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#i used to love this book now i strongly dislike like it
cherikolya · 6 months
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— BUT WHEN YOU PULL THE TRIGGER, IT FEELS SO RIGHT
RECEIVERS。stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader
WISHCARD。He is just watching quietly and does nothing other than keep his eyes still. He is enjoying the sight—you look very his, just existing, standing still like a good baby doll, like you are fucking his, in his room, in his place—“You look so mine.”
BOUQUET。stalker au, 18+ content, dark content, harsh languages, dubious consent, heavy depictions of violence and blood, limbs mutilation, gun violence, emotional manipulation, toxic relationship, smell fetish/olfactophilia, male masturbation, cunnilingus, obsessive and possessive behaviour, hints of masochism, anxiety struggles, struggling to breathe, mentions of attempted suicide, heavy hints of stockholm syndrome, intentional repetitive words, everyone has fucking issues, dead dove do not eat (please read this add. notes!)
PRICE。approx. 25.2k
FREEGIFT。hit me right (johnny goth), manipulate (mxze, clarei), bathroom (montell fish), skins (the haunting) — spotify playlist
OTHER SHOP。also available in AO3
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❝ Sometimes I wish you are the one who kill me. And perhaps by then, I won't feel regretful about it.
I have tried to push myself to the brink of death. But every time—every fucking time—the sight of you, the vision of our future, the moment of our encounter, all appear in my very fucking eyes, as if I'm living through the whole moment before my brain decides that I need to stay alive although my heart tries to keep me dead.
I can't die. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to miss everything I can do with you. I do not want you to leave me. You're killing me and yet you're keeping me alive.
I used to say I would choose my own soul over my happiness. But lately, over the year, I find myself choosing you over anything. You are my death who gives me hell and the angel who gives me heaven. It's almost ridiculous how I still fall no matter how hard I try to isolate myself. I tried, my love, I tried to stay away from you. I tried to not chase over you. That is why I don't pursue you, only watching from afar for a year. But indeed, no matter how long I hold myself, you and your beauty, your face, your attitude, your hobbies, likes, dislikes, kinks, quirks, looks, presence and just your mere existence—they all pull me back to you. I swear, my love, I think God has fated you with me, so I would believe Him again. I think God sent you so I would feel something so strongly after I tried my very hardest to dim my emotions and empathy towards another human being. I used to hate you for that—how dare you!
And hereby, my little dove. I declare to you, from the bottom of my heart, I am hopelessly in love with you. I have envisioned our future together—in Hell and Heaven. I will take your hand every time you appear in my dream before I try to push my body to the brink of death. Run as far as you can and I’ll chase you. Hide as quiet as you can and I'll find you. Love as much as you can and I'll love you more.
I will always be with you.
P/S: I won't tell a soul about anything you have written in your journal. I like reading your experiences, your fantasies, your frustrations and your stories. Perhaps by the time you notice this secret note in your little book, we are already one with death. Ah, this is embarrassing to confess. ❞
― ♧
“Vanilla…”
You sniff slightly Nikolai's jacket that you got from your encounter with him in the haunted escape house. It still has his scent, albeit already fading over time. It has been days since that incident though.
Nikolai still ‘visits’ you. He has gotten so good at hiding himself now. Sometimes you do not see him at the window but then he will give you creepy messages about how you look so beautiful in just your skimpy panties. And then it hits you that he has been watching and he is around. He is just not in your sight.
“Come out if you have balls, bastard.” —you remember that message you gave him when he sent you a picture of yourself cooking. But he refused to leave his hiding and just kept bothering you with messages and pictures.
However, yesterday, he did come out. He appeared, sitting at the dining table with a cup of water. He has made himself too comfortable in your own house.
“What the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?!”
“You called me.”
And what ends up last night is just you bouncing on his cock shamefully.
Bam! — you slam the washer.
“Fuck you if you're watching me!” you shout out to nowhere. Just loud enough so Nikolai would hear you if he is around. You huff before you put away his jacket and start doing your laundry. It has been hard for you to keep doing your chores when all you can think of is your stalker who still wants to play this hide-and-chase game.
After you start the washer, you grab his jacket and look at the material. You know he is rich, somewhat. His accessories and his shirt are just from a luxurious brand. This jacket is also from a brand you recognise. You wonder if his circus business has been spiking up so much lately that he could afford such things.
Or maybe he does have another job. That would explain his criminal talents.
Suddenly you remember the early memories you had with Nikolai. You noticed him. And then you called the police on him, only for him to kill them. You actually did not know the police were killed until you came back to the station to make another report. The police on duty told you the story and it was easy for you to put the puzzles together.
You feel guilty still. You want to believe that you are not the reason for those police to be killed. But…
Ding! — the doorbell rings and you are snapped out of your daydream. You walk out of the laundry room and get to the door as it rings once more. You put Nikolai's jacket on the couch before you walk to the door. You take a peek through the peephole, expecting Nikolai. But surprisingly, it is a man you do not expect. You open the door, just a little.
“Alex?”
Alex smiles at you, but it does not look like a happy smile.
“May I come in?”
― ♧
“I just wanna ask…”
Alex is in your house now. You two are just standing. You hug Nikolai's jacket close to your body, seeking comfort in it. Alex does not look like his usual shy boy persona.
“Is it about what happened in the haunted escape house?” you cut him off before he could even open his mouth. He looks surprised when he hears that but regardless, he nods slowly.
“Can you… tell me everything?” Alex says. You purse your lips. He then looks at you and steps forward. “Please, I need to know.”
“You know enough.”
Alex brushes his hair back and seems to be frustrated. “That man who chased me with a fucking knife stalked me. He stalked me…! And you know him. I deserve to know everything..!” Alex pursues harder, making you flinch as his voice raises a bit. He takes a deep breath.
“Is he your lover?”
“No… No, he's not…”
Alex looks at you, visibly confused. But you remain silent. You do not want to give him the answers to everything. And this is for his own good too.
But this fucking man is insisting.
He grabs your arm, pulling you closer. You become tense as you eye him in caution. He says your name, softly, as if he is trying to reassure you.
“Listen. Listen to me. You can trust me ‘right? Please, just tell me the truth. I care about you. I know it's obvious already that I like you, in a… more romantic way… I do not try to lure you to like me back. I am genuinely worried and care for you. So please, tell me. Was that man your lover, or just someone you happened to sleep with? Who is he actually? Why did he stalk me? What kind of person you're involved with?” Alex demands as his grip on your arm gets tighter. You frown, starting to get frustrated by his action. He then shakes your arm, stepping closer to you until your body is practically brushing against him. You wince, trying to make a distance as you feel really uncomfortable with him right now.
“Let me go!”
“Not until you tell me the truth.”
I can't. I don't want anyone else to get murdered just because of me.
I don't want to put Nikolai in danger too.
Seeming to have failed trying to get his answers, Alex lets you go and sighs softly. He looks down to the floor, solemn. For a second, he glances at you, which makes you wonder if he has made any assumptions for himself.
“…. Can you leave?” you ask slowly. Alex looks surprised and he sighs once more before he backs away to the door. You trail him at a good distance and finally, he steps out of your house. Alex turns his head to you, eyebrows connected as he whispers,
“I promise I’ll help you.”
You say nothing, only looking at him. In the back of your head, a question pops up—something you have found weird for a while but never get the chance to ask it. It would be rude if you ask him now, expecting his honesty while you're also being dishonest to him. But still, you need to know if—
“I never tell anyone about myself that much, only for a selective few like the higher-ups. A friend from a different department in our office has no right to seek the other’s private confidential information,” you speak and Alex stops in his tracks. He eyes you, confused by your sudden change of topic. You press your lips together.
“Alex, how do you know where I live?”
Your eyes are on the ground, scared to look up to the man in front of you. You hear Alex sighs deeply and you glance at him, seeing that he is avoiding you.
“You were drunk, remember? Your friend told me…”
Is that so?
“Oh… Oh, yeah, that… makes sense, I guess,” you mumble. Alex gives you a small smile, nodding as if to affirm his words. But for some reason, your heart is screaming at you, panicked.
“I… I’ll go first… Goodnight… And yeah, I’ll... I will try to help you…” he says before he walks away, almost trying to leave the area as quickly as possible. You close the door and you lock it. You realise your hand has been shaking terribly.
You turn to the window where Nikolai would always be. But it's dark and empty. He is not here tonight.
Paranoia coursing in your head as you roam around your house, locking all the windows and doors. You turn off all lights and run to your room, where it's the safest place for you to be—well, not anymore. Not when Nikolai admitted he did hide in your closet once unnoticed.
