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ispreadrabieslikewildfire · 3 months

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Please tell me about Harper and Feena!

OMEHAGUROHMEGAUR OKOKOKOKOKOKOK SOSOSOOSOSOSO (thamk yo uso much TEHE) alao im sorry if this makes NO SENSE im spilling my head into paragraphs and not proofreading rhis is gonna end HORRIBLY but i hope you enjoy😭!

Anwyay so harper and feena started when @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat asked me to draw a silly guy eating monster much and he turned into harper (ill link some pictures to show) and he felt lonely so i made him a friend called feena and theyve been a thibg since then HOLY SHIT I THINK ITS BEEN 2 YEARS?????

Harper and feena r supposed to be my silly ocs that are my go toos when i start daydreaming and drawing! Their not supoosed to have too much trauma and stuff (IM CONTAINING MYSELF) so i camt head empty and harper its also so when i draw them they make me happy they are my happyness. So becazue i cant give them trauma i make altermate realitoes where i CAN give them trauma!!

Im gonna make sections so i caj explain everthing so it can atleast try to make sense

1. THEIR RELATIONSHIP :3

Ok so when i started I made them friends ofc!! And i thought they where cool as hell so i started thinking about their relationship and i was thinking how wierd it would feel if they where a couple so their thing is that their completely platonic and are jist realy close friends that are realy comfortable with each other, i wouldnt say like 'siblings' but more like that one cousin that your realy close with. I like to think of them as denji and power from chainsaw man (however i see denji and power as more of siblings) but no matter how close they get with eachither they dont feel anything romantic :3 i have a thing that when they where 14/15 they where like fuck it lets kiss and they hated it!!!!! they wanted to die!!!!!

I also have different ages for them i draw them as for whatever mood im in! So i have toddler harper and feena (theyve met in primary school) and then children harper and feena (10-12) and then theres also teen (14-16) and preadult idk forgot what its called (17-19) and adult! (20-22) by 20-22 they have an appartment with 2 other roomates nadia and caspian i dont realy have a story for them yet however they do have designs. So basically they jsut spend their entire lives together as besties and this is their main world where their happy and have no trauma and are just silly!!

2. Sexualities n stuff

Well im nor good at this stuff since i realy have no kmowledge but i kinda just peojected me and @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat onto them...

Harper:

Bisexual, he/they. Dyslexic and/or is on the autism spectrum idk i dont think much about this

Feena:

Aro/ace or Asexual i havent decided, goes by anything. I honestly dont even know she is any and all illnesses

3. Childhood and all

So i dont wanna give them a traumatic childhood since their my silly chracters!!

HOWEVER, they do have some sort of backstories.

Feena:

Some sort of religious trauma, her family where 100% praise our lord and saviour jesus christ and she didnt feel part. Knew what she was when she was a teen and after harper came out and was more comfortable. Didnt tell her parents until she moved out, (they very obviously didnt take it well) however is still in touch with them!! Their just kinda realy uncomforable whenever the subject changes to jesus or gay stuff idk.

Harper:

Twas a bit (a lot) stupider than most people his age (austismmmmm) his parents payed more attention to their sisters so that they could have a better education instead of wasting their time on a child thatll never learn and refuses to listen (wasnt diagnosed till he was an adult so they thought he was being annoying purposefully). Tbh just whats a hug LMAO. He came out to his parents, they told him it was just a phase and theylll get out of it eventually.

So ya!

4. The cats need their own section

So ive always eanted these 2 cats, one called jester one called mariposa. So if i cant have them whats better than having my oc that represents me having them?

This is jester! (SHES PREFECT THIS IS HOW I ENVISION HER)

This is mariposa :3

5. Universes

Like i said since i dont want harper and feena to have too much trauma i create new universes for them! Other than my main ailly one theres another 3 i favour out of all the ones i make

1. I made a dystopian after apocolypse one (MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE ITS SO FUN TO MAKE!!) where the aftermath is that the world (well at leats where their living) is split into two, the privlidged and less priveledged (I NEED NAMES FOR THESE I DONT HAVE ANY) anywwy what i think i can best decribe this as is like the hunger games, where theres the 'capitol' and the 'districts' but instead of there being districts its all just survival of the fittest L lmao so yah. So after the apocolypse harper and feena are split up. Feena ends up with the privileged and harper ends up with the less. Harper finds a place he can call 'home' (FOUNDFAMILYFOUNDFMILYFOUNDFAMILY) and feena ends up on the other side where she gets her memories wiped and she then hets brainwashed to belive she was sent down as a gift from god during hard times and everyone is supposed to worship her (tehe i wont bother yiu with any more of this story)

2. Silly little 80s teen ghost busting show like scooby doo with harper feena nadia and caspian

3. detective harper and feena (havent built a lot)

6. I FORGOT TO ADD DYNAMIC

So basically feena can be smart when she wants to but chooses to fuck around with harper, quite a bitch if you guys just met. Pretty resereved when shes around people she doesnt know amd her social skills arent great. If you give her a chance she can be quite nice and passionate. Can ramble for hours on ends

Harper, guys hes trying his best. Loud, can ramble for hours on end too.

And thats all i can think of...sorry for ramblong so much i jist realy love them. i dont expect anyonw to actually read this... Once again this is just me projecting me and @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat onto harper anf feena!

Thank you @rainbowghostcat sososoososo much i love youuahahhah <333

Ill attach drawing of them in the mprning!

#IM sILLY!!!#I love my ocs #Harper and feena #projectinf frfr

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rawwkfingers · 3 months

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Logopolis

One thing I've really come to enjoy from watching Classic is the way its allowed me to recontextualize events in New. This serial singlehandedly made me more on board with both the Flux and the bigeneration and it honestly baffles me that RTD didnt put that connection into The Giggle, even in passing, to help pave the way for his idea

I know WHY he didnt, because he enjoys his happy headcanon that every Doctor got a happy ending. But since thats not in the show and thus not canon (yet) I'm choosing to believe that the bigeneration was a result of time almost eroding in the Flux, akin to the Watcher's presence due to entropy here

To be fair, I'm putting a lot of headcanon of my own here since the Watcher is just not explained. I dont even know if I'd have been able to draw that conclusion if I didnt have the bigeneration as a reference point. I do think this was the writers intentions with the Watcher, just poorly explained like a lot of the science of this serial was

In general, the writing was a little all over the place this serial. Tegan is simultaneously really well written, she has an immediate energy in every scene, while also feeling slapped together. Her total non-reaction to being swept off to a new planet beyond "I'm gonna be late for work" gave me whiplash but her reaction to her aunts death was great (tho that has more to do with Fielding's acting than the writing)

The Logopolis stuff was also poorly explained until we were given a crumb of "they keep the universe together" and the Doctor's decision to fix the chameleon circuit feels like it came out of nowhere

This was not perfect

However, I did like it a lot, mainly because of the various interactions with the Master. His teamup with the Doctor was great, with the Doctor's awareness this is how he dies palpable

And then the juxtaposition of them working together with Nyssa's realization her entire planet is destroyed, because of the Master (who is wearing her father's face!!!) Again, with the context of New Who, it really brings to question just how complicit the Doctor is in all the various war crimes the Master has committed

In a way, this all is a perfect farewell for the Fourth Doctor. His era had some of the strongest writing in the entire series (Ark, Genesis, Pyramids, City) while also some of the worst (Talons, Leisure Hive, Deadly Assassin.) Having a story with confusing lore but strong character work is very fitting

Baker really was great, but there was something about him that always prevented me from LOVING him the way I do Pertwee. Part of that is that I'm not a huge fan of Baker as a person, but I think the other part of that was the way the show moved away from the explicit political stories that I loved so much. I'm sure the worldbuilding stuff that the era was so focused on was fascinating for contemporary viewers, but as a newer fan I either already knew it or it'd been retconned and wasnt enjoyable

His energy was contagious though and I loved the way he brought a levity and joy to the show while also taking the serious scenes with complete seriousness. I remember reading that he agonized over making sure to do Genesis justice because it was such a strong script

His last season started off weak, but ended strong

1. The Keeper of Traken. Just a really, really strong serial on top of introducing Nyssa, who I love and would die for

2. Full Circle. Ever since his introduction where I compared Adric to Atreyu, I've loved the character so of course his first story is this high

3. State of Decay. As much as I love this serial for helping shift the way I view Classic as a whole, its actual plot is fairly standard which prevents it from being higher

4. Logopolis. All the character work is great, all the technobabble isnt

5. Warriors' Gate. I feel like Romana deserved better than the departure she for

6. Meglos. I just find it a little stale and boring, nothing bad but nothing good

7. The Leisure Hive. It was a fun concept but the absolutely horrific editing makes it unwatchable

The companions of this era are all amazing so it'll be hard ranking them but

1. Sarah Jane Smith. There was never going to be any other choice here ofc, she's the face of Classic Who companions for a reason. She steals every scene she's in I love her

2. K9. One of the rare instances where the silly mascot character is truly incredible. Every scene he was in was fantastic and I want one of my own

3. Romana II. Cute and charming snd immensely lovable. Every time she was on screen I wanted more of her

4. Romana I. I loved Mary Tamm's portrayal, she always gave the Doctor as much sass as he gave her and the way she always carried herself as aloof from it all was amazing. But the chemistry of Ward and Baker is unmatched

5. Leela. It pains me SO much putting her this low but she was always the type of character who I loved in spite of her writing rather than because of it. She never had any of the truly GREAT stories the others did

6. Harry. He's the only companion of this era I actively disliked I'm sorry

#rawwk on #classic who watch #logopolis

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dailypearldoodles · 2 years

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Pearl designs ramble? 👀

Yes!!!

