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ruzek-halstead · 3 years

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sparks fly

written for @fromiftowhen to celebrate chicago pd secret santa 💛

pairing: jay halstead x hailey upton

prompt: fake dating, i don't care how or why... just make them fake date for whatever reason. obviously, it should turn into real dating.

masterlist

special shoutout to @haileyyanneupton for coming up with the fic idea, collaborating and editing (and also talking me down when i was hella stressed i wasn't going to finish this on time). i appreciate you more than you know!! 💛

i hope i did this prompt and fic justice. i was very intimidated when i first got this because you are such a good writer!!! so i hope this is okay, please enjoy!!

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Hailey hadn't gone to many weddings in her life. It wasn't entirely surprising, given her childhood. Her mother would have to furiously cover up her bruises, as would her brothers. Then there was the chance of her father exhibiting questionable behaviour in public after he'd hit the open bar, and they couldn't have that. So, instead, the Upton family always marked the 'politely decline' option and sent the RSVP with a cheque instead. But now that Hailey was an adult and old enough to have friends who were getting married, weddings were becoming the new normal. The months of May to September are the classic wedding months, and Hailey knew that better than ever. She had attended three weddings within the past few months and truth be told, she was exhausted of attending them solo. She thought about finding a date, but it honestly seemed more trouble than it was worth. However, this time, things were slightly different. Her childhood friend, Raquel Sousa, was getting married this weekend. Hailey and Raquel had grown up on the same street, gone to all the same schools, and even attended the academy together. When they were assigned to different precincts, they hastily grew apart, and when Hailey went undercover, they weren't able to contact each other for months on end. They tried to keep in touch with random little messages every once in a while to alert the other that they were thinking about them, but it wasn't the same. But when Hailey received Raquel's wedding invitation in her mail a few months back, her blue eyes teared up instantly in blinding happiness. She was incredibly happy for her friend; so much so, that she took out her phone to message her, and hadn't stopped since. It was how she knew Raquel was incredibly stressed about planning, especially about the seating arrangements. "You need to bring a plus one!" Raquel had said to her two weeks earlier when they met up for coffee. It had been a long day and Hailey was utterly exhausted, but coffee with one of her oldest friends seemed to help. Hailey took a sip of her coffee, narrowing her blue eyes. "Uh — why is that?" "Because my tables aren't even! Specifically your table isn't even, and it would be if you brought a plus one!" Hailey was still confused. "Your argument seems flawed. Why don't you just add someone to the table?" "Because then it would just unbalance another table!" Raquel explained with a dramatic huff. "And I don't want you sitting alone at the table, Hails. There aren't going to be a lot of people you know there, and I'm going to be a little busy." "I won't be alone. I have the rest of the table," Hailey replied, enjoying the way her friend's eye twitched in frustration. Raquel took a bite out of her croissant. "What about that guy you're seeing?" "What guy?" Hailey snorted. "Do you mean the guy I just arrested a few hours ago? Because that's about the only action I'm getting lately." Raquel rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of an amused smile. "No! The one that's all over your instagram. He's cute! Why don't you bring him?" It took Hailey a moment, but she finally figured out who she was talking about. "Oh — oh, Jay? No, I'm not seeing him. He's just my parter." "Well, whoever he is, you should bring him. Or someone, I don't care who, just do me this one favour and bring someone." Hailey stared at her for a moment, before breaking into a small grin. "Fine. I'll bring a plus one." "Yes!" Raquel cheered excitedly. "Just let me know their name by this weekend so I can include it in my display!" She took another bite from her croissant, before raising her devious eyes back up to Hailey's face. "Tell me more about this Jay though..." 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛 The next day following her coffee date, she was receiving hourly messages from Raquel to make sure she actually found a date. Honestly, her friend's confidence in her dating skills astounded her. She spent the day with Jay, but couldn't bring herself to ask him; she just found it so embarrassing. So, instead, she found discreet opportunities within the day to ask her fellow Intelligence members. Kim apologized but said she had already devoted the entire day to her niece and she couldn't back out, not that Hailey would let her anyway. And Vanessa had a date, and no matter how much she loved Hailey, this was a very special date that she couldn't miss. Kevin looked frustrated when he informed her it was his little sister's birthday and he couldn't miss it, but assured her in any other circumstance, he would absolutely love to be her date. Hailey's second last option was Adam and unfortunately for her, he was as subtle as a car alarm. "You want me to be your date to a wedding?" He echoed her question, in a loud voice that travelled from the break room into the bullpen. Hailey noticed from the corner of her eye as Jay's head peeked up from where he was sitting at his desk, working on paperwork; of course his desk was closest to the break room. Hailey instantly slapped Adam's bicep. "Shh!" She admonished, but didn't really have an excuse to share with him when he glared at her in confusion. "Yes, I do. If you're available. Please tell me you're available." "I'm always available for you, Hailey," he replied with flirtatious lilt, but Hailey could see in his eyes it was all just fun and games. They had their fun little run together, but it was clear to both of them, more than ever, that they were better off as friends. Flirty friends, maybe, but nothing more. For a moment, Hailey was hopeful her begging journey could end here; but then Adam frowned. "But I can't," he replied, "I'm helping my sister move this weekend. She'll kill me if I try to bail." Hailey's shoulders sagged and she took a long, deep sip from her coffee mug. "Oh," she responded sadly, "That's okay. Thank you anyway." "Sorry, Hails," he nudged the top of her head, as he waited for her to catch up. "If it wasn't for that, I totally would. Any place with an open-bar and a dance floor, you know I'm there." At this point, they were passing Jay's desk and Hailey was positive he could hear their entire conversation, but she couldn't be bothered anymore. Hailey took a seat in her chair, while Adam took his seat behind her. Before devoting his time to his paperwork, he leaned back and whispered to Hailey, "You ask Halstead already?" "No," Hailey hissed back. "You should," he replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Hailey whipped her head around, completely nailing Adam in the face with her blonde locks; he disgustingly removed her curls from his mouth. "Stop talking about this before I stab you in the carotid with my pen!" Adam's eyes flashed dangerously. "You really know the way to a man's heart, Upton." Hailey rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but smirk at his words. As she turned back around in her seat, she noticed Jay peering at her from behind his computer screen. Hailey avoided his captivating eyes. 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛 Hailey was walking to her SUV in the district parking lot, debating whether she should turn around and beg Jay to accompany her to the wedding, when she was stopped by Jay himself. "Hey," he greeted her gruffly. He was wearing his puffer jacket over his dark blue Henley (one of Hailey's favourite shirts on him) and his eyes were darting around her face, almost as if he was nervous about something. "Sorry, I just have to ask you something." Hailey looked on expectantly. "Yeah, sure. What is it?" Jay's eyes danced around her, before finally settling on her blue ones. "Were you going to ask me?" He blurted. "What?" "To the wedding," he added, meeting her eyes assertively. "You asked everyone else to be your date, but you didn't ask me. I just want to know why." Hailey's brain was starting to short-circuit. "Uh — well, I thought about it. I definitely thought about it, but I wasn't sure if it was your thing." "We face bullets everyday, Hailey," he smirked. "It's just a date to a wedding. If you want me to go, I'll go." He was clearly leaving her an opening, and Hailey wasn't stupid. He obviously wanted her to say it out loud; say that she wanted him to go. "I want you to go," she said definitively, meeting his eyes. It wasn't often they did things outside of work, except go get a drink, so this was new territory for both of them. But they've been partners for years, and if there was anyone Hailey trusted to accompany her to such an event, it was Jay. An excited smile broke out over Jay's features. "Great! Text me all the details. I'm excited." "Yeah," Hailey answered with a soft smile, "Me too." Jay nodded his head, stuffing his hands into his front pockets. "Okay, well that's all I really wanted to say," he replied, his excited smile fading into a sheepish grin. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Drive safe, Hailey." Hailey could feel her insides melting and it was merely over the fact that he said 'drive safe'. She wanted to hit herself, but that would just make her look crazy. "Yeah, you too. Night Jay." She watched him walk away, completely aware of the butterflies trying to escape under her ribcage. God, he was going to be the death of her. 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛 Raquel was delighted when Hailey informed her she was bringing a date. She was even more ecstatic when she found out it was Jay; Hailey ignored the "I told you so!" Instead, she busied herself with finding the perfect dress for the occasion. She wasn't one for fancy dresses or fancy events (usually she had her blues to wear to fancy events), so choosing a dress proved to be challenging. She could only assume that Jay was going to blow them all away with his suit, because he was already naturally breathtaking. That man in a suit? Lord help them all. Hailey ended up choosing a burgundy dress she hadn't worn in ages. It was tucked in the back of her closet, but when she pulled it out, she knew it was perfect. It was a floor length gown, with cutouts above the hips and a long slit up the side, and if she was being completely honest, she knew it would look amazing on her. Plus, she had to compete with Jay somehow. Hailey already looked fancy enough with her dress. And she wasn't one for hair and makeup, so she kept her curls natural and applied a decent layer of mascara. She was attempting to distract herself from the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach; it was almost time for Jay to meet at her house, and she was unbelievably nervous. It seemed to work because as she was pulling on one of her block heels, the doorbell rang. Swearing, Hailey hobbled to the front door, attempting to not step on her dress. She hastily opened the door and headed straight for the stairs so she could sit and put on her other heel. "Hey!" She yelled out when her back was to him. "Shit, sorry," she mumbled as she stepped on her dress and nearly fell up the stairs. "I just need to put on my shoe and I'll be ready, I promise!" When she didn't hear an immediate reply for him, she glanced up. Jay had one foot through the threshold of the door, but his gaze was solely focused on her. His jaw was slightly open, and his green eyes were wider than usual. He seemed as if he was staring off into space, but he was staring at her. In any other circumstance, Hailey would have averted her gaze nervously. However, once she caught sight of how he looked in his black suit, she couldn't look anywhere else. He looked captivating in every way possible; she could see his white dress shirt peeking out from under the lapels of his jacket, and her gaze travelled down his body all the way down to his dress shoes. God, he looked gorgeous. "Hailey," her name dropped from his lips in a ghost of a breath; Jay didn't realize he had even said it until her eyes snapped up to meet his. "You look amazing." She knew she was blushing before she could even feel the heat in her cheeks. So, she looked back down at her hands where they were fastening the claps on her heel. "Thanks," she mumbled. "You look great too. You clean up nice." "Thanks!" When she looked up, he was smiling proudly. "You ready to go?" Hailey nodded her head, standing back up and grabbing her clutch. "I am ready!" She followed him through the door and locked it. Turning back to face him, she stopped and said fondly, "By the way, thank you for doing this. I don't know if I've thanked you already, but I really appreciate this." The bright smile that formed on Jay's lips brought butterflies into her stomach. "Of course, Hailey. The thought of an open bar is nice, but just getting to look at you in that dress all night is reward enough." Out of all the things she was expecting him to say, that was definitely not one of them. She was so thrown off her game, that she managed to trip over her own feet. He easily grabbed her arm because he was smooth as hell, and Hailey truly hated he was using that to his advantage and to her demise. "You alright?" Hailey pulled away from him to make her way to the passenger side of his truck before he did something ridiculous like open her door. “Yeah, of course,” she brushed off his concern. “It’s been a while since I wore heels.” “Well, you look great in them.” Hailey huffed, observing him as he started the drive over to the venue. “Okay, you have to stop.” “What? Stop what?” “You have to stop complimenting me.” She was expecting him to look sheepish or mildly apologetic, but when she spared a glance in his direction, he was smirking wildly. She didn't have to explain; Jay knew. The venue was close by. It was an outdoor wedding; Hailey peered over to the side where there was a rustic looking arch, complete with delicate flowers, placed at the end of a bed of flowers. There were elegant white chairs spread out amongst the ground, and Hailey could see a number of guests had already taken their seats. Over to the other side, was a multitude of tables decorated beautifully in white and silver aesthetic colours. There was also a dance floor in between all the tables, and a stage where instruments were neatly laid out. "This place looks fantastic," Jay commented in awe, "Your friend did an amazing job planning." Hailey nodded in agreement. “She really did.” Before Hailey got the chance to do anything else, she was stopped by a hand on her elbow. “Hailey? Hailey Upton?” She turned to see Jake Patterson; he also attended the academy at the same time Hailey and Raquel, and god, she couldn't remember the last time she saw him. They had run in different circles, mostly because Hailey liked to keep to herself, whereas Jake was more of an entertainer type. She remembered him as energetic and slightly chaotic, and looking at him now, she could see why. "Holy shit! It's been a minute!" Jake greeted her, pulling her in for a hug before Hailey even knew what was happening. "How have you been? Where are you working now? What's new with you? Tell me everything!" Hailey merely blinked, overwhelmed by all the questions. To her left, Jay snickered and earned Jake's attention. "Shit, man. I'm so sorry. I'm Jake, Hailey and I went to the academy together!" Jay extended his hand to meet Jake's in a firm handshake. "It's no problem. I'm Jay, Hailey's partner." "Oh!" Jake's eyebrows reached nearly up into his hairline. "That's awesome! How long have you two been together?” Hailey’s brows furrowed and she glanced at Jay quickly. It took her a moment, but she understood what Jake was getting at. “Oh — no, Jake, that’s not—” Jake’s attention was pulled elsewhere when someone came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder. They promised to get him a drink from the bar and Jake’s eyes lit up. “It was nice to see you again, Hailey!” He nodded at Jay before he hurried off. “Did he—” Jay nodded. “I think so.” Hailey couldn't help but stifle a laugh as she met Jay's eyes with a shake of the head. Neither of them addressed the issue any further as they went on about their night, quickly finding their table after catching up with a few other friends. Being the first to arrive at their table bought a flock of others to follow their lead as the seats slowly began filling up, including the ones around them. "Bride or groom?" Both Hailey and Jay's heads snapped up at the sound of another woman speaking in their general direction. "Bride," Hailey smiled in response as she shook the hand of the woman before her. "I was in the academy with Raquel, actually. What about you?" "My husband is the groom's cousin — speaking of my damn, husband — where is he?" The woman craned her neck around in search for the man who clearly, was nowhere to be found as she settled down in her seat. "Well, at least you can keep tabs on your husband, right?" "Well actually —" "Oh! Richard! There you are! Sorry, dear — talk later? It was lovely meeting you!" For the second time that night, Hailey and Jay turned to look at each other, this time stifling a laugh at the apparent ridiculousness of the concept that they could be in any way romantically involved. Many thoughts were bouncing around in Hailey’s head but she pushed them all aside when the organ started playing and the flower girl and ring bearer started making their way down the aisle. Hailey wasn’t usually an emotional person, and she really had no idea how to react at a wedding, considering she hadn’t been to many, but she couldn’t held the proud smile accompanied by the tears that filled her blue eyes. She watched Raquel walk down the aisle with an almost bursting sense of awe, and she couldn’t be any happier for her friend. When she sat back down, she hastily wiped away the tear that escaped. She wasn’t expecting Jay to notice, but he was an observant detective, so of course he did. He hesitantly grabbed her hand and laid them in her lap. He gave her the opportunity to pull away if she wanted to, but when she looked up at him with a grateful smile, he relaxed in her grip. The ceremony was short and sweet; the reception to follow was the real party. Hailey and Jay were sat at a table with numerous other young couples, most of whom Hailey didn’t recognize. She saw the odd familiar face from back in the day but for the most part, Raquel was right; she hardly knew anyone there. Which is why she was more grateful than ever that Raquel forced her to bring someone, and that Jay was more than willing to accompany her. “So, how long have you two been together?” Hailey turned her head to meet the gaze of the friendly looking blonde to her left. The majority of her table had left to the dance floor or to mingle, but the blonde stayed in her seat while her partner chatted with another man who stopped by their table. “Oh,” Jay chuckled, deciding to intervene. “We actually—”

But frankly, Hailey found it hilarious that somehow, they’d been mistaken for a couple three times that night. So, what was the harm in having a little fun with it? Hailey turned to intertwine her arm with Jay’s and she stared up at him with fluttering eyelashes. Her actions seemed to cut him off mid sentence, and he looked down at her as if she’d gone insane. “Two years,” Hailey replied, leaning her cheek against Jay’s bicep and returning the blonde’s perky smile. She hadn’t gone undercover in a long time, and this gave her a little taste of what she’d been missing. “I’m Hailey, this is Jay.” Jay still looked bewildered, but he plastered on a smile to hide his confusion. “I’m Spencer, nice to meet you both!” She replied cheerily. “Sorry if I sound nosy, but you two are just so adorable! How did you meet?” Hailey glanced up at Jay, throwing him a tiny smile that only he could see. “You want to answer that, babe?” Jay’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he composed himself. “Uh, no babe, this is all you.” “Okay,” Hailey giggled, pulling away from him and facing Spencer. She stayed close to his side and even went as far as to grab his hand as she spoke. “I used to be a detective in robbery-homicide. I found him messing with my crime scene so naturally, I had to rip him a new one.” Spencer’s blue eyes were sparkling in excitement. “Feisty! So, not love at first sight?” “Actually, it was my crime scene,” Jay interjected, finally feeling comfortable enough to step into his character. He shot a smirk at Hailey, who raised her eyebrows. “Plus, you were late. Finders keepers.” Hailey scoffed. “That’s definitely not how it works. And like I said before, it was a robbery and there was a homicide; therefore, my scene.” “But it was a highly important case, so the commissioner wanted Chicago’s most elite unit to take over the case,” Jay shot back, eyes twinkling in amusement. Spencer’s gaze was jumping from Hailey to Jay, giggling at their banter. “And that meant me. Sorry, babe.” Hailey’s jaw dropped. She started this as a game, but Jay was here to win. Hailey turned back to Spencer with pursed lips. "Joke's on him because his boss recruited me a day later." "So, you two work together?" "We're partners," Jay explained, "She always had my six, and now she has my heart." Hailey choked on her glass of champagne, and one look at Jay's smirk, she knew he was just trying to mess with her now. He really drove it home when he stretched his arm along the back of her chair, fingers lingering on her bare shoulders. "That is absolutely adorable," Spencer cooed. Her eyes flickered up behind Jay. "Raquel! Caden! Congratulations, I'm so happy for you two!" Hailey turned to look behind her, spotting Raquel and her new husband. Immediately, Raquel's eyes dropped to Jay and Hailey's intertwined hands and an instant smirk made it's way to her lips. "Thanks, Spencer! I see you've met my friend Hailey." "And her boyfriend Jay!" Spencer tacked on with an excited smile; Hailey wanted to die at Raquel's amused expression. "They're the sweetest."

"Aren't they?" Raquel replied, trying but failing to hide the slight sarcasm in her tone. "I'm Raquel, it's nice to officially meet you, Jay." Jay happily shook her hand, moving onto her husband next. "I've heard so much about you! And congratulations on getting married, it's a beautiful wedding." "Thanks, man," Caden responded, holding onto Raquel's hand. "We need to finish the rounds. But thank you both so much for coming!" "Thanks, babe," Raquel said, leaning down to press a kiss to Hailey's cheek. "You owe me a conversation later!" She whispered. As they walked away, Jay looked at Hailey with soft eyes. "I think it's time for a drink. What do you think?" "I think it's time for a bottle," Hailey muttered, but turned to Spencer with a small smile. "We'll be back soon. Nice to meet you!" As they walked to the bar, Jay placed a low hand on the small of Hailey's back. "You want to tell me what that was all about?" Hailey ignored him until she successfully asked the bartender for a gin and tonic for her and a rum and coke for Jay. "I thought it was funny we kept getting mistaken for a couple, and I thought we could mess around with it for a bit. I wasn't expecting Raquel to show up." At his questioning expression, she continued. "Now she's going to be all I told you so and I'm going to have to hear about it for ages." "Why is she going to say 'I told you so'?" "Because she originally wanted me to bring the guy I was seeing as my date. She thought it was you because you're all over my Instagram," Hailey admitted. Jay nodded his head quizzically, a slow smile spreading across his face. "You always did like to post beautiful things." Hailey's eyes narrowed and without a second thought, she punched him in the shoulder. "That was gross, please stop." Their attention was brought back to the front when the MC announced it was time for all the single ladies to gather on the dance floor to catch the bouquet. Jay and Hailey watched as a swarm of ladies took up the entirety of the dance floor, and when Hailey didn't move, Jay shot her a curious glance. "Go on, Hails. It's your time to shine." Hailey turned to him with an incredulous expression. "I'm sorry, but do I look like the bouquet-catching type? No, thank you." Jay held his hands up in defence and turned back to the crowd. The ladies had backed up so much, they were only a few feet from where Jay and Hailey stood at the bar. The MC counted it down, and Raquel threw her bouquet on three. At the last second, Jay placed his hand on Hailey's back and shoved her forward, straight into the group of ladies who savagely fought each other for the bouquet. But as luck would have it, it landed perfectly in Hailey's unsuspecting arms. Hailey whirled around to glare angrily at Jay, but was distracted by all the congratulations from the other ladies. Raquel smirked wildly in Hailey's direction and held up her glass in cheers. Hailey really wanted to die now. A nudge from Jay's right tore his gaze away from Hailey's blushing figure. "Guess that's as bold of a hint as any, isn't it?" An older man, cradling a glass of whiskey, commented while glancing at Hailey. "You thinking of popping the question?" Jay instantly paled. "Oh, no. It's — it's too early for that." As he looked on at Hailey speaking to Raquel, he realized it wouldn't actually be the worst thing in the world for this relationship to be completely authentic, because honestly, it felt much too real to argue against it any longer. "Maybe one day." "That was ballsy, Halstead," Hailey hissed when she finally made her way back. "I have half a mind to shove this bouque—" "Dance with me." Hailey stopped, blinking in surprised. "What?" "Dance with me," Jay repeated, shrugging like it was nothing. He placed his now empty glass back on the bar and took Hailey's hand to guide her to the dance floor. His hand settled on her waist while hers hung onto his shoulder, while simultaneously holding onto her bouquet. "I was just thinking." "Yeah?" Hailey hummed. "About what?" Jay pulled her closer so he could look over her shoulder as he spoke his next few words. "Someone asked me if I was planning on proposing soon, after you caught the bouquet." He almost laughed when Hailey stumbled and accidentally stepped on his foot. "But the idea didn't totally horrify me." "Jay, what are you saying?" Hailey pulled away to look at Jay; his words were only confusing her even more. "I think you're beautiful and I always have. I think I've known for a while but I couldn't bring myself to mess up another partnership. I like you, Hailey. And to be honest, I was really glad Adam wasn't available to come with you tonight, because I don't think I would've been able to keep my cool. I like you, Hailey, and I'd really like to take you out on a date. A real date." Hailey expected many things from tonight, but a full-blown confession from Jay I-Don't-Talk-About-My-Feelings-Ever Halstead, was definitely not one of them.

"I — I would love that." A wide smile spread across Jay's features. "By the way, it was totally my crime scene." "Oh, shut up, Halstead."

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thank you for reading & i hope you enjoyed! x

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cherriesfineline · 3 years

Text

MEET HALFWAY OUR NEEDS - one shot

a/n: hi! this is my first time ever posting one of my writings online (I'm about to shit myself but oh well). I literally wrote this so fast I'm impressed, but anyways I (kind of) proof read this -not really- just quickly read through it after I finished it. English isn't my first language (I'm so self conscious I'm probably gonna say that every time I post something) but besides that, I really hope you enjoy this <3 feedback is truly appreciated, it helps me improve!

-Joey

Pairing: Harry x Y/N

Warnings: detailed sexual content

Word count: 9.2k (of mostly smut??? sorry)

the one where Harry wants to get married but Y/N doesn't.