“Get out!” you scream at the closed closet, expecting something but unfortunately, nothing happens. Nothing emerges. It's just you and your heavy breathing in your dark room.
“I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine—” the same words are repeated at the tip of your tongue as you try to make your bed and prepare to sleep. You need to sleep. You need to let your consciousness fade away. You need to escape to dream.
You palm your face, trying to calm your heart that is suddenly fearing everything. You sit on your bed, wrapping your whole body under the blanket, curling inside, legs close to the chest as if there's a monster under the bed.
You wonder what you should do in this situation. There is no normality in your life. Everything seems to flip just a bit when Nikolai gets even closer to you, and everything is turned 180° when he starts to involve your coworkers— Gosh, you cannot even call them coworkers because of how different they treat you after the event at the haunted house.
Of course, you did try to pretend everything was fine after you were practically ‘lost’ in the haunted house. You tried to go to work unbothered. But perhaps Julia and her friends have caught onto something.
Their strange looks, their curious mocking smile, their sarcastic remarks.
“Hey~! Do you wanna go to the haunted fair again? I think we want to try more funhouses!”
“Of course you would like to go again right? Who knows if you could find a boyfriend there?”
“Hey, you know, if you have someone you can introduce to us, we’d be happy to celebrate for you.”
You want to ignore their remarks. So for the past week, you ate alone, you left work five minutes early, and you made yourself busy, adding more tasks to your empty to-do list. You wonder what Julia and the others know. You wonder if Alex tells or asks them anything since he is in a completely different department. What did they think about you suddenly having to leave? What did they think about the mysterious jacket you suddenly possessed? What did they think about your messy appearance?
You feel regretful to not think about the consequences before you ran away from the group—just because you needed to escape at that time. It's your fault that this treatment is happening to you. It's your fault that you decided to stop Nikolai like a fucking hero. It's your fault that you wanted to feel that feeling of having friends enjoying your hobby too.
It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault—
“You're crying.”
Your breath hitches. You feel your cheek, wet with tears. You do not even realise you are crying, too drowned in your thoughts. Your face is also a bit sweaty from being under the cover. Hearing his voice, you slowly pull the blanket off your head. Your eyes meet with a pair of mismatched eyes, staring at you deeply.
“What's wrong, my love?”
Nikolai's voice is sultry and soft as his hands reach out to cup your face. He is crouching by your bed. He is wearing black clothes. His porcelain skin and white hair are glowing under the moonlight shining through the window on the wall.
“Tell me? Who made you cry? Why are you crying?” he asks again. You sniff and shake your head, not wanting to tell but your heart betrays you when it becomes so heavy that you start to sob again.
Nikolai frowns, concerned. He gently pulls you to sit up as he sits right beside you on your bed. His chest is heaving slowly and he looks pained. His hands are still warm on your cheeks, thumb wiping your tears. He scoots closer, leaning forward to kiss your forehead as his hands roam to your neck and back, caressing you gently. He whispers sweet nothings to you, assuring you that you can cry to him.
“It's okay, sweetheart. Take your time.”
“It's been hard, isn't it? You’ve done so well, love. You really did.”
“I'm here for you, alright?”
You feel loved.
It is weird to feel loved by a stalker—a murderer, a dangerous person even. It is something more than just a simple crush indeed. He is too intense, too obsessive, and yet he loves you.
And maybe you are smitten by him too. His weird way of affection, his obsession, his craving, his touches, his attention—they are probably the reasons why you find it hard to pull yourself away from his embrace—secured, safe, loved.
I love him too. — your heart admits.
I do not love him. I do not like him. I hate him. I hate him so much. He ruins me. — your head denies.
“Hey,”
You finally look at him. You find it a little surprising to see Nikolai looks like he is in pain. You wipe your tears with your arms, receiving a chuckle from him. “Adorable,” he whispers.
“What's with that face?” you ask, voice hoarse and slow. Nikolai tilts his head, confused. He touches his own face before he laughs a bit.
“I think I am in pain.”
“Y-You got hurt somewhere..?” you ask, eyes scanning his body. Nikolai chuckles before he touches your chin, bringing your face up to his gaze.
“It hurts me to see you're hurting, love.”
How can he be so sympathetic? How can a bad guy like him feel that?
“I saw him,” your eyes widen. Nikolai's gaze turns serious, emitting danger as his voice drops. “Did he make you cry? Did he hurt you? Do you want me to kill him?”
He holds your face. “Just give me your words, dearest.”
You shake your head. “N-No… No, please just… don't do anything bad.”
“You sure?”
“Yes...”
Nikolai is silent. Then he nods too. “Okay. If that's what you want. But, that does not mean I won't though. If he lays a hand on you, I will gift his head to your door.”
“But why though?” he asks shortly after. You wager your answer silently as your fingers fiddle with the hem of his shirt.
“Because it's wrong… and murder is bad.”
“Such a heroic answer. That’s what your head tells you, no?”
You swallow hard, looking at him. He is waiting for a response, so you nod, just once.
“And… what does your heart tell you?” he asks as his finger traces from your collarbone, down to your chest, twirling a circle on your skin. “Does your heart wish the people who wronged you unfortunate? Does it scream death to them and backtrack once you realize, it is wrong to feel so? Do you feel guilty about it?”
Nikolai leans forward, kissing your cheek before he whispers to your ear, “Isn't that caging for you?”
You push him away, just enough to make him pull away his face from you. “W-What’s your point?”
“My point is, if you abandon your morals, maybe you would take my hand right now.”
You look down. You do agree to an extent but still, you wonder if it is the right thing to be with someone like him, knowing that he committed atrocities. Will you be fine, living with the thought of your lover managed to kill a few people because of you?
For a second, you want to ask, why did he fall in love with you anyway? What did he see in you that makes him so hopelessly in love? What is so special with your basic ass that makes him so obsessed?
But your weak heart does not dare to receive any answer regarding that. You are afraid that he would reply with shits like “Because your body is sexy,” “Because your face is cute,” “Because you have the same kinks and fantasies as mine,” —no, no, no you are not ready to hear anything that would crush your already destroyed self-esteem.
Perhaps one day you would ask him—Why do you love me?
“Something in your mind, dear? You starin’ me hard,” he says, shutting your thoughts.
“Just… thinking about something.”
“You ain't telling me?”
“Maybe one day.”
Nikolai's smile widens. He grins. “I’ll wait for that day.”
“You’d wait? What if I take forever to tell you?”
“Then I will still wait.”
He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. “I will always wait for you.”
continue reading in AO3
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©cherikolya 2023 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated
if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!
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Tolkien Thoughts, 14 Year Old Niece Edition:
So, no one in my immediate family has any particular interest in Tolkien BUT I’ve been making some progress with a 14 year old niece who liked the movies and agreed to give the books a try. She’s here this week for the holiday and so I’ve got an honest to goodness family member in the house who can and will talk LOTR!
I absolutely love to hear her takes on things, both those where we agree and where we differ. So far, she has expressed the following opinions:
1. Book Aragorn “needs to take it down a notch on the whole heir of Elendil thing.” She vastly prefers Movie Aragorn, whose humility she respects.
2. Legolas was her favorite in the movies, and he’s doubly so now because “he had a lot more to say” in the books. She particularly seemed to enjoy Shit Talking Legolas who constantly reminds his friends how young they are and repeatedly rubbed it in everyone’s faces that he wasn’t afraid when they were all having a dark night of the soul at the Paths of the Dead. (She did not pick up Gigolas vibes on her own but enthusiastically endorses the concept now that she knows about it.)
3. She had absolutely no use for Tom Bombadil but, after hearing about Gigolas, she is now considering whether Gandalf and Tom might not be a good pair.
4. She read Sam and Frodo as a romantic relationship without any prompting from me or anyone else and was shocked to find out that not everyone reads it that way. She believes anyone her age would read them as queer by default.
5. She was bothered by the repeated idea that some men have better/higher blood than others, which really offends her as a concept. That kind of soured her on Gondor in particular (though she makes an exception for Faramir) since they’re the ones that are held up as the people with the best or noblest blood.
6. Tho she strongly disliked the setting of different categories of men in hierarchy against each other, she’s fully on board that the elves are better than everyone else. She also cannot understand why anyone is attracted to the dirty, sweaty humans when there are beautiful elves RIGHT THERE. (Obviously this is a point where my influence has fallen woefully short, as I can’t get enough of a dirty, sweaty human. I tried to convince her that she is missing out on some truly amazing dirty sweatiness:
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But she can’t help it, she’s got Samwise Gamgee levels of elf worship.) She was interested to hear that Tolkien’s got another book that revolves much more around the elves and their doings, but she’s not sure she wants to read it if there are “elves behaving badly” in it because she wants to keep thinking of them as noble and enlightened and sad. I didn’t tell her about Fëanor as a result. Maybe when she’s 15…
So anyway, we’re doing great over here. She’ll be in town for 5 more days and I hope to get as much more out of her as she’ll tolerate in that time!
