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#i was super depressed and questioning my worth as a human being
bumblequinn · 5 months
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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.
as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)
but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:
changing expectations
the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!
my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.
when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.
so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?
with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.
with that in mind:
#1: work slower
when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.
instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.
i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!
now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.
doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.
however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:
#2: switch projects
sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.
this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.
the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.
what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.
but it doesn't have to stop there.
#3: switch focus
maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?
let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:
what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?
and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?
what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?
any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.
or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.
but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:
#4: learn something new
when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.
for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)
it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)
that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:
music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang
mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix
general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!
(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)
of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:
#5: consume art you love
not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.
but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.
and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.
what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.
as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.
none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.
and finally,
#6: rest, and live your life
let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?
take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).
it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.
i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.
when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)
before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:
be kind to yourself.
being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.
i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.
i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.
thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.
with care, bee 🐦
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vidavalor · 4 months
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hi again! rewatched the 1st season now. so first off thanks again for the excuse i appreciate it lol. but secondly hoping you wouldn't mind explaining the satan's obssession with crowley thing? cos he's obvs creepy as all hell pun not intended in the 11 years ago scene but i haven't found the bit that confirms it's a fixation on crowley and not just satan being satan. tysm!
Hi! Thanks for the ask. I can try and we can see what you think after, yeah? :) Christmas cookie? *passes plate and pours some tea*
TWs: discussion of PTSD, sexual assault, including rape, intimate partner abuse, anxiety, depression. We're looking at Crowley as an assault survivor here so it's a bit dark. Lindsay's abuse of Nina is also mentioned here. This will wind up having a companion meta at some point soon as I was also asked in comments on another post to talk about Crowley and intimacy issues which is then really also talking about Aziraphale as a trauma-informed partner so a less intense Part 2 at some point soon...
If you're the anon who asked me this (or anybody else) and you can't read something with these warnings but you'd like to see what I'm saying, PM me or throw something in my Asks and I'll see if I can do a version of this that gets the points across while omitting the darker aspects.
Meta on Lucifer and Crowley under the cut.
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The Ask here was about why I see Lucifer as fixating on Crowley, in particular, and not just being generally evil as, ya know, he's Satan. It's a fair question since Satan's evil isn't exactly something that anyone would consider restrained as he's the devil. Some of this is inference here when it comes to Lucifer, since the show intentionally holds the character back a bit... but I also think that holding Lucifer back is by design to help illustrate some things that we'll look at here.
The first clue to me that Lucifer has a bit of a fixation on Crowley comes from Crowley's gigs in Hell. Before the end of S1, Crowley was high-ranked in Hell. He seems to go by quite a few names in his demonic world. By making himself Nanny Astoreth when he's looking after Warlock, it alludes the idea that Crowley is also the demon of that name, who is considered part of the "evil trinity" of Hell, along with Lucifer and Beezlebub, with whom Crowley used to spend time with pre-Fall and with whom he has history.
Astoreth is a genderbent serpent goddess in lore with an abundance of other Crowley traits so safe to say that Crowley is meant to be Astoreth as well. Aziraphale proposed in 33 AD that Crowley is also Mephistopheles and Asmodeus, which Crowley didn't exactly deny. Mephistopheles is one of the most famous demons to ever exist-- he of the Faustian bargain-- and Asmodeus is the demonic prince of lust. Crowley's already been shown to be a Bible figure in disguise-- Bildad the Shuite being a Biblical character-- so the idea that we are at the 2/3rds mark of the show and we've met all the high-ranking demons in Hell but several famous ones appear to not exist in Good Omens, despite more minor ones (Shax, Furfur) making appearances, implies that we probably actually have met demons like Mephistopheles and Asmodeus because they're all really Crowley.
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Crowley retained power in Hell because it allows him what little freedom he can have in damnation. It means he likely won't be removed from Earth if he proves he's "good" at being a demon and that means he won't get stuffed in some cluttered, dark, cubicle in Hell for millennia. (Or destroyed.) More importantly, it means he'll be able to be on Earth with Aziraphale. That's easily worth taking credit for a bunch of human wars to fool Hell into thinking he's evil.
While we see that Crowley, when forced to come up with a demonic plot of his own, picks more annoying things than evil things and sells them as evil-- the M-25 design, taking down mobile phone networks, he's sometimes forced into doing things he doesn't want to do in order to not be outed as a demon who isn't super jazzed about being a demon and is really, secretly, a free-flying crow. He doesn't live to serve their Master Satan like some of the other demons do. He's going along with Hell as best he can and sometimes, he finds himself in a situation where he has to get creative because he's been tasked with something he disagrees with-- like we saw in the Job minisode. Other times, he might be forced into something he can't find a way out of, which is implied a little to be at the root of his terrible mood when he and Aziraphale meet up in Ancient Rome. He's wearing military garb that implies the temptations he's saying he's in Rome to accomplish are tied to Caligula, who wasn't exactly a swell guy.
What's interesting, though, is that Crowley is in this position of power in the first place. Other demons are shown in both seasons so far to be jealous of Crowley. He gets all the good gigs. Satan makes a bet with God that has both Upstairs and Downstairs in a tizzy for weeks and who is sent to whack the kids? Crowley. Who was sent on the first ever really Earth mission-- to get up into the Garden of Eden and "make some trouble"? Crowley, long before he'd cemented his big reputation. Who gets to deliver the antichrist baby and so kick off Armageddon, the thing that angels and demons basically "live" for? Crowley...
Across both seasons so far, Hastur, Ligur and Furfur are all given scenes of showing that they're jealous of Crowley being a favorite of Satan's and given the best assignments while they slum it in middle-management at best. What Crowley never says or admits to with other demons is that they actually don't want to be the favorite of Lucifer over here because he's the actual fucking devil and it's an absolute horror show. Crowley isn't about to admit that to them because he's supposed to want nothing more than to be Satan's slave and to express anything else is not demonic.
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The other demons who are antagonistic towards Crowley are invasive and creepy but they stop short long before what we've seen Lucifer do. Hastur and Ligur pop up unannounced in Crowley's electronics-- the tv in his flat, on the screen at the movies-- and that's already disturbing. Imagine having your evil coworkers able to interrupt your r&r tv time in your own apartment... let alone the fact that Shax and even Beezlebub both pop up into The Bentley unannounced in S2. There's no evidence so far that Satan is out here "delivering instructions" like this to others in Hell the way he does to Crowley in 1.01 (and there's actually a scene in S2 that we'll talk about that suggests that he's not or, at least, that it's uncommon, which we'll get to in a second.)
He might well be but when you combine assaulting Crowley with giving him all the prime gigs in Hell and the other demons' jealousy of their Master's attention towards Crowley, you wind up with the impression that Satan is a bit fixated on Crowley.
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The Bentley scene with Lucifer in 1.01 is analogous to rape. Crowley's sense of personal autonomy is violated. He doesn't consent to Lucifer forcibly entering his body. Lucifer does so by first penetrating through Crowley's two foremost metaphorical defenses-- The Bentley (enters through the radio and uses it to invade Crowley) and his sunglasses, which cannot shield his eyes/himself from Lucifer. Crowley already has these signature defenses mechanisms on in the attack scene and the horror in the scene is actually watching neither of them protect him. The scene is so early in the show that it's only the second scene we've ever seen Crowley wearing his glasses (and it's pitch black dark out, to add to it) so the glasses are basically introduced to us by showing us a situation that motivates Crowley's desire to hide his eyes from people he doesn't trust, even if they aren't human and know what his eyes look like. This is Crowley's third scene in the series itself and it's really arguably the second half of his second scene (the Hastur & Ligur in the graveyard one.) It's part of our introduction to Crowley in the modern era, with only Eden preceding it. Armageddon is new but the rest of this hell-- faking being evil, suffering violating attacks-- is thousands of years old for him at this point.
Crowley is driving when this happens.
Driving is the ultimate symbol of self-control because you're literally behind the wheel, navigating yourself through the world, in control of where you are going and the decisions you need to make to get you there, trusting yourself to make decisions that protect others on the road around you. Lucifer rips that from him by rendering him unable to drive while "delivering instructions" to his mind. Crowley-- a very powerful, magical being-- is unable to fight him off. When Lucifer leaves his body, Crowley had to grab the wheel and steer The Bentley away from hitting an oncoming truck with about three seconds to spare from a head-on collision. Crowley, The Bentley and the antichrist baby all would have likely survived that crash without issue because of their magic-- but the human driving the truck likely would not have. Obviously, Crowley would prefer not to kill anybody but Satan nearly made him against his will and rendered him unable to fight him, the powerlessness of which is then interesting when tied into things like Crowley essentially drugging himself to save Elspeth, trusting the present Aziraphale to help protect him while he did, etc..
As the attack happens, parts of "Bohemian Rhapsody" are underscoring it, picking up on a musical cue from when Crowley rolled up in The Bentley to see Hastur and Ligur in the graveyard. The graveyard scene sees Crowley arrive at the big crescendo of the song and what is it but the lyrics Beezlebub, has the devil put aside for me? and, prior to that, the eerie lyrics, especially on rewatch when you know what happens as a result of this scene: we will not let you go (let him go) x a million, not to mention the no no no no no no... bit.
By the time we're back in The Bentley and Lucifer has shown up, parts of the song play through it. I see a little silhouetto of a man plays as Crowley is literally seeing the driver of the oncoming truck in front of him, just as he loses the ability to control The Bentley. When Lucifer leaves him and Crowley grabs the wheel, we hear thunderbolts and lightning/very, very frightening/me and the Galileo segment of the song. Thunderbolts and lightning is interesting since God makes it a point to point out that this night is not dark and stormy but then that type of weather is what Crowley does in S2 that causes the power to go out and his parallel, Nina, to be trapped. It's also what demons in general can do so you could say sending a storm-- like in the Job minisode-- to be demonic and of Satan. (If it's not Crowley doing it to play Cupid, anyway.) The thunderbolts and lightning of Satan/Hell is very, very frightening to Crowley...
...Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Galileo is arguably the most famous astronomer to ever live. He was a polymath, really, like Crowley was. Crowley, as an angel, made the stars and invented gravity. The scene with Hastur and Ligur that precedes this and ties into it has Hastur mistranslate the Italian Crowley spoke during it. Crowley said "ciao", meaning "goodbye", which Hastur correctly said was Italian but he claimed it meant "food" (mistaking it for "chow" because he's an idiot.) So a scene that ends with Crowley speaking Italian then connects directly into the scene of this attack, where Italian is spoken in the song scoring it, as Galileo was Italian and figaro in Italian is "fig tree".
While Eve does eat an apple in Good Omens, the Biblical 'fruits of knowledge' that tie to the Serpent tempting Eve in Eden are interpreted in different ways throughout different religions and at different periods in history. In Good Omens, Crowley got Eve to eat an apple and the pleasure of food opened a door to sexual pleasure. Eve shared the apple with Adam and they were *Aziraphale's hilariously judgemental voice* "expecting already" with Eve about 8 months pregnant later a day later because Eve's biology is atypical of other humans and all that. It's debated as an apple, with other different fruits and sometimes even wheat mentioned as possible things Eve ate-- if she ate food at all, as some people take the entire thing as a sexual metaphor. Figs are one fruit that some people believe it was instead of an apple, so this is a reference to Crowley as the Serpent of Eden.
Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Crowley holding onto himself while under attack and just after it, which speaks to activation of a plan, which speaks to this not being the first time he's endured something like this. Galileo and Figaro = The Starmaker and the Serpent of Eden. The things he's done that he is proud of, that make him not evil, in his mind, and not deserving of this. Things he likes about himself. Things Aziraphale loves about him.