Ok so

my goal for designing pearl was 'a totally normal human', because i like the idea of like, being human to compliment her soup groupmates, but also shes pretty unhinged how can she even be human. so she has a lot of little traits on a very human body, i guess

i also incorporated a bit of her like timeline into it, so some of her traits developed over time as she visited different smps. most of them developed in hermitcraft because hermitcraft is weird like that

she gained extra eyes in Evo, her lava-lamp skin markings are due to the withering effect in legacy, she got her wings and antenna when she first came to hermitcraft, her eyes started matching the phases of the moon around when the mooners came to be, and her white particle flecks emerged when she summoned the onyx deer. in my first proper design of her (not on this blog) i went further to add fungi growing on her skin because of her alien base (but that takes too much time to draw too many small details lol)

and if you're wondering why she has pointed ears, its because i also headcanon her to once have been a zelda like how grian was once a link. and also because i like to draw characters with pointed ears

evo smp pearl, there are so many gradients going on lmao i had to tone it down a bit. her hoodie design is done by clipping a multiply cloud layer to some airbrushing. her eyes are black for some reason! and also she has extra eyes because...watchers? maybe? pearl in evo smp didnt give me like, a consistent theme to work with. like nothing stood out to me. i probs would have given her some flowers and bird friends if those werent destroyed by the watchers midway through the smp and she switched to a different build style. and thats fine! there was just no one or two things that really stood out that couldve been probably incorporated into her design in some way, so her design is kind of plain

a build a day pearl, is just based off of her youtube and twitch banner, plus the extra eyes from evo. in hindsight i probably should've given her flowers as well. Her eyes have changed back to white, but they become black at night like evo. this is probably the closest to her irl appearance that ill draw lmao

legacy smp pearl, i just watched all of her legacy episodes yesterday XD if you look closely, you can see red hearts and a red x on her eyes and mouth. theyre supposed to be correspondent to the 'blood night' and 'cant say name of item' events (the second of which wasnt very well adhered to lmao). Also, post-apocalyptic! I was very happy to make her design as asymmetric as possible. the withering effect plus the post-apocalyptic setting caused the lava-lamp markings to develop. OH YES she also has mechanical wings that resemble moth wings! i couldn't quite fit it into the drawing but they are based off of the optifine elytra, which with the two 0's look a lot like moth wings and pearl noted that herself in the video so yeah that exists. ill draw them sometime! on the base level, her design is pretty similar to hermitcraft pearl because its just an older version of her current skin, so her hair shading is chunkier and more, i guess crystalized like Pearlescentmoo's hair

empires smp pearl! definitely the most different pearl from all the others because i dont see this pearl in like the same timeline or time period as the others. like, evo, a build a day, legacy, hermitcraft and kind of traffic life but thats a bit complicated, those are all designs of the same pearl just at different time periods. empires smp is probably a different pearl entirely, mostly because 'gestures to her empires smp lore' oh yeah she has freckles. because i say so. and i think theyre cute. she has little crescent moon pupils in her eyes

traffic life pearl, or more specifically double life pearl. her skin markings have changed a little to match her deranged self, and also did you know that lightup combat boots exist, because they do, and i love that. Her hair flecks are longer and sharper, and her antenna are supposed to resemble horns. All of her eyes are open at all times. ive played with the idea that the traffic life world like, exists beyond the bounds of time progression in the other series, so maybe the players in the world would be from different eras. also tilly <3

hermitcraft pearl, she gets her wings! her wings are based off of the mimosa pearl moth, very pretty. her hair shading is smoother like the style of her current skin. i also tried to be consistent with this, but her hair is also similar to her eyes in that it kind of changes through day and night. during the day, there are more lighter parts of her hair, and at night there are more darker parts. you can probably see it if you scroll through the more recent doodles. of course, her left shoe is very fancy velcro sketchers courtesy of anon on day 43 both shoes are still untied, you cant stop me

the number one important thing about pearls design /j are her lil hair feathers on the top of her head! because they match with grian's. and i like skysiblings a lot. (on a side note, grians hair is the same shade as pearl's highlights)

yeah i think thats it thanks for reading my rambles :D

#not a doodle #i love designing and talking about designs

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morroodle · 1 year

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Morrotober Overview

October is over and morrotober is done! I actually made it all the way through without missing a single day (I swapped 2 days because I have a terrible concept of time but that dosent count). I'm so proud of myself. I've tried an October drawing challenge year after year but I always gave up and burned out after the first week so this is a huge accomplishment.

I'm not quite sure what made this year different but there are a few things I think might have helped:

Morro is my blorbo and ninjago is my hyperfixation. I'm already obsessed and thinking about it daily so this wasnt too different

I gave myself flexibility. Even though I ended up doing one for every day I never was going to force myself to do so, I had the freedom to skip a day if I didn't want to do it.

Flexibility pt. 2: I didn't make a full drawing every day. I allowed myself to put in as much or as little effort as I wanted which removed some of the pressure and worked better with my schedule

Now for some fun stuff! A recap of the art I made this month and my thoughts on some of the peices.

My favorite peice: day 29 - au/the movie

This was so much fun and I'm so happy with how it turned out. I couldn't decide on one au to draw since I have so many and keep making them so I just did a bunch! (Copy paste my best friend) I've had a bunch of ideas for designs bounching around for a while and getting to draw a handful of them with less effort than a full drawing which is great for my mental health. Honestly I liked making this and the results so much that I'm probably gonna do more of these with more designs.

Least favorite: day 1 - torment/chains

A dissapointing start to the challenge but luckily things only went uphill from here. The reason i dont like it is because this is one of those instances where the idea I have in my head is above my skill level. Additionally this is one of the ones that took the longest which is extra dissapointing considering I don't even like the result. I am proud of the hands though!

Most effort: day 14 - crew

I am NOT used to doing more than like 2 characters in one drawing and this was a challenge. Figuring out a pose for all of them was hard and I had to get creative with Wrayth cause he came last. I originally wanted to put a ghost dragon behind them too but that was just more effort and time than I had. Funny story about this one actually! I completed the base sketch for 3/5 of the characters but then my computer got fucky and I had to restart it. I saved the drawing but when I tried to open it I got the dreaded clip studio Unsupported File Format and had to restart ;-; I spent like half an hour trying to restore but had to give up in the end and restart.

Least effort: day 23 - memories

Little guy. Tiny dude. Took like 5 minutes and I love it. I didn't realize just how small I made him until I got a reblog saying they couldn't find him.

Most popular: day 5 - rope

Would have liked for some of my other drawings to get some of the attention this one got but honestly I'm not suprised it got so popular. It's a masterpiece.

Least popular: day 12 - underwater/submarine

Guess people don't want morro to be destinkified

Extra: day 6 - skeleton

This dude literally showed up on google?? I made that???? The funny part is the link dosent even lead to my blog or tumblr

Additional notes: wait what am I supposed to do now?? I think I forgot how to have free time?? For an entire month it's just been school eat sleep and morrotober but now it's over I don't know what to do with myself. A

Did I enjoy this? Yes. Will I do it again next year? Who fucking knows. Anyway back to my normal bs

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago morro #morro #morrotober #art

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undead-dreams-of-overmorrow · 1 year

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games i played update for pretty much the entire week

i've got a bunch of screenshots piled up that i was too tired to post wen they were fresh

might not add a description to all

[major spoilers for chicory and minor spoilers for hollow knight and hades under cut]

(i reached photo limit so ill add reblogs this post for the rest)

(also ill have more minimal image descriptions than i would typically write them due to the sheer amount of pictures)

Ok ill start with chicory i suppose

But im not joking. if you think there's the slightest chance you'll play chicory or if you're already playing chicory and havent completed the main quest already, DO IT. Dont spoil the experience for yourself. I have screenshots from some boss battles and some other main quest stuff here. Please, for your own sake, dont continue if you plan on playing chicory.

