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#i used to visit this place in every fall season during my study years
blitzendoggo · 7 months
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Not to Me, Not When It’s You
When you are both a Ranger of Power and a full-time student, it can be easy to forget to take care of yourself, but that’s what Glib has Skog for.
Ranger Blue/Skog Abderus (2321 words) Consenual Blood Drinking
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Fall had always been one of Skog’s favorite seasons.
It isn’t hot and just bordering on cold, giving him an excuse to wear the sweaters his mom makes him, and when he wears suits, he doesn’t feel like he is in an oven. He loves the colors of the plant life as the leaves fall, and the warm smell of spices in the air.
To him, fall is quiet and comfortable, but the same could not be said about his boyfriend.
Glib Murphy was in his last year of getting his Ph.D. in Magical Probability, which is time-consuming enough, but he is also Ranger Blue of the Rangers of Power. The Rangers of Power, as Skog understands it, are the magical police of the area, chosen by artifacts left by the founders. Years ago, when the concept was explained to the businessman, he had no earthly idea why a college town would need magically-selected guards to protect it until he visited the town and saw giant clay monsters destroying the buildings only to get held back by these magic police.
For some reason, every year the monsters become less frequent during the summer months, as if giving the rangers a break before coming back twice as hard during the fall. Combine the increase of monsters and the new classes of the fall semester and Glib is absolutely wiped by the time he makes it home. If he makes it home, that is. There have been many days where he passes out in the library while doing school work, or in the streets after fighting a monster.
But today, he makes it home. Skog hears him stumble through the door from the study where he is sitting in front of the crackling fireplace, reading The Complete History of Sailing in Vontral in his tall back red chair with a cup of honey lavender tea and eating handfuls of chocolate, cherries, and almonds.
“Skog?” Glib calls weakly, accompanied by the sound of his backpack thunking to the floor and his stumbling footsteps.
Skog notes what page he is on before placing his book on the table next to him, gently wakes their two sleeping cats -Anchor and Squid, black and grey brothers that Glib begged Skog to bring home, and Skog is weak to resist his pleas- in his lap, and swiftly stands up. “In here, Glib,” the orc says as he walks to the doorway. Skog pauses as he examines his lovely boyfriend who is battered and bruised; coated in clay, dirt, and blood; exhausted to the point of near delirium; but he is home in one piece. “Welcome home, my love,” Skog says as he crosses the room in two strides to the smaller.
“Hey,” Glib says tiredly. Skog reaches out to hug him and Glib leans away. “I’m fuckin’ coated in monster slime,” he explains. “You’ve got a nice suit on, I don’t wanna ruin it with this bullshit.”
“There are cleaning charms for a reason, Glib,” Skog says as he scoops the smaller up and into a tight hug, the fight leaving Glib’s body immediately. His hands tighten into the pinstripe shirt and his legs weakly wrap around Skog’s hips, clinging to his boyfriend as tightly as he can.
“I need a shower,” Glib says into Skog's shirt.
The orc nods and carries him up the stairs and into the master bathroom. Using one hand he holds up his boyfriend while the other starts a warm bath. He picks up a bottle of a viscous teal liquid and pours it into the filling tub, the liquid almost immediately turning into white bubbles.
“Bubble bath? Really? I’m not fucking five,” Glib grumbles as he watches Skog work, face pressed into the larger’s shoulder.
The orc pauses and looks down at him. “Would you like me to take out the bubbles?”
There is a long pause before Glib quietly says “No.”
Skog smiles as he continues setting up the bath.
Once the bubbles are at an acceptable level and soaps, towels, and pajamas are laid out, Skog gently detaches Glib from his hip, though with some effort as the vampire clings to him.
“Do you want to bathe on your own or would you like me to help?” Skog questions after Glib’s feet are steady (enough) on the floor. He knows the answer, but he wants confirmation before he does anything.
“I want you to help,” Glib says tiredly, his eyes already drooping closed.
Skog gives him a kind smile as his hands drop to the front of Glib’s clothes and lingers on the bottom of his shirt, waiting for Glib’s approval before pulling it over his head and gently ridding him of the rest of his garments. Dirt and monster clay fall from him in chunks, and the smaller is clearly fighting the urge to scratch at the irritating substances coating his pale skin. The orc tries to keep the worry from his face as he sees all of the cuts and bruises littering all of his thin body. Some of these are probably days old and certainly not treated properly. Skog elects to deal with one problem at a time as he places his hand on Glib’s shoulder, leading him to the bathtub and helping him step in.
The smaller practically melts into the water, the stress and anxiety instantly getting lifted as the water surrounds him. He makes a pitiful but happy noise as Skog begins to wash his hair, relaxing fully into his boyfriend’s touch. Once the day's worth of grime is pulled from his brown hair, the orc moves on to washing the rest of his body, using the medicated body wash -given to him by Specs- around the wounds and Glib’s favorite scent everywhere else.
Skog cleans and double-cleans Glib’s entire body before deciding that he is spotless. He gingerly lifts the younger from the now brownish-greenish-redish water and towels him dry.
Getting the vampire clothed is harder than removing the ruined garments because he is almost completely limp in the orc’s hold.
“Love,” Skog says gently once his fuzzy blue pajamas are secured onto him.
“Hm?” Glib asks, barely lifting his head in acknowledgment, his eyes staying glued shut.
“You can’t fall asleep yet, you need to eat first,” the orc chides quietly, using his large fingers to tilt Glib’s head up. The vampire blinks blearily at him before slowly nodding. Skog gives him a soft smile before picking him back up and carrying him back downstairs.
They reenter the study, Squid darting around Skog’s feet, meowing and purring for attention while Anchor barely lifts his head in acknowledgment.
“Yes, yes, hello, Squid,” the orc grumbles. “I promise he’s fine, now will you please-” He picks the cat up with his foot and gently sets him to the side, “Get out of my way.”
Squid makes a “mrrph” noise as he’s moved, but dutifully keeps away from the orc’s feet, choosing instead to settle on the warm stones of the fireplace.
“Hello, Anchor,” Skog says as he looks down at the cat lying in his seat.
Anchor slow-blinks at him.
“Will you remove yourself from my seat?”
Anchor stares at him for a long moment before slowly getting up and stretching as she walks to join her sister by the fire.
“Thank you,” he calls to the cat before carefully settling in his seat, taking great care to not crush his boyfriend’s legs. Glib is completely lax against the bigger. “Glib,” he says softly.
The vampire groans in response.
“Can you sit up for a moment?”
He weakly nods as he leans back, tittering with imbalance, and never opens his eyes.
Skog picks up a vial from the table, it looking tiny in his large hand as it is no bigger than his little finger. It glows with a soft red glow and pulses warmly as the pink liquid swirls and glitters inside. He pulls the cork from it, the smell of candy filling the air. He gingerly presses it to Glib’s lips and the small opens his mouth just enough for Skog to pour the liquid into his mouth. Once the liquid is gone from the bottle, the deeper wounds begin to heal over as the smaller ones fade away completely.
As the healing potion does its work, the orc sets to work on his clothes. With nimble fingers, Skog takes off his suit jacket and undoes his button-up, and discards both to the floor.
“Alright, you can lay back down.” Skog doesn’t even get to finish the words before Glib is falling, full force, into him. The orc lets him relax for a minute, rubbing soothing circles into his back before he asks, “Have you eaten today, my love?”
“What do you think?” Glib snaps before immediately following it with, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“You didn’t mean to snap,” Skog finishes. “I’m aware, and I’m not mad. You’re tired.” Glib nods slowly against his shoulder. “Now, can you answer my question? Have you eaten today?”
“No,” he says quietly.
Skog moves one of his hands to the back of Glib’s head and moves it to the base of his neck.
“You sure?” Glib asks even though his fangs are already brushing the jugular vein.
“Always,” Skog says, fingers playing with the damp hair of his boyfriend. “Orcs were bred for war and fighting, it's good for me to bleed.”
Glib, satisfied that their little ritual has been completed, bites down, lapping up the sweet blood instantly. He hums in appreciation of the hints of lavender and honey tea paired with almonds, cherries, and chocolate. Skog picks his book up off the table and flips back to his page, reading while Glib has his dinner. This goes on for nearly five minutes before Glib slowly pulls off and grabs the rag from the table and blots the blood.
“Are you sure that’s enough?” Skog asks, leaning up to kiss the vampire’s cheek as he takes the rag from his hand and cleans the wound himself.
After the first few times they had done this, Glib stopped pulling off before he was full. It took much reassurance, but Skog was able to convince Glib that he really didn’t mind the activity, especially since it kept Glib healthy drinking from a live source.
Glib nods as he settles back into the orc’s hold, laying his head on Skog’s broad shoulder.
The older simply reads while he waits for Glib to fall slack in his arms, but after several minutes, the vampire is still awake and looking up at him with slightly glassy eyes.
“Is something wrong, love?” Skog asks, putting the book back on the table.
“Why?” Glib says quietly, staring up at the older as if he has all the answers in the world.
“Because you should be asleep by now, but you look like you want to cry?” he answers with a cocked eyebrow.
“No, I mean why do this?” the smaller asks, voice small and weak, shaking and boarding on cracking.
“Do what?”
“Take care of me,” Glib says as tears begin to fall from his dark green eyes, nearly glowing red in the low light. “Why put in all this fucking effort when you know you’ll just have to do it all over again in a few days?”
That catches Skog off guard. He looks at his lover for several seconds, choosing his words carefully before deciding on a simple, “I love you and I want you to be healthy.”
“But why?” Glib laments, tears falling faster. “You work all day and then have to come home and take care of me because I can’t fucking take care of myself!”
The orc buries his hand in Glib’s hair and plays with it while the vampire cries, full-body sobs wracking his body.
“Why? Why?” he asks over and over, a mantra to calm his mind while his nails dig into the fabric of Skog’s undershirt and draw blood from his thick skin.
Skog waits until Glib is less hysterical and says simply, “Because I like taking care of you. It's how I prefer to destress.”
“But why? I barely talk and- and I rely completely on you for fucking everything-” A sob rips from him and breaks his sentence. It takes several moments before he has his composure back and can say anything more. “It's just a fucking chore for you.”
“No, it’s not just a chore to me,” Skog corrects quietly but firmly. “Nothing is a chore when it comes to you.”
“But my parents-”
“Am I your parents?” Skog interrupts. Glib shakes his head. “To them, you may have been a chore, but not to me, not when it’s you.”
Glib lays limply against the bigger, his tears still wetting the front of Skog’s shirt.
“I love you,” he says quietly.
The orc smiles at him. “I love you too.”
There is silence for a minute before Glib says it again, voice a little more stable, “I love you.”
Skog dips his head down and kisses the top of the vampire’s head. “I love you too, more than anything.” He cuddles with the human for a little longer before picking his book back up and settling back into their night routine.
“I love you,” Glib says one last time as his eyes droop closed, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to him.
“I love you too. Now get some sleep,” Skog responds softly. There is a quiet hum from the smaller before he is completely still against the larger. Without doing the motions of breathing, the vampire is effectively a corpse.
Skog waits for another few minutes, deciding to complete his chapter before standing up with his sleeping husband.
“Come on Squid, Anchor, let’s go to bed,” he says quietly as walks towards the stairs, the pair of cats hot on his heels.
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t5ltherapy · 5 months
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tsukishumai · 3 years
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Chemical Reaction - Kuroo Tetsuro
Summary: When the universe hands you a second chance, will you be able to move on from the mistakes of your past? 
college!Kuroo x fem!reader
a friends to friends w/ benefits to lovers type of deal.
Warnings: some light NSFW, slow burn, aged up characters, mentions of smoking, mentions of alcohol, fingering, cursing, and a little heartbreak. angst to fluff
Word Count: 7.3k (it goes by fast, I swear (′ꈍωꈍ‵))
A/N:  Jesus... this started out as a prompt, but it snowballed into whatever the hell this is. And it was supposed to be done by Kuroo’s bday T-T but better late than never! I poured in a lil extra love into this, pls give it a shot, lmk what you think, and I hope you enjoy !
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Your history with Kuroo Tetsuro went back a little bit further than you’d like to admit.
He had been in your class for all three years you were at Nekoma, but you had really only popped onto each other’s radars second year.
He had been assigned the seat next to you, and while you were upset that your best friend, Eri, had been sat all the way across the room, you didn’t exactly mind the view.  
Right off the bat, you knew this was going to be trouble for you.
The guy was cute, funny, and smart. How hadn’t you noticed him before?
“Hey, L/N-chan,” he said, already making you blush with the addition of the honorific, “I have many chemistry jokes… but I’m afraid they won’t get a good reaction!”
You couldn’t stop either the face palm or the giggle that slipped out of your lips.
Kuroo was an easy person to get along with. He always greeted you in the mornings, and never really bothered you during class. On the rare occasion he stayed in the classroom for lunch, the two of you would strike up a conversation, but it never went past the surface.
Until about halfway through the school year. Your teacher had assigned a project that required a partner.
You looked to Eri, only to find the little traitor pairing up with the guy she had been eyeing since first year.
You sighed, not even mad at her for trying to shoot her shot.
“Want to be partners?” your head shot to the boy next to you.
“Uhm. Sure!”
And so it went like this; the project was due at the end of the year, requiring a research paper, and a 7 minute power point presentation.
Once or twice a week, the two of you would meet up at the school library either before school or after your club activities.
Kuroo was smart; smarter than you but you’d never say that to his face, so more often than not, the two of you would finish what needed to be done that day, and spent the rest of the time just talking, and getting to know each other.
By the third time the two of you had gotten kicked out by the librarian for laughing too much, Kuroo suggested meeting at his house on the weekends.
Surely that doesn’t mean what you think it means right???
It doesn’t, lmao. This guy was a good student, he made sure you guys finished your parts, because there was no way he was going to get anything less than an A.
Oh, you guys finished a little early today? Great! L/N-chan! Help me with my receives!
As the weeks pass by, there was a mutual progression in the relationship, neither of you seeing each other as project partners anymore, and falling into a comfortable friendship.
For Kuroo, that is. You, on the other hand, just became way too good at acting like you weren’t falling in love.
The school year is coming to a close, and you turn in your project.
Surprise, surprise! You guys got an A.
Seriously, the teacher said she was going to start using it as an example for the future students.
You couldn’t even be happy about your passing grade; you were too sad that your time with Kuroo was ending.
“Well, it was really fun being your partner this year,” you said, and Kuroo cocked an eyebrow at you.
“Why do you sound like someone’s dying,” he joked, “Anyway, Kenma said he bought a new game, but it’s multiplayer. What time are you coming this weekend?”
Bitch, ya heart nearly jumped out of your chest.
For a little while, you were content with things being like that. You had become good friends with not just Kuroo, but Kenma as well. You guys weren’t always together, but definitely made a point to make time for each other.
While you guys were usually busy during the week, club activities, homework and school taking up most of your time, Saturdays at Kuroo’s had become a thing well into your third year. As much as possible, you would try to attend his games, and he would try to bring you snacks when he knows you’re stuck studying.
You tried really hard not to read into the things he would do for you.
Surely, he’s also held Kenma’s bag while walking him home, right?
He’s memorized his whole team’s schedule; it’s nothing special if he also has yours memorized.
You know that he only brought you lunch today because he had to share half of his when you forgot yours.
All normal friend stuff, right! Right?!
“I met a cute girl the other day,” he said to you absentmindedly one morning before class.
Wait. Your chest shouldn’t feel so tight, should it? Your eyes are swimming, and your head is floating. Every breath feels like lead in your lungs, and you kinda wished the ground would swallow you whole.
“Oh, Really?” you tried to be nonchalant, and hoped he didn’t notice the shakiness in your voice.
He nodded. “Yeah… she’s kinda funny.”
But you were really funny, weren’t you? You were the one that made him laugh like a hyena, made him clutch his stomach and gasp for breath, right?
“Is that so?” your mouth felt like sandpaper, “Why don’t you try taking her out on a date?”
You wish you had never said those words.
You knew the girl he was talking about; you had seen Kuroo approach her in the hallway.
She was your teammate in the track and field club; not one of the fastest, but she was beautiful, kind, friendly, and Kuroo was right – she really was kind of funny.
“You should have told him first, you know,” Kenma had mumbled from next to you once, eyes never leaving his game while yours quickly shot him a glare.
It was just the two of you at the lunch table – Kuroo mumbling an excuse about having plans with another “friend”.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Kenma just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
You spend the next few weeks avoiding him; it was easier since he didn’t sit next to you in class anymore, you weren’t really replying to his texts as often, you stopped visiting him and Kenma at practice, and you had missed the game you had told them you would try to go to.
You were kind of starting to realize that it was mostly you that had to go and seek them out.
Now that you weren’t doing these things… where was he?
You would catch a glimpse of Kuroo when he would visit your teammate during practice; he would try to greet you but you’d only shoot him a tight smile.
So when you heard a loud knock on your door at eight o clock in the evening, the last person you expected was the roosterhead himself.
“Hey,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I could tell something was bothering you, and I’ve been trying to give you your space, but… it’s been weeks now so, I just have to know… Are you avoiding me?”
You didn’t really know what to say, if there is even anything else to. Even with your head down and eyes trained to your feet, you could feel the burn of his gaze.
“I...” the deep timbre of his voice always managed to give you chills, “I miss you.”
Is he fucking serious right now? He’s so smart, yet he can’t put two and two together? He can see his opponents’ moves before they happen, yet he can’t even see you standing right in front of him?
“I have feelings for you, Kuroo,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.
Kuroo’s eyes widened by a fraction, his mouth slightly hung agape, dumbfounded by your seemingly random confession.
Except, it wasn’t random to you. You’ve been harboring these feelings for months, and after hurting yourself by staying silent for so long, you decided that you deserve better.
You’ll accept whatever the outcome, if that’s the price for your peace.
“Y/N…” it took him a long time to finally speak, and you try to ignore the fact that this is the first time he’s called you by your first name.
His face clearly showed his struggle to get the words out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I –“
You raised your hand. You didn’t really want to hear any more than that.
“It’s okay,” you said, giving him a small smile.
And with that, you shut the door on Kuroo Tetsuro.
You do your best to move on, smiling and laughing with friends you wouldn’t usually talk to you, ignoring the ghost of your past that haunt you every time you walked passed by Kuroo and your teammate down the hall.
You throw back a laugh at whatever the person next to you had said, turning away to miss the fact that Kuroo’s eyes always followed you wherever you went.
Graduation day came and in the blink of an eye, your days at Nekoma were behind you.
The days passed, the seasons changed, the flowers bloomed, and then they died.
You started university, moving to a different city and living with the very same best friend whose betrayal to quench her own thirst became the catalyst for your greatest heartbreak.
You’ve forgiven her for that though, you guess.
Life in college was the breath of fresh air that you needed.
New things to learn, new places to discover, and new faces to help you forget the scars of old ones.
Years pass by, and while you’ve allowed yourself to feel the touch of others, allow them to make you laugh, allow them to make you cry, you’ve never really allowed yourself the luxury of falling in love again.
Who has time for that any way?
Definitely not you. You just needed to finish your undergrad, and get into med school.
You had plans for your life, you weren’t going to compromise your dreams just for another person, and no matter whom you dated or how much they liked you, this fact had always rubbed them the wrong way.
You were finally starting your last year at your undergrad, quite possibly one of the most important years of college, what with your thesis, med school applications, and your entire future pretty much on the line, no big deal.
Your first class of the day was chemistry. You had been avoiding the last chemistry class required by your degree, all of your friends telling you that it was one of the hardest classes they’ve ever taken, and so naturally, you ran away for as long as possible.
The class wasn’t due to start for another fifteen minutes when you walked in, giving you a perfect opportunity to grab a seat of your liking.
You ended up choosing one in the third row – you knew that if you sat in the back, you wouldn’t pay attention.
You take out your laptop, books, and all required materials, using this free time to check any emails from your professors.
You were checking the time – 5 minutes left until class started – when you were interrupted.
“L/N-chan?”
Your feel your body stiffen up at the sound of a voice you hadn’t heard in years.
You turn your head to your left, hoping to all the gods that maybe you were mistaken.
“Kuroo?” you said in disbelief, and oh honey… you could not believe he was standing right before you.
Kuroo seemed like he hadn’t changed at all. His hair seemed a little bit more managed, he was a little bit taller, his muscles filled out his shirt better… but he still had the same goofy smile on his face, and that undeniably mischievous twinkle in his eye.
“What are you doing here?” you blurted out. “I thought you went to a university in Tokyo?”
“I did, but I transferred this year,” he said, “This university has a great marketing program.”
“I can’t believe it,” you mumble out, more so to yourself than him, “It’s been years.”
He gave you a smile. “It has.”
He took the seat next to you, much to your surprise. You almost wanted to open your mouth in protest, but what could you say? ‘You can’t sit there’?
You were thankful that the class had only gone over the syllabus, because you didn’t hear a word the professor said.
When you told Eri about it later, she just laughed.
“I always thought Kuroo-san was a nice guy,” she commented, her back turned while she cooked the both of you dinner.
“I never said he wasn’t,” you said, throwing back the rest of the wine in your glass.
“What, you still like him or something?” Eri teased, plating the noodles she had created and setting it in front of you.
“Of course not,” you grumbled, stabbing at the plate with a fork, and the amused look on Eri’s face tells you that her silence was just to placate you.
The next few weeks of the semester went by without any incident.
Kuroo stayed in the seat next to you, and you didn’t let yourself wonder why.
You were proud at yourself for being able to talk to Kuroo the way that you were; he still made the same stupid chemistry jokes in high school, but now you felt like you could laugh at them without choking on the air around you.
It was easy.
Until it wasn’t.
“Alright everyone,” your professor began one rainy morning, “We’re about halfway through the semester, and this is usually around the time I like to assign a little project.”
All of a sudden, you felt a strange feeling of déjà vu.
“Now, it’s only going to be worth about a third of your grade in the class, so I suggest not slacking off on this one. This is going to require a partner, and before you go texting your bestie that you want to ‘link up’, I’ve taken the liberty of assigning your partner for you.”
Oh, Christ. You were praying you wouldn’t get partnered up with a dead weight.
“When I call your name, raise your hand so I could introduce you to your new partner.”
You waited patiently for your name to be called, but Kuroo’s had been called first.
“Kuroo Testuro.”
Kuroo raised his hand.
“Your partner will be... let’s see here… ah, L/N F/N!”
No. No fucking way.
Your arm involuntarily raised, the professor nodding his head in acknowledgement.
You slowly turn to face Kuroo, who had an unreadable smile placed on his lips, your professor’s voice droning on in the background.
“Well,” he said, laughter laced in his words, “Isn’t this familiar?”
At first, you felt incredibly apprehensive at the thought of being partnered with your high school crush, but at the end of the day, you were actually incredibly thankful.
Kuroo was just as smart and diligent as he was back then, and you had every confidence that your project was going to get the highest grade.
You tried to make it a point to meet in public places – cafes, libraries, and the like.
But soon, Kuroo suggested that it would just be easier and more comfortable to meet at either your place or his.
He only ever came by when Eri was home too, which would have been fine if the smirk on her face didn’t make you so nervous.
You noticed that his roommate was always around when you came over as well. You learned his name was Bokuto, and though he was a little loud, his presence was actually a little comforting.
Honestly, it all felt so… nostalgic. Whenever you would finish your work for the day, then the two of you would spend the time talking, catching up, and laughing at stupid jokes, almost as if the two of you were friends again.
Almost like nothing happened between you at all.
“Hey,” you started one day, curiosity getting the better of you after a particularly steamy conversation about past relationships, sitting on the floor with your iPad on your lap and homework strewn about all over the living room floor, “Whatever happened between you and that girl from high school?”
Kuroo just gave you a sad smile, and you thought she must have broken his heart pretty badly.
“Oh that…” he waved it off, “That was a mistake. A big one.”
You figured it was better not to ask any more questions.
Eri walked out of her room soon after Kuroo left that night, her arms crossed and leaning against the door’s archway as she watched you wash the dishes.
You guys are getting pretty close,” she mused.
She couldn’t see you roll your eyes. “Well, yeah, we were pretty good friends in high school.”
Eri let out a humorless laugh. “I stand by my statement that Kuroo-san is a nice guy,” she said, walking up next to you to place a hand on your shoulder, “But I haven’t forgotten how long it took you to get over what happened.”
Your hands stilled in the soapy water for a second, but you chose not to say anything.
“I’m just saying,” Eri started to walk back to her room, calling out her last words behind her shoulder, “Be careful.”
Eri’s words echoed in your head whenever you were with Kuroo.
Every time he offered to pay for your food, you made sure to insist you’d pay for it yourself. If he tried to grab your bag from your shoulder when you walked, you’d hold on tighter and say you were fine.
You didn’t avoid him like you did before, but you made every attempt to keep him at arm’s length.
It seems your attempts were all for nothing, however, when the semester ended.
“Amazing job,” were the words that came from your professor when giving your passing grade.
“We did it,” Kuroo said happily, the two of you making your way out of the class, “It’s finally over.”
“Thank god,” you laughed back.
“Hey,” Kuroo started, though he was looking at everywhere but you, “Bokuto’s gone and visiting his boyfriend for the weekend, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for drinks later?”
You blinked, trying to even your breathing.
“You know, to celebrate the end of the semester, and acing that nightmare class.”
You should say no, right? Wait, but you’re grown now. You’ve moved on from what happened back then. The two of you did work really hard this semester, what’s wrong with celebrating your achievements?
“I think we’ve earned it,” Kuroo laughed.
“Yeah,” you said, and you were glad for it just from the smile that spread on his stupid face, “We really have! I’ll be there.”
“See you at eight?”
You nodded at his words as he waved goodbye, going your separate ways.
Ten hours later, you were sitting next to Kuroo on his living room floor, sake cup full to the brim as BNHA plays on his TV.
“Ah, Deku’s in the hospital,” Kuroo slurred, sake sloshing out of his cup when he pointed to the screen, “That’s a shot!”
The two of you threw back the warm liquid, and you were kind of worried that it didn’t taste like anything anymore.
“Kuroo,” you laughed, “We’re only on the second episode… and I think I’ve taken, like, twelve shots at this point.”
“This was your idea!”
“Well, I have another idea,” you started to get up, causing Kuroo to get up as well, “Let’s order take out!”
He laughed at your red face, agreeing with you.
You started to make your way to the couch, but all of a sudden, you felt dizzy, a head rush taking over your senses as you stumbled over your feet.
Kuroo caught you before you could hit the floor.
“You okay?” he laughed, and the sound of it elicited a laugh from your own lips.
In a second, the two of you erupted in giggles, snickering at nothing in particular while his strong arms still held you in place.
Suddenly, you were hyperaware of his touch on your skin, and you let your eyes trail from the strong hands around your waist, to the golden honey eyes that were already staring at your face.
You can’t exactly remember how, but the next thing you knew, you were pinned under Kuroo on his bed, his soft lips moving in tandem with yours while his hot tongue took over your whole mouth.
Your arms were looped around his neck, and he slid his calloused hands up your arm.
You felt his hands grip onto your wrists before he pulled them off his necked and pinned them onto the mattress.
You took in a deep breath once he disconnected from your mouth, planting a trail of kisses along your jaw line and down to your neck, before you slid his tongue across your supple skin.
You shivered, acutely aware of the fact that he has you trapped.
“Be careful,” Eri’s words echoed in your mind.
Fuck, you tried to think but it was hard when Kuroo just threw his shirt across the room, hovering over you with chiseled abs and defined muscles.
The heat returned to your body when he lowered his head, and popped a hard nipple into his mouth.
Your body arched at the feel of his teeth grazing against your skin, goosebumps racing when he dipped his hand beneath your underwear, a slender finger gliding down your folds before inserting into you.
You weren’t prepared for the intrusion, and he captured the gasp that came out of your mouth with his lips.
He was now holding down both of your wrists with one hand, never realizing that he was that much bigger than you.
He slid out his finger, bringing it to his mouth to give a long lick, before dipping his hand back down, and pushing in two.
You threw your head back when Kuroo curled his fingers, wondering how the hell he was able to find your g spot so quickly.
You felt like an animal caught in his trap, caged in with your arms pinned down, no choice but to let Kuroo draw out your orgasm while he pumped and curled into you, circling his thumb over your swollen clit.
Your legs were shaking while you screamed out his name, embarrassed that you were cumming so hard when he hasn’t even actually fucked you
He didn’t give you a chance to recover from your orgasm
In one swift movement, Kuroo let go of your hands and pulled out his fingers so he could grab a leg in each hand to fold you over in a press.
