#i was Her when i was a small teen. now im a bully adult :

[marymary-diva17]

new home (2)

Jake x avatar reader x Neytiri

Being allowed to seek refuge with the metkayian was a blessing, but getting use to a new home was something that took time to get use to. Life for the sully family had changed since their arrival here yesterday, as they had to learn fast but they were not the only ones learning fast even the adults had to learn. Everyone was doing their own duty in their new home as they were learning to adapt to their new home and new life as well.

y/n " ......." it has been a while since you and your family have arrived at the metkayian village. There were some difficulties and success when it came to learning the ways of the reef navi. You had been placed under the mentorship of ronal with mo'at and neytiri. ronal was very impress by the healing ways and how well you seem to be getting use to your new home as well.

kiri " hey mama I'm going to wonder around" it was a off day today in the village and everyone seem to be doing their own thing. It mostly seem like everyone was trying to find something to do that will keep them entertained or busy for the day.

y/n " okay be safe out there"

kiri " yes mama" kiri soon kissed hugged your before she left leaving you at the home, alone that was until tuk came running into the home. Kiri, lo'ak and spider had been coming to you lately speaking of their problems of their new home and life here.

tuk " mama"

y/n " yes little one"

tuk " some of the kids here ask me to come play with them can I"

y/n " sure you cna but be home for supper time im understood"

tuk " yes mama"

y/n " okay go have fun" Tuk smiles as you soon saw her run off with some younger kids of the village, you are happy the children had been able to find some happiness while living here. The children were having a hard time here but soon were able to find some fun in their new home.

Elsewhere in the village

kiri " ......" kiri was looking at the sand underwater as a small creature was making holes in the sand, kiri had always been inspired by the ways of eywa and you had encouraged her to explore and understand the world.

Ao'nung " what is she doing"

bully 1 " I don't know"

ao'nung " she just looking at the sand" aonung comment had gotten a laughter out of his friends

kiri " huh what you say"

ao'nung " are you some kind of freak "

bully 1 " he asked if you are a freak"

kiri " no" kiri shakes her head and soon started walking awat from the bullies she didn't have time for them.

ao'nung " are you sure you are not even real navi .... look at these hands" aonung and tried to grab kiri hand, only to have her pull them away.

????? " hey" soon lo'ak had shown up he is very mad at aonung right now.

lo'ak " back off fish lips"

aonung " aww another four finger freak" aonung was back up as lo'ak was walking near him.

bully 1 " aww look at his litle baby tail"

lo'ak " don't touch me" soon the bullies had started picking on lo'ak and pulling his tail.

kiri " leave us alone" soon neteyam and made his way over he was mad, but he was not alone spider was with him.

neteyam " you heard what they said leave them alone"

bully 2 " aww big brother coming ..." the bully was cut off by aonung as spider was comforting kiri and lo'ak.

neteyam " back off now .. smart choice and from on I need you to respect my sister" one of the bullies had hissed at the four teens as they all stood there glaring at each other.

neteyam " good let go"

ao'nung " look at them their whole family is bunch of freaks, even their dear mama" all four teens had stoped in their tracks did they hear aonung right.

lo'ak " ......" lo'ak soon turned around and stared making his way back to aonung and his crew.

lo'ak " look I know my hand look funny im a freak and alien, but it can do something really cool watch" lo'ak soon started punching aonung sending him falling into and the sand.

lo'ak " don't you ever touch my sister again and don't you ever talk bad about my mama again" soon a whole fight had broken out Neteyam and spider ran in to join, the fight against the metkayain boys as kiri tried to break it up but ended up laughing.

y/n " Jake welcome home what ... kids what happen" you saw you son come home and they were hurt, you soon dropped everything and rush to their aid.

Jake " what was the one thing I told you"

neteyam " stay out of trouble"

Jake " stay out of trouble"

netayam " it was my fault .... mama"

y/n " stop moving boy"

Jake " you need to stop taking the blame for this knuckle head"

lo'ak " aonung was picking on kiri and he insult mama as well ... he called them freaks" you soon stopped what you were doing and looked at your kids, and husband.

Jake " go apology to aonung"

loak " what"

Jake " he the chief son dont you understand ... I don't care how you do it"

y/n " Jake"

lo'ak " no mama dad is right I will go apologize to him" soon lo'ak had walked away from the family and home, leaving you standing there with neteyam and Jake.

Jake " hey what did the other guys look like"

neteyam " worst "

Jake " that good"

neteyam " alot worst" neteyam and Jake shared a smile befor neteyam was dismissed from the home, you were now looking at Jake.

Jake " look I know what I did was wrong but we need to be on good terms here if we are going to get the whole clan here"

y/n " ......"

Jake " I'm sorry loak will be fine y/n he will say sorry and become friends with Aonung, and it will all be good"

y/n " I;m trust you Jake but I wish you will understand our son more as well" you soon looked out as you saw lo'ak on his IIu leave the boy waved toward you, and you waved back with a smile on your face. You knew lo'ak meant well for his actions to stay up for his family, but you really dislike how it was handle afterwards as well.

