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violet-t-9 · 3 years

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Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 139

1. Nobody dies in the potential battle against Lucien/the Somnovem? I will be fine with temporary unconciousness but please nobody actually dies? Will they even fight? What was going on with the cliffhanger? I have so many questions!

Hey nobody died! Nobody even went unconscious. Can't believe we have a part 2 to this epic boss fight. This showdown is awesome! At least we know what will happen next episode.

2. The group uses their new eye powers for something (group telepathy will be hilarious, especially accidental) or just in general goof off with their new eyes.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

3. Beau or Caleb discover more new eye functions that we have not seen before (antimagic cone anyone? Does the eye location have any meaning? Lucien’s was also on the chest right?)

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now. If the locations mean anything, so far it's not revealed.

4. We get to see more of the party members’ new powers/abilities since they levelled up and got a long rest! Let’s gooo.

MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH thanks Cad. It's a new power we haven't seen before! Caleb knows gravity fissure now, apparently! Fjord and Veth also considered using new abilities before the break. Jester used contagion on Lucien! It was a nice try.

5. They get some sort of contact with/update from the material plane (i.e. their family, Yussa, or anybody else I guess just not Trent please), it’s been a while I wonder what’s going on over there. Has Jester’s parent trap succeeded fully yet? Has the assembly been investigated yet? Has Yussa figured out what the Nein did with his emergency exit gift? How are Yeza and Luc doing in the crime bar? Is the Dynasty looking into Essek? So many possibilities.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

6. The M9 succeed in stopping the city from going to the material plane and find a way to potentially destroy it by the end of the episode.

It appears that them plane shifting the crest away actually does ensure that the city cannot return to the material plane, that's great news! Also, I assume destroying Lucien would be a good first step to destroying the city.

7. Beau and Yasha continue to fight like the power couple they are and to indulge in PDA in the flesh horror city (because why not). Bonus: we find out Yasha’s plans for Beau’s red cape/the cape is used by Beau in the episode.

The discussion between Beau, Yasha and Veth LMAO. Oh NO Yasha is fighting Beau again - that natural 1 though! The miss! Another natural 1! The power of love!!!! Yasha also used the battle cry to protect Beau!

8. Fjord and Jester continue to be domestic and supportive of each other in these trying times because they are great. Bonus: more Sprinkle/Artagan mentions or interactions.

Jester and Fjord starting strong with the dirty/natural 20's! Also "I'd rather you wear it" "Fjord, it's so expensive!" They are so cute. Ayy Sprinkle/Artagan both got fed the Heroes' Feast! The excitement over the ring finally working lol. "Imma cast it at 4th level" lol Jester really tried her best to remove his slow and it worked!

9. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (Bonus: STILL hoping to see more high-damage AOE offensive spells that Essek has never cast because of the party placement, dark star anybody?).

The trapped haste spell MmmMm. GRAVITY FISSURE YAY hot spell flavour is hot. THANK YOU for that dispel magic on Yasha Essek you are the best. Nice magic missile but he is out in the open oh nO he is charmed oh no is he going to dark star the party?? Wheww thank you Caleb for the dispel, at fifth level too! He was so going to dark star Lucien if Cad was not pulled.

10. Obligatory wish for Caleb’s polymorph spell on himself or a party member. Actually, let’s expand to any party member’s polymorph! Give me those sweet polymorph interactions.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

11. The party tries to reach Lucien by mentioning Molly and Lucien actually having a physical reaction to their words.

Wow that was a physical reaction alright, definitely to Jester and Caleb's mention of Molly's name. Jester's song also had an effect. Everybody is trying yay! Well, it was worth a try. BEAU'S bonus action Gustuv talk made him lose a legendary action WOW. Fjord's, Caleb's attempt also succeeded. In round 2, Beau removed 1 legendary action, followed by Jester

12. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower (it will stay until it happens).

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

13. Obligatory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat because he always is.

CAD what a good pep talk I love you. Path to the grave and also the reaction war caster blight, very nice.

14. I NEED MORE RP PLEASE like last week’s high intensity combat was fun but I miss one-on-one conversations give them to me thank you. Longer conversations are even better.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now, however there was a lot of Molly RP involved.

15. Everybody being super freaked out/creeped out by the terrible flesh city thanks to Matt’s wonderfully detailed and awesome descriptions.

