#i want to tear of my fucking skin

[whumpshaped]

tw captivity, sensory overload, sound torture, conditioning

It was that fucking sound.

Whumpee had no idea what it was, but it was loud and constant, making them feel on edge at all times. They couldn't think with it in the background, couldn't rest, couldn't hear their own voice.

They had lost their temper about it several times, yelling angrily and pounding at the walls for someone to turn it off. They had curled up and cried miserably, sobbing that they just wanted quiet.

The sound didn't cease.

They banged their head against the wall until it bled and swell, trying to crawl out of their skin to no avail, but the sound didn't cease, and they would've done anything for it to stop, just for a moment. Please. Stop.

Suddenly, it stopped.

Whumpee froze like a deer in headlights, afraid to move a muscle lest it reactivate the horrible machine that made the noise. They didn't even breathe.

The door to their cell opened, quietly gliding along the floor. They watched as a figure entered the room, the clacking of their shoes muffled by some sort of foam they had put on the bottom of it. They placed a piece of paper on the floor, with the words 'It's over for now. So long as you comply, we won't make a single sound.'

Whumpee nodded frantically, faster than they'd made any decision before. Anything to keep it quiet.

~

@ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump

#my dad started vacuuming lol as u can see i took great offence #the fucking vacuum here is SO GODDAMN LOUD it makes me want to tear my skin off and cry #whump #whump drabble #sensory overload #sound torture #conditioning #captivity

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

lmao mandy was at the gallavich wedding wtf do you mean john wells🤣🤣

#she was i swear #and she and debbie reunited and theyre friends and its amazing #and maybe mandy even does a fucking toast who knows #this whole thing is because of her anyways #literally she wasn’t even mentioned and it makes me want to tear my skin off #shameless #mandy milkovich #gallavich #10x12

[devilsskettle]

thinking about the way that lady macbeth convinces macbeth to kill duncan and yeah she talks about power and cowardice and what he owes to himself and to her, but at the heart of the whole thing is how their child died and she has nothing else to pin her hopes for the future on. unfortunately the fact that they no longer have an heir is also the driving force behind macbeth’s violent paranoia toward banquo which ultimately dooms them

#like the last thing she does before he agrees to go through with the murder is invoke the loss of her motherhood #that’s what gives him the push. i could scream. it’s evil because they both think they’re doing it for the other person #and how could their relationship NOT fall apart after that honestly? how can you do that for someone and not grow to resent it? #and the fact that we have no details except that she must have had a child at some point if she’s able to nurse a child #and the fact that the matter of children and childbearing is so fraught in the play #oh my god. i could tear off all my skin thinking about it #AND that he kills macduff’s infant son in cold blood…. fucked up #anyway….. the modern reading of lady m as sympathetic because she only wants what’s best for her husband is correct imo #but when you consider this context it becomes even more so because he is her entire family now #due to the mundane perversion of a child dying before their parents #that’ll fuck you up. god forbid women do anything #macbeth

[public-trans-it]

I'm already know for being very opinionated and having some Hot Takes, but I still usually keep it in line and fairly reasonable. Typical "Unpopular (but still somewhat safe to voice) Opinion" territory, where I might get some blocks and some scowls, but like, nothing major.

However I'm... gonna be posting an uncharacteristically rancid take this time.

I cannot fucking STAND vibes based design. Its become a trend lately to explain game systems by vibes, and it feels EXACTLY like the tropification of romance novels. A thing so many other people have complained about far more than I have, where so many works of fiction are now just being advertise as "Its a queer little slow burn, found family story that features enemies to lovers" OKAY, BUT WHATS THE FUCKING BOOK ABOUT?

And I feel like over the past 15-20 years, the TTRPG industry has been having the exact same issue. I can go through dozens of listings on itch.io for indie games and not see a single fucking game mechanic mentioned, and its frustrating. "This game is about gathering your friends to turn your local farm into a sustainable commune!" WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DICE DOES THE GAME USE? DOES THE GAME EVEN HAVE A GM?

And like, this isn't just about the feel good warm and fuzzy games. OSR is JUST as fucking guilty in this. "This game is a black metal death crawl through your worst nightmares." IS IT A RETROCLONE? IS IT A RULES LITE D6 SYSTEM? HOW THE FUCK DO I RESOLVE AN ACTION? DO ENEMIES USE STATBLOCKS?

