#i was getting better

[letiz12]

it's like I'm recovering from my ED and SH, but at the same time I'm falling bad with depression, I spend the whole day in bed, I stand up only to eat, pee and wash teeth, it's not like I'm doing something in bed too, just laying here, and scroll socials without watching to the posts, and sleep, and thinking about my stupid life

#i dont know what to do #mental health #depressivethoughts #tw su1c1d3 #twsh #tw depression #tw ed #i was getting better #its getting bad again #recovery

[abysslovesyou]

"Your mama's crying. Your mama's crying for you."

If I ever came out to my mom, I wouldn't even know how to tell her

In a way she accepts it

I can't help but feel

Disregarded.

She said something about two of my trans causins. Using their deadnames and pronouns. She isn't a "he". Don't call her that.

It doesn't matter how you see her. Try and view her as a girl. She's a girl.

I'm terrified to tell her. To tell her i don't "feel like a girl"

Every fiber of my being dreads being called "she" or "her" or "miss" or "ma'am"

Every last piece of my bidy craves, ****needs**** to be called "He" to be perceived as male. To be known as something other than my birth name. She loves uniqueness. I don't know anybody with my name. Biological or preffered.

I want her to understand

To learn

To support me with the steps i take

I need my mom

I know it shouldn't matter how she views me

But i love her

I love my mom

So much

She's been through so much

Every fiber of me wants to be a guy

I want a flat chest

A flat chest I can call myself to be "him"

Leave behind that little girl who didn't fit in with the girls or the boys

Too boyish to be a girl

Too much of a girl to be a boy

Named "tomboy" because it was an easier title.

Leave behind the little boy who was trapped in other's views of him. He isn't just his sex organ. He isn't just his body, he is more than his body.

He is strong, he is him.

He has independence and has gone through so much you can't believe it.

He's there for people.

He tries so hard to love because he believed he wasn't. He tries so hard to 'fit in' when god knows the only people he knows are closed minded.

He is more than his body.

#vent post #tw vent #vent #tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #tw depressing stuff #tw gender dysphoria #coming out fear #uh #shit idk #I'm so confused #ffs #i can't do this anymore #i don't want to #everything sucks #i was getting better #i was starting to hurt less #but here i am #crying #and posting a fucking sob story #on tumblr #because I can't do anything anywhere else #even though no matter where I vent #I'll be ignored

[crymeariveronceagain]

my brain: we are feeling the bads, time to cope! grab your favorite form of internet and seek validation!!!

me: dude idk if this is healthy like maybe we should see a therapist

my brain: yeah but that simple tiny little thing currently requires overcoming a really bad trigger without help

me:

me: so Tumblr it is, huh?

my brain: text your best friend first and seek validation for very dumb reasons

#personal #not fandom content #lmao #;-; aahahahah #anyways shout out to strawberry muffin crisis for putting up with me #feeling bad intend to delete in the morning #validation #therapy #like guys you don't understand how having to tell my parents that i need therapy is triggers galore idk how i can explain it beyond #idek #my parents are amazing and i know they'd react as well as could be expected but #i will have to talk about my emotions with my parents and what ways they screwed up on me and i am going to simultaneously cry and throw up #so there's that #love that vibe #totally chill nothing wrong here #background: me screaming and crying and curling up into a little ball #i was getting better #and then i didn't any more

[monochromatic-ahhhh]

.

#damn #i tell my birthgivers about my mental health prob ONE time and suddenly its part of every condescending argument #'you have so much to do huh? so you wanna die?' #i was getting BETTER #IM working on it because yOU'RE NOT TRYING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT #BUT FOR EVERY STEP I MAKE FORWARD YOU PUSH ME BACK #IM NOT ASKING YOU FOR HELP JUST DONT FUCKING BOTHER ME WHILE IM TRYING TO HEAL ON MY OWN SINCE YOU WONT TRY TO HELP ME #delete later

[thecosmicsleep]

this expansion: *hurts me in the worst way possible*

me, picking myself up off the floor: "okay, okay. it's fine. i can... i can continue..."

this expansion: "before you go, you should tell the others goodbye."

me, collapsing again: "NEVER MIND."

