Not. Play. And she wears a pinky ring. My God, that death grip on poor Yuri.

It’s snowing outside the train station when Yuri and Minako leave. So, it’s not unusual to snow in this region in March, but it’s highly unusual a month or so later. Man, hard to believe Yuri sat around for almost an entire month before the infamous video became viral. More on that, later.

So, based on everyone’s interactions with Yuri so far, the only person who cares that he didn’t make it to the World Championships is him. And he should care since he’s worked basically his entire life towards that goal. But, he doesn’t appear to have let anyone down but himself, though he doesn’t act that way.

So, the fact that the family hot springs is named “Yu-topia”… did that influence Yuri’s name at all, I wonder?

Ha! I wish I could have recorded the Japanese actor’s voice when he says this line. He makes Yuri sound so done with it all, lol. It’s the best.

Ok, so a number of very interesting and entertaining things happen in succession that I don’t feel like screencapping. No hug between the littlest Katsuki and the senior Katsukis, even though he hasn’t been home in 5 years. Fascinating. No doubt cultural (I’m guessing) but fascinating.

Yuri’s mom basically calls Minako a drunk. To her face. LOL. But I imagine no one can get mad at this sweet lady.

Minako calls Yuri out on his weight gain in front of God and everybody. Though, I think it’s more of a matter of his clothes no longer fitting due to said weight gain.

But, his parents don’t care. Eat more pork cutlet bowls, Yuri! Welcome home!

Vicchan’s shrine is where they also store the unused treadmill. Want to bet the only person to use it was Yuri?

Then older sis Mari-neechan appears with frosted tips. I can appreciate a character that doesn’t beat around the bush (a trait she inherited from her mother, I imagine). Welcome home, Yuri, but don’t sit on your ass. Start thinking about your next move.

Actually *loads headcanon* I suspect Mari doesn’t want Yuri to give up on skating. The longer he stays at home, the more quitting becomes a possibility.

So, the Katsuki family hot springs resort (Inn? Restaurant?) is the last one standing in town. Very OT, but I wonder if the hot springs are still an attraction at all and are perhaps, government-owned? Protected, used by tourists for a fee, perhaps? I think about things like that.

Having never visited a hot spring, and based on the setting around Minako while she watches the World Championships on TV, it appears to be a place for people to come, soak, and lounge and grab a bite to eat if the mood strikes. So, the Katsukis wait on people basically all day long. Gotta be exhausting work.

Yuuuuuko! The Madonna of Ice Castle Hasetsu! Yuri’s crush on her is hella cute.

A slight segue to Yuri’s perceived attraction to Yuko and what it could imply about his sexual identity. Per his labeling of Yuko as a “Madonna,” I figure Yuri considers Yuko untouchable, perhaps even “too good” for him. Yuko, just like Victor, is “ideal”. For someone as self-conscious as Yuri, comparing any romantic prospects against his two ideals was probably a convenient excuse not to get *too* close to anyone, male or female. That being said, he didn’t pursue Yuko. Alcohol loosened enough of Yuri’s inhibitions to eventually openly flirt with Victor, but this is still an important distinction, IMO. He pursued one of his ideals (in more ways than one, even going so far as to leave home to in hopes of becoming Victor’s equal) and left the other one behind.

Yuri idealizes/d Yuko, and comes to love Victor. He’s gay. Bi, at the least.

I don’t feel confident in applying any other labels, because I’m a straight. Yuri could fall under any number of categories as long it they include, IMO, same-sex attraction.

In actuality, Yuko is “introduced” to the audience as Yuri’s straight love interest, but that doesn’t last long. Cute and clever, show creators. Cute. And . Clever.

Then we find out, via flashback, a) how adorable they all were when they were little kids and b) Yuko wanted to see Yuri compete against Victor. Yuko has been a profound influence on Yuri.

So, Victor. This guy is in a class by himself. The animators obviously invested a lot of time in his movements. You can see why he leads the field even at 27.

Also, the creators had the nerve, the audacity, the unmitigated gall to compose an original opera aria for a cartoon. That was my next indicator that this was more than a cutesy figure skating anime.

The song really is beautiful, too. Probably my favorite in the soundtrack.

Who’s the last IRL skater to win 5 consecutive World Championships? Michelle Kwan, maybe? Who is Kwan’s male equivalent? Back then, probably Alexei Yagudin? May research. May not.

Anyway, Victor is the Michelle Kwan of YOI-verse lol.

Hmm. Here come the three brats. Good God. Poor Yuko and Takeshi lol.

So sweet to see Yuri’s childhood bully is his biggest fan now.

Sooo, Yuko’s triplets secretly record Yuri’s private performance, post it online (sometime before April 10, when Victor shows up), and things progress rather quickly from there...

Or do they? It appeared to me that Yuri caught up with Yuko at the rink the same day he returned home. Did he skate Victor’s routine for her that day, as well, or did it happen later? Perhaps the triplets waited a few weeks to post the video, or else it took a few weeks to go viral. Did Yuri turn off his phone for *weeks* to avoid the world?

Maybe he got home on March 30 and then the whole month of April just went to hell for him? The possibilities...

LOL, I’m so SO mad the title of the video is “Katsuki Yuri TRIED to Skate Victor’s FS Program”. Those brats.

This might be the most unattractive Victor’s ever looked. Severe close-ups aren’t flattering on anyone. Welp, down the rabbit hole now.

So, in the next scene it snows in April which doesn’t stop anyone from stripping naked to bathe in a hot spring, apparently. Or it just doesn’t stop Victor.

#moneyshot

I like this ending theme much better. It’s a head-bopper. The Instagram reel kills me.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this stream of consciousness! No idea how long it may take me to get through the rest. I tip my hat to those who regularly and passionately participate in fandom. It’s a lot of work!

#yuri on ice #yuri!!! on ice #yuri katsuki #victor nikiforov #minako okukawa #hiroko katsuki #toshiya katsuki #mari katsuki #yuko nishigori #takeshi nishigori #celestino cialdini #yuri plisetsky #episode1 #myblogisMYsafeplace #hashtagskeepmefrombabbling #yoi rewatch #makkachin #vicchan #yoi

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thorne93 · 6 years

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Old Flame, New Problems (Part 7)

Prompt: You’re in a serious relationship with Sebastian Stan, when news from your first love informs you that he’s now single and in need of a friend. Will your old flame burn out or will the flames get fanned and consume you?

Word Count: 3602

Warning: language, angst, fighting (verbal), cheating, drama

Notes: This idea came to me when news hit about Hayden and Rachel splitting. Of course I’m sad that a long time relationship such as theirs is ending, but it also means he’s single sooo…Also, no hate towards Rachel. I don’t know her, don’t know what really happened between them, etc. It’s a fic and in no way reflects what I think of either of them or their precious daughter ^.^

Beta’d by my #1 gal @like-a-bag-of-potatoes & flashbacks in italics

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaeling

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Old Flame Tag: @blackwidow-romanoff @seargantbcky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you get my gift?” Hayden said into the phone, a smile in his voice.

“Yes! I just got it! I’m going to unwrap the box now!” you said excitedly, sitting it down on the counter along with the huge bouquet of fresh flowers that just got delivered. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re stunning and vibrant.” Hayden laughed in response to your glee. You tore open the packaging, wondering what your LA based boyfriend had sent. Inside was a first edition of one of your favorite books, a new notebook and engraved fountain pen, and a photo of him kissing your cheek on a windy day in the park, framed.

“Oh...Hay, this is so...perfect,” you gushed. “Thank you. I miss you too much.”

“Just a little reminder of how much I love and miss you…”

Back home, everything settled back into the normal pace. Sebastian working, reading lines, going to table reads, and interviews. You, working on your books and your agent working with you on the upcoming promos you would do for the book. The two of you didn’t see a reason to travel for the book tour just yet, and thought it would be best to do two signings a week in NYC at various places. This was good news for you, and for Sebastian. It meant more time together.

However, Hayden had been a constant on your mind since the text. You were worried about him, your other feelings aside, he was your friend, and you knew what he dealt with. It was amazing that Sebastian understood the struggles as well. You had wanted to reach out a few times, of course talking to Seb about it first, but you didn’t want to push your luck. Yet, as soon as you landed, and got set up in your office, you texted him.

“Hey, things are better between Seb and I. He forgave me and understood the situation. I just wanted to let you know I’m still here if you needed a friend.”

You put your phone down and went to work for a bit. The wait for a response was making you uneasy. Was he ignoring you? Was he mad at you? Was he okay?

But after twenty minutes, you got a reply.

“Nice to see you two resolved everything. I’m really sorry for the problems I caused, Y/N, it wasn’t my intention.”

“It’s fine. Let’s just move forward, okay? How are you holding up about Rachel and Briar Rose?”

“Not too good, honestly. I can’t absorb it. It hurts a whole hell of a lot to not see Briar every day. Rachel...that’s getting easier. We were drifting for a long time...But not seeing my daughter, knowing she’s in LA...thousands of miles away from me, it kills me.”

You read his message, your heart aching for him, wishing there was something you could do.

“I’m sorry. What can I do to help?”

“Nothing you can do.”

“There has to be something,” you tried back desperately.

“You could distract me. Tell me all about your writing news, anything new?”

You leaned back in your office chair, going into full detail about your novella, and your short story, and the news on the book promos. A smile was on your face as you continued to text for the better part of the day. You had practically forgotten all about writing, which was fine since you were well ahead of schedule.

While he and Rachel were together, you had subconsciously started talking less unless until your ritual of the call on the birthdays, text on Thanksgiving, and card on Christmas became normal. But texting him now, laughing and giggling, you remembered how much he made you laugh and made your lighter side come o.

