#i want people with meds to be happy damnit jesus fuck

[dontthinkonithermione]

So UH

If I may -- I've been told to validate this idea. Y’all know I have my pill case business Crystal Case that’s brewing nicely but think about THIS.

I have ALWAYS wanted to work with artists, and just uplift them and shower them with gifts and things and promote them, and bring more happiness into the damn world by being surrounded by things we love. 

So take the  Redbubble/Society6 business model. You upload your work, print to order things. BUT FOR 7 DAY PILL CASES???

If that sounds like a fun timeeeeuhhhhhhh, can y’all reblog/heart this? I’m tryna see something. 

#Like if I get #20 reblog I am pivoting my business #consider it validated then #I want artists to art #I want people with meds to BE HAPPY DAMNIT JESUS FUCK #meds cases with your favorite art on them!

[amazingmsme]

Through a Wormhole and Among the Stars Part 2

AN: Ok so I know it’s been a big PHAT minute since I updated this fic but I can explain: I honestly forgot I hadn’t updated. I got like 3 more chapters finished so I just thought I had posted more, so sorry for such the long wait! Gonna try to post more consistently with my chaptered fics, so expect to see more of this one, as well as upcoming chapters for Preventing Apotheosis. I still need to write more for A Loyal Companion & Everlasting Avengers, so I’m not too sure when I’ll get to those. I have a few one shots in the works, so be on the lookout for those as well! Now, on with the fic!

Kirk, Bones, and Uhura were the ones who opened the small ship once it came on board. They noticed some exterior damage, as if part of it had been blown up. They called out in the mostly empty vessel, hoping for an answer and heard a groan to their right,  turning to see Eiffel slumped over in a chair. He looked like a complete wreck. He had gone bald, a few strands of hair that were still frozen were sticking up, and his skin was cracked all over his body. His fingers and toes were like bloody stumps after his nails fell off. His normally dark skin now had a sickening pale blue hue to it, and with his half closed eyes he looked like a frozen corpse. Bones widened his eyes when he saw the man who looked like he was barely clinging on. "Jesus Christ, how is he still alive?" he asked. Bones looked at him before grabbing his tricorder to scan his body, noticing he was somewhat awake. "Hey, I need you to stay awake, no good you fallin' asleep." Eiffel opened his eyes slightly only to shut them immediately. "'M already 'sleep," he mumbled, barely coherent.

Bones looked at the readings and shook his head, "Damn where do I even begin," he said in shock. He took out a hypo spray and inserted it into his neck, noticing how he tried to jerk away from the pain. It was good that he could feel that, it meant he was still responsive. "C'mon, I need you to stay awake for me," his tone was stern, but so much care was behind those words. Jim picked up his limp form and they rushed to sick bay.  

After they reached the operating room, Bones set to work and Jim and Uhura were sent back to the bridge. "I'll let you know how he's doin'," Bones told him. He nodded and left his friend to his work, letting Nurse Chapel in through the door as he slid out.

"He's got some sort of virus in his system. It's not like anything I've ever seen, almost as if it was tailored to kill him. But the weird thing is that it seems to be dormant, at least for now. Hand me the regenerator," he said and Chapel complied, handing him the tool. "Thank you. And can you give him some pain killers?" It took a while, but he was finally in a somewhat stable condition. He was still out of it, but Bones knew that was to be expected. He was still hesitant to leave him however, so he decided to stay with him a little bit longer and check up on him throughout the night. He scanned his body once more, frowning when he saw no improvement on the mysterious disease. He needed a second opinion. Damnit, he needed Spock.

They talked for a while, discussing the symptoms and his current condition, hypothesizing about possible cures and treatments. He already looked better after warming up and using the tissue regenerator: his skin wasn't as cracked and his nails were already back, even if they were thin and brittle. As they talked in a loud whisper, Eiffel began to stir, mumbling in his sleep as he tried to shift his body. They stopped talking and Bones walked over to his bed, a warm smile finding its way onto his face as he greeted him gently, "Hey, you're up. How're you feeling?"

Eiffel rubbed his head, grimacing as he tried to sit up. Bones placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back into a laying position. He groaned, "Hera, turn down the lights." Bones disregarded the name, sure he was still delirious from passing out for so long, "Unfortunately I have to have the lights on no less than 40% in sick bay, so this is as dim as they can get. I'm Doctor McCoy," he said, holding out his hand. Eiffel stared up at him in awe, "No way." He took his hand and shook it, squeezing it slightly. "Oh man, everything seems so real," he said, looking around the room in amazement.