#sage plays ffxiv #ffxiv #ffxiv heavensward #i was getting better #and then alphinaud went 'hey we should tell those who aren't coming with farewell. just in case.' #and my heart shattered again #i don't want to say goodbye #don't make me say goodbye #not again. please. #no one else 😭

[drag0nalias0]

I hate when i have a good day bc then there is the eventual bad thing that ruins it. I hate it so much i was doing so well and now it just hurts and just why

#I was finally doing something good #I was having fun and my brain wasnt being horrible about it #I was getting better #I was at my best actually able to leave this house without a car #And sure it wasnt far but #Its still longer and further that most of the last year and a bit probably #But now my good mood is ruined #And i hate it #Over somthing that probably isnt gonna matter much #But i was shaking so much and i felt like i was gonna throw up #i just hate it so much #Why #i was doing so well #I felt free #I was having fun #Why why why why why why why why

[13thsinnr]

i just gotta survive like 5 more days and i can go thrifting just do nt cry before then and everything will get better haha

#WOW i feel like shit #why. why #i hate this i hate this i feel so bad lately #I WAS GETTING BETTER #vent post

[winged-void]

The Kristine urge to grab everyone she knows and ask them if she has any worth

#I was getting better #Then things happened lol

[antifragilejpn]

i want to tear you apart with my teeth 

#personal #i deserve fangs #i was getting better

[randomalistic]

Selfshippers who ship with weird/unappealing characters. I love you. Like hell yeah you go get with Mr Crocker. Go get with lord faarquad

#I get it. #EMBRACE THAT SHIT #it’s such a fucking power move and I gain so much respect for u #also I’d like to add I selfship with spamton neo and king candybug #if that makes you feel any better #selfship #txt #1k

[lesbianralzarek]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now #there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??' #and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies #aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you #so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager #the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience

[moncuries]

guess what i watched on new years (a redraw kind of)

#hee hee #it was cute #(disclaimer i do not subscribe to d+ so my dollar was not going there iykyk) #pjo #percy jackson #grover underwood #annabeth chase #my art #fanart #hoo #i had to take silly pics of myself 2 get percys arm hand thing right #and then just cropped it bc yea #i almost gave annabeth the hair i did in the last one but i thought #why do i feel compelled to change her hair to fit the old image i had from the books and not the others #and i drew her actual hair from the show #and it looks sm better

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

#the good place #i'm binge watching it again and it just takes me out so hard #i get lost in the sauce thinking about this quote #the idea that those who hurt you are capable of being better people and then seeing them change and grow just hits me right between the rib #who am i kidding it stabs me like the senators stabbed Caesar #anyway #icy does a tag ramble

[zenwhoberi]

had the wildest interaction today some random woman called me a slag and my dog a fucking faggot because I was using a pink lead/harness and he’s a boy like what the fuck lmfaoo

#she said he’s going to get sexually confused I said he’s literally a dog I don’t think he’s got anything to be confused about #dkdjdkfkfkf #if I stop posting it’s cause I got jumped by a chain smoking fifty year old woman who has nothing better to do than call random dogs faggots

[mausolealdrift]

its baffling seeing people on here being all shocked about how other ppl didnt have sex or do drugs or drink or go to parties etc etc in high schools like. sorry i was too busy getting bullied to do all of that stuff i guess. why are you surprised that there’s losers on the cringe loser website

#like yeah i WISHED i could do that sort of stuff #but i felt so completely isolated from everyone else at my school bc ppl were so nasty to me #its fine cos im doing all the stuff i missed out on now that im in university #but some ppl dont even get that chance #maybe its not that serious but. idk. just dont be a dick #but also ppl who didnt do that stuff acting like theyre better than ppl who did is fucking annoying and also a dick move. btw #📼

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

#fionna and cake spoilers #what hits me a little is how similar fionna and simon's stories are in the case of finding nuance in their lives #when both have gone through their separate but still valid pain no matter the extent it had been #and its that they met each other they get to see how it compares and they're no less worth of the peace and fun they dreamed of #even in the form of simplicity and just being normal #“i wouldn't have met THE fionna and cake” “we wouldn't have met THE simon petrikov” #it hits me harder that after the dandelion scene would've been their last time seeing each other physically #and how assuring simon sounded when fionna didn't know what to do with the literal world in her hands #tho im sure prismo isnt that much of a rule jerk lol i still drew out the revelation anyway with this tiniest addition #also the fact fionna's world is influenced by simon's thought processes and conditions so now things are a little better for both of them #fionna the human #fionna campbell #simon petrikov #qiiarts #the lil flashback of #betty grof #fionna and cake #adventure time