You used to feel so safe with him, so at ease, it was always effortless between the two of you, at least until the strain of distance became too much. Talking to him again brought all of that back, the feeling of being home in a way you never had with anyone else, not even with Seb. But then you remembered that even if Hayden was that for you, you weren’t that to him. He had chosen another woman, someone other than you to create a home with, to start a family with, to share his life with, and that wasn't something you could ignore. It didn't matter what you felt for Hayden, he had made it clear he didn't feel the same, both in his actions and his words.

But that was a different time, a different circumstance. Now it seemed things could be what you had always wanted with him. A quiet, settled down life…That thought alone was enough to ignite that spark within you, that small fire that was hope. Hope for a future with the man you once loved so deeply.

--------------------

Over the course of the next week, the texting and calling stayed constant, talking about random things, about movies, joking around, recalling funny memories and reminiscing. Sebastian didn’t seem to mind that you were pretty much tethered to your phone because he was too preoccupied with work. He had flown out of town about a week and a half ago to do some rehearsals for his new movie.

Sebastian tried to keep in contact but his efforts to reach out were coming further apart. A text in the morning, maybe, and sometimes a call at night, if you were lucky. You texted about a five to one ratio with him. But it wasn’t his fault, it was work, he was pulling sixteen hour days, and you knew that….Didn’t make it suck any less to not see or talk to the man that was away from you for six months only a month and a half ago.

Whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder could fuck off, because all it did was hurt and worry you. There was nothing fond about the thousands of miles separating you from your boyfriend.

At one of your book signings at Barnes and Noble, you had about fifty people come up for a signing, and the next patron was in line and you slapped on a smile for them. “Hey, how are you today--” you started to ask before you got stopped cold. “Hayden?” you gasped. He hated being out in the public eye, so why the hell was he at your signing? In NYC? With tons of media coverage?

“Hey,” he greeted sheepishly, the boyish smile popping onto his face again, making your heart flutter. He was donning a white shirt, and over it, a deep black military coat, with dark jeans.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, half in a panic, half wishing he could stay. “Don’t tell me you want the book signed,” you teased, glancing down to his hands. He did, in fact, have your book in his hands.

“Actually…” he said, handing it to you.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “You’re ridiculous.” Opening the cover, you found a good spot to write, trying to decide what to put in his book. You’d never signed books for anyone you knew other than your family.

To the man who inspired a legacy, thank you for being there for me, always. ~ Love, Y/N

You closed the book and handed it back to him.

“There ya go,” you said with a smile. “But you didn’t come all the way down here for me to sign my stupid book, so what’s up?”

He grinned. “You caught me. I’m down here for filming.”

“You didn’t tell me you were working on anything,” you accused lightly.

He shrugged, the smile still on his face. “I wasn’t sure if it was a done deal. I just got the call a few days ago, saw that you’d be here, thought I’d swing by to surprise you.”

You laughed. “Consider me surprised. I’m so happy to see you,” you said, more emotion in your voice than you intended.

“Yeah, you too…”

A sweet moment seemed to linger between you two as your eyes looked into his.

“Would you want to get lunch?” he suddenly asked.

“Uh...Hay…” you started, knowing this wasn’t a good idea, knowing it was dangerous, knowing that around him, everything was a slippery slope. Your agent came up to you and whispered that you needed to move it along.

“Can we talk after this?” you asked, gesturing to the line behind him.

“Oh, sure, sorry,” he apologized, his face turning red as he stepped out of line.

“You can stand there,” you quietly instructed him, pointing right next to the table. For the last ten minutes, you sat there signing books and chatting with fans, all while Hayden watched you with adoration and fascination. Although you had been writing for twenty years, you had evolved, it seemed. You were already mature while you two dated but...now you seemed to have this new classiness about you. You were refined, sweeter, more patient. He didn’t know how he didn’t notice it when you were on his farm, maybe because you were far out of your element.

Once everyone was gone and they started packing up the few of your books that were left over and the other advertising and marketing materials, your agent said goodbye to you and you went over to Hayden.

You’d thought about his proposition, knowing it was a dangerous game to play, you two alone, but if you couldn’t trust yourself, how could you ask Seb to?

“So...lunch? I’m craving some frozen yogurt,” you informed and he laughed.

“Anything you wish,” he said as he offered you his arm and took it.

------------------

The two of you had a light lunch of salads and bread to make room for the frozen yogurt you were desperately craving. You walked along the street, just strolling, casually talking about his film and the book signing.

“So how long are you in town?” you asked, scooping your spoon into the frozen treat.

“Till Christmas, maybe a little less. It’s not all based in New York so…” he explained.

“I’m looking forward to it, whatever it is.” Just then, your phone rang. “Oh, hang on just a sec,” you requested kindly as you shifted yourself to get to your phone. “Hey, Seb,” you greeted with a smile.

“Hey, babe. We took a fucking break, finally. God damn. I’m tired...Ugh...Anyway, how was the book signing? Are you done with it?”

“It went well. We sold almost all the copies we brought,” you informed, your eyes drifting to your friend and instantly you knew you needed to tell Sebastian he was in the city.

“That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you. So what are you up to now?” he inquired.

You bit your lip, looking at Hayden who stood looking at you with a concerned expression.

“Uh, actually, I’m hanging out with Hayden,” you explained, knowing you needed to follow up, quickly. “He’s in town for filming, and stopped by to say hi.”

“So...you’re just hanging out? The two of you? Alone?”

“Alone, with about a hundred other people on the sidewalk here in SOHO,” you informed, the tiniest laugh in your voice.

“Y/N…” he started, his voice strained. “I’m not really comfortable with this.”

“Why? Do you not trust me?”

“It’s not that...it’s just...the last time you two were along, you weren’t exactly faithful,” he reminded.

“So you don’t trust me?” you said, it almost sounded like a question but it was more of an affirmation to what you had heard. “Look, you forgave me. It's not fair for you to keep dragging it up whenever it suits you. You either trust me or you don't, easy as that.”

“It’s not that easy. Yes I forgave you, I know, but I get insecure when you're around him, especially since I’m hundreds of miles away and it was distance that strained us the last time,” he reminded in a relatively calm voice. At this, you decided to face away from Hayden, trying to keep the fight a little more private.

“Need I remind you, it wasn't just distance, Sebastian. But either way, you and I are in a better place now. But this relationship will never work if we can't trust each other.”

“I know. I do trust you, but it would be nice if you tried to put yourself in my shoes as well... see this from my point of view. I did it for you, to forgive you. I saw it from your side. Now see it from mine. He’s still single, he’s still lonely, you still have feelings for him…”

You bit your lip. You didn’t tell Sebastian that, not outright. You’d said you would always love him, but most people held a special place in their heart for their first love and you were no exception.

“So you think I can’t control myself? Sebastian, we’re better. You and I are better now, we’re fine. You can trust me.”

“I don't want you hanging out with him until I’m home,” he said. His side of the fight was fair, you knew that. But did he really think you would just betray him again?

“You know, if I was going to cheat again, I wouldn’t tell you that he was here and that he was hanging out with me. If you think I need a chaperone or supervision, just say so,” you responded, getting angry.

“Maybe that’s what you need,” he retorted, upset himself. “I don’t see how this is so hard for you to figure out, Y/N. You two together is a bad idea.”

“I am capable of controlling myself,” you responded in a low voice.

“You sure about that?” he asked.

Your mouth fell open. “I’m going to hang out with my friend, if you have a problem with that, then that’s your deal, not mine. I’ll talk to you when you’ve gotten over this.” You hung up and spun back to Hayden. “Ready to go?”

“Where are we going?”

“My place. I wanna watch something with blood and gore,” you said, starting to storm up the sidewalk.

“Y/N,” he said, jogging to keep up with you, “if this is going to be a problem, I can just leave. I just thought it would be nice to see you since I would be in town, a friendly face, someone who knows what I’m going through. But if this is going to create a problem...”

You stopped and turned to face him. “You aren't the problem, Hayden, it’s him. Ugh,” you groaned. “The thing that happened between you and I was a mix of you being hurt, old feelings, and my anger at Seb. You know why I was mad at him?” you asked.

He looked left and right then answered, unsure, “Because he was ignoring you?”

“That’s only half of it,” you stated. “First, it was the six months with barely interaction. No big deal at first, I was busy with my novel, publishing, editing, all that fun shit. But then my writing slowed down, and I started to notice the calls were only about two or three times a week and maybe ten texts.” Hayden went to open his mouth but you stopped him by raising a hand. “I know, he’s busy. I get it. I know how hard actors work, I’ve been with enough to know it’s not easy and how many hours they have to go through. But it wasn’t just that. It was the fact that he didn’t read my book not till I had asked him about it a few more times. It’s about the fact that when he got home, he barely kissed me, and ran to bed. It’s about the fact that every night I tried to do anything intimate with him, he said he was tired and rolled over. Or if I tried in the morning, he told me he was late.”

You stopped to get a breath of air.

“Or dinner. I get it, he works hard, grueling hours. But sometimes having dinner brought in would be nice too. I spend every day cleaning, watching after Spinee, cooking, shopping, laundry, and writing. But some help would be nice. Not much, but ordering takeout or a pizza….Or maybe offering to clean the kitchen for once. I work too. It’s that this isn’t a two way street any more. He just expects me to do all of this shit without any appreciation. I was tired of being the invisible maid to him. Not once while he was away did he send flowers, or have a pizza delivered, or send chocolates, or hell, even read my fucking story. I mean, should I really have to beg him to read it? You read my shit and we hardly ever speak...” you said, waving your hand absently at your friend who listened to you rant.