If a video game showed absolutely no gameplay in any of its advertisements, only showing concept trailers and cutscenes and talking about its plot, you would probably shy away and think the game isn't worth playing if it can't even stand on the merits of its own gameplay. So why the fuck are we accepting that as the norm in TTRPGs?

#special shout out to Avery Alder #Avery I fucking love your games #The Quiet Year is one of my favorite games ever #its pretty much my go-to for any campaign of any kind to give players control over the worldbuilding pre-session 0 #BOB is so well designed and such a rad way to handle diceless/GM-less design #and I ABSOLUTE understand the need for queer designers like us to carve out a space and stand our ground #in a hobby that has historically housed people who want people like us dead in a ditch #but the idea that BOB can only support inherently queer/marginalized stories is ABSURD #and the way every BOB game advertises itself/is listed on your site makes me want to tear my skin off #please #you designed a game #AN INCREDIBLE ONE at that! #please please let it stand on the merits of its own design instead of just the vibe its built for #I was about to post this on my game design blog... #but I really dont have the heart to do that. This isn't actually about game design and the industry its just... personal frustration #and the fact that the thing that makes me autistic about games to the point to where I have spent like 25 years studying them #is just... no longer even the main focus it feels like

[jimkirkachu]

Wtf, even just browsing job sites / listings / descriptions is enough to make me nauseous with anxiety and depression. When, why, and how did I ever become such a useless and pathetic mess?

#not trek #personal log #unemployment #unemployed #my therapist wanted me simply to Look and see what's out there but omg i've spent 90 minutes and want to tear all the skin off my bones #i can't handle anything that involves phone/video calls‚ customer service‚ relocating‚ teaching‚ or early mornings #trying to look for remote work because she said there's lots available now and yet everything i've seen still seems beyond my capacity #eventually my parents will die. and while i doubt my brother will want their house (so i'll inherit it) i won't last long without an income #i can't take care of myself and it horrifies me #and i know i'll never have a spouse to help me or depend on so once my folks are gone i will be completely on my own #but i don't know how to do the most basic damn things i can't cook can't work a standard 9-5 can't even make phone calls #how the fuck am i ever going to make it? #(i know. i won't‚ that's how.) #i'm in literal all-over physical pain over this‚ headache nausea sore joints sobbing just waiting to see how long i can go without c*tting #prayers appreciated‚ i genuinely don't know what i'm supposed to do #depression #anxiety #depressive episode #my life is an exercise in absurdity shame futility and more shame #self loathing #self pity #pantophobia #spiralling #if you're reading this i am so sorry in so many ways 😣 #forever alone #heartsick #soul sick #jtkchu's brain #stfu jtkchu #early morning thoughts

[m-kyunie]

elegance.

#dgm #D.Gray-Man #Alma Karma #cw blood #my head is filled w thoughts of Alma as a bride in a huge kitsch 80s dress #okay maybe not 80s more 60s/70s. thinking of my moms dress actually so #lots of lace long gloves puffy sleeves swooping neckline muah smtg guady #UGH or Princess Diana's oh exactly like that #just think about how past!Alma wldve thought abt potentially getting married and starting a family 'after the war' #Her covering Her face as an Akuma saying 'don't look at me' lives in my head forever. her excorcist uni #is quite tradtional and seems unpractical for battle but its def feminine to the MAX #so just. idk how to explain it but the body dysphoria i guess #Alma wanting tofit that echo of pretty but being all wrong for it. hair too dark to unruly adams apple sharp angular broad all wrong #wanting to be soft and slim and pretty pretty pretty.hiding it under layers of clothes and lace and accessories... #or being basicly the same height as Kanda and lamenting over it like nonono this is all wrong #tearing at their hair and picking the skin and scratching and ripping the dress and breathing awful #'not pretty not a woman will never be Her for //Him// never be enough' mentality #evevn tho Kanda literally does not fucking care about any of that like it doesnt even cross his mind hello hes trans duh they all r #idk i interpret them both as slightly diff like Alma seems much more in-tune w Her on an unconscious level its very emotional = turmulious/ #VS Kanda who is very mentally inflicted its very physical and obsessive/conious thought near impossible to ignore ie the lotus n Her vision #so they act diff bc the influence of their Other is different. idk what im trying to say anymore actually. lmk if that makes sense T-T #ALL THAT JUST TO SAY I WANTED TO DRAW ALMA IN A WEDDING DRESS LMFAO IM SORRY IM CRAZY

