Tumgik
#i want to be entirely myself and not worry about what people will think
silky-silksong · 1 day
Text
Okay can I talk?
eric belonging to @night-light-artz
Patches @eve-pie
Tumblr media
Okay for the image above I was doing a “mock” warrior cat book. I miss the old covers but anyway
I kinda feel my art is…boring. I mean it just feels that way. Sometimes I feel I rush myself to get things done, and to be honest I hate having to rush myself. I look back at my recent post and they just fall FLAT. Flat as in the colors are just boring as heck. Lineart? I don’t really like. Not only that but everything feels so unpolished
My anatomy/details
I hate the fact I miss crucial details of my chat starts or even other people characters. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW I DONT EVEN ADD SILKY’s ANTLERS 99% of the time? That bothers me. And I see other people add them and I’m just “well damn I’m so lazy I can’t even add antlers on my own fucking character”.
Not to mention the poses. Everything feels so stiff with me. So dang stiff that you may as well call my art wood and use it as a support beam. I hate how I don’t use references for my art. Maybe If I used them more and actually took my time stuff wouldn't look like your average horrific Netflix Original cartoon of some movie.
Backgrounds/minor objects.
Do not get me started. I hate all of them. They look so low effort. I mean, I know I can do better with them! But it seems like I worry about the main characters so much. In fact, I feel the background just falls flat or blends in too much with the characters that it looks. Messy. If I draw a cup, i'll skip over details and it will look awful! Which isnt good, as it shows im lacking severly.
Time
And for time I rush. I feel like I have to literally push things out by day’s end and well…it affects my art. Lately o just been so focus on the hour and time it just makes the art suffer. Even if no one else sees it I do. I love my painted style, but it takes quite some time. And forgive me but I hate just doing sketches to and posting it. I prefer my art to be colored in and all the way. Now im not saying i dont like it when other people sketch. That would be a dick-head move of me.
Some days I fear if I don’t post or read inboxes everyone is going to think I purely abandoned them. I try to focus on my page. but just giving them a sketch at the end well...it makes me feel as if I just dissapointed them. I think to myself and say "I could have done better than that. Why did you even do that in the first place {Name}. "
I have like so much on my agenda and plans and then i realize I can’t do it all in one day. Hell sometimes I just make one day spefically on one subject.
If that day was animation day; I focus on an animatic.
If a certain day is art day and I want to set up my commission page (which is so messy I deleted it) then that’s the settled day. But I feel like I’m going so slow. It's like I am running out of time, and time is just passing by as I look at my clock.
And I'm not blaming anyone it's just my stupid head that makes me feel this way. I know no one is trying to rush me. But head is like "Oh but what if- and why not-". It bothers me. It clouds my vision and i don't realize in reality...no one is saying the things my brain is saying. Sometimes I feel like I'm bothering people when i draw their charcaters so much and tag them. I fear they just say 'Aw great it's this one person again."Sometimes I feel I need to be MORE original. And some days i feel i just need to give up entirely. Some days I think posting everyday will aggervate folks. Sometimes I envy the attention of others, and when I see what they gain or what following I have i look back at myself and say "Well maybe if you did this better than MAYBE you people will be interested in ya". And damn do i slam my head in a wall. Everyone just seems so happy, and yet here I am fretting over if this fucking dog I drew looks remotely interesting. And I just feel it...blends in. Like what is there so special about my art?
MY BLOG
And for this blog, I don't know if I truly have an identity for myself. There's Silky, there is Minty and Syrup, there is Simon and there is Shrimpy. But who do they belong to? What roles do they even serve in this blog? I want them to be my identity. I don't want them being just some sort of character leech. They lack story, they lack purpose, they are thrown in tropes and gag. But what do they relate to? Nothing. Nothing at all. And yeah yeah I know im thinking to DEEP into this. But it's been on my mind so much. And hell call me crazy for talking about them if they are real, but they mean a lot to me. A LOT.
So I tried to make my art interesting here like, i tried referencing images space. I tried adding more anatomy to Snowy since I am tired of doing the usual standing up pose. I even wanted to make the background feel more detailed. I feel a bit better, but I still fear everything is too...eh...bland. Maybe it is just me.
Sorry for the ungodly word of text. I know I shouldn't vent here.
27 notes · View notes
non-un-topo · 1 year
Text
Spending hours trying to figure out why I feel so irritable and sensitive today and I’m only realizing now it might have something to do w being invited to a birthday party full of an entire family I’ve never met and like seven very small children and the person inviting me assuming I would love that. I want to support her bc I like her and she’s family now, but I cannot---I will not---go to another family event and be pushed into the kitchen doing dishes with the women or cooing over someone’s baby who just stares at me and whines when I try to mask and say hello.
#my period ended so it ain't that.#maybe i'm a horrible person. i just want to be left alone for seven solid days. and i certainly do not want to be forced-#-to interact with children. they scare me. real bad.#maybe this also has something to do with my readings for this week and the fact that we're going to be discussing 'womanhood'.#like the subject is 'what IS a woman to you?' and i am not really looking forward to listening to 15 cis girls tell me-#-how awful it is and how much pain they themselves endured while entirely not acknowledging the existence of trans women#or gnc women.#why am i so irritable jfc.#every time i talk like this to my partner they give me that look lol. the look that's like 'uh huh. i know a trans person when i see one.'#and i'm like shhhhhhh. no. don't say that. shhhh. i don't want to be. i hate myself okay and my family scared me out of it.#wish i could fucking shapeshift. wish i was just fucking born with a dick and a flat chest. actually i wish i was two people.#so i could decide from day-to-day and not have to worry about irreversible changes.#how much of my alleged transness is just internalized misogyny? <- this is a question i ask very very quietly to myself#because i think it's what my mother thinks. and most of the world.#how do i learn to be comfortable AS a masculine woman? i have no one to look up to who can teach me or show me it's okay.#i have transmasc friends who are elated to go on T. i'm scared that they will make me want to do it again. why tf am i scared of that...#irreversible changes. society. literally everything. fucking hell............#no one talks about this particular experience of gender. no one talks about the in-between and the immense fear. at least no one to me.#why am i even taking gender studies in university if every class is full of cis women who don't even know the terminology of transness#or of gender-expansiveness...#i think i've become a very sour person in the last few years.#need to vent through writing or something. like through fanfiction.
36 notes · View notes
carnation-damnation · 11 months
Text
A hiatus, or semi-hiatus, of sorts.
Trigger warnings for cancer and parental death.
21 notes · View notes
mister13eyond · 1 year
Text
still relationship ranting forgive me (it's all positive, more or less?)
it's also why it is really funny to me that people constantly talk about like 'i want to be in a relationship but i don't want [one specific part]' and it's like
you can just... you can just NOT do that part, then.
you can NOT cohabitate, if you think living with someone would take away your comfort with your living situation. you can not have sex if you don't want to have sex. you can use or not use any label, you can use or not use any terms of affection, you can choose your level of consistent contact you can choose your level of physical affection you can choose whether you want to make any long-term decisions like pets or marriage or children. you can choose whether you want to be exclusive or monogamous, you can choose whether you have multiple people involved, you can choose whether you make plans now or talk it out later, you can have an ongoing, long-term conversation where you check in periodically to see if anything has changed or if you want to change something.
like! i know the cishets tell us 'you fall in love with ONE person and you will KNOW when you are in love and you will ONLY ever love them FOREVER unless you FALL OUT OF LOVE and then you will be DOOMED TO A TRAGIC BREAKUP OR CHEATING'
but like in my personal experience... it's more like.... 'you will meet someone and you will feel like you are really connected to them and you get along well and you are attracted to them. you can then either nurture that feeling by spending more time together and testing out whether your initial connection is sustainable or you can let it pass through you and simply let things go wherever they go. then you can tell them how you feel, talk about what you think you'd like or not like, decide whether you want to prioritize your relationship and your time together over other, more casual connections in your life, and try it out. and you can talk about this any time something feels off. and you're not going to fall out of love spontaneously and for no reason when you were happy before; most of the time you'll notice that there's more distance between you and you're not as close or communicative as you were previously pretty early along that path. and you can THEN decide whether you want to say 'hey let's do more things together to help us bond and feel close and open up to each other' or you can say 'i think we've probably changed in a way where we're no longer on the same page with our relationship, do you want to figure out what we both need and adjust accordingly?'
which is like. it sounds so sterile and clinical but it's actually GREAT? feelings aren't this great big overpowering beast that you cannot wrangle; love is not a thing that will just spontaneously stop one day despite your desperate desire to still feel it. the more time you spend with someone and the more you support each other, the closer you will feel. the less time you spend and the less you support each other's needs, the further you will drift. you can 100% grow that garden to your own specifications and you can simply choose not to include sex or cohabitation or monogamy or labels or WHATEVER else and it's great because it's YOUR garden.
there is no one hard definition for any relationship and there is no one specific way to have a relationship. it's literally just seeing what feels right and then describing it in whatever terms feel right.
