#i wasn't gonna post anything today because of all the school shit that i have to do that i'm stressed about

[disdaidal]

Good news: your girl got a call from her school today, passed all her exams and is getting her high school diploma this spring/summer, so yay.

I’m “only” 34 after all, but what the fuck. I did it.

#personal #none of my grades were too good apart from english #where i scored higher than in my own mother tongue ldkglgklg #but even that was good not excellent #anyway i passed and i'm getting out of there and onto new adventures (and challenges) #might post pictures later when i'm actually graduating heh #i also took another test today. for another school i applied to this spring #it was a remote test and the first test out of many i guess #and my god it was so fucking hard. i took ages to write it and i couldn't even properly finish it in time because i'm such a turtle #when it comes to writing anything kdkfkg #so it's probably littered with mistakes and sounds dumb as hell and i doubt i'm gonna pass it but anyway #at least i got accepted to that one school already if anything #it's just that. it wasn't my first choice so. i'm still trying D: #anyway i'm feeling hyper and shit and i can barely process this all #at least my stress from the last two days got relieved a little bit #because i apparently have to buy new tires and wheels to my car and i can't fucking afford it right now so heh #but anyway life finds a way i guess

[reallyromealone]

Hellooo! Can I request a Bonten with a teenage son reader where they forget his birthday but he doesn't say anything because he knows his dads are busy. Like how they react when they realize and maybe how they make it up to him. Anyway have a good day or night! I really love your work and totally don't stalk your blog everyday👀

Of course! Let's goooo

And I realize more and more how many of you wait for me to post stuff

Well I'm taking a break from writing kinktober so I got maximum capacity focus on fluff

Warning: male reader, angst to fluff, teenage reader

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

(Name) felt his heart sink to his stomach as he read the text from Kakucho 'wont be home tonight, we will see you in the morning' With a 'love you' sent after.

Today was his birthday.

His 16th birthday.

For the past two months they had been hyping it up for him, getting his hopes up.

Only to forget.

He should have expected it though.

They are really busy.

They don't have time to stop and throw a stupid party for him, he didn't even want a party though.

He just wanted a day with them.

They told him how they were gonna do fun stuff he enjoyed but (name) supposed that wasn't happening anytime soon.

"Better do my homework, not like I have plans anyways"

(Name) didn't tell his dad's they forgot, not wanting to seem whiny or anything but after a week he just decided to move on despite the pain in his chest.

"Have you noticed (name) seems a little down lately?" Mochi asked Takeomi who grunted in agreement "he's acting like someone killed his dog or something" takeomi commented as their teenage son did his homework quietly, bags under his eyes.

"What day is it again?" Ran asked as he checked the calendar on the first of two fridges, the men barely have been home to check the family plans.

"Oh it's (date)" Kakucho said as he came in to grab a bottle of water, the others watching ran freeze as he looked at a circled date on the calendar "...shit"

"What?" The others looked at the calendar and held an expression of guilt before glancing at their kid.

Oh god.

They forgot his birthday.

And they hyped it up so much!

Just to crush that hope.

(Name) never asked for much, even as a baby he only really wanted quality time and got them to hang out with him sometimes.

God they felt like monsters.

No wonder (name) was so down!

"We have to make it up to him!"

"Get the others, meet in the home meeting room" and with that one half of the dad squad went and collected the rest, glancing at the teenager.

"Why didn't he say anything?" Koko asked as they sat at the table and Sanzu scoffed at him "seriously? Somehow we managed to make the most polite kid in the world, he would never call us out on forgetting"

"How the fuck do we make this up to him? We literally crushed his spirit!"

"We will figure something out!"

The men walked into the living room where (name) sat, still doing his homework and God did they feel like assholes.

"Oi! Come with us" Rindō said seriously and (name) looked confused as he walked to his dad's, handed his shoes "what's going on?" (Name) asked softly as he was brought to the expensive car "don't worry about it kiddo" Kakucho said patting his back as they drove off.

(Name) was confused, though never scared.

He never had a reason to be scared of his dad's.

Even when Sanzu was in a drug crash.

They drove through Tokyo till they made it to a diner.

He hadn't been to the diner in ages, it's where they would take turns taking him as a small child when they would collect him from preschool and parts of grade school.

Some of his fondest memories were at this diner.

And Sanzu would never admit it but he would always share his cheesecake with little (name), making him promise to keep it a secret that he shared.

Mikey was the same with his food, though less secretive.

"...what's going on?" (Name) asked softly and Ran sighed "we're sorry"

"Sorry for what?"

"Forgetting your birthday"

(Name) very obviously closed up and mumbled "it's fine, you're all busy"

"It's not fine, we built it up to be great and crushed your hopes, this is the beginning of us making it up"

And they kept to their word, taking (name) anywhere he wanted to go.

And they promised themselves and (name) to not do that to him again.

They didn't want him to face the disappointment they faced countless times before from their own families.

#tokyo revengers x male reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #bonten x reader #male reader #teen reader

[astrophileous]

Important! Please read!

I'm tagging the people who are on the Love Bugs taglist, so if you don't feel like reading through all of this that's fine!

Tag(s): @camilaheroine @crazyunsexycool @whateverrrrrrrrs @wifeyofeveryone @louderfortheback @marvelousgoldroses

Hello everyone, first of all I wanna start by saying I'm sorry for having seemingly disappeared for the past week. I know that I was supposed to be uploading two new parts of Love Bugs on Monday and Thursday, and I've missed both days so far without so much as an explanation. The truth is, I've been logging in and out for days trying to come up with a justified excuse for this delay, but I decided today that I will just tell you the truth of what's really happening.

I'm not doing very good at the moment.

I know this seems like a pathetic excuse, but it's the truth. As some of you know, I'm a full time college student and I've been slammed with school work for the past week. I'm tired all the time. Whenever I have even a little bit of free time, I use it to sleep. Life is just so hectic for me right now that writing Love Bugs has been kinda put in the back burner.

But that's not all the reason why I've been MIA.

A few days ago, someone left me an anonymous ask telling me that I've done a terrible job on the last few parts of Love Bugs.

Now, at first, I was gonna be the bigger person and ignore them altogether. But apparently that one little comment did more damage than I ever thought it could. For the past week, every time I went to revise my drafts for Love Bugs, all I could think about was how badly I needed them to be done perfectly to make sure no one else was gonna have this same thought about the upcoming parts. I kept thinking that what I wrote was lacking something. That it wasn't good enough to be published yet. And as a drastic measure, I ended up uploading nothing at all.

I know it seems silly to be this badly affected by one rude comment when I've gotten nothing but love from everyone else. But I guess this is your daily reminder that words do hurt, and even if they are written on the internet, it doesn't make them hurt less because behind all of these makeshift profiles and avatars are real people with real feelings and emotions.

Today, I finally braced myself to make this post. I thought it was unfair for all of you to not be offered at least an explanation about what's happening. If you're wondering when I will finally upload the next chapter of Love Bugs, then I'm sorry to tell you that I don't know yet. I have one completed part, but as I've explained above, I just keep going back to revise it again and again because I'm just not satisfied with it.

So, there you go. The reason behind my absence. I want to remind all of you too while we're here to please, please, please be kind to all of the fic writers and/or other content creators in your fandom. We're all doing all of this free of charge. So please, if you don't like something we make, scroll past it. Don't be mean. We don't owe you anything. Don't ruin something that's supposed to be fun just because you don't find it as enjoyable as others might.

This is all I'm gonna say for now. Hopefully, I will have gotten my shit together by the time next upload schedule rolls around so that you guys could have the next part of Love Bugs on Monday.

Thank you for reading all the way through of this long-ass rant. Have a great day xx

#zaranting #love bugs #daily reminder to be kind and show love to your favorite fandom creators because they're the backbone of our society

[dayslynthesix]

hello to you there! im soooo happy about today's victory that i dont even know how to put that happiness in words, but I'll try

Devils roll the dice | Charles Leclerc imagine | part 3

this is part 3 of welcome to the team, you can read part 2 here

sunday, july 10th, red bull ring, austria :

"hey charles, i just want to tell you that's a p1, you did it, p1, charles, p1" y/n said on the radio, the smile bigger than she could imagined, the ferrari garage was celebrating charles victory

"oh my god, y/n, we did it, i was so scared, oh my god", charles were audibly happy

72 hours before:

y/n went bananas with the austrian gp, it was red bulls home, they people would be all around it, all the pressure, the comments, the stress... it would be all about ten times worse than anywhere on the calendar. after great britain things got weird, to say the least, between charles and mattia, specially after the cameras take that photo of mattia with his italian way of pointing fingers to someone after the race, the garages went shut, we weren't communicating nearly close to enough as we should, and that was reflecting on everyone; charles went back to monaco as soon as he could, and his way to show that he was upset was leaving his lovely pista spider behind, mattia saw that as his red flag to went to his driver and fix things, y/n had absolutely no idea how things went, but considering that charles was here and apparently in a good mood was a great start, or she thinks so.

when she retweeted something saying that charles needed to get into his reputation era (on her private twitter account that she forgot he follow her on his private account) she wasn't expecting him to actually do it. during the sprint race when she asked him if she needed information about the currently position and he answered back with a solid "no, i don't care, but thank you" she went into a deep mood state called "im ready to commit a crime". and listen to me, charles wasn't a rude person, he was actually a really polite one, he almost never give the team bad answers and was very polite with everyone, and y/n had absolutely nothing to do with all the shit they pulled with him before she arrived, so when he left his car post qualy, she went straight after him - and everyone heard her cursing in portuguese and they knew better than sticking their noses around to listen the really soft conversation they would have.

he entered the room and when the door was millimeters to close y/n entered too, and the sound the door made was heard back into mclarens garage.

"what..." charles started saying but the look into y/n face was so angry he shut himself

"i don't care, but thank you" she signaled with quotations marks in the air "that all you gonna give to me? you know i don't have anything with the bullshit the team is putting on you, on the other hand, im here to make your life easier, to help you to win the fucking championship, do you know that, right?"

"yes, i know, and it was not what i meant..."