"It is real," Bones assured, but Eiffel shook his head.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure this is all in my head. I mean, you're all just characters, so this can't be real, right?" Bones blinked in surprise and Spock turned to him, "Perhaps the wormhole we passed through brought us to a parallel universe, one in which we are not real people," he offered.

"We better talk to Jim," Bones said before turning to Eiffel, "Stay here," he ordered. "Sure thing Doc," he said flashing him a thumbs up. He waited for the door to close and checked to see if the coast was clear before he made to stand. He stumbled forth on wobbly legs before catching himself. He stared in shock at his feet that were firmly planted on the ground and stomped once, twice. He grabbed a pen off of a nearby desk and let go, watching it fall to the floor.  He wasn't floating. Maybe this was real... Or maybe it was his mind playing a cruel trick on him, trying to convince him that he was somewhere safe when he really wasn't. It wouldn't be the first time. Back on the Hephaestus he often dreamed that he was back on earth, on solid ground, and he had his normal life back. But he also had wild dreams that seemed well beyond the realm of possibility, and he was pretty sure this might be one of them. Maybe this was his version of heaven. He was a big enough nerd for it to be considered heaven.

He walked around the empty med bay and soon became bored. He knew he was told to stay put, but it was too tempting to slip out the door. If he were back on the Hephaestus, Hilbert would've just strapped him to the bed or have Minkowski or Hera track him down for him. But he wasn't on the Hephaestus, and probably never would be again... A little walk outside wouldn't hurt. Just down the hall.

He peaked out the door, checking both ways to see if anyone was coming before he stepped out. He pulled his iv stand through the door and started shuffling down the long corridor. Man, the Enterprise was a lot bigger than it looked on tv. He was half way down the hall when suddenly four people rounded the corner and they all stopped dead in their tracks. Bones was the first to recover from his shock and his expression quickly morphed into one of anger.

"What the hell did I say?" he yelled and rushed up to his patient, using his arm to help support him. It was clear that he was not happy with him, and it was honestly a little scarier than Eiffel thought it would be.

"To stay put..."

"That's right, so what are you doing out here?"

"I was bored! And c'mon, I'm on the freaking Starship Enterprise how can I not be expected to wander around?" Bones rolled his eyes, helping him back to sick bay and mumbling to himself, "Damn kid's just as bad as Kirk." Eiffel couldn't help but notice the quick smile that flashed on Kirk's face at those words and felt his heart flutter a bit.

Bones laid him back down on his bed and helped him get comfortable before taking a seat in front of him. "How're you feeling? You must be feeling pretty well considering the field trip you just took." Eiffel laughed briefly, "Yeah, I feel better than I did earlier."

Jim adjusted himself before he spoke, "I know this might be hard to talk about, but how long were you on that ship?"

Eiffel reached up to run a hand through his hair, but stopped when his fingers touched his scalp, remembering that his hair was still gone. He brought his arm back down with a dejected look that he quickly tried to mask as neutral. "Uh it's hard to say ‘cause I went in the cryo so many times, but I think a couple hundred at least? I was several thousand light years away from this base and my boosters could blast once every three days, so I'd put myself under, wake up, try the boosters, send out a distress message and repeat. I did that until I ran out of water," he explained. I'm still not convinced I'm off that fucking thing, he wanted to add.

"The state that we found you in was alarming, but I'm glad you're feeling better, just don't get up and go wandering around damnit!" Bones scolded, wanting to make his point clear. "Not only are you still weak and sick, but you could also infect other people since I don't know what the hell is wrong with you." Eiffel met his eyes, "The Decima virus..."

Everyone was very interested, but also very confused. He knew about this? And knew what it was? Bones decided he needed to get all the answers he could. "You obviously know more about this than me, so what is it, and how did you get it?" Eiffel snorted; he couldn't believe he was having to explain his disease to Doctor Leonard McCoy himself.