#like idk sometimes i think i sound incomprehensible#but also i've been with one partner for 13 years now and we have changed IMMENSELY as people#and every time there were points where we didn't feel close or comfortable we just like#figured out what we needed or wanted and talked about how to do it best#and the entire reason i'm with my other partner to begin with#is that he and i have REMARKABLY similar feelings about relationships and we could have a long ongoing conversation about comfort levels-#and boundaries and what he wanted out of a relationship#and that lack of pressure let him actually feel comfortable enough with me to explore relationship aspects he had felt super uncomfortable#with previously#and also the entire conversation is STILL ONGOING and Will be In Perpetuity#there might come a time when he wants to change something or he no longer wants the same things out of a relationship!#there might come a time when he needs to pull back and can't give as much time or emotional closeness!#i don't think he has to Love Me Forever but as long as he WANTS to do this and feels GOOD doing it then#i'm enjoying myself!#and if there comes a point where he doesn't we can figure out what to do#maybe we'll just need to redefine things or maybe we'll need to change something like how much time we spend together#or maybe he'll need something from someone who isn't me or maybe he'll find#that he grows close to someone else and is more comfortable in a monogamous relationship with THEM#it's fine? it's not a worry because i trust him to tell me#i like him and i know he cares about me enough to communicate and to check in#god it's 5pm and i'm ranting again#slaps my hands off the keyboard#anyways love is actually great and good and fun and if you find a person who communicates and works well with you#then you'll figure it out together#it may take time but you'll figure it out!#loong post#long post#long tags#personal#relationships
9 notes · View notes
mayonaka-sunshine · 1 year
Text
sometimes i look at things i write and i go "huh. my mental illness is showing"
#vent in tags#<- just to be safe idk what counts tbh lmao#GIRL WHY DID I CRY ABOUT SOMEONE CALLING A SONG FROM TWEWY MID FOR AN ENTIRE DAY??????#why do i keep comparing myself to a houseplant that dies when things go A Little Wrong??????????#hm. maybe i do need to get myself evaluated...#i need to get my eyes checked and go see a psych but i! am incapable! yay! <- knows getting a diagnosis can and probably will make my life#much harder#pls at least let me see if my eyes r fucked or if i am. pls.#optometrists aren't that expensive but it's bad to go alone i think :(#im glad people worry about me but at the same time it makes me wanna die bc like...... no.....#i should not be burdening others with my issues... ya'll have your own lives and issues....#bleh. subjecting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known sucks#i think its kinda funny that my internet friends always know more about me than my own parents...#but it's not like my parents ever take an interest in me anyway lmao#when i said i wanted to study jp i only got a very sarcastic 'good luck' like... i was at least hoping they might offer to buy me something#to study off of... but they like never take an interest in me anyway lmao#they weren't even here for my birthday. and made plans over new years without me knowing#i only learned when i asked to go see my family for new years bc they hold a celebration and this might be the last time i can go#for like... 4 years. and i don't think i can take myself bc the route is over very windy mountain roads :(#and i... do not trust myself that much in the car... and it hurts me to drive even the 10 mins to and from school sometimes...#my knee and ankle get stiff and my hip starts to hurt... its bad :(#it sucks tho i miss my family i'm lucky if i see them once a year... but its not like the adults give a shit.#sighhhhhhhhhhh. ugh. my life isn't even that bad by a lot of standards so i feel shitty for whining about it#like yeah my parents don't really care about me but at least they feed me and haven't hit me since i was little?#idk man. i should stop talking i think.
12 notes · View notes
trans-estinien · 1 year
Text
Sometimes I feel like doing this with my brain
Tumblr media
#its 12 am and i should probably sleep instead of rambling but#man. its rough having your fav blorbo be a fucking terrible person#cause on one hand you have the villain woobifiers and people who just completely ignore major aspects of a character for a fucking ship#and on the other hand you have people who hate you for enjoying a character. and thinking said character is interesting#and yeah yeah i know not everyone will like me and i should just ignore it and keep on doing what i enjoy but. ugh.#and im also constantly worried that ill fuck up and become a villain woobifier myself#and im also constantly worried that when im writing my cannon blorbos ill fuck up and write something super ooc and people will get mad.#i think fandom was a mistake#but i also wouldn'tve met the besties without fandom so? you know. everything's got two sides#this is such a stupid thing to get all upset over but.#unfortunately i am a horrible man enjoyer this has been consistent my entire life.#and people usually dislike people who like your typical tumblr sexyman type character. which is fair most fans are insufferable#veils if you read this far this isnt abt you it's abt someone else. dont want to like start shit so i wont say names#but i saw. a vauge post from someone i thought was cool and i just. i knew it was directed towards the tags i left on their post#and i felt bad so now im having big anxiety over it. its really stupid i know#i am just going to retreat to my corner and hope to creation that im left alone. im just playing dress up with the blorbos#and like. they're entirely allowed to have their opinion im just. brain is convinced everyone hates me now for no fucking reason.#i gotta. work on this but idk how. therapy fucking failed cause i forgot about it 💀#but. i should sleep. its past 9pm so my brain is not to be trusted.#ok fuck it ill just say it i feel guilty that Emet-Selch is not only my favorite character but also my comfort character.#im not going to stop liking him because that wouldn't be fun. plus others opinions dont really matter i can like whatever characters i want
16 notes · View notes
buysomecheese · 1 year
Text
Fellas, tell me-
Is it very ESTJ, 6w5, 269 tritype of me to kin Upside Down & Inside Out (OK Go), Humpty Dumpty (AJR), Belonger (Maxton Waller), It’s Called: Freefall (Rainbow Kitten Surprise), Northern Attitude (Noah Kahan), All’s Well That Ends (Rainbow Kitten Surprise), Upside Down (Jack Johnson), I Won’t Let You Down (OK Go), Real Men (Mitski),? Is it?
#anyways if you know anything about enneagrams or grottoes or mbti please. tell me about myself (/nf)#(/nf)#the rest of my tags are venting feel free to ignore those#I’m not going through anything rn#I’m feeling totally fine#(I want to Punch some Certain People in the ducking stomach)#(I haven’t had a menstrual cycle in Months and I’ve been literally feeling entirely fine and I’m healthier than ever otherwise so-)#(- I’m worried about that. I think English is incredibly fucking stupid as a class. I cannot Wait until college. this is such a period of-)#(- growth and change for me. I’m getting a job. I might ask someone out. I still can’t drive and I’m upset about that. I know who I want-)#(- be friends with now. things are coming together and I am weeding out things that are bad for me. I’m so derealized half of the time and-)#(- it contradicts with everything else going on so strongly. I wish people would own up to their faults and not take on more than they can-)#(- handle. I have so much confidence in myself and my abilities but I don’t think I’m worth anything. I know what I deserve but that’s-)#(- the bare minimum and nothing more. I know that if I Left today I’d believe that everyone would love on within the week but I also know-)#(- there are people and organizations that would Not work the same or nearly as smoothly as they do now. I don’t know what to do with-)#(- myself but I have Everything planned out. maybe I just need to work out and be active idk I’ve been in a car all day.)#estj#6w5#269 tritype#what is a#tritype
2 notes · View notes
fleshdyke · 9 months
Text
ahdhaoegheiegsh
#sui and sh and ed warning for tags#it’s so insane to me how easy it is to fall back in. like it happens so so so quickly. it’s so scary#like. there’s just this very deep rooted fear in me that my friends don’t like me. it’s my biggest fear and i feel like it’s true for real#this time. like i’m so so so confident that they don’t like me anymore. more so than i’ve ever been before#and it’s just making it so fucking easy to fall back into old habits. you know. like i don’t particularly want to be anorexic to get thinner#at this point. i want to be anorexic so people will notice and worry and pay attention to me#like i feel so so so forgettable. and that’s just my worst fear bc that’s what i’ve been my entire life and i finally thought things were#different. like it’s such a stupid thing to get upset about but like when they don’t eat lunch with me or when they didn’t even bother to#look for me during the last assembly of the year and just went to sit on their own#or when we go to walk somewhere as a group and they leave me behind. like please pay attention to me please don’t make me feel like i’m as#forgettable as i am. please#like if i didn’t know better i’d kill myself to get them to notice me again. notice me more than just a smile and a nod in the halls#like sometimes i want to just stop talking and see how long it would take for them to notice. how long it would take for them to worry#like every time i feel like i’ve found someone that actually likes me and wants to be around me. they always end up getting tired of me#and i’m just always in a cycle of waiting for them to realize they hate me and being ripped apart when they do. and every time i feel this#sort of smugness or i told you so ness because they did eventually leave just like i said they would. and it’s an awful good feeling#it hurts so much but god i was right i was always right#and i think i’ve accepted that this is always going to be part of who i am. people are always going to hate me no matter how much i try#no matter what i change to make them stay they’re always going to leave. i just wasn’t built for forever i guess. i long for someone to stay#so so so bad but i think i’m just always going to be broken like this. i’m always going to be lonely and there’s nothing i can do about that#and i want to be hospitalized i want to almost die from something self inflicted because at this point it feels like that’s the only way i’m#ever going to get anyone to care. i don’t want to die but i want to get somewhere close to it#idk. i want to bleed out or collapse from malnutrition or be found after an attempt bc hurting is so much easier when you have a reason to#rambles#vent
1 note · View note
ranboolivesaysstuff · 6 months
Text
IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ
Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.