"is was not what you meant? do you want to get angry? fine, do it, with mattia, with the awful pit team, with the strategy team, not with me, because if the whole championship depended on me you could bet you would be leading it, but guess what, it DOES NOT" you emphasized the last two words

"y/n, im sorry, i wasn't directed towards you" he was visible concerned about fucking things up with you

"i was the one on the radio with you, and if you don't like that you can ask for a switch" y/n said and leave the room, she was about to cry, but she didn't, she went for a walk instead, walking through pierre gasly, who not ironically was doing the exactly the same thing

"your best friend is an asshole" she said as she got close to him

"yeah, i agree on this one" he said and she remembered the little incident on free practice when they nearly touched each other

"i would make a toast, but i don't have any drinks, by the way, im sorry on how the season is going, the car is worse than the 1997 fiat uno i used to drive back in school"

"woah, i never thought about the car being this bad, but i think you're not wrong. what charles did that let you this red? or you're just matching the outfit?" you let a laugh out

"im being passive aggressive because i hate when people talk rude with me, but until tomorrow we're back to normal, anyway, it was nice to see you gasly, good luck tomorrow"

"you too, y/n. you too" he walked away from you, going back to the alpha tauri garage as you grabbed your phone to find something to do while you waited to go back. you opened you stories about last week when you and charles went back to your hotel room and drink half of the tequila bottle while playing monopoly and watching funny videos on tiktok, he opened up with you about the season so far and you understand why he was so mad, but it didn't give him the right to direct that angry to you, and hit a nerve all the attitude, and the lack of it from mattia, you've saw the fight the drivers where pulling with each other and if that keeps going they wouldn't win anything, but you're just a mere mortal, if the big boss didn't know what he was doing you wouldn't be the one to teach him.

you want straight to the cars, never stopping by to see the boys, you need a couple of moments just with the engines and the tools, three weeks were starting to get you, it wasn't easy to travel around and all the pressure that was indirectly hitting you, so you focus all your attention on delivering the car the best you could.

sunday, formation lap

after all, charles didn't ask the team to switch the person who would be on the radio with him the whole race, and despite the fact that you were less smiley you were 100% focused on your job. carlos passed by to say hello to you and went to his car, charles did close to the same thing, the only difference was that he didn't actually said anything, he just hold your shoulder a little bit longer and tighter than the usual. both of the drivers were in their respective cars, the mechanics take away the tires covers and went back to the pit wall. the grid formation was ready, we have max in p1, charles p2 and carlos p3. after the little miscommunication during the qualy, when the lights went off, charles didn't try to overtake max, he held his position, defending the p2 from anyone who tried to steal it away.

y/n had passed pretty much the whole night studying the car and analyzing the reliability on the straights, and her job was successful. despite t

the fact that the race was pretty much a easier way to red bull win because of the amount of straight lines, her job with the balance and aerodynamics of the car were impeccable, y/n alongside with the team put a rocket on track. and when she was leaving the garage last night, she went to both pitstop mechanics and give them a lecture about no fucking things up on race switching and the pitstop (obviously she did it in the most polite way as possible) and she did the same thing with the strategy people, she was working side by side with carlos strategist, and was only because of that that they managed all the pitstops so incredible well.

it was during lap 11 when charles overtaked max the first time, the whole crew went euphoric, so far so good, the car was nice, charles was driving in the highest category. the first pitstop allowed max to recover the p1 one again, but on lap 33, in front the orange army, charles put all again and went p1 again. and another tires switch to the car hold the rest of the race, and again, one last time, on lap 53 charles do it again, the crew went loud, it was only 18 laps to go, just 18 left and we would have two ferrris on the podium. but the thing with ferrari is: your almost never fully happy, carlos car stopped, power unit problem, just whenyou thoughtyou had that fixed, it was a hit in your confidence and the team, the car was on fire and he was still inside of it, the panic started growing inside of y/n chest, only when she saw carlos on the motorcycle going back to the pit she could breathe easily

"is everything ok with carlos?" charles asked on the radio

"positive, he's out of the car and fine. 13 laps to go"

missing 6 laps charles opened the radio again: "there's something wrong with the throttle"

"ok, let me check, hold on" y/n went to all the data and apparently everything was ok, she went back on the radio "charles, something must be holding the throttle, but its not mechanical or electrical, can you keep pushing? 5 more laps to go"

"yeah, I'll try it" and a couple more minutes again "there's something really wrong with the throttle y/n"

"ok, we're checking, keep it cool, i know the car is loosing grip, but 3 more laps, ok?"

"ok"

"stay with me, 2 more laps" y/n kept the updates constantly, she needed to make sure that charles weren't panicking "ok, one more lap to go, hold it"

"im holding it"

"curve 7 now... and 8... getting into the curve 9, one more, charles, just one"

charles passed through the white and black flag, the winning flag

"hey charles, i just want to tell you that's a p1, you did it, p1, charles, p1" you said on the radio

"oh my god, y/n, we did it, oh my god. yesssss, lets gooo", charles were audibly happy.

the whole garage was euphoric, you could see the smiles of relief, the weight leaving everyone's shoulders, after 5 shitty race weekends, charles won. the team went to wait for him close to where he would park his car, and the first thing he did one he left the car was running to the team, the mechanics, the staff, you... he held everyone inside a relief hug that all the sadness and angry left your system, nothing that happened before that moment mattered anymore, not when he was so happy, so in piece with himself.

the team watched the podium and anna came to see you, after all, lewis was there too, and after such stressful moments with the car, he was finally into the pace race.

"you know i know the way you're looking to him" anna wasn't subtle at all

"im looking at him with admiration and that's all"

"sure, y/n, absolutely, i truly believe in you because it not like i know you from 6 years and haven't see you fall for someone"

"annes, its not like were going to be together or something, im here to make the car better and help the team to make him world champion, its not a taylor swift song or a movie about romance"

"damn girl, you've been thinking about it because ot was a really long answer, but whatever you said, if you need me to kick him, I'll do it" she held you by your side and both of you stood there. charles looked so happy, he could barely hold his smile, his was born to be on the highest spot and just like that you realized that you would 100% do everything in your powers to help him - and if means that you have to blow away the red bulls tires, you would.

oh shit, you were really falling for him.

after the ceremony a couple of people went out to celebrate with charles, the mechanics, pierre, and even carlos was there, so when you arrived it wasn't much of a big news, because at the end of the day you were part of the team and you were happy for him. you stopped by some group of mechanics, talked to them for a bit and went to say hi to everyone, you didn't see charles, well, you did, but he was busy drinking shots with pierre so you stayed where you were and kept talking with people, because at the end of the day you were really good at talk to people and that part of you were pushed away bacuse you were too concentrated and focused on your work and worried about not screw over that you locked up that part, and now that every single person in that room were happy you could go back to the version of yourself who is playful and a light of sunshine.

you walk to the boys, taking a look at the empty cups and the happy smiles.

"this is really a celebration, isn't it?"

"there's room to celebrate and im so happy" charles said and he hugged you, an actual hug, and he was wearing some amazing parfum "im glad you came"

"that's a sentence that could be during sex or at a party" gasly gasped after the awful joke he made it

"unfortunately i don't think you can use it referring to the first one" you answered back and carlos and charles high fived each other "im glad im here too, now who's gonna be the one to offer me a drink? a girl need a tequila shot to start the night"

"I'll go, if tequila is what you want, tequila is what you got" carlos tapped the table and point at you, leaving the trio and as soon as he stopped to talk to someone you knew your drink would only arrive an hour later, carlos was what you like to call the congressman from the grid

"that drink is gonna take some time" you said

"you can drink mine, driving fast cars for a living is adrenalin enough" charles said and pushed his cup to you

"thank you, and congratulations again" you drink the content from the cup and took a bite from the lemon slice, charles came closer to you to say:

"im sorry about yesterday, i was angry and annoyed with the team, not with you, im never angry with you and the way i spoke to you was really rude, so im sorry" he said lower than you expected

"that's ok, i got it, seriously, no need to stress over that, and im sorry too, i lost it and i shouldn't have said those things to you either" both of you were so close that you could actually feel his smile when he said "so we're even"

he was flirting with you or it was just the tequila?

pierre made an annoying sound so both of you could pay attention on him, it got your nerves that dude being an aquarius not a leo person, but who were you to say anything?

"lets play truth or dare or two truths and one lie, who got it wrong drink, the champ choose"

"we are back in high school all over again?" you asked after calling a barman and ordering a couple of rounds to the improvised table the three of you were standing

"depends, who were you in high school?" that question was definitely a flirt coming from pierre

"the girl who you would stay away, thats for sure"

"and why is that?" charles asked after drinking another shot

"high school in brazil is pretty different from the us or europe, those were the worst three years of my life, and i was too smart to fall for someone with ocean blue eyes and a cute accent" you clarified

"that's the second time you mention the french accent, do you have a thing for french people?" either charles wanted to ask this or he was starting to get drunk, you gasped when you realized that he was closer than seconds before "truth or dare, y/n?"

"truth" you always pick truth

"is it true that you can steal away anna's recipe for us to have the amount of success that mercedes have?" you and pierre laughed for that one

"i can't, and i wouldn't because im here to do better than her, pierre truth or dare?"

"dare" obviously

"i dare you to tell us why your relationships doesn't work longer than three months or you found someone to kiss in this club" he looked at you, drink a shot and walked away

"he's gonna make you pay for that"

"im ok with that, truth or dare, charles?"

"truth"

"don't you have a girlfriend?" you were dying to know that

"i used to, past tense, but it's over, truth or dare, cherie?" the accent, you knew you would be in serious trouble if the accent keep happening

"dare" you could tell he wasn't expecting that when his eyes locked with yours longer than the usual

"i don't have a dare for that, but considering pierre is back im gonna call for help" you started saying that was unfair but what was the worst thing that could happen? "pierre, give her a dare"

if the devil had a look it would be the one you were receiving that moment

"i dare you to kiss the girl i just kissed"

"what if i don't like girls?" you raised one eyebrow to him

"then I think you gonna have to kiss charles over here" he grabbed his best friend shoulders, charles look straight to you, those green eyes staring deep into yours, what was that heat you were feeling? ok, that's how he wanted to play the game, thats the way it would be.

carlos choose that moment to came with your drinks, you take the first one and drink all of the cup, when was the last time you kissed a girl? you couldn't remember, but you asked anyway "who's is she?" all three of them looked at you at the same time, pierre barely recovered when he pointed to the blond girl a few meters away and you walked in her direction. you tapped her shoulder and got closer to explain to her what was going on and her hand, not ironically, went to rest on your waist, she gave you a not innocent at all smile and leaned closer to you.

you came back to the table only to found pierre holding a bottle of water into his neck and charles looking at you the exactly deep way, you found the nearest couch and sit down, all the alcohol getting into your system got you all happy

"so you do like girls?" the french man asked

"oh i do like girls, i like them a lot" you take the bottle out of his hands and drink it

"do you want to dance?" charles asked you

"yup, but im a terrible dancer" you said and hold his hands, he guide both of you to the dance floor but instead of stopping there he entered one hide hallway

"that's not the dance floor" you said a little confused

"do you swear?" he said with that cute smile "just wanted to take you away from pierre before he actually got invented on flirting with you, and i don't want my best friend with his hands inside my engineer pants, dress, whatever"

"oh, ok, he's ths competition if you want to know, i would never" you emphasized the never

"truth or dare, y/n?" he sustained your look and locked your fingers

"truth"

"kissing me would be so bad that you choose to kiss a random girl?" you think about it and answered his question with another one

"truth or dare, charles?" it was your time to got closer

"you didn't answered my question"

"truth or dare, charles?" you asked again and this time he answered: "truth"

"do you want to show me how monegasque people kiss? considering you're pretty much french and people say that french people have the best kisses-" you were cut out of your sentence when charles grabbed you by your waist and switch positions, you were now with your back in the wall

"im gonna kiss you now, ok?" you nodded and his mouth was on yours, his tongue gently playing with yours, you were expecting something sweet, but when one of his hands went to hold your hair and the one that remained in your waist pulled you closer, deepening the kiss you got it and move your hands to his hair and shoulders, you were craving to scratch those shoulders

charles started to slow the kiss, he let you go just to kiss your jawline and your neck before looking at you again, both of you were breathless

"it was a good kiss?" he yet had the audacity to ask

"it was a really good kiss, can i have another?" you blinked innocently

"yeah, you can" and he leaned back again, the second kiss were less erratic, way more sensual, you were taking the time to know each other, learn how you like it, and jesus christ, charles knew what he was doing, the innocent, cute, two dimples and a little bit dumb chaotic energy was just a facade, that man knew how to push your buttons just with a simple kiss.