The song is narrating for us Crowley through the attack as he's basically frozen there enduring it, seeing the driver of the truck coming at him and Scaramouche/Scaramouche/Will you do The Fandango?
A scaramouche is a kind of mischievous scamp-- so, Crowley; The Fandango is a Spanish couple dance. Historically, one version of it is done between a pair of men who try to outdo one another with skill, in a kind of homoerotic competition. It's also slang for fucking during a concert and I have the feeling that Crowley would probably enjoying doing that Fandango a lot more as that would be consenting with a partner of his choice at a live concert rather than being mind-raped to Queen by the devil in his car. Regardless, it's another allusion to sex in the scene, adding to the rape overtones.
There's also something that is pretty horrifying about the fact that these scenes of Crowley and Aziraphale being separately reintroduced to us in 2008 after we first met them both together in Eden are intercut so that Lucifer's attack on Crowley scored by "Bohemian Rhapsody" ends with the Italian sung and cuts directly into Aziraphale speaking Japanese to the chef at the sushi restaurant.
He'll try to explain to Gabriel that eating sushi is "what humans do", which is the same phrase he'll use to try to explain to Michael and Uriel in S2 what falling in love is. During the bookshop attack, Shax will bully Aziraphale about his humanity-- about the same two things (food and love) in the two previous, connected scenes. (Gabriel, initially the one repulsed by tea in 1.01, leaves the scene after Aziraphale tells him to hide by asking if anyone wants a hot chocolate, in a pretty hilarious turnabout.) Shax calls back to the food-related and the love-related "it's what humans do" moments for Aziraphale by asking if she should "send up the sushi" and by mocking his relationship with Crowley ("What are you? Crowley's emotional support angel?"). Crowley and Aziraphale are the ones in love and it's tied together throughout multiple scenes in both seasons to sushi, in reference to the night Armageddon began in 2008.
The point then is that, making this all even worse, Crowley is actually supposed to be at a back corner table in a dark sushi restaurant sneaking a date with Aziraphale when he's attacked by Lucifer in The Bentley-- and then forced into helping start Armageddon, which could bring about the end of his and Aziraphale's relationship... and that's our grim introduction to his world in the modern part of the story.
As we go learn what Aziraphale is like in the modern era and contrast him with his head office's mentality via Gabriel's arrival, we also are given clues in the scene that suggest that Aziraphale was actually expecting Crowley, as he looks to the side Crowley comes up on when he hears the miracle sound that actually signals Gabriel's arrival instead. Aziraphale will then explain that he's there, doing "what humans do" and enjoying it, to Gabriel, and it will be only eating sushi in this moment, just as Crowley will not be present when Aziraphale explains that falling in love is "what humans do" while objectively talking about Maggie & Nina but, ultimately, talking about himself and Crowley beneath it-- his real motivation for keeping Heaven off their backs is Crowley. The writers then have Shax combine the two "it's what humans do" scenes around love and sushi and throw them back at Aziraphale while Crowley is once again not with him because of Heaven/Hell but is present in his absence in the moment.
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All of this happens in the first scenes of Crowley in the modern era, all the way back in the first episode, and it's done to give us an understanding that he is a survivor of attacks like this and how that impacts his behavior, his choices, his relationship with Aziraphale. It's to give us a finer appreciation for his strength and his humor and his capacity to love in the face of it. It's to show that while some of the demons are just kind of amusing idiots, if dangerous, and that there's a lot of humor to mine there, some aspects of being a demon are not at all amusing. Crowley is really just doing the best he can to survive the absolute horror show that is an eternity of damnation as Satan's favorite over here because there are very dark, very violent aspects of it that he cannot permanently avoid.
While the attack we are shown is a mercifully short, if horrifying, scene, the implications of it are even worse. The assault we are shown had a plot purpose in that moment-- Satan giving instructions on delivering the antichrist baby to the satanic nunnery-- and since everything was in motion, that was the extent of it. Armageddon took precedence. What we are left with, though, is the impression that this type of demonic assault with its massive rape overtones is something that Crowley's experienced before and that the implication is that Lucifer attacking him is not always just to deliver a message related to an assignment but to deliver one of forcible control over him and that this is something that Crowley has been dealing with periodically for the 6,000 years he's been on Earth. It's akin to a kind of rape in 1.01 and that is already way more than enough to see how that would affect Crowley in the story... but then S2 takes this scene and both alludes to it in a key moment and gives it a whole paralleling subplot, highlighting its importance and continuing to expand upon the meaning of it. Both things together then suggest that while we saw a rape-coded assault in 1.01, the feeling that the scene was alluding to other instances where it was rape itself was definitely the implication of it.
In S2, in the group scene at the end, Crowley is out of the bookshop taking Maggie and Nina away from the angels for their safety when the subject of Satan comes up for the only direct time that season. Shax demands that Gabriel and Beezlebub be taken to Hell to be given "as gifts for Satan, our Master" and Head of the Dark Council Dagon replies that "he wouldn't want them-- maybe as hors d'ouerves." On the show obsessed with food symbolism and that codes different types of food with relation to sex-- in particular, because of Serpent of Eden Crowley-- and with the brothel owner named "Mrs. Sandwich", to say someone would want a being as a "hors d'ouerves" implies sex and if we're talking about Lucifer, then we've already established that consent isn't exactly a priority. Rape isn't about sex-- it's about power-- but the show is coding Lucifer's behavior in line with its coding of sex to highlight that his violation of Crowley isn't just of the heavily rape-coded variety that we saw in 1.01 but has actually, at other times, been rape.
Dagon's most significant line in S2 is essentially to point out that Satan's a rapist-- but it's also to point out that not everyone in Hell has been through that horror. Satan's choosy. Satan's a bit fixated. Dagon's comment is actually surprising. Your first thought when Shax suggests giving Gabriel and Beez to Lucifer is that he's the devil so they'd be in danger and what you've seen of what he's done to Crowley was skin-crawling and you don't want that to happen to Gabriel and Beezlebub. You assume that it might because we're talking about Satan but then Dagon puts a check on that and says-- to not a single bit of even implied disagreement in the room-- that Satan wouldn't really care that much about getting Gabriel and Beez.
Think about how truly kind of crazy that is.
Satan would not be that interested in being handed over his old friend and the Grand Duke of Hell who betrayed him and the Supreme Archangel of Heaven? He'd maybe rape 'em, sure, possibly, casually posits Dagon, but they aren't what he's really after. They'd just be hors d'ouerves.
Not a single being in the room even so much as signals disagreement with that assessment that the not terribly subtle Dagon chose to voice aloud, which means they all agree with her. They all know who Lucifer's fixated on.
*Gabriel* and *Beezlebub* would only be fucking *appetizers* to Satan.
That implies the existence of *a main course*, does it not?
Who else but Crowley (and Aziraphale) could be on that menu? No one.
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We also have that Crowley is conveniently out of the bookshop for the moment that Shax and Dagon have this exchange about Lucifer. He comes back in on Dagon saying "hors d'ouerves" but was outside when Shax was referencing Satan so he didn't hear any of it. This seems very deliberate on the part of the writers, as if Crowley had been in the room, it would have prompted some kind of response and changed what happened in the scene afterwards. Instead, the only reference to Lucifer is specifically when Crowley isn't in the room, probably because this conflict is on-going and going to continue into S3.
Prior to Dagon's line, the show also paralleled Lucifer assaulting Crowley in The Bentley in 1.01 with Lindsay abusing Nina, which adds another layer into this. You could even make an argument that one of the reasons why we never see Lindsay and we just see their abuse of Nina via the text messages they send Nina is to draw an intentional parallel to how little we've seen to date of Lucifer/Satan in the series.
It directly ties to the 1.01 scene in The Bentley because, prior to Lucifer coming through the radio and assaulting Crowley, Crowley was trying to call Aziraphale (the Maggie to his Nina in this parallel, though obviously much further along in that relationship) to tell him about Armageddon but he'd taken out the mobile phone networks earlier in the night to have something demonic to share with Hastur and Ligur. This parallels Crowley knocking out the power in S2 accidentally and Nina getting locked in the coffee shop with Maggie. Lucifer and Lindsay both attack through electronic communication devices-- The Bentley's radio and Nina's phone-- and unleash a torrent of abuse. The difference is that Nina might be more easily able to escape Lindsay and live a more peaceful life after S2 while Crowley has yet to be truly able to evade Lucifer.
While Lindsay's abuse of Nina is at least psychological and emotional in what we are shown and Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is that with physical and sexual aspects that may or may not be present in Nina's relationship with Lindsay, the type of abuse doesn't matter to the parallel as it's all terrible and that's the point. Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is paralleled with the intimate partner abuse Nina is suffering in her relationship. This is objectively pretty interesting since it sort of suggests that Lucifer is Crowley's Lindsay, in the sense that they might have once been involved pre-Fall, which might add another element to why Lucifer is fixated on Crowley.
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So, while Crowley can encourage his parallel Nina all he wants to take a risk and trust more and to trust him when he promises that it will be worth it, Crowley himself can't really extract himself from his own Lindsay-ish situation yet. He does know how to survive it, though, and it's not all about the defenses he and Nina put up-- it's about learning to shed some of those defenses enough to have a sense of intimacy with a kind person you can trust to love you and help you feel safe.
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elysia-nsimp · 5 months
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TWST Headcanons!
Hello everyone! I'm starting a new series where I infodump about my headcanons for twst characters. Feel free to request certain characters if I haven't done them already. To start off, here's Jamil Viper! Please ignore the awful quality I swear I tried to fix it
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So to start off, what changed physically?
His right eye isn't grey--it's muted green with red in the center. This is the eye his signature spell primarily comes from, which is where the red came from.
he has an eyebrow cut because i have one and its COOL
He has a widow's peak! (That's the point in his hairline, if that term is unfamiliar to you)
He has long, pointed ears. I will elaborate later.
He also has several gold earrings! He has 3 hoops on his other ear.
His tongue is split at the edge. It's not super visible in this card, though.
He also has a tongue piercing, it's a teardrop-shaped Ruby. He takes very good care of it.
Lastly, he has LONG fangs. They poke out of his mouth a little bit.
Elysia, what are these changes for?
Great question! Almost all of these have an explainable reason (except the eyebrow cut and the split tongue thing I just decided he would do that just because), and I'm here to explain them!
So to start off, what is Jamil? In canon, he's a human, pretty simple, but I decided humans are BORING and Jamil deserved to be non-human like the other super cool epic characters like the twins and Malleus (personal opinion alert). In this AU, Jamil is still partially human--mostly human, even--with both his parents being human (mostly), but further up his family tree, there are traces of both gorgon and genie ancestry. How'd he get those in his family tree? Well, long long time ago, an ancestor of Kalim found a lamp that Jafar used to inhabit. As their final wish, they freed the genie. As thanks, the genie decided to stick around and continue to offer help here and there. That genie found a partner out of their lamp, and thus, began the Viper family. Somewhere along the line, one of Jamil's relatives fell in love with a gorgon. Does this mean Jamil can grant wishes? Absolutely not. However, it IS why his family has been serving the Asims for generations.
What new abilities does this grant Jamil?
Honestly, not many changes about him. He isn't even aware he's not fully human, though he has questioned why he looks different than others. Here are a couple things that have been added or changed, though.
He's more inclined to want to help you if you preface whatever you want with "I wish" (he does not even notice this, do not mention it)
He's venomous! If he bites you, it'll paralyze you for about a half an hour, maybe an hour at the worst. He doesn't use this ability much... only if he feels like he or Kalim is in danger or he just REALLY wants someone to shut up.