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muliwam · 9 months
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Best Worst Nightmare
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wc: 1k
pairing: college!bucky x fem!reader
Summary: reader and Bucky hated each other for years. reader finds herself rooming with Bucky and that's when they realize their love for each other.
cw: cursing, use of y/n once, let me know if I missed anything
(second person and first person POV)
I don't know how guys have conversations so when you get to bucky pov, sorry in advance.
part 1 part 2
You walk down the dimly lit hallway, suitcase in one hand, phone in the other. "Room 318...318." You whispered to yourself. You're moving into a new dorm for the rest of the semester since your last roommate was a pig and attracted bugs into your shared room. Yeah, no thanks... You were never told specifically who your roommate was, only that it was a boy. You arrived at the room labeled 318.
You knock once. Nothing. Twice, nothing. Three times, still nothing. The dorm administrator said you wouldn't be getting your key until tomorrow so you can't get in unless someone opens the door for you. You shook the door handle, and it was open. As you walk in you see a bathroom to the right and a small closet with a sliding door on the left. There are 2 beds, on the left side of the room against the farthest wall, and one on the opposite side of the room facing the right wall. The right side seemed to be occupied, with a neatly made bed, books organized on the desk, and a digital clock on the side table. You took the only bed left.
-
You haphazardly fell on your bed, cuddling into the fluffy duvet you bought from Target. You finished putting your clothes away in the Carolina oak dresser drawer provided on your side of the room, organized all your school supplies, and decorated your desk with miscellaneous items you shoved into your suitcase. As you were falling asleep, you heard someone barge into the dorm. You heard giggling from a girl and faint noises of lips smacking together. Probably your roommate. Your eyes stayed closed until someone yelled, "NOOOOOOO" You opened your eyes and saw the face of a man you would only see in your worst nightmares. Bucky. Barnes.
You guys have been enemies since grade school. It started when you had a crush on his best friend, Steve. Steve ended up liking you back and Bucky was furious. Obviously, nothing happened between you and Steve, besides him chasing you around the playground and you and your friends giggling in the corner when he passed by. "NO." Your eyes went wide.
"You are my new roommate?!" he emphasized "you". "This has to be a mistake." You groaned. " Uhm, Samantha, you're going to have to leave... This is a life-or-death situation." He explained to the brunette next to him. " Okay? See you I guess." she awkwardly walked out the room.
"Okay, so do you need help packing your stuff or?" he questioned. "No! You can't do that!" You argued. " I mean technically I can. It was my room first." he stated matter of factly. "Leave."
"No. Like I said, this is my dorm too." You stated." Oh my god you're annoying." He groaned. " You're a bitch you know that? I know your mad that you can't have your girlfriends over anymore, but you don't have to be so bitchy about it." I criticize. "Who said I couldn't bring girls over? and They are not my girlfriends." he smirked.
"Oh right. My bad. You're just a whore." you said annoyed. "And your jealous." He walked closer. You scoffed " Why would I be jealous. I can't stand you." You were now practically face to face. You could smell his Dior cologne and women's perfume. Probably from that girl he was swapping spit with. "Why do you hate me so much?" he asked. " I don't hate you. I just strongly dislike you." You stated. " Now if you will excuse me, I need to go continue my nap that you rudely interrupted."
you tried to walk off, but he grabbed your arm and pulled you back to him. Your noses were inches away from each other. You could feel his breath on your face. " You're cute when you're mad," he whispered. Your cheeks started to head up. You tried to turn your head away mad at yourself for even giving him a reaction. "Are you blushing? Gross." he let go of your arm and walked out the door.
-
Bucky has been gone for 2 hours. Why do I even care? I don't like him. I hate the way his hair falls back in place when he moves it out of the way. I hate the way the corners of his eyes crease when he smiles. Or the way he flirts with me to get on my nerves. I hate his laugh. I hate that I get butterflies every time I hear his voice. He is too loud and obnoxious and I think that thing he does with his hands when he's nervous is dumb. I hate him.
" I love him."
NO. I don't love him. Nope. Not one bit.
-Bucky pov-
God she gets on my nerves sometimes. All the time actually. First, she steals my best friend and now she steals my room. Fucking thief. I've been gone for 2 hours to try and stay as far away from her as possible. She better be gone by the time I'm back.
"What's up man," Steve pat me on the back. " Hey." God, I hate her. I hate the way she bites her lip when she's nervous, I hate the way she giggles. I how soft her hair looks and the sudden urge to just run it through my fingers. I hate her voice, I ha-
"Buck, you good? What's on your mind?"
"oh, I'm fine just- nothing."
"You're distracted. I was telling you about how some girls kept complimenting my ass."
"oh yeah yeah. your ass is- nice. Wait, no sorry. I'm distracted." I stared off into the distance.
"Buck just tell me," he spoke.
"It's just y/n."
" You like her huh." he nudged me.
"Like her? Yeah, right. I can barely hold back my puke just by looking at her." I argued. I do not like her. I hate her. With all- no that's too harsh. with half my heart. " Bro you've been in love with her since 5th grade. just admit it."
" No, I haven't! I hate her. shes annoying and unorganized."
God, I hate her.
" I think I do love her."
" Go get em' tiger."
-
smut will be in part 2
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mask131 · 27 days
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I'm going to really quickly drop something I have been thinking for a very long time - and I don't think I have made a post about it?
It is one of the reasons I kind of cut ties with fandoms on the Internet as a whole, and why I originally strongly disliked the way "headcanons" were used, and why I often roll my eyes with the way people behave on the Internet... And I don't know if it is because I was old enough to have lived in a time when I enjoyed series and movies and cartoons without the Internet - or better, with an Internet that was without the "fandoms" as we know them today.
The main thing that irritates me with the way "fans" act on the Internet is how they think because they are fans of a piece of media, it "belongs to them". I fully understand the idea of fanfiction-positive and I am ALL for fan-art and AUs and the like, don't get me wrong. I do enjoy what fandoms were for - sharing a common passion, bring fan-made content based on a loved piece of media, have fun with it all... But the way this positivity has been framed and formulated, and the way it got interpreted has been irking me a lot.
Because in effect, a lot and lot of people have gotten into their brain, somehow, that a fandom "owns" a piece of media. That a television series was made first and foremost for the fans, and not for anyone else, and thus that it must cater to their every whims and desire. More and more people take fan theories and headcanons as actual guidelines, or solid fact, or in general confuse "canon" and "headcanon". More and more people believe the idea that "If we are strong enough, we can change this piece of media" or that "The creator of this piece of media owes us things because we are fans".
I am not very old, and yet I still lived in a time when we understood that published books and the shows on TV and the movies in theater were not... "ours". Yes a fandom is a way to allow fans to toy and play with a piece of fiction, and thus in a way make it "theirs". BUT THAT'S METAPHORIC NOT LITERAL! It certainly does not help that recently more and more tv shows and cartoons and whatnot have been explicitely interacting with or refering to their fandoms, even sometimes letting the fans drive the course of the story. Which is great, and is fun - but should be remembered as something not "natural" and a bit exceptional.
It reminds me of how recently there have been more and more incidents in theaters where musical plays were interrupted by audience members who thought they just could do anything they wanted - because somehow they thought a musical was an interactive play or a karaoke night. Again, these kind of interactions do exist (The Rocky Horror Picture Show was built upon these experiences) - but they were unique and out-there.
Art, fiction and media can and will live on without fandoms. Fandoms are not a needed ingredient of a piece of fiction, they are something that at best develops a healthy co-dependency with the piece of fiction it selects, at worst acts like a parasite to its host. But the fandom can be destroyed and obliterated and die - the fiction will still live on, and the media will still exist. And yet, so many fandoms seem to believe that somehow, they are the movers and shakers of industry and fiction, and that somehow they are the ones in control? So many fans treat creators like commissioned artists or pals they can ask favors from or victims they can bully freely without consequence.
Again, I don't know how to properly express my thoughts but... I lived in a world without fandoms, and now I can't stand it when people make it seem as if art and fiction and media was all about fandoms. And I mean fandom in the modern, Internet-sense of the term. Fandoms have went from enthusiastic pupils and eager to learn students and symposiums of fair critics to just... whining, entitled, over-spoiled little brats that kick their feet in anger, give orders to everybody and try to run away with the painting that is hanging on a museum's wall.