later that nigh he drive both of you back to the hotel, after all, he stopped drinking after you arrived and while he was stoned sober you were flushed and red from toes to head. you were staying in the same floor, so when the elevators doors closed he reached your hand, not locking your fingers, just holding your pinkie finger with his, it was ridiculously intimate, but you liked. he walked you to your room door and you lean there

"i don't want to throw a cold shower at you, but this cannot compromised our friendship or our work relationship" you said, actually holding his hand

"i think a good kiss makes wonderful things to a friendship, but I'll keep it professional, you become my favourite engineer and im not letting a couple of hot kisses ruin this. even though i want to ruin you, I'll keep it to myself" he said the last sentence lower and really close to your ear "have a good night, y/n"

"you too charles, I'll see you in a couple of weeks in france and I'm hoping for a tour"

"I'll tour you, just don't mention this to carlos or pierre" he chuckled

"i wont, now you go rest, i need my future champion to beat red bull shit out of them"

"if i knew you were that funny i would have bring you to monaco, but good night and have a safe flight"

"you too" he leaned one last time that day and give you a hug followed by a cheek kiss

you opened your door and closed really fast, before you changed your mind and do something really stupid. when you turn the lights on anna was laying in your bed, a glass of wine in her rand and her cellphone on the other one

"oh my fucking jesus christ, how do you get in here?" your heart were beating ten times faster

"im lewis hamilton engineer, i have privileges, now you better start telling me everything that happened tonight"

"it was a long night- wait, hold on that i think i lost carlos" you just remembered that you haven't seen him in hours and went to your phone

"he's sleeping, isa lecture him for 40 minutes about the process and losing and all of that and he slept, now spill it out"

it would be a really long night, but you sit down and tell everything to anna, and the next day when you got into your flight wearing the ferrari merch you posted something on twitter about the insanities pseudo french people could do. you were hoping thing not to change, you really like to work with ferrari.

"we're the best ones" your phone sound the twitter notification, it was charles response to your tweet.

next part here

it's finally happening our couple, see you after the French GP, hope you take all the tsiwft references

byeeeeeee

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #formula one imagine #charles leclerc x you #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagine

[ronance4everbrainrot]

So since @corgiplays basically already did the time line thing and put all that stuff together, I don't really need add anything, but I'm bored and imma try to write out some situations.

This one is Nancy and Robin in the bathroom (long intro? with Flashback) after Steve started being distant. (also it's gonna be long. TW: scraped hands/knees ??)

✨✨✨

[Today's Monday btw]

"Bye mom..." Robin says as she leaves the house with the warmest outfit she could find, which wasn't much. [I don't know much about clothes, so it's basically her S4 outfit, the one with the black jacket, but a bit more appropriate for Winter but also not much change]. She walks over to her Bike while thinking to herself 'Has Steve been avoiding me? I mean he doesn't have to hang out with me all the time..but that's basically what we did everyday since summer.. but he's been canceling our plans for a week know and I've been waiting for him to pick me up, which he always does and he doesn't really have to but he didn't even give me a heads-up that he won't drive me. Like, at least tell me so I want be late, dingu-' "SHIT!" Robin slips up,surprisingly enough she catches herself, she looks around to see if anyone saw that, luckily for her, no one did. 'yea, there is no way I'm gonna survive this, but I'm gonna be even more late without my bike...ugh!'.

She gets on her bike and put on her helmet, she knocks on it twice 'safety first'. She takes off and tries to go as fast as possible on the icey street and sidewalk. 'it's gonna take some miracle for me not to fall'. while on the road she realizes she forgot her walkman so she can't listen to her language tapes.

She angrily thinks about it for a few minutes but gets cut off when she nearly slips up 'Holy shit!' she panickes for a second but she didn't fall 'oh thank god! Steve is so lucky he graduated already, or I would have smacked him with my helmet for making me ride to school! ON A BIKE! IN WINTER!!!' Robin was furious, angry tears forming in her eyes. Why was Steve avoiding her?

//

They were hanging out at the Wheelers again. It was earily December on a Friday and even though Christmas is like weeks away, they are already planning to celebrate Christmas together at the Wheelers. Even the Byers while come over the breaks!

[I just had to, El and Max needed each other in S4 so they get some time together! Which also makes Max come out to Robin after El leaves again (sorry my elmax heart just forced my brain to write this lol)]

So the mood was over the top. Even Robin was excited! Her first Christmas with friends and dare she say family. It's also her first Christmas with Steve! She may not have much money and Steve basically already has everything, she got this amazing day planned! If she thinks about it to hard it seems like a date, like date date, but she doesn't, because Steve knows.

Her gift is basically a hang out at first (but they do stuff Steve suggests or wants) but she also saved up a bit to get basketball tickets for the game that is before Christmas. Which, honestly, is great, because then she gets to spend Christmas with the others together, too.

[I know nothing about Basketball games/tickets so idk if they play in the winter, but they do now]

Robin was so excited about this day that she told Nancy about it. Nancy was very surprised and impressed that Robin thought about all that and got jealous (you know why), but happy nonetheless, thinking Robin is such a good girlfriend.

[I just re-read Corgis post and Nancy thinking they are dating is in November so I'd say late November and Steve somehow, because he's stupid, didn't want to say the they aren't dating, so he just avoids Robin, so this is the start when he also avoids her even if they would be alone, because before it was just with Nancy a few days later it's with the kids and now it's just with Robin alone already]

The game would be in a week on the weekend, and even tho Robin never really cared for basketball, she's excited! Also Steve has been kinda weird lately, at first it was just with Nancy, she thought for a bit that it was because she may think they are dating but then he starts acting weird when around the kids, too. Now that she thinks about it, he has been avoiding her since the beginning of the hangout. So the tickets and so were also kinda there to smooth things out between them (she think she did something, like talking too much or being too mean with the jokes, idk, but she doesn't know what she did so she can't really apologize....but well she didn't do anything)

After a few minutes of asking around were Steve is. She finally find him walking down the stairs (don't worry, he was just on the bathroom, nothing to do with Nancy) and she snatches him my the arm to drag him into the kitchen. "Steve" she turnd around to look at him with a serious face "I have to ask you something" Steve tries to stay calm but is screaming on the inside, thinking she was gonna bring up him avoiding her. Luckily Robin was just joking with the serious thing and a smile was on her face "Soo, I got this idea for next week, like a hang out, but outside of hawkings, cause it's kind boring here. And well since it's outside of Hawkins I wanted to ask like a week before so it's not that spontaneous" Robin starts getting nervous about her gift idea and starts rambling "and funnily enough it seems like a date, but you know, it's not" then Nancy walks into kitchen and both her and Steve's eyes widden at what Robin says next "but it's also funny because normal the guy would plan the date or at least I thought so and-" Steve cuts here off "I'm sorry Robin but I- I am busy with something! Yea um, my dad didn't really tell me what I have to do, because you know he's an asshole, but he asked me to help with something so I'm sorry, but I can't go" Steve is surprised he came up with that, considering the panic he has of what Nancy must be thinking hearing that sentence out of context. [STEEEEVE NOOO 😭]

//

[Damn, how long is her ride to the school, also sorry not sorry for all the interruptions 😅]

Now that she thinks about it, she still has those tickets and the game is in 4 days 'I better give them to Lucas and Max... At least someone gets a 'date'...' she thinks bitterly. She just now realized that her vision is kinda blurry and a tiny sob sound leaves her body.

'Oh..' She quickly shakes her head and tries to whip her tears away with one hand, which normally would be easy, riding with one hand, but since it's very icey. She loses control of the bike and crashes into the hard ice/concrete of the street."woAH-" She hold of her hands and try to stop the fall but that makes her scrape her hands and it hurts like hell, the sleeve of her favorite jacket also tears. Her knees are no better. "shit.." she hisses out "holy shit- that hurts" she whispering through gritting theet.

Fortunately and unfortunately, she was already near the school. Which means she doesn't have to go far, but the others saw her fall. She stands up and looks down in embarrassment, but also so no one can see here tears building up. She uses her bike as support and tries to hide the limp while walking forwards the bike stands. She tries to ignore the laughing jerks and put the lock on the bike.

Robin doesn't even care that the warning bell rings, signaling that she has to go to her class soon. She just pushes through the wave of student standing in her way, and goes to the nearest bathroom. One of these students, however, was Nancy Wheeler and she just saw a very distressed looking Robin pushing her way through people and going into the bathroom.

When Nancy walked into the bathroom. She was not expecting a crying Robin, washing blood of her hands while standing on shaky legs with blood on her knees and holes in her clothes. "Oh my god, Robin! What happened?" she asked, her voice full off concern, but also gentle trying not to spook her (which failed), as she takes slow steps forward.

Robin jumps up and almost lost her footing but luckily Nancy caught her arm, which calms her down a bit, after realizing it's Nancy. "N-Nancy?" she asked with a shaky voice. Nancy just smiles gently at her "Hi" [Don't you dare 👀] Robin blushes and smiles back a bit "Hi.." [you did not just pull a nick and Charlie 😪 lol]

Robin quickly came to her senses and remembers the state that she's in (Note to self, don't be gay in Indiana🎶) and blushes even more but out of embarrassed because Nancy had to see her like this. "Uh- um.. W-what are you doing here?" she asked trying to sound like she didn't just cry a second ago. "Well, I saw you were looking distress when you pushed passed me so I-" Nancy started but was then cut off by an even more embarrassed and apologizing Robin "Omg! I am so sorry! I- I didn't mean to push you o-or anything! I just kinda fell of my bike and I scraped my hands and knees! And- and I thought I was gonna be late, since Steve didn't care to say that he wouldn't drive me to school today! And when I fell, I wanted to clean myself off before I went to class! So that's why I pushed you! I am so very sorry tho! I didn't mean it on purpose! I mean I kinda did- but in the sense that I would have pushed anyone and not that I specifically wanted to push you! I-.. I should stop talking know..." Robin ended her a forced chuckle.

Nancy stands stunned for a minute. "You came here... On a bike?..in the winter?" she asked. "Um..yeah?... I mean, I knows it's weird, and kinda dangerous" she jokes and hold out her still bleeding hands "but I didn't have any other way of transportation, since that dingus, Steve, has been seemingly avoiding me" she rolls her eyes, trying to look more annoyed than hurt.

Nancy, however, saw that look of hurt in her eyes, but looks back down to her hands wanting to make sure that's taken care of first "Let's get them properly cleaned, then we can talk later" as she gently takes Robin's hands in her own, leading them under the water. Robin hisses in pain. "Hey, it's okay, I know it hurts, but we don't want it to get infected." Nancy looks around the bathroom but realizes that there is no first aid kit. She quietly curses and looks back at Robin. "Ok so, I have a kit in my car. You're going to stay here and wait, ok? I'll be right back" she leaves in a hurry, giving Robin no chance to answer.

Without the short comfort of Nancy's hands or just Nancy's presence, she can't distract herself from the pain of the knees, which started shaking again. 'Shit shit shit shit' She's tries to steady herself by placing her hands on either side of the sink but her scraped off skin started burning and her arms began to shake as well aswell 'Shit shit, ok ok, clam down, I'm just gonna slowly sit myself to the ground' she takes a deep breath and easys herself down to the floor 'Oh God, I don't want to know how stupid this looks' she thinks while one arms starts slipping and she bangs her forehead on the sink "FUCK!" she squeezes her eyes shut and collapse to the floor. Rubbing her forehead she quietly says "Can't get any worst than this"

Why did she have to say that.

