#i want to sew my vagina shut and cut off my breasts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

food-for-thoughts-that-count · 4 years

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I'm starting to feel like I'm posting too much on Reddit, so I guess I could give Tumblr a shot. Yeah, I'm just so tired of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a disgusting pile of shit. I submitted a post on r/amiuglybrutallyhonest, and it just confirmed all the sneaking suspicions I had about how people treated me like shit throughout my life because of my looks.

I hate my body, my facial features and structure, my hair; just everything about me is hideous. Nobody wants to befriend or date an ugly woman, and I'm tired of people virtue signalling by saying that I'm not unattractive or that I have potential. Just because you put makeup and a wig on a pig, that doesn't automatically make it attractive.

If anything, people will just act more passive-aggressive because I have the audacity to try and conform to such ridiculous beauty standards. If I don't conform, I'm shat on. If I try, people still give me hell. It's like I can't win, so the best course of action is to simply not play this rigged game.

I can't even compensate for my looks because I'm socially awkward and can't hold down a job or attend college. I'm just stuck here in this endless purgatory where my very existence is pain. Nobody cares about me, and it's not like anybody ever did to begin with. Peers bullied me constantly at school, and I'm still shunned and ostracized as an adult.

And I know someone's gonna say "jUst gO to TheRaPy" You think I haven't attended sessions? I've seen counselors for well over a decade, and that was for childhood trauma. Fucking normies just need to stop trying to pretend they care and just admit that people like me are unwanted in society. I wish someone would just tell me to go kill myself because I've honestly have enough.

I'm tired of endlessly suffering; waking up to the same four walls in my apartment, the hum of my miniature refrigerator lulling me to sleep. I just want to fucking die, and I'm tired of holding on to my meaningless life! I'm just so fucking broken and useless, and the world would be better off without me!

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food-for-thoughts-that-count · 4 years

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I was molested at the age of 7 by my then 13 year old cousin, and I think that said event contributed to me removing myself from femininity. I cut my hair when I was in fifth grade and started to wear less-flattering clothes as I began to undergo puberty. I still don't really wear makeup or feminine attire even though I want to be able to.

At the same time, the thought of looking sexually desirable to others makes me want to vomit and I just wear unflattering or ill-fitting clothes as a result. It's like I'm unable to disassociate femininity with physical attractiveness and sexuality, so I feel that I should remove myself from all of it as much as possible.

While I will perform the bare minimum of basic hygiene and personal grooming, I don't really see the point in wearing cosmetic products or feminine attire. It would be nice to get dolled up on occasion, though I just don't want to bring attention to myself if it means being seen in a sexual manner by others.

I don't realistically see myself in a relationship because of my trauma, as I don't want to put someone through hell just because I'm still trying to heal. I don't see myself living amongst others in general due to bullying at school and emotional neglect at home. I'm just fucking broken and don't know if I can put the pieces back together again.

Personally, I want to die. I just can't Pollyanna my way through life, and I think I'd be better off dead than alive. I have nothing to offer to the world, so what's the point of going on if I'm just taking up needed space for those who -do- contribute to society and are mentally sound or physically fit?

#tw csa mention #tw csa #tw child molestation #i hate my body #i want to sew my vagina shut and cut off my breasts #it's better to blend in than stand out #tw suicide #tw depression #depression #i want to die #i don't want to live anymore

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