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#i went from not getting FTR to hating them to getting them to loving them to actually wanting them to get tag gold
akajustmerry · 27 days
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I'm new to the walking dead and was wondering if you would elaborate on the backlash to richonne you mentioned in the tags of your post?
hiiiiii sure! honestly, it was just racism. I wasn't so deep in the fandom, but I saw the "discourse" through callout posts from the general twd blogs I followed at the time. it's weird to explain, I feel like elrond in LOTR like, "I was there...."
okay so, the walking dead for a very long time was just a show about mostly white people surviving the apocalypse, and was very conservative in a lot of ways because of that. so the audience for the walking dead included a bunch of white people who were very racist and sexist because the show, especially in its early days did not encourage a vision of an inclusive apocalypse. that came a little later though, thankfully.
anyway, a lot of those people hated michonne from the JUMP. if memory serves she was basically the first woman of colour in the show and she was an intelligent, savvy, beautiful dark skinned Black woman. so racist fans hated her just for existing. Michonne was also kinda a mystery for a good long while, which racists also took as a cue to assume she was evil.
Michonne and rick first met a few episodes after rick's white and shitty wife lori (who nobody liked ftr) died. I mention this because about a season later when rick and michonne start getting along (not even romantically just like quite literally start being friends), racist misogynoir weirdos started claiming all kinds of horseshit like michonne was plotting against rick, or rick not liking Black people cos he used to be a cop, ppl even claimed that LORI fucking LORI was actually the love of rick's life lmao. this shit went on for YEARS before rick and michonne even got together.
When they finally did in SEASON 6, 3 whole seasons after they'd met and Lori dying, etc. there were people with saying unironically that their romance didn't make sense, came out of nowhere, wasn't "real" - you know, all the shit racists say when they don't wanna be direct. It wasn't backlash so much as just the usual low hum of racism that exists in any fandom for a thing that's about a white man.
I've always just followed very general blogs or my friends so I steered clear of it mostly. but as a fan of colour, racism in fandom is impossible to avoid and you're so used to it being in media too. I rmr being shocked when rick and michonne did get together not because I didn't want them to but because I was so used to racist TV shows where interracial love stories just didn't really happen and if they did they were so shit. I think that's why I love them so much because they're so lovely despite literally all the odds!!!
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myrddin-wylt · 10 months
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with the thought of Templar surviving to today, What are some headcanons within that universe for them and important historical events they might have witnessed? Would they have fought in certain wars? Avoided them? Met people? Gone on a worldly adventure avoiding other nations to refind themself after the order fell?
okay you sent this ask such a long time ago and I have been ruminating over it for a stupid amount of time. aside from Certain Crossover AUs, I'm still coming up with headcanons and characterization for Templar/Marie-Solène, partly because I have a lot of history I'm trying to learn lol.
the biggest problem is that the history of the Templars is pretty convoluted, and the historiography is a fucking nightmare, so I have trouble deciding what Marie-Solène should be doing in a post-Templar world. should she hate the Catholic Church, given the Pope's role in the dismantling of the Templars? should she hate the French? where does she go? does she go settle down in Portugal with the Templars there? or does she just join the Knights Hospitaller, or one of the other monastic orders? or maybe she just becomes Arthur's accountant since she was basically doing that anyway already. theoretically I could make any one of those work with the history, because the history is pretty complicated. once I figure out the immediate aftermath though, I feel like then I can focus on her role throughout history on a larger scale.
god there's just so much to the history of the Templars. they were the world's first multinational corporation, they laid the foundation for the modern banking system and held up a huge part of Europe's infrastructure (fun fact, the overwhelming majority of Templars were bankers or clerks, not knights), and their dissolution is historically kinda weird because it was so unilateral and wildly unpopular and didn't... really happen outside of France? like Philip IV obviously went after the Templars hard, but really the whole thing was political bullshit meant to get him out of paying back his loans to the Templars and everyone in Europe fucking knew it. like this was not a secret. the Pope ordered general arrests of the Templars, which pretty much all the Catholic monarchs (except Denis I, we love u Denis) felt obligated to carry out, but that's... kinda the extent of it outside France? the vast majority of them were acquitted, usually by ecclesiastical courts, because the Pope didn't think they did anything wrong and clearly none of the bishops et al did either, and the monarchs typically didn't put much effort into extracting guilty confessions. after being acquitted, most Templars would either live out the rest of their lives peacefully on a Church-provided pension, or they'd join other orders (military or non-military), or they'd just... integrate into various European courts because hey, everyone needs a good accountant.
POINT BEING, the history is so open-ended that I could have Marie-Solène do pretty much anything I want. it's easy in Certain Crossover AUs where ancient secret conspiracies and organizations are all the rage, but harder when it's just hetalia. ftr though, my favorite au is the Vampyr crossover where she becomes a vampire hunter because yeah, that'd be 100% in-character.
tldr: girl idk please help
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wrestlingisfake · 7 months
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All In: London preview
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MJF vs. Adam Cole - MJF is defending the AEW men's world title. Despite facing each other at the end of this show, these two will be teaming up in the pre-show to challenge for the ROH tag team title. The outcome of that match could completely change the complexion of this one.
Cole debuted in AEW two years ago as a douchebag heel, but after missing half of 2022 due to a concussion he returned as a babyface. On June 14 he and MJF fought to a 30-minute draw, which seemed to set up a rematch for the title. Before that could happen, though, Cole and MJF were thrown together in a parejas increíbles tournament. For weeks it looked like MJF was trying to con Cole into believing they could be friends, and Cole was trying to con MJF into believing it was working. After they won the tournament and unsuccessfully challenged for the AEW tag title, each man had nothing to lose by turning on the other. However, the pair seemed to genuinely bond over their shared douchebaggery, and MJF agreed to give Cole this title shot.
I've never been too big on either of these guys, so I wasn't too keen on them headlining this show. I was even less keen on getting there with a "wacky tag partners who hate pretend to love each other" story. But I have to admit, it's worked out brilliantly, and this is easily the hottest match AEW could deliver on their biggest show ever. They've got everybody wanting both guys to be babyfaces and desperately hoping neither of them turns, even though both of them have turned on every friend they've ever had.
I'm genuinely unsure if we'll see Max turn, or Cole turn, or if both guys will prove their friends forever. I had expected MJF to stab Cole in the back heading into this show. A turn at the end of this show would just serve to set up a rematch, which would be ass-backwards. You don't draw 80,000 at Wembley Stadium to run an angle to build to the real blowoff match in a smaller building. One way or another this has to be the climax of the story.
My gut says MJF will retain, but my head says anything could be on the table.
CM Punk vs. Samoa Joe - Punk is the self-proclaimed "real world champion," and he's defending that title here. Punk's claim is based on the idea that he won the AEW men's world title in September 2022 but never lost it in the ring due to an injury (among other things). Joe actually is the ROH television champion, but his title isn't on the line.
Joe and Punk had a famous trilogy of matches for the ROH men's world title in 2004, but from what I can tell they had a total of six one-on-one encounters between 2003 and 2005, before Joe went to TNA and Punk went to WWE. The two never crossed paths again until this summer, and Punk picked up his first win over Joe in July. Incensed, Joe demanded a rematch for this show, and ambushed Punk on August 12 when he didn't immediately respond. Punk finally accepted the challenge with an attack of his own, on the 19th.
Punk is clearly being set up for a "unification" match, possibly as soon as at All Out in Chicago next week. That leads me to think he'll have to win here, especially since his belt is on the line. I suppose there's a chance Joe could win to keep the feud going for another month or two. But it would make more sense for Joe to lose here and re-focus on defending the TV title in Ring of Honor.
Dax Harwood & Cash Wheeler vs. Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson - FTR (Dax and Cash) are defending the AEW tag team title. Wheeler (the one with hair) made headlines when he was arrested on August 18 for aggravated assault with a firearm. Nevertheless, the match is still on. This is the third match in the series, after Young Bucks beat FTR in November 2020, and FTR got their win back in April 2022. It's also chapter 973 in the long-running quest to decide Who Is The Greatest Tag Team Of All Time. Something tells me this match won't answer the question anymore than the previous 972 matches did.
The long-running rivalry between the Bucks and FTR took a left turn last year when the Bucks and Kenny Omega were involved in a backstage fight with CM Punk. Ever since then FTR have been making the case for their buddy Punk to be forgiven so they can do a trios match. So even though FTR aren't technically involved in that real-life beef, and they're on good terms with the Bucks, the average wrestling fan can't help but see this match booked and think it's got something to do with Punk vs. the Elite. It'll be interesting to see if that factors into the crowd reaction on this show.
Despite Wheeler's legal woes, I can see this match going either way. (Even if they need to take the belts off of FTR, there'll be time to do that later.) The Bucks co-created All In and they're the Elite in All Elite Wrestling, so it would be fitting to win the big one on such a grand stage. But at the same time, FTR aren't the carpetbaggers from WWE they might have seemed to be three years ago--they're as much a part of the fabric of AEW now as anybody ever has been. The real winners in this one are the fans!
Hikaru Shida vs. Saraya vs. Britt Baker vs. Toni Storm - This is a four-way for the AEW women's world title, so whoever scores the first fall on any opponent wins the match and the belt. Shida recently won the title from Storm, who used her rematch clause to automatically get into this match; everyone else had to win a qualifying match. Saraya is from England and bound to get a hometown reaction; her ally Storm is from New Zealand but spent a good chunk of her career wrestling in the UK.
This should be a pretty standard "two good guys versus two bad guys" four-way. The two bad guys will expect to divide and conquer, until midway through the match they both suddenly realize they could steal a win from one another. The two good guys will go in knowing it's every woman for herself, but then midway through inexplicably get mad when they can't cooperate. Everything will break down until someone gets the win, which won't really settle anything. These four are nowhere near done feuding, so it really makes no difference who wins since they'll all be facing off for months to come.
Kenny Omega & Kota Ibushi & Adam Page vs. Konosuke Takeshita & & Jay White & Juice Robinson - Don Callis turned on Omega back in May, and Callis's more recent protege Takeshita quickly followed suit. For some reason White and Robinson recently decided to help Callis beat up Omega. Luckily Kenny recently patched things up with Page after a three-year saga, and recently reunited with Ibushi in the latest chapter of a decade-plus saga.
Sting & Darby Allin vs. Swerve Strickland & Christian Cage - This is billed as a coffin match. Basically they'll put a coffin at ringside and the object of the match is to put your opponents inside it. Since it's two-on-two I'm not sure if you have to get both members of the opposing team into the same coffin, or if there'll be two coffins, or what.
Swerve made a big production of recruiting AR Fox to help him feud with Darby, only to turn on Fox this week. He then picked Cage--who has been feuding separately with Darby--to replace Fox in this match. The feud is largely about Nick Wayne, who was never in this match. This is not the most coherent storyline in the world. Sting has never lost a match in AEW and I don't expect him to start now.