You don’t even know when Kuroo had taken his pants – or yours – off, and you didn’t have time to wonder.
A moan escaped your lips at the feel of his length filling you up, and you distinctly hear Kuroo tell you to say his name.
“Kuroo,” you moaned, bringing your hands to his shoulders, grasping at his body.
Every buck of his hips shot a jolt of pleasure throughout your body, unable to escape the feeling with Kuroo holding you down in place.
Who the hell would want to escape from here anyway?
“My first name,” he growled, quickening his pace when he felt your walls tighten around his dick.
“Tetsuro!” you screamed without a second thought, the brutal rhythm Kuroo has set driving heat onto your stomach, repeating his name over and over even after you feel your pussy gushing all over him, your cum dripping down from his shaft to his balls.
“Fuck,” Kuroo growled out, driving into you one last time before he spilled hot white, trying hard to catch his breath while coming down from this high.
The two of you lay together in the darkness for a while, your head on his chest and his arms around his shoulder.
The silence that surrounded the room was comfortable; almost like a bubble of peace that neither of you wanted to pop by saying anything.
“Be careful,” Eri’s fucking voice told you, yet again
While you didn’t regret what had just happened between you and Kuroo, doubts were beginning to creep in your mind.
What the hell was supposed to happen now? You’re not sure if Kuroo was expecting this outcome when he invited you over for drinks, but it happened, and you’re not really sure where to go from here.
You’ve already built a life for yourself – one that was truly yours – and you had a path that you had every intention to follow.
Would Kuroo be like every other guy and run away when he finds out you’re not compromising your plans for him? Would you even want to try to fit him into your plans?
You shake your head.
Jesus, get a grip. A guy dicks you down /once/, and all of a sudden you’re thinking about this shit?
“Y/N? You okay?” He asked from beside you.
You lift your head from his chest, sitting up so you could lean your back against his headboard. Kuroo was quick to mirror your actions.
“Kuroo,” you begin to tell him, and he frowned a little at the sound of his last name, “That was… amazing.”
Kuroo blushed a little at your compliment, though he knew it didn’t stop there. “…But?”
“But,” you bit your lip, “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.”
Kuroo didn’t respond right away, but maybe that’s because you just kept babbling. “It’s just… I have so much going on with school, not to mention grad school applications are due in a few months, and who knows which university I’ll end up going to after graduation…”
You finally had the courage to look at him, and you caught a glimpse of what you would have thought was sadness in his eyes if it hadn’t been blinked away so quickly, soon replaced with that same unreadable smile.
“Whatever you want, Kitten,” he replied, “This doesn’t have to be anything more than what it is.”
You let out a breath of relief.
He walked you home that night (or morning, considering it was 1am), still trying your best to set boundaries even though you pretty much let him thoroughly wreck you.
He didn’t give you a kiss goodbye, instead sheepishly waving when he sees you entering the door to your apartment, saying he’ll shoot you a text tomorrow.
You thought things would be weird between the two of you after that night, but you were happy to find that it wasn’t.
You had managed to rekindle your friendship with Kuroo – meeting up to study, grabbing lunch if you had the time, maybe catching the occasional movie.
Though, you didn’t tell Eri about the added benefits.
(Kuroo Tetsu-hoe) Today: 12:37AM
You up?
[To: Kuroo Tetsu-hoe] Today: 12:49AM
Yeah, doing my Lit. paper.
(Kuroo Tetsu-hoe) Today: 12:50AM
Wanna do me instead?
[To: Kuroo Tetsu-hoe] Today: 12:58AM
Say less.
ou didn’t have to tell Eri about the added benefits – she wasn’t dumb, where else would her roommate be going in the middle of night?
You’ve had other men before, going through your fair share of sexual experiences before climbing into bed with Kuroo.
But he was still managing to show you new things, reaching spots you never even knew existed before, putting his mouth in places that made your eyes water and lungs burn from gasping for air.
You can’t explain the feeling you get when he’s running his hands across your body, and when he stares at you and nothing but you while he’s pumping into you and making you feel so full in more ways than one, it’s something akin to a chemical reaction.
There was one time, when he took a belt, secured it against his head post before he brought your legs up to –
“Earth to Y/N,” Kuroo said, waving a hand in front of your face.
“Sorry,” you said, shrugging your shoulders, “I was having a flashback.”
Kuroo smirked, knowing exactly what you meant.  
The two of you were lying in bed, your back against his chest and a strong arm wrapped around your waist.
You laid your hand on top of his, fiddling with his fingers and reveling in the calm that always came from being with Kuroo.
“What you thinking about?” You ask, and the way he stiffened up in your grip let you know that something really was bothering him.
It took him a little longer than you’d like before he replied.
“Do you ever feel like… you want more?”
This time, it was you that stilled in his arms.
“Be Careful.”
You turned around to face Kuroo.
“I thought we talked about this?”
Kuroo’s eyes searched your face, for what, you have no idea. But you stared back with just as much intensity, hoping that he would find the answer he was looking for.
Fear. That’s what was written all over your face.
Kuroo let out a humorless laugh. “Forget I said anything.”
He stood up to put his boxers on and slipping on a shirt before heading out onto the balcony that was attached to his room.
You gave him a few moments before getting up to gather your clothes from the floor, silently putting them on before you joined him outside.
You find him leaning against the balcony railing on his forearms, a cigarette lit in one hand.
He doesn’t turn his head towards you, but he does offer his cigarette, and you take it quietly.
You bring the white filter to your lips, taking a deep drag, closing your eyes when you feel your head get lighter, and releasing the smoke from your lungs.
“Kuroo,” you started, voice nothing but a soft whisper, “I’m sorry… I didn’t – “
He raised a hand to stop you.
“It’s fine,” he replied. “Like I said, forget I mentioned anything.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Hey,” he said, taking his cigarette back from you and taking a drag himself, “Kenma’s having a party this weekend. They’re inviting over some old classmates from Nekoma. He says he misses you. You should come.”
Your ears perk up at the invitation, excited at the thought of seeing your old friend and a little happy that he’s moving past the subject.
"Kenma? Is having a party?”
Kuroo laughed. “Alright. Yaku is having a party, but we’re doing it at Kenma’s place. It’s actually not that far from here, just one train ride.”
You chuckled, shaking your head knowingly.
“Yeah, I’ll go,” you agreed, “But, uhm… I’ll just meet you there?”
Kuroo nodded. “Yeah. I’ll just meet you there.”
You didn’t see Kuroo the rest of that week.
You weren’t sure what it was – he wasn’t ignoring you, he replied to your text messages and answered your calls.
But he hadn’t once asked you to come over. And after what happened that night, you were scared to ask him to come over.
The night of Kenma’s party came, and you entered to find way more people than you had expected. You didn’t recognize more than half of the people there, but relief washed over you when Yaku threw an arm around your shoulder.
You didn’t see Kuroo right away when you arrived, but you were too distracted at the joy from seeing some of your old classmates.
You were half way through a game of beer pong with Lev as your partner before Kuroo was able to make an appearance.
He made his rounds, saying his greetings to everyone before stopping at you, giving you a friendly one armed hug.
You didn’t want to admit that you were a bit sad at the generic greeting.
Was it because maybe… you want…. mor –
“Y/N! Shoot the damn ping pong ball,” Lev exclaimed, and you were shook out of your reverie. 
Kuroo excused himself, saying he was going to the kitchen to make himself a drink, but you were too focused on winning your game to notice.
Before you knew it, you lost three to two against Kenma and Yamamoto, cursing at Lev for forcing you to carry the team on your back.
By this point, the alcohol had spread all through your system. You were still able to walk straight, but with considerable effort. The words that came out of your mouth were just a little slurred, and you were kind of having a hard time controlling the volume of your voice.
“Where’s Kuroo?” you asked Yaku, who instantly shot a hand up to rub his ear.
“Jesus, woman, you don’t have to yell, I am /right here,” he grumbled, but he still let you sling an arm around his shoulders for support. “I thought he went into the kitchen to get some drinks?”
That’s right, he said that. But that was hours ago. Where could he be?
You stagger away from Yaku, pushing your way past unfamiliar bodies to get to the kitchen.
The first thing you saw when you tripped into the kitchen was Kuroo, dressed in a fitted black shirt and blue jeans, looking every bit the Greek God he was as he leaned against the counter. His arms were crossed atop his broad chest, a drink in one hand.
He was talking to someone, and you thought you recognized the long black hair that flowed from the back of their head, but were too distracted studying the veins that protruded from Kuroo’s forearms.
You opened your mouth to call out to him when the person in front of him stepped up, pressing their body into his. She uncrossed his arms and snaked two long arms around his neck.
You recognized her in that instant.
It was his ex from high school.
Looking down, you were surprised to see your clothes dry, because it felt like someone poured a bucket of ice water directly on top of your head.
“Be careful,” Eri’s words echoed in your head for the ten millionth time.
Yet here you were
In the same exact place you were a little over three years ago.
You scoffed at yourself.
Well, there’s nothing else for you here now, is there?
You shoot Yaku and Kenma a quick text in a group chat to let them know you were leaving.
The air outside was cold, your breath coming out in puffs. You wrapped your jacket around a little tighter, cursing yourself silently for not wearing a scarf cause it’ll ‘ruin the outfit.’
“Hey, the party’s that way.”
The sudden voice behind you nearly made you jump ten feet in the air.
“Jesus, you really are like a fucking cat.”
Kuroo chuckled.
For some reason, the sound made you angry. You kept walking, following the path of dimmed street lights that led you to the train station.
“Yeah, but home’s this way.”
His heavy footsteps trailed behind you.
“Great, I was getting tired of the party anyway.”
“What are you doing here?” You finally turned your head to him and asked.
Your voice was surprisingly clear and even, despite the unsteadiness of the ground beneath you.
“What do you mean? I’m walking you home.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s late, and you’re my friend.”
‘Friend’. The word made you wince, even though you were the one that drilled the idea into his head.
“I saw you talking to your ex,” you grumbled, crossing your arms and turning the other direction.
You could practically feel his smirk.
“Oya? Is that jealousy I’m hearing in those words?”
You felt your face get hot.
“Of course not!”
- “I thought we were just friends?”
“Will you shut up for once in your life, idiot!”
He wanted to tease you some more, but was stopped by the pensive look on your face.
“Why would you leave the girl that broke your heart behind just to walk me home?”
Kuroo looked at you with a confused expression.
“Girl that broke my heart?”
You nodded. “When I asked you about her, you said she was a big mistake.”
Kuroo stopped walking. You turned your head back to look at him curiously when he doubled over in a full bellied laugh.
“Are you laughing at me?!” You asked incredulously, giving him a glare from where you stood.
“You... you think she’s the one that broke my heart?”
Kuroo wiped a fake tear from his eye.
“Wow. That was a good one.”
“What the hell are you going on about, Kuroo?”
The jovial look on Kuroo’s face slowly faded, the entertained smile on his face shrinking his lips into a thin line.
“Y/N, she didn’t break my heart.”
Now it was your turn to be confused.
“You want to know why I said she was a big mistake?” Kuroo took a step towards you, “It was because of her that I lost you.”
Your jaw dropped.
Kuroo ran his fingers through his hair, ruining the perfectly waxed locks that he had spent thirty minutes styling.
“Please don’t run away when I tell you this.”
You couldn’t move your feet even if you wanted to.
“The only reason I ever brought her up to you in the first place was because I wanted to see your reaction. I wanted to know if you would get jealous. But without hesitation, you told me that I should just go ahead and date her, and you know dumb young men and their pride... then... it just... snowballed into something I didn’t even...”
Kuroo couldn’t finish his sentence.
Your vision begins to shake.
“But... but I confessed to you!”
“Yeah, then you slammed the door in my face and stopped talking to me!”
You couldn’t deny that.
“Do you have any idea how confusing that was for a teenage boy? I had no idea what the hell was going on, one day, I blinked and I was stuck with a girl I didn’t love while I watched my best friend smile and laugh and walk passed me like I never even existed.”
You swallowed the guilty lump that was caught in your throat.
“All I knew was that you weren’t around anymore; you weren’t there to make me laugh with your dumb jokes, you weren’t coming over and leaving your presence all over my room, nothing, it was all gone, and it all felt so fucked up. Being without you felt so fucked up.” 
Had Kuroo always felt this way? Were you really so busy running away from him that you couldn’t even see that he was hurting too?
“Now the universe or the gods or whatever brought me back to you, and it’s like everything makes sense again, and fuck, all I want to do is just show you how much I’ve missed you, how much I care, how much I love you.”
You gasped, and you were waiting for Kuroo to try and take those words back, but the resolve was painted in his eyes.
“But all you do is just keep me at arms length. You wanted to be just friends when I wanted everything.”
You choked back a sob, tears were now steadily streaming down your face.
Kuroo closed the space between you, wrapping one arm around your waist while bring his other head to wipe at your tears with the pad of his thumb.
 “She wasn’t the girl that broke my heart. You were.”
He moved to place his fingers on your chin, tilting your head up to force you to look at his eyes.
He wanted you to see that he meant every single word.
“If this is all you’re willing to give me, I’ll take it. I’ll break my own heart. Every day, over and over again, if that’s what it takes to be with you.”
His voice was in a whisper now, bringing his lips to kiss both sides of your cheeks.
“Because I love you.”
He brought his hands to cup for your face before pulling you in for a kiss.
This wasn’t anything like you’ve ever experienced before.
Every time his tongue brushed against yours, you felt all the love adoration he was trying to convey in this one physical act, hoping he could transfer it all into your lips.
It felt like time stopped just for the two of you, to have this moment in the middle of the sidewalk, bathed in the orange glow of the street light that hung above you.
He pulled away finally, resting his forehead on yours for just a second before he engulfed you with his arms.
His head rested on top of yours, feeling the vibrations as he spoke.
“I’m going to ask you one more time,” he said nervously. “Do you want something more?”
You wiggle out of his grip just so you can move your hands up to caress his cheek.
“Tetsuro... I love you so much.”
Later that night, in the safety of your room and away from Eri’s judgmental eyes at the two of you stumbling in and giggling through the door, you trace small circles on Kuroo’s chest with your fingers while Kuroo had an arm wrapped around you tightly.
“Hey, Tetsu,” you broke the silence with a whisper, “What if I end up going to grad school that was... further away?”
Kuroo couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. You were never going to change.
Not like he would ever want you to.
“Y/N... we didn’t talk for three years, and not once did I stop thinking about you. A little distance isn’t going to get rid of me.”
You try to bury your face in embarrassment.
If he had to spend every day of the rest of his life reassuring you that he’ll be by your side no matter what, well - that’s just too easy.
You find yourself holding onto him a little bit tighter, making a silent vow that never again were you going to push away Kuroo Tetsuro.
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remnantoforario · 3 years
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Remnant’s Top Ten Anime of 2020
2020 Was certainly a ride wasn’t it? To those that managed to make to make it through in one piece, or any piece, good job. Hopefully 2021 is better to us all. 
Despite the world mostly being on fire, I’d hazard to say that a lot of good shows came out in 2020 (despite a number of them being delayed to either later in the year or this year altogether). I meant to release this list much earlier, but I kept changing it around. 
Anyway, here are the ones I thought were the best. 
Honorable Mentions:
Dorohedoro
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Synopsis: The plot centers on a man named Caiman and his search for his real identity after a transformation by a sorcerer left him with a reptile's head and no memory of his former life. 
Along with his friend Nikaido, he violently assaults sorcerers in the Hole, with the aim of taking their heads into his mouth, where a strange face will appear and confirm whether the sorcerer he has bitten onto was the one responsible for his transformation or not.
As the residents of the Hole, the En family and the Cross-Eyes gang, along with many others, collide with one another, the mystery of Caiman's identity begins to unravel, reigniting ancient grudges and threatening to forever change both the Hole and the sorcerers' world.
Thoughts: This is the only Netflix anime I watched this year (I missed out on Great Pretender before the year ended), and I can honestly say I had fun with this one. It’s animation was good, the story was engaging enough, and the characters were all unique (Noi best girl). The one problem I would say with the show is that it can come off as unfocused at times, meandering from one plaot point to another with no real connective tissue. 
Still a fun series though. 
ID: Invaded
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Synopsis: The anime follows the investigations of Narihisago, a renowned detective now in prison, who is tasked with diving into the id wells of various serial killers. 
Two years prior to the current events, Narihisago's daughter Muku was brutally murdered by a serial killer, leading Narihisago's wife to commit suicide. These deaths prompted him to hunt down and murder the killer, earning him his prison sentence. He is still depressed and haunted by his wife and daughter's deaths, but also uses this as motivation to take his work seriously and help stop serial killers. 
Thoughts: One of a handful of original series that came out this year. This show gave me heavy Inception/Minority Report vibes from both its premise and presentation. It wobbles under the weight of its own concepts towards the end, but it still a fun ride nonetheless. 
Gleipnir 
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Synopsis: The story centers on Shuichi Kagaya, a high school student with an unusual secret. He has the ability to transform into a monster resembling a giant dog mascot costume with a zipper down his back and a large cartoonish smile. After rescuing a strange girl, Claire Aoki, from a warehouse fire, they join each other to search for Claire's older sister, who is assumed to be responsible for the death of their parents.
Thoughts: When the initial rollout for this show began I admit I wasn’t really a fan. I thought it was just going to be a hyper violent, fanservice show. Now in some ways it is that, but if you really look Gleipnir tells a very interesting tale of identity and what it truly means to have a wish granted. The music was pretty good as well, and that’s really something from me as a person who doesn’t pay attention to soundtracks. 
Hope this show gets a season 2, but if not I’ll more than likely start the manga. 
Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina
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Synopsis:  Fascinated by the stories of Niké, a witch who traveled around the world, Elaina aspires to take the same course. Her determination of studying books and magic leads to her becoming the youngest apprentice witch to pass the sorcery exam. 
However, when Elaina attempts to receive training in order to become a full-fledged witch, she is rejected due to her extraordinary talents until she finds Fran, the "Stardust Witch," whom accepts her. After earning her title, the "Ashen Witch," Elaina begins her exploration around the world, visiting and facing all kinds of people and places.
Thoughts: As a fan of the Light Novels, I was pretty excited when it was announced it was getting an anime. For the most part it didn’t disappoint. Though it skipped most of the stories in the novels, the show still told a few good stories that made for some amazingly animated tv. 
Talentless Nana
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Synposis: In the near future, mysterious monsters known as the "Enemies of Humanity" begin to appear, and with it so do children with supernatural powers called the "Talented". To prepare them for the upcoming battle against these Enemies, all the Talented are sent to a school located on a deserted island, where they have all their daily needs provided for until they graduate and communication with the outside world is forbidden. 
One day, a new student named Nana Hiiragi arrives at the school. Her friendly and cheerful personality lets her quickly make friends with the class. However, with Nana comes a whole litany of mysterious occurrences on the island. 
Thoughts: I can’t say too much about Nana without spoiling it’s first episode twist, but I will say that its a pretty interesting show with a fairly compelling game of cat and mouse being played. 
Now on the the actual list:
10. The Misfit of Demon King Academy 
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Synopsis: After 2,000 years of countless wars and strife, the demon king Anos Voldigoad made a deal with the human hero, Kanon, to sacrifice his own life to ensure peace could flourish. Reincarnating 2,000 years later, Anos finds that royal demons now harshly rule over lower class hybrid demons in a society that values Anos's pureblood descendants over the demons who interbred with other species, such as humans and spirits. 
Finding that magic as a whole has begun to decline and his descendants weaker as a result of the peace he created, Anos, now technically a hybrid himself, decides to reclaim his former title of Demon King, but first, he must graduate from the Demon King Academy where he is labeled a total misfit.
Thoughts: Originally I was going to put Nana in this spot, but its lack of a real ending pushed it out of the list. If only slightly. Misft at Demon Academy is just a fun ride from start to finish. There’s always something about shows with ridiculous OP protagonists (Overlord, One Punch Man, etc.) that gets the blood pumping. 
It’s like junk food. Great for the right moment, but not needed all the time. 
9. Ikebukuro West Gate Park
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Synopsis:  A charismatic troubleshooter tries to keep the peace between warring factions while protecting his loved ones in Ikebukuro West Gate Park.
Thoughts: I honestly had no idea what to make of this show when I first saw the synopsis, but I gave it a try on a whim. I’m glad I did because this was easily the dark horse of the Fall season. I really liked the mostly self contained story format the series had, and there were a few very good episodes here. Check it out. 
8.  My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!
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Synopsis: Catarina Claes, the young daughter of a noble family, one day bumps her head and regains memories of her past life as an otaku. It is then that she realizes she has been reborn into the world of the otome game Fortune Lover, reincarnated as the game's villainess who, regardless of what route the player took in the original game, is doomed to be either killed or exiled. 
In order to avoid these routes that lead to doom, Catarina begins taking countermeasures to try and avoid things going the same way as the game. This, however, ends up having unexpected consequences on her relations with the other characters of the game's world.
Thoughts: Normally I’m not a fan of Reverse/Otome harem series, but somehow Bakarina managed to pull me in, to a good result. This show was easily one of the best comedies I watched this year with a good cast and a likable protagonist. 
7.  Deca-Dence 
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Synopsis: In the fortress city of Deca-dence, the lowly Tanker girl, Natsume, dreams of becoming a Gear warrior following her father's death during a Gadoll attack. She is assigned to a maintenance team led by Kaburagi whom she discovers is more than he appears. Kaburagi has a secret role in eliminating "bugs", humans who threaten Solid Quake's operations. 
When Kaburagi discovers that Natsume is listed as dead in the company database, he decides to keep her under observation and offers to train her to fight.
Thoughts: Giant monsters and giant robots. What more do you need? Watch it. 
6. A Certain Scientific Railgun T
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Synposis: The Daihasei Festival has begun, and that of course means that Tokiwadai Middle School—a prestigious all-girls' middle school—is competing too. Despite the participation of the "Ace of Tokiwadai," Mikoto Misaka, the other students who are participating are still putting their utmost effort into winning, no matter how impossible the feat may seem against her might. However, not all is fun and games. Due to the the festival, Academy City opens to the outside world, and various factions have begun plotting ways to infiltrate the city. Misaka appears to be on their radar, and as the festival proceeds, people lurking from the shadows begin to emerge...
Thoughts: Not really much to say here. It’s the third season of Railgun, but good thing here is that each season of Railgun is better than the last. Truly the best of the To Aru universe. 
5. BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense.
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Synposis: Urged on by her friend, Kaede Honjō begins playing the VRMMORPG NewWorld Online under the name Maple. Not wanting to get hurt, Maple opts to be a shield user with maxed out defense stats, and continues putting every status point she earns in the game into increasing only her defense level. 
As a result, she is left with slow foot speed and no magic, but her high defense allows her to endure most hits without taking any damage. This, along with her basic-level creative thinking, allows for her to make unexpected accomplishments in the game, its quests and events. By doing this, she ends up earning all kinds of equally unexpected skills and becomes one of the strongest players in the game. Thoughts: Bofuri is another OP power fantasy like Demon King Academy, but with the twist of being fused with CGDCT. The cast is extremely likable (especially Maple) and when Silver Link wants to they can make the battles REALLY dynamic. A nice comfortable watch, which was sorely needed in 2020. 
4. Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle
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Synposis: The story follows Princess Syalis, a young princess who was kidnapped by the demon king, and her quest to sleep well while imprisoned.
Thoughts: A simple premise for a not so simple story. Sleepy Princess for me was easily the best comedy of the year, with plenty of heart and action thrown in as well. I was wary of the series at first, thinking that the premise wouldnt be entertaining for more than a few episodes, but boy was I wrong. Each episode was funnier than the last and Doga Kobo pulled out all the stops to make it look as gorgeous as possible.  
3. Jujutsu Kaisen
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Synopsis: Idly indulging in baseless paranormal activities with the Occult Club, high schooler Yuuji Itadori spends his days at either the clubroom or the hospital, where he visits his bedridden grandfather. However, this leisurely lifestyle soon takes a turn for the strange when he unknowingly encounters a cursed item. Triggering a chain of supernatural occurrences, Yuuji finds himself suddenly thrust into the world of Curses—dreadful beings formed from human malice and negativity—after swallowing the said item, revealed to be a finger belonging to the demon Sukuna Ryoumen, the "King of Curses." Yuuji experiences first-hand the threat these Curses pose to society as he discovers his own newfound powers. Introduced to the Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu Technical High School, he begins to walk down a path from which he cannot return—the path of a Jujutsu sorcerer.
Thoughts: Originally I wasn’t going to put this on the list, because the season doesnt conclude this year, but I decided to make an exception since the show started so strong. Many people were hyping this up as the next big shonen, and they were right. Mappa really went balls to the wall with this show and I’m pretty hype for what happens this cour. 
2. Akudama Drive
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Synopsis: The bustling metropolis of Kansai, where cybernetic screens litter the neon landscape, may seem like a technological utopia at first glance. But in the dark alleys around the brightly-lit buildings, an unforgiving criminal underbelly still exists in the form of fugitives known as "Akudama." No stranger to these individuals, Kansai police begin the countdown to the public execution of an infamous Akudama "Cutthroat," guilty of killing 999 people. However, a mysterious message is sent to several elite Akudama, enlisting them to free Cutthroat for a substantial amount of money. An invisible hand seeks to gather these dangerous personas in one place, ensuring that the execution is well underway to becoming a full-blown bloodbath.  
Thoughts: Want to know what it would be like if Quentin Tarantino made an anime? Well here you go. An adrenaline filled rollercoaster ride from start to finish with a crazy cast of characters and even crazier visuals. There’s even a bit of social commentary in there if you squint. 
1. Oregairu Climax
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Synopsis: Resolved to become a more independent person, Yukino Yukinoshita decides to smoothen things out with her parents, and the first step toward achieving that goal is to prove herself. As graduation draws closer for the third-year students, Iroha Isshiki—the president of the student council—requests a graduation prom in collaboration with the Volunteer Service Club. Yukino accepts this request of her own volition, hoping to use it as a chance to demonstrate her self-reliance, but what lies ahead of her may prove to be a hard hurdle to cross.
At the same time, a chance for the Volunteer Service Club members to better understand each other presents itself. And thus, Hachiman Hikigaya's hectic and bittersweet high school life begins to draw to a close.
Thoughts: The gif says it all really. I could just leave that there and end this list on a somewhat high note, but I’ll explain it. 
Now objectively, there were better shows than this one (off the top of my head JJK comes to mind) but when you combine all three seasons there is no contest in my mind that Oregairu had one of the most perfect endings to a series I have ever seen. 
It was an ending 7 years in the making. The first season in 2013 was good, the second season two years later was even better, but Climax was Oregairu at is absolute best and that goes beyond the story and characters. A lot of praise also has to go to Studio feel., who took over animation duties from Brain’s Base in season 2. While BB’s animation was much more accurate to the LN, feel’s more realistic designs fit the more mature direction the story was starting to go, giving the anime some of its best moments. 
Watching Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui grow and change from naive teenagers to somewhat understood young adults was amazing and sometimes heartbreaking to watch. Hachiman’s search to find something “genuine”, Yukino’s desire to be independent, and Yui struggling with her feelings of love and friendship all clash and compliment in very interesting ways that makes these three characters even more relatable than they were before. 
Lots of long running series don’t stick to landing, but in my eyes Oregairu stuck it perfectly. That’s why its my favorite anime of 2020.
Here’s to 2021. 
271 notes · View notes
awritingtree · 3 years
Text
Never Enough (2/7)
Sirius Black x daughter!reader
Summary: Y/N Black is back at Hogwarts after running away from her father’s, Sirius Black’s, house during the summer. The year passes by and soon it’s the end of the year, with the OWLS finished. What happens when she finds out that her father was captured by Voldemort?
Words: ~2.5k
Warnings: angst, shitty father-daughter relationship, self-deprecating thoughts.
A/N: I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! I know there isn’t a lot of Sirius x reader interactions in this chapter. There are some indirect interactions - or lack of. But I felt it was important to have this chapter and not skip a whole year from the summer to the end of 5th year. It also allowed to me to give more insight into the reader’s feelings. And I realize some parts seem rushed but like they aren’t really that important so... This chapter was important for the entire plot I have planned because we all know what’s coming in the next chapter :) Anyways I hope you enjoy this filler chapter in the mean time xx
Series Masterlist
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The rest of your enjoyable summer back home with the Tonks flashed by and the next thing you knew, you were boarding the Hogwarts Express on September 1st. The return to Hogwarts was accompanied by a change in season, the green leaves changing colours ranging from red to orange to yellow; falling, leaving the trees bare. Following autumn came winter, which passed by just as fast. The grounds covered in soft snow, crunching beneath the feet of the various students making their way in and out of the castle.