Yes fanfiction can "correct" a badly written plot, in one's opinion. It doesn't mean the author has to stick to your corrections, or that other people can't actually enjoy the badly written plot.
Yes fanart can be much cooler than the actual design. It does not mean you suddenly know the movie better than the movie-maker themselves, or that your fan-art will have to influence the aesthetic of a cartoon's next season.
Yes headcanons are wonderful. It does not make them canon, and you cannot enforce them on anything.
I repeat myself like a broken record - but originally fandoms where a place of enjoyment and appreciation and theorizing and complaining, but solely as an audience, and as people gathered by similar interests. Now? Now they became places of control and influence and demands that don't understand that an audience member isn't supposed to jump on stage to point out "No you are saying it wrong, here is how you should say the line."
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What's your opinion on Electra? I've just finished Jennifer Saint's book and I was reminded why I've always disliked her. She didn't seem to be upset her elder sister is dead, her father is a saint in her eyes and Clytemnestra is suddenly the bad person here?
I'm VERY glad you asked this question, because it gives me a chance to talk about the saddest girl with nobody to love her.
For the record, I do NOT believe Jennifer Saint did justice to Elektra in her book. I strongly prefer Claire North's depictions of her in The Songs of Penelope. Saint did her dirty. She simplified her into a girl who doesn't like her mom when Elektra is much more. She's really the only bystander in the complex web of the House of Atreus, the moral problem presented by the acts.
Let's look at what Anne Carson says about her.
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Elektra has reason to be loyal to her father. From her perspective, he is the king of kings, and she is his daughter. He's been gone long enough that she only knows his mythos. His evil is removed from her, but Clytemnestra can be blamed because she's present.
The most important thing across Elektra's characterization is that she's alone.
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In the years of war, Clytemnestra's grief has clearly grown around her in a way that makes her inaccessible to her children. Now, I love Clytemnestra, I will never not love her, but the reason why I love her is that the House of Atreus is deeply cursed and everyone is beset with darkness.
Even the chorus thinks so
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Elektra's grief over Iphigenia isn't really addressed, but it's implied that she's too young to remember her. What she does remember though is what was left of the house when her father left. So it makes sense that she pinned all her hopes on happiness on her father's return.
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Something I've mentioned in other posts is that the logic that Orestes uses to justify killing Clytemnestra is the same logic that Clytemnestra uses to kill Agamemnon. They killed my kin, so I kill them; it's justice. What we as Clytemnestra lovers have to admit is that if she is right, so it he. It's the nature of the bloodcurse.
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The hypothetical love of her father is preferred to the distance of her real mother. Even if we love her, Elektra does not. Elektra would rather be with the dead than the living.
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My critical review of the FNAF movie, as a lifelong fan of the franchise.
Alright I just saw the FNAF movie and I have some SHIT to say, some good some bad I think this will probably be very controversial.
PURELY JUST MY OPINION
SPOILERS AHEAD
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Alright so the good parts:
1. I really liked Josh Hutcherson's acting and he made a great Mike, his relationship with Abbie was real and I liked his friendship with Vanessa through the movie.
2. I also really liked the dream sequence with the spirits communicating to him through his memories, I thought that was very interesting and well done.
3. Seeing Matpat was a very pleasant surprise and I understand Mark couldn't have been there because of his work on Iron Lung but maybe in the next movie he could have a role. I also saw someone complaining about how Matpat says "it's just a theory" in the film and I just wanted to comment on it and say that you should be grateful he got to be in the film in the first place, and what's the problem with him saying his signature line, me and the rest of the theater loved it.
4. End credits song was peak I'm so glad the living tombstone made it into the movie and hopefully they continue putting fnaf songs in the credits in the future if there indeed will be a trilogy.
5. The animatronics were absolutely beautiful and done so well, their movements and articulation was perfect and I loved them.
6. Vanessa is Elizabeth twist is awesome and has so much lore significance. I'm really glad to see something big like that in the movie rather than just taking concepts from the games and books and throw them all together. That gave me the idea of Vanessa's mother potentially starting the pizzaplex in the future due to the "higher ups" in the pizzaplex in security breach personally recommending her for the job.
Now the bad:
1. Springlocks.
I strongly disliked how they designed the springlocks and how they were set off in the movie. The design doesn't at all correlate with how they are supposed to look and be used, and it only covers the torso. Springlocks are supposed to be everywhere in the suit, all limbs, torso, and head. But they were only in the chest cavity of the old animatronics and spring bonnie, which isn't a huge problem it's just something that could have definitely been improved on. They also had different functionality, these springlocks looked like they wouldn't hold back the endoskeleton at all and are instead purely made for killing, which there would have been no reason for with these suits. I much prefer the windup design of springlocks that hold back all the parts inside the suits from collapsing inward, as described in the books.
2. The springlocks scene itself.
On top of the springlocks being different which I also didn't like in the scene, the way they did it with his helmet off is really upsetting. I get that it was probably so you could see expressions of pain and the look in his eyes, but it robbed us of a possible springlocks scene that could have been similar to the "one audio" I'm sure most diehard fnaf fans have heard, or the audio by "NLGL10n3I" which is done absolutely beautifully and would have made for a perfect springlocks scene. It would have been much better if it was muffled and you just saw the convulsions and blood from the suit snapping back into place.
4. "I always come back."
I really disliked how this line was delivered and just think it could have been said better, him being able to put his helmet on makes little sense to me because of the restrictions on his muscles the springlocks would have had, but it's not the worst thing.
5. The animatronics being "brainwashed."
I really didn't like the idea that the kids just didn't remember that afton was the one who had killed them, because they held onto that a lot in the games and stuff. So Abbie needing to put a drawing on the wall to show that "bad guy is bad" was pretty upsetting and didn't make any sense.
6. The fort scene.
I get it, they're kids, but they're not supposed to be like regular kids. They were murdered, and they're pissed about it, they don't care about anything other than getting revenge for their deaths or inflicting pain. It was also cringey, which they did to appeal to the audience I guess and it makes sense cause it's a pg13 movie but it still didn't fit the vibe of the rest of the film at all.
7. The film rating.
I understand that a lot of the audience isn't old enough to watch a rated R movie in theaters but it could have at least been rated MA. That being said, they got away with a lot more than I thought they could with the cupcake mauling the guy's face off and the girl being bitten completely in half. They could have not done so much with their deaths though and redirected it towards the springlocks scene, I'd much rather the rest of the kills be more mediocre and have an amazing springlocks death than have a mid springlocks death and some decent kills.
8. The blade whirring freddy mask.
I think the concept of a murder device in the pizzeria could have been done much better than just a mask with some spinning blades. A better idea for that would be a springlocks suit, assuming we didn't have the shit springlocks we got in the movie and had the ones that had to be wound back to hold back the suit. They did something similar with the clown animatronic that Chica tried to shove Abbie into, but it would be a lot better as a suit you wake up inside of and have to carefully unwind in order to open up the chest to escape, and to try not to set off the springlocks would have made for a much more suspenseful scene with opportunity to scare the audience by springlocking the suit just after Mike had escaped from part of or all of inside the suit.
Something similar to this is in the books, Charlie is trapped inside of a suit with springlocks that she has to carefully unwind to get free from. Mike could have learned how to do that through Vanessa when she points them out to him in the back closet.
9. The power and cameras.
I know it wasn't going to be like the games in that sense, but the cameras were used very little and there could have been some scenes where we could see, even as a little thing you'd just catch if you were looking, like animatronics moving through the pizzeria.
The power also was vastly different and just went on the fritz a couple times where Mike had to flip the breaker off and on, instead of the building running on a generator with a specific amount of power for the night.
10. No Markiplier :(
Self explanatory
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The last one was a joke but that's overall my critical review of the movie, would and will absolutely watch again for things I missed and to look at things better. Please let me know your different thoughts on the movie and what you think.