Will Ospreay vs. Chris Jericho - Ospreay holds the IWGP United States championship, which he recently renamed the IWGP United Kingdom championship. New Japan Pro Wrestling hasn't officially recognized the change. As far as I can tell, the title isn't being defended here, but that could change at any moment. I don't know why Ospreay put a Union Jack on his belt if he's not going to bring it to Wembley fucking Stadium.
The backstory here is mainly about Don Callis, and his machinations to enlist top wrestlers aside from (and now in opposition to) Kenny Omega. Callis has made ovetures to Ospreay here and there for a year now. He recently tried to recruit Jericho, but that fell apart, except I guess he expected it to fall apart, so I don't know why he bothered trying in the first place. Anyway, Jericho hates Callis now so Ospreay beat him up. I'm still not sure if Will is going to actually join Callis's stable, which is a bit of a problem when the big story for months has been "who will join Don Callis's stable?"
They've positioned Jericho as the face and Ospreay as the heel, but I gotta think the London won't give a shit about that. Jericho probably needs a win after his de facto face turn, but he doesn't need it here and I'm not sure getting it here does him any good. I think it would be promotional malpractice if Ospreay doesn't win, but stranger things have happened.
Eddie Kingston & Orange Cassidy & Penta El 0 Miedo & Chuck Taylor & Trent Beretta vs. Jon Moxley & Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta & Mike Santana & Angel Ortiz - This is billed as a "stadium stampede" match. Until now that meant two teams of wrestlers do a pre-taped brawl all over an empty stadium, but this one is going to be full of 80,000 spectators, so it'll probably be very different. Originally this was advertised as a six-on-six match, but Rey Fenix was pulled from the babyface side before the heel side was even fully assembled.
The Blackpool Combat Club (Mox, Claudio, and Yuta) has picked fights with everyone on the babyface side. The details of each grudge aren't important, aside from Eddie's undying hatred of Claudio, and his strained loyalties to Mox. Santana and Ortiz returned this week to join the BCC team. We haven't seen them together since June 2022, when they teamed alongside Eddie and the BCC, in a match where Santana was injured. Then in January 2023, Ortiz and Eddie turned against one another, and Ortiz largely disappeared from TV.
Judging from this week's promos, this match is going to be about the faces trying to fucking murder the heels. Eddie basically promised to set Claudio on fire. Will Chuck finally get to use a chainsaw? Only time will tell. I expect fifteen minutes of crazy violence and then somebody randomly wins with a drop toehold or something.
Malakai Black & Brody King & Buddy Matthews vs Max Caster & Anthony Bowens & Billy Gunn - The Acclaimed and Gunn are making their third bid to capture the AEW trios title from the House of Black. After their second loss in July, 59-year-old Billy left his boots in the ring and retired, but Black's team kept provoking the babyfaces until he returned this week for another go. I presume Billy's career is on the line here, insofar as there's no point in un-retiring if he just loses again, but there's no point in being retired if he wins a championship.
Billy's gimmick with the Acclaimed has been "Daddy Ass," but for this show he says he's bringing back "Bad Ass Billy Gunn," referring to his days with the New Age Outlaws back in the late 1990s. Wrestlers do this bit a lot, and they always want it to be like when Mankind turned into Cactus Jack, but it never really works for anybody but Mick Foley. What exactly is Bad Ass Billy Gunn gonna do that Daddy Ass couldn't? Oh well, I guess for one night I can pretend Billy used to be a super-tough mean guy 25 years ago.
It's too soon for the House of Black to drop the titles, but the time is just right for Billy and the Acclaimed to win them. I think we'll see new champs.
Jack Perry vs. HOOK - This is on the pre-show. Perry won the FTW championship from Hook on July 17, and this is the rematch. The FTW title was introduced by Hook's father Taz in ECW, and Perry hardly fits the aesthetic, so he gets heel heat just for having it. Jack was threatening to retire the title (so he could be the final champion) until Hook intervened, so I assume if he retains he'll proceed with that plan. He's not going to retain. Hook is going to whip him like a government mule.
Mark Davis & Kyle Fletcher vs. MJF & Adam Cole - This is scheduled for the pre-show. Aussie Open (Davis and Fletcher) are defending the ROH tag team title. The story here is that Cole and MJF bonded while they were chasing the AEW tag title, so even though their squaring off in the main event, Cole still wants to win tag gold with his buddy. Cole and MJF have developed the double clothesline as their big tag team move, and it's actually gotten over. MJF has perfected a deadly kangaroo kick for use against Aussie Open, and that's also gotten over. So look for those spots in this match.
My hunch is that miscommunication between the challengers will allow Aussie Open to retain, setting up further intrigue between Cole and MJF on their way to the main event. However, I can't rule out the possibility that Cole and MJF win the belts, and then that sets up further intrigue in the main event. Davis and Fletcher have a bright future but frankly losing the ROH title here won't hurt them much, so I'd say anything could happen here.
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Hey S.T changing it up tonight. How about some questions instead (while I think of a new prompt)
1) Top 6 Favorite Wrestlers
2) Top 6 Hated/Dislike Wrestlers
3) When did you start watching wrestling?
4) What promotions do you watch?
5) First wrestling match you remember watching
6) Ever been to any wrestling shows/events?
7) Favorite Wrestling Story Line
8) Least Favorite Wrestling Story Line
9) 1st fanfiction you ever wrote
10) What do you love most about wrestling?
I can’t wait to read your answers 💜💚
Sorry in advance, I got a little carried away. So you don't have to read through all my rambling if you don't want to. These were fun questions, though, thanks for asking!
1) Top 6 Favorite Wrestlers
I feel like I need to give some background information, so prepare for a long answer to this.
1. Cash Wheeler/ FTR: Who would've guessed, huh? Cash's my favorite, across all categories. Honestly, he is criminally underrated. Have you seen him in the ring? He is ridiculously fast! And very precise! I love that when Dax is in the ring, he moves around like a hunter circling his prey. Everything seems very calculated, very planned. I like that. What I enjoy even more though, is when he tags in Cash and the whole pace changes. He's like a pitbull off the fucking leash. I genuinely feel like ya'll are sleeping on the man.
And FTR made me fall in love with wrestling again, with a style of wrestling I hadn't appreciated before. They always say they have no fancy moves, and it might be true, but their storytelling in the ring is unmatched for me.
On a very personal note, I have to thank these two little shitheads because they have helped me conquer my depression to some degree. For years, I have been struggling, losing all interest in things I've usually enjoyed, like drawing, writing/reading, and generally being creative. I just went to work, then went home and stayed in bed for the rest of the day/night.
It's funny to me that two guys who don't even know that I exist have helped me through some of the darkest times of my life and brought some joy back. I owe them more than I could ever tell. (And yes, I shed a tear while I wrote this). So if any of you ever says something negative about these two, go kindly fuck yourself.
[From here on, answers will get shorter]
2. Kenny Omega: God, I just love this man. I can't really describe what it is, but there is something poetic in the way he moves. There's just a certain grace about him that demands my attention when he's in the ring. Plus I love his geeky side. We actually have the same taste when it comes to Anime, so I like him even more.
3. Christian Cage: In my early teens, 20 years ago, I had a major crush on Christian. Over the years, the crush turned into general admiration, and he still brings a smile to my face everytime I see him. I've always enjoyed his work as a heel, and can't wait for him to turn again.
4. MJF: Maxwell is a star in the making. I mean, he already is one, but imagine him in 10 years. It's gonna be magical. His dedication to his in-ring persona is unmatched and he can turn shit to gold. Personally, I thought the whole campaign against Mox was a stupid storyline, but I enjoyed it because it was MJF. That's how good he is.
5. Scott Hall: I always say he was my first wrestling crush, but he wasn't really. I was 6 years old, he was like 30 years older, I certainly didn't crush on him. My brother owned an original Game Boy and had this WWF game called either RAW or Kind of the Ring. When he didn't play, I'd always snatch the Game Boy and played. And I always played as Razor Ramon. Later, when I saw him on TV, I immediately knew this was my guy. God, he was soooooo cool.
6. CM Punk: I loved him in WWE. The Pipe bomb will always be one of the best wrestling moments I have ever witnessed. And Punk is the reason, I started watching AEW. My brother tried to talk me into it for quite some time, but I always turned him down saying I was done with wrestling. Then, last year, he tried one last time and told me Punk would come back. I couldn't say no to that, and when he really walked out, I smiled like an idiot at the TV. Then, the start was a bit rough, because he didn't feel like 'My Punk' in the beginning, but I love his recent work.
2) Top 6 Hated/Disliked Wrestlers
1. Shawn Michaels: Hear me out, I don't hate the man because Dax hates him. I've hated Michaels way before I knew Dax existed. I just never liked him. Plus, the Sweet Chin Music is the worst finisher of all time. Yes, I know wrestling is fake, but don't make it that obvious. You really want to make me believe that your opponent is so beat down that he doesn't hear you stomp your goddamn foot 3293 times for 10 minutes straight?! Like he doesn't have a clue what might happen next?! It's a goddamn kick that happens many times in a match, but because you stomped like a little toddler whose mama didn't buy him candy, it'll end a match? Yeah, right.
2. Darby Allin: Hate is a strong word, but I just don't get him. When I started watching, I thought I'd love this guy because aesthetically, his style is my cup of tea. He was a let-down for me though. Plus, I hate the Coffin Drop as finisher.
3. Hulk Hogan: Just a douche in general.
4. Sammy Guevara: I don't dislike him, I am just very indifferent to him. Which I don't understand myself, his matches are good. I just can't warm up to him.
5. Charlotte Flair: same as Sammy.
6. Kelly Kelly: I am talking about young Kelly Kelly that got handed everything on a silver plate while not being all that good. I have no idea what she is doing now, and I honestly don't care.
3) When did you start watching wrestling?
As with a lot of things I have come to love, it was actually my older brother introducing me. I might have been 5 when I really started to get interested in the whole idea of wrestling, then it was part of my life until my mid-twenties when I stopped watching altogether. It was just recently that I started watching AEW (watched all the older Dynamite episode later) and fell in love with it again.
4) What promotions do you watch?
Right now, it's just AEW. I have fallen out of love with WWE years ago. When there was a way to watch here in Germany, I enjoyed Lucha Underground, TNA for some time, and I loved WCW back in the day.
5) First wrestling match you remember watching
Undertaker vs Undertaker, Summerslam 94. Because my brother loved The Undertaker, and he watched that match about 2374375 times.
6) Ever been to any wrestling shows/events?
I have been to two WWE shows here in Germany, maybe in 2004, 2005? And there also was a TNA Show close to where I live. But other than that, sadly no. I have made my peace with the fact that I will (most likely) NEVER see FTR live (just typing it actually breaks my heart)
7) Favorite Wrestling Story Line
Hmmm, honestly, about anything that includes CM Punk or MJF. I am a sucker for good promos, and these two ALWAYS deliver. So I am going with their feud against each other. MJF is just killing it, and I love how he blurrs the links between show and reality.