“Why don’t we go get you home and we can talk and you can vent all you want? But out on the street…” he said, insinuating a media frenzy would start soon if they saw the two of you, clearly talking about something heated.

“Fine.”

You hailed a cab, the two of you climbed in, and once you got home, you offered him something to drink.

“Coffee if you have it. What’s this guy’s name?” he asked, petting Spinee, who had initially barked a few times at him.

“Spinee,” you informed as you set to work making the coffee. “I’m sorry about the rant. I guess….Yes, I know we kissed. I know I betrayed him. I know he’s in a tough spot, but he makes it out like he wasn’t to blame for me starting to stray in the first place. It’s not my fault he’s been absent in this relationship for seven or so months…” you commented angrily, nearly muttering yourself by the end of the rant. You placed the mug in front of Hayden at the counter as he sat on a stool.

“Is he really all that bad?” he questioned, knowing you were probably just frustrated.

You shook your head and sighed, leaning backwards against the island. “No. I still love him...and I know I fucked up...I know it’s not going to be easy to trust me...But...to tell me I can’t even hang out with you is just ludacris.”

“He has a fair point,” Hayden countered.

Shaking your head again, you replied, “I thought the last month was a sign of things getting better. He was spending time with me, making me a priority, doing sweet things...was that all just out of jealousy? Was he just doing all that stuff as a response to us?” you wondered.

“Does it matter why he did them, if he did them? Isn’t that what counts? That he was thinking of you?” Hayden questioned.

“Yes, it does matter. I want him to want to be near me, to want to do things with me or for me because he loves me, not because he’s afraid he’s going to lose me if he doesn’t. I want him to do this stuff because he wants it...not just a tactic to keep me from leaving,” you quietly said, crossing your arms.

He hung his head, nodding to the side. “I get that. So what are you gonna do? Just keep fighting him about us hanging out?”

“I’m just going to remind him that the last time I did something I shouldn’t have, I came clean. We went through hell and back just to be on good terms, why would I screw that up now?”

“I see.”

“Look, it’s not your problem,” you said, your voice lifting a bit. “Come on, let’s forget about relationship problems and watch something,” you suggested, waving him over to the couch.

“Sounds like a plan.”

But you couldn’t forget about the problems. How could you? You had told Sebastian that the kiss up at his farm was a one time thing, something to get out of your system, something to help you get over him. And in a way, you thought it had. Texting and calling really did feel friendly, but the instant you saw him in that bookstore, everything came crashing back down around you. For a few moments, Sebastian had completely left your mind and all you saw was Hayden, your first love, the one you always felt that had got away.

You had no idea how to feel. Hayden and you had been over for over ten years now, but yet, when you were right next to each other, it was as if nothing had changed. He was still the same sweet, funny, chill, easy going guy you’d fallen in love with. He still made the same dumb jokes. Being next to him you felt at the most ease in the entire world. He felt so comfortable...Inviting...He felt like home.

Yet...Sebastian was similar. Being in his arms at night, you’d never felt safer. Being by his side for the few events you could go to felt natural. Dancing with him at events or just randomly at home always gave you butterflies and you felt connected to him. He was the first man since Hayden to make you feel like you could even love again, even let someone in. When he was away, you missed him so much, and your writing reflected that. It usually turned darker and more somber while he was away.

#old flame new problems #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan x reader #hayden christensen #hayden christensen fic #hayden christensen x reader

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blackheartseverywhere · 6 years

Text

Vent, If anyone actually cares enough to read.

I haven’t actually done a vent post since I don’t even know when, so here it goes.

This is the post that will literally tell you it all.

When I was growing up I never really understood why my parents didn’t talk, and to be honest to this day I don’t REALLY know the reason. I felt like they should have just divorced, I would literally cry and cry and cry all the time as I rehearsed what I would ever say to them if I ever got the chance to really speak my mind about their relationship and how it effected me. I got a chance once, and I got so mad, sadly it was through a text. I flipped out, and said you know what if you guys are going to be this way, and fight through your kids because you won’t talk, then just split. Move out from the same house, file the paperwork, and just end it. My mother said “you just don’t understand” and “there is more than just that”. I am literally almost in tears just writing about that.

Whenever my friends brought up my parents I would just say eh, they don’t talk so who knows/cares, to everything. Therapy really got my going about them, and I realized that I had been fucked up for a long time. One time when I began therapy, and my meds and all that fucking shit, my dad basically was like oh yeah its just all his fault and all that bullshit. He didn’t agree at all with my going on meds or seeing someone for help, he still doesn’t agree and its been four years since i started the stressful journey to try and get better.

In middle school I finally started to find more people I wanted to hang out with and started to smoke and drink. I smoked a hell of a lot in middle school and high school, and I realize now also that I preferred to be high or drunk because I didn’t have these constant depressing thoughts. To this day, I do still like to be high because it is a distraction, whereas when I get drunk I usually cry because all my life issues decide to show themselves at once.

Middle school is also when I got my first kiss, my first make out session, my first “feel up” hah. Nothing serious. I fell hard for this boy Dan Jackson though, and god what I would give to go back to the days when I was too shy to see his parents, and just didn’t have a single care in the world other than for him. He really did make my life better for the time that we spent together. To be honest, I don’t really know why we broke up the first time that we did. I just know that we tried again in high school, and that is when I fucked up and chose Dakota (we will get to him later). Dan and I just didn’t work out in the end which is okay because he really taught me the most. He taught me that when a boy cares, he really will show it, he will hold your hand and lay in a park of grass with you to do anything, even just watch a worm after his baseball practice.. literally we did that.. that was also the first photo I ever had kissing someone, I wish I still had that.

High school started.. and shit got FUCKED up. From the very start, things were all sorts of messed up and I knew it was gonna be quite the ride. Soccer was great though, literally the only thing that kept me going was soccer. I dated Colin, oh boy, I didn’t really know anything about him other than we went to middle school together and he sat with my best friend Mitch at lunch. Never met him before a pool party that was on his birthday actually, at MaryKates aunts house. I decided that day, at the pool party, that this boy was cute and I kinda liked him a little. Got his number blah blah blah, then we dated for what maybe a week or two??? Then school started and I decided nah this guy is not for me, I thought he kissed bad (literally was his first make out or kiss or whatever so I was a mean person for thinking he kissed bad when he wasn’t experienced yet!) Anyway, we decided to stay friends, and even ended up becoming “best friends” or so we called it. This boy man, he took me for the most wicked (and not in the RI way we say wicked, meaning good, this was wicked like the witch) crazy, far from fun, roller coaster ride of my life.

I knew he liked me, everyone knew. I just ignored it because I was more concerned about others... leading me to dating Dakota freshmen year. Dakota was awesome, I fell hard for this boy and lost my virginity to him, and he lost his to me. We had fun, well as much fun as you can have when neither of you can drive, you didn’t attend the same school, and his parents didn’t think nicely of you. Really though, we did have a ton of fun. He was always over and my mom and family (minus dad) loved him. He was goofy and literally over a foot taller than me. We broke each others hearts in the end. He really fucked me over though but honestly I don’t even want to think about that. He ended up moving to Arizona sophomore year and boy did I miss him. He told me he would write every day.. I got two letters, one he wrote before leaving and the other was mailed.. oh well.

Sophomore year was the year that got really all messy. I realized I was boy crazy haha! Just to clear the air to anyone reading by the way, not boy crazy like OMG I was having sex with every boy haahah, I legit just liked a lot of people, and by this time I had only had sex with two people, Dakota and Dan Jackson when we got together after me and Dakota ended.

As this all happened Colin was always fighting with me, and I was always fighting with him, about every single thing. He knew I was boy crazy and was really mean about it, but hey like I said, he liked me so of course he was gonna be mean ANYWAY.

Then Casey came into my life. This happened in like February or March I believe. I remember Pat was away on vacation, Pat was a mutual friend we both hung with, I always was with Pat getting food or ice cream or whatever, he was my best friend, other than CoCo aka Colin. Casey and I had started to text, honestly not sure how. We decided to meet up and get breakfast, we went to the handy and i literally remember I got a bagel with cream cheese, and that he looked like something I wanted to eat more than that bagel.. and my ass legit to this day, eats a bagel with cream cheese most days! Goddddd, I legit was like holy fuck, this boy is who I want to last. He was AMAZING, every thing I ever wanted. (Colin was ticked because it was his friend!!! hahahaha) I was sooo happy for the couple months I got to spend with this boy. I never had all the bad thoughts about my entire life while I was around him. He took my breath away, he made me feel pretty, he kissed me in the hallway after school for everyone to see. I was literally love struck. Never did we say we loved each other, because it wasn’t love just yet. We were just really happy together.

Spring break came. I was going on a school trip to Costa Rica, Casey sadly was not coming, but Colin was. Casey and I met up before I had to go to Rogers to meet the bus for midnight. Casey has just gotten his license not too long before so he picked me up and we went for a drive, happiest most amazing most exciting (in my pants, sadly no full on sex on that ride haahah just a lot of touching) car ride ever. Then he kissed me so sweetly goodnight and it was that night, that, that fucking night, that I had my last kiss with Casey Harrington. If i knew that I would have changed how everything went down following that kiss, and that week that was coming.

In Costa Rica Colin kept trying to get with me, he knew I was with Casey, and mind you he had a girlfriend! A girl on the trip made a phone call home and low and behold it got to Casey that Colin and I were hooking up.. WE WERE NOT. Shit was all fucked up now, I confronted the girl and basically was like FUCK YOU, YOU LYING FUCK. This trip was the first time Colin saw me cry, and it was because things were over now and I could not change it all the way in Costa Rica. I cried for real, and he cried also, though I bet he would deny that. We kissed that night and decided well, if they think we hooked up fuck it. WE DID NOT HAVE SEX we made out. THAT IS ALL. MADE OUT.

