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#i was with my sister this was ages ago
andthebeanstalk · 10 months
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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fluffyartbl0g · 10 months
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The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese
Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since
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#one piece#haikyuu#hinata shoyo#roronoa zoro#(kinda)#omfg okay time for my entirely SEPERATE POST IN THE TAGS#i only got into one piece at the end of last year... but ive been in the anime and manga scene for like. my entire life#i cannot understate how WILD it is that I havent noticed how everywhere one piece is....#like once i read it... i started finding it EVERYWHERE#my sister gifted me an issue of shonen jump ages ago cause i liked act age and kimetsu no yaiba chainsaw man promised neverland etc#and it doesnt have like a one piece chapter in it actually (to my disappointment)#but IT DOES HAVE A LIL ADVERTISING SEGMENT AT THE FRONT TALKING ABOUT OKIKU FIGURINES AND OTHER ONE PIECE CRAP#AND IDK IT LITERALLY JUST BLEW MY MIND#ONE PIECE DIDNT EXIST IN MY LIFE BUT.... IT DID????#I HAD ONE PIECE MERCH BEFORE I EVEN BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT??? (hahah if you can consider a tiny segment mentioning okiku op merch XD)#just imagine suddenly being obsessed with a piece of media. and then you look around ur room and U SUDDENLY RECOGNISE A CHARACTER MERCH???#ITS BEEN IN UR ROOM FOR YEARS BUT YOUVE NEVER REALLY EVEN NOTICED IT OR JUST BRUSHED IT OFF WHENEVR U SAW IT#BUT ITS THAT CHARACTER!!!! ITS THAT MEDIA THAT UR MADLY IN LOVE WITH????#also im being 100 percent legit when i say that the sense of comeraderie i feel when someone says theyve ALSO read one piece#is insane#discovering that domics and worthiikids and all these other big youtubers that ive known for years have loved one piece like me?#it makes my heart clench and my eyes water man#ive never felt so connected to the world... one piece really is peak fiction.....#i love one piece's community sm....
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abisalli · 1 year
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The problem with A.I. art isn’t that it’s “not art” it’s that it’s art theft
If those A.I. art programs were using royalty free/ public domain images or even creative commons or stock photos , then this wouldn’t even be a discussion.
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kanrix · 2 months
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what was your very first fandom?
Eh. A little complicated, "my first fandom" as in the one I first engaged with? I think over the garden wall
maybe MLP? no one interacted with me at the time so I'm not sure it counts.
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otrtbs · 1 year
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tender curiosities, baby! ch. 5 snippet
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caterjunes · 2 months
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i just found a lump right at the base of peach's throat. it was his 2nd birthday like 2 days ago. he's been so so skinny recently and no matter how much we feed him he just won't put on weight and i just found a lump at the base of his throat.
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curiosity-killed · 5 months
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My sister has this thing where she like…loathes my childhood self ?? which. Feels a little unhinged. but leads to things like her being like “omg you STOLE so many baby dolls and because I was a Good and Rule Abiding Child, I was APPALLED and you were TOTALLY REMORSELESS” and I was like. 1 yr old when this happened.
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moongothic · 4 months
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Re: Crocodile as the Missing Kuja Empress-theory
I do wanna throw it out there quickly that we know Shakky retired from being a pirate and the Kuja Empress 42 years ago at the age of 22, while Hancock took the throne 13 years ago (age 18), meaning the Missing Empress' reign/era lasted for about 29 years
And while we don't know how long the Kuja might've been without a ruler between empresses (like do they have a system set where they know who will take the throne next Immidiately After the previous one steps down/dies/etc, or might they spend years without an empress until they find a new suitable ruler?)
We do know that when Shakky retired, Crocodile would've been four
So unless Crocodile became The Kuja Empress at Age 4 (or unless the Kuja were completely without an empress for almost a decade and then gave the throne to a literal child), then there's no way Crocodile could be the Missing Kuja Empress
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fulcrum-art-fox · 8 months
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Me?
No action?
I have the scars to prove otherwise.
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mormorando · 1 year
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female leg hair is genuinely so pretty i have no idea how men ever managed to convince so many people it's like. not inherently pretty and fitting for where it grows.
#same goes for armpit hair and pussy hair ofc but it's specifically leg hair that i'm thinking about rn#because i had an argument with my mother#who is. like . a feminist in a 'You must work to always be independent of a man.' way and in many meaningful ways actually#but extremely conservative about very surface level things#like beauty and femininity#mine#i do think i prefer that approach than 'liberated' girls with Grl Pwr tattoos but bending over backwards for men at the same time#in long term relationships or living off men. etc#like i prefer the politics of someone who shaves and even shames people for not shaving but also lives an essentially separatist lifestyle#than the other way around#so i mostly try to reason with her#it doesn't really work#not much#and she's a little more radical in some other cases like with lgbt rights#which is extremely funny bc my sister is an out lesbian#and i on the other hand came out so long ago she must have blamed it on my age#like at 13 i guess#and since then i've stayed single so like. the topic was literally forgotten. and i'm fine with that. but my sister came out at like. 19.#and now my mother actually vents to her gay daughter about. the gayness of her other daugh#like it's literally hysterical#and i just nod politely. occasionally i ask her a question like 'wait. so if it was a trend/publicity stunt. then what would you do if it#didn't pass for her when the trend was over in many years? and she. like. had a wife?'#just to like. feel out what she Actually doesn't accept. she never gives me a clear answer though. oh well. and i never reveal whose side#i'm really on#it is so fun. like actually so fun. i look so straight but act so gay i can infiltrate any space and leave them confused.
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mccoys-killer-queen · 8 months
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remember how YEARS ago I used to do Bad Tracings Of Leppard Photos— turning them into Deb Lebbarb, if you will
well—
tonight i had a very rare opportunity to have access to adobe again, so i give you:
Stux
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say-al0e · 7 months
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Dealing with the remnants of someone else’s life is fucking impossible.
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scrawnytreedemon · 6 months
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Is it so bad that I don't really like ships of characters I simp and I only like the reader insert fics with them?
Yeah I can't deny I'm jealous of the canon x canon ships with my faves, knowing that they possibly can be together while I can't. I know it's dumb,so that's why I never hate on someone who likes those ships I just ignore it
Like Sefikura for example, I don't like it cuz I'm a massive hoe for Sephiroth,also bcuz sometimes they make the ship pretty icky,also bcuz Cloud is baby and I'm still angy at Sephy for mentally torturing my Babyboy like that
IT'S CHAOS WITH MY FICTIONAL FAVES!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with that, personally! I get wanting to indulge in the warmth of a good fantasy-- That is what alot of fiction is for, after all.
Bless you, anon. Alas, as someone also plagued with my own Dumb and Horrid Fictional Feelings, the brain can be such a little bitch when it comes to that stuff. Good on you for recognising how and why you feel that way, ignoring the stuff you don't like and focusing on what you do.
LMAO I get that completely. I should mention, though, that I am one of those people who indulges in the nastier side of the ship, lmaooo. Even so, I get why it wouldn't click with you.
(FR when is it not?)
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scattered-winter · 7 months
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.
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emmafallsinlove · 5 months
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the fact that the only thing i made myself for breakfast this week is toast with extra cheese and tomato is embarrassing
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mack-anthology-mp3 · 16 days
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having a new found love for Phone gotta be honest. i have songs in there and books and i just drew a picture on it like yay!! and i can talk to people in there!! this is probably Bad
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