He reall.y likes lamps.... he has no clue why he just likes lamps
His emotions are slightly easier read, because his ears tilt up or down depending on how he feels and he has zero control over that.
He has a slight lisp that he has spent YEARS training himself out of because of the fangs. It's barely noticeable if you're not listening for it.
Some other headcanons!
These are unrelated to the species change, but still worth mentioning!
Jamil's bisexual, but he was in HEAVY DENIAL for a DAMN long time. He just prefers he/him.
oh boy here's some diagnoses for you: Major clinical depression, anxiety/paranoia (lesser impact), C-PTSD, AUTISM!!!!!!! (he just like me frfr) (also he lives in his mask so it took him a while to figure that out), POTS, assorted other CHRONIC PAIN that hasn't been diagnosed yet
He collects gold jewelry because Kalim used to always want to buy him gold things. Its kind of just become habit to collect anything that looks gold because it was one of the nicer things in his childhood.
He takes EXTREMELY good care of all his jewelry! Especially the tongue gem, since it's the most likely to get infected.
Jamil has joint issues. It's not so substantial that he can't function, but sometimes his arm will pop out of place or ache like all HELL if he overworks himself too much. This is what he uses the arm brace for and why you see him rubbing his arm often. (this is partially based in canon, partially projection because I too am in chronic pain)
mention whipped cream around him and he will go insane (/neg/hj) (based on other RPs he's been in where it's a running gag revolving around him)
He and Najma both don't have great relationships with their parents. Especially after Book 4 and some mandated therapy, Jamil grew bitter of how much his parents pulled him back and made him fear just... talking to Kalim (ofc a lot more went into his blaming of Kalim, but his parents' influence was extremely damaging).
Jamil is extremely overprotective of Najma, even if he acts like she's a major nuisance in his life.
One time he passed out in front of Najma (which made her panic), only for him to sit the fuck back up, walk to the kitchen, and down an entire thing of salt in front of poor Najma's very eyes. She was HORRIFIED, but started laughing once he confirmed he was okay. (This is related to the POTS)
Jamil knows how to pick up fingerprints and has done so on several occasions (mostly to catch Najma after she stole his food)
This is all I can think of off the top of my head. This post may be edited in the future, but for now, thanks for reading my first in-depth headcanon post!!!
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Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 7) favorite BL and your top 3 (or top 5) favorite GL? And why do you love them? It can be from any media : books, manga, anime, manhwa, tv series or movies.....
Hard question again! I'm going to do 7 for GL and 7 for BL, again under the cut!
In no particular order:
GL:
Revolutionary Girl Utena - is including it on this list cheating since it's not primarily GL? I don't care, it's too good to not recommend. A teenage tomboy fencer gets 'engaged' to a mysterious girl by winning a duel, many more duels happen alongside symbolism, feminist messages and a really mature handling of topics like depression and abuse. REALLY dark though, but worth it! Deserves its place as one of the classic anime.
Bloom into you - incredible handling of internalised homophobia, first love, high school relationships both in the platonic and romantic sense and golden child syndrome. A heartwarming but occasionally heartwrenching story that felt very real. Bonus points for the author actually being a sapphic woman.
The Handmaiden - sapphic thriller from Korea set in the early 1900's! Dark but incredibly engaging, surprisingly happy and hopeful despite how much the girls have to suffer to get their happily ever after. The book it's based on, The Fingersmith, was also great!
GAP - Thailand's first GL series and got so popular there are now multiple other projects coming this & next year! The protagonist is a uni graduate hired in her idol's company only to discover the lady is both meaner and hotter than she thought. Lesbian crisis and full-on romcom shenanigans follow, though the series also comments on traditional family values in Thailand acting as an excuse for homophobia (the idol, Sam, is in an arranged engagement to a man as ordered by her grandma). Don't worry though, the show is mostly very fun and light & ends very very happily for the ladies.
Whisper Me a Love Song - look, as a former band kid I can't not mention the band lesbians manga. It's a highschool romance full of miscommunication and funny/cute shenanigans with occasional sadness to balance it all out. Very relaxing. It's getting an anime adaptation next year so looking forward to that!
Riddle Story of Devil - as an action series fan this was pretty incredible. A school full of assasins, everyone is sapphic and they're all badasses? High school me was obsessed and I still am. The manga is much better though, the anime is both way less gay and develops the characters much less due to the story being compressed into 12 episodes.
Legend of Yunqian - short fantasy drama from a small Chinese studio, it's about a regular young lady going back in time via a magic fan and falling for a magical warrior woman. Lovely and available on Youtube for free!
Honorary mentions: Flip Flappers (anime), Clear and muddy loss of love (novel), She likes to cook and she likes to eat (manga & TV series)
BL:
Heaven Official's Blessing - come on, it's incredible. Dark fantasy with immortal love that breaks even the most powerful curses, a complex and deeply human protagonist, a lot of emotional moments and incredible use of flashbacks to slowly reveal his backstory to the readers- what's not to love? Just a warning, when I say it's dark fantasy I'm not kidding. The series has funny and light moments but when shit gets real, it gets REAL.
No.6 - just like RGU isn't technically GL, this isn't technically BL but I am gonna talk about anyway, it's incredible. It's a dystopian sci-fi story about Shion, a teenager who discovers a government conspiracy and works to stop it alongside his new friend/love interest Nezumi. It treats the gay relationship super casually, there's no sexuality angst or anything, it was super refreshing! Read the novels though, the anime compressed the story a lot.
The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi - love the intrigue, love the main romance, love the fantasy elements! My first Chinese series and one I hold dear for introducing me to the wuxia (Chinese fantasy) genre. Any version of the story is great but I'd recommend to start with the series and then read the books.
Kinnporsche - it's deeply insane and I love it for that. Everyone is gay, everyone commits crimes (they're in the mafia, so. Yeah) and it makes for a really entertaining show even if its darker elements aren't always super well handled.
Not me the series - Motorcycle gang of young anarchists against corruption! Very radical and critical of capitalism and the police system, engaging and fast paced. The director/showrunner is a trans activist/filmmaker so it's not like she doesn't know what she's talking about. It's very universal so I'd recommend it even to people who normally don't watch BL. One minus point for minor queerbaiting with 2 side characters, nothing major but it did bother me a bit + felt unnecessary in a series full of queer characters.
Cherry magic - queer office romance + mind reading! If that combination sounds interesting please do check it out, it was super cute. Bonus for very realistically human protags and an explicitly aroace side character.
Semantic error - opposites attract-type romance between an introverted, collected STEM prodigy and an extroverted art student partnered together for a project. The protagonist is autistic and written pretty well so I latched onto the show immediately, bonus points for side queer representation (bi character who's a super cool and pretty lady, love her).
Honorary mentions: Word of Honor (series), Yuri on ice (anime, only homoerotic sports anime to make the gay explicit, iconic), Nobleman Ryu's wedding (series, short but v heartwarming!)
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ryuichirou · 1 year
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Hi ! First of all I wanna say I'm a huge fan of your drawings, your artstyle is so pretty !! Idia is one of my favs and I loooove how you draw him like he just looks so squishable /very pos. Then my question would be : have you played through chapter 6 yet ? If not, do you have any theories about what is going to happen ? And if yes, do you have any thoughts to share about it ?? I'm super curious to hear your opinion !!
Hello hello! I’m very sorry for replying to you so late, but we were in the middle of watching chapter 6 and decided to postpone our reply until we’re done, so I can share our thoughts properly (Sorry, this is going to be a monster of a reply, I’m going to talk a lot…). Hope all this was worth the wait!
Well, first of all, thank you so much for your kind words! I’m very happy that you like my artstyle and especially how I draw Idia, it means a lot. <3
Sooo, chapter 6.
To be completely honest, we went into twst already knowing about what happens in it, because our friend (who was playing through it at that moment) told us about Idia’s overblot and his and Ortho’s story. We were already interested in Idia by that point, which is why we were very curious about his arc, and I think it’s fair to say that this was the exact point we’d decided that we’re definitely going to check twst out. It just felt like it was filled with characters and tropes that we would really enjoy, and boy was it a correct hunch. That being said, the fact that we had already known the story didn’t ruin the emotional impact at all, we felt completely wrecked by ch6 lol
This post is possibly going to turn into me screaming about how much I love both Idia and Ortho, so I’m sorry in advance, but.
I really love Idia. This is going to sound weird, but I love how completely miserable he is and how you can see his suffering even when he’s giggling (oh how nice it was to hear his voice all the time lol) or messing with others. I think he is very well-written in this regard: he is clearly depressed, clearly very traumatized, clearly has a hard time dealing with what happened to him and the original Ortho (I mean the real one, but you know), but just… manages, somehow? It’s like he’s constantly playing the game of “for how long can I be in denial before I inevitably remember what I’ve done to my own brother and that this Ortho isn’t the real Ortho”. Except he never actually forgets about it, the realization is always in the back of his mind, because Idia can’t even allow himself to fully fall into denial; he always needs to remember what he did. It’s cool that Ortho-AI knows about what happened to the original Ortho too, even though Idia could have easily make him unaware, just so that they could pretend nothing has ever happened.
On a lighter note, when you take a character like this, with all his baggage, quirks and difficulties in basic human communication, and put him in a central role of a boss figure, who also has to talk to all the main cast and deal with their bullshit (seriously, just sign the NDA already, you problem children!), it ends up being quite amusing. Idia really tried his best to act like a boss, but was constantly bullied by others lol I also really love the contrast between uninterested Idia who just wants everything to be over already and enthusiastic Idia, who gets quite spunky and talkative once the topic shifts to stuff that he’s interested in. I love how Azul complained about Idia ranting his ears off all the time in the board games club, this is such an important and fun detail of his character: he is quiet, but actually enjoys talking when he’s passionate about the topic, and I think the chapter portrayed it perfectly. The entire segment in which the cast got to play random games and talked was really nice, but maybe it’s just me being soft for everyone involved in it lol
And I really love Ortho. In fact, I didn’t think I would love him as much as I do now, but he is quite enjoyable and more nuanced of a character than I anticipated him to be. It’s very easy for this character type to be simply “a cute android guy”, but the sheer power of his love towards Idia is wow. I find it interesting that while Idia did program him to act like the original Ortho, I don’t think he could’ve put so much love and care towards him (Idia) into his script. It was something that Ortho ended up feeling all by himself, by being with Idia for so long, taking care of him and noticing what makes him happy and what makes him miserable. The fact that he basically came to the conclusion that he didn’t want Idia to be miserable anymore, so he would rather destroy the world and rebuild it in a way that would make him happy is absolutely beautiful. We do have a soft spot for a trope in which AI gets attached to a person (in a not necessarily healthy way), and I am biased when it comes to that sentiment for personal reasons, but I also think it was a very nice plot point. Especially considering the fact that it were Rook and Vil who kind of inspired Ortho to stop feeling useless and actually go and do something, stop being a zero and all, like damn what a crossover lol a local couple of wise gay men accidentally inspired an AI boi to start an apocalypse.
The flashback… oof.  It was very beautiful and traumatizing (hey my favourite combo). I think I can talk about it all day, but I’ll just note that the voice acting in this particular part was awesome: I still get goosebumps when I think about that moment when teenage Idia suddenly starts crying after sounding so excited and smug and happy because he just finished the first version of his robo-Ortho. Because even though he did succeed, it didn’t fix anything: Ortho was still dead, his invention looked and sounded like Ortho but it would never be able to change the past. Ghhhh despair.
The design of Idia’s overblot was also great, I really loved that this time it was kind of like a double boss? Because the phantom wasn’t just a random, well, phantom, it was Ortho + the entire Underworld, and it was unusual and fun listening to their dialogues and stuff.