The damaged state of the city, how it leans towards Lucien's cocoon thing and Lucien's transformation... OH NO the stalks not the tentacle stalks.

16. At least one of the party members get mind-influenced/charmed by some effect during the combat (well at least Caleb’s got mind blank and Veth got intellect fortress, but I would be surprised if there was no mind shenanigans).

Well, I knew it would happen. Gaudius, the eye of longing/love that did not affect Beau DID charm Yasha with a failed wis save and Yasha attacked Beau, again. However thanks to Essek it didn't last long!

17. Somebody check in a bit on Essek’s mental state because he is clearly not entirely desensitized as seen from last episode. At least he got a full rest so physically he is fine (just squishy, like wizards are).

Hey Essek got to open up a little bit before their final fight, so that was great.

18. Caleb uses more fire or his customized spells or just any cool spells in general I guess because what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING I’m still hyped from last week.

Gravity fissure already?? Sweet max damage, despite the save! Caleb you can literally just copy any spell you see cast can't you, high int wizard I love you. Also the use of that potion and the scroll were pretty smart too.

19. We learn more about Lucien’s motives and what he is actually trying to do, or more about the Somnovem’s different? motives because I was very confused last episode. Lucien wants to “parent” the Somnovem by bombing them with 10 intuit charges, like okay are you sure you are not trying to kill them? Then again, if that doesn’t severely damage the Somnovem I don’t know what will.

Well we now know that Lucien has all the Somnovem power inside himself now and is still very much wanting to bring back the city - at least he can't right now because of the threshold crest they got rid of last session. This clarifies a lot. I guess the "parenting" was to weaken the Somnovem for him to absorb them all into himself?

20. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien, and the episode ends on a terrifying cliffhanger as always.

I mean, should have known that Lucien cannot be killed in 1 session. Otherwise though, what an episode! What a session! Absolutely amazing.

Bonus:

ESSEK IS MAKING A JOKE LMAO I can't with this man, he is also giving everybody spells/gifts, cute - I guess wizards all have the save love language.

CALEB IS ABOVE 100 HP thank you Jester for that 17 roll from Heroes' Feast! I knew you'd do it. The feast was so crucial in their combat too, what a queen. Caleb always be covering his friends in his anti-aberration cone, and burning Lucien's legendary reactions. Great moves.

Veth are you... horny for Lucien??? LMAO

OH NO Gaudius on Essek this is the alternative Essek bossfight timeline OH NO but at the same time YES the angst- oh nvm Caleb thanks lol.

Extra - combat notes for my record:

Saves minus # eyes

Elatis - Excitement, pulling the target 120 ft towards Lucien + eye.

Ira - Rage, fireball effect AOE damage.

Fastidan - Disgust (wilting dull green) necrotic damage

Luctus - Grief (Dex save), slow spell effect.

Timorei - fear effect, but negated by Heroes' feast immunity.

Culpasi - guilt (Con save) disadvantage on saving throws +...

Miramus - (wis save)

Vigilan - the eye that moves/emanates the anti-magic cone

Gaudius - (wis save) charm effect

WHAT A FIGHT! I can't wait for part 2 and hopefully that's Lucien's final form. I did not think that the Molly influence will have such a profound effect, but I sure am glad it did! Everyone was so amazing in this combat, I love it all.

#cr spoilers #the mighty nein #critical role #critical role spoilers #c2e139 #cr liveblog

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florrickandassociates · 4 years

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TGF Thoughts: 4x04-- The Gang is Satirized and Doesn’t Like It

The gang doesn’t like being satirized and I don’t like this episode.

No episode needs to be 57 minutes long. Is it possible that seeing the runtime put me in a bad mood before watching this episode? Absolutely.

Bianca is still trying to get Lucca to take a week off and come play on the beach. This is weird, right?

She’s using a drone to take a selfie which… yikes. Bianca asks what Lucca has in Chicago to match the beach. Lucca takes a look out the window and instead of seeing FakeChicago, she sees a window washer’s ass crack. Lucca protests that she has work in Chicago and can’t leave (are we going to mention her baby?). Before Bianca can ask more questions, David Lee calls Lucca into a meeting.

A former client who says he’s been “bouncing from one [firm] to the other” (which sort of explains why David Lee and Lucca would both have experience with this client who was at RBL a year ago?) is angry because he’s being defamed by a new play. He says his divorce is in the play and wants to sue.