As you grow older, you start realizing life isn't as easy as it seemed when you were a kid. Not everyone gets lucky enough to have a job they're passionate about. Not everyone can satisfy all their necessities. In fact, you realize it's most people instead of "not everyone". Friendships and relationships won't last you a lifetime (those promises of being there for each other forever now seem like genuine naiveness) if you don't put enough effort in them. When you are young you believe that being able to play for hours straight without getting bored is what true friendship is about. And maybe it is, during those years. Adult relationships require a lot of time, and effort. And sometimes, sacrifice. Conversations have a different weight, and being able to trust someone with your most uneasy thoughts and experiences is hard. To find and to keep. When it comes to love, you start realizing that the thrill and intensity of teen romance isn't what true love is about. It's not about getting into fights, hardcore jealousy and toxicity behaviors. It's about being able to just be there, with that someone. Being able to coexist in each other's worlds, share what you're passionate about without any fear or remorse, being able to communicate. To ask for help when needed. Now, that doesn't mean things can't get complicated. For the past two months, Y/N and Harry's relationship has been balancing on a very, extremely, thin line. After six years of being together, and three of those living together, being the happiest they've ever been, everything started to look different for Harry. He was ready to take a step Y/N wasn't. Harry always knew he wanted to get married, have kids, move to a pretty house outside New York (it's been his favorite city ever since he visited when he was 12, then moving all the way across the globe from Manchester to attend Columbia University). And when he met Y/N, he knew she was the one he wanted all that with. But Y/N... she wasn't so sure that was the life she wanted. Having kids was a no at least until she was in her 30's. And even then, she knew she'd have to re consider if that's what she really wanted. She loves kids, she has a couple nieces a nephew's (coming from a big family has it's perks) and she's a preschool teacher. She's good with kids, but she wasn't so sure she'd be a great mother. Not for a specific reason, but she really feels like that's the case. Taking care of someone else's kids versus your own is extremely different. Now... it gets even more complicated when it comes to marriage. She doesn't believe that a piece of paper kept in a legal's office will make any changes in their relationship. It will all stay the same, married or not, so she just doesn't think it's important, nor worth the money. Harry, on the other hand, thinks marrying her will change everything in his life. For the better. He loves her more than he'll ever be able to put into words. And because he can't put it into words, he feels like it's the actions, small and big, that help him communicate his love a bit better. He still remembers the moment he mentioned marriage to her (not for the first time, but definitely the first time he actually thought 'ok i really want to marry her right now') like it happened yesterday. He remembers exactly what it felt like to physically feel his heart shatter inside his chest, and the way he silently cried himself to sleep that night with Y/N in his arms. "Would you ever, uh... consider g-getting married? like, I don't know, if we ever have, like, an actual conversation about it, would you consider it?" He asked her in the middle of their Lord of the Rings marathon. Harry could feel her intense staring at the side of his face. She was quiet for so long, it killed him. He truly wanted the cushions of their pink couch to just suck him inside the furniture piece. He wouldn't dare to turn his face. He couldn't look at her, no. Not to face the rejection of his lifetime. "Uh, I don't think so." She said, and Harry only nodded, thinking the conversation was over

once he felt her move her head to face the television again. "You know how I feel about you and how I feel about marriage. I honestly think it's useless. You don't need a signed paper to know how much I love you, Harry." Her tone was soft, but the words that left her mouth felt like a million knives inside his chest. That conversation sent him spiraling over a thousand thoughts, overthinking their entire relationship and how he now felt like they were getting nowhere with it. He respected her decision, though. That's why he didn't bring it up again. Y/N sensed his mood change that same night. She kept her mouth shut, because she truly didn't know what to say. She didn't understand where he was coming from, or why it was so important to him. At first, she didn't think his mood was affected because of her not wanting to get married, maybe he had something else going on and was struggling to talk about it, but after many sessions with her therapist going over and over their conversations and trying to decipher why everything was so weird between them, she came to the conclusion it might have to do with them not getting married. She just didn't want it. And she didn't know how to make him understand. But she couldn't lose him either. He was her everything. It took her months to be able to sit next to him like she did the night he was watching The Little Mermaid in the living room of their small New York apartment. It's been months since they last shared a movie night, or a date. They've been eating dinner while having awkward small talk about their jobs and friends, going straight to bed after cleaning everything up, each to their side. They haven't touched each other except the occasional greeting peck ever since that night. And it was killing both of them, but neither knew how to approach the other. As she sat down to his right, she saw him tense immediately. It broke her, to see him so on guard around her. Y/N couldn't look away from him, with her body facing him and her head rested on the back of the couch, she wanted to grab his hand so badly, but she didn't know if he'd reject her. The doorbell rang, and he looked at her for the first time that night. His eyebrows had the cutest frown and she wanted to kiss his forehead to make him relax, but of course, she didn't. She sent him a shy smile and stood up, going straight to the door and picking up the cash she left prepared on the little table next to it. She could feel his stare burning holes in her back, which sent chills down her spine. "Thank you so much." Harry heard Y/N say, immediately hearing the door shut. From where he was sitting he didn't have a clear view on who was on the other side of the door. Y/N made her way to their kitchen (to do God knows what, Harry thought) only to appear seconds after with two tubes of ice cream (from his favorite place) and two big spoons. She sat back down next to him with her legs under her, a little closer than moments ago but still out of Harry's reach. She handed him one of the tubes, and Harry immediately noticed it was chocolate chip mint, his favorite, he might add. He looked up at her, who gave him a small shrug of her shoulders and a side smile, and he couldn't help but smile widely at her, his deep dimples on full display. God, I missed those dimples so bad. Y/N thought. But what she didn't know is that Harry was thinking about how much he missed her. Entirely. He hated himself for overthinking every small detail, and for thinking so lowly of their future. But he couldn't help it. "Thanks." He shyly took the ice cream and started eating right away. Not five minutes later, he grabbed her by her thigh and dragged her next to him, only to have her close to his body. And because he missed her. And her body heat. And her addictive smell of clean soap and vanilla. And a lot of other things which would take a lifetime to enumerate. She looked at him from her new spot, and due to the proximity, she had to shift her head slightly up to look at his face. She slid her right arm around his left,

carefully looking at him to see any kind of reaction that might show discomfort, and when she noticed his smirk slowly and barely making an appearance, she relaxed next to him, fitting half of her body under his arm, with his elbow resting on her stomach and her head on his upper arm. Half way through the movie, with their ice cream tubes forgotten on their coffee table, Y/N looked back up to him, and even though she's been doing it every two minutes, Harry knew she wanted to say something this time. He doesn't look at her, though, thinking it might shy her away, but right when he was trying to concentrate back on the film, he heard her say something. It was barely audible, almost like she didn't want him to hear it. Did he imagine it? Maybe he's so deprived from her and her touch and her words that he's finally going insane. Harry looked at her this time, and looking straight at her grey eyes so closely for the first time in two months felt like a thousand fireworks exploding violently on his stomach. "Did you say something?" He looked at her confused, and the look on her eyes is so hard to decipher he thinks she definitely said something she's scared to repeat. "I miss you." Y/N repeated herself, barely louder. But then he knew for sure he didn't imagine it. His Y/N missed him. For so long Harry thought he was losing her, that after distancing himself from her she finally realized she not only didn't want marriage, but a relationship with him at all. But she missed him. And he missed her. "You miss me?" He asked, almost like he didn't believe her, his tone was low and his voice sounded deeper that ever. Y/N nodded, but she felt pathetic. She felt like he didn't miss her like she missed him, maybe he didn't miss her at all. For two months she's been feeling like he wanted out, that this relationship felt like an obligation to him. Harry felt her slowly sliding away from his arms, and that's when he realized he's been so stuck in his head he still hadn't replied. "Don't," he quickly grabbed her by her thigh with his hand closest to her body "please, don't go." She stayed still in her place, looking at him with soft but sad eyes. "I miss you so much, Y/N." Harry turned on his spot so he's facing her, and softly cupped her jaw with his free hand, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "You have no idea." He whispered, slowly getting her face close to his while closing his eyes. He kissed her forehead so lovingly she literally burst into tears. Y/N's soft sobs alarmed Harry, lifting her head up by his hold on her jaw. "Please, don't cry baby. It breaks me when you cry." Y/N shifted on her place so she was with her body facing the back of the couch, her knees pressed against it, but she tilted her body to the side so she could hug Harry. She slowly draped her arms around his torso, resting her head on his chest. A sigh of relief left Harry's lips, resting his chin on top of her head while he hugged her back. One of his arms was resting low on her back, while the other one rested on her shoulder, his giant hand cupping her head to softly caress her hair. They stayed in that position for a long time. Y/N could feel Harry's heartbeat, and how it slowly picked up speed when she pressed her lips to his chest. And even though he was wearing a shirt, Harry could feel the heat of her lips through it. He pressed his own lips on top of her head, leaving them there for a while, almost like a very long, still kiss, until he felt her head shift underneath his lips. He pulled away just barely to allow her to look up at him, and when she noticed him quickly looking down to her lips, she stretched her neck up to press their lips together. It was a short, very sweet kiss. With fear as an undertaste and nervousness written all over her. She was just scared he was going to leave. When she pulled away from him, she didn't have time to open her eyes as she felt Harry press their lips together again. This second kiss was almost the same as the first one, insecure. It's funny, if you think about it. How similar their

feelings were and how scared they were of messing everything up with a single wrong move. Once Harry pulled away from the kiss he initiated, they locked eyes, yet again. But this time, it was written all over their faces how badly they missed each other, and how much they dreaded to feel the effects each had on one another after so long. The third kiss they shared, it's initiated from both sides, almost as they were able to read each other's minds. Their lips moved in sync, and as Harry softly captured Y/N's bottom lip between his own to slightly suck on it, she put more pressure into it. The kiss slowly started to gain force, passion and need. But she was scared to take the next step. She wanted him to take the full lead, as opposed to what they were used to, just because she didn't want him to feel like he owed her anything. And then, he did take that step. The hand he had holding her jaw moved under her hair to grab her by the neck, while slowly tracing her bottom lip with his tongue, asking for access to her mouth. And once she allowed their tongues to meet, his hold on her lower back got stronger, draping his arm completely around her waist to pull her closer. That action made Y/N's body lift up from how strong he was holding her, and she took this as a sign to move. She straddled him on the couch, sinking (almost on slow motion) to sit on top of his thighs. Harry groaned in frustration. She's too far away, he thought. "Closer." He said in a pleading tone, and Y/N complied immediately. She slid her body up his thighs, and he forced her chest to collide with his. The hand that was holding her neck slowly traced her entire spine, to join his other one on her lower back. Her tongue felt so warm and soft, so inviting. He had always loved the way she kissed him, with so much passion but with a gentleness that was so her. She managed to fully relax in his hold once her hands found their way to his hair, right behind his ears, and he couldn't help but whimper at the feeling of their groins pressing together. This sparked a burning fire inside both of them. A fire that burned so good they'd rather die caught on it, than to never feel it again. Harry slowly slid his hands up and down her sides, all the way from her outer thighs to her side boobs. And when he did it for the second time, on his way up he slid his hands under her shirt instead of continuing their path over it. When his hands stopped at the higher part of their path, he caressed her side boobs with his thumbs, doing the same afterwards right below them, and when she finally grinded down on him, letting a deep groan leave her lips, he cupped her breasts with his hands. But when she pulled away, he dropped his hands automatically.He started eating his brains out thinking he really messed up, he was taking things down a road she didn't want to take yet, which was okay, it's not like he only wanted her body back, but he was scared he made her uncomfortable. Only then, his dick grew incredibly hard when she grabbed the hem of her oversized t-shirt to pull it up and off her body. Her perfectly perky boobs bounced slightly when Y/N dropped her shirt on the floor, resting her arms on her sides. He looked up from the lovely sight of her boobs thinking about how badly he wanted to devour them, only to find her with an uncertain look on her face. And he hated it. He hated the thought of her doubting herself so much. Harry ran his hands up and down her soft stomach, and then slid them up, softly but barely touching her boobs. His destination was somewhere else (for now), and he grabbed Y/N by her neck to pull her close. Their lips met again in the softest kiss they shared that night so far, and Y/N melted in Harry's arms like the forgotten ice cream behind her. He kissed the corner of her lips as he pulled her hair slightly so he could start kissing her jawline, down to her neck, leaving pepper kisses all over her skin. When he reached her collarbone he started sucking and biting (she loved when he bit her) knowing he couldn't do it to her neck

due to her job. She let a moan leave her lips, and when Harry slid one of his hands to grab her by her hip, she grinded down on him again, with more confidence this time. Harry lowered his face a bit more so he could finally reach one of his favorite features of his Y/N, her boobs. He took her left breast in his mouth, sucking on Y/N's nipple, making her whimper and jerk forward, tightening her hold on his brown locks to pull him even closer. He slid the hand that was holding Y/N's hair down so he could pay attention to both nipples at the same time, while using his hand on her hip to keep a steady peace to her grinding. Once she caught up with the slow but rough peace he wanted, he let go of Y/N's hip to grab the nipple he had in his mouth with in his hand, and he pinched both of them at the same time, rolling the hard buds on his fingers, then moving his mouth to the other one. He spent a lot of time paying attention to Y/N's nipples, nibbling, sucking, groping, knowing damn well they were extremely sensitive (she could orgasm just by nipple stimulation if done correctly, but she really wanted him right now). Y/N pulled from his hair enough to let him know she wanted something else, and when he let her nipple fall from his mouth, he looked straight into her eyes. Harry's cheeks were tinted a pretty shade of pink, and Y/N couldn't help but admire the beautiful man under her. He looked at her with such pure eyes, but lustful at the same time. She didn't understand how he could look so innocent but so fucking hot at the same time, it was unfair how angelic he was. She grabbed a handful of his shirt, to let him know she wanted it off. Once Harry complied, throwing his shirt somewhere near Y/N's, he immediately reached for her cream silk shorts, tugging the elastic band down as a silent plea for her to get out of them for him. She stood up from the couch, knowing Harry loved when she undressed herself for him, and still in between his legs holding eye contact, she slowly slid her shorts down her thighs along with her underwear. Harry couldn't keep eye contact for long, though. His eyes were glued to her glistening core that was slowly making an appearance, and he was getting frustrated at how slow she was being. He sat straighter on the couch so he could reach for her, and slid his hands down the front of her thighs, and on their way up he slowly slid them to their insides, getting close to where she wanted him. He slid one of his hands down again, but this time he grabbed her right leg from behind her knee, to pull it up. He made her rest her feet outside his thigh, which was now in between her legs. In this new position he got a clear view of her pretty pussy, all on display for him. "So wet, baby." He whispered, and she couldn't help but return her hold on his hair to pull him closer to her. "All for me?" Harry asked her, looking up to stare at her right in the eyes. When she nodded, he hummed in response. "Let me take care of you, it's been so long. You probably need it so much, don't you?" His voice was so fucking deep and raspy she nodded desperately in response. Y/N couldn't handle much teasing, and she let Harry know by tightening her grip yet again, and forcing his face to be so close she could feel his breathing on her. "Please, Harry." She pleaded. Harry loved teasing her, but he knew it's been a long time, he didn't want to frustrate her much. He finally licked very slowly up her folds, all the way from her opening to her clit, humming when he reached her sensitive bundle of nerves. Y/N let out a long sigh of pleasure, her eyelids fluttering shut. She felt like she could literally come just by that, and when he closed his lips around her clit, she grind her hips against his lips. He started switching between sucking and pressing his tongue on her clit until he started to move it, creating undefined figures with the tip of his tongue. They missed each other so much, so so much. And they both knew sex wouldn't magically fix everything. They knew they needed to work things out. But

sometimes conversation needs a little push, something to remind them why they need to fix things. The magnetic pull they felt towards each other was unbearably strong. They needed each other, in every imaginable way, but at that moment, they needed each other's bodies and emotion, no words needed. Just feel each other close. Harry gave her clit a sweet kiss, and looked up at her while his fingers traveled up and down her folds, until they found their home in her opening. He searched her eyes for approval, and when she whispered a soft 'please' he slowly sank his ring and middle finger, knuckle deep. She whimpered loud at the sudden pressure, and he groaned at the tightness of her hole. He rested his forehead on her navel for a second to let her adjust, and when he felt her grind on his fingers, he held her gaze while lining his mouth with her clit yet again. Harry started to work his fingers in and out of her, sucking on her clit. But what turned him on the most was her slow grinding on his face and fingers, like she was fucking his fingers nstead of his fingers fucking her. Harry used his free arm to slide it under her leg that was up on the couch, and grabbed her ass with a tight grip to pull her even closer. The pleasure was beginning to feel overwhelming, the pressure deep down on her belly begging for release was making her desperate. Y/N's moans and breathy sighs were becoming louder and consistent and the way he could feel her legs slightly shaking gave away how close she was to her release. Harry wanted her to make a mess on his face, so badly. He lowered his head and replaced his fingers with his tongue, not before he moved his fingers one last time to massage her spongy spot at the front of her insides. He fucked her with his tongue as he used his soaked fingers to stimulate her clit, circling in the fast and rough peace he knew she enjoyed so much. Her insides felt like a rocket about to launch, between his moans sending vibrations through her entire body and his fingers stimulating her clit the way she exactly needed, she became a moaning mess. Y/N couldn't comprehend how she was still standing up, even though Harry's arm under her thigh was holding most of her weight up, her knees were about to give up soon. "H-Harry, I'm so close," Y/N spoke as clearly as possible, knowing her panting was messing with her words, "please don't stop." He admired the way her jaw tightened and relaxed, her mouth opening shortly after, making a perfect 'o' with her eyes pressed shut. With one specific movement of Harry's tongue, she finally let go. With her eyes rolling back she let a couple of continuous 'fuck's quickly leave her mouth. Her entire body jolted forwards, bending a bit over him while his mouth was still attached to her core, helping her ride her orgasm, making it last for as long as possible. Y/N pulled Harry away from her with her grip on his hair once it became too much, and looked down at him. Without a second thought she bent down to lock her lips on his, with so much force it threw him back into his original seated position on the couch. "Take your pants off, now." She demanded, but adding an almost inaudible 'please', mostly for her. He happily obliged, taking his boxers down with them, imitating her previous actions. His cock sprung free, and he hissed at the feeling of freedom. Harry was so focused on her he didn't realize how painfully hard he was. He could feel his own heartbeat thundering in his chest with so much force it was almost alarming. He needed her so, so badly. Once his pants and boxers were thrown and forgotten on the floor, she straddled him. Giving him a quick but soft kiss on the lips, she began making her way down his neck, reaching back up again to (what she knew) was his most sensitive spot behind his ear. Y/N sucked a small bruise, and he whimpered. God, Y/N loved those small noises he made. She kissed her favorite beauty mark on the right side where his neck meets his shoulder, and that small action alone made his heart feel like someone was squeezing and

twisting it. He missed those small loving details from her. Y/N kept making her way down his chest, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses all over him, not forgetting to suck and nibble at his nipples. She loved taking care of him. All of him. And the way he enjoyed her playing with his nipples was something he was always scared of admitting, but he knew he didn't have to ask her to do it, because she just knew. She sunk down to her knees, still sucking and licking the skin all over his stomach while caressing his thighs (Oh, those thighs). Y/N finally grabbed his dick and slowly stroked him all the way from his base to the tip, collecting some of the precum leaking from his deep pink, swollen head. He groaned loudly, lifting his hips to fuck her fist once. She took that as a sign to lower her head even more, his cock now in front of her face. "Want my mouth, baby?" She tapped her plump lips with his tip, and when he looked down at her, she moved her closed lips around him, almost like she was using his precum as lipgloss, her hand still slowly moving up and down his length. She got him hypnotized. "Hmm?" She raised her eyebrows at him. "Y-yes, please." He heavily sighed. His begging made her drip down her thighs, he knew how much she loved it, and she knew he loved begging too, maybe even more than her. She always took such good care of him. She swirled her tongue around his tip once, then proceeded to lick up his shaft a couple of times like his dick was an ice lolly. Once she finally wrapped her lips around his tip, he sighed in relief, and relaxed his shoulders. Harry's hands grabbed her neck to pull her head down, and she surprised him when she suddenly deep throated him before even working her way there. "Fucking hell, Y/N." He moaned when he felt her humming around him. Harry grabbed her hair making a shift ponytail, to help her get her hair out of the way, and using his grip on it to lift her head, her mouth left his dick, and he smirked at the small pout on her lips. "You are so perfect." She ignored him and tried to lean forward again, which made him smile at how desperate she was. He let her get what she wanted, allowing her lips to wrap around his tip again. She licked up his slit and swirled her tongue around him, and hollowed her cheeks to suck on his tip. She took more of him in her mouth, using her right hand to work on his base and her left to gently cup his balls and play with them. Harry knew he wouldn't last long. It's been a while since they've done anything remotely sexual, and his hand... his hand wasn't her. So even though he could get himself off, nothing in the world would compare to how it felt when it was his Y/N pleasing him. His breathing became irregular as she bobbed her head up and down his length in a steady rhythm, and when she tugged on his balls he knew he had to pull her away right that second, or he would come. And he really wanted to, but not like this. "Baby, please," he tried to pull her head away with a tug on her ponytail, but she didn't oblige. Instead, she looked up at him through her eyelashes, still bobbing her head up and down on him, and that sight alone could make him come in a heartbeat. But he kept it together. "I wanna come inside you, p-please." And that made Y/N pull away, her mouth making a 'pop' sound when she let his dick fall from her lips. She then straddled him, her hands finding their home right behind his ears, grabbing him by his hair, while his made their way around her body, hugging her close. His dick fit perfectly between her lips, and Y/N grinded on him to feel his wet cock slide through her folds, creating the most delicious friction. Harry kissed her passionately, trying to pour everything he felt in the kiss. And Y/N did feel it, because she was trying to do the same. They repeated the action a couple of times until she reached in between them to grab a hold of him, positioning him on her opening. And when she finally sank down on him, they locked gazes. They sat still, connected. They were so close. They felt so close. Harry

nudged her nose with his, softly brushing their lips together. He then noticed a single tear run down her cheek, and reached for her face quickly. Right before it got in her mouth he caught it with his thumb, and she leaned in his touch. They didn't say a word. Just sat still. With Harry caressing her cheek, and Y/N looking straight into his eyes. Y/N leaned forward to capture his top lip between hers, leaving the sweetest kiss, repeating the action with his bottom lip. After, she went for the right corner of his mouth, his cheek, his jawline, his pulse point, behind his ear. And repeated the exact same trail on the left side of his face, finishing with his top and bottom lips, one last time before starting to slowly grind and circle her hips on him. Harry just couldn't stop staring at her. The amount of love and adoration he held in his heart for that woman was beyond words, and actions. And he then understood. He understood that he could live a life without marriage if it meant living it with her. He could handle it. He would get over it. He involuntarily dropped his head back and shut his eyes with so much force, while hissing through gritted teeth when she finally lifted her weight on her knees, sliding up on his dick until he was almost entirely out, only to sink back down roughly, going so deep it made both of them moan loudly at how tight she was. She slid one of her hands around his neck to grab him by his chin, forcing him to look at her. Y/N kissed him again, and this time their kiss was messy and desperate, between crashing teeth and loud moans due to her fucking him with all she got. She let go of Harry's mouth to sit straighter, using his shoulders as support to move faster. This position gave Harry a view he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. He could see his cock, so drenched of her arousal, and her pussy taking him so well. The wet sounds leaving their connected centers were magical, so erotic, accompanied with the small whimpers and moans coming out of her perfect lips. Harry thought she looked like a fucking goddess, with her round and perky tits bouncing up and down every time her tight pussy took him entirely. "You're being so good, baby. Letting me fuck you just how I like it." She whispered to him, staring at his heart shaped, swollen lips. The lips she was so addicted to. "You take such good care of me, angel. Always." He replied, looking into her eyes which were still glued to his lips. She licked her own, and moved forward to crash them against his on another messy kiss. They both were so close. Harry couldn't understand how he managed to hold his release for so long, but he was proud of himself. Y/N separated their lips for a moment to make him suck her point and middle finger, which he complied immediately, knowing exactly what she was doing. He then watched her lower her hand between their bodies again, but this time to reach for her clit, where she started to gently rub circles, stimulating herself. Harry started thrusting up with force, to meet her halfway, tightening his grip around her middle. Y/N bit down his shoulder to stifle a loud moan, which only made Harry thrust faster. "Please come for me, Y/N, I wanna feel you come all- all around my cock." He managed to plead between breathy whimpers. And it only took a few more thrusts from him to make her insides explode in the most blissful sensation, like electricity running all the way from her belly to her toes. She stiffens in his hold, her inside walls tightening and clenching so hard it almost sends him out of her, making his balls tighten right before he lets go. She could feel him emptying inside her, his spurts of cum filling her up, leaving both of them exhausted, satisfied and utterly fucked. None of them moved for a while. Y/N's breathing calmed him, almost like a lullaby, and the way Harry was gently stroking her back made goosebumps erupt all over her body. Without any warning, Harry stood up, making Y/N wrap her legs around him, she hissed through the feeling of his dick moving while still