"Oh God! Are you ok?!" The panicked voice of Chrissy Cunningham, yes the Chrissy Cunningham, the new Queen of Hawkins High reaches her ear. 'Huh. Both the old and new Queen in one day. What a jackpot' she thinks for second. "Uh- ye-yeah!" her voice cracks 'I hate myself' she tries to smile but it looks more like a grimace. "O-ok, um, do you need the school nurse? I- I can get her if you want?" she asked while playing with the sleeves of her cheerleader jacket. [I love Chrissy 🙏] Robin clears her throat "Yeah, I'm okay! It's totally fine! But thank you! I just-Uh- I um- I was just-"

Then suddenly the door opens which makes both girls jump. "Ok, so I got the rubbing Alcohol and the bandages, also cotten balls for the alcohol." Nancy came in, listing things she put into her bag. "Sorry I took so long, there just were these stupid-" she finally looks up and saw a surprise Chrissy. "Uh-.." It feels like an hour of awkward silence when Chrissy broke the ice. "Um-..Hey" she shyly smiles at Nancy "I was gonna get the school nurse, but seems like Robin's already has you". She says it in such a casual way that it makes Robin blush. Nancy seems speechless "Uh y-yeah.."

Another awkward silence, which Chrissy breaks again. "So, seeing as you have everything under control, I should probably go.." She starts to nervously play with her sleeves again. This time Robin answers "Yeah...thanks for checking up on me tho, others would have probably called me a weirdo or would have laughed seeing me like this" she gave a short laugh. Chrissy frowns at this "well ignore this people, they are just mean jerks" and then she sweetly smiled at Robin "If you ever need help and Nancy's not here, you can gladly come to me" Robin was starstruck and just nods her head grinning back like an idiot. "O-ok!" Chrissy just gives a nod back and leaves while waving "See you around"

There was, yet again, another awkward silence, more from Nancy's side this time. Nancy clears her throat "So...that was something.." Robin still starstruck, quietly wonders "how did she know my name?" "Did you say something?" Quickly shaking her head she comes back from her trance "n-nothin- ARGH" she holds her head. Nancy rushes to her side "what is it? A headache? Did you fall onto your face?!" Nancy quickly checks her head for any injuries but finds non "N-no, i just...I hit my head on the sink..." Robin starts "and I guess shaking your head after hitting it, isn't the smartest move" she chuckles bitterly.

Nancy then noticed that Robin was on the floor "How did that even happen?" she asked, while helping Robin up and making her sit on the sink. "Well when you left, you couldn't distract me anymore so my body decides to remember that its hurt and then my knees started shaking and I tried to hold myself up but my arms also started shaking and I slipped and then I hit my head on the sink and then Chrissy came and-" Robin's cuts herself off with a yelp "Hey! Give a girl a waring, will you!" while pulling her hand away.

"Sorry, I thought maybe your talking would distract yourself." Nancy says, while not looking like she's sorry. "Now give me your hand" she hold out her own hand. Robin carefully places her hand into Nancy's and tries not to blush at the gentle and soft yet rough hand.

"Ok, this is gonna sting" Nancy says, as she carefully dabs the cotten ball with rubbing alcohol on the scraped off skin. Robin tries to focus on Nancy's hand rather then the stinging pain. Nancy quietly curses again. "look like you cut yourself on a rocks" she grimaced "that's why there's still so much blood coming" she looks up at Robin's eyes "but don't worry, I'm gonna bandage it up and it's gonna heal in not time" she tries to resure her. Robin just nods and keeps staring at Nancy's face while she look focused on the task at hand. (badum tch) 'She looks so cute when her brows are furrowed in consentraction, especially when she's trying to figure something out or come up with a plan.......I'm being creepy aren't I....omg....don't tell me Steve knows....is that why he's been avoiding me?....omg....he knows I'm in love with Nancy, doesn't he! Shit shit shit!!! No, that can't be it, he would have said something!...wouldn't he?....I-.. '

"-bin!? Are you ok!?! Why are you crying!? Hellooo?!" A very very concerned voice if Nancy broke her train of thoughts "Huh- W-what?" Robin focuses her eyes and is face to face with and even more worried looking Nancy, who has both her hands on both of her cheeks. With gentle looking eyes Nancy wipes the tears off with her thumb. Robin didn't even notice that she started crying. Nancy must have noticed that she's focused again "Hey, hey" her voice somehow calm "It's okay, it's done, you're ok" she says while still stroking Robin's cheek with her thumb. Robin slowly looks down at her hand and sees that it's bandaged, she looks back at Nancy's eyes. "Are you ok?" Robin nods. "why did you start crying? Was it because it hurt?" Robin shook her head "No? Then why did you cry? If you're ok with talking about it, of course."

Robin looks away from her eyes to think and decides to tell her. Nancy has her suspicion but she wasn't gonna bring it up herself. "I- I think steve has been a-avoiding me.." she quietly says. "And why would he do that?" 'does it have to do something with me finding out they are dating?...I hope not...' Nancy thinks to herself. Robin looks at her not bandaged hand which stopped bleeding since there is no deep cut there. [You know, just to clarify] "I- I don't know. Maybe because I talk to much? Or I've hurt him with my joking insults? Or he just decided he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore! Since that was everyone apparently does when they are friends with me! There is something wrong with me!" she started laughing quietly "of course he would want to get rid of me someday! I knew I shouldn't have set my hopes up with this friendship. The kids are also just gonna leave me."She tries not to cry 'I've cried enough today ugh, why can't I just be normal! why do I have to be so dramatic' "I'm sorry...I- I didn't mean to dump this all on you. I'm just being dramatic. You can l-leave now, thanks for your help" Robin says while looking to the side, waiting for Nancy to leave.

Nancy was speechless. She couldn't believe what she just heard. While her speech Robin pulled her hands away from her face, so she places them back to where they were and turn Robin's face so she faces Nancy. Robin looked surprised "Wha-" Nancy shuts her up. Robin's feels pressure on her lips.

Nancy's finger is placed ontop of her lips so she can't talk.

[The way I was laughing and cringing at the same time while writing this! 😭🤣😂😅😪 I'm so sorry! It was so much funnier in theory! 😭😂]

"No. You've talked enough." Nancy said while she staring at Robin's wide eyes 'Wow, I didn't know her eyes were so blue...it's like you could drown in them...'They kept staring at each other eyes and then Robin, the idiot, starts leaning forward, still starting into each other's eyes. To her own shook Nancy also starts leaning forward, while slowly dragging her finger down her lips. A set of eyes flicker down to the others lips....they lean closer and closer and then....

DRRRIIIIIIINNNGGGGG

[You know when the build up is like that, it has to be interrupted]

They jump apart. Robin panicked and flustered. Nancy panicked and confused. "ohwhOASHIT-" Robin starts falling of the sink but Nancy holds her by the shoulders so she doesn't fall and pulls her back up "phew....Heh...man.. I need to stop falling so often..." Robin tries to easy the tension and smiles awkwardly yet still cute "yeah..heh" They awkwardly laugh. Nancy still has her hands on Robin's shoulder so she quickly pulls them away and somehow pushes against her knee which makes Robin hiss in pain "Oh God, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to I-" Robin starts laughing "You trying to copy me, Wheeler?" "I-" Nancy pouts 'omg she's adorable' "I was just trying to apologize" She looks down at Robin's knees "And they also still need to be taken care of"

She looks around for the cotten balls and the rubbing Alcohol and then looks up "This is gonna sting." "Yeah yeah, i know." "Well I wanted to give a girl a warning" "Oh, right" Robin snorts "Didn't think you would rememb- AAHShit!" Nancy just smirks and continues the process "You are full of surprises, Wheeler. I didn't know you were suck a jerk." Robin smirks down at her "I am not a jerk." Nancy says, not looking up. "Sure sure". Nancy presses down hard onto the other knee, which makes Robin let out a few curse words "Ok ok! You're not a jerk" with a pleased smile, Nancy continues her task.

After a while of cleaning up injures and bandaging them, Robin finally stands up on her own. She wobbles a bit but it's fine "How about I drive you home? I don't think you're in a good condition to go to school" Robin dramatically gasped "Omg! Is THE Nancy 'the Priss' Wheeler going to skip school!?" "Shut up or I'm going to make you walk home." Robin make the mouth sip motion "Good. Now let's go before-"

The school bell rings again

"-the bell rings...um..well we can still go, but now there is a higher chance of people seeing us" "What, don't want to be seen with me?" "You know what I meant! Now shut up or I'll really make you walk home" Robin hold her hands up in surrender. "Lead the way, Wheeler"

✨✨✨

I don't know what happened with their dynamic at the end, but I like that dynamic and Nancy found her in a vulnerable moment so that's why she didn't act like this at first... Idk.. Also they are basically forgetting the stuff before the almost kiss 😭😂 idk if it makes sense but well they both just pushed it down ig... Hope you enjoyed!

Edit: OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT! I wanted to say that the tear on her favorite jacket is the reason she has the "Handle with care" thing on it.

You can look at this post and suggest something I should write!

Lots of love!! ✨😭❤️✨

#long post #very long post #ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #I don't know #i just 😭😭😭😭 #Murray adopting Robin

[tin-wufborf]

It's my birthday today, so I want to share a happy Derek Hale headcanon! This post is gonna be super long (like, you need to set aside time to read it because I have too many feelings about Derek Hale), so I'm putting most of it under a cut to keep your dash cute. But after I tell you the short version of the headcanon so you can decide if you want to proceed:

I think the proudest moment of Derek's life is when he became a big brother to Cora, and that he would have excelled at being one for all of the girls in the pack if he'd been given a chance to do so.

I imagine that Derek had always idolized and adored Laura as his big sister, even when she was being a superior little shit to him because she was older than him, or forcing him to play dress-up with her (even if he secretly liked it a little bit because it was nice to be pretty sometimes). So when Talia announced that she was pregnant with Cora, little Derek took the idea of becoming an older sibling Very Fucking Seriously. I'm talking interviews with his mom and Laura for tips and insider information about being an older sibling, and following his mom and dad around to make sure they were getting everything Cora might need. He's only maybe 3-5 years older than her, so I imagine that he forced Peter to teach him how to read early so he could read all the parenting books he could get his hands on. For the books that were just too advanced, he would make Peter or his parents read them to him so he could absorb the information still and leave no stone unturned. I'll bet he questioned everything, asked a million why's just the whole way through. He probably knew more about babies than any of the adults in the pack, and he probably appointed himself the inspector for anything that was purchased for use for/by Cora leading up to her birth. Only the best for his baby sister, he'd make sure of it.

And when Cora was finally born, he was immediately fucking obsessed with her. It didn't matter what kind of mood she was in or what she was doing, whether she was fussy or wailing or happy or doing nothing at all, Derek was right there and ready. If there was something he could do to help her, he wouldn't hesitate to do it, but if it was something he was still too little to handle alone, he would immediately take off to run and get an adult. And he'd supervise that adult the whole time, just to make sure they didn't mess anything up.

He was probably inconsolable when he finally had to start going to school. Just so upset at the idea that he couldn't stay with Cora all day.

