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#i was going to tag miku but i realized that she doesn't actually show up in the fic LOL
jubilantwriter · 2 years
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Siblings Singlings (SCRAPPED)
(A/N: Originally set before, “She Wears It like Make-Up”, it was meant to establish and introduce Boyfriend’s siblings, Ritz the Rat and Hatsune Miku.  However, I figured the fic was more or less pointless to continue as it didn’t really do much but serve as an over bloated introduction to these two characters who won’t appear as often as implied.  I scrapped it, but I may borrow scenes from it as there are some key character interactions that add more backstory to Boyfriend, Girlfriend, and Pico’s relationship.)
Word Count: 4260
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It was supposed to be a pretty average day for Pico.  He had no hits lined up, his mind was being surprisingly manageable, and he has enough money to last him 'til the end of the month.  It was supposed to be one of those rare days where he didn't depend on his friends to experience an ounce of normalcy.  Even given the batshit insane things that Nene and Darnell sometimes do, it's enough that he can feel like a barely functioning adult, and not some mercenary hiding in plain sight.  And Boyfriend and Girlfriend, bless their stupid hearts, didn't even need to try that hard to make him forget about his situation.  They just had to do one thing, any thing, and he'd forget about how his shitty living situation is less a result of him purposely planning on it to mask his true occupation, and more like a result of him being a young adult thrusted into an economic landscape that's falling to pieces due to capitalism.
Capitalism, ho!
So yeah, it was supposed to be an average day filled with lazy normalcy.  He'd only gotten up to get a few groceries from the nearby grocer, and then he was planning on actually watching some TV and maybe shooting the shit with his friends.  It was supposed to be a really average, chill, normal day.
But of course not.
He almost drops his groceries on the gravelly parking lot in shock, but his mind helpfully supplies that he still needs the food.  Someone comes up to stand next to him and offers a cigarette.  He's supposed to be quitting but...
After quickly balancing all the groceries on one arm, he takes the offered cigarette and allows this someone light it for him.  He takes a drag before blowing the smoke into the air.  Police cars surround the front of the measly complex, his car thankfully nowhere near the parked vehicles.  He glances towards the someone and is not too shocked to see his grizzly landlord inhaling a drag as well.  They both focus on the scene in front of them as law enforcement mills about the lower floor.
"So," Pico begins, "before you ask, I didn't do shit."
His landlord snorts.  "Yeah, didn't think so.  Fucker just up and died without telling nobody."
"What exactly happened?"
"Resident in 1003."  He points to the door with all the activity.  "Haven't seen him in a while.  Guess someone found his body in an alley.  Coppers tracked down his residency to here, now they're snooping around trying to figure out his story."
"Was it murder?"  Pico takes another drag, wondering how the poor son of a bitch ended up dead in an alley.  There's reasons why people end up holing up in some shitty, out-of-the-way, motel-turned-apartment complex with an ass backwards address.  Either they've got something to hide, or they just don't want to be found.  
Of course he checks out for both those reasons.  
"Nah."  His landlord blows out a cloud of smoke.  "Looks like a heart attack, but the medics were still confused.  Didn't seem natural, but there wasn't a sign of a struggle.  No other evidence but the smell of cigarette smoke and an empty carton."
"Huh."  He wonders if he ever saw the man.  Maybe shared a smoke with him on the odd nights he was standing around the parking lot.  A faint memory pops up, but he stomps it to the ground with his cigarette butt.  No use digging around for ghosts he hardly knows.  "Ya think they're gonna leave soon?"
"Nah."  His landlord offers him another cigarette, but he turns it down.  "Think they found something of interest, and now they won't leave."  The older man gives Pico a glance before looking back at the scene.  "I suggest you get outta here before they start knocking at doors."
Shit.  He glances over to his car.  It's out of the way enough that they won't see him enter it, but it'd still be obvious if he just up and drove away in plain sight.  Then again, where would he stay for the night?  
"My car's around back."  His landlord tosses some keys to him and Pico catches them easily.  "Bring 'er back in one piece."
Now it's Pico's turn to snort.  "Never heard of a landlord helping out his tenant before."
"You're one of the few fuckers who even tries to pay rent on time."  His landlord keeps his gaze steadily forward as he smirks.  "And besides, you're one of the more sketchier fucks I've had to take in.  If the coppers knew I'm letting you stay here, they might find it in their ol' power-crazed hearts to try and implicate me in whatever crimes you've committed.  And I don't need to add THAT to my rap sheet."