inside her, and she bit down his shoulder again. She didn't question what he was doing, she didn't care. Harry sat her down on a cold surface after turning the lights on, and when she opened her eyes she realized he sat her in their bathroom counter. He put some space between them so he could finally look at her again. The fact that they barely spoke during sex today (when they were usually pretty vocal) made everything so... different. Not in a bad way, though. It made them both enjoy sex as the pure performance of just loving someone. No need of crazy positions, weird kinks or edging each other the way they're used to. Just love. The need to feel connected. The need of physically demonstrating each other's love. How they are each other's entire world. "I'm gonna clean us up, okay?" Harry told her softly, and she only nodded in response. She leaned in to give him a soft kiss, which honestly caught Harry off guard now that the sexual act was over. But made him happy nonetheless. She was scared of him shutting her out again. But he was scared of her getting tired of him. He knew she was a free soul. She wanted so many things, and settling down to start a family like he wanted to wasn't in her near plans, maybe in her plans at all. And he knew that. He understood it, and he respected it. He just thought about how badly he truly wanted that life with her. He was just scared she would let him go. They both looked down and hissed the moment he slid out of her. Harry had the perfect view of their mixed cum dripping down her core, making a mess on the marble counter under her. And Y/N saw his dick twitch at the sight, but decided against commenting on it. Even though it made her slightly smirk. Harry took his time cleaning both of them, and Y/N didn't look away from him. Not even for a second. He lifted her up again and literally sat her down on the toilet so she could pee. They've done this a thousand times, it was normal for them, she wasn't modest about him seeing or listening to her pee. After they brushed their teeth next to each other, stealing curious looks (especially Harry at Y/N's boobs through the mirror), they went to bed together. And for the first time in two months, she rested her head on his chest, with his arms wrapped around her. The only thing she didn't notice was that once Harry knew she was asleep, he couldn't keep it in. He cried himself to sleep that night. But it wasn't any different from what he was used to from the past couple of months. The only difference was that this time, he knew he'd give up his dreams if it meant he could keep her around. & The next morning, Y/N felt something, or someone, shift behind her. She knew it was Harry. His arm was thrown over her waist, resting dangerously close to her boobs (she secretly loved the way Harry seemed obsessed with her boobs) and she could feel his breathing hit the back of her neck. She hugged his arm closer to her body to let him know she was awake, which made Harry shift even closer, cup her left breast and press his pretty pink and warm lips to her neck. "Good morning." She said with a breathy laugh, her morning voice was a sound that drove Harry mad. She sounded way too sexy for her (or his) own good. "Hi." He nuzzled her neck with his nose, "how'd you sleep?" He left another lingering kiss, this time below her ear. "Amazing. Haven't slept this good in a while." She replied honestly, wiggling her body back towards him so their torsos were pressing together. "Mhm, me too." He whispered, tightening his hold around her, his morning wood pressing on her lower back. She could already feel the pool of her arousal in between her legs, and when she arched her back so now his dick was pressing against the curve of her ass, he groaned in her ear. He slowly started to grind himself against her ass, moving down on the bed a bit so he could better his position. And when she grinded back against him, he reached in between them to position himself on her opening. He pushed the tip in, just enough to feel her tight hole around

him. "Can I?" He asked her to make sure they both wanted this. When she sighed deeply in pleasure and murmured a 'yes', he slowly thrusted into her, both moaning a bunch of profanities. They both were huge lovers of morning sex. It increased their moods during their days, helped them relax and carry their days with a carefree feeling. So, he fucked her. Hard. Not even close to how loving they were last night. He woke up with an unbeatable energy, and he wanted to take advantage of it. He fucked her in the position they woke up in. He turned her to her stomach and fucked her while (almost) laying completely on top of her (she loved feeling his weight on her) and he fucked her on all fours, only to end up in their initial position, with her back against his chest on their sides, so he could play with her clit to help her come. That morning they spent it in bed, Y/N made them breakfast, Harry read a book. They both knew they needed to talk, but they wanted to enjoy some time where everything felt normal between them again. So they avoided the topic. But the conversation they owed each other kept being pushed. And for another two months, everything slowly started to feel normal again. Usually, avoiding conversation will lead up to more hurting. But with Y/N and Harry, it ended up becoming a realization point. Harry got in terms with the fact they wanted different things. He decided she was worth anything and everything in the world, because she was his world. But what he didn't know was that Y/N spent those entire two months imagining what a life like the one Harry wanted with her would be like. And after one day, on Harry's 28th birthday, during a small walk they were taking on Central Park, she realized she would do anything in the world to make him the happiest man he could ever be. She kissed him so passionately that day, interrupting their walk. He looked at her with a confused look when she pulled away with the brightest smile on her face. But that smile made him confirm he was willing to give up his dream of getting married. That's why in mid February, Y/N found herself shopping in a very expensive jewelry store. She knew Harry liked that place since his 'H' and 'S' rings were from there. They had an amazing section of handmade rings that she spent a long time going through. She wanted to pick the best one she could find. She found the prettiest, most fine silver ring with a red stone adorning it's top. She knew he would love it. It definitely didn't look like the typical engagement ring, but nothing about Harry was typical. It would match the rest of his rings lovingly, and Y/N knew he would simply love it. Not only because it was a pretty ring, but because it would mean something big for them. Three days later, Y/N came back from work to find Harry sitting on their living room couch watching the forecast. Why? Who the fuck knows. He never watched cable TV. Y/N just stood there for a while, just staring at him. "Hi, love." He greeted her. "Are you alright?" He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. The crease between them made an appearance, even though it was there most of the time. "Hey." She finally moved, dropped her keys on the little bowl sitting on top of the small table in the hallway. "All good, gonna put some comfy clothes on really quick." She lied. She just couldn't wait any longer. Watching him sit there all frustratingly beautiful doing absolutely nothing was fucking annoying, it was so unfair how beautiful he was. She had an entire evening prepared but she just couldn't wait any longer. She wanted to do it now. She dropped her purse on their bed and quickly got rid of her shoes, but didn't change into anything comfier. She just grabbed the small black velvet box from her t-shirt drawer and went back to the living room, sliding it in the back pocket of her jeans so he wouldn't be able to see it. Harry looked at her with a confused look, wondering why she was still in her work clothes walking directly to him when she said she wanted to change. She sunk to her knees in

between his legs, which only made him even more confused. "You sure you're alright?" Harry gently asked her. She just hummed in response and grabbed the remote sitting on the coffee table (moving as little as possible, she didn't want him seeing the small bump on her jeans because she knew he would ask about it), and turned back around. She rested her ass on her ankles, and her arms on top of his thighs. "So..." she started. "So..." Harry repeated, confused. "I love you, so very much." Y/N started and Harry's breath got caught in his throat. He wasn't expecting this at all. "So much, you don't even understand." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. They haven't told they loved each other in so long, scared of the other not saying it back. God only knows why, because it was clear as water they still loved each other with their whole beings. "And I know we both always wanted different things." This is it. Harry thought. She's breaking up with me. "And I know there are some things I believe that you will never understand, and there are some things I- I didn't understand, for a long time." Harry furrowed her eyebrows further at this last part. Now he truly didn't understand what she was trying to say. "For so long I thought I wanted something, you know? Like I was sure I had it all figured out for myself, the life I wanted. But I actually- I was searching for a life that wasn't mine. And I didn't realize that what I already have is everything I could possibly want." Y/N's cheeks were flushed, tears streaming down her face so fast they were drenching his hands that were now pressed against her cheeks, softly caressing them. "I know now, that love is about finding common ground. Meeting each other's needs. And sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to do that. And I came to a conclusion." She swallowed the big lump on her throat, and that finally allowed her to let a long breath leave her chest. "I love you more than anything in this world. I hope you know that, and I know I struggle sometimes with letting you know how much I adore and admire all of you. But I promise to do my best today, and for the rest of my life, to make sure you know how loved you are. How much I'm willing to do for you. And this took me a while to understand, but I do now. I understand why you felt like you needed to take that 'next step' with us. And I understand why it'd make you as happy as you always said. So, it'd make me really happy to ask you to," Y/N reached her pocket and heard him gasp when she pulled the box in front of him, revealing a beautiful ring for him, "marry me." Harry was speechless. Truly, ultimately speechless. Not only was the love of his life asking him to marry her, she was saying she truly wanted this. Harry's gaze kept going from the ring back to her eyes. And after a while of no one saying anything, Y/N cleared her throat. "H," she whispered, "Will you marry me?" She asked, the soft tone on her voice and the question he dreamed so many times asking her knocked him back to life. "Yes, yes, Y/N, yes- oh Y/N-" he choked a sob, and the biggest smiles appeared on both their faces. Y/N threw herself to him, wrapping her arms around his neck so tightly. He helped her straddle him so he could wrap his own arms around her. They held each other for a few seconds, both crying the happiest tears they ever let drop, and when she pulled away to put the ring on him, he surprised her by crashing their lips together. They shared their most passionate kiss in the entirety of their relationship, both still crying, smiling, spilling so much love and adoration with each stroke of their tongues. When he pulled away, she finally placed the box in between them again. "Can I put it on you? I know you like to wear your 'H' ring on your ring finger, so we could put it somewhere else, you know? And make it our own thing-" Harry interrupted her giving her a soft peck, "or we could-" another kiss, "I don't know." She finally gave in, pressing her lips harder against him. After another long kiss, he finally told her

where he wanted his ring, and with a last kiss he patted her ass to let her know he needed her to stand up. "Wait here." He pointed at her, and she sat on the couch with a soft 'okay'. He returned moments later with his hand behind his back and a lopsided smirk. He sat in the same position she was for her proposal, in between her legs. Before he said anything, he moved his hands in between them, opening a red velvet box. She gasped like Harry did moments ago when she saw the beautiful ring with a small red stone (yes! Like his own ring) placed on top of a very thin and delicate silver band that was sitting inside the small box. "It was my grandmother's." Harry said in a quiet tone. "She gave it to me before she passed away a couple months after we met, remember?" She slowly nodded, lifting her gaze to meet his eyes. There was so much love written all over his face. "I told her you were it for me. I knew I wanted this with you ever since we met at our university library. She gave it to me in hopes I could... give it to you some time." He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I kept it hidden from you all this time. Didn't want you to find it and make everything weird between us. But I'd really love if you could, um... wear it if you want?" He shyly asked. "It'd be an honor to carry her ring with me, Harry." His face lit up so fast at her response. "Yeah?" He asked, perplexed. "Yeah." Y/N replied with a big smile. "Will you marry me, Y/N?" He asked her this time, and she couldn't help but giggle. "I asked you first." She pecked his lips. "But yes, Harry. I'll marry you." And she kissed him again, and he couldn't help but smile so widely she ended up with her lips against his teeth. After putting his grandmother's ring on her, they shared another night of pure, loving sex. None remember how many times they made each other come, but they did have another important conversation between rounds. "Something else I wanted to tell you..." She said, in between kisses (they loved giving each other soft small pecks all over each other while they were talking). She was straddling him in their bed, his back against the headboard. He didn't want to pull out of her just yet, keeping his cum inside her for as long as possible. "I know you're ready to have kids, like, right now." She said, and he raised his eyebrows playfully at her. "I can tell by your breeding kink, honestly." He let a loud laugh leave his chest, making her smile too. It was honestly hilarious, I mean, look at their position. "I decided I really want to have kids with you." He gasped, "But..." he sunk down in his position, a visible pout on his lips, which she kissed away from him. "Promise me you'll wait for me, until I'm in my 30's" He locked eyes with her. She really wanted this. So much. "Only three more years?!" He asked with so much hope. "Three more years and we can start trying, I promise. I just thought that- that we could get married now, have some time as a married couple, you know? To enjoy ourselves." She shrugged and he couldn't help but smile widely and her, nodding frantically. "That way we are both adapting to each other, you know? Meet halfway our wants." "God, I love you so much." He chose to say, instead of replying straight away. "I'll wait a lifetime to have kids with you if that's what you wanted, just please- decide before you reach menopau-" He couldn't even finish his sentence since she shut him up by putting her hand over his mouth. "Don't even say it. God, I don't wanna be old." She sighed in frustration. "I honestly can't wait to grow old with you." Harry said with such a loving tone, like an enamored teenager, hugging her closer to him. And she couldn't help but smile back at him. Because even though ageing scares her, she's ready to spend the rest of her life with him. "I love you, my angel." Y/N told Harry, before kissing his lips, yet again.

"I love you, my Y/N." Harry whispered to her, keeping her face close to his.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a lovely day <3

-Joey

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry smut #my writing

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deans-baby-momma · 3 years

Text

Wounded Hearts 9

Liisbon, NH Dean's POV

The next day, Caleb called Dad with another case. There was a haunting in New Hampshire so we packed up our bags and headed Northeast. The whole drive was filled with tension and silence.

The witness, Ms. Ramirez wasn’t very helpful with the details; I could tell she was holding something back and from Dad’s stance I knew he sensed it too.

Another thing both he and I took notice of was the way she was eyeballing me. It was like she was undressing me with her eyes. I felt uncomfortable and exposed, although I was dressed in my phony FBI getup.

As we leave the Ramirez residence and get in the car, Dad starts the engine and says, “Son, I have a plan.”

The plan, come to find out, was completely ludicrous and preposterous. I was totally caught off guard.

“You’ve got to be joking,” I beg, hoping the old man was kidding. The look in his eye tells me he isn't. “You want me to do what!?!”

“It was plainly obvious she wanted you Dean,” he tells me from the chair at the table. “Go back over there and try to get her to open up. Loosen her up, get her to talk. I’ll walk back to the hotel and try to take some sense into your brother.”

“But dad,” I whine. Yes, I am practically an adult but I still whined like a child. “What if she wants to….go all the way?” Why am I acting like such a kid?! God, grow a pair Dean!

“Then do it,” dad says resolutely. “Give her the ride of a lifetime. You’re a Winchester. I’m sure you’ll figure out what to do to rock her world.” The smile he gives me is crass and downright crude. “I have faith in you son.”

On the whole drive back across town, my palms are sweaty and I am a nervous wreck. How am I supposed to do this? I’m glad Dad has faith in me because I know I’m going to fuck this up. I’ve had one sexual experience and it wasn’t obscene and raunchy like Dad has hinted this needs to be; me and Rebecca had been more awkward and clumsy. I’m not the sex god Dad seemed to think I am.

I shake my head as the images of Becks under me invade my thoughts. It wasn’t special to her like it was to me. She had proven that the next day when she ignored me in first period. Thankfully, Dad had come to pick Sam and I up before I made a bigger fool of myself. What I thought was intimate and personal was the opposite for her. She saw me as just some guy who was stupid enough to fuck her and get the act of losing her virginity out of the way.

I walk up to the ornate door of the Ramirez home and ring the bell, giving myself an internal pep talk the whole time. ‘You can do this Dean. Dad has faith in you. All you have to do is talk. Maybe she won’t try anything. Maybe you can get her to open up without, well...opening up. God now you’re thinking of an older woman’s vagina. Great!’

The door opens and there she stands. She smiles as she steps back to let me enter. I walk across the threshold. She closes the door before she turns to me.

“I told you everything I know, agent,” she begins.

“I know,” I say tentatively. It’s now or never. “I just…..I noticed there were some vibes between us earlier.” ‘Vibes?! Vibes? Good god Dean get it together.' I clear my throat before I continue. “Some sexual tension. And don’t think I didn’t notice the teasing glances you threw my way. I just…..I took my partner back to our room and thought I’d come see if I was correct.”

The way Ms. Ramirez’s whole body softens and she sighs, tells me I hit the proverbial nail on the head.

“Oh agent. I was hoping you would get the hint,” she says stepping toward me and grabbing my hand. “You are handsome and sexy and I couldn’t believe my eyes when you walked in. My whole body vibrated with want.”

“Well, I’m here now,” I say lowly, hoping and praying that my words sound confident and convincing.

“Yes, you are,” Ms. Ramirez says as she drags me toward the back of the house. “Tell me agent, just how old are you?”

“20 ma’am,” I answer without thinking. Shit, I hope I didn’t just blow this. But I know she wouldn’t believe that I was an agent at the age of 18.

“Ah, a probie huh? So Probie agent…..you have had sex right? You’re not holding out for a special someone back at home, are you?”

“No ma’am. I mean, yes I've had sex but there isn't someone waiting for me," I add in quickly

By this time we are at the doorway to her room. I can see over her shoulder, there is a king sized bed with a dark purple comforter with golden trim and a headboard covered in the same material.

“Enough with this Ma’am crap. My name is Monica. Now as much as I like the anonymity, I want to know what name to call out later.”

"It’s D-Dean ma-Monica,” I stutter.

“Dean. Mmm, I like it. One syllable is easier to chant as I’m cumming.”

Before I know it, Monica has me undressed and lying flat on the bed. My dick is throbbing and twitching against my belly as I watch her undress herself.

"I can't wait to have you fill me up," she says,as she unhooked the snap holding her hose up. She eyes my manhood and I can't help but blush.

"Now now. What's with the embarrassment? Hasn't anyone ever ogled your cock? It is a mighty fine specimen. "

"N-not really."

She stops her movements and looks at me. "Dean, how many times have you fucked?"

"A lot," I blurt out quickly but then I truthfully answer her when she quirks an eyebrow at me. "Once."

Monica smiles predatorily as she finishes taking off her lingerie.

"Ah practically a virgin," she boasts as she crawls on the foot of the bed. She wraps her hand around my shaft and my eyes threaten to roll; this is the first time someone other than myself has touched it.

Her hand is so soft and silky smooth against the sensitive skin. She runs her tiny fist up, twisting right below the head. I hold back the whimper threatening to bubble out of my chest. 'Get a grip Dean!'

I watch as she settles beside me, her dainty hand working up and down my length. She leans forward and licks the tip and I sigh. Fuck that felt good.

But the embarrassment I felt before, when she was looking at my dick is nothing compared to now. As soon as her lips envelope me and I feel her warm breath and wet tongue, I explode! My cum fills her mouth, some of it dribbling out the side and down my shaft.

Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh god kill me now.

Instead of being upset or angry, Monica swallows my load with a smile and licks up the cum that spilled out.

"Wow!" she exclaims as she pulls off me. "That's never happened before. Your first blowjob, I presume?"

I nod and then shakenly answer, "Y-yea."

"Well then. Since you got yours, it's my turn."

I look at her and then look at my rapidly softening dick. How the hell am I supposed to fuck her with a flaccid member?

"Oh honey," Monica smiles at the confusion on my face. "That isn't the only thing I can ride. I'm gonna defile that handsome face."

She straddles my chest and I lift my head to see. Her dripping pussy is soaking me; her outer lips glistening with her arousal.

"Now since you've never had a blowjob I'm gonna take a chance and predict you've never eaten pussy, have you?"

"Uh no," I say honestly. "But I want to."

I place my hands on her ass and nudge her toward me. Monica smiles and before I know it her damp cunt is in my face.

"Now stick your tongue out and trace along my slit."

I do as she instructs and lick her dampened folds. The taste is sweet and tangy and I'm already addicted. It is better than any top shelf liquor.

Monica starts undulating her hips, basically riding my face so I breach her pussy with the tip and she moans.

"Oh god. Fuck! You are a natural. Now suck on my clit." I do and she continues her praising. "Damn, fuck! Shit, that feels good."

In a bout of confidence, I drag my hand from her ass and quickly find her entrance with my middle finger. Slowly and gently I slide into her as she throws her head back. "YES!"

Before long, I'm suckling her swollen nub and am buried to the second knuckle of my index and middle finger, wiggling them and pulling them out before pushing back in.

I feel her walls contract and flutter around me and she grabs the hair on each side of my head.

"Don't stop what you're doing," she commands looking down at me. "I'm going to cum all over your face."

All I can do is hum an affirmative.

She begins rolling her hips and grinds down my me as I slide my fingers in to the last knuckle. I curl them in a come hither motion and that's all it takes.

Monica screams my name, pulling my hair as her release streams out onto my chin and dribbles down my neck.

She lays back with her knees still at my shoulders and I lean up, pecking a kiss to her clit. She shudders and chuckles.

"Can't get enough now can you loverboy?"

"Never."

After we clean up, Monica and I lay in the bed, snuggled up with her head on my chest. Her fingers are drawing random patterns across my chest.

"It was a vampire," she whispers and then stills, her body tense.

"Don't worry," I assure her. "We'll take care of it. "

Monica lifts her head and looks at me, astonished.

"You believe me?"

"Yea, vamps do exist. As do ghosts and werewolves. That's what we do; we hunt things that people don't believe in."

The next day, Dad and I use the Intel that Monica gave me and take out the small nest on the outskirts of Lisbon before we take off for the next case.

Monica Ramirez would definitely go down in the books as someone worth remembering.

@tftumblin @spnbaby-67 @markofdean79 @lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @travelingriversideblues-x @akshi8278 @keymology @hoboal87 @squirrelnotsam @natura1phenomenon @drakelover78 @larajadeschmidt13 @blacktithe7 @atc74 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @vicariouslythruspn @sandlee44 @mogaruke @deanwanddamons @supraveng @deandreamernp @lyarr24

#dean winchester #john winchester #sam winchester #rebecca quentin #wounded hearts #past haunts sequel #smut #fluff #angst #supernatural #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

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zankivich · 4 years

Text

The Corona Diaries: An Arrangement Blurb

a/n: you asked. I listened. I’m not sure where the inspiration came for this tbh. It definitely didn’t come from shawn because....Sheesh. I kinda thing this could be fun to keep doing, at lest for now. So if you have any prompts or ideas for things you’d like to see from our two faves please do let me know. K bye.

*y/n’s point of view*

Marriage life suits you. Mostly because Shawn is understanding and kind, and because you make it a point to have sex twice aday as long as work doesn’t keep you separated. So you coast easily by treating each other with kindness and adoration, and never having an argument deeper than, “who left the bathroom light on?” and “it’s your turn to do laundry!”. Part of it actually is the nature of your jobs. Before Shawn could ever start to annoy you he’s in the studio for three months making a record, so every moment you get with him feels infinitely important, a moment you wouldn’t dare ruin with some stupid argument. And with you taking on the massive detailing of actually trying to build a label up, there’s plenty of time apart to make the time together special.

After the honeymoon, you began looking for houses together. There were a lot of needs it needed to check. Location. Kitchen for you. A place for Shawn to build a studio. It was the first time in your life where looking for a home meant looking for land, not necessarily listings on a website. You were building a home with this man, building a life for the two of you...and possibly even a family further on down the road.

When the coranavirus hit, Shawn was at home coincidentally. It was who you was in Australia visiting an artist on tour. You’ll never forget the two am, your time, facetime call from him. He was rosie cheeked with his favorite headband on, shirtless except for shorts and socks. He was cute. Not cute enough to be waking your ass up though.

“Shawn? If the world is not ending there is no reason for you to wake me up.” You mumbled adjusting to the light of your screen.

“Baby the world is ending! This corona shit is getting bad. And the government is totally in on it and they’re trying to kill us off in masses.”

You rolled your eyes and rolled over onto your back to peer at your lovely, if not crazy, husband.

“I told you to stay off tumblr. Those conspiracy theories always keep you up at night, babes.”

“So when it’s Regan and the Aids and crack epidemic it's a fact, but this is a conspiracy theory?”

“Nothing could have prepared me for my husband becoming more woke than I am.” You sighed. “What is it that you want me to do?”

“I want you to come home. Please? I think they’re gonna start pulling shit anyway. The NBA just canceled march madness, I wouldn’t be surprised if the tours are next. Please come home.”

You smiled softly at him. “You worried about me?”

“‘Course I am.” He whined. “You’re my wife, remember? Please come home, babe.”

His doe eyes, and the fact that he seemed to feel so strongly about it, made you feel like it was worth it to take him seriously. Shawn was definitely the more go-with-the-flow of the two of you. If he was taking it seriously, then maybe at the bare minimum you could cut him some slack.

“I will think on it while I sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow okay? I promise.”

He sighed, a crease in his eyebrows firm enough to cause a little worry even in your gut.

“Okay. Just...call me when you get up. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow only brought more headaches. It turned out that your husband wasn’t just a conspiracy theorist, but shit was really hitting the fan. The second you woke up you had to hop into a meeting with the entire team. The tour needed to be postponed. You had to get everyone home. There were over two dozen venues to speak to. A statement had to go out to the fans. Flights to figure out for hundreds of people. It was really a nightmare. And then on top of that your husband was just a bit losing his shit. By the time you got off your work phone, and to your personal phone--a reality that the ridiculousness of was not lost on you--you have sixteen missed calls, and tons of facetime requests and a lot of texts with various sad faced emojis asking if you were dead.

Long story short you got home to him and he was there waiting with open arms and an open dutch oven that had your favorite soup waiting to be eaten. The love of your life.

*Day 6 of Quarantine*

“Sweetheart?! Where’d you go?”

“In the kitchen!”

“Hey...why do you have clothes on?”

You turned around from the fridge to find that your husband was naked as the day he was born. You’d been making love for most of the day. And the soul was willing but the flesh was weak. Damn.

“I need to get away from you and that thing. Plus I wanted ice cream.” You whined.

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘that thing’. What did I do?”

“ME. And very well might I add. My vagina is killing me.”

“Wait you’re hurt?” He mumbled immediately stepping forward.

Your husband was just the softest fucker alike. God you loved him.

“Little bit. Obviously I wasn’t asking you to stop. I just need a little break. Forget about your abs for five minutes and come eat icecream with me.”

He reached for your hips smiling softly at you as he ran his calloused fingers along your skin.