As they grew older together, he helped her with everything he physically and emotionally could help with. He was always very aware of his age/size limitations, so he learned very early how to use the adults around him like tools to assist in helping his little sister out. He probably helped potty train her, helped her learn how to walk and talk, was a champion at preventing her from falling or smashing her fingers in things, taught her how to tie her shoes, helped her figure out how to hold a spoon with or without claws, and he probably even taught her how to howl properly just in case she ever needed to contact them (him) in an emergency and he wasn't there for some reason (I imagine he does this while glaring at his mother because it's her fault that he has to go to stupid school instead of staying home where he can keep Cora safe at all times). Because of her constant exposure to him, Cora probably came to idolize Derek in much the same way that he idolized Laura, and there was nothing in the world he wouldn't say or do for the well-being of his baby sister. He was about that big brother life like you would not believe. Derek loved being a big brother, and as much as the loss of his entire family devastated him, it was the idea that he'd lost Cora that broke him the most.

So, I imagine that getting her back in 3A was the greatest gift that he'd ever received, even better than Cora's birth in some ways because he'd missed her so very much and missed so much of her life in the 6 years they were separated. Still, after almost a decade of pain for him, I like to imagine that after her almost being killed by the Darach, he finally decided to take this second chance for what it was. He was going to take the opportunity to reconnect with her with both hands and never let go. This is why I hate so much that they just disappeared Cora entirely after the season finished because Derek had just gotten his little sister back and they didn't even have the decency to make that matter for Derek.

So, in a post-season 1-4 utopia where everyone lived and no one died (I'll never forgive them for what they did to Erica and Boyd either), we've got Derek now in a pack with Allison, Lydia, Erica, Cora, Kira, and Malia, all at the same time. And he. is. reveling in it. The fact that he has Cora back alone gives him the push he needs to get his life back in order, but he's also got a pack again that he cares about, and he's got even more little sisters to love and protect as far as he's concerned. Not that he would ever say it in so many words (or at all), but the girls totally know it anyway and also secretly love it. But yeah, he has to get his shit in order for them so they can know that he's someone they can lean on and rely on in times of need, And he fucking dotes on these girls like it's his job and fucking preens whenever his efforts are positively received. Everyone knows that the girls are his soft spots, even the most oblivious of the boys (Scott), though no one ever mentions it in a negative or demeaning way after that one time Jackson made fun of Derek for buying an array of pads and tampons once, just to have on hand in case the girls ever needed them, and Stiles lit his ass up so swiftly and brutally that he refused to come go back to the loft for a week (it takes a lot to cow Jackson into submission, and so far, only Lydia and Stiles have managed it).

I imagine that he keeps little things on hand for each of the girls, just to make them feel comfortable at the loft. He keeps bulk bags of the seasonal shapes Reese's on hand for Erica all year long because she's obsessed with them and will only share them with Stiles, not even Boyd (but only 1 out of a 65-piece bag, which Stiles respects). He buys Dasani water bottles in bulk to keep on hand for Allison because she prefers it over other brands but doesn't really like juice or soda. There's an abundance of throw blankets and pillows in the loft because Kira gets cold easily and likes to burrito up on the couch when she's there. He keeps advanced mathematics puzzle books and books full of increasingly difficult math equations and formulas all over the loft for Lydia to pick up and try out when she needs to relax and let her brain frolic for a little while (and he keeps each books she completes because he's just so proud/in awe of her amazing brain and what she can do with it). He makes sure to have plenty of comfy seats/squishy cushions available near the windows for Cora to lounge in and stocks the bookcases with new titles every two weeks because she is and always has been a voracious reader of any and all genres in her spare time (just like him). And for Malia, he keeps a lot of high protein-rich and texture-varied snacks around because her metabolism is still out of whack from being a coyote for so long, and she likes to crunch/chew on things when she's hungry, bored, or stressed.

He also makes sure to spend time with each of them individually, doing things that they specifically like not only to help foster their interests and just fucking bond, man (he does the same for the boys, but he most looks forward to his time with the girls and feels most rewarded by their outings) but also to assure them that they matter as individual people and not just as members of the pack.

He and Malia go for full-shift runs through the preserve as often as she needs, and honestly just spend a lot of time in their wolf/coyote forms because it helps Malia feel more settled in herself. He also spends a lot of time tutoring her and helping her get back up to speed academically, but they also have a ton of conversations with about being human and how difficult that shit is sometimes for people like the. He helps her figure out how to reconcile being of two worlds as they are, and how not to sacrifice one half of herself in favor of the other. Cora helps with this too, but I've always felt like Derek was far more comfortable as a were-creature than most, so Malia values his insight a lot more than anyone else's and looks up to him for managing to navigate the world pretty well, all things considered. He makes sure she knows that it's actually okay if she feels more like a coyote than a girl most of the time and helps her find coping mechanisms for those times that she feels out of control and can't get to somewhere that's safe for her to shift (she spends a lot of time in her beta and full shifts at the loft because Derek has designated it as a shifter safe-space). Through these conversations, they almost inadvertently manage to help each other with their trauma about the loss of their loved ones in relation to what they are (because Derek sometimes falls into the idea that his family would still be alive if they weren't werewolves because Kate never would have singled him out if he weren't), and they become two of the best fucking full shift were-people on the West Coast because of it.

With Cora, the two of them just go on a lot of night drives through town and sometimes to the surrounding cities (I imagine Beacon Hills to be somewhere near Placerville, CA, so it wouldn't take all that long to go in either direction down 50 and get to a bigger city). This is actually why Derek gets rid of the Camaro in favor of the FJ Cruiser, even if it is ugly, so he can handle the hills a little better. I think their family used to go on road trips a lot like mine did instead of flying anywhere, so they're both more comfortable bonding in a car than anywhere else, so I always imagined that that's what they did at the end of 3A, just took a road trip to nowhere all so they could relearn each other as family instead of as reluctant allies. And they stop in the oldest bookstore they can find in each place they stop so they can both get a new book from each place and rebuild the library of books they used to share. So, whenever either of them gets too much in their own head or has nightmares, or even just can't fucking sleep, they'll hop in the car and go for a drive for a while to clear their heads. They pop on Derek's old iPod (he had it on his person when the fire happened, so it survived) and just jam out and chill together. I think this is the time they take to reminisce over their family because it's just the two of them. There's no one there to make it awkward if they tear up or get angry because they understand each other perfectly.

For Allison, I think that their activities are sparring and, oddly enough, baking. Allison is still atoning for her season 2 actions, and for her family's fucked up history as a whole, so I can't imagine that most of the betas are all that willing to spar with her. Boyd, Isaac, and Erica are still a little afraid of her, Lydia doesn't really like to fight (at first, but I'll get into that later), Scott can't bring himself to potentially hurt her still even though she's with Isaac and they're no longer dating, Stiles is more likely to hurt himself than her, Kira will spar but isn't advanced enough yet to be able to keep up, and Malia doesn't know how to hold back enough for it to be training (Jackson refuses to spar with anyone but Peter and Derek for fear of ever hurting his friends again, and they all accept and support his choice). Derek, though, understands what it means to be used the way she was and to bear the weight of a regret and remorse that shouldn't belong to you alone, so he spars with her and runs her through tracking drills in the preserve because he's not afraid of her and wants to give her the best tools possible in order for her to be able to keep to her family's new code as best she can. He understands the weight of a legacy like that, so instead of simply being allies, they become friends and pack, and they keep each other in check simply by ensuring that they will always consider each other when confronted with other were-creatures or hunters that don't have their best interests at heart.

And with the baking, well. This one is simple. Derek's father loved to bake, and so did Allison's mother, and while their losses come from different places, they can both understand what it means to love someone and lose them in a tragic way. And they can forgive each other for the parts they played in those deaths, no matter how direct or indirect, for Kate's part in his father's murder and for Derek's part in her mother's suicide. They squash the Argent/Hale feud over cookies, cakes, and pies, and the entire pack is better for it, for their two best fighters coming together and finding common ground over macaroons (and these two can bake their asses off, guys, the shit they bake is so good that there's actually talks of them going to confectionary school once Allison graduates so they can open up a bakery together afterwards).

With Lydia, a lot of people would think that they go on shopping sprees and for mani/pedis, and they do, but that's not those aren't their favorite things to do together. Their absolute favorite Lydia&Derek activity is to stay in, dress down in jammies or sweats (no makeup to be found), and watch movies and eat like shit all day. Derek has never once told Lydia that she can't watch The Notebook for the thousandth time because she's never told him that he can't watch Love Actually for the thousandth time, but they mostly love to unabashedly watch shitty action and horror flicks while pointing out all of the inaccuracies/impossibilities that occur in them. They both unabashedly love Queen of the Damned and love to hate Blade: Trinity and they have a novel's worth of theories about how they'd handle a classic horror or slasher situation (mostly because they know exactly how they'd react in a situation like that, given their lives). Lydia also has a fascination with martial arts films, about the artistry in Wushu specifically, and for one of her birthdays, Derek signs her up for and pays for her to attend lessons at a dojo he found in Sacramento, and he even enrolls himself alongside her so she doesn't have to do it alone. He drives them to and from each lesson and gets them dinner afterward so they can discuss the techniques they learned, and they regularly practice on their own to the point where they quickly climb up the belt ranks. Derek and Lydia often present their belts to each other (instead, like, a parent or sibling or whatever) because they both know how hard the other has worked to get there. And Derek makes sure Lydia always knows just how proud he is of her for her strength and tenacity to learn something like this despite no one ever thinking she could or would, to make herself into a weapon no one would ever suspect while still remaining her flawlessly beautiful and wickedly brilliant self all at the same time. Also, I kind of imagine that Lydia ends up progressing into other forms of martial arts from this, and Derek goes right along with her because he's her absolute biggest supporter.

For Kira, their activities are also two-fold. These two are nerd out over lore together and play video games. We know that Derek is actually very smart, and his mind is a steel trap of lore and supernatural history that just delights Stiles sometimes. If you recall, he knew exactly what Kira was when he saw her, and I imagine that he actually knows quite a lot about kitsunes and their history. He probably has access to all sorts of resources that Kira needs, and because her mom oftentimes seems very withholding about sharing Kira's heritage with her, I feel like Derek gets her every book, tome, and scroll he can find on the subject and puts her into contact with other kitsunes he knows of just so she can be properly armed with the information she wants/needs about herself and seek further training. If there's a question he can answer, he does so willingly and without hesitation, and he's probably the one who helps her figure out how to mask her aura so she can be safe, not so she can become ashamed of herself or what she is. After that, these two just end up nerding out over various bits and pieces of lore they come across, and they eventually end up working together (along with Stiles and Lydia) to compile a pack bestiary, that way they can all access and reference the information in a concise and clear fashion.

I feel like their love of lore leads to them finding out that they're both huge fans of the Witcher series, though Derek has yet to play the games and is initially only a fan of the books. When Kira figures this out, she immediately invites him to play the games because she owns them all. Derek's no stranger to games--he actually quite enjoys the Elder Scrolls and Fallout series and played a lot of StarCraft back when he had time--so it doesn't actually take a lot of convincing on her part to get him to sit down with her and try it out (yes, Stiles is super fucking salty about this but is often allowed to join them in their gameplay sessions). This man becomes immediately fucking obsessed and falls in love with the attention to detail and lore presented in the series, and he plays each one multiple times before letting Kira coax him into Dark Souls (and the two of them attend many a midnight release for those released later in the series, and for Bloodbourne and Elden Ring too), which eventually leads to Kira explaining Mortal Kombat's lore and getting him to play, and then they backtrack to start the Final Fantasy series, and this continues on and on until these two are eventually going to gaming conventions and eSports events together. They do joint costumes for any and all conventions they attend (they go as Geralt and Ciri for their first one) and they win several costume contests because of how well-done and accurate their costumes tend to be. These two become a nightmare of a dream team when it comes to playing against them during pack nights. Like...no one has ever beaten them at a video game, not individually and certainly not when they're on the same team, and everyone wants them on their team when it comes to group games because they're both that damn good. It frustrates the shit out of the rest of the pack, but they often use it to their advantage by signing the two up for gaming competitions where they are both inevitably underestimated and end up shit-stomping their competition so severely that they're often accused of cheating. But they aren't. They're just that damn good.