5K notes · View notes
bettsfic · 2 years
Text
today is my birthday! i’m 33 today and i have done an ungodly amount of stupid shit in my life that honestly probably should have gotten me killed. so here are 33 hard-won things i’ve learned that i wish someone had told me sooner.
whenever you buy an object, you are going to own that object for your entire life unless you make the conscious decision to throw it away or give it a new home. maybe other people don’t struggle with this as much as i do, but i’ve grown to become a little exhausted by finding a thing and realizing i don’t want it anymore, but i don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it. signed, a woman with a packed 10x10 storage unit who is now extremely hesitant to buy new things.
food, and by that i mean good food (and by that i don’t necessarily mean healthy food, but food of good quality that you love), is necessary to live, and buying it, preparing it, and eating it is not a chore. the sooner you accept this and make food a priority in your life, the healthier you’ll be. 
speaking of food, not everything you buy should be the cheapest version of it. personally i’ve found it’s always worth it to splurge on good olive oil, butter, and canned tomatoes. for years i thought i was an awful cook because i was cooking with cheap, disgusting olive oil that made my food taste like shit.
speaking of food part 2, i can’t BELIEVE how long this took me to figure out, but mise en place is the real real. get your shit out and organized and prepped *before* you start cooking, even if it makes things take longer. and yes, it is always worth it to do the dishes as you go, which pisses me off.
when i was teaching myself how to cook and feeling daunted about it, the best advice i ever got was to aim to learn 15 recipes and then put them in rotation.
this is the most horrific and awful truth i have forced myself to accept: there may come a day you can no longer digest your favorite foods, and you will either have to stop eating them, or remain very close to a toilet. i’m sorry.
other people are always going to misperceive you and misunderstand you, sometimes willfully. other people’s opinions of you don’t actually have anything to do with you. they’re not your business, and you don’t have to worry about it or change yourself.
when innocuous or neutral things make you irrationally angry or upset, step back, realize you’re having a big reaction, and then when you’re ready, pay very close attention to the thing that upset you, because you’re about to learn something important about yourself.
a pill sorter can save your life. i don’t know how i managed my meds without one.
sometimes college is about learning stuff, and not about becoming something.
no matter how many perfectionist tendencies you have, it’s worth it to remind yourself that no matter how much of a mess you actually are, you deserve to be loved.
if you’re always forgetting to do important but tedious things, set an alarm and set aside one hour of each week, not to do the important tedious things, but to assess what needs to be done, and *schedule* the important tedious things for the following week. this literally changed my life.
during that hour, make a meal plan too. the point of doing this is condense the time in which you’re making decisions (what to do, what to eat, etc) so you don’t have to burden yourself with them throughout the week. decision fatigue is real. any way you can alleviate that is a good thing.
learn the difference between aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive behavior. recognize when you’re being one of the first three, re-assess and aim for being assertive, even if it’s hard.
you can tell you’ve processed trauma, not when the traumatic thing stops upsetting you to think about, but when the traumatic thing takes up the same size in your brain as all your other memories.
if you’re one of those people who never seems to finish projects or follow through with things, there’s a chance you may just grow out of it naturally. until then, follow your interests and don’t feel bad about putting down a hobby to pick up another.
if you love stickers but have sticker anxiety, buy vinyl stickers. you can re-stick them.
there are only a few careers i can think of that you have to commit to early in life because getting the undergraduate credentials is a pain in the ass (teachers, doctors, and engineers, from my research). nearly everything else you can switch to later, which takes a LOT of pressure off having to figure out what you want to do with your life.
people say there’s no money in becoming an artist, writer, musician, etc. actually there’s a ton of money in all of those things, it’s just in the stuff other people want you to make and never what you want to make. it’s still worth it to develop the creative skill and not force yourself into business school because it’s more “practical” or whatever. 
sleep when you’re tired. SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE TIRED. don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t be tired or that you’ve already slept too much, just take a fucking nap. you would never say “hm i’ve already had enough water today, therefore i should not be thirsty” so don’t treat sleep the same way.
when you build a piece of furniture from target or ikea or whatever, the first thing you should do is count all the little screws and things to make sure everything’s there that should be. it sucks to get halfway into putting something together only to find there’s a piece missing and you have to go buy it.
learn to travel by yourself, go out to eat by yourself, see a movie by yourself. in my early 20s i was scared to do these things, but i do them so often now i don’t even think about it. it’s the most fulfilling skill i’ve ever learned.
adding to the above, if you’re a people-pleaser, being alone is especially important, because you’ve probably developed the habit of making the people you’re with more comfortable and happy than yourself, and you’re missing a lot of the beautiful and interesting things around you. when you’re by yourself, you can focus on what *you* want without guilt. 
sometimes you’ll want to break things off with a friend for reasons that are no one’s fault, and you don’t want it to be volatile or make a big thing of it, in which case the goal is to simply fade out of their life. it is okay to let people go.
shame is useless. get rid of it.
no matter how much of yourself you put into your art (or writing, or music, or whatever), when people criticize it, they are not criticizing you. they are having a reaction colored by their own tastes and perspectives. their opinion of your work has nothing to do with you. you don’t have to take everyone’s feedback. in fact you don’t have to take anyone’s feedback. the other side to this coin unfortunately is that compliments don’t have anything to do with you either. it’s good to accept this because it means you’ll stop seeking validation from other people and won’t let anyone else’s perspectives impact your work. anything nice anyone says about your work is merely a bonus to an already good thing.
if you’re an artist of any kind, take one day a year to look up opportunities like grants, funding, residencies, workshops, whatever. put the due dates of all of them on a calendar for the year following and get into the habit of applying for stuff. getting rejected sucks, application fees suck, but in all the years i’ve been doing this, it has always, always been worth it. these things give you a chance not only to help fund and support what you’re passionate about, but they force you to take your own work seriously, and that is something that’s absolutely necessary in order to be successful.
you must become your own greatest advocate. in all respects--in health, in love, in happiness, in freedom, you must. no one will ever fight as hard for you as you will. this in turn will give you the strength and motivation to help others fight for themselves too. the only way the world will ever get better is if every person on this planet learns to see themselves as equals to everyone around them.
brag about yourself as often as you can. for one, people develop their perceptions of you based on how you treat yourself and speak about yourself. but for two, it’s the fastest way to figure out which people to keep in your life, because they’re the ones who are going “oh hell yeah, you’re awesome.” 
be the person other people want to brag to.
at some point in your life, someone is going to hurt you, and it’s going to be willful and intentional. it is not worth it to waste brain space figuring out why they did it or why you think you deserved it. all you have to do is let yourself feel that pain, acknowledge it, and try to move on.
no matter how bad off you think you are, recovery is possible. the first and hardest step is to learn you’re worth the time and effort it takes to recover from the awful things that have happened to you.
developing an expertise does not mean you’re getting objectively better at something. becoming an expert is only the process of seeing your mistakes and having the patience to sit in the discomfort of not knowing how to fix them.    
32K notes · View notes
Text
Wreck My Plans - LN
Summary: After nearly a year of making long distance work, Lando has lost his patience and abruptly demands that y/n move in with him. Because he can't keep living most of the time without her.
Tumblr media
Admittedly getting frustrated with someone like Lando Norris is easy.
It’s almost as if he really genuinely thinks nothing of his demands for y/n to fly off with him for a race weekend or have him just drop in out of nowhere when he decides he’s feeling lonely at night after insisting he wouldn’t be able to come over.
It’s not as if she doesn’t want him there. 
But communication with him is a headache on the best of days.
“You can come!” Lando insists while following her out of the bedroom into her living room.
“Lando, I’m trying to make a life for myself. My boss has warned me, one more calling in sick for a weekend then being spotted on broadcast or another last minute holiday booking that interrupts other peoples schedule then I’m fired and I can’t lose my job.” Y/n frowns turning abruptly to look at him. “Flying to Monaco to spend a week with you is not on the cards.”
“Quit your job.” Lando demands and for a moment he almost wants to eat the words he just spoke because her expression of rage is not something he is enjoying being the victim of. It’s silent rage too which he knows says much more than if she was yelling at him, and yet he doesn’t shut up. Instead he continues speaking. “Quit your job. Move to Monaco and live with me. I’ll take care of you.”
“Lando…you’re being ridiculous.” Y/n laughs in disbelief of the fact they’re even having this conversation.
They’re both so young and while they’ve miraculously managed to keep a relationship going for 10 months while she lives in a guest house at her parents house. It’s still so early for her to be thinking about moving countries to live with him.
“No. You’re just being stubbornly independent. It’s annoying.” Lando states as if his words are fact, and annoyingly he’s not entirely wrong. But it doesn’t mean he gets to say it out loud with so much confidence.  “What’s stopping you? Your job isn’t even your dream job, and what’s better than living with me? I’ll take care of you, we’ll get to travel, have every morning together and you’ll be a full-time girlfriend who doesn’t have to worry about a thing because we’ll not have to worry about the one threat to this relationship.” Aka living in different countries and sometimes going weeks not seeing each other in person. 
At one point she was seeing the Quadrant team more than she was seeing Lando and he was seriously unimpressed about it.
“I-What about my family?”
“I see my family all the time and you can do exactly what you’ve been doing with me. Plus I think your dad is more than ready to pass over the responsibility of you onto someone else. We’ve had a chat and he agrees it’s time for you to accept that you have to just live with me and let me take care of you.”
“Sounds like something he’d say.” Y/n mumbles in defeat since she knows her dad constantly makes jokes about how she’s his most expensive child and it’s a good thing she managed to end up with someone who has a job with such a high income because they’d need it to meet her needs(wants). “If-and I mean if-I agree to move in. Is that really it? My plans to lead my own life are wrecked.”
“You will be leading your own life, you’ll just be doing it by my side with no concern for travel budget and you’ll get to have amazing sex more regularly.” Lando grins holding nothing back with his other intentions for as to why he wants her to life with him. It’s definitely not something that is putting her off, even if he is still annoying her with his nonchalant attitude about it. 
“Amazing sex?” She scoffs, knowing he’s right but feeling like she needs to humble him somewhat right now.
“If you need me to prove that we have amazing sex then I’m happy to deliver.” 
“Stop trying to distract me.”
“Stop trying to deny that we’re made to have a life together. When we met you told me that you wanted a man who would let you give up and live on their sofa.”
“I said that as a joke after a bad day at work and you know it.”
“So you don’t want that at all?”
“I-“
“I won’t force you, y/n.”
“Just give me some time to think about it.” Y/n mumbles before she groans. “No. I don’t need to think about it.”
“Ok.” Lando nods thinking that she’s just decided that it’s not happening.
