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#i was like 'girl help i can't swim oh god she cant hear me she has her airpods in' over future me slfkjsdf
happygardentraash · 11 months
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The end of my old life came pretty abruptly and turned into such a question filled time.. but not for me, I wasn't even here.. I was on a whole other plane existing with the ghosts of my old and current life. It was like a collide of everything all at once but it isn't. I felt like nothing had changed, I didn't know where I was. I was swimming with my grandmother. but how, shes dead? I was sprinting with puppies and doggos everywhere. but how? they're not allowed here. I don't know where I am. I saw my nephews as doctors. but how? They're literally 10, bud. I'm going insane. Where am i? I see you... so clearly, so vividly there with me. I see you holding her and singing to her. But how? She's gone and so are you. I hear my brothers voice and see him in his uniform. but how? I've never seen his uniform except in photos. Then it's all gone. I see nothing. I see nothing because I woke up..
I came back to this new reality, this life that to be new and different.. I couldn't speak and none of my thoughts made sense. I could finally breathe though.. I could feel air in my lungs and I could smell all the wonderful things around.. ( actually horrid but like ok.) I could see.. Really see. There was white everywhere. The walls, the clothes, the machines... Then I see tubes and doctors pushing me and pulling me. Poking and prodding. I can't speak. They can't hear me. Am I awake? Is this real? or is this fake too..?
I woke up.. I woke up to a world I didn't know nor understand. I was me but I wasn't myself anymore. Everything about me was different.. My brain no longer could make my body listen. My legs were no longer going to do their part.. just dead weight attached to the body of girl lost to this world.. But she isn't. She's here. She's existing.. but she isn't. My mind was no longer safe and could not be trusted.. My memories and thoughts those not of my own anymore. They were of a girl who wanted for such trivial things.. Not I, not anymore.
I spent so many days and nights begging and pleading for answers.. So many nights that I got nothing but this creeping feeling of sensation and pain everywhere. My hands. My arms. My legs. My feet. My back. My head. I can't hold it anymore. Lolls over. Move just one muscle, you can do it. no you cant. Keep trying. Don't stop. Be positive. One spoonful now, come on dear. i'm trying, i'm failing. I cant breathe, I'm suffocating but I can't move the blanket. I'm stuck and trapped in this paralytic state and I just want to escape. HELP. nobody hears me, my voice doesn't even exist but I keep trying until these hoarse screams come out. There's Ashley, she has red hair. She's nice. HELP. WET. oh honey, i'm here i'll fix that for you. I feel like a child, an invalid, a vegetable.. I'm stuck and I can't move. She fixes everything. She talks to me. She treats me.. Human. A feeling I haven't felt in so long it feels almost.. unnatural now. I thank god for Ashley. When nobody else could hear or understand me.. She did.
I see my mom. I see her tears and I hear the fear. The unknowing is killing her slowly, I'm breaking her and I just want to glue her back together. It's my fault. She's holding my hand and begging me to keep getting better and having faith. I can't hear her over the rolling fan on the ceiling. The what? There's nothing moving, honey. Yes, there is I see it.. But it wasn't.. Nothing makes sense. HELP. WET. It's all I can try and scream but nothing comes out. Who am i? Why am I here? Why did you send me back? I make it all worse. Mom's nodding in and out, her head so heavy and she can't hold conversation.. Two days later she's with me in the hospital and I'm scared all over again, My world, my rock.. My hope isn't okay. I'm no longer okay. I can't do it. It's just a scare... this time. I hear my mom yelling and standing the ground I no longer can for me.. I hear her love me from afar and through the halls. I hear my mom support me and SEE me.. My heart breaks again because I'm stuck. I cannot wrap my arms around them for hugs. I'm a scared little girl trapped in this new body that none of us know how to navigate.
Welcome back. It's a new world.