Christmas arrived sooner than you’d thought. The white layer made the world look so pure, so peaceful. You had opted out of going home for Christmas. Any chance of actually staying home would be impossible with the Order of the Phoenix still in place at 12 Grimmauld Place. Since you hadn’t returned, you had sent Mr. Weasley a get-well-soon present on top of his Christmas gift.
So instead you had spent the holidays at Hogwarts in the company of your Slytherin friends, spending your days reading, enjoying the grand feasts in the Great Hall and catching up on some much-needed sleep. You had expected a gift, but you were left disappointed as you saw the only presents lying at the foot of your bed were from the Tonks, Ginny, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley and your Slytherin friends. Lying in bed that night, your memories took you to a time somewhere around the beginning of November.
“Ew! Could you maybe consider showering before deciding to show up in public?” Parkinson’s whiny voice entered your ears as you ventured into the Great Hall on a Saturday morning.
Your broomstick was tucked in your underarm as you tied off one end of your French-braided hair. You wore your green and silver quidditch uniform messily, having rushed out of bed from waking up late. You had decided not to take a shower beforehand, knowing you’d get filthy all over again in a matter of a few hours. The sleepiness was still visible on your face, eyes drooping with weariness.
“Piss off Parkinson. Go drool over Draco elsewhere if my appearance is bothering you so much,” you sneered, plopping down on the bench, pouring yourself some pumpkin juice.
The arrival of owls stopped Parkinson from cursing you out. You looked up to see a snowy owl make its way towards the Gryffindor table, dropping a letter into the hands of Harry Potter. Upon reading who had sent him a letter, Harry, Ron and Hermione quickly glanced your way before quickly looking away, huddling together to prevent anyone from reading whatever the letter entailed. You sighed looking down solemnly, knowing whose letter would elicit such a reaction from the trio. In this moment you had never hated the snake emblem across the area over your heart more.
You’d cried yourself to sleep that night. Not even the fact that Slytherin would finally have a chance to win the Quidditch House Cup, due to the banning of Gryffindor’s seeker and beaters, had cheered you up. 
Both of those nights you had cried yourself to sleep, beating yourself up for ever expecting, for hoping, that this time away from your father had him changing his opinion on you. You didn’t know why you still cared. You didn’t understand why you craved his love, why you hadn’t given up on having any kind of relationship with him. You didn’t know why you still cared - you shouldn’t. You hated yourself for caring; but a small part of you, the five-year old girl that cried, begging for a chance to go visit her father for a year, still existed. No matter how many times you repeatedly denied it to yourself, you seeked his approval, his love.
You had fallen asleep on both of those nights wondering what you could possibly do to be worthy of his love, wondering why you were never enough.
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Winter had come and gone in a jiffy. May brought sunshine, warmth and the blossoming of new life along with it. By now, the D.A. had been found and disbanded, the Inquisitorial squad was thriving off making every non-Slytherin’s life miserable - all because you, now, had a toad for a headmaster.
Your OWLs were coming up soon, pushing you to study more than you had ever before, distracting you from thinking about anything else.
“I don't understand why you talk to that blood traitor and mudblood.”
“Because they’re my friends, Draco,” you sighed, for what seemed like the millionth time, “And stop calling them that. It’s despicable.”
“You don’t need such friends. You have us,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, friends such as Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, and Zabini? I think I’m good,” you replied, scoffing.
Draco pulled you around to face him by your upper arm.
“I’m just trying to look out for you. These times, they aren’t the best. You don’t need to risk putting yourself in danger by associating with such...” he trailed off.
“Such what?” you prompted him, encouraging him to say something he’d regret. He stayed silent, staring at you, trying to say what he couldn’t out loud through his eyes, but your irritation didn’t allow you to see past his words.
“And I don’t need you to look out for me. I don’t need anyone to look for me! I can do that very well on my own, thank you. You’re not my brother,” you exclaimed, wrenching your hand out of his grip.
A series of emotions; hurt, anger, sadness; flashed across his face - gone before you could make anything of it. Your face softened as you realized what you’d said.
“Draco, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” you apologized immediately.
Draco moved out of the way just as you were about to lay our hand on his shoulder.
“No you’re right. I’m not your brother, Y/N,” spat Draco before softening his tone, “but I see you as my sister so I will continue to look out for you, no matter how you feel about it.”
He stormed away before you could get a second to respond, leaving you staring at the spot he’d previously occupied with a mixture of feelings.
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OWLs were finished. You couldn’t believe that you were finally done. Your plan was to set off towards the Black Lake right after your last exam, lie back in the grass with your eyes closed to soak up the warmth shining down on your face. You longed to hear the sound of overlapping water from the cool breeze lulling you into a state where for the first time since last year, you’d feel a sense of peace and quiet.
But it seemed the universe hated the idea of you relaxing, which is why you were currently in Umbridge’s - Umbitch as you liked to call her - with the rest of the Inquisitorial squad along with a few former D.A. members. You were all waiting on Professor Snape to make his way to office, upon Umbridge’s order request. In addition to the purrs of the many cat pictures hanging on the horrid pink walls, the office was filled with the sounds of D.A. members trying to pull away from the Inquisitorial Squad’s grips.
“You wanted to see me, Headmistress?” asked Professor Snape entering the room as he eyed the struggling students, unconcerned.
Umbridge stood up smiling widely, almost cynically, “Yes. I would like a bottle of Veritaserum. I wish to interrogate Mr. Potter here.”
“You used up the last of the Veritaserum I had on your previous interrogation with Potter. Surely you didn’t use it all?”
“I’m sure you can make some more,” Umbridge replied with an overly sweet smile that made you want to vomit from the sight of it.
“Unless you wish to poison him - I have the greatest sympathy if you do - I can’t help you, not until it’s ready after a month,” Professor Snape said as he looked towards Harry.
Harry’s face scrunched up, seeming to concentrate on communicating something to Snape but his attempt was futile.
“You’re on probation! You’re deliberately being unhelpful. Now get out of my office!” shrieked Umbridge.
Snape blankly looked at her unbothered before turning to head out of the door.
“He’s got Padfoot! He’s got Padfoot at the place where it’s hidden!”
You felt like you had just been drenched in ice cold water at Harry’s shouts.
‘He? Who is he? It had to be Voldemort. Who else could have Harry in such a terrified state? But no, it couldn’t be possible,’ you thought. 
Ginny’s wince brought you out of your spiralizing thoughts. You loosened your tightening grip on her hand, too panic-stricken to mutter an apology. Your wide eyes drifted from Harry to Professor Snape.
“Padfoot?” exclaimed Umbridge, “What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? Snape, what do you know about this?”
Snape turned back around to face Harry. His face was unreadable. You just hoped he would get some help, that he understood what Harry was shouting about.
“I have no idea,” he drawled, “Potter is speaking nonsense.”
You watched him walk out the door. Your palms had started to shake and sweat, everything drowned out. The only thing you could concentrate on was Snape, hoping he would give away any sign that he understood, he was going to do something. For once it seemed the universe had your back because just before he shut the door, his eyes made contact with yours as he moved his head, his nod bare visible. Relief flowed through your nerves; help was on the way.
You tuned into the conversation when you heard Hermione’s shrieks, “No! Professor- that’s illegal.”
Umbridge paid no mind to Hermione, raising her wand at Harry. Your hands clenched around your wand, preparing to take any action if needed as Hermione tried to convince Umbridge to stop.
“What Cornelius doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Umbridge said, “Cruc-”
“NO!” your shout was drowned out by Hermione’s.
“Harry, we- we have to tell her,” she cried.
“It seems little Miss Question-all is going to give us some answers! Go on, then,” said Umbridge, triumphantly.
You stared at Hermione questionably. What was she doing? She couldn’t tell that toad anything. The Ministry would surely get your father and then- you didn’t want to think what would happen if they got their hands on him.
“He was trying to speak to Professor Dumbledore,” Hermione said in between her cries.
You felt Ginny tense in your grip in surprise as you suppressed the urge to sigh out loud in relief. Your eyes drifted around the room trying to think of a way to get yourself out of this situation and to Professor Snape. You needed to find a way to leave and help. You think you heard Hermione tell Umbridge about some weapon Dumbledore left in the forbidden forest in between your racing thoughts. You found the perfect opportunity as Umbridge headed out the door with Hermione and Harry. As soon as their footsteps could no longer be heard, all hell broke loose.
Ron slammed his head back into Warrington’s nose. You let go of Ginny, moving to get Crabbe off of Neville Longbottom, as she moved to go help Luna.
“Stupefy!” you yelled, pointing your wand towards Crabbe. You rushed to Neville, crouching down next to him as he caught his breath, “You okay?”
Neville weakly nodded. Satisfied with his nod, you got up to go help the rest. You felt Draco look at you, betrayed that you were helping the others, right before Ginny got him with the Bat-Bogey Hex. You felt a curse fly by you, grazing your cheek as someone pushed you to the side. Blood trickled down your cheek, dripping down staining your robes.
“What in the bloody hell are you doing, Ginny!? She’s one of them!” yelled Ron.
“No she’s not. She-”
“What do you mean? You see that badge, right? You do remember when she was holding you hostage right now? How about all the time she spent trying to catch the D.A.?” he rambled.
Ginny rolled her eyes exasperated, “Oh stop being so dramatic and listen. She’s not one of them. She’s been helping us all along. Why do you think no one patrolled near the seventh-floor corridor on the days we had a D.A. meeting?”
Ron shifted his eyes from Ginny, whose cheek had long scratches much like yours, to you before returning back to his sister, “That’s a load of codswallop.”
“We don’t have the time for this; We need to get going,” you said, impatiently. You did not have the time to convince anyone on whose side you were on. Your father could be dead by now for all you knew, and you had no clue how quick the Order would be informed to make their way towards wherever he was captured.
Ron opened his mouth, preparing to spew out an argument, “I’m sorry. We-”
“Look. Voldemort has my father right now and Salazar knows what he’s doing to him. No matter what has happened, he is my father. And you are not as smart as I give you credit for if you for a second think, I am not coming with you lot.”
“She’s right. We should get going. We’re wasting time,” Neville spoke up.
Ron looked between Ginny, Neville and you before begrudgingly agreeing.
You all quickly made your way out of the castle and towards the Forbidden Forest. You bumped into Harry and Hermione on your way there.
“How’d you get away?” asked Harry, surprised.
“Couple of hexes. Neville threw a good Impediment Jinx. Though, Ginny was the best, she got Malfoy good with a Bat-Bogey Hex. Anyway, what’ve you done with Umbridge?” replied Ron.
“Carried away by a herd of centaurs.”
“They left you behind?” asked a shocked Ginny.
“No, they got chased off by Grawp.”
“Whose Grawp?” questioned Luna, intrigued.
“Hagrid’s little brother,” explained Hermione.
“Never mind that!” interrupted Ron, “What did you find out in the fire? Does You-Know-Who have Sirius or-?”
“Yes” said Harry, “I’m sure Sirius is still alive but I’m not sure how to get there to help him.”
Everyone fell silent, the situation looking hopeless.
“What’s she doing here?” Harry asked, his eyes finally landing on you.
“He’s my father, Harry. Did you really think I was going to let you go alone?” you said, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Why? It’s not like you’ve cared before,” he retaliated causing rage to consume you at his unfiltered and forward words.
‘How dare he say that? I haven’t cared!?’
You opened your mouth to rebuttal, ready to release your wrath on the boy looking at you accusingly before Luna chimed in, paying no attention to the tension in the air.
“Well, we’ll have to fly, won’t we?”
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General taglist: @heloisedaphnebrightmore @pregnant-piggy @approved-by-dentists @kashishwrites @remmyswritings @angelinathebook @idont-knowrn @coffee--writes @kinkyduuh @ickle-ronniekins
Never enough taglist: @evilluciferisevil @slyther-inn @bloodyxheaven @gcdric @mycobrakai1972 @loony-loopy-lupinn @the-mighty-bookworm @mads-bri @tessaem @hannah220506 @hariosborn @kpopgirlbtssvt
Lmk if you wanted to be added to either taglist :)
315 notes · View notes
moonbeamsung · 3 years
Text
I Fell for You Like the Autumn Leaves
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In which your neighbor, who might as well be a complete stranger to you, convinces you to revisit an old childhood tradition of yours. Oh, and you end up falling in love with him.
member: chenle (featuring the dreamies and taeyong)
au: pumpkin patch volunteer!chenle x gn!reader
word count: 11.3k
genre: fluff, angst, humor
warnings: mutual pining, very mild profanity, kissing, teasing
author’s note: I know, I know, the au is oddly specific but just trust me! :) And I’m crossing my fingers that the tags work this time. I have nothing else to say except that I’m very proud of this fic and it was very fun to write, so I hope you enjoy it. Hope everyone who celebrates had a nice Halloween!
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The tall, slender lamp post on the sidewalk outside of your house glows a pale amber color under the gray evening sky, illuminating the leaf-littered ground beneath it. You’ve walked past it hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, on a day just like this one. But this time, something’s different.
There’s a small flyer taped somewhat haphazardly to the side of the post, the dark lavender paper catching your eye. It’s positioned perfectly at eye-level, and you begin to read.
Fall is finally here, and you know what that means: The town’s annual pumpkin patch and festival is now open! Pick out your perfect pumpkin, find your way through a corn maze, take a peaceful hayride, and more! Come visit us all throughout the autumn season, 7 days a week from 10am to 8pm, at the corner of Chestnut Way and Fairview Boulevard. There’s fun for the whole family!
Small illustrations of pumpkins and colorful leaves fill the margins of the flyer, and the festive palette seems to brighten up the gloominess of the October day surrounding you.
“Hey!”
Whirling around, you’re met with the sight of your neighbor, Chenle. He’s holding more of the flyers in one hand, a small roll of tape in the other.
Despite him living only a few houses down from you for a number of years, you hardly know anything about him. You suppose he’s always seemed sort of mysterious. Sometimes you would catch glimpses of him outside from your window, and no matter if you saw him snapping photos of the blossoming flower bushes in his yard, riding his bike down the street with some friends, or just sitting on his upstairs balcony with a book in his hand, none of these things gave you any clues as to what he’s really like.
You two have exchanged brief hellos whenever you’ve passed each other on the sidewalk, him on his way somewhere and you heading home, but aside from those fleeting encounters, he’s a puzzle for you to figure out. You can’t help but wonder about him. Is he a quiet or a loud person? Is he on the serious side, or does he laugh at almost anything? What’s his personality like in general? Long story short, Chenle intrigues you, and maybe after today you’ll know at least a little bit more about him.
“Hi,” you return his greeting with a small smile, the kind of smile you give when you’re not exactly sure what else to say.
“Those flyers look pretty good, huh? I helped design them this year!” He explains with a proud grin, placing a hand on his hip as he studies your response. To be fair, he hardly knows anything about you either, and upon seeing you inspecting the flyer, he had decided to approach you and hopefully take a small step towards becoming your friend.
“Really? That’s cool.” The awkwardness in the air between you is far too tangible for your liking, and you silently hope he’ll take the responsibility of carrying on the conversation you’re currently sharing. Luckily, this wish of yours is granted moments later.
“You’ve been to the pumpkin festival before, right?”
You nod. It’s true, the annual tradition is one that everyone in town can enjoy, but in recent years you’ve started to lose interest in the festivities. You’re growing up, and it’s like you’re at this weird in-between stage. Mostly, those that attend are either large families complete with young children eager to explore every corner of the patch, or couples hoping to enjoy the ambience created by the cute decorations and cozy autumn atmosphere. You belong to neither of these groups, and so you’ve felt more than a little out of place the last few times you’ve gone.
You’re not sure if this is something you should share with Chenle, but without waiting for any kind of approval from your brain, the words leave your mouth anyway.
“Yeah, but I don’t really have anyone to go with and I don’t know anyone working there, so I’m not sure if I’ll make it this year.”
He frowns sympathetically for a split second before his face lights up again. “Aw, but I was just about to tell you that I’m volunteering there this year! So... if you’re worried about not having someone to hang out with, you’ll have me.”
“Only if you want!” He quickly adds, and that’s the first time he’s seemed nervous, or at least anything less than completely confident during your conversation. The cutest shade of red appears on his cheeks, and you don’t know how you could possibly refuse his offer now.
“Hmm... I guess I can reconsider, then.” You smile wider, more genuinely this time, after faking your contemplation by tapping your toe and tilting your head, a finger stroking your chin as if in deep thought.
“Really?” He replies happily with a small gasp, and his foot starts to lift off of the pavement to take an excited step towards you before he stops himself. If you notice, you don’t say anything.
You nod once again, and he notes how enthusiastic you seem now. Cute.
“Great! My shifts are on weekdays, from 2 to 7. I’ll see you there?”
“Definitely.”
The next week, you bundle up in your warmest jacket before making your way down the sidewalk, turning when necessary as you navigate the winding streets of your neighborhood. About half a dozen blocks later, you’re out on the main road, and you can just barely spot the entrance to the festival in the distance, orange lights strung along an archway that marks the small trail leading to it.
When you finally reach the inside of the pumpkin patch, the first thing you do is look for Chenle. You regret not asking him exactly where he would be working, but it can’t be that hard to find him, right?
He’s been on edge all afternoon, wondering if you would actually show up. It’s not that he didn’t believe you when you told him you would be there, he most certainly did, but there’s an oddly anxious feeling in his stomach that’s been affecting his behavior and he’s not sure he wants you to see him like this.
Chenle, just like everyone else, can be clumsy sometimes. But today? Today was a whole different story. He nearly dropped one of the biggest pumpkins in the patch while he was trying to lift it from the tall haystack it had been sitting on. His shoelace had somehow become untied while he was walking through the corn maze to check for any candy-apple wrappers or cider cups on the ground. Fortunately enough for him, no one had been around to see him trip over it, saving him at least a little bit of embarrassment. He even accidentally left the door to one of the animal stalls open, earning him a light scolding from his supervisor, Taeyong, and an entire hour on feeding duty for the horse it belonged to, between its scheduled hayride shifts.
It wouldn’t be a good second impression, he decides, if you were here to spend time with him only to see him completely failing at doing his job instead.
So when he spots you not too far away, craning your neck as you search for him among the large crowd, he’s conflicted. Does he face his fear of messing up in front of you and possibly risk your only recently-formed opinion of him, or does he avoid you the whole night? His heart clenches at that last option, and in a spur-of-the-moment decision his legs begin to carry him over to you. Catching your eye, he smiles despite the uncharacteristic lack of confidence in himself that he’s currently feeling.
You’re hurriedly cutting across the sea of people that fills the walkways to meet him, and when you’re within an arm’s reach you start to lift your hand in a small wave. Before you can stop walking completely, however, he takes your raised hand in his own, briskly guiding you off to the side to stand out of the way of the massive group of festival-goers. Just as quickly as he took your hand he releases it again, gently letting it drop to hang by your side.
You only just had your first proper conversation with him a matter of days ago, and he’s your neighbor for goodness’ sake. So why in the world did your heart rate seem to speed up just then?
There’s a small bench nearby, and he motions to it with a nudge of his shoulder. Sitting down next to him, you try your best to ignore the confusing signals that your body’s sending you right now.
“You came!”
“Of course I did,” you reply with a laugh. “It’s nice to have someone to enjoy the festival with for a change. I’ve really missed that.”
“What do you mean?”
You explain to him how it had grown out of being a family tradition, and that your friends always seemed to be busy, leaving you on your own year after year.
“Well... you have me now!” His voice is cheerful, reassuring, and despite all the noise and activity surrounding you at the current moment, it makes you feel at peace.
“Wait.” You glance around, then look back to Chenle. “Shouldn’t you be working, though?”
“...Shoot!” He knew he was forgetting something.
Standing up from the bench you share, he continues. “You can come with me if you want, but I can’t promise that any part of my job will be interesting.”
“It’s okay,” you giggle, standing up as well and following him over to a small covered tent. The inside is packed with people, weaving in and out of aisles created by several wooden tables full of small, colorful gourds. The boy behind the cash register shouts his name, beckoning him over with his hand.
“Hey Chenle, can you come help me weigh these pumpkins? Donghyuck had to go help some kids at the crafts area and business isn’t slowing down anytime soon.” He’s too busy typing numbers into a small computer system to notice that he’s speaking to more than one person. When his eyes finally lift up from the keys, he asks, “Who’s this?”
Chenle introduces you to each other, and you learn that his name is Mark. The gray beanie he’s wearing is somewhat lopsided on his head, dark hair sticking out from beneath it after all the times he’s cutely scratched the back of his neck.
While Mark and Chenle ring up dozens of customers, you entertain yourself by browsing through the wide variety of miniature pumpkins and squashes, some green, some white, some yellow. You occasionally pick up an oddly shaped one, running a finger over the small bumps or darkened bruises on the surface of the fruit.
When you look over at the register again, the line has died down, and after a moment of consideration your eyes land on a vibrant orange pumpkin that looks like it would fit perfectly in the palm of your hand. Picking it up, you smile a little to yourself as you turn, pulling your wallet out from your pocket and patiently waiting behind the 4 groups in line ahead of you.
By the time you finally step up to the checkout counter, Chenle’s been wondering where you went. He hadn’t seen you when he was gifted with the rare chance to look up from the metal scale he’s been constantly working at for almost an hour now. Maybe you got bored, he thinks, and left to go do something else or to just go home altogether. So when he sees the familiar sleeve of your jacket enter his peripheral vision as you place your tiny pumpkin down in front of him, he looks up faster than he thought humanly possible, in both surprise and relief. “You know you don’t have to buy anything,” he attempts to whisper in the hopes of hiding his words from Mark.
“But I want to. This pumpkin’s really cute,” you insist with a pleading look in your eyes.
Like you, he nearly mutters. That would have been a disaster.
“Do you want me to pay for it?” He offers, almost pouting at this point.
“Such a gentleman,” you tease, “But no. I promise, I’ve got it.”
“If you insist,” he responds, matching the sarcastic tone of your words and hoping to distract from his reddening ears. Chenle weighs the pumpkin and then places it into a small bag that you sling over your shoulder, where it will stay for the remainder of the day.
Unbeknownst to both of you, Mark’s eyebrow raises at the playfulness of your conversation. Maybe you don’t notice the furious blush on Chenle’s face, but he certainly does. And he won’t forget it.
“Hey, uh, guys? Donghyuck just texted me that he needs a hand. Do you think you could go meet up with him and help out a little?”
“Are you sure you can handle things here, Mark?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. But Donghyuck won’t be if those kids are deprived of craft supplies for much longer.” He reaches underneath the counter and pulls out a huge stack of plastic sticker sheets, with small images of bats, candy, and everything in between. “Take these.”
“Thanks, Mark! See you later!”
“It was nice to meet you!” You call out over your shoulder, and as you momentarily focus your attention on the boy behind you that’s getting farther away by the second, you’re too caught up in saying your goodbyes to notice that the one beside you grabs your hand again. Chenle gently pulls you away from the counter and out from under the tent, steadily making your way towards the other side of the large pumpkin patch.
You were lucky that Mark had the decency to at least pretend there was nothing going on between you and Chenle. He had refrained from commenting on it in front of you, and simply chuckled to himself when he saw both of you walk off together, hand-in-hand. He finds it amusing that neither one of you seems to notice the mutual fondness the other so obviously has for you. Mark doesn’t know a lot about you, but he knows you must be pretty special to be able to fluster Chenle like that.
Donghyuck, on the other hand, does not possess the same decency.
When you reach the crafts area, which is a small, designated space with several picnic tables and bins full of art supplies like glitter, paint sets, and markers, he gratefully approaches Chenle and accepts the large bundle of stickers from him. Like he’s feeding a hungry mob of seagulls with just a few breadcrumbs, Donghyuck essentially tosses them to the large group of children eagerly jumping at his feet. Scurrying away as they snatch the plastic sheets out of the air and get back to decorating their pumpkins, his eyes land on you for the first time.
With a smug, knowing smirk and an exaggerated nod of his head towards your tightly intertwined fingers, he asks, “Who’s this, Chenle?”
You know those movie scenes where two characters look at each other, at something else, then back at each other again? That’s exactly what happens. Chenle’s and your eyes meet, surprise evident on every feature of your faces, before you both realize the exact same thing at the same time. With shaky pupils, your gazes drift down to each other’s arm, then to your hands, laced together and acting as a source of warmth on this chilly autumn day. Much faster this time, you make eye contact again before rapidly but unwillingly pulling your hands away. The guilty smiles you send Donghyuck’s way say it all.
Chenle introduces you for the second time today as his neighbor, but deep down you both wish it was as something else, something more.
“I see,” Donghyuck says under his breath, in a huff of poorly concealed laughter.
Only Chenle hears him, though, and Donghyuck earns himself a rough shove to the shoulder with the snarky comment. You’re looking in a different direction, vision focused on a small child with a frown on her face as she struggles to embellish the small orange gourd on the table in front of her.
“Chenle?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna go see if I can help that little girl with her pumpkin.” You point a finger in the general direction of the picnic table she’s sitting at, glancing back at him for a second as you make your way over to her.
She’s close to tears now, and crouching down beside her small form, you ask, “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
The girl looks down at you, rushing to wipe her eyes before explaining in a quiet, shaky voice, “None of these stickers are the shape I want for my pumpkin...”
Oh, you realize, she’s trying to make a jack-o-lantern face.
“Um...” Upon looking around, you spot a piece of paper nearby on the table and hand her a purple marker from one of the art supply containers. “Well, can you draw what you want the face to look like and maybe I can help?”
With a small “Mhm,” she takes the marker from you and begins to sketch four odd-looking but not totally unfeasible shapes for the pumpkin’s eyes, nose, and mouth.
A good distance away, Chenle is growing tired of Donghyuck’s endless interrogations about you and if he’s absolutely positively sure that you’re not something more than just neighbors. He wordlessly excuses himself from Donghyuck’s side to join you by the picnic table.
The drawings that the little girl comes up with look like a deformed mix of squares, circles, and triangles. Thankfully, you have access to stickers shaped like all three, and you get an idea.
“What are we working on over here?”
Looking up to see Chenle kneeling down opposite you, resting an arm on the wooden surface of the bench, you notice that his voice is different. Not in terms of its pitch or volume, but just in the way that he’s speaking. It’s even more gentle than usual, filled with concern and care, all because he’s talking to a child. How endearing, you think to yourself, smiling down at the ground for a moment or two before you remember the task at hand.
“They’re helping me with my jack-o-lantern!” The little girl exclaims excitedly, causing Chenle to grin wider than you’d ever seen so far and allowing you to get a glimpse of his adorable eye smile for the very first and certainly not the last time.
Nope. Your heart did not just flutter. At least, that’s what you’ll keep telling yourself.
With a wave of your hand you motion for him to stand up, you doing the same before whispering your plan into his ear. Exchanging nods, you both crouch back down again and set to work, guiding the little girl as she overlaps the stickers on the pumpkin to match the picture she drew.
When you’re finished, she claps her hands together and thanks you multiple times, her genuine gratitude warming both of your hearts more than a blanket or a heater ever could.
“Wait,” you turn back around just as you’re about to walk over to Donghyuck once again. Flipping through the sticker sheets scattered across the table, you find exactly the one you’re looking for and peel it from the plastic.
“Wha—”
Before Chenle can even begin his sentence, you’re already pressing the small acorn sticker onto his cheek, giggling softly at how a blush seems to blossom from underneath it, the adorable pink hue spreading all the way to the tip of his nose. Your thumb applies the slightest amount of pressure to his skin while the remaining fingers hold the side of his face, and your other hand clutches his shoulder over the burgundy sweater he’s wearing. It’s at this moment that it dawns on you: This is definitely not a “neighborly” exchange.
You jump back in shock at your own actions. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I really don’t know why I did that.” Inwardly releasing a string of profuse curses, you awkwardly step closer a second time, lifting your hand again to try to peel it from his face and just wishing this mortifying moment would be over already.
“It’s okay, you can leave it,” he stutters a little, taking a tiny step backwards. “I don’t mind.”
Not really knowing how else to bring the uncomfortable (well, that’s an understatement) conversation to a close, you let his last words hang in the air, casting daunting shadows over your heads as you both repeat the same thought over and over again in your minds like a mantra.
I shouldn’t like them...
Trying and failing to sneak a slight glance at the other, your gazes meet at the same time, both of you looking away just as quickly once you realize you’ve been caught red-handed. Or in this case, red-faced.
...But I do.