I got home to a lot of mean messages from more than one person. I had Colin and I had Pat ( and Steph, she was there through all of this though we had a rough patch about Dakota...). I was a mess, I missed Casey, and told Colin I was going to try to get him back. It didn’t work, although once I saw him out and he kissed me right on the fore head and told me he was sorry and regretted not taking me to prom.. I almost cried in front of the world that night.

I got with Colin. We ended up dating. He was fucked up, and I was fucked up. Mentally. We fought all the time, literally allll the time. But people loved us together and always were saying they knew we would date, and probably get married one day. FUCK NO. I was in the midst of literally breaking down all the time, and I definitely became depressed during this relationship. I do not blame my depression fully on Colin but some of it was him. We were on and off, and really happy at times. We went out on dates, my family loved him (again minus my dad). His family definitely didn’t like my shyness but oh well.

In the end we broke up after Junior year, he talked shit to all my guy friends about me. They all stopped talking to me. Until after high school when most stopped caring and we became acquaintances again. Colin told everyone I was a “dead fish” and well to him I just never wanted to be on top during sex. He legit made me feel bad about myself. Why would I want to do something where he could again, judge me. Literally, he made me never ever want to be on top, he ruined my self esteem and made me hate myself more than I already did.

We were both fucked up and nuts. He hated me and I hated him. But we were so in love with each other at the same time. This summer my dog passed away, I got into my first car accident, got my first speeding ticket. Then I beat a girl up because they hooked up, and he got out of my car because of a boy I was hooking up with to go punch him in the face... literally nuts.

I spent my entire, ENTIRE, summer before senior year, drunk as hell. Me and Taylor, and then Danny G came into the crew. Danny and I started hooking up, I took his virginity, we were both a bit drunk that night, but we kept hooking up, even sober hhaha. Danny and I kept things up and were together all the time, either at my house or Steph’s or his or just in the car, for the whole summer and a little more after summer. Sadly one day I decided i still kinda felt for Colin and that didn’t sit well with him, I still feel bad about that.

God, I was so fucked up. Between my parent’s hating each other, Colin and I hating each other, and me realizing that I was insane, I was depressed and full of fucking rage! Soccer started and I was happy again, I got my anger out through the sport. The breakfast club began when Soccer did and that saved my life. We were high all the time, and drunk most weekends. We threw parties and we just raged like best friends did. Mary, Laura, Lily, Mattea, and Myself. I would never change the friendship we all had together for anything. Ups and downs. Those girls had my back. We all were boy crazy and we all had fun. I was definitely still relying on weed and alcohol though. I was back to crying all the time, every night, just sad and literally wishing I was dead.

Colin was in a few of my classes to start senior year, and I was not happy but whatever I dealt with it, and we just kept away. He started being a complete dick after a few months in. He would flick me off every day and just literally be RUDE AS FUCK to me. I had to ignore it and just act like it didn’t bother me.

Cocaine came into my life senior year, I fucking loved it. I didn’t do it too much, just when there were big parties or there were dances. I loved it, but like I said nothing crazy came from that. (I mean I am still alive and not addicted to drugs or anything so I am doing well even though I am a depressed mess.)

I got with Shane around Christmas.. he doesn’t matter though, he cheated on me. I just loved that he would buy me alcohol. LOL

I went to college the next year. I started soccer at Salve, and welp, I quit. I fucked myself over and literally RUINED my life. I regret that. Quitting soccer and going on that Costa Rica trip, those are the two regrets I have in life.

Days are passing and Dan V. comes into my life. We fall soooo hard for each other. I left Salve for two reasons. One I wanted to see Dan more, so URI it was. And two, I could not take the pain of seeing the soccer girls, and knowing, how fucking bad I fucked up. Dan made/makes me so happy. He is always there and never made me feel bad about myself or self conscious about sex or anything like Colin did.

Fast forward to the end of Freshman year. I failed all but one class, and got kicked out of college. I was so fucking fucked up about this. I cried and said I would never go back. But dad and I wrote that letter to appeal it. I got back in following the medical tests I decided to go through with to see wtf was happening to me.

I had gotten all the medical testing done, I was diagnosed with, extreme depression, chronic anxiety, ADHD, and my Auditory processing speed was below 95% of my peers. I realized that day, when I read that packet and I cried in my car that I really did need help.

Now jump to the middle of Sophomore year of college.

I went to therapy, I got the meds, I did it all.

Nothing fucking changed.

I wanted to die.

I got drunk EVERY SINGLE day.

I barley ate, and I really only wanted to go to the gym.

I got skinny. Too skinny at one point.

But fuck it right???

Senior year of College, aka my Super Senior year, I went back to Coke a little bit, and did it a lot more than before but still I was not addicted just trying to forget shit and be happy. I got drunk again, every single day, and just did not give two fucks about anything.

Now here I am. 23, I made it out of college even while I was and still am depressed. I am going back to school at PC, even though I have a BA in English and a MA cert in TEFL.

I am still insanely depressed and it is getting so so so bad again. I can’t seem to sleep. My migraines are getting intense, and happening DAILY. I still have Dan by my side and I am so thankful for him. But man, I honestly just wish I killed myself way back then. I still pray that one day things will get easier for me, and that I will beat depression, and I will just not have anxiety. That won’t ever happen though.

I just need things to look up for me. But I guess I need to be able to look up also for that to happen.

As you can see, I was completely boy crazy. I was overly in love at some points, mostly with Colin. I was bat shit crazy because I was depressed and for the longest time did not know it.

#vent care idontcare love hate anxiety #depression

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textpostsforfuturereference · 5 years

Text

To all the boys I (never really) loved and some that I should have:

#1: I dated you for all of the wrong reasons. You were handsome and tall and older and smart and I felt like I needed to prove something to those around me --that I was worthy of those things. I found myself for the first time (and certainly not the last time) completely indifferent about us. I remember thinking of the possibility of you cheating and I didn’t even feel threatened that you were surrounded by pretty college girls. You broke up with me then got mad when I didn’t tell you I was visiting Oxford then all of the sudden we were back on and looking back I was passive the entire time. When I finally wanted out your anger was a bit surprising to me and maybe proved you liked me more than I thought you did, so I’m sorry for that. My struggles with dating started here and I don’t know if its your fault or my own, but I’m leaning towards the latter. Thank you for ultimately always being a gentleman. I learned that just because someone seems right on paper doesn’t mean its all that its cracked up to be.

#2 Looking back I felt pressured into taking interest in you. I saw you at the liquor store and thought you were cute but I never thought it would go past that. You tried to scare me but I was hell bent on seeming like I was cool with all of that. You were just immature for trying to scare me but I know you were fighting your own past mistakes and demons that still haunted you and wanted to know if I could handle it. I really hope you’ve chased some of that toxicity out of your life. Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone.

#3 First of all, fuck you. Secondly, I have to commend you for your persistence. I think it was 2 or 3 years of you trying to court me all while you had a girlfriend in Cincinnati. I really do hope she’s dumped you at this point because she deserves better. I’m also laughing as I type this because I really don’t hate you. You were just seeking emotional comfort and more love which I don’t think you got enough of growing up, but boy are you sneaky!! Thank you for teaching me to not believe everything a guy tells me and do some fact checking. You were the first (and not the last!) cheater I’ve had telling me everything I’ve wanted to hear. I hope you’re feeling the love in your life and aren’t up to the same old tricks these days.

#4 You didn’t even make the first draft of this list because I’ve done that great of a job forgetting about you. But I loved you. Whatever it was we had was random but it somehow became a huge part of my life. It was never romantic but it wasn’t platonic either. We talked all day and night about everything. You knew everything going on in my life down to the last mundane detail, and I thought I knew everything about yours. I didn’t know you were talking to another girl romantically until you confided in me that you were worried about her after breaking things off with her (and really that she was a little crazy). But not long after, you two reconciled and you slowly started to fade away. I remember where I was when I finally heard back from you after my texts had trouble going through - you were in Canada visiting her and meeting her family. A trip to Canada wasn’t exactly a small detail you forgot to tell me. I’m heartbroken our friendship didn’t last. I was okay with not being romantic. You didn’t need to block me on all social media. I would never sabotage your relationship. I guess I didn’t mean as much to you as you meant to me. Thank you for being a friend when we were friends, but also thank you for showing me that I have to forget the ones who have no trouble forgetting me.

#5 You were such a nice, normal guy and I felt like we had a good connection!! I was really nervous around you because you were the first guy I could realistically see myself dating. We were similar enough but maybe too shy with each other. I’m not sure why the whole thing fizzled but I really appreciate you for being you. And I hope you’re dating/married to a smoke show now because YOU deserve it.

#6 You were another situation where I felt pressured into liking you, but it just wasn’t there for me. You have such a fun/loud personality but something was off. You were also trying to shed some demons (and you’ve appeared to successfully done so) that I did not know about until after the fact, but that was too much for me at that point in my life. Sorry for my indecisiveness when you asked me if I saw a future. You waded through that bullshit and told me that if my answer wasn’t an outright yes, then it was a no. Thanks for being fun and not hating me. I still love running into you every once in a blue moon. You’re a good guy.

#7 Really sorry for the roller coaster I put you on. For the record, I did like you a lot, but this is yet another example of “something’s missing” or maybe I was just indecisive when my answer should’ve been NO all along. I’m also really sorry for letting my friend get in the way. It formed a huge crack in my friendship with her and it ultimately dissolved so really I should thank you for that. Also you should know that I was NEVER interested in any of your other friends. You were always the shining star in your group. And we were together when the Cavs won the championship, so I’ll never ever forget you. I wish the circumstances would’ve been different and things wouldn’t have gotten to messy, but I learned I will never let that happen again. Thank you!

