#i want to make them my absolute fucking toy

[genderlessdude92]

Hi, I really love your work! If your requests are open and if it's allowed, can I request for headcanons of Vox/Val/Alastor/Lucifer with their biological baby w reader?? I'm sorry if this is weird I just die for family dynamics😭😭 like, how would they act, would they be present or neglectful, and that stuff!! Ik it's impossible to have a child in hell but HEY. ITS FICTIONAL. It's really your decision if this is super fluff or super angst, but personally I believe it would be angst because it's hell and they are really famous 😭 THANKU

AUTHOR RESPONSE: First ask but urmmmmmm OFC OFC OFC!!! I’m all in for dis req :3 I feel like i absolutely will eat up Al’s part of this post so stay tuned. Other ones are questionable because idk if it’s OOC or not but…I’m just a girl!! >.< (I’m a genderless dude as you can see from the name ^^) I’m sorry i’m not funny- These might be short btw im rushing a little bit bc i’m trying to start a multi-chapter fix yay awesome but uhhh i’m still having fun with this 💋

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

AL, VOX, VAL, & LUCI WITH THEIR BIOLOGICAL CHILD

(and reader that gave birth to em somehow <3)

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

PAIRINGS: Alastor x Reader, Lucifer x Reader, Vox x Reader, Valentino x Fem!Reader (ALL SEPARATE)

SUMMARY: Alastor, Lucifer, Vox, and Valentino are dads now. Aw shucks. (Headcannons)

WARNINGS: MINORS DNI. Breeding kink, (obv bc Val is in here), Val mention, reader is female because they literally gave birth to them, mentions of pregnancy, birth, Valentino being a weird fuck, Valentino again, unhealthy duck obsession in Lucifer’s area, Breastfeeding, Cannibalism, physical slaps, everybody being nervous shots but Vox, really rushed, lmk if i missed anything pookie (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

please don’t steal/copy/translate my work. But thanks for liking it, though!!! (๑ᵕॢ૩ᵕॢ)*౨˚ൗ

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

-Alastor is 100% nervous at first since he has to be the dad and his dad wasn’t…the best!! ^^

-But also doesn’t want to back away because, I mean, it’s kinda rude to just walk away from your creation that you INTENDED to make real.

-This gentleman’s baby was not an accident, I assure you.

-Alastor would absolutely dangle the baby off the edge of a balcony just to tease you.

-Also tried to feed the baby devil meat to make it a cannibal.

-Suprisingly worked.

-Um.

-He probably got taught to knit by Rosie so if the baby ever needs clothes he’s on it.

-Cradles the baby during his radio show hours, aw, and if the baby ever cries he immediately cuts to a quick song break.

-If both you and Alastor are like completely booked and can’t take care of the baby, he’s giving it to Rosie.

-Rosie can’t? Charlie.

-Charlie can’t? Cancelling all plans.

-He just cares for his bloodline, yeah?

-If the baby ever needs like a chewy sensory toy, he’s going to try and get one that resembles Lucifer.

-Like and apple or a snake OOO A SNAKE NVM

-Snake is better since it resembles two ppl mwuhehehe

-Alastor would be a great girl dad but in general i think he would be rlly doting to them.

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

-Oh, you thought Alastor was nervous?

-Oh, you’re so funny.

-‘Cuz Lucifer is QUAKING once he finds out you’re pregnant.

-and expecting.

-…and that it’s alive and out the womb.

-Basicslly all because he wasn’t really in Charlie’s life that much.

-But you told him that this can be a second chance?

-Which made him cry more than he was before.

-Yikes.

-Feeds the baby the most fine meals to ever exist for a baby to eat, even tried to sneak in some wine in its milk bottle.

-Then earned a slap at the back of his head from yours truly.

-You.

-I see him as a helicopter parent at first, but then is just chill once they grow more older.

-But he’s like, devoting his immortal LIFE to this baby 24/7.

-The nursery is themed ducks.

-Everywhere.

-Sometimes you get dizzy when you walk in.

-He even wanted to name the baby duck.

-You slapped him again, of course.

-This man acts like a 8th grade frat boy whenever you breast feed the baby like he just scoots away gagging.

-Another slap.

IM SORRY-

-One time in bed you guys were like getting freaky or sum and then you but his nip

-“Honey…what was that?”

-“That’s just how it feels, Luci.”

-“…What?-“

-“When i breastfeed B/N.”

-“…Ew.”

-“BITCH I-“

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

-Bro is so confident in being a dad.

-The first day after the baby was born he cancelled all his special guests on his show just for the baby to be the only one.

-This man is fucking insane.

-Puts this baby on his. advertisements.

-We’re talking billboards, pop-ups, etc.

-Only lets his supervisor babysit the baby when needed.

-Don’t expect Velvette or Val to even step foot near this baby without Vox in the room.

-It’s like a sibling love-hate relationship :D

-Now i wouldn’t say this baby was on purpose…most likely?

-But honestly, it might happen again because he thinks you’re hot pregnant.

-Who said that what.

-Omg who typed that???

-Fuck this is so short uhhh He like puts on child shows for the baby if they sit in his lap.

-But the baby never ever sleeps in the bed you guys share.

-not in a million years.

-Puts those shirts that look like tuxedos on the baby but they’re just printed on.

-Feeds the baby deer meat.

-Has a deer head mounted above the baby’s crib.

-Takes him deer hunting.

-Vox just needs em to learn early.

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠. ◠ . ◠ . ◠ . ◠

-Valentino was “so, so careful” when you guys did it.

-and this baby was 100% and accident.

-obviously you guys couldn’t abortion because like some health reason.

-Val cried that night.

-It was kinda funny that he was crying to keeping a baby.

sorry not sorry

-When the baby is born,

-Oh god should i write that

-Uh

-He’s probably recording.

-Not posting just like…saving it.

-Guys, come on, it Valentino, you should’ve seen this coming.

-Deletes it later though fuck that’s hilarious.

-He starts whining and crying when he sees you breastfeeding.

-“Your wasting the milk, mi precioso, are you kidding me?”

-He’s like in the middle of being a good dad and a bad dad.

-Suprised he made it that far on the scale.

-whenever he’s busy, he gives the baby to some random star and tells them to bring them back by like 10:30 or smth.

-with a coffee order. Very iconic.

-Same idea with Vox and liking you pregnant, and tried to get you pregnant again but you ask him why he doesn’t have a condom on if you don’t have your pills.

-He gets frustrated when that happens lol.

-Can’t wake up the baby!

proceeds to wake them up each night 3 times minimum

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

AUTHOR’S NOTE: zomg this was sososo fun to write <3 But it’s so fucking short and i didn’t even realize until i was done. I’m actually so sorry. I still like these headcannons, very humorous, very real, thank you for asking me to make this because this is my first ask i got, i still have exactly 16 more, so ur just a little lucky duck, asker. Support is appreciated! New multi-chapter fix i’m working on might be posted on Friday-Sunday!! Baiiii!!!!

-Genderlessdude92, Kiki

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

master list ouuu

#alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x wife reader #hazbin lucifer x reader #valentino x reader #vox x reader #hazbin vox x reader #lucifer x reader

[thenickgirl]

Sub!Nick HeadCanons

nick x male!reader

requested by: nonnie 🎀 and @sukiipjs

disclaimer: this is all fictional and based on my own conclusions.

warnings: short-ish. not proofread, nsfw, cursing.

NSFW

♕ as a sub, he’s happy to give up control, he loves it even; however, he’s a power bottom, so you’re playing by his rules even when you think aren’t.

♕ he’s a absolute brat and uses that to get what he wants, and he always gets what he wants. when he doesn’t get his way, he’s huffing and puffing, rolling his eyes until you put him in his place.

♕ he’ll start an argument, or fake having an attitude just so that you’ll fuck it out of him.

“lose the attitude, nicolas, and i’m not fucking playing”

“or what?”

♕ he’s very touchy and handsy, loves being under you, rubbing and touching all over you. when he’s in the mood he’ll tease you, palming you through your clothes, kissing your neck and nipping at your ear.

♕ riding and doggy are his favorite positions, as a power bottom they still give him a sense of control.

