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#i want the best for everyone but i can't want it *for* them


#like it really haunted me. i had intrusive thoughts worried about her for like a month and i could barely sleep#my friend told me to stop letting it bother me so much. bc even his sister who these things had happened to didn't act this way.#and idk i cant help it. i lost sleep when my like then 12 year old cousin was assaulted by another cousin who she was close with.#i just. it makes me so sick. but its so much worse when its someone you know personally suffering the way you did. and you cant do anything#i just want to keep all the nice people safe & then castrate & t*rture everyone who's hurt someone i cared for. everyone who's ever hurt#anyone in such an awful way. i really hate violence bc i was ab*sed and 99% of the time will always try to solve things in a clean way but#my blood just absolutely boils and i feel disgusting. i hate anyone who ruins innocence and purity and trust in such a way. they're just#monsters. how can you live with yourself? i hate them. they have no souls. i would personally t*rture them all but i wouldn't kill them.#bc i think they dont deserve death. death is escape. i would want them all to rot in prison for their remaining days & just be hurt. often.#its sick & sadistic of me to want this. but i dont care. i hate them.#in the future alex told me we can adopt a child or two. &i really really want to adopt children who were also victims of abuse. i can't take#the pain of their past away but i just want to help give them a better future.#ideally i wouldn't give birth at all & just adopt but alex wants us to have kids or whatever.#i hope im infertile ugh. but i agreed to it. even though i only want to adopt. so this is compromise for us.#i dont see the point in bringing more life into this cruel world when i could just take in those already victim to it's antics and#try my best to help them instead. but fcking compromise.#i cant help them all and i wish i was dead#why do i have to live in a world like this#i want to die i want to die i want to die i wajt to die#let me leave this fcking shitty world behind i HATE EVERYTHING WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE#i feel the screaming at the top of my lungs & throwing sh*t. i hate the human race with every fiber of my being and im ashamed to exist as#part of it. i wish that earth would get hit by a gamma ray burst and that we'd all die#well no. other animals are good. besides dolphins & other animals that r*pe & stuff. i really hate dolphins. they're considered very smart#but apparently with higher intelligence comes terrible morals? like i want all the sweet animals to live. ones who only kill to survive.#not for fcking sport. lately ive been having crises over my arachnophobia. im so terrified of spiders that i cannot move if one's where i#need to go. but like. spiders are pretty good animals if you think about it and most are harmless. but i still have my brother or cat kill#them for me. i really do this with any bugs. but its so cruel and unfair. to cut an innocent creature's life short bc it scares me. it's#very hypocritical. i get bullied and judged for how i look. yet when i see bugs all logic goes out the window & i do the same to them.#all i can think about is getting it away from me. i think most people view me the way i view spiders. i should sympathize with them and not#judge them for how they look on the outside. but im so scared
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I think it’s interesting that people think that having elected officials means our voices are heard in politics. I’m not saying elections aren’t important (I’ve voted in every election since I turned 18) but I think this year especially we’ve seen that politicians really don’t have our best interests at heart.

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Hey! Usually don’t write up my own little posts on here but I don’t feel alright and I don’t feel safe enough to directly vent to someone <3

Just ignore the tags if you don’t care, thank you ladies and whoever else <3 <3

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reblog and tell me what you consider to be the “true” ending of Detroit: Become Human