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soldez · 6 months
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would u recommend working w kids? they are so so sillay. also leo being second oldest is very real to me and i love that your vibes for her are summer camp counselor
HI!! that's a complicated question because it really depends on who you are and what your needs are. kids are adorable and hilarious and i find their company extremely fulfilling, but they're also LOUD and EXHAUSTING, and you need to have a certain tolerance for screaming, grabbing, bluntness, and (if you work with toddlers like me) the occasional poopy situation. if you have sensory issues like me, I'd strongly recommend establishing a set time and place to recharge every day, (or even bringing headphones if you're able to) and setting clear boundaries, like "my body needs space right now," "i don't like being touched there, thank you," etc. (which also teaches them consent/setting their own boundaries as a bonus). if you've never really worked with kids before, you might look for opportunities to substitute, or even volunteer at libraries and whatnot to get a sense of how it feels for you. i feel like everyone remembers a teacher from their childhood who just hated their job and made it everyone's problem, so don't be that person. i guess what I'm trying to say is that it's important to put your wellbeing first, or you'll be miserable, and that will rub off on the kids.
personally, i love how kids are naturally curious and blunt. they will just say whatever. and it IS extremely exciting and fulfilling to watch them learn and grow in real time, because they absorb information SO FAST. it's important to be observant and patient and non-judgmental and kind, because they WILL emulate your behavior. every single day I'm delighted and surprised by one of them saying something sweet out of nowhere, supporting or comforting a friend, resolving a conflict on their own, pronouncing a word like CRUSTACEAN that's way beyond their usual reading level, or randomly asking to hold my hand or sit on my lap when they've never done that before....
HOWEVER. do not tell my employers i said this, but I'd eventually like to work with slightly older kids, like 6-8 year olds, because i feel like that's the age range where they've kind of had a chance to develop personalities and hobbies and interests (beyond favorite colors and animals and whathaveyou), and they're starting to learn how to make jokes and insult people but they just go about it in the funniest way possible. and their imaginary games have extended plotlines, and theyll sometimes just decide to write an entire comic book or movie script in an afternoon. and you can actually hold a conversation with them, wheras toddlers will often just lose interest and walk away if they don't immediately grasp something. you also have to be very direct with toddlers, which is something I'm still getting used to just because i really dislike talking down to people of any age or size. like do NOT get me wrong, i LOVE my 3-5 year olds, but i do miss babysitting 8 year olds from time to time. and age is something to consider, again, especially if you're squeamish about bathroom stuff. *shudders and stares off into the distance*
anyways that was probably a way longer answer than you wanted and just a bunch of nonsense words. tl;dr the answer is Yeah. If you want. ❤️
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davidlcki · 1 year
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HEAR ME OUT.
bruce wayne and the reader having the exact same music taste (i’m thinking nirvana or deftones) and they lay in bed at night with headphones in each ear and listening together. GOD
drive me far away
FUCK YEAH I LOVE THIS IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON I LOVE U!!!! i hope i did your idea justice, it’s a little corny but i think it’s cute :) anyways ignore how bad i am at ending stories and enjoy!!!
pairing: pattinson! bruce wayne/ reader
warnings: female pronouns used in the form of ‘mrs.’ once. i think that’s it but lmk if i missed anything!
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the first thing you and bruce found out you really had in common, was your music taste. it brought the two of you together tremendously, and you still bond over it to this day. wether it was nirvana, deftones, or even bands like new order, (YES, i strongly believe bruce would listen to new order/ new wave in general) you bonded over it all. no matter what time of day, no matter what activity, there was usually a song playing that both of you enjoyed.
it was a gloomy monday, and you had decided you wanted to give alfred the day off, or at least help a little. which took a lot of convincing.
“alfred please, just let me do the dishes, or something!” you always felt bad for him, even though he clearly didn’t dislike his job, you still felt the need to help every once in a while.
“alright, fine mrs. wayne. clean away” alfred throws his hands up in surrender and exits the room. bruce gives you a questionable look from where he was working at the kitchen table. “what??? i wanna help out” you retort at his silence.
“i didn’t say anything” he shrugs, before unwillingly going back to his work. you stick your headphones in as to not bother bruce, and begin to play “mollys lips” by nirvana. you bop your head to the music as you wash the dishes, silently mouthing the words as you go. bruce notices this, and decides that nows the perfect time to take a break from his work. he walks up behind you silently, and snakes his arms around your waist. he rests his chin on top of your head as he speaks.
“whatcha listening to?” he takes an earbud out of your ear and places it in his own, and an instant smile crosses his face. you push out of his arms and grab a ladle from the sink, going into full theatre mode now that you knew bruce wasnt working. you mouth the lyrics into the ‘mic’ with much exaggeration.
she said
she’d take me anywhere
she’d take me anywhere
as long as she stays with me
bruce leans against the kitchen counter, watching with full amusement and a lopsided smile.
she said
she’d take me anywhere
she’d take me anywhere
as long as i stay clean
kiss, kiss mollys lips
kiss, kiss mollys lips
you continue to perform your heart out, dropping down to your knees like a true rockstar at the end of the song. bruce claps enthusiastically.
“amazing” his sentence comes out broken between his laughter as he helps you up from the ground. you smile as he pulls you flush against him and places a kiss upon your lips.
“can i help you do the dishes” he mumbles lazily against your lips.
“weren’t you doing other work?” you question, looking over to the papers scattered across the table.
“i was, but i’d rather do dishes. less boring.” your shrug, placing your phone on speaker and playing the music aloud. the two of you slowly but surely finished the dishes, although you both were drenched because you thought it would be funny to start a water fight.
later that night, you were settled into bed, laying on your side and nose deep into a book as bruce got ready in the bathroom behind you. this was one of the rare nights that bruce didn’t go out, and the both of you went to bed at the same time.
you smile to yourself as bruce places himself flat against your back, entangling his legs with yours and placing soft kisses on the space behind your ear and down your neck to your collar bone. you place your book down, he then takes one of his earbuds and places it in your ear. deftones fills your head and you smile softly to yourself as you turn to face him. you were quite literally centimeters apart as the music plays for the both of you.
“be quiet and drive huh?” you speak over the music, quirking an eyebrow at him.
he shrugs, “basic, but one of my favorites” a smile ghosts his lips as his eyes scan your face. he was admiring you, drinking in your beauty. something he did quite often without thinking about it, he could be in the middle of doing anything, and he would stop to admire you. you decide to move in, your lips moving in sync with his as the song continued to play. bruce tugs you impossibly closer as he faintly mouths the lyrics against your lips.
it feels good to know you’re all mine
now drive me far
away, away, away,
that night, the two of you fell asleep in each others arms, music still playing in your ears as you dreams came and went.
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oh-shtars · 6 days
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You said you loved to get asks about your AU
Weeeeell I wanted to know, what are your plans for Amaya? What’s her deal? Her backstory? Her personality? Tell us about the queen 👀
I’ll be honest here Anny, I have NOT done her redesign yet and she’s a character I’m so frustrated with right now because I keep getting stuck on creating her- jdksjdjsks
But I have worked out her backstory! It’s just her role in the actual RFTS!storyline that’s bothering me 😭😭
Character Plans:
See, just as I’ve made Magnifico a parallel of Star, I’ve made Amaya a parallel to Asha. Whereas RFTS!Asha keeps her dreams and desires to herself because she’s insecure and afraid to take charge, Amaya is also just as highly ambitious but headstrong and ruthless.
I have Asha to represent how “To achieve great things and for people to believe in your lead, you need to be the person to believe in your capabilities first. To be brave enough to take a leap of faith.” Amaya is the opposite. She has her dreams and desires, but she’s willing to do whatever it takes to get her way. Even if she needs to crack a few eggs to get it. I wanted her to represent how “Pursuing your dreams is great, but at the expense of other people and dragging them down to get there, is a very shtty thing to do.”
Amaya has a passion for discovering and desires to learn everything there is to the world of magic around her. I did say she was just an eviler version of Zarina, didn’t I?
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The thing is though, she is willing to sacrifice certain animals and “poor unfortunate souls” as fuel for her experiments. So umm, yeah. I wonder what happens to the people kept in the castle’s dungeon-
She believes the reason that most of the magic in the world is unknown and undiscovered is because people are holding themselves back because of “sympathy and feelings.” Amaya didn’t like that one bit, so her main hobby and goal is to keep digging out for more. Always hungry for more.
Bonus Facts:
- Unlike Magnifico, whose trauma has prevented him from effectively learning magic, Amaya is actually competent with magic usage without the use of any certain artefact. No staff or anything.
- She’s skilled at disguises and making up fake stories or lies on the spot that are easy to believe. (As a reference to previous Disney villains who used this tactic)
- Similar to Asha who has a sketchbook around with her, Amaya keeps a notebook that she keeps her notes in. (I guess this can be the substitute for the ‘forbidden book’ in the canon movie. lol)
- Amaya has a pet sphinx cat whom I decided to call ‘Espino’. It means ‘thorn’ in Spanish.
