#i was supposed to write like the scene from vlad's pov and vlad's feelings and shit but i started with a thing abt karl and karl's uhhh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

syneilesis · 6 months

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perhaps a question, or a few: i’m sure kicho knows his actions are behind y/n’s eventual death, but is there wishful thinking, you think, on his part? because he doesn’t strike me as a person who’d say declarations of love, promises of a better future, assurance of protection just for the sake of it. surely, somewhere somehow, there’s some form of self-deception somewhere?

and and if this is true, i can’t imagine (or rather, curious) how he’d come to the realisation that he’d actively cause the demise of his love one. will he chuck it as collateral damage? as a means to an end? or will he just buckle and spiral?

cries would you be so kind to give us a peek? a short drabble maybe? or perhaps just a few liners 😩😩😩

Ohh! First of all, thank you for these questions! Questions about my fics make my heart aflutter 🥺😊💖

But to answer your questions: Well, I actually have two kinds of answers lol. The first one is: everything that isn't explicitly mentioned in the fic can be up to the reader's interpretation! The fic is written in a way that we know only what the MC is going through, so the ambiguity in those gaps can be filled by your imagination :D

The second answer is much more lengthy and detailed and contextualized, so I'll put it under a cut.

I wrote i bruise my hands on the living cage when Kicho's route hadn't been announced yet in JP, and the only information I had of him was from his introductory story, Nobunaga's sequel, and Motonari's route. I've always been drawn to morally ambiguous characters whose goals may be good but the means to achieve them isn't necessarily moral itself (hehe I'm looking at you, too, Vlad). So, in this case, I'd like to explore what might happen if, ya know, Kicho won.

Some things that I had to be firm about writing the fic: Kicho wins, at a cost. And that cost is MC. Try as she might to stop him, MC ultimately fails. So she disappears/dies/is erased from existence at the end of the fic. Sorry, MC lol

I also had this flavor of Kicho in mind: so absorbed in his goal that he'd do everything to achieve it – which in a way broke him. So he's a little more mad and deluded in the fic.

For your first set of question, you're right! This Kicho is overconfident about his capability to fulfil two things: achieve his goal and keep MC safe beside him. It's his hubris that would do him in, and it did. He got the former, but not the latter. I don't know if it came across in the writing, but the scene where Kicho found out that MC was affected by his tampering with historical events, his reaction was supposed to come off as unnerving and alarming. At that point he's already blinded by his goal; he's going to win no matter what. This man had such severe tunnel vision!

For the second set of question ... hmm ... this is the more ambiguous area where you can imagine whatever you want. Honestly I've thought little about the aftermath haha, because I was focused on MC's POV. I'm torn whether to say something further! Lol. Because what I'd think may be different from yours and it may not be what you're looking for. But! For you, anon, I'll try hehe.

Let's see ... (please brace yourself?)

---

The symptoms I used in the fic was similar to the ones in Nobunaga's sequel: blackouts, etc. But once Kicho won, the result would be an altered future, where MC would not exist. And then time travel rules and all got applied – which meant that MC would get erased in existence in the present (past?) timeline. She'd disappear. Kicho wouldn't be there when it happened. Back in his manor (?), MC would feel and see herself disintegrating, and her last thought would be, I'm sorry, Kicho.

When Kicho came home, there's no sign of MC anywhere. At first he thought that she'd left, but eventually he'd figure it out. Her things were, after all, still there. And it would devastate him, like a maw suddenly devouring his heart. He'd be in denial at first. He was so sure of the results, never did he think that he'd miscalculate. It was impossible. This was the one thing that he had no contingencies.

He'd probably fall to his knees and for a very long time stare at the futon where they'd lain together the night before. His mind would be blank the entire time.

And then, more effects of the timeline disruption! Because MC's existence had been erased, the people who knew her began to forget her. As if she never existed in the first place. Kicho would feel in his mind the slow death of his memories of MC. One memory after another, it would fade into oblivion, and he couldn't stop it. Before the last of his memories of MC disappeared permanently, Kicho swallowed and thought to himself, This is the price of my conviction.

So he lived the rest of his life under the consequences of his ambition. In that regard, he was satisfied. But there were times when an inexplicable sorrow consumed him, and he couldn't identify the cause. Sometimes, he felt emptiness: when he'd lie down to sleep, he'd seek for a warmth that wasn't there. When he'd appraise a kimono for trade, he'd turn his head as if to talk to someone, but he had nobody with him. These were some things that confused Kicho, but no matter what he did there were no answers to soothe his clamoring heart. No answers.