♕ he loves to show off his perfect arch for you when you’re fucking him from behind. he’ll fuck you back, throwing his ass back on you.

♕ he loves riding you, rolling his hips back and forth and in a circular motion, making your eyes roll back. his thick thighs slapping against your waist as he bounces on your cock, his walls clenching around you perfectly.

♕ he loves to be praised, nothing gets him going more.

“you’re being such a good boy for me”

“yeah, am i making you feel so good, baby?”

“god you’re so good, mm fuck”

♕ he also loves being degraded, calling him your little slut, or talking down to him drives him crazy.

♕ he loves being overstimulated even when he claims he doesn’t. he’s telling you it’s too much, and that he can’t take it, but the pleasure is so good he’s begging you not to stop.

“y/n p-please…i c-can’t”

*minutes later*

“oh my god, don’t stop don’t stop…mm i’m so close”

♕ he loves sucking you off. he’s given up control as a sub, but this gives him a little bit of his power back. any chance he gets to wrap his pink plump lips around your cock he’s taking it. his soft delicate hands gripping your thighs as he takes every inch of you with ease. he’s looking up at you with those big blue puppy dog eyes, as he bobs his head back and forth over and over, coming to a halt when his nose hits your stomach, moaning around you as your tip hits the back of his throat. he loves the way your body shakes for him, and the way you pull and tug on his hair. he’ll let his jaw go slack allowing you to fuck his throat until you spill into his mouth and he swallows appreciatively.

♕ he hates cum shots. he’ll swallow your cum with ease, but doesn’t like it on him. he gets turn on though when he comes for you and you lick it off of him.

♕ he’s very loud, never ashamed to let it be known that you’re pleasing him. he’s moaning loud, gasping, whimpering and whining.

“f-fuck baby you’re fucking me so good”

“mm so big baby, filling me up so well”

♕ he secretly loves when you leave marks on him, he’ll complain the next day, but in reality he loves to look at them and think back to your wild night.

♕ he loves to be handled roughly. he gets excited when you pin his hands down above his head, he loves being choked out and tied up.

♕ he likes having toys used on him. he loves when you place the vibrator on his nipples or the tip of his cock, making him shake. he’s gripping the sheets tightly and moaning your name over and over.

♕ afterwards, he’s so worn out from everything that once you get cleaned up he falls asleep right away.

🏷️: @mattslolita @muwapsturniolo @luverboychris @guccifrog @freshloveforthefit @orangelala @moonk1ss3d @imsosillygoofylol @sturniolossss @matty-bear @mybelovednick @ghostking4m

#mr stromboli #stromboli hc #sturniolo triplets #sturniolos #sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo x male reader #nick sturniolo x reader #a headcanon #sub!nick hc

[tulipsforvin]

do u have any hcs for Albert's favorite positions in bed or ...kinks... i'm sure that man has a lot points and laugh aint no way i'm seeing that face having empty thoughts

✧ a/n: LMFAOO for some reason the way this req was written was so funny to me at first, it made my day so thank you

★ ALBERT'S FAV POSITIONS + KINKS

FAVOURITE SEX POSITIONS ☆

✦ this man absolutely loves taking his partners from behind. there's something about the deep arch in doggy style, face smushed against the plush pillows, ass raised up in the air and moans being muffled by the sheets underneath that gets him riled up.

he's always chuckling. he's watching his partner shiver and shudder down there while he pushes back his brown hair, teasing them. “haha, tired already?”

✦ he also enjoys how his partner rides him with their back faced to him — the jiggle of their ass when they move up and down, the slapping of skin against his own has him addicted. he likes palming them then.

✦ i feel like this man would also enjoy putting his partner in a mean, mean mating press occasionally. he can't help himself; his cock just reaches deeper, nestles and rubs against the deepest, warmest, most wet and sloppiest parts of his partner.

✦ albert is also quite fond of the 'upstanding citizen' position. when his partner's legs are wrapped around his waist, holding them up by strong arms while he mercilessly pounds into them; either pressed against the wall or in the air. he's quite proud of his back, which is why he loves when his partner's nails rake against it — all while moaning out his name.

HCs ON ALBERT'S KINKS ☆

✦ exhibitionism: i headcanon that albert is very territorial and possessive over things and people he's affectionate about. he wants to make sure everybody knows exactly who his partner belongs to — either that may be fucking them between thin walls, knowing people on the other side can hear the two or a little more openly to claim them as his.

one time he got jealous upon finding out that somebody had been flirting with his partner so he pounded into his partner loud enough so the other person could hear. he does not play about who belongs to him.

✦ sir/master kink: this man exudes dominance. but not the mean kind of dom, the softer—perhaps even the service top kind of dom.

there's just something about the way his partner says it, a embarassed stutter & soft hush in their voice that has his dick aching. “call me sir and as promised, i'll eat you out until you're screaming in pleasure.”

✦ sensory/temperature play: albert is over the moon when his partner agrees to this. the arch of their back as dark red wine slowly slithers it's way down from their chest to abdomen, soft gasps as they feel albert rub ice-cubes over their already sensitive and swollen nipples or lapping up the spilled wine from before — the foreplay is enough to have him humping the sheets just for any form of release.

✦ size kink: i'll bet my soul on this; albert is huge as fuck down there and i mean his zippers are holding back a goddamn monster (💀💀).

he likes having their small body under him, his hands gripping the flesh of your hips as he uses his partner like they're some sort of sex toy. the little bulge that forms on your lower abdomen only makes him harder.

#i wrote this yesterday #while i was high as hell #so apologies #if you find errors in this #moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #albert james moriarty smut #albert james moriarty x you #albert james moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #albert james moriarty x y/n #moriarty the patriot smut #yuukoku no moriarty smut

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Kokichi Ouma from Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony vs Peter Pan from Once Upon A Time

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Kokichi Ouma:

LOVE: - "hes a bitch and that makes a lot of people hate him and a lot of other people love him. no one can decide on his motives and i think thats kind of the point. i like him personally but hes a raging asshole <3" - "Not a single DR fan I've ever met is neutral about Kokichi, he's perfect for this poll. I think he's a clever character with consistent internal logic, and his interactions with the other characters are as compelling as they are hilarious. He looks like a dog squeaky toy, and he plots like Artemis Fowl. He's one of my favorite characters in the series and I love him dearly." - "NOBODY CARES ABOUT THIS BOY'S PSYCHOLOGY AT ALL. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF AND HIS IMAGE AND MADE EVERYONE HATE HIM AND CONSIDER HIM A MONSTER ON THE SLIGHT CHANCE HE COULD USE HIS LIFE TO HELP EVERYONE ELSE ESCAPE AND SURVIVE AND NOBODY CARES. THEY SHOW HIS BREAKDOWN AND NOBODY BELIEVES HIM. I'M SO TIRED" - "not only is he a danganronpa character (inherently controversial) he is also the antagonist and constantly lying because That's His Whole Deal. people either love him or hate his guts. he's a little piece of shit. i would submit komaeda but i feel like views on him are more positive, generally. sorry i have bad taste in video games" - "he's a horrible little guy trying his best in not very good ways what more could you want" - "I don't know, people say he's badly written because they don't pay attention to his arc beyond the cartoonish facade he very obviously forces, and they don't like him because he caused someone's death which like..fair (he did feel super bad about it though so its fine.) Some people also don't enjoy his wonderful personality and think he's a mean piece of shit, which he is, but it's fine. They're just sensitive." - "I know people don't like him because he's like. a shittier version of Komaeda. But that's what's so GOOD about him. He's a shitty asshole of a person, playing pretend at being a villain because he's desperate!!! I think that's really fun. He's dooming himself and I want him to be okay after everything ends, but he dies so he can't even have that much :(" - "so i saw you got submissions for him. but not enough i need to submit him myself he is my favorite character from anything ever. he is the silly man he is so funny one time (actually, two times if you count one optional interaction) he asked a robot if he had a dick and it's absolutely iconic i love him"