“I’d love to move in with you…idiot. But next time you want to suggest something life changing, maybe give me more warning…and I still have to give in my two week notice.” Y/n states while he nods quickly really just excited that this is actually happening.
-
By the start of the next month, Lando had new enemies of y/n’s family as they weren’t thrilled that she’s moving out the country but she was too excited about it to care and assured him that they would get over it eventually.
Lando sighs waking up to see her sleeping soundly, her face nuzzled into the pillow while he admires her and sighs just smiling over the fact he got her. 
So far she’s been there a few days and he’s already spoiled her by buying her anything she gives a second glance. 
“I know you’re awake.” He whispers watching her mouth twitch into a smile. “You can sleep on the plane.”
“But I’m so tired now.”
Attending a race weekend so shortly after moving in isn’t ideal, but he wants her there and she wants to be there but right now she is exhausted.
Eventually she’s up and they’re out travelling to the next race. 
Now their relationship has never been hidden but it has been the most questioned due to the fact they are seen together so little. At one point she was with Max so much more accusations of cheating were being thrown into the ring but Lando put those to rest quickly.
Before y/n knows it they’re in the paddock and Lando seems to be making extra effort to show off his new roommate.
Of course when he gets up on stage as part of the media for the race week, the first question is about his relationship.
“You made it public knowledge that you and y/n moved in together. How is that going?”
“Oh she hates me so much already. Apparently I suck.” Lando nods jokingly before shrugging. “No, it’s going really well. But she moved in like 3 days ago and we’re already travelling. Everyone should expect to see her glued to my side whenever I’m not doing this stuff.”
“Yeah, she hates him.” Oscar adds with a small sarcastic smile. 
“You know she does. I bother her all the time and she hates it.” Lando admits with a proud grin. “But she is going to be around a lot more now and…everyone can expect to see me doing everything and anything to irritate her.”
2K notes · View notes
Text
Secret Lovers
Simon "Ghost" Riley X F!Reader
Simon wasn’t someone who very willingly opened up to anyone, his teammates were no exception either, save for Price. It was always better to keep things quiet and let people assume what they pleased instead of trying to answer their questions. Better to remain mysterious than show your cards to the wrong person. a/n:this was originally started because of a snippet @thebeesatemyknees had written, thank you so much for letting me turn this into a full fic! I hope I was able to do it proper justice warnings:none, just tons of fluff Part 2
Tumblr media
Simon wasn’t someone who very willingly opened up to anyone, his teammates were no exception either, save for Price. It was always better to keep things quiet and let people assume what they pleased instead of trying to answer their questions. Better to remain mysterious than show your cards to the wrong person. Johnny had badgered him from day one if he had a partner, going on and on about how much he loved his girlfriend. SImon wasn’t going to tell him anything, no matter what he’d keep his lips sealed.
Kyle was the next one to ask, though it was more in passing rather than a true and genuine question when he cornered the older man. They had been discussing mission details when the topic arose, did he have a next of kin? And if so, who would be the one to inform them if Ghost were to be KIA’d? He never asked Simon after that day, instead going on to different topics whether they had to do with the mission or what they wanted to eat. Kyle treated him like a friend, it was nice.
And John, well he knew all about Simon’s personal and very private life.
~~~
You were a new addition to the team, a medic that could stitch up a wound within a minute and get you back on the field within five. They were thankful to have you come around with them, helping stitch up a wound on Johnny’s arm, or cleaning up a gash on Kyle’s head. The only person who seemed to be a little wary around you was Simon, which both Johnny and Kyle felt odd. You fit in their group like the puzzle piece that was missing, and yet Simon acted as if he wanted nothing to do with you. Surely he’d warm up to you a little more, they were all sure of it.
“Thank you all for meeting me on such short notice. We’ve got word that an arms dealer is hosting a gala and we need to get more intel before we can swoop in.” Kate was a woman who took no shit and left no prisoners, she wasn’t going to risk this.
“Who do we want to send?” John was nervous, his men were trained for this, but putting them into a situation where they’d have to become someone else entirely? Nerve wracking.
“I was discussing it with Shepherd last night, and we’ve decided that Simon and Y/N will be going on this mission while the rest of you stake out the building.” All eyes suddenly shifted to Simon who looked calm as ever.
He’d forgone the mask for this mission briefing, knowing that only his teammates and Kate would be in the room with him. Knowing that you were going to be there made things a little more tense, could he handle something that dire?
“If you think that’s what’s best, I fully support the decision.” John wasn’t going to argue, Simon could be suave and charm the pants off of anyone if needed.
“Thank you, we’ll be heading out tomorrow and meeting up at the hotel. Promise me you’ll behave so no one suspects you, please.” Kate knew how much of a troublemaker that Johnny and Kyle could be, given the opportunity of course.
“I’ll make sure of it myself if need be, don’t you worry.” John smiled up at her, leaving Kate to wonder how much trouble there would be.
They would need to debrief you on the plane ride over, given that you weren’t even in the room with everyone. Having something like that just dumped on you with no time to prepare was the worst, how could they manage? Simon would just have John give you the rundown so he could worry about more important things, like how he’d have to act like the two of you were so desperately in love.
You would have an entire day to get comfortable in the hotel room, there would be a few people lingering so you’d get used to being stared at. Simon knew they’d mainly be staring at you, you were downright gorgeous. And with the clothes that had been picked out? A deep navy blue tux, with a pitch black button up and black silk tie. It perfectly matched the dress they’d picked out for you, a deep V down the front that left just enough to the imagination. The color matched his tux almost identically, the only difference was your dress was silk. 
“They’ve packed everything for you to do your own hair and makeup, we don’t want you to stand out too much, better to blend in.” It was the smartest idea, if you or Simon were to attract too much attention things would end badly.
“Yeah, Kate told me as much as she could, I made sure to pack my best heels.” You were nervous, it’d been so long since you’d been able to go out to something fancy.
“Are you sure you can handle this?” John knew you were smart and quick witted, but something about this mission unnerved him.
“I’m positive, Simon and I will get the intel and get out before anyone even notices we’re missing.” You were confident everything would go smoothly, Simon could be silent if needed.
John nodded at you, settling back into his seat as the plan began to descend down onto the tarmac below. Simon was staring at you from across the way, palms sweating slightly as the time drew closer to getting inside the hotel. Johnny was going to see how nervous he was and make comments, he was sure of it. The sound of tires squealing brought everyone’s attention to high alert. It was time to grab your things and head to the cars, you were driving over with Simon, leaving the other three to their own car.
It was mainly to not raise any suspicion, if you were seen driving with any man that wasn’t your husband word would spread before you managed to make it to the party. You were absentmindedly playing with your ring, twirling the obnoxiously large diamond with your other fingers. It was a habit you picked up whenever you tended to wear jewelry, though it was much better than picking at your cuticles.
“You feeling alright hun?” Simon glanced over at you, though his own nerves were shot, he wanted you to feel comfortable.
“A little nervous, but that’s to be expected considering the circumstances.” You kept twirling the ring, glancing between Simon and the road ahead of you.
Simon took a quick breath and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together without skipping a beat or taking his eyes off the road. You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face, you had been waiting to see how long it took before he finally felt comfortable around you. You’d need to practice around everyone else if you were going to look natural around a bunch of strangers. Everything was going to be just fine, you were sure of it.
John had set up everything in the hotel room, along with hanging up your dress and Simon’s tux to help steam out any wrinkles if needed. So far there was nothing to worry about, save for Soap acting like a little shit and pranking Simon and Kyle for the most part. You’d all settled in, changing into comfortable clothes and ordering food so that you wouldn’t have to leave. Simon was cleaning up the kitchen so he could sit down and enjoy dinner with you.
“Do you need any help?” You walked over to him, pressing your hand against his lower back.
“Nah, just need to finish cleaning this plate and we can eat.” Simon smiled at you, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek.
“Whatever you say.” You patted his back gently, heading over to the small kitchen table.
Johnny raised a brow at how you and Simon seemed to naturally work with one another, he didn’t want to raise any suspicion. Kyle on the other hand was ignoring him entirely, digging into his own meal and scrolling through his phone. Simon had finally finished, grabbing his plate of food and heading over to sit with you. He could faintly hear that you were both discussing the mission and going over your alias’ one last time.
“Simon, you need to wear your ring.” You’d gotten on his case the entire day, he kept taking it off complaining that it felt weird to wear it.
“I’ll wear it during the mission tomorrow.” Simon brough the fork to his mouth, focusing on his plate rather than your raised brow.
“You say that now, but when we end up leaving you’re going to forget it and then we’re going to have to drive all the way back because you won’t wear your ring.” You had put yours on right away, mainly because you were forgetful and didn’t want to end up forgetting it.
“Are you really going to make me wear the ring all night?” Simon’s expression would normally terrify a recruit, but you’d gotten used to it.
“If I want to make sure you have your ring on? Yes, I’m going to make you wear your ring until we get back on that plane and go back home.” You’d glue it on if need be, but Simon knew better than to disobey orders.
John chuckled to himself watching the two of you, it was a dynamic he hadn’t seen in quite a while and it was pretty funny to witness. Johnny on the other hand was now even more flabbergasted at the way you worked together. Why did you seem so comfortable arguing with a man who’d killed for less? This was something sinister and it unnerved him to no end, he’d get to the bottom of this.
You’d offered to clean up everyone’s dinner dishes, carefully cleaning any knives before laying them on a towel to be dried by Simon. He walked over to where you were, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull your bodies flush together. Johnny’s jaw dropped open as he slapped Kyle’s arm to get his attention. The playful bickering was one thing, but watching Simon the Ghost Riley be so affectionate? 