Actually, I feel like this also leads into Derek sharing his love of tabletop games with Kira, which eventually leads to them trying out tabletop roleplaying games (which Kira puppy-dog eyes the rest of the pack into trying) until, eventually, Derek and Kira are co-DMing a years-long D&D campaign for the pack that they keep even when everyone goes off to college and into adulthood when they return and start working their grown up jobs. Kira and Derek are bonded in nerdom forever, and they couldn't ask for anyone better to share that sort of joy with.

And as for Erica, well. He loves all of the girls, loves the whole pack, but Erica will always, always, always hold a special place in Derek's heart. There is nothing Erica could ask him to do that he would say no to. Part of that stems from her being his second beta and the only girl of their original little pack, but it mostly comes from all of what Erica was never able to experience before the bite. Think about it. Depending on when Erica's epilepsy developed or started becoming an issue for her, she's probably missed out on so many "normal" things like parties and movies and even fucking carnivals and amusement parks, guys. So, I think that Derek is her co-pilot in life while she experiences all of these things, just to make sure she remains safe while doing it but also so she can feel safe and live.

The whole pack has season passes to Six Flags in Vallejo so Erica can get her fill of all of the rides and games she never got to experience as a kid. They go to every pop-up carnival that comes even remotely close to Beacon Hills, and they go at night so Erica can look up at all the blinking lights and have the colors all stand out in contrast to the darkness, and she loves it. She makes Derek win her prizes at the rigged games, and she wins him prizes at strength and agility games because she likes to show off. Derek even gets her a fake ID so they can sneak into dance clubs and raves, and he endures all of the noise and lights just for her because she deserves this freedom and has lived long enough without it.

Unlike Lydia, Derek actually does accompany Erica on shopping trips, but that's because he's actually got impeccable taste and will be honest with her about whether something looks good or not. I've always suspected that Derek is the one who paid for her wardrobe after she got the bite, and that he's the one who walked her through how to do her hair and makeup too. He learned a lot from Laura and was often tasked with helping her when she couldn't get a braid quite right or couldn't reach the back of her head, so teaching Erica how to do those things was a way for him to help his beta and keep his big sister's memory alive at the same time. I imagine that he tells her all sorts of stories about Laura while he's deep conditioning her hair or touching up her roots for her, and Erica covets and hordes every single one of them because she knows what a precious gift they are to her.

So, yeah. Thanks for reading my dissertation of Derek Hale's gooey feelings about the girls in his life. I would apologize for how long it is, but I'm not sorry and think that more of us should share this sort of stuff with each other, even if we're not writing fan fiction or sharing the fics we are writing.

Maybe I'll do a companion post about Derek and the boys of the pack...who knows?

#thoughts #my thoughts #teen wolf #derek hale #derek hale headcanons #headcanons #holy fuck this is so long #but you should read it anyways #or don't #that's up to you

[askauradonprep]

Uhh, you mentioned in a post a while back - like, 25 march 2021? ish? (lol, not me going through all your posts ever) - that you've accidentally joined cults before, and I wanted to ask about the signs? Since, as far as I'm aware, no one in my family has been in one and I want to know what to avoid/be wary of? Because I DO want to keep myself, my family and my friend safe from anything I can, so any infor/help would be appreciated!

Okay, first of all, never 'not' about going through my posts. I love when people do that! Even aside from the 'happy chemical boost', I like seeing what you guys enjoy when I post. The reason I have fifteen million posts about Huma is because people liked and reblogged those posts and that spurred more head canon creation. Engage with the posts you wanna see on my blog.

Now, for the actual reason you wrote -

I'm gonna start by saying my experience with cults are probably not the kind you're thinking of. One was when I was like...six. My babysitter was telling my mom and posting flyers at school about an art camp that rented a room at her church. Well, surprise, turned out to be a cult that brought us to the auditorium and lit fires and made us sing hymns and come and pray in front of the fire before they brought us back like five minutes before pick up time and gave us 'crafts' like 'dump glitter on a rock so you can tell your parents you did art today'. Well, I was TERRIFIED of fire and so I was extremely quiet when I got home. My mom noticed and my friend told her what happened at camp. She LOST IT. So did our school principal actually - he was going around tearing down flyers himself the next day. My poor babysitter was horrified - this wasn't her actual church putting on the camp, just some group that rented the room and she had no idea what was going to happen. So that was cult number one.

The next one was secular and primarily online but it was still abusive and harmful like, say, Scientology. People still have some lingering health problems from shit the leader made them do. I'm being vague on the details because the leader's still around and is known to trawl online to find mentions of himself or his cults and I'd really rather he not know who I am. I was only there for a month or two before I realized the group wasn't what I thought it was (it presented itself as a fan-space with a lot of the cult stuff happening behind 'closed doors' so to speak. I wasn't privy to a lot of that but I saw the effects on everyone else and it tipped my 'y'all are weird' alarms).

One of my friends is also a cult survivor and this is the test she uses. It was originally based around harmful Alcoholics Anonymous practices, but it's useful for identifying habits in a cult. https://www.orange-papers.mx/orange-cult_q0.html

Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich and Madeline Tobias is pretty good too, according to her.

Also - Leah Remini. Look into what she says about Scientology. LOTS of good stuff about escaping scary, no shit, 'people who try to leave disappear sometimes' cults.

Now, MY advice?

Is there a leader of a defined group who is either somehow Specially Capable, whether it's a divine connection, psychic abilities, or just really really profound Super Duper Special insight into people? Are they always always right and they (or their followers) get super defensive if they're questioned or caught out lying? Red flag.

Are you free to leave the group without there being totally unreasonable responses like being treated as a totally horrible person forever or losing your whole community? If not, that too is a red flag.

LOTS AND LOTS of abuse tactics like gaslighting, 'bread crumbs' where they drop little hints and lay groundwork for believing things (like say, talking about believing in the possibility of life on other planets (something lots of reasonable people believe in) and talking a lot about New Age stuff people believe and slowly ramping up 'coincidences' until the target takes the risk of going 'OMG you're an alien'. This is how you get cults believing their leader is a Divine Alien. "Well I'd never believe that" - Well, sure, probably not at first. Give it a couple months getting softened and softened up until YOU take the risk of sounding like a weirdo instead of the leader), emotional abuse, intentionally putting you in dangerous or emotionally heightened situation with no warning so you're easier to control, lots of wearing down self esteem, sabotaging other relationships, isolation, 'us against the world' crap, etc.

BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES. Sleep deprivation is really common, especially if the leader and others get crabby if you try to get a break and go to bed. Even if they're not though, they might still be trying to keep you awake as much as possible so you're less likely to think through the lies (and there's ALWAYS lies upon lies upon lies - or at least bullshit upon bullshit upon bullshit, in the event the leader really believes their own Kool-Aid.). Again, isolation, absolute obedience, some sort of punishment for failing like physical abuse or isolation, etc. If they can use their worldview or framework to totally reframe your identity on their terms, that's one way they can do it (like if you complain about sleep deprivation and they go 'Oh, don't worry, it's normal for aliens, you'll adjust eventually'. Y'know, because you found them as an alien so you're totally one too, you Cool and Clever so and so. Oh but don't tell anybody else outside the group or you'll end up in a lab somewhere). LOTS AND LOTS of guilt trips and again, gaslighting. This isn't all of the tricks but they're the ones I'm thinking of off the top of my head.

Whataboutism - like, sure, I burned half your stuff when you fell asleep on me, but I didn't hit you so this TOTALLY isn't a cult. Or, hey, I don't make you pray, just ~meditate~ so it's not a cult. Those religious ones, they're the cult.

They always always always need more from you for the group. More money, more time, more devotion, etc. Nothing's ever good enough. Oh, but if the leader gets bored of you and moves onto someone else and pushes you away, it just sucks to suck. Never mind the fact they've trained you to build your life and self worth around them. Again, sucks to suck.

EVERYTHING has to be on the leader's terms. It's the Leader Show, all the fucking time.

If all of this is sounding like 'abuse, but make it religious/otherwise small, enclosed group dynamics', then ding ding ding! We have a winner. You're absolutely right.

If you're reading this and going 'oh my god, I think I might be in a cult', first - try not to beat yourself up. You're NEVER too smart/savvy/mean/untrusting/etc. to get snowed. In fact, the more you believe that, the more susceptible you are. Arrogance is absolutely a vulnerability cult leaders use too. Next, try to figure out ways to build up resources to GET OUT. If the cult leader and your other members do not live with you, this is a lot easier. If not, try to look into Leah Remini or others who've escaped cults and see what they did. I specify Leah Remini and other Scientologists because even among cults, Scientology is NOTORIOUSLY hard and dangerous to leave. You basically need a lawyer to do it. They'll have a lot more advice than I will. The general 'leaving an abusive house' tips stand - try to squirrel away money, important documents, anything you can't stand to lose or leave behind because it might not be possible to get it back once you leave. Don't tell anyone ahead of time you're leaving. Try to find a therapist with cult deprogramming experience. I'm sorry, I don't have many specific tips here. Due to the nature of the cults I was in, I never had much difficulty leaving. My friend who left was basically taken home by her mother "just for a few days" and by the time those days were over, she was ready to leave and told the leader she wasn't coming back. She'd already taken most, if not all, her meaningful possessions with her (and the leader was living with people who weren't in the cult so they could always help her get any other personal items back via mail or whatever).

If someone you love is in a cult, try to follow the 'friend in an abusive relationship' playbook. Voice your concerns gently and carefully, don't argue when they push back, and try to be there for them as much as you can. Cult leaders THRIVE on isolating their followers so it's crucial not to let them cut you off from your loved one as much as is possible. Recognize there will be times you're mad at your loved one or burned out, but try to keep present as much as you can. Don't call the police unless it's EXTREME MEASURES time like they're in actual, physical danger. When you're with your loved one, try to provide them as much autonomy and support for their self worth as you can. Ultimately, your loved one will have to realize the cult is a problem on their own. Sometimes the bullshit builds so much you get to the point you just....cannot swallow one more piece of it and the next bit blows it all down. That's when you really need to be there.

Again, I'm not an expert here and I've never had to leave from somewhere imminently physically dangerous, so if you'd like, here are some more resources: https://www.goodreads.com/list/tag/cults. I particularly recommend the cult survivors list.

https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/ - The BITE model is great too. 

And above all remember that not all cults are mystical, and not all of them are religious. A lot of them front like fan pages or multi-level marketing schemes (LOOKING AT *YOU* DOTERRA) so just...keep your eyes open.

#not descendants #cults

[insidekaz]

Day 2: Sticking to it

Not gonna lie, I honestly didn't expect myself to make it to a second consistent day of updating this blog. If anything, I thought about dropping it when I woke up this morning. So far, I've only told two people about this blog, two of the most important people in my life about this. Why? Well, I'm still asking myself that.