Jake " you taught him some of those punches did you" Jake soon puled you into an embrace.

y/n " someone had to teach him so moves he can't always be learning from you and neytiri" jake smiled towards you he knew you are good mother and the only reason their family still strong.

Later on that day

Neytiri " what the matter" kiri was helping you and neytiri with some cooking but the girl who mood had changed since the fight.

kiri " I'm fine"

y/n " sweetie what bothering you"

kiri " why can't I bee like the rest mama why I'm so different"

neytiri " aww kiri" neytiri had touched kiri trying to comfort her only to get the girl to move away from her a bit, you had signal for neytiri to leave kiri be for a moment. later that night your found kiri alone on a pier you soon went to join her.

y/n " hey honey"

kiri " hey mama" you said nothing was you pulled kiri close to you, and kissed her forehead making her smile.

Jake " mind if I join" Jake soon made himself know to the mother and daughter he soon sat down next to kiri.

Jake " so tell us what the matter baby girl"

kiri " I can feel and hear her dad"

Jake " feel who"

kiri " eywa" you and Jake looked at each other trying to understand what was going on right now.

Jake " so what does eywa sound like"

y/n " yes tell use honey we want to know"

kiri " she sounds mighty" before anymore words could be spoke Neteyam had come over with aonung and he was mad, you soon stood up knowing something was wrong.

netayam " go on tell my dad and mama what you did .. tell them what you told me" soon panic set in and fear as lo'ak was missing your baby boy was missing. you felt your heart racing race, he was gone and your couldn't find him. A party had been made to look for loak once the news was shared with everyone else.

neteyam " mama I'm sorry I should of stayed with him"

y/n "it okay it none of your fault "

warrior " the boy the sully boy has bene found" you soon took off running towards the docks to see your son, you soon reach there and saw Jake checking him over.

y/n " loak"

lo'ak " mama" you soon reach him as Jake and step aside checking him over and over again.

y/n " you are okay you are okay"

neytiri " lo'ak" neytiri soon reach the boy and was checking him over as well.

neytiri " I pray for the strength that I dont punish my youngest son"

y/n " you will do no such thing neytiri" neytiri seem shcoec by you tone so did everyone else, you were nothing to mess with when you become mother bear mode.

tonowari "no my son knows better to take outsiders... the blame is his"

Jake " okay lets go"

lo'ak " no this is not among fault ... this was mine idea aonung tried to talk me out of it" you know loak was lying you can always tell when him or the kids lie.

neytiri " lo'ak"

lo'ak " im sorry"

Jake" I will dela with this" soon the fmaily started walking away, you could hear aonung getting scolded by his parents maybe that was your son reason for taking the blame.

lo'ak " dad you told me to make friends with these kids and that what I did"

Jake " no I don't want to hear you have brought shame to this family"

y/n " Jake"

lo'ak " it okay mama"

Jake " any more trouble I will jerk a tail in your tail you read me"

loak " yes sir understood sir can I go now"

Jake " go" lo'ak soon walked awya you were going to head after him when you heard something else.

neytiri " where were you"

Jake "yes were you .... you were suppose to look after your brother"

y/n " enough both of you leave neteyam alone"

neteyam " mama it okay"

y/n " no neteyam not to blame for losing his brother after you asked Loak to say sorry for a fight, and now you tell him he bring shame to the family"

Jake " y/n I ...."

y/n " now you two ... I don't have the words right now kids come we are going home" you soon walked away from Jake and neytiri with the kids following. You soon spotted loak and aonung talking you want to interfere but saw they were being friendly towards each other, soon leaving the boys alone. When lo'ak got home that night he was keep his distance from Jake and neytiri, but he was spending time with you and the rest of the family. You had given a some looks towards Jake and Neytiri but spoke no words towards them. It seem like this new home was still going to have some hardships for everyone.

#avatar x y/n #atwow #avatar 2 #neytiri x reader #jake x reader #avatar #sully family x reader #neytiri x y/n #avatar x reader #neytiri #tuktirey #tuk sully #tuktirey te suli neytiri'ite #kiri te suli kìreysì'ite #jake sully avatar #jake sully x y/n #jake sully x reader #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #jake x reader x neytiri #navi x reader

[l0lz1ez-x3]

okay so uh. venting here because my vents in my discord server are so common no one really pays attention anymore (so fucking stupid because then they expect me to respond to theirs.)

tw/cw; verbal abuse, threats of physical abuse, mentions of eating disorders, and emotional abuse (maybe mental to!! gotta love my mom.)

honestly I'm so fucking done. I'm tired of this, I just want a break. I need a break. it's been fucking 6 years and 3 months, I can barely do this anymore. i literally hate my mom, she's exhausting. short context; she started fat shaming and verbally abusing me when I was 7 (which was also around the time that I started getting heavily bullied. yay.) and surprise, surprise! it's still going on. I don't even know what I did, it was like just one day she switched completely honestly. she's rarely physically abusive thank God but when she is then it's questionable. either random shit like smacking me for no goddamn reason or shoving an entire plate of buffalo wings and ranch in my face because I asked her to give me a second and she "didn't hear me" and thought I was being "disrespectful". (this happened last year around Christmas time and the next day she acted like nothing happened and said it was MY fault.)