[erisolkat]

haha ow fuck

#i just stepped on a pair of ironic novelty happy birthday sunglasses and cut my pinkie toe hard enough that its bleeding #and now its wrapped up in a fucking novelty persimmons and bears themed bandaid because i dont have normal ass bandaids up here #because of course this is exactly what i wanted to do on a sunday night #ow omg lmao htis is so funny but also i think im gonna cry? #which is ridiculous because ive dealt with just so much more pain than this before #one time i skinned off basically my entire knee after i tripped while running and skidded into one of those shitty concrete brick walls #and i didnt cry at all #and now im almost in tears over a little cut on my fucking toe

[doodlboy]

I enjoy normal human hobbies like breathing, I wish I could do it more

#this is a shitpost abt being sick #but also bc im required 2 wear a mask basically 247 #even at home even tho this is just a fuckign cold and mom just doesn't want to get sick #so not only is my cold making it hard 2 breathe but now i have to wear a goddamn hotbox on my face 90% of my day #the only time im allowed 2 take it off is when im in my room or going to sleep #my face is so fuckign sweaty & i hate having it on so long bc its starting to fuck up my ears & tear up my skin #and like im ok wearing it out i dont care and its preferable to just not wearing one and getting ppl sick #but i am begging 4 fresh air for longer than an hour and when im unconscious #idk im bitchin abt stupid stuff #I'd like 2 stop being sick #its almost been 2 weeks im really exhausted & want 2 stop coughing up a lung #elliot rambles

[dontmeanyoudontmissit]

Literally going to go insane

#I had to go into the office where there was NOISe and people #then went to the gym where some asshole was had the audio on the bike on full - not on their headphones! and then they left and someone els #showed up and talked on the phone #and since I got home at 630pm my bf has been on the phone with his family (it's now midnight) #and I love him and that he can talk to his family so long but I can't escape his noise #and now he's fucking singing multiple songs into the phone and I don't know why AND I JUST CANNOT. #I have to go into the office again tomorrow and I'm like. Please. PLEASE can I have silence?????????????????? #it should not be too much to have twenty minutes of not having to hear a god damn voice #and that place should not have to be my CAR when I have to deal with PEOPLE on the road #I should go to bed but this man talks loud af into the phone #I showed up to work on the edge of losing it this morning. I got a new chair but I can't figure out what to do to note make it #AWFUL. and it was making me want to tear off my SKIN #so literally I have just been begging for quiet and less stimulation all day #and instead I'm having to blast music so I don't have to hear his stupid voice singing and doing voices and like ??? bro stfu and let your #parents get in a word or HANG UP. #sorry sorry I'm just losing my mind I need more sleep

[dilfsisko]

I think if you have inflammatory pain you should be barred from ever having to deal with nerve pain and vice versa

#els.txt #I want to remove my nervous system and throw it in the fucking trash #even brushing my skin against my sheets is unbelievably painful #I can barely lie down and moving causing excruciating pain #and this is WITH a Vicodin #I think if I held off on taking that I’d be in tears #idk I tried going to the ER for this once and they just made me sit there for three hours till I just fucking left #I couldn’t stand sitting in that chair it was my skin was actually on fire #I think they thought I was drug seeking bc i went alone bc no none would come with me #either way it made me real fucking mad but at the time I was in too much pain to care

[neverendingford]

.

#ughhhhh I fee like a fucking animal in human skin I want to race and scream and tear and howl and fuck and climb and tear and bite and twitc #how do people survive how the fuck do people survive I can't live with the human ability of forethought and future prediction my mind goes #linsane with the fact that there's so many possibilities and it's all unknown asnd we're all just fucking around hoping things work out lik #we hope and it's all just fuckin cerebral torture and torment and I just want to be a fucking labrador I just want to be an animal followin #.instincts and just doing what feels right without having to constantly doubt my own thoughts because I can trust the physical messages my #body sends but I can't fucking trust my thoughts or emotions basically ever and I joke about doing science and collecting data but for real #I'm doing that becasue I can't trust my conclusions I can' #t trust my hypotheses I can't trust my theories I can only trruyst the outcome of my actions because I can't predict what will happen I can #just trust what actually happens when I do it. I have to fuckk around and find out because I don't know what will happen otherwise because #can't trust what will happen otherwise oooohohsdlfkhslgkhasl;dkfjfslkghjlk fuck I hate this #.