#dbh spoilers#detroit become human#dbh#kara dbh#markus dbh#conner dbh#like i know everyone considers the happiest best ending to be where everybody lives and conner liberates the androids from cyberlife#but personally i think if i had to pick one timeline to be canon? simon dies. not bc i want him to but bc i think it's meant to happen.#conner is connected to simon when he dies. his reaction to experiencing death is totally when hank really starts seeing him as alive#conner doesn't deviate at jericho but markus still succeeds at blowing up the ship#markus and the rest of jericho march peacefully to the 'recall center' and hank stops conner from sniping them on the roof#conner leaves the roof without shooting because he doesn't want to hurt hank even if he can't admit why yet.#markus sings and the military backs off. yes i think the singing is stupid too but better than the heteronormative kiss bs#i think this is the 'true ending' bc the final montage of news and politicians is wayyyy nicer when conner doesn't march on the city#with thousands of androids#conner is in the crowd during markus' speech but instead of shooting he deviates at the last second#i think this fits more with his arc than the deviating on the boat thing but it would take too long to explain why#the reason i haven't mentioned alice and kara at all here is because idk which ending seems more true for them. like crossing at the border#makes sense and ties her success in with markus and conner's storylines while also being a culmination of all the experiences she's had on#the way. but so is the recall center#and the center adds a better sense of urgency to markus' protest because kara is there in danger not just nameless androids we never see#the river would add to the refugee themes but doesn't honestly tie in with any other arc so it's not true ending material#anyway those are my thoughts#disclaimer:#fuck david cage he's the worst but damn if his game doesn't at least have potential#mine
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#so story time or rant time about my highschool#tbh highschool was the best time of my life from the beginning till the end with highs and lows it's true but still i miss it everyday#hearing all the crap the teachers there are going through and the way the town hall of that sector just wants to put its hands on it makes#me really sad and it's heartbreaking#so long story short to give a context every sector of the city has it's own town hall and that town hall decides what ti do with buildings#the thing is that the mayor of the sector (we'll just call it the mayor) is corrupted and already didn't like this highschool and it's#former headmaster because she was against signing a corrupted contract i won't go into details so she was forced politically to step aside#from this function and i would like to mention that she was in that year the only teacher to get a straight 10 at this huge exam#now the mayor wants to evacuate all the students and teachers so they can reabilitate the building but the thing is that it doesn't need#reabilitation and they didn't even hire a specialist to make that statement they just bribed someone into saying that so they can get it#their way and further more they sued the highschool and politically put a new headmaster that is not against relocating#the thing is we already had some constructions and they happened while everyone was in school in 2018 i think and an architect said that#things can be done without relocating and without losing our cultural heritage because there are 200 years old books for example that will#probably get lost STUPID WORD LIMIT#what i think is that they just want to demolish that building because there are a lot of office buildings in that area and they want to#build even more because this means more money for them#and they don't give a shit about the safety of students like they pretend they do#so all of this makes me so mad and angry and i have an exam tomorrow but i simply can't brush this off like it doesn't mean anything#cause for 4 years this was my hogwarts i found really good friends there i found love i even had my dumbledore the physics teacher#and now the teachers and students protest we all signed an open letter to the president in hope of a change in good#everything is just going down and i hate it and i'm so angry i wanted to share this story cause it means so much to me#i am so proud i was part of that highschool and we have a saying highschool student for 4 years sincaist for a lifetime and i really see#that in my friends parents who met there or who became friends there and we even had the graduation day in which former students of the#highschool come there and they're of all ages even 76 or sth like that#it just felt like being in a family i was very lucky of this with my classmates and teachers and i always miss them#i hate what is happening right now i want to protest too#i'm from the country with a president that was teacher his wife is a teacher but still politicians have 0 education#and they don't want us educated they want us stupid and easy to be fooled#and they always mix politics with education which is never a good thing#woah this rang I'M SO SORRY ignore
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not being listened to is Roman’s problem, not Logan’s

#im so passionate about this u dont understand#roman/creativity is constantly being pushed aside for logic or moral obligations#and after POF it's gotten to the point where he relies on the others (mostly patton) to navigate decisions for him#when he suggested the. the only good decision in SvS (talking to Lee and Mary Lee) he got ignored for. no real reason at all?#And in POF with his whole driver's seat metaphor he feels like when he makes decisions he makes Awful ones#But that's because? everyone picks on him for the ''stupid'' things he says??? without acknowledging the good things he's said#had they just listen to him and took his contributions seriously roman would not be sad and problems could be solved#i have no idea where logan not being listened to came from and imma be real it drives me crazy#yes he gets shut down sometimes they all do the whole point of tss is them arguing and talking over each other#but the difference between roman and logan is that. logan constantly dominates conversations#his main problem is that he can't accept the fact he's not needed sometimes and his coworkers are as Knowledgeable as him#patton acknowledges and ACCEPTS that too much of him is bad for thomas. and they all seem to accept that even tho they all want to-#-be the one having the most impact on thomas bc they all think they r doing whats best for him#logan is the only one who's shown hesitance on accepting the fact he isnt the only important one#he constantly calls his fellow sides stupid and gets So Surprised when they contribute something useful#'wow roman that was actually smart' like ok logan#he's problem is that he needs to accept there's a time and place for him. and thats ok!! he can still be seen as useful and serious-#-even if he's not the one solving the issue at hand#he has. a superiority complex methinks#anyway i have a lot of feelings about roman and logan#ramblings#ts
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