8) Least Favorite Wrestling Story Line
This was a tough one. And then I remembered it: There was this absolute shitty storyline with Kane and Lita...where he forced her into marriage? Then, at some point, she was okay with it...then 'pregnant' and then lost the kid? That was the most fucked up shit I have ever seen happening in a wrestling ring.
9) 1st fanfiction you ever wrote
In general, a one shot for the Anime 'Bleach'. In my high school years. I'm pretty sure it sucked.
Wrestling wise? The Cash Wheeler one shot 'Weirdo' that I wrote in March this year.
I actually didn't write a whole lot when I was younger, because I never got any feedback on it and thought no one liked it.
So I am more than happy to get some opinions here on tumblr. Although, in my adult mind, I probably would write some of it anyway. Like I would write Meant To Be, even if no one read it. I'd just do it for myself.
10) What do you love most about wrestling?
To me, wrestling is like dancing combined with drama class. There are (at least) two bodies moving together in order to tell you a story. In between, someone holds a monologue, explaining his intentions, thoughts, goals. More dancing. Dialogue. More violent dancing.
Honestly, I can't explain it. It's just, if it's good wrestling, it makes you feel. This year, I have seen the best match I'll probably ever witness. FTR vs Briscoes. Never ever have I felt a match like I felt this one. The four men had me wrapped around their fingers. I rewatched it every day for 4 weeks and was still amazed by it. It's a feeling I can't explain, and it's what I like most about wrestling.
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ladynestaarcheron · 2 years
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The latest chapter of FATWD was great, I loved everything from beginning to the end Nesta getting slightly annoyed at Feyre hovering (we know that is not a bad thing that she's worried is just the way she approaches can be a little bit too much, especially for someone like Nesta who I think resembles a lot of myself and she tends to get awkward around too much attention) the scene with the priestesses and Nesta thinking she's going to hell because the cauldron hates her utterly destroyed my heart but I'm glad Cassian in this fic is emotionally intelligent and understands exactly how to approach the situation when he finds her crying in her bedroom. And don't get me started on the scene in her mother's grave we know that her mother was abusive just like her grandmother and her father (Nesta out her collecting all the mommy and daddy issues like it's pokemon) but that fact doesn't mean she can't miss them or grieve for them, it's sad but sometimes we hold onto the good things as few as they were and erase the bad ones so as sad is it is Nesta missing her mother here was really realistic just like her grief for the death of her neglectful father, I REALLY loved this chapter so much, you're an amazing writer 😍😍😍😍
Asdfghjkl I am OBSESSED with this I am going to address everything:
Thank you so much!!
Yes, Feyre is pushy. Pushy because she cares. But still pushy. And Nesta doesn’t want to deal with that on a good day, let alone when she’s achy and tired.
Cassian in the original trilogy was also emotionally intelligent! I don’t know where that went! I would say the main problem for me in A/cosf is that Cassian was acting like a dumb bitch 24/7.
SHE ABSOLUTELY IS COLLECTING MOMMY DADDY AND GRANDMAMA ISSUES LIKE IT’S POKEMON AHHHHH
Of course she still loves them! I feel like the A/cosf narrative and the fandom underrates how much Nesta loved her mother. We know from the original trilogy that losing their mother devastated Nesta. Why would it if she did not love her? Perhaps she wasn’t a warm woman, but neither is Nesta. Obviously a lot of her stress comes from that relationship and I’m not discounting that but if you were to ask Nesta if she believes her mother abused her I think you would get an emphatic no, which is important. (Ftr I think she would count her father’s neglect as abuse but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him and didn’t want him to do better for his sake too! I think she wants both of her parents!) Tl;dr relationships with parents/parental figures generally do cause some sort of damage but people still love them.
Thank you so much!! Again!! Comments/asks/reblogs in detail like this make me so happy because it's so gratifying and validating to know that the work I put into my writing is worthwhile and people see what I try to convey.
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zoekrystall · 2 months
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Everyone be proud of me I finally started to download music again (used mostly yt-dlp which omg ily)
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All it took was me randomly fixating for days on my pc aesthetic (made personal use firefox skins too for hours) and wanting to use the skins sjsksk. Smth I never cared enough abt. The skins are so pretty I wish kid me knew abt them,,, reg how I thought I was the only one that cared abt phantom thief jeanne (as a kid prob way more than sailor moon but both good) was I suprised by the amount of skins.
This one is also really nice I maybe should rewatch slayers
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Anyways back to mp3 metatag hell (I still have my whole spotify stuff to download which is. So much more. I fear). It is like 0:50 I will prob pass out soon but until then.
I primarily thought abt it too bc I loved to put music on in the bg on discord calls w my ex bff but I used spotify which hates this so I went hm when downloaded it doesn't need the internet and it won't suddenly stop too. I wanna push my music in calls w friends again (on that note listen to groundbreaking, sockittome, and bahjat 🫵). The ones I bought on bandcamp did I luckily not forget to check first will prob throw what I can once possible at the ones that I want to support.
Will only upgrade my phone this year bc this small storage sucks I only thought oh fine I got a big sd card but capitalism said ha no fuck slots. By the amount of music and what I use it for do I gen think min ~500 max 1tb (find it a bit wild that's a thing for phones but I'm not complaining) and then only again once it's unsalvageable. I think that will make me happy for a lifetime bc it's always just the storage for me. Music + pics (which I use for edits) and the main storage eater and I yknow want to download games too or in the future mangas/eps to get edit material there. Oh and pdfs to read n books n such esp ones to quickly show in convos which can become a huge pile too. I will delete eps but I obv first need enough to download them. First and foremost I want to start taking my as of rn ~20gb music library (incoming like ~1400 songs from spotify excluded) everywhere w me w no worries however and ik this will become much bigger in the years since I constantly search for new ones (spotify likes in the 10000 for example. need to clean my playlists for storage like yearly). Reg my pc I will invest in those external storage things I got a 1tb one from my dad ages ago and ik they're cheap. Anyways people weren't kidding downloading stuff is kinda addicting like even if taken down I still have that damn. Like obv ik since forever but omg why the fuck did I stop w that. Will prob only download video stuff I watch w friends but still. I need to start ripping the dvds I got. Oh it feels good to be back.
Tldr I want big ass phone storage so gotta upgrade but I got my reasons (plus reg if cheaper w plan refurbished depends on monthly price). My current got 128gb ftr which is horrendous and makes me want to explode since I got it multiple times. Also feels good to be back to download not just stream stuff.
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casscainsbiceps · 1 year
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[serious] should i confront my bff tomorrow when we see each other for the first time since last oct?
tl;dr my bestie of 10+ years is close to moving countries for her boyfriend, but we drifted apart a long time before then, and i've been really upset about the state of our friendship for a while now. i'm genuinely happy for her, but i still feel like absolute shit bc i have a lot of trauma issues, and the person i talk to (her) about these things—aside from a therapist—barely returns my texts anymore
pros if i confront her:
i finally get this shit off my chest bc it's been brewing for months
cons:
first and most importantly, she'll feel bad
which i don't want to happen bc
a) i never want to make her feel that way, that's like the opposite of my job as her bff
and b) since this is the first time in 4 months that we're seeing each other, i don't want to spend it telling her that i've been very resentful. i don't want us to end our day tomorrow with the knowledge that i've been really upset and her thinking it's her fault
bc, ultimately, i know it isn't
life is just like that: people grow apart. relationships change. sometimes they end, sometimes they just never go back to being the same as it was before
i get that. i know that.
.........but that still doesn't change the fact that my love language is quality time and the fact that i haven't received that from her for a looooong while now fucking sucks
that's the basic gist of it. feel free to pls send advice just based on that summary bc i just really am at a loss rn
the longer story (under the cut):
we been besties since high school despite taking different post-secondary and career paths
things already started getting shaky for us during the 2018-2019 school year bc i just got hella busy for thesis
but it really started going downhill at the beginning of the pandemic when she began hanging with an online group she met via reddit/mutuals
she had a fling with one of em early 2021 but it ultimately didn't go anywhere, however by the end of 2021 she did get her first boyfriend (diff dude from the first guy)
the bf is chill: treats her right, super respectful, very affectionate, very dedicated despite their ldr bc we're in canada and he's in the US
ftr there's been periods where bff and i were less in contact/less ~close bc our lives are p different: we don't have the same friend circle anymore bc of a fallout with other ppl (which is a whole other story i'm not getting into here)
but we always always keep in touch via text or sns. we always always did our best to meet up irl every month or so. we'd have hours long convos on the phone to catch up or vent when shit went down in our lives
but since the start of the pandemic and her new friend group, and especially once she started dating her bf.......we haven't been doing........well.
any of that.
i didn't know about the first dude she was checking with until he asked her out and she freaked and called me for advice. before that she always told me about her crushes
i didn't even know she got a whole gd boyfriend until almost 2 weeks after they finally became official
and it's not that they were keeping their relationship under wraps: everyone in her new friend group knows about them
i just.
didn't.
tbf i had a major depressive relapse in 2020. i isolated from gd everyone. i could not bother giving a fuck about anything other than hating myself, so on my end i did pull away from her
she even asked me about it once! but unfortunately i brushed it off at the time bc depression is a nasty fuck who has me make bad decisions like not talk to my beat friend who's heard all this and more from me already
when i realized how lonely i've felt without her, i did my best to keep my end of our friendship like we used to:
i text all the time. i try to hit her up for lunch/dinner dates to catch up. i send well wishes on holidays and important dates for us. i try to rec her new series/media i get into so we can bond over fandom-y things together again
for 2+ years now all i've received are week(s) late responses and several (admittedly valid) excuses to reschedule for another day
we still do text, but it's less than half from how we used to. we still meet up, but i can count those times on one hand. the only reason why i know things about her and her bf is bc i tease and bug her until she cracks
and i sure af haven't opened up about any of my own issues aside from relatively superficial things bc i haven't felt like she'd be able to reciprocate/support me the way i need her to
she doesn't greet me on my birthday anymore
(which, fair, bc i don't like anyone but my family remembering my birthday, and that's just bc i deserve reparations for their trauma against me at least once a year)
(but damn shouldn't it be in bff contracts that we remember each other's birthdays??? i always remember hers)
(we were supposed to meet for her birthday last year. i made it clear i wanted to see her for her 25th bday in nov before she left for xmas vacation in dec. she didn't make the time for me, which is why i haven't seen her since oct)
i get that all this means is that we've grown apart. that we've truly got our own separate lives now. and i know there's nothing wrong with that
and to be clear: i don't blame her new social life at all! her friends make her happy, her boo is a good guy. she's making plans to move to his state and move in with him. she's thriving and i'm so happy and proud of her
but that doesn't change the fact that, for second time in my fucking life, i've been abandoned by a friend i really truly thought i'd basically be buried next to
yes, this has happened before, and the reason why i'm asking if i should confront my bff now is bc that first friendship never repaired after i didn't confront them
(i haven't heard from that first friend in about a year now, and even then all she said was "lol look at these memes you sent! sorry i missed them!")
also, this doesn't even address the fact that i have a lot of experience/trauma from close friends/friend groups falling apart and then having to find new people to befriend and lean on bc i've never had anyone to turn to like that in my own family
so idk if i should just passively keep my emotions inside again, or try to talk to current bff about feeling awful whenever i think about our relationship
i want so badly to do the former and believe that our friendship won't end like my last one did bc, hey, maybe it won't
but idk if i wanna risk losing her without even saying how i've felt
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elfyourmother · 2 years
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okay i guess we’re grief processing on tumblr. i’d appreciate it if you don’t reblog this because i legitimately don’t have the spoons rn to deal with anyone acting up on it
my aunt was so wonderfully weird. and ftr I do mean weird, not eccentric. “Eccentric” would imply money we absolutely do not have lmao
Imagine Ouiser from the original Steel Magnolias as a broke ass Black woman and that was my aunt. (But she used to hate when we would call her Ouiser fjdfs) She even had the big gigantic dog with anxiety. (RIP Fats, your mom’s finally home with you again.)