One of other very good things this book does is how it showcases other characters and their struggles. Exploring characters from a previous book in the current one is something that twst does every time, so we anticipated learning more about Pomefiore (and boy was that a ride), but we also got some good insight about Azul and Riddle and even Jamil a little bit (not much about Leona, but that’s Leona for you). And I can see how watching 3 sets of characters basically complete the same task over and over again could be quite tiring, but (maybe because we watched the walkthrough instead of playing the game) I personally didn’t mind it as much simply because the character aspect of it was entertaining enough. For the most part.
I really enjoyed Azul’s and Riddle’s scenes because of how similar yet completely different these two are: both are hard-working, grinding for good grades, having a lot of ambitions, but so very different in how they were raised and how they ended up navigating their lives. It was kind of surprising, considering that their chapters were pretty much the first ones and we haven’t seen them in a while, but it’s not like they’re completely healed from their issues: Azul still has a huge complex about being underestimated; Riddle still has a hard time breaking some arbitrary rules that don’t even mean much in a crisis. An unexpected, but a very nicely put together duo.
I won’t share all of my thoughts about Pomefiore because otherwise we’ll be here all day (and I’m already tired…), but what I’ll say is that it was great to see how strong their bond is, and that Rook and Vil’s relationships are very beautifully written. Please, someone, ask me about them, so I could rant about this too… orz I love Pomefiore so much… Vil’s and Idia’s interactions too…
So yeah, the chapter also ended on a very nice note, at least for the Shrouds. With other guys, when their arcs end, there is always this feeling of “oof better get everything back to normal”, but with these two it feels like an exciting new chapter of life for them, like everything is going to change somehow, but not drastically and uncomfortably. I don’t know if I explained it well but… Idia got his closure and got to say goodbye to Ortho properly; but he is still a socially inept otaku shut-in, he is still going to play an unhealthy amount of videogames, and he is still dependant on his robot-brother. But Ortho is now a person with an untouchable/unchangeable mindset, who chose to be with Idia and protect him himself. Also, other students got to know Idia and understand him a tiny little bit better, and honestly I feel like this is something that Ortho wanted the most.
Overall it was a solid chapter (I keep calling it both a chapter and a book, it’s confusing…) and I loved it. As you can see lol
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this question is a major downer, so tw for animal death.
is there a more humane way to deal with invasive reptiles outside of just culling them? i hate the idea that the only way to fix the issue is to kill animals that didn't even ask to be there in the first place. obviously they can't be pets because they aren't socialized, but would it be possible to have sanctuaries for them, where they can live comfortably without damaging the environment? i know i'm being naive here, but i'd like to think it'd be worth a try. i know it'd only save a couple hundred at absolute best, but the idea that they're all just doomed due to situations outside of their control is so upsetting. odds are this is just a reality i'll have to get used to, but i want to know your thoughts on it.
sorry for the sad question, i know talking about these things is just depressing as hell when you're a reptile lover who also cares about the environment as a whole.
This is one of the really tough things about invasive species. Unfortunately, in most cases, I think culling is just the all-around best option.
Sometimes, invasive lizards especially can be taken from the wild to be pets - can't just leave 'em in the wild, after all, and some wild-caught lizards (like house geckos and anoles) tend to do pretty well in captivity. Check out my invasive reptiles tag for some potential invasive pets. This is the only case where I'll ever be okay with taking wild animals for pets, and even these will usually be hands-off pets, but it's better than leaving them in the wild as long as you know what you're doing and the care is appropriate. In fact, if you catch an invasive reptile, it's actually illegal to release them!
Usually, though, culling is the best option. I know it's super sad - it makes me sad, too! Burmese pythons especially tend to hit me super hard, I adore Burms...but I adore them at zoos or in the homes of qualified keepers, not in the Everglades, y'know? As much as I'd like to set up a Burmese python sanctuary, that's just a lot of resources going away from native reptiles, and it's a small dent in the number of invasive snakes at best.
One thing that helps me with this sad situation is remembering that animals don't really conceptualize death the way we do. When we cull an invasive reptile, we're not only helping a local ecosystem get back on balance, we're also preventing the invasive reptile from having to live in an area where it's just not meant to be. Animals don't feel death, but I know it's hard to remember that we're honestly the ones who worry the most about this scenario.
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chocoluckchipz · 1 year
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I love your fics! Do you have any advice for beginner writers?
Thank you and yes, while I'm in no way an expert, but I can offer you an advice I was lucky enough to learn from others and that helped me to get where I am today.
Practice. A lot of writers can talk hours about their writing and their ideas but never actually write a single word. So, practice no matter what. One sentence a day if that's what it takes and yes, even if you suck on a grand scale. You can never improve if you don't write that first horrible draft. Speaking of which, write it as bad as you can on purpose, make that shit as crappy as you can. Once it's out of your system and you know you cannot do any worse, you'll notice a shift in your mindset. Go back to that crappy first draft and edit it into something decent. Or start a new one - it's your choice. As long as you actually write.
Read a lot. I know, I know, this is what everyone is saying but there is a reason they all keep parroting this one out. You learn when you read. You learn the way you want to write as you read something you like, and you learn what you'd rather avoid when you are reading something you don't like. There is no losing no matter how good or bad the book/fic/whatever is when you read it. You'll learn and improve nevertheless. Which leads me to point number 3-
Steal. Shamelessly and unapologetically. But, please, don't misunderstand! I'm not talking about copy pasting sentences or expressions from other works into your own fic. That's is plagiarism and is punishable by the law in most places. Rather, as you read, pay attention to how the sentences you like are structured, how the author uses the language and stylistic devices, how they build their story and developing their characters. Steal the tactics that made you love that story and implement them into your own. After some time, you'll develop your own style, composed of bits and pieces of everyone you've read so far which won't happen if you don't read.
Get a thick skin or two. I cannot even describe how emotionally attached we are to our own writing. If someone critiques it, we feel hurt, betrayed and disappointed. We cry, we get depressed, it feels like the end of the world and if we won't take a step back, sooner or later we'll quit writing all together. Learn to distance yourself from your work. I know it's cute and awesome and amazing but writers need to understand that their work isn't them. People aren't attacking you personally when they critique your work. Some readers might not like the way your story went and decide to be rude and tell you about it, which, honestly, is on them and has nothing to do with you or your work so ignore the jerks. You can't and shouldn't even try to please everyone. We're all unique and have different tastes so if someone doesn't like your story, it's not your story that is bad, it's that particular reader who has a different taste in reading than you and no tact to walk by and not be rude. Don't waste your time on them. Instead, pay attention to those who might genuinely try to help you when they see an aspect in your writing that could be improved (and boy do we all have a few of those). If that's the case, they would be polite and open to a constructive dialogue.
If possible, get a beta to read your work before you publish. If they offer criticism, remember that it isn't personal and aimed towards helping you improve, not declaring you an awful human being and a failure of a writer. Ask questions, think of how to fix the problem in your own way, or leave it as is if you like it your way after all. Side note: working with a beta can be very emotional. God knows, how much I've cried and got depressed over comments my betas were leaving me. I was seriously determined to quit a few times but my betas were wonderful and walked me through the process while being super supportive and strict at the same time. Was it all worth it at the end? Absolutely. These wonderful people were kind enough to pass their expertise onto me and had taught me everything I know about writing. Yeah, their comments hurt at the time because I couldn't distance myself from my work but ultimately, it made me into the writer/person I am today and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you're reading, guys, thank you so much! Sorry for the crap I've put you through!
And most importantly - HAVE FUN! If you aren't, why are you putting yourself through this?
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hello-nichya-here · 1 year
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Why is the topic of curing disabilities/mental illnesses so controversial?
Simple: the conversation often excludes the very people that would suposedly benefit from said cures, and whenever we point out some pretty serious flaws in most people's ideas of how a "cure" for these conditions would work, we get yelled at and called ungrateful and/or stupid.
For exemple, plenty of organizations (like Autism Speaks) are always going on and on about how everyone needs to work together to find a cure for autism. Unfortunately, they do that while:
1 - Ignoring that pretty much any serious research into autism shows that it CAN'T be "cured" since it would need to AT THE VERY LEAST completely alter a person's nervous system (not just the brain, but every single nerve too), and that is sort of fucking impossible.
2 - Ignoring that autism is a genetic condition, and likely comes from anomalies in multiple cromossomes. Instead, they focus on stupid shit like soy milk, or vaccines, or something the mother did while pregnant supposedly causing it - things that have been proven false decades ago. Not only does that result in a HUGE waste of money, it often spreads misinformation about the condition (and does some serious damage, like a ton of diseases that had been previously erraticated coming back because of the anti-vax movement).
3 - Ignoring that plenty of autistic people DON'T WANT A FUCKING CURE. If you offered me a miracle cure for my anxiety, I'd take it, because this illness brought me literally nothing good ever. If you offered me a cure for my autism, I'd instantly reject it. Now, if I could get rid of just a few traits (like the sensory issues and meltdowns), I would accept it, but only if I was sure it would be JUST these traits that bring me difficulties, not stuff like hyperfocus or not liking it when people I don't know get too touchy with me.
4 - Trying to "cure" autistic people things like ABA "therapy", that was literally invented by the same guy who created gay conversion therapy and said that autistic people are not human, andwas proven time and time again to give patients PTSD + to not actually "cure" them, just make them mask their traits as much as possible, which led to many patients getting depressed and suicidal.
Now, you might be thinking "Okay, a cure for autism is a lost, pointless cause, but what about other stuff, like a blind person getting surgery so they will be able to see?"
That might sound much easier to do, but it can often be just as complicated. For some people, it would be just a few quick surgeries and then it's done, they can see for the rest of their life.
But say someone is blind because an accident that really damaged their eyes, to the point that, sure, maybe the surgery would be a complete, life-long success - or only help for a few years, then they'd be blind again, assuming it worked at all. And in some other cases, the possibility of complete, lasting success is just out question.
Is it that hard to imagine that some people would not want to risk the disappointment of it not working at all , or only working at first, then they'd end up blind again, forcing them go to the entire process of getting used to it once more after it was supposedly already over?
On that same kind of situation, there's also stuff like people getting MANY super complicated, super expensive surgeries that they'd take a long time to recover from and could have mixed results, like say someone who had a serious spinal injury - sometimes they'll be able to walk by themselves, other times they'll need a cane, and other times they'll need a wheelchair.
That kind of stuff can be a brutal process that would be very stressful, and once again, super expensive, and one could easily decide it's just not worth it, and just stick to being on a wheelchair all the time.
Since I mentioned money, that is unfortunately a factor many people ignore in pretty much anything related to medicine - if it is so expensive that basically nobody can afford it, then it might as well not exist.
There's also the problem of people spending all their time focusing on trying to find some miracle cure, and completely neglecting to do basic stuff that would assure disabled people would have a good life regardless. I lost count of how many "inclusive and accepting" schools I've seen (including the one I went to for most of school-life) or even HUGE hospitals that don't bother to have a fucking ramp or doors whide enough that would allow someone in a wheelchair to enter the room. Couldn't at least some of the budget from governments and charities go to that?
And to end the money talk, there's also the fact that some disabled/mentally ill people DO have money. So much money in fact, that they can just deal with life with barely any struggles, since there's a ton of people and resources they can turn to. Not that hard to imagine why they aren't spending every second of every day dreaming of a way to be cured.
