#i was not

[unpretty]

in 2005 i went on a high school trip to france with my french class and since i didn't have a smart phone i was basically offline for a week. so it wasn't until we were back in an american airport that i found out mitch hedberg was dead. i promptly burst into tears. i was not the only person upset in that airport. the sense of mourning was palpable. until one of my classmates saw me crying and was like, "you heard about the pope too, huh?" and i was like, "the WHAT". it turned out the people in that airport were not as plugged into the stand-up comedy scene as i had assumed. which was fine but i was a pretty hardcore discordian neopagan at the time so you can imagine how i felt about people assuming i had strong feelings about pope john paul the second. as far as discordianism was concerned, i was also a pope. NO ONE'S GONNA APPOINT A NEW MITCH HEDBERG i wailed on the bus. THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER. i was right but i think if my catholic classmates had pushed me out a window it probably would have been justified.

#original #i had to look up the publication date of the god delusion to check if i was an atheist yet #i was not #i was also still deep into otherkin lmao #i had a lot going on #the year after this is when i dropped out

[pyxchta]

dancing goddess is a thing i would never like to see in my life with my own eyes

#fanart #art #artists on tumblr #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #mdzs fanart #jin ling #you thought i was joking about illustrating everything #i was not #because i’m insane when i love something #grandmaster of demonic cultivation

[temporarilyunspokensneezes]

Horny contagion thoughts

Someone who only cares about not making a mess because it's embarrassing, not because they're worried about spreading their cold. So in large groups they pinch off their sneezes, duck away to cough if they really can't keep it in. But around those one or two people who they feel comfortable around, they sneeze freely, cough openly even when facing the person and without covering. They'll grab a tissue while building up but use it post-sneeze to wipe away the mess on the back of their hand, never even considering that they could just sneeze into the tissue to begin with. Contagion is simply something that doesn't even cross their mind to worry about. Sick or not.

#snz #snz kink #contagion tw #inspired by my friend thats always sneezing #literally was in the middle of a cold and coughed right at me #it was an amusing mix of “this is hot” and “they literally just did that without acknowledging or apologizing #“should i be offended lol?” #i was not #but im also biased and gay/smitten so the jurys still out

[shirehobbit]

@tolkienweek day 1 ~ favourite character 

I would have you smile again. Not grieve for those whose time has come. You shall live to see these days renewed. No more despair.

#lotredit #tolkienedit #eowyn #eowynedit #tolkienweek #lord of the rings #tolkien #filmedit #oneringnet #southfarthing #forcekenobi #userclarissa #my edits #me: i will be prepared for this one #i was not #listen.... #work be chaos #anyway there's my girl

[drawthethingdoppelganger]

I was not imagining a tinimmy wedding photoshoot 5 seconds ago. I was not.

#I WAS NOT #bobs burgers #bob's burgers #tinimmy

[banannabethchase]

SethEddie "I know you meant that to be scary but it was actually really hot."

Such a Sucker for It - also on AO3

~

Seth is visiting with Eddie after the tag match on Collision, and Eddie is pissed off. All the better for Seth's intentions.

~

For Sarah's prompt: SethEddie "I know you meant that to be scary but it was actually really hot." Title from Martyr by King Mala, and I do not apologize for the mild blasphemy as I thought it was funny.

~

“Fucking pricks,” Eddie growls. Seth watches as he drops down onto the bench in the locker room and chucks his boots at the wall. “Hurting Ortiz like that. Gonna drop both of them on their goddamned heads, maybe rip Bryan’s hair out by the stupid ponytail.” His eyes gleam with rage. And, well.

Seth is only a man, after all.

“I know you meant that to be scary,” Seth begins. He unbuttons his shirt – a bit boring for his general mood, a tasteful deep teal over black jeans – and throws it off his shoulders. “But it was actually really hot.” He drops it on the floor in front of Eddie and steps away backward as he undoes his belt. “You wanna take some of that rage out on a willing, nubile body?” He drops his pants to the ground, kicking them toward Eddie. “Maybe you can pull my hair, too.”

Eddie sighs, licking his lips. Seth can see him fidgeting with something in his pocket. “You sure you know what you’re asking for, pretty boy?”