"Apparently I was the lab rat for a virus that's supposed to save humanity and make them stronger, but also slowly kills you since it's not perfected yet, or at least that's what I gathered from Dr. Frankenstein's fucked up excuse for injecting me with the modern black plague," Eiffel spat out and crossed his arms over his chest. He hated Hilbert for what he had done to him and betraying the whole crew, but after everything, he still missed him. The fact that knowing you'll never get the chance to see someone again, even if you can't stand them, makes you miss them. He was frustrated with himself for the fact he would give anything to see Hilbert again, because that would mean he was back with his crew. Still, he felt the bitterness rise as he spoke, "That bastard injected me with the virus after he already tested and killed Lovelace's crew, all while pretending to be my friend." He wasn't talking to them anymore, instead addressing himself out loud. "And now I'm stuck with it, and without him to keep it in check, I'll die." He stared straight ahead, refusing to look at any of them. He knew he was slowly going insane, he could feel it. His grip on reality slowly loosened and he just knew he was going to wake up on that tiny space ship surrounded by nothing but stars. He was brought out of his thoughts by two strong hands gripping his shoulders, "You're not gonna die because I won't let you." Eiffel blinked a few times and found himself staring straight into Bones' eyes, and it made him feel a little bit safer. And he believed him.

#wolf 359 #wolf 359 fic #wolf 359 crossover #star trek #star trek fic #star trek crossover #doug eiffel #bones mccoy #leonard mccoy #jim kirk #nyota uhura #spock #hera #dr hilbert #renee minkowski #isabelle lovelace #alexander hilbert

[nickireadstfc]

The King's Men, Chapter 1 – Hello Foxhole, My Old Friend

In which the Foxes are introduced to Meat Grinder Neil, Nicky misses an opportunity for a memeworthy Christmas gift, we find out some things about Jean, and Andrew and Neil chill on a rooftop or whatever.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King's Men.

Hello hello hello, we’re back! Welcome to the one, the only, the glorious, all-surpassing, awe-inspiring, shade-throwing, capslock-inducing and feels-wrecking finale to this hell of a ride called All For The Game - welcome to The King's Men.

Let’s start at the very front: A cover, as always, says more than a thousand words, and this cover has one clear message it shouts in the faces of those familiar with the series, clear as day and ringing like a bell: IT'S SHOWDOWN TIME, FUCKERS.

Two Exy racquets, one orange, one black, crossed, clashing. The title, half-orange, half-black. Nora Sakavic' name at the bottom, also half-orange, half-black, menacingly laughing in my face like Rumpelstiltskin on crack, glee-drunk on my surely following future tears.

Whee-hee. Let’s fucking go.

(Also, the chapters are getting much longer by this book, so y'all will have to deal with these posts being longer as well. Soz.)

          Even after a semester at Palmetto State University and a couple weeks practicing on the largest Exy stadium in the United States, Neil was still struck breathless by the Foxhole Court.

Neil, my boy, you never disappoint. Even through hardship, bruises and cuts, one thing can always be relied on: Your gigantic boner for Exy. Get a room, you two.

          “It’s time to go,” Wymack said.

          That was enough to make Neil get up, although his battered body protested.

Oh yeah, quick reminder for anyone who might have forgotten (although – why the fuck would you ever): Neil is currently walking minced meat with Trauma Jetlag™, a literal prison tattoo, and #allnatural #naturaleyes #naturalhair #nomakeup #nofilter.

Because of that, he’s obviously not that keen on running into his squad at the moment. Can’t exactly blame the dude.

If I looked like Freddy Krueger with a facial tramp stamp, I wouldn’t go around instagramming selfies either.

Especially when I willingly ran into the arms of the dude who is nationally known for giving out facial tramp stamps.

          Wymack had even locked the office in his short absence. Neil had been in there enough times to know Wymack didn’t keep anything particularly valuable on his shelves. The only thing of any import was Neil’s duffel. (…) On Neil’s first day in South Carolina he had asked Wymack to protect his things, and seven months later Wymack was still keeping that promise. It was almost enough to make Neil forget all about Riko.

Guys, this just in: Wymack is still the best damn person alive. #dicksoutforwymack

The best damn person alive also already warned the Foxes Neil looked like a human punching bag in order to prevent them from having an actual heart attack when they see him. Yay, have fun explaining yourself to them, hombre.

          Matt moved soundlessly for a few moments before he finally managed to choked, “Jesus Christ, Neil.”

          “It’s not as bad as it looks,” Neil said.

This just in: Neil is Veronica from Heathers, minus the 80’s hair-do.