"Yeah yeah."  Still, he appreciates it and pockets the keys.  "Thanks."
"See ya back in a day or two."  A few police officers scramble into their cars, looking a little too excited about something.  "Or a week."
"Just shoot me a text."  He turns away from his landlord with a wave and heads to the back of the building.
"Lay low 'til then, 'kay, kid?"
"Ya ain't my dad."  He ignores the chuckle his landlord makes and the slight tingle of... momentary camaraderie that bubbles up.  Instead, he finds his landlord's beat up old car and unlocks the door fairly quickly.  He dumps his groceries in the backseat and sits in the front seat, contemplating where he's supposed to go next.  It's not too unusual for him to fly by the seat of his pants when he needs to vacate and hide somewhere fairly quickly, but it is one of the few rare times where he's not in immediate danger.  It leaves his brain slowly sputtering to life as he idly scrolls through his admittedly small list of contacts.  He's sure all of his friends wouldn't oppose to having his sorry ass around for who knows how long (hopefully not too long, he only has the clothes on his back, after all, and he's not aiming to expand his wardrobe any time soon), but still, there's things he needs to take into consideration. 
For example, he's pretty sure staying at Girlfriend's place is just asking for an unsolved murder on his end.  Mostly his murder.  He's not too sure how high up he is on her dad's shitlist, but boy howdy is he not prepared to find out.  So unfortunately, as enthusiastic as he'd imagine she'd be, Girlfriend is out.
Then there's Darnell and Nene.  As much as he loves his childhood friends, he knows they've got some... weird chemistry they're trying to hide from him.  Honestly, he wouldn't be upset if they dated - ecstatic is more likely his reaction.  Whatever reason they want to hide it from him probably has to do with unreasonable guilt.  They always did everything together when they were younger, so maybe excluding him from their relationship probably makes them feel weird.  
Or maybe they just don't want him to know for real because then it'd give him an excuse to cockblock them all the time just for funsies.
The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it's the latter.  It's got to be the latter.  Now he really wants to bunk with them, but they'd probably just kick his ass to the curb if he gets too annoying.  An unfortunate consequence, as tempting as it is.
...He could risk it though.  He really could.  It'd be so funny.  But nah, there's a chance Nene might convince him to wear... embarrassing outfits actually, so maybe he should do a hard pass on that.  She doesn't need any more blackmail than she already has.
Which leaves him with...
Boyfriend.  
Granted, he doesn't have bad feelings for his ex.  If anything, they've only grown... more positive, to say the least, over the time they've spent reconnecting.  He enjoys spending time with Boyfriend, as irritable as he is.  He hasn't changed much since they were teens, but at the same time he's... grown a lot.
Okay, not really - he's barely grown maybe an inch at most.  But he's definitely gotten a bit more mature.  There's a level of understanding Boyfriend now has, where he quiets down and listens and really puts thought into what's going on.  He didn't do that much when they were younger.  True, he had his own way of being observant and caring, but getting the gist of things usually took him far longer than either of them would have liked.  It resulted in more tears on Boyfriend's end, if he was being honest.  The boy wanted to understand, he really did, but some things just flew over his head no matter how hard he tried to catch them.
(He remembers seeing Boyfriend sitting in the library, fidgeting in his seat as he tried and tried to grasp the meaning of the texts in front of him.  The cyan haired teen scratched at his arms in frustration, only to be stopped by Pico as he took his hands and squeezed them tight.
"It's okay," he remembered saying, "I'll help you figure it out."
"I know," he whispered, one of those rare few times he spoke, "but I want to do it myself too, some day."
"You will, I'm sure of it.")
And he sure did.  A proud smile crosses his lips as he pulls out of the parking lot.  College must have done something for his critical thinking skills, or maybe he honed it after Pico left him.  Whatever the case may be, Boyfriend is a little bit of a better thinker than he was before.  It can't just be his rapping skills and luck that gets them out of hard situations.  
(It can't just be Boyfriend charging boldly ahead when he stops to make sure Pico is okay.  It's not just him being cocky and confident and brash.
