i look at the stuff vincent van gogh painted in the asylum and i think abt the way ppl always sum him up as that tortured artist who was fine w being miserable and whose like mental illness Gave Us The Sunflowers or w/e instead of. a guy who was genuinely in love with the world and who wanted so badly to just comfortably live in it
like every single thing he drew when he was dealing with the hardest shit of his life was screaming isn't life fucking beautiful???? and im tryna be like that. that's all im tryna be the rest doesn't matter. yeah we're all being held hostage by the cunts in suits and we do have obligations because of it but maybe standing outside in the freezing cold to capture a moment that can never be commodified is an act of rebellion then. maybe pushing my pillow to the foot of the bed so I can watch the moon pass my window is more important than whatever the fuck kind of structure we live under here. and I can reach that. I can sit and shiver under the massive open sky and feel real and tangible and i can stick glow in the dark stars to every surface of my room and point out imaginary constellations in bed and I can do that. they can't stop me. what a revelation
Man, I want to be active here again but I also feel insecure about being here again. That’s probably rich considering this account got me noticed, but aaahhh. I need to feel more positive about rping here again and not just make a post and run away.