A few minutes prior, another festival volunteer had taken over Mark’s job at the cash register, leaving him free to roam around for at least a little while. Not knowing where else to go, he had come to see Donghyuck, and by default, you and Chenle.
As they watch your rather amusing response to the realization of and sudden embarrassment at such a shameless display of your crush on Chenle that you can’t quite bring yourself to accept just yet, Mark and Donghyuck talk lowly amongst themselves.
“He should just ask them out already. I haven’t even known that they exist for 15 minutes and I’m already sick of seeing them both deny their feelings for each other. It’s so painfully obvious!” Donghyuck makes a gagging noise, earning a glare from Mark.
“It’s kind of cute, though. Like puppy love.”
“Whatever you say, Romeo,” he snickers.
“Hey!” Mark shoves his shoulder, annoyed. Donghyuck just laughs.
Pulling out his phone, the younger boy types up a quick text message before hitting the small arrow to send it. Out of the corner of his eye, Mark sees the delivered blue speech bubble appear on the screen and asks him, “Who’s that to?”
“Jeno. He and Jaemin have got to see this.”
Not even a minute later, Chenle’s own phone dings with a message from the former of the aforementioned boys, providing a distraction from and successfully dispelling some of the tension that continues to weigh down on you both.
Once he finishes reading the text, Chenle looks up at you and explains, “Two of my friends are working concessions and they’re almost out of a few things, so I need to go pick up what they need and bring it to them.”
You frown a little and furrow your eyebrows. “Isn’t it weird that everyone’s been asking you to go from place to place bringing them stuff all day?”
Now that he thinks about it, you’re right. But there’s no time to stand around and wonder why there seems to be a pattern with his tasks today.
“Bye Donghyuck! We’re gonna go help Jaemin and Jeno at the concessions stand!”
Was it too much to ask for Chenle to absentmindedly grab your hand again? Apparently yes, because much to your disappointment he refrains from doing so this time.
“Did you seriously ask Jeno to make up a fake excuse for help just so you could get them to leave?” Mark questions him, a clearly unamused expression on his face.
“First of all, no. He actually told me that they’re running low on candy apples. And second, not only that, but also so they can see just how hopelessly they’re crushing on each other.”
“Meaning that they can tease them about it, too, right?”
“Exactly!”
Mark rolls his eyes. He supposes he shouldn’t even be surprised at this point. Donghyuck is always full of mischief.
You remain by Chenle’s side as he leads you towards a storage area for the festival and over to the kitchen section, where he grabs a medium-sized cooler packed with freshly candied apples. The walk is filled with casual conversation, any awkward encounters earlier in the day becoming long forgotten, or at least temporarily put out of your minds.
Not having any of his friends around to tease you helps, too.
The few minutes you have to yourselves come to an end all too soon, and as you approach a large booth that appears to be full of just about every autumn snack imaginable, you catch the eye of one of the two boys standing behind it. Whether it’s Jeno or Jaemin, you’re not sure. But sure enough, like everyone else you’ve met so far today, his gaze becomes one of surprise and interest upon seeing the way you’re walking so close to the tall boy at your side.
You decide to take the liberty of introducing yourself this time instead of leaving Chenle to do it for you. Reaching an arm out in front of you, you shyly step up to the conveniently empty counter of the stand. The first boy shakes your hand while the other turns around, eyes darting from you to Chenle multiple times.
“I’m Jaemin,” he lets go of your hand, but not before shooting you a wink and a ridiculously charming grin. Chenle’s stomach churns with jealousy. The boy is always like this, Chenle knows, but with you it’s different. Normally it’s just the regular flirtatious remark directed at a passing customer, making them nearly spill their popcorn or choke on their cotton candy. Despite his awareness of the fact that he means no harm, Chenle still has to fight the urge to pull you into him protectively. Jaemin picks up on his sudden envy but chooses not to mess with him further.
The second one speaks up, doing the same as Jaemin without the wink, instead displaying an endearing eye-smile of his own. “I’m Jeno.” His eyes light up when they land on the freezing container Chenle’s carrying. “Are those the candy apples?” He exclaims. “Thank you so much!”
“No problem,” Chenle grunts in response as he hands it to Jeno over the counter, still bitter about Jaemin’s coquettish introduction of himself. Picking up on his annoyed tone, you send a confused glance and then a sympathetic smile the boy’s way as you try to subtly calm whatever frustration that remains within him.
He softens immediately, regretting any worry he may have just caused you with his uncharacteristically cold demeanor. It’s immediately forgotten when Jaemin motions for the both of you to round the corner of the booth. Stepping inside from the back, you instantly realize it’s much too cramped to fit four people.
You’re about to excuse yourselves to go stand outside again when Jeno strides past, just a little too close for comfort. Taking a step back to move completely out of his way, you make a fatal miscalculation: Chenle’s right behind you. With a thud your back crashes into his stomach, and the awkwardness is more than just palpable.
Throughout the next few minutes you look for every opportunity to step away from him and escape the mutual discomfort of your current position, but business at the concessions stand picks up and both of the boys are constantly rushing back and forth, leaving you no room to do so. It’s not a physical discomfort, not in the slightest, but more so one where your self-consciousness is heightened, and you’re aware that it looks like something a couple would do, the way a couple would stand. In any other moment, perhaps a more private one, you might not have minded the proximity so much, but the public setting you’re in creates the need that you feel to visibly reject the non-existent distance between you and him.
Chenle could get used to how perfectly you two seem to fit together in what’s almost a back hug, with the way he could oh so easily wrap his arms around you from behind. Just not here, not now. Would it be too much, he thinks, for him to place a gentle hand on your shoulder as you both wait for the chance to separate from each other? He decides the answer is no, and as you both endure constant gusts of air each time Jaemin and Jeno pass you, Chenle holds you, grip light on the space between your arm and neck that’s covered in the cotton material of your jacket. His touch eases your nerves about the situation, for which you’re beyond thankful.
While you wait, your eyes find themselves lingering on the customers that shuffle through the line, some young, some old, tall or short. The scrumptious scents wafting within the booth begin to overwhelm your noses after some time, the pungent aroma of apples and spiced cinnamon becoming almost too much to bear for your sense of smell.
As expected, by the time you actually notice there’s finally enough space for you to step away from each other, you’ve already gotten comfortable where you are. The delayed response to this makes Jeno chuckle under his breath, handing a final box of pumpkin pie to an older couple over the counter of the concessions stand.
Glancing down at his watch, Chenle notes how much time has flown by since you arrived at the festival. He also realizes it’s nearly time for his shift at the horse stables, uttering a quick explanation to you and then the other two boys in the booth.
Exchanging brief farewells, you follow Chenle outside and down a thin path to a more secluded area of the festival grounds, out by the field where hayrides are given. On the way, you pass by the corn maze and the games area. The boys manning the attractions both look as if they’re part of the same group of volunteers that Chenle has introduced you to so far, if you had to guess.
Your assumption is confirmed when he waves at the first one, who’s standing beside a small group of children playing bean bag toss. Scanning the area for any supervisors that could scold him for running off for a minute, he darts over to the two of you.
It’s refreshing that he doesn’t inspect you from head to toe with his gaze, something that had happened to you far too much today. “I’m Chenle’s neighbor,” you start before telling him your name, feeling optimistic that he won’t bug you about your connection to each other very much.
“I’m Jisung,” he responds. Then, “Chenle never brings people to the festival like this. Are you dating or something?”
Never mind.
You inwardly facepalm at his blunt statement. Chenle actually does, the smack against his forehead sounding almost painful.
“We have to get going now, Jisung. I just wanted to introduce you to each other.” Despite being frustrated with the younger’s directness, Chenle still gives him a quick side hug and a “Bye” as you walk away, presumably to stop by the corn maze briefly as you had just done with the games area.
“They never answered my question,” Jisung mumbles to himself.
“Renjun!” Chenle calls, hoping this encounter will go more smoothly than the last. Surprisingly enough, it does. The boy extends a hand out for you to shake with a kind smile, not asking any questions about your relationship with Chenle. You’re extremely grateful that he accepts your status as his neighbor and nothing more.
Only when you’re turned away, gazing into the distance at the hustle and bustle of the event does he pat Chenle firmly on the back, exaggerating a wink and whispering a “Go get ‘em, tiger” into his ear. Chenle scowls at Renjun, groaning about being teased the entire day just for bringing someone to the festival with him.
“Alright, alright, I’ll leave you alone.” Renjun starts to back off, but he simply can’t help himself. The next words that spill from his lips will be the last, he vows in his mind. At least, for now.
“...You like them, though, don’t you?”
“Mmph,” Chenle reluctantly replies after a moment, offering a noncommittal answer.
“Don’t overlook it, okay? You never know. They might feel the same way,” he gives Chenle’s arm a quick squeeze before sending him over to you. The light tap he plants on your shoulder makes you turn around with a smile, expectantly gazing up at him. “Ready to go?”
“Yep,” he nods towards the stables, and you both wave back at Renjun as you make your way over to the large structure.
An unfamiliar man leans against one of the walls once you get there. When he sees Chenle, he straightens up and runs a hand through his brown hair, a slight smile tugging at his lips.
The man steps aside from his spot on the wall to reveal a shelf full of animal care items, from cleaning supplies to heavy bags of feed and dry bundles of straw for the ground inside the stalls. “You know what to do,” he nods at the boy while eyeing you carefully at the same time.
Chenle manages to read his mind surprisingly fast, and he jumps to defend your presence. “They’re with me,” he clarifies.
“But you know the rules, Chenle.”
“Just this once, Taeyong! Pleeease?”
Unable to resist the puppy-like expression on his face, Chenle’s supervisor finally caves. That, combined with the way your face fell when he threatened to send you away in a nonverbal manner is enough to make Taeyong change his mind. A minuscule inkling inside of his brain tells him that you’re okay to be by Chenle’s side as he does his job, even if it might mean that he’ll get distracted at times.
“I suppose they can stay.”
“Yes! Thanks, Taeyong!”
“Wait a minute, what’s that on your face?”
Chenle brings a hand up because he’s genuinely forgotten, but when his fingertips brush the cheap plastic sticker on his cheek he remembers how it got there. “Oh, it’s... uh.” He looks to you for help.
“I did that,” you explain with an embarrassed laugh. “We were joking around and I stuck it on his face.”
“Oh, okay, just making sure you know it’s there.”
Some friends he has, Chenle gripes internally. They didn’t even bother to point it out. What if it had been something else?
Luckily, he doesn’t mind the cute sticker, even if it does make him blush like a fool when he thinks about your cute hands pressing it onto his skin.
As Taeyong passes him on his way out of the stable doors, he pinches one of his rounded cheeks, leaving the younger boy cringing in the process.
Time passes somewhat slowly as you watch Chenle go about doing his tasks, first taking one small handful of the horse’s food at a time and feeding it to her, steadily depleting her evening meal little by little. Then he grabs a broom and steps into the stall to sweep some of her bedding.
“What’s her name?” You ask him after a while, the simplicity of his actions creating a calming effect on you as you observe them. You only know it’s a female because you had heard him mutter “Good girl” to the horse rather affectionately a few minutes earlier.
“Nutmeg.”
“That’s cute,” you reply.
The silence feels heavy, begging you to face what you’ve both left unsaid throughout the day. It’s the first time you’ve really been alone together since you got here. But you’re both too scared to bring up the countless assumptions made by his friends over and over again during the time you’ve spent together that you’re dating, fearing that the conversation, supposed to be a joking one, would inevitably progress into something much deeper.
“I’ve had fun today.”
He says it out of nowhere, making both your body and your heart jump a little.
“Me too.” He peeks his head out from the stall to smile at you, your response tinging the tips of his ears red.
A few minutes go by as you fall into a light dialogue, talking about anything and everything you can think of, getting to know each other more. As he’s finishing up, you finally stand from where you’ve been seated for the past 45 minutes, walking leisurely over to the shelf of supplies, which just so happens to be next to the stall door.
All of a sudden Nutmeg hears something that spooks her, and you don’t realize that she starts to charge towards the closed pair of wooden panels you’re currently right beside.
It’s an instant in which Chenle’s clumsiness from earlier in the day threatens to come back in a much more severe form if he doesn’t do something. Senses more alert than yours for whatever reason, he takes action without hesitation, and time seems to slow before his eyes as he does so.
Swiftly moving you out of the way of the split stall door less than a second before it swings open from the force of the horse’s strong neck, Chenle pulls you to him. His arms dart out to catch you tightly by the waist while he turns both of your bodies around, ensuring that he’s the one closest to the enclosure. His reasoning? If he doesn’t take you out of harm’s way fast enough, at least he’ll be the one that feels the impact, not you.
As you’re being held flush against his chest, your mind races to process just how you got into this position. But your heart presses pause on the gears of your brain, and allows you to just enjoy the close intimacy of the moment.
Chenle knows he should do something, say something, but all he can think of is to stay just like this. Your head is turned to the side, an ear pressed to his sternum and in the perfect spot to hear his heartbeat. Its not-so-steady thump matches your own, sounding much like the uneven rhythm that a young child might play on a drum set, striking the instrument with force and conviction and unwavering confidence.
If only you could confront your feelings for him in the same way.
Both thanking him and apologizing profusely for your lack of awareness, you move to take a tiny step back and away from the snug hold of his arms. Only, you find that you can’t. Chenle’s still holding your waist, oblivious to the fact that he’s been clutching you closely for the past thirty seconds in preparation for a moment that lasted less than one.
“You... you can let go of me now, Chenle,” you say apprehensively, a half smile on your lips as you attempt to look him in the eye without being overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him right then and there.
“Ah, right. My bad.”
Chenle’s not usually this bold when it comes to the physicality of a relationship, romantic or not. But he can’t help it that there seems to be an invisible gravitational force surrounding you, just begging for him to reach out and lay a tender hand on the small of your back. Compelling him to tangle your fingers together like a mess of yarn, with the ends fraying and coming undone but at the same time holding each other up, keeping each other from falling apart. Giving one another something to hold on to in the most unlikely of situations.
With only a few minutes left to spare in his shift, he tells you to wait outside while he packs all of the supplies up for the night. Once everything is back in its proper place, Chenle is just about to step outside through the swinging wooden doors of the stables when a small noise from the caramel-colored horse stops him in his tracks. Turning around, he carefully approaches the animal with an outstretched arm, stroking her shiny mane once he’s close enough.
“What am I going to do, Nutmeg?” The conversation is a futile one, he knows, but it proves to be therapeutic for his conscience. She nuzzles his hand with her snout as he leans onto the wall, lost in thought.
“Should I tell them how I feel?” Her large dark eyes peer back at him, and as silly as it sounds, Chenle gets the sense that she actually understands, despite her inability to respond with comprehensible words.
“I’ll do it, then. Not tonight, but soon. Before autumn ends,” he vows, making a promise to himself and his heart all at once.
Nutmeg lets out a small whinny as if to express her approval. Smiling at the animal’s nonverbal reassurance, he opens the door to step out into the chilly fall night, strides a little lighter and head held higher than usual.
As the small clock tower set up in the middle of the festival grounds tolls seven times, loud clangs disrupting the low and indistinct chatter of the evening, you and Chenle return to the same bench you sat on that afternoon, eyes heavy and feet tired by now.
“Your shift is over now, right?”
“Yeah,” he affirms. “Ready to go home?”
“Definitely.”
The festival has mostly cleared out, which is surprising for the time of night that it currently is. The lack of all the hustle and bustle around you makes it significantly easier to navigate the paths extending in nearly every direction across the grounds.
On your way to the exit of the festival, the same autumn-themed archway you ducked under several hours ago, you pass a few of the boys you met during the day, offering a small wave goodbye to them.
The roads are quiet as you and Chenle walk next to each other on the paved sidewalk, the streetlights placed at every small intersection between the tightly-knit suburban roads providing the only source of illumination. With no one around to hear his shaky voice, he turns to you and stutters out, “I know I didn’t ask for your permission to do this earlier, but may I hold your hand?”
You let him, but not without a bashful scratch to the back of your neck and a mumbled answer of “Sure” directed his way.
Like two schoolchildren with the biggest and most obvious crushes on each other, there’s a skip in both of your steps as you walk the rest of the way home. Insisting on staying outside of your house until he sees the light in your bedroom window turn on, Chenle bids you a sweet goodnight with a lingering hug and a small kiss to the top of your head that he mistakenly thinks you don’t notice.
That night you fall asleep with a smile on your face, visions of pumpkins dancing through your mind and the small one that you bought resting on your nightstand beside you.
It’s the first thing you see when you wake up the next morning, and you reach out to take the small item in your palm. You’re convinced that you can still feel the warmth of Chenle’s hands cradling it as he placed it on the scale, recording the measurement before he gave the miniature pumpkin to Mark, who told you how much it cost. You were so eager to accept the small tote bag Chenle was extending out to you that you didn’t even bother asking for your change back, shoving the money into Mark’s hand and insisting that he keep it.
Your eyes land on the same bag, sitting in the corner of your room, and it makes your face break out into a bright grin. Not even bothered by how early you’ve woken up, you bound down the stairs for breakfast, the most excited for the day ahead you can ever remember being.
You spend the next couple of weeks visiting Chenle during his shifts at the festival, sometimes staying late enough for him to walk you home like he did that first day. With each time he sees you, he warms up to your presence, becoming more like his usual witty and hardly-ever-flustered self. Oddly enough you start to act less and less like a couple, which doesn’t go unnoticed by his friends. The incessant blushing is gradually replaced by sarcastic banter with one another. You don’t know anyone who makes you laugh like Chenle does.
“Hey,” he pipes up one afternoon as you’re watching him organize some pumpkins. “What if I dyed my hair this color?” Chenle points to one that’s a particularly vivid shade of orange, raising his eyebrows as you think of a reply.
“Then you’d look like a pumpkin,” you hum in response.
He chuckles. “Is that supposed to be a bad thing?“
You shake your head. “Not necessarily. Are you really going to dye it, though?”
“Probably not.”
“As you wish, pumpkin.”
He whirls around, nearly dropping the stack of gourds in his hands. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me... pumpkin,” you smirk after repeating the new nickname, and it puts an impossibly cute pout on his face.
“Don’t call me that!”
You jokingly ruffle his hair, and Chenle’s small smile betrays his annoyed facade as he realizes he could get used to hearing the word roll off your tongue, not to mention you addressing him with it.
It’s the week of Halloween when the six boys that volunteer with Chenle at the festival meet up to create a plan that will, ideally, end with both of you confessing your feelings. All but one of them, which happens to be Mark, excitedly discuss possible ways to set you two up. Should they send you on a private hayride somehow? Or maybe they could get you to try out the corn maze together, and hopefully you would struggle with finding your way out long enough to express your mutual crushes on each other.
“I don’t know about this, guys. I still think we should just let them figure it out on their own.”
“You’re no fun, Mark,” Donghyuck chastises. The eldest shrugs, an expression of resignation on his face. At least he tried.
Finally, they decide on having both of you move between each of their respective areas or booths around the festival, dropping as many hints to you about the other’s infatuation as possible. First you’ll start the evening off by navigating through the corn maze, which they realize is impossible for you to get lost in since Chenle had to memorize the map of it. So much for their earlier plan.
After that, Renjun will usher you off towards Jisung’s station, the game area. Conveniently, he’ll suggest you play the balloon dart toss together, but there’s going to be a catch: one of you has to carry the other in their arms while they throw them. They laugh a little at how flustered they imagine you’ll get.
Next, Mark and Donghyuck will help you pick out the best pumpkin to carve for the upcoming holiday. You’ll start to pick it up, but Chenle will insist on holding it instead. If you had heard this, you would be fuming. Who says you’re not strong enough to carry a pumpkin on your own? You’ll show them.
To end the night, Jaemin and Jeno will “accidentally” only give you one stick of cotton candy, forcing you to share. By that time, they hope you’ll be perceptive enough to finally see that the attraction is mutual, diminishing the fear of rejection in both of your minds.
Not so surprisingly, nothing would go as planned.
The boys put their little scheme into action on the night of October 30th. Chenle is actually finished with his days of volunteering at this point, and even though he could stay home after working many long hours over the past few weeks, he opts to visit the festival as a guest this evening, with you by his side.
He picks you up outside of your house, waiting on the sidewalk right next to the same lamp post that the flyer for the festival was taped to, also known as the entire reason why you’re in this situation in the first place. If you hadn’t taken the time to read those words on the purple-colored page, you honestly don’t know where you’d be right now.
Dressed in your favorite and coziest autumn outfit, you practically fly down the stairs of your front porch to greet him. Like you’ve gotten used to doing by now, he holds your hand in his as you walk, taking the same route you always do.
Chenle’s heart beats a little faster when he sees your eyes light up at the sight of the festival in the distance. For the first time, you’ll both be able to enjoy the event together without being bombarded by constant requests to help with various tasks throughout the night. Or so you thought.
From the moment you step foot inside the grounds, Jisung is already standing at the entrance and hurriedly directing you to the corn maze. Confused but obedient nonetheless, you both head towards where his finger is pointing.
Chenle knows something is up as soon as he sees a familiar mischievous twinkle in Renjun’s dark eyes. “You go ahead, I’ll catch up,” he tells you.
“Chenle, it’s a maze. I don’t think they work like that.” He ignores your playful sarcasm.
Speaking in the quietest voice he can muster, which is quite a feat for him, Chenle leans in close to whisper harshly in the older boy’s ear. “What are you trying to pull?”
At a volume level that’s loud enough for you to hear, Renjun replies, “The others and I thought it would be fun to plan out your evening a little! So first we want you to start here, at the corn maze.”
“Aw, really? That sounds like fun!” Oblivious to the group’s true motives, you endorse their plan with your words. “Better get started,” Renjun winks. As you turn to make your way in between the tall rows of vegetables, he roughly yanks Chenle backward to quietly say, “There isn’t a more perfect time to confess to them, I mean, a romantic autumn night at the festival? Make a move already,” he encourages.
Glowering back at him, Chenle reluctantly follows you into the maze.
Only 15 minutes later you emerge from the corn stalks, the boys’ scheme momentarily forgotten. It quickly comes to mind again when you find Jisung waiting outside for you for the second time that night. One time too many, in Chenle’s opinion.
Not missing a beat, the younger of the two boys leads you both over to the area he’s assigned to. The wall of colorful balloons catches your attention immediately. “Let’s play this one!” You exclaim as you tug on his sleeve like a little kid. Delighted with your choice, Jisung quickly explains the rules, but the twist he adds to them goes right over your head. In fact, you’re the one that offers to carry Chenle first. Neither of your faces turn pink with embarrassed blushes.
You don’t even bat an eyelash as you carry the pumpkin that you picked out together in your arms, much to Donghyuck’s dismay. Mark just stands to the side, amused at their attempts to artificially force confessions out of you. The singular stick of cotton candy that Jaemin hands to you over the counter of the concessions stand fails to phase either of you whatsoever, and you end up just pinching off small pieces from the sticky sweet dessert with your hands. Jeno points out your simple solution to the boy standing next to him, observing their failure. “Why didn’t we think of that?” He mumbles.
The six boys finally gather together when they collectively realize they didn’t succeed, but actually did just the opposite. Making a small circle, they start to argue and pointlessly blame one another for causing everything to go wrong. You only manage to catch a few words of their heated conversation, but something in your gut tells you that they were up to more than just creating a schedule of activities for you to follow.
Exchanging glances, you and Chenle nod at each other, about to try and quietly slip away from them. Hand in hand, you take careful steps backwards, but before you can dash away Mark catches sight of you. Thankfully, he smiles a little and puts a finger to his lips, making a “shh” sign as he waves his hand in a signal for you to hurry up.
Abandoning all of your cares, you give up on going unnoticed by the group and shamelessly scamper off in the opposite direction.
“Wait, I know that place!” You shout excitedly as you pass a small playground meant for the younger visitors to the festival. “Can we go over there?” You plead with him, but you suppose you shouldn’t call it that since he gives in to your request so easily.
The child-sized vehicle standing in the center of the play area is a familiar sight to you, and Chenle knows what you’re about to ask him before you even open your mouth. “Go ahead,” he says with a loving smile on his face as he motions to the carriage, designed to look like the very object that the entire festival itself centers around. Catching up to you, Chenle steps forward a little so that he reaches the small stairs leading up to it first.
“Your highness,” Chenle bows, crossing one foot behind the other and bending a knee. Opening the creaky door to the pumpkin carriage for you, he gestures to the inside of the oversized fruit, the graceful movement ushering you to climb inside. You bashfully tug on your striped scarf, holding the woolen material up against your cheeks as you laugh at his chivalrous display. It tickles a little, and he thinks you look even more adorable bundled up like that.
The interior is much smaller than you remember. But then again, you had been much smaller the last time you sat in this very seat.
Calling the inside of the carriage cramped is an understatement. There are two narrow benches on either side of it, the space on the floor between them barely enough to fit the legs of one occupant, much less two. Chenle struggles but eventually sits down across from you, unintentionally forcing your knees to rest in between his. The small windows on the squeaky, rusty doors do little to let in any light whatsoever. In the darkness, you can’t see the boy’s face flush at your closeness.
‘What now?’ You think to yourself, wondering if you’re brave enough in this moment to finally tell him how you feel, how much you enjoy his company, how special he’s become to you. And though you don’t know it, across from you Chenle is contemplating doing the same. He beats you to it with his next actions.
Your racing train of thought skids to an abrupt halt when you feel his hand on the lower part of your thigh, touch innocent and timid as it lingers on the soft fabric of your corduroy pants.
Eyes hurriedly adjusting to the dim space surrounding you, you feel his fingers grasp your own before you see them. At last you make eye contact with each other, gazes boring into one another and recognizing the same things, the same feelings in them. Chenle’s clutching your hand in his now, the first still resting comfortably on your thigh, and you feel the dull sensation of his legs bending inward, squeezing your knees together. His mouth opens, rounded lips parting as though to ask the question that you both already know the answer to. You bring an arm up to hold him by the shoulder, the movement in itself confirming that this is what you want as well. That he’s what you want.
Careful not to bump your heads against the low ceiling of the carriage, he leans towards you, closing the already minimal distance between your faces as he meets your lips in a kiss.
Heads tilting and eyelashes fluttering shut at the same instant, you both pour every unspoken thought, every secret glance, every loving word that never made it past your lips into the contact they currently share. The moment itself feels long overdue, like something you could have done on that first day you spent at the festival together.
It means more this way, though. The amount of time it took for this to happen gave you more time to discover and get comfortable with the way you feel about Chenle. To get comfortable with him. His presence, his humor, his personality, his touch, everything about him is something you’ve grown to depend on over these past few weeks.
Even your lips begin to depend on Chenle as they fall into place against his own, moving with a fervor you weren’t even aware you possessed.
There’s a quiet rhythm to the osculation of your lips, an airy sigh or breath from one of you breaking the silence every few seconds. In the midst of the indescribably wonderful sensation that is the kiss you’re sharing, you faintly feel his hand start to move up and down your leg, not in a provocative way but a reassuring one. His loving caresses have you leaning further into him even though there’s barely enough room to do so, making you wish for one reason and one reason alone that you were having this kiss somewhere else. Otherwise, the location is perfect.
More than a decade has passed since you were just a young child, begrudgingly posing for a photo for your parents by poking your head out through the same small window of the carriage. Since then, the orange of the paint has dulled, the once-soft carpet on the floor has become coarse from the countless shoes that have trodden over it. The wooden doors are splintered and, though never functional, the carriage’s large wheels have undoubtedly begun to show their age with the amount of dirt and dust caught in the grooves.
You’ve made many memories in this place, but the one you’re making today is sure to be unforgettable.
Chenle would give anything to be able to hold you right now, to maybe bring you onto his lap in a tender embrace as he shows you just how fast and how hard he’s fallen for you. Not that volunteering at the festival was a bad thing at all, but you made it so much more bearable, so much more fun. The thought of spending another perfect day with you was more than enough to get him out of bed every morning.
He compromises for the restrictions that the enclosed space places on your movements by untangling his fingers from yours, choosing to cup your cheek with them instead. You’re a little disappointed when his hand lifts from its place on your thigh, anxiousness bubbling up in your gut as you anticipate where he’s going to place it next.
It’s safe to say you just about melt when you feel his palm come up to delicately cradle one side of your chin, thumb darting out to glide along the skin that’s just below your bottom lip. Arching into him, you make the most of the little room you have left to pull him closer.
It’s then that your lungs finally catch up to both of you, sending simultaneous signals telling you to breathe. Granted, Chenle’s kisses feel like all the oxygen you’ll ever need anyway.