“Of course I’m sure.” Seth gets to the showers and turns it on. “Oh no,” he says, throwing a pout in Eddie’s direction. “Now I’m all wet. Look how vulnerable I am.” He turns around and can feel Eddie’s eyes on his ass. With a quick glance, he catches sight of a bottle of shampoo. He flails out his arm and knocks it over. “Oops!” He grins at Eddie. “Gotta pick that up.” He bends down. “It would be so terrible if somebody came and gave me the dicking down of my life right now.”

“You are fucking impossible.” Eddie’s voice is closer than Seth had expected, but father away than he’d hoped. “Stand up, you brat.”

Seth does what he’s told, seeing Eddie with his arms folded across his chest. “You coming?” He winks at the innuendo.

Eddie groans. “Jesus. You really know how to push a guy’s buttons, don’t you.”

“Something, something, pushing my button on your dick, something,” Seth says. He drops his head under the warm water and moans. “Just get in me already.”

“On my mother, I regret the day I met you.” With those words, Eddie crowds up behind Seth and shoves him against the wall. “Spread your legs, you fuckin’ menace,” he growls. “I’m gonna ruin you.”

“Fucking finally,” Seth chuckles. He arches his back so his ass is out and slides his feet. “Go for it, big man.”

He feels Eddie sigh against his neck before he bites down, hands gripping at Seth’s hips. “Who the fuck did I piss off to get you in my way all the time, huh?” He slides a hand between Seth’s cheeks. “What kind of punishment are you?”

“Best kind,” Seth says. “Are you gonna get in me now or not?”

“I hate Mox for introducing me to you,” Eddie says, biting at Seth’s shoulder. Seth hears a click and grins. Nobody can ever resist him for that long. “You know that?”

“I don’t,” Seth says, teeth on his lip so hard he’s worried he’s going to draw blood.

Eddie sighs and smacks Seth’s ass. “Petulant little shit.”

Seth grins. “Yeah? Punish me, why don’t you.”

“I thought you were my punishment?”

“Same difference,” Seth says. He groans as Eddie spreads his cheeks. But nothing happens. “You going to do something or stare?”

“You got a problem with me admiring you?” Eddie asks. “Getting an eyeful of the pretty little hole I’m going to destroy.”

Seth whines. “Can you just fuck me already? This is taking forever.”

“Of course it is,” and Seth can practically hear the smug smile. “That’s the point.”

Seth loves to be looked at. It’s kind of his thing, attention. Usually he bathes in it, would drop to his knees and beg for it if it got eyes on him.

But this? This felt cruel.

“Usually when people stare at me this much I’m about to win a belt or something.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “No belt here, baby. None of our four are water proof.”

“That’s an idea,” Seth says. “What if we – mother fucker.” Eddie decided that when Seth was mid-sentence was the time to slide a finger in him with no warning. It’s sudden and startling and fucking perfect. “Do that with your dick next time and I’m a happy man.”

“No, dumbass,” Eddie says. “I’m not hurting you for real.”

“Why not?” Seth whines. He has to wiggle his hips so Eddie’s finger starts to move. “Rough me up. Make me wrestle funny and walk like a fucked up duck. I’m okay with it.”

“You’re so,” Eddie says, and he pumps his fingers a few times before adding another roughly, exactly how Seth wants it, “goddamned stupid, you know that?”

“Insults!” Seth is giddy. Jubilant, even. “Now call me a dumb slut!”

“You can’t demand your degradation kink like that,” Eddie says, twisting his fingers. Seth rolls back against them, trying to demand with his body instead of his words. “That’s now how it works.”

“It should be,” Seth says, and he almost complains when Eddie takes out his fingers until he feels a much thicker something nudge against his entrance. “Oh. Oh, yes.”

“This gonna shut you up?” Eddie asks. And he doesn’t – it’s not fast enough, not as hard as Seth actually, really, wants it, but it’s faster than Eddie usually goes and it’s good.