#8 I tried sooo hard to dodge you because you were perhaps the most intimidating guy I had ever met. I knew this was doomed for the start but it was fun and it scared me in the most excitable way. I was never going to fit into your lifestyle - heavy drinking, VIP at clubs, connections everywhere, after hours bars - but I was definitely going to try to. We both had a nasty sense of humor and loved sports so it’s a wonder to me that we were still so incredibly different. Me having to leave for a month to work in Cincinnati was probably the best thing to happen, otherwise I don’t know how this thing would’ve ended. I lived for your text messages all day and night while I was away. You opened up and I was peeling back your layers and learning about you. I came home for the weekend and we day drank, then as soon as I went back for Cincinnati you were MIA. I’m surprised you ghosted because you didn’t seem to have that type of personality, but little did I know that was the best thing to happen to me. Thanks for pulling me out of my comfort zone and for keeping me company with your texts those first two weeks in Cincinnati. I know things have gotten tough for you and you are fighting to clear your name in the court of public opinion and better yourself, but I don’t hold any of this stuff against you. At your core, you’re a good person.

#9 You were the first to absolutely light me on fire, but admittedly I had my guard up. #8 literally ghosted me on Monday, and you were there to take me home and kiss me all over your apartment on Friday. I wished I could’ve stayed in Cincinnati forever even though you didn’t up living there much longer. I don’t know how or why things didn’t go anywhere. I don’t know if I wasn’t up front about my feelings and you got afraid to be upfront about yours. I don’t know if it was the distance. But I know you thought of me and still do. Going on a date nearly two years after we met and after a year and a half of you living out of the country was my dream come true. I still cant entirely let go of you for some reason. I think it’s because I have faith my patience will pay off one day. I want to live the rest of my life making you laugh everyday, mostly because I LOVE the sound of your laugh and seeing your dimples when you smile. I’m also prepared for nothing to ever happen between us again, but know there’s always a little piece of me with you. Thank you for being interesting and kind and showing me someone can be not only perfect on paper but also standing before me.

#10 I really shouldn’t even list you here but you were the best distraction I could ever ask for. You’re literally a secret friend. I really wished we could’ve had the steamy affair we always planned on having, but you’ve really been a good emotional outlet for me, and I hope I’ve been that for you. You listen, give advice, and keep secrets. I also love when you send me thirst trap snaps and I like sending you bikini pics and then when we see each other in person we act like we haven’t talked since the last time we saw each other in person several months prior. You’re kind of a piece of shit for doing this behind your wife’s back, but I probably am too for entertaining it. I’m super thankful for your friendship and your advice and encouragement.

#11 You were the second to absolutely light me on fire. But i burned myself. I wrote you a goodbye letter that makes me cry when I read it because I felt all the feelings with you. And maybe a big part of my turmoil is that I knew all along it wasn’t going to work out even though I wanted it to sooo badly. I saw everything great in you --you’re so smart, genuine, kind, curious, family oriented, compassionate, fun, nerdy and to top it all off so handsome and you didn’t even have a fucking clue!!! Maybe our timing was off or maybe you just weren’t that into me or maybe I didn’t tell you how into I really was. I cried about you for a year and a half (no joke) while I tried to carry on and date other guys. I’ve always wondered if you think of me or forgot about me when you found someone new. I kept tabs on you just enough to know when you were finally moving away from Cleveland, and its helped me heal a ton since you left. You’re going to do great things in this world, and while I’m sad I don’t get to be the one by your side I think we’re better off this way. Thank you for making me feel all the feelings I so desperately wanted to feel, even if the heart break outlived the relationship by over 1000%. And thank you for showing me the complete package does exist out there somewhere! Edit: Fuck you for unfriending me on snapchat. Actually maybe that’s for the best.

#12 I am so sorry. I didn’t give you the chance you deserved on our first date and was NOT on my best behavior. I was still reeling over my heartbreak and thought I needed to just rip the bandaid off and go on a date. You are perfection on paper (and in person too - don’t get me wrong) so I don’t know why we didn’t just ultimately dive in after a few months, but its all good. I think my indecisiveness , again, just gets in the way here. I’ve always had really good times with you and only think positive things of you! Again, I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve held you back or made you question yourself. We’re actually a really good fit and I’ve wished over and over again this could work but maybe we just lack that spark. Thank you for always being fun, for allowing me to tell you my fire sports takes, and being a gentleman. I wish all of the best things for you because you deserve that (and a cute dog, finally!)

#13 I truly didn’t understand what you were looking for. You had the most bizarre persistence or lack thereof. I would get the most random texts from you every month or so, make super loose plans to meet up, then not hear from you. Until finally we actually made firm plans. I’m not sure why I went out with you with your terrible text behavior, but I must admit I was super excited you were cool and so incredibly handsome. I thought things went fine and I even followed up to keep things going and then never heard from you again. If you were looking for a fuck buddy, you probably should have just said so. Or if you were looking for a 23 year old, okay. But you knew from the jump we were the same age. I don’t get you!

#14 First of all, fuck you. Secondly, fuck myself. This was a disaster from the beginning and another time I ignored my intuition, and was maybe way more passive than I should’ve been. I queued a tweet within the first few days of meeting you that alluded to my disinterest and something to look back on when things ultimately ended between us. I do stuff like this sometimes to remind myself my intuition told me the answer well before I listened to it. I probably let you in too much. I would face time you without makeup. I followed you on all socials and am now left with daily reminders of you. I let you stay with my in my apartment for the weekend when you were in Cleveland. You were all up in my space which isn’t something I’ve ever really had to deal with before. When I mentally made a pros and cons list about you and the potential of a relationship with you, the cons more than outweighed the pros. We were never going to work. I’m sorry I didn’t have sex with you, but you expected me to surrender my body like it was it was entirely yours for the night with zero discussion. I know you just wanted to be loved, but I don’t think you ever considered my needs and hesitations either nor how I want to feel like you respect my body. It pains me to say that this relationship with super easy to let go of within hours of you walking out my door. Your teasing was at times relentless and unnecessary and would chip away at my self esteem and patience sometimes. You fake broke up with me and when i asked you if it was a joke you said no and saw the joke all the way through until I was fully convinced it was over only to laugh at how upset I got when you revealed the joke. You were always tweeting pretty girls on Twitter and giving your tickets to them. You were on tinder while we laid on the couch together and I think you thought I was sleeping. You were red flags all over the place. Thank you for teaching me to NEVER EVER ignore them. And I hope you learn to be a little nicer. I also thank you for making me have a post-mortem conversation about the death of our relationship. I never planned to speak of it again, but a little communication and opening up emotionally is probably good for me with all of this pent up emotion I have from the aforementioned. Edit: you’ve tried staying on my radar ever since --telling me you miss me, you want to see me again, and inviting me to visit you to get away from the cold. It truly shocks me sometimes how much it appears you like me, yet how poorly you treated me when you had my full attention. My ire has only festered and grown and I almost eat up the fact I live rent free in your head. I relish in being nice and leaving you breadcrumbs (only when you initiate contact) so you hold onto just enough hope so I can keep my renter’s status. And I’m not sorry I didn’t have sex with you. In fact, that was one of my better choices in 2019.

#15 This was short lived and I am very sorry! After #13 left me not really heartbroken, but pissed off, I wanted to go in the complete opposite direction, which is exactly where you were. You were so smart, nerdy, and completely accepting of me being a dietary wet blanket. I appreciate your kindness and I’m sorry I wasn’t really in the right headspace for this to go anywhere.

#16 I knew this one wasn’t going to last forever, but I was sure going to get my hopes up! You were reminiscent of #11 somewhere deep in your spirit and I thought this could be what I had been waiting for. You were quirky and funny and lively and I was shocked how handsome you were in person. I felt like we matched up in so many ways and I had the best time with you in the little time we spent together. Our spontaneous date at Society where I wore my glasses, you practically wore pajamas, and held my hand saying you were looking for the real thing certainly made me feel great about where we could be going. But shortly after, you had a death in the family and things fizzled our much quicker than they began. I still think about you and your hotdog roller machine and it always gives me a good laugh! Thank you for being yourself because you are a special person.

#17 I hate to admit I am still pissed off about this one and I don’t have reason to be. When we met, I was not attracted to you. You followed me around like a lost puppy and I used that opportunity to let you get me Vodka Sodas all night and then dip out when I was too drunk and had dodged your advances without giving you my number or anything. But you found me the next morning and began to pursue me with confidence, and who am I to say no? You were persistent with facetiming and texting and wanted me to come down to Columbus to go on a date so I obliged. I still wasn’t entirely sure about you, but standing in Char Bar I had a “YEP” moment when I realized I wanted you to be mine and there was no reason you weren’t going to be mine. Everyone else previously mentioned on this list could’ve evaporated into thin air and I wouldn’t have noticed. I laughed to myself that #9 lived just down the street from you and that #11 lived somewhere in the area too. These were the early days of quarantine where everything was cozy and I just wanted to live in your bed, do puzzles, watch netflix, and fool around. You were super kind, but also had moments where you made me feel dumb or annoying a la #14. I’m sorry if my wanting to be secretive about our relationship made you weary of me. I never explained my track record made me nervous to tell anyone and I just wanted to enjoy some quarantine time together without questions from anyone. Looking back I probably was ill-equipped to begin this relationship and you probably realized that fast. After you excitedly begged me to visit you in Columbus twice, I asked you to come to Cleveland and you said no. I was hurt and confused by how quickly the tone changed and, like I had so many times before, I clawed and fought for every inch as you pulled away and eventually you were just another ghost. I found some peace with it, but when you popped up with a full on girlfriend a few months later I was pissed. But it’s completely fair and I have no right to be pissed about it. I think I’m confused how I let this one slip away from me when it initially felt like a layup. I had so much idle quarantine time to think about it and let the ‘heartbreak’ fester, but maybe it was just not meant to work out. Thank you for the fun, as sort lived as it was. PS: your bed was the most comfortable.