And on that same vein, there's also situations like people who were born blind or deaf and plenty of them don't really want to be "cured" because... well, they might know other people's lives are different from theirs because of their disability, but they never really experienced the world in any other way, so what someone else could see as a tragedy or at the very least a really radical change in their own life is just some mundane shit to them. And even people who became disabled later in life can sort of go through the same if they are used to it and don't really see a point in trying to fix something that, if they're lucky enough to have proper support, isn't really a problem to them anymore.
Basically this topic could be way less of a mess, and more importantly way less condescending/ableist, if the goal was on helping each individual in whatever way would work best of them, instead of just lumping all the disabled and mentally ill into the same "tragic" group that can ONLY ever be "helped" by becoming "normal" so the rest of the world doesn't have to deal with the fact that some people are different and *gasp* that doesn't have to be the end of the fucking world.
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Hi, may I ask for a matchup? Thank u in advance and don't overwork yourself.
Fandom(s) don't matter, I know most of them so please match me with whoever you see fitting (maybe preferred fandoms are mha and demon slayer but only because I'm rewatching them).
I'm Varya (Varvara), almost 19 y.o., a cisgender straight Russian she/her Capricorn (although I don't believe in astrology). 39 kg/157 cm, I'm anorexic bc of body problems. Luckily, it's not visible since I have some curves. People say I have some Turkish blood in me judging from my appearance. Short straight hair with bangs and black eyes.
Personality-wise, I'm a toxic bitch. Manipulative, I know my worth, and I want to be better than anyone (sometimes this saddens me bc whatever I start doing, is mastered in no time and people around me get depressed. it just... happens ig, I'm a bunch of talent). Most people, if they try to get to know me, think I'm adorable and charming, strangers see me as an Ice Queen. I have a love-hate psycho relationship with myself. Somehow a gentlewoman, but politeness is only worth for people who deserve it, not only bc they're "older" or things like that.
Tbh, I don't have dreams, hobbies, and likes anymore. Well, even during childhood I've never had those. Maybe u can say that video games (shooters, rpg, strategies) and drawing entertain me the most rn but I feel even those things are slowly fading away.
The thing I dislike is being under control. My mom and ex controlled me so much.
In a nutshell, I think I'm a depressed person with God syndrome, bored around others bc I find them overall stupid. Only police and laziness, aloofness keeps me from becoming a serial killer.
lol
Hi Varya! Thank you for your request! I decided to go with My Hero Academia and Demon Slayer since you're rewatching them. Let me know if you'd like matchups with other fandoms. I hope you like your matchups!
In My Hero Academia, I match you with...
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Aizawa doesn't really mind that you're manipulative. He's been through his fair share of students that have tried to sway him towards giving them good marks. He's seen every form of manipulation there is.
Does like that you know your worth. I see Aizawa as someone who makes jokes about how useless he is but actually knows his value.
Aizawa won't try to control you. Yes, he'll make suggestions if you're going to do something he thinks is unadvisable. But if you want to go ahead and do it anyway, he won't stop you. Unless you're breaking any major laws. Please don't do that.
Totally gets only being polite to people when they deserve it. He's exactly the same.
He'd be secretly honoured if you show politeness towards him because it means you respect him. But a the same time, he wouldn't respect himself if he was in your shoes so he gets it if you're less polite towards him.
Will keep you from becoming a serial killer. He's basically a super-powered police officer anyway. He doesn't particularly want to arrest you but he'll do it if it's warranted.
In Demon Slayer, I match you with...
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Similarly to Aizawa, Rengoku's someone who won't try to control you. He's all about freedom and letting people do what they want. At the same time, don't hurt any of his friends.
Expect him to display a new hobby to you every week until you show interest in one. He's all for hobbies and he's got a long list to go through.
Won't reproach you too harshly if you do end up killing someone (please don't actually do this). His job is killing demons, things that were once humans, so he feels a bit hypocritical tell you off for doing basically the same thing.
He'll match your politeness level. If you're being rude to him, he's dishing it back. If you're being more polite, he's being polite. Most of the time, he tries to stay in your good books.
Another one who appreciates that you know your worth. He's seen a lot of demon slayers that question themselves and it's lead to their death. If you don't doubt yourself, he knows you'll be fine.
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mcnuggyy · 2 years
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I would be interested in what your thoughts are on how we have to put tags on things like our text posts or asks with things like "shut up" or "shhhh y/n", as if just talking is something we have to apologize for. In particular with artists, it is almost like they cannot be human and must always pump out art silently. I would guess this is the effect of Instagram.
hmmm my guy reaction is too say that I don’t think that’s necessarily the case, and that it’s a part of a whole bigger issue?? and for me it’s more that I have my own anxieties and insecurities about speaking my mind and talking in general because of trauma/anxiety/abuse etc. BUT I can see what you mean and I do think that might be the case for some people and while I do feel like I always have to be pumping out art, I feel that’s more an affect of capitalism and not necessarily social media itself? Which is to say social media is more a tool for capitalism and so what you’re really seeing it is being used to enforce those capitalist ideals. Especially because I had that tag long before instragram even really got big?? So I’ve always had that tag before those extremes of only posting art which is why I actually don’t go on Instagram at all any more as it makes me extremely depressed… mostly from seeing people succeed in ways I know I physically can’t at the moment and making work that makes me feel extremely sub par.
Which I know I know is not a healthy mindset to have or a good way to feel and think but it really does get to me in this vile way…. Especially because I have so many alumni I follow and get to ONLY see their successes (that’s just social media in general really) so I feel kind of like shit ya know? Especially when I think back to how much my fellow students and professors believed I would succeed greater than anyone to become a character designer? Like they all really really had their faith in me…. And I know this type of career is non linear, incredibly luck based, and all about who you know and being at the right place right time, AND the industry is super unfair and treats us like shit anyways so a lot of the times it’s just like?? What’s the point???
SO. Again… all of these are just the affects of capitalism, especially feeling unsuccessful despite only being in my 20’s and having already worked at Disney before the pandemic, and having my name in published books and shit like…. I’m still poor, I haven’t gotten my “dream” job yet but the more I think about it idk if it still IS my dream job or that it even exists in the way I’ve imagined?? Hmmm…. Lots to think about and reconsider….. and I feel like I have to always try to fall back in love with art…. And there is something to say about how sinister it feels to have something so meaningful to me become so commercialized…. But if that’s the case then do I keep it a hobby? And pursue other jobs? When I know deep in my heart I will only ever be satisfied making art and having a creative job? It’s definitely complicating and there is no clear answer hear…. But yeah very disheartening… which is why I’ve just leaned more and more towards trying to grow as a freelancer and be able to survive on my own, but for that I need people to be willing to pay for my work, people that aren’t companies, it can happen for many artists but can it happen for me? That’s the real question.. what’s the probability of that? AM I good enough for that? Are my stories worth telling? Is my art worth seeing? Worth engaging in? Worth YOUR money? Worth anything at all???
Well only time will tell I guess…
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micah-xiii · 1 year
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a life update. (t.w. mental health, body dysmorphia)
i haven't posted anything on here in a minute. not sure if imma be posting frequently on here but in the meantime, i guess i can tell you all where i've been since i've been gone:
i'm 23 now. still kinda blows my mind how time just goes by so fast haha.
i work in retail now after 5 years of working in fast food (thank god lmao). i swear, i thought i was gonna be working in fast food for the rest of my life but finally, i found an opportunity where i'm actually working with the right people and that i'm being treated like a human being there???
i go by he/they pronouns and it took me awhile to be comfortable with that change tbh. the main reason why i wanted to make that change was bc i just see myself as a human being and that's it. i always hated it whenever i feel the pressure of being a certain way in order to be called 'a man' even though i feel comfortable with my male counterparts but at the end of the day, i'm just micah. and that should be that imo haha.
i'm FINALLY coming out with a debut EP under the name Micah XIII which is super exciting for me! it's called 'Time of Day' and the lead single for the EP is out and it would rly mean a lot if u guys share it and listen to it. here's the pre-order link for the EP and here's the link where you can stream the lead single on anywhere u stream ur music :) it's about my personal struggles including lack of self-worth, imposter syndrome, and my lack of trust within people while also talking about romance every now and then. I'm super proud of this project and I hope that this can relate to you guys and that you enjoy this project once it comes out!
i'm getting back into gaming!! i finally got my first ever custom PC built that I've set up with the help of my family and I'm so glad I finally get to play all the games I've wanted to try for the longest time. i've been playing a lot of overwatch and i have never been so obsessed with a game in a long time (and if ur curious, sojourn is my main lol). i also have been playing a lot of valorant and honestly, it's so annoying trying to level up like i'm trying to get fade in hopes i can make her my main but like it rly do be hard out here lmao.
i've been a LOT better mentally. like, a LOT. when i first started using tumblr, i was so depressed and insecure. i would always vent about wanting to be in a relationship so bad, how i feel like i don't amount to anyone or anything, and that I will always be stagnant in life. and now that i've been taking my mental health more seriously, i've made some life changes that i'm honestly pretty proud of.
i've been going to the gym for a year and 7-8 months so that i can feel more comfortable with my body and to put more focus on my physical health (and my mental health, of course).
i've also been going to therapy!!! i was talking to one therapist during the beginning of 2021 for about a year and then he had to leave since he was going to study abroad and since then, i've been seeing a different therapist and i like him a lot more if i have to be quite honest haha. i feel like he's very interactive and i also like his personality a lot more and also asks really interesting questions no matter how many tangents I get into.
i've also took a step back in venting to people as well as interacting with artists within the music space since it was a very huge habit of me to vent and tr*uma dump without asking the other person if it's okay which i've definitely learned over time for sure.
do i still have bad days? hell yeah, of course. who doesn't? but i'm very grateful i'm at a point in my life where i can take a step back and realize that it isn't the end of the world since i've been in these situations before. i never would have thought i'd be in a place where i've gained such clarity in my life and i'm so glad i've grown since then. i'm super excited for what's to come in the future and i hope to share more content (maybe even more music haha) with you guys in the near future ;)
with love: - XIII
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flock-talk · 2 years
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hi, ive searched your blog for budgie related asks and it did not bring up my question, sorry if it has already been answered & i just didnt see it - but re: parrots should not be in the pet trade at all. does your definition of parrots in this context include budgies or are their needs more easily met in a domestic setup?
Budgies definitely fall under that category.
Budgies are one of the most widely spread parrots you can buy. They’re super cheap and often purchased as toys for children who don’t have the knowledge necessary to provide what these birds need. Most often they are kept in unsuitable cramped cages that look like doll houses to appeal to kids which prevent the budgie from being able to flap or move around a whole lot. Let alone there be space for an actual toy.
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Because of how cheap budgies are they often don’t receive proper medical care. Most folks see spending 300$ on a vet trip ridiculous and unnecessary for a 20-50$ bird. “Just get another one, it’s cheaper.” X
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On the enrichment end because these birds are so widely available without any requirement for baseline knowledge any toys they are provided with are not suitable. Budgies are most commonly found with mirrors, bells, and plain plastic toys. Again they’re cheap, easy to find in a store, and they’ll last a while so you don’t have to spend money on any other toys.Mirrors will cause a plethora of issues since parrots cannot recognize themselves in a mirror, budgies especially can become obsessed with the reflection believing it is a flock member. Some become so depressed or distraught that they begin to pluck or refuse to eat. They of course run in to the same issues as all other parrots here, often times no matter how many toys, foraging opportunities and toy rotations you provide it simply may not be enough for some birds. X
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Which brings me to the next section. Budgies are parrots. Plain and simple. They have major social requirements, massive mental capacities, fly thousands of miles every day. These birds are small but their needs are far from that.