In order to fulfill his self-appointed role as Neil’s mother hen, Matt then swiftly goes and punches newly-arrived Kevin in the fucking face – which is generally a sentiment I can support, although it really is not his fault this time.

          Matt stared at him for an endless minute, then said, “I want to break [Riko’s] face in six places. If he ever comes within a thousand yards of you again –“

Same, Matt. Fucking SAME.

Matt being protective of Neil will never not give me a healthy dose of The Feels™.

One confrontation down, four to go: What do Aaron, Nicky and Kevin have to say to Mr Meat Grinder?

          Unsurprisingly, Aaron was the safest one to look at. (…) Neil gave him a moment to see if he’d ask, but all Aaron did was shrug.

Glad to see the usual amounts of sympathy and care coming from one half of the Minyard Murder Twins.

Although I’m doubting the other half will muster up any more affection.

          Nicky, on the other hand looked absolutely crushed as he took in Neil’s wrecked appearance. He reached out as soon as Neil was close enough and wrapped his hand around the back of Neil’s neck, (…) carefully pulling Neil up against him.

Also, glad to see the usual freaking normal reaction coming from Nicky, aka some goddamn comforting hugs for once in this cold, cold monster squad.

Nicky hugs are the best hugs.

          At least Kevin had the decency to speak in French. “Tell me the master didn’t approve this.”

Every time Kevin still calls Tetsuji “the master”, a little tiny thing inside my heart dies.

10/10 would protect my tiny big ass traumatized son.

          “Riko said he’d hurt us if I change it back. All I can do is duck my head and hope for the best.” (…)

          “How long do you think he’ll let you hide before he forces you to show [the tattoo] off? The press will be all over this (…). He’s trying to get you found.”

Well, duh.

I’m already looking forward to Neil regaining his confidence, and then I’m looking forward to him sassing the absolute everloving shit out of whoever tries to come for him for his appearance and tattoo.

          “He wouldn’t waste his time unless he thinks we really are going to be a problem for his team That means something, doesn’t it? (…) Kevin, you do what you do best and focus on Exy. Take us where he doesn’t want us to go.”

Hell effin yes.

We’re gonna fucking make it to finals, and we’re gonna fucking shoot that dumb Exy ball so hard around those Raven Fuckers’ heads that we shoot the asshole smirk right off Riko’s ugly face.

Yas.

          Nicky looked between them as if making sure they were done, then scooped his gift bags up again and held one out to Neil.

          “Belated Christmas present,” he said, a little sadly.

NICKY LET ME LOVE YOU.

Trust this dude to always bring the sunshine around at the end of the day.

          “I’ve got Andrew’s with me, too. Actually, I got you two the same thing because you are like the most impossible people in the world to buy for.”

Knives, hair dye, black T-Shirts, cigarettes, a coupon for an anger management course,… Andreil gift-shopping ain’t that hard, homie.

But scratch all that - Nicky got them each a winter coat!

This would have been even better if Nicky hadn’t gotten the same coat for each of them, but literally the same coat – because now all I can imagine is Neil and Andrew stuck in one coat like a Get Along Shirt.

If someone makes this into fanart, I will pay you in Ben & Jerry’s. I’m being dead serious.

Four reunions done and the most important one still to go – one road trip to Columbia later:

        “If you’ll sign in, I’ll ring Dr. Slosky and let him know you’re here.”

        (...) Neil was the only one who hesitated when his pen touched the paper. Riko hadn’t let him be “Neil” at Evermore. Every time Neil answered to it on the court, Riko beat him for it. (…) Riko wanted him to know how much trouble he’d caused the Moriyamas with all of his alibis.

Jesus fuck. Is there literally anything he didn’t get beat for at the Batcave of Extra?

Actually, don’t answer that.

Also, hate to be that person again but – shouldn’t he have gotten to that bit of trauma way earlier? Wymack and the Foxes called him Neil so many times already, why is this only kicking in now?

I legit don’t have an explanation and I think it may just be a continuity error. If anyone does have a good explanation, shoot me an ask.

They sit down to wait for Andrew and to everyone’s surprise (including mine), Kevin uses the wait to do something so incredibly out of character my figurative wig was instantly snatched:

Being a compassionate person.

        “I know what he’s like,” Kevin said. Neil looked at him, but Kevin was studying his hands. “Riko. If you want to talk.”

Fucking what.