“Damn, he’s a good actor.” Kyle watched the way you and Simon began to sway gently, giggling at something he’d whispered into your ear.
“Scarily good, didn’t think he had it in ‘em.” Johnny shook his head, turning back towards the computer in front of him.
It wasn’t until the sound of someone kissing caught their attention once more. Simon had dipped you, lips pressed against yours as his arms wrapped around your waist. Johnny’s jaw dropped wide open, well if you weren’t together already that was surely going to change. You pressed your hands against Simon’s chest, laughing happily as you stared up at him.
“Cap, do ya think Lt and the medic are gonna get together after all this?” Johnny had high hopes, no one gets kissed the way Simon kissed you and simply part ways.
“What’re you talking about?” John barely lifted his gaze from the screen, typing up the pre mission notes to help catch up on them before.
“Simon’s practically tonguing the medic! He’s gonna woo her.” He waggled his brows at the older man, cackling when John rolled his eyes.
“Oh, yeah that’s not gonna happen.” John’s attention focused back on the task at hand.
Johnny’s laughing abruptly halted, what the hell had he meant that Simon wasn’t going to woo the medic, it was obvious! Clearly John had no idea what he was talking about, Johnny could see the little twinkle in your eye from across the room.
“Gaz, am I wrong or do ye think Ghost and medic are gonna end up together?” He was determined to get someone to agree with him.
“Oh, if they don’t I’m asking for her number for him.” Kyle may have had a slight crush on you, not that he’d ever admit it.
John sat upright in his chair, focusing on Johnny and Kyle who thought they were being more subtle than they actually were.
“Have you ever looked at their name tag by chance?” John wanted to see if the other two would finally catch on.
Both Johnny and Kyle shook their heads, neither of them had a reason to over analyze your name tag when they had injuries to be taken care of. He sighed softly to himself before glancing over to you and Simon. You were laughing at some bad joke Simon had whispered to you, a bright smile on his face.
“Her last name is Riley.” John watched as realization dawned on their faces.
You’d been married this entire time and no one, besides Price, was none the wiser. How the hell had you managed to keep it hidden from everyone? Then again Simon wasn’t the most overly friendly or affectionate when it came to anyone. You were his wife though, that was different! Surely you could bring out a different side of him, something that no one usually got to…of course.
“Would’ve been nice to know at least.” Johnny shrugged off his disappointment, this was a big thing to keep hidden away.
“It wasn’t my place to tell, just remember that.” John wanted to respect your privacy, it was the least he could do considering your line of work.
Johnny and Kyle understood why Price hadn’t admitted to questions about your relationship, but knowing the truth? It felt good. They watched the way you and Simon danced to the music playing from your phone. Simon’s arms were wrapped around your waist, pressing kisses all over your face as you tried to squirm away. It was a side of their teammate they’d never thought to see, and no one outside of this hotel room would ever get to see it.
At least, not until after the mission of course.
tagging: @gaylemonshark
2K notes · View notes
lanadelnegan · 7 months
Note
Hi I’m kinda shy about this one. So the reader has been traveling with dead city cowboy Negan for awhile and she’s liked him for a long time but she’s a virgin and she wants him to take it.
Don't be shy bb, I am a slutttt for dead city Negan. Basically, think of this as if you were in Ginny's shoes, but you're 18.
Our Little Cabin
Dead City!Negan x Reader
Warnings: smut, 18+, NSFW, virgin reader, vaginal sex, fingering, family death (reader's mom), reader seduces the hell out of negan, extreme age-gap (reader is 18, negan is 50ish), masturbating (both), masturbating in front of Negan while he refuses to touch you, daddy-kink, breeding kink, cuddling, pure filth
A/n: If you like slow burn, sexual tension and a "hard to get" daddy Negan, this one is for you. I promise one day I'll finally write a fic without daddy-kink, but today is not that day.
Tumblr media
"Can we go home now, Negan? My legs hurt." I complain, dragging my feet lazily through the leaves.
He stops and sighs, resting his hands on his hips. I stop too and stare at him. That damn cowboy hat.. I swear he wears it just to tease me.. and it's working.
"Yeah, doll. Sun'll be going down soon anyway."
"Ugh thank god." My head falls back dramatically and he chuckles as we start our way back.
Negan took me under his wing a few months ago when some assholes attacked Oceanside, killing my family and everyone I know. I was lucky - if you wanna call it that - enough to escape. I ran into Negan in the woods and it's just been me and him ever since. I'm thankful for him, considering I never had a dad or father figure growing up. My mom was my best friend.. and now she's gone. But at least I have him.
I've grown attached to Negan over the recent months.. But something feels.. different lately. I'm not sure what suddenly changed over the last few weeks, but I've caught myself imagining things about him that I shouldn't. Even touching myself to the thought of him. I feel so guilty afterwards, but I can't stop. I've never been with anyone.. never kissed anyone.. never touched anyone. And my body is screaming at me for it. I can't even look at him anymore without imagining what he looks like under his clothes.
"Why're you so quiet, kid?" He glances at me as we walk.
Ugh, I hate it when he calls me kid.
I shrug. "Just thinkin'."
"About?"
"Doesn't matter." And I've convinced myself it doesn't. I'll never be with someone romantically, because for one.. it's the apocalypse. It's not like I have a school full of hot boys lined up ready to ask me to prom. Not that I'd give them a chance anyway. I'd probably be more into the teachers. And second, the man I want would never think of me that way.
"That's not true."
"You don't even know what I'm thinking, so how can you say that?"
"Anything you think about - worry about - matters to me, y/n. So, spill."
We finally make it back to our little cabin. We've been staying in it for awhile, stocking it with food and supplies. No one has found us yet.. It's kinda nice. But I won't get used to it. Because nothing good lasts forever.
I throw myself on the couch dramatically, as if our walk that we've done a hundred times now could've killed me.
"I don't know... I just, I feel like most kids - people - my age have already experienced more in life that I have."
"Like?"
"Sex." I blurt before I can stop myself. I look to Negan to see his reaction, but he's surprisingly not that alarmed. His eyebrows are raised as he studies me, probably more shocked that I actually had the balls to say that in front of him.
"Listen, I don't really feel comfortable doing the whole birds and bees talk with you."
My cheeks turn pink with embarrassment and I nod disappointedly.
"Sorry, it's just.. I - no one's really talked to me about it before. My mom said she would when I was ready.. but then she.. she.." I fight back the tears. I hate crying. You can't come across weak in the times we live in and I've been forced to be strong my entire life.
He looks at me finally and sighs, holding his arm out for me to come snuggle next to him. It's not the first time he's held me as I've cried over my mom. Won't be the last.
I bury my head in his chest, sniffling, as his hand rubs my back.
"Alright, kid. What do you wanna know?" He gives in, feeling sorry for me.
"Well, I know how it works, but I guess I just wanna know what it feels like." I feel him tense underneath me as he adjusts himself awkwardly.
"No boyfriends at Oceanside?"
"There were boys.. but none that I was interested in."
"You'll find someone when the time is right. You're still young."
"Well you don't have anyone, and you're.. not young."
"Jeez, kid. Thanks." He chuckles. "I did have someone. A few someone's actually. Lost them all to this cruel world." He admits and my heart hurts for him.
"Well, you have me now." I get more comfortable, laying my head in his lap and looking up at him. He shifts uncomfortably but eventually relaxes and even strokes my hair lightly.
"Yeah, I do. And nothing is going to happen to you. You're safe with me, doll." Butterflies swirl around in stomach, but I know he doesn't mean that in the way I wish he did. He sees me as a kid.. hell, as his kid. For a moment my heart sinks from jealously at the "someones" he mentioned. Lucky bitches.
"...Negan.. does it.. feel good?" I blush a little.
"Sex? .....Yeah, doll. It fucking feels good."
"Will you.. show me?" I stare up at him innocently and his hand abruptly stops stroking my hair.
He bends over, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Time for bed, darlin'." He pushes me gently up and off his lap before standing and heading to his room. The cabin is small but we each have our own rooms. His is the smaller one, right across from mine. He wanted me to have the bigger one.
I sit on the couch, feeling defeated and stupid. What was I thinking. I relax on the couch for a little longer, choosing to read a book to take my mind off what just happened. After an hour of barely keeping my eyes open, I close the book and head down the hall towards my room. I stop in front of Negan's door, peaking through the crack. He always leaves his door a few inches open just so he can hear if anything happens. My eyes widen when I notice the sheets are barely covering the lower half of his legs, revealing the rest of his body. His tan torso is exposed, showing his peppery chest hair, and his black boxers are low on his waist. I restrain myself from not jumping him right then.
I eventually make my way back to my room and change out of my clothes, throwing on some shorts and a tank top to sleep in. I can't get the image of Negan's body out of my head and find my hand slowly making its way towards my aching center once I'm finally in bed. I close my eyes, imaging Negan between my legs as I touch myself. I don't bother suppressing my moans, confident that Negan is fully asleep. "Mmm, Negan!" The sound of his name rolling off my tongue as I'm pleasuring myself brings me closer to the edge.
"Oh, Negan. Right there!" My door suddenly swings open and I snap my eyes open to see a worried Negan standing in my doorway.. still in his boxers. My hand flies out of my shorts and I throw the sheets over me.
"Oh my god, can you knock?!"
"I - you yelled for me." He says flustered. I notice the way his face reddens when he realizes what I was doing.
I gently pull the covers off me again and spread my legs a little.
"What are you doing, y/n?" He stands in front of me at the doorway, refusing to look at anything other than my eyes. That's okay.. I bet I can make him look at me down there. I like the challenge.
"What's it look like?" My bite the tip of my finger seductively at him before sliding my shorts to the side, completely revealing my pussy to him.