I literally never do anything wrong, I do my homework on time and if I miss a day then I make up for it and I do extra, my rooms always clean, I always help take care of the dogs and other animals, I help clean and cook, and other small things like getting things she can't reach, watching the dogs when she goes out, helping when my grandfather falls (despite him being a pedophile.) yet all I get in return as a thank you is fucking abuse. pure and utter verbal and emotional abuse for no reason while she favorites my brother. it's so fucking stupid honestly I'm tired of the threats from her saying she'll literally beat me for no reason, she'll get rid of my dog (I say mine because he's only here because I beg her to keep him because he was around when my now dead dog was, and he means a lot to me.), or saying she'll burn, throw away, or cut up my crochet, clay, resin, and knitted projects that I spend weeks to months on. and if it's not that then it's the verbal abuse, calling me rude names and fat shaming me for simply eating a little more than usual, or blaming me for shit I didn't do, yelling at me for no reason, calling me rude shit when I cry, telling me she'll "give me something to cry about" and raising her hand like she'll hit me. yet she wonders why I flinch so much around her. or why I stay in my room, or don't want to talk to her. every time I bring this up to her in a mature way she'll just tell me I should be "grateful" because she's a "great mom" and that IM the abusive one. and, just to clarify, I rarely talk to her. if she asks me anything I literally just answer with "okay", "mhm", "no", or "yeah I know".

change of subject, so, I have POTS syndrome and that means my heart rate changes drastically and my blood pressure drops when I change positions from sitting to standing or from laying to sitting, and when I push myself to do more difficult things like running or lifting heavy things (the change in blood pressure and heart rate can make me really dizzy or I can just straight up whiteout. it's scary when that happens but I've learnt to deal with it for the most part) and she uses that against me along with my autism, saying they're my fault because I "wasn't born this way" and it's my fault because I'm "so overweight". heads up, my heart doctor literally TOLD HER MULTIPLE TIMES that symptoms of POTS show up in the teen to young adult age and have a chance of going away, and for the weight? literally an endocrinologist told her multiple times that my weight is fine and she shouldn't focus on that, because guess what? the things affecting me the most right now is high testosterone and my slight Insulin resistance WHICH RUNS IN BOTH SIDES OF THE FUCKING FAMILY. and quick mention, I'm the healthiest out of my entire family. yet she'll still obsess over this shit. it's tiring, I've already had an eating disorder when I was around 10 because of the heavy fat shaming which lead me to STARVE MYSELF. then I got better from that and she started restricting my food to less than what I NEEDED so I had to hide food in my room to eat when I'd get hunger pains FROM NOT EATING and if she'd find them when she'd search my room? threats of physical abuse, yelling, verbal abuse, and her yet again bodyshaming me and calling me a hog or a pig.

on the topic of weight loss or eating disorders, I've lost over 27 pounds in the span of 3 months. not by choice, but because of her forcing me to work out. when she's been told by two different doctors that my weight ISNT THE ISSUE. it's fucking disgusting. she's disgusting. disgusting and a piece of shit. I just want to be happy, I want to feel appreciated and loved again instead of like I do now. I can't even fucking remember the last time I had any type of affection that wasn't from people online, I'm tired. I'm just so, so tired. I need this to end soon before I end up doing something stupid again. I don't want to fuck up again :(

#vent #tw verbal abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw abuse #im tired #i need a break #i need to be sedated #i just want to be loved #i hate her #im sorry #this is a waste of time. #rant

[ask-glados-anything]

glados stans turn into people who can’t show affection besides gently bullying their s/o

#its true #ive lived it and i cant not punch the shoulders of someone im interested in #nor be unable to take compliments #a curse #i was Her when i was a small teen. now im a bully adult : #glados #portal #portal 2 #aperture science

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #i told sunset about you #a thot #tharntype #lovely writer #bl fandom #idk #lol #long

[ziracona]

Anytime I see the legion im picturing urs so now in a trial im like "fukn idiot loser babies" *pallet smacks*. Reading ur meta(is that the term??) on Julie just now I'm like. So mad for her!! Get them kids some therapy!! How could the adults in their lives let them get to such a shitty point.. >:( Also, another thought I had with Adiris. The buzzfeed video is more her holding a bunch of cats. Because the survivors are like herding cats. Chaos children they are (im looking at you meg.)

Hahdjsdk god what a mood. Every time I see an Anna I’m just like “!!! MOM?” And get a hatchet between the eyes rip. And yeah! Meta is right.