That was the price of his conviction.

---

Phew, that got long. So long story short: Kicho genuinely loved MC, but ultimately chose his ambition 🥲

I hope I answered satisfactorily? If not, I'm sorry 😂😭 But I truly enjoyed your ask, anon! I hope you'll come back in the future 💖

#syn chats #Anonymous #fic ramblings #anon thank you for enabling me to talk about my fics #and it's about my kicho fic too!#i've always wanted to talk about that kicho fic #what a dream come true

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doorsclosingslowly · 6 years

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writing meme

tagged by the super cool @expatgirl

1) How many works do you currently have in progress?

please don’t ask. the major ones are: Runaways ‘verse, Zombie Savage AU, The blue man, Taking flight (written by the amazing @sl-walker and @shadowmaat and i pitch in a bit), Nightbrother prince. then there is Epicenter (i will finish it at some point!!), a prequel and a sequel to Lithops, and Sign Up (in which Finn meets Maul), and then there are another 5+ fics i occasionally do stuff for if i get ideas

2) Do you write fanfiction?

yeah i’m more interested in writing fanfic than original stuff rn. much easier: i quite like stuff from the pov of monsters, and i don’t have the heart or patience to set up the dehumanization that makes “that beast has feelings” so satisfying

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

i have lots of paper books because i don’t like empty walls i find paper books a bit easier for reading but i’ve never read a proper ebook, only pdfs

4) When did you start writing?

september 2015, everything before was just daydreaming

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

the internet. idk who else would care about it anyways

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

i write the best scenes when i’m walking, and then i forget them and write pale imitations at my desk

7) Favorite childhood book?

i’ve unsuccessfully been trying to find it again, but in the local library when i was a kid threre was an illustrated children’s book about random villains from history with a story about mata hari and a two-page spread about vlad tepeș and his wall of impaled corpses that i borrowed a lot (to be fair i burrowed every book from the children’s history section many times)(i’ve always been into obsessive rereading)

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication?

i wouldn’t be writing stuff down if i didn’t want to put it on the internet (because just daydreaming them is so much easier) but i have no intentions of ever doing it commercially

9) Pen and paper, or computer?

first ideas usually get scribbled on whatever paper i can scrounge out of my bag, real writing happens on the computer, and editing on paper again. i think it’s easier to get a feel for how the story fits together if it’s printed, but i skip back and forth between paragraphs or scenes while writing and that only works on the computer

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

nope. i’ve read 1 book on stylistic devices

11) What inspires you to write?

looking through character tags over and over thinking, “I’m sure there must be one i find appealing that i haven’t read yet!!” specific inspiration i get from what if scenarios, paralllels and contrasts between characters, and themes. i read a post once about why The Twilight Zone and Planet of the Apes were good storytelling that said a story should have a thesis statement, and every writing decision should support that statement, so that’s usually what i try to figure out first

12) Last thing you read?

i’m rereading Speaks to the Trees again. still not over how much i love Shagrat

“Reflecting?” Shagrat snorted, thoroughly sick and tired by now of all this inane yet vaguely metaphysical clap-trap. “Now how am I supposed to go about doing that d’you reckon? Not much of a shiny surface am I? We’re not in some bloody mystical dream mirror, you know.”

“Think so, do you?” the man said, tartly.

“’And in these ‘places,’” he continued after a pointed pause, throughout which he had clearly been waiting for Shagrat to make some kind of objection, “by considered means of long and careful introspection, a person in your position might attempt at least in part to reclaim what once was lost to him. Wherein a damaged, tortured –“

Shagrat had no choice but to flat-out feign deafness then. “What’s that you’re saying?” he asked, speaking very loudly to drown out the other fellow.

“- in these places a tormented soul,” the man shouted, “such as ours -”

“No! No! Sorry! Didn’t quite catch that.”

13) Last thing you wrote?

last thing i’ve worked on is this ten-drabble-set about Savage from different perspectives (Dooku, Asajj, watching his hands murder Feral, a random clone trooper, etc). last thing i finished were the tree-sentence prompts about Finn drinking horrendous craft beer, baby Maul’s first few weeks in Sidious’ ‘care’, and Feral cuddling with Maul’s wing

tagging @pomodoriyum @smarsupial @astarsdarkheart @sl-walker @sith-shame-shack if you want!!

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