Like the rest of my mom’s siblings she was creative and artsy. she drew like the rest of them, and adored classical music and opera, but she also studied ballet at the Joffrey Ballet and desperately wanted to be a dancer. They found cysts on her spine though, so that took care of that. She didn’t let it stop her from loving the arts though, even though she what my mom did and gave it up for a more “practical” career.
Shrimp Fried Rice was her favorite thing in the world to eat. She’d eat the cold leftovers for breakfast while we watched the Twilight Zone. Mind you everything I learned about cooking I learned from her, including how to make that marinara sauce I just posted. She was Iron Chef Italian. Learned at the feet of an old nona in her building growing up, even. (Brooklyn was a lot less segregated back then, funny enough.) But that shitty shrimp fried rice was like the gods’ own ambrosia to her.
She loved loved loved sci-fi and fantasy and horror. We bonded over Lord of the Rings, when I showed her the extended versions (she rarely if ever went to theaters tbh). We would marathon them every Xmas and drive my mom insane. And she really did go to the very first Trek con ever held, the one at the Hilton in Manhattan in the 70s. Still had her ticket and everything. It’s probably worth a small fortune tbh. (I told y’all this shit was genetic) She was TOS only though, as she would holler to anyone who would listen, including me. Picard was “pointy bald headed motherfucker” according to her. Somewhere she still has TOS zines and like, Spock was her Blorbo, if ever there was one. Years ago when I was living out west, she even called me in the middle of my work day solely to brag about how she met Shatner and Nimoy at one of the casinos because they were making an appearance at a fan event together, something they very rarely did in later years. “Hey Aurora I just met Nimoy again. Have fun at that shitty ass job today.” was the entire voicemail she left me fsdjkfsdfs
That’s just how she was though. Extra at all times, snarky, witty, phasers set to roasting (affectionate) at all times. The quintessential Gemini if ever there was one (her birthday is 2 days after mine, even). I still laugh about the look of absolute murder she gave my sister’s stereotypically, painfully Midwestern friend when she suggested we eat at McDs while we were on a post-cruise vacation in Rome.
She did slip into Archie Bunkerism in her later years and eventually I sorta had to take her in small doses, if I’m honest. She was very set in her ways in a lot of respects. But she was still wickedly, wickedly funny, even when the dementia started getting bad. In hindsight there’s a lot of her in me, the best parts I think. Well, and the depression. (The queer part I got from my uncle, who was equally weird and artsy.)
I mean she was 86 and had been sick for a long time but I’m honestly still in shock. I found out on Friday night and I still can’t really believe it. She was such a larger than life character, the sort you just kind of assume will be around as long as Keith Richards. Never, ever boring and never, ever apologetic. The world is a little more boring without her in it hollering about Patrick Stewart’s pointy bald head.
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ravs6709 · 3 years
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Kwami Sitting- Alya and the Kwamis
Alrighty, major spoilers from Gang of Secrets! Like, major.
But yeah, I've been having feels for that entire episode and because there was the reveal, it means kwami sitting! So here's some kwami content featuring platonic alyanette. Mentions of food.
Ftr, I made the zodiac kwamis all use they/them pronouns, though I don't think it ended up being too relevant in this fic. The main ones though do have genders.
Enjoy!
•~•~•~•~•~•
It had only been a day since Marinette had revealed her identity, and Alya liked to think that she was taking the news well. After all, that was Ladybug, the superhero that she'd wanted to unmask for so long, until she realized that it would hurt more than help. She still couldn't believe that she also happened to be her best friend.
But it made so much sense though. Both Marinette and Ladybug were strong, courageous, intelligent, and incredibly good friends. It explained why Marinette was always late to class or making excuses.
It also explained why she looked so broken. Because she wasn't just Ladybug, the only person who could undo the damage caused by Shadowmoth. She was also the Guardian of the Miraculous. She was someone who hated lies, but had to lie in order to keep everyone safe.
But she told her secret to Alya, and Alya vowed to help ease the burden that she was carrying.
"See this?" Marinette pointed to the large pink box, before it expanded to show dozens of coloured bottles. "This is where I keep the miracle box. And this is how I open it."
She then pressed down on a bunch of the bottles, before a drawer opened.
"Woah!" Alya gasped, before remembering that Marinette had been defensive about the dollhouse. "It took you less than a day to make that?"
"Uh... yes?"
"That's so cool!"
"Focus, Alya." She picked up the miracle box. "Each of the miraculous are stored in here, but the kwamis don't have to stay inside of it. And-"
She was interrupted by both her and Alya's phone buzzing. There was a notification about an akuma attack.
"You go, I'll look after the box! I'll also cover for you in case your parents come!" Alya told her, and she nodded.
Marinette transformed- woah it looked so cool!- and made her way to the roof. But before she left, she turned back to face Alya.
"If things get dangerous, I might have to come for one of the miraculous. Keep your phone in case I need to text you."
"Got it! I won't let you down, Marinette!"
Even though she would be missing out on a chance to film for the Ladyblog, this was an opportunity to properly meet the kwamis! She'd seen glimpses of them before, but her priority had been comforting Marinette over her curiosity. But now she actually had the chance to meet them all.
"Alright!" She called out. "You're all under my watch now! Can you like up so I can figure out who is who?"
She knew about the main miraculous, and some of the others, but she wasn't prepared to see just how many kwamis there were. She only recognized four. Trixx, Tikki, Wayzz and the bee whose name she didn't know. Others looked vaguely familiar, like the snake, horse and dragon. But she didn't know there was one for the pig, rooster, tiger (wait were they for the zodiac?).
"Ooh, you're Alya, right!" The pig kwami asked. "I'm Daizzi! It'd be really cool if you were my holder!"
"I told you, she's already taken!" Trixx replied.
Alya looked at the two kwamis. Were they fighting over her? It took all of her willpower to not scream, only because she didn't want Tom and Sabine to hear and get concerned. Then she'd have to explain why she was screaming, and Marinette's sudden absence. Yeah, she definitely should not do that.
"I'm very flattered that you'd like me as your holder, Daizzi" she said instead. "But as Trixx said, I'm taken. I like being Rena Rouge."
The other kwamis began to introduce themselves, and a brief summary of their powers. There was so much to take in and she wished she could talk to someone else about it, but knew that she couldn't, and wouldn't ever betray Marinette's trust like that.
After that, she sat on the bed and pulled out her phone. The kwamis were insanely old, so they'd probably be well behaved, and she could start writing down notes for her next Ladyblog article.
Or well, that's what she thought. Apparently all those years of living meant nothing, because as soon as she got distracted, she heard something fall to the floor.
It was a good thing that Alya had two devious sisters that had a tendency to cause destruction, otherwise she'd be fuming.
But because she had the experience, all she did was casually look back at her phone as if nothing had happened.
"Oh," she began, faking sweetness into her voice. "I was planning on getting you all some snacks, but I guess not."
The twins were starting to grow old enough to not fall for the tactic, but she suspected that the kwamis would. As expected, they turned towards her with wide eyes and sad expressions. They whispered amongst each other, before they moved to start cleaning up.
Trixx seemed to be participating half-heartedly- he probably knew what she was trying to accomplish, he was perceptive like that.
"Okay, what are your favourite snacks?"
She already knew that Trixx liked fruit, but she was not prepared for the variety of foods listed. Pollen liked peppers, Wayzz liked drinking tea, and there was a lot.
"Okay, I can't say that I'll be able to get food for all of you, but I'll do my best. Wayzz, I'm leaving you in charge."
She figured that since Wayzz was the previous guardian's kwami, he would be the wisest.
•~•~•~•~��~•
Alya took a deep breath, then tip toed down the stairs. The bakery wouldn't have everything, but taking a large variety of stuff would be weird. If it was just sweets, it'd be fine. But to take fruits and crackers and popcorn? She had to sneak the food back upstairs.
She looked into the kitchen and didn't see anyone.
"I haven't seen you in such a long time!" Sabine said from the front. "How have you been?"
Perfect! While they're distracted with the customer, I can get what I need.
Surprisingly, the kitchen raid went better than she'd expected. She managed to find even more food, and was able to carry it upstairs with ease. When she opened the trapdoor, the kwamis all beamed.
There was also no damage, fortunately.
"Before you eat," she said, chanelling all her authority into her tone. "I'm going to set up what we humans call a movie. Let's watch the Ladybug and Chat Noir movie."
It was easy to access it, since she already bought it online with an account. She got comfortable then started the movie.
The kwamis were fixated on the movie, impressed with the animation and the capabilities of the computer. However, there was a slight problem.
"How did they get the idea of the miraculous so wrong?" Baark asked.
"Remember, humans don't know that we exist. They have very little to work with," Wayzz answered.
Except that the others ignored him, and started critiquing the movie even more. Alya groaned. She was never going to be able to enjoy the movie again without thinking of the conversation going on around her.
•~•~•~•~•~•
There were footsteps on the roof, and then the trapdoor opened. Alya didn't look back at Marinette, even when she detransformed.
"Oh wow, you're good at this," Marinette remarked.
Alya only hummed as a response, and reached for the last of the popcorn. "I like stole a crap ton of food from the kitchen though. Hope you don't mind."
"Are you kidding me? I haven't seen them sit still in ever!"
Alya felt arms wrap around her from behind, and she smiled. "I told you. If your load gets too heavy, I'll carry it with you. Even if it's by doing something as simple as babysitting these cute kwamis."
"Thank you Alya, thank you! I don't know what'd I'd do without you."
"I love you too Marinette."
•~•~•~•~•~•
Ml taglist- @subrosasteath
Want to be added/removed from the taglist? Just let me know!