#18 I haven’t fully closed the book on this one because it feels ongoing. You might have a girlfriend right now, but I’m also pretty sure you had one over the summer before/during our date, but I know I have a place on the bench and you’ve got a place on mine! What has always attracted me to you at the most is the impeccable sense of humor (and the dimples... can’t forget the dimples). You’re smart and well spoken and so funny and tall. You care about the social issues and handle haters with grace! Distance is unfortunately a big factor into why this book has not closed (COVID too!) and it just sucks. You probably shouldn’t tell me you miss me when you appear to be seeing someone else exclusively. But being the “cool girl” that I am, I won’t call you out on it. I haven’t always been 100% on you romantically, but I always 100% root for you. I think you are undoubtedly great and thank you for being that!

#19 I really shouldn’t fool myself that this is going to be forever. I’ve admitted it to myself then quickly tried to silence the voice that this isn’t for me. I don’t think I’ve held anyone’s attention for this long and you certainly check most, if not all the boxes, but I cringe at you sometimes. Everything you say is too good to be true and I don’t think you’re bullshitting me. It really comes down to if you’re the person I want to be with and a lot of the times I am not so sure if “it” is there. Distance has weirdly been a factor even though you are one of the few who are actually in Cleveland. I feel like I owe it to both of us to stick around a little longer and give it a true shot, however, like so many times before, I feel like the vibe has started to shift. We’re probably not a good match, but you have a good soul so I can’t say for certain. Thank you for your patience.

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shewhowantsmouseears · 7 years

Text

Love Like Lava, Epilogue

Notes: The final section of my story has completed, so it's time to doll out some thanks.

To my close pals for their wonderful friendship, ones who kept me going with their smiles - Boxlunches, Palooka, Chllstarr, Greta, friends old and new within the Mice Discord, without those last pushes I wouldn't be here!

Once again, a big thanks toward my great gal Angie, who is the co-creator of Millicent! And, by that line, Agalma too!

A special thanks towards Disney Diligent, who helped inspire/create the final look for Aphrodite Minnie.

As always, super ultra huge mega thanks to my fantastic editors, Drucilla and Blueshifted! Funny enough, this story seemed to create the most division between them, one adoring lines that the other insisted be kicked out! XD Thankfully I as the narcissistic writer get to ultimately choose =P But yes, these two put in hard work and great effort for my little hobby, and deserve all the praise in the world!

Finally, thank YOU, yes YOU, all of my fans for reading, liking, commenting, reblogging, and for ultimately enjoying this wild ride! It's definitely gone through some changes since I first bubbled the idea years ago - a simple romantic comedy turned into questions of loss and sense of purpose. I had to cut out a few ideas (at one point, I debated about a sideplot of Clarabelle as Medusa and Horace as her blind boyfriend), but I think in the end I came away with a better story overall. I hope you all had a good time, and I also hope you stick around for next lovey-dovey tale!

(... and apologies in advance to all the donald fans because yes I am absolutely going to kick him around again)

Summary: When it comes to legends and myths, the final curtain never rests. What can the love story between two unlikely immortals inspire for upcoming generations?

“You don't have to do this, you know.” Donald knew his statement was obvious, yet he felt a need to say it anyway. “You don't owe him anything... except maybe a kick to his almighty shin.”

“I know,” Mickey casually replied, finishing the last strikes with his hammer upon his project. “But when I had this in mind, it was for someone huge, and he's the only guy big enough to use it. Besides, I like makin' stuff for folks.”

“Oh, Mickey.” Minnie was sitting on his workbench, admiring him with a swooning sigh. “You've got such a big heart.”

“If you two are going to get all lovey-dovey,” Daisy warned, averting her eyes, “I'm out of here.”

One of the newly repaired Axelias came over to wipe away Mickey's sweat, and he gave her a smile. “Thanks, Axelia.”

“You-Are-Welcome-Welcome-Welcome.” This one had the newest feature, a movable mouth. It was still a work in process, so her smile was lopsided, but it was still a smile she chose to make.

Mickey brought the hammer down one last time, then decided he was finished, pulling back to admire his work. “What do you think?”

“Not bad, not bad at all.” Donald offered a thumbs-up, grinning with pride.

Daisy snickered. “I can't wait to hear the mortals' reaction when they see it for the first time.”

“It's positively perfect.” Minnie came up to kiss Mickey's cheek, and he chuckled. “Oh, Mickey, will you ever stop being amazing?”

“Only when you stop bein' cute as a button.” Mickey nuzzled his nose to hers, causing Minnie to giggle wildly.

“Guys, seriously, I'm gunna hurl.” Daisy pretended to gag with a finger in her mouth. “Look, can we get this over with already? The sooner we can drop it off, the sooner we can go sailing. The ocean misses us.”

Mickey laughed, and placed his hand on the project, his other hand steady on his walking stick. “Fine, let's get going! It's not going to deliver itself!”

Thus the four of them reappeared on Mount Olympus – it had been several months since they last touched the cloudy paradise. No, it didn't deserve them, but Mickey had ultimately decided he could grace them with his presence when he felt like it. It wouldn't be too often, but he found such joy in his creations that he wanted everyone to have them. They popped up near the rebuilt thrones of Hera and Zeus, now separated. Hera flinched when she saw them, ready to duck and hide if need be. Zeus grimaced until he saw the unusual glimmer in Mickey's hands.

“I have brought you a gift,” Mickey declared, his back tall and proud. “I want nothing in return. I call it... a lightning bolt!”

Zeus' eyes went as big as the planet itself, and he knelt down to take the mighty yellow arch in his hands. “Such electricity... such power... I have never felt anything so magnificent! I feel a thousand years younger!” He burst with glee, hoisting the mighty weapon above his head. It was the best toy he'd ever gotten, and he wanted to play with it right now. He opened the clouds with his hands, trying to find a good place to strike. “Maybe there, or, no wait, how about here? But there's good too...”

Hera eyed the group suspiciously. “You SAY you bring a GIFT, yet you want NOTHING? What MADNESS are you SPEAKING of?”

“Careful.” Mickey wagged a finger. “My girlfriend can kick your butt.” Hera promptly shut up, cowering from Minnie's gleeful grin. “Aw, naw, I meant it! And I want all of Mount Olympus to know that I'd be happy to craft them anythin' they want. I need projects to keep me busy.”

“And he's very good at everything he makes,” Minnie cooed, snuggling up to Mickey's free arm.

Nearby gods found themselves piqued by curiosity, and it was Fethry who dared to speak first. “Say, could I get new shoes? These ones keep molting their feathers!”

“I wouldn't mind a new vanity mirror,” Gladstone happened to comment.

Even Mortimer found himself wanting in on this. “Okay, if you're that good, maybe you can bring some new life to my goblets? If you can.”

Daisy groaned. “We're never going to go sailing at this rate.”

Donald put his arm around Daisy's shoulders. “Oh, how you suffer.”

Gods and goddesses began to line up in front of Mickey, asking for jewelry and armor and other trinkets. Out of the corner of his eye, Mickey saw Pete hiding behind one of his deformed statues, and he quickly retreated when he saw Minnie's eyes on him. Judging from the smell, he still hadn't fully recovered. But he would one day, and perhaps he'd foolishly try for revenge. There would always be people who didn't learn from their mistakes.

There would also always be people who became better from their mistakes. Mickey smiled at Minnie, but then blinked as he saw her licking her lips with a puzzled look. “Minnie? What is it?”

“Hm? … Oh, it's nothing. Just...” She shrugged. “I have the oddest craving for peaches again.”

That probably had to do with Goofy placing the finished carved peach in her temple, having felt for some reason that it was the right thing to do. He hadn't seen Minnie or any of his unusual friends in all those months, and while he missed them, he wouldn't allow his sadness to hold him back anymore. It was the last act he did in the village before he left for his trip around the world with Agalma, and with his newfound confidence, he also brought the story of Millicent, Agalma, Aphrodite, and himself to every shore. The story spread throughout the land, although a few creative individuals decided that Agalma was too lazy a name, and decided Galatea was far more suitable. It is the nature of stories to change, after all.

The stories of Zeus and Hera, of Hades and Persephone, of Hephaestus and Aphrodite also changed as the decades came and went, with some believing Persephone was Hades's prisoner, and others thinking Aphrodite saw Ares on the side. One day the history became legend, the stuff of fairy tales and impossibility. People no longer needed the gods, and thus couldn't believe they'd ever been around in the first place. Yet these stories stayed, inspiring generations in many ways – art, music, theater, and even morality for a few. Even though such tales couldn't possibly be true, they were still told and enjoyed, even in museums of the highest education.

That's where a young boy was admiring a carving of the mighty Hephaestus presenting a gift to the lovely Aphrodite, although the stone was so worn down it was impossible to tell what the gift was. The mouse boy smiled in admiration – so the Greeks and Romans believed even a powerful god could have been disabled? He looked down at his own legs, forever bound in a wheelchair, and felt an odd sense of pride. If Hephaestus could be capable of great things, maybe he could too. With a funny chuckle, he touched his wheels, ready to move on. But when he lifted his head, his jaw dropped in shock.