^ Fuck I... ngl i really felt Chicory all throughout the game. the exorbitant expectations that shes putting herself to because of her master.. the astronomical amounts of self-doubt that came with it.. the massive impostor syndrome.. And now that i mentioned impostor syndrome i might aswell mention the amount of relatability i felt with the playable character (In my savefile she's named Cupcake). The enthusiasm that changes for self-doubt the moment responsibility shows up. The inner voices that keep telling her that she doesnt deserve the brush. that she got it by sheer luck. that she's a terrible artist and that everyone is just lying to her.. i felt all of that

^ These things actually.. well they got to me a lot more than i previously expected. especially the fanart one. i had completely forgotten that that was the first thing i drew there despite the fact that Clementine put it in our parent's house but.. i realyl did not expect that. It was so incredibly sweet

^ I'm so happy for you, Thyme <22222

^ there's a metaphor to be discussed there but im not up for that right now

^ i love your enthusiasm dad (yes i did use the telephone cabin a couple of times. if you have anything against that im not gonna listen to your inflated "gamer" ego. let people have fun. for some of them that means using tips or playing with assist mode or god mode)

^ Fuck this hurt. this hurt oh my

^ this is the drawing that i made to be the portrait in the wielder tower. my mistake with essentially everything i drew in this game was that i treated it as a normal drawing instead of pixel art)

^ KITTIES (i still need to save like 5 more i think)

^ this genuinely made me tear up a little

^ and completion percent (i want to eventually fill in the entire map but for now im taking a break from chicory)

Okay onto Hollow Knight now

have in mind that those are screenshots taken in different days. several times i took screenshots in the inventory to show progress at the time

also have in mind that this was me getting all my progression back to and eventually further than the 102% that i had before i lost my saves

^ Maybe Sly wasnt corrupted by the Radiance, but capitalism still mostly got him

^ progress on january 7th

^ there i think i wanted to show that i managed to get here without wings (for those who dont know/remember, that means 2 or 3 enemy pogos)

^ this is my favourite sofftware bug in the entire game (now that i think about it im not sure whether it's still in the game or patched and reintroduced by the QoL mod)

^ ok it doesnt really matter but i love how broken cdash crystal generation is whenever youre not on a stable flat floor/wall

^ you fucking what you greedy bitch. also yeah i beat the shit out of her and then made her come with me to listen to Marissa

#my gamefiles #my savefiles #chicory a colorful tale #hollow knight #image description in alt text

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chockmatsu · 2 years

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IT HAS BEEN AN UTTERLY WILD DAY. for those unaware today (well, yesterday now) was the first day of sakuracon, which ray chase (karamatsu's english voice actor) is a guest at!! and BOY OH BOY. well, to start with, sorry (not sorry) for kara saying my name LOL but dw!! i will definitely make a version that ALL karamatsu girls will enjoy :)

okay so you know how i said i peaked when karamatsu's official english voice actor complimented my art

WELL. I WAS GONNA GO TO THE AUTOGRAPH SESSION FOR SURE TOMORROW, BUT I ACCIDENTALLY FOUND HIS TABLE FOR AUTOGRAPHS AT THE EXHIBITOR'S HALL. and it just so happened that i ended up being second in line for when he came back again. and my god. i put the karamatsu folder i was holding down on the table for a sec cuz i had a lot in my hands and ray sees it and me and instantly says OHH I KNOW YOU!! the person who did the karamatsu art i follow on twitter- the karamatsu superfan! LIKE HE RECOGNIZED ME INSTANTLY EVEN THOUGH I WAS IN COSPLAY?? and asked what i was there for and i said ok first off i gotta get a signed print, and he starts pulling out the print and the assistant starts adding it to the bill and he stops her and says "no no this is a gift" and he signs it with a message to me. and as hes signing he says yeah your video was so good, you're such a talented artist and even an animator!! what other skills do you have? and i was like UHH UHH I DRAW AND ANIMATE AND EDIT VIDEOS AND WRITE SOMETIMES... and he was like WOW you can do everything!! yknow we're always in need of video editors, i might be in contact with you about that later! WHICH LIKE WTF LMAO MY KARA SIMPING LEADING ME TO THIS POINT WTF WTFFFF

then i show him the lines i wanted him to say as karamatsu and ask if its ok that it's 2 sentences. AND HE READS THROUGH IT OUT LOUD AND i just immediately crumple to the floor screaming and hes like oh can i come over around (the table he's sitting at) to do this, and he comes over, and i give him my phone with the lav mic and hes like DAMN you even got the proper mic and all!! asks to see the line again, i try to switch apps on my phone, he sees my home screen wallpaper of me and kara, laughs, and then after looking at the line he records the bideo and its all i can do to not just cry on the spot right there. BUT I NOTICED THAT HE FORGOT TO SAY THE I LOVE YOU PART OF THE LINE, so i had to ask him to do it again and he got it right and i was just so happy so so happy. and afterwards he was like you're amazing can i give you a hug? and OFC I SAY YES AND WE HUGGED AND i was like OH YEAH i will have more stuff for you to sign tomorrow!!! and more money HEH and he said oh yeah yeah, like that art you made with yuichi nakamura right? yeah i saw on twitter it's awesome and im just 😭😭 also as a FINAL spaghetti sperg i was like OH YEAH UMMM i know this might be weird but would it be okay if i made a compilation of all of my hornyposting tweets that you liked and printed it out for you to sign and he laughed and was like hell yeah thats hilarious LMAO

WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY INSANE INTERACTION LIKE START TO FINISH AN ABSOLUTE FEVER DREAM, I WISH I WASNT WEARING COSPLAY DURING IT BUT I DID NOT KNOW THIS BOOTH WAS THERE!!! I WAS BASICALLY HYPERVENTILATING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR AFTER AND JUST SPINNING AROUND AND RUNNING AND JUMPING AROUND IN JOY AND HONESTLY IM STILL IN DISBELIEF

#ray chase #karamatsu #what even is happening man LMAOOOOO

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oneandonlysoftie · 3 years

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Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(

i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL. yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona). there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them. i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol. i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more. now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy. and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs* this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note. i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing. one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative. back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m. however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it. obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.

gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.

EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.

overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went. i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer. from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement. that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.

#sadistic beauty #rant #ramble #confused as fuck #wtf #why #sadistic beauty rant #spoilers #sadistic beauty spoilers #listen the amount of times i flipped my shit on this story would fill a whole bathtub

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neverdoingmuch · 3 years

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now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!!

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica.

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it.

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic.

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body.

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is.

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot!

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

#mdzs #modao zushi #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #im so sorry everyone #i just got the idea and it wouldnt leave me alone #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #have i read any erotica? no. have i read any chuck tingle? also no. am i an editor? no #so this is gonna be very shit #this is why people should be sending me prompts instead of me just writin shit myself #nsfw-ish?

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basalt-squirrel · 3 years

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A/N: So uh, asked for a prompt on a server, I did not expect to write this much, especially since its my first time writing fanfiction type stuff but,, thought I might as well share it (also it was too long to share on discord so I needed to post it somewhere so I could actually share it), but without further adu, have fun reading. (also if there are any TW that I should put on this please let me know)

prompt: explosion of L'manburg

(god save anyone who reads this)

To my left stood Tommy, uncharacteristically silent as he watched Wilburs reactions to Dream threatening their nation. Fury and passion burned in his eyes, however for the first time in recent memory he did not speak out of turn.

Next to Tommy was Wilbur, our brave leader. His words were fueled with a belief in his dream, not that he believed he could build a nation from the ground up, but that he knows he can. And we all held the same faith in him.

To Wilburs left Tubbo stood, nervous but determined not to show it, his hands gripped in loose fists as he tried to hide their shaking. Though it was still plainly obvious that he was scared, he didnt once back down from the gaze of our foes.

To my right, Fundy. Though he wore a crayola suit that may have seemed childish to others, he was just as much of a part of this nation as all of us and anyone who thought he would be a weak spot? They wouldnt last long.

And finally, there was me. I stood as tall as I could, though that didnt even come up to Fundys shoulder, however this didnt matter much to anyone, for the Dream Team, I was a threat, and for L'manburg, I was a friend.

"Independence or death, if we get no revolution then we want nothing." Wilbur steadily said, drawing my attention back to the matter at hand. "We would rather die than give into you and join your SMP Dream."

At these lines the tension, which was already thick grew to nearly unbearable levels. So strong that if one suddenly walked past unprepared it could crush them. And with this even the forest fell silent, not even a rustle of the leaves could be heard.

With Georges bow aimed in a path directed at his head, Wilbur continued, not a single note of fear in his voice. "You can blow up one piece of TNT in our door all you want it means nothing to us."

With that said, Dream motioned for George and Sapnap to step back as he himself stepped forward, drawing back his bow, aiming a lit arrow at the fuse and firing it less than a moment later, lighting the fuse.

As the fuse slowly burned away Wilbur told us to step back, not wanting us to get hurt by a "Piece of TNT" he said in an almost mocking tone. We all obliged taking a few paces backwards, though I chose to stay as up front with my bow as Wilbur would allow, intent on protecting my friends, looking behind me I had to hold back laughter as Tubbo bumped into the tree that was behind him.

We all stood watching as the TNTs fuse came to its end, it was almost laughable how they thought this could destroy the nation we had all worked for. L'manburg was too strong to fall to a simple box of gunpowder and sand.

Thats what we thought at least, but the TNT exploded, revealing more that were buried underneath the soil.

As soon as the others saw this they began running to the safety of the water and after a moment of hesitation, I followed suit. Sprinting as fast as my body would allow I watched as the others made it to safety, relieved, until my foot sank into loose soil.