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cinenthusiast · 2 years
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dynamite thoughts: 2/9/22
just going to post aew thoughts here as a kind of livejournal-esque revival. this is really just for myself, but i wanted some way of keeping track of reactions as a fun kind of record!
- this was maybe my favorite episode of dynamite that i’ve seen. genuinely thrilling top to bottom. khan is, for better and worse, very good at bringing hype to the table. when it delivers it’s magic. this had such an event feel to it. is this how people feel about their superhero shit? it must be. keith lee coming in was very much predicted, but no less fire. he got a great pop, and the match was an excellent showcase for him. dude just oozes charisma and is so agile for his size. this was my first time seeing him and i was grinning ear-to-ear the entire time. isiah kassidy was great here too. jeff hardy will definitely be coming in once that clause is up and i assume the hardy boyz will have one last run together on aew, which could and would be beautiful
- the punk/mjf feud has been so hit-or-miss for me. the match was really excellent and such a journey, but the promos have often been way too drawn out and repetitive. but i really liked this week’s for a few reasons: it actually moved the story forward by having punk put it out in the open to wardlow that he should break from them. mjf got to have his coronation bit which was entertaining in the cheap heat way it ate up screentime. “*twice*...in chicago” was genuinely funny, and then finally, aew did something they never ever do in their promotion which was to have a match materialize in the course of the show. there are a lot of tropes they overuse (interference, backstage interviews get interrupted and turn into a brawl, roll-up finishes in the women’s matches, etc etc etc) but they never do this one, and so it was really really exciting to not only have punk need to find a tag partner as the show went on, but to then have it culminate in a barn burner with punk/mox teaming against ftr. all of that made this segment work for me more uniformly than some of their others (although punk had a really lame line at one point, i can’t even remember it, i blocked it out).
- wardlow rules, total star
- inner circle team meeting (lol). i’ve hated this lame faction since i started watching, but this turmoil within the group has been really compelling and i’m hoping hoping hoping it leads to them actually breaking up. everything santana & ortiz lay out in the promo is shoot true, and they deserve a real push and not to just continue to be folded into inner circle antics. sammy has risen to a real standing place in the company but S&O haven’t gotten their proper time to shine. Santana in particular is a star who cuts a great promo. everyone did a good job here (except, as always, jake, who has no idea where he is). it will be such a damn shame if jericho doesn’t use this tag match to put santana and ortiz over. i don’t get what jericho gets from this if he wins, and all it would do for S&O is prove to the audience that, see, you really do need the inner circle, which would be such a shitty thing for their careers. so i hope they book this smart and have S&O get to really shine and be put over in a big way.
- so excited to get to know jay white, and i love that bringing him in is story development for kenny even in his absence
- matt leaving a la jeff and the “erratic behavior” comment
- they seem to be building to rosa and britt for revolution which i can’t wait for
- i’ve gone from being lukewarm on FTR to absolutely loving what they are all about. they are the most reliable workers out there, and their moveset is so much more filled out and fluid than, like, most others on the roster. i feel like i’m always guaranteed, worst-case scenario, a good match from them. and their new theme is the best. they have so much chemistry together and i just love those guys. this match built up into something genuinely exciting and desperate feeling. off the rails but not chaotic, just very ALIVE. some great false finishes there too to get all of us even more worked up
- really hope we see more of AQA, she was great. really enjoyed this Jade match. her gimmick act is so well-polished but she’s also making improvement as a wrestler as well. i’ve genuinely enjoyed her last several matches for the most part instead of being let down by the way they go about getting her reps.
- main event was tremendous, another bloody match for page. the blood was so THICK wtf. lance is such a fabulous heel. i still think having lambert involved made no sense and was weak, but having jake the snake in there was perfect. i also loved the spot they gave him and that his whole thing was he just kept wanting to be let in for a taste while lance is like pls get out of my fight lol. and his disappointment lmao. expected lance to get in offense first and then page to come back but they really switched it up in the best way here. having it already starting before they can even do entrances, having it feel like we’re coming in in the middle, and then having page get in some sick shit first. they both put on such a show, seriously gnarly stuff. that steel stairs spot hurt ME just watching it (seriously, wtf, how is he alive) and then the final buckshot off the ref into the table was INSANE. this just ruled.
- then having adam cole come out right at the end was the cherry on top. i’ve been waiting to see cole get serious. he has such a natural comic presence but he’s been beefing with the best friends for so long (combined with certain recurring bits like the kiss, cutler, etc) hat it has come to feel like the goofy portion of the show when they have a match. which i enjoy a lot and has its place, but i’ve wanted cole to switch gears for a couple of months now. so i’m excited to see him get down to more business. i’m also waiting to get some sense of fish & o’ reilly as a tag team. i know other people know them from nxt etc but i feel like they just brought kyle in and have done zilch with him yet. i’m not into bobby fish but i’d like to get a sense of what kyle can do and of them as an active tag team presence instead of them just hanging around cole and the young bucks with all the untapped tension that comes with that. but yeah, great moment to leave off on
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debbiechanclub · 3 years
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Best Two Out of Three, Part 25
BTOOT is back! @hotyeehawman and I would like to apologize for the unintentional three-month hiatus. But it was the holidays, and then life, and lack of motivation... but we’re back! And I hope you all are just as excited about it as we are 😁
But enough talking! Enjoy! And please give us notes and scream in our asks we would very much appreciate it.
Best Two Out of Three
Part: 25/26
Pairing: Kenny Omega x OFC and Cash Wheeler x OFC x Matt Jackson...? And Adam needs to start loving himself, okay.
Word count: 4.6k
Warnings: Language; angst; alcohol use; blood
Catch up on previous parts here.
Tag squad: @freshlysqueezedmox @comeasyoudar @heelchampbucks @librathepheonix13 @gabbynorth98 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @exe-sadboi-exe
For a hazy, fleeting second when he first woke up, Adam didn’t remember what had happened the night before. But then his hotel room came into focus, the fog of sleep cleared, and it all came flooding back like a waking nightmare.
He didn’t know how long he’d laid in the middle of the ring after Kenny had let him collapse face-first onto the mat. Seconds that had felt like minutes. Minutes that had felt like hours. The people at ringside had remained painfully silent until he’d finally picked himself up on tired legs and they’d cheered, doing their best to encourage him. But he’d barely heard them as he’d trudged into the back, his hands noticeably emptier than they’d been at the start of the match.
And then, things had somehow gotten worse.
He’d expected to see Alex when he’d returned to the locker room. Hoped to see her. Hoped she would rush over and hug him and tell him something to make him feel anything. But she hadn’t been there. Orange had said he’d just missed her; she’d left and gone back to the hotel. Gone after Kenny. And when he heard that, Adam’s heart had suddenly felt just as empty as his hands.
He laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling, unsure what time it was. He didn’t care. He wanted to go home, but there was no point—he’d just have to turn right back around the day after tomorrow. Plus, he’d booked the hotel room through Thursday. He didn’t want to lose that money, too.
Knock-knock-knock.
He turned his head toward the door, slightly confused. Had someone actually knocked, or had he just imaged it? He started counting. One, two, three, four, five, six—
Knock-knock-knock again, louder that time. And then, Alex’s voice called through the door.
“Adam, it’s me. Please open up.”
He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see her; not really. He could guess how their conversation would go and he’d rather just avoid it. But he forced himself out of bed, pulled on a pair of sweats, and grabbed his glasses off the nightstand as he shuffled across the room to the door. She’d just started to knock again when he pulled it open. Alex stood on the other side, an anxious look on her face.
“Hey. Can I come in?”
Adam stared back at her in pensive silence. Part of him wanted to tell her no—but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So, he settled for a smart-ass comment as he let her in instead. “Does Kenny know you’re here?”
A mixture of hurt and surprise flashed in her eyes. But he hardly cared. He was hurt, too. “Yes,” she sheepishly returned. “I wanted to come see how you’re doing.”
He scoffed to himself as he shut the door. “What, were you too busy last night?”
Her face fell. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Put me in the middle more than I already am.”
Adam bit down on his jaw. He wanted to tell her she’d put herself in the middle, but he knew that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t even true. She wasn’t the cause of these circumstances. He was.
She brought her hands in front of her to nervously pick at her nails. She looked down at them as she talked. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you last night. But after Kenny left the arena I had to see where his head was at. And even though I’m not thrilled with how he handled it… you know this would have happened, eventually.”
His brow lowered. “I know what would have happened eventually? That Kenny would abandon me?”
“No,” she returned with a frustrated huff. “That you and him would lose the tag titles… split up. You and Kenny aren’t FTR or the Young Bucks; you’re not meant to be a tag team. You’re meant for other things—bigger things. And now you can go after them.”
Adam rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood for platitudes. “Oh, so is that what he told you last night? That he wants to move on to bigger and better things?”
“Yes. Don’t you?”
The quickness and bluntness of her answer surprised him. It also put him on the defensive. “I don’t know, Alex, I haven’t really thought about it. I’m kind of still processing last night.”
He moved past her to sit down on the bed. She pivoted to face him. “Look, I hate to say this, but… it’s probably for the best.”
Another platitude. He rolled his eyes.
“I’m serious, Adam!” she proclaimed. “When was the last time you were actually happy tagging with Kenny? Or being in The Elite?”
“Do I look happy now?”
It was Alex who rolled her eyes that time. She was getting impatient with his attitude. He didn’t blame her. Deep down, he was waiting for the day he’d drive her away, too.
She looked back down at her hands. “No. But I think you will be, eventually.”
Adam glanced away. He didn’t have anything to say. He didn’t want to have this conversation.
Alex let out a sigh. “I guess I’ll go.”
She turned and started toward the door. Adam felt his chest constrict as he watched her walk away. “Wait.” She stopped and glanced back at him, her hand on the door handle. “Why’d you run after Kenny?”
He had a feeling he knew why, but he wanted to hear her say it. She looked down at the door handle, her brow knitted together. She was debating whether or not she should actually tell him, he knew she was. But, eventually, she looked back at him and said it.
“Because I’m in love with him, Adam.” And then she went out the door.
* * * * * * * * * *
Callie had hoped she would wake up with a clear head. But she hadn’t. In fact, she felt even more confused than she had the night before.
After Kenny had stormed out of the arena, she’d wanted nothing more than to go to Adam. But she wouldn’t let herself. He’d pushed her away just like he had everyone else. Why should she go running to him?
Because you care about him, her heart said. You still love him.
He wants Alex to take care of him, her head returned. Let her go pick him up off the mat.
“Screw this,” she’d stubbornly said as she’d stood from the locker room couch—right as Matt and Nick returned. And then, she’d gotten angry.
“Why didn’t you go with him?” she’d accosted. The look that Matt had given her was a cross between offense and confusion.
“Are you serious?”
“He just needs to cool off,” Nick had interjected before Callie could respond. He was clearly trying to keep the peace. But it was no use; Matt was already out of the blocks.