HATE: - "(dangan spoilers ahead if that matters) look ok i didn’t originally feel too strongly about kokichi. i think his character is interestingly written (can’t say well-written bc danganronpa but yaknow) and he adds a lot of charm to v3. i understand why he’s popular- he’s one of the few characters in v3 to have both a personality and plot relevance. but oh my GODDDDD he is not a good person!!!! and i am so SICK of seeing him woobified into ‘ooh little baby he did his best he wasn’t doing anything wrong’ JUST BECAUSE you find out he was trying to end the killing game after he dies doesn’t mean he wasn’t incredibly fucked up throughout the game!!! like he was incredibly manipulative, a bully, encouraged infighting, Literally Orchestrated A Murder And Protected Himself From Danger By Getting The Big Stupid Sweetheart To Do It which caused TWO unnecessary deaths and- oh yeah- tricked everyone into believing he was the mastermind and the world had ended to make them so depressed that they just wouldn’t do anything anymore bc can’t kill someone if you’re rotting away in your room!!! AUGH like he’s a good character but it’s BECAUSE he sucks that he’s interesting. maybe this is just the komaeda fan in me but sometimes!!! the character is cooler when you understand that they’re a bad person. at least komaeda gets an actual redemption arc. kokichi’s just an asshole that the game tries to make you sympathetic for at the very end but he spends the entire game being an asshole so why the hell would i like him??? and then i go in a fandom tag and it’s constant unending ‘kokichi did nothing wrong’ the whole point of his character is that he does EVERYTHING wrong. i truly feel like the dr team was trying to replicate komaeda’s popularity but it was messy and poorly handled bc he’s not even a bad person in an interesting way like komaeda he’s just got trust issues that lead him to be stupid and An Asshole. then again people eat it up so what do i know lmao. i love to hate that little shit i wanna punt him into the goddamn stratosphere. score a field goal with that asshat. this is all lighthearted btw i love to die on small hills" - "WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE HIM OH MY GOOOOOOD HES SUCH A FLAT CHARACTER HES A SODA I LEFT OUT FOR 3 DAYS kokichi oma is easily the WORST written danganronpa character. it has been a while since i was into danganronpa so the details are a bit fuzzy but my rage has NOT subsided. following the success of Easily One Of The At Least Top Three Best Written Danganronpa Characters known as nagito komaeda, kokichi had some shoes to fill. he instead showed up in clown shoes. kokichis whole premise is that you dont know if hes lying or not, him being a huge clown and causing shit for like a good third of the cast. kokichi was a simple character. hes a bitch, he sturs shit up, he eat hot chip and lie, it was FINE. not GREAT, but FINE. and then he died. suddenly— kokichi was from modest beginnings. he was actually a genius who was actually doing all of this to save everyone. he was a martyr. they TRIED to follow up on the success of nagito komaeda, and failed miserably. the guy literally has nazi imagery he didnt need to be complex he just needed to be an asshole and force the plot. for assholes that force the plot with actual good depth, may i interest you in byakuya togami? for guys who lie all the time with actual good depth, may i interest you in sou hiyori the beanie man himself from your turn to die [similar genre]? seriously. you guys could do SO much better. just... get better taste oh my GOD JUST BECAUSE HES A TWINK DOESNT MEAN HES WELL WRITTEN" - "Omg I hate this guy,,, people either baby him & make him a uwu soft boy or a funky clown dude, & both those types of people forget all the things he has done??? even if he "redeemed" himself in the end (which i don't think he did--) that still doesn't negate all of the things he did before??? actions speak louder than words but he could never rely on that bc all the does is lie anyway-- i have some strong opinions about him."

Peter Pan:

LOVE: - "My propaganda is that like. Half of the OUaT fandom is OBSESSED with this guy and the other half write fanfiction about their self-inserts beating the shit out of him. The tumblr sphere might be a bit too biased in favor of love and I doubt he'll make it far but from what I've seen people either adore this guy or want him dead in the streets"

#poll #round 2 #11 submissions #1 submission #danganronpa #once upon a time #peter pan #kokichi ouma #drv3 kokichi #danganronpa kokichi #drv3 ouma #ouat #ouat peter pan

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

job applications: this is entry level! anyone can apply!

job applications: ...as long as you've done at least six months of highly specific work, or have this exact degree, or if you kissed a chicken during the last moon of 2012-

#im back in the trenches bois its Not Looking Great #gonna apply to this stupid thing anyway but #it looks like stockin grocery store shelves is the way im gonna go #unless i get Very lucky or manage to bullshit my way into this job #college isn't necessary but Man a lot of places want you to attend. no <3 #but noooo instead i have to like. work. till i die. and never make enough money to live comfortably. sigh #sometimes i think to myself 'i should make video essays on youtube and see if that goes anywhere' #and sometimes i think 'i should scribble up things that people would buy and make a shop' #and sometimes i think 'what if i killed someone with a stick. would that be fucked up or what' #absolutely unprompted #AGHHHHHHHH THE BOXES WE AS HUMANITY HAVE LOCKED OURSELVES INTO IM GONNA LOSE IT #i was born to be a handsome decoration / weird little artist for eccentric wealthy people #i was meant to drape myself across a beautiful philanthropist woman's lap and doodle lil animals for her #while she rambles and feeds me grapes #yk. if i did make a shop i could have an extra section for small crochet things #coasters. small hand warmers. tiny shapes. simple cat toys. that sorta thing. quick and easy stuff #i could make them w/ specific colors so that they're subtle fandom themed #i literally have a coaster in damian's robin colors... a black/red SB square... #hm. thinking #oh shit i gotta work on that new commission sheet #OH NO. I FORGOR SOMETHING I SHOULD NOT HAVE FORGOR. I HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY #excuse me everyone i have something to finish

[random0lover]

Tf141 members x single mom!reader makes me want to roll around on the floor crying.

#another one of my favorite tropes #mmc becoming all soft for the kid 🥹 #okay but they’d all be so sweet #and there’s so many ways they could meet reader and their kid! I want to scream #and now all I can imagine is Price squatting down so that he’s eye level with the kid and his knees popping 💀 #Johnny is all about making the kid laugh and totally drains them of all their energy so by the time it’s bedtime they’re already falling #asleep lol. Imagine though the kid is more of the quiet observant type and it absolutely throws Simon off cause h th it’s usually his gig #and now there’s some 8 year old reading him like a book and he hates it 🤣 kid over here like you like my mom don’t you? and Simon goes #absolutely rigid wondering how tf they could tell. Then with Kyle imagine the kids favorite toy is helicopters and the kid always makes #Kyle’s figurine fall out and thinks it’s so fucking funny while Gaz is over here actively remembering what it’s like to hang out of one 💀 #as you can tell I’ve thought about this a lot #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #call of duty #mw2 #random0lover rambling ♡ #captain John price #John price #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #gaz #johnny soap mactavish #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #cod fluff #cod x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #price x reader #gaz x reader #soap x reader

[justablah56]

you guys can all blame my dear mutuals @babacontainsmultitudes and @serikyl for me talking abt glark again , I'm sure it will happen again <3

ahh ok , so to start by saying those are the two most fucked up guys I've ever seen , so bad for each other , awful , horrid , and so so interesting and devastating to think abt . one thing I bring up a just abt every time I talk about them is I think theyre both only willing to accept "help" from each other . like . both of them just want to feel guilty about what they've done and they don't *want* forgiveness , they want someone who will listen to all their bullshit say yeah you're pretty fucked up , wanna make out ? grant tells lark about the thrill he feels when killing someone or something and that he doesn't *really* want to stop . lark tells grant about how he ended the world and that he's the reason all this fucked up shit is happening . they don't talk about it . they're each other's rant journals . they don't have to write anything down and hope no one finds it , theyre not each other's therapist who will try to help them work it out , they'll just take in all their hatred and lay it out so the other can see . they expose the darkest sides of themselves to each other because they know the other hates themselves just as much as they do . they know that neither of them think they *deserve* to feel better , but at least they can be fucked up together . they're each other's safe place , in a way . they both see enough of themselves in each other that they can hate each other a bit , but also still see enough of the other to care . they both know this . one of em says well I'm fucked up and the other says yeah then what does that make me and they don't respond and fall asleep next to each other on a couch . they help each other in the sense that they feel safe knowing that the other won't try to help . because at least they're telling *someone* . at least there's *someone* who will agree and say wow you're fucked up and that can be the end of the conversation . they hurt each other and take out at least some of the anger they have towards themselves and hurl it at the other . and they take it . they both know what they're doing . they know they don't *really* mean all the hate they say to each other . but it's enough that maybe then they can justify hating themselves . or maybe , just maybe , it's enough that they can't . maybe they'll hear the words coming out of their mouths and realize huh that doesn't really make much sense . but they don't . they'll continue to hate each other out of love , but the moment they realize that's what it is it'll stop . so they just won't think about what they have . they'll just remain each other's journals and keep each other's secrets about the pain they wish they had and if anything resembling actual care or softness or gentleness they're quick to stop it before they begin to *need* it . because if someone who knows every fucked up thing about them and decided to stay out of *love* they'd have to accept that maybe they're still able to be saved . but they don't want that .