Lucca ChumHums the playwright and recognizes him as a former associate. She brings the case to Adrian’s attention. Before Adrian understands that confidential info made it into the play, he talks about how you shouldn’t give satire oxygen because it will just go away. Easier said than done, huh, Adrian?

They DID actually fire Alan North for drug use last year. We never saw the actor but his firing was referenced as precedent for firing Maia. Thanks Alan, I guess?

(Right, I used to spend most of these recaps complaining about Maia! It is very nice not to be doing that anymore.)

Adrian jumps into the case to prevent the client from suing RBL.

We have to see the scene that ended the last episode again. That’s a little clumsy. Maybe trim the stuff we’ve already seen in an episode that’s this long?

How does Jay POSSIBLY know that one specific dude up at STRL is blocking Diane from searching “What is Memo 618” on Bar-Swarm? I have questions.

Diane immediately heads upstairs to ask this dude about Memo 618. Jay wonders if that’s smart and Diane doesn’t care. As I said to an anon earlier, I feel like now is the time to get a journalist on the case.

Even though Diane storms upstairs uninvited, she’s told “they’re waiting for you.” Creepy.

Diane meets a lot of people, including Bryan Kneef (of internet blocking fame) and a dude who won’t stop hiccuping.

Oh GOD are we going to have to hear one of these stupid stories from Mr. Firth in every single episode? No fucking wonder this episode is so long.

Bryan is mad at Diane for poaching his clients. Diane has no idea what he’s talking about. Diane seems to know that her investigator is checking his clients to figure out why he’s blocking her internet. Does Diane actually know Jay is investigating his clients? Or is she just assuming that’s how he found out who was doing the blocking? Because literally as soon as Diane heard Kneef’s name she ran upstairs; there would be no time for her or Jay to begin looking into his clients.

Mr. Firth asks for Diane not to steal Kneef’s clients and Kneef not to block Diane’s internet access. They agree, but it’s clear neither of them are going to stop doing what they were doing.

Jay discovers that one of Kneef’s cases disappeared… when he was losing.

Oh, Caleb’s last name is Garlin, not Garland. Noted. Also, I think I mistakenly said STRL was British a few weeks ago. It doesn’t appear to be.

Marissa bothers Caleb again and asks him to tell her a joke. He does, but she’s unimpressed.

Caleb has a photographic memory. I like Caleb so far. I feel like he’s kind of what they wanted Finn to be-- a charming good guy. But we’ll see; it’s early yet.

Caleb gives Diane the number of a legal code the judge needed to review. In a sequence that goes on 30 seconds too long, Diane discovers this code redirects to another code, which redirects right back endlessly. Fun!

When Diane goes to check a physical book, she discovers all the legal books are fake. Sounds about right.

Ah, this terrible attorney who hits on young women is back because of reasons related to the other case that disappeared. Marissa is now helping Diane with her 618 quest, maybe because she’s met this creep before?

Diane offers to represent him (he’s being sued for doing a shitty job on disappearing case).

Meanwhile, Adrian and Charlotte go to see “Cocksucker in Chains”, which turns out to be about an African American firm populated by characters who are clearly supposed to be the RBL partners. Julius narrates the play, Adrian likes to be dominated by the Diane character while roleplaying a slave to Diane’s dominatrix (yikes), etc. Adrian is named “Aiden” and Diane is “Dana”. This seems like a good time to remind you all of the original TGW character names from the Pilot outline: Alicia Follick, David Follick (and David Follick Jr.!!!), Dawna Lockhart, and Will Garvin.

The first time through, I was appreciative (and shocked) we got so few scenes from the play. Usually if the Kings have a device like this, we tend to get… more of the device than is necessary. Y’all know how this one turns out.

This play, from what we see of it, looks kind of terrible. That said, I think it’s SUPER realistic, and interesting, that a low-level black associate would see all the white people coming into the firm as “dominating” a black man who gets off on being submissive. I don’t think that’s an accurate characterization of Adrian’s actions but if you don’t know his reasoning or how things played out, it absolutely could seem like Diane has all the power. And I imagine that young, idealistic lawyers who signed on to work at a firm that was proudly all-black would not have been thrilled by Diane’s sudden appearance and all of the changes that followed. Remember how in season one RBL had things it stood for and then Barbara left and then all it stood for was money?