He glances down with a serious look across his face, like he can't believe I'm doing this. And neither can I. This is so unlike me, but I'm so desperate for him I don't even know how to control myself anymore.
The fact that he's still watching encourages me to continue. I use one hand to pull my shorts to the side and the other to slowly slide a finger through my wet slit. "I just wanna know what it feels like, daddy."
I study him closely, noticing the way his jaw ticks at the nickname. My eyes travel lower and I see his bulge through his boxers. It looks so big, but I'd be determined to make it fit no matter what.
My finger dips inside of me and I arch my back a little and moan, putting on a show for him. He stands with his back against the wall, refusing to move.
I start rubbing my clit slowly and get frustrated when he still isn't reacting. "Negan, please touch me."
He rubs a hand down his face with frustration. "Goddamn it, y/n."
"I just.. I need you. Please." I cringe at my desperate attempt to have him touch me. I need this man so bad it's embarrassing.
"I can't, baby."
"But you like watching me, don't you?"
I take it as a yes when he doesn't say anything and that's all I need before pushing myself over the edge. "Negan!" I cry out as my orgasm rushes through me. Even in the dark, I can see the lust burning through his eyes.
"Go to bed, y/n." He demands but I'm unable to read his tone. Is he mad, proud, annoyed?
I fall asleep at the thought of him giving in and touching me. Maybe if I think hard enough, I'll manifest it.. I heard that shit really works.
Negan's POV:
That girl is gonna be the fucking death of me.
She's been so flirty with me lately and I've been trying to ignore it. But fuck if she's not making it hard. Literally.. I'm hard as a fucking rock right now.
I refuse to touch my dick while thinking about her. She's thirty-fucking-three years younger than me for fuck's sake.
She's confused. She doesn't want me, and she damn sure isn't getting me. Apocalypse or not, it's still fucking wrong.
I drag a hand down my face and sigh. I shouldn't have watched her, but I couldn't look away. She flashed her fucking pussy right in my face and I just stood there.. watching her. Fuck me.
My dick is throbbing and I know I won't be able to sleep until I get some relief. "Fuck it."
I pull myself out of my boxers and immediately start stroking my dick. I think about anything but.. her. Fuck.. y/n. That pretty little wet pussy dripping right in front of me. The way she said my name when she came.
"Ahh, fuuuck. Y/n, fuck." I cum hard and fast and immediately regret it afterwards. Fuck is wrong with me.
I can't - and I won't let myself think about her like that again.
Y/n's POV:
I wake up before Negan and decide to read my book some more in the living room. It's a romance novel that I found one day in an abandoned car. I've read it four times already, but it seems to be the only romance I'll ever get in life, so why the fuck not.
"Morning, sunshine." Negan says sleepily as he walks towards the kitchen next to the living room. He grabs a handful of berries we picked yesterday and tosses them in his mouth before making me a cup full and putting them down next to me.
"Morning. Thanks." I say without looking at him.
He sits on the couch next to me. "You wanna talk about last night?"
My cheeks redden. "Nope."
"Okay, then I will." Great, here comes the lecture. "Y/n, I shouldn't have watched you. We both know that. But, I think you're just confused. It's just been the two of us for months now and you're all young and.. fucking horny and shit. But, us? It can't happen."
I stay silent, pretending to read my book.
"Seriously? The silent treatment? You sure did have a lot to say last night."
I remain stubbornly quiet, popping a handful of berries in my mouth.
"Y/n, I don't understand why you're upset right now. Talk to me."
"I'm not upset." I snap. "I'm embarrassed.. humiliated. I was stupid to think you'd ever be into me."
He sighs and I see his head drop out of the corner of my eye. "Darlin', if I was your age, I'd be all fucking over you. Trust me. Please don't be embarrassed, okay? You are hot as shit and any man your age would be lucky to have you. We can forget it happened if that's what you want." He holds his arm out again, and like always, I snuggle into him.
"I don't want to forget." My hand rests against his white t-shirt and I want so badly to slide underneath it and run my fingers through is tummy hair.
A moment of silence goes by before he finally whispers. "Me neither, doll."
I look up at him, my face dangerously close to his. "I love you, Negan."
His hand reaches up to caress my face as if he's scared to hurt me. "I love you too, baby... Just not like that."
He wipes the tear that falls from my cheek and my heart shatters in my chest.
One month later...
My feelings for Negan haven't faded; I'm just better at not showing them. We've been more touchier than usual... cuddling on the couch, holding hands when we walk, but nothing "inappropriate." We also haven't mentioned that night. It's like it never happened, which still hurts when I think about it.
I get done bathing myself off after dinner and slip into my usual sleepwear before crashing to the bed and pulling my book from the nightstand. I could quote every line in it by now.
I start to drift off right before a loud boom hits right outside my window, following a bright flash of lightning. I try to fall asleep, but every time I doze off, another loud boom jolts me awake. I toss and turn for an hour before deciding to do something I know I shouldn't.
I crack Negan's door open slowly, trying not to wake him and gently slip into bed next to him. I also may or may not have taken my sleep shorts off, leaving me in just my pink panties and black tank top. I ease underneath the covers and lay facing him. He's usually a light sleeper, so between the thunder and me sneaking into his bed, I'm surprised he's not awake.
I'm completely still for a good ten minutes, making sure he's still sound asleep before I make any movements. When he lets out a little snore, I slowly slide the blanket down off of him. I imagine myself reaching over and running my fingers through his thick chest hair. I keep sliding the covers down further and further, careful not to wake him, until I get to just below the waistband of his boxers. My eyes trail from the deep v in his abdomen to the black hairs peaking above his underwear and I let myself imagine what it would be like to touch him right now.. to slide my hand down his boxers and feel him. I've wondered how big he is for so long.. trying to steal glimpses of him through his pants when he walks, or catch him with the covers down while he's sleeping.
I decide to pull the covers slightly further down and my mouth gapes open at the sight. He's hard.. so hard that I can see the outline of him through his boxers as it threatens to poke through his underwear. My mouth waters at his size and I know if he ever put it in me, it would definitely hurt like hell.
After I've stared at it long enough to feel like a total creep, my eyes travel back up his body and I almost yelp when I see his head is slightly turned and his eyes are watching me curiously, as if he's been waiting for me to make a move.
"I - uh.. The thunder.. I got scared." I explain.
"Nice try, kid. Go back to bed."
"Negan, please. Just let me sleep here. Nothing weird, I just.. don't wanna be alone."
He sighs and that alone tells me he's going to let me. I hide my excitement as I turn over, facing away from him and snuggling into the covers. They smell like him.. musk and leather.. and the scent makes me practically feral. He's still on his back, but my ass is barely touching his side. It's hardly anything, and it's not like we haven't cuddled before, but the thought of my ass so close to him sets my insides on fire.
Another lightning strike hits outside his window this time and I flinch a little, not purposely meaning for my ass to press into him even more. He doesn't react and I wonder if he's already asleep.
"Negan...?" I say softly.
"Hm?"
"Will you hold me?"
"Y/n, you are seriously pushing it. Go to sleep."
a few minutes go by before another boom echoes in the distance and I jump a little again.
He sighs heavily and turns over, draping his arm over my waist and pressing his body firmly against mine. His dick is pressed against my ass, but it's not as hard anymore... and that hurts a little.
"Go to fucking sleep."
I hold his hand tightly against my lower stomach and embrace this moment with him. I want him so bad that I can literally feel my vagina throbbing. If it could speak, it would be meowing like a cat in heat right now. I close my eyes and imagine him sliding in me from behind. I get a little too lost in the thought and accidentally arch a little, grinding my ass further into him. I feel him grow to full length against me and the feeling is enough for me to squeeze my legs together, desperate for some pressure down there.
"Where the fuck are your shorts?" He says in a deep and sleepy voice.
I giggle as he breathes heavily into my neck before whispering again.
"What the hell am I gonna do with you, baby?"
"Touch me?"
"I'm already touching you, y/n. My fucking dick is basically between your ass cheeks."
"Not yet.. my panties are in the way." I slip my panties off my legs smoothly and discard them on the floor.
"Y/n." He warns but before he can tell me no, I'm bare from the waist down and pressing my ass back against him.
"Trying to give this old man a heart attack?" He chuckles deeply.
"I can try harder than that if you want me to." I tease.
"Fuck, baby. Go to sleep before I do something we'll both regret."
"Like what?"
"...Like pound that pussy so fucking good you'll never think about another man's cock but mine."
"If you love me, wouldn't you want to be the one to give that to me for the first time? Wouldn't you rather it be you than some asshole who doesn't care about me."
He doesn't answer, so I keep pressing him. I place my hand back on top of his resting against my stomach and slowly slide it lower towards my aching center.
"Don't start something you can't finish, darlin'."
"Oh, I'm very determined to finish." I spread my legs apart slightly to guide his hand over my wet center. His middle finger easily slides between my slippery folds and we both moan at the feeling.
"Goddamn. Fucking dripping for daddy. He growls in my ear before leaning up a little and pressing his lips to my neck from behind. I move my hand from his, letting him take control - finally.
His finger moves back and forth between my wet slit, gliding over my clit every few seconds and making me moan each time. His other hand slips under me and up to my neck, gently squeezing my throat.
"This what you wanted, baby?" He breathes in my ear and chills spread over every inch of my skin.
I nod quickly as I feel my orgasm build from just his light touch. He hasn't even put a finger in me and I'm already on the verge of tears.
As soon as his finger rubs tiny circles over my clit, I lose it.. moaning out for him.
"Thaaat's it, cum for daddy, babygirl."
"Negan!" I scream out as his hand goes from my neck to my mouth, muffling the sound.