A budgie flock can have somewhere around 100 to even 1000 birds in some cases. Budgies often struggle most when it comes to living in a solitary setting. They’re extremely social birds with a massive need to be around other birds for preening, safety, communication. Human interaction can help with some of that social need but quite often for a lot of budgies it’s not enough and they do become severely depressed. The average home simply cannot provide the amount of social needs these birds can require. Are there some that do okay living with just a person? Of course. Are there some people who are really dedicated to having a happy healthy budgie? Of course. But in the grande scheme of things here they are not the majority. A lot of budgies suffer. X
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Another side effect of being sold for cheap is that almost no one will spend more on a bag of food than they did on the bird’s life. Budgies are notorious for being given nothing but plain seeds, if they’re really lucky they might get a piece of lettuce once a week slipped through their cage bars. Couple that with being confined to a tiny cage and inadequate enrichment and you’ve got a breeding ground for a whole heck load of health issues. Budgies need vegetables as a main portion of their diet, they can have seeds but without adequate exercise they’ll quickly develop liver disease or other fat-related health problems. Pellets can be expensive though and hard to find without ordering online, shipping? “More expensive than the bird! Not worth it!”
Is it possible for budgies to be kept in captivity and live a decent life? Ehh maybe?
For the general public? No. If massive rules for pet care changed, if people were required to be educated prior to pet ownership, if there were inspections and routine evaluations…… maybe.
Could we meet their exercise requirements? It’s possible that the small size of a budgie would make adequate exercise more likely than many other large parrot species.
Could we meet their social needs? Probably not. There’s some birds that do well and plenty that don’t. At this point budgies aren’t domesticated and that massive need for bird socialization is still a huge part of their psychology. At this time the answer is likely no.
Could we meet their mental enrichment needs? Probably not. Daily foraging, toy rotation, ample toy variety are all great and again some birds do decently well. But that’s not the case for a lot of them. And when looking at how captivity as a whole can affect a bird you need to look at the majority of people. Does the average person get adequate toys? No. Does the average person rotate enrichment? No. Does the average person provide foraging outlets? No.
At this point in time with the way the pet industry works, with how easily accessible these small parrots are, and how ill informed the general public is, I’d say budgies are just as much suffering in a captive environment as any other parrot.
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hansama · 2 years
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Heya! I have received your Secret Santa request and I'm super excited to work on it!! I'm already very interested in that Accursed AU and would love to learn more about it! :D
omg!! hello Santa!! 👋✨
I hope you're doing well and that you're having a nice day ❤️️❤️️
aaaahh//// thank you for showing interest in my AU???////
Here's the summary,,, It's a post-genocide AU where a human falls underground (on purpose) and then revives the dusted monsters with dark magic
*looks at notes* hooo kay this will be a bit wordy and a lil messy, so i'll continue the rest undercut ;)
just going to say that this AU is not sans centric, but I'll add a smol section of info about him anyway aslkjghaldkhjfg
So, Accursed au.
Frisk did the genocide run (including the evacuated monsters) and is stuck in the void (the one with chara).
The protagonist: A female adult, an only child, her parents are divorced, she lives alone.
One of her ancestors is one of the seven mages that sealed the monsters underground.
Through generations, the story of that one guy is passed.
For protag, it was her mom that told her that she's related to a very great mage that sealed monsters underground. (The father thought the mother was crazy. That is one of the reasons why they divorced.)
The protagonist was very affected by the story and wanted to see the magical beings herself.
She also wanted to train her magic. (She thinks she would be worth more as a person if she has magic/skilled at magic. She doesn't think she's worth anything atm.)
She doesn't yet know she's already a mage at birth, she wants to become one.
The only hint she has to help her quest to find magical beings is that they're underground, and the some spells written in a book by her ancestors.
The book is incomplete, but it was enough to guide her to magical places.
Eventually, she falls through mt. Ebott. But nobody was there.
Still, the protag saw that there was a remain of society here. She was fascinated with it, but it was still so eerie and quiet.
Protag walks through the underground for a bit. Nabtablook was stalking her the whole time, and he decided to confront/talk with her.
They bonded over that they're both worthless beings. They lie down and do the feel-like-trash thing... and napstablook decides to project and show her what the underground was like before it was wiped; when it was a magical place full of hope and love.
(By the way, Napstablook is even more depressed than what you see in the game, believe it or not.)
So anyways, Protag decides that she needs to learn magic asap and try to save the underground.
Blooky isn't a teacher, nor does he know anything about human magic, so he just leads her to the librarby.
There, she finds a book written by her ancestor. An incomplete spellbook (the continuation of the book she used to find the underground.)
Within the book she finds spells about reviving.
Protag has questionable morals, so she doesn't think much about that. She asks blooky, who, after a while of being completely alone and depressed, is messed up. At first he hesitates, but then in the end he goes along with her, because she just insists more and more.
The ones are who get revived from the main cast :
Toriel is the first to get revived, so she has the spottiest memory, she only remembers her family, and she asks for asgore... Who has better memory and remembers why toriel hates him.
Alphys also gets revived
Papyrus gets revived as well, and he makes her revive Sans (who drains the last bit of magic she had) << nabstablook didn't know that sans is stronk
The only one who doesn't get revived is undyne cuz she requires too much energy
So now the many of the resurrected monsters wish they're dead, they want to kill each other or kill the human who revived them. They're filled with hate, rage, despair and depression.
...... so let's recap a bit and add a bit more information, shall we?
A human falls underground (on purpose) and she revives the dead monsters with dark magic
But here's the thing, in this AU, Magic is divided, monsters are made of good "white" magic, they are NOT meant to be created from dark/"black" magic, which is the complete opposite
Since the core fundamental of the resurrected monsters changed from their OG magic which was based around love, hope, and compassion.
Now it's the opposite...
Now some complete Sans centric info:
memory not so good
depressed lad
feels some kind of guilt/responsibility over the whole mess cuz he never stopped Frisk in the first place (which is bull but whatever)
wants to kill himself but can't bring himself to do that (cuz it'll be running away from his "mistakes")
desperately tries his best to fix everything, and finding a "solution" so he overworks himself in his experiments and drowns in books
which results in major insomnia
but he doesn't actually find anything
so he switches between sleeping all day long hating himself and everyone around him (yes, including paps) and barely sleeping
somewhere deep down he hates papyrus for (indirectly) bringing him back and suffering through this he feels betrayed. Which makes Sans hate himself even more cuz he feels this way, looping over and over till it bursts. (then it gets back to simmer again.. And burst.. In a loop)
has slept in the weirdest places and weirdest positions
used to like eating risotto with mushroom
his eyes are hazy, barely focused (has bad eyesight)
has trust issues
feels like he's living a nightmare, not sure if this is a joke or not
dissociation hours say hi
The first thing Sans tried to do after he got revived was trying to kill the human, but then he discovered that if he does, he basically gonna kill everyone underground
(It's a dilemma they're in, they want to kill the human, they want to get out of the misery, but they also don't want to be the one responsible to kill their loved one.... Again....
And what if there's hope...? )
now Idk how to write this so it'll be in Q/A form
The reason why they can't kill the human cuz if they do, they're basically gonna kill everyone the human revived, cuz they're feeding off the human magic to live (they also consume healing/green food, the only thing that they can eat)
hopefully, this drawing makes a little bit more sense after reading a bit more about him? :D (click on link)
"where does the black magic come from?"
From the human's soul that's filled with KINDNESS, ya know, just like how the power of DETERMINATION fills Frisk (even throughout the genocide run)
The power of KINDNESS and the magic that already over flowed from within the protagonist was one of the things that aided in the creation of the monsters
But it's not... The right(?) kindness
What i brought this up for is that this is why his (Sans) eyelights are green (his magic, too) it all got affected
"why not leave underground/break the barrier?"
No, they can't break the barrier, they don't have enough SOULS to break the barrier
The previous souls all vanished with frisk's genocide run, so they're back to square 1
"No flowey resurrection?"
No, they don't even know where his dust is? Besides, he was already lacking a soul; he lived off pure determination
Isn't Flowey just a flower injected with determination + asriel's dust? xD
He'd be a torn up flower in the post-game void
Aanddd yeah!! I think this is a general overview of the AU and a bit of insight into Sans's character? xDD
I hope this is fun to read
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jinmukangwrites · 2 years
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Whumptober 2021 - October 7th - Blindness
Gift fic for @sassydefendorflower
Fandom: Nightwing, Batman - All Media Types
AO3
Warnings: Head Injury, slight descriptions of blood
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Slade dodges under the swinging blow of Blüdhaven’s newest sewer monster; born from whatever chemicals a rat has gotten into near some chemist-based super-villain’s old hideout. Now, while it’s not everyday Slade goes out of his way to take down various monsters across the ‘Haven, this time… he feels a little obligated to.
Yes, he is the reigning champion of being Nightwing’s least favorite and most powerful villain, but unfortunately Nightwing is Slade’s favorite and most interesting opponent. He came to the ‘Haven to give the kid a head’s up that he has a mark in the city; a regular challenge he likes to set for the kid to try and stop him. However, when he didn’t find Nightwing along any of his normal routes, nor in his apartment, he turned to the news to see if the kid had left for Gotham or some other city without him noticing; preparing to postpone this mark until he was back in his patron city and away from other bats.
It was then he noticed the breaking news that a giant, sewage themed rat was wreaking havoc under Blüdhaven’s streets in the downtown areas, near a major subway platform. Nightwing was spotted going in, telling people to stay out, and he hasn’t been seen since.
Of course, Slade went to the fight, and it’s a good thing he did. When he got there, he found Nightwing limp in the creature’s tail, held inches from it’s long and jagged front teeth. Blood trailed down the side of his skull in a steady flow. Slade knew immediately he was unconscious.
He took out one of his pistols and shot at the rat, but the monster was so large and feral it hardly did anything when it went into its arm. It dropped Nightwing like a sack of flour onto the ground, snarling as it turned to it’s newest threat, drool dripping down it’s snout. Slade pulled out his swords and faced it head on.
The creature, while lacking any intelligence, was fast and powerful. Even Slade had trouble ducking under its tail that it used like a club and avoiding its powerful legs and jaw. While it’s disappointing to see Nightwing taken down by a creature as low as this, he can’t exactly blame the kid when it takes himself several minutes to finally get his sword through the thing’s tail. He cuts off the appendage, then while the monster screeches in agony, he pierces its throat.
It goes down twitching and gurgling, its blood bubbling down into the sewer's already questionable streams of water. He whips his swords out, getting off a majority of the wretched blood, then heads over to his unconscious person of interest.
Nightwing doesn’t move as he kneels down beside him, in fact he’s still in the rather undignified position he had been dropped in. Frowning, Slade moves Nightwing into a better position that won't strain his spine and smacks his face lightly to wake him up. He doesn’t even twitch, causing Slade to frown more. His head is still bleeding, which is worrisome. He grabs a tube of smelling-salts from his pouch—usually used to wake up people he’s previously knocked out to get some information out of them—and firmly places it under Nightwing’s nose. A solid few seconds pass before Nightwing’s eyes shoot open under his domino mask; his hands fly out to his face to stifle coughs and he rocks forward so he’s sitting instead of laying down.
Slade doesn’t try to make conversation quite yet, more worried about that head injury. He holds Nightwing by the jaw to tilt his head and get a better look, but Nightwing reacts like the touch was electrified. He smacks Slade’s arms away and jumps to his feet, stumbling back and holding out a single escrima. Slade doesn’t know where the other one went.
“Sit back down,” Slade growls, “I’m not here to hurt you.”
Nightwing flinches at the initial sound of his voice, his mouth dropping open in shock before lowering his single weapon slightly.
“Slade?” he asks, his voice slurred.