Relatedly, remember that little throwaway line about how Barbara donated MORE money to HRC than Diane Lockhart did? Heh.

Adrian, as the episode title indicates, DOES NOT LIKE BEING SATIRIZED and tells Lucca they need to shut the play down. That escalated quickly.

Please explain to me how I accidentally memorized the name of the actor playing Kovac but didn’t memorize the character’s name.

Diane tells Liz and Adrian about her latest Memo 618 adventure and Adrian keeps asking why this matters. “I’m not asking for your permission; I’m just filling you in,” Diane notes. “Maybe you should be asking for our permission,” Adrian counters because he does not want to be dominated by Diane. “Maybe. But I’m not,” she responds.

Liz thinks that Adrian acted weirdly. Adrian explains he doesn’t like how Diane insinuates she can overrule them. Liz has no idea what Adrian is talking about. So he explains the play. Liz still doesn’t think it’s a big deal and asks to take it over.

She then gets Caleb involved-- I guess Lucca is just done working now? Okay? It was nice to have Lucca scenes in this episode while it lasted!!!

Liz and Caleb go to see the play and now we get to see the scenes where Liz is satirized. Fake Liz sings, because of COURSE they are going to have the FAKE version of her sing. Her song is about how her daddy is a sexual predator. It’s quite upsetting.

Liz and Caleb stay for a Q&A in which the playwright says the client in the play was “based on” (not “inspired by”). (Actually this happens after my second bullet but meh)

Then there’s a white woman who goes on a rant that feels too ridiculous to be true but apparently it’s lifted almost verbatim from an actual incident that happened at a Slave Play Q&A (I am not New York enough to have gotten the reference without the internet’s help).

Monica is back! Yay Monica! Nikki just needs to show up on Evil next season and she’ll have been on every Kings show.

Blah blah 618 blah blah. I don’t dislike this arc but I don’t have much to say about it. Like, I get it, corporations are powerful and the law is fake and this is a way of commenting on the insanity of the world while backing away from the politics. But other than saying that and enjoying the twists and turns… I don’t have anything to add.

Man, I miss character based drama. That’s not a criticism of the show, but this recap format is way less interesting (to write, and probably to read) when I don’t have anything to sink my teeth into.

Adrian doesn’t want to settle because now Adrian is mad. The client gets what he wants and Adrian insists they keep going. I mean, if the episode stopped now it would be a reasonable, even short, episode, and we’ve got fifty seven whole minutes to fill..

Liz is also on board to prolong the case. Lucca, who actually has perspective, tells Adrian he’s not acting in the client’s best interest. Adrian denies it. LOL, sure.

At this exact moment Lucca receives (and looks at) a text from Bianca, who is still pursuing her. Tempting.

Liz asks Marissa if she’s heard of Cocksucker in Chains. She has, and she is getting a “gang” together to go see it, because of course she is.

David Lee enjoys the play. Diane and Kurt, less so. Julius and his wife do not like it at all. Also apparently we HAD seen Julius’s wife before and I somehow FORGOT?????

Play!Julius monologuing about justice makes Real!Julius reevaluate his decisions.

Then we get into this weird Diane and Kurt sex plot that is kind of about the idea of problematic kinks (like getting off on watching a fake version of your white wife whip a black man) but is mostly just an excuse for fanservice in the form of Christine Baranski in sexy get-ups. She’s got an amazing figure, but does that alone justify this subplot? (I say no.)

(Also I’d be way more invested in a plotline about McHart’s sex life if it didn’t begin and conclude in the back half of a single episode. It’s sparked by the play-- not any ongoing issues-- and concludes in a cute way so to me it is… nothing.)

Marissa goes undercover as a playwright. Everyone in the group dislikes the writer of Cocksucker in Chains… a lot. They hand over the drafts easily.

Liz and Caleb spend a late night reading smut said by fake Liz in an early draft script to each other. Over it already. I was never a fan of boss/employee plots, and in this era, with this character who has SO MUCH potential but never really gets plotlines of her own, I have zero patience for this bullshit. Liz deserves better.

What really confuses me is that somehow Liz/Caleb is supposed to be about… investigating what interracial relationships are like???? If they’re so insistent on showing this can’t they… do something other than this? Random stranger at a bar?