For real, for real. Julie and all the Legion kids had some real shit going on. Joey by far had the best home life and family, but even he had a bunch of struggles in school because his family didn’t have time or in many cases experience to help him study, and it was crowded and poor, and because he had no help most kids got, he got treated like he was stupider, and even when he had skills in other areas, everyone at school expected him to perform well at sports and not much else like that was fine & he was meant to be valuable exclusively as an athlete, when he much preferred and actually really liked things like shop and ceramics and building/making stuff. But most people treat trade classes like easy As dumb kids pick (back when shop was still a thing), and like it was a worthless skill, and like. That doesn’t sound as bad as like, being bounced through foster homes as Frank, but pain is relative, you know? Bad is just bad. And things grind on you. It was hard to be taught constantly he was only worth something as a skill he didn’t even really care about, and get treated like he was dumb just because he had less help built in to school than most kids there did. People don’t talk about this much but like, having parents or sibs who help with homework? It’s a huge factor. So is just having family who are college graduates (if you go to college), because first gen student means walking in blind & alone & accountable to no one but bills, and like, college is initially overwhelming with two parents with Masters who are helpful. Any time what you value about you and what you love doesn’t match up with what people who have more power than you tell you is valuable about you/should be your goal, it’s hard. Especially as a teen still trying to like hack out an identity. Overly enthusiastic and impulsive, and has been mocked and hurt and turned on for it, but can’t shut it off. Big heart, but the luck to stand up usually just in time to get laid flat again.

And then Susie, with the parents who don’t care for her or pay her much mind other than disappointed looks and an occasional snap or suggestion or urging to try something different that what she’s doing. Bullied for her sexuality, nervous, and in a small town in the late 90s, probably the only lesbian (at least that she’s aware of existing) in that entire like couple hundred people mountain town, and sort of unbearably alone and misunderstood and isolated feeling. God, feeling like there’s just no one like you are out there is one of the worst feelings, isn’t it? Buried in the things she knows people whisper about her and a thousand tiny microinteractions a day that drain her armor. Loves Julie, but is so isolated Julie is her entire world to an unhealthy, co-dependant, and worryingly usable/manipulatable and non-independent nature for Susie. Because she’s so desperate to keep her she’d do anything not to be alone. But the struggle to never be alone by chasing Julie’s shadow means there’s no time for Susie and her own hopes and dreams and choices and developing personhood. But the worst part is that she’s genuinely happy this way, trailing after the girl she loves, which makes it so hard for either of them to confront and stop even enough to just make it healthy again. But she’s built her whole identity on one person like a precarious janga tower that could fall any second if the wrong piece goes, and that can’t be sustained forever, and who is she when it does crumble?

Then you got Julie, hot, popular, ignored personality disorder, proud parents who want her to keep being ideal and their little princess, than can’t handle her as a teen when she’s not in the box they expected anymore and they can’t just live and be proud vicariously through her all the time. Hit puberty early & dated way too physically way too young with way too much older men. Hit on by teachers, by men three times her age in parking lots. Quickly taught it’s safer to say yes than no and sex and love are a battlefield where you use the other as a stepping stone & the trick is to manurver so you’re okay once it’s over and got something while it went on. Had fun being hot and physically developed young because she suddenly had admirers and people were nice, then realized way too late that it came with constantly being in danger and under pressure to keep performing sexiness, and there wasn’t a livable choice to back out and fail those expectations anymore & be okay in her social circles. Knows she’s not emotional or loving in the way her loved ones are distressed about it, but can’t tell why, and gives up trying to ‘fix it’ and just pretends she doesn’t care and leans into being the sexy bitch and the power that comes with it. Doesn’t even know who she is herself beneath any of the ways she lives anymore, maybe she just is the act, maybe that’s fine. Trusts no one and that’s fine it’s just smart. Caught between liking the power of sex and intelligence and coldness, and the emptiness of not really being somebody. Needs to be loved and idolised and eternally aware how much people would hate her for that if they knew it was the truth, so she just keeps it to herself and makes herself someone they have no choice but to love and adore, so it’ll all be okay. Caught between worried she is cold and unfeeling and selfish and proud, and liking the power that goes with that, and the lack of desire to change, and the fear she doesn’t know how to do it. So she mostly just doesn’t think about any of the turmoil anymore and lives Julie instead of being her.

Then you got Frank, tossed around a myriad of foster homes, stolen by the government from the only one he ever was loved in over race, abused in every way foster parents have learned to abuse the kids they were supposed to love, and convinced since he was a kid that he’s a bad seed and a monster at heart, until he leaned into the violence of that to protect himself when no one else did. Harsh and strong and a fighter, a survivor, lonely and a loner, too much past, no future, not much present. Angry, god, so angry, and nothing to do with it. No skills, or money, or future, or any of it. No love, no family. Just the things he taught himself to survive. Just a good liar, a good fighter, adaptable, fast, tactical, enduring. Knows how to pick locks and lift wallets and hoard food that is least likely to be noticed. How to vanish, how to look real scary and real big, how to get stabbed and get back up, and take a fall, and bide his time. How to find north. Which makes for a good what? A thug, a conman, a drug runner, a loan shark or a hitter or a bouncer maybe? A guard, a killer, a thief? No love, no ties, no one. And only a borrowed, angry, violent sense of self, and all the other versions that didn’t live to adulthood but aren’t quiet dead yet buried beneath it.