Seth drops his forehead against the wall, feeling stretch and ache and full. He wants to shove backward onto Eddie’s dick, but Eddie’s hips hold him firm.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and he draws out slowly, drawing a whine from Seth. “Don’t worry, baby, you don’t gotta say nothin’.” He gets his teeth on the back of Seth’s neck, just enough that it’ll bruise. Seth feels like he’s going to die, and it’ll be the best way to go out. He’ll have to make sure someone writes, “Here lies Seth Rollins, got railed to death and loved it” on his tombstone. “I’ll give it to you so good.”

Eddie keeps going slowly for a minute, like he wants Seth to adjust, but then he speeds up. Seth braces his arms against the wall and shoves his ass back. “Giving me a good angle like a good boy,” Eddie chuckles. “That’s all you wanted, isn’t it? You know your place is on my dick.”

Seth is literally panting at this point. If he were anyone else, he might be able to muster up some shame about how desperate he is for it. “Yeah,” Seth gasps. “Always. Come on. Give it to me.”

“Must not be doing it right if you’re still able to talk.”

And then Eddie goes. It’s what Seth’s wanted, exactly what he wanted.

“That’s my good fuck toy,” Eddie chuckles. “That’s where you wanted this to go, yeah?” He’s panting, grunting in between words. It’s all Seth can do not to slide down the wall. “Let me use you until I’m done. Yeah?” He reaches around and gets a hand around Seth’s cock. “Come on, Sethy. You know you wanna come.”

Seth whimpers. He does. He really does.

“So do it,” Eddie says. “Come all over my cock, pretty boy. Scream my name.”

Seth does. He comes and yells and gasps and dies a little bit, but resurrects in a whole new perspective of the world. He’s like a fleshlight Jesus, he muses.

He slumps against the wall.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Eddie says. “I ain’t done with you yet.” Aftershocks ripple through Seth as Eddie takes the last ounces of strength from his body, and Seth feels him come as much as he hears the groan into his ear. “Fucking hell, Seth,” Eddie exhales. “Fuck. I’m too old for this shit.”

Seth laughs, turning to him. He winces as Eddie slips out of him, already with an ache running through his whole body. He faces Eddie to see him smiling. “Didn’t feel like it,” Seth murmurs. “Goddamn, Eddie. You went rough on me.” He leans in to Eddie’s ear. “I fucking loved it.”

“I know you did,” Eddie says. He leans in and kisses Seth, quick. “Now let me wash your hair with that stupid purple shampoo.”

Seth nods and sighs, letting Eddie soap him up and rinse him all over. He doesn’t ask for more, and only partially because he can’t find the right joke to rile Eddie up again.

“I’m stealing this,” he says, when they step out of the shower. He picks up a black, cozy sweatshirt and pulls it on over his damp hair. He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him as he does it, and it’s almost as warm as the clothing.

“The funny thing is,” Eddie says, yawning. “I thought you were gonna grab the Ring of Honor belt. Not my hoodie.”

Seth shrugs it on, wrapping himself up. “I already got that belt once,” he says, shrugging. “This?” He breathes in. “This nobody else in the world will get.”

“Fuck – now you’re being sweet about it?” Eddie shakes his head, then walks up to Seth. “You’ll be the death of me, Rollins.”

Seth leans in to kiss him. “Put me on your life insurance policy then, Kingston.”

~

Mini Playlist: Martyr - King Mala Hit it From the Back - Kim Petras Talking Body - Tove Lo Treat Me Like a Slut - Kim Petras

#SethEddie #wtf i like wrestling now??? #in which sara writes #Hehehehe #sarahcakes613 #The funny thing is Sarah thought I was talking about a Buck #I was not

[destialpal]

So it’s come to my attention that I can quote the entire dreaded scene in episode six which is super fun and fresh

#my dad thought I was on the phone #I was not #I was saying how there were no nightingales #good omens #good omens 2 #aziracrow #ineffable divorce

[damsoncher]

got bored waiting for part 2

#i don’t even know what it is #it should have been simple portrait but then something wacky got me #it looks like I was high while drawing #I was not #fate grand order #fgo #lostbelt 7 spoilers #tezcatlipoca #at least I killed some time