I do not like this thing that is happening to Liz where whenever she gets a plot of her own it’s about fucking someone she shouldn’t be fucking. I haven’t forgotten what the writers did to Geneva Pine in late season seven for LITERALLY NO REASON.

Liz would not flirt with an employee. Like, just stop. Liz has spent the last year coming to terms with her father being a serial assailant and we are going to deal with that by… having her make eyes at Caleb? That is not interesting or complicated.

And, tbh, it’s especially insulting to Liz when none of this feels motivated in character and ALL of it feels motivated in “we need a sexy forbidden romance so we can explore themes.” Get this plot away from Liz.

This episode is too long, in case I haven’t already said that enough times.

And now the scene in which Bryan Kneef, the latest Rebel Dude Lawyer, says the word “ass” many times. I repeat: this episode is too long.

Mr. Firth talks to Diane about pursuing 618. I don’t understand Mr. Firth’s deal. Why does he let Diane continue? Is he just a person who happens to be powerful who is actually trying to do a fair job and be understanding? This show just doesn’t have characters like that so you see why I am skeptical.

Again with the window washers. Of all the symbols of the problems with office life, this one?! (It plays especially poorly right now-- I wish that my biggest problem with my workspace was that there are people cleaning the windows to make my view nicer and not, you know, that my current workspace is my bedroom.)

Firth goes to see Lucca next. Lucca says she doesn’t like her new standing desk. Wait. They got desks that are standing ONLY without consulting the employees?

This scene is succeeding in making me miss the standing desk that I’ve only ever used as a standing desk, like, twice.

No one on this show has a monitor at their desk. I wonder if that’s true to life for law firms.

Now Bianca has found a way to make it part of Lucca’s JOB to come hang out at the beach and this is making me uncomfortable. Firth tells Lucca to go, even though Lucca shares her concern that Bianca just wants a friend. Firth somehow has a similar story to share and tells Lucca “the rich are not like us.” K. Sure. Maybe we can get away with calling Lucca well-off instead of rich but Firth? Rich. Maybe not ultra wealthy but dude is rich.

SERIOUSLY what is with the window washers?

Enjoy this scene of Diane the dominatrix, fans. It’s here for you.

(I don’t mean that snarkily against fans. I mean that snarkily against the show.)

The stock footage clip with the moon over Chicago is one of the more interesting stock footage clips I’ve seen the show use (plus it actually looks like the neighborhood Diane would live in!)

Oh I am just so thrilled that at the 44 minute mark, we are starting to do a series of unnecessary scenes in which the characters converse with their actor counterparts. What a good use of time.

And the sad thing is that I should like this device… but I don’t. None of this is actually building up the characters for me? How invested can I be in Diane and Kurt’s sex life problems when I’ve known about them for less than half of the episode? How interested can I be in deconstructing

And I don’t need a scene of Julius debating if he should be honest or not, because the scene of him watching the play was enough to make me understand he’s having doubts about complying with 618.

And you know what I REALLY, TRULY, DO NOT NEED? ALL OF THIS ATROCIOUS LIZ/CALEB PLOT.

Why is Play Liz so horny? What about Real Liz made the playwright write Liz to be like this? And if it’s not accurate, why is it getting under Liz’s skin like this? I get the Diane one because it was a turn-on and it makes Diane wonder about dominating (outside of the bedroom, too). I get the Adrian one because I mean holy shit that’s a big claim to make. And I get the Julius one because Julius loves to be the voice of reason/hear his own voice and feels like a hypocrite. But Liz? What the fuck is this nonsense?

Liz saying “I’m his boss” and talking about HR does not excuse the fact that we are pretending a boss/employee romance is a good plotline in 2020. And I’m so confused about why THIS is the way they are choosing to explore an interracial relationship.

I have watched TV shows before so obviously as soon as I saw Liz get on the elevator, I knew from the fact that we were watching her leave… she wasn’t going to leave. She was going to go and fuck her employee. Great writing guys.

This also managed to remind me of all my anger at the Red Team Blue Team Willicia kiss (they previewed it as a sneak peak and I was excited that it it didn’t end with them kissing because that’s so cliche… then I watched the episode and I’m still furious about it in season four of the spinoff.) so thanks for that too, writers.