Reluctantly leaning away, your chests heave with muted but sharp gasps. A pang of worry hits you when he doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, doesn’t say anything. His mouth has fallen open, eyes wide with just as much anticipation as you feel. Taking what feels like the biggest breath in your life, you pray your voice doesn’t tremble as you speak for the first time since you clambered into the dark, cozy carriage.
“I really like you, Chenle.”
The relief that washes over you when he responds is unlike any you’ve ever felt before.
“I like you, too.”
But he’s not done.
“...A lot, in case you hadn’t noticed.” The extra detail makes you giggle, smiling shyly at anything that isn’t him.
He goes to lean in again when you stop him. “Wait, wait, can we at least get out of here first? I want to do this properly.”
You scoot sideways after he nods in agreement, far enough for him to open the door and step down from the elevated imitation of a pumpkin. He extends a hand up to you once he’s on solid ground again, and you take it. His face breaks into that signature bubbly grin of his that’s more contagious than you’d like to admit.
Joining him on the grassy surface, you dramatically stretch your arms out in front of you, waiting for him to reciprocate the hug you’re implicitly requesting.
The impish twinkle in his eye you know so well appears with his next words. “Can I pick you up?”
“You’ll drop me!” You retort, scoffing.
“Aw, c’mon! No I won’t,” he pouts. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Do I?”
“Yes, you do.”
Strong arms envelop your form as he lifts you into the air, only to pull you tightly against his torso. Not even the world’s fluffiest blanket can compare to the fleecy warm softness of the plaid shirt and sweater vest he’s wearing.
The enamored smile on Chenle’s face is the kind that would have made you weak in the knees if you were standing. Forgetting that you’re no longer shielded from the world by the carriage’s privacy, he presses your foreheads together and cutely nuzzles your nose with his own.
Framing his sharp jawline with both of your hands, you lean in to share a second kiss with the boy you wish you had gotten to know sooner. It’s no use wondering about what could have been, however, so for now you decide to focus on only this moment, only these lips, only Chenle. The way he smiles into the kiss has you reeling with affection.
Not even the distant cheers that just barely reach your eardrums can tear you away from each other.
When you feel as though the kiss has conveyed all you want and need to say to one another, Chenle begins to mumble against your lips. In a voice low enough for only you to hear, he says, “We’re going to have to face them sooner or later, you know.”
“How about never?” You reply, grumbling.
“Just follow my lead, okay? I’m used to their teasing,” he comforts.
“If you say so...”
Breaking out of the kiss-induced daze, you both look over to where the six boys stand, clapping and pumping their fists in the air in celebration with one another.
One of them, probably Renjun, you can’t quite tell, cups his hands around his mouth in preparation for the shout that leaves it not even a second later.
“It’s about damn time!”
“I told you guys if we just left them alone they’d figure it out themselves!” Mark adds triumphantly.
Apparently more than one kiss is one too many for his friends to see, and enough to make the small group turn away, yelling for you to “get a room” at the top of their lungs. You feel Chenle smirk against your lips at their repulsed reactions.
“Serves them right.”
You agree.
You’ve never had someone to spend Halloween night with before, and boy does this stress Chenle out to no end. He wants everything to be perfect, wants to do everything that a couple should do on such a holiday. “It’s really not a big deal, Chenle,” you insist sympathetically as he paces your living room floor, currently obsessing over what costumes you should wear.
“But... it’s you, and you’re a big deal. A big deal to me. I just want to make you happy.”
“Nothing could make me happier than being able to call you mine,” you proclaim proudly, enjoying the way his face practically turns into a tomato when what you’ve just said registers in his brain. “Stop it,” he stutters, lowering his head to stare at the carpet under his feet. You just giggle.
The excitement of the night is unlike any other. Your neighborhood’s streets are full of mostly children, but some adults and grandparents too, all taking part in the festivities. Going from doorstep to doorstep, you chant the famous three-word phrase at each house, assuring anyone who answers the door that you’re never too old to trick or treat if they ask. You get lots of compliments on your matching costumes: Chenle’s dressed as Sully and you’re Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. The soft fur on his outfit makes it extremely difficult for you to hold yourself back from hugging him any chance you get.
With your bags full of enough candy to last you two months at least, you return home for the night, this time crashing at his place. Despite the fact that it’s already getting late, both of you quickly change into some more comfortable clothes before settling in on his couch for a Halloween movie marathon.
“How about...” Chenle scrolls through the large selection of films on the screen. “The Nightmare Before Christmas?”
“No!” You cry out abruptly, lightly pounding against his chest with one of your fists before returning it to its original position around his waist.
Looking down at you, currently curled up in his lap with your other arm thrown rather lazily over his sturdy shoulders and your side pressing into his torso, he asks, “Why not?”
In a small voice, you respond. “It... gave me nightmares when I was little.”
“Really? A Disney movie?”
“Yes, now can we please stop talking about it and pick something else?”
“Aw, are you scared?”
“Shut up!” You whine shyly, burying your face as far as it would go into the thin fabric of his loose white t-shirt.
“Hey,” he hushes you, “I’m not making fun of you, baby. It’s okay... I’ve got you.”
Chenle swears he feels the warmth of your blush against his shoulder, generated by his unusual use of that particular term of endearment.
He runs a reassuring palm along one of your arms down to your hand. Effortlessly he winds each of his fingers around yours, like piecing together the most delicate of puzzles, and you remember how this action would have flustered both of you beyond belief mere weeks before. It’s become so simple, so instinctive a movement, saying everything you need to know without even the slightest whisper of a word in the air.
Rubbing small circles into the skin on the back of your neck with his other hand, he holds you close, the harsh light from the television illuminating your form as it clings to his.
You eventually decide on an actual horror movie that leaves you muffling your shrieks with a pillow, but Chenle just laughs with a pitch so high that it reminds you of a certain marine mammal. You scold him by giving his shoulder a whack. “Shh, Chenle! You’re going to wake the whole neighborhood up!”
“Hey, you were screaming too!”
“That’s not screaming, that’s called laughing, you dummy.”
Hours later, Chenle’s arm hangs limply down into the large bowl of treats you’ve been sharing. The soft snores next to your ear tell you that he’s fallen asleep. His family finds you two knocked out cold the next morning, covered in fuzzy blankets and colorful candy wrappers strewn about the sofa.
Indeed, this would be a Halloween to remember, and you hope to spend many more together in the future. With Chenle in your arms right now, there’s no place in this world that you would rather be. And it’s all thanks to a flimsy piece of paper on a lamp post.
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intomymindspace · 3 years
Text
Just One Day ✰ Ushijima Wakatoshi
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Just One Day by BTS
ushijima wakatoshi x gn!reader
Through the Summer and the Fall // Haikyuu!! Songfic Series
a/n: hi everyone, I'm sorry for falling off the map for a bit. I was feeling really just overwhelmed and burnt out, but also disheartened because of my fics not showing up in tags and stuff. oh well. I also started another semester of college... and on the first day, I found out that my ex had cheated on me 🤡 n e ways,,,, this fic is heavily influenced by that. thank you for reading my stuff and sticking with me. I just wanna be loved sometimes, yanno?
Word Count: almost 5k?
Warnings: none, just Oikawa mentioned as being a bad ex bf for unknown reasons. this is also probably unedited, so I am so sorry if there are any mistakes
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If I have just one day I'd like to fall asleep with your scent If I have time on a tight schedule I'd like to soak myself in your warm, deep eyes
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he would take you to Tsutsujigaoka Park. He would hope it was near the end of March, so he could take you for a walk while the cherry and plum blossom trees were blooming. Regardless of the season, he would make sure to prepare a blanket and two bentos, and maybe even a sketchbook or two. The two of you would talk, and walk in a comfortable silence as you viewed the nature around. If any food stalls were open, Wakatoshi would make sure to bring extra pocket money to buy you something you wanted. His hand would completely engulf yours if he held it, and as he walked you back to your dorm room, he would even dare to ask permission to kiss you.
Tendou watched his best friend fondly, smiling as he recognized the faraway look in Wakatoshi's eyes. The ace was thinking about you. Tendou saw this look quite often, whenever Wakatoshi needed to calm down during a match, when he needed a break from studying, and even when you visited to coordinate cheers for upcoming matches. The olive-haired boy had never said anything about you, but this was one thing that Tendou was always able to read.
As the cheer captain of Shiratorizawa, it had always been a little tough for you. While coming up with cheers and leading the school to rally during games was easy, being in a relationship with Oikawa Tooru was the unsolvable variable in that equation. Wakatoshi had only wished the best for the both of you, as much as he pined from afar. You were happy, right? Did Oikawa make you happy?
There were many times where he had seen your puffy eyes, your cheeks rubbed raw, your voice not as loud as usual. It was never his business to ask - you were his rival's partner after all (or recent ex-parter, he had later discovered), and he was sure that Oikawa had given you a nasty impression of the ace.
He wondered if he could still have you, even if it was just for one day. Wakatoshi knew better, however. He knew the last thing you wanted was another man in your life. You didn't need someone who always reminded you of the boy who never prioritized you, who never shut down his fangirls and always left you insecure. Wakatoshi always felt guilty, even though he knew it was for no reason. Maybe if he had built up the courage to talk to you during first year homeroom, things would be different.
Even if it was for just one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi could've taken care of you. He could've balanced his priorities, appreciated your support, and crushed your insecurities. He could've been everything Oikawa wasn't. Wakatoshi was not a man of many words, but he knew the ones he could have spoken would have counted for something. He was never a man of empty promises, empty ambitions, and empty dreams. As the buzzer went off, Wakatoshi was brought back to the reality of the current game.
It was a shame, he thought, that Karasuno had beaten Aoba Johsai. He would've liked to put Oikawa in his place one last time.
As he stood back up with the rest of his team, he made his way over to the edge of the court. He breathed in and out, hearing your voice ring loud and clear. Your voice parted the crowd, and his heart couldn't help but flutter.
"Ushijima! Ushijima!"
You were cheering for him after all, right?
He bounced the ball, hitting it against the ground to make sure it felt right. As he heard the referee blow the whistle, he thought about what your face would look like when he served. Would you be ecstatic? Would your eyes widen in shock? Would he scare you, as he does so many others?
As the volleyball slammed into Karasuno's court, the crowd went wild. Wakatoshi glanced into the bleachers, already knowing where you were standing. The look of awe on your face was evident, Wakatoshi thought. He would certainly make the next serve if it meant seeing you smile again - even if it was for just one day.
Your voice when you call my name I want to be sunk with that voice and swim I want to know you more I am an adventurer who explores an unknown forest called "you"
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he would take you to the Sendai Uminomori Aquarium. He would stare at you under the black lights as you admired the jellyfish, floating in their tanks, their tendrils extending and waving to say hello. He’d catch himself in the reflection of the glass, his lips in a rare, soft smile as he’d watch you press your hands gently against the divider. He could imagine the look on your face - would you smile at him the way you used to smile for Oikawa? Would you finally have the sparkle in your eyes that had left? Wakatoshi hated that he would compare himself to the setter... but how could he not?  
Would you enjoy the opposite of Oikawa?
He pondered this as he sat during the graduation ceremony. You were sitting a few rows up with your class, and he was placed next to Tendou, Semi on the opposite side of the red-haired blocker.
The chances of him ever seeing you again were very low. He would be playing with the Japan National under-19 volleyball team until his birthday, and from then he’d be trying out for the division one teams. Wakatoshi wasn’t sure what you would be doing - Tendou had told him that you had mentioned you’d be going to Tohoku University.
Wakatoshi’s biggest regret was never talking to you. He knew he had a multitude of opportunities, whether it be communicating on cheers, or simply just joining in on the conversations you’d have with Tendou and Yamagata. He knew it wasn’t his place, to try to replace the remnants of Oikawa in your heart with himself. But he would make sure that his last day with you wouldn’t be for nothing.
He found himself being dragged into pictures upon pictures - not that he minded, of course. He would make sure to ask for copies to keep as memories. He would need them for the documentary Tendou insisted he’d have. He couldn’t help but look at the smile on your face as you held up peace signs with Goshiki and Shirabu. You had gotten closer to the team during your third year, something Wakatoshi was forever thankful for. Tendou smiled, gently nudging the ace.
“Wakatoshi-kun, won’t you say something?” His olive eyes met Tendou’s crimson ones. Most would take Wakatoshi’s silence as indifference, but Tendou of all people knew better than that.
“Ah, you already have something in mind, don’t you?” Wakatoshi nodded.
“Will you go through with it?”
“Yes. I think I will.”
You had been comforting Goshiki through his tears and sniffles, promising to keep in contact with your precious kouhai. Once again, a rare, small smile curled Wakatoshi’s lips. You were still so caring, even when you’d been treated badly.
“May I speak with you for a moment?” You seemed surprised by Wakatoshi’s inquiry, but nodded nevertheless. Giving Goshiki one last pat on the head, you followed Wakatoshi as he lead you away from his and your teammates.
“What was it that you wanted, Ushijima-san?” Wakatoshi took the time to memorize the way your hair was lightly rustled by the breeze.
“Hold on, wait!” Tendou jogged up to the two of you, camera in hand. “Gotta take a photo of our two favorite captains!”
You leaned into Wakatoshi, your diploma in one hand and a peace sign in the other. Your smile was radiant, and Wakatoshi gingerly wrapped a loose arm around your shoulders. He didn’t even realize Tendou had counted down the seconds until the flash appeared, for he was too focused on looking down at your shining face. His best friend left as quickly as he appeared, shouting promises to send copies later. You turned back around, an expectant look on your face. Wakatoshi’s heart was fluttering in his chest, but his mind felt an odd sense of calm.
“We do not have military style uniforms, but I understand that it is common for boys to give the our second button to the one we cherish most.” He paid attention to every detail he could - the way your breath hitched in your chest, the flush in your cheeks, and your wide eyes. Without much effort, he ripped the second button off his suit jacket and presented it to you.
“Will you please accept it?”
Wakatoshi couldn’t help but wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. Even if it was for just one day, he was glad to see you one last time.
I appreciate a masterpiece, "you" Because your existence is an art Every day I imagine like this all night long Because you are nothing more than just a dream to me
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he’d take you to Universal Hollywood. He was never one for thrill rides, but Wakatoshi wouldn’t mind riding on the Hulk if it meant holding your hand as you screamed for your dear life. He would make sure to treated you to a nice, iced butterbeer and matching Harry Potter gear. Granted, he also wasn’t much of a fan, but he would be more than willing for you. He’d stand with you in the shade as the two of you sipped on the cold drink, the bustling life of Diagonal Alley creating the illusion of escapism. He’d remember to post a picture or two for Instagram, since Tendou always bugged him about starting a public social media.
Did Oikawa ever post photos of the two of you? Wakatoshi wondered if the setter had ever cared to do so. It had been nearly two years since he had gifted the button on his uniform to you - and he often found himself going back into his camera roll to find the photo Tendou took after graduation.
You had accepted it with a blushing face, not knowing what to say. Wakatoshi didn’t need an answer from you. He was more than content with the thought of you. He hoped you were doing well in college.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Wakatoshi heard a familiar voice say. The ace turned around to find Iwaizumi, Oikawa’s ace, standing in front of his very eyes.
“Iwaizumi-san, it is good to see you again.”
“Same goes to you, Ushijima-san. What are you doing here?” Ah, Wakatoshi thought, he must be referring to why I’m in this unbearable heat.
“My father is holding a training camp on campus, and invited me to attend before division one tryouts.” Iwaizumi’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You’re Utsui-san’s son?” Wakatoshi nodded.
“What are you here for?”
“I’m majoring sports science, and well, I was kinda hoping to meet your father while studying abroad to see if I could intern with him after graduating.” Wakatoshi nodded politely.
“I am on my way to see him right now. I would not mind introducing you to him, I am sure he would be more than willing to speak with you.” Iwaizumi thanked him profusely, falling in step beside his previous opponent as Wakatoshi began walking again.
"What teams are you hoping to tryout for?" Iwaizumi asked.
"I would like to play for the Schweiden Adlers."
"Ah, I'm sure they'll want you. Any division one team is probably dying for you to choose them."
"Thank you. Are you not pursuing volleyball?" Iwaizumi shook his head.
"Nah. I love the sport, but I think I'd rather train or coach players." Wakatoshi nodded.
"Though, Stupidkawa still is, obviously. He's been in Argentina for a while now." Iwaizumi noticed the slight furrowing in Wakatoshi's eyebrows, his face seeming forever etched into a frown, and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Sorry from bringing him up like that." Wakatoshi merely brought his hand up to wave away Iwaizumi's worries.
"What's funny is I actually go to college with his ex - they were at Shiratorizawa with you, right?" Wakatoshi couldn't help the way his eyes widened at Iwaizumi's mention of you.
"I have not spoken to them in a while. How are they?" He asked, keeping his olive eyes in front of him. Iwaizumi only smiled.
"We've actually gotten pretty close. I wound up in a bio lab with them in our first semester, and it turns out they're majoring in nutritional sciences."
"Is that so? How does Oikawa feel about that?" The brunette beside him knew better. After all, the two of you had become close friends. You had told him about Wakatoshi's confession.
"Shittykawa is pouty as always. He knows what he did wrong, though, so he doesn't complain." Iwaizumi looked up at Wakatoshi. "He's actually thinking of trying things again the next time he visits Japan." Wakatoshi tried his best to hide the disdain in his reply. Surely, you wouldn't want to retry being in a relationship with the setter, right?
"I did not think he would have the time." To Wakatoshi's surprise, Iwaizumi barked out a laugh.
"I don't think they'll accept any of his new advances. They've been focused on themselves and getting their degree for the most part." Wakatoshi wanted to ask what the ace meant by 'for the most part,' but his lips remained shut.
"That is good to hear." Iwaizumi smirked.
"I'm sure it is, Ushijima-san. After all, they did keep your button."
Maybe, Wakatoshi thought, just one day was not enough.
If I can be with you just one day If I can hold your hands just one day If I can be with you just one day Just one day If you and I can be together just one day
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he would make sure you had his undivided attention. He was fairly good at time management - knew when to start tasks, and he knew when to stop them. He could easily devote time for you while still being a pro-volleyball player. He would spend the day doing whatever you would want - whether it be going shopping (and holding your bags), taking a hike (he would pack extra snacks just for you), or simply staying in for a day of relaxation (he'd even make you your favorite dish, but Wakatoshi wouldn't be able to guarantee how good it would end up tasting). He'd make sure you felt loved and cared for, returning the same affection and effort that you gave to him.
He had been playing for the Adlers for almost a year now, the newest addition being Kageyama Tobio. Oikawa's disciple, he used to call the black-haired setter. To be honest, he quite liked Kageyama. Wakatoshi was just surprised that the orange-haired crow didn't follow him.
As Wakatoshi took his duffle bag and clothes from his locker, he found himself staring at some of the photographs he had printed out and taped to the inside of his locker. There was one of the Shiratorizawa team, used as a roster in his third year. He looked the just the same, in his opinion. The next one was of him and Tendou at the airport. The redhead had shaved his long locks, but the delighted look in his eyes was still present. Wakatoshi would make sure to call him on Friday, just like they did every week. They were best friends, after all.
The last photo was the one Tendou had snapped the day of graduation. Wakatoshi found himself always looking at it. The smile on your face would ground him before practice, before games. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could still hear your cheers in the stands. He would open his eyes, serve, and think of the same smile he always sought out in the crowd.
Wakatoshi had always wondered how you were doing - he thought about you everyday. He knew he could easily give into Tendou and Hoshiumi's pleas for him to create at least a Facebook page, or ask Iwaizumi for your number. But, it wasn't as simple as that, at least in his mind. You wouldn't want him anyways, would you? Not when Oikawa still seemed like such a big wall, at least in his mind.
He could still remember that day like the back of his left hand. He still remembered the way you smiled as you hugged Goshiki through his tears, and he still remembered the look in your eyes when he asked if you would accept his affections, without a need for them to ever be returned?
Wakatoshi questioned why he limited himself to being with you for just one day. Was he being patient, waiting for a day that would never come? Why was it that he convinced himself that the only way he'd ever see you again was when he dreamed?
"Ushijima-san?" It was Kageyama that pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Yes?" The setter merely frowned, holding his phone out for Wakatoshi to look at the screen.
"TOBIO-KUN!!!" It was a text from Hinata Shouyou. "LOOK WHO I FOUND IN RIO!!!" Below it was a picture of Hinata, his tongue out, the Rio sun setting behind him. Next to him was no one other that Oikawa Tooru, his tongue out as well. Wakatoshi's eyebrows furrowed immensely, his lips frowning.
"TOORU-KUN SAYS HI!!!" The situation alone was already jarring enough. Wakatoshi looked back up at Kageyama, to find the same look on the setter's face. Was Oikawa taunting him? Had Oikawa visited Japan before Rio? Had he bothered you? Wakatoshi had assumed that you still lived in Miyagi - you were almost done with your degree, if he counted the years correctly. What would you do after you graduated? Would you go back to Oikawa? Forgive him for all the things he had done? Or, would you find someone else? Would you move on (or, had you already moved on? Wakatoshi wondered this frequently) and find someone who would give you everything Oikawa couldn't, and everything Wakatoshi could?
He remembered the tears when you had gotten the call during a joint practice. Would he remind you of those painful times?
For just one day, Wakatoshi wished he could take all your troubles away, as old or as new as they were.
You will blame me a little, or a lot maybe I know I couldn't see you more because of my dream Then please give me one day, even one day in dreams is fine All the words I couldn't say, making an excuse that its reality
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he take you to Zuiganji Temple. It was nearly Christmastime, which meant the new year was just around the corner. On the first day of January, he would go with you to pray at the temple. He would stroll with you, hand-in-hand, as you admired the nature that surrounded the temple. The two of you would give offerings to the kami, clap your hands together in prayer, and receive good fortunes. Wakatoshi would make sure to pray for many more New Years with you.
The old Sendai City Gymnasium, now the Kamei Arena Sendai, sent him back to high school. They were even playing the MSBY Black Jackals. He remembered how you cheered for him in the stands, voice loud and smile bright as your pom-poms waved in your hands. He would most certainly imagine you in the crowd - he always did.
As the starting lineups are announced, Wakatoshi finds himself thinking about how the different the members of MSBY Black Jackals are. He would remind himself to go say hello to Sakusa and Hinata after the match. Out of the corner of his eye, Wakatoshi swears that he saw a glimpse of your hair. No, he thinks to himself. You were studying nutrition in college, so why would you be on the court? He didn't know if you'd be in the stands - would you? After all, Semi and Reon did come to watch the match.
He peers over to the opposite side of the court once more. He didn't know that the MSBY Black Jackals had a manager. His eyes must have been messing with him. Imagining you cheering him on had never been a distraction until now. Had he eaten something unusual this morning? Were the chia seeds in his overnight oatmeal expired? Wakatoshi thinks that it couldn't possibly be you. You weren't the person standing in a black and gold jacket on the opposite side of the course - they just had similar hair.
Bokuto Koutarou, as always, makes a scene as he leaps across the court during his introduction. Hinata and Miya Atsumu are yelling and laughing wildly, and the crowd goes crazy. The silver haired wing spiker then runs back to his team, giving them all enthusiastic high fives as he goes down the line. As he arrives at the end, he spins the manager around before picking them up, hugging them affectionately as he lifts and spins them around.
Wakatoshi's eyes widen as he finally sees the manager's face - and its you. It was really you. His breath seems caught in his throat. His chest is tightening like crazy, and he knows the exact reason why. He knows he had never stopped loving you - and now that he was seeing you again for the first time in years, his heart can't handle itself.
"Ushi-kun, are you okay?" It was Hoshiumi who pulled him away from his thoughts this time. The white-haired man was staring up at him with wide, concerned eyes. His eyes followed Wakatoshi's gaze, which lead straight to you.
"Is that the person in the picture that you always stare at in your locker?" Wakatoshi hears Kageyama sputtering, nearly choking on his water.
"Senpai is here?" Kageyama's eyes are wide as he looks across the court as well. Once he spots you, he frowns. "Stupid Hinata. Didn't even think to tell me that they were on the team. Their manager and nutritionist, no less."
Wakatoshi remembers when Kageyama first saw the photo in his locker.
"That's Oikawa-san's ex, right? I forgot they had gone to Shiratorizawa with you." Kageyama was peering into Wakatoshi's locker, forgetting personal space. The wing spiker nodded.
"Yes, they were the captain of the cheerleading squad." Kageyama nodded.
"They actually went to Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High. They always tutored me throughout junior andante high school and always bought me snacks, even after Oikawa-san - " Kageyama cut himself off. "Senpai was always very kind to me."
Wakatoshi nodded at the setter. "Yes, they have always been kind."
"Were you close to them? Ushijima-san?" For a few moments, Wakatoshi simply stared in silence at the photo.
"No, I would not have considered us close." He allowed himself to smile. "But, they are very dear to me."
Wakatoshi would've been more bothered by the Adlers' loss if it weren't for the fact that you were there. Seeing you there, smiling as you congratulated your team was more than enough to keep him at bay. However, he would make sure to beat the Black Jackals next time.
Wakatoshi had approached, almost with caution, as he trailed behind Kageyama and Hoshiumi. What should he say? Did you even want to talk to him? You looked really close to Bokuto and Atsumu (in fact, you seemed close with most of the team in general). Would you remember him? (That was a stupid question, he then decided.)
As he stood awkwardly behind the reunion, he continued to stare at you. You were laughing along with something Meian had said, and judging by Atsumu's face, the captain had made fun of him. His phone kept on buzzing, and he finally checked it only to find that it was the old Shiratorizawa groupchat.
"Look at this idiot" texted Reon, attached with a photo that must have been taken barely a minute ago. It was zoomed in and a bit grainy, but it revealed Wakatoshi staring at you. Yamagata had replied with an emoji of two eyes looking off to the side.
"Wakatoshi-kun" Tendou had texted, "If you don't go up to them right now / I will personally fly all the way to Japan / to kick your ass"
"OMG IS THT SENPAI / TELL THEM I SAID HIII / AND THAT THEY LOOK GORGOUS TODAY" Goshiki spammed, making Wakatoshi sigh. He looked back up, only to make eye contact with you - immediately, his breath felt as if it was lodged in his throat once more. A smile graced your lips, and you began to walk over. Wakatoshi could only stand there as you approached him.
"You were amazing today, Ushijima-san. I'm glad I got to watch you play in person again." You looked just as beautiful (or perhaps, even more than so) as you did all those years ago. Before Wakatoshi could even reply, you began speaking again.
"If you're free sometime this week, before you go back to Tokyo, I would love to catch up with you." You were playing with your fingers (a nervous habit, he had realized while in high school). If it weren't for his complete focus on you, he would've noticed both teams smirking and giggling like schoolgirls at the two of you.
Maybe, Wakatoshi thought, he could finally be with you for just one day.
I want to say at least one word right among them I didn't think it would be easy to forget you Am I selfish if I wish you won't forget me so easily? You're standing in the middle of me
If Ushijima Wakatoshi could be with you for just one day, he would make sure to perfect his vows. He would rehearse them over and over again to Tendou as his best friend (and man) made sure Wakatoshi looked perfect. Wakatoshi would already have memorized everything by heart, but Tendou would insist on him having a copy in his pocket, just in case. He would let you choose whatever decorations and colors you liked, and he would make sure to spare no expense if it meant seeing you smile. Wakatoshi was an Olympian, after all.
What would Oikawa's vows sound like? Would the setter charm you with sweet words and promises of love, like he had once done? He knew Oikawa did not matter anymore - he no longer questioned if you still loved the setter, or if you were still healing from the breakup (even if it was already so many years ago, Wakatoshi just wanted to make sure). He no longer compared himself to Oikawa, but he still wondered what it would be like if Oikawa were in his position.
"Thank you once again for designing and creating our outfits, Azumane-san." The long haired man smiled, placing the finishing touches on Wakatoshi's custom suit.
"It is my pleasure, Ushijima-san." The designer cracked a smile. "After all, you did pay me."
"Are you nervous, Wakatoshi-kun?" Tendou asked. The short-haired man was smiling at Wakatoshi.
"Should I be, Tendou-kun?" Wakatoshi truly did wonder this. Should he be feeling nervous? Because truth told, he wasn't. Wakatoshi couldn't feel a single nervous bone in his body, and Tendou only laughed.
"If you are, I wouldn't blame you. You're getting married, after all." Iwaizumi barged into the room as he fastened the cuff links. 
"Are you ready, Ushijima-san?" He felt Tendou pat his shoulder.
"Yes, I am."
How could Wakatoshi be nervous for a day he had only ever dreamed of?