“Why would we go with him?”
“Why wouldn’t you go with him?” Callie fired back. “Isn’t that exactly what you want, to start over your little club without Adam?”  
Matt’s brow lowered, darkening his eyes. “Callie, you don’t know—” but he cut himself off, running a frustrated hand over his face. And then he asked, “What do you care, anyway?”
Callie faltered then. She didn’t have an answer for him. She didn’t even have an answer for herself.
“I’m not dealing with this right now.” She stalked over to her bag and bent down to zip it up. Matt watched with parted lips as she stood and pulled it behind her to the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the hotel,” she said. And just like that she’d left. Matt had texted her since, but she’d left him on read. And as she rode the elevator down to the hotel lobby, she realized she still had absolutely no desire to talk to him. To even see him.
We rushed into things. She realized that now. She’d latched onto Matt because she was lonely and hurt and he’d given her the attention she’d so desperately craved from Adam. And now she was worried that it had all been nothing but an emotional mistake.
The elevator doors slid open, and she swiftly made her way to the breakfast buffet, praying she wouldn’t run into anyone. She would just get what she wanted and head back upstairs to eat in the privacy of her room—but before she could reach the plates, someone called her name.
“Callie!”
She winced and whirled around. Cash and Dax sat at a table across the restaurant, plates of food in front of them. Cash waved for her to come over. She hesitated, unsure if she should. But she didn’t want to be rude, so she walked toward them.
“Morning,” Cash greeted with a wide smile. She returned it as best she could.
“Morning, and congrats. Hell of a match last night.” She really meant it. As heartbreaking as the outcome of the match had been, FTR had been the better team last night. They’d won the tag titles fair and square.
“Thank you,” Dax nodded in gratitude. “I hope there’s no hard feelings over us beating your boy. Although, from what I understand y’all aren’t exactly a thing anymore.”
Callie noticed Cash give Dax a hard look out of the corner of her eye. But it didn’t bother her. She’d figured word had gotten around by now that she and Adam were no longer together. “No. We’re not,” she frankly returned. Dax just nodded and sipped his coffee.
“So are you moving back home to California, then?”
She looked back at Cash, caught off-guard by his question. Did he assume that because he knew she was from California, or because he knew she’d been staying with Matt? Either way, it didn’t matter. Because she wasn’t even sure that was what she wanted anymore.
“That was the plan… but I’m not sure how set I am on it now.”
He cocked his head in curiosity. “Why’s that?”
She avoided his gaze, running her finger sheepishly along the edge of the table just to give herself something to do with her hands. “It was a knee-jerk decision,” she admitted. “And after thinking about it… I’d honestly rather move here. Well, to Florida. Not necessarily Jacksonville.”
She looked back up at him. He nodded. “Well, if you’re considering Orlando, let me know. I’d be more than happy to show you around.”
The corners of her mouth turned up. “I am, actually. Thanks.” He nodded again, and Callie suddenly felt like she needed to change the subject. “So, I guess you guys are going to the Labor Day party tomorrow?”
They had to be—they’d be gone by now if they weren’t. Her suspicions were confirmed when Dax made an enthusiastic sound in his throat.
“Hell yeah, we are. What would an AEW party be without the AEW World Tag Team Champions?”
She playfully rolled her eyes. “Not letting it go to your heads, I see.”
“Are you going?” Cash asked.
She drew in a deep breath. “Yeah, despite better judgment,” she said with a wry laugh. “I’m not exactly popular around the locker room these days.”
“Us, either,” he returned. It made her smirk.
“Who cares?” Dax dismissed. “Stick with us. We’ll make sure you have a good time.”
Callie glanced at him, and then at Cash. Something about his eyes made her feel calm. They were so warm and brown. Genuine. She smiled.
“Okay. Maybe I will.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Callie arrived fashionably late to the Labor Day Party. She tried to tell herself it was just because she hadn’t been able to decide what to wear, but she knew that wasn’t it. Even with Cash and Dax’s encouragement the day before, she’d needed to drum up the courage to go. A glass of rosé at the hotel bar had gotten her in the Uber and through the doors of Daily’s Place, but she’d need another drink if she was going to hang around.
The din of music and voices greeted her as she walked into the party. She glanced around, looking for a friendly face, only to realize she was subconsciously looking for Adam. She chastised herself and tried to push the thought aside—but she stopped. Adam was nowhere to be seen. She scanned the room again, just to make sure; he always stuck out at things like this. But again, she didn’t spot him.
She did, however, spot Alex. She was on the opposite end of the room, a wide smile on her face as she stood tucked into Kenny’s side talking with Cody, Brandi, and Tony. She probably knows where Adam is, she thought. But she ignored it and made a beeline for the bar. She ordered her usual and pulled her phone out of her purse to text Cash. They’d exchanged numbers yesterday, and she hadn’t spotted him, either—
“Hey.”
Callie’s mouth went dry. She locked her phone before she looked up at Matt. “Hey.”
She expected him to look angry, hurt, annoyed, something. But it didn’t look like he felt any of those things. His face was an unreadable mask. The bartender set her cocktail on the bar top. She picked it up and took a long sip.
“Didn’t care to tell me you were coming?”
There was some emotion. Aggravation, with a bit of resentment around the edges. She had to swallow before she could answer. “You knew I would be here, Matt,” she breathed. “The whole roster is.”
“Adam isn’t.”
Callie went rigid. That was more than just a statement. It was an accusation. “So when you didn’t see either of us here you thought what? That we were off somewhere else together?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Matt’s jaw flexed and he glanced away, caught. “Look, I’m sorry, alright? But can you blame me? You haven’t said a word to me since you bit my head off Saturday, Callie.”
Her eyes hardened. “I didn’t bite your head off.”
He scoffed. “You kinda did.”
“Well, can you blame me?”
“Hey.”
Kenny cautiously cut in. Alex peered at them from around his shoulder. Callie let out a breath and took another drink.
“I don’t mean to interrupt… but Tony wants to talk to us about that thing.”
Matt put his hands on his hips. But he nodded. “Yeah, fine,” he said, and he stalked away without a second glance.
Kenny turned back to Alex. “I’ll let you know when we’re done and then we can get outta here.”
“Okay,” she nodded, and he pecked her lips and went after Matt, leaving Callie and Alex suddenly and awkwardly alone.
“I’m just here to get another drink,” Alex said as she stepped past her to the bar. Callie hesitated. She knew she should just walk away; but she couldn’t help herself.
“Hey… have you heard from Adam at all?”
Alex glanced at her over her shoulder. She didn’t answer right away. “Um, yeah. I asked him if he was coming today and he said he didn’t feel up to it. But that’s it.”
Callie frowned, but she wasn’t surprised. If she’d been in his position, she probably wouldn’t have come, either.
The bartender placed Alex’s drink in front of her, but she didn’t pick it up. It looked like she was turning something over in her head, weighing whether she should say it. Callie was about to tell her to just spit it out when she fixed her with a hard stare.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and Matt, and honestly I don’t care. It’s none of my business. But if there’s any part of you that still cares about Adam, I’d suggest rebounding with someone else.”
And with that said, she grabbed her drink and walked away, leaving Callie standing there, a knot in the pit of her stomach.
* * * * * * * * * *
As soon as Alex left, Callie got a text from Cash. He was at the pool with Dax, Shawn, and Shawn’s wife, Peyton, and he told her she should come join them (I think you’ll like Peyton, you two remind me of each other, he added). When she arrived, she was surprised to see they were the only people there. Cash smiled at her from the water as she walked toward the loungers.
“It’s about time! Did you get lost on the way from the hotel?”
She smirked as she set down her things. “Oh, have you been waiting on me?” she asked, only to blush at how flirtatious it sounded. But if Cash noticed, he didn’t seem to mind.
“Well, you have good timing. We were just about to set up the volleyball net and play a game.”
She nodded as she sat down to take off her shoes. “That sounds f—”
Her words died in her throat when she looked up and saw Cash climb out of the pool. Water trailed down his body, rippling over his chest and abdomen toward the low-slung waistband of his swim trunks. Callie felt her mouth go dry again as she caught herself staring at the muscular definition of his shoulders and pecs. Had he always been that good-looking?
“We should do guys versus girls!” an Australian-accented voice pulled her out of her daze. She looked back in the pool and recognized the speaker as Peyton Royce. She had an excited grin on her face that Callie couldn’t help but return.
“Oh, they won’t stand a chance.”
Dax formally introduced them while Cash and Shawn set up the volleyball net across the shallow end of the pool, and Callie stripped down to her bikini and lowered herself into the water. As they were an uneven number, they decided it would be Callie and Peyton versus Cash and Shawn with Dax as the referee. But just before Peyton could serve the ball, four more people walked into the pool area.  
Orange, Chuck, Trent, and Alex.
They all noticed each other at once. Dax muttered something under his breath. Alex came to an abrupt halt, causing Trent to run into her. Callie tensed and looked at Cash, who looked at Alex, who looked at Callie.
And Peyton waved at them. “Oh, perfect! We were just about to have a game of volleyball. Wanna join?”
Callie sank into the water. Perfect.
None of them said anything at first. The silence was awkward as Chuck glanced around at Orange, Trent, and Alex. He shrugged. 
“That sounds like a terrible idea. Let’s do it.”
* * * * * * * * * *
When Alex had told Callie to rebound with someone other than Matt, she hadn’t meant Cash. She thought that went without saying. Still, she’d tried not to jump to conclusions when she’d walked into the pool area and seen them together. After all, they weren’t alone. They were just co-workers hanging out at a company event. That’s it.
But, even if it was completely innocent, it still rubbed Alex the wrong away. She expected Cash to stoop so low—he was a duplicitous prick—but she was shocked at Callie’s thoughtlessness. She was glad Adam wasn’t there to see his ex literally jumping around in the pool with the guy who’d stabbed him in the back and taken his title.
“Hnnh!” she let out a grunt as she sprung up and spiked the ball over the net. It landed with a smack against the surface of the water right in between Callie and Peyton. At least hitting the ball was a good outlet for her agitation.
“Damn, Alex, this ain’t for the title,” Dax remarked from the side of the pool. She glowered at him—but Chuck fired back before she could.
“What’s the score, Dax?”
Dax’s beady eyes turned hard. “Ten-eight.”
“Ten-eight who?”
“Ten-eight you.”
“Damn right, it is,” Chuck muttered. Alex bit back a smirk.
They all reset, and Shawn served the ball. Chuck easily bumped it back, but when Callie scrambled to hit it over the net, it flew straight up into the air instead. Cash rushed forward as it came back down and whacked it as hard as he could—sending it flying like a missile right at Alex. She didn’t even have time to pivot before it beaned her hard in the shoulder and careened off into the water.
“Shit!” she cursed.
“Point!” Dax loudly proclaimed.
“Really?!” Chuck shouted. “You have something smart to say about Alex spiking the ball but nothing about Cash hitting it as hard as he can right at her?”