I guess the bigger question past that is why, in an effort to help myself pursue my bigger and more elaborate dreams, did I return to blogging of all things?

Well, because that's where I started.

I know these post just started, so I don't expect anyone reading these to know about this right off the bat, but I did use to have a blog. It was, I believe, my first year of high school back in 2012. Back when I was nothing more than a wide-eyed freshmen with dreams of making it big in his high school years. Back when Rise Of The Guardians was the biggest movie to be released at the time. Back when the world was full of Maroon 5's Payphone and Carly Rae's Call Me Maybe.

Feel old yet?

Anyway, I ran a small anonymous blog in high school where I just vented about random shit that was happening in my life. It wasn't really anything remarkable, but I do see it as an important stepping stone towards discovering my hobby of writing about nearly anything and everything. I enjoyed the blog, sharing it only with a handful of people because, at the time, that handful were some of the closest people in my life. Again, this blog was somewhere I identified as a safe place to just be myself.

But then,

of course,

...*sigh*

Someone in the group told another out of spite. I don't remember who it was that leaked it, but my blog suddenly started getting hits in the 10's, then 20's, then hundreds. People were reading what I was writing, relating to it, leaving a moderate flood of comments about the things I had to say about the world at the time.

Yet, I still ran from it.

I didn't want that much attention. I just wanted somewhere I could run to and talk about what was on my mind, not somewhere where people could just drop in at any moment and voice their opinions about the thoughts stirring around in my head. It got particularly bad when the bad comments came rolling in. Try as I could to ignore them, I just couldn't. Eventually, after having the blog for nearly a full year, I gave up on it and deleted the whole thing. It...crushed me, but I couldn't handle the attention. Now, eleven years later, here I am again. Let's see how long this one sticks around for.

Here's what I've been listening to today. It's a little song from way back when. Have a good day, and don't do anything stupid. If you do, name it after me at least.

#kameronkazma #insidekaz #nimona #ballister blackheart #2010s #nonbinary #asexual #Youtube

[moondrama]

I started and finished Devil in Ohio (2022) in one sitting today. Some spoilers below probably.

I found that Dani and Helen were useless side characters so I sped up their scenes by 1.5x and just continued watching the whole thing at that speed. Also skipped every scene with these two in it so it was easy to finish it quickly.

Overall, I liked it I guess. I generally struggle to watch American/Western stuff because of how hard it is to relate to their school/teen/adult/family/social lives/cultures/setups, and the same was true here but I tried to just skim through anything that did not contribute to the main story. I wish they had more exciting stuff about the cult in question rather than the high school scenes.

The show started off rather slow and didn't get into the juicy cult stuff as quickly. Even when it did, it did so sparingly. But there was always something going on to sustain interest.

I also realise that people on here are all for Mae and sympathising with her not knowing about normal life and criticising the family for being weird with her but I disagree. Mae was weird and it would have been stupid and unrealistic if everyone just accepted everything. Suzanna got everyone into the mess and it was her job to fix it regardless of what her own childhood was like and how much of it she was projecting onto Mae. Idk, this may sound harsh, but the family was fine imo.

What I don't get is why Suzanne continued living separately from her family with Mae...that's so unrealistic and weird. Did it have to do with therapy or healing or whatever? Sometimes I find that these newer, recent shows have unrealistic dialogue and storylines that sound like woke social media posts but really don't make sense. Such instances often make it hard to hard to take a character seriously.

I did like how the series was thrilling and interesting enough without being disturbing and unsettling. I also liked the ending. At first, it seemed like they were gonna end it with the whole ooh poor girl saved from bad cult sweet ending but it's nice to know that Mae wasn't all that great afterall. I sympathise with her to the extent of having been subject to the shit from the cult but not like people on here fully gushing about because oh she was brainwashed or victim or whatever and everyone should accept her and be kind to her. Idk it's confusing, woke social media wants everyone to think a certain way and just...no. The family didn't have to go out of their way to do anything for Mae and I'm glad they didn't or the show would've been even more unrealistic and annoying.

I liked watching the series though, not sure why I wrote such a long post critiquing it. It wasn't ultra amazing but good enough to spend 3.5ish hours on a Saturday night. It was also fun to binge something after a long while.

#devil in ohio #emily deschanel #sam jaeger #gerardo celasco #Madeleine Arthur #xaria dotson

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Not to share my drug experiences on main but I don't think I'm ever gonna get over the sheer difference that stimulants have on people with ADHD vs the non ADHD population. I saw a (clearly neurotypical) tweet today about how 41 million people must be casually tweaking just all the time because that's how many adderall perscriptions there are and how it's just a meth rebrand and I almost laughed because for years and years I(adhd) was on a stimulant that had meth in the name (methylphenidate for you psychiatrists reading) and I never once did anything that could be described as tweaking. An almost sure fire way to tell if you have ADHD or not is to pop an addy (you're grown use discretion don't do something just because of a tumblr post or whatever). If you get high congratulations you don't have it. ADHD stimulant resistance is literally so powerful that when I did actual Methamphetamine I didn't feel it. It kept me awake for 24 hours and it gave me a tummy ache but during those 24 hours I was so deeply normal that I swore off stimulants in general because I looked at my coworker in the eyes and smiled at her, which is not a normal thing that I(autistic) do. I didn't tweek, I didn't twitch once, I didn't feel like god, I felt like I could clean my room and get over my writers block but when I looked back at my writing after it wore off it wasn't crazy or anything it was just what I would normally write. I know that sounds great, and it probably is, but you understand how it could be disappointing if you're doing it to get high. A lot of people with undiagnosed ADHD turn to and get addicted to street stimulants not because it gets them high but because it makes it easier to function and then they go overboard because, well, street drugs are hard to dose.

Like the idea that those 41m addy prescrips or whatever are creating tweakers and addicts is so fucking funny to me because of what I know ADHD 18 year olds do the second they get to collage. They forget to take that shit over and over and over again because it's boring and you're supposed to take it. And then the prescripts just pile up and eventually it's easier to just sell your most recent bottle to the frat so they can have some fun at their next party and you can have a few extra dollars with which to order pizza or buy videogames or whatever. If these were addicts they wouldn't have had to put up the "don't be a drug dealer" posters at the collage because they wouldn't have extra drugs to sell. They would be doing them not forgetting about them.

It's funny to me because I remember being 14 and arguing with my parents that I shouldn't have to take these fucking drugs on the weekends because I don't have to go to school and be normal. If I was addicted or it made me high I would never have argued. I would have popped it no problem. And this was back during the phase of my life where if someone had offered me Heroin I would have tried it because I wanted to seem cool and like I had no limits.

It's funny to me because I still got half a bottle of methylphenidate somewhere in my room that I never intend on taking, not because I'm anti drugs or because i'm recovered and I don't want to go back to a dark place, but because stimulants are boring and lame and I hate them. I'm only interested in drugs that make me weirder.

#adhd

[renticat]

Yudhistira

okay it's scary and not like me at all when I put names on my post but mostly it's all just common names and ofc I would not put the whole name on it ffs, I am not that horrible.

But Yudhistira is one of 5 pandhawa that is famous in mahabaratha. Okay he has many names, I guess is werkudara the other names. But Yudhistira is also my 2nd grade crush looong back then JAJAJA and today is his birthday (see I remember the date if you're ever been an important person in my life). I just realized many of my crush were april baby like me. I guess it's just like mostly we're weird and it's easy to having fun together (well, don't believe that horoscope shit but still). April people are just silly and fun to be with but they're also dead serious and honest. Yeah I love my april gang

I want to upload videos on my telegram but then they only let me put so little (yeah because why? Because then I know that somebody seeing it even when I don't know whom as I don't really check it but still here thought no one bother to read; and that's why Instagram is popular because people aren't whiny bitch like me also they're don't have anything much to say and I like tumblr because it's more like blog, I can write about any shit I want) even when no one really cares.

Today is beautiful day.

But I haven't sleep a wink because my mind is disturbed. You know actually I don't have to go to other neighborhood to enjoy this view back then, but in my home the forest and the orange garden were being burned down because they're making more and more homes. See too many people and they think ofc it's okay to just kill all the trees cause we're importanter than the 🌳🌴🌴🌳🌲 (grammar error i know i just want to state the silliness of human think they're centre of this universe). And those garden and field were my sanctuary. I kid you not, you know my home isn't always peaceful. It's the opposite of warmth.

More it's just too much drama and I just went there to the field and laid down gazing at the sky. It calms me down. Also gosh I should be screenwriter and making tons of money because when I was sitting alone, I escape my horrible life by creating story of me but in fictional characters when she doesn't get this too much shitty life everyday. And someone said you created something that isn't there, ofc if I wasn't I would probably really end my life when I was just elementary school (that most kids didn't even know what depression is, I already battling with anxiety everyday). The difference I still had hope back then. Ren, is my imaginary best friend, he doesn't have name back then, he's my alter ego that's nurture me but I never talk to him when I was 13 because I was brainwashed that talking too much with yourself is just satan talking to you, so yeah.

When I don't have ren by my side I swear back then I can see those undead. I mean ghost. I guess is just me being so lonely but I swear it was like real and that's what makes me closer to that deadbeat crush of mine cause he can talk to them. I don't believe in hell and heaven now but if it's true, I guess is only hell cause I've never seen any angel. Cause you're disgusting horney teenager. Gosh I thought angel supposed to understand that kissing isn't that big of matter lol lol. Picturing myself kissing all my crush, and some of it becomes reality turns out I fucking despise it.

Love only soft, fuzzy and warm inside my head. In reality they're cruel, harsh and unapologetic. They're selfish, greedy and liar. Okay sometimes is sweet but most of the time I had to deal with the bad part and gosh I think I am better off alone. But then my parents only raise me so I became a good depending wife and I am fucked because I am good but not good enough as I demand love to be put in action and just speak honest thing with me. It's too much too ask, thought it was the bare minimum for every relationship to work out.

I am terrified that nothing will ever works. That I am gonna chasing after something that doesn't exist like sky daddy. I am tired. I am fucking tired. Okay should stop swearing but i love it. It's just like american movies haha. I need to rest my head in somebody else's lap but there's none. Even when there is, it's just temporary satisfy feeling and I am gonna be twice sad because all I want is someone that is always gonna be there for me no matter what as I am gonna be that kind of person too.

gosh tumblr always lagging if I tried to upload video and ugh I had to rewrite the last part as I always. Why don't they fix this bugs.

[bahamutgames]

Fire Emblem : Three Afterthoughts

Game: Fire Emblem : Three Houses (July 26, 2019)

Console: Nintendo Switch

Hello again! Been a hot second since I've talked about anything I played recently. But I have been playing a good bit! I've actually been a little stressed and burnt out and kind of ONLY had the energy to play games. Which isn't great lol. But I'm here once again to talk about some random games to you all!

Originally I was just gonna put this game in the December roundup. But the more I thought about it, the more I had to say about it. And today I watched my sister beat the Golden Deer run. So now I've seen the 3 base game runs (I played Black Eagles and watched her do Blue Lions a few months ago). So I figured I'd give some of my silly little thoughts about it.

Gotta say it every time: This is NOT a review!! This is just me throwing up my thoughts after having beaten the game! Don't take my words as gospel and always check out anything I talk about if it interests you!