They watched in horror as I struggled to free my leg, fear making my movements shaky as I looked up, tears trailing down my face as i watched Fundy being held back, trying to run back to help me. I offered him a grin, the tears falling faster as I realized escape was hopeless, the water was too far to reach even if I got free now.

Relizing this, I almost laughed, to think after all this time, all this work, id die because of a sloppily filled hole. Not quite the death befitting the hero I tried to be. Not the death of the soldier, the friend, that I had been, I thought as I recalled the fun I had here.

Training with Tommy, him beating me countless times, knocking me down, bruise after bruise, scrape after scrape, how he had to force me to take breaks because even Tommy wasnt too dense to realize id never stop training, before finally, I caught him off guard, knocking the training sword out of his hands, making him stumble forward, allowing me to pin him down and win. And how proud of me he was, grinning from ear to ear, how he and I listened to his discs that night, eating cooked pork, a rarity for us but Tommy said it was okay, that this was a special occasion.

Searching for chickens with Tubbo, how we stayed out all night because we got lost, how angry Wilbur was when we got back, but how we were okay with it because we knew he was just worried, and at least we had found our new friend Oliver our chicken. The look of Tubbos face, lighting up when we found him, as he watched me run up to the chicken in pure joy, soon following suit.

Snuggling with Fundy on the cold nights, he was always like an older brother to me, constantly making sure I was okay, holding me close and comforting me whenever I had nightmares. How he would mess up my hair as I passed him on guard duty. How he would always have that same proud, yet concerned expression on his face when he saw me. How he was always there for me.

How Wilbur taught me how to play the guitar. after I begged him for days he had finally caved, though he never seemed annoyed at my persistence, always trying to hide a grin as he denied my request. How when I finally got to learn id practice the chords on his guitar for hours on end until I got them just right. How his gaze softened as I played him my first song, the one I had written especially for him. How tired, yet happy he looked as he gave me my very own guitar, one that he had collected the materials for and made all on his own to suprise me.

And Eret, Eret who I suddenly realized wasn't there with us, Eret, who always looked on edge after I first heard him leave L'manburg during the night a few weeks ago. Eret who always held a guilty look, as if he wanted to apologise for something, but never did. Eret, who had helped me go mining my first time, when I was scared out of my mind. Eret who had saved me from a swarm of mobs when I first arrived on this land a year ago, a small 14 year old, just trying to stay alive in a world full of danger. Eret who always seemed to be there when I needed help the most.

'Where are you Eret, please, can you save me again?' I thought, already knowing that even if he was here, there was no hope for me, it was too late.

As i stared at the faces of my friends, all of them screaming for me to run, though they knew it was futile. I could tell that much from the pain in Wilburs gaze, wishing he had made me back up further with the rest of them.

From the guilt in Tommys eyes, wishing he had dragged me with him when he ran, he had been the closest to me when the TNT exploded after all.

From the distraught in Tubbos face as he called out for me, more scared than he had ever seemed before.

And finally, the tears running down Fundys fur as he still desperately struggled to reach me, his ears layed back, proving he knew it was useless but wanting to try anyways.

Seeing all this, I hoped they could get over my death, that they wouldn't blame themselves for my death, though I knew somewhere deep down that they would.

And as I heard the TNT behind me explode, though unusually muffled of a noise, it was far too close for comfort, so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. Removing my hat with a sad smile, tears still dripping down my face, I looked at my friends, tossed my hat in the air and whispered my final words as I watched it fall.

"Long live our L'manburg."

And with that, the world came back into full focus, the noise unbearably loud as the TNT planted directly under me exploded, my entire body bursting into pain as I was shot into the air, the final thing I saw was the shocked look on everyones face.

And then the world went dark.

#dream smp #writing #original writing #mmmm angst #fanfic #l'manburg #l'manberg #fundy dream smp #wilbur mcyt #tommyinnit #tubbo dream smp #dreamwastaken #sapnap #georgenotfound #lmanberg #lmanburg #dream smp x reader

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hello-yue-here · 3 years

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About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

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freerebelmentality · 3 years

Text

The high cost of living

AN: ***TRIGGER WARNING*** MENTIONS OF DRUG USE AND OVERDOSE. ** Ok may I request a Winchester brothers x sister reader where the reader is depressed harms themselves and feels like she not good enough and is a drug addict like does weed and other drugs drinks to relieve her pain and her brothers found out and are not happy it and the reader just not having it and doesn’t want help and can’t handle being lectured about her brothers so she runs away and overdoses and her brothers find her but in the end her brothers help her in recovery and it fluffy in the end And can the reader age around 16-19 is up too you i hope this is ok for u if not I can change it. Requested by @supernerdycookietrashblr ** I took out the self harm and just stuck with the rest of the request. Sorry if this got way too long but I got carried away and I just really enjoyed writing this. Ideas came and wrote those down. So I hope you all will enjoy this and enjoy reading

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Word Count: 2,762

On the road again, you thought while sitting in the back of the Impala.

Looking out the window, seeing the trees pass by at great speed is when you begin to feel sick.

“Dean, Dean. Pull over, Im going to be sick” you say rather quickly

With one quick stop, Dean pulls over to the side of the road and puts baby in park

“Geez, are you ok? You want some water? Mint? Mouth wash?” Sam asks as he rushes to your side.

“Mouth wash?” you reply while Sam runs back to the car and searches his bag for his mouth wash.

“Feeling a little hungover? Or just sick, sick?” Dean asks as he comes check on you as well

“A little hungover” you lie to Dean while Dean goes back to the car and reaches for a beer.

He decides something a little stronger than beer.

He pulls out his flask and walks back to your side.

Sam notices how incredibly sickly looking you’ve become and begins to worry that you are coming down with something.

You knew you were coming down from your latest high, well more like from you latest fix and you needed another. Fast.

Dean hands you the flask and you greatly take it from his hands and drink the entire thing. The whisky made things a little more tolerable.

“Thanks man, I needed that” you tell him and walk slowly back to the car.

Dean and Sam looked to you and noticed how you were walking. Like as if you were in pain and cold. The weather was warm and a beautiful day really.

“Are you sure youre feeling ok?” Dean asks as soon as he gets into the car

“Yes, step on the gas. I wanna go home already” you irritatingly reply back.

Dean didnt like that, so he did what he was told and stepped on the gas to head back to the bunker.

Finally arriving.

You get out of the car as fast as you could and into the bunker. You ran all the way to your room and found your stash hidden in your room.

You felt as though you werent moving fast enough but you made it to your room.

Dean and Sam looked at you oddly as you ran fast into the bunker.

“What the hell is wrong with her?” Dean asks as he takes the stuff from the car and into the bunker.

“Maybe she needs the bathroom again” Sam replies following Dean.

“Hmm’ is all Dean says and goes to his room to put his things away.

Once you got the needle ready, you sat on the toilet and poked the needle into your favourite vain. You pulled back the syringe to draw blood is when you injected the stuff. Slowly

Once the stuff reached your body is when you started to forget about everything else. Your withdrawals, depression, everything. Numbing out everything perfectly.

Or so you thought.

You came out of your room to look for your brothers to hang out with or just to get them to stay away from your room anyway.

“Are you feeling a lot better?” Dean asks while turning away from his cooking

“Yes, I feel a lot better” you reply way to happy but oh well you replied anyway

“Ok then” Sam says while he adds more notes to the folders in front of him

He has been adding the men of letters archives, well the both of them have been doing that and they thought you were doing the same but you dont remember a thing from your last hunt.

All you thought about was how to get your next fix or even next high. Weed wasnt cutting it anymore ever since getting into the opiates.

Stupid for getting into those. Oh well choices were made and it makes the feelings go away.

As the days go by which weeks go by as well. Dean and Sam begin to notice how incredibly bad you got while hunting, sick, and more sicker.

After the sickness, you would be at your normal self and be the great hunter they knew you to be. But when the sickness came, it was as if they didnt know who you were. Didnt look like you or anything.

“Let me know when she goes out, ok?” Dean asks Sam as he watches you walk to your room

“Uh, ok. Why?” Sam asks not really sure if he wants to know the answer but he is curious to see what Dean is up to.

“I want to look through her room, I want to see if Im right about something. If not then I am going to feel like a complete dick about it later” Dean explains himself as he looks towards the hall.

“Right about what?” Sam asks looking out for you as well

He hears you coming out of your room and walk the hallway and waits for you to appear.

“Hey guys, Im going to head out for a bit and I will be home in an hour or something” you tell them and head out the door.

You didnt give them any time to say anything cause you needed to head out and look for the number one thing you have been needing. You needed your next high. You needed it bad.

“Ok, go” Sam says to Dean as he books it to your room

“What exactly are we looking for?” Sam asks as he digs through your stuf

“Needles or drugs” Dean replies as he sees a box in the bottom of the sink in your bathroom

Dean hoped it wouldn’t be the things he is looking for. Other wise all of you weird behaviour he has noticed for the past couple years would be more understandable now.

He has seen this type of addiction before in fellow hunter friends, their addiction to opiates and how they passed to overdosing.

He opens the box and sees his worst nightmare

“Sam” is all Dean could say and drops the box

Sam rushes to Dean’s side and sees what has fallen to the floor.