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yennefer-stark · 3 years
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The time was night, the date was wednesday and it was cold and dark because the winter is approached. The lamps in the street gave to the road a dim-lit light as well as the sidewalk. She walked directly to the bridge, and no, she doesnt wanted to commit suicide, she just wanted to be alone, sang out her sadness in the night.
"Everyone got their soulmate... Tony got Pepper, Thor has Jane, Clint already had a family and two kid, Natasha and Bruce are a couple... Hell even Steve with Bucky"
She thought that and started to sing:
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel my heart? 
Can you feel my heart?
Can you feel my heart?
I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.
Can you feel my heart?
Can you feel...?
Her beautyful voice slowly closed, a knot grew in her throat as she started to sob, then cry. She felt nothing but darkness and being alone, while she was the heart of her team. The fact and happy memories didnt helped. But remembered when Steve laughed in the joke, remembered when Tony gave her a compliment about her progress, the training in the gym with Nat, sometimes with Bucky or Steve, even the archery competition with Clint. Her brain closed out those memories and forced her to not let inside. On the other hand... a tall, slim figure watched her. He has got long black hair, a pair of mesmerizing emerald green eyes, sharp features wich was particularly attractive, pale skin and mysterious aura. He hid in the shadow, just like he did in his childhood. He understood her pain, what's more, he felt the same. Being lonlely and left behind. To be honest, the girl would gave everything for a hug and being in a comfy place... Between someone's arm.
-Yes. I can feel it. Why are you here in those times? It's dark, dangerous and you dont know how many serial killer around you. You should go home.
-I dont think that two killer would've such a good talk like us.
Said the girl without looking back. She wasnt scared, she was still sad. The man, however was suprised from the answer.
-In fact, I'd be happy if you'd kill me right here.
-Why would I? I mean I'm not going to kill you.
-Then why are you here? Why dont you leave me alone? You know what? You're right... I'm going home and put on my "nothing happened me, i'm perfectly fine" mask.
Then without a single word, she vanished from the bridge back to the Avengers Tower, where ofc everyone was happy. Well, almost. While our girl was in her room, deep in her thoughts, the black haired man stormed through rooms, used the elevator until he found his brother. He knocked on the door, with a bit of nervousness. Soon, a tall, muscular, bearded blonde man opened the door. His face immediately light up btw. He loved his not so little brother.
-Where you've been Loki?
-None of your business brother.
-Then why are you energised? You always nap and brood in silence. Something has changed I can tell.
-Whatever. How can someone make a sad person happy?
-Someone wants make you happy, or you are the one who doesnt want to commit a crime?
-This time, the second one brother.
Loki quckly arranged his face before Thor could've figured out what caused the change in him. He really hoped that the girl told the truth to him, but doesnt thought that she's inside the Tower like he or everyone.
-Well... Kind words helps most of the time.
-Geez, she wanted to die, by my hands. BY MY HANDS! Shes even more depressed than me brother.
-How she looked out?
-Well, she was at my chest height, or at least i think, she sat on the ground, and i'm not a cat, I cant see in the dark... Btw she had dark hair, maybe brown or black, waist lenght, straight. Her voice was.... Truly beautyful, even when it broke and started to cry.
-Hmm... Looks like you met with Valr. Oh brother, if you really want to know her better, it might be a big bite for you. She only talks when someone ask something from her, and I've never seen or heard her laughing. Most of the time she is in the library, gym or in her room when she isnt on a mission, out here with us. But to be honest, it could be anyone. I wish you good luck, if you really saw Valr... She's a worthy warrior.
-One more question before Ieave. Does she used to attend at dinner?
Thor nodded as an answer for the question, then closed the door after Loki, who teleported to the library. He found it empity tho. But at the other hand, Valr successfully picked herself up from the floor and walked to the common kitchen. She sighed in relief, she was alone, but not for a long time. As the time passed, the table was ready for the dinner. A whole set of plates, forks and knifes with table napkins. As the clock hit 7:30pm, the rest of the team slowly started to attend here and fill the room with energy and happines... The first, and most hungriest person was Bucky, then Steve, after them Natasha and Bruce. Thor followed them with Loki who seemed distant from the others. Clint arrived before the two god. As usual, Tony didnt showed up.