God, the opening line to the original lore for Darkness Among Us really was beautiful and memorable. The kind of first line you hope for. “Frank Morrison was ninteen, and had little to show for it.” Like, fuck. It’s so understated, and common, and painfully mundane, but that’s it, that’s his whole life. And how fucking painful that is. To be the end of teenagehood, stepping into adult life alone, and be able to be summed up in just eleven words, as a marker of your lived timespan up to now, and the annotation that you from all of it have gained almost nothing that could be worth any note. I fucking love that line. God. It’s so empty, and cruelly mundane and undramatic and unimportantly scored and marked, like it doesn’t even matter that he’s down nearly two decades of life with nothing worth taking into the next two.

Lord, all the Legion kids really do need help, and therapy, and like, one decent parental figure. Thank god for Jeff. He really is out here doing the real work. Love that man. TuT

And you’re right w Adiris lol. 🤣 It’s a mix of cats and dogs, magbe even. Some of them aren’t trouble, but oh, oh some most definitely are. Side note: I fkn just reallly love cats. Poor Adiris out here tryin her best, and I’m sure she does too.

#ask #anonymous #in living memory (fic) #in living memory #dead by daylight

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from 🦚

🚨URGENT🚨 I know you are busy with many other Questions but please please answer asap! My mental state has been getting worse after the whole Corona shit started since many escapes and distractions I had from reality hot cancelled and suddenly taken away from me. I have a very bad relationship with my mother who is very controlling, if you ask me emotionally and psychologically abusive (unconsciously) and just overall not taking my problems and her mistakes seriously! ~ 🦚 (1/?) She keeps blaming my childhood filled with bullying for my emotional personality not accepting the fact that telling me to my face as a kindergartener that she apparently was crying in a corner asking god what crime she comitted to get a child like me and filming me while crying as well as literally raising me to believe therapy is bad and being mentally not okay is a huge af crime didn’t affect me at all. I barely remember my childhood. Just bits and pieces. ~🦚 (2/?) Most related to her arent nice! At all! Tonight I had my worst breakdown yet. Im 18 and therefore TECHNICALLY adult. However I’m still considered a student, even if not attended school for months because of constant mental breakdowns on school grounds. I havent finished my education yet, dont know if I’m mentally stable enough to try again next school year, cant have a job, my dad lives right next door and I would see mom on the balcony from his window. ~🦚 (3/?) My grandparents keep distance cuz Corona, moms mom was physically abusive to her and I have almost no relationship with her, my aunt and cousin font have space even tho they try to offer me to stay. There is literally no space to actually like stay there for more than a day or two. I need to get away. Idk what to do. My friends cant take me in either. I dont know how much longer I can keep myself together and I think that I dont want to find out. I just want to be away… ~🦚 (4/?) However.. I’ve many many little siblings. Most teens and pre teens. One a toddler in kindergarten!! I dont want to leave them with her. Or her BF. He was nice at first but turned into an absolute nightmare. I hate it here. I dont feel safe. But I cant go where I feel safe. Please idk what to do anymore please please answer Asap … Location:🇩🇪 Germany ~🦚 (5/ FINAL)

Hi there, 

I’m sorry that we’ve kept you waiting for a reply, however we answer all asks in the order we receive them (admin availability and knowledge area dependant), but if you’re ever in an emergency please see our page on what to do. Our current wait time is down to six weeks (and quickly getting shorter) but we also have our live chat admins on at various times through the week. 

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with everything that going on just now, and it sounds like you’re a bit stuck for options on what to do. With every country having such different lockdown measures and restrictions in place I’m not sure how flexible Germany at the moment. I think something that might be helpful for you to do is perhaps to stay at your aunt and cousins on and off, and talking through some of your issues with them. 

You don’t have to tell them all the personal troubles if you don’t feel comfortable, but talking through school and work situations at the moment, and maybe try get some planning done for the future. Feeling like you’re working towards something and having their support might help with feeling there’s a light at the end of tunnel, and you might not feel as trapped as you do at home. I think that if your mental state at your home with your mum is very bad, why don’t you try staying two days with your aunt, then two days at home and keep doing that? So you can still see your siblings and look after them, but you also get to work on your mental health away from your mum if she’s making it particularly hard to do so at home. 

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling isolated from your family, so I would really recommend trying to keep as in touch with your friends as possible. Phone calls, Skype, FaceTime, texting - just know that you aren’t alone in this and your friends are still here for you even if they can offer you somewhere to stay a the moment. Also, small things like keeping to a routine, getting some fresh air and exercise, good nights sleep etc. will be important for your mental health just now and having these foundations right can help with how you feel overall. 

With your mum, it’s very tricky as you’re in the house with her and can’t really leave. I would say for now the best thing you could do would maybe be just to keep your distance from her as much as possible. If you know when you talk with her she’ll upset you, try limit conversation. Normally I’d say that perhaps talking through issues when they arise would help, but as you’re at home with her all the time with no breathing space, it might not be helpful to take that approach if she’s not very receptive or open to a conversation. 