All the used needles, cotton balls and spoons. Along with the rubber bands. He also sees the unopened rigs.

“No” Is all Sam can say

He doesnt understand why you would want to inject anything into yourself with poison.

They get out of your roomand wait for you to come back to the bunker.

Dean has a few words for you.

Sam has a few questions for you.

They couldnt believe their baby sister would turn to drugs

Dean is beginning to understand the border line alcoholism but he always thought it was just something to help you sleep. He didnt think it was something to settle the withdrawals.

The next morning, Dean and Sam are still seated in the library waiting for you to walk through the doors. None of them moved from their seats, they stayed seated like that and waited for you. Dean was to heated to even move from his seat.

His anger turned to worry when you never showed. Until now, his nerves settled and now all he wants to do is hug you and lock you away. But he needed to say a few things first before he can do that.

As you come walking down the stairs and see your brothers in the library looking at you all tired looking. You were about to say something when you see a familiar box. Your heart begins to race.

“Morning guys, sorry I didnt come home last night and sorry I didnt call or anything” you say to break the ice but knew you should have said nothing and should have went straight to your room

“Y/n? What the hell is this crap?” Dean asks opening the box and pushing it towards you.

Your heart begins to beat rapidly because your brother has found your dirty secret. Your life long dirty secret.

“You went through my room?” you ask not even going to lie about the box they found.

What was the whole point in lying? They found it, they figured it out and you werent going to lie about it.

It was as if you secretly hoped they would find it, maybe them finding it would finally get you to stop and go to treatment.

“Of course we went through your room. We wanted to know what was making you feel so crappy and during hunts” Sam says next, he finally finds his voice.

“You found my dirty secret. Now what?” you ask as anger begins to form.

“Why? How long? This needs to stop now” Dean replies sternly, he didnt want to get too angry. Otherwise he would have ruined the whole plan he had.

“Or else what?” What are you going to do if I dont stop?” you ask while looking to both of your brothers

They both went quiet, they didnt want to give any ultimatums cause they feared you would pick the poison over them and they knew you are going to pick that over them.

They wondered what they did wrong to make you turn to something else to numb out everything.

Sure Dean hasnt been the poster boy about opening up his feelings about anything and he feels he should have done that with you. At least.

Sam should have pestered you more about opening up. How he does with Dean, he should have done the same for you. He didnt and he feels ashamed.

“You know, I’ll make things easier for you” you break the silence and walk down the hall and into your room

“What do you mean make things easier for us?” Sam asks as he follows you down the hall

“Where the hell do you think your going?” Dean asks next following behind Sam

You grabbed what you could and what you thought was clean. At least it was warm clothing anything, it was beginning to get a bit nippy out there.

“Im leaving. That way I wont be such a burden to either of you anymore” you reply while walking back down the hall and up the round stairs

“Y/n, no. Stay here and we will help you” Sam pleads with you as he follows

“Y/N!! Stop” Dean raises his voice

“You arent a burden. Stay, so we can figure out how to help you and let us help you” Sam continues as he looks to you.

You are at the top of the stairs and finally with one final thought. You turned the door knob and walked out.

Dean runs up the stairs and tries to block you from going any where but he is too late. He ran out the door and you were gone. He yells for your name, looks around and continues to yell for you.

Nothing, it was as if you disappeared into thin air and he wondered where you went or what direction you took.

“Son of a bitch” Dean says as he looks around with both of hands behind his head.

Tears fill his eyes as a lone tear streams down his face. He falls to his knees, feeling defeated he let this happen. Defeated he let anything go this far and didnt notice anything to begin with.

Sam comes running to him and looks around as well.

“Sam, shes gone. I couldnt catch up to her. I let her go” Dean tries to keep his emotions together. But he releases a sob

“We’ll find her, someone has to see her and security cameras are every where and one of those ust of caught her” Sam says as he helps Dean to his feet.

Months went by, Dean and Sam never stopped searching for you. Drove from town to town, Dean always tracked better when he was on the road. But his leads always went cold. You knew better to go off track cause you knew he would track you.

Finally Dean’s phone begins to ring. He takes out his phone so fast and answered it like his life depended on it. In a way it did.

Dean talks on the phone for a long period of time and Sam is getting anxious. He doesnt what is going on or who is calling.

Finally Dean gets off the phone.

“Well who was that? What did they say? Say anything about y/n?” Sam asks way too quickly

Dean couldnt understand a word he said, all due to the phone call he just got and that shocked him more.

“That was Y/n’s doctor. She was admitted yesterday and he told me that they saved her from an overdose. That its their third time saving her from the overdose. Why they never called the first couple times was because she didnt list any family members as emergency contacts. Sam we got to go. We got to get our baby sister” Dean finally says and begins running to his room to begin packing.

Sam couldnt believe those words came out of Dean’s mouth. More like he couldnt believe you wouldnt add him or Dean as your emergency contact to begin with. Until now.

They drove for hours and hours.

As they stand at your door, they see you laying on your hospital bed, IV in one hand while the nasal cannula is inserted.

Your attention is brought to the door and you couldnt believe your brothers are standing right in front of you.

“Hi” you break the silence as the greeting came out a little raspy and small

Your brothers came further into the room.

Dean is the first one who hugs you.

“Hi, I missed you” as a tear streams down his face

He hold yous a little longer, feeling as though he is going to wake up and realize its all a dream and have to wake up to a bunker without you in it.

“I missed you so much” he says as he holds onto you a little longer and tighter.

He feels as though you were going to dissolve away if he let you go. Again

“What the hell happened?” he asks taking a seat by your bed side

“I chased and ended up here” you simply answer your brother.

Well you felt ashamed by answering him

“Your face” is all Dean could say

He sees the bruises on your face, the dark circles around your eyes and how sunken in your face is. He is thinking as if he is looking at your skull.

“Ooh, I owe money to my dealer and he made an example out of my face. A few times. So to medicate, I chased the high so much, that I practically chased myself in here” you reply to your brother and look around the room

“The only way for us to get you out of here is you go to treatment and get help. Dean and I were talking along the way and thats our ultimatums” Sam says while Dean looks to him in annoyance

Dean wanted some time with you before he sent you to treatment.

“Ok, ok. I will get the help. I will go to treatment, I wanna come home” you tell them as you begin to cry.

Sam is happy and hugs you. Tears stream down his face as a sigh of relief escapes his mouth

“Thats what I want, for you to come home and go get help. We want to be there for you. We love you” Dean says as he hugs you.

He felt relieved he heard those words coming out of your mouth, as if all of his stress has been removed and now he can finally settle his nerves. Kind of.

For them it was an eternity. Dean felt as though he was in hell all over again but this time felt longer.

Sam felt like he was in the cage all over again in trying to look for you. Or he felt as though he didnt have a soul. Having you around was better and you are Sam’s other half just like Dean is his other half.

When all three of you are together, its as though everyone feels complete but when separated, thats when everything crumbles.

You felt like you are getting your family back, after being away from your brothers for so long. Well more like after running from your problems and creating more. You really felt like you are getting them back and earning their trust.

You and your brother hunted like a family again. Better than ever.

#supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fic request #request #dean winchester #sam winchester #hunter family #family business #sister!winchester #reader insert #supernatural reader #spn reader #spn fic #spn fic request

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mellohyi · 3 years

Text

wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

#mellow random #nah because i miss it so much i #pleading eyes emoji #i love latvia

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shhhhyoursister · 4 years

Note

do you have anymore autistic!matteo hcs? or other headcanons in general? I just love your ideas

let me see if i can think of some rn!!!! am i projecting?? perhaps!!!

***

- when matteo got his first pair of noise cancelling headphones, he was almost a bit scared to try them out. he didnt have the money to get an expensive par and he had read the reviews and picked the best ones he could afford, and he knew that they werent going to be perfect. he tried them on the first time when he was alone in his room, and he put on his go-to calming song (just happened to be take me to church) and slid them over his ears, pressing the button to turn on the noise cancelling feature. he walked out of his room, past the kitchen where hans and vicki were loudly talking, but the sounds were muffled, and went away completely when he raised the volume up. he spent the next week walking around with them on his head, sometimes with his hands pressing them tighter onto his ears, a smile on his face and his eyes closed as he paced around the room. david would sit and watch him from wherever he decided to settle, happy to see matteo so content

- he had bad days, obviously. days where no matter who was talking to him or what they were saying, he needed them gone, even if it was david. the first time it happened matteo felt so guilty over needing to be alone, too overstimulated with david even just being in the same room as him, but too overwhelmed to say anything about it, and he could tell that he was either going to completely shut down or explode. he didnt want to explode. but it kept building, even though david wasnt saying anything or doing anything besides drawing silently at matteo’s desk because he could tell something was off, and it kept building and building until matteo felt like he was filled to the top with lava that was threatening to pour out of his mouth, his stomach actually jolting with the need to get something out to let david know that matteo needed to be alone, now, right now right now or he was going to scream. his entire body curled in on itself and he buried his head in his knees, not even realizing that he was letting out quiet whimpers with each exhale until david asked him if he was okay. matteo shook his head so fast it hurts his neck, the usually calming sound of david’s voice like sandpaper in his ears. david asked him what he needed, started listing things when he realized matteo couldnt say it himself, and got up and left once he finally settled on “do you need to be alone?” and watched matteo nod his head in tiny jerks. the second he was alone matteo relaxed just enough to realize that he had basically just kicked his boyfriend out, and texted him the word “sorry” at least ten times before pulling his headphones on and squeezing a pillow tight to his chest, panicking for a completely different reason, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to move for a while. david hugged him the next day and called him stupid for feeling bad about it.