"Don't need the dead hearing us, doll."
He kisses my neck once I've soaked his fingers and then brings them to his mouth.
"Mmm, fuck, this pussy tastes so good I might have to eat it everyday."
I turn around in his arms to face him. My hand goes up to hold his face and my fingers play with his gray hair. He kisses my forehead before meeting my gaze.
"This is so wrong, baby." He strokes my cheek gently.
"Can't be wrong if it feels this good."
He tilts my chin up to press his lips against mine. It's so much better than I ever imagined. He knows exactly what he's doing, and even though I've never kissed anyone, he takes the lead and I'm thankful for it. I moan into his mouth when he deepens the kiss, his hand gripping the back of my neck now. The feeling of is tongue in my mouth makes me clench my legs again, and I think he notices because his hand on my neck travels lower until it reaches the back of my thigh. He lifts my leg over his and his hand slides to my ass, squeezing lightly before his long fingers tease my entrance from behind.
His dick is pressed into me painfully and I can't wait any longer. I need to touch him. Feel him inside me.
I reach my hand inside his boxers and pull out his big, hard cock. I try looking at it under the covers between us.
"You've never seen a dick before, doll?"
I shake my head no and admire him. It's so perfect.
He closes his eyes as I stroke it. "Fuck. So innocent, baby."
He kisses my neck while I pull on him even more. "You sure you want this, baby?"
I nod. "Yes, please. I've been wanting this for so long, Negan."
He lines himself up at my opening, my leg still draped over his so that he's in between my legs.
"Once we do this, you're mine darlin'."
"I'm already yours."
That's all he needs to hear to finally push the tip past my opening. I've never had anything inside of me other than a finger, and the feeling of his thick head pushing through me and stretching my walls has my mouth falling open.
"Tell me to stop, baby."
"No, keep going. Please." I beg.
He slides deeper and deeper until he's buried inside me completely. He stays still, letting me adjust. and kisses me through the pain. A pain that feels so good. I kiss him back hard, scratching his back while grinding my waist pathetically against him repeatedly. I moan in his ear and give him the go ahead to start moving. He fucks me deep and slow at first, letting me get used to him.
"So fucking tight baby."
He growls in my ear and vibration of his deep voice sends chills through me again until my pussy flutters around him.
"Holy fuck, doll. Do that again."
I squeeze my cunt around him again and he lets out the hottest moan I've ever heard. Not that I've heard a man moan before, but I just know that his are the hottest.
"I won't last if you keep doing that, baby." He warns and the thought of him shooting his load inside me has my head spinning.
After a few more thrusts that have my eyes rolling to the back of my head, I feel myself reaching my orgasm again and hold him against me so I can grind against him and ride it out.
"Negan, Negan, oh my god.” I breathe out as I push myself so hard against him that my clit rubs against his pubic bone creating the friction I need to send me over the edge.
"Goddamn." He thrusts into me faster and harder. "Gonna make me fucking cum already, baby." He tries to pull out but you tighten your leg around him so he can't pull away.
"Cum in me, Negan. Please." I cry desperately. "I love you. I want all of you."
He kisses me hard before his hips come to a halt. He practically yells out when he shoots his load deep inside me. "Ah, fuck! Babyyy."
The sound of Negan cumming is even hotter than his moaning from earlier - I didn't think it could get any better but holy shit. We're both a tangled, sweaty mess while our hearts beat out of our chest.
We eventually fall asleep with our lips still touching and his softening dick still inside me.
I don't even worry about the possibility of what could happen in the future.. I know I'm safe with Negan.. Here in our little cabin. He gently strokes my hair as we drift back off to sleep.
BOOM. The thunder crashes outside again, but this time I don't even flinch.
"You're not scared of thunder, are you, doll?"
I smile against his chest. "...No."
The End.
Brb, going to take an ice bath.
2K notes · View notes
susiephone · 11 months
Text
wtf is dracula daily?
i’ve seen a couple people ask this question on my posts about it, so i thought i’d go ahead and clear it up here!
ok so, the classic horror novel “dracula” is an epistolary novel - that means it’s told via letters, diary entries, ship logs, and news articles. (technically the term “epistolary novel” refers to works told solely through letters or emails, but many have expanded it to mean any work that is told via in-universe documents, hence why diaries and logs often get included as well. “frankenstein” is another classic example; the whole framing device is robert walton is recounting the story he heard from victor to his sister via letter. a modern example would be “several people are typing,” which is told via slack messages, or “the perks of being a wallflower,” which is told via letters from charlie to his anonymous pen pal, which is functionally more like you’re reading his diary.)
because of the nature of the narrative, we actually know the exact day nearly everything in dracula happens - the letters, news articles, diary entries, etc. are all dated.
“dracula daily” is a substack project where the novel is broken up into parts, with people who are subscribed to the project getting emails every day something in dracula happens - for example, the novel opens with jonathan harker’s journal entry on may 3, so on may 3, subscribers are emailed that entry. the action of dracula takes place from may 3 - november 6, plus an epilogue set some years later. the project started in 2021 (i think), but fucking BLEW UP in 2022, and they’re doing it again this year! lots of us are very excited - especially people like me who fell behind last time.
why not just read the book?
valid! due to some parts of dracula being told out of chronological order, dracula daily does reorder some things. for example, the first section of dracula is told entirely from jonathan harker’s pov, then the second section switches the pov to mina murray. their sections have some overlap in the timeline, so dracula daily jumps back and forth between their perspectives.
if you want to read the book as bram stoker intended, dracula daily may not be for you. but for a lot of people (myself included!), it breaks up a very long text into easily digestible chunks (....mostly. there is one entry that is 10k words), and the fact that it’s a big project means there are a lot of people reading along with you.
i think there’s also something valuable about experience the slow revelation of wtf is going on along with the characters. the book which you might otherwise get through in a few days is stretched out into months of suspense and agony as you wait for the other shoe to drop, and it’s great.
plus, the whiplash between “jonathan harker’s neverending horror” vs “lucy is basically on the bachelorette” that you get in dracula daily is very very funny.
how do i sign up?
right here! and if you sign up and fall behind in the emails, no worries - the dracula daily website posts past entries so you can catch up.
what if i prefer audiobooks?
have i got great news for you!
like i mentioned before, i couldn’t keep up with the emails last year. part of it is that it is much easier for me to focus on an audiobook or keep up with a podcast than it is for me to sit down and read, especially with longer entries.
this year, there is going to be a podcast titled “re: dracula” that was inspired by dracula daily. every episode will be a dracula daily entry, with a full voice cast! (seriously, if you listen to british podcasts, you will recognize some of these names. the magnus archives and wooden overcoats girlies are WINNING.) you can find that here.
there is also a podcast called “cryptic canticles” that has an already-completed audiodrama of dracula that i’m told is also extremely good, and was also broken up by date. you can find that here.
why do i keep hearing about paprika/the boyfriend squad/lizard fashion/cowboys?
you’ll see.
oh god am i gonna hear about this nerd shit for the rest of the year
yes. sorry.
3K notes · View notes
h3artpearl · 7 months
Text
𝖫𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗋𝖾
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
꙳⸌♡⸍꙳            𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔳𝔦𝔠𝔢𝔰
Tumblr media
🦢 ⃝ ࣪ Pile 1 ◌⃘ ׄ ׅ
One thing that I'm getting right away is that your future spouse will really admire and respect you. You're the type to apply logic to solve problems. You'll also give them constructive criticism when necessary. They'll also really admire your mindset. They'll adore how you know how to cut yourself off from fear of the past. No matter how hard something might be, you'll be able to program your mindset in order to get through with it. You'll also be really honest and independent. You'll make them look really good too. You'll be intelligent and will be known for wanting someone equally or more intelligent than you. They'll also adore how you didn't rush into things with them. They'll find it really admirable how you manage to assess situations, point out most of the little details and look at the bigger picture. They'll really value your opinions and advice. This is going to sound weird but they'll adore how you tend to repress emotions while still being worried about you. They'll think that you're a really complex person and will truly love you for who you are, they won't look at you as a one dimensional person, they'll know that you have a lot of different sides to yourself. They'll adore how you put in effort in order to growth in all the aspects of your life. I think that you're kind of high maintenance and do not take shit. They'll find you really cute when you're upset about something, could be anything but you know what I mean. I feel like you guys are not the most fun loving person and are very serious regarding life, they'll be able to drag you out of that and see you having fun, and that will make them really happy. They'll really adore and admire you for having a strong work ethic though. People tend to act competitive with you and you, yourself are pretty competitive too. They'll look at you with a lot of wonder, like "what an amazing woman/man, how does ___ manage to do all of it?"
I feel like even your arguments will be quite fiery but despite that, you'll both be able to make things work. You'll look extremely cute to your person when angry. People tend to gossip about you but you don't seem to care. Your life is going to be very dramatic, it probably already is but it'll be funny to them, while, you'll know how to deal with it, you'll try your best to distance yourself from unnecessary drama. They'll adore how you look at everything as an opportunity to grow. As I said before, they'll think that you have a complex personality and they'll really love each aspect of you. Even though, you don't seem to be entirely governed by your emotions, you'll know how to make decisions while staying true to your heart. They'll feel a lot of chemistry with you and will think that the two of you are very strong together. It'll feel like a past life connection to them, they'll have a lot of love for you from a short period of time. Others could be like "___ is too smart for me", "I can't deal with ___ because I'd be too scared to mess up" or even "___ doesn't seem to have emotions" but your spouse will be like "___ is smart so I'll educate myself further", "___ has high standards so I'll improve myself more as a person and treat them well" and "___ definitely has emotions, just hidden maybe but I'll take care of them." You could be a bit more self serving, ahaha, no shame ofcourse. You also seem to be really self reliant. They'll think that emotionally, you want a lot and can be kind of standoffish but not to the point where you act like you don't care. You'll know how to show that you care in various different ways. Please try to deal with emotions in a healthier manner, take care !!