#just blahs #literally im absolutely insane about these two #apologies if none of this makes sense #and also apologies if it does lmao #theyre *so* fucked up y'all #i want to throw them in a blender and then study their goop under a microscope #putting them in my mouth and shaking them violently like a dog with her favorite chew toy #dndads #glark #grant wilson #grant li wilson #lark oak garcia

[the-everqueen]

i should be prepping this guest lecture but instead i'm obsessed with the cat.

#calling her ''merricat'' in honor of our favorite ocd protag #i'm trying not to bother her when she goes under my bed or into another room #but once she's in proximity...oh boy #she's so soft. she's so littol. #i emailed the shelter like ''hey btw i absolutely want to adopt her'' #she growls at Outside Noises and she purrs whenever i pet her #she's so nosy she keeps trying to open all the closed doors (water closet; laundry room; AC unit; and guest bedroom respectively) #she likes ribbons but she's leery of the flit toys i bought #she's okay with my youtube videos making noise and me making noise but god forbid the neighbors be audible #she ''mreep''s at me and purrs at me and sometimes very gently bites my knuckle #she's shown me her belly a few times today including once while i was petting her on the couch #i love her so much i already have like five dozen pics of her on my phone just from today #three of her legs have these ink splotches on them #she's so fucking cute #merricat tag

[toytulini]

hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔

#toy txt post #wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them #thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM #I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN #i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which #felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help? #to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up #but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or #like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented #maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits #and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe #we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being #too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how #to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming #logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various #medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us. #i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites #hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track #i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare #at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly #p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that #i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol #like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was #slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything #to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them #but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear #over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed #i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it #candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately

[screampied]

squirting for the first time with jjk men?? 😫

❛ SLIPPERY WHEN WET! ❜

sukuna, toji, getō, gojo, namami, choso. jjk men and their reaction to making you squirt for the first time

total wc. 3.6k

warnings. fem!reader, degradation, squirting, overstim, praise, fingering, unprotected sex, p*ssydrunk men, dumbification, pussyspanking, toy usage, edging. MDNI

FUSHIGURO ☆ TOJI

“hm? ain’t no guy ever make ya squirt before?” he grunts. and you’re just absentmindedly being stuffed, both of your wrists gripped back with toji holding onto them, his strokes were mean and demanding. your head continued to thump and bounce against the soft silk pillow that rested underneath your head. all you could make out was a sweet pathetic ‘nuh-uh’ and toji raises his thin eyebrows in amusement. “no baby…? not even once?”

“no- don’t think i can, i tried myself but…”

he snickers. “silly girl. trust me, you can squirt,” you bit your lip, eyes nearly rolling back from his jagged thrusts, its so good you nearly feel drool start to run down the corners of your mouth, how embarrassing it was—yet you remained stupid from his dick, feeling the warmth of your pussy clench tight against him. “want me to test it out?”

“yeah,” you whine, your voice was a mere soft mewl, an almost mumble practically, and toji gifts your ass with a spank, eliciting a moan from your mouth. he grows cocky the minute a huh? leaves his mouth. so you correct yourself with a “y-yes.”

“….‘yeah’ what girl,” he groans, skimming his dark green eyes down to see how your body jerks underneath him. his weight lightly hovers against you, and he’s still got a firm grip with your wrists, having you pitifully tongue-tied. “taught you how to speak to me. so let’s try that again.”

arrogant bastard, what your thoughts originally said—making you purposely repeat yourself, but his cock always always made up for it.

“please,” you choke out, moaning from the way he deepens his thrusts just a tad bit, your mouth starts to water from the way your pussy twitches in content. “make me squirt toji. please. i wanna be messy for you.”

“aw that’s my girl,” he purrs, releasing his grip from your wrists, yet it remains still against your bare back, his thrusts snap against you to where a cute gasp leaves your lips. “but oh, you’ve been messy though, but there’s nothing wrong with that, princess,” he teases, such mockery escaping from his tone. “relax for me, yeah? you’ll feel it when it comes.”

“okay,” you moaned, your left cheek pressed up against the white sheets of the mattress. it was cute, your face being up against the bed as you’re being absolutely stuffed and pounded. you felt yourself tightening from the inside—a coil desperately awaiting to be snapped, a feeling you never knew you could feel, and you probably looked so dumb. “okay okay o-okay.”

you cutely kept sputtering, repeating and bracing yourself. toji brings a rough hand towards the back of your neck as he’s ramming his fat length from behind you, such thrusts has your body spasming and crying out for more, it feels like a orgasm being snatched away from you.

“give it to me, girl.” he grunts, giving your ass another mean spank. the immense build up. your legs judder continuously to where your mind goes blank like an empty canvas, empty..

“a-ah t-toji—!” you squeaked, and he’s so ruthless whenever it came to you, each time you try to sit up to turn around he shoved your head lightly back down, it’s so cute. “fuck, fuck. f-fuck, ‘s about to-” and a gasp interrupts your words the minute you squirt all down his shaft to his base, your sweet juices sheath and sheath all the way down and it’s so warm and hot.

the minute you end up squirting, your legs felt so weak, it just quavered and shook. “oh my g-god,” you sobbed, and he slows his sloppy thrusts against your cunt down—leaning up close to you, direct and personal. “there we go mama, my messy fuckin’ squirter,” he whispers, he’s pressed against your ass and wraps a few fingers around your neck. planting a kiss underneath your chin he murmurs. “you made such a mess. how’s it feel?”

“good. but feels w-wet toji.”

“eheh, well yeah girl, that’s kinda the point.” he snickers, playfully sinking his teeth into your neck, giving it a teasing nibble.

SUKUNA ☆ RYŌMEN

“hm? make you squirt huh? so greedy.. my fingering isn’t enough for you?” sukuna teases and you’re laid flat on your back with your legs lazily lifted up, more like he’s holding them up for you.

you moaned, feeling him slide a single digit in and out. he sneaks a wet kiss against your thigh before leaning in to press his lips against your pussy, tasting how sweet you were. “...kuna ‘m not greedy, just wanna see what it feels like, please..”

“you are greedy,” he grunts, giving your cunt a swift spank to make your legs twitch, “but sure thing.” he mutters, warm minty breath going against your clit. your head goes back and your mouth slightly opens and parts from the way he’s fingering you and eating you out. his lips latch and lock against your folds to make your eyes roll back. he was so filthy with his tongue let alone his fingers.

you sucked your teeth—feeling his two fingers push deep in and out, going past against that spot each time, instead of your eyes rolling you were practically crossed eyed.

“f-fuck, fuck, ‘s good ‘kuna...”

“i know. you keep saying that, dumb girl. quit talkin’ and start squirting.” and you lose count of how many mean slaps he gives your pussy. he’s so mean, yet found every few seconds to praise you and let you know how good you’re doing.

“h-hurry up and make me then.”

“little girl, watch it.” he grunts, gifting you a glare, his eyes pierce against yours before he sits up, spitting right on your pussy with a rough spat, he runs a single middle finger down your slit to snatch the tiny brat left in you. you meet eye contact and your slick was very much glistening his chin, being soaked with your sweetness.

your legs were so close, just the epitome of the word jittery with how it just shook, never once staying still. the stimulation he created with his tongue let alone his fingers, it had your mind boggled. “think ‘m getting close, f-fuck.”