“Come on, it wasn’t on purpose,” Cash defended. He looked at Alex through the net. “I’m sorry. Are you alright?”
Alex gripped her shoulder as she stared back at him. It stung from the impact of the wet volleyball and was throbbing already. There would undoubtedly be a nice bruise there tomorrow. However, to Cash’s credit, he seemed genuinely remorseful—but then she noticed Callie roll her eyes over his shoulder. She bit down on her jaw.
“I’m fine.”
He frowned, but she turned away and looked at Trent. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “Serve the ball.”
She rolled her shoulder and turned back to face the net. Trent served the ball. It went right to Peyton and she hit it back over. Orange popped it up, and just like she had before, Alex spiked the ball to the other side.
Crack!
“FUCK!”              
Except that time, it hit Callie right in the face.
Blood poured from her nose and dripped into the pool. Peyton told her to pinch her nostrils and tilt her head forward. Cash rushed to her side through the water. He glared daggers at Alex.
“What the fuck, Alex?”
She opened her mouth to say it was an accident, to assure them it was, but no sound came out. Her vocal cords were frozen.
“It was an accident,” Trent returned.
“Didn’t look like it from here,” Dax chirped.
“Oh, shut up,” Chuck groaned.
“It was an accident!” Alex finally blurted. She looked at Callie’s retreating back as Cash helped her toward the pool steps. “Callie, I’m sorry.”
But she didn’t acknowledge her at all, and then Cash whisked her away, holding a towel to her nose. Thankfully, Dax went with them.
“Well, I guess that’s the end of that,” Shawn awkwardly announced. Peyton shot him a chastising look, and then they exited the pool and left, too.
Alex stared in silence into the water. Her nose burned. She hadn’t meant for that to happen. She hadn’t meant for Callie to get hurt. She didn’t want it to be like this between them anymore. She wanted her friend back.
“Hey,” Trent waded over to her. She felt him put his hand on the small of her back underneath the water. “It was an accident,” he gently repeated. “She’ll be alright.”
Alex’s nose burned even more when he said that. “I’m gonna go see if Kenny’s ready to leave,” she said, and she didn’t wait for a response before she climbed out of the pool, grabbed her things, and left.
* * * * * * * * * *
Steam fogged Callie’s hotel bathroom mirror. She wiped it clean with her hand, frowning at her reflection. The volleyball had left her with not one, but two black eyes—the left was worse than the right. At least it hadn’t broken her nose. But, at this point, a broken nose would have been the least of her problems.
She didn’t think Alex had done it on purpose. She’d said it was an accident and she believed her, no matter how much Dax had tried to convince her otherwise while Doc Samson had examined her. Afterward, as she’d left Daily’s Place with FTR, Tony had asked her if she would be good to wrestle the mixed tag match on Dynamite. She’d almost told him no. Not because of her nose, but because she wasn’t even sure she wanted to wrestle Alex anymore, let alone with Matt. She wondered if he’d heard what happened yet. She was already bracing herself for his reaction.
She dried off from her shower and wrapped a towel around herself as she walked out of the bathroom. She pulled her phone off the charger, and when the screen lit up, she saw she had a text from Cash.
How’s the nose?
She sighed as she typed out her reply. The nose is fine, but the eyes not so much. I have twin shiners.
She tossed the phone on the bed and started to walk away to get dressed, but it pinged again and she looked back at the screen.
That’s alright, you’ll just look like a bad ass for your match.
Callie bit back a grin. She opened the text to write back, but those three dots appeared. Cash was typing again—and she didn’t expect his next message.
Are you up to get dinner? My treat.
Her gaze turned distant as she stared at the text, her thumbs hovering over the screen. She didn’t know what to make of his offer. Was it platonic? Did he feel sorry for her like he had when they’d gotten dinner last month? Or was it something more?
But it couldn’t be something more. It would be way too messy. Messier than Matt.
Then why did she want to say yes?
She shook her head of the thought as her fingers flew over the keyboard. Thanks, but I’ve already decided on room service and trash TV tonight. But I’ll take a rain check?
She bit her lip and hit send before she could stop herself. The three dots popped up near instantly.
I’m good with a rain check. How about tomorrow? I was actually gonna ask if you wanted me to show you around Orlando since you’re here.
Callie’s eyebrows arched. In trying to dodge a bullet, she’d only to given him more ammo. “Fuck.”
Knock-knock-knock.
She jumped at the sound of someone at her door. “One minute!” she called. She tossed her phone aside and hurried to get dressed, thankful for the interruption. But when she pulled open the door, her stomach dropped.
Matt. His brow furrowed with concern when he saw her. “Jesus, are you alright? I heard what happened at the party.”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Who told you?”
“Tony,” he answered. And then, “And when I asked where you were, he told me you left with FTR.”
Callie fidgeted with the door handle. “Yeah. They gave me a ride back to the hotel. I didn’t really feel like sticking around after getting hit in the face with a volleyball.”
A short, breathy laugh escaped Matt’s lips and he looked away down the hall. Callie’s brow furrowed. “Is that a problem?”
“What’s going on, Callie? I mean, just over a week ago you were in my bed, planning on moving back to California, and now you’re avoiding me.”
His eyes bore into hers. Hurt, angry, just like they’d been when he’d confronted her at the party. Callie had to look away. It gutted her to see it.
“You can’t even look at me.”
“I’m confused, okay?” she blurted. “This all happened way too fast.”
Her heart pounded in her ears and her chest constricted. She hadn’t wanted it to come out like that, but she felt backed into a corner. And if Matt had looked hurt before, he looked positively betrayed now.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, I guess it did.”
And with one final hard look he turned and left, and for the second time that day Callie was left alone and even more conflicted than she’d been before.
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running2redemption · 3 years
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"The Secret(s) of Castle McDuck!" and "The Fight for Castle McDuck!"
Season 1, Episode 20: "The Secret(s) of Castle McDuck!"
3/5
It was really neat to meet Scrooge's parents and see where a lot of facets of his personality come from. At the end of the day, Fergus is still a bad dad and one of my least favourite characters in the series.
I'm really glad Webby gets to interact with the McDuck clan in "The Fight for Castle McDuck!" Because while from a plot standpoint I understand why she had to be frozen this episode it was still kinda disappointing.
The boys exploring the catacombs and Dewey trying to keep them from exploring the catacombs in the most un-Dewey-est way was probably the highlight of the episode. When Huey suggests they burn Della's scarf, I was so glad that Dewey cracked - I was emotionally invested in this part of the episode a lot actually in hindsight.
Launchpad pretending to be Donald was funny.
Louie is a soft boy and I love him with all my heart.
"You kept a secret about Mom. That is not okay."
Season 3, Episode 17: "The Fight for Castle McDuck!"
3/5
I hate that after Scrooge and Fergus resolve to be nicer to each other in "The Secret(s) of Castle McDuck!" they absolutely aren't at all. Fergus is the worst and I don't like him.
Matilda was neat to see, I do kinda wonder if she has ADHD though with all her very creative business ventures, but I'm not really here to diagnose cartoon characters just a thought I had during the rewatch (ftr I do think a lot of the McDuck clan is neurodivergent as heck tho).
Pepper is the highlight of the episode for me and she deserves the spot she gets at F.O.W.L's table. It was weird to hear her voice the first time though because my brain went "Mina Loveberry?" but no Pepper is 300 times better than Mina in every way.
As someone who has a sibling, I found it really interesting how little Webby really understood the situation, do only children really not get it?
Dewey is confirmed as Scrooge's favourite and honestly, I think that's the truth.
Post the finale Webby's speech hits very different.
"It's not the McDuck name that makes our family great-" "-it's the people in it."
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6ad6ro · 3 years
Text
i think it's especially easy for neurodivergent ppl to blindly follow a community's "rules", especially when they're created by communities that overall have seemingly "good intentions". there isn't that necessary process of criticism, and context is rarely used alongside these "rules".
i randomly joined tumblr way back when, and IMMEDIATELY was like "wow, this is amazing. these ppl care about human rights and want to make the world a better place!" lol. and i began to blindly follow a lot of "rules" and cast a lot of judgements without thinking. it was pretty easy to do, considering i'd left places like youtube where (hatespeech and prejudice ideas are really common). tumblr seemed like paradise.
sure enough, i found myself saying things like "i hate men" (im he/they), "i hate white ppl" (im white), "i hate cis ppl". etc etc etc. it's really easy to like... passionately want change. and think the groups you're supporting are always right.
it's easy to make blanket statements... to follow "rules" without thinking? when your intentions are "good". i just wanted actual equality. the culture i was involved in said "these ppl are at fault, we need to change them to fix things". so i went along with it. i didn't think. i wanted to be "good".
but what about male allies. what about trans men. what about WHITE allies... do some of u gays REALLY not have a single cis person you're friends with? sorry, but theres a lotta ppl that fall into these groups who are ABSOLUTELY lovely. and also on your side.
and yet here you are, blogging about how much you hate them. throwing them under the bus based on the color of their skin, their gender, or their prefs.
just bc racist/sexist/transphobes commonly call out tumblr as a "place of hate" to try and justify their OWN hate (u know the tactic)? doesn't justify what we're doing. many of tumblr's "rules" and widespread beliefs? are inherently prejudist.
and neurodivergent ppl can just... eat this stuff up. me personally? i'm ALWAYS having to ask others "is this okay" or "am i doing this right"? it's really hard to make confident decisions on my own. so i would see "rules" as a godsend. something to trust in.
not realising that the same type of authoritarian, control-freak mentalities that exist in like... government? are also in these marginalised communities.
not to call anyone out, but i ran into yet another person with an absolutely silly dni today (ftr they seemed like a rly sweet, at most confused, younger person doin their best). but they literally were like "if someone i follow is bad, please lmk"... like? while on the surface that might seem like "oh i wanna know if someone i rb from is a secret terf" etc? i can't help but see it as "i dont know the rules! plz tell me the rules!!! i wanna do the right thing". bc i'm sorry. i see this stuff too much from atypical peeps.
there was a lot of confusing stuff in this dni. another being "if you believe there can be racism against white ppl, please dni" (the user claimed to be white btw). like... honestly? this one makes me wanna scream. bc what ppl call "racism" is usually just "prejudice". and YES prejudice actually DOES happen against white folk. your statement is an example. seriously tired of marginalised communities excusing their prejudices simply bc they're poc or gay or just whatever. like if you CHOOSE to make excuses for why hating someone based on their race or gender or sexuality is okay? you're excusing prejudice.
it even gets extra silly w the less serious "rules". like i'll see things like "no self-shipping" (its fictional), "no problematic character love" (its fictional), "you must set up/format your blog in this way" (its not your say, so if u dont like someones blog just unfollow/block omg). just a lotta weird "rules" where i KNOW these ppl got em from other cutthroat, authoritarian, self-proclaimed "good people". "no racists" is a rule that makes sense. but "no vtuber shipping"??? are... are u kidding? u know that anime youtubers are designed to be horny, right? lol... i just see a lotta stuff. too much demonizing and over WHAT? it's ridiculous.