-Ah, Lady Valr, take a seat and eath with us.
-Thanks Thor, but I'm not hungry. I already ate and now I'm full.
-At least, stay with us and drink Val'.
-This cant cause any problem I guess.
The god of mischief immediately looked at Valr from the corner of his eye, when she lied to Thor without batting an eye. He already liked her, and planned to give her leftover food. Somehow he felt what the girl felt. The hardness of keeping the mask on... He greeted as an old friend. Sadness, even depression? Those kind of feelings too, but he played along with Valr. After they finished the dinner Steve stayed in the kitchen with Bucky to do the dishes and everyone went to their room. Except Loki, who kept an eye on her and sneaked up some food for her. He knocked on the door.
-Yes? It's open.
-Thank god it's open, I brought food for you Lady Valr.
-Why? I said I'm not hungry.
But Loki just smirked under his nonexistent mustache and placed the plate on the table. He found her reaction rather funny...
-Honey, you can not lie to the god of mischief.
-Great. Thanks for the food, you can go away and leave me alone. I dont need anyone in my life.
-Really? Then why are you scared to get close and hate being alone?
-I said, you can go away and leave me alone. Are you deaf or what?
-Slow down Lady Valr, there isnt such a reason to behave so mean, but as you wish. I leave you alone now, but I'll keep an eye on you.
-This is what I missed... I dont need baby sitting.
-Have a goodnight, Lady Valr.
If she could have a good night, she'd have a dream, but the next day's morning she went on a mission with Bucky. So she woke up at 5am, streched a bit, then had her regular morning routine before grabbed the suitcase and went to the kitchen, where Bucky waited for her. The smell of coffe enchanted a smile to her lips. The man with the metal hand greeted with a nod, and offered her a cup of coffe. Luckily he knew how Valr likes the caffeined black-ish liquid.
-I cant believe you are in this mission, I know how much do you hate Russia.
-Yes, but you cant dance with Nat, and noone else can speak fluent russian beside me. Do you have that magic tho?
-Poof. It will last while we're close to each other. Maybe one mile... I didnt need to use this spell until then.
-Wow. You amaze me every time Valr.
-Now let's go, I'm sure Tony already booked a flight to Moscow...
They boarded the plane and sat in silence after they talked through the plan. Bucky, who could never escape fully from the past, started to analyze Valr, but it was hard, even for him.
-З-здравствуйте...меня зовут...Valr...
-The hell did you just said?
Bucky never heard Valr talking in Russian so perfectly. She said those words without any accent, and he almost answered in the same language.
-Just one of thies things I can say in Russian.
-Well, it was perfect, but let me talk in Russian. Not because I love it, but 70 years experience from missions is still experience... Oh god, I already miss him...
-If you show feelings towards him, we might be caught. Steve still wanted for the underground, secret organizations in Russia. I know, you're gay for him and he's bi, but we need to play that we're a couple.
As the days passed by, Valr and Bucky grew closer to each other, talked about how they got captured/kidnapped and used to achieve bad goals. Not that fact they were so distant from each other, but they were the two person out of the Avengers... who were the quietest. As the day approached, they practiced a little dancing. You need know that the thing they search for, can be found in a Ball, wich held and organised secretly by Hydra. Extremely evil, right? But they had allies in the shadows and under the sun... When the day has arrived, you could cut the nervousness in the air with butterknife. Now, Valr understood why Bucky doesnt like to take a walk at daytime, unless he did it with Steve, his safe-place.
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Untitled "little" story
Part one
I hope you liked it if you tripped over it...
@winterbuckytho @itsbuckyb1tch @i-smell-penniess
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