- one day david showed him a website he found that had a bunch of different fidget and stim toys, and matteo spent a while getting lost in all the options as he opened the products in new tab after new tab. each had a detailed description and a video showing how it worked, and he got caught up watching something that was long and black that slid through the person’s fingers, a string of a bunch of interconnecting little joints that could also be snapped apart and put back together, and after watching matteo watch the video three times over david grabbed the laptop from him. matteo protested but david handed it back quickly, showing an order confirmation screen. matteo tried to argue but david just grinned, said it was already ordered and there was nothing he could do about it. matteo just glared before tackling him in a hug. it came a couple of days later and matteo was grinning as he took it out of the packaging. he slid it around his fingers, grabbed it in one hand and wrapped it around his fingers and stretched them out so he could feel the plastic press into his skin, grabbed it in the middle and pulled until it snapped apart and then put the pieces back together. he lifted it right next to his ear and squeezed his hand around it, smiling and wiggling a bit at the weird crunching sound that came from it. he took a selfie like that, with it held close to his face, a big grin on his face, and sent it to david with a bunch of thank you’s and hearts.

- matteo was still shocked anytime he realized that david really, actually listened to him whenever he was rambling. he knew that his tendency to infodump annoyed most people, even if theyd pretend to be listening, and he had learned over the years what that looked like, and got good at knowing when people were bored. didnt always mean he could stop, and then he would get overwhelmed with knowing that the other person was annoyed, but still needing to get the words out of his body, because people didnt understand that it wasnt just him rambling, there was a physical side to it as well, it wasnt him just trying to fill the silence, he knew that he physically needed to get the words out of his brain, but to most people that didnt seem to make sense. he had learned to be quieter over the years. until david came, and there was somebody there who not only let him go off, but cared about what he was saying. david would sit on the bed, cross-legged, as matteo paced around the room talking about memes, or the environment, or cooking, and when matteo would say something like “and you know when you crush garlic, it releases this chemical called allicin thats really good for you” david would respond, would actually respond and say “oh yeah i see you do that every time you cook”, and it was so simple but it always filled matteo with so much love and so much of that good buzzy feeling he got throughout his whole body when he was able to satisfy whatever urge his body and brain had, when he was encouraged to

#matteo florenzi #david schreibner #davenzi #davenzi fic #davenzi fanfic #autistic!matteo #i guess i had some thoughts on the subject #may or may not have just gotten noise cancelling headphones #may or may not have the exact fidget that i described in the fic #may or may not have been feeling the overwhelming urge to scream anytime someone is near me haha #MAY OR MAY NOT WANT SOMEONE TO INFODUMP TO #ALSO BONUS POINTS IF YOU CATCH THE ITS ALIVE REFERENCE #lmao #noggins #thats it for fics for tonight folks im TIRED and i wanna get into bed and watch tiktoks

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years

Text

Poor Little Anxious Crybaby (Pt.10)

-------------------------

Virgil woke up somewhere nearly as cold as the truck. His head was fuzzy, he could barely remember how he got there. He tried to stretch his arms out and hit something solid. He felt around him, he was in a box, smaller than a coffin, but he supposed that didnt matter when a murderer was planning to bury someone alive.

He hit the top of the box, trying to see if it was locked. It took a few tries but it finally popped open. Virgil sat up, he was in a room made nearly entirely of pastels, there were block toys and letter magnets on a fridge. It was like a kids playroom, which only made Virgil feel more uneasy. He got out of what he now realized was a toy box.

"Ok- creepy dude with an ice cream truck- kids room- this is totally fine- not concerned ing at all," Virgil backed against the fridge, tears coating his face. The door opened, he looked around for a weapon before he realized that the person who entered the room wasnt his captor, but a woman.

"Its alright, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise," the woman walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She had long black hair and icy blue eyes that were almost white.

"Wh-what do you want from me-" Virgil nearly jumped onto the counter trying to back away, the woman's face turned to one that was clearly supposed to be comforting.

"Its ok, I promise, you're safe, he cant hurt you here, he doesnt come into these rooms," she said.

"That's not what I asked!" Virgil looked around for something to throw, trying to stop the tears on his face, he couldnt blur his vision now, he needed an escape.

"Please! I promise he cant hurt you! I'll explain everything just- please- sit down," the woman said, her voice still low. Virgil was frozen, he couldnt move anywhere but backwards. The woman approached him, placing a hand on his arm and guiding him slowly to the table in the center of the room.

"Do you promise to trust me," said the woman, hands folded on the table in front of her. Virgil nodded, only slightly.

"My name is Analaya, I'm your aunt, the man who kidnapped you is your Uncle, he worked with your father before he took control of the company, your father talked about how perfect his family was quite a lot at work, and after hearing that you and Patton were alone in the house now, he decided he wanted a better family, he didnt know who you were until you got here, your father never used your real name at work," Analaya finished, a sad look in her eyes.

"Does that mean hes gonna hurt Papa!-" Virgil said, bolting up out of his seat.

"Nononono- Patton will be left out of it- I can assure you," Analaya said.

"But what am I supposed to do? I dont want to be here," Virgil said, fidgeting with his hoodie again.

"Traditional duties for children, you'll mostly be left to your own devices, but you'll be expected to make desserts," Analaya said. Virgil bit his nails, he didnt like this, he had a bad feeling about everything.

And then he remembered something, but he couldnt use it on the first day, if Analaya was right and he wouldnt be interacting with his uncle, it was likely she would be delivering the food.

So he waited.

He didnt know how long he had done so, but he waited until Analaya came with the news that his uncle wanted to visit him personally for the cookies he was making tonight.

And he dumped the entire contents of red and black liquid into the batter. He'd told Analaya before to let his uncle try the cookies before she did, on the pretense that these would contain something she was allergic to.

So Virgil got to work on cookies of all sorts of shapes, and when the wolfish man who was supposedly his uncle arrived, the door left completely open.

Virgil relished in watching him drop to the floor. He raced out of his prison at a speed he never wouldve managed in gym class, trying to find something familiar.

What seemed like hours later he came upon the place he called home, letting out a sigh of relief he raced to the front door, knocking frantically.

All he heard was an exclamation of his name before he was pulled into Patton's arms.

"Oh my goodness sweetheart I've missed you so much," Patton said, he was crying, Virgil was crying to.

Virgil recounted the experience to no one but his family, and Remus, who had rushed over as soon as he heard what had happened. He'd asked to call Brennan, but both Emile and Patton had told him Brennan had already called them saying he wouldnt be able to answer anything until the next week, when he would be back in state. Remus had seemed irritated by that fact.

But Virgil was to relieved to notice, to happy about being back in the home he really belonged in.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@deathcanbegreat

@luna--28

@sleepless-emo

@meowthefluffy

@youtuberswithalex

@boobmaster69

@spooky-scary-virgil

@thecolorfulolive

@thefivecalls

@melodiread

@faycanyons

@maryann-draws

@frog-candy-bee

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randominternetbosonignog785 · 3 years

Text

Mikans last Christmas.

So this story was something I was going to release on christmas but then i gave up on it, but then I diddnt, so here you go. Disclaimer its kinda gory n stuff has some naughty language and its a tad bit suggestive but its pretty pg bois.

Twas the night before christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Though there were no stockings by the walls, nor trees or presents to brighten up the halls, but instead were cupboards and draws blocking out the doors and half flipped scattered tables to shield a man that was barely keeping himself stable.

Every piece of furniture was stripped from their place, only to be used as blockades to keep out any new face. In normal circumstances many people would think the house was a tip but when it came to the biggest, most awful, most tragic event in human history, everyone had to get a grip.

Behind one of the half flipped tables near a cracked television, a large man wrinkled with age sat roughly on the floor with his rear resting against the desk's backside. The man had a slight beer belly, his scalp was just beginning to lose its hair and overall he just about had enough of life; what you'd expect from a fifty year old man who was down on his luck in the world, although ever since a certain wanker decided to ram a glass dagger into his right arm - ever since the world went tits up out of nowhere, his lucks been shit.

"Haaaarrgh...grrrrrr!"

The man gurgled and growled out his pain as he attempted to thrust a towel he found in one of his daughters med kits onto the red bleeding pool that flushed out of his arm. '

Apply with firm pressure? Even the fuckin manual's trying to kill me.' The squirming man thought to himself. Soon enough, he simply gave up and just decided to lie on the floor of his living room to try and get at least a wink of sleep, trying his best to ignore the niggling and nagging of the nerves in his wounded arm. It was hard finding the peace of sleep though, as the outside world he once knew had now become a hostile alien planet he might die in at any given moment and it didn't help that the air felt thicker than usual.

