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inactiive-shit · 4 years

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Life As A Sanders

Part 10: There’s A Snake In My House

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LAAS Masterlist

Read on AO3

Warnings: None

Pairing: familial DLAMP

Summary: The newest member of the Sanders Family comes home.

Words: 2,453

Age: 17 & 21 & 11

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Dee was. . .scared? No, that wasn’t right. Nervous? No, not that either. He wasn’t mad or sad or upset. Was he excited? That felt closer, but it wasn’t quite. . .right. How was he feeling?

Eh, he’d just figure it out later.

Dee hummed as he went around the room he used to inhabit, pulling his things into his backpack. Mr. Patton had given him a new one, bigger than his old one, and told him that he could use it to pack up. Now he could fit all his clothes and his toys inside, which was great.

Mr. Patton was going to be Dee’s new Dad. He hadn’t thought it was a job that you could just get, but apparently Mr. Patton could. He must be the best person ever. Mr. Patton even had other kids which was crazy. Dee had lived in a foster home with other kids before, but he’d never been in one where the adults said that they belonged to them. It was so cool! He couldn’t wait to meet all of them.

Mr. Patton had brought one of them, Virgil, to meet Dee once. His hands were yellow and green, and he’d given Dee a snake toy! He was easily the coolest person Dee had ever met, and now he was Dee’s brother. He hoped the others were just like Virgil. How awesome would that be?

“Dee, honey, are you ready to go?” Mrs. Williams stood at the door, smiling at Dee. She was pretty nice, but she had nothing on Mr. Patton, who called Dee kiddo and also brought cookies and was his Dad now. Mr. Patton was so cool, Dee was going to just explode.

“Nope!” Dee dragged the bag on the ground behind him, the snake Virgil had given him gripped in his other arm. Mrs. Williams sighed and shook her head, smile fading. For some reason, she did that a lot when Dee talked. Anyway, that didn’t matter now because he was going home with Mr. Patton, who had never sighed at him like that.

“Hey, kiddo!” Mr. Patton was standing in the foyer, smiling broadly at Dee. He looked so happy to see Dee and-

Happy! That’s how Dee was feeling! He was happy!

“Hi, Mr. Patton!” Dee dropped the strap of his bag and jumped for Mr. Patton, who caught him. He was laughing, and Dee liked that sound. It wasn’t mean like some people’s, and it wasn’t pitying like some people’s. It was just happy, like Dee and Mr. Patton! That made it great!

“You don’t have to call me mister, kiddo. You can just call me Patton.” Dee nodded excitedly. Mr. Patton was so nice! “So, kiddo, you ready? How ya feeling?”

“Sad! I can’t wait!” Mr. Patton laughed again.

“I’m glad to hear it, Dee. Do you want me to take that bag for you? It’s awful full.”

“No, please!” Dee ran to the door, bouncing on his toes. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go!” Mr. Patton kept smiling as he grabbed Dee’s bag and shook Mrs. Williams’ hand. He thanked her, and she shook her head, and Dee couldn’t quite hear what she said. It didn’t matter, though, because he was going home! He was going to meet his siblings and see Virgil again! This was going to be awesome!

“Okay, kiddo, let’s go.” Mr. Patton pulled the door open, and Dee rushed out before hesitating. Which car was Mr. Patton’s? Did Mr. Patton have a car, or were they going to use a taxi? That would be so cool! Dee’s always wanted to ride in a taxi!

“This way, kiddo. Up here.” Mr. Patton lead Dee to the biggest car on the street. It was a truck! A really big truck! That was even cooler than a taxi! Mr. Patton put Dee in the backseat, but there was another person already there.

“Mr. Patton, there’s-Virgil!” Dee threw himself across the seats and landed on Virgil, who oof-ed and then smiled at him.

“Hey, kid. How’ve you been?”

“Schlecht!” Dee announced. Virgil snorted. Mr. Patton climbed into the front seat, and Dee bounced forward, onto the center console.

“Are we going home, Mr. Patton?”

“Yep, we sure are, kiddo. Now, you have to buckle up, okay? Virgil, could you help him?”

“Yeah, I gotcha.” Virgil coaxed Dee into a seat and clipped the seat belt into place. “We’re all set back here.” Virgil ruffled Dee’s hair, and he leaned sideways until he was laying on Virgil.

“What’re you doing there, Dee?”

“I’m a snake!”

“Oh really? What kind of snake?”

“A python! They can jump out of trees! And they’re yellow!”

“And why are you a snake?”