It's him trying to help in any way he can, even if he's lacking in some departments.  It's him trying to catch what usually goes over his head, and it's clumsy and he almost drops it half the time, and he doesn't even know what the hell he just caught, but he's trying, he's really trying and Pico can see that.  It's what made him fall-)
Mm, stop.  He can't think about that right now.  Boyfriend has Girlfriend now, and she's sweet, and kind, and silly and stupid and so very earnest, and she's absolutely perfect for Boyfriend.  No way is he getting in the way of their love.  He'd never forgive himself if he did.  Because, after all, between the two of them, who's the most dangerous for Boyfriend to be around?
(She grabbed his arm as he tried to walk off.  This broad was the reason why he was hired in the first place.  His grip tightened on his gun.  
"Thank you," she began, a smile gracing her lip glossed lips, "for sparing him."
"It's whatever."  Pico tried to shrug her off, but she held tight to his arm.  
"I mean it!  You know, Boyfriend talks a lot about you, and I've always wanted to meet you in some way... and I guess I got lucky today!"  
He looked over her shoulder to see Boyfriend waiting patiently on a bench, waving to him with that cocky grin.  Guess he was aware that his girl was clinging to Pico's arm like some kind of fangirl.  "Listen, I don't know what he told you, but I'm pretty sure it was all some kinda exaggeration.  Fuckin' rose tinted glasses kinda shit."
"Rose tinted...?"  He watched as her brain stopped processing in real time before it rebooted with a quick shake of her head.  "I'm not familiar with that saying, but I'm pretty sure Boyfriend was being very honest!"  She squeezed his arm as her smile softened, and his first thought was thinking that he didn't deserve that kind of softness.  "My daddy hired you, right?  To kill him?  That's why you're really here."
He stiffened and yanked his arm out of her grasp.  "That's what I fuckin' told you fools, now leave me alone."
He started walking away when she called out to him once more.  "You're a good person!"
That was enough to freeze him in place.
"You're a good person."  She jogged back up to his side and squeezed his hand this time, earnest and honest and filled with the kind of goodwill most demons shouldn't ever have.  "It takes guts and courage to just turn down a request from daddy.  I know you're risking a lot just by doing this."
He didn't give her an answer, only looking away and ignoring how her eyes seemed to see right through him.  
"You know, he misses you a lot.  Boyfriend, I mean."  She giggled and swung their arms as though they were friends.  He didn't stop her, though.  He just let her have her moment.  "And I've never had many friends.  And you really seem like a nice person.  I just think it'd be nice to hang out with someone as nice as you, y'know?"
"I literally kill people for a livin'."  Still, he didn't shake her off like he did before.  "Not much about me is nice."
"I'm a demon," she giggled, "I think my definition of nice might be different from a human's?"
For someone so stupid, she really had a point.  Goddammit.  "Whatever."
"Here!"  A slip of paper was pressed into the palm of his hand before she released him.  "Those are our numbers.  I don't know if you kept Boyfriend's number or not, but he might still have yours!"
"I changed it," he lied, not wanting to admit that he kept their old texts.  
"Oh."  She actually pouted when he said that, before brightening and taking her phone out.  "Then lemme get your number really quick!"
"I don't think-"
"Please?"  Her earnest eyes made him hesitate from turning her down.  The innocent naivety she exuded was just so...  "I know you're his ex but...  I really mean it when I said I'd like to hang out with you.  Even if we don't become friends in the end, it'd still be nice to have someone on our side."
Her smile became just a little pained, and he remembered what he was hired to do.  Kill off a daughter's boyfriend.  If it'd been any other kind of sleazeball, Pico wouldn't have hesitated. 
But it was Boyfriend.
And Pico knew Boyfriend.
She clearly had some kind of taste, even if it was for an idiot.  He wondered just how many other lovers were offed because of her father's whims.  How many times she'd been left brokenhearted because her father was overprotective.  For a moment, she looked like those kids who sat by themselves at recess.  Shy and lonely, with no one to play with her.
The little boy he thought was dead reached out in his place.  Took his phone and sent a text to her number. 
The smile on her face was the most genuine he'd seen from her that night.  And when he looked up to glance at Boyfriend from behind her, the other man's smile just as bright and hopeful, he knew he'd done the right thing.)
Like hell he's gonna destroy that smile.  There's not much good in the world, but he'll swear on his life to protect her smile even if it's the last thing he ever does.  Which is why, even as he drives off to Boyfriend's place, he's going to keep himself in check and only be homies with the man.  The couple only deserve the best, and the best is each other.  He only hopes that they consider him to be the best man at their wedding when the day comes. 
