#i want to tell my bestfriend who i haven't spoken to in months that cutting ties with me is better than being stuck with me

[rhodey-rhudert-rhodes]

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#I'm just so fucking tired of everything #I'm scared and lonely and i just want to talk to my friends but i can't fucking do it #it didn't used to affect me that much that i couldn't talk to people except for the guilt #but now it means talking to my dad for 10 minutes every other day isn't enough after years of being my biggest amount of human contact but #it's all i can bring myself to do #i want to tell my brother that i miss spending the weekend just watching tv with him and i miss his hugs #i want to tell my sister that i haven't slept properly since she moved out of our room #but my brother and sister both got married and i can't TALK to them #i want to scream at my mom that i can't bear her sometimes #i want to tell my other brother that i know he likes spending time alone he's all i have left #but i can't because i can't spend more than twenty minutes dealing with anyone even my family without going out of my mind #and the forced connection i had back when everyone was home was all i had #i want to tell my bestfriend who i haven't spoken to in months that cutting ties with me is better than being stuck with me #i just want to breathe but I'm the one stopping myself #I'm sorry