“Should I go put some pants on? I don’t think you want my dick on the furniture.”

You peered down at him in all his gorgeous glory. Your vagina practically peaked its head out in interest. Whore.

“Maybe we take dessert to the bedroom.”

“I though you were sore.” He snickered.

You rolled your eyes and ignored him in favor of heading for the bedroom.

“Grab some spoons and maybe I’ll let you eat it off of me!”

The sounds of the silverware drawer clanging open and his feet smacking against the floor was enough for you.

*Day 15 of Quarantine*

“What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”

“Well...babe, I’ve picked the last three days. Maybe you could come up with something.”

You were lying in bed side by side staring up at the ceiling. Neither of you knew what time it was. You hadn’t worn anything but sweats in days. Speaking of days, you didn’t know what day it actually was. Stir-crazy didn’t even describe the mood you were in.

You turned your head to peer at him, your eyes slightly twitching in annoyance.

“But you like coming up with things to do. Every time I recommend something we always end up doing what you want to do.”

His eyebrows squinted and he leaned up onto his shoulder to peer down at you.

“Hey, that’s not true. I love doing what you wanna do. Why would you say that to me?”

You shrugged. “It’s true.”

“It is not. Stop it.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Shawn. So, you’re the creative one of the marriage. It’s not that terrible.”

“‘Not a big deal’? You’re telling me I don’t give a shit about the things that you wanna do. What kind of dickhead doesn’t care about his wife’s interests? I specifically asked you to come up with something because I wanna do what you wanna do.”

You rolled your eyes up at the ceiling. Shawn was managing something that he very rarely did despite everything at his identity. He was pissing you off.

“Hey,” He murmured softly, nudging you. “You’re getting upset. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to. Can we just drop it?”

“I don’t want to drop it, I want you to open up to me. Please?”

“Well that’s exactly what the fuck I just said isn’t?!” You snapped.

You sat up in bed and rushed to sit up and create distance. There’s a thing about Black women. Maybe it was present in other women too, but hell all you knew was your black ass and your black ass experience and in all your years you had seen momma, auntie, and various grandmothers a plenty do the exact same shit. It’s like there’s a ledge. A ledge where one can teeter and totter all day long, but the second you step over that ledge? You just sort of...lose your shit in a way only a Black woman can.

“Now I just got done explaining to you that when I say what I want to do, we end up doing what you wanna do, did I not?! And thennnnn you fuck around and completely ignore me telling you that I did not want to talk anymore about it, simply because it wasn’t what you wanted. Now I’m pissed off! Now I’m fucking over it.”

You reached for your pants, which he had so happily taken off earlier and got yourself in a state worthy enough of leaving the room while Shawn did everything in his power to make you stay.

“Don’t leave! Can’t we just talk about this? I’m sorry okay, I--I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, you wanted to know what I want to do? I want to spend the next couple of hours not looking at you.”

You've been practicing slamming doors since you were a child. And had gotten your ass beat many a times for it. The way the door frame rattles when you slam it this time is an ode to the child in you that wanted to express anger freely. Ugh. Dumbass.

*three hours later*

“What is it that you’re arguing about again?” Ti asked.

The hardest part of quarantine was truly not having access to your best friend. This meant that facetime and phone calls were a must to keep you sane. And in a moment when Shawn of all people was driving you up a wall, she was truly the only person worth speaking to.

You were sitting outside in the backyard, the sun slowing going down in the background. You’d sat outside reading a book long enough for your anger to slightly dissipate. The second Tiana’s facetime came through, it awakened within you the way only a woman could understand.

You rolled your eyes up at the sky. “I already explained it to you. I hate when you make me repeat shit until I see my own lack of logic.”

She snorted. “Cause you know I’m always right.”

“Yea, whatever. He’s a dumbass and I’m right, end of story.”

“Of course. I totally agree with you girl…”

“I mean it’s true! We--we always do what he wants...I like doing what he wants cause it’s always shit I like too. Like we’ll walk down to the beach with his guitar and I get to sit in the sand and listen to him play. I don’t have to get my hair wet and he serenades me and plays whatever I ask him to. That’s my favorite thing Ti...Ugh! Why is he so stupid!”

“The love you have for that man will never cease to amaze me.” tiana sighed. “Why don’t you just go make up with him?”

“Why do I have to go?! He’s the one who tried to make me talk before I was ready. He should respect my boundaries dammit.”

“Yea. You’re absolutely right, he should. You should tell him that. Calmly. And rationally. In sickness and health and holy matrimony. Remember?”

“. . . I don’t like you anymore, you know that?”

“Bitch get off my line and go make up with your man. I’m finna start charging you for this shit.”

You flipped her off in the camera and she cackled and hung on you. Wench.

You made your way to the one place you went when you weren’t sure about something, or you were frustrated at all in the world. The kitchen.

Shawn was still nowhere to be seen and the weight of Ti’s words hadn’t quite settled in yet, at least not consciously. Perhaps your subconscious knew something you didn’t because your hands immediately went to pulling out bread flour, butter, and yeast to make your famous sticky buns, which just happened to be Shawn’s favorite.

*meanwhile upstairs*

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’d been playing guitar for hours. His heart was a little sad, his ego a little wounded, and there was still a bit of anger that felt irrational and rational at the same time. He kept thinking she would appear, on tip toes with her fingers drowning in her favorite sweater and the full rounded flesh of her thighs out for the world to see because who needs pants? But as the sun went down, and his mood sour’d, he had to switch his tactic. Should he apologize? He’d tried that already. And it had resulted in her going the fuck off on him. Should he just get on his knees and beg for forgiveness? Tell her how fragile he was, and how much it hurt to think he hadn’t been listening to her? They had never really fought before, not since committing to one another. He was a bit at a loss.

It’s not until he smells the cinnamon that he perks up a little bit. Cinnamon means one thing and one thing only. His wife was somewhere stress baking. He put the guitar down and toed his way towards the kitchen in search of her.

She was humming to herself as she sprinkled sanding sugar on her newest creation. She was so pretty to him. Like stunning type pretty. He was afraid of alerting her to his presence just in case she took the pleasure of staring away from him. She still made him nervous even now. How the hell did she manage to still make him nervous?

“I can feel you ya know.” She murmured softly.

He bit his lip and made his way slowly to the island which separated him from her side of the kitchen.

“What do you mean, ‘feel’ me?”

She turned around and there was suddenly a plate with two sticky buns on them. He smiled at the treat but also at the fact that she was speaking to him again. Had he mentioned that she was pretty?

“I just know when you’re around. My body knows when you’re around...It gets happy for some reason.” She snorted softly. “My heart rate slows, I breathe a little easier. That kinda shit. Sticky bun?”

“Thank you.” He said and tited his head so that he could make eye contact with her.

For a moment they eat in silence, enjoying the amazingness that was her food, and also because somehow they still got shy around each other sometimes. But he knew that there was an elephant in the room, and that if he had any hope of going to bed wrapped around his wife than they needed to talk and fast.

“Look I...I’m really sorry if I made you upset earlier. I shouldn’t have pushed and prodded at you like that. Obviously we’re both going a little crazy cooped inside the house all day, and we’re probably gonna start to get on each other’s nerves. It’s inevitable. But, I never in a million years want you to think that I wouldn’t do whatever you wanted. Some of my favorite days of our life together are watching movies while you detangle and braid your hair or when we’re in the kitchen, getting to watch you make stuff. I guess it just made me feel insecure as your husband that it sounded like I was hogging all our time together.” He mumbled. “I don’t wanna be a shitty husband to you. I love you so much ya know?”

She bit her lip and played with her food. The feelings talk was a bit harder for her sometimes, something he respected, but sometimes had to push her away from. The only way to really do that was to be open and honest, to show her that he cared about whatever was going on in that beautiful, intelligent head of hers.

“I know...I know how much you love me, and I know we never fight because we always talk first and work things out. And usually I would’ve done that! I think--I think I’m just getting a little stir crazy. I’m used to going going going and always having something to do. When I said you always pick what we do, I didn’t even mean it as an insult. I meant that you have a way of knowing what I want without ever having to ask. Like the day you decided to do a scary movie marathon? It was your idea, and I didn’t think of it but...it was perfect. I just got frustrated that you weren’t understanding me and then that you weren’t listening to me.” She whined, face scrunching up in frustration. “I just wanted you to hear it and it felt like you weren’t hearing me. Usually no one understands me better.”

He nodded vehemently, leaning into her space until his forehead nestled against her. She laid her hand upon his arm and ran her fingers through his arm hair. They each hummed a little, releasing the breath of a heavy day

“I don’t want anyone to. I want to know you as intimately as I can.” He whispered.

She smiled. “You do, babes. It’s why I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to listen better okay?”

“Thank you. And I’ll do my best to say what’s on my mind before I go slamming doors.”

He snorted softly. “You’ve got a hell of an arm though, aye?”

“Mhm. That’ll teach you not to fuck with me boy.”

“Would never, my darling.”

***

Permanent taglist

@simpledomain @liliane106 @thecurlsofgod @kamahriii @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @justbeingoceana @september-lace @valedictorian65 @disaster-rose @dimestorebieber22 @MixerMani @qcoachcartier @kamahriii @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @justbeingoceana

Arrangement Taglist:

@moonlightmendes22 @cottoncandyshawn @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsblue

@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @blackharry @shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp @softmendesss @ydolansss @chonmnds @MixerMani @kitykatnumber @lanallaa @palhacomendes @mendesficsxbombay @moniehp @alessiaase

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asideofourown · 4 years

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Happy anniversary to the Good Omens TV show! I didn’t get the chance to write a fic specifically to celebrate (where did May go? Perhaps I’ll do something in June for my own go-versary), so instead here I am with 25 recs :D Thanks so much to @forineffablereasons for the bingo board (here is her original post)! And thanks so much to the Good Omens fandom for countless hours of incredible fic to read and enjoy <3 Obviously, this list barely scratches the surface of what’s out there, but here are some of my favorites!

A fic you’ve read several times: South Downs University series by @nieded

I’ve read this series probably... ten times, and I still love it. It fits (one of my absolute favorite) very niche categories with Crowley and Aziraphale being cryptid professors and utterly confusing their students, and i am HERE for it

A fic not abt Aziraphale and Crowley: Bridge over troubled water by @moondawntreader

LISTEN this fic is so good, I’ve read it probably four times and it’s incredible. Short, but so powerful in so few words. Leslie/Maud is the true otp ;D

A fic published before the show aired: Slytherin Vaguely Downwards by @saviobriion

This fic is really, really well-written, and does a fantastic job transporting many Good Omens characters into the HP universe in a way that works really well!

A fic you followed as a wip: on the same page by @thechekhov

Still a WIP, and still incredible! Az and Crowley as authors with their own Arrangement is already fantastic, but add in the fake-dating-while-pining-desperately? Incredible!

a human AU: secondhand smoke by @paintedvanilla

This is probably my favorite fic in the entire good omens fandom tbh... human au set in the 1990s, and so so so well done-- this is another fic I’ve read several times, and every time i notice something new. The characterization and prose is fantastic, the development of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship is really sweet and realistic, and this was also the fic that definitively got me on board for Newt/Anathema as well!

A fic shorter than 2k: For Holding by theycallmeDernhelm

Ahh this one is really soft! Post-apocalypse hand holding is my jam, and the author does a lovely job of saying so much in so few words <3

A fic you stayed up way too late reading: Not So Different by effing_gravity

I stayed up until maybe... three in the morning reading this fic? After every chapter I would tell myself to only read one more, but it was so gripping I read it all in one sitting! Reverse omens meets the canon husbands in a super interesting and thrilling fic!

A south downs fic: The consciousness of loving and being loved by yolkinthejump

This is like... the platonic ideal of a South Downs fic imo. The author does an absolutely incredible job of conveying the depth of their relationship, and it’s so sweet and soft and <3

A fic with a favorite trope: There goes the neighbourhood by @jasmine-cottage-uk

so technically I’m cheating because the ‘favorite trope’ in this one is ALSO south downs (like above), but. This fic is so funny, and the author does a great job of capturing Aziraphale and Crowley’s voices and the way the care for each other, it’s very sweet <3

A dowling years fic: Floriography by Frenchmeister

This fic is very cute! Excellent Dowling-era pining, complete with misunderstandings and veiled communications :D And the author does such a lovely job weaving the narrative to show Aziraphale and Crowley’s growing relationship

A historical fic: Phersu by JCutter

This fic. THIS FIC. Is so fucking incredibly detailed and immersive, oh my god. I’m still (admittedly) in the process of reading it, but it’s a GEM. The characterization is on point and the whole thing is beautifully written and wonderfully interesting! It’s super clear the author knew what they were writing about, and that knowledge and passion really shines through

A favorite canonverse fic: England's pleasant pastures seen by @heavens-bookshop

this fic is my JAM-- overhearing a conversation, implicit marriage proposals, post-canon sweetness... this one’s got it all! And, as with all of their fics, squiddz does an incredible job of writing Aziraphale and Crowley in character and so wonderfully in love <3

MY FIC: A Guide to Fame for the Enterprising Demon by me!

This is my favorite fic I’ve written for Good Omens, and quite possibly my favorite fic ever. Listen, Crowley getting accidentally famous is SO funny to me, as is outsider pov, so if I write about it a lot... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A fic that made you cry: reasons wretched and divine by @stammiviktor

Allison has been one of my favorite writers for a good long while, and this fic is just one of her amazing works. It’s touching and meaningful and so moving even in only a few thousand words, and between her characterization and writing style... this one packs a punch in the best of ways

A fic that inspires you: The Name of the Star is Wormwood by LusBeatha

So technically this could have gone up above, in the ‘stayed up too late reading’ category, because here’s another that was just too exciting to put down From beginning to end, the author does and incredible job connecting the past and present, and introducing characters in such an engaging way that, even though the fic is quite long, it goes by super fast. Probably my fave take on Raphael!Crowley :D

A fic you’d recommend to someone new to the fandom: Shotgun Wedding: sometimes a first date requires paperwork by @charlottemadison42

Still a wip, and absolutely amazing! Charlotte is an absolutely incredible author, and from the very beginning this fic does an amazing job of integrating canon characters (and even little nods and references to canon!) into an entirely different human au setting in a super engaging and clever way. 12/10 would recommend to someone new, and the slow burn is incredibly satisfying right up to the (current) resolution!

A comfort fic: it's a new craze by @areyougonnabe, [podfic] it's a new craze by @niceandaccuratetheatre

I’ve read this fic a few times, and it never gets old. attheborder’s humor is on point, and the conception itself- aziraphale and crowley on an advice podcast- is incredible! I would highly, highly recommend listening to the podfic if you can; it’s excellently performed, and in all honesty the podfic that got me onto podfics ;D

A fic that found you at the right time: two dad shaped beings by @jarchivism

i....... cannot express how much I love ineffable parents. And this fic seriously, seriously hits the spot. It’s super cute, super funny, and a really sweet and engaging read! The author did a lovely job with keeping Az and Crowley in character even as they raise the antichrist together

A fic you’d love to see as a movie: All's Fair In Love And Serial Killing by @wyvernquill

[Mind the tags] This fic does an incredible job of balancing darker content with humor. The whole story is fast-paced and exciting, keeping the suspense right up until the last moment, and the author does a fantastic job of constructing a satisfying ‘mystery!’ Most of all, the more morbid moments are countered by Wyvern’s clever writing style and narrative voice, making this fic interesting and even surprisingly fun!

A fic by a favorite author: Four Cups of Wine by borealowl

I really, really love this fic. The whole concept, of Aziraphale and Crowley getting to know a family of humans and learn about their cultural heritage through celebration is wonderful, and the author does a wonderful job of portraying the growth of their friendship! The entire series (both main fic and the one-shots that come after) is incredibly fun and interesting, and one of my faves in the fandom

A fic that made you laugh out loud: What's in a Name? by @rosen-ritter

The first time I read this I was in public, waiting at a car rental place for my grandparents. So the fact that I couldn’t stop laughing out loud was... honestly worth it. This series is so fucking funny from beginning to end, especially on reread, and has such a fun take on who the archangel Raphael really is ;D

A fic longer than 20k: Dad Omens by @pookaseraph

have I mentioned I love ineffable parents??? Because I really, really do. This fic is hilarious, sweet, and adorable, and I absolutely love the progression of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship as they raise Adam together-- and, despite not being human, raise him well :D An absolutely wonderful take on what if the baby swap had been even more confused?

A fic with the them: and i don't care if you don't want me (i'm yours anyhow) by @quidfree

The main focus of this fic is Warlock, but the Them are featured pretty heavily and in a really important way! It’s a lovely exploration of kids growing up and going to college, and learning who they really are, and written so well and with such nuance that I really couldn’t put it down!

A fic with a line you still remember: A More Nourishing Love by @qorktrees

This fic is just. Really powerful. It’s so, so clear how much Aziraphale and Crowley care for each other, how much they love and support each other, and their unconditional love for each other makes me tear up every time <3

A GO: Lockdown fic: New slang by @carishouldbesleeping

This fic is super super cute! A lovely take on Aziraphale and Crowley’s reunion post-lockdown, complete with fluff and love confessions <3 So well-written and absolutely adorable!

#good omens #ineffable husbands #fanfic #long post

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parasighting · 3 years

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Top 20 albums of 2020

New place for Parasighting (here you can find the old blog), as it seems that Facebook and several social media platforms in general don’t very much agree with Blogger. Oh well, if we don’t change we die, isn’t that what they say? So, this will be the new place for posts from now on, including the Rodon Underground playlists (that is, if I manage to wrap my head fully around how Tumblr actually works). For now, and as a fitting starting post, here are the best 20 albums of 2020, always in my opinion and always in a mood for fisticuffs:

1. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero's Death

This normally shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s not like we haven’t had our fair share of scares in our lifetime when we’re dealing with a sophomore album following after an explosive debut. Last year’s Dogrel gave everyone what they wanted/expected, since basically it was, more or less, a gathering of all the great singles Fontaines D.C. had released in a 2-year period prior to that. As it seems, we are indeed dealing with an absolute gem of a band that, this time around, did anything but staying safe with an already tried-out and successful formula. Instead, they chose to give all weight to feeling, proving their songwriting genius at the same time. A Hero’s Death doesn’t contain intended typical radio hit songs (although it plays a lot on today’s radio, something hopeful for the music industry in general), instead it’s full of meaningful introvert compositions saturated in melody and atmosphere, while Fontaines D.C. themselves, despite their huge and abrupt success the last years, keep a low profile and support their material exemplary. This record is music history, and one to be mentioned for years or even decades from now in music in general.

Listen to A Hero’s Death

2. C.O.F.F.I.N. - Children Of Finland Fighting In Norway

Many have wondered about the air in Australia. Or the water. Or maybe it’s the crazy wildlife that makes one either to be on their toes all day or to “yolo” it like there’s no tomorrow. These lads right here sure seem to be the latter. It would be futile to try and get right now into the history of Australian music and what this country has offered the world, especially when it comes to garage/punk. So, it shouldn’t surprise us that C.O.F.F.I.N. have released this record this year but, then again, uncontainable excitement gets usually mistaken for surprise. It’s not that they had been under the radar or something until now, but Children of Finland Fighting in Norway is the flag all Turbojugends around the world should gather behind this year. This album is the Apocalypse Dudes of the band and, mind you, I’m not talking about copying Turbonegro or anything like that. I’m talking about the spontanity and the pure energy that is emitted here throughout. The band, although they surely step on the foundations of (especially the scandinavian) rock ‘n’ roll history, the final result can’t be mistaken with any other band. A look on the videos the band has put out will give you a total idea that here we’re dealing with original Aussie craziness, and that is something not to be messed with, if you ask me.

Listen to Children of Finland Fighting in Norway

3. Napalm Death - Throes Of Joy in The Jaws Of Defeatism

I don’t think that the name Napalm Death needs much introduction, even to those who have little contact with the extreme sound in general. Pioneers of hardcore punk, grindcore and so many sub-genres at their birth, they have been shaping much of the contemporary extreme music scene through the years. And, in order for this to be achieved, it couldn’t be without constant musical unrest and experimentation. Shane Embury & co returned in 2020 with their 16th album, in which they push their (and music’s in general) boundaries to new territories. Of course, this in no way means that it is a soft or mellow record, even for Napalm Death standards. Instead, the band incorporates even more diverse elements from bands that one could say have been their followers, only to prove once again that they are the true pioneers. Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism is a full record where something exciting happens each minute, and this is the chance for any listener that (maybe has been living in a cave up until now and) hasn’t yet captured the grandeur that a band like Napalm Death exhales.

Listen to Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism

4. All Them Witches - Nothing as the Ideal

What is “rock” anyway? If there was a faceless recipe, then everyone would be able to just follow the rules and do it. Instead, through the over-production in today’s music, it’s damn hard to find something original and spontaneous, as most bands can’t do anything better than copying a “recipe” or reverse-engineering their idols, at best. And this is why bands like All Them Witches shine brightly and justly from within the pile. Nothing as the Ideal elegantly showcases that this band basically carries a significant amount of all the weight of today’s rock music. Yes, they started off having been labeled as “stoner” or “desert” or whatever, but the signs were always there. Dying Surfer Meets His Maker was the first blast, but, with this one, All Them Witches establish themselves among the leaders. After all, how can you go wrong with a band that sounds better playing live than on their studio recordings?

Listen to Nothing as the Ideal

5. Hurula - Jehova

It’s safe to say that the name Robert Petersson is nothing short of a landmark when it comes to Swedish punk. Showcasing some fine moments of hardcore skate-punk with Epileptic Terror Attack, hardcore rock ‘n’ roll with Regulations, melodic punk with Masshysteri (among others), finally Hurula is his personal musical vehicle, where he is in absolute command of everything. And, although this is already his fourth full-length release and, thus, it’s not like we had no idea about the potential, Jehova proves to be his grand opus so far, in a sort of unexpected way. The general orchestration remains “rock”, but the multiple melodic layers all over make for a unique experience for the listener who is not limited within specific musical genres or styles. The Swedish lyrics throughout might make it a bit unaccessible to many, but don’t let this minor detail keep you from discovering an incredible record.

Listen to Jehova

6. Wailin Storms - Rattle

Wailin Storms are a “where had they been hiding up until now?” case. Although they released their debut album not before 2015, Rattle is already their fourth one, and what a kick in the head it was for me discovering them last year! Going through their discography in retrospect, one should not be surprised, of course. The North Carolina rockers always carried their certain and specific type of lyricism amid their heavy and, at times, almost noise/sludge guitars. Fitting all this alongside the mystical atmosphere and Justin Storms’ agonizing vocals, the speakers exhale a strangely attractive as well as condemning dark beauty through the speakers. Many things come to mind as to what one could say Wailin Storms sound like through their definitely personal identity; in my ears, it’s kind of like the Black Angels jamming with Unsane and smoking whatever Electric Wizard passed them through. If this doesn’t make you want to check out Rattle, I have no idea what could.

Listen to Rattle

7. The Hawkins - Silence Is A Bomb

All those that know me, also know what a huge sucker for swedish rock ‘n’ roll I am. But, ever since the great scandinavian rock ‘n’ roll revolution by Gods like the Hellacopters and Gluecifer started to happen, a lot of things have also happened in the meantime. Especially to the younger rockers, the aforementioned bands now carry a “classic rock” label, but then again that kind of makes sense if you were born around the years Supershitty to the Max! was released. Time for the new generation to show what they’re worth, then. Through the flood of copycat and mediocre bands (justifiably, in a way), luckily from time to time there will be one or two cases to stand out, and these four kids from Arboga, Sweden surely make the cut. Although their debut album three years back was definitely a beautifull high-energy record, Silence Is a Bomb is what adds a special kind of maturity in rock ‘n’ roll, while still maintaining its edge. The Hawkins take their Hellacopters, but they also add several doses of Queen in them, maybe making the final mix too soft for purists; but who cares about them anyway?

Listen to Silence Is a Bomb

8. Chubby & the Gang - Speed Kills

It feels like nothing short of a fresh breath of life, a feeling that there is still hope in this damn world, when debuts like this one right here appear out of nowhere. Chubby & the Gang are just some kids from West London who, with Speed Kills, give you, if not something else, a feeling that here we’ve struck pure gold. Carrying a hardcore tone, apart from that they’re just a bunch of absolutely fresh and fun punk rock ‘n’ rollers, and, if this is not exactly what we need these days, I just don’t know what is. With gang vocals throughout the whole record and with the average running track time below two minutes, this band has automatically climbed near the top of my bucket list of bands I want to see live at first chance.