If you don’t feel safe and need some specialised advice, try calling a local helpline. Likely there are others similar to you who with this lockdown don’t feel safe at home for that amount at time with who they live and they’ll be able to tell you some services to turn to if you feel you cannot stay there any more. 

I hope that you manage to work things out, and keep on going! 

Take Care, 

Hollie

#🦚 #tag as 🦚 #submission #submission from 🦚 #mhahollie #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #corona #coronavirus #mother #home #student

[bolbianddolanhouse]

oops, I have a BNHA OC [self insert]

BNHA AU

Name: Itati Palma age: 15 {normal 1st year HS age} gender: Female sexuality: Cis-gender, Heterosexual quirk: Mid-range Telekinesis and Copy school: UA high class: 1-A, Intelligence Courses (Secret Service section of the school, tho not canon, is a lesser known section of UA with small class sizes)

Likes: Memes, coffee, flowers and scented stationary 

Dislikes: Ignorance, Capitalism, authority figures and unseasoned food

Quirk:

What it does: Can levitate self, other object/persons, teleport 

flaw/limit: 

1) Though no limit to how much they can levitate and move other objects, they HAVE to expose their armpits to activate telekinesis (in other words, T-pose) 2) Can teleport only 2 miles at a time and even then, the location HAS to be a location they’ve visited/passed through before 3) in order to teleport an object/another person, they have to have the object/person against their chest (think of a tight hug)

what it does: copy other quirks

flaw/limit:

1) Can also copy mutations if its in relation of the quirk 2) HAS to touch the person’s face with their hand in order to copy the quirk 3) Can copy someones double quirk but its harder to control 4) Can’t sustain the copy for too long, depending on the quirk and how many, can sustain between 5 mins to 8 hours

About the family: 

Neron Palma: Father (metal manipulation) Elde Palma: Mother (Full Range Telekinesis and Erasure) Primavera Palma: Older sister (Rampage and Fire) Joaquin Palma: Little Brother (Elasticity and Flight)    -Double quirks run on the mother’s side, Elemental manipulation runs on the father’s side. Telekinesis runs on both sides. Hispanic family of immigrant parents and older sibling, brother and I are American born. Nobody is a pro-hero BUT quirks are used for their respected occupations. In America, theres no pro-heroes due to unjust and corrupt government, but Batman is a thing (all other comic book heroes are just comics and cartoons).

Combat techniques and preferences:  

Though having a double quirk and being potentially powerful, they rely on their quick thinking and environment when in combat. Not really being the type to physically fight, they’re the team strategist and last resort. Even though not choosing to be a hero, they have a signature fighting style thats a mix of lucha libre and MMA fighting. Since they’re in the Intelligence course, they also use a whole range of gadgets like net guns, stun guns, ammo guns, flash grenades and blades to name a few that they keep concealed and carry. Works best in teams but can carry on their own if they need to. 

About : 

Just a bright and talented American teen when their whole world was rocked by an up and coming gang that attacked the high school she was attending at the time. When she saw her favorite teacher get shot by the gang leader, she stood in front of them and fought him to the death. Even though she managed to disable the leader, he shot her in the abdomen, causing her to bleed out as he escaped. Thinking this was the end of her life, she woke up in a government controlled hospital and was told that they intervened a government case and was given 3 options. To re-locate with their family, stay and die or to join the secret service but leave the country until all gang activity dies out. Though a hard choice on their family, they accept the 3rd option for the safety of their family. They fake her death and she gets quickly sent to Japan to attend UA as a last minute enrollee to the Intelligence program. 

School life: 

Since she was an international student and tested out of alot of subjects (like english, sciences and 1st year math), she was able to get a specialized class schedule that allowed them to take part of the hero course while taking intelligence courses. So she interacts with the 1-A students for 2 hours out of the school day. Everyone gets along with her and include her as much as possible, even as far as training with them. Since she didn’t bring her family with her to Japan, alot of their ‘adult reliance’ came from Midnight, Present Mic and Eraserhead. She basically only has 2 very close friends that she met in their Intelligence course, Jin and Mimi (more on them in another post). Lived by themselves until the introduction of dorms. 

Uniform and Costume:

She wears the uniform like all the other girls but with more personality. Often wears colorful knee-high socks, makeup (to hid eye bags mostly), shoes vary from normal loafers to ugg looking-ass boots. On the pocket of the blazer, they wear their flag pins with pride (all international students were given flag pins to let other students know where they’re from and home culture. Mine were the American flag and Mexican flag). Hair always done differently daily to show off how long, thick and curly it is. At first, they didn’t have PE clothes bc of their rush enrollment, so they had to wear basketball shorts and witty t-shirts to do training. When the measurements were done, her PE clothes were like the UA track suit but with shorts instead of pants and had their last name and American flag on the upper back of the jacket. As for costume, everyone in the intelligence course gets a custom variation of a black jumpsuit with utility belt and holsters. Mine was a jumpsuit with shorts, mesh long sleeves, thigh high compression stockings, steel toe boots and a drop down visor. On the upper thigh of the suit is embroidered Agent number (Im number 19) and two flags (American and Mexican). 

