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#i want to die

I’m literally screaming at this point she will Not Stop talking she literally just said anyone who knows her knows that shes the farthest thing from racist like ,, o0oOooo0kayyyyy

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There should be some sort of system in place to help people who are really struggling,the world expects you to help yourself but as a disabled individual it’s not possible for me and I can’t even navigate the mental health system all they do is treat me like sht and abandon me

And I fcking have bpd so the abandonment does great harm

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I feel so hopeless. some of the few most important people in my life have disappeared. I know they’re probably dealing with more important stuff and that they all want space but I feel like I’ve done something wrong. please tell me what I did wrong. please tell me what’s wrong with me. I’m such a disgusting freak no one would ever want to be around me anyways.

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data-sweet-potata replied to your post “guys I fried my hair with bleach and then tried to turn it ginger and…”

Either go to a professional or just shave it off my dude I’m sorry

my face is too round and fat for a short haircut and I start my new job in August so really short hair/shaved is just not an option 

it is just SLATHERED in coconut oil right now but little hairs are poking up….broken off…

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I was molested at the age of 7 by my then 13 year old cousin, and I think that said event contributed to me removing myself from femininity. I cut my hair when I was in fifth grade and started to wear less-flattering clothes as I began to undergo puberty. I still don’t really wear makeup or feminine attire even though I want to be able to.

At the same time, the thought of looking sexually desirable to others makes me want to vomit and I just wear unflattering or ill-fitting clothes as a result. It’s like I’m unable to disassociate femininity with physical attractiveness and sexuality, so I feel that I should remove myself from all of it as much as possible.

While I will perform the bare minimum of basic hygiene and personal grooming, I don’t really see the point in wearing cosmetic products or feminine attire. It would be nice to get dolled up on occasion, though I just don’t want to bring attention to myself if it means being seen in a sexual manner by others.

I don’t realistically see myself in a relationship because of my trauma, as I don’t want to put someone through hell just because I’m still trying to heal. I don’t see myself living amongst others in general due to bullying at school and emotional neglect at home. I’m just fucking broken and don’t know if I can put the pieces back together again.

Personally, I want to die. I just can’t Pollyanna my way through life, and I think I’d be better off dead than alive. I have nothing to offer to the world, so what’s the point of going on if I’m just taking up needed space for those who -do- contribute to society and are mentally sound or physically fit?

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