A few weeks.

It had only been a few weeks since he had his last pint, but now everybody started stabbing each other. It had only been a few weeks since he last relaxed watching his favorite shows on his favorite armchair, but now he was shivering on the floor, lacking the courage to go and sleep in his own bedroom. It had only been a few weeks since his worthless daughter had enrolled in some school for smart sods...

But now she was probably dead.

"Daddy?"

Almost feeling like a second after his conscience finally slipped into slumber, the rugged man abruptly snapped awake once more upon hearing a voice call out from the darkness, presumingly for him.

"Daddy? Are you still here?"

The female voice sounded so slender and savoury yet innocent and playful and it chilled the man to his bone. The man couldn't figure out how someone broke through his homemade barricade, but he couldn't feel surprised either, but it didn't matter now. He was now sharing his house with the one of many psychopaths that infested the outside world.

"Daaaddy~ where are you?"

'The sick fuck must be getting some sort of kink out of this' the man swore in his mind. Suddenly without warning, a heavy shower started to spew and spatter outside and somehow, the individual splats and taps managed to pierce through the man's ear drums, yet at this point the girl's calm yet threatening voice was able to drown out the rain itself.

That bitch was getting closer.

The man now knew he had no time left. He knew that it was do or die, he knew it was time to be a man. The voice sounded like it belonged to some kid, so why was he pissing his pants in his little time out corner? Finally, he remembered that he had one of his kitchen knives sitting around his used med kit and picked it up. He wasn't gonna let some little shit be the end of him.

"There you are daddy."

Before he could even start to gather his courage, that cold, icey siren of a voice was already singing next to him and a chilling warmth somehow caressed his ear. The man's heart skipped a beat. She was this close already.

He should have just skedaddled, the man should just have vamoosed but instead his bottom was eternally bound to the floor and all he did was instinctively turn around in complete despair. The man expected the intruder to stab his stomach or simply inject another piece of glass into his other arm, but instead, The very same second his heart refused to beat, his mouth was suddenly covered by some sort of thick tissue and then caused a sudden drowsiness to spread inside him. He felt weak. Before his very being fell into darkness he only caught a brief glimpse of his assassin's eyes, but it was enough information he had to know to effectively deduce who it was that had sealed his fate.

Out of anyone in the world that could have taken away his pointless life, it of course had to be his very own daughter. It was the same child he had neglected for so many years and if it was her out of all the other crazy fuckers ending his life; the man didn't seem to mind.

The man's muscles soon refused to twitch let alone break his fall as he plummeted, back first onto the floor. Despite the fact that his entire body was instantly shutting down though, somehow he managed to keep the dumbbells weighing upon his lids alift for a few seconds longer, just to try and see for certain if whoever stood above him really was who he thought and sure enough the thin girl that invaded his thoughts toward before the man.

Her straw-like hair was tangled and drowned in scalp snot and her usual nurse-like outfit was filthy and terribly torn. Her small speckless face though, in a way relieved the man with its familierality but at the same time horrified him with its grave difference in expression. The constant worry from her puppy-like eyes was gone, now replaced with an expression that the man couldn't possibly describe as happiness, but she was smiling; harder and more larger than she ever smiled before. 'Come to think of it', the man last thought, he had never seen his own daughter smile. He regretted that he had to think such a thought and he regretted how it came to this. He regretted everything and in his last moments of consciousness all the man could do was regret.

Why didn't he ever notice that he had such a beautiful daughter?

The saw sinks right into the leg bone~

The right arm tears off the elbow~

Apply firm pressure, don't leave the wounds open~

Don't forget to sterilise with cream~

"I did it daddy. Merry christmas."

After what seemed like an eternity, feeling as if at random, the man's eyelids finally decided to open, while at the same time his stomach felt as if it was still debating whether or not it wanted to burst open. He was on a bed and it felt impossible to get up. The man's sight invited him back to a blurry mess of a world, mangled with muddy pixels of blacks and greys that were meshed with a glowing orange that most likely represented light, and on top it all off, he was just about having the shittiest headache he ever had in his life. He wasn't dead at the very least, but dear god he might as well have been.

"Daddy, you're finally awake!"

Listening to that voice yet again...he now unmistakingly knew that it was his daughter who was talking.

"Mikan, what happened? What are you doing here?" The man's gritty growl of a voice, strained from obvious- stress finally uttered the name of his child. The pixelated colours that represented his proposed daughter were still mixed in with the blacks and greys of the room but slowly yet surely, he could already tell his sight was reorganising the world back together again.

"The outside world daddy." She purred. "It's scary out there. People who I thought were my friends started stabbing each other and some even started slicing off their hands and fingers and if it wasnt that they'd end up killing themselves. I was so scared."

She wasn't being serious. Given The context of her small speech, the man should have been able to feel some small amount of sorrow, but he felt none. All he could catch was the disguised yet painfully clear sarcasm in the girl's voice, which drained all the weight from her words.

"I came back home because I knew it would be safe."

That wasn't true, was it? She was back to kill him, just like the rest of me. It was the only thing that made sense; to get revenge on how he treated her. After thinking about it for a second though, the man probably deserved it.

"I saw you fainted on the floor when I found you daddy. So I took you to my room and took very special care of you."

Another obvious lie added to the man's paranoia and was beginning to feel iller by the second. What in God's name did mikan-

He couldn't move his right hand. No. He couldn't feel his right hand. In disbelief as well as desperation, the man worriedly wiggled every last limb that was still attached to his body, and where his lower left leg should have jolted...

Shit! He was drugged right? He must've been dreaming right? It was a dream. It had to be a dream! The meshy fog in the man's eyes finally felt like clearing and with all his inner strength he turned his head round to face his right arm; but all that was left was the arm and all that came out of its tip it was a small lump of thickly layered bandages, dyed in dry blood.

It was a fucked up dream. The man continued thinking. He couldn't feel the pain right? So it was just a fucked up dream, birthed from his newfound daily stresses. The pain from his old arm injury must have been giving him a horrific nightmare.

"It was hard patching you up when you were bleeding so heavily daddy." The bitch went on. "I had to give you a ton of painkillers and stuff to keep you from feeling the pain. I'm sorry. You must feel terrible right now. It's a good thing I saved you."

She was fucking insane. Painkillers? No- the only reason he couldn't feel the pain was because he was dreaming; This was just my mind's way of punishing him. There's no way he should still be alive like this.

"Good thing the ultimate nurse was here to save you daddy and don't worry I'll take care of you. I won't let you die like everyone else daddy. You're safe with me daddy."

"All you need now is me."

Fuck. Shit. fucking shit. This cant be fucking happning! How the hell did it come to this? The man couldn't curse enough. This was too fucked up to be a dream, but at the same time it was too fucked up to be real, but it just had to be fucking dreaming. Being drugged by his own daughter had to be a fucking dream. All of the last few weeks had to be a fucking dream. He had to believe it was. He had to for the sake of what small sanity he had left, and as if by reading his thoughts the monster smiled. Mavoilevent, vengeful and pure evil were the only words that spawned when the man's now mushy mind attempted to decipher such a grin. This was how he died: by the hands of his own fucking kid. Now accepting that, the man then realised that keeping himself aware of the living world was only going to make him fearful of the inevitable and so he let his heavy eyelids fall just so he could at least have the luxury of dying without knowing what hit him, but something out of place then uttered from Mikans small lips.

"So what do you want to do first?"

A question instead of a threat. Was it curiosity instead of bloodlust? Despite still hearing that wrongfully playful tone in his daughters still silk like voice, for whatever reason, the girl's strange question gave the man enough hair on his balls to open up his eyes to his assassin yet again. This time he was eye to eye with mikans face; her straw like hair gravitated towards him and her skin: crystal clear, causing what was left of her innocence to glow, while also horribly smudged with scars and bruises of the past, reminding the man of why he was here now. She was almost on top of him and only her slender arms held her above the man, acting as cemented pillars beside his neck. The man's response was delayed by the surprise of Mikan's random actions and all he could offer in exchange was a limp wimper of confusion.

Was she going to kill him or not?

Mikan then suddenly retreated from her pose and sat down at the end of the bed, avoiding squishing his leg. Well, the one that still had an end to it.

"Comon’ daddy, now we can play anything you want. Maybe you can try drawing on me, everyone always loved doing that back at school so you should give it a try!"

"What?" The man finally spat out.

"I'm sorry!" She blurted apologetically, while also completely out of place. "Maybe that's too weird for you. Do you want me to squeal like a pig again? You always loved doing that daddy. Roleplay was always your favorite."

Why? Why was she asking this? Did she develop a thing for fucking massicasisom while she was gone? He couldn't question everything enough, the man's mind just began to melt from stress and confusion. Despite the lingering silence the man couldn't help but create though, without any sign of permission Mikan settled onto the floor boards on all fours and simply started to squeal like a pig.

This was it. This was hell. This was God's heavenly punishment.

"@#$@%*!"

It was his fault she ended up like this. The man knew this now. Why did fate have to ram the fact down his throat?