Listen to Speed Kills

9. This Is Nowhere - Grim Pop

Plainly put: In a fair world, This Is Nowhere would be globally greeted as one of the greatest bands of today’s psychedelic heavy rock; and this is not an exaggeration. Then again, them being from Greece and their members being scattered in three different countries are not factors that objectively help. Even at that, it’s astonishing how they’ve obviously achieved a certain chemistry between them through the years in order to achieve such a feat, like Grim Pop definitely is. Their two previous albums contained a significant amount of all the mystical energy the band emits on stage, but, if you ask me, there was always something missing; something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Well, with Grim Pop, it’s like everything is finally falling into place. This Is Nowhere have irrevocably and definitively left terms like “stoner” or “psychedelic rock” behind; instead they have unrepentantly dived into the ‘60s, distorted everything they found there through their personal prism and created an inviting sound vortex ready to suck you into its very own black hole. Who cares if we never return?

Listen to Grim Pop

10. Στράφι (Strafi) - Παραδομένοι στη Γιορτή (Paradomeni sti Giorti)

If you asked me some years back, I could never imagine myself including a street punk record in a yearly music list. I have to admit that Strafi being from my hometown Larissa played its role; but this role played a part only for me to take note of them. Because genre-wise, the band’s sophomore release is just perfect. Having gone over the somewhat general “shyness” of their beautiful debut album, here the band presents an absolutely confident and sturdy face. The sound production contains no faults, the compositions are meaningful and inspired, the lyrics carry a level of poetry rarely found in the genre (and yes, one would have to speak Greek in order to enjoy them, unfortunately for many). Really, this is one of the cases that there’s not much to be said, as music takes over all the talking. We need more music coming straight from the heart, and Strafi are here to deliver exactly this.

Listen to Παραδομένοι στη Γιορτή

11. Minerva Superduty - In Public

Another Greek entry, one that the world definitely has to discover. I find it a bit strange how Minerva Superduty started their discography, which was with an instrumental metal record that, amid its creativity, left the listener with a somewhat lack of closure and fullness. 2016′s Gorod Zero came to showcase a new potential for the band, and In Public, coming just days before last year’s end, fulfilled this potential to the fullest; well, until their next album, at least. Minerva Superduty merge their mathcore foundations with Converge-like hardcore and, under just 20 minutes, they deliver the absolute soundtrack for the chaos 2020 has left the world with. Do not let this gem pass by.

Listen to In Public

12. Yovel - Forthcoming Humanity

Blackmetal is a genre that has been through a lot. Of course, through its extremity, it has given way to experimentations that could never have taken place within other kinds of music but, on the other hand, this very extremity has always served as a twisted fortress for far-right and generally fascist ideologies. Yovel emerged in 2018 to rectify this problem and restore part of blackmetal’s infamy. Hɪðəˈtu had made clear of these intentions of the band, but Forthcoming Humanity drops like a milestone to declare that this was anything but a one-time wonder. Yovel take blackmetal forms and orchestrations but add atmospheric (not shoegazey) elements borrowed from folk music and create a concept album that speaks loudly against racism, fascism, bigotry, oppression. Interludes dressed with poetry and melody give place to wrecking sound outbursts and, if there is one thing they do, that’s passing on the message clearly and successfully. Yovel are here to stay, and that’s one encouraging thing about extreme music today.

Listen to Forthcoming Humanity

13. Oily Boys - Cro Memory Grin

Ahh Australia again. And a debut that has surely turned heads. Oily Boys come from Sydney and this is their hopeful debut, that being an understatement. This new band delivers an outburst of a record, bringing to mind New York hardcore at one time, taking you to sick psychedelic noise rock at the next. It all feels so cold and unhospitable in here, yet something urges you to look at it straight in the eyes. Of course, there are a lot of Converge elements in here, but this never stays in that place, as, before you know it, it jumps to post-punk and to other experimental lengths, always maintaining a chaos that may be baffling but, then again, you don’t exactly want for it to fall into order. Fans of Old Man Gloom will also find many things they like in here. Bizarre listen for bizarre times. It’s an uncomfortability we just cannot ignore.

Listen to Cro Memory Grin

14. The Good the Bad and the Zugly - Algorithm & Blues

The Norwegians with the funny and long name (one can only wonder after how many beers it was conceived) struck for the fourth time in 2020. Although their debut Anti-World Music in 2013 made an impact in the scene breathing Turbonegro with a hardcore twist, personally I can’t say the same for the next two albums; it always felt to me that something was amiss. Maybe it was that humor was taking over a bit too much or something. Mind you, the Good the Bad and the Zugly are not a joke band by any chance, but the playful sarcastic elements were always a basic ingredient in their overall sound. Coming on to Algorithm & Blues then, I think this time around thay have managed to balance it all out perfectly. With Ivar Nikolaisen being the lead vocalist of the mighty Kvelertak for a couple of years now, this might be a factor that has made the band mature compositionally. Algorithm & Blues is more melodic, more substantial, more sing-along-y, but it never loses its humorous charm, preserving the band’s identity. And with song titles like “Fuck the Police” and “The Kids Are Alt-Right”, you know they’re also on the right side.

Listen to Algorithm & Blues

15. Pallbearer - Forgotten Days

One of the most tired genres of extreme music is definitely doom metal. Ever since the “stoner” plague came into existence, the world has been saturated with kids that, discovering the pentatonic scale, thought they were the new messiahs drowning us in a sea of boredom. It was not all bad of course, but, having to surf through oceans of mediocrity in order to find something that stands out, can be quite tiresome. Pallbearer from Little Rock, Arkansas surely did stand out at the start of the last decade but I think it’s taken them a while to perfect their craft. Alas, Forgotten Days. The monster riff that starts off the opening title-track is more than enough to set the mood straight. Black Sabbath riffology, Candlemass atmospheres, even Electric Wizard and Cathedral hooks; all done in a modern manner breathing life into the genre which, with bands like Pallbearer, can look hopefully into the future. The incredible cover artwork and the lamentful lyrical themes revolving around family loss surely add to the big picture. This is the definite release of 2020 for doom fans.

Listen to Forgotten Days

16. Video Nasties - Dominion

Another debut of another band to definitely watch out for. Video Nasties from UK start off looking like they know exactly what they’re out for. The whole image is brought out from ‘80s horror video tapes and this is enhanced by the movie samples all over the place paying homage to John Carpenter. Musically, here we have some exceptional death/black ‘n’ roll, and what a pleasure it is when done right. Yes, the band takes a lot from Swedish melodic deathmetal but, to my relief, they surely sound like they detest metalcore and its sub-genres as much as I do. Dominion is an absolutely enjoyable record that flows beautifully, always maintaining its theme and atmosphere and calling for repeat plays. Fans of death, black, thrash and extreme genres in general will surely feel at home here. Sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Listen to Dominion

17. The Frights - Everything Seems Like Yesterday

The Frights from San Diego, California started in 2013 as garage surf punks carrying their own distinct feeling and melody. They were always enjoyable with the lyrical themes being more esoteric, something that set them apart from the usual stuff in the genre. At first, the songs of Everything Seems Like Yesterday were intended to be released by the band’s main man Mikey Carnevale as a solo effort, but something apparently changed his mind. Many were obviously surprised by this new acoustic direction the name Frights has taken, but, setting aside specific expectations, the best thing one has to do is appreciate the artistic worth independently. And how rewarded they’ll be doing that with this album! Everything Seems Like Yesterday is a beautiful introvert, substantial and entirely acoustic album, ideal to keep you company after a hangover or through many types of hard times. It’s one of those times that this type of quiet sounds just liberating.

Listen to Everything Seems Like Yesterday

18. Umbra Vitae - Shadow of Life

With Jacob Bannon from Converge and Jon Rice from Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats on board, here we’re dealing with nothing short of a super project. And especially when Bannon (apart from all his many other musical projects) decides to venture into death/black metal areas, this is absolutely something you don’t want to miss. Shadow of Life is anything but your average deahmetal fix, and it demands your undivided attention throughout. Explosive in its grim and dark temperament, and with stunning artwork dressing it perfectly, this is an album that grabs you by the throat. Not that you haven’t offered it willingly in the first place.

Listen to Shadow of Life

19. Idles - Ultra Mono

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for many years, there is no way that you’re ignorant on the Idles phenomenon. After Brutalism and Joy as an Act of Resistance, I don’t know what we all expected from them. It’s not the easiest task to surpass two albums that have set new standards in today’s punk music (”punk” being used as broadly as possible, as a term). And, to put it bluntly, Ultra Mono doesn’t do anything like that, like, it would be something impossible, especially so soon. Then again, Idles are a band just incapable of releasing a bad record and, although it didn’t make it to the top spots of 2020′s list, Ultra Mono is an Idles-trademarked sharp and edgy album (musically and politically) that preserves them at the top where they indicate to the rest of the world where music is going.

Listen to Ultra Mono

20. Protomartyr - Ultimate Success Today

Protomartyr from Detroit have always served their unique blend of post-punk. In Ultimate Success Today, they continue their gloomy journey in symphony with this dark world. Joe Casey, always carrying a Nick-Cave-like vibe in his tone, delivers his grim lyrics atop the heavy basslines, the strange drumbeats and the almost free-jazz saxophone. Always melancholic and dystopic, Protomartyr is the band this world needs and deserves.

Listen to Ultimate Success Today

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aspoonofsugar · 5 years

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Yosano: The Decay of the Angel of Death

Yosano is introduced as a funny twist of the classical healer character:

Her power lets her cure others, but in order for it to work she needs to almost kill her patients and she exhibits sadistic tendencies (played for fun) while doing so.

However, once her past is revealed it becomes obvious that she is really a deconstruction of such a character and her story is extremely interesting because of that and because of the themes it explores.

This meta will try to analyze these things and will explore two major themes linked to the doctor of the Detective Agency.

THE ANGEL OF DEATH: THE STRONG LINK BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH

“After all to die isn’t the opposite of living. It’s merely a component of the process of life.”

In a sense Yosano is a character created to explore exactly what Dazai says here aka the link between life and death.

This is made clear since her battle against Kaji:

Kaji is a researcher who wants to investigate the world and to find answers to his questions. To be more specific he is interested in concepts like death, faith and God. In short, he is interested in things which are usually considered out of the scientific domain. Here, however, he makes a mistake in the way he approaches his subject of interest. As a matter of fact he wants to know what “death” is, but one can’t understand death without considering life. Kaji fails to discover the truth and sees death as mysterious and complicated simply because he refuses to aknowledge the importance of life. If one does, one can easily see that death is connected to life.

However, the definition proposed by Yosano is different from the one given by Dazai because it is one which gives much more importance to life rather than death. After all, according to her, death is not something which exists by itself, but simply the lack of something else.

This is because Yosano is a person who strongly loves life:

The reason why she followed Mori and became a war medic was not because she wanted her country to win the war, but because she wanted to save lives.

This is shown also by her ability which is said many times to be extremely rare among ability users. Why is that so?

The story has made clear that abilities are linked to people’s interiority. They are often representative of violent tendencies or complexes. Alternatively they are weapons who can be used against others. In short, they are indicative of one’s coping mechanisms. However, Yosano’s ability is different because it simply expresses a strong love for the act of living which is not very common among ability users.

This can be used to compare her to Mori in two ways.

1) First of all, Mori is a doctor like Yosano, but the way his ability reflects this is completely different from hers:

It has been shown that Elise can act as a nurse and an assistant to Mori, but she hasn’t any healing powers.

In other words, when it comes to healing, Elise is nothing special despite Mori being a doctor himself. This is interesting when one considers that Mori created Elise’s current personality, so that it resembles Yosano’s. This can be easily seen as Mori wishing that his powers were like Yosano’s.

However, it is obvious why they are not:

Mori doesn’t value individual lives, but thinks about “life” in an abstract way and talks about a regiment of “immortal beings” rather than patients he can help. This is why his ability could never become like Yosano’s. It is because deep down Mori doesn’t like life:

Dazai: “Who is this person I remind you of?”

Mori: “Me. Dazai-kun, why do you wish to die?”

Dazai: “Let me ask you, then. Do you really think there is any value in the act of living?”

2) Secondly, it is worth considering that, despite not having healing powers, Elise shows superhuman abilities when fighting. What is more, her preferred weapons are medical tools:

In short, her nurse motif is something that comes up while she fights and so while she hurts others.

This is something which is true for Mori as well:

Fukuzawa has commented about the immorality of a doctor who uses a scalpel to kill a person. This becomes even more evident if we remember that a scalpel is what Mori used to kill the former mafia boss who was his patient at the time.

So, Mori is a character who chose a profession which should save people’s lives, but he is strongly linked to death instead:

The same is true for Yosano as well:

However, she is so in a completely different way than Mori is.

As a matter of fact Mori uses medical tools to kill, while Yosano uses weapons to cure:

In both cases there seems to be a contradiction between their roles as doctors and the violence they use. However, Mori’s violence is born by his indifference towards life, while Yosano’s by her love for it. This is symbolized by Mori using things which should save people’s lives to kill them and by Yosano using things which should kill people to cure them.

This will be elaborated later on, but for now it is important to highlight that Yosano’s experiences in the war made her realize something important aka what she herself told Kaji about life and death being connected. This means not only that one can’t really understand death without considering life, but also that one can’t really understand life without considering death.

If Kaji doesn’t care enough about life when he meets Yosano and this is why he can’t understand what death is, then Yosano’s mistake as a child is the exact opposite. She only thought about life in simple terms without worrying about its link to death. However, as the war progresses she starts thinking more and more about this:

Until she realizes how much the two concepts are connected:

She is initially said to be an angel because of her being able to save lives, but later it becomes clear that her powers are simply making the deaths of the soldiers longer and more painful other than impossible to avoid.

THE DECAY OF AN ANGEL: “YOU ARE TOO CORRECT”

Another important realization Yosano has is this:

Because of her ability, the army she was a part of lost its right to “lose”.

As Yosano states, the right to lose is something humans have, so taking it away from the soldiers is something which dehumanizes them. Yosano blames herself for it, but she is actually the greatest victim of this dehumanization.

As a matter of fact Yosano is a character who is reduced by others to her ability.

This is not something new for ability users since we have seen this happening over and over. However, Yosano’s case is interesting because her objectification is something which is subtle and is not initially presented as negative:

Both Tachihara’s brother and the other soldiers praise Yosano for her ability and call it a very useful and positive power. After all, as stated above, the power of healing wounds is very different from other kinds of powers which are dangerous and could hurt others. Yosano’s ability is useful and it is perfect to help people. What is more, she herself has a strong wish to share it with others.

In other words Yosano’s situation seems ideal. She is a talented child with a powerful and wonderful gift and has the talent and willingness to use it for the greater good.

However, when things go wrong she is the one blamed for it:

It doesn’t matter that Yosano was motivated by the best intentions when she joined the army or that she is suffering just like everyone else. What matters to the other soldiers is that she is the reason why they are forced to keep fighting and she is also considered special enough not to be forced to fight. Her ability is so great that it can control the battlefield and so Yosano’s life is considered more important than theirs. Because of this, they stop seeing her as a person and simply see her ability.

In other words, the soldiers might have lost their right to lose, but Yosano has lost her right to be human and has become nothing more than an angel.

An angel is considered an existence above humans, but this also means that they can’t have human weaknesses. Yosano is not seen as a human by the soldiers and so her sorrow is neither considered nor accepted.

This idea is well expressed by Tachihara’s brother:

He initially states that Yosano is “correct” and adds that her ability is so that it increases the correctness of the world. However, as time passes the soldier’s mental health deteriorates and his final message is that Yosano is “too correct”. He writes this before killing himself and so making clear that he prefers death over the life Yosano stubbornly keeps saving.

The choice of the word “correct” is interesting and it can be applied both to Yosano as a person and to her ability.

As a person Yosano can barely be blamed for what happened. After all, she did her best to save lives and had no ulterior motives. If anything, she was a vitcim of Mori’s actions just like all the other soldiers.

However, as stated above, people are not interested in her personhood, but only in her ability.

She is either correct or wrong not because of who she is, but only because her ability is considered a blessing or a curse. When the war starts she is said to be indispensable to win, but once this is proven wrong her death is said to be for the sake of the world, as Jouno puts it.

In short, this part of Yosano’s character is linked to two concepts.

1) People should not be reduced to their abilities.

2) Expectations society has about individuals and why they are cruel.

Both ideas are also linked to Tachihara:

This detail is interesting and it can be read in different ways.

First of all, it is obviously something Tachihara does to unnerve Yosano and to make her understand that he is motivated by revenge. However, it is also related to Tachihara’s personal inferiority complex:

The soldier died lamenting that Yosano was “too correct”, but ironically it seems that Tachihara has very similar feelings when it comes to him. The man is implied to have been outstanding and Tachihara has even been told that it would have been better if he had died instead of his brother.

So, one wonders if the words “you are too correct” are really meant for Yosano in that scene or if they are words Tachihara secretely wishes to tell his brother, but can’t because of his death and his complicated feelings about it.

Finally, it is ironic that a Hunting Dog would say these words to a wanted criminal like Yosano and I think it is symbolic of the whole group’s hypocrisy.

The Hunting Dogs are so obsessed by the idea of justice that they forget to balance it with empathy. All in all, if there are characters in the series who are “too correct” that would be them and not Yosano. They have failed to realized it so far, but it is possible they will have to rethink their ways.

After all, as I briefly mentioned here, they are fighting against a group called the Decay of Angels. It has been said that this group wants to destroy the same society the Hunting Dogs want to protect and they are clearly using people’s ideals and biased concepts of right and wrong to manipulate them and turn them into accomplices of their scheme. All in all, they are the perfect enemies for the Hunting Dogs and the arc is clearly hinting at the fact that the Dogs will have to face their shortcomings (after all the current chapters are called Skyfall).

Yosano’s story perfectly fits this narrative thematically. After all, her past is basically the story of the decay of an angel whose blessings (a healing ability and a good heart) were used against her.

BUTTERFLY WINGS VS ANGEL WINGS

As we saw above, Yosano’s character is linked to two major themes.

1) The link between life and death.

2) The objectification of people which happens in society.

The symbolism of the butterfly can be used to represent both ideas.

On one hand the butterfly is a symbol of both death and resurrection which perfectly fits her ability to the point that You Shall not Die is represented by butterflies.

On the other hand the butterfly is also a symbol linked to Yosano’s status as an angel since she receives her butterfly pin when she is called an angel for the first time and she loses it when she loses her status as one and becomes an angel of death instead. Moreover, the chapters which talk about her past are called Dreaming of Buterflies, while the ones where she meets Tachihara are called The Sorrow of Those without Wings. So the story makes clear that the butterflies symbolize both an ideal and perfect reality which got lost when Yosano lost her innocence and her status as an existence above others.

I will now try to offer a conclusion to both these topics which have been explored in the two previous sections.

1) I have written previously that Dazai and Yosano’s definitions of life and death are different, but I think I should slightly correct this stance.

I think it is better to say that both arrive to the same conclusion, but they do so through almost opposite journeys because their starting points are completely different.

On one hand Dazai is a person who can’t find any value in the act of living. This is why he wants to die painlessly. However, throughout the events of Fifteen, he comes up with the idea that by experiencing death closely he might be able to understand life better and to find some kind of meaning. Even later on, when he chooses to protect the weak, he is inspired to do so because of the death of a close friend. In short, Dazai’s journey to give meaning to his own life seems to be paradoxically linked to death:

“People live to save themselves. You will understand that at the moment of your own death”.

On the other hand Yosano is a person in love with life, but she has to accept even its more painful parts. She has to accept that things are not black and white and that death can’t be avoided. Let’s also highlight that Yosano too loses a person dear to her because of Mori and that she is utterly crushed by it.

The result of Yosano’s journey sheds some light on the true nature of her ability:

Let’s underline that her backstory doesn’t put much emphasis on the fact that her patients need to be half-dead to be cured by her. This could simply be because it is something which is implied, but I would not be surprised if it were a condition which developed as a result of Yosano’s trauma:

If Yosano sees her ability as something which cheapens life, then it makes sense for her to use it only when a person is almost dead because it would mean that there is really no other chance to save them.

Ranpo even suggested her to stop using her ability altogether:

And let’s not forget that Fukuzawa’s ability lets the members of the agency gain more control over their powers. Moreover, this control is not something they develop consciously, but it is the result of Fukuzawa giving them what they need. In short, It is some kind of unconscious security net. We have seen that Kyouka was given independency and Atsushi more control. It would be interesting if Yosano were given a condition which would limit the use of her powers to when the situation is desperate.

This is just a headcanon, but even if her powers have always been the way they are now, there is no doubt that her sadistic behaviour is an aspect which has been highlighted much more in the series compared to when she was a child.

This could very well be Yosano’s attempt to make her comrades care for their life:

The risk of having an ability which lets you come back from death’s door is to become reckless and to stop treasuring your own life. This might be especially true for the members of the agency many of whom have self-sacrificial tendencies. However, the fear of being healed by Yosano makes so that they have to try their best to preserve themselves.

2) Yosano has been given her butterfly pin twice:

The first time, Tachihara’s brother calls her an angel and tells her her ability is much better than his despite how much enchanted she is by the butterfly flying elegantly:

The second time, Ranpo tells her that her ability is nothing special when compared to his and adds this:

In other words, Ranpo treats her like a person. He doesn’t care about Yosano’s ability, but about Yosano herself.

Once Ranpo gives her the pin she stops being an angel and becomes a person and the pin becomes the symbol of her humanity and of her grief which, like Ranpo said, has value.

All in all, abilities don’t matter.

-Yosano was just as amazed by the soldier’s ability to make beautiful things out of metal as he was by her healing powers.

-Tachihara’s control of metal is said to be stronger than his brother’s, but he still feels inferior to him and misses him.

-Finally Ranpo can be amazing even without an ability.

These are the messages conveyed by Yosano’s character so far and I can’t wait to see how her story will end. She was able to find a safe place with the agency, but she has now been asked to face her past and some unresolved issues have come back.

For example, despite how much she cares about life, it is obvious that she considers her own expendable to an extent:

And she still hates others sacrificing for her sake because she dislikes being considered special:

We will see how these issues will be solved.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs meta #yosano akiko #akiko yosano #yosano bsd

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kartoffelblume · 4 years

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It calls me on and across the universe

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DINSDAG 16:14

Robbe is sitting on his desk when the reflection of the mirror changes - from his own room to a different one, the classroom.

Somehow he can’t get his eyes to go back to the sheet of maths homework in front of him. If the mirror shows him the classroom does that mean he would run into Sander if he goes in again?

Would the white haired boy be happy to see him? Probably.

Robbe gives up pretty quickly and gets up to walk over to the mirror. The classroom is empty now - Robbe guesses there was a class in there until now. He waits for a few extra minutes - gets his shoes and a jacket - before he finally takes the step forward and walks through the mirror.

Again, the first thing he notices is how the sounds around him change, the birds get a little louder and again he can hear students in the halls.

Also the weather is slightly better here.

He walks to the front of the room and peeks out in the hallway where a group of students just walk around a corner.

As soon as they are gone he gets out and walks down the hall. He doesn’t exactly know where he should go so he just makes his way to the painting rooms downstairs.

These rooms have large windows towards the hallway so bypassing students can see inside. There is a group of students drawing a nude model on huge easels right now.

Robbe moves closer to the window to see their pictures and instantly spots some strands of white hair. There he is. Almost too easy to find.

Robbe watches as he draws. It looks passionate, like it makes him happy and at the same time so naturally, like he has been doing this his entire life. He probably has.

So Sander is busy… Robbe is just thinking about if he should leave again when the group starts packing their things and putting away the easels.

Robbe quickly moves away from the window and starts walking, as if he’s just passing by not looking for someone.

Just before his about to turn around a corner he hears a voice behind him. “Robbe - wait!” Sander. His heartbeat quickens a little.

The blond boy quickly catches up and starts walking next to Robbe - who still has no real destination.

“So you were not just here to steal something.” Sander smiles a little and Robbe notices how one of his eyes is slightly smaller than the other one.

“What is here I could possibly steal?”

“Art supplies. Or… There is a nice old mirror in one of the rooms.”

The mirror. Yep, he noticed the mirror.

“Even if I would want to steal it - how should I transport it home?” Robbe jokes along, painfully aware that his statement is even truer than it sounds.

“True.” Sander snorts. “Still, nice to see you again.”

It’s only when Sander smiles bright at him that Robbe notices that he must be grinning like an idiot.

“So where are you heading?” Sander asks, a question Robbe has no answer to himself.

“Honestly, no idea. Probably home.” He explains vaguely and Sander nodds.

“But do you really want to go home? Or rather stay here with me?” Sander asks, and his eyes start sparking again in that special Sander way.

“Stay” Robbe decides to answer, wanting to know what the green eyed guy has up his sleeve.