“uh huh. fuckin’ bet you are.” he whistles in response—grabbing ahold of his dick and you let off a cute gasp at the way he swipes his throbbing leaky pre-swollen tip against your wetness. “look at that, princess.

so eager to jus’ swallow me up.” and he slowly makes his way inside your cunt, immediately your walls hug him as a response and you’re just at the very limit. “come on, let go for me. you dont gotta be shy around me, neither does this wet pussy.”

the minute you squirt…it’s embarrassing, sukuna only smacks about five deep thrusts against your cunt and you’re already making a mess all over his base. “s-so good.” you’d cry out, and he’s staring at you.

a grunt departs his lips before he leans in to kiss you, pulling out only to ghost his fingers against your clit.

“you’re such a nasty girl,” he murmurs against your lips, you moan—tasting your own slick that ran down his chin, the sharp edges of his teeth playfully nibbling down on your lip. his body heat against yours made you feel tingly and even more in such heat. “tell me you’re my nasty girl, baby.”

“i-i’m a nasty girl, ‘kuna.” you moaned.

he gives you a dead stare—and you whine once he slips two fingers inside your throbbing pussy.

“i’m your nasty girl, ‘kuna.” you rephrased, and a cocky grin forms on his lips.

“what a good obident girl. think i like you.”

NANAMI ☆ KENTO

“you sure sweetheart?” he asks in a soft mumble, he has a wand in hand. the ringing of the toy rings against your ears as your legs were sprawled apart for him. “you want me to make you…squirt?”

“yes p-please, kento.” you nod, the cuteness bestowed upon your lips was beyond words to describe. the way your lip quivered, it was barely up a few notches yet you throbbed and throbbed. despite it only being a good ten minutes. you’re just a whimpering mess.

eager to touch yourself, you reach down to play with your pussy before he grabs it, kissing the back of your hand.

he chuckles. “oh baby…baby, gotta keep those hands to yourself if you want me to make you messy. okay? no touching.”

“s-sorry kento.”

“aw, don’t be sorry. squirt, princess.” he teases, a hum underneath his tone he was so gentle with you, with his touch yet your legs felt like they were pretty much about to give out.

the stimulation made your teeth nearly chatter, toes clench and your back nearly arching. he finds you to be so pretty like this. flat on your chest, drool running down your mouth against the pillow with your mind empty.

you hold in a moan, teeth lightly piercing down on your lip to help silence yourself from the immense pleasure, the overstim from just releasing had your chin just hovering over your arm.

“o-one more level kento.”

“more? it’s gonna be on four, dunno if my cute whiney princess can handle that.”

“p-please, need it. i wanna-”

you moan at the swift sound of nanami swiping a thumb across the vibrating toy feeling the impulses throb against your sweet cunt, indeed it now being a level higher from three and it’s so good you can just taste the urge to let yourself go.

the sudden feeling of his sneaking fingers to brush and slither against your puffy folds was just enough to send you to burst—your mouth slightly went agape, and you’re just stupid. “n-nanami.”

“so dumbstruck you said nanami instead of kento, such a sweet thing,” and you end up squirting the minute he rubs the toy in a circular motion—maneuvering it against you along with fingers to ghost and run alongside your achy pussy. “easy, ‘s okay. lie down on your chest. jus’ let go for me baby, yeah.”

“such a gorgeous girl,” he whispers in awe, leaning down to kiss your clit which turns to countless smooches, mwah after mwah and your legs were practically mush by now. “let me clean you all up with my tongue, ‘m your husband, least i could do. so relax for me, my love.”

SUGURU ☆ GETO

“oh? i’ve made you squirt before, no?” he cackles, leaning back against the headrest of the couch.

“no,” you whined, still getting over your post-orgasm, his cock stood firm inside of you, such inches of his kept you warm with your hands pressed against his chest. geto stares at you with intrigued darkened eyes. having you sat on his lap, legs still barely recovered a few minutes ago. “don’t think you ever did...”

geto grips your waist, sliding a tongue across his lips before muttering in a sly coy tone. “mhm hmm,” and he’s so sassy, even having the audacity to roll his eyes at you. black specks of hair trickle down and paint the lower half of his body. geto’s happy trail was always appetizing to look at.

“this your little way of asking me to make you soak yourself on me, angel? how cute.” he grins.

“…sugu—” and you gasp at the way he grunts the minute the pads of his thumbs lightly press and pierce into your skin. he starts making you bounce against him and your mouth opens, such lewd whines exit your lips before you throw your arms around his neck.

“wanna squirt, do it yourself. fuck me baby. show me how bad you want it,” and he groans how he’s so stuffed. so full of cum still, hefty base pounding and thwacking back against your pussy. “you’re a big girl. do it y-yourself, mhm…shit.”

he was so teasingly sly, making you rut yourself against him, in the end you always had to do pretty much everything yourself whenever it came to geto.

“…okay,” you choked out, and he playfully leans back — tiny beads of sweat running down the side of his forehead as well as the very middle part of his chiseled v-line.”

it felt so good, you’re dumbly grating your teeth together, still so sensitive, the only cacophony that left your lips was cute whimpers of, “s-sugu,” “…want you s’bad,” and even, “you’re so mean.”

he chuckles at how dumb you grew out to be simply from being stuffed full of thick inches of his dick. “gotta be mean to deal with a pussy this wet.”

his girth had you running for your money, toes clinching as you started to rollick and jerk your hips against him, reaching a hand down to play with yourself before you whine. “f-feel it, suguru.”

“yeah? what are you waitin’ for then?” he purrs.

he chuckled at the sudden moments where you’d grow quiet — he knows how good he’s getting underneath your skin with his vexatious teasing.

his cock expanded in and out the more you moved your hips against him, your soft breaths getting caught in your throat before it comes, you squirt at the same time geto came and he’s caught off guard by the sticky messy feeling, he’s the one who slips off a whine. “s-shit..”

it came out a lot…

let alone with him soaking your cunt full of his own, you really felt stuffed and full to the very depths of it, it felt like a sharp coil within you snapped. geto starts panting, and he takes a moment to blink before grunting, staring away with a flustered face. “don’t look at me. finish fucking me, hmph.”

SATORU ☆ GOJO

“pretty please, ‘toru,” you’d whine out, and he was just straight up cocky and mean, teasing you with having you on all fours, impatient and desperately desperate. “i wanna…wanna squirt.”

“i know you do,” he laughs, playfulness ran all over his tone before he gives your ass a squeeze. that earned a needy moan out of you and you but down on your lip while staring at the fat sheets of the mattress underneath you. “are you asking me to make you squirt or are ya tellin’ me, pretty girl?”

he was so infuriating. even while being plugged in with so much of his thick inches, even just barely with the way he kept swiping his fat tip against your slit, awaiting you.

“….‘m asking, s-satoru.”

he whirrs a playful tone before flipping you over on your back to face him, and then he smiles. “okay. if that’s what you want,” and his voice was so low—a tad bit raspy with pompous smugness all over his sentences. “since i know how impatient ‘n horny you are all the damn time, i’ll make ya squirt in about one minute.”

a minute?

was that even possible—you always heard about how it would take at least longer than that but then you remembered who you were dealing with. gojo satoru and his long pretty fingers that never failed to stretch your pussy out. he was forever proud of that fact, he’d make you soaking wet from not only his dick, his mouth, but especially his fingers.

“it’s gonna get messy, ‘m warning you,” he teases, pulling you up a bit to place a towel down underneath your back. he leans in to pepper kisses underneath your chin before seconds later, he moves his length aside with a grip — before slowly stuffing a single long finger inside, which after a few milliseconds, turns into another. “now, i’m gonna need you to be a good wet girl and jus’ relax for me.”

his words were soothing. you could hardly comprehend anything so his sentences went straight towards your clit, throbbing and throbbing you wanted more. he finds it cute how you grip onto his wrist, babbling about how you don’t want him to stop. “o-okay, satoru. okay.”

you shudder at the feeling of him grazing a thumb down your slit and he moves his head down between your legs to blow softly against your pussy and you moan, feeling him create a good amount of pressure to where you bare down against his fingers easily as if it came natural.