        It was the most awkward and uncomfortable thing Kevin had ever said to him. Kevin was known for his talent, not his sensitivity. (…) That he tried at all was so unexpected Neil felt it like a balm to every bruised inch of his skin.

Oh my GOD.

HE’S TRYING, he’s trying to make Neil feel better, he just wants to help and to comfort him I’m gonna light myself the fuck on fire I can’t handle this.

These Kevin/Neil feels are ambushing me out of nowhere. I was almost over this dynamic, god damnit. What the fuck.

        “[Jean’s] father owed the Moriyamas a great deal. The master paid those debts in exchange for Jean’s presence on our court. He was property, nothing more. You are the same in their eyes. (…) I know it means he did not hold back.”

Wait – does this mean Jean initially got the same treatment that Neil just had to suffer through?

WELL, FUCK.

Jean Valjean has instantly risen in the ranks of my faves.

SWEET FRENCH SUMMER CHILD. YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS WHAT THE FUCK.

No wonder he’s a (seemingly) heartless bitch now. Kill or be killed, I guess.

        “Were you ever going to tell [Coach that he’s your father]?”

        “I was going to when he signed me,” Kevin said. “I couldn’t. (…) [Tetsuji] has never raised a hand or voice against Coach before because Coach has never been a real threat to him. I didn’t know if a confession would change things. I couldn’t risk it.”

Kevin :’( protecting and caring for Wymack :’(( just like Wymack protected and cared for him :’((((((

Before I can get too emotional over this, though, the happy Kevin/Neil Honest Conversation™ is cut short by the arrival of everyone’s favourite murder maniac, minus the meds.

(Back at it again with the alliterations, y’all.)

        If Neil hadn’t known Andrew spent the last year and a half fiercely protective and territorial of Kevin, he’d think they were strangers. Andrew treated Kevin to a bored inspection, then flicked his fingers in dismissal.

Apparently, Andrew is not that different off his meds but continues to be a Stony Sinnamon Roll, Too Indifferent To This World, Too Dead Inside™. Well, bummer.

I don't know what I expected, since we did meet him sober before, but I think I thought when he'd be off his meds permanently he'd be... More? I guess? More of a person, I mean. Less walking void, and all that jazz.

Maybe he'll come around. Give the sinnamon roll some time.

Neil and the squad, finally complete again, drive back to campus, and as they get out we get a glimpse of something amazing we'll have more of later this chapter:

It's prime fucking Andreil time.

        [Neil] straightened and turned to find out Andrew had shifted closer. There was nowhere for Neil to stand except up against Andrew, but somehow Neil didn't mind. They'd been apart for seven weeks but Neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. He remembered is unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems without breaking a sweat. For the first time in months he could finally breathe again. It was such a relief it was frightening; Neil hadn't meant to lean on Andrew so much.

ALL-FUCKING-RIGHT.

Alright alright alright. So NOT ONLY is this gay as shit as it is, and Neil is (whether he realises it or not) super fucking in love by this point, but - "Andrew had shifted closer", bitch, what.

Don't you dare tell me that boy isn't fucking infatuated with our favourite runaway drama queen.

In today's issue of The PSU Andreil Times: Heart-Eyed Little Shit Thinks He's Being Sneaky, Fails Miserably. More news on page 19.

When Neil is done waxing poetic about Andrew's ~strength~ and his ~*~unyiedling body~*~, he goes back to his dorm for part 2 of The Matt Confrontation:

        „Neil? We're here when you want to talk about it.“

        „I know.“

Is that... Neil... close to accepting actual help from outside...

Amazing.

        He knew just from looking at Matt that Matt would accept any truth Neil gave him right now, no matter how cruel or unbelievable. He'd done the right thing by going to Evermore; he was making the right choice in standing his ground here with the Foxes. (…) If [what happened] was the only way to keep his teammates safe from Riko's cruelty, it was an easy price to pay.

Okay ya brb while I drown myself in my own fucking tears.

FOX FAMILY. STOP RUINING MY FEELINGS. I'm supposed to be cool and witty here but I can't even do that because I'm just too emotional over this.

And the fun doesn't stop here, oh no.

Are you guys ready?

I know there are some people fidgeting excitedly in their seats right now because they know what's about to come up – the grand finale to a wonderful third-book-kick-off chapter:

The goddamn rooftop thing.