He stood at the end of the aisle, as patient as ever. It was a medium-sized wedding, as close family and friends from high school and beyond were invited. Tendou stood just off to the side, followed Iwaizumi, Kageyama, Semi, and Bokuto. As the music began to play, Wakatoshi readied himself. For obvious reasons, he hadn't seen what you looked like - and Azumane made sure to keep the design of your outfit "top secret."
He inhaled deeply, paused, and then exhaled. As his olive eyes traced your approaching figure, Wakatoshi found himself just as breathless as he was, all those years ago. You were shining just as bright. Wakatoshi didn't cry - he didn't need to in order to express how he felt at that moment. He was calm and happy. Your hands were cold in his much larger, much warmer ones. Wakatoshi took them both as you stepped up to the platform. Had his eyes always been this soft, this fond? The smile on his face was evident - and he could care less if anyone were to be surprised by a break in his often stoic face.
Wakatoshi never needed to wish for just one day with you. Not anymore, at least. He could take care of you, and be with you for the rest of his days. He realized this as he saw the tears well up in your eyes as he finished his vows. The were no longer any reasons for him to compare himself to Oikawa. Not when you were standing before him, wedding ring slipped around your ring finger. He could prioritize you, praise you, and love you the way he had always wanted to.
"For so long, I had so deeply desired to spend even just one day with you. I am forever grateful that you would choose to spend more than one with me."
If I can be with you just one day If I can hold your hands just one day If I can be with you just one day Just one day If you and I can be together just one day
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thank you for reading!! once again... please do like AND reblog if possible. and let me know what you think. I crave validation and attention. I'm so lonely its unreal.
- Crystal
through the summer and the fall masterlist
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howdywrites · 3 years
Text
Chapter Zero
→ an In The Woods Somewhere excerpt
This is from my zero draft of ITWS that won't be in the new draft I'm starting for Camp NaNo. I still thought it would be fun to share since it gives a little insight into Jackie (park ranger main) and a side character named Benny who works under her. NOTE: there is a lot of info in this that's changed as I've outlined so some of the locations will be inaccurate.
Warnings: brief mention of recreational drug use (mushrooms)
Length: 2.3k words
[ WIP Intro ]
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Breath burned aching lungs. Boots stomped in slick, dark mud. The icy mist clung to every hair on bare skin and the drumming of heartbeat became the rhythm in which Jackie fell in time with. She jerked, ducking beneath a low hanging branch. Her hair whipped as she cast a worried glance over her shoulder. It wasn’t following her anymore.
A disgruntled skunk and her litter of kits watched her sprint from the home they made in a thicket of bushes. If she had stuck around for just a second longer, Jackie would have paid dearly for her grave mistake. Up on [the mountain], there wasn’t a proper shower to be had at the lookout. In fact, there was almost no running water to be had at all. That’s exactly how she preferred it - being one with nature in every sense of the word.
“Fuck-” A patch of thick mud sent her sliding into the wooden Trail 46 sign that pointed southeast. Jackie held on to it, leaning over with her chest heaving while she caught her breath. A spring of curled hair fell over her forehead from under the brim of her uniform hat. Taking one last deep breath, she swept it back under and ran her hands along her two thick braids to make sure her rubber bands were still attached to the ends.
Static crackled from the radio on her hip. A voice snickered at her from the other end.
“I didn’t know you could run that fast,” the voice teased her, his laughter turning into crackles. Jackie lifted her head and dragged her eyes along the ridge behind her. Ancient trees and wild brush lined the rocky ledge. She squinted, trying to make sense of the map of greens and browns. Despite her year of working in Wyoming, she struggled making out shapes in the woods that weren’t blocky signs. “Surprised you didn’t lose your hat.”
Jackie unhooked her radio and held it up to her mouth. It trilled and went quiet. “Where are you? I swear to god, Benny, if you scare me again you owe me a cone at Marie Bettie’s on Monday.”
She stood there, a hand on her hip and her radio up by her ear. A crease formed between her brows. Birds flit from tree to tree down Trail 42, drawing her eye. Frowning, she didn’t see Benny there. Nor did he respond on the radio. She hesitantly clicked it again. “Benny I’m not playing. Where the hell are you?” She couldn’t hear herself on the other end. Wherever he was hiding, he had turned off his radio so she couldn’t gauge where he was.
Stepping out into the middle of the trail, Jackie circled around like an uneasy horse, feet pressed firmly into the packed dirt. A small creature of amber red and white darted out from a nearby thicket of prickly bushes and skittered across the trail. She gasped, nearly jumping out of her skin. While distracted, a pair of hands touched down on her shoulders, fingers curling over her uniform.
Jackie screeched, launching herself forwards out of the grip of the intruder. The ranger hat on her head tipped off, rolling and bouncing off the gravel. Her arms barely caught her in time to save her face from getting superficial scratches. Squirming, she rolled onto her back and scrambled into a squat. Benny stood there, cackling loud enough to send a few birds flying from their nests in the trees. His smile took up most of his face. Smile lines deepend and the prominent gap between his teeth was on full display.
“I got you good, didn’t I?” He leaned in, holding a hand out for her. Despite the adrenaline soaring through her veins and the annoyance that tumbled within her, Jackie sighed and grasped at it for help off the ground. Freckles splattered his sun-kissed skin, his cheekbones turning to apples with his grin.
“Yeah, yeah. You owe me two cones, now, Wonderbird. Double scoops.”
“Hey, that’s not fair! You know volunteers don’t make squat here-” Benny stooped down to pick up her hat, dusting it off for her. It was true. When he first joined the park just six months ago, Jackie had been assigned as his mentor. The junior program was offered to any college students pursuing their line of work. To get a taste of life as a ranger. They didn’t make a salary, but their summers spent in action were funded by park leadership in the form of bunks and food. A far better deal than what was offered to her in Tennessee. She took up her hat and repositioned it proudly on top of her head. “But I guess it’s the least I could do for doing that.” He pointed down at her green trousers.
A small tear cut across her knee, thankfully protecting her skin from being lacerated by her fall. Sighing, Jackie lifted her leg and inspected the hole. “Luckily I brought my sewing kit with me to the tower. C’mon, let’s finish our rounds. Think the captain has extra radios for tonight? Last thing I want is to not be able to contact anyone - especially this weekend.”
The end of summer break brought in the most guests outside of the spring season. Mostly college students looking to get out of town, but not willing to commit to the cost of going to the Bahamas or Miami all the way down south. Jackie couldn’t remember most of the breaks from her college days. She crunched to get through with her degree as fast as possible. Any break she got was filled with studying or working wherever she could. She would have liked to go somewhere tropical and warm for her breaks, but she preferred the serenity that usually came with visiting state parks instead.
“How many people usually camp here during breaks?” Benny kicked a pale gray pebble into the grass alongside the pack dirt walking trail.
“Could be hundreds. Maybe even close to a thousand or more. Really depends.” Earlier that day, they had already received an influx of campers eager to stake their claim on the best spots in the park before the hoards arrived. Easily several dozen of them, all scattered between RV hookups, the rentable cabins and clearings for tents. “Just be glad you’re not working at any of the offices this weekend. I’d take firewatch over disgruntled campers any day.”
“I can’t thank you enough, you know.” An elbow bumped Jackie’s arm and she glanced at the grinning young man. “If it weren’t for you, Richards probably would’ve never let me take over tower 24. He told me you put in a good word for me.”
Smiling down at the ground, Jackie shrugged and reached out to give him a gentle pat on the shoulder. “It wasn’t all me. You’ve got the passion for this. The drive. Can’t say the same for some of the other volunteers-”
A trill of squealing laughter caught her attention. The two of them paused right at the fork. One path remained wide open with wooden signs encouraging guests to stay on the correct path. The other had overgrowth and a dirt path so narrow, one could hardly call it a trail at all. The usual rope gate meant to block it off had been cut. Both ends laid useless on the ground with frayed edges. Another bark of laughter came from the end it shouldn’t have.
“Damn…” Jackie muttered bitterly under her breath. Just when she thought they could wrap up for the afternoon. Benny puffed out his chest and stood up taller.
“C’mon, ranger,” he chirped, marching towards the rocky side path. “No dilly dallying!”
“You just want to write up a citation.” She snorted and followed alongside him. “You’re starting to sound like the captain.”
Snaking down the path, the trees overhead grew thicker and wider. Branches from lowly pines scraped against their arms. Creatures that remained unseen skittered into their hiding places. The closer they got to the three or four voices chattering away up ahead, the more signs they saw. Brand new, the signs were nailed into the untouched bark of the trees along the path or plastered on wooden signs hammered into the thick dirt.
WARNING: do not proceed! This area has been sanctioned for investigation by the State of Wyoming and local police. Any violations will result in a $500 fine.
“Have these signs always been here?” Benny’s voice lowered to a faint whisper. Jackie stepped carefully around a pile of stones gathered around the base of a thick oak. Her boots slid against their jagged surfaces. “I don’t remember them putting these up.
“I don’t either. I remember some feds were here on Wednesday, but they weren’t up for much small talk.” They stood proudly in their dark suits and shade, holding boxes of flyers and paperwork and speaking in hushed tones to her higher ups. The single chance she had to greet one of them was met with silence. Very rude. “I don’t think this was a missing person’s case, otherwise we would have been informed about it.”
Like something out of a sci-fi movie, bright yellow caution signs littered a shady grove at the end of the short path. The sound of water trickling from a nearby stream joined the quiet voices. The blocky lettering on the big yellow signs yelled at them.
DO NOT DRINK THE WATER! Do not disturb local flora as issued by the governor of Wyoming.
“Dude! You’re going to get us in trouble!” A nervous voice murmured beyond the trees. There, by the creek, four college aged kids stood around a mossy puddle. Two girls and two boys, all wearing their UW school colors. Most likely freshmen given their wide eyes and round faces. One of them stood with his jeans rolled up to his knees in the shallow water, a fist full of curling brown mushrooms that looked like kelp. They went silent at the sight of the two rangers.
“This path is restricted.” Benny took the initiative, his voice wavering just a bit at the end of his statement. Jackie let him take the reins. If he really wanted to do this for a living, he would have to get used to this. As he went over what rules they broke being there, she made her way over to a damp patch of tall grass between two moss covered trees.
Squatting, she spied even more kelp-like mushrooms. They stuck out of the grass like limp, decaying fingers out of a grave. Jackie narrowed her eyes and used a pen from her breast pocket to jab at it with as gentle of a touch as she could manage. It released a pussy substance and a musky scent that reminded her of the single frat party she attended her last year in school. Similar to weed, but different. From looks alone, she couldn’t nail down from which family this fungus derived from. In fact, she couldn’t recall anything remotely similar in all her years of study.
“You can’t do that.” The kid in the water whined, trudging out of the water. He tossed the picked mushrooms. “C’mon, man, we’re just trying to have a little fun! I gotta pay for books next week!”
Jackie looked over her shoulder in time to see Benny’s head fall like a disappointed teacher’s. He sighed and shifted his weight from foot to foot, unable to reply. Tucking her pen back into its spot, she dusted her hands off and stood.
“Here’s what we’re going to do-” She put her hands on her hips and took over for him. She spoke with authority and a rigid stance. “I’ll let you off with a warning, as long as you four keep to the official trails and stay out of trouble. If me or any of my associates catch you out of bounds again, it’ll be a $700 ticket. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The kid slipped his wet feet into his Nike sandals and hung his head. Blonde hair stuck to his pink face and despite his towering height over her, he still looked like a boy. It only made her feel older than she was. The other three murmured in agreement, following behind him. She watched them shuffle up the path until they disappeared behind a thicket of pines.
“I thought I could do it,” Benny sighed, his head swiveling side to side, checking for litter or anything else the rowdy guests may have left behind. Jackie moved to stand beside him and ruffled his mess of red hair. The way his nose scrunched and his shoulders relaxed from the playful exchange reminded her so much of Andre back at home.
“You did better than I did the first time I tried writing a citation - I cried.” Her sidekick blinked, surprised, and chuckled.
“But you’re so good at it. You’ve got a mom voice - in a good way, I mean.”
“Geez, I’m not that old, Wonderbird. First them, and now you? I’m aging by the second. You’ll have to explain to Richards why my knees are bad and my hair is graying when summer’s over, you dingus.”
Benny all but collapsed forward with laughter, holding his stomach and slapping his knee like a cheery grandfather. Jackie smiled so wide her cheeks ached. She had to avert her gaze to not let the homesickness creep in. She would miss him when he had to go back to school. Just like she missed Andre.
The mushrooms among the grass piqued her curiosity again. She stooped down beside them and inspected them without touching. Who knew what they did and who knew why the government and college kids were so interested in them.
“What are they? They were grabbing a lot of them.” Benny squatted next to her, reaching out to touch one. Jackie gently smacked the back of his hand and shook her head.
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t touch them. Let’s get to the office, the captain’s waiting for us by now.”
-
ITWS Taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added!): @lordkingsmith @celestialbunnistories @aeslin-writes @writinginslowmotion @chayscribbles @theramwrites @tiredlittleoldme @sapphcon-ic @hazard-writes @lookingmuchimproved @themidnxghtwriter @draculinawrites @aetherwrites @svpphicwrites @maxgraybooks @writeherewaiting @sjjsalamanders @thelittlestspider @ashen-crest @writtendevastation @ravesthewriter @adie-dee @christine-thinks @cream-and-tea @reeseweston
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writer-k-pop · 4 years
Text
Three Seconds
너는 나에게 3초를 주었다.  You gave me three seconds.
Description: 6 months after breaking up, you had finally gotten used to life without S.Coups/Seungcheol and the 12 other members. You kept up with news surrounding them but you never really expected them to reenter your life. And you didn't expect him to reenter with the explosive news that he dropped into your lap. Warnings: Swearing [Also note: yes I know this would NEVER happen in real life but hey, this is fiction and fiction means anything can happen :D] Genre: Angst Word Count: 3.5k
Seventeen Masterlist | Masterlists
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"Get out. Just get out." He stared at me with cold eyes.
"Do you really want me to go?" I asked with tears at the brink of falling down my cheeks.
"Yes." He straightened out his back, "Yes, I do."
..............
Walking around the town on a Friday night as the sun fades was probably not the smartest idea. The streets are packed with people. Their conversations seep into my ears though I have headphones in blasting music. Most are in groups or pairs and, at some intersections, it feels like I'm busting through a solid concrete wall of people.
"Why do I have to live this far away from my favorite cafe?" I mumble to myself as a female bumps into my shoulder.
Five more minutes of packed walking, I finally reach the block where my destination resides. I found this cafe about 6 months ago. Right after... it all happened. It quickly became a favorite. The drinks are prefect and the atmosphere is like a warm weighted blanket around me. I try to come at least once a week for some R&R, but this week was rough and this'll be my second visit. I have yet to experience a 3-cafe-visit week and hopefully I won't ever have to.
Just as I grab the door handle, someone yells out my name from behind me.
"(Y/n)?"
I turn and face three men who are all staring with wide eyes but I instantly recognize them. Joshua, Jeonghan, and Dokyeom.
"It is (y/n)!" Dokyeom exclaims and runs in for a hug.
"Hey, Dokyeom." I sigh happily, giving him a squeeze.
Jeonghan and Josh also give me a warm hug.
"We haven't seen you in forever!" Dokyeom continues as we step to the side as to not block the cafe entrance. "How have you been?"
I smile softly at him, "I've been... okay I guess."
Dokyeom scrunches his eyebrows together, "We miss you." He says softly and Josh nods. I glance at Jeonghan who is awfully quiet.
"I miss you too but you know, life got chaotic." I say in hopes to deter the conversation.
"What are your plans for tonight?" Josh asks as if we're not standing in front of a cafe.
"I, uh, I was going to chill out at the cafe for a bit and then go home and probably lay around." I answer honestly.
"On a Friday night?" Dokyeom then shakes his head, "You should come hang out with us. I mean what are the chances of running into you after 6 months of nothing?"
"I-"
"It's just the three of us." Jeonghan interrupts me with knowing look.
"Yeah, we're going to grab a late bite to eat and then go back to the house." Josh explains their plans.
Jeonghan looks like he mentally facepalmed himself and I felt my entire body hesitate.
"Dinner sounds fun but I don't think I should be going back to your house." I look at each of them.
"He's gone for the weekend." Dokyeom quips, "He left a few hours ago to go visit his family for the weekend."
I chew the inside of my cheek. "Well, I guess a small visit wouldn't hurt."
Dokyeom loops his arm in mine, "No it wouldn't. And then it would prove to the others that you didn't just drop off the face of the earth."
"They don't think that, do they?" I ask as DK leads me down the sidewalk.
"Most of them don't, but Hoshi seems to be pretty adamant that you really did disappear." Joshua offers from behind.
I laugh, "Sounds about right."
................
As we climb the steps to their house, my heart starts to beat faster and my stomach empties as if I didn't just eat a gigantic meal.
"He's not here." I keep reminding myself over and over in my head but my heart is still racing like I'm running from a masked figure with a chainsaw.
Jeonghan is the first through the door without a single word. Josh holds open the door for me and Dokyeom walks in behind me.
"How was your dinner, hyun-?" Seungkwan stops abruptly upon seeing me standing in the entry way. "Y/n?"
"Look who we found on the streets!" Dokyeom says happily.
"More like barged into her quiet Friday night plans." I snark back playfully.
"Hey, you're the one who agreed to come with us." Dokyeom shoots back.
"Y/n?" Seungkwan repeats and I smile at him. "Y/n!" He all but screams then ambushes me with a hug.
His scream alerts the others who are in the house of my appearance and within seconds there are stomping footsteps and yells of my name throughout the house.
We make our way towards the large living room as the members show up.
Hoshi, Dino, and Jun rush in first, nearly tripping over each other. Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Minghao calmly make their way in after, wondering what all the screaming is about.
"Where are the other two?" I ask after hugs have been distributed.
"Woozi and Vernon are at the studio." Dino informs us.
"How have you been?" Jun asks, practically forcing me to sit on the couch next to him.
I nod, "I've been okay. The busy season has started at work." I pause but they all stay quiet as if the wrong word will send me into a ball of smoke and I'll disappear again. "I saw the last comeback. It was quite good."
"Just good?" Dokyeom repeats, slightly offended.
"Well, no one can beat One Direction." I shrug with a mischievous smile.
"So where did they find you?" Mingyu asks, nodding his head towards DK, Josh, and Jeonghan.
"Outside of a cafe I was about to step into." I say, patting my purse still by my side, "I was going to relax with a nice drink for a couple hours but they had other ideas."
"Just think, if you had gotten to the cafe 30 seconds earlier, they would've never seen you and Hoshi hyung would still think you weren't on the face of the earth." Mingyu comments with a laugh.
"Hey, I never believed those words for a second." Hoshi defends himself.
Jun playfully hits his arm, "Even though they came out of your own mou-"
"Y/n?" A surprised soft voice asks from the doorway.
Everyone freezes and a wave of dread washes over me.
"Coups." Jeonghan walks up to him. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here?" Seungcheol looks at him like he's gone insane for asking such a question.
"You were supposed to be with your family." Jeonghan clarifies himself as Dokyeom wraps an arm around my shoulders, my eyes staring at my hands in my lap. In my peripheral, I can see the others giving each other looks of blame and silent questions being thrown like softball balls during practice.
"They told me to come tomorrow because there's bad weather." Seungcheol responds.
With every word I hear, sadness and pain rises from the pit of my stomach.
"I-I should go." I shake my head, "I need to go." I rephrase, standing and walking towards the front door. My hands grip the strap of my purse tightly.
Behind me, multiple hushed arguments erupt. But one sticks out.
"Coups. Don't."
"I need to."
"Coups."
"Jeonghan it's been SIX months. Even if she hates my guts, she still deserves an explanation."
I whip around facing the man who broke my heart all those months ago. Seungcheol stops two steps in front of me, blinking at me as if he suddenly forgot how to speak.
"I deserved an explanation the day it happened. Not six months after." I tell him with a steeled front. Jeonghan looks between us two before quickly shooing the members out of the living room.
"I know." Seungcheol sighs in defeat, "You deserved one before and I can't go back and change that but I can give you an explanation now. If you'll listen."
I study his eyes, the ones I looked into every day for over a year, the ones I knew how to read like my favorite book. In this moment, all I can see in them is sadness and regret with the tiniest sliver of hope.
Hope that I will sit down and give him the chance to explain. And it's all up to me. Whether I give him that relief or I completely crush him.
I've only ever seen him completely crushed once before and it was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through. Just thinking that I would be the one to push him to that level again is something I could never do to him. No matter how much he hurt me in the past.
"Okay, I'll listen." I tell him with a small nod, my hands still gripped onto my purse.
Seungcheol sighs in relief, "Thank you." He looks around the entrance way, "We could go talk in my room. It, uh, would give us more privacy." He adds before I can protest.
Now it's my turn to glance around the area and mentally agree that we weren't exactly in the most private area. And considering Vernon or Woozi could come back home at any second, we were completely in the open.
"Okay." I nod.
He turns and starts walking towards the staircase. After a couple seconds, I follow him, knowing the way as if I had been here yesterday.
Once inside his room, I close the door and stay standing next to it. His room hasn't changed much. The furniture is in the same places: bed off to the side, closet straight across from it, and his computer sits next to Wonwoo's on the opposite wall from his bed. The bedding has changed from a deep blue to a gray yet the pillows are arranged in the same way as before.  A new lamp sits next to the desks and it looks like Wonwoo bought a new gaming chair.
"You can sit." Seungcheol says nodding his head towards the bed.
I shake my head, "I'm okay standing."
He opens his mouth as if to protest against me but thinks better of it. He opens his closet and stands on his tiptoes to reach the top shelf.
"Coups." I start, wondering what he's doing cause it is definitely not explaining.
Seungcheol finally grabs what he was looking for and lowers himself back down. He turns and in his hands is a folder. A thin folder, might I add.
"What is that?" I ask.
"My explanation." He looks at it and for a moment, anger flashes past his eyes. "Well, at least part of it." He holds it out for me to take.
"A letter isn't an explanation." I cross my arms over my chest.
"It's not- will you please just look at it." Seungcheol's shoulders sag in defeat. "Please."
I wanted an explanation. I never clarified what kind of explanation I wanted.
Stepping towards him, I take the folder from him. What sits inside the folder is something I never expected. Instead of a letter of any kind, I stare at the official format of a contract.
"What-" I leave the unspoken question in the air as I grab his desk chair and sink into its cushions.
Seungcheol is silent as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed while I read through the contract.
I read through the first page and move onto the second. The complete shock and bewilderment of such a contract growing with each sentence. At the end of the second page sits a signature I don't recognize. And Seungcheol's. Dated the day before we broke up.
My fingers slide over his signature in disbelief. Disbelief that a company could extort its own artist to this extent. Disbelief that he didn't tell me any of it. 
I quickly close the folder and look at anything in the room that isn't him. Even though his gaze is begging for my attention.
Seungcheol sighs after giving me a few seconds to say anything. "I never wanted to do it. Ever." He runs his hands through his hair before continuing and I lower my gaze to meet his. "They brought me in for a meeting and instantly something felt off. They didn't greet me with smiles like they used to and simply slid over that contract. Their reasoning for this I will never know but they forced me into a decision.
"Either I break it off with you or be forced out of Seventeen with evidence that you were fighting with the members and that in the end, I had sided with you and not my members. Which would mean that even though I had you, you would be berated with hate and society would turn on you. And me."
I watch as his eyes fill with tears of anger. He leans his elbows on his thighs and grips both hands together in front of him, his gaze locked onto the floor. I stay silent, soaking up the information and processing it all.
"I couldn't- I couldn't do that to you. It would've started a war that neither party would've recovered from. The members would've suffered a hit of losing their leader and the backlash from fans about why they couldn't just get along with you. And you and I would've suffered the hate from betrayed fans and you didn't deserve that." His voice fills with anxiety as he explains what he thought would've happened. "In the end, I chose to protect you the best way I could. The only way I could."
"Even if it meant I would still suffer." I say with sadness, recalling the painful nights of non stop crying.
"Either way you would've suffered. But this way, you wouldn't be touched by the public and you would slip away." Seungcheol confirms. "I told myself that as long as I didn't hear anything about you in the news after our break up hit the new outlets, I had protected you to the best of my abilities. I had to protect you."
"I couldn't tell you because well, the repercussions of that would've been just as catastrophic." He adds as if he could read my mind.
I lean back in the chair. My hands play with the edge of the folder as I feel tears fills my own eyes. Watching and listening to him get this off his chest like he's letting go of a spiked ball he's been gripping for months scrapes at my own heart. Now he's showing me his hand, all bloody and torn up. And only I have the bandages to stop the bleeding.
"How did you get a copy?" I ask when I find my voice again.
He lets out a single puff of breath in a half laugh, "I asked to take the contract home and think about it. They were dumb enough to let me take it home even though they had already signed it. Came home and the night I signed it, I copied it and kept it for myself. Insurance." Seungcheol explains.
"Why now?" I question.
Seungcheol glances up at me, "Because I'm no longer tied to that, that poisoned paper." He nods to the folder in my lap. "You saw the news last week?"
I nod. Two weeks ago it was announced that Seventeen would not be renewing their contracts and a week later it was announced that they had signed with a different company.
"When our contracts ended, all our contracts ended. Including that one." Seungcheol squeezes his hands together. "I would've tried to tell you when we signed with this new company but I had to iron out everything with them. Everything had to be right before I could tell you."
"What had to be right?" I ask.
"I told the CEO what had happened and showed him the documents." He sighs, "And asked them to help me take that company to the courts. They agreed immediately. But they warned that they would have to talk to the members and that I would have to tell you so you wouldn't be dragged into this unwillingly."
"They know?" I widen my eyes in shock betrayal rising in the pit of my stomach.
Seungcheol quickly shakes his head, squashing the betrayal feeling. "Most of the members only know the overview of what I had to do. That I was forced to break it off or be forced out. But they don't know the full details."
"Don't know?" I question the tense he's using.
"I decided that you should be the first person I talked too. Once I had a chance, if I had a chance, to talk to you, I would tell the members the full story so we could take this to court." Seungcheol informs me.
"You said most of the members, who knows the full story?" I continue to question him, my mind just throwing them out before I can really think about what I'm asking.
"Only one." Seungcheol answers quickly like the more he tells me the more relief he feels, "Jeonghan."
That explains why Jeonghan was so quiet all night.
Seungcheol lets his head fall forward as tears begin to fall down his cheeks, his strength finally failing. Seeing him like this, in this kind of pain, shatters my heart into millions of pieces. I walk over to him and sit down next to him. He doesn't move but continues to cry, his shoulders beginning to shake. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and lean my cheek on his shoulder as my own tears fall and land on his back. He begins to cry harder, his hand moving to grip my arm, and mumbling apologies.
For minutes, we sit like that. With silent cries and mumbled apologies filling the room. Somewhere in the depths of my chest, a warm flame ignites itself and slowly grows. Unfamiliar with the feeling, it takes a few seconds for me to register it as the warmth of hope. A hope that was buried deeper and deeper everyday since we broke up.
When I open my eyes, rain is pit-pattering against the window.
Feeling his cries settle down, I decide it's my turn to talk.
"Three seconds." I quietly say.
Seungcheol lifts his head slightly but I stay put. "What?"
"Three seconds." I repeat, "That's what I held onto for awhile. It was much less than any sane person would've held onto. But I held onto those three seconds."
I pull back and look into his slightly confused eyes. Readjusting, I attempt to pull my arms away but he keeps a grip on the one he's continuously held onto, moving to grip my hand instead.
"That night," I explain, "I asked if you really wanted me to go. You gave me three seconds. For three seconds you hesitated and I saw you fight an urge. Then you gave your answer. But I still got three seconds." I give his hand a small squeeze.
"Because of those three seconds, a fraction of a sliver of hope lived inside my mind for months." I continue when he doesn't say anything, "With every passing week the pain and sadness slowly dimmed the hope but it never truly died." I laugh at how crazy I sound. "I sound like a maniac saying that. But those three seconds told me something wasn't right."
"Nothing's been right since that night." Seungcheol whispers leaning his forehead against mine for a second. Pulling back, he squeezes my hand once more and then places my hand in my own lap. The second he lets go, I have to fight the urge to grab his hand back.
"I have to ask you something." He turns to face me properly. His eyes are tinged red with evidence of the tears that had spilled over. "If you're okay with this all, we can go through with bringing that company to court but know that this will be a very publicized case and the media will be all over it. If you don't want to, the CEO has promised to provide you with protection and whatever you need to stay away from the media while the trials are in progress."