🦢 ⃝ ࣪ Pile 2 ◌⃘ ׄ ׅ
They'll adore how imaginative you are. You will have options regarding various different things and you'll be quite confused, almost everyday. It could be something as simple as "should I buy an iPhone 14 or wait for an iPhone 15?" or "should I invest into ____ or invest into ____?" Either way, they'll find it adorable how you're thinking so hard. They'll adore how you like to study and learn things. They'll also admire your ability to get along with others and work in a team. They'll adore how you know how to trust others. I feel like they either struggled with trusting people or saw you struggle with it so it's such an endearing quality to them. They'll also see and adore how you are building a future for you. They'll think that you're hard-working and put in effort into everything that you do, as long as you are there by will. There'll also be times, like before the both of you even start dating but you'll be attentive to them and remember things about them. "You remembered?" is the kind of energy that I'm picking up from them. You'll also have some sort of a reputation, it's funny how you'll be hated but also well liked. They'll adore how they learn new things from you everyday and how you lead by example. You'll be quite recognised for some stuff. They'll admire how you tend to work towards your goals and grow from failure too. "Failure is when you give up, everything else is just gathering information." They'll also adore the emphasis that you put on creating valuable relationships. They'll think that you respect yourself and it will definitely be adorable. Every victory that you have, your face will light up brightly, like they'll just want to hug you and keep you close to them. Affection wise, you seem to be impatient and they'll find you adorable. When you'll feel things, they'll be able to see that you feel them really intensely.
They'll also witness you have epiphanies and having your priorities. Unlike the last pile, you go absolutely nuts when things go wrong, you have a harder time being emotionally regulated. You're also the type to heal in private, they'll really adore and admire you for not making your problems everyone else's probelms too. They'll also think that you're extremely indulgent when it comes to feelings, like you do not even try to stop them because they feel natural to you. Regardless of the negativity or positivity of the emotion, you know how to feel it and embrace it intensely. They'll adore how charming you are and how you don't stop flirting with them just because you've been married for a long time. They'll adore your sensitive and warm nature. They'll adore how thoughtful you are in regards to others. You'll also be witty and make them feel loved in various different and unique ways. You are the kind of person who reflects a lot, over yourself and your belief system too. They'll really adore how you try to better yourself. They'll find it adorable how you look confused when you're told to do more than two things at the same time. Like, you're not the kind of person who'll be able to get things done if told "get this file from the other section, then print five copies, pass it out in the office, get tea for ___ and ___, then go to the office and take another file, etc.", you need to be good "get this file from the other section, print five copies and pass it out in the office, then I'll tell you what to do next." You don't like fighting but become scary when you're on offense, like you become a whole different person. Despite, all of this, you're quite guarded when it comes to dating and also really independent. They'll also admire your 'fake it till you make it' mindset. Take care !!
🦢 ⃝ ࣪ Pile 3 ◌⃘ ׄ ׅ
This seems to be a weird mix of both the first and the second pile. You are self reliant and know how to take care of yourself. You also have a 'put myself first' kind of mindset that they'll really admire. There is also going to be a certain arrogance about you, like because of your mindset, you tend to work hard and because you work hard, you have a good life and when you have a good life, even if you aren't arrogant, people will make you to be so. You'll have built a lot for yourself, you'll seem happy and content. They'll also admire how aware you are about certain things, issues in the world, etc. They'll adore how you know how to look at the past and instead of shaming yourself, look at how far you've come. Your discipline will be something worth noting too. You'll be whole within yourself and will help them feel that way too. You'll inspire them to make a better life for themself. They'll adore how even though the world sucks, there are certain aspects of you that will never be tainted. You'll be quite fulfilled and ofcourse, we look up to people who are fulfilled. They'll adore how giving you tend to be with certain people, even though you're more self focused, when it comes to the people that you love, you have the tendency to kind of be self sacrificial and yeah, you'll end up doing a lot for others. They'll adore your ability to feel things deeply and not act like emotions are something bad. They'll admire how you choose to heal and deal with issues in private.
You're also not the type to tell your best friend everything about your life. You try to remove unnecessary fears and beliefs. You also tend to hold onto the past before you choose to let go. They'll adore how much you grow and evolve by yourself, after every experience that life throws at you. It's as if they have to get to know you all over again and they really do love it, seeing a newer version of you. You struggle with letting go of the past but when you do, it's done. You're extremely forgiving and tolerant, this could prove to be a disadvantage at times but sometimes, it's really good. You're able to forgive people for things that they would've hated you for and move on with your life. You tend to feel remorse for a while after things end but at the end, you manage to be fine because of the relationship that you have with yourself. You know how to take the opportunity to move on without regrets in order to heal. They'll adore how deeply you care about yourself. How, once you've let go of past situations, you'll do anything and everything to make yourself feel better. They'll adore and admire how you take time to reflect over events, actions, words, yourself and your own mindset. They'll think that you look really cute while sleeping. You're also someone who knows how to choose inner peace. They'll also adore your honest nature and how you look for emotional and mental intimacy in relationships. This is it for today, take care !!
1K notes · View notes
yxami · 9 months
Text
Bored so that means I write a delusional yandere
description: yandere x gender neutral reader, kidnapper reader, yandere victim, reader kidnaps a rich guy but he turns out to be a yandere, just a stupid idea I thought of
Tumblr media
He felt a smooth fabric slip away from covering his eyes any longer, he quietly winced at the new setting. As his eyes adjusted to the poor basement lighting they focused to scan your figure staring down at him.
He shamelessly blushed at the sight of you, no mask, no cover up, just you in some casual pajamas as if you didn’t have him tied up in your basement. You looked so pretty..
“You must be my kidnapper!! Oh my god, I can’t believe this day actually happened! I mean I thought of these fantasies of someone beautiful like you kidnapping me but now that it’s happening I can’t help but feel shy!” He rambled, pressing his thighs together anxiously. The blush on his face almost seemed inappropriate in this situation.
Especially in this situation.
You had kidnapped this rich guy around the same age as you for ransom because you knew his parents were loaded. Instead of his heart pounding with fear and adrenaline, it seemed like it was pounding for an entirely different reason.
“What are you— .. what?” You stammered, genuinely confused on what he was blabbering about. Fantasies? Beautiful? Shy? Huh??
“I don’t mind if you don’t want to confess right away! I get it! I’m pretty nervous myself right now too.. but I’m really happy you decided to kidnap me! I’ve been waiting for so long” He giggled, happiness shining bright in this poorly lit room.
His toothy grin didn’t even falter when he looked down at his restraints, you swore you even saw it widen at the view.
“You even tied me up in rope! How did you know I would love to be tied up like this? Have you been looking at my diary?” He wished he could cover the flustered look on his face but all he could do was squirm in his chair. Mostly out of embarrassment from imagining you scanning at all his fantasies being written down.
“It’s okay if you did! I’m just a little surprised you took in this much effort to keep me happy” His chuckle only made you want to ask more questions than before.
“What are you talking about?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion while you stared down at the man you had tied up in a chair. A regular wooden chair that could fall over so you added stoppers to the bottom so it was harder to knock over.
“You kidnapping me! I’m so happy someone like you has a crush on me! I’ve always thought of being in this situation..” He mumbled his last sentence with darker blush on his face as he looked up at you with his big doe eyes.
“I don’t have a crush on you! I’m kidnapping you for ransom, cause your parents are loaded” You finally realized what he was talking about, he thought you kidnapped him because you loved him!
“Pff, it’s okay! I totally get what you mean” He winked, a bright smile on his face with blush dusting his face, less intense than before.
You could tell he didn’t believe you and that wink just confirmed he genuinely thought you loved him. Maybe if you pretended you did then it would work out well? He seemed to be some pervert but it’s not like he was hideous.
He was actually very pretty, a little too pretty. Was this guy a model? Oh god, you hoped he wasn’t a model because that would grab the attention of a lot of people and an army equipped with pitchforks would be at your door.
“When you stare at me like that.. I can’t help but get nervous” He looked away, looking embarrassed at how you were practically checking him out with no concern that he would catch you running your eyes up and down against his body.
You weren’t checking him out! Well maybe a little but not the whole time!
“Sorry, I was thinking about something” You gently waved, smacking the invisible worries away and trying to think of something else. “Nobody’s gonna be looking for you, right? I mean other than your parents”
“Who else would be looking for me?” He titled his head in confusion, staring at you again.
“I dunno, fans? You’re not a model right?” You tense up waiting for the answer, hoping he wasn’t some idol that would cause multiple mobs of angry fans.
“You’re so nice” He giggled, his eyes closing with a bright smile at your compliment that you weren’t even aware about. “No, I’m not a model. You won’t have to worry about weird fans or anything” He whispered his last few words, scanning at how beautiful you looked worried.
He only wished it was a concerning thought about losing him and not about getting caught.
“That’s good” You sighed with relief, not knowing you were even holding a sigh in anticipation. “I’m glad, um.. do you want anything to eat? You were knocked out for a few hours so..” You awkwardly asked, still a little nervous for some unknown reason.
“Sure! I’ll eat anything you make!” He gratefully accepted your offer, sounding more like a thankful roommate rather than a victim of kidnapping. “Alright, I’ll get on that” You went upstairs, starting to prepare something that you thought he’d like.
There was a lot of strange things about him, but maybe he wasn’t so bad to have around.. for now?
2K notes · View notes