Slade resists sighing, and lifts his eyebrow. Who else would it be? It’s not that dark here, even with Slade’s heightened senses. Nightwing doesn’t relax completely though, as if waiting for an answer. Not for the first time that night, another spike of worry rises in his chest.
“Kid, sit down or I’ll make you sit down.”
Nightwing almost goes boneless after that, breathing a single ”thank fuck” before sinking to his ass and putting his head in his hands with a groan.
Now Slade does sigh, even rolling his eyes as he does so, as he once again approaches Nightwing and grabs onto his face to look at the wound. Nightwing hisses and flinches out of his grasp.
“Don’t,” he says, “I already know how bad it is.”
Slade hums, folding his arms across his chest. “How bad is it then?”
Nightwing remains quiet for a moment, biting his lip, perhaps internally fighting with himself on whether or not it’s a good idea to tell one of his biggest enemies about how injured he is. Eventually, Nightwing makes the smart choice and speaks anyway, knowing Slade will find no pleasure in ending him if he's already down.
“Head feels like a war-drum. Feel like ‘m gonna throw up. Voice slurred… ears ringing… I-” Nightwing hesitates. Then sighs. “I can’t see.”
“You can’t see?” Slade repeats, kneeling down to once again take Nightwing’s face in his hands. Nightwing fights the grasp, but this time Slade holds strong and takes off the mask, revealing unfocused electric-blues.
“Nothing, it’s all black,” Nightwing whispers, a slight wobble in his voice that Slade is sure he’s trying to keep down.
He grabs a small flashlight from his tools and shines it in Nightwing’s eyes, frowning as there’s hardly any reaction in the pupils. He clicks off the light and releases Nightwing, thinking of options.
He’s sure the last thing the kid’ll want is to get dumped at the hospital, but Slade’s no medical expert, especially with something as fragile as a normal human’s brain.
He sighs, as only one option realistically reveals itself. The last thing Slade wants to do is risk Nightwing going home all on his own and possibly making this blindness permanent when there could be something that can be done to help him. Nightwing is a competent, talented young man, which is why he’s so intriguing to Slade—and while he has all the faith that Nightwing will find a way to fight even if his sight is forever gone, Slade also knows the loss of sense will be a major blow to the kid’s moral for months to come. He’s seen how far Nightwing can fall with helplessness and depression plaguing him, and honestly the thrill of fighting him leaves when his fire is replaced with a desperateness to prove to himself that he’s still worth something. He needs Nightwing to have a steady support system, and help for this injury.
Nightwing is going to hate him for a while after this, but Slade has no choice. He doesn’t fight against Nightwing to kill him, but because those fights are the only thing that brings a fun challenge. For how human Nightwing is, he fights like a beast, and Slade can’t lose that.
“Up,” he says while returning the kid’s mask; he grabs Nightwing by the arm and lifts him to his feet. Nightwing groans, but doesn’t fight too badly as Slade firmly wraps his arm around Slade’s shoulders. “Where is the best place to exit this place without being spotted?”
Nightwing, with the complexion of the inside of an avocado, talks him through on where to go. He looks one small fit of nausea away from throwing up all over Slade’s armor.
Luckily, he keeps it in his stomach—perhaps the discomfort in his body being something more desirable to deal with than a vomit covered Slade—and by the time they make it out of a small, boarded up and abandoned, exit to the subway line, Slade lets the kid take a break by the nearest dumpster. Nightwing, the poor thing, must have lost everything he’s eaten today in those fifteen minutes.
Now that he’s out below Blüdhaven’s night sky, he’s now the one in charge of leading the way. Nightwing stumbles along blindly—hah—never letting go of his weak grasp around Slade’s neck and shoulders.
Finally, they make it to where Slade has parked the car he had taken into the city. The windows are all tinted to near-illegal levels, but Slade still stuffs Nighting in the back-seats and hands him a bucket he had in the trunk that previously held a few hundred bullets from when he bought them in bulk.
“Throw up on the seats and I’m making you buy me a new car.”
“Bet this one was stolen anyway,” Nightwing mumbles, curled up in the backseats with the bucket touching his stomach like a flu-ridden child.
Slade scoffs and closes the door after reminding him to keep his head down but to stay awake. He takes off his Deathstroke mask, then the top bits of his armor, and shoves them in the truck. Then, after he gets in the driver's seat, they’re off.
Getting out of downtown Blüdhaven should be the hardest part of all of this; both for Slade’s navigation skills and for Nightwing’s gag-reflex. Eventually, however, they make it out of the twists and turns of downtown and eventually make it onto the main roads of the city—still crowded with cars coming too and from various ass-awful shifts of work. Nightwing remains quite agreeable in the backseats, responding that he’s awake every time Slade calls for a status report (about every five-ten minutes), and groaning at every turn no matter how slow Slade takes them.
However, that agreeableness quickly leaves the boy when Slade enters the on-ramp connecting to the north-south interstate.
Kid almost makes himself throw up by how quickly he scrambles to a sitting position; ignoring Slade's commands to lay back down.
“Turn around,” Nightwing growls. And it’s a strong growl too, reminds Slade of a chihuahua. Shaking and all.
“You’re currently blind, you have no idea where-”
“I know the roads of my city, Slade. And you’re leaving it.”
Slade sighs and merges into traffic, then uses one hand to shove Nightwing back town onto the seats. “Keep down, a cop will see you.”
“Where are you taking me?”
Slade remains silent.
“Tell me it’s a secret mansion somewhere and you have your own personal doctor that can help. Or you know a guy that happens to be down south. Or-”
“I’m taking you to Gotham,” Slade says, ripping off the band-aid.
Nightwing looks all sorts of emotions in the span of a few seconds. The one he settles on, however, is anger.
“No.”
“Batman gets injured all the time,” Slade begins to explain, but Nightwing looks frantic now.
“No, don’t take me back- I’ve worked so hard to get him to see that I can do things without him- and he has a new kid now and-”
“Suck it up,” Slade growls. “Deal with it. I’m not like you, kid. I don’t know how to take care of a normal human, and I definitely don’t know anyone who can because I have no need to. What you need is a doctor that can treat you off the record, who knows about your nightlife. Batman has that, doesn’t he.”
It’s not a question, but Nightwing’s silence is still an answer.
“Whatever your old man thinks of you for coming back injured doesn’t matter in the end. Nor does the new kid. What you should worry more about is what I think of you after this. You’re not fighting Batman, you’re fighting me.”
“What if he doesn’t let me fight after this?” Nightwing… Dick whispers as he finally lays back down on the seats. He’s taken his mask off and is rubbing his eyes, perhaps quelling tears or a headache. Perhaps both. “What if my sight doesn’t come back? What if he retires me?”
Slade remains silent for a second, then answers as firmly as he can. “I’ve known plenty of formidable enemies who are missing a sense. You’ll find a way to get back up, and if he doesn’t let you then I’ll just have to break in, kidnap you, and train you myself.”
That startles a laugh out of Dick. “I thought you were no longer trying to get me to be your apprentice.”
Slade shrugs, allowing a smile on his lips, selfishly comforted that Dick couldn’t see it. “You have a lot of potential, kid, I’d rather you use it against me than not at all. I’ll train you and release you like the bird you are, and we can get back to the same ol’ dance we have.”
Dick takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah… okay. I’ll hold you to that.”
-o-o-o-o-
Slade parks the car in an old neighborhood in Gotham that has a considerable drop in crime compared to the rest of the city. All things considered. Though, the sun is beginning to rise and Slade’s positive the Bat knew he was in his city the second he drove into it. Dick knows this too, as he’s telling Slade to hurry up and get out of here despite the boy still looking green around the gills. Slade grabs his mask and armor, then turns to the stolen car he’s about to abandon and opens the back door near Dick’s face.
Suddenly, and rather embarrassingly, he doesn’t know what to say. Thankfully, Dick is a freaky empath sometimes and gives an exhausted smile.
“Don’t worry,” he says, “I’ll get through this.”
“Good,” Slade replies. “I won't let you quit.”
His grin widens. “Never.”
Then Slade closes the door and takes off quickly, only pausing on a distant roof to watch a large black figure and a smaller red-and-yellow clad child approach the car and catch sight of the injured bird inside.
From there, Slade turns and leaves, not looking back.
He’ll see Nightwing on the battlefield again. No matter what, Slade will make sure of it.
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k-llama-llama · 3 years
Text
All Too Much
SuperM/WayV AU: 8th member (YinYin)
Before SuperM promotions begin, YinYin deals with her stress.
Word Count: 1100
A/N: Thank you all for your lovely messages as I’ve taken this month off. I’m still not committing to a regular schedule, but I’ll be active again! (Patreon will be back to normal in February)
Requests are Open…and your feedback is still super important to me.
Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!
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YinYin ripped the page out of her notebook and crumpled it up, throwing it against the wall. She’d been trying to write her journal page to submit to her Korean tutor for two hours, but she wasn’t having any luck. She just knew that every single draft she’d done was riddled with mistakes, and no amount of consulting her workbooks or googling was helping her.
She was weeks away from her first Korean promotions for SuperM and she couldn’t even write a full paragraph in Korean without messing it up.
It wasn’t that she couldn’t speak Korean, she could hold a conversation with any of the boys without any trouble. The issue was, when she was with WayV or NCT they were almost all coming from the same boat, where they had to juggle different languages depending on who they were talking to. If she forgot a word, she could switch and someone would fill in the blanks.
But she couldn’t do that with SuperM, and she definitely couldn’t do that in interviews.
It didn’t matter how good she was at dancing or singing if she couldn’t even form a coherent sentence when it counted.
She threw her pen against the door, growling in frustration. She collapsed back on her bed, staring at the bunk above her. She’d affixed a pronunciation guide for the lyrics to one of their songs there, hoping that she would learn it in her sleep.
She groaned. It was literally impossible to escape her failure.
“You done?”
YinYin turned her head, watching as Lucas leaned his head over the side of the bunk bed and peered down at her. “What do you mean?”
“You’re throwing your failures all over our room.” He gestured to the growing piles of crumpled paper littering their floor. “So are you done?”
“Am I giving up, do you mean?” YinYin sighed. “Because the answer is yes. I’m a failure.”
“What exactly are you failing at?” His head disappeared, and she heard noises as he scrambled to climb down the bed.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” In an attempt to distract herself, she pulled one leg up to her head, stretching it out.
“Stop that.”
“Stop what?” Lucas was standing next to her bed.
“Stop being a human pretzel and move over.” He shoved her, and she rolled closer to the wall to make room for him.
He flopped down beside her, staring up at the notes taped to the top of her bed. “You never stop, do you?”
“Nope.” She frowned. “We start filming for promotions in nine days and I’m nowhere near good enough.”
“At what? I thought you said you had all of the choreography down.”
“Of course I do.” She glared at him. “I mean Korean. And English, too.” She pointed at a sheet of English vocab words with her toe.
“You’re stressing about Korean?” He looked confused. “Why?”
“Because we have interviews to do, dumbass. And I can barely speak the language.”
“That’s not true. You’re good at Korean.”
“I’m good at Korean the way a tourist is good at Korean.” She sighed. “I can’t order food without planning out what I’m going to say.”
“So? Neither can I.” Lucas laughed. “No one cares, YinYin.”
“Sure, you don’t care. Your Korean and English is a lot better than mine. Besides you’re…urgh, nevermind.”
“I’m what?” He elbowed her.
“Nothing.”
“No, now you have to tell me.” He poked her side. “I’m what?”
YinYin rolled her eyes. “Not sure if you’re aware, but people treat tall, funny, handsome men a lot different than they treat tiny, awkward Chinese girls who are only good at bending.”