I raise my eyebrows at such a protective offer.
"That was my request." Seungcheol informs me, "I wasn't going to go through with this if we didn't have protective measures for whatever decision you made."
'I had to protect you.' His voice rings in my mind.
"Will you be by my side if I agree?" I ask, feeling my heart mend itself with his words echoing in my mind.
"Everyday if you needed it." Seungcheol nods.
"And none of the past six months was real?" I question, jumping back to past information. "None of your decisions were your own?"
Seungcheol is slightly shocked that I would be asking that but quickly composes himself. "None of it. I loved you that day, I loved you everyday since, and I still love you. Though I would understand if you didn't feel the sa-"
I quickly press my lips against his, stopping him from finishing. After a second of stunned shock, he easily kisses me back like fitting two pieces back together.
Pulling back, he holds my face in both hands.
"Don't you dare finish that sentence." I shake my head slightly to emphasize my point. "I believe you. And I love you. Always have and always will."
A small but bright smile breaks onto his face before he pulls me forward for another kiss.
"So you'll help us?" Seungcheol asks, leaning his forehead against mind again.
"So long as you promise to stay by my side." I tell him.
"Everyday." He confirms, "Every damn day."
I smile, "Then let's do it."
234 notes · View notes
thegrandimago · 3 years
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The rate of decline is “calamitous," one scientist said, and has implications for crops and the environment
Hundreds of butterfly species across the American West are vanishing as the region becomes hotter, drier and more vulnerable to the effects of climate change, according to a study released Thursday.
In a swath of 11 states, from California to Montana, and from New Mexico to Washington, the populations of a majority of 450 butterfly species are dropping, according to observations by professionals and amateurs stretching back to the 1970s.
The loss of butterflies across Western forests and prairies, like the similar drop in bumblebees nationwide due to rising temperatures, is troubling because both insects play a key role in pollinating crops and wildflowers. And the findings may add to fears among researchers of a broader die-off of insects that could be underway everywhere from Germany to Puerto Rico and beyond — a potential and debated bugpocalypse that threatens to upend ecosystems across the world.
In the United States, the alarming butterfly decline is most evident in Western areas where balmy summer temperatures creep well into the fall, drying out vegetation and potentially disturbing the seasonal cycles of the fluttering insects as they prepare for cooler months.
“The influence of climate change is driving those declines, which makes sense because they’re so widespread,” said Matt Forister, a biology professor at the University of Nevada at Reno and co-author of the study published in the journal Science. “It has to be something geographically pervasive.”
Scientists have long known that roadways, farms and other human development are stamping out meadows and other habitat for butterflies, while pesticides have further culled their numbers. Conservationists have taken to cordoning off areas as butterfly sanctuaries, planting vegetation such as milkweed for monarch butterflies as they migrate from Mexico across the Lower 48.
But the fact that widespread warming is weighing on such large numbers of butterflies across a vast geographic area suggests a more dire situation that cannot be abated simply by setting aside habitat. While the populations of butterfly species can vary widely from year to year, the researchers found an annual 1.6 percent drop in butterfly numbers in the Western United States over the last four decades.
Put another way: A butterfly spotter going to the same site every year saw about 25 percent fewer butterflies on average than 20 years ago.
David Wagner, an ecologist at the University of Connecticut who was not involved with the latest research, said the new findings are startling because “this is one of the first global cases of declines occurring in wildlands, away from densely populated human-dominated landscapes, and the rate of 1.6 percent is calamitous.”
The best-known butterfly on the decline in the drought-plagued region is the once-ubiquitous monarch, which used to arrive in California in such abundance every spring they regularly formed “a golden carpet” on the ground and filled the skies with “orangy” clouds, as John Steinbeck once wrote.
Now those orange itinerants are showing up in far fewer numbers. Since 1990, about 970 million monarchs have disappeared, according to a 2015 U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service report.
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Other species, such as the common cabbage white butterfly and the imperiled, multicolored Edith’s checkerspot, are on downward trends, too, according to the analysis from Forister and his team.
“Rare species, common species, widespread species, local species,” said Forister, each had “detectable declines.”
The formal scientific findings jibe with what many motorists driving across the West have noticed recently: fewer bugs splattered across the front of their cars than during past road trips. Entomologists even have a name for it: the “windshield phenomenon.”
Forister said he has seen it “personally because I’ve been driving back and forth over the mountains for 20 years” from Reno and elsewhere on Interstate 80 to visit his parents in California’s Central Valley.
“It used to be that as soon as I showed up, my dad would get the hose out and obsessively clean the window,” Forister said. “He just doesn’t even do that anymore.”
The latest research is built on not only data collected by scientists across central California but observations across 10 other Western states scribbled into notebooks by butterfly enthusiasts out in the field or simply uploaded from smartphones by amateurs who make a hobby out of spotting rare species in their backyards.
“Even if you just took the professors that were on this paper, all of us, we couldn’t cover that geographic area,” said Katy Prudic, an entomologist at the University of Arizona who helps run one of the online butterfly databases. “There’s just not enough of us. So this work, the comparison across the entire West, could not be done without citizen science.”
Among the data used in the study are field notes from Marilyn Lutz and her husband, Joe Zarki, who have volunteered to run a butterfly count in Joshua Tree National Park for 25 years. The couple has been cataloguing birds and butterflies together ever since meeting in Yellowstone National Park in 1985.
They used to think they had trouble finding certain butterflies at higher elevations due to lack of experience. “But over time, we’re wondering if some of these are species that may be climate-change influenced,” said Zarki, who used to run educational programs at the park and is now retired.
Not every type of butterfly is in decline. Some are finding an edge in environments dominated by humans. The bright-orange Gulf fritillary, for example, is thriving not on native plants but on flowers popular in home gardens, Forister said.
And climate change itself may be a boon to butterflies in some places outside of the arid West. Using some of the same data as Forister and his team, Matthew Moran, a biology professor at Hendrix College in Arkansas, is working on a paper that he says will show an uptick in butterflies in the southeastern United States, where climate change is leading to more precipitation and plant growth.
“They got a really strong climate signal,” Moran said of the study published Thursday. The Western United States, he said, is “one of the more rapidly changing places in the continent. … If you look at it more continentwide, you will see more balancing-out.”
Still, efforts by federal wildlife officials to protect those butterflies in danger of vanishing entirely have had limited success. Of the 31 butterflies protected under the Endangered Species Act, only three are increasing in number, according to Noah Greenwald, endangered species director at the Center for Biological Diversity, a nonprofit environmental advocacy group.
Conservationists have struggled to get other imperiled butterflies added to the endangered list. In December, the Trump administration declined to declare the monarch endangered, citing limited resources, even as wildlife officials admit the decline is severe enough to warrant federal protection.
And the Center for Biological Diversity has fought for years to get the Sacramento Mountains checkerspot butterfly, a native of New Mexico’s high-elevation meadows, listed as endangered, filing multiple petitions with the Fish and Wildlife Service, including a new one this week.
Even so, it could be too late. “Now they can barely find it,” Greenwald said. “It may be extinct.”
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violetnotez · 4 years
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How about Tamaki Amajiki with a shy, introvert, nerdy S/O who's studying to become a entomologist (someone who studies butterflies and moths?)
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Tamaki x reader
⤷ Genre: Fluff
⤷ Word Count: 2300+
⤷ Warnings: mild cursing
⤷ Synopsis: Tamaki is more than happy spend the day with his s/o at butterfly conservatory, since butterflies and moths are their passion. It’s just such a strange world to him, and he’s pretty nervous about it-especially when the bugs seem to take a liking to his hair
This fic is for the @bnhabookclub Bingo Event! Here’s my masterlist to see all my work for this event!
Bingo Slot: Hair Playing
This is my first one shot with little Amajiki, so sorry if it’s not very good! I lowkey wrote all this at 1 in the morning, so I honestly have no idea what sleep deprived me came up with 😂💀
Also I’m in mobile and at work so I can’t add a “Read More” 😭 I’ll try to get to it when I’m at home!
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚:
You gasped, your eyes blown out of sockets as you looked around at the garden. The smile you were sporting in your cheeks was uncontainable-there we’re just so many butterflies.
They fluttered to and fro like little fairies, each one having a different wing design and a different color. They were so beautiful, so delicate, their wings creating a symphony of small sounds as they fluttered on to the available flowers and trees.
You mind instantly began to pinpoint the different species, the little bodies so used to humans that they were zooming across your own as if you were apart of the forest yourself.
There was a monarch, a painted lady, red admiral, orange sulphur-
“Do-do you like it?”
Tamaki was watching you nervously, his voice nervous as his eyes trained on your shocked face.
He knew how much you loved butterflies and moths, something he had learned about you very early on in your relationship. You had a special bond with the creatures, always researching and learning about new species each day.
After he had learned about this conservatory after you had talked about wanting to go, he knew instantly he had to buy tickets for you to go. He had made a surprise until now, your complete silence making him nervous.
Maybe you didn’t want to go here? Maybe he heard you wrong?
“Oh Tama, it’s-it’s amazing,” you breathed out, your smile evident in your voice, “its perfect,”
You grabbed his hand tenderly, your digits softly gracing the pads of his flesh. Tamaki gulped, a blush evident in his face-he still wasn’t used to this whole relationship, it was honestly scary to him, but-it felt nice. He loved having your skin against his, almost a reminder that none of this was a dream and in fact real.
Now that he could breathe a sigh of relief, he let himself melt into your touch, a nervous smile gracing his lips.
He had to admit it, this place was really breathtaking. The trees were incredibly tall, almost as tall as a whole house, the canopies dropping down as if protecting the butterflies from the outside world. The flowers decorating the floor were bright and colorful like confetti, matching the multiple colors of the butterflies. The damp dirt was sweet, making the whole conservatory smell like the earth after a rainstorm. Everything about this place felt pure and peaceful, making Tamaki feel more at ease.
You squeezed your nervous boyfriend’s hand, turning to look at his adorably shy expression.
“Cmon Tama,” you cooed sweetly, “lets go explore-“
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚:
Now you were sitting on the floor with Amajiki, both your legs crossed casually. You had your phone out, giggling softly as you took pictures of the shy boy.
“Geez Tamaki, I didn’t know you were such a butterfly whisperer,” you giggled, taking another round of pictures of him.
He arms were stretched out along his body, a squirming expression on his face as he tried not to move. Amajiki had to have at least 10 butterflies on each of his arm, not including the ones fluttering on his chest and head, the butterflies somehow all crowding on to him.
“I-I didn’t know-either,” he stuttered out.
He looked so sweet like this, trying hard not to disturb the little creatures on his body.
You smiled again at the boy, settling into the floor as you peered into his indigo blue eyes.
“Do you know what it means when a butterfly lands on you?” You asked quietly, a small smile on your lips.
“No-I dont,” Tamaki stared at you, his eyes wide. “What does it mean?”
You leaned in to him, looking at each butterfly with warmth and affection.
“Well honestly, there’s a lot of interpretations-some say it means transformation and growth, a sign you're discovering your inner wisdom. In dreams, it can mean you're on the right track about a decision, or just good luck.”
You smiled, giving him an embarrassed look.
“Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear me ramble-“
“It’s okay, you can talk about them,”” he interjected, taking care to not move his jaw too much in order to not scare the butterflies. “I think its-it’s....sweet, that you know so much,”
Tamaki was blushing, his cheeks tinged with red. He would be completely embarrased to admit it out loud but-he absolutely loved to hear you talk. You were usually shy and kept to yourself, but when ever you got passionate about something and just rambled, it was-well-nice. He could almost get a glimpse into your mind, seeing how the ideas just flowed through you and created such interesting thoughts. It was intoxicating to Tamaki, and he could never get enough of it.
“Do-do you know what this one is?” he asked timidly, his eyes trained on a beautiful red butterfly with an inky black trim.
“Oh, that one?” you cooed, leaning in slightly towards the little bug. “Thats a red admiral- red butterflies usually symbolize intense love and passion, so sometimes its associated with lovers,”
“Do-do you like those ones? The red?” he asked. His arms were beginning to feel tired frm keeping the butterflies up comfortably, but the ticklish feeling of their beatiing wings took some of the sting off his aching limbs.
You shrugged your shoulders, a carefree smile on your lips.
“I think they’re beautiful,” you said, “but they have alot of bad associated with them. Like some myths from Scotland say a red butterfly is a witch in disguise. Or from Korea, they say that if you touch a red butterfly and then touch your eye, you’ll evetnually go blind.”
Tamaki gulped, his inky blue eyes wide.
“Well thats a little-intense,” he stammered.
You giggled at his obivous shock, your nose scrunched so so adorably Tamaki felt his heart squeeze.
“Yeah just a litle,” you smiled softly.
Your hand reached out, Tamaki watching your every move as you delictely picked up an orange butterfly, its design swirling with black an white.
“This one- is one of my favorites,” you mused, your eyes drinking in lovingly the little orange creature.
Tamaki sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“It-its beautiful,”
You simply nodded, a sweet smile on your face as you watched the butterfly flutter on your pointer.
“This is a monarch-I pretty sure you’ve seen it before,”
Tamaki hummed in agreement-come to think of it, he had learned about his butterfly. He had only vaguely seen it in grade school, maybe in one of the science books he had read in class, but he had never seen it up close.
It was so beautiful, the orange so vibrant yet gentle, the black design looing almost handpainted-perfectly and imperfectly created by Nature’s own hands.
“I think these are absolutely beautiful, but what I really like is the folklore behind them.”
“In Mexico, many pople believe that the monarch migration are actually souls from the Land of the Dead that visit each year during the Fall season. They decorate their altars, and even sometimes dress up as them to help the souls come back to earth and visit their loved ones.”
You gazes at the little creature, your eyes full of admiration aad affection.
“It just-sounds so sweet ya know? That all these people wait for these little guys, and feel so mucch hope and love for them, because they’re a promise that their love never truly dies,”
Tamakki smiled timiidly at the little monarch-how could he tell you that thats exactly how he felt aout you?
You were his little monarch- he had waiting for someone like you to come into his life, to be a promise that everything was going to be okay. That any insecurity or problem he felt he had with himself wasnt so bad as he thought it was- to give him hope that in the future things would turn out okay. He was terrfied some days that your love was all just a fantasy, that maybe, for some reason, you didnt truly love him like he did and you were just dating him out of pity. It was hard for him to get out of those very low stupors, when he felt like he had no worth, but rememebring your smile and your voice and they way you said “I love you” to him made him realize it was all in his head- that your love for each other was real. You were his promose that love was true and never just went away.
You looked up at Tamaki, your soft smile turning into a surpressed chuckle. Somehow when you had been talking about the monarchs, even more butterflies had landed on Tamaki, making hard to even see the color of his shirt now.
“Tama, do you need some help?” you giggled, looking att he doting man with wide innocent eyes.
Tamaki blinked a few times, waking himself up frm his daze-did that many butterflies land on him?
The ache on his arms seemed to get even worse, making his muscles quiver from the effort.
He gulped, a shy grin on his face.
“Y-yes, thatd be nice,” he said, loving how sweet your giggles sounded.
You began to gently help Tamaki say goodbye to his new found friends, tapping gently on his arm to send vibrations that would make the butterflies stutter away. Some were a little more determined, making you have to take it off his shirt by placing it on your finger and gently blowing on it to make it fly off.
All your gentle prodding was making Tamaki blush intensely- he honestly loved your touches, but he was always too nervous to say so.
He simply sat there, relishing the feeling of your skin against his clothing as the dull ache in his arms began to wash away.
Afer a few minutes of prodding, you finally gave a sigh.
“Alright, I think thats the most of them-just now for your hair…”
There were a few butterflies perched in his inky locks, making their colorful wings stand out even more in the almost black landscape of his tresses.
You reached out, your hands beginning to rack against his hair, lifting the strands gently in order to get the butterflies to melt away from his body.
Poor Tamaki’s face began to heat up intensely- this was something he absolutely adored. Whenever you burshed, combed, or even just touched his hair, he instantly felt at ease. His whole body felt warmed up with a bubbly sensation, and butterflies filled his stomach (no pun intended).
He sighed in content, his long black lashes fluttering downward- he could honestly sleep right here, with you touching his hair so soothingly as the butterflies beat their gentle wings in the background.
You definitely noticed that little sigh, a small chuckle escaping your lips.
“You like it when I touch your hair Tama?” you asked sweetly, your heart swelling when you see Tamaki’s cheeks look so warm.
God-why was your boyfriend so adorably cute?
I-uh-uh yes I do,” he stuttered out,clearly sheepish, “could-could you keep touching me-like that?”
You grinned softly, your hands wracking into his hair even more,
God, you could scream with joy right now. Your boyfriend rarey asked for touches, unless he was extremely tired or distraught- it took alot for him to admit he wanted any type of touches, and in public too. He must feel so calm in this moment, and you couldnt be more happy for him. Your heart swelled,a strange sensation of wanting to just kiss him taking over your body.
“Sure thing,” you whispered, your digits caressing his locks. You two sat in complete and comfortable silence, Tamaki focusing on your every touch while you simply relished playing through his har, twisting and brushing the inky black locks.
Amaki felt so at peace it was almost nervewracking-all of this felt like a dream, and he was scared that if he opened his eyes, he would wake up to nothignness. You wouldnt be there, the butterflies would disapperear, and his whole world would no longer be decorated in colors but in meek grays. You were his eveything to him, and he couldnt let you go.
Tamaki gulped, his brows knitted downi n conflict.
“Y/n I-is this a dream?”
You gave a short giggle, finding the comment quite adorable.
“No, sweetie, it isnt-why do you ask?”
“Because-this feels-it feels to good to be real.”
You faltered slightly from touching his hair, your fingers stopping in their tracks.
Too good to be real?
“Tama, I-” you tried to ask gently, but Amajiki beat you to your words. His eyes fluttered open, his hand reaching for your wrist and bringing it downwards, holding it close to his chest.
Y/n, youre-youre my marposa,” he stated, his voice almost forceful, as if he was trying to convince you of his words. “Youre my promise of love. Please-I know it doesnt make much sense but-but you mean everything to me, and I, terrified that of this is-”
Tamaki words were muffled against your lips, your flesh pressed up gently against his own. He tensed up slightly, his body full of shock until he finally succumbed to it, his cheeks on fire as he melted into you.
You pulled away from the stuttering boy, a blissful smile on your lips.
“-fake?” you finished his sentence, “Did that feel fake to you Tamaki?”
The boy didnt know what to do-his whole body felt like it was on overdrive, his skin feeling tingly and warm and shivers crawling deliciously down his back.
Only you could make his nervousness feel exhelirating, and he drank up every minute of being so intimate with you.
N-no,” he stammered, his eyes watching as you smiled at him, your head cocked towards your shoulder.
“You have nothing to worry about-Ill always be right here with you,” you tenderly grabbed for the boy’s hand, your fingers dancing lazily against his digits.
“Youre my promise too”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚:
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t5ltherapy · 5 months
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heloflor · 3 years
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Me : “I don’t think I should write characters that are explicitly neurodivergent because I don’t know that much about neurodiversity and I never take the time to know more. If I were to make a character who happens to have neurodivergent traits and call them neurodivergent, I might get it wrong and I don’t want to give a fic with bad or stereotypical representation in it, it’s unfair for those who can and wish to identify with the character. So if I write about a character that the fandom sees as neurodivergent, I will simply try to write them close to their canon personality; and if they happen to have traits that people can identify, I’ll just let other people do their own headacanons around it without touching on the topic myself.”
Also me :  “So :
- Vinnie Dakota absolutely adores animals. In the future, all animals are extinct, so in order to see animals, you either get a robot pet or you pay to have some time in a “place simulation” room and order it to simulate a field with holographic animals. Dakota learned about animals through books and often went to the simulation place or bough some stickers and other stuff from the rare places that still sold animal merch. He never got a robotic pet or never kept it for long because it’s too dull compared to a real animal, or should I say his thoughts of real animals.
- During his first mission, Dakota was ecstatic to see animals for the first time and, after the mission, spent a few hours looking at and petting the ones he could. In his house in the future, he has a room in which he displays animal-related stuff he got from his missions through time, like art or figurines or ornaments or even plushies etc. He might also sometimes take pictures of animals and put them with the souvenir he got from the same mission. He takes extra care of the stuff he has in this room and organizes it a certain way. He has the money to have a place with several rooms : as we see in “Picture Day”, once they got fired, Cavendish and Dakota had the money to go to Hawaii for an entire week and without knowing when and how they will get a new job, since Bob Block met them as they were about to leave for their vacation. Also Cavendish mentioned studying for 20 cycles, so this job doesn’t seem like a given. So being a time traveler seems to pay well.
- When he and Cavendish started dating (I headcanon them as starting to date 2 years after meeting a marrying 3 years later, so 5 years after meeting), everytime they went through a century they never or barely visited, Dakota would get a random souvenir, not always animal-related, along with a picture of either him, Cavendish or both of them. He puts these souvenirs and pictures in a different part of the room. The picture we see in their car in “Fungus Among Us” is from a mission in a place they visited before, but Dakota found the situation too funny to not take a picture.
- Every celebration (holidays, birthdays, dates important to them), Cavendish and Dakota would give each other gifts. Dakota always tries to find something related to Professor Time while Cavendish forces himself to break a few rules and go back in time without being ordered to so he can find something animal-related to Dakota. Dakota is always genuinely happy about these gifts, though he learned not to tease Cavendish about the whole “breaking the rules” situation. Those gifts are either stuff like fossils or skulls/bones or they’re stuff related to the culture of the time-period like watching tournaments in ancient Rome.
- When the two get married and buy a place together, Dakota makes sure it has a room large enough to put his growing collection. As time went by, it started to be less about animals and more about what they find during their missions, though the animal part is still very much there. Dakota refers to the room as “The memory room” while Cavendish calls it “Vinnie’s room”. Cavendish doesn’t spend that much time in it, though he absolutely loves the feeling of reminiscence the collection gives him. If he has guests at home, he tries to keep them away from the room. He knows how important it is for Dakota and doesn’t want it to be disrupted. Cavendish tried to get into Dakota’s passion but, while he found some stuff to be interesting, he’s not really into it compared to Dakota.
- After the events of the episode “We’re Going to the Zoo”, Dakota brought back tickets for his collection, along with a picture of him holding squirrels in his arms while another one has its head coming out of Dakota’s pants, near his feet. Dakota went back to the zoo several times and ended up learning what every animal was and in which section of the zoo they were.
- When the two are fired and banned, they only get like an hour to pack all their stuff. So Dakota uses some future deus ex machina technology, making their house surrounded by a barrier that only the two of them can open. That way, nobody can touch the house and, if they were to be able to go back to the future, which seems to be the case if season 2 was already thought of when “A Christmas Peril” was made, Dakota could find his collection intact, along with the rest of the house.
- Once stuck in the past, Dakota kind of gave up on doing a collection. They don’t have enough space and the realization that Cavendish could now die anytime put a lot on stress on him and most of his thoughts were on Cavendish. This stress started to dim out after the events of the second half of the season, when Dakota realized that maybe the world was done trying to get rid of Cavendish, given how the man was able to survive alone for about a month. During the first celebration they had since getting banned, Cavendish bought something animal-related as usual and it led Dakota to wish to start a collection again. Given the space and their current situation, this collection would mostly be pictures that he can keep in an album in a drawer. Cavendish would probably be the one to buy the album after realizing that Dakota started taking random pictures again.
- At some point, Cavendish learns that there’s a petting zoo in Danville and decides to use it as a birthday gift/surprise. Dakota has never been more in love with him than during the moment when he stepped out of the car and saw the place’s sign (with the exception of their wedding and honeymoon).
 …aaaannnd I just made Dakota have an hyperfixation, didn’t I ?
Though, to be honest, I really do want to write characters that are diverse, not only in terms of sexuality like I already do but also in upbringing and neurodiversity. Thing is, to write a neurodivergent character, I need to have the answer to these questions : How often do they stim ? What are the most common stims and what is and isn’t considered as such, aka what does the character does in the show that seems to be a stim ? How does the character acts/should act with others ? Which social cues do they understand ? Which ones do they not understand ? How to write a character that you can tell is neurodivergent without having to make them scream ‘I’m not neurotypical’; with instead having the only ‘confirmation’ of it being in the tags ? How to make them very excited about something without falling into the ‘autistic people are children’ stereotype ?
As long as I can’t answer these questions, I refuse to be an idiot and try to write about something I know I will mess up. And while I do have the curiosity and will to learn more, if not simply because I’m curious about neurodiversity, don’t expect me to write about it anytime soon. Right now my priority is to ‘digitalize’ all the dozen fics I wrote on paper (two of them had been in my writing pile for two years, and several for a year) while making the eventual post that comes to mind like this one.”
Edit : So a few weeks after making that post, I started to learn more about neurodiversity because being autistic makes you curious to know what kinds of behaviors are due to you not being neurotypical. And, as it had been pointed out, I’m not using the correct term here. I didn’t give Dakota a hyperfixation but a special interest. From what I understand, the difference is that hyperfixations stick to you constantly for a while (a few weeks or months), leading you to easily hyperfocus on the topic, before you suddenly start to get less invested in that interest. On the other hand, special interests can stick for months or sometimes years. And even if you’re not constantly thinking about your interest, it’s still there in a corner of your mind and you never get tired of it and keep the knowledge you accumulated to talk about it anytime.
So yeah, I gave Dakota a special interest. The reason why I thought it was a hyperfixation is because I see this term be very often associated with ADHD and a lot of people see Dakota as having ADHD. But still, my bad for mixing up the two. And the reason I didn’t edit the post sooner is because it kind of slipped out of my mind until I made a new post today that mentions this one. Sorry for that too.
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johnkrrasinski · 4 years
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𝐄𝐱𝐢𝐥𝐞
Chapter 2: Those Eyes Add Insult to Injury
full masterlist // series masterlist // commission open // support my work
Pairings: Dark!Steve Rogers (in future chapters) x Reader
Word Count: 2,554
Summary: Steve Rogers; a Hollywood A-lister and your clandestine occasional hookup. Best friends since childhood, but people change and friendships fall out. Now you were merely strangers with benefits. What happens when one day you stopped being his doormat to be a better man’s queen? The selfish Steve Rogers would not like it. How far is he willing to go to get his favorite possession back?
Warnings: smut, non-con/dub-con, dark Steve (in later chapter), angst, Steve Rogers is an asshole in this one, no redeeming qualities. (MUST BE 18+)
A/N: this series is dedicated to the lovely @belovedcherry​​ who commissioned this story and developed the concept. thank you for being a friend when i truly needed it. i’m really glad that you trusted me to write this story for you. with all my heart, i sincerely hope you like it. this series will be updated everyday, there will be 4 more chapters ahead.
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Several years had passed since you graduated. You and Wanda remained close despite the bustle of life would get in the way sometimes. She got accepted in Yale University and she chose to study Psychology. Maybe that’s why she and you got along so well. You both were humanitarians at hearts.
College was a lot more fun than high school but that also meant the bigger pressure would come along in one package. Nothing that you didn’t expect. You went into social study major to groom yourself for the future you had set for yourself. Life went along as methodically as you originally designed.
But fate was a comical thing sometimes. When it has settled its decision to place two people who have such a rich history in their past together, it would be inevitable and inescapable one way or another.
The past couple of years of high school, you and Steve were practically strangers who went to the same school. He never greeted or talked to you anymore in class and he abandoned every ritual you had in the good old days. He stopped calling or texting, he stopped answering and he stopped coming over.
He just… stopped knowing you.
There wasn’t a day that passed by without you pondering about where did it all go wrong? How did the fair-headed friendship that bloomed like the flowers in spring slip away as briskly as a bottle of wine? A million questions rushed through your nostalgic head and as the season changed, the gap between you and Steve kept extending wider and wider.
You didn’t even know whether he really went to college or not. Or perhaps, he decided to go straight into auditions and found himself a good agent who was willing to manage his career. You still remember when he was so eager to do whatever it takes to study in NYU but you assumed that things had changed since then. He was a different person, after all, maybe he had new plans to pursue his dreams. But of course, life deprecated its surprises being spoiled.
Who would’ve warned you that you would get accepted to New York University as well as Steve?
You didn’t know until you ran into him at a sorority party that you were reluctant to go at first because you were never that much of a party gal, but your roommate, Natasha coerced you to.
Natasha was a kind person but she could also be a little bold than you were used to. You were grateful that she was your roommate though, you were a little worried that you might have to live with someone who was mean or untidy, everything that Natasha was not. You could imagine the relief when you learned how organized and sensible Natasha was. You had a feeling that the friendship you and Natasha had was going to last a lifetime.