“I know a place - come on!” Sander quickens his steps and leads Robbe up the stairs, to the small hallway he ended his tour in on Friday. He opens one of the doors and reveals a small messy room, full of half finished drawings. The white paper everywhere is the first thing Robbe notices but then he sees a desk and a small couch with a sleeping bag on it.

Sander rushes inside and puts away the sleeping bag, gesturing for Robbe to sit. He shuffles around some drawings on his desk and then takes place on his desk chair.

“Welcome to my realm” he explains, leaning back on one armrest of the chair while putting one of his legs over the other armrest.

Robbe closes the door behind him and carefully takes a seat on the couch. It’s a washed out dark green, a weird spot of color in the pattern of white paper and dark pencil sketches - just like Sander with his dark clothes and the white hair but the light green eyes in between.

“You have your own atelier? Wow” Robbe exclaims, examining the pictures on the walls. Many of them are abstract, others detailed sketches of small objects or people. But all of them are black and white.

Sander smiles, almost shyly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s amazing” Robbe can’t help but to get back up and walk along the walls full of drawings. Sander just scoffs but Robbe can feel his eyes on his back.

“I like this one.” It’s a small sketch of Sanders own eye with a little hint of blue color mixed in - one of only few with colors at all.

“Do you also study arts?” Sander asks.

Robbe huffs out some air “No - definitely not.”

Sander joins with a small laugh “So what do you study?”

Robbe knows now is the point - he has to spin some lie if he wants to keep getting to know Sander. But he hates lying so he decides to go a way in between telling the truth and still not telling too much.

“I’m still at school actually. I know it’s weird but I’m here on some sort of program for some time.” The weird mirror - parallel universes thing is not exactly a program but that has to do.

“Oh wow.” Robbe turns around to find Sander still looking right at him. “I didn’t even know there was such a thing.” Sander thinks for a second then adds “So you’re not gonna stay here for long?” It sounds a little sad almost.

“Not for long, no.” Robbe returns to the couch and lets himself plop down again. Sanders eyes still follow him through the room.

“Then we have to make your time here worth it.” Sander adds a small grin to his statement as he crosses his arms.

Sander stays true to his word, the next hour he makes Robbe listen to his favorite songs, telling him about all sorts of things and making him laugh constantly.

Just after Sander is finished with an amazing imitation of one of his professors (Robbe doesn’t know the guy hes imitating but he feels like he does now) when Robbes mind wanders back to the sleeping bag Sander has in his atelier.

He really doesn’t want to kill the mood but he has to ask, still in mind how the mirror had shown him the room in the middle of the night sometimes. “Do you sleep here often?”

First Sanders eyes look as if he’s closing himself off, but then they soften again, get more open.

“Sometimes. I don’t always feel like going home. And you know - university life is busy.”

Robbe knows the first statement is the truer one of both, even if he heard the horror stories of students being too busy to go home at night and just sleeping at university.

Still, he nods along. “So that’s why you where here on Friday?” Sander nods but then quickly changes the subject.

“So what do you like doing if art isn’t your thing?”

It’s a difficult question and Robbe has to think about it for a while before answering.

“I like videogames. And skating.” It’s not much and He feels increasingly uncool next to Sander who draws like a half god (is that a thing? Do half gods draw? Or is it just because he’s also incredibly good looking that Robbes brain makes that connection?) but Sander just smiles.

“Cool! I mean I can’t provide any of that to you but if you want you can hang out here anytime.”

It’s a really nice offer - Sander doesn’t seem like someone who invites just anyone, especially not to this room that looks so private. So special in a way Robbe can’t fully explain.

“Thank you” Robbes voice is quiet.

“So what’s your favorite Video game?”

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#wtfock #wtfam #it calls me on and on across the universe

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diyunho · 4 years

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The Joker x Reader -”On Cloud Nine”

The Clown Prince of Crime died protecting his girlfriend and now The Afterlife Assessment Bureau doesn’t know what to do with him: although J’s actions didn’t change the outcome, it scored major points in his chart and they have to recalculate the final score. Until that happens, The Joker was allowed to wait on the Lower Clouds right below The Higher Clouds where the woman he tried to save is spending eternity.

“Hey lady!” you hear as you watch the beautiful blue skies from your fluffy cloud. ”Hey!”

Y/N looks towards the source of the noise only to notice this strange man with green locks waving at her from the cloud below.

“Yes?”

“Where are we?” the guy asks, having a hard time processing what’s happening to him.

The two don’t recognize each other: once you’re dead, you’ll have no memory of your past; they definitely don’t recall being together while they were alive.

“Not sure, but it’s beautiful,” you sigh and he huffs, annoyed.

“Ugh, it’s boring. Nothing to do besides sitting down and analyze… whatever the hell this is!” J flares his arms around as a voice coming from everywhere echoes in the stillness:

“Please mind your language, sir!”

“Who said that?!” The Joker tries to find the person that just admonished him and there’s no other soul besides the woman he’s having a conversation with.

“I don’t know,” you lift your shoulder up, intrigued. “Kind of weird,” you dangle your feet above the abyss, totally unconcerned about the invisible presence. “What is that?” you point at the sketchbook he’s holding.

“My drawings,” The King of Gotham sulks, restarting to doodle on the almost blank page.

“Can I see?” you curiously inquire.

J bites the pencil and frees his hands, then shows you his current masterpiece.

“Could you hold it higher?” you squint your eyes. “Higher!!”

The expression on your face demonstrates you can’t perceive too much.

“Why don’t you come over?” the man proposes and your stalling makes him snicker: “Don’t worry, I’ll catch you.”

“Hmmm…” you debate on the offer not because you’re afraid of a little jump but because you’re uncertain it’s worth the trouble.

“C’mon!” The Joker wants to get up and help yet Y/N is already hopping down on his cloud: she’s always been independent, one of the qualities he secretly liked about her before they both unexpectedly kicked the bucket. “Nice landing!” J chuckles as you take a sit by him, the artist reprising his work. “What do you think?” he proudly boasts.

You glimpse at the clumsy lines depicting an apparent landscape filled with pumpkins and can’t hold in a smile.

“I think there’s a lot of potential hidden behind the primitive naivety of this little gem,” you give him your honest judgement and J scoffs, intrigued.

“Primitive?!”

“I like your style,” you sweetly reply since you realize you shouldn’t have blurred out the comment; he might be offended by your genuine critique. “The pumpkins are super cute,” you add in order to divert his attention.

“I like pumpkins,” The Joker growls.

“Me too,” you continue. “That would be an adorable nickname for someone, don’t you think?”

“I suppose,” he shakes his head and mentions: “Why are you staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?”

“They’re silver,” you bring your face closer to his, puzzled to discern the detail.

“Are they?!” The King touches his mouth, appalled.

“Yes, but it suits you,” the sincere tone calms down his frantic movement.

“Am I ugly?!” his ego emerges even beyond the grave and Y/N has the perfect answer:

“No, you’re handsome in a sort of eerie way.”

J frowns, suspicious.

“So I look creepy?!”

“You don’t look creepy to me,” you candidly emphasize. “In my humble opinion, you’re attractive.”

He straightens his back, pleased at the statement and your rosy cheeks give him a boost of confidence.

“Are you going to ...e-hem…” you cough, flustered at the stupid confession, “…draw another pumpkin over here?” your finger taps on the corner of the paper.

“Might as well,” J agrees and you have no clue that what he’s doing is basically thanks to you.

God knows how much you encouraged his practically nonexistent skills just to keep him away from problems he created for himself and others! You were actually his number one fan and to be honest his only fan: as long as The Clown Prince of Crime was immersed in his unique hobby, it meant Gotham and its citizens were safe.

The Penthouse was filled with The Joker’s phenomenal paintings and sketches, extravagantly framed by yours truly to overcompensate the lack of substantial talent.

“Ma’am, please return to your cloud!” the voice you heard earlier resonates all around once more.

“Why?” you glare left and right, annoyed you can’t see anybody.

“You belong on The Higher Clouds,” the elusive response doesn’t enlighten the mystery. “Hold on, we’re sending our representative over!”

After a few seconds Y/N and the former King distinguish an individual dressed in a black suit carefully jumping from cloud to cloud, steadily approaching his objective.

“Apologies for the delay,” he addresses the stunned couple once in The Joker’s space. “Sir, we had to compile a lot of paperwork for you,” the guy flips pages of a thick file, annoyed. “After adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing your points, turned out your final score is still a negative number.”

“Huh?!” J puckers his lips, confused.

“It seems you were a very bad person, sir; did a lot of despicable things and dying while protecting the girl you loved doesn’t mean diddly squat in the end!”

“Awww,” you gush at the revelation. “That’s so romantic,” you whisper and the man bends over, completely overwhelmed:

“Ma’am, allow me the honor of shaking your hand,” the agent grabs your fingers, softly squeezing them. “You are a true legend and we are forever indebted to your greatness: you put up with him and saved numerous lives also,” he gestures towards The Joker and you gasp, finally understanding the bigger picture.

“He died…for me?!”

“I died for her?!” the awkward pair asks in the same time.

“Yeah, no big deal. You were killed anyway and I’m so, so sorry for that,” the emissary extends his regrets to the woman he admires, entirely disregarding The Joker’s sacrifice.

“No big deal??!!” the latest shouts. “Dying for someone is no big deal?! How the fuck am I still in the negative?!!”

“Language!!!!!!” the omnipresent voice surfaces again.

“WHO.IS.THAT?!” Y/N gets vexed at the multiple invisible interruptions.

“Steve Rogers,” the representative notifies. “He’s in charge of The Profanity Control Department.”

“Who?!” J crinkles his nose, fed up with the messy situation.

“It’s not important,” the agent cuts him off. “What’s important sir is that you can’t be here; we have to move you.”

“Move me?! Where?”

“Yes, where are you taking him?” you quiz the black suited guardian.

“Far away, unless…”

“Unless what?” J crabbily interrogates.

“Unless someone is willing to transfer their points to you, sir. It hasn’t been done in centuries though; lots of bureaucracy involved and frankly, if I may: why would anybody donate their hard earned credits to you??!!”

The Clown is scandalized at the brutal affirmation while Y/N has a magnificent idea:

“How many points do I have?”

“Mmmmm…,” the man flips more pages and finds the information: “Ten gazillions.”

“How many does he need?”

“Three gazillions.”

“Oh,” you cheerfully clap your hands. “I have plenty so I’ll donate my credits to him.”

“Nah, you don’t want to do that,” the man shrieks, already unhappy with the perspective of putting in overtime for this project. “We’re out of clouds; we’ll have to make more and that takes forever.”

“There are plenty of empty clouds around!” The Joker barks.

“Not empty. They are inhabited by others but you can’t see them: you can only see the people you are connected with, true love type of deal,” the emissary indifferently blurs out.

“So…that’s why I can only see him and he can only see me?!” Y/N’s burning, red face matches J’s stellar entitled smirk after the astonishing revelation.

“Precisely,” the flat tone prompts The King’s logical question:

“Then why can’t I stay on this cloud?”

“The Lower Clouds are similar to a waiting room; we can’t have them occupied for long periods of time.”

“I’ll share my cloud with him!” you firmly suggest as the emissary is panicking:

“That means more paperwork!! We usually don’t have two residents spending eternity on the same cloud.”

“Make it happen!” J commands. “The lady wants to give me her points and share her cloud. You can’t say no, you said it yourself: she’s a legend!” he preys on the guy’s hesitation.

“I would really appreciate your help,” your disarming smile gives the guardian a nudge in the proper direction.

“Of…of course ma’am,” he stutters because how can one say no to a legend?!

And you surely count on it.

“I have to stipulate a reason for all this, what should I write on the formulary? In a simple sentence, it needs to be specific and concise: why are you gifting him credits and share your personal area?”

Your brain slots are hollow yet there’s one motive:

“I like his drawings.”

The impeccable suit ogles J’s silly scribbling, muttering under his breath:

“Another Picasso…” then louder:

“I’ll do the paperwork; for now, please vacate the premises and go on the Upper Cloud; we have new arrivals that require the Lower Clouds,” he exhales and starts leaping away, leaving you and The Joker behind.

Your cloud descends so you both can step on it and then floats higher in the air again.

Y/N gazes at the stranger in silence, until he breaks the shell:

“Thank you for your generosity, Miss…” J sniffles, realizing an important detail is absent from the whole dialogue. “What’s your name?”

“…I don’t know…” you regretfully answer. “I can’t remember…”

The Joker scratches his chin with a brilliant solution on the horizon:

“You said Pumpkin would be an adorable moniker for someone. Do you mind if I call you Pumpkin?”

“No, not at all,” you gladly accept his proposition. “And you’re welcome, I had so many credits, might as well use them. I have to thank you too for dying for me, Mister… What’s your name?”

“Bits me; I can’t recollect.”

Y/N pouts, upset she doesn’t have a name when a genius recommendation escapes her lips:

“You know… you have this small “J” letter tattoo under your left eye…” you gently poke it and he feels a sudden warmth taking over his body. “Is it ok if I call you J?”

“U-hum,” the hypnotized King gazes at the woman in front of him. “So I have tattoos on my face?”

“Yes, a few: a tiny star and a big one on your forehead that spells ‘Damaged’. And playing cards on your neck…” you describe his ink, mesmerized.

“Do they make me look horrible?”

“You don’t look horrible to me,” you praise and J inflates his chest at the declaration; oh boy, you definitely have a way with words.

“Thank you Pumpkin,” the flirtatious Clown winks and you play with the hem of your shirt, about to burst out with delight.

“You’re welcome… J.”

“Oh my God!” The Joker snaps out of it since the artist in him is begging for attention: “The sunset’s gorgeous! I have to sketch this!”

He sits down on the cloud and you scoot over until your thighs touch, interested in his new project.

“Your cloud is a better quality than the one I was on,” he bounces on the white, velvety texture. “It will certainly improve my technique!”

“Absolutely!” you enthusiastically exclaim, determined to assist no matter what.

Heaven knows your new friend J evidently requires steady guidance regarding his hobby: he’s no Picasso yet, but with a legend’s help he might eventually get there.

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker imagine #the joker fanfiction #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #the joker #joker #joker fanfiction #joker imagine #joker jared leto #joker suicide squad #mister j #Mistah J #dc #dcu

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darkzorua100 · 5 years

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In works of fiction, one of the hardest things to do isn’t so much as writing a solid story but trying to find a way to end it with a satisfying conclusion. It could be a happy, sad, or all of the above as long as it fits the story that you have building up to at this point. After all, this is the last thing your viewers are going to be seeing. The last big take away before they have to move on. What is going to be the legacy of this fiction? A ending can make or break a series after all. Just look at Yu-Gi-Oh ARC-V for example. Looking back at it, it was such a groundbreaking entry into the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise for being the first series to make all the Extra Deck Summoning Mechanics relevant to the story instead of pushing them off to the side for the newest one in Pendulum at the time. It was a huge nostalgia trip by paying homage to the past series that came before it from using their locations for the different dimensions to bringing back past characters, in a way anyway, to the forefront. There is just so much more I could say about that spin-off but to put it in a nutshell, ARC-V just did so much right at the time but of course we all can’t forget that damn ending. The way that ARC-V ended just left pretty much everyone who had watched it from the very beginning with such a sour taste in our mouths. I don’t think I need to explain why, anyone who has seen the final knows exactly what I’m talking about, but yeah, it goes to show that a finale leaves a lasting impression and is pretty much why, even to this day, a majority of people consider ARC-V to be the worst Yu-Gi-Oh series to date.

So with all that being said, how did Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains finale do? Was it able to wrap everything up into a perfect little package with a nice bow on top? Well honestly, the package itself was a freaking mess and a half but I will say the bow on top wasn’t half bad for what it was worth. We all knew with Vrains ending way to early compared to the previous series that things were going to be getting rushed at the end but I will say that even if things were rushed, and it wasn’t the most satisfying ending they could have given us, what they did give us still left me feeling fulfilled and with Vrains being the absolute train wreck that it was, at the end of the day, I’ll call that a win.

So let’s start off with the final part of the Playmaker vs Ai duel. These two really were just full on neck and neck that it literally came down to their aces (because yes, Decode Talker is Playmaker’s true ace monster of show) batting each other, once again like from the opening, with Yusaku only being able to pull out the win in the end because Ai wanted to make sure that he was going to be able to finish him off during his turn. If his greed didn’t get the best of him, he would have actually won. That is actually really crazy to think about. At one point, just before Playmaker summoned Accesscode Talker, I seriously thought he was going to summon a Link 8 since he had the total Link Rating on his field with his three monsters plus Darkfluid being a Link 5 but nope, he summoned basically his new combination of the six Ignises in the form of a Code Talker (which all seem to be model after an Ignis anyway). I mean how he was actually able to summon out Accesscode was kinda BS but that’s just normal BS when it comes to the final duels in a Yu-Gi-Oh final. I’m still questioning how in the actual world did Yusaku not deck himself out during this duel. Seriously just how many cards did this boy go through? Way to many from the looks of things.

Now let’s talk about Playmaker and Ai scenes. My god, those shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. Just at the beginning when Yusaku was telling Ai about how the bonds between others were the things that created the future, not predetermined simulations, and how Ai just couldn’t understand it just hurt right off the bat because I can understand why Ai can’t think that way. Just like he told Yusaku, he is data. To find a situation to a problem is all he knows. To base something with nothing to support it makes no sense to him especially when he can’t chance it. He has seen the alternative and my god, Ai. We didn’t even see the full simulation play out (but what we did see is definitely getting censored in the dub no questions there) but I could already tell what exactly played out. If Dr. Kogami was right about anything, it is that it is inevitable for humanity not to turn against artificial intelligence out of fear that they would one day surpass humanity and try and take us over or just kill us on the spot. I think the future we saw in that simulation was just that with Yusaku trying to convince them that Ai was no danger to humanity and well....we all saw how well that ended. Honestly I lowkey wished we got to see more of that simulation just to see the moment that Ai snaps and murders anyone. Because lets face it, Yusaku literally is the only family that Ai had left at that point. If something happened to him, Ai was actually going to snap. And it wasn’t even if something terrible would happen to him. Yusaku is still human while Ai is an artificial intelligence. If nothing happened to him, Yusaku would have just aged over time and eventually pass away while Ai would always remain immortal which once again would probably lead to a snap. I honestly don’t blame Ai for picking the path that he did in the end. Even if Lightning never showed him the first simulation, I don’t think it would have been long before Ai would have put the pieces together and start doing his own simulations. Ai was just a goner since the moment he was created as a A.I. with free-will. As for his death scene, I almost did start crying because things shouldn’t have had to have ended this way. I don’t care what Yusaku said. You should have took the fusion deal, young man. It worked out pretty freaking well for Judai and Yubel. Heck, regardless how stupid it was, the Yuu Boys and the Bracelet Girls were all still their own individual people too. I don’t see how that would be any different for you two, especially considering that Ai came from you, Yusaku. I have a lot of feelings about this but I will say that the moments that really hurt for me was when Ai asked Yusaku if he was a good partner, to which Yusaku answered “yes”, and when Yusaku explained to Ai that his name meant “love”. I actually didn’t think they were going to explain the meaning of Ai’s name in the show but I’m so thankful that they did but damn, that freaking hurt! Also Aiballshipping is canon. I actually find it hilarious that Ai stole Yusaku from Ryoken at the last second XD

As for everyone else’s endings. As much as it is still the most convenient bullsh*t ever, I am happy that Jin was able to move on after freaking years of being tormented by his PTSD and by Lightning in season 2 and is now happily working with his brother at the hot dog truck just like Kusanagi always wanted. I’m glad that they are slowly starting to make up for all the time that they have lost together because of this one incident. Aoi seems to be doing okay but I won’t lie, I was bit salty that Miyu wasn’t with her when she was visiting the brothers since it seemed like the perfect opportunity for them to be together and to show that their friendship is still strong after all of these years. Like what the heck? If they are going to force this stupid storyline on us, at least commit to it damn it! It has been three months and wait? Is she still in the damn hospital? Like we literally don’t know what happened to Miyu after all of this and I just find that infuriating but what’s new there? Akira is now CEO of SOL Technologies and I’m kinda mixed on how to feel about this. I mean we all were expecting this since the very beginning but again it is one of those things like what happened to Queen? Vrains threw away the rest of the Chess Pieces long ago but Queen was still a character. I mean I like to think that Queen just up and give Akira the company out of fear of being attacked again by someone else in the future but it is still one of those things that you wished you knew what happened to her as to how Akira got this position. It seems that Vrains has continued to grow and expand during this three month time skip and I don’t know if it was intentional or not but all the connections make it look like The Arrival Cyberse @Ignister and if that truly was the case that was a really nice detail to add, Vrains. Emma and Kengo seemed to have teamed up as a brother and sister bounty hunter team in the network which is fitting. Go is back to being his entertainer self to please his younger fans. I’m planning on giving my full thoughts about Vrains sometime later this week hopefully so I’m get into more detail about him and everyone else there. The Knights of Hanoi are taking Takeru’s declaration to heart and are watching over Link Vrains from Ryoken’s freaking cruise ship apparently while Ryoken and Spectre are watching over everything inside of Link Vrains. Now that Vrains is over, I officially have to ask. Where the actual hell is Ryoken getting all of this money from? Correction, WHERE IS HE GETTING ALL OF THESE BOATS FROM?! Geez and I thought we as a fandom were the shippers. This boy has a freaking navy of them in hiding.

HOMURA TAKERU GOT HIMSELF A GIRLFRIEND! MY BOY IS GETTING LAID TONIGHT!

No but seriously, before they showed the duel disks and just them sitting on the bed, my brain went places. The dialogue did not help. Yes my brain is extremely dirty but that’s besides the point.

ENTRUSTSHIPPING IS CANON! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I like to think that wherever Flame ended up in the A.I. afterlife, he is looking down at Takeru with a proud smile during this moment. I also just find it fun that since Kiku doesn’t have an avatar, if anyone knows her in real life sees her in Link Vrains with Soulburner, they are obviously going to put the pieces together real quick about who Soulburner actually is. I’m in just such amazement right now over this even though I had any idea that something like this was going to happen. During the closing interviews from the VAs, Kaji Yuuki made a comment about how we were going to be seeing Takeru getting “unmasked” during the finale and I just knew that something like this was going to happen and I was not disappointed at all. I’m sorry but I just have such a huge sh*t eating grin across my face because of this.

THIS IS AWESOME!!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY MADE THIS CANON!

How is it that Kiku, a freaking SIDE CHARACTER, ended up being my favorite female of Vrains? I don’t know, I’m just going to move on before I start freaking out again about these two being so freaking adorable.

I do like how Naoki, as soon as he saw these two, makes it his new goal to get himself a special someone of his own. I don’t know how that’s going to work out for him but hey good for him.

And as for Yusaku, the shows ends with him going on some kind of journey, leaving his final fate obscure which is pretty normal for a Yu-Gi-Oh series as they did the same in the past with Judai and Yusei. My guess he’s going around the network to try and find a way to bring back Ai and maybe the rest of the Ignis.

Speaking of which, the last scene we get of this series is that Ai is apparently alive. Maybe. Who actually knows. He could be in A.I. heaven for all we know but if that’s the case I feel they would have shown us a scene of him being greeted and welcomed by the rest of the Ignis but what we got of him instead was him in his eyeball form looking to be restored. Man Ai is literally like a cockroach and I am saying that in the nicest way possibly. He gets his data eaten by a dragon, tore to pieces by a Data Storm, destroyed by a powerful program, and even kills himself by his own hand and yet he still lives. I am very curious to know if anything is going to come from this reveal, such as if YGO 7 actually is a crossover series, or if this was just the writers giving us a break and letting us know that Ai is still alive and there is hope of him returning. I mean I’m happy he is alive, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like it would have just been fine keeping him dead with the rest of the Ignis. Because if he is still alive, won’t Ai just try and kill himself again? Seems kinda counterproductive but I digress.

So yeah, I very much enjoyed the final episode of Vrains. The series had a lot of problems, and I mean A LOT of them, but it had its shining moments, such as this. Like I said, I’m planning to go into more detail about my full thoughts about the series but when it comes to its ending, I think it delivered what it needed to. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains. You were a freaking struggle to watch at times but you were a joy to have around all the same. I guess the best compliment I can give you is that you literally are Ai. You are insufferable at times but you had your charm that kept me coming back for more and I’m sad to see you go just like I was with Ai.

Now it is onto Yu-Gi-Oh 7th and who knows. If it actually is a crossover series, Vrains might just be back sooner then we expect. I hope so because I’m not ready to say goodbye to my meme-lord and my fire child and his new girlfriend yet! I don’t think it has fully hit me yet that Vrains is actually over and it is going to suck when next week comes around and there is just no more episodes.