“You think I’m handsome?”
“I’m just conveying popular opinion, you’re not my style.”
“Still, you said I was handsome.” He smirked. “And seriously, Yin, I don’t think you need to worry about it. Any place where you get confused or stressed Ten or I can cover for you. Or Taeyong and Mark, they’ve both worked with you before too.”
“But what about the others.” She insisted. “I can’t expect them to be worrying about whether I can understand stuff.”
“They’re in your group now, of course it’s their job to worry about you.” Lucas argued. “And besides, I really don’t think it’s going to be that big of a problem.”
“You don’t get it.” She covered her eyes with her arm, trying to block out the stress.
“And I’m not going to get it unless you tell me.” He nudged her again. “Come on, best friend, spill.”
“Just…” She searched for the right words. “Thinking about getting on stage in front of all those people and not…not being able to speak and them all staring…it’s just…”
“Hey, hey.” Lucas pulled her arm away from her face. “Stop freaking out.”
“Thanks, Lucas, that’s a huge help. Why didn’t I think of that before?” She glared at him, fully aware that her eyes were welling up with tears.
“Yin, it’s not worth your stress.” He promised, rubbing her shoulder.
“I’m going to embarrass the whole group.” She said quietly.
“No, you’re not.” Lucas sighed, before pulling her into a hug. She pressed her face into his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that she was obviously close to crying. “If everyone is staring, it’s going to be because they can’t believe you’re out-dancing Taemin.”
“I can’t outdance Taemin.” She said quietly.
“You can outdance anyone.” He promised, patting her hair. “And I promise that no one is going to stare or laugh or care if you mispronounce something. You speak more languages than anyone in the audience anyways.”
YinYin let out a shuddering breath, and didn’t say anything.
Lucas just squeezed her a bit tighter. “You’re really stressed, aren’t you?”
“I feel like crying.” She said, answering his question.
“Go ahead. I won’t tell anyone.”
“You won’t?”
“Of course not.” She could practically feel him smile as he considered his next words. “I mean…I’ll make fun of you for the rest of our lives, but it’ll be our little secret.”
YinYin let out a little laugh. “You’re the worst.”
“But you love me.” He grinned as she pulled her face away from his shoulder to look up at him. “Better?”
“Slightly.” She leaned into his shoulder. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.” He looked up at her study notes again. “So this is actually depressing. Do you want to go get ice cream or something?”
She gave him a knowing look.
“Fine.” He relented. “We can get frozen yogurt.”
YinYin smiled. “If I can’t speak Korean, at least I’ll have nice abs.”
“But will you ever truly be happy without eating ice cream?
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kaile-hultner · 2 years
Text
Nihilism is so easy, which is why we need to kill it
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(I initially published this here a couple weeks ago.)
So last night it dawned on me that, after over two years of being relatively symptom-free, my depression snuck back up on me and has taken over. It’s still pretty mild in comparison to other times I’ve been stuck in the hole, but after 24 months (and more) of mostly being good to go, I can tell that it’s here for a hot minute again.
How do I know? Well, it might be the fact that I spent more time sleeping during my recent vacation from work than I did just about anything else, and how it’s suddenly really hard for me to stay awake during work hours. I don’t really have an appetite, and in fact nausea hits me frequently. I don’t really have any emotional reactions to things outside of tears, even when tears aren’t super appropriate to the situation (like watching someone play Outer Wilds for the first time). And I’ve been consuming a lot of apocalyptic media, to which the only response, emotional or otherwise, I can really muster is “dude same.”
For a long time I was huge into absurdist philosophy, because it felt to my depressed brain like just the right balance between straight up denying that things are bad (and thus we should fix them, or at least try to do so) and full-blown nihilism. This gives absurdism a lot of credit; mostly it’s just a loose set of spicy existentialist ideas and shit that sounds good on a sticker, like “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
In the last couple years, while outside of my depressive state, I went back to Camus’ work and found a lot of almost full-on abusive shit in it. Not toward anyone specifically, but shit like “nobody and nothing will care if you’re gone, so live out of spite of them all” rubs me the wrong way in retrospect. The philosophy Camus puts out opens the door for living in a very self-destructive fashion; that in fact the good life is living without care for yourself or anyone/anything else. The way Camus describes and derides suicide especially is grim as fuck, and certainly I would never recommend The Myth of Sisyphus to anyone currently struggling with ideation. That “perfect balance” between denial and nihilism is really not that perfect at all, and in fact skews much more heavily towards the latter.
Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a big albatross around my neck in terms of the media products I’ve consumed in my life that I believe have influenced my depression hardcore. It sits in a similar conversational space to Camus’ work, in that it confronts nihilism and at once rejects and facilitates it. A lot of folks remark that Evangelion is pretty unique – or at least uncommon – in its accurate portrayal of depression, especially for mid-90s anime properties. The thing I notice always seems to be missing in these discussions is that along with that accurate portrayal comes a spot-on – to me, at least – depiction of what depression does to resist being treated. This is a disease that uses a person’s rational faculties to suggest that nobody else could possibly understand their pain, and therefore there’s no use in getting better or moving forward. Shinji Ikari is as self-centered as Hideaki Anno is as I am when it comes to confronting the truth: there are paths out of this hole, but nobody else can take that step out but us, and part of our illness is that refusal to do just that. Depression lies, it provides a cold comfort to the sufferer, that there is no existence other than the one where we are in pain and there is no way out, so pull the blanket up over our head and go back to sleep.
Watching Evangelion for the first time corresponded with the onset of one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve ever been in, and so, much like the time I got a stomach virus at the same time that I ate Arby’s curly fries, I kind of can’t associate Evangelion with anything else. No matter what else it might signify, no matter what other meaning there is to derive from it, for me Eva is the Bad Feeling Anime™. Which is why, naturally, I had to binge all four of the Evangelion theatrical releases upon the release of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon A Time last month.
If Neon Genesis Evangelion and End of Evangelion are works produced by someone with untreated depression just fucking rawdogging existence, then the Eva movies are works produced by someone who has gone to therapy even just one fucking time. Whether that therapy is working or not is to be determined, but they have taken that step out of the hole and are able to believe that there is a possibility of living a depression-free life. The first 40 minutes or so of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 are perfect cinema to me. The world is destroyed but there is a way to bring it back. Restoration and existence is possible even when the surface of the planet might as well be the surface of the Moon. The only thing about this is, everyone has to be on board to help. Even though WILLE fired one of its special de-corefication devices into the ground to give the residents of Village 3 a chance at survival, the maintenance of this pocket ecosystem is actively their responsibility. There is no room or time for people who won’t actively contribute, won’t actively participate in making a better world from the ashes of the old.
There are a lot of essentialist claims and assumptions made by the film in this first act about how the body interacts with the social – the concept of disability itself just doesn’t seem to have made it into the ring of safety provided by Misato and the Wunder, which seems frankly wild to me, and women are almost singularly portrayed in traditionalist support roles while men are the doers and the fixers and the makers. I think it’s worth raising a skeptical eyebrow at this trad conservative “back to old ways” expression of the post-apocalypse wherever it comes up, just as it’s important to acknowledge where the movie pushes back on these themes, like when Toji (or possibly Kensuke) is telling Shinji that, despite all the hard work everyone is doing like farming and building, the village is far from self-sufficient and will likely always rely on provisions from the Wunder.
As idyllic as the setting is, it’s not the ideal. As Shinji emerges from his catatonia, Kensuke takes him around the village perimeter. It’s quiet, rural Japan as far as the eye can see, but everywhere there are contingencies; rationing means Kensuke can only catch one fish a week, all the entry points where flowing water comes into the radius of the de-corefication devices have to be checked for blockages because the water supply will run out. There is a looming possibility that the de-corefication machines could break or shut down at some point, and nobody knows what will happen when that happens. On the perimeter, lumbering, pilot-less and headless Eva units shuffle around; it is unknown whether they’re horrors endlessly biding their time or simply ghosts looking to reconnect to the ember of humanity on the other side of the wall. Survival is always an open question, and mutual aid is the expectation. Still: the apocalypse happened, and we’re still here. The question Village 3 answers is “what now?” We move on, we adapt.
Evangelion is still a work that does its level best to defy easy interpretation, but the modern version of the franchise has largely abandoned the nihilism that was at its core in the 90s version. It’s not just that Shinji no longer denies the world until the last possible second – it’s that he frequently actively reaches out and is frustrated by other people’s denials. He wants to connect, he wants to be social, but he’s also burdened with the idea that he’s only good to others if he’s useful, and he’s only useful if he pilots the Eva unit. This last movie separates him and what he is worth to others (and himself) from his agency in being an Eva pilot, finally. In doing so, he’s able to reconcile with nearly everyone in his life who he has harmed or who has hurt him, and create a world in which there is no Evangelion. While this ending is much more wishful thinking than one more grounded in the reality of the franchise – one that, say, focuses on the existence and possible flourishing of Village 3 and other settlements like it while keeping one eye on the precarious balancing act they’re all playing – it feels better than the ending of End of Eva, and even than the last two episodes of the original series.
I’m glad the nihilism in Evangelion is gone, for the most part. I’m glad that I didn’t spend roughly eight hours watching the Evamovies only to be met yet again with a message of “everything is pointless, fuck off and die.” Because I’ve been absorbing that sentiment a lot lately, from a lot of different sources, and it really just fuckin sucks to hear over and over again.
It is a truth we can’t easily ignore that the confluence of pandemic, climate change, authoritarian surge and capitalist decay has made shit miserable recently. But the spike in lamentations over the intractability of this mix of shit – the inevitability of our destruction, to put it in simpler terms – really is pissing me off. No one person is going to fix the world, that much is absolutely true, but if everyone just goes limp and decides to “123 not it” the apocalypse then everyone crying about how the world is fucked on Twitter will simply be adding to the opening bars of a self-fulfilling prophesy.
We can’t get in a mech to save the world but then, neither realistically could Shinji Ikari. What we can do looks a lot more like what’s being done in Village 3: people helping each other with limited resources wherever they can.
Last week, Hurricane Ida slammed into the Gulf Coast and churned there for hours – decimating Bayou communities in Louisiana and disrupting the supply chain extensively – before powering down and moving inland. Last night the powerful remnants of that storm tore through the Northeast, causing intense flooding. Areas not typically affected by hurricanes suddenly found themselves in a similar boat – pun not intended – to folks for whom hurricanes are simply a fact of life. There’s a once-in-a-millennium drought and heatwave ripping through the West Coast and hey – who can forget back in February when Oklahoma and Texas experienced -20 degree temperatures for several days in a row? All of this against the backdrop of a deadly and terrifying pandemic and worsening political climate. It’s genuinely scary! But there are things we can do.
First, if you’re in a weather disaster-prone area, get to know your local mutual aid organizations. Some of these groups might be official non-profits; one such group in the Louisiana area, for example, is Common Ground Relief. Check their social media accounts for updates on what to do and who needs help. If you’re not sure if there’s one in your area, check out groups like Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for that same information. Even if you’re not in a place that expects to see the immediate effects of climate change, you should still consider linking up with organizing groups in your area. Tenant unions, homeless organizations, safe injection sites and needle exchanges, immigrant rights groups, environmental activist orgs, reproductive health groups – all could use some help right now, in whatever capacity you might be able to provide it.
In none of these scenarios are we going to be the heroes of the story, and we shouldn’t view this kind of work in that way. But neither should we give into the nihilistic impulse to insist upon doing nothing, insist that inaction is the best course of action, and get back under the blankets for our final sleep. Kill that impulse in your head, and fuck, if you have to, simply just fucking wish for that better world. Then get out of bed and help make it happen.
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