“sweet girl,” he groans, giving your pussy a kittenish suck. your eyes went back in pleasure and you whined at the feeling of his two fingers just smacking in and out of you now. the noises, they were so loud you could hardly even believe it was coming out of you. “hear how wet this sloppy pussy is? yeah girl, that’s you.”

his words that went through your ear and out the other and it got you so wet. his degradation had you pulsing, you felt the inside of your tummy tighten, muscles clenching with you lying down on your back, bracing yourself. gojo was patient with you, occasionally bringing soft kisses towards your clit. you whined before he started to grow more feral, sucking and latching his tongue against your folds while still having two fingers stuffed inside your pussy.

your brain doesn’t even process you’re squirting before gojo lets off a, “oopsie,” the minute you squirt out on his fingers, the front tips of his fingers massage and toy and prod against that spot you always grew to know—and you moan at the way he easily stole a orgasm from you like that, within a single span of a minute.

“aw. you look like you just saw your life flash before your eyes, baby,” then he sits up to face you. both arms pressed around you before muttering in a teasing tone, “want a taste? open your mouth.”

and he gives you the most sloppiest kiss, shoving his tongue down your throat before grunting, you moan in his mouth. your legs wrapped around his slim waist before he squeezes a hand down on your pussy only to spank it roughly, breaking away for a bit before whispering, “good girl. now gimme one more. wanna see if i can do it within thirty seconds.”

CHOSO ☆ KAMO

“b-baby…you wanna do that?” choso mumbles, staring in awe as the both of you watched some random eight minute compilation of women squirting. he was staring intently, and then he only grew more flustered at picturing you like that. legs all spread, eyes rolled back and maybe your tongue stupidly lolled out. “um.. squirt?”

“yes…” you nodded, sitting on his lap. he throbbed behind you, still a bit tingly from his recent orgasm of fucking you.

you pressed against his back and his chin cutely rests against your shoulder. choso’s always been a bit inexperienced whenever it came to well, women. he’s had sex sure….but he doesn’t think he’s ever made a girl do this, this thing called squirting. not until you brought it up.

the more he watched it, the more he moaned to himself at imagining you being all messy like that.

“okay baby, i can do it,” he murmurs in a soft voice.

he brings a hand between your legs and pries it open just a bit, “lie back,” he moans, seeing your legs sprawl open slowly for him made him lick his lips, he was so hungry for you. you had the phone in your hand so he could watch, imitate the exact ways to make a woman squirt with ease and it was so cute how attentive he was. “s-stimulate the um…g-spot a little like this,” he mumbles to himself, and you moan once he slowly inserts two slender long fingers inside your pussy, you were so wet he lets off a cute, “o-oh….”

his eyes multitasked, turning its focus towards you and the screen that played the lewd video at the same time. “like that c-choso, please.”

“i’m doing a good job?” he says, and it’s almost into a form of a whine. all because he’s so desperate to hear your praise and approval, he feels his stomach flip in a good way at feeling you nod against his chest, affirming him to not stop. “okay, okay,” he mutters. “add a little um…p-pressure, consistent pressure until you feel a spongey like texture deep towards the clit.”

you moaned, his words matched his fingers, you tried to squeeze your thighs together but remembered you couldn’t because they were open.

your head rested back against his chest and with a right hand squeezing down onto his thigh, you felt your leg start to bounce. “m-more.”

“don’t wanna rush this baby,” he kisses the back of your forehead. a small pout going across your lips before he continues, pausing to hear the voice on the video that’s instructing speak.

he leans against your ear, strands of his hair poking against you before he murmurs. “bare against my fingers princess. squeeze down a little ‘n relax. can you do that?”

you choke out a moan once you obey his words, doing exactly what he says before you feel a sudden rush reaching out, you never felt this feeling before such a high you craved and chased you felt dizzy, a good kind of a dizzy.

“c-choso, ‘s coming, ‘s coming,” you moaned, your legs not able to hold themselves still. he has a perfect bowling ball grip with his fingers, stroking gently against you to where your mouth salivates with your own saliva.

“…fuck,” you sobbed, the warmth of him massaging his long fingers inside of you made you taste every number of tastebuds that resided on your tongue.

the moment you gush out and squirt, coating his fingers clean of your sheeny pretty slick, you flop back against his chest and you can ever hear a tiny gasp leave his lips. “w-wow,” he whispers in shock — with how much you squirted, he was so fascinated, growing more and more curious and it was adorable. “can you…can we do that again? please?”

#★vegasbaby. #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo smut #toji smut #sukuna smut #geto smut #nanami smut #choso smut #gojo x reader #toji x reader #sukuna x reader #choso x reader #nanami x reader #geto x reader #satoru gojo x reader #geto suguru smut #female reader #anime smut #anime x reader #tw sex #gojo satoru x reader #toji fushiguro smut #nanami kento smut

[ladyshinga]

“lol you realize Barbie is only a marketing movie, right? it’s just SELLING STUFF, you know that right? capitalism? lol?”

You’re too late.

Like, you’re not wrong, but you are wildly late on this one.

No one is under the impression that this movie isn’t marketing a toy line.

But that toy line? Has been on this earth longer than you’ve been. Barbie is old. Barbie is everywhere. We’ve all seen a commercial if not owned at least one Barbie doll in our lifetimes (or a knock-off you get emotionally attached to even if the weird mean girl down the street keeps making fun of it) (fuck you Christie that doll was a hero)

Advertising is everywhere. I can’t turn the TV on without ads, even on streaming services that used to brag how ad-free they were. I can’t browse social media without ads. I can’t see a movie or a show without products being “subtly” shown off.

We’re haunted by ads at every goddamn turn, we can’t even talk to an old friend from high school without them trying to sell us something.

If you think you’re making some radical grand statement by pointing out that Barbie is a toy line made by a big company that wants to sell more things... bud. We know that.

We know.

Greta Gerwig seems like she had a lot of fun with this movie, the actors had a lot of fun, the set design is fun.

No one is looking forward to Barbie because we think it’s some kind of beautiful radical anti-capitalist message just WAITING to break the world of its delusions of consumerism. God, could you imagine?

We’re looking forward to a bunch of actors dressed in pink having a lot of fun. We know the movie will make people want Barbie stuff, maybe they’ll go out and buy it, maybe they’re too broke because the world is expensive right now and we’ve got bills. But if “this movie will advertise things to you” was a dealbreaker we’d never see anything.

Because Barbie isn’t unique in this. A LOT of modern movies just want you to buy things, or admire/join the American military, etc etc. Money runs things here. Even capitalism stans know it runs everything (though they’re generally okay with it). Ads are our lives even when we use ad blockers and do our best to ignore the ones we see.

We’re seeing Barbie because it looks silly and fun, not because we’re putting it up on a pedestal expecting it to change the world. And we’re kidding and being silly when we DO act like that. Because goddammit, IT’S BARBIE. We’re acting like we acted when we played with dolls as kids, we’re PLAYING, we’re having fun. When I was a kid I absolutely pretended my Barbies could save the world and were magical and powerful. Didn’t mean she actually was.

These are toys. And we like to play. That doesn’t erase the capitalist motivations of Mattel, but it doesn’t have to mean we “support” their evils. We want to play, we want to enjoy play, even when we’re trapped in a capitalist hellscape where like 80% of our day to day fun is sold to us

[foldingfittedsheets]

I worked retail for a long time and people really do treat you like shit sometimes. But between selling sex toys, mattresses, and jewelry I can say definitively I got treated worst selling mattresses.

All three of my jobs were in sales but selling sex toys we were allowed to put people in their place, and in jewelry people didn’t want to misbehave in a fancy setting. But people at the mattress store had no problem yelling at me, hitting on me, or insulting me to my face.

For a while I was managing my own store for the company. I ran a small location and had struggling employees placed with me for rehabilitation. If their numbers improved they could go back to bigger stores. If not, they got fired.

So this meant I was the manager of problem employees. At one point both of my people had a foot out the door. The company was going downhill and changed computer systems and they were fed up. Consequently, they made a ton of mistakes, because they just didn’t care about the job or learning the new systems.