"#$@%*^=!"

He fucking got it. He made his kid into a fucking physcopath. Big hoo-fuckin-ray! Just kill him for it already!

"Oink. €£#$@%*^=! oink oink."

But the universe thought death wasn't enough. Oh no, the sweet release of death was never enough to right this mans wrongs, experiencing the end of the world was never enough, being disected like a fucking frog was never enough. No.

"#$@%€¥₩! Oink."

He had to endure the desperate screams for attention. Take in the blood curdling cries for mere notice. He had to tolerate the broken girl's ungranted wishes for a better father.

"₩¥€*$%@! $$%£@!"

And he did...until he couldn't.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

She stopped squealing, but the animalistic screams still remained in the man's ears.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"...Daddy?" She mumbled, somehow sounding shocked at his response.

"Shut...up. please." The man begged. He couldn't take it any more.

"I'm sorry Daddy." The girl apologizes again. With her voice finally sounding more mellow than sadistic. "I forgot you liked to see me do that with all of my clothes off...give me a second."

At this point The man was truly bewildered how he raised such a sad creature.

"Mikan." The man once again called out the name of his child as his eyes began to leak. "Please, enough of this."

Mikan then climbed back onto the end of the bed and locked with my eyes; hers instantly succumbed with certain grief as if she feared those words from the start.

"Daddy I thought you liked playing with me."

I stared back into her eyes with an assertive glance. One way or another, she had to learn that tearing off people’s limbs was some fucked up shit and no way to get what she wanted. It was the only way of redeeming himself, yet not even several seconds passed before she couldn't bare the silent treatment.

"Don’t ignore me Daddy. Dont do that again, please dont ignore me! please forgive me. I know I cut off your arm and your leg but I only did that so you wouldnt leave me alone again, I only did that so we could play forever. I only did that for us Daddy, because I love you! And Daddy loves me."

....

"...right?"

The man did not deserve to admit he loved her back because now he realized that He never deserved love. Not from his daughter, not from his late wife, hell, not even from his own old folks. The man now realised that he was human shit and all he ever offered was a shitty stench to smell for everyone around him and now he had intoxicated Mikan with his vulgar stink. The least he could do now was to relive some of the fumes and stop his daughter from absorbing any more of his odour. All he had to do was ignore her and be lucky for the man: that was what he did best.

As if satan himself sent everything he had to crush every shred of the man's newfound resolve, an intense surge of pain he had never felt before, striked at the ends of the dismembered body parts the man had almost forgotten about. He already saw his arm freshly bitten off and his leg cut clean but his mind was only now reacting to his sights and now every ounce of thought he once carried was instantly drowned out by a powerful, primordial pain.

"Ahhh...ahhhhhggghha. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh!" This time it was the man's turn to squeal like a pig. The entire world's suffering encapsulated in one single moment - all the man could do was vent all the pain out for all to hear.

"Daddy, Don't scream! Please...please stop screaming like that!"

Panic flourished in the depths of the girl's mind. The painkiller's effect wore off more quickly than she had originally calculated and it was only a matter of time before her dad died of the pain caused by his dismemberment. She knew she had to drug him back to sleep immediately and wait for his wounds to heal, but somehow, the few words that slithered out of the dying man's lips, kept her sat, frozen on the bed.

"Mikan...help me please."

Those few words changed everything.

Her legs were glued. Her heart beated faster and faster but her head paused and her sense of urgency plainly disappeared. The girl's body simply couldn't be bothered to move anymore. What was this feeling?

"Mi-kan....Mi-"

Daddy was dead.

The girl felt no grief. No regret, no remorse, not a trace of despair birthed from her mistake.

She just sat there.

The nonexistent glue still sews her short legs to the mattress of the bed. Her beating heart was still rapid, but her mind acted first.

That feeling was so close to euphoric. She might have been unusual but she always imagined the death of her only family would make her sad but she felt far from that. Then she knew why.

"Daddy...-I was the last person daddy was thinking about. I was the last person on Daddys mind."

All she wanted was attention, all she wanted was agnolegenent, all she wanted was to be loved. Her patients were always weak and broken but thanks to that they depended on her, they were grateful for her and they gave her all the attention she could ever ask for. Drugging daddy and immobilizing him was just a way to make him like one of her patients and if dismembering daddy was going to make him love her forever then that was what she should do. Instead though she ended up murdering him and now she was all alone again But still, that emotion remained. The fact that she was daddy's last thought accelerated her and the feeling of knowing that made her feel so relieved and somehow Mikan couldn't barely bring herself to regret what happened. Daddy was nothing but a corpse now, she knew that she had failed at being the so called 'ultimate nurse,' she knew she'd never see, touch or talk with her father ever again and yet the final begs and pleads for his life felt like more attention than he had ever decided to give to her.

"Daddy is dead." She sobbed. Lines of tears streamed down her skin.

"But I was his last thought. Daddy yearned for me. Daddy wanted me to save him." She giggled. She didn't know why but she went on giggling until the giggles evolved into laughter and eventually the seeds of her laughter bloomed into a savage song of sorry cackles. The conflicted emotions of depression and pleasure clashed in war inside Mikan's mind and the effects of their battle gushed out of Mikan in the form of chuckles and sobs. She didn't know what she should have felt anymore. Mikan had now truly lost her mind.

Warmth. Embrace. Love. It was all in a single moment. Her beloved.

"Jun-ko?"

"Shush now Mikan. It's okay."

Her beloved was here and for the first time in ages, Mikan felt cleansed. Her wobbling knelt legs gave way and tumbled down sideways like skyscrapers that crashed down onto the dovay, as the warmth from Junko's breasts aroused her. A Slender yet tender arm caressed the girl's hip and softly squeezed her core; while another gently stroked off the pieces of dandruff burrowed within her straw like hair, giving Mikan an inviting fuzzy feeling inside. It was pure love. If only the world could let her stay like this forever.

"Junko..." Mikan began to vent. "Your plan didn't work. D-daddy just decided to ignore me in the end." She went on. "A-and when he died he said my name, he begged me to save him and then I-I had this strange feeling."

Junko's voice then hummed in Mikan's ear. Her boiling breath was gentle and warm and just like the sun in a snowstorm, it melted every little bit of Mikans of well earnt fatigue.

"What kind of feeling was it?"

"It was a pleasure. I-I felt good. I even felt happy, even though he's dead now..."

Before a seed of panic could begin to spread in Mikan's soul, the slight sound of Junko's voice once again quelled any flames of anxiety lit within her and the words that were delivered with that voice, finally Settled the mental storm brewing within Mikan.

"You're just like me Mikan."

That was it. She was just like her beloved. It made so much sense now and with that everything was right again. Suddenly the frail girl broke free of the others hug just to turn around and dive into the cushiony breasts of her beloved and just like that she let it all out.

"Merry Christmas my little Mikan." Junko made one last whisper.

"Now get on the floor. I wanna hear you squeal like a pig again. Dont forget to strip down nude this time you little shit."

"Of course." Mikan faintly mutterd and soon did. She diddnt like it, but if it was what her beloved wanted hee to do. If it made hee beloved happy, then she was more than willing to do anything for her.

***

Hajime.

A skinny girl, dressed in a smart yet tattered nursing uniform stood anxiously outside a holiday cabin. This girl was no ordinary girl though as in the last few hours she had mercilessly murdered two of her own classmates. The girl felt no grief, no regret, nor remorse as she felt nothing but joy when being the last reflection of someone's eye before it was darkened forever. Ibuki and Hyoko were really nice friends and they just had to be her next victims to help relieve herself, as well as in helping along Junoko's killing game but for some reason, instead of covering up her tracks, her instincts brought her here. To her neighbor's beach cabin who was coincidentally investigating her crime.

It was a dumb move in the persective of a killer to randomly show themselves up to the detective but to Mikan; it was something she had to do. As expected, the door was open and just by opening the door the girl could see the boy she was looking for completely conked out on his bed. Being the ultimate nurse she could instantly tell that hajime was sleeping on the investigation due to obvious stress but despite that she couldn't help herself and without a second thought the girl dug under the boys covers and gently squeezed the slumbering life saviour to her core. Just like last time in the hospital, her hunch was correct. Hajime was just as warm, soft and comforting as her beloved.

She held the boy tight and as the emotions that came with the memories of her last Christmas came back to haunt her, she held tighter and tighter. The raging battle inside her soul was back. The truce of those emotions was not going to last forever. The fight between love and pleasure. What was more important to her? Seeing her friends free themselves from her beloved's killing game and live out the rest of their lives together? Or was it making sure that she was the last face, the last person, the last thought everyone would have minds before they finally die and witnessing all their anguish and hatred for herself? The attention she always craved was so close in her reach but the accursed emotion of guilt she thought she had repealed long ago was getting in the way again.

She then came to an ultimatum And whispered in hajimes ear

"Hajime. I did it."

...

He was still asleep.

With her internal struggle more or less settled, the girl squeezed the boy one last time and slept peacefully beside her second yet brief love.

Art credit:

Picture made by 'lil Mikan.' https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/1118770/manga

#danganronpa #fanfic

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