SPOILERS FOR ALL 3 HOUSES AHEAD, BUT MAINLY FOR BLACK EAGLES!!

Opening

So yeah! I haven't played a TON of Fire Emblem games, but prior to this I had played Awakening and it's easily one of my all time favorite video games! So when my sister asked me to play it, I figured I might as well give it a shot!

I was honestly not really expecting to like this game. I knew it wouldn't be as good as Awakening and the teacher sections seemed SO daunting and unfun. However I was pleasantly surprised to see that...

Stuff I liked

I loved this game! I had a real blast playing through this one! The main thing that really drew me into the game is how good Strategy RPG gameplay is. I genuinely forgot how seriously good this genre is. Now, I will confess that I played it on casual mode because I suck at these games. (But also I actually prefer no perma death because using teammates as bait and sacrificing allies to boost them forward is more fun than playing carefully around keeping everyone alive)

But still I had a ton of fun beefing up my teammates, and finding the best way to get guys to the commanders as quick as possible, or the thrill of just seeing my dudes mow down enemy units ON THEIR TURN! It's super fun and again I genuinely forgot how much fun the genre can be! I really need to play more Strategy games soon!

And outside of that, a BIG strength Fire Emblem has always had to me was its characters. They are GREAT in this game! I joined Black Eagles cause I was thirsty for Dorothea, and didn't like ANY of the boys in my class. But by the end I loved ALL OF THEM! Between them just being super useful in combat, their supports, and them just being fun to see them talk, every classmate was GREAT! It's genuinely impressive this game can make you care about people you are convinced you will not give a shit about. By the end of it I actually wanted to marry Bernadetta SO bad she's SO cute post time skip. But sadly she's not into girls (genuinely unbelievable) and male byleth looks STUPID so I refuse to play as him.

The story is also interesting, I was actually VERY impressed with it. It's SUPER political with a lot of talks about serious government stuff which was very interesting. Obviously Awakening had a lot of war and political talk too but it was a lot more anime and about the power of friendship. Which I prefer of course, but it was interesting to see a Nintendo game tackle a first party (I think) title with a lot more dark themes about religion and horrific war crimes. It was neat even if it wasn't my cup of tea. And I thought the stories of the different classmates were nice, I actually liked Byleth a lot and really enjoyed seeing them grow a bit as the story progressed (I want this weird kid to be happy), and I was surprised that I even liked Sothis who I also thought would be annoying lol. I was genuinely a little sad to see her go.

And I did genuinely enjoy the school sections. They weren't my favorite part of the game but considering I was convinced I wouldn't like it AT ALL I was really pleased with it! I liked cooking and eating with teammates, talking to everyone, walking about the monestary, and I liked how teaching your classmates allowed you to REALLY customize everyone. It was neat! I was worried the teacher angle would introduce a kind of weird power dynamic but honestly, I was really pleased that it didn't. They don't harp on it very much (in Black Eagles they full on say they consider everyone in class as equals) and they don't even let you marry your classmates until the END of the game so it's not a huge deal.

And there's some other stuff to say, I like the music a lot. It has some great battle themes and the main theme is very good! I really liked that you could change character's outfits by upgrading them to different classes and I honestly wish there were more costume options in general (I had my Byleth in the dancer outfit all game!) I think the game has some nice character and monster design. I was seriously heartbroken by having to kill Edelgard and Hubert. There's a lot to praise!

Stuff I didn't like

BUT, of course. There's a lot to not praise too. I do have some issues with this game. The first, and maybe it's a nitpick, but it bothered me a LOT during the game. Is that the graphics can be kinda ugly! It's not really something you notice when you're zoomed out on the map. But when you really get up in the character's faces in support conversations it's VERY noticeable. Some gross textures, and the bizarre box texture they put the characters in for supports. Stuff like that usually doesn't bother me but for some reason it was REALLY noticeable in this game? I think I would've rathered they cut some more corners in other places to allow them to make the character models at least very good looking. Similarly the game has some odd design choices for characters like their rosy noses? Not a big deal but it did add more stuff to the models that made them feel off.

Then I do have some issues with the story. So, it's a good story for sure. And after having seen all the runs I certainly liked all 3. But I really can't help but feel like the story would've felt more impactful if it wasn't split into 3 runs. I know it may have been odd because separating the classes allows for some more personal moments with them and some tough moments when you encounter other classes in combat. BUT at the same time, when they make you feel all sad for a student you NEVER interacted with. It doesn't hit that hard? And yeah, you're SUPPOSED to do all 3 runs. But I feel like they aren't different ENOUGH to warrant doing it back to back? Although I also thought the story was a little TOO smart for me. So I couldn't properly understand all of the political stuff and I feel like some things went over my head, so maybe combining it together can't help my dumbass.

Like, killing Edelgard is something everyone does. And it was a really sad moment for me when she begged me to kill her. But in Golden Deer, it seems like you don't interact with her much. So how can be that impactful? Dimitri's run ends after killing her so you don't even get EITHER of the cool final bosses? Also after seeing Golden Deer I do feel like them not being super fond of Rhea just feels better? Whereas in Black Eagles they all just immediately warm back up to the church after the first half of the game was EVERYONE being like "why did Rhea execute those people? Will she do that to us if we misbehave?"

I understand some other problems would arise from it. But I think maybe having all the classes join forces, having to fight edelgard, then having Nemesis vs Rhea vs Your Rebel Army for the final boss? Maybe that way there could've been some more attention to Those Who Slither In The Dark too? Idk. Of course this is just me throwing up my thoughts so they don't have to make any sense.

But my biggest issue with this game... Is some of the non classmate characters. 3 of them in specific. Number one is Rhea! Hey. Are we going to talk about Rhea being a weirdo and sometimes being a religious dictator who seems to use her power to kill whoever she wants? I don't care she was sad about her mom WHY IS SHE EXPERIMENTING ON CHILDREN? Hello? But whatever. She has a big butt so I guess it's okay? Then there's Cyril. Ugh this dude is SO boring. And all his supports are HOURS long. And then. Catherine. Oh my GOD... I hate this lady.

Like I'm not kidding, new paragraph just to talk about this character. I'm actually INSULTED they had the audacity to punish me with this character joining my team like I agree with her in any way shape or form. And I'm honestly shocked this character is even in this game. Like. Holy shit. So. Catherine is a religious nutcase who worships the goddess to an unhealthy degree. She is convinced that the only way to show her devotion to the goddess is to strike down and kill ANYONE who doesn't believe in her. She is a total cop. She kills a royal's son, causing him to go insane. She threatens to kill Shamir, her best friend, because she isn't religious. And the most shocking of all, she tells Caspar she kills children and that it's necessary for the job. Her defense is "what if they're coming at you with weapons" THEY'RE CHILDREN YOU FUCKING PSYCOPATH?? YOU ARE A TRAINED SOLDIER?? And at no point in the Black Eagles run is she called out for being the most unlikable character ever made. I'm actually blown away by her and having her in my team genuinely made me uncomfortable. Maybe I'm overreacting but I just genuinely hate this character!

Final Thoughts

ANYWAY! Aside from some nitpicks and finding one of my new least favorite teammate in an RPG ever! I REALLY REALLY enjoyed Three Houses! Maybe it's just cause I was expecting not to enjoy this one. And while it's no Awakening (what could be?) I had a blast with this! Three Houses gets my seal of approval I think!

===

Thank you for reading! It always feels weird when I have a big negative section about a game I ultimately really enjoyed. But I suppose it's better for your game to give me complaints rather than me just feel nothing and think the game was boring as hell. And Three Houses certainly wasn't boring!

I don't know if I'll do the DLC mission but I might consider it. Like I said I'm tempted to play more Strategy RPGs soon. Cause even outside of this I really enjoyed the Strategy stuff in Enchanted Arms and Ikenfell! It's clearly a genre I enjoy.

I've been extremely stressed and burnt out recently. Like, for a few months. So I'd like to take a break for a little as I get ready for some really stressful irl business. So I hope I can just enjoy some more video games soon while I try to unwind for a little.

That's all I got though! Go out and play a game you thought you wouldn't enjoy!

#2023 #thoughts

[passingdaysthings]

9.30.23 - I Am So Annoyed With Everything

Today is Saturday.

I actually wrote a post at work on Friday morning that didn't post for some reason. I was probably because I was using the app and typing from my phone, and it wasn't updated. I thought I had updated the app, but whatever. It was just a post complaining about Taylor and how I was in a bad mood because of him. Nothing new of course. He continues to annoy me here and there, and I don't know why I find myself try to appease him from time to time. I need to stop being this way. Sinh and Tracy are annoying me too. I don't get why they say shit or say maybe when I am trying to make plans. I don't understand why the two of them say shit when I don't wanna do something. I asked if they wanted to go get sushi for dinner, and Sinh doesn't say anything while Tracy says TBD, so I canceled and say no dinner. Both of them decided to immediately respond making it sound like they're upset I canceled. I fucking hate that shit. Just say yes or no, it's just going to fucking dinner. It's not like we're going on a trip or something. Do you wanna eat sushi yes or fucking no? I have shit to do, and I am so annoyed with their little games. I was just gonna work on homework. I canceled on Mimi because none of them sad anything, then uncancelled on her because I thought they wanted to go, but no, they didn't. Now, I am just gonna go because I already uncanceled on Mimi. I am not making anymore plans for this school quarter. I am tired of all of them, and their fucking shit. Tracy is always acting like a bitch anyways, so I am just gonna follow suit and start acting like a bitch. Tracy calls me one as soon as I am not nice anyways even though she's bigger bitch than I am. I am so tired of being nice an accommodating because then people disrespect me or just walk all over me. I try not to think about it with family and close friends, but I am so annoyed. I just want to focus on school. No more plans, no more eating out, none of that. Just work, school, and working on myself. I don't want to live here anymore either. I am just gonna save money and figure out how to leave. I am tired.

[blazingemeraldau]

Update time (and bit of rant)

Hi

I have a bit of an important announcement and update for you all.

You may have heard this term before, used by many other people who experienced this before.

I am experiencing burnout.

Over summer I should have been enjoying myself. I wasn't.

I wasn't really happy with what I had been doing (which was absolutely nothing. Instead of being productive all I did was draw comics) And on top of that, school is coming soon. Like in 5 days or so.

I am stressed due to drama in my family, schoolwork, and I feel like I am not motivated to do anything except wake up and try to be alive like a normal functioning human.

It's hard for me to do that. When I was around 14, I woke up in a good mood and was just a bundle of joy. Now here I am, just this miserable... thing.

I feel like I need to live up expectations that are not really there. If I sleep in, I get mad at myself and say I am lazy.

I have a lot of these false expectations. I have an entire fucking list.

If I sleep in or even take a day off from drawing, I get mad at myself and say I am lazy

If I draw something for myself and not for others, I get mad at myself and tell myself that I am just taking requests and never do any of them because *laziness*

If I ask for help on anything I get mad like, I am supposed to know this stuff. Thousands of people at my age know this shit. Why is it so hard for me to figure out.

If I ask for support I'm afraid people think I am just attention seeking or faking it.

I fucking hate A N X I E T Y

Somedays I can't even get motivation to pick up a fucking pencil and draw a circle. I just want to sit and watch as all of my problems get fixed magically.

But it can't.

I'm stressed.

I'm tired.

And I'm taking a break. I don't know how long this will be. Chances are I am going to be inactive for a bit.

I'm gonna post the page later today. Hopefully. I don't know.