I strolled into work on what was essentially my Monday to a shit show. Deliveries scheduled without product, wrong things on orders, poor expectations of the process, you name it. I spent the entire morning getting yelled at for mistakes that weren’t mine.

The final straw came when a man called furious that his moms bed for her nursing home had a delivery window he couldn’t accommodate. This wasn’t a huge disaster since we still had time to deliver it before she moved. I ran him through the options and he just kept screaming at me. Not for a solution but because I was there and he was frustrated.

My heart filled with malice and a cold fury. A calculating part of my brain had a realization in that moment that I could stay a punching bag or I could strike back.

I quavered my voice delicately, taking in a shaky, warbling breath like I was trying not to cry. “Sir,” I quivered through fake tears, “I don’t know what you want from me! I told you what I can do, I didn’t make this mistake I’m just trying to fix it!” My voice broke pitifully on the last syllables, sounding in all ways like a sweet innocent person being yelled at who’s just trying her best, really!

It was like I’d doused him with cold water. My emotional act was the realization that he was screaming at someone who was just doing their damn job, and he was being an asshole. He hastily made an excuse and hung up.

I had a third employee covering with me from another store that day who heard everything. When I hung up, I looked over to see them watching me with an awed expression. “Did… did you just pretend to cry?”

“I absolutely fucking did,” I said with feeling, “and I’d do it a thousand more times. If that’s what it takes for someone to realize they’re behaving like a fucking prick, they deserve it.” The employee looked at me like I was their hero.

The man called back, apologizing profusely, having magically arranged his schedule to accommodate delivery. He came in later that week with an apology Starbucks gift card. I was gracious in my acceptance.

I pulled it a few more times before leaving the company. I felt no shame in the ruse. If someone behaves so poorly that it’s plausible their behavior would drive someone to tears they deserve to feel absolutely wretched about it.

#ramblies #ffs foibles #story #retail #retail hell #I have had people over the years had qualms with the ruse #one person even told me it was so unprofessional #that I’d pretend to be in more distress was not nice of me. but getting yelled at is not nice and I’m in a position where I can’t yell back #and who would they complain to that I cried? would they go to corporate and say how unprofessional the lady cried when I screamed at her!

[imliterallyellie]

is this thing on? 🎤

modern!ellie is a boob girl. 100%.

is SO shy and nervous about touching them in the beginning of your relationship but once she gets more comfortable around you she can't. keep. her. hands. off.

definitely calls them “my girls” and kisses them goodbye every time she has to leave for work (sometimes you’d even have to remind her that you want a kiss too, not just your boobs)

sneaks her hand underneath your (her) shirt every time she’s spooning you in bed just so she can hold one of your boobs, “for comfort”! you’d get whiny over her touch but she would act all innocent, whispering things in your ear like “y’okay baby?" "what’s got you so worked up mama?”

there’s nothing she rather does than massaging them when you’re on your period. you’d complain about the ache and she would be settled behind you in a second, your back pressed to her front and her fingers would work wonders on the pain

don’t even get me started on showering together. she would beg you to let her wash your body and then spend more time on your boobs than on the rest of your body combined

OR if you were taking a shower on your own she would definitely come with in the bathroom, ask you about your day and proceed to not listen at all, she would much rather stare at your exposed upper body

ellie is a big lingerie enthusiast too. definitely buys you a new set on any given occasion. birthday? lingerie. anniversary? lingerie. valentines day? lingerie. you got a promotion at work? you guessed it, lingerie. you now own an absolutely ridiculous amount of pairs but she always claims you can never have enough whenever she gets a little rough in bed she might tear a pair, so that justifies it a bit i guess

loves napping on them. her head on one, her hand wrapping around the other. makes her feel so safe, she loves the warmth. the added sensation of your nails scratching her scalp overwhelms her with so much love she feels like she could cry

nsfw

she goes crazy at the sight of your boobs bouncing up and down while you're riding her strap. hoists herself up to press her face in between them all the time

when she finds out you have sensitive nipples she completely abuses that piece of information. she would tease you relentlessly, always spend so much time down there when she's trying to get you ready to take her strap. she swirls her tongue around one while she's toying with the other. the little yelp you let out when you feel her pinch it only spurs her on further

loves dove fucking you. you were the one to initiate it for the first time, you knew how much she loved your boobs and you were certain it was gonna get her off in record time, and it's safe to say you were more than right. her soaked folds made a mess all over your upper body in no time but you couldn't care less, you had never seen her that desperate before. her usual grunts and groans turned into high-pitched moans, her ruts grew frantic ever so quickly and when you gripped her thighs so she could grind down harder she completely lost it (i didn't mean for this to be so detailed maybe i need to write a drabble...)

photo: acreboltart/pinterest (we are respectful in this house and credit creators)

#is this thing on? #torlex speaking 🌿 #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tlou #ellie williams smut

[hs-is-loml]

Ever Letting Go. (cl16)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader

Summary: while the f1 couples are slowly breaking up, fans are stressed and try to protect the last ferrari wag standing.

Type: Social Media AU! face claim is Angela Giakas

Warnings: like 4 grammar mistakes in the twitter threads

a/n: this was extremely fun to make

all translations of french come from google! english translations are in parentheses!!

masterlist

instagram

yourusername has posted

liked by selenagomez, harrystyles, charles_leclerc, and 1,591,728 others

yourusername here's two pics from my little vacation 🥰

view all 120,374 comments

welovey/n are you guys seeing all the tweets about charles and y/n?!

→ thatonebakucorner people are so funny 😭

→ pleasemarrymey/n the lightning mcqueen ones took me out

selenagomez always a beauty! 🤍

danielricciardo did you get me the wine i asked for?

→ landonorris not fair you were allowed to ask for something?!

→ yourusername yes, i got it, danny. and lando, quit whining you know i got you something too

childofdivorce is charles not with her??

→ ihavetrustissues he better be.

→ y/nismother istg those rumors better not be true

→ protectthewags if he's not, he's crying in a corner somewhere

whatacrossover not harry liking y/n's post knowing she's got a bf

→ y/nisaneed he's ready for when that crybaby messes up

→ gayforf1wags no, i think it was my turn next...

twitter

instagram

yourusername has posted a story

twitter

instagram

charles_leclerc has posted

liked by yourusername, arthurleclerc, carlossainz55, and 2,461,537 others

charles_leclerc guys, who do you think took the damn pictures of y/n anyways? besides that as if i would ever let y/n go. mon amour, c'est toi et moi pour toujours. (my love, it's you and me forever)

view all 195,182 comments

landonorris did you see the lechair tweet?😭

→ charles_leclerc oh, fuck off

→ carlossainz55 the lightning mcqueen ones were even better

→ charles_leclerc not you too, mate...

welovey/n charles fr said "my woman" when saw the tweets about harry stealing his girl

→ oneaddiction we know harry could if he wanted to tho...

→ charlesandy/nforever as if y/n isn't as down bad for charles as he is for her

yourusername i'll love you always, mon chéri❤️ (my darling)

→ liked by charles_leclerc and 1,596

scuderiaferrari our favourite couple!

pierregasly don't let charles fool you, he was starting to sweat when the harry styles liked y/n's post...

→ charles_leclerc i know where you are right now, and i'll come after you.

yourusername has posted

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe, tchalamet and 1,941,979 others

yourusername thank you to everyone who was so worried about us on twitter and our insta comments. you guys are so incredibly funny, and you bet i showed that lechair guy all memes about him (he secretly loved it). charles and i are doing absolutely amazing! also here's some more pictures from our vacation together, he truly makes me the happiest, and i will forever be grateful for him❤️

view all 132,054 comments

yourusername p.s i got him the new watch from my story just for vacation lol... richard mille please do not come after my bf

landonorris ew couples🤢

danielriccarido you should've let them freak out more tbh

→ liked by yourusername and 237 others

y/n'ssecretlover the fact you guys were completely okay while the hashtag "savey/nandcharles" was trending on twitter 😭

carlossainz55 charles is still staring at your pictures, so give him a second to comment...