PLEASE! for the love of GOD just TRY and use context and individual judgement. and i say this ESPECIALLY to other neurodivergent ppl. bc i get that it's really hard for ppl like us. but...
i guess i'm just tired of seeing so much hate being disguised as justice and love. and i'm tired of atypical ppl's trust being taken advantage of. i'm tired of blind rulefollowing. if tumblr communities should teach you anything, it's to be critical and analytical of morality. i know it can be difficult, but please just THINK.
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slavet0thegrind · 3 years
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@followthecreeper came up with this tag game in memory of Alexi Laiho and I love this idea so I'm definitely gonna do it. Thank you for coming up with all of these questions, it's awesome to see so many people coming together to remember him the last couple of days. 🖤
When and how did you become a CoB fan?: I wanna say it was in 2004. I was 13 or 14, and every Saturday I'd hang out in my parents' basement and watch MuchLoud (Canada's version of Headbanger's Ball). And one weekend, they played the Needled 24/7 video. It was like a punch in the face from the first note, and the intensity never let up, and I was instantly hooked. I went out and bought Hate Crew Deathroll and Follow the Reaper the same week and I've loved them ever since.
Do you own any merch?: LOL oh yeah. My favorite hoodie ever is my old worn out Follow the Reaper hoodie that's ripped in like 3 places that I've had for like 7 years but I REFUSE to get rid of it. I also have a Blooddrunk hoodie and ANOTHER hoodie with the whole band on it, plus Follow the Reaper, Reckless Relentless Forever and I Worship Chaos T-shirts, and another t-shirt with the band on it. Plus Follow the Reaper and Hate Crew Deathroll flags. 😂
What is your favorite CoB album?: FOLLOW THE REAPER. It's in my top 5 albums EVER.
What is your favorite project that Alexi worked on, besides CoB?: ...you have no idea how many times I've watched the Local Band concert from 2018 in Helsinki on YouTube. They covered so many hair bands I fucking LOVE, including Skid Row so I LOVE it.
Have you ever met Alexi?: Yes! In 2014 I met him, Roope and Henkka at a signing (me on the left in that FTR hoodie 😂)
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Have you ever seen CoB live?: 17 times, and they were fucking amazing every damn time.
What's your favorite Alexi quote?: I don't even know why but there's a video of CoB playing Hate Crew Deathroll at Wacken in 2011 and he says "Alright motherfuckers, let's get it on. This one's called HATE CREW-" and then let's the crowd scream "DEATHROLL" and I fucking love it.
What's your favorite Alexi moment?: Basically the entirety of Trashed and Lost in Helsinki tbh 😂
What's your favorite thing about Alexi?: How he never let being called a "guitar god" get to his head, he just wanted to keep making music and didn't give a fuck about the fame. Even though he was easily one of the greatest guitar players ever.
What's your favorite picture of Alexi?: I've always loved this one 🖤
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What's your favorite guitar solo?: Oh god... Bodom Beach Terror is up there for sure.
How did Alexi - and CoB - influence your life?: They're a big part of why I got into heavier bands like Lamb of God and Dark Tranquillity and Arch Enemy or even Enslaved and Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth. Bodom was my stepping stone to getting into all kinds of metal I'd never heard before. But they also introduced me to other bands I love now with their cover songs. The first time I heard WASP or Slayer was looking up the songs I had heard Bodom cover.
What would you tell Alexi if you had the chance?: Thank you. That's it. Just fucking thank you for everything.
I'll tag @witchy-tombstone-smile and any other Bodom fan that happens to see this 🖤
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borisbubbles · 4 years
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17. CZECH REPUBLIC
Benny Christo - “Kemama”
youtube
So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁
So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~
ENTRY ANALYSIS
As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.
.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 
Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?
Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.
 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)
 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 
Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.
Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭
Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?
NF CORNER
While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o
I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”
Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.
Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.
Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.
We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”
youtube
Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:
Pam Rabbit - “Get up”
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Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-
Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“
youtube
Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~
Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”
youtube
I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...
Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021
BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.
And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.
Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 
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FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!
I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  
However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)
This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 
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Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.
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A Prompt
April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?
can be Hard To Say only because it's like, literally everything about me being an autistic person's Characteristics lol, and that like, that initial sense of Difference between myself and other people was like, noticing some sort of mismatch / misalignment, but also that i was the one feeling shut out / out of place about it, so it's defined in that negative way like, well i guess i'm doing things wrong somehow, and it all keeps being framed like, whenever it seems to stand out that there's something Different about myself, it's about trying to figure out what's wrong here, why some interaction isn't working or whatever, and when actually getting positive responses or whatever, it's doesn't quite feel so individual, like, oh i guess i'm just seeming normal to people here, right lol. but that, also, of course, things you Could consider positive / like about yourself sure might not be received / responded to in that way by other people, can't always even just feel neutral about anything / not notice it, even if it can't possibly actually Matter / isn't causing any kind of problem for anyone else it's like well why are you doing this unnecessarily & Weirdly.....and you know, pathological model vs social model, naturally, where i don't think "hey if this part of being autistic led to Negative Experiences, it's b/c being autistic is worse than being allistic and i wish i was allistic, b/c that's the only way to Not be, for example, objectively and rightfully excluded and punished by people around me" lmao
but for a start i saw some quote from an autistic person the other day mentioning just this sort of like, what they love about themself re: being autistic, and i remember one of them being You Mean What You Say lol, with the example "if i ask 'how are you' it's because i want to know how you are" lmao like yeah a really exhausting Greeting Ritual in particular when it's like, literally every time you hear that you have that awareness like "okay remember this person doesn't Actually want to hear about how you are," tbt to times like "when it's was really discouraging being texted regularly like 'what're you up to / how long will you be away' because for a sec i'd interpret it as 'this person is actually just asking what's up or wondering when you'll be around to hang out with, might be asking with the intention of making plans With you,' but then i have to remember it's about hoping i'm Away so my presence isn't interfering with what they want to do and of course it's not about genuine interest in my life/day otherwise or wanting to hang out" like, this shit is exhausting lmao. and you know, of course i know Different Communication Styles and how people will read different implications and intentions into the same kinds of interactions or behaviors or whatever, it's just Funny(tm) when like. some nt ppl think their social/communication styles are what's Objective, Universal, Correct, Intuitive, Effective, etc. like they'll be like "it's Great to say what you mean instead of Playing Games" and think autistic people are blunt / rude & it's b/c they're communicating Wrong, like actually you guys are saying you love ppl who are Real & Honest while being that post like "i love drama i love games if you fuck with my friends i will help you do it" lmaooo
also yknow to an Extent i think that like. sometimes just being very independently Enthusiastic about something can seem fun to nt people lol like, yes i can monologue about something aloud for 5 or 10 or 80 minutes maybe, or just you know, talk about it to myself via Posting lmfao, and sometimes that appeals to people or they at least regard it Neutrally because it's like. supposing that sometimes even when it's not something someone else is also interested in, idk, people are down for a like, individual experiences of unfettered expression of that passion lmao, but like, ftr i would hate instances of this as like a "because being enthusiastic like that is," deep inhale, "cute" or whatever, like, if i'm gonna talk about something it's a Lecture okay lmao. and plus i do plenty of it via Text lmfao, so, not many times i get to in person talk about whatever, or it'll be like, look at this video of a cool bird. i do not need someone's like, Personal Affection to find it Cute or Wholesome that i'm passionate about birds, or, god knows, fine anything else Cute, an assessment i never need or want, engage w/the information being shared please lmao. and then also, you know, i Draw Things based on it being v Of Interest lol so that's like, thank you to myself for having these Thoughts i want to express about Things Of Interest, i get to have fun like, just focusing in on what Creative Project i wanna do about it lol even if it's also like, boy, what if i could just have the idea and it'd Manifest, and you know, drawing is a way i am Talking About Something, certainly also if i'm dropping a tags essay about it lmao.........love to just delve tf into things and have all these thoughts & things to say about it, and really like, Exceptional when anyone wants to engage with this like, repeatedly / regularly lol. shoutout, Thanks, Epic
and well you know. i don't have any incredible specifics coming to mind here but in whatever ways i might think of things Differently it's like, hell yeah then, epic of me, i will be out here Figuring Shit Out even if i have to marinate on things, i'm sure motivated to engage with stuff that's Of Interest to me, when i have these solid ways to communicate with other people it's fun and flexible lmao, and i think there's that fun of being like, Performative in a way, theatricality, which i think like, maybe a source of that can be when you Have to be aware of the "rules" of interactions / social performance, but also how yknow, you can Act any way, there's nothing universal, there's maybe plenty of bullshit involved, hence how you can Have to be at least somewhat aware of things because you have to try to figure out the Secret rules and patterns and you know, simply Being Yourself and Behaving Naturally at all times isn't an option.....def have the Theatre type Theatrical thing lmao, the "theatre gay ft religious parents, enjoying harmonizing in the church choir lol i'm a Tenor babey" experience lmao, being in 4th grade auditioning for this set of play scenes like oh i get to be the main Antagonist guy? also i'm playing a guy? also i'm in this play and have lines and stuff? Hell yes lmao. and the Stage Performance via eventual roles via dance classes, i remembered the other week the studio i used to be at Used to have this like, idk, thing where the older dancers in a certain group maybe used to have a trip to nyc, think that fell away not long before i was one of those more Skilled Dancers like damnit, never really went to nyc except driving in and out to pick people up from the airport, like hey that distant smudge out the car window is probably the statue of liberty or something.....but the rehearsing and playing a Part and being in shows was. a ton of fun. i Said No to Stage Fright lmfao and really enjoyed being backstage and rehearsals and etc. but also i think i just Can be theatrical you know, in my own social approach lmfao, i'm big on talking with my hands lmao and i can get like, some Social Momentum going that way, i can have some confidence and can sort of hit that groove and it's like, not exactly masking trying to act """"normal"""" but i'm still Being Myself in this more "acceptable" way that nt people might better Understand or whatever. i also just like, personally, i love to be kind of theatrically Funny for sure lmfao and like, if people are just like overwhelmed by the least amount of goofiness / can't or won't play along at all i'm like, Please, work with me here lol, also like damn you live like this??? cmon lol
and well, nonconclusion, but it's pretty difficult to think of things like, what do i Dislike about being autistic which isn't about the way allistic ppl treat you sucks, like, e.g., it'll be like damn augh oof Misophonia, aural texture hell, hardly fun but that's not always a disaster, and as long as i can like, do something to block it out, and if i have to be like "hm this is distressing me b/c this noise is really really pissing me off lmao" as long as you know, i'm not amongst people who are just going to be annoyed at me for making up some problem and/or daring to speak about this experience inconveniently. be normal maybe. idk i'm just like right on, Myself
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