- While everyone else is just a tool for her to use, she does feel genuine love and concern for her husband when he does spiral into a PTSD episode. She’s had no one else in her life for a while now and Mag was the only one who ever understood her, so she’s willing to aid him whenever she can.
- She likes horse-back riding in the woods and does so often to relax or collect ingredients for her experiments
- She hates the idea of anyone or anything holding her back from what she believes is her true potential.
- Amaya holds the calculative and strategic skills in her ‘brains and the brawn’ duo with Mag. Mag is more on delivery and force if necessary. She’s calmer and aids Mag whenever he’s stressed or having temper issues.
- She’s also quite a fan of novels and poetry and likes the sound of poetic and fitting endings. It’s the reason why she’s being so nice towards Asha because she sees her as a fun toy to play around with. Especially when it comes to considering the king and queen’s strong opinion about Tomás.
(Tomás used to be hers and Mag’s assistant before he was tragically killed died after strongly holding beliefs that oppose their rule. It’s quite an entertaining irony if they were to have Tomás’ own daughter follow in his footsteps. One that he obviously would’ve hated to see if he was still alive.
Magnifico disliked the idea of having an inquisitive annoying girl around his work. Like I said in my previous drawing, he finds Asha ‘unbearable.’ But oh well, anything for the wifey. Happy wife. Happy life.)
Backstory:
Amaya grew up a little typical girl in Rosas with big dreams of mastering and getting to know everything regarding alchemy and magic. It’s a whole world that’s surrounded by it and who knows how much is left undiscovered?
The unfortunate thing is that her family was against this passion of hers since, well, not everyone thinks magic is a necessary skill worth your time when you can do it by yourself the traditional way. While her parents didn’t mind how King Oliver and previous other rulers have always provided an easier living for their people with magic, they want to keep the family tradition of achieving things by themselves magic-free. It’s how their ancestors established their livelihood as farmers after all.
Rosas had the best reputation of being the most inclusive and welcoming kingdom, so people holding these magic-free beliefs still have their boundaries respected and allowed to refuse magical help if they wish.
But Amaya? Amaya didn’t want to follow her parents’ footsteps. She wants to pursue her own dream.
…..
Mag and Amaya’s love story is basically Royalty x Commoner.
They met when Mag was 15 and she was 14 and were best friends ever since. Back then in the past, when there wasn’t as much worries and things were a little more simpler. But Amaya’s parents progressively start discouraging her to interact with Mag as they believe his role as prince and the future sorcerer king of Rosas is influencing their daughter to take up magic too.
Until one day, Magnifico never heard from her again. And then years later as young adults, they found each other again in the woods, where Amaya had fled away from her home to secretly study magic on her own there. They bonded over feeling so pressured to give up on their initial desires just because their parents and life decided to be unjust and cruel to them.
“Like, don’t you ever just wish you could hold the world and shake it soo hard because you’re so mad? OMGG BESTIE, SAAME.”
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👆That was the look Amaya gave him when Magnifico asked if she ever felt “helpless and trapped,” like he did. It was at that moment that Magnifico fell down a flight of stairs and head over heels for this woman.
Sooo, childhood friends, to losing each other for a bit, to finding each other again, and then to romance.
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(Wait- wdym they’re like Simba and Nala too? Pfft-)
The thing is though, Amaya is a wanted outlaw. (Or criminal? Idk the right word. Do they mean the same thing?).
Her identity is not exactly known. The guards are aware that there’s someone stealing ingredients and breaking Rosas’ rules and safety regulations about studying magic. The kingdom bans the production or study of any magic that could actively harm or terribly curse animals and humans. Remember when I said Amaya couldn’t give a single flying sht about that? She just managed to keep her real name clean because of her skills in disguises.
Amaya’s state and Magnifico potentially withholding information lead to another father-and-son argument with King Oliver again.
But just to sum it up before this gets too long, Magnifico ended up taking his role as the next king with Amaya by his side. Upon obtaining his magic staff and finding the ability to collect wishes, he banned the usage of magic with the exception of him and his wife ofc. Under the excuse it’s for Rosas’ greater good and safety. In the castle, Amaya is finally given the freedom to explore the unknown. Something about “I’ll give the whole kingdom to you if you asked for it” and “I promise we’ll both get that world we both deserved.”
Which would be a sweet kind of thing if it were another couple in another innocent context…. :)
Idk, Anny. Might change things up a bit but let me know what you think. Thanks so much for the asks btw!! 💖
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sleepy-vix · 1 month
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What are your thoughts on fanfic as a reading genre/its legitimacy
I adore it but for some reason a lot of people find it to be less valid
hmm interesting ask.
okay, first of all, i used to really like fanfiction back in 2020 but now i dont like it anymore bc i dont have any large fandoms im into and im too lazy to look for good ones, so i cant strongly say that its incredible, wonderful, etc etc 😭🫡
as for its validity as reading... well, ofc im going to say it's valid bc logically you're still reading words.
but... i for one think that the quality of books being published nowadays are just so trash and i think thats due to readers (especially booktok/stageam users) thinking fanfiction writing is the best form of writing ever- which annoys me alot... (ofc im not saying that all fanfics have bad writing, but its just that fanfictions usually follow tropes and same plot lines as many others so... yeah. iykwim 😭)
honestly if you love fanfiction thats very good for you bc yes its fun and its so cool to read abt ur fav characters again and again but when fanfiction-style writing starts bleeding into the world of "literature" (published books) and is praised as being awesome works of writing.... it makes me want to combust into a billion little glitchy bits (bc its alrdy happening 😭)
idk... i dont think im the best person to answer this bc im actually heavily biased towards fanfiction as a form of writing/reading (tho i love people who read it. you're valid for reading it, i love that it makes you happy!!)
TDLR: it is valid but i for one dislike it
i would love to see other people's takes on this though, since my thoughts are all over the place and subject to change.
tysm for the askk!! ✮
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azumetapraline · 1 year
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Little meme I filled with my interpretation of Metalor! The full doodle and rambling right under the cut! ✂️
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I think Magolor is the more energetic guy. He's introverted, but he loves to talk more than Meta Knight. They enjoy talking about books, history, science and all this "nerd" stuff together; they also like to go on dates (more on it in a moment), or simply spend time working or chilling together in the same room.
Meta Knight enjoys inviting Magolor to fancy or old-fashioned dates, like restaurants, rides on the Halberd watching the sunset, while Magolor is the one to suggest more "modern" dates like watching movies, going to the arcade or some "friendly duels".
While Meta Knight is the one who is protective over his partner, Magolor still takes a lot of place in the relationship and both kind of have an ego, a willing to appear as strong and in control as possible. Good thing they trust each other (<3) enough to drop their masks (physical or metaphorical) when they're alone together. They help each other a lot emotionally, and I strongly believe that "they can fix each other". Meta Knight helps Magolor a lot with his organization (my Magolor has ADHD) and daily routine, while Magolor is there to remind Meta Knight that he needs breaks and that he shouldn't be too hard on himself. Both overall help the other with their self-image (Magolor has a very bad image of himself, and Meta Knight dislikes many parts of himself, parts he has little control over)... 🥹
Finally, I'll explain quickly how they came to be together, given their... touchy history. Even before Magolor betrayed them all, they had already formed a bond, and the betrayal hurt Meta deeply (it also hurt Magolor but we don't care, it's his fault lmao), but instead of getting over it, he simply buried his feelings. It hurt even more when Magolor came back seemingly as cheerful as before.
It took time for Meta to come in terms with this, and eventually they ended up talking to each other (instead of Magolor being awkwardly friendly and Meta doing passive-aggressive remarks and stay mad). Meta Knight chose to forgive Magolor (after all, he also did receive a second chance from Dream Land after he tried to take over), and accepted they tried a friendship.
Slowly it came to realization none had actually given up on their dreams of being together, so the feelings resurfaced, and Meta decided he'd give it a try, and if it failed, he could always go back to how he used to be; and actually now that he had "tasted it", it felt more painful to refuse that opportunity, so yeah he came to accept his feelings. Magolor felt that Meta was more and more open to him confessing, so he eventually did, and they kissed and were happily ever after (not exactly but YOU GET IT!!!!) 💋
I would ramble about them for hours! So feel free to ask me anything about them, I would love to answer!! And thank you to anyone who took time to read my rambles about them ❤️
Here's the link to the template made by @voiddemon
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kbrick · 1 year
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What do you think about the Draco haters? Personally I don't get them. I don't get how you can feel hatred for a child who was raised by fucked up people and then had to do awful things that he obviously hated to survive and keep his family safe too. All as a minor. Where has all the empathy gone? It's like they think they're talking about a hardened criminal lol. Why are people like this?