Fun details:

Acts like the class cool older sibling even though they’re all the same age. If they didn’t leave America, she would’ve studied to be a musician or writer. Everyone gets intrigued when they speak spanish (often its cursing). Doesn’t like using their copy quirk but the 1-A boys are always actin’ the fool and they catch these hands then get their ass kicked with their own quirk. Often feels homesick and gets depressed over her situation but chooses not to seek help from others (Midnight is often the one to help them out without being asked). Doesn’t sleep much to upkeep with school work but also parties alot with their Intelligence class until the sun rises. To everyone’s surprise, she has a drivers license and drives to school (up until the dorm situation, they just teleport to school and drive when they do shopping). Is an LGBTQA+ ally and will fight anyone who bullies them, even if they don’t know them. 

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I decided to share my BNHA self insert bc I’ve been having these dreams where I attend UA and live a whole ass life in that universe. These dreams have been continuous for about 4 months now and I REALLY want the 4 season to start so I can stop and dream literally anything else. In the meantime, if you stumbled upon this post and want/need to read something to bide the time until season 4 (or just want to read self insert AUs), Ill be updating often on this AU for anyone’s reading pleasure. Thanks for stopping by today :3 Ill put a link to the next one here! Bye for now!

#bnha #mha #oc #self insert au #not canon #will update regularly #bnha quirks #ask me anything

[sandersimagination]

Wassup, ST here! You remember that information Sleep said we were gathering? Well I’m here to present it to you. Well, at least some of it. So here’s some general facts about those of us available for asks!

Sleep:

Lives off coffee

Poor child has horrible nightmares and refuses to sleep until he just crashes

The only way in which you could bribe him to sleep is with cuddles (They chase away the nightmares)

He is the epitome of clingy when sleeping

Ironically, or unironically depending how you look at it, he has the ability to knock someone out cold (putting them to sleep not punching them Anxiety, chill)

Hates Anxiety with a passion like nobody's business (None of us can figure out why though, asides from Emile but he refuses to share claiming “doctor, patient confidentiality”

Whenever there’s a concert you can bet your money that Sleep will be there, dragging Virgil along with him

You know that bag he has with him? Ya he never leaves it unattended and no one knows what’s in it.

Has photophobia (That’s why he has those glasses he never takes off) The cause has not been determined, although Emile thinks it might have something to do with Sleep’s glowing eyes.

Has no sense of direction

Says he’s going to the store, next thing you know he calling asking you to pick him up cause he’s somehow found his way to The Witches Tower (Which is all the way across Ro’s kingdom from the city)

He moves quietly, you could be sitting in the living room with nothing on (it’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop) and he’ll come through into the kitchen then back out the front door without you even knowing he was there.

If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be.

Emile Picani:

Is a psychologist

Meaning he’ll do more than just relationship therapy

He’s not a medical doctor, there the Surgeon for medical emergencies

He’s taken to studying somethings in terms of magic for anyone of Ro’s kingdom (and Sleep) who might need assistance

Loves childrens shows.

He finds small messages or characters to relate back to his patients

Tends to be the one to aid Sleep in his adventures

This is because he doesn’t really have any other patients at the moment aside from the steven universe team

And won’t until there’s another episode of Cartoon therapy being produced

This also doesn’t mean they all have continual issues, asides from poor Elliot, it more means that they go there to talk with PIcani about things not necessarily relationship wise

When exploring the town with Sleep you better bet that he carries around the cheeseburger backpack

He also makes sure to get them both donuts at some point while exploring

Has a sweet tooth

Can’t consume coffee cause it makes him jittery and he can’t focus well

Missy (Misleading Compliments):

He’s the Thomas from the misleading compliments vines

Sweetest bean

Look like as cinnamon roll and is one but he can still kill you

Mess with his friends and they’ll never find your body

… this time it’s not a compliment

Really flirtatious, but knows when to stop or tone it down

Sometimes he’s a flirt without meaning to, but it’s just in his nature

Might accidentally say an innuendo without meaning to most of the time

Is also a gentleman

Will open a door for you and refuse to let you pay for dinner, even if he just met you

Anytimes Deceit comes around he can be easily influenced by the false compliments

When Virge reveals however who Deceit actually is (He lied about his identity the first meeting) Missy is the first one to deck him in the face next time he shows up

Will fite you behind Dennys if you try to talk bad about yourself

Pranks (Pranks with Friends):

He’s the Thomas from the Pranks with friends series

Avid lover of Pokemon and his love of Disney can rival Roman’s

April fools is his favorite holiday

He makes sure that any pranks he pulls are harmless

Of course this doesn’t mean that there haven’t been a few that have caused some issues

One of his pranks went horribly wrong and he’s avoided the mention of it since

The largest goofball/dork you will ever meet

Of the trio he’s the most innocent

Deceit gets the brunt of any/all of his pranks

Wears hoodies 24/7/365

As soon as Pokemon Go came out he’s been all over it

He made ST and Missy play as well. Of course they had to all choose different teams

Pranks:Instinct. Missy:Mystic. ST: Valor

Hurt his friends and he’ll pull the most harmless, yet annoying pranks to get back at you.