#vrains #vrains spoilers #Thoughts #theories

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paranormal-playgr0und · 4 years

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The Lizzie Borden Playground

Introduction:

Hello Ghoul Friends! This week’s report is on the infamous Lizzie Borden house!

It’s Pride month, y’all (it may be the end of Pride month, but let’s go out with a chop, shall we?) In the spirit of Pride month, I chose the Lizzie Borden house due to one of the theories surrounding what happened there in 1892… there’s a gay theory (meant to say great, but gay works too), but what’d you expect?

Without further ado, put on some good music, and let’s get into the report!

The Report:

On the morning of August 4th, 1892, in Fall River Massachusetts, 32-year-old Lizzie Borden found her father dead on the sofa, with 11 blows to the head from what is believed to be an ax. The maid, Bridget “Maggie” Sullivan, heard Lizzie’s cry when she found the body.

“Maggie, come down! Come down quick; Father’s dead; Somebody came in and killed him.”

Maggie is reported to either be washing windows or taking a nap during the time of the murder, it is unknown which she was doing. Maggie heard nothing from where she was on the third floor.

Lizzie was in the backyard. Lizzie heard a loud thud and groaning coming from the house, and in curiosity, decided to check it out. That is when she found her father’s body.

Lizzie asked Maggie to go across the street and fetch the doctor. Maggie returned with a neighbor. Then Maggie asked about Lizzie’s stepmother, Abby. According to Maggie’s testimony, this is what Lizzie replied with.

“Oh, Maggie! I am almost sure I heard her come in. Go upstairs and see if she’s there.”

Maggie and the neighbor found the body of Abby Borden, face down in the upstairs guest bedroom. She had also been struck with an ax- and had been struck 18 times to the head.

(Pic cred https://www.pinterest.com/pin/557883472563944808/)

Shortly after, Lizzie Borden was put on trial for the murder of Andrew and Abby Borden. She was put on trial due to the odd circumstances behind the murder, and plausible motives.

One motive was that Lizzie’s father was very wealthy, but lived frugally. The Borden’s lived off a diet of mainly mutton, however, Andrew’s net worth at the time of his death is an estimated 10 million in today’s economy. It was also reported that Andrew Borden sexually abused Lizzie, adding to her motive.

Another possible motive was Lizzie’s relationship with her stepmother, Abby. Five years before the murder, Lizzie and Abby had a falling-out, which in turn broke their relationship. The fight was over a house Andrew Borden had purchased for Lizzie’s half-sister, rather than a house for Lizzie and her sister, Emma.

During the trial, Lizzie and Maggie’s answers were inconsistent and changed every time they talked about the murder. Maggie reported that Lizzie was seen wearing an unstained blue dress when she discovered the body of Andrew Borden.

Three days after the murder, a friend of Lizzie’s reported that Lizzie had burned a dress with “old paint stains” on it. The murder weapon was never found.

A pharmacist reported that Lizzie had tried to buy a poison shortly before the murder, but this testimony was dismissed. In the end, there was no physical evidence that placed Lizzie as the murderer, and she was ruled as not guilty.

“Lizzie Borden took an ax,

and gave her mother forty whacks.

And when she saw what she had done,

she gave her father forty-one.”

(a creepy playground nursery rhyme in the spirit of the Lizzie Borden case)

One theory is the uncle of Lizzie Borden, John Morse, killed Andrew and Abby Borden. He was not seen until 12 pm, about an hour after the bodies were discovered. He claimed to be visiting a sick relative during the murder and was just down the road. He also claimed to be with the town doctor at the time, but the doctor was actually at the Borden house, looking at the bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Borden. Abby Borden was found in the bedroom Morse had slept in the night before.

His believed motive was the Borden’s financial status, Morse was the only person who mentioned and knew about Andrew’s will. John Morse was a butcher, a key detail considering that it was later speculated a meat cleaver could have been used during the murder.

The last theory is the reason why I chose this case in the spirit of Pride month. Recently, a conspiracy had emerged saying that it was possible that Maggie and Lizzie had been romantically involved, and killed Mr. and Mrs. Borden in order to keep things a secret. Maggie and Lizzie could have easily teamed up for the murder, as they were the only two people on the property while the murder took place. Both their testimonies are missing details and make little sense, but when put together the testimonies start to add up.

Lizzie also was said to have a crush on an actress later in life, a fact that explains why Lizzie’s sister, Emma moved out of their home. Neither of the Borden sisters married.

It’s worth noting that a film was made about the Borden murders, titled “Lizzie”. The film focused on the lesbian relationship between Lizzie and the Maggie.

After the acquittal, Lizzie and her sister Emma inherited the Borden family fortune, shortly thereafter buying a large house in a wealthy district of Fall River.

The Haunts:

(Pic cred: Chicago Tribune / Contributor/ Getty Images ; https://www.history.com/news/9-things-you-may-not-know-about-lizzie-borden)

After the murders, activity rose in the Lizzie Borden house. Activity occurs in all corners of the house, but the bedrooms and where the Borden’s died, seems to see an influx of apparitions, voices, and odd occurrences.

The most haunted areas are Lizzie’s old bedroom, the places where Andrew and Abby died, the master bedroom, and Maggie’s quarters. Throughout the house, many people experience a dreadful feeling, and some people even experience headaches.

The staff at the Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast claim that once a month, fire alarms will go off without reason at around 3 am. 3 am is widely known as “Dead Time,” or “Bewitching Hour” in the paranormal community, because most phenomenon are reported to happen at 3 am.

K2 meters, a ghost hunting equipment that reads electro-magnetic frequencies (the type of radio waves that come from cell phones, electronics, and ghosts), have read high amounts of energy in the spots where Andrew and Abby were killed.

Apparitions have been spotted at the Lizzie Borden house, but mostly by digital and polaroid camera. Most of the apparitions appear in mirrors around the house, sometimes visible to the naked eye.

Abby Borden is believed to be the woman seen and heard at the Borden house. People report hearing a woman weeping at night, and shoes will move on their own. A floral scent is also smelled throughout the home, and is thought to be Abby Borden walking around. The apparition of an older woman wearing a nightgown is said to appear to guests, and she will tuck them in at night.

Andrew Borden was a frugal man, in the master bedroom is a small pile of change people leave for him. It is reported that taking even a penny can result in getting physically scratched. Not much else is heard or seen from Andrew Borden.

With the murder that happened, it’s almost ironic that the front door of the Lizzie Borden house will swing wide open if not properly locked at night. Other doors open and close throughout the house, and footsteps were once reported upstairs.

Random power surges will make the lights flicker on and off, and even burn out. One power surge had a guest running for her car when the surge burst out the lightbulb in her room (and only her room…).

In the cemetery where the Borden family is buried, people report seeing flashes of light and screaming- which come from the Borden plot. These occurrences are the most noted hauntings (and possibly the only documented hauntings) at the Oak Grove Cemetery in Fall River, Massachusetts.

(Author note) Hey ghoul friends! While writing this report, especially this portion of the report- I started to feel an uneasy feeling in my room. It felt like there was someone else is my room with me, right behind me, watching me write over my shoulder. I was intrigued, and so I went to grab my K2 meter. I come back into my room, and the feeling’s almost completely vanished. (Someone is definitely staring at me right now). Anyways, in the middle of my room, the K2 meter lit up- and quickly blinked to the middle before vanishing completely. (I swear I heard someone whisper into my ear, my god- I’m listening to music by the way, Break my Stride by Matthew Wilder, around 2:20 in the song I heard the whisper in my right ear) There are no electronics in the middle of my room, no possibly explanation, and a reading like that hasn’t happened since. For context, my house is haunted, but nothing like this has happened… which is interesting. I now have the K2 meter on and next to me while I finish the report. Anyways, on with the report!

The Re-Cap:

The Lizzie Borden playground has two notable kids. They’ve claimed all part of the playground, from the swings to the monkey bars, everywhere is Andrew’s and Abby’s territory.

Andrew claims he’s a ninja, because not many people can find him- it’s almost like he’s invisible. Andrew will come out if you take a rock from his collection displayed in the tunnel. Andrew will find you before you find him, often spying on grown-ups and big kids who venture into the Lizzie Borden playground. If you really want to find Andrew, you need to look in the right place above the slide- you’ll see him.

Abby is Andrew’s girlfriend. She’s seen more than Andrew. She likes to pick the flowers that grow around the swings, and most often you can smell her flowers before you see her. She’s more welcoming than Andrew, not afraid to interact with the countless big kids and grown-ups to who come to the playground. Abby’s favorite place to be is on top of the monkey bars. If she likes you, she’ll welcome you; if she doesn’t, you won’t see her.

There’s a few small holes in the roof on top of the playground, Abby and Andrew don’t seem to mind, but other people do. Once a month, Andrew and Abby will hide a walkie-talkie somewhere in the playground and play loud music until someone finds the walkie-talkie and turns it off.

Abby and Andrew have a ritual before they leave the playground for the night- Andrew places a tall stick in front of the tunnel, and Abby and Andrew won’t leave until it’s in the perfect spot. Everyone knows not to touch the stick, if they move it- it will find it’s way back to its original position.

On the basketball court, people claim that they hear Andrew and Abby arguing, along with their friend Lizzie, who sometimes makes an appearance at the park. At night, grown-ups have reported seeing Andrew and Abby playing around with their flashlight on the basketball court.

A lot of big kids have been to the Lizzie Borden Playground. The big kids like teasing Abby and Andrew with a playground nursery rhyme, in hopes that they’ll come out and show themselves.

“Lizzie Borden took an ax,

and gave her mother forty whacks.

And when she saw what she had done,

she gave her father forty-one.”

A notable amount of grown-ups venture to the playground, it’s in a convenient location and it’s something to do in Fall River.

The Lizzie Borden Playground remains the sole hangout of Abby and Andrew Borden.

#paranormal #LizzieBorden #Paranormalplayground #fallriver #ghoststories #ghost #playground #lgbtq #lgbtq community #axmurder #pride month

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otakween · 5 years

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Cyborg 009 Manga - Battle with the Gods

Okay, so based on the wacky continuity of this manga, I’ve decided to go arc-by-arc instead of volume-by-volume. Also, I’ve switched to scanlations because the Japanese suddenly got WAY too advanced for me.

Prologue & Part 1

-Damn! This is pretentious af. Multiple, Biblical/philosophical quotes and poems, star/naval gazing, a relentless reading off of the entire Wikipedia page for the word “occult” (okay, not really, but that’s what it felt like). No wonder this arc is unpopular. Add the artsy-fartsy storytelling into the mix and Ishinomori’s really trying his readers’ patience.

-This is the arc Re: Cyborg was based on, right? There’s so many God-related arcs that I don’t know for sure.

-They act like God being an alien is a super common, mainstream theory but...I’ve never heard that theory?? Like I’ve heard all of the alien theories but I’ve never head them combined with Biblical interpretations.

Part 2 & 3

-It might just be because I’ve taken a long break from the manga but, the art definitely looks different here. Everyone looks more square than circular if that makes sense, like they’re older. This would be fine only cyborgs can’t age lol. Pyunma looks especially weird, in profile his whole face is super flat.

-Wow, didn’t expect to see boobs in this comic. The way they were drawn with such realism was kind of out of place lol.

-Are all the cyborgs sterile or just the ones with more robot parts? The nitty gritty details aren’t explored very often. I’d like to see a Cyborg 009 with some in-depth world building.

Part 4 & 5

-Okay, why were these parts like two pages each? Why is the storytelling so awkward and disjointed? What happened to alien girl?

-Okay now I know the art is different, 001 looked really weird. His eyes were like ( o ) ^ ( o ) lol. He also looked less chubby. I’m guessing this is the part where he gives the team new powers?

Part 6 & 7

-Uh...wut. So this was even more confusing than it was in the anime but I guess I kinda know what Ishinomori was going for? Maybe? Or maybe it was just written on drugs -shrug-

-Again, only some of the cyborgs “dark sides” make sense. 004 is a killing machine, 005 destroys nature, 006 is greedy, 007 is a drunk but the others...002 is...a party animal? The horror! 008 is just emo I guess and 009 & 003 have sex which like...shouldn’t be a bad thing? Kinda weird that that would be implied. (Also, I guess Francoise CAN have babies! lol)

-Joe screaming at a bunch of Easter Island heads and then a hula girl appearing and summoning hundreds of butterflies was pretty hard to take seriously. This was definitely written in the 70s lol

Part 8 & 9

-Look, Shotaro, if you wanted to draw a dino manga, ya could’ve just drawn a dino manga. Also, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS STORY!?

-We get to see Joe’s butt teehee -immature-

Part 10 & Epilgoue

-A bunch of silent gibberish and then...more aliens! Okay. Yeah, I knew going in that this was an unfinished story but I thought that meant like “no ending” not like “it completely unravels and makes no sense.” I uh...I can see why this isn’t in some collections. The anime did a decent job of making things more coherent (but was it really worth adapting this?? Ehhhh...)

#cyborg 009 #Battle with the Gods #manga

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tatticstudio55 · 5 years

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Bran Stark in ADWD: caves, moons, wolves and other thoughts

Bran’s last ADWD gave me pause for a lot of details: how they all nestled beneath the earth while the wolves outside hunted and ate frozen wights, for a start. It reminded me of the wolves invading the lands north of King’s Landing at the start of ACOK. It reminded me of Ghost, and how he was the only beast unafraid of the still moving, undead hand. It was in this chapter that Leaf told Bran of the death of unicorns, giants, and other magical forces who once lived North of the Wall. I thought of the giants who supposedly helped build the Wall.

And it just hit me: that the Others probably rose again because Nature’s natural “weapons” against them – giants and direwolves and children of the forest – were dying out. That the War against the Others was never a war meant for men to fight. Bran, Jojen and Meera did nothing while Summer led his pack in a wights hunt. We learned that there was another way, apart from fire and dragonglass, to kill wights: you could eat them.

Maybe there’s a reason, apart from the war of the five kings, why wolves are invading the lands. Maybe it’s nature, preparing itself for the oncoming of the dead.

(Maybe Jon will slip into Ghost’s skin to kill the Night King? Ghost is silent as a dead and white like snow, so the Night King might not see him until it’s too late.)

~֎~

Back to Bran: while Summer gorges on bloodless wights, he eats blood stew and a weirwood paste “with dark red veins running through it” (Bran, ACOK). That he feeds on blood strangely fit with the vampiric undertones of Bloodraven sustaining himself on the life of a tree, or rather, the other way around: that’s it’s the tree who feeds on Bloodraven, slowly absorbing and digesting him: “the weirwood roots snaking in and out of his withered flesh, the mushrooms sprouting from his cheeks, the white wooden worm that grew from the socket where one eye had been.” (Bran, ACOK). Bloodraven’s description also evoke a fetus in the womb: “Lord Brynden drew his life from the tree, Leaf told them. He did not eat, he did not drink. He slept, he dreamed, he watched.” (Bran, ACOK) The cave is very womb-like; a place providing ample food, blood and warmth, brimming with sleeping life, and where days and nights intermingle.

"I wore many names when I was quick, but even I once had a mother, and the name she gave me at her breast was Brynden."

"The secrets of the old gods," said Jojen Reed. Food and fire and rest had helped restore him after the ordeals of their journey, but he seemed sadder now, sullen, with a weary, haunted look about the eyes. "Truths the First Men knew, forgotten now in Winterfell … but not in the wet wild.

He was almost a man grown, and he did not want Meera to think he was some weepy babe.

There he sat, listening to the hoarse whispers of his teacher. "Never fear the darkness, Bran." The lord's words were accompanied by a faint rustling of wood and leaf, a slight twisting of his head. "The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong."

In the beginning he had tried to count the days by making note of when he woke and slept, but down here sleeping and waking had a way of melting into one another.

He even crossed the slender stone bridge that arched over the abyss and discovered more passages and chambers on the far side. One was full of singers, enthroned like Brynden in nests of weirwood roots that wove under and through and around their bodies.

He wanted to put his arms around her, hold her tight the way his mother used to hold him back at Winterfell when he'd hurt himself.

His father and the black pool and the godswood faded and were gone and he was back in the cavern, the pale thick roots of his weirwood throne cradling his limbs as a mother does a child.

…a woman heavy with child emerged naked and dripping from the black pool, knelt before the tree, and begged the old gods for a son who would avenge her.

These are most of the references to motherhood appearing in the chapter (as you can see, there’s quite a bit), but there’s another detail worth bringing up. The shape and position of the moon in the sky are mentioned eight time in total:

The moon was a crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife.

The moon was fat and full.

The moon was a black hole in the sky.

The moon was a crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife.

The moon was fat and full.

The moon was a crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife.

The moon was a black hole in the sky.

The moon was a crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife.

Afterward, we have Brynden telling Bran “it’s time” (Bran, ADWD). We also have the “woman heavy with child” from Bran’s last set of visions. We’ll be reminded that there’s nine moons in a pregnancy.

It’s a bit unsettling, however. The moon “fat and full” is a clear reference to pregnancy and life, whereas the “crescent, thin and sharp as the blade of a knife” means death. The chapter concludes with a set of three visions, the first of a pregnant woman emerging from a “black pool”, the last of a woman with white hairs (old, I presume) slicing a boy’s throat as an offering to the weirwood:

Then, as he watched, a bearded man forced a captive down onto his knees before the heart tree. A white-haired woman stepped toward them through a drift of dark red leaves, a bronze sickle in her hand.

"No," said Bran, "no, don' t, " but they could not hear him, no more than his father had. The woman grabbed the captive by the hair, hooked the sickle round his throat, and slashed. And through the mist of centuries the broken boy could only watch as the man's feet drummed against the earth … but as his life flowed out of him in a red tide, Brandon Stark could taste the blood. – Bran, ADWD

I searched “sickle” on Google image and this is what I got:

Basically, it’s a crescent moon shaped knife. In farming, it is (or was) used to harvest wheat and corn stalks. It’s both a reference to death (as it’s used to kill) and life (as it’s used to collect food). The sickle is actually very similar to the arakh, a signature dothraki weapon:

(You’d knew I’d find a way to bring Daenerys into this, didn’t you?)

But I had to, because you just can’t talk about pregnancy in asoiaf without mentioning the primary character associated with motherhood, pregnancy, sacrifice and the moon. From this Bran chapter, one thing that seems connected to fertility is the rich, dampness and warmth of the earth. Daenerys, who believes herself to be barren, rule over a dry, barren land in Meereen. Droughts, deserts, dryness… she encounters it all.

They rode to the lake the Dothraki called the Womb of the World, surrounded by a fringe of reeds, its water still and calm. A thousand thousand years ago, Jhiqui told her, the first man had emerged from its depths, riding upon the back of the first horse.

The procession waited on the grassy shore as Dany stripped and let her soiled clothing fall to the ground. Naked, she stepped gingerly into the water. Irri said the lake had no bottom, but Dany felt soft mud squishing between her toes as she pushed through the tall reeds. The moon floated on the still black waters, shattering and re-forming as her ripples washed over it. – Daenerys, AGOT

The “fringe of reeds” part is interesting, since Bran is also surrounded by “reeds” (Jojen and Meera) when inside the “womb” of the cave, in ADWD. Anyway, Daenerys bathing in the black waters (bathing with the moon, I might add, just like she’s bathing with the child inside her belly) is definitely a parallel to the “a woman heavy with child emerged naked and dripping from the black pool, knelt before the tree, and begged the old gods for a son who would avenge her” part. Odder, even, is that her child will be sacrificed, like the man sacrificed to the weirwood in Bran’s vision.

The black waters are present in Bran’s cave as well:

"The river you hear is swift and black, and flows down and down to a sunless sea.” – Bran, ADWD

Bran “emerges” from it every time he warg a raven, or Summer, and leaves the cave. Once, he goes into the literal black waters, and back up, while warged into Hodor:

One day Meera and Jojen decided to go see the river, despite Leaf's cautions. "I want to come too," Bran said.

Meera gave him a mournful look. The river was six hundred feet below, down steep slopes and twisty passages, she explained, and the last part required climbing down a rope. "Hodor could never make the climb with you on his back. I'm sorry, Bran."

Bran remembered a time when no one could climb as good as him, not even Robb or Jon. Part of him wanted to shout at them for leaving him, and another part wanted to cry. He was almost a man grown, though, so he said nothing. But after they were gone, he slipped inside Hodor's skin and followed them. – Bran, ADWD

I think the black waters are linked with the black moon and overall symbolize a phase of “incubation”. The crescent shaped moon, I’d link it with blood magic, magical sight (for Bran) and for Daenerys, something related to the dothraki, as well as to the “reaping and harvesting” stage. You could probably view her recruitment of the dothraki in season six as a form of “harvest”. Dany’s army/armies and Bran’s magical sight both come at the price of blood, during the “crescent moon phase” of their journeys. That’s where ADWD leaves them: Bran’s last “moon” is a crescent shaped one, his chapter ending with him lost in a vision and tasting the blood of the man dying at “his” weirwood’s feet. Dany’s last chapter ends with her being surrounded by dothraki warriors in the Great Grass Sea.

I don’t think they’ve reached the full moon phase yet. The moon “fat and full” will come last for them.

P.S as usual, pic link in the comments below.

#asoiaf meta #daenerys targaryen #bran stark #A Dance with Dragons #a game of thrones #moon symbolism #i hope this is coherent

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commentaryvorg · 5 years

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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 3.10

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, as chapter 3’s trial reached its, uh, “climax”, the usually-irrelevant intermission contained delightful foreshadowing, Tenko finally posthumously got through to Himiko for good, Keebo did not remotely singlehandedly save everyone oh my god, and everything was kind of boringly predictable because Kiyo is the worst. (You can tell how relatively bored I was from the fact that Kaito wasn’t even relevant enough for me to have a reason to mention him in this summary bit, until I did so just now anyway.

Now for Kiyo to continue to be the worst in the post-trial wrap-up until we can be rid of him for good.

Monokuma: “Wow! Seriously!? You’re correct again!”

Don’t sound so surprised, Monokuma. This one was boringly obvious.

Himiko: “I haven’t… heard his answer yet. Kiyo… why? Why did you kill Angie and Tenko?”

Ugh. I totally get Himiko wanting answers to get herself some closure, but knowing the reason Kiyo did it isn’t going to make anything better at all.

Tsumugi: “Did your motive have something to do with the transfer student who was resurrected? Even if it did, though… How did that trigger a murder?”

That sure is a good fucking question now, isn’t it, Tsumugi?

Kiyo: “Because we’re friends, I’ll tell you…”

NONE OF US ARE FRIENDS WITH YOU. FUCK OFF.

Okay, Kiyo does not deserve Moon on the Water, aka the BGM piece that is presumably named that as a reference to Clair de Lune, for his goddamn backstory.

Kaito: “So to see this lover of yours, you had to escape…”

Kaito is trying to fit his mental picture of Kiyo’s character into someone who had somewhat sympathetic reasons for doing this. Even after learning he killed two people and seeing him show no remorse, Kaito’s giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand him instead of just writing him off as a bad person. Kaito is so good.

Kiyo: “The one I love is… inside.”

Shuichi: (Inside?)

…

Maki: “…Is it really one of us?”

Not sure why it isn’t immediately obvious to everyone that the person he’s talking about is his other personality who began to show up towards the end of the trial.

Kiyo: “That is why… for my beloved sister… I had to—”

Kaito: “Y-You had to escape from here, right?”

Kaito is still trying to understand and see Kiyo as someone vaguely reasonable! I’m sorry, Kaito, but you should just give up on this asshole. He isn’t worth your time.

Kiyo: “Even if I could be her little brother and her lover, I couldn’t be her friend.”

THIS IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT, by the way. Of course you can be those things and also someone’s friend! If you are those things with someone without even being friends, then your relationship is shallow as fuck and doesn’t mean anything.

I could maybe sort of slightly kind of sympathise with Kiyo’s grief at losing his sister driving him to madness like this if his relationship with her was presented as a genuine, touching relationship. But instead they just shove in this unnecessary incest angle and present it like it’s all about all the sex they had and apparently they didn’t even care about each other platonically and I just… ugh. Why.

(I can sort of see that there could be an argument here that Kiyo’s sister was actually abusive and manipulating him and that’s meant to be the point, but, eh. I just don’t personally care enough about Kiyo to think thoroughly about how much sense that may or may not make.)

Kiyo: “For Sister’s sake… I’ve killed many! To send her 100 friends!”

I should also add that, even accepting the fact that Kiyo truly believes spirits exist, this is still a ridiculous motive. First off, if his sister’s spirit is inside him, then how would all of the people he’s killed even be able to meet her and become her friend? Second, and far more importantly, how in the fuck does he think any of the girls he’s killed would want to become friends with someone whose brother murdered them and tore them away from their own still-living friends just to make them befriend someone they’ve never met and have no reason to care about? That’s not how friendship works, what the actual fuck. Kiyo is the absolute fucking worst and I don’t understand why the writers thought this was a remotely good character to include in this story.