...Yeah.  That's all he'd like.  
(It hurts to admit it, so he just won't say it.)
He pulls up to Boyfriend's apartment complex.  Compared to his own shitty place, Boyfriend's is the American Dream for young adults in a capitalist world: two bedrooms, a small kitchenette that connects to a small living room area, a single bathroom, and even a small little balcony area for a shitty plastic chair or two.  All the furniture is still intact too, despite being worn through and old as hell.  Grabbing his groceries, he takes the elevator up to Boyfriend's floor and walks to the familiar door he's been dragged through countless times.  It never fails to surprise him how often the couple choose to hang out at his shitty place rather than kidnapping and shuffling him over to Boyfriend's much nicer abode.  
(It never fails to warm his soul when they pop up at his place with wide smiles.  Like they're genuinely happy to be with him.)
A part of him wants to break his door down, like they've done countless times to his door.  It'd be such a dick move, but he always has been kind of a dick.  He contemplates it for a moment longer before checking the time on his phone.
5:34 pm.  Boyfriend is either still at work, or on the way home.  He adjusts the bags hanging off his arm and kicks at the doormat that lays at his feet.  A blatantly obvious spare key glints up at him.
He's got to teach this idiot better hiding places for his spare key.  
Picking it up, he unlocks the-
Uh.  He turns the key again, unlocking the door after mistakenly locking it the first.  Dumbass never locked his door in the first place!  He opens the door, doing a quick look over the apartment.  It looks as messy as ever, but it doesn't look as if anyone rummaged through Boyfriend's things.  He quietly creeps in and keeps his ears alert for any suspicious sounds as he closes the door behind him.  It's quiet in the apartment, asides from the faint sound of pattering across the floor-
P-
Pattering?
Does Boyfriend have a fucking mouse problem in his apartment complex?
He always told him to clean up his messes and now look at this bullshit!  Pico jumps onto Boyfriend's couch, groceries safely clutched to his chest as he looks around the floor for the tiny offenders.  Forget home invaders, mice are the worst kinds of invaders!  He takes his gun, fully intending on shooting the little bastards when he hears a startled squeak and turns to see-
"Jesus, Pico!"
"Ritz?!"  He lowers his gun quickly and holsters it, safety on as the small rat clambers onto the couch.  The orange beanie and pointy shades stay firmly on as the rat climbs up onto the highest point of the couch.  Pico himself settles down and puts the groceries on the ground as he sits.  Now at eye level with each other, Ritz grins as he sits on the top edge of the couch.
"Pico!  I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Same."  He chuckles as he holds a finger out for Ritz to hug.  "Sorry 'bout almost shootin' ya."
"Eh, you didn't pull the trigger so it's all good.  Gives me an excuse to show off how high I can jump now."  Ritz hugs his finger tight and gives it a little nuzzle.  Fucking baby.
"What the hell are ya doin' here anyway?  Thought you were on some kinda sewer adventure, or like a cheese quest."
"Eh, cheese quest was kinda a bust."  The rat releases his finger and sits back on his haunches.  "This other fat rat was real fucking annoying, and I had to give him my cheese, and usually I don't care too much, but when I'm risking tail and limb for this guy, it kinda gets frustrating when he just sits there and demands I feed him."  Ritz shrugs as Pico nods with sympathy.  "So I'm taking a break from it until my patience comes back."
"Fuckin' good, man.  Naggy dicks take the fun outta everything."  
"Word."  Ritz lays flat on the couch edge as he stretches out.  "Why are you here, though?  Last I heard from you, you'd just broken up with Bee and disappeared outta our lives.  Even sis was worried."
"Miku?"  Pico snorts and looks away.  "I thought she'd be happy I stopped dating her lil bro."
"Nah."  Ritz takes off his beanie and scootches closer to Pico with expectant eyes.  Pico rolls his eyes and gives him the head scritches he quietly demands.  "Sis felt bad.  Thought she was the reason why you broke up with Bee."
"Of course she would, Ms. World is Mine."
"She's just protective.  Runs in the fam, bro."
"Yeah yeah."
"So what happened?"  Ritz looks up at him with curious eyes.  "Bee wouldn't tell us."
"I broke up with him."  Pico shrugs and pulls his hand away, willing the intruding memories to go away.  "Your sis was right - I am dangerous.  Still am."  He pats his gun for emphasis.  "I meant to stay outta his life, hopefully keep him outta harm's way like that.  But then he had to go and woo a demon girl and, welp."  Pico pats his chest with a smirk.  "Here I am, like a boomerang of danger."