“Because I’m cold. And snakes are cold-blooded, so they’re really cold too. But you’re not a snake because you’re warm. You’re like a. . .sloth.” Dee eyed Virgil carefully. Virgil was laughing, and he looked like he was crying, too. He petted Dee’s hair.

“I’m a sloth. Okay. Okay. I’m a sloth. Why am I a sloth?”

“Cause you’re warm. And you’re sleepy. Sloths are always tired.”

Virgil nodded solemnly, and Dee liked him even more then. “Does that mean that Ro and Logan are going to be animals, too?”

Dee nodded seriously. It was very important to know what kind of animal you were.

Dee talked the rest of the way home, bouncing from one topic to the next to the next with almost no line of thought connecting them. As they pulled into the driveway of a house Dee had never seen before, he got a look at Virgil’s hands.

“Oh no! What happened to your hands? They were yellow before and now they’re not!” Dee grabbed one of Virgil’s hands, looking closely at it.

“I shed it,” Virgil told him.

“Really?” Dee’s eyes were huge. Virgil nodded, pushing his door open. “Like a snake? You shed the yellow like a snake?”

“Yeah. Of course. I can show you how to do it, too.” Dee squealed and launched himself out of the car. Virgil caught him, cussing, and Mr. Patton said, “Language, Virge.”

Dee shifted onto Virgil’s back, and swung his legs. “Onward!” Dee pointed, and Virgil jogged forward. Dee started laughing, and he twisted around to look for Mr. Patton.

“C’mon, Mr. Patton! We gotta hurry!” Mr. Patton had Dee’s bag on one shoulder and some other bag on his other.

“I”m coming, kiddo. Virge, can you get the door?” Virgil let go of one of Dee’s legs, and shuffled a key into the lock. The door swung open. There was a set of steps to the side that went up, and straight ahead was the kitchen. Dee could see somebody in the kitchen.

“There’s not a person!” Dee shouted. Virgil winced.

“Yep, kiddo, there sure is. Do you want to meet him?” Dee bounced excitedly on Virgil’s back, and Mr. Patton lead the way in.

“Hi!” Dee yelled as soon as they got in the kitchen. “I’m Dee. Mr. Patton is my Dad. Who are you?”

“I am Logan,” said the one with glasses. He looked at Virgil, then back to Dee and smiled. It looked like a real smile. That was good. Dee liked real smiles. “Mr. Patton is also my Dad. Does that make you my brother?”

“Yeah!” With a squawk Dee jumped off Virgil’s back for the counter. Virgil cussed some more as he tried to catch Dee. It was nice of him to do that, but Dee was a python. They were much better jumpers than Virgil was giving him credit for.

Once he was on the table, Dee scooted up to Logan. “You’re a Bengal tiger.” Dee stared into Logan’s eyes for a long, long moment. Logan didn’t look away, and Dee decided Logan was okay, too. Not as great as Virgil was, but he acceptable.

“And what are you?” Logan asked.

“I’m a snake.” Dee grinned at him. “Why do you wear glasses? I can’t see your eyes as good.”

“My glasses let me see your eyes,” Logan said. He took them off, and Dee leaned in closer. “Why are you looking at my eyes, might I ask?”

“‘Cause mine aren’t green cause I’m not a python. Yours aren’t brown. Just like Virgil’s.” Dee turned around to point at Virgil, and then stopped. “You guys look the same. Are you clones!” Dee was vibrating on the counter-top, and Logan was laughing where he was sitting. Dee noted that Virgil was too, and he grinned triumphantly. Laughing was good. Laughing meant happy and Dee liked happy people.

“No, kiddo, they aren’t clones,” Mr. Patton said. He offered his hands to Dee and helped him off the counter. “They’re twins. That means they were born at the same time.”

“Twins.” Dee looked up at Logan and then Virgil again. “Sounds like clones to me.”

“We’re definitely clones,” Virgil gasped as Logan said, “We are definitely not clones.”

“Aha!” Dee exclaimed, jumping for Virgil. He grabbed his hand and then pointed at everyone else. “You’re all lying! I didn’t know it!” Then Dee saw the other person. “Hi! I’m Dee. I’m not Mr. Patton’s son! Who are you?”

“I am Princex Ro,” they announced, bowing. They extended one hand to Dee, who grabbed it and then climbed onto Ro’s back.

“Really? Does that mean that Mr. Patton is a king?” Dee leaned over Ro’s shoulder to see their face.

“It does. Very astute of you, little one. And do you know what else it means?” Dee shook his head. “That you are a prince now, too.”