Why is Fake Liz’s stupid song so goddamn long?

“Oh God help me,” Liz says as she knowingly goes to make an incredibly stupid decision I have NOT A SINGLE REASON to believe she would make. But this is The Good Fight, and on The Good Fight we care about plot more than characters.

(Oh. I am in a bad mood.)

The client wants out of the suit because… I mean, duh? He got what he wanted and this should have stopped at like the 20 minute mark?

If I never had to see another one of these “boss and employee awkwardly talk in the office about how it’s nbd they fucked last night” scenes again I would be OVER THE MOON. I watched all of Willicia and I will rewatch all of Willicia, is that not enough?!

I do like Caleb so far, but man, that just makes this worse! I like Caleb and I like Liz and maybe I could even like them together but I am so furious they’re doing the boss/employee thing it just makes me sad to see this happen to characters I like.

Diane is now circling the word “ass” in transcripts of the deposition, but the suit’s been dropped because the suit was settled for 1.8 million. (I am sure that’s a lot to the victim and absolutely nothing to the corporation.)

Also Kovac brings Diane a bird because WE LOVE WACKINESS ON THE GOOD FIGHT.

And now for a scene in which a mysterious visitor gives Kurt a warning to stop Diane from pursuing something dangerous. I thought we were done with this. This shit is what I hated about the Book Club arc in season three: the stakes got too high for me to take it seriously. They run the risk of doing the same with Memo 618. Keep it small scale.

Kurt tells Diane about his visitor, and Kurt and Diane both recognize that this is similar to what happened last year, so at least there’s continuity.

Diane says this isn’t about politics. I mean. Not overtly. But that’s the point. This whole arc is a thinly veiled way of exploring how the legal system breaks down when there’s no enforcement, and lack of enforcement is tied to politics, so… is this really as apolitical as Diane wants it to seem? Certainly it’s less political than Book Club but I don’t think a radical group should be the benchmark.

Diane promises she’ll drop 618, then gets an idea to spice up her sex life by modifying her dominatrix costume into a sexy cowgirl costume. (Diane is not going to drop 618. This is episode 4.)

Did Diane just grab a gun from the bathroom? Why are there guns in the bathroom? I guess it makes sense if she was planning this.

Oh and that’s the end of the episode!!! I DID IT!!!! I MADE IT THROUGH HIS EPISODE A SECOND TIME!

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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mnemememory · 6 years

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the dose makes it

Insomnia is a subtle, bitter poison.

(or; the mighty nein haven’t had a good night’s sleep since the three were taken)

prompt fill for @theclockistickingwrite! I’m open to prompts at the moment, if anyone feels like enabling me :)

Insomnia is a subtle, bitter poison.

Beau is dead by the third night, with webs in her eyes and spots on the horizon. There’s little to do but watch the sky and wait for morning, but it’s hard when everything feels so washed out and hollow. She cracks her jaw open and struggles to breathe through her nose, content with – something. Content with her mind on fire, maybe.

Mollymauk gives her a grim smile and watches the sun burn itself into existence across the treetops. There are bruises under his eyes, a wild look to his sharp features.

“Didn’t you sleep?” Beau says, the morning thick in her throat.

“Didn’t you?” Molly says. His voice is teasing, but his eyes are stone cold.

Caleb and Nott are by the fire, shaking at a groggy Keg to get her up and moving. Wake up, Caleb says. It’s early enough that the air hasn’t had a chance to warm; frost still sits like film, frozen lace atop densely packed mud. There is little heat to be found in this barren lie of a world.

Beau snorts and shakes her head. Everything is heavy. She wants to yawn, but it hasn’t done her any good before. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she says.

Mollymauk doesn’t reply, but the sleepless, gleaming look in his eyes says enough.

(After –

Well, after.

Afterwards, Beau wonders about it. She wonders a lot of things about Mollymauk Tealeaf and his coat of many colours; she wonders about his constant smile, the infuriating lies, the tarot cards she holds heavy in her hands. She wonders about sweet dreams, and of making the world a better place. She wonders how he could stand it, being so wonderful in a world that very clearly wasn’t.

But mostly, when Beau thinks about Molly, she thinks about sitting around a campfire with people pretending to be asleep, staring at the stars and searching desperately for ghosts.