“My sweet girl, y/n, I love you but you really gotta put yourself out there, okay? Forget that motherfucker Steve Rogers. He ain’t shit. If you go to the party with me, you might actually find yourself a decent guy who’s a lot cuter than him and who will treat you right. Because if he doesn’t then I’m gonna kick his ass and he will think twice before cheating on you.”
“I’m not looking for a boyfriend, Nat. Besides, I don’t care about Steve anymore,” you lied. “It’s not even about him, I’m just simply not much of a partier.”
“Bullshit. You are now. Let’s go. I won’t hear any more excuses.”
So you had no other choice but to put on a simple dress and went to the party with Nat. There was no saying no to her when she had made up her mind. Plus, you thought it would be a good idea to familiarize yourself with the vicinity and your potential classmates.
You also wrote a new resolution in your invisible diary that you were going to expand your connection in college and socialize more. You were only really friends with Wanda back in high school. You also shared a few classes with Pete Parker who was nice and smart, despite being a little gauche sometimes and you would often talk to him but that was it.
You also lost your childhood best friend who knew you better than anyone else before Wanda did. It truly deteriorated your trust issues and that’s why it was difficult for you to insert yourself in social situations and just effortlessly talk with any stranger.
You stood in the corner with a red plastic cup in your hand that was still almost full of beer. You didn’t drink either so you had no idea why you even bothered holding it. Maybe it gave you a sense of comfort that you wouldn’t be totally alone in this party.
Natasha had asked you to dance but you knew you’d look like an untrained clown at a circus, so you refused to join her. Natasha was currently lost in the music, dancing with a guy named Clint. You had no idea who the hell he was but he seemed nice, and you knew that if Clint had bad intentions with Natasha, he wouldn’t stand a chance and you wouldn’t let him so you assigned yourself the job to watch over Natasha and bring her home safely in case she chugs down a little too much alcohol.
Your eyes wandered around the room, trying to recognize and learn some faces. It felt like you were the only lonely person in the room as the exuberant music faded into the background. Everything felt slow and steady until the person who just walked through the door made your heart stop.
It was Steve. Steve Rogers.
The person you had incessantly wondered about. You hadn’t seen him in over a year even during the gap between graduating and starting your freshman year in college. You were too occupied in moving out, spending as many time as possible with Wanda and your family and filling out college requirements. Steve would emerge in your mind every once in a while but you tried to erase him away as quickly as possible when it happens because you didn’t want to waste your time missing a ghost and someone who probably never spared a second of his life thinking about you too when you are surrounded with your loved ones for the last time.
You didn’t know when you were going to be able to see Wanda again. She was going to New Haven and that means, it would take at least at two hours drive to visit her so you cherished the last moments that you had with her. She was like a sister to you. You still talked to Wanda nearly every day through texts but you also didn’t want to intrude her study too much. Besides, you had your own duties too as a college student now.
So why did it feel like your lungs stopped functioning when you saw his gorgeous face and those familiar pair of cerulean blue eyes? He had a grin on his face as he walked in with five other college boys. You didn’t know who they were but you assumed they were his new group of nitwit friends. Steve was wearing a brown leather jacket with a black shirt underneath.
He walked to where the kegs were with the boys trailing him along like they were his security team. They joked with each other boisterously as if they owned the place. Typical. Nothing you hadn’t seen in high school. But you couldn’t avert your sights from Steve. You were too riveted by the fact that Steve was here, at a sorority party of NYU.
It couldn’t really be him, right? I mean, is this serious? You two really attended the same university? This must be a joke.
Your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Nat pat your shoulder with her energy still blazing from the dance floor. “Whew, that was fun but I need some drink now.”
You didn’t respond as your lips were still agape, not knowing what you were supposed to say to her.
“Y/N? You alright? You look like you saw a ghost.” 
“He’s here.”
“What? Who?”
“Steve Rogers. The guy that I told you about.”
“Where?!”
You pointed in his direction where he was surrounded by a bunch of pretty girls in skimpy dresses now. One of them was groping his bicep shamelessly and Steve had his arm around her waist. She threw her head back as she laughed cheerfully at something he just said.
“You gotta talk to him! Have some closure.”
“What? What the hell am I supposed to say to him?”
“Tell him that you and him are through and maybe, throw a drink at him afterwards. That scumbag deserves it.”
“Nat, no! Are you insane? I don’t wanna cause a scene.”
“But you can’t just let him get away with whatever he wants, y/n!”
“No, let’s just go home and forget it, okay?”
“Alright, if you’re not gonna talk to him, then I will.”
“No, Nat! Stop! What are you doing?! ” But she was already approaching him with ardent footsteps and fire in her guts as she brazenly inserted herself into the middle of the scene.
“Excuse me,” she sarcastically greeted the group. “Yeah, hi, I just need a minute. Are you Steve Rogers?”
You followed behind her but you stood just a few feet away from the incident so that Steve wouldn’t see you. But you could see from over Nat’s shoulder that Steve had a perplexed look on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed and all the girls around him were staring at Nat like she was a crazy person who just randomly popped up uninvited.
“…yeah.” He answered.
“Oh, so you’re the asshole that my roommate has been talking about. Man, she really didn’t lie.”
“Excuse me?” The puzzled look on his face turned into an offended one.
“Yeah, my roommate y/n. Does that ring a bell?”
He was aghasted at the mention of your name. Before he was given a chance to answer, Natasha filled his silence with more of her venomous words. “You really have the audacity to show your face here, huh? I swear to you, the next time I see your irritable face again, I will make you regret for ever breathing in my direction, but for now, I think this will do.” She threw the beer in her cup onto his face, humiliating him in front of everyone who was entertained by the drama.
Steve wiped his face with his hand and he was too stupefied by the information that had just been dumped on him like a cold water. Well, it wasn’t entirely figurative though.
Before Natasha walked away, she sneered with a sly smirk on her face, “enjoy your party.” She shoved the empty cup to one of the girl’s chest as she reflexively caught it, with a flummoxed expression, her eyes didn’t stray from Natasha.
She walked away vauntingly from the flock towards you, “let’s go, y/n.” as she kept walking towards the entrance. You were still frozen in your spot as she was already going for the door. But before you could follow her, your eyes landed on Steve’s doused face as his eyes were already fixated on you.
For a moment there, there were only you and Steve and the intimacy of unspoken farewells and muted longing that were encapsulated in one bubble of silence that comes when two people understand each other. It was like the drawer of Steve’s things that he left with the memories and he never asked you to return came hurdling back like ocean waves and everything just evaporated in the ticking time.
There was no need for words because your eyes delivered more than both of your lips had in the past couple of years.
“Y/N?” He uttered your name. That was perhaps the first time he had called you in years. And with that, it was like every broken piece you had intensively woven back together ruptured and there was no safety net that would prepare you for this fallout.  
He was bewildered by seeing you here and you had no clue what you were supposed to say. So you threw him a poignant smile, forcing yourself to put on an impassive facade in front of him. You were good at that, you had years of practice from all those times you found Steve making out with Janet in the parking lot. You wonder if they were still together?
You wordlessly walked away and joined Natasha to the front porch. Steve watched you turn your back on him, not knowing whether he should call your name again, follow you or he should just let you go. You on your way back home were filled with so many thoughts. You couldn't help but wonder, what would’ve happened if you had stayed and talked to him at the party? What would he say to you? Would he even care at all?
But on the other hand, you were relieved. It’s like, you truly got the closure Natasha said you deserved. Never in a million years, you would ever dream about standing up to Steve like that. Hell, you weren’t even brave enough to tell him how you feel back when you were younger. But may God bless Natasha and her parents for creating her, she defended you in a way that you could never do. And she showed you that maybe, it’s time you hold on to your promise that you vowed to yourself, that you were finally going to move on and bury him into your memory dump.
You were in college now. You had no time to wallow in sadness and heartbreak caused by a douche like Steve Rogers. So you made peace with the fact that it was probably the last time you were ever going to see him. You might run into him around college but you weren’t going to let it shake your ground. You unlocked the door of your dorm with a contented smile on your face as you sat on your bed.
Natasha instantly went for the small closet to change into her pyjamas but was briefly delayed by your mumble. “Thank you.”
“Pardon?” Natasha turned her head into your direction.
“Thank you. For doing that… At the party.” You smiled at her. You sincerely meant every word.
“I’d never let a man walk over a good woman like you, y/n.”
You nodded as she carried on with what she was doing. She went into the bathroom to wash herself off and you laid in your bed, feeling lighter than you had ever felt in years. Maybe she was right. It was time you realize your worth. You spent too many years doubting yourself just because Steve was too much of a reprobate to cherish you.
You closed your eyes, relishing in the comfort of your bed without fearing a ghost looming in your sweet dreams anymore now.
Letting tomorrow surprise you with whatever it has in store. Sometimes it involves a charming devil standing on the other side of your door with flowers in his hands and a wicked scheme to accomplish.
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pinkhairedlily · 3 years
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Chapter 1 - Student Council President Sakura
SCPS AO3 | PREVIOUS CHAPTER
Sasuke’s first year was rather uneventful. He wasn’t in the same class as Naruto and Sakura, and thank God he wasn’t because from what he heard in the hallway and in the classroom during breaks, they were described as having uncontrollable bursts of energy. The other likable, the other a menace to mankind. He kept to himself most of the time, never went to class late, recited perfectly, ranked first on all tests. When there were group works, he would submit a finished output before they could even hold a meeting. He didn’t bother with his classmates’ workarounds – hanging out in cafes just to discuss menial matters or having sleepovers as an excuse to make a move. He didn’t have the energy to bother. And so from orphan genius, he became the stuck-up genius. That was okay with him. He had been called worse names before.
He didn’t know when it exactly started, but the yard behind the library had turned into his refuge. No one really visited it because of the tall piles of recycled materials, but there was a small clearing hidden by thick vines and untended trees. There, Sasuke found small minutes of peace.
Past the shrubbery and the foliage and the fence, one can see the lake behind the school. It was deep and wide enough that dragonboat teams would practice in it during summer. Couples would frequent it after school hours and think no one can see the kisses, the hand-holding, the hugs. Beyond the lake was a museum he frequented when he was a child, and then the city center wherein all roads connected to the train station. One can get on it, travel for three stations, and disembark on the fourth. It usually took thirty minutes if one strictly walked on the streets, but Sasuke would cut across the mini-bamboo forest in that area, emerge behind the bakery, still have the time to buy his favorite cream puffs, walk past two houses, and arrive at their family house. It was closed since then, the sales proceedings wrapping up after months. It would take another three years for the trust fund to be entirely turned over to him. By that time, he would be safely out of the clutches of his memories.
His exclusive space and time for musings was suddenly cut off in the middle of the school year when Naruto accidentally stumbled upon him eating an egg sandwich for lunch. Sasuke heard distant screams from the usual troublemakers and saw the silent plea on Naruto’s face. It wasn’t hard to know who they were looking for. He angled his head towards the blonde who was sweaty, had cuts on his arms, and twigs on his hair. Naruto flashed him an apologetic grin and crawled to his side.
“They said my laughter was annoying.” Naruto fixed his almost tattered clothes and laid on the grass. “Quite an oasis you have here.”
Sasuke sighed, too defeated right now to muster a retort. He fished another sandwich from his pocket and gave it to Naruto. “Eat.”
“Grumpy! You are a lifesaver!” He grinned sheepishly and ravaged the food in big bites.
“Keep your voice down, will you?” Sasuke snapped. “By the loudness of it, one won’t need a tracker to find you.” He opened his water bottle for a drink but that too was stolen by a choking Naruto.
“Sorry about that. I’ll pay you when my stipend arrives.”
“Never mind that.”
Finally full, Naruto went back to lying on the grass and closed his eyes for a quick nap. Sasuke saw the bruises on his knuckles and smirked. This kid can fight.
So he is on scholarship too.
“Uchiha Sasuke. That’s your name, right?” Naruto still had his eyes closed, enjoying the light breeze, and the silence that ensued when the troublemakers left the area.
“What about it?” He was waiting for the patronizing statements or the pity looks.
“We’re the same,” Naruto muttered, kind of like a matter-of-fact. “You just had the better side of the coin. Wished I had the board scholarship, but I’m bad at studying.”
The board scholarship was inevitable. Albeit being public in a sense, it was awarded to him as some sort of posthumous act because his father was a member. It was an open secret among the school officials, but he wasn’t sure if the students caught up on it yet. He wondered what common denominator tied him to Naruto. “So what do you have then?”
Naruto opened one eye and smirk. “Are you interested in knowing me?”
The school bells rang. Time’s up for lunch break and Sasuke’s impulsive interrogation. Looking back, he felt some kind of humiliation because he was explicitly giving interest in someone else’s life, however minute it was.
------------------------------
His peaceful abode didn’t revert back to the way it was. Naruto had invaded it as his hiding place from the bullies. He would come sometimes with an onigiri or a sandwich but most of the time, empty-handed. Before Sasuke could pick up on their previous conversation, the blonde would fall asleep, or at least pretend to. Absent parents then, he thought, noting the absence of prepared lunch and frequent convenience store purchases. Like him. He confirmed this the following day when he heard the bullies attacking him on the hallway.
“You should die, orphan kid. No one would miss you anyway.” A bald student aimed to kick him on the stomach, but Naruto blocked this with his arms. There was a reserved glare in his eyes, but before he could return the attack, two other kids forced his arms to open and give access to the target point. Sasuke found his feet walking briskly towards the scene, his hands ready to grab Naruto’s collar to safety.
“Sakura!” Students yelled out in confusion. A pink flash in his periphery.
She kicked the attacking student on the back with such force that reeled him forward to the ground, definitely knocking a tooth out and him unconscious. She planted both of her feet on his prone body and glared at his backup. “Bullying has no space in this school. Let go of him or I’ll tell the faculty to raise your disciplinary actions to suspension.” She was assertive, her every step unwavering in front of crisis.
Sasuke briefly wondered if she wouldn’t get disciplinary action as well for kicking a student. Well, she could frame it as self-defense. As if on cue with his thoughts, several teachers came to the scene and took the bullies to the faculty room, including Sakura.
“It wasn’t her fault,” Naruto yelled. He was supported with muffled agreements from other witnesses.
“Don’t worry about me. What’s important is you’re safe,” she flashed him a wink and waved goodbye. Sasuke can only see Naruto’s back, but he guessed the blonde dude was smiling from ear to ear and probably blushing. He also saw that she limped. Quite devious of her to distract everyone with that smile and that cherry pink hair in a ponytail.
------------------------------
Naruto was whistling when he joined Sasuke behind the library the next day. He didn’t have a sandwich or onigiri with him, but he had a bento lunch box. He must have seen Sasuke’s slight quick eyebrow raise because he immediately boasted about it.
“Sakura gave this to me!” Naruto showed it around like it was a product advertisement. “She said she made it herself! I feel loved.” He then hugged it like a child would a prized teddy bear.
“Wow, that escalated quickly.” Sasuke was feeling snarky. He continued munching on his sandwich. For today, it was tuna and cheese flavor.
“I might have a crush on her! The way she kicked that bully to the ground was such a sight to see. I think all of us in our class already admire her.” Sasuke didn’t reply. She was the hot topic in his classroom, along the halls, and at the school gates. Everyone was gushing about her bravery and her contrasting personality from her feminine looks, as if strength and beauty was so sparingly exclusive.
“Maybe she felt sorry for you.”
“Would take her kind of pity any other day.” Naruto opened the bento lunch box, the aroma arresting the two boys’ senses. Rice seasoned with shiso, karaage chicken, a small piece of salmon, lettuce wrap, tamagoyaki, and potato salad. How she fit them all inside a small container was a mystery, but it was an amazing food presentation that even Sasuke’s mouth instinctively watered at the sight.
“She wasn’t overbearing at all. She just greeted me this morning while introducing herself, handed me a bento box and left in time for the school bell. As if I didn’t know her already.” Naruto brought the bento box closer to his nose and made a loud sniffing noise. “Maybe she likes me?”
Sasuke grimaced outwardly. “Get lost. She likes everyone.”
Naruto laughed. “That’s true. That’s true. She’s the kind of person that everyone wants and wants everyone. Since you’re letting me share your hideout, want to share this box?”
Sasuke fished out some tamagoyaki slices and karaage and directly placed them in his mouth. He stared at Naruto, expecting him to get angry but the blonde was happily devouring the dishes as well. They both nodded in approval of the taste. For a moment, they tasted again the joy of homemade cooking. Two orphans in a secluded area, hiding from the realities of the world, comforted by the works from the distant hands of a stranger.
That afternoon, Sasuke went back to that hideout, not wanting to go home with his classmate. His attention perked up when he heard some heavy footfalls near the area.
“Kakashi-sensei?” The voice was familiar. He heard it several times already, but he can’t connect a face. “You don’t have to do this really. It’s quite embarrassing.”
“Well, who was stupid enough to physically fight bullies in school and in plain sight? Look at your leg. You cannot even walk.”
It was her and Hatake Kakashi, the handsome Math teacher who loved reading on his free time, the teacher with sleek silver hair, the teacher all female students liked. Of course.
“It’s amazing how you noticed it, Sensei.”
“I’m your homeroom teacher, Sakura. Of course, I’ll notice the welfare of my students. You should have called in sick. Now, will you let me bring you to the school clinic?”
“Sorry about that, Kakashi-sensei.”
It wasn’t the voice of an inconvenienced student. It was the giddy voice of a girl with a budding crush. Their comfort stranger being comforted by another stranger.
------------------------------
The bullies went back to school after a month of suspension, just in time for the final exams before the winter vacation. Sasuke noticed that the bullies didn’t touch him even though he was an orphan himself. Acting with this knowledge, he started not to mind the greetings of Naruto whenever he would pass by his classroom. He would even sometimes walk with him in the hallways, earning weird looks from his schoolmates, because why would the stuck-up genius hang out with bully-magnet Naruto?
One caught on their weird connection. The two of them were walking towards the cafeteria when they passed by Sakura. Sasuke noticed she was no longer limping. She spent the whole month with a bandage around her ankle, and students would gush in concern over her. He found it comedic that they only showed this empathy when the bandage was visible and not immediately after that encounter when she was obviously in pain. It was brief but their gazes locked with each other, and she flashed him a smile. Naruto was too busy ranting on making up for extra classes so he didn’t notice her. Was the smile intended for him? Sasuke quickly shrugged this off, remembering Naruto’s comment about her being wanted by everyone, and also his incidental eavesdropping on her and Kakashi.
The annual cultural festival soon came around. This was one activity he was actually waiting for – he would skip and spend the whole week holed up in his apartment, but fate apparently wanted a different scenario. Naruto was their year’s head errand boy. Under him were other errand volunteers. When Sasuke saw the head coordinator for their batch, he understood the reason why. Haruno Sakura tied a red ribbon around her forehead and directed instructions to everyone.
He was too late when he realized this. “Uchiha Sasuke!” She knew his name, dammit.
She was dressed down to a white shirt two sizes too big for her with sleeves rolled up and jogging pants under her skirt. She handed him a hammer and pointed to the structure they were building. “Uchiha Sasuke, that’s your name, right? I’m pretty sure you heard me loud and clear.”
He grunted to himself and took the hammer from her hand. “I’m not deaf.”
“You just need to secure those two wood pillars on this scaffolding. More hands, the better, the faster.” He didn’t know if she was talking to him or to her companions. It didn’t actually bother her if there wasn’t any response. She continued pounding on the nail, pausing for a few seconds and looked at him. “You know how to use the hammer, right?”
You’re amazingly burdensome, Sasuke thought. He sighed, dejected at this sudden turn of events, and hammered his frustrations away. They continued to work in silence, well at least he was quiet. Every now and then, she would give instructions from her position, keeping everyone in check and in track of the year’s progress. It was in the middle of this particular moment that she missed and hammered her own finger. Sasuke waited for her to yell in pain, wince, or withdraw her hand from the task, but she continued as if nothing happened.
Sasuke pounded the last nail in its place, finishing his part before anyone else. He turned to Sakura’s side and saw that she was still working, rather slowly, and she was hiding the finger she hit. He pushed her away the second she paused for a break and ignored the hushed protests.
“That’s my part, Sasuke. Why are you working on it?”
He quickly finished attaching the remaining wood pillars, took both of their hammers, and returned them to the toolbox. He was eager to be rid of this task, but there was something tricky he needed to do.
“I guess I should thank you,” Sakura said, shyness somehow showing through her usual energetic demeanor.
He grabbed her hand and placed a few band-aids on her palm. Before she could say anything and demand more work from him, he quickly walked away.
“I’ll beat you in the exam ranking though!” She shouted after Sasuke, a statement which made him smile.
That was how he would describe his first year of high school and the start of his unintended relationships.
AO3 LINK | NEXT CHAPTER | CHAPTER 2
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realmadridfamily · 3 years
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“I want everyone to know how brave a woman she is”
“It's true, we feel privileged - we have a good financial situation and I play for the most famous football club in the world and everyone knows me - but this doesn't change the most important thing: we are ordinary people. Like everyone else, we have better and worse days, difficult and beautiful moments, cares and joys. We are strong but also vulnerable. The fact that today we have three wonderful children is largely due to my wife Vanja. I want everyone to know how brave a woman she is. When I think about the situations she had to face, my field worries are meaningless.”
Ivano
"... before my second season in Tottenham Hotspur Vanja and I started talking about getting married. We've been together for almost five years - over four years of which we've lived together. We both wanted to get married and legalize our relationship. During such discussions, we also established one important thing - we both wanted to have a child, or at least three children! One day Vanja was waiting for me at our favorite Italian restaurant in London. I didn't even wonder why she wanted so badly to go there. When I got inside, I noticed that she was nervous, which was unusual for her. I took my seat and Vanja said why she invited me here: "You're going to be a daddy!" It's hard to describe this moment with words. It was one of the best messages I have ever received! My beloved Vanja wanted to convey this to me in a special way. Even though she was tired of morning sickness, she tried to make this moment special. At home, I didn't even notice what was happening to her! She hid everything from me to make sure she was really pregnant. We really wanted our children to be born in Croatia ..." "... we returned to Zagreb on May 9, right after the Premier League ended. Vanja was resting, and I still had to fulfill two obligations with the Croatia NT. From May 24, I was free again and was able to be with my wife. These days were very warm, so I had the idea to go to Zadar and visit my family. Unfortunately, the doctor didn't want her to travel before the birth, so after the conversation we decided that I would go to my parents and sister alone. On the second night in Zadar, I heard my father. It was after five in the morning. Vanja called me but I didn't hear the phone! "Son, wake up! Vanja is going to the hospital!" In one second I woke up and was on my way to Zagreb! I felt bad about not accompanying her that night. Fortunately, her mother lived nearby ..." "... when I spoke to her on the phone I was very close to the hospital. "Vanja, I'll be right there! Please, wait if you can!" But she couldn't. Our first baby was born at 8:10 am and changed our lives forever. The moment when I saw my son for the first time and took him in my arms was one of the happiest in my life. I hugged Vanja and we promised each other that when she got pregnant again, we would definitely be together during the birth - and we kept our word! But then it was our first time, and we had no idea what was waiting for us - besides, Vanja was going to have a caesarean section. We couldn't have anticipated that it would all start three weeks earlier. Vanja and the baby had to stay a few more days at the clinic. I wanted to be part of everything that happened from then on, so I spent a couple of nights with them. For the first four days, the nurses would come to me every morning and ask : "Do we already have a name?" We couldn't make up our minds. Vanja was most concerned with the name Ivano. So I agreed. "Ivano! My little boy and great love ..." "... after two weeks, we were able to go home. Our families were very happy and I was enjoying the days when everything in my life was beautiful and had its place. One day Vanja said that something was wrong, she didn't feel well. At first I thought it was nothing serious and advised her to rest in the bedroom. After a while we heard the sound of a fall. I quickly ran to the second floor. I was shocked to realize that my wife couldn't breathe! We quickly took her to the hospital. Vanja felt a pain in her chest. The doctor admitted that he suspected a blood clot in the lungs and took care of it immediately. I calmed down a bit, but none of us could sleep that night. The blood clot was caused by the body's reaction to pregnancy. The situation was serious, but luckily everything ended well. How badly Vanja was, was evidenced by the fact that the next morning she forgot that she had a son! For the next month, I took her to the hospital every day, and she continued to take anticoagulants for another year and a half. Unfortunately, it wasn't over ..." "... a year has passed since the birth of Ivano. Vanja had migraines, and sometimes she had the feeling that the left side of her face was going numb. But she thought it would pass. One day in 2011, she told me concerned that she had stopped hearing in her left ear. She went for an MRI and there she was diagnosed with a tumor in her ear. At first, we were terrified, but the doctors explained that this was a problem to be solved. In the end, it was decided that gamma knife treatment would be the best option - but it turned out to wait ..."
Ema
"... we packed our own things that had to be taken to Madrid. Vanja took care of this in her second pregnancy. All the problems during the transfer negotiations, moving, adapting to work at Real Madrid and living in Madrid - all of these things we faced during her second pregnancy. I'm not sure Vanja wanted me to carry all these things myself. She didn't feel comfortable with being felt for her health problems ..." "... as you know, after Ivano was born, Vanja suffered a pulmonary embolism, so we were all very worried about her when she was in her second pregnancy. We moved to Madrid, where she was under constant medical supervision and took regular anticoagulant medicine ..." "... the day before the due date of delivery, we played in Dortmund. Coach Mourinho gave me a day off so I flew to Zagreb right after the match. The birth of our daughter was the second of our most beautiful experiences. Everything was fine and we dealt with the name quickly. We both liked short names, so Vanja made her decision - Ema! After a wonderful son, a beautiful daughter was born. The next day I had to go back to Madrid. I had my phone with me all the time! I was able to look at Ema every day until they joined me in the Spanish capital ..." "... in early 2014, my wife decided to fly to London for surgery. She was accompanied by her mother and cousin, because unfortunately I couldn't. It was terribly hard for me to concentrate on football, but I didn't want to talk about my problems. Our fight was our private fight. I didn't want to tell my wife anything because I knew that it’s difficult for her and she tries to hide her fear from me. I had to be strong for her and the kids. We faced everything with a positive attitude ..." "... after returning from London, Vanja had to stick to a special order of the day. I helped her in everything I could. The symptoms went away, which was a good sign. After six months of waiting, she went for her first checkup. The study showed that the tumor began to shrink - today it is four times smaller than it was when it was discovered. Vanja visits the doctor regularly and she feels very well ..."
Sofia
"... after several years of full stabilization, we enjoyed our happiness with Ivano and Ema and the successful stage of my career. And then Vanja, in a moment of weakness, told me something that I believe had been on her mind for a long time: "Luka, I wish we had a third child!" She was fine and after Ema was born she had no complaints, but I didn't even want to hear about it at first. She always said she wanted three children. I had a similar dream: three or four children in a big and happy family. This, however, was before the new circumstances emerged. Vanja had risked her life twice already, and I didn't want this to happen again. She consulted doctors in London about the possible awakening of the tumor as a reaction to the pregnancy. They told her the chances were half and half. She also spoke to doctors in Zagreb, asked them how high the risk of a new blood clot was, but they only told her that despite the appropriate treatment, the risk was always there and only she could make the right decision. So in the end we heard what we already knew - that it could be okay, but it could also end very badly ..." "... but Vanja was determined, and I realized it when she confessed : "You know what, you give it the best in football and I'll give it the maximum for the family!" And so on October 2, 2017 Sofia was born! I came to the hospital in Zagreb from Rijeka, I was present at her birth and everything went well - both Vanja and our second princess felt great ..." "... but a year later, a new nerve arose in Madrid. Vanja was at home and at one point she noticed that her hand went numb and turned a dark blue color. She already knew it was a clot effect because she had learned to recognize the symptoms. She kept a cool head and called the doctor who lived in the neighborhood with whom she had a very good relations. The doctor confirmed her suspicions and immediately took her to the hospital. After all possible tests and studies, they concluded that Vanja should take adequate injections throughout her life ...” "... my wife's resolve in fighting for dreams of three children, despite the risks involved, showed her strength. She recently told me that her gynecologist, after Sofia was born, said: "Vanja, such courage is rare today. If I were you, I would not have decided to have a third child. You are really amazing!" The mother's gust of heart was stronger than anything else. I faced all these crisis situations and nerves, but I was not allowed to show weakness when she was so strong and brave. Thanks to her, today we feel happy and blessed with a wonderful family ..."
(source of quotes - Book “Luka Modric - My Game”)
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