→ f1wags not carlos exposing charles, give the man a break

→ charlesstolenwatch fr stressing him out more than xavi during a race

charles_leclerc mon amour, thank you for always sticking with me ❤️

→ yourusername 💋💋

zendaya girl, i know how twitter gets, and they're insane

→ yourusername they make up the craziest things!

gayfory/n my praying worked.

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #f1 x you #f1 x reader #charles leclerc social media au #formula 1 imagine #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc fluff #formula 1 #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc headcanon #fanfic #fluff #social media au

[rafeandonlyrafe]

imagination part three

part one part two

words: 1.6k

warning: 18+ only! smut, groping, semi public dirty talk??, male receiving handjob, mentions of male receiving oral mentions of losing virginity

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl

“what is it darling?” rafe asks, waving his hand in front of your face to break your trance.

“nothing.” you shake your head, moving closer to rafe so you can lean your head against his shoulder.

“nothing?” rafe questions, placing his hand on your waist. “you're not thinking about my cock right now?”

“rafe, oh my god there are people around!” you whisper shout, eyes darting to the other people sitting near you at the party. they're involved in their own conversations, but that doesn't mean someone isn't eavesdropping on you and rafe.

“aww, you don't want anyone else to know how much of a slut you are for my dick?” rafe says, but at least he lowers his volume this time to not get picked up by anyone else, especially not over the music pumping from the speakers.

“i have sucked you off one time, i wouldn't call that being a slut.” you cross your arms over your chest. truth is, you wish you could be a slut for him, but ever since rafe fucked your face, he has absolutely refused to fuck you, always claiming that he wanted to give you more time to think about losing your virginity.

“and you've thought about doing it again every day, haven't you baby?” rafe presses a kiss to the top of your head. “my little cutie. my little slut.”

“stoooop.” you whine, shifting how you're sitting so your legs are pressed tighter together.

“what? you don't like me talking dirty to you? so you wouldn't like it if i got my cock out right now and shoved your face down on it?” rafe smirks at your reaction, suddenly squirming in your seat.

“im gonna get up and leave.” you threaten, but it's an empty threat and rafe knows it.

“im sorry, baby.” rafe says. “ill stop teasing you. besides, can't have your pretty cunt leaking all over toppers couch.”

--

“is that a new bikini?” rafe asks as you step onto his yacht.

“no, i just haven't worn it in a while.” you shrug. you were feeling the purple vibes lately, so decided to go with a lilac swimsuit for your day on the water with rafe.

“you look so sexy, darling.” rafe says, cupping your breast. you gasp, eyes darting around to the other ships in the marina.

“no one is looking.” rafe says before dropping his head to your neck, pressing kisses onto your skin as he continues to toy with your chest. you tilt your head back in a moan, arching your back slightly.

“can’t wait until i can get my mouth on your cute nipples.” rafe says, giving your nipple a pinch over the fabric of your bikini, making you cry out.

“now, rafey, please.” you beg, trying to move his head towards your chest, but he’s too strong and easily evades you. 

“nope.” he saunters away, leaving you standing on the deck of the yacht as he heads to navigate you out of the marina, imagining him taking you right there.

--

“dance with me?” rafe asks, and you quickly nod, getting bored of just sitting around. it was fun at first watching rafe and topper interact, which was mostly rafe making fun of topper, but then topper got pulled away by kelce.

you accept rafes hand up, leading you towards the makeshift dance floor, a congregation of people that easily move away to give rafe space. he is far too intimidating to crowd around.

you move to the beat, slowly building up your dancing as rafe places his hands on your hips. you giggle at his attention being solely on looking down your dress, at the cleavage spilling out the top.

“like what you see?” you ask.

“you know it, baby. gonna fuck your tits one day, cum all over them.”

you let out a groan, partly from being turned on by his words and partly from knowing he isn’t going to do anything yet. you turn in his hold, pressing your back against rafes chest as a new song comes on, and you don’t hold back, not caring who sees as you grind your bum back against his crotch.

“you trying to make me hard, y/n?” rafe questions, speaking directly into your ear so you can hear as the music gets turned up.

you don’t need to question that it’s working, you can feel him hardening against your ass, but instead of taking you upstairs like you hope, when the song ends, rafe kisses your cheek and tells you he’s going to the bar to get you more drinks.

--

“i’m gonna go take a shower, baby.” you tell rafe, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as you move through the living room.

rafe is quick to get off the couch and follow you up the stairs, “i’ll join you.”

you stop dead in the tracks, halfway across the landing. “really?”

“yeah.” rafe nods. “as long as you control yourself.” 

“you don’t want me to suck you off again?” you ask, batting your eyes as you begin moving again, now wanting to get into the shower as quickly as possible.

“maybe i’ll let you stroke me.” rafe shrugs as you head into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind the two of you. 

your hands begin to move to undress, but rafe stops you with a hand around your wrist. “let me do it for you.” 

you nod, but wish you would have pushed back more when you realize how slow rafe is moving, toying with the hem of your dress before pulling it up inch by inch, slowly revealing more skin. your panties are the first thing on display, and then the smooth expanse of your stomach, and then finally you raise your arms so rafe can expose your bra and pull the dress over your head.

rafes hands work skillfully behind your back at taking off your bra, letting it fall to the floor as his hands move to cup your tits like he did before on the boat, this time with nothing in the way. you let out a moan as his thumbs swipe over your nipples until they are hard peaks. 

rafe smirks, satisfied, and then glides his hands down your sides until he lands on your hips. his slides a finger underneath the band of your underwear, pulling it back and then letting it go, making you wince when it snaps back against your skin.

“hey!” you complain, but rafe ignores you, pulling your underwear down your legs and letting them drop to the floor. his eyes make contact with your core for a second before he looks back up to your eyes.

“go turn the shower on.” he says, pulling his shirt off. “let the water warm up.”

“mkay.” you say, moving to turn the water on. you turn once it’s done, watching rafe as he undresses until you’re both standing there naked. 

“you’re so gorgeous.” rafe moves closer, placing his hand on your waist, his cock already half hard. he bends down and gives you a kiss. you press yourself closer, deepening the kiss as your hands come to rafes neck.

“please, rafey, i want you.” you whimper.

“get in the shower.” rafe backs you up until you step into the shower, underneath the water. you shiver despite the water being warm.

rafe begins his normal shower routine, squirting some shampoo onto his hand before rubbing it into his head. you frown and begin to clean yourself as well, when rafe stops you, massaging the shampoo into your scalp for you.

“that feels so good.” you hum, loving when rafes plays with your hair.

rafe smiles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before continuing. after you both rinse your heads, he applies your conditioner for you, working it through your curls with his fingers.

“here you go baby.” rafe hands you a soaped up loofah, and you realize that now he’s giving you permission to clean him. you turn and lather his arms before moving over his chest and abs. 

when you get lower, you drop the loofah onto the shower floor and take his cock in your hand, already fully hard just from being around you naked. “now this part of you is very dirty.” you purr, stroking your hand over his length.

“fuck.” rafe curses, pushing his hips forward into your hand. “you little minx.”

“maybe i wouldn’t be so desperate if you just finally fucked me.” you pout, moving your hand faster.

“rinse your fucking hair then.” rafe says, making you pause and look away from his cock to his face. 

“what?”

“rinse the conditioner out of your hair so i can fuck you on the bed. i’m not taking your virginity in the shower.” 

“you’re actually going to?” you ask, a smile coming to your face, excited for the months of teasing to come to an end.

“yes if you stop stroking me before i bust.” rafe groans, causing you to giggle and let go of his cock, not even realizing that you were still stroking it.

you quickly move back under the spray of the shower, rinsing your hair clean. rafe rinses himself quickly too, his cock red and pulsing with need as you hop out of the shower, quickly towling yourself dry.

rafe scoops you up in his arms, not even caring about dripping water all over the floor as he heads into the bedroom, practically throwing you down onto the bed before crawling on top of you.

“remember what i told you that first night?” rafe whispers in your ear. “i am going to destroy your pussy.”

#rafe fic #rafe fanfic #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe imagine #rafe one shot #rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #obx smut #outer banks smut #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron one shot