This is ridiculous, she wants to remember saying. I’ve only known these people for a few weeks, and already I feel so lost without them. I feel like I’ve been caught off balance. It’d ridiculous.

Moly would have said something vague and annoying, if he’d had the chance. That was always the way with him – or at least, it felt like it. Trying to fill in impressions between lies and smiles. There isn’t much of Molly that feels real, looking back.

They sat there in silence and stared up and out, above the trees and into the velvet darkness. Death row without the creeping paralysis; bright in a way Beau could never be, no matter how close or far she knew her own impending demise to be.

You’d better not have any regrets, Beau thinks, even though she knows he had at least one).

Things get a little better on the first night, with Caleb’s bluebell fire a solid thing around them. Beau grips Jester tighter than she ever thought possible, stares at Fjord as he curls to the side, drinks in Yasha’s unconscious face. It’s small, and slightly cramped, and Beau lets out a breath she hadn’t even realised she’d been holding.

They’re here. They’re here, and they’re safe, and –

She slips out, when it all gets too heavy, when the sharp lack of sleep aches like a physical presence and she needs something to remind her what’s real. Keg is all rough edges and tough forearms and she’s gorgeous, they’re gorgeous together. They laugh in a house that demanded nightmares, and it’s so wonderful. Beau rolls over, exhales, and sleeps.

Unfortunately, as things are so want to do, morning breathes new fear into Beau’s still exhausted mind.

“Good morning,” she says, acid a rancid taste at the back of her throat.

“Good morning, Beau!” Jester says. She sounds bright enough to ache. Looking at her now, she’s tired, blue skin wan and smile shockingly brittle. There’s no way, Beau thinks, and she goes to hug Jester all over again.

Fjord’s presence is a steadying weight that Beau hadn’t even known she’d been missing (lie, lie, lie) – she listens to the deep timber of his voice and struggles to contain the massive, raw burst of joy that threatens to consume her. Relief makes her muscles ache with unreleased tension. She’s shaking with the release. Seeing her friends here, awake (so awake), it’s the best thing she’s ever known.

Yasha does not wake up.

Beau steadies herself next to the girl without wings, kneels down to press a hand to her hair. Yasha’s pale, bleached skin still crackles with the aftermath of Jester’s magic, pink sparks stitching across scarred skin. She doesn’t look quite real, lying on the ground with blood on her face. Something horrible rests just beneath her expression, shoulders wound tight enough to break. This is not the sleep I want, Beau thinks, and tries to mean it. This is not peace. This is anything but.

“Wake up,” Beau says, and her voice sounds foreign to her own ears. She’s lying, too. She needs Yasha to keep on sleeping, forever and ever, until the world ends and the sky splits black lightning forth to wreck whatever’s left. Beau needs Yasha to keep on sleeping, because when she wakes up –

When Yasha wakes up, she will be alive in a world without her best friend. Beau is, at the heart of it all, a coward. She doesn’t want to look at that kind of grief.

Yasha wakes up anyway.

The settle into it, an odd routine that sands away rough edges and leaves everything else a broken thing of what it once was. There are two empty spaces next to them on a cart that Molly has never, not once, sat on.

“Does it bother you?” Beau asks, once, when she’s very drunk and it’s very late. The week stretches out like a ribbon, long and blood-red. “We’re using the cart that you were –”

She cuts herself off. That you were kidnapped it, she was saying. Jester gets the message anyway, because Jester is many things, but stupid has never been one of them.

“Not really,” she says. She touches her wrists, where scars rope long and thing into blue skin. Beau wants to reach out and touch her, make sure she’s still real and not some figment of her exhausted imagination. “It was very different. And very dark.”

“Are you okay with it?” Beau says. She wants to know. She’s desperate to know. They can’t keep going on, not like this, if any aspect of that stupid fucking cart is going to cause Jester anymore nightmares than she already has. Beau will go downstairs right now and burn it.

(Neither sleep at night, not really. They compare stories and make jokes and blink as sunlight filters, dizzying in its entirety, through the window of their shared bedroom).

Jester thinks about it for a long time. Beau sort of dozes off but also sort of doesn’t, alcohol lending weight to her eyelids.

“I was very scared,” she says, finally. “It wasn’t very nice. It was dark, and there were people everywhere, all around me. Fjord was there, and Yasha, but we were all tied up so tight I couldn’t feel my arms. We tried to talk, but we were gagged. The cages were too small for all of us.”