What a coincidence – the prettiest girl in his class, and who he had a gigantic crush on, was also in the museum, looking at a nearby vase depicting Persephone. What were the odds? The boy always wanted to talk to her, to have that melodious voice directed at him, but had also felt that because of his disability, he never had a chance. Yet... he glanced back at Hephaestus. If that guy could land the most beautiful goddess, the boy had no excuse not to try.

He cleared his throat. “Say, uh... hi there!”

The mouse girl blinked and turned around, equally surprised to see him. “Oh! I didn't know you were here too!”

She responded she responded she responded – CALM DOWN. “Uh, y-yeah! I love this exhibit.” Thank goodness the wheelchair was blocking her from seeing how hard his tail was wagging.

“Me too.” The girl giggled, nodding towards the vase. “These stories are so romantic! I just love them! Which one is your favorite?”

She wanted to know more about him she wanted – FOR REAL, CALM DOWN. The boy hoped he wasn't blushing as hard as he thought he was, pointing at the stone carving. “Well, uh, gee, I always thought Hephaestus was kinda neat. Even though his legs didn't work, he made gold servants and lightning bolts and all kind of nifty things.”

“Oooh, I love that story!” the girl squealed, walking over to see the carving closer. “And he won the heart of the fair Aphrodite! I bet they loved each other sooo much!”

“Yeah, me too.” The boy scratched his chin, wondering if there were gods since his luck had never been so good. “Say, uh...the cafe here ain't too bad! You... maybe... wanna grab some lunch together?”

The girl turned to face him slowly, her own delicate chinks pinking. “Really? … I'd love to!” She smiled shyly, hands curled up together. “You know, I've always wanted to tell you how great your art is.”

“W-what?” the boy stammered, his disbelief at new levels.

“Those drawings you're always making in class... I think they're really amazing! They're so lifelike! Do you think you could show me how to do it sometime?”

“YEAH! … I-I mean, yeah, sure, okay.” As long as she didn't know she was the subject of more than half of the things he drew, then he was fine with showing her his doodles. “I guess I could show you my sketchpad over lunch.”

“Great! Let's get going!” The girl took a step forward, but then hesitated. “Do you need help pushing your wheelchair?”

“Naw, I'm just fine,” the boy said, beginning to roll. “And, y'know, I'm glad you asked instead of doin' it right away. Folks see me like this and assume I can't do nothin'.”

“That's very unfair of them...but if I ever make you feel like that, please let me know.”

“Sure thing!” He smiled at her, and she smiled at him, and they began to exit the exhibit together.

But as they left, the boy could've sworn he saw the stone-faced Hephaestus smile. It must have been his imagination.

#disney #fanfic #love like lava #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #donald duck #daisy duck

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syddgardashian · 5 years

Text

the beginning

this really is not the beginning of my journey. but i am in a better place than i was in. so now i can tell my story. i am not fixed or perfectly fine. i am still a crumpled up mess just straighten out just a little bit. kinda like when you ball up a piece of paper and then try to stretch it back out. no matter how hard you try, you will never get it to its original form. that is me. i will never be how i used to be, but if i work on myself enough, maybe i can get pretty close. Depression runs in my family. so does bipolar. when i became a teenager i started to have these dark feelings and i never knew why. I was sad or angry all the time and it confused me because no matter how much i tried i couldnt change myself. not long after, my family found out that my sister was VERY depressed and was self harming. i have never seen anything more traumatic. she would hurt herself so that she would feel better for just a little bit. i always thought that was stupid because i could grasp how that would help. UNTIL i tried it. i dont really remember the first time doing it. all i know is i was about 14 years old and i finally understood why people did it. it’s such a sad situation that people put their selves through. we hurt our selves, THAT IS ALREADY HURTING. we put our selves though one pain so we dont have to feel the other one. its sad that we have to feel a physical pain so we dont have to feel a mental pain. ANYWAYS back to my story. years went by, my ass still depressed. nobody knew to be clear. like nobody had a damn clue. one i didnt want people to know, another reason because i didnt want to alex to know. i didnt want to make my problems her problems. i felt like she was struggling worse. so i made her problems my problems. we got really close at that moment in time. then i got into some trouble, that im not even going to talk about because it was fucking stupid and im glad it happened because i wouldnt have met some of people i know now if i didnt move schools. i had to move to cville school and i was mad as hell about at the moment. i hated all four years of high school but some people made it bareable. i met my first love in that highschool. fuck. i was so in love with him. and if things were different i bet we would still be together. i have so many memories with him. memories that top anything else that has happened in my life. i wasnt allowed to date him because he was mixed. i got introuble several times because i got caught talking to him, but nun crazy. ill make another post about him because i could talk about him for days. i also met a forever friend, jordan. she be pissing me off but she will always be my bitch. me and her got some CRAZY memories together. i wasnt allowed to leave my house while i was in highschool. i couldnt go ride around. i had to stay locked inside my house for most of my life. it destoryed me. being alone for such a long time was the worst thing. my depression got so bad. i cried myself to sleep just about every night. but when i was dating david i was NEVER sad. me and him were off and on, but when we were together i was at peace. i didnt ever get in another relationship for most of high school besides david. like i didnt get in anything serious, i just talked to another people but it didnt last long because i couldnt leave david alone. but the summer before my junior year i met this guy. he was PIECE OF FUCK IN MY TOLIET. his name was eian and he was so fucking cute and i loved his personality and how he acted towards me. he was so fun and he wasnt afraid to act crazy around me. we were backj and forth for about 5 months. he was talking to me and about 5 other girls. he didnt talk to us at the same time, he would just pick a girl to talk to for about two weeks and then he would move on to the next girl. fuck that dude. but as soon as he was out of the picture guess what my ass did, yep, went back to my david. we dated again until december, but because of some stuff that had happened in our past i just couldnt make myself be in love with him. and it sucked because he was so perfect. not very long after that i started talking to this boy. his name is brenton. and now, two years later, we are still dating. our relationship is a fucking mess but we are still together. the first and a half me and brenton dated was fucking amazing. but then things started changing and it just hasnt been the same. ill make a post later about him. Well this past november, we broke up. and i went down hill. not because we broke up, but because he was my only friend. he was the only one i hanged out with, talked to. he was the only one that knew i was struggling. well during this month me and him were broken up, i tried to reach out to him because i needed him. i really needed him. and he thought i was just trying to trick him into getting back with me. i have been suicidal for a while now but it was never anything to serious, nothing that i couldnt control. until we broke up. i was so alone. all the time. i had to friends. nobody needed me. nobody reached out to me. nobody noticed that i wasnt myself. maybe because i never told anybody or maybe because i always put on a good face. i was very depressed, my anixety was awful. i was at the lowest i had ever been. i thought about suicide A LOT. the first time i considered it, i wrote my mom, dad, and alex letters. i didnt want to leave them with questions and i didnt want them to blame themselves. my heart was so broken. i chickened out. i talked myself out of it because i didnt want to hurt them. the second time i thought about was on thanksgiving. i tried to get brenton to let me come stay with him because i didnt trust myself to be alone, but he said no. a fight broke out at my sisters so that kept me from doing it because i had to go to alex. she needed me. i couldnt leave her i the moment. the third time i thought about it was when my parents left to columbia. i knew it would be the perfect time because i knew that nobody would find me. I remember it was a friday and i tried to get brenton to come stay with me because i didnt want to stay by myself. one hayti is sketchy and two i didnt trust myself to be alone. but again, i talked myself out of it and went to my sisters work until late at night so that when i got home i would be super tired and i would go to bed. which i did. The next day at work was the worst day of my life. i wanted to be gone in everyway possible. i never felt that kind of pain in my life. it was pure torture. and then i seen on social media that my ex was hanging out with these two girls a lot. it made me sad because he was so happy with them and he was never like that with me. it made me feel like such a waste of space. i kept thinking of all my flaws and how nobody would ever love a piece of shit like me. im not fun. im fucking ugly. i do not matter to anybody. i had a plan all thought out in my head of what i was going to do. i didnt want to do it because of my family but i kept thinking about how all my pain would go away if i did it. or how nobody would have to worry about me getting in the way of anything. i felt like nothing anyways. the thought of suicide gave me such a peace of mind because i knew that soon i would feel relief. i know the bible says that if you kill yourself you will go to hell but personally i feel like i had a good relationship with god and if i would have done it, it would have been all in his plan. i stayed at work about 30 minutes extra because i had to do the money bags for my dad while he was away but i also sat there and tried to talk myself out of it. i knew it wasnt a good. but fuck, the way i was feeling was so unbearable. i finally got home and decided maybe i will feel better if i just take a long HOT shower. so i turn my shower on and walk into my room and grabbed a new box of nyquil out of my dresser. i just remember sitting there and just popping them out of the plastic and taking them like they were skittles or some shit. then i torn my letters out of the back journal. and i read them to myself and cried as hard as my body would allow me. i then got my journal and decided to write one more letter. to brenton. i didnt want him or anyone else to think it was because of him because it wasnt. i wanted him to know that even during my last few minutes of breathing, i still loved him. and how it was such a privilege to love him. i guess he was on my mind my so much that my high ass decides to call him. i remember wanting to hear his voice one more time. how i wanted to say goodbye. i didnt want him to say me or to tell anyone but of course he did. next thing i know payton, my sisters friend is in my bathroom and she trying to get me up and i remember her telling me that this wasnt an option. it was an option to me. then my sister comes up the stairs into my bathroom and she reads my letter that i wrote her. the sound in her voice when she said “oh my god sydney’ her voice cracked, and she busted into tears. she tried picking me up but i weight more than her and shes a little weak.next thing i remember was being a hospital room and my oldest sister tara came in there. and i remember her crying and she said a prayer for me. i dont remember what she said but i know god heard her. i know he wrapped his embrace around me that day, because if he didnt, i wouldnt be here right now. i wanted to die, but that wasnt apart of gods plan. it simply was not apart of my journey. nobody told my parents until they got home that night, my mom came to see me but she was sympathetic at all. screw her for that. alex stayed with me that night. and the nurse that i had was sooo nice. she was really easy to talk to. she made me feel a little less worthless. sometimes i see her around. one day she came into my work to use the bathroom. i also saw her at walmart one time. i wanted to walk up to her and hug the shit out of her. the next morning, i was allowed to go home. so my mom came and picked me up. i went upstairs and got in my shower and i cried and i cried and i cried. i didnt want to be here. i wanted to be dead. i was so mad. i texted brenton and told him he shouldve let me die. such a dick move but whatever. he called me crying and we talked about the situation. blah blah blah. i ended up falling asleep. not long after my dad walked into my room... he tapped me and i looked at him and he hugged me and said what is going on and i didnt say anything, i just hugged him just a little bit tighter. he then said, “ ill let you go back to sleep but if you ever feel like doing that again please come talk to me.” the way he said it broke my heart. because i knew that i had broken his. after that, i regretted doing it all together, i know it hurt hi the most, because he couldnt even come see me at the hospital. a few days later i did something that i did not want to do. i went to see a fucking psychiatrist. and i so glad i did.she was so small and cute. she was wearing glittery sneakers and had a purple shirt on that said peace with little rinestones on it and she had her brushy, curly hair in a messy ponytail. shes such a hippie. i love her. talking to her is so easy. the way she understands the human brain is crazy. she understands you better than you do understand yourself just by telling her your story. you tell her your feelings, your situation, your actions and damn she can figure that shit out. we came to the conclusion that i was depressed and had anxiety. she put me on salexa or however you spell it. i was on it for a bout a month, maybe longer. it helped with my constant feeling of drowning but i was so bitchy all the time and just agitated all the damn time. well then we figure out that my ass is bipolar. so i get on a new medicine. im still on it at this very moment. so far its working pretty good. my body shakes a lot at night and i dont know if it has to do with my medicine or just the fact that i dont eat very much. so far, this is my story. if you made it to the end, thank you.