Okay, I'll be honest with you, nonny, I'm of two minds about this.
The thing that I feel in my gut when I see this sentiment out in the wild is irritation and maybe a little flare of anger. Because I love Draco. He's my favorite. I empathize with Draco, with what he went through in canon, and I also associate him with the thousand redemption character arcs I've read about him at this point. Have I argued with people on reddit over whether Draco should have been sentenced to life in Azkaban? Yes, I have. Am I proud of that? No, I am not. Looking back, it kinda makes me feel like an idiot.
I try to remind myself of two things when I feel this way. One, Draco is a character, not a real person, and we're talking about literature, not real life, and so it's really not that serious (please note - this is not usually effective in talking myself down off the ledge, but it ought to be mentioned).
And two, I used to hate (well, maybe strongly dislike) Draco.
I came to the fandom late (as a full-fledged adult!), but in my younger years, I was a big HP fan. I had all the books on a bookshelf in my room, I had a poster, I had pencils with big erasers on the end in the shape of the house mascots. I had my favorite Harry Potter mug (which just recently met an ignoble end on my kitchen floor, RIP favorite mug - and now I can't buy a replacement because I no longer buy HP merch because JKR is such a terrible human being and I refuse to support her...but I digress!).
And let's be honest: Draco Malfoy is a complete asshat in the books. He's the villain. He's petty, he's mean, he's arrogant with nothing at all to back it up. He says horrible things to Hermione, who was my very favorite character back when I read the series. And I was young enough to accept characters at face value back then, so yeah, I kind of hated Draco. I wasn't ranting about him online or anything, but if somebody would have asked me what I thought of him, I'd have probably blown a raspberry and given them a thumbs down.
It wasn't until the later books (Half-Blood Prince, specifically), that I began to neutralize on my view of Draco. Even back then, I felt bad for him in that bathroom scene. But it wasn't until I started reading Drarry (as an adult) that I looked back at Draco as a character and realized what a fucking delight he actually was (not in the sense that he was 'good' or whatever, but he was an excellent foil for Harry and was incredibly entertaining).
And part of this is maturity, I think. As a full-fledged adult, I no longer take characters at face value. I no longer think- oh, this character is being mean to the good guy, therefore they are a bad guy and I hate them. Instead, I think - wow, something is going on with this character, to make them act this way. They're so desperate for attention, or they're so insecure, or they were hurt so badly when xyz happened that they're lashing out. I look for the WHYS in characters. And Draco has a lot of whys, especially in fanon, and so it has become easy to empathize with him and like him.
Another part of it is that I have become a writer, and I appreciate complicated, compelling characters, and I'm no longer interested in Mary Sue good guys who are always noble and do everything right. Because let's be honest: people are not that way. We shouldn't write them that way. That's not truth, and I want to read and write truth.
But for readers who do not value characters beyond the hero, or who have chosen not to look more closely at character whys, Draco is a bad guy. He's not insecure; he's arrogant. It's not hurt feelings; it's a mean streak. And to be frank, I think JKR herself viewed Draco in this way (for the most part). Yes, she gave him some depth towards the end of the books, but I honestly think that was due to pressure from fans who wanted a redemption arc for Draco (and really, it's a half-assed redemption arc at best). I think JKR is a mostly black-and-white thinker, and I think she wrote a mostly black-and-white series. Harry and his friends are good, Draco and his friends are bad. Voldemort is evil. The end.
So I suppose what I'm saying is that I understand why people don't like Draco as a character. I think it suggests a bit of closed-mindedness on their parts, and maybe a lack of empathy, and that they're horribly boring irl (ha, had to get that dig in there). But the truth is that people are allowed to feel how they want to feel about characters. I'm not the interpretation police.
Does that mean I no longer get fired up when somebody on reddit says Draco should've been sentenced to life in Azkaban? Nope, I'm not that mature, come on. Will I continue arguing with them about it? I hope I'm beyond that, but we'll see. Do I still love Draco with all my heart? I do, and so you know what? I'm going to keep writing about him and enjoying him.
That's about all I have to say about that. Which was a LOT, actually. Who knew?
Thanks for the ask, nonny :) It was an interesting one.
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I'm reading Dr. Devon Price's book Unmasking Autism right now and it is...absolutely blowing me away. I'm only 1/3rd of the way through but it's already completely life changing and so incredibly eye opening. I think the main thing that is causing a big paradigm shift for me is the way that Devon lays out his understanding of autism as an identity, a culture, and a community, and not a medical diagnosis. He completely upends the idea that someone would need an autism diagnosis in order to be "valid" because autism is first and foremost a social identity and not a medical disorder. Yes, it is a neurodevelopmental disability, and he talks very thoroughly about the disability aspect, but he also talks about how people have the right to self-determine if they're autistic and if that identity label fits for them.
He dislikes the term "self-diagnosis" for autism and instead uses language like self-determination and self-realization. I absolutely love this. He presents this whole framework of autism as something you can choose to identify with if you feel like it makes sense for you and your experiences, and that it's inappropriate for psychologists to gatekeep whether or not someone is "officially" autistic. He also addresses the etiology of autism and basically lands in a place where it doesn't really matter if your autism symptoms are tied up in your trauma history. It doesn't really matter if it's "just trauma." Because autism is an identity and a community and a culture. And if you have the traits that make you feel like that identity and community are a home for you, then it's yours to claim. And if not, then that's fine too. He says that even if you have "subclinical autism traits" that would prevent you from accessing an official diagnosis, you're still welcome and included in the community (if you choose to join it!).
I've gotten so tangled up before in wondering if I'm "really autistic" and if it's "just my trauma." I've had people directly say this to me. I've known people who abandoned the autism label because they felt like they couldn't claim autism if it was really caused by their trauma. Devon is basically saying that it doesn't matter. Absolutely no one is harmed by you identifying as autistic if that feels like it explains your experiences. It is not appropriation to use strategies that help autistic people if you feel they help you too. You can try on the autism label to see if it fits just like you can explore your gender and sexuality and other aspects of your identity.
Living openly as an autistic person is hard. Aside from connecting with invaluable autistic community, there really aren't many perks. I've been infantilized, invalidated, insulted, dismissed, told I wasn't "autistic enough," passed over for promotions, denied access to a long-term disability insurance plan, and much more. So if someone feels strongly enough about being autistic that they want to join this marginalized band of misfits who are treated very poorly in this ableist world, then I say, come on over! I'm done trying to tease apart the chicken and the egg when it comes to my autism and trauma history. I've ended up with a brain that resonates with autistic brains and looking at myself through the lens of autism makes sense to me. I'm so excited to see the narrative shifting to one of self-determination and self-realization as opposed to gatekeeping diagnoses.
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Aziraphale is doomed because of Good Omens naming conventions (prepare for pain)
Aziraphale’s (AKA Mr. Fell’s) name drives me insane because
Good Omens is so precise in its use of words (almost like it was a book first!) I didn’t know anathema was a word (yes, US education is dire, I know) which means “vehemently disliking” or, in the religious sense, excommunication
Anathema Device in Good Omens 1 is a witch (antithesis to the church,) yet is loved by Newton Pulsifier, who, based on their family histories, should hate and seek to destroy her
Her name being Anathema is a subversion of expectations; anathema should mean repulsive, tearing apart, unholy, and according to God’s plan, she is— but she really isn’t! She brings everyone together! Love wins!
Also…… Device. She’s a literal plot device
(Also Newton being a revered scientific figure VS Newt being woefully inept at computers— the ironing)
Aziraphale isn’t a real Biblical name, but one that sounds similar to actual scripture. His chosen human name is Mr. Fell because it sounds similar and is a real last name
Or
Aziraphale, despite everything over centuries, still takes Heaven’s side because he truly believes he can work within The Plan ™️ to save humanity and Crowley
He’s completely incapable of grasping why Crowley wouldn’t want to go back to being an angel (because, who wouldn’t?)
He loves Crowley because he sees the good in him, but also still sees Goodness and Heaven as inextricably intwined
What’s tearing him and Crowley apart isn’t their mutual desire (to be together forever,) but that Crowley wants them to be on “Their own side,” while Aziraphale wants Crowley to be on the side of Good and therefore Heaven
Aziraphale remembers Crowley’s joy as an angel and wants to take away the pain of his Fall. His biggest fears and motivations as a character are losing Crowley and Falling himself
He’s now in the highest position of power possible and it’s strongly indicated that he’s going to have to reckon with the Second Coming. He may have been able to get away with a bit of deviance before, but this was for centuries when he and Crowley flew under the radar. He keeps defying divine will and getting away with far more (that we know of) than Crowley ever did to Fall
So, considering Good Omens’ use of metaphor in names and how high in Heaven Aziraphale is now—
Is Mr. Fell going to Fall?