Kiyo’s sister: “That’s wonderful, Korekiyo. Your love made the impossible, possible.”

NO. SHUT UP. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE WORDS.

Kaito: “A-Are you… serious!? Is this… really a spirit!?”

Aaand Kaito’s given up on understanding him. Though I think he probably would have done so by now even if he didn’t happen to have a phobia about this.

Maki: “He’s just delusional…”

Kiyo’s sister: “Hmhmhm… What a sad girl who can’t even believe in the power of love…”

Maki: “…”

…Ugh. The writers probably intend this to be foreshadowing, given the romantic feelings towards Kaito that Maki is going to develop. As if they’re saying that she was so cold and closed-off from everyone because she didn’t understand romantic love, and her opening up and becoming more trusting and co-operative towards everyone is all due to the power of the romantic love she awakens to! Which is absolute bullshit, because that happens due to the friendship and trust she feels for Kaito and Shuichi, and while the romantic feelings are also there and also contributing, they are absolutely emphatically not the main factor, and most of this story’s writing is able to understand and appreciate that.

Kokichi: “You said you killed a lot already, right? So it wasn’t just the two you killed here?”

Himiko: “Wh-What?”

Kokichi: “Nee-heehee… Seems like he was already crazy before he got here…”

Yes, and that’s exactly why this is such a terrible case! One of the main draws of a Danganronpa game is seeing what it takes to drive an otherwise decent person to murder. If a case’s culprit was already a serial killer in the first place, then it completely defeats the entire fucking point! Why would you even have this?!

…Though I should point out that the wording of Kokichi’s line here implies he’s aware of the notion that being stuck in here can drive a person crazy, which might be him subtly referring to what being in here has done to him, while not remotely admitting it to himself, of course.

Kiyo: “I spent my time evaluating all the girls here… And besides Maki and Miu, they were all worthy!”

Well then you can’t be very good at evaluating people, because if you were a good judge of character you’d have been able to tell that Maki is a good person too. What, is your problem with her that she’s killed people?

Himiko: “Then… the second victim… could’ve been me? Tenko… died in place of me?”

Ugh, let’s just heap even more survivor’s guilt onto poor Himiko, shall we? This sucks for her so damn much.

Kiyo: “Her noble, earnest heart made her a perfect friend for Sister.”

Yeah, and if Tenko’s spirit actually does exist, then her noble, earnest heart is also exactly why she would absolutely fucking refuse to become friends with someone whose degenerate brother murdered her, oh my god.

Kiyo: “Though… I was planning on having you become Sister’s friend too… eventually.”

Does it work if someone else kills them? He can’t possibly see it that way, or else there’d be no point killing people himself. So, no, he couldn’t have been planning on that, because if he got away with it in the class trial then everyone else would have been killed by Monokuma and not him.

Kokichi: “You were interested in The Caged Child just so you could use it to kill someone, right?”

Kiyo: “It interested me as an anthropologist, of course. But more than that…”

See, on my first time through I somewhat suspected that the entire seance was just something Kiyo made up to have an excuse to use it for his murder plan, since all of the details were just way too convenient. But then there’s this here, which confirms that Kiyo believes it was a genuine thing, when he has no reason to lie any more. So instead it’s just way too convenient because Tsumugi is kind of a lazy writer (especially in this chapter).

Kaito: “…”

Shuichi: “Kaito, are you okay? You look… kinda pale…”

Kaito: “D-Don’t worry about it… Let’s focus on Kiyo right now.”

Hang in there, Kaito, this spirit bullshit is almost over. I enjoy Shuichi noticing and being concerned even though Kaito really isn’t the focus right now. And Kaito continuing to insist that they shouldn’t worry about him, of course.

Kiyo: “I did not plan to kill both of them. I knew I would have plenty of chances after escaping this place.”

No, you wouldn’t! They would already be dead if you escaped! Did you not read the fucking rules or something?

Himiko: “It’s not fair! Why did Angie and Tenko have to die for something so unfair!?”

Right? This is so fucking unfair. I mean, the killing game is unfair in general, but this one just takes the cake. It’s so pointless.

Monokuma: “Why do you think news stations get such high ratings when they’re reporting about death? Because… everyone likes unfair deaths.”

As someone who is basically in the same position as the in-universe audience to your killing game that you’re secretly referring to, I sure fucking don’t when it’s only unfair because it’s narratively meaningless, Monokuma!

Kokichi: “Well if you look at it like that, this whole killing game embodies that philosophy, right? Gifted high school students forced to play a killing game… Man! If people were watching this, they would get a kick out of it!”

Yeah, Kokichi’s not even being subtle about having figured that out by now. The fact that he definitely knows by this point that this is being watched is going to be extremely important going into next chapter.

Also, it sure would be nice if he actually told everyone, “hey by the way I’m certain that this game is being shown to people for entertainment, maybe we could use that knowledge to our advantage to escape,” instead of just hinting about it. Buuut of course not.

Kokichi: “Hell yeah! If I wasn’t in this killing game, I would have so much fun watching!”

That I can believe, even if there’s no real fourth wall and actual people were dying. It’s all good so long as nothing bad’s happening to him.

(He is also very indirectly implying here that he’s not having fun because he’s part of it. Which makes his statement that he’d enjoy it if he was just watching it more likely to be the truth, since this isn’t part of his lie to himself.)

Kiyo: “As your friend, I will watch over you!”

YOU’RE NOT OUR FRIEND SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW FRIENDSHIP WORKS

I’m weirdly fond of the taiko drum elements in Kiyo’s execution music.

I should, uh, probably also talk about the part in the execution with the spirits. I still don’t buy that spirits actually exist in this universe which is otherwise very sci-fi-focused, what with Flashback Lights and robots and such. So my interpretation is that everything from the moment Kiyo’s “spirit” appears is just special effects, to let the in-universe audience see Kiyo getting the karmic retribution that most executions usually have. (Plus, even if Kiyo’s spirit were real, his sister’s spirit would still have to be somehow faked, since his sister never existed.) It would be satisfying to think that Kiyo actually experienced getting melted with salt by his sister’s spirit and spent his last conscious moments in despair instead of thinking he was going to meet her, but, no, I believe he just straight-up died and that was it for him.

Monokuma: “I’m gonna take back this here Necronomicon. Seems like a waste, though. You guys sure you don’t wanna use it?”

Even if it would have worked, I still don’t see how it would have been a motive. Especially now, now that Kiyo’s dead and nobody else is going to try and propose a murder-seance if the resurrection doesn’t work. Maybe that’s why Monokuma takes it away now.

Kaito: “Sh-Shut up! How long are you gonna keep talking about that?”

Maki: “Ignore him. The whole resurrection ritual is obviously a lie. He’s just trying to shake us mentally to get us to panic.”

…Well, mostly to get Kaito to panic. Good thing Monokuma seems to have finally decided there’s no point doing that any more.

Kaito: “What people believe in is up to them, but… Living people shouldn’t have to suffer because of the dead! The living are more precious than the dead! No matter what!”

Putting aside the fact that Kaito obviously doesn’t like thinking about the dead as still being “alive” in some sense because it creeps him out, this is along similar lines to what he said at the end of the second trial, about how life is infinitely valuable and living things should never be ashamed of wanting to live. Of course he would think of those who are still capable of living as being worth more than those who sadly can’t anymore. He’s not just saying this because of his phobia.

Maki: “…That’s not something a coward like you should say.”

Kaito: “Sh-Shut up… Leave me alone.”

Apparently Kaito has finally reached the point of not even trying to deny his phobia and just wishing Maki would stop teasing him about it. Which really, you should, Maki. You’re just making him beat himself up even more over something that isn’t his fault.

Shuichi: “Well, that’s why we have to work together, right? Face it together. Our Ultimate talents are the best weapons we have.”

Mostly yours, though, Shuichi. And some others. Some people’s talents are not particularly useful in this situation. Still, this shows Shuichi’s becoming proud of his talent and happy that he’s able to use it to help everyone, which is progress!

(Other talents that are extremely useful for figuring out and escaping this killing game: Kokichi’s and Miu’s. Shame neither of those people are capable of co-operation.)

Maki: “…I’ll work hard, until everyone trusts my Ultimate talent.”

Kokichi: “Huh?”

Maki: “It may not be possible now, but I’ll put in the effort so everyone can trust me. I… I won’t run away anymore… I want to survive and escape this place with everyone.”

Maki Roll! Look how far she’s come already! She’s outwardly admitting that she wants to earn people’s trust and work together with everyone!

Honestly, that in itself should be enough to earn everyone’s trust. I don’t think anyone except for Kokichi really distrusts her any more at this point – after all, she’s kept her word about not killing anyone.

Kokichi: “I seeee… I wonder how long that’ll last. What if your true calling as a killer shows?”

Yeah, fuck you, Kokichi. We’ve been over how she would only ever have a reason to kill someone if she gets ordered to do so by her assassin cult which she has no contact with in here. He’s still just convinced that she’s inherently the kind of person who would turn around and kill someone with no provocation, because obviously she’s got to be the worst possible person.

(And okay, fair enough, he’s not completely wrong and this line may well be foreshadowing of what Maki tries to do in chapter 5. But that’s still entirely Kokichi’s fault for painting a huge target on his forehead and setting himself up as the kind of person that Maki has been raised to believe can only be effectively dealt with by being “removed”, so well done Kokichi for making that a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

Kaito: “Don’t underestimate her! Maki Roll’s one of my sidekicks!”

Maki: “I don’t remember being your sidekick. Also, didn’t I tell you to stop calling me Maki Roll?”

Being Kaito’s sidekick isn’t something you agree to, Maki. It’s something Kaito decides. It’s entirely about how Kaito views you and not the other way around. In that sense, Maki’s been his sidekick since the moment she agreed to train with him; he’s just only mentioning it now.

(I believe this is also the last time she ever complains about being called Maki Roll.)

Kokichi: “Ooohhh, you guys are so close now. This must be the powerful bond of friendship.”

That’s exactly what it is, Kokichi, no matter how hollow and meaningless you’re trying to make it sound.

Kokichi: “But I would’ve preferred it to happen sooner. Especially not after losing seven people.”

Gragh, and even when Kokichi does pretend to care about the notions of friendship and trust, he brings it up in a way that’s all “but you guys haven’t been good enough at friendship!”, still trying to act high and mighty above everyone else. Well maybe if you really thought friendship and bonds would have helped avoid some of those seven deaths, you could have contributed to that yourself, Kokichi.

Kokichi: “Humans are like weeds – too numerous to count. Seven of us dead doesn’t mean much in the end. …That’s totally what the heartless robot is thinking! Right, riiiight!?”

No, Kokichi, that’s clearly what you were thinking to try and deflect some of your basic-human-decency-driven guilt and pain at the deaths – and then you go and even deflect that justification of yours by trying to project it onto someone else.

Kaito: “I know we’re all gonna escape! I’m not gonna rely on a god, spirits, or the dead. Just you guys! I believe in all of you!”

As much as I adore your optimism, Kaito, you… probably shouldn’t believe in Kokichi or Miu. (Or Tsumugi, of course, but she hasn’t given any reason not to be trusted so far.) That said, Kaito is probably making this statement about how much he believes in everyone to try and encourage them all, even the ones less inclined to co-operate, to trust him back and work together. And it also goes to show that, even though Kokichi and Miu are unco-operative as hell, Kaito still believes that they’re fundamentally decent people who don’t want to kill anyone, which is true, very deep down.

Shuichi: (It seems like… everything is settled for now. Even though we’re missing her…)

It’s not entirely clear which “her” Shuichi’s talking about. The obvious answer would be one of the two girls who died most recently, but then you’d think he would specify which of them or refer to both of them. So I think that Shuichi’s actually referring to Kaede here, and he’s saying that even though Kaede isn’t here to encourage everyone and rally them together like she was trying to do at the beginning, everyone’s still managing to band together and keep going.

(That’s at least partly because of Kaito. Have I ever mentioned he and Kaede are similar.)

Himiko: “…”

Gonta: “Himiko… You okay? Anything Gonta can do to help? You can tell Gonta.”

Gonta is so good. He’s still just trying to help as much as he can, and right now the most obvious way he can see to help is by helping Himiko with her sadness.

Shuichi: “I think… we should let her have some space for now. That might be best for her. …I remember how I felt…”

And then Kaito punched you in the face (which didn’t help) and then encouraged you to go to Kaede’s lab and let your memories of her support you (which did help). So maybe Himiko does still need something other than to be completely left alone to wallow in her sadness right now.

Kokichi: “God, Himiko is such a liar!”

Kokichi’s about to do a thing. Hold this thought, we’ll get back to it in a second.

Kokichi: “Personally, I don’t think lies are exactly a bad thing… Let’s face it, you wouldn’t have any free will if the world was comprised with just the truth.”

Um, no? That’s not how free will works? Sure, I can completely understand how you could say that the world would be more boring if it was only comprised of the truth, but people would still be able to make choices! There are more choices in life than just “do I lie or do I tell the truth?”.

If anything, the world being full of lies makes it have marginally less free will, since lies can be used to manipulate people and make them think they only have one choice when they actually have several. This is even part of the point of this story! Tsumugi tries to insist during the final trial that everyone’s actions were all completely scripted and according to her outline, meaning they never really had any free will. While most of that claim is blatantly wrong and oh boy am I going to talk about that when we get there, it’s true that she did manage to manipulate some events to fit with her plans, and she did so using Flashback Lights, which contain lies.

Anyway, that was a Kokichi’s-philosophy-is-bullshit interlude, now back to what he’s doing for Himiko.

Kokichi: “But even then… I don’t think it’s good to lie to yourself, y’know?”

Himiko: “…”

Tsumugi: “What are you saying!? Think about Himiko’s feelings a little bit—”

Kokichi: “I only said this *because* I thought about it. Himiko has been lying to herself about her own feelings, so she’s been holding back. Hey, what are you repressing? Why are you trying so hard to hold back?”

This… is actually Kokichi helping Himiko out, in a being-cruel-to-be-kind sort of way. Himiko did need to hear this.

But the thing is, this is pretty much the only time in the entire game that Kokichi does something that’s apparently genuinely helpful. So I cannot in good conscience assume that that’s really Kokichi’s only reason for doing this, because if he were actually a person who wants to help people, even if it’s in a cruel-to-be-kind way, he would do this more often. Plus, the game goes on to flash back to Tenko’s final words to Himiko about expressing her feelings, which Kokichi was witness to. If Kokichi had really taken that speech to heart and genuinely cared about helping Himiko fulfil Tenko’s final wish, then he wouldn’t have tried to argue during the trial that obviously Himiko’s only pretending to care about Tenko now because she’s the culprit and trying to protect herself. He would have been able to actually comprehend the notion that she cares now because she regrets not listening to Tenko’s words before and now it’s too late.

So there has to be some reason Kokichi’s doing this other than because he wants to help, and it’s really not that hard to figure out. Kokichi’s words about lying to yourself about your true feelings are a perfect description of what’s going on with him. He’s being a gigantic hypocrite by telling Himiko this. So I think the main reason he’s doing this is that, just like he does so many other times, he’s deflecting and projecting his own feelings onto someone else. He’s saying this about Himiko so that he can tell himself it’s only Himiko who’s lying to herself about her true feelings, because obviously he wouldn’t be giving this advice if it was something he’s incapable of following himself, right?

It’s also apparent that this is really about Kokichi’s own issues and not about him helping Himiko because he’s not actually framing this correctly at all. Himiko is not lying to herself about her feelings. She knows she’s feeling sadness and pain over this; the only problem is that she’s struggling with how to express that and deal with it. She is not pretending that she’s fine like Kokichi always does. She used to, when she was hiding behind Atua, but that’s not what’s happening now. If Kokichi was really only doing this to help her, he’d understand that and phrase this differently. He says he thought about her feelings, but the conclusion he came to as a result of that thinking is that she’s obviously doing exactly what he does, because he deflects his issues onto everyone.

Regardless of his intent behind it, Kokichi is one of the few people who’d even have been able to help Himiko right now, since everyone else is too busy tiptoeing around her feelings to be blunt enough to tell her what she needs to hear. But Kokichi shouldn’t be the only one – Kaito should have been capable of it, too. Kaito had no qualms about bluntly telling Maki that she’s a coward and she’s running away in order to get her to finally start facing up to her issues earlier this chapter. It’s a little surprising to me that Kaito isn’t also the one to try and do something similar for Himiko here; you’d think he would have got there and done so before Kokichi said anything. I wonder if the reason he doesn’t is that, since Himiko’s pain is being compared to Shuichi’s at the end of the first trial, Kaito is still feeling awkward and guilty about the time he unhelpfully punched Shuichi in the face. That could be why he’s also tiptoeing around Himiko’s feelings more than he normally would right now – because he doesn’t want to make a similar mistake.

If Kaito had been the one to help Himiko here, then he wouldn’t have made it about her lying to herself. It would have been more about how it’s okay for her to feel this way but she needs to face those feelings head-on, like he was saying to her earlier in the trial. Which would also have been somewhat hypocritical of Kaito given what’s going on with him, but hypocritically deflecting his own issues would not have been the point of him doing it. He’d be framing it that way simply because it’s a perfectly reasonable way to frame it, since he understands her actual problem.

Himiko: “Tenko… Angie! I’m so lonely! I’m so lonely… without you two! But… I gotta survive! I… still can’t go to where you are! But… I’m lonely! I’m so lonely without the both of you!”

I enjoy how this is Himiko being really raw and open and direct with her emotions, repeating herself and contradicting herself and stating how she feels with no filter. It’s just what she needed to do.

I still think that Angie never really truly cared about Himiko as a person and doesn’t really deserve to have Himiko remember her this way. But the fact is, she’s dead, so Himiko can never get confirmation of how she felt any more – and given that, the only thing that matters is what Himiko wants to believe. If believing that Angie cared about her helps her more than the truth, then let’s let her believe that.

Shuichi: (Before we knew it… As if lured by her doing so… we began crying.)

Shuichi’s narration doesn’t specify who exactly is part of this “we” who join in with Himiko’s crying. The implication is that it’s everybody, but it can’t include Keebo, and I kind of doubt it includes Maki either, since there’s a big point made at the end of chapter 5 about that being the first time she’s cried that much in a long time. If it includes Kokichi, his are probably mostly overexaggerated fake tears, to lie to himself about the fact that his basic human decency is making him somewhat genuinely upset. But one person it definitely does include is Kaito.

Kaito’s face isn’t visible here, but the way his shoulders are hunched makes it clear that he’s crying too. That stance of his is the most in-focus thing in this shot other than Himiko herself, even. And his line just a little bit before the illustration shows up…

Kaito: “D-Damn it!”

…rather sounds like it could be his reaction to realising that he’s about to start crying and can’t stop it.

Anyway that’s just a fun fact that I wanted to point out even though the narrative doesn’t draw attention to it.

Shuichi: (The tears we shed… I can’t even describe it. We were crying about what we had been through, and what was to come… Sadness, hatred, frustration, discord, anger, love… Tears filled with emotion. But at the very least… they weren’t tears of submission. They were tears to push us forward.)

My inordinate focus on Kaito aside, I do really like this moment in general. It’s nice to have a moment to really let us see just how torn up everyone is by this awful situation they’re in, even though they usually try to put on a brave face and not show it. There’s no adequate words for everything they’re feeling, but just by sharing in this emotional outburst together, it feels like a bonding moment for everyone.

Gonta gives Himiko a piggyback ride back to the dorms after she falls asleep in exhaustion from all the crying. He is the absolute sweetest bestest gentleman.

Maki: “…She probably felt better after letting it all out, don’t you think?”

This means a lot coming from Maki, whose own issues that she’s been starting to work on involve having supressed her own emotions about the awful things she’s been through.

Shuichi: (While we were heading back to the dorms, I suddenly noticed… Kaito had stopped in his tracks.)

Kaito: “…”

Shuichi: “…Kaito, what’s wrong?”

Kaito: “Hm? Oh… Nothing. I just… wanted to get some night air. Don’t worry about me. Go on ahead.”

It’s definitely not that he’s about to cough up some blood or anything. He’s fine.

Maki: “Anyway… don’t do something like this again, okay? If you dislike scary things, then you should’ve said so earlier. I thought you were sic—”

Kaito: “You worried about me?”

She was worried about him! She’s saying this because she wishes he hadn’t worried her over something she thinks was so unnecessary!

Except for the fact that she has even more reason to be worried about him now, which is exactly why Kaito cuts her off right there. He can’t have anyone worrying about him, especially not when Maki’s just made a point about how she wishes he hadn’t worried her so much.

Maki: “Yeah… worried about your stupidity.”

As you should be! He is going to continue to be incredibly more stupid with regards to not letting you two know that there’s something wrong with him that you should be worried about!

Kaito: “Hah! Still haven’t warmed up to me, huh?”

Oh, she definitely has, Kaito. That’s why she’s worrying about you.

Kaito has to know that she only appears so cold here because she’s frustrated that he made her worry. But he hates having done that, so instead he’s pretending that her response to his question totally proves she’s not worried about him at all.

Shuichi: “Maybe not… but I feel like the walls we had up are coming down a little, you know? Perhaps those walls were her enemies… It seems like she doesn’t want to wait anymore.”

Kaito: “Yeah! Cuz of me!

Shuichi: “…Yeah, maybe, but you sound like you’re bragging, Kaito!”

Her walls are coming down and it is because of Kaito and he should be proud of himself about that! (Especially as it’s the only thing he managed to achieve this chapter next to Shuichi effortlessly saving everyone in the class trial yet again.)

Kaito: “But like I said, I’m… gonna get some air before I go back. You can go on ahead.”

Shuichi: “Sure… got it. See you tomorrow.”

Kaito: “Yeah, see ya tomorrow!”

He’s wearing one of his usual casual smiles for that last line like nothing’s wrong. For the most part, Kaito is genuinely really good at pretending that he’s completely fine when he is absolutely not. I’m going to be joking about it a lot, but that’s only because I find it delightful how absolutely goddamn stubborn he is about keeping up this façade.

Shuichi: (I didn’t notice what was going on with Kaito…)

Here’s another rare instance of Shuichi’s narration suddenly being from a future Shuichi who knows everything that’s going to happen, rather than just being told from the present. At least this time what he’s saying is right, but I really don’t think this is necessary since we’re about to see what’s wrong with Kaito for ourselves. It’d have been much more fun if they’d ended this with the present Shuichi innocently thinking something like how he’s relieved that Kaito’s feeling better now, only to immediately whiplash it with the following scene.

Kaito: “I… don’t have time to be dying…”

I love how, even though this is presumably the moment Kaito properly realises that oh god, he’s dying, he phrases it like this. The idea that he’s going to die and there’s nothing he can do about it is so terrifying that he can only acknowledge it in this way that’s full of defiance and denial. He’s going to find something better to do with himself than this bullshit thing like dying that his body has apparently decided is a priority, dammit! Accepting his impending death just like that would be giving up, and that’s inconceivable to Kaito.

Kaito: “I still haven’t gone into space yet.”

Fourth reminder that KAITO CANNOT DIE BEFORE HE’S GONE TO SPACE. This is still very, very important, and it makes the knowledge that he’s dying even harder to bear. Everyone wants to keep living, but Kaito has a specific thing he wants to do more than anything and has been working so hard towards that he’s never going to be able to reach if he dies here.

Kaito: “Damn it… No way am I gonna die here! No way…”

Even though he’s being as stubborn and defiant about this as he can, you can hear his voice wavering a little in that final “No way…”, betraying how scared he really is, and I love it.

I also just generally love the fact that the writers made this chapter-end stinger be “Kaito is dying”. Every chapter except the first and the last has an ending stinger like this that isn’t strictly related to what just happened in the trial: Maki is an assassin, Kaito is dying, Kokichi is plotting to end the killing game, Keebo has gone rogue. Of those, most are more of a plot-related hook, to keep the players interested in the overall goings on in the story. But this one is only relevant to Kaito’s character arc. I am delighted that the writers saw Kaito’s character arc as an important enough part of the story that they felt it deserved a stinger like this anyway, something that helps you understand what’s going on with him now, while it’s happening, rather than only retroactively realising it later. You’d have been able to appreciate what’s going on during a second time through even if this stinger didn’t exist, but apparently the writers thought that a sense of dramatic irony and painful infuriation at Kaito hiding what he really should be telling his friends should be the only way to experience chapter 4, and, yes. Yes, it should be.

So anyway chapter 4 is one of my favourite chapters particularly in terms of the type of things that this commentary exists to talk about and I am very excited that I’m finally going to get into it next time.

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[Chapter-end bonus ramble] [Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 3 #class trial #commentary

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