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mytsunami · 7 years

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Message from Sanam: Hey everyone, A couple of days ago I opened up on social media about my abusive relationship. You can read the whole post below. I never expected the amount of support I received. I am overwhelmed by the kind messages, prayers, and love I've gotten from friends, family, and so many of you who I've never met or spoken to but have extended so much warmth and concern to me. At the suggestion of more than a few people, I've decided to start this GoFundMe for anyone who would like to help me get back on my feet. I haven't worked for a while now for several reasons but the 2 biggest ones were my health (I have PCOS & fibromyalgia) and the stress of this relationship. All of this has left me dead broke but today, after spending an hour with a domestic violence counselor thinking I would have to spend the next few months going to court and trying to have my now EX-boyfriend removed from my home that he had spent the last 2 months threatening to kick me out of - he ended up coming home, packing up all his stuff, and leaving his keys. I am SO relieved that all of this has happened quickly even if it was very painful. But the next 6 months of my life are probably gonna be the hardest. The last time I went through something like this, I ended up alone and homeless and it took me over a year to get back on my feet. This time I'm hoping to cut that process very short because I am so lucky to have the support system I have today. If anyone would like to donate to help me stay in my home and be able to pay my rent, bills, car insurance, gas, groceries, medications, therapy, doctor's appointments, etc, I would be so sooo grateful. I've been on my own since I was 18 and I've never really asked anyone for help. The amount above will cover all of my living expenses and basic necessities for at least a few months and leave me with some emergency money. I don't even think I would have made it through the last 48 hours if I hadn't had so many people reach out and encourage and love me. I am so eternally grateful to every last person. I've seen every message, every comment. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love, Sanam (original Facebook Post) this is hard to say out loud. i have been in a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive relationship for the last year and a half. he is a well loved and respected person in his community. i spent years admiring him and when we became friends, i fell in love quickly. he was charming and smart and kind. the closer we became, the more i learned how much trauma and abuse he had faced in his own life. at 38 years old, he had never gotten any help for his severe mental illnesses. our relationship became toxic quickly for many reasons. we were 2 broken, traumatized people who came together to find solace and healing in one another. what happened was the opposite. his suicidal ideation eventually turned into anger and manipulation. every few weeks we would fight and he would break up with me and cut me off, often threatening to kill himself first and saying hurtful things which he would tell me later on was in the hopes of pushing me away because he felt so bad about himself. instead of heeding these warnings and moving on, i spent almost all of my time obsessively worrying about him. although i knew he was being manipulative, i would worry about waking up and finding out he was dead. i went back again and again even though everytime it happened it was worse than the last. i made excuses for his behavior over and over again because i wanted SO BADLY to help him. i behaved in ways i was ashamed of and subjected so many people around us to my misery because i couldn't just accept he was an abuser and move on. even when he wanted to take space, i would constantly feel the need to check in because of the fear that had been instilled in me from the incessant threats of self harm. the last few months, although the suicidal behavior has stopped, the abuse has gotten worse. every couple of weeks i’m berated on and on and told i’m a stupid bitch, made to feel worthless and degraded, am threatened to be kicked out of my home. i’m told that everyone in my life hates me, that i am useless and i won’t ever do anything with myself because i’m financially dependent on him. i’m told that i’m disgusting, that i’m a fucking moron. he has no remorse for the most part. he thinks this is normal behavior and that this is “just stuff that people say when they’re mad”. it takes an extremely exhausting amount of emotional labor to even begin to make him understand that his anger is out of control and he is almost always reluctant to accept this. 2 months ago, on a day when we fought again, i stood in front of the door when he tried to walk out. he picked me up and threw me on the floor and slammed my head on the floor. over and over again. i vividly remember being told that this is what i asked for. i vividly remember dissociating and thinking that it wasn’t even real because i couldn’t imagine why someone i loved and who loved me could be so angry and hate me so much. i remember getting up once he got off me and scratching his arm, wanting to hurt him back. but i couldn’t. because he’s a 38 year old 6 foot tall man who is twice my size. somehow even after all of this, and knowing what i do about intimate partner violence, i have forgiven this man time and time again in the naive hope that things would be different. telling myself that he is just a sad person who needs help and things can be better. idk why i do this when all i have seen in this relationship is that it doesn’t take much for him to resign himself to lashing out and abusing me. i find myself still defending the person who’s first instinct in an argument is to tell me i’m a stupid, worthless bitch. i know that i can be a toxic person and probably not a great partner. i have said and done some ugly shit but i can’t imagine that i’ve done anything that even comes close to warranting this much abuse. to have someone gaslight and degrade and manipulate me for months is really leaving me feeling like i might not make it out of this alive. for the first time in 10 years, i’ve self harmed. because of this relationship. i listen to a man i love tell me i’m stupid and disgusting and the worst thing that ever happened to him over and over again and when i FINALLY RESPOND with any kind of anger or hurtful words, i’m told that i’m a psychotic abusive manipulative bitch who belongs in a mental hospital. he fits every pattern of an abuser - belittling and name calling, denying/rationalizing his behavior, shifting blame, being hypersensitive and self deprecating. and he has done a great job of antagonizing and gaslighting me while convincing himself and his friends that i’m a “crazy bitch”. this relationship has destroyed my self esteem. since august of 2015, right after the rihanna video came out, i have spent all of my time putting this mans needs before mine and investing all of my energy into a relationship that always left me feeling empty and pathetic. i am filled with so much regret thinking about how different my life and career could have been had i been smart or strong enough to get out of this at the first sign of danger. a while back, i saw texts between him and his ex girlfriend where she also accused him of physically abusing her years ago and it was scary to read him say, word for word, the same things he has said to me denying his abuse. how could this be a coincidence? this is why i beg people to believe survivors of abuse. there is NOTHING gratifying or rewarding in speaking out about this. i have been met with doubt, anger, and victim blaming before and i fully expect to deal with that again. i’ve kept this hidden from everyone around me for so long and it feels like if i don’t let it out i’m going to lose the last bit of sanity i have left. men who abuse women get to move on with their lives while women who are abused are left behind to pick up the pieces. i have had to spend months and years rebuilding emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual well being when i have been through this in the past. i’ve been homeless and broke. i have had people tell me i deserved what i got, lost friends who blamed me for staying, had people not believe me because my abuser was publicly kind and honest and generous. there is NOTHING i look forward to about doing this again. i fear for my safety, i fear for his safety. i fear that after everything i've endured in my life, this is what will finally break me. i wrote this yesterday hoping it would give me strength and courage and instead i just feel more gross, ashamed, and helpless than ever. i guess i don't really know what the point of all this is except that if you see someone you love going through this, help them. and if you see someone you love doing this to their partner, HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. the worst part of all of this has been still loving this person and trying to be kind to him and make him understand what he's doing wrong and get him the help he needs only to be met with anger and hatred in return. i really don't know what to do or where to go from here. we still share a space and i'm trying so hard to keep myself together until one of us can leave. i know how many of u know and love him. i know how much he has hidden from everyone to keep himself safe and i know how much i've hidden to keep him safe. i really didn't want to open this part of my life up to everyone but i feel helpless. he has made it clear that he does not and will not even try to respect me or be civil with me. and i don't know how much help anyone can give him when he is completely in denial and dishonest with everyone in his life about what is actually going on. i don't want to leave my home. i don't want to end up crazy or dead because of this is relationship. i don't know what happens after this.

#trustmedaddy #instagram #abusive relationship #gofundme #women helping women #sanam #sanam sindhi #rihanna bbhmm #rihanna #bbhmm #desi

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