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siflshonen · 1 month
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Do you have any romance recommendations? (Books, manga, games, anything.) I'm a crotchety romance snob as well and haven't explored the genre.
My well is pretty empty for this, I must admit. But I guess... hey, you like immersive fandoms, camp, parody, and tongue-in-cheek, I hope?
While the book may be a little too dated for most widespread consumption, I will recommend almost any well-done derivative of Pride and Prejudice or Austen works in general, or even anything that involves it. Enter these with the attitude that everyone is a disaster and the work wants you to hoot and holler at it and treat it like a groundling at a Shakespeare play (that is, like a degenerate.)
Some examples include:
Pride and Prejudice 1995 adaptation - One of the main metrics I use when judging a Pride and Prejudice adaptation is the level of batshit histrionic (complimentary) Elizabeth Bennet's mother acts, and this one is a gold standard (compliments to the actress. I hated her and this is unironically the highest praise I can give in this context).
Pride and Prejudice 2005 (the one with Keira Knightley) - When I first saw this movie, I fucking hated it. My friends took it all too seriously. Then, everything changed when, on the third watch-through, I pointed at Darcy's too-tight (leather?!) pants in the final scene and ripped that poor character a new asshole for being a pathetic, wet man in stupid pants. The next watch-through, I treated each scene's verbal lashings like a WWE wrestling match complete with commentary, and suddenly the entire thing became the best movie in the fucking world. My friends will never watch it with me again, but more fool they because now that I am older I realize that, by doing so, I was the only one engaging with the work in the appropriate spirit even if I lacked the Regency-era class. Austen wrote these to be funny, witty, backhanded, and insightful. When Darcy says, "She isn't handsome enough to tempt ME!", try pointing at him and screaming, "BIIIIITCH!" at the top of your lungs and then see how you feel.
Austenland (view this once you have comfortable familiarity with at least one Austen story. It gets more ridiculous as it goes along, and is all the better for it. Admittedly, I also don't care much for the actual endgame romance in this one either, but the movie is fun even when it's cringe like with... well, you'll see.)
Side note: While I generally look favorably upon Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I do NOT recommend I Love You Because.
Mamma Mia - Do I actually care about any of these couples getting together? Do I ship a damn thing in this show? No, I don't. Their love stories exist only to forward the antics and camp they get into, but it IS a romance. Everything, including the casting choices, is a gag. For example, if you watch the 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice listed below, you will understand why it is funny that Colin Firth is in this movie doing exactly what he does. It opens with all the girlies being like "ohhh wow what a great idea you had to invite these THREE DUDES YOUR MOM HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH TO YOUR WEDDING" and singing a happy and supportive song about it like a classic optimistic musical, and then all the girlies immediately afterwards being like, "JUST KIDDING you are SO fucking stupid" but still going with it.
Hadestown - For all I bitch about romance............... this is my favorite musical. Before you ask, NO! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LOVE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE! I CARE ABOUT THE OTHER ONE!!!! And even then, it's not something I dwell upon as a love story. Admittedly, I have a strong preference for the Live Original Cast Recording rather than the Broadway version (I strongly dislike the changed lyrics for the Epics. However, I am a big fan of Orpheus' added parts in Doubt Comes In), but if you like one, you'll like the other. If you don't like either, well, whatever.
Um, what else... uh, classic anime fandom favorites like Ouran High School Host Club are also fun, but I can also admit to you that I care not for 80% of the romance aspect of it.
Um, d-does Devilman: Crybaby count????
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scoobydoodean · 1 month
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5x13 is a very interesting episode for all of the characters…
like you’ve got cas refusing to consider killing sam bc he wants to idk prove himself to dean
you’ve got mary and john being mad about raising kids to hunt and sam defending john
you’ve got sam’s rewriting of john: like he tells young john that his dad died trying to protect him, but dudeee john told dean he might have to kill you on his death bed
you’ve got dean trying to protect mary from the truth but ultimately realizing she deserves it (i love this one bc dean is consistently about people being honest with him)
you’ve got sam being honestly kinda cruel when telling mary to leave john so she doesn’t curse her kids, which there’s some truth to that but that is NOT the right way to say it sam (i genuinely don’t know how people think sam is good at like “therapy”)
you’ve got michael being creepy with dean and saying he doesn’t want to fight lucifer but still disagreeing about following a father’s orders and destiny and the advent of team free will
you’ve got sam starting to believe that maybe this is their destiny and dean strongly denying it (hot take but sometimes i really think sam and michael are the stronger parallel)
omgosh anyway sorry for the long recap but i guess i’m just wondering if there’s anything you would have done differently with this episode? specifically regarding how these themes were shown
Regarding Cas:
I don't think Cas wants to prove himself to Dean. I don't think he needs to, and I don't think he thinks he needs to right now. (In fact in 5.02 he suggested that Dean owes him). Everything Cas is doing is born of mutual solidarity with Dean in rebellion against heaven. If they don't succeed, they're all going to die—and so will everyone else. Cas has the entire host of heaven after him. Even fellow rebels like Anna and Gabriel dislike him. Gabriel resents Cas for his hopeless quest to find their father, and Anna hates him because he betrayed her in 4.21 and made no efforts to help her.
The only person Cas has in the world right now—the only person he can lean on or count on in any way—is Dean (see: 5.03). By extension, because of their shared love for Dean, Cas also has the people with whom Dean associates (Bobby, Sam, Ellen, Jo). There is protection and shelter through loyalty—through the found family. Cas calls Sam his friend in 5.13, but they haven't really had any bonding experiences on screen the way Dean and Cas have. I think for Cas, it's as simple as Dean is Cas's friend -> Anyone Dean cares about is also Cas's friend and worthy of his protection.
I also don't doubt that Cas is aware that Dean's well-being is tied to the family's well-being and the family's well-being is tied to Dean's well-being. I also don't think he's unaware of the fact that Dean can't weather more harm to their cobbled-together family. Sam and Dean's relationship is deeply scarred and trying to recover (but we see in 5.05 and 5.12 that Dean is struggling with it, and Cas specifically knows this from 5.03 when Dean opened up to him about it). Bobby is dealing with being recently paralyzed and is suicidal (and Dean's outright told Bobby that he can't handle losing him). Ellen and Jo just died a few episodes before. We're about to be reminded again how badly Dean is cracking open in 5.14.
Cas's actions with Anna are cold and calculated—ruthless—because he can't risk any further harm to the family unit—especially not any that might risk rupturing their heart (Dean). In that regard, Cas's actions toward Anna in 5.13, while ruthless, are in character (Also see: wanting to kill Jesse, torturing Donatello, plotting to kill Kelly, working with Sam to use The Book of the Damned).
Regarding Sam rewriting John:
I think the truth is that Sam doesn't care that John told Dean to save him or kill him. I mean—a part of him definitely was traumatized by it—but in 2.11, Sam says John was "right to say it" and he continues to push that narrative through season 2. I think the thing that really makes Sam angry is that it was kept from him. But the stuff related to Stanford and being raised a hunter—Sam forgives John for all of that, and we've known that for a while. We saw Sam start to soften and empathize with John's desire for revenge by 1.02. Then there was 1.08, 1.20, 2.02, 4.19.
Sam's lack of sugar-coating:
We can make note of this one also in 4.19 with Adam, in 4.20 with Jimmy, and in 5.06 with Jesse (though Sam does try harder with Jesse). I don't think he intends to be cruel to Mary, but by this point, Sam has kind of made a name for himself telling people their futures are fucked. This also feeds into your last note about Sam believing in destiny. Of course, Dean also jumps to say that Sam is right and Mary should just not have kids.
I don't know if there's anything I would have necessarily done differently, besides motivate Anna a little better. Her actions are rational, but they don't feel true to her character from season 4. By this I specifically mean her plotting to trick Sam and Dean into a trap, when they (especially Dean) had risked their lives for her in 4.09 and 4.10. She actually uses Dean's loyalty to try and trick him into meeting her, and the only reason it doesn't work is that Cas doesn't trust her and refuses to let Sam and Dean go to meet her. Given that the lack of loyalty and love among the angels was a primary motivation for Anna's fall, I would have appreciated further explanation behind her betraying Dean in this way—through his loyalty to her. I am likely meant to infer that her stay in prison included brainwashing that created this effect, but I don't know... it just feels off.
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