[rollthewhatever]

you know my comic, lost and found, there are lines like 'Thomas isn't conscious about this' and 'nothing happened' that....... was my own secret meta joke about the actual Thomas doesn't know my comic exists

and now he knows. somehow he found it. lmao how dare you Thomas. how could you ruin my jokes/j /lh

#lost and found #I thought I was hiding very well #I was not #lol

[lysapadin]

As I sat there at my ease, cross-legged on the deck; after the bitter exertion at the windlass; under a blue tranquil sky; the ship under indolent sail, and gliding so serenely along; as I bathed my hands among those soft, gentle globules of infiltrated tissues, woven almost within the hour; as they richly broke to my fingers, and discharged all their opulence, like fully ripe grapes their wine; as I snuffed up that uncontaminated aroma,—literally and truly, like the smell of spring violets; I declare to you, that for the time I lived as in a musky meadow; I forgot all about our horrible oath; in that inexpressible sperm, I washed my hands and my heart of it; I almost began to credit the old Paracelsan superstition that sperm is of rare virtue in allaying the heat of anger; while bathing in that bath, I felt divinely free from all ill-will, or petulance, or malice, of any sort whatsoever.

Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,—Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.

Would that I could keep squeezing that sperm for ever! For now, since by many prolonged, repeated experiences, I have perceived that in all cases man must eventually lower, or at least shift, his conceit of attainable felicity; not placing it anywhere in the intellect or the fancy; but in the wife, the heart, the bed, the table, the saddle, the fireside, the country; now that I have perceived all this, I am ready to squeeze case eternally. In thoughts of the visions of the night, I saw long rows of angels in paradise, each with his hands in a jar of spermaceti.

#whale weekly #whale posting #ch 97 a squeeze of the hand #I thought I was ready #I was not

[thepoopdokyeomtouched]

OMG GOOD LUCK FOR THE RESULTS FIGHTING!!!!!!!

phy : 71 /100

Chem : 82/100

Math : 67/100

#Hope April goes nice..... #And tthanks for asking #I was offline but some else was using this account so if you felt i was ignoring you #I was not #They weren't allowed to rb #Or any interaction with anyone

[uldahstreetrat]

there is so much about Solution Nine that is already driving me insane. there's some kind of garlean/allagan/ascian fckn--- SOMETHING happening here and i dont think im prepared to find out

is it gonna be great in story and probably end up one of my favorite things? yeah absolutely but in the meantime im gonna be slamming my head into my desk trying to comprehend what the fuck

#i was not #i was not prepared for this in my dt pre vibing #fucking CYBERPUNK #in MY fantasy vacation??? #its more likely than you think

[sharpth1ng]

WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME TO EACH OTHER LIKE THIS??? I AM NOT!!

ALSO FUCK YOU PHOENIX IM TALLER THAN YOU

#phoenic was 100% rope bunny by the way #i was not #so #whos the rope bunny really #ask

[cattatoir]

Bc this is gonna be my personality for a week I think it’s kinda funny everyone really wants to defend Aziraphale from criticism. Like Crowley maybe could have had more insight but the angel can take a little criticism lol

Anyway the resurrectionist story I feel like was about a bit more than Crowley doing the right thing, like there’s two friends and one insists everything she’s doing is to help her other, more cautious friend, only that friend gets hurt and she goes on with her plans regardless. Even though after all that she gets fucked over 🧐

#cmo's log #I’ve connected the dots #I watched this season entirely head empty apparently people were looking for Gabriel clues in the flashbacks #I was not #but after I feel like a lot were pretty obvious what they were trying to say but this one bugs me #good omens spoilers #good omens #love to see this romance trope. it was so sad but I was so excited. classic shit #fuck up! find out! make up! make out!

[roguebotanist]

Unlike her sister, Lesley is nearing adulthood with no romantic prospects. She heads down to the Cool Teen Gas Station to find someone she can get along with. This guy seems to meet the minimum requirements.

#ts2 #team desert #round robin legacy challenge #rr:heirs #lesley huckleberry #hold on I have to open the game to figure out his name #my guess is scott #will I be right? #I was not #shaun melons

[achilles-the-boy-of-gold]

CONAN PLAYED WINNER OH MY FUCKING GOD AND MORE LINES

#really wish i had been there #but alas #i was not