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o-kaythislooksbad · 6 months

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@ailesswhumptober day 19: taken for granted / left behind / "why wasn't i enough?"

[angsty charlie pov of 15x08, the gang carries a corpse up a mountain]

the gang falls for charlie's ruse to take a hike with his dad, so his day is off to a great start. shelley kelly can't really walk up the mountain with the rest of them, but that's fine; the gang will help carry him. everyone takes a step back when charlie opens the body bag, which is weird, 'cause it's not like shelley is a zombie or anything, he's just dead.

"absolutely not!"

"this is a crazy idea, charlie, a crazy idea, and i'm not doing it."

the seagulls and waves crashing on the rocks below them distract charlie for a minute. he's not entirely sure what everyone's complaining about, 'cause this is a simple thing. mac not understanding makes sense, 'cause mac is kinda stupid. frank's just kinda there most of the time until they need him, and dee knows nothing, stupid bird. but dennis is smart, probably the smartest guy charlie knows, so why isn't he following charlie's plan?

"we're just gonna carry the man up the mountain, and then chuck him over the side." it's really not that difficult to understand, but mac and dennis keep bickering, so charlie does the only thing left to do and plays the 'bros before hoes' card. it works on them and frank, and even on dee, so everything's back on track.

everything's great, until it's not. the gang can't even go five minutes without complaining, which is normal, that's fine, but the weight of shelley in the bag is kinda distracting, and then everyone freaking drops him. they have one job, one, and charlie never asks them to do charlie work, not ever, but this probably counts as charlie work so of course he's meant to do it alone.

this is worse than the chicken inspection thing, and the waitress telling him to stay away. it's worse than always losing chardee macdennis, and being left at the zoo, and not having christmas presents, and his play getting ruined and nobody ever listening to him, ever.

dee's the one who killed shelley with her stupid banshee curse, but she's leaving now 'cause dennis fried a castle or something, so now it's just the guys. then dennis trips on nothing, and the bag feels lighter, because dennis is a bastard man who used charlie's dead dad to pull himself up the mountain. mac throws the body bag down, and frank keeps talking and talking about resourcing things, so they end up putting shelley's bag in frank's tent and pulling him up the hill.

they pull him up, and then mac kicks him and the bag tumbles down the hill, and it looks like it's going to keep falling forever. mac talks and talks about being dutch, so charlie snaps because mac's not dutch, he's just annoying as shit, but then mac leaves him with frank and dennis and the scrambled remains of shelley kelly.

dennis and frank keep dropping him, and dennis keeps telling him they should chop up the body, because dennis has a thing about cutting people and that's a whole other pile of worms to sort through that they don't have time for right now, and then dennis tells him that shelley died from the banshee curse and covid, and that's not fair, it's not. banshee curses are serious things, and covid's not so good either, but both is a lot for just one cheese monster to handle, so of course they overpowered shelley.

dennis says it's not like he gave him covid, even though he's the only one in the gang who didn't get the shot, but then frank starts talking about horse medicines and sea creatures and then dennis leaves, muttering about men from venus.

dee leaving was nothing; she's always doing her own thing, and being around her for too long makes charlie's skin itch, anyway. mac leaving hurt more, 'cause he's mac; he's supposed to stay with charlie, or at least with dennis. dennis walking away hurts in ways charlie doesn't even have pictures for.

charlie forgives frank for killing his dad, 'cause a kelly always forgives, but then frank gives him a canteen of piss and charlie wishes he didn't forgive him, even though he said it was gatorade. but then frank gives him another canteen of piss instead of gatorade, and there's nothing left to drink, 'cause mac drank all the spritzers, and that's it.

charlie's thirsty, and his feet ache, and no one's helping him, anyway, so he's better off doing this by himself.

"i'm gonna do this alone, frank. i don't need your help! i don't need you!"

frank doesn't even try to follow him as he drags the bag further up the mountain.

it starts to rain, but that's fine. the body is in a bag, and the bag's in a tent, and it's all messed up, anyway. even if it gets wet, it's not gonna make things worse. he's charlie, this is charlie work, so he can handle it. he's a kelly, and this is a kelly family tradition, so he's gonna handle it.

it's pouring, now, and the seagulls and the waves add to the loudness around him, but it's not loud enough. without the gang yelling and fighting about whatever bullshit pops into their heads, charlie's stuck with all the bullshit in his head. he's only one guy and he doesn't have a big head, so why is there so much?

the ground is muddy, and charlie slips, falling nearly on his face. he lays there for a while, 'cause he really is just a dirt grub, but pulls himself up to sit on his knees when the puddle starts to taste bad.

"i can't do this," he mutters. "i can't do it!"

charlie's head starts to feel better, lighter, when he yells, so he keeps yelling. it doesn't matter that there's no one listening, or that the wind and the rain carry his words away. the yelling feels good, and he's felt so, so bad lately - nothing good ever happens when he leaves philly.

"it's not fair! i shouldn't have to carry you up this hill! you never carried me up a hill! you never carried me at all! you never picked me up and showed me the letters and read me bedtime stories, you never threw rocks with me at christmas, you never showed me how to bash rats or make milk steak or fight the nightman or patch up my jacket! you never played basketball with me or took me to the dump to find treasure! you never sang me happy birthday, you never took me to an eagles game, 'cause you weren't there! you need me here, to be enough of a kelly to carry you up a fucking mountain, but i needed you and you were never there for me."

tears mix with the rain on charlie's face, but it doesn't matter that he's crying. no one's there to listen to him, to make fun of him, to tell him to just get over it and get back to cleaning up and making crazy schemes for everyone else.

"you were never there for me. you left me, and i needed you there. what's wrong with me? why wasn't i enough for you to stay?" charlie's voice breaks as he sobs and shakes.

"you were supposed to carry me," charlie whispers, falling onto the body bag and hitting it with his fists. "you were supposed to carry me."

#word stuff #ailesswhumptober2023 #fanfic #it's always sunny in philadelphia #charlie kelly

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