“Jester…” Beau says.

“It is very different, now, when we travel like that,” Jester says. “There’s so much room. I can stretch out my legs are far as they can go, and I’ve still got room. And the illusion makes me feel – safe. Just a little bit. It is very nice, knowing that I can stay inside and no one can see me.”

“We’ll always be able to see you,” Beau says. She is very drunk.

Jester smiles and nods, reaching over to pat Beau on the head. “You are very good friends,” she says. “As soon as Fjord gets back, I’ll tell him that he is a very good friend, too. Yasha as well. I was sure you were coming to get us.”

Beau snorts and knuckles at her eyes, because she’s not sniffling, goddamn. Her reputation must be in tatters, by now.

“You’re a good friend, too,” she says. It’s worth it, for Jester’s smile.

“I don’t know how she can keep smiling,” Fjord says. It’s just the two of them, at a bar, laying low and drowning out steam. “I can’t.”

Beau knocks back another glass. “Things can’t be so bad,” she says. “So long as she can keep smiling.”

Fjord’s face is strained. “She can’t be lying,” he says, like a prayer. Beau doesn’t want to know about what went down in that basement, with those cages and those pokers and those manacles, but curiosity peeks its ugly head out every once and a while.

What she knows, for certain, for sure, is this: Fjord is so close to breaking.

Beau doesn’t say: I can’t tell, anymore.

Beau doesn’t say: I’m worried about her. I’m worried about both of you. I’m worried about all three of you.

Beau absolutely does not say: I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in almost a month. The air feels solid. The ground moves beneath my feet. I can’t concentrate, I can’t focus. I keep jumping from one thing to another. I’m worried that if I go to sleep, I’m going to wake up and none of you will be here anymore.

Beau says, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

…

This is why Beau needs sleep. This is so very much why Beau needs sleep. Gods, look at what happens when she doesn’t – she loses her mind and she buys an owl.

The thing stares at her with a familiar kind of ambivalence. She sees it every time she looks in the mirror, every time she catches her eye on a reflective surface. Why are you bothering me? it seems to say. Beau is thoroughly sick of herself.

She narrows her eyes at the owl. It blinks back. It is an owl. It has very large eyes.

“What the fuck,” she says in a low, traumatised whisper.

Please, gods, let this be a dream.

It is not a dream.

There isn’t a fix to the thing in her head, not really.

Poison drips, drips, drips down the back of her throat, and she numbs the burn with alcohol, with lies (I am fine, you are fine), with laughter. A lot of it is real. Beau isn’t good at misdirection – it forms, awkward and heavy, on her tongue and sticks to her throat like tar. What Beau says is, Everything is fine, and that’s more of an extended form of truth than any one thing she says. Creative storytelling. Everything will be fine, eventually, with time. Beau has to believe that.

Sleep comes from a variety of things, one of which is exhaustion.

(This is the thing they do not say:

We’ll sleep in shifts. At any one point, they huddle together under Caleb’s blanket of light and stare at the stars, just like before. Molly’s weight does not leave. Yasha’s absence is a missed step on a stairway; uncomfortable at the best of times, sickening at the worst. Horrible, wretched screams echo in their ears and snow-drenched hilltops are stamped to their eyelids.

We’ll sleep in shifts, they do not say, even in closed spaces with doors and locks. Caleb threads silver wire along the edges of their own little corner of everything and promises, with magic and fire and blood in his eyes, that this will never happen again.

Please, Beau thinks, desperation clawing broken fingernails and bleeding stubs at the back of her mind; Please, let this never happen again).

But –

(But –)

Beau is sitting on the ground (on the floor) (on the cart), clutching Jester’s scarred, warm wrist, listening as Fjord laughs at something slow and subtly hilarious that Caduces says. Nott is tucked into Jester’s other side, watching at the fire with rapt attention. Caleb sits with Frumpkin on his lap, eyes closed, a contented smile sloping along the edges of his mouth.

(Somewhere, a woman with mismatched eyes and a hole in her heart stares up at the same sky as a storm gathers, lightning an awful light).

(Somewhere, the indistinct and shapeless existence of the thing once known as Mollymauk Tealeaf is smiling).

This is the poison: Beau sleeps. She does not dream.

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