[piplupod]

whyyyyy do people think disordered eating is healthyyyyyyy i am going to explode myself soon i cannot live around these people any more my god

#i dont even want to say what all was said lol it's so fucked up #maybe I'll just go back to starving myself and becoming more underweight just to earn mothers approval (sarcasm) #actually u know what. even if i did that she'd probably get angry at me for it lmao she'd be pissed that I'd be losing weight when she isnt #I CANNOT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME #THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING AWFUL #I WANT OUT OF HERE I REALLY DO #I dont know how to cope w this honestly #i keep trying to twist things to be tolerable but jesus fucking christ the ED is starting to rear its head again #theyre just so fucking mean and stupid and fatphobic and i have to spend so much time around them #its impossible to block out #i keep finding myself thinking i dont need to eat veggies bc ''theyre basically poison'' and im just ARRGHHH #GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASEEEE I DONT WANT TO BE THINKING LIKE THIS #idk how to cope w this bc i HAVE the science disproving them and I've spent time undoing fatphobia in my own brain #and my family just keeps setting back my progress bc it is impossible to block them out entirely #i want to crawl out of my skin and jump into a deep lake and never resurface #im so tired of this all and idk what to do. tearing my hair out a little bit #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #fatphobia tw #dieting tw #ed tw #ask to tag

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

#I need a hug #I just feel like hopeless shit tbh #I wanna do something to cheer myself up but I'm just so depressed nothing feels worth it #I don't have any crochet inspiration #my hair is in a cloth so makeup would look good/feel worth it #anything I wanna write is sad #I just want something to make me happy rn but I'm not gonna get it :( #I don't even have the will power to do basic skin care rn #usually I feel a lil better after but ugh #I just...don't feel like i care about anything #I wish I could go completely nonverbal so that I wouldn't anger the people around me #all my life is consistent of is listening to people but no one listens to me #my dad thinks we talk a lot but really it's HIM talking and me going 'yeah' every now and then #he says its not true but it is #I never get to talk to anyone I never get to go off into my autistic rants like he does #my moods really fluctuating between feeling nothing and feeling like I need to c*t and d*e #I need a hug that I don't have to fucking ask for........ #I'm either dazing and nothing or I'm barely holding in my tears #I wanna take a Tbreak cus I feel like that doesn't help #but it's really hard to NOT smoke when in pain #I dunno man my life just feels like it's never getting better. #I wanna be saved but that's never happening I'm not pretty enough to even hope that someone will finally give me my big break #feeling just hurts I wanna shut off but it's driving me mad

[wild-neko]

.

#any time i read “post-covid” makes me want to tear my fucking skin off :)

[qhazomb]

here's some Serious Bullshit:

there isn't a single dermatologist in the entire state that takes my insurance. and if we tried to just pay out of pocket for one, then i would completely lose my insurance, since, y'know, obviously i don't really need it if we could scrounge up enough money to pay for the one thing my insurance won't fucking pay for!!

#my legs have been covered with rashes for FOUR FUCKING MONTHS #i am currently trying the very last thing that my general doctor is able to give me for them #(and even this took a lot of convincing to get my insurance to actually fucking approve of it) #i want to tear all of the skin off my legs #and my left shoulder cause WHOOPS IT'S SPREAD UP THERE TOO!!!

[be-gay-do-crime-ahaha]

Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.

Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.

#dysphoria #gender dysphoria #sensory processing disorder #tw emetophobia #for the nausea mention #idk if that’s needed or not #but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind #it’s so over #lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit #and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role #even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now #and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well #so that’s not helping #and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman #and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses #(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient) #and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine” #like fucking hell #shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once #man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit #and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks #and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the #stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit #I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about #it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed #to bring myself to start working on it #and things are just gonna get more and more difficult #so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys #did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress #tw suicidal thoughts