#i was cleaning my drafts and just rediscovered this i'm so sorry waaaaaah >.<

[inkykeiji]

I’ve always wondered at what moment did touya-nii realize he was in love with the reader? Like was it during argument? Doing something domestic together like making dinner or watching a movie? Or during a rare silly moment?

this is a very interesting (and complicated) question!!

tw: pseudo-incest, stepcest | words: 515

it wasn’t all at once. it wasn’t after some profound incident, hitting him with the force of a freight train the way hollywood told him it would, nor was it after a mundane moment shared between the two of them, sweet and soft and unbearably sugary as if it was lifted from the pages of an infamous romance novel.

it was slow, a creeping fog that unhurriedly worked its way to crawl over and cloak his body; until it was clinging to him like a second skin, until it was invading his nose and mouth and slithering down his throat, choking him from the inside out, until it was filling his chest with unfamiliarity, with warmth and flutters and pins and needles, lungs swelling, suffocating, more and more and more until he was sure it was going to burst, until there was too much, until he couldn’t draw in a single breath without some of it rising up and spilling out his mouth.

and it wasn’t delicate, either. it wasn’t light or lofty or lovely. it was terrifying—an unidentified force that he had no control over, that he had lost autonomy to long ago, the moment it began to embrace his body in its dense mist, an unknowable, unfathomable, unsympathetic entity that had efficiently stripped him of his authority in torment and torture.

he had tried to reject it, but it only got stronger, it only grew larger, it only hurt longer.

he had tried to scrub it from his body with coarse cloths and scalding water until his skin was red and raw, bruised and bloody—but it had already seeped into his flesh to marinate in his bones, to infest his bloodstream, to stuff, infect, saturate every living cell with the essence of her.

he had tried to escape it, to push it from his brain, to extract it from the tissues and never think of it again, but it imprinted itself into the nerves and synapses—that private grin she sends his way when their gazes catch in the presence of their parents; that precious giggle he can always manage to pull from her throat regardless of how awful she’s feeling; that pretty gleam that brightens her eyes the moment they meet his own, a sparkle he’s sure is just for him—all branded into the flesh of his brain, irrevocably sown into the fabric of his memory and plastered to the walls of his skull.

and, he comes to realize, there’s not a fucking thing he can do about it.

finally, he accepts it, the day she runs off, the day she proves her autonomy and breaks his own, heavy defeat crushing his lungs and failure bittering his tongue. he loathes the power it holds over him, despises the weakness it instills in him, but he loves her more than the fear and the anguish and the vulnerability, so he endures, he perseveres. because as cheesy as it sounds, as hollywood and romance novel cliche as it is, she’s worth it, and he’ll be damned if he loses her again.

author note: as you can see, the answer to this question is a complex one. he doesn’t really realize it until after her little stunt with tomura, because up until then he’s resisting it, he’s trying to forget it or convince himself it isn’t there, to rid himself of it even as it envelopes him more and more and poisons him oh-so-sweetly <3  

#tw pseudocest #tw stepcest #such a good question anon thank u so much!!!! #i was cleaning my drafts and just rediscovered this i'm so sorry waaaaaah >.< #but yes!!!! it's a very complex and complicated answer purely because of his nature and the way he deals with love and so on #i hope wednesday is treating you well so far sweetpea!!! <333 #stay safe out there and please drink water!!! #inky.bb #clari gets mail #touya nii universe