As a warning. After that it’ll get physical

ST (Narrating your lives):

ST (Short for Story Time) is the Thomas from the Narrating Your Lives vines

Will also respond to Narrator

He’s an Extra™ boi

If you can’t find him with the other two then head to Ro’s village,he’ll be there directing and writing plays with Roman.

If this was a human AU or they had actual history as kids in school then he definitely would have been the one to be bullied.

When narrating people’s lives he has been punched before

If we’re playing the who’s most innocent with the trio, then he’d be the least

Aims to add puns in where ever he sees fit

Or if he comes up with one

Missy normally winds up beating him to it though

Kind of impulsive

Brain:

Impulse control? Who’s she? Never heard of her.

Intrusive thoughts are powerful in this one yes.

If your friend jumped off the bridge would you?

The answer yes, by the way

Also the little shite actually ate a tide pod

The only reason he’s not dead is cause he’s a figment of Thomas’s imagination

He did become terribly ill though

Now they have to be locked up on a high shelf

That has not stopped him from summoning more unfortunately

Within the short amount of time Anxiety has been around he’s become Brain’s babysitter

He can be mature and reasonable when he wants to

For some reason that goes just as horribly

Duet (Drive-by-Duets):

The Thomas from the Drive-by-Duet vines

He randomly breaks into song

He's a precious bean

Encourages everyone planning on trying out acting or some music based career

He's also can be found with Roman and ST in the village

He is an less Extra™ boi but he is still extra

Can play literally any instrument

Dorky gentleman

Where Missy is smooth Duet trips over his own feet trying to pull out your seat for you

He is also clumsy when not trying to be smooth

He is not allowed into the kitchen unsupervised

Can sing like an angel but can't dance to save his life

Elliot:

Smol bean

Must be protected (Sleep’s words not mine)

Listens to “emo” music (Like MCR, Evanessense, Set it Off, to name a few)

He loves his boyfriend, he really does and he swears Michael loves him too (Sleep would beg to differ, but doesn’t try arguing)

When Sleep and Virgil go off to concerts they always makes sure lend the invitation to Elliot

While he doesn’t always accept the offer, he does appreciate the thought.

They haven’t really felt like sharing much so this all there is currently

Corne:

Sloane and Corbin, precious beans

Sleep claims that Sloane is more dangerous than he seems

Sleep also claims that Corbin has not much of and idea what he got himself into by dating Sloane

He refuses to say why he thinks this way

Sloane takes life as it comes and doesn’t let bad things deter him.

Corbin’s a bit more of a prepare for the worst and hope for the best

Aaannnd Corbin refused to let us ask anymore questions after that so that’s all for now.

Dorry:

Larry and Dot are rebellious teen adults.

Dot doesn’t know her own strength sometimes

They pick on each other occasionally, but it’s all in good fun.

Larry tries too hard occasionally to be… hip? Would that be the word to use??

Dot’s one of those teachers that’s awesome as a person, but aggravating as a teacher

Anything else was found by Emile, who keeps claiming doctor patient confidentiality

Vitani (The Dragonwitch):

Despite what was mentioned before about Roman’s characters being the least aware, she’s actually as aware as Sleep and us.

She’s dubbed herself Vitani because it’s easier than always calling her dragonwitch.

Don’t  tell Roman though

The head witch and alpha dragon

She’s got her work cut out for her.

Can shapeshift like the sides, through the use of her magic.

Her magic color is green cause Every Villain Is Lime

She’d much prefer a shade of Red-violet but it can’t be helped now

Is very Sassy™

Can and will shapeshift into a dragon at will

Can be found hanging out with Virgil is some of her spare time

This you also don’t tell Roman

Not just for her sake but for Virgil’s as well

On that note don’t mention it to the others that Virgil comes here period

Steer clear when she and Roman are in the midst of battle

Virgil:

Anxious boyo

He’s not kidding don’t tell the others he’s here doing this

Favorite band is Evanescence 

Is normally here either to talk with Vitani or go to a concert with Sleep

Virgil is normally the one Sleep ends up cuddling in his sleep

Virgil allows it because it has mutual benefits

Sleep will, well, sleep and Virgil can rest easier

No one is too sure what he and Vitani do when they’re hanging out

Any questions about the others? Just ask us and we’ll see if we can answer.

#Fun fact #When typing out Elliot I wound up having to go do something else #and when I came back the latest point said #“When they” #And that was it #So I sat for a while questioning #“when they what?” #before I had to just move on #or I’d never get these done #Sleep sanders #Roman Sanders #Virgil sanders #Emile picani #Sanders shorts #Sanders sides #cartoon therapy

[acefaerie]

I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups. 

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.  

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends  was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time. 

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested  was enough for Tanya. 

besides  my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her. 

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”. 

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever” 

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries.  he treats me well and i love him,  Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again. 

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

#suicide mention #personal #abuse #homophobia #aphobia