        Andrew turned to face him. „I'll take an explanation now.“

        „You couldn't ask for answers inside where it's warm?“ Neil asked.

Glad to see that even when faced with his (by now Confirmed™) crush, Neil still doesn't lose his sass.

But of course, Neil is not one to keep secrets from his murder boyfriend, and so he tells him of the Christmas Fuckery – which Andrew is decidedly not fucking liking, because of course Neil left Kevin's side and therefore kind of broke their deal.

Whoops.

        „Why did you go?“

        Neil didn't know if he could say it. Thinking about it was almost too much. Andrew was waiting, though, so Neil choked back his nausea. „Riko said if I didn't, Dr. Proust would-“

        Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth, smothering the rest of his words. (…) „Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection.“

Okay, but don't you, though?

Neil says it himself later on, and he's entirely correct: Andrew watches everyone's backs, who's gonna watch his?

He may be an expert in back-watching, but even the most back-watchiest back-watcher in the world can be out-back-watched, my dude. And who's gonna come rescue you then, hm? HMM??

Neil fucking will, of course.

        „The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?“

        „If it means losing you, then no.“

SHIT WHAT.

Since when are our boys so damn open with their love declarations?? This was so outta nowhere?? I'm fcukign?? Having a heart attack??

And following that – of course. The one, the only, the iconic:

        „I hate you,“ Andrew said casually. (…) „You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.“

        „I'm not a hallucination,“ Neil said, nonplussed.

        „You are a pipe dream,“ Andrew said.

BOY.

SHIT.

IM FCIKIGN FUCKKNGING FKUCKKVMFGNICHNNNKNX

The fact that Andrew thought his feelings (THAT ARE NOW CONFIRMED, I REPEAT, CONFIRMED ANDREW FEELINGS FOR NEIL HAVE BEEN SPOTTED) were a temporary thing, unreal, a side effect of being high out of his mind, is just like kind of, casually ruining my life. No biggie.

No fucking biggie.

Andrew quickly realizes he may have admitted too many feelings though, and in a feeble attempt to save his cold front and fragile masculinity, he throws Neil's keys off the roof, because just giving them back to him normally wouldn't have been Manly™ enough.

However Neil, once more, is able to show us that he can give as good as he gets (innuendo absolutely intended):

        Neil wasn't sure why he did it, but he plucked Andrew's cigarette off the sidewalk and stuck it between his lips. He tipped his head back to meet Andrew's unwavering gaze and tapped two fingers to his temple in Andrew's mocking salute. (…) It felt like a win, though Neil wasn't sure why.

Fucking hell.

These two are going to a) improve this last book exponentially and b) absolutely fucking ruin my life.

Nicki out.

As always: If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing fun things for you, please consider buying me a coffee. Every lil bit does absolutely help, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!!

#nicki reads tfc #tkm #tfc #aftg #the kings men #the foxhole court #all for the game #nora sakavic #this is SO LATE im so sorry #//dishes update out #//leaves in a flurry of glitter and stress #drop me an ask or tags in ur reblogs to tell me how you liked it ok byeeee

[bananarack]

01:21

quick recap because of course i was manic and i stopped posting on here because i always fucking do after my two week cycle of interest. taking a leave of absence for thirty days and hoping to have the money to get by. starting new meds and so far i'm off the depakote and i think i'm literally already losing the water weight. i really, really want my weight and body type to go back to what i'm used to. i saw beauty and the beast tonight and i forgot to brush my teeth but i'm already in bed. that's gonna be a lot of salt and sugar ughhhhhhhh damnit i am not getting up though. buspirone for anxiety, hoping it'll start working in 2-4 weeks. vistaril to take as needed and so far it's really actually helped me a lot on the onset of panic, at least two times already. i get notifications when aubri posts stuff on her blog and it makes me happy. i am still developing my friendships slowly but surely. ashley amberlee all of them are really amazing. my one year birthday celebrations were phenomenal. never felt so much love from so many people. and some of the nicest things i've ever heard were said about me. and some of the nicest gifts were given to me. also new roommate her name is willow she just came from the recovery home. my apple watch charger just started making this god awful screeching like the high pitched sound only dogs can hear. wtf okay it stops when the screen goes blank. jesus beauty and the beast was so so good. i am obsessed with emma watson for ever. i'm just tired i don't know. i'm just so tired.