"Well, I'm glad you're back.  Bee missed you.  A lot."  Ritz puts his beanie back on and sits up.  "So much so that I thought maybe I had to drag you back.  Figured maybe I'd run into you on my cheese quest.  Convince you to come back, even if it was just for a little bit."  Ritz looks up at him and smiles.  "Get my second big brother back and stuff."
Aw fucking shit.
"Yah fuckin' whatever man, now you're stuck with me again."  He picks up the rat and plops him on his hair, keeping the little man from seeing how choked up he is.  Just like old times.  "I'm puttin' my shit away and you're gonna have to deal."
"Groceries?  You bought real food?"
"Yeah- what the fuck does that mean?"
"You know Boyfriend can barely cook!"  The rat gets comfortable in his hair as Pico strides into the kitchenette.  "All he gets is frozen food and takeout."
"Damn, guess ya had the gourmet shit in the sewers, huh?"
"Fuck off!"  Ritz squeaks some nonsense as Pico chuckles, methodically putting his groceries away in a rather lacking fridge.  Boyfriend doesn't even have eggs, the hell?  "Why ARE you here anyways?"
"Gonna be bunkin' here for a while."
"Why?"
"My place is crawlin' with cops.  Gonna lay low for a bit until they fuck off."
"Are you a fugitive now?"
"Nah, just didn't wanna take any chances."
"Does Bee know?"
"Nope."  He shuts the fridge and tosses the bags into a random drawer.  "I take it you're bunkin' here too?"
"Yeah, until I'm ready to go back."  Ritz flops comfortably in Pico's hair.  "Bee said I gotta go though when Girlfriend is over."  
"Oh?"  He smirks at the implications as Ritz gags.
"Yeah, as if I'm gonna stay if they decide to bone or whatever."  
"Have you had to leave yet?"
"Only a couple of times."  He can feel Ritz shudder in his hair.  "I mean, she's a nice lady and all, but I don't wanna be around when they do the nasty, ya feel?"
A laugh rips through Pico as Ritz sounds genuinely disgruntled by the memory.  "Yeah, okay."  He walks them over to the couch as he sinks into it.  It's not his beat up shitty one, but it'll do.  Ritz skirts about on his head, before leaning over his face and making Pico go cross eyed.
"Hey, did you bring anything else with you?"
"Nah, just groceries."
"...Don't humans need like, more than one set of clothes?  Toothbrushes and stuff?"
"I'll manage.  I'm sure he's got some spares and shit."
"Even clothes?"
"Yeah."
"But you're bigger than him."
"Where's his favorite shirt?"
"...Are you gonna stretch it?"
"Fuck yeah."
"It's in his bottom drawer, left hand side.  Hurry hurry!"
But before either of them can get a move on, a rattling at the door gets their attention.  Ritz squeaks in surprise as Pico reaches up and gingerly grabs the rat as he lays back on the couch.  Placing the rat on his chest, he folds his arms behind his head and waits for the door to open.  Not a second after he laid down, the door bangs open as a familiar voice speaks in broken Japanese.
"Dakara, onee- shut up!  Iyaiyaiya, omae wa- no!  You're so annoying!  Ugh!  Okay, you know what- beep!  Bap bowai!  Beep skidap bo bwah bwah bwah!  Bada boop skida wap bwap boo-"  There's a pause before a triumphant cackle rolls through the air as keys jingle idly.  "Ritz!" Boyfriend calls out, drawing closer to the couch, "Ba doop bada Miku-"  His words fall to a halt as he leans over the back of his couch, eyes meeting Pico's amused ones as he's stunned quiet.
"Sup," Pico quips with a smirk, "sounds like you and your sis still annoy each other-"
"Pico!"  Boyfriend practically slides down his couch to wrap his arms around Pico, the ginger holding him up and shielding Ritz.
"Watch it- WATCH IT!  You're gonna smash Ritz!"  
The rat in question quickly rolls off Pico's chest and onto the floor.  A quick jump and a fart has him propelled high enough to reach the table instead, seating himself with a grin as Boyfriend plops inelegantly onto Pico.  Pico grunts from the impact as Boyfriend props himself up with a smile.
"Pico!"
"Yeah, shit, that's me.  Get off!"
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