“That’s awesome,” Dee whispered, the first quiet thing he’d said since meeting Mr. Patton. Then he looked at Ro’s eyes. “You’re a horse.”

“Uh, really?” Their eyes flicked away from Dee, just for a second. “And why would that be, little prince?”

“Cause you’re brave and proud. And I bet you’re fast.” Ro laughed. “I’m a snake,” Dee added. “I’m a python. They can jump really good. And they can climb trees.” Dee pointed at Virgil. “Virgil is a sloth.” He flung his other arm out at Logan. “He is a bengal tiger.” Then he pointed at Mr. Patton. “Mr. Patton is a koala bear.”

“Why is that?” Ro asked. They were smiling still.

Dee pointed at Virgil again. “Sleepy.” He pointed at Logan. “Cat.” He pointed at Mr. Patton. “Cuddly.” He pointed at Ro. “Brave.” He pointed at himself, whacking Ro in the back of the head with his arm. “Cold.”

“Well, that is all very sound logic to me,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses. Dee grinned. “Now, would you like to go see your room?”

“No!” Dee shouted, trying to wriggle over Ro’s shoulder. Ro caught him and held him upside down to carry him there. Dee shrieked wildly and laughed. Mr. Patton was walking in front of them, saying something but Dee was more focused on the pretty doors than he was what Mr. Patton was saying. There was a really pretty door that was purpley-blue and Dee could see the words ‘I guess I’ll sleep when I am dead’ written in pretty calligraphy, also upside down. He agreed. It was better to be awake because there were so many cool things to learn about! And he didn’t want to miss a moment with his new Dad Mr. Patton or any of his siblings (even if Virgil was his favorite)!

There was another door in the hall painted dark blue and purple with little tiny purple stars all over it, and there was a big sun in the middle. A whale was swimming around it like a planet. It was awesome! There were clones and space whales here!

The next door Dee saw was red and gold and sparkly. He saw the Lion King and Alice In Wonderland and Beetlejuice on it. It was really cool, but it still wasn’t as neat as the space whale.

The last door, though. It was amazing. Dee went quiet as soon as he saw it, ogling the yellow snakes and green lizards and brown monkeys and a billion other animals that decorated the wood. He wiggled away from Ro and leaned in so close to the door that his nose was rubbing the paint. He traced the yellow, two-headed snake with his finger. It was a python, like him. It was jumping out of a tree, and it was huge. Dee spun around to face his new family.

“This one’s mine!” Mr. Patton and Ro laughed, but it sounded nice, really really nice and Virgil and Logan were smiling. Dee reached out for Mr. Patton who swung him up easily. “I really really do like the snakes,” he said. “Snakes are good.”

“Yes,” Logan agreed. “Snakes are very good. They keep the ecosystem in balance, they keep rodent population in check, they-”

“Are cold! And they can jump!” Dee said. “And they’re called Python bivittatus technically but nobody says that.”

“I...did not know that,” Logan said. “That’s very interesting.” Dee grinned widely and then wiggled down from Mr. Patton’s arms.

“Can I go in?” he asked.

“Sure thing, kiddo. It’s your room, now.” Mr. Patton motioned to the door, so Dee grabbed the handle and pushed it open. The inside was way huger than any room he’d ever had to himself before. There was a big bed with a yellow pillow and a blanket covered in snakes. There were stuffed animals all over the room, including on the tall brown dresser. Dee squealed when he saw them and dived into the room sweeping them off all of the surfaces and replacing them into a huge pile in the middle of the floor. He jumped into it and wormed his way right to the middle of the pile. It was so soft and warm!

“I think he just fell into a vortex,” Virgil muttered. Dee poked his head out of the pile and stuck out his tongue.

“He bleps!” said Ro, grabbing onto Virgil. “Look at how adorable he is!” They pretended to faint against the wall, and Mr. Patton giggled, squeezing by.

“C’mon, Deedee. Let’s get you unpacked, huh?” Dee nodded absently. Maybe Mr. Patton would let him have a pet snake. He didn’t seem to mind snakes that much and there was space for a terrarium on the dresser.

“Okay!” Dee flung himself out of the soft pile of new friends and began to dig through his bag. There were his pants and his shirts and - his pajamas!

“Can I put my pajamas on, Mr. Patton?” Dee asked.

“We haven’t even had dinner yet, kiddo!”

“Pleeeeaaase?” Dee asked.

Mr. Patton pretend-huffed. “Alright, go ahead.” Dee smiled and raced for the bathroom. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

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Taglist: @trashcanego @supersoftsupersleep

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