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rocksandrobots · 3 years

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Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 37 - Happy Birthday!

"What if we gave her some jewelry?" Varian asked. "Like a necklace and some matching earrings?"

Hiro shot the idea down. "Naw, she already has a whole jewelry box full of that stuff and she hardly ever wears it."

The two boys were standing in the lunch line at the cafeteria discussing what to get Aunt Cass for her birthday.

"Hmmm...what about a new cookbook, then?"

Once again Hiro turned the idea down. "Can't she just look up recipes on her phone?"

"Well then.. I don't know. Why don't you come up with something?" Varian huffed as he grabbed an apple off the bar.

"Ooookay. What about… something sentimental, like a hand made card?" Hiro suggested.

"That's lame."

"Is not. Listen, she'll cry her eyes out over it. Trust me."

"Oh come on, we're not four year-olds. We got money now, let's actually buy her something nice."

The two teens stopped in front of the salad bar where the head lunch lady was busy cutting up vegetables. They continued their debate while they waited on the container holding the salad to be refilled.

"Like what?" Hiro asked. "She hasn't said what she wanted, and I'm sure if there was anything she did want she could just go out and buy it herself."

Varian crossed his arms and cupped his chin in thought. Then his eyes fell on the elderly lunch lady, who was still busy preparing the salad.

"Hey Miss Itamae, I don't suppose you could give us any womanly insight into what a lady turning 37 might want for her birthday?"

The grumpy cafeteria worker didn't answer. She just glared at them both as she deftly sliced a head of lettuce in two. Then went back to cutting up more vegetables with practiced precision.

"You're sparkling conversation is delightful as always Miss Itamae." Hiro said deadpan.

"Hey, wait, no, that's it!" Varian nudged him excitedly. "We'll buy Aunt Cass some new kitchen knives!" He then turned back to the lunch lady with a smug smile. "Thank you for the idea, Miss Itamae. You're always so helpful."

The insincerity dripped from his voice like honey and Miss Itamae only pursed her lips in irritation as she began to chop the lettuce even more fiercely.

Hiro rolled his eyes. The, quite literally, unspoken feud between them and the head lunch lady had only ramped up these last two weeks. True, she had been a little too gleeful when she pulled out the pan of leftover Monday's Mystery Meatloaf to give them, after handing the last hot ham sandwich to Karmi right before them, but Varian antagonizing the woman with his phony politeness probably didn't help matters.

"Aunt Cass literally has several sets of chef knives. I think she, like, collects them at this point."

"Well what if we just expanded her collection then? Does she have a machete yet? Or perhaps one of those big butcher axes?"

Hiro narrowed his eyes at the other boy. "Are you serious? What would she want with a machete?"

Varian shrugged.

"Yeah, no." Hiro continued. "I doubt we could even legally buy one."

"Really? Man, you can't do anything in America." Varian sighed.

Hiro gave Varian another irritated look of disbelief, but before he could say anything else a voice shouted out to them.

"Clear the way! Look out!" Fred yelled.

He was barreling right towards them on a pair of roller skates; careening out of control.

He couldn't stop and both boys had to quickly scramble out the way. Miss Itamae was not so fortunate.

Fred hit the salad bar and toppled over the edge, sending the vegetables flying everywhere and knocking over the poor woman.

"Ooops. Hehe… my bad." Fred said sheepishly as the lunch lady stood back up with a salad bowl on top of her head, lettuce stuck in her hair net and a slice of tomato dripping off her nose.

Miss Itamae stared at him with flame in her eyes and seethed with gritted teeth. Fred tried to helpfully brush off the bits of vegetables that sat on her shoulders, but this only made her even more angry.

She hissed at him and Fred scurried back over the railing as quickly as possible before ducking down on the other side of the bar. He cautiously peaked his head up just long enough to watch the cafeteria lady storm off in a huff; presumably to go get a broom.

"Are those Gogo's skates?" Hiro asked once the lunch lady had left.

"Uh, yeah." Fred admitted guiltily.

"Does she know that you have them?" Varian asked.

Fred dodged the question "Ummm… maybe?"

"Do we even want to know what's going on?" Hiro asked in a weary manner.

"Hiro, as your friend," Fred said as he placed a bracing hand upon the other teen's shoulder, "I feel it's my sworn d- woah, duty to protect you. The less the two of you know the better." And with that solemn proclamation the skates gave out from under him and Fred flopped to the ground.

"In other words she doesn't know, and when she finds out she's going to kill you." Varian confirmed.

"'Kill' is such a strong word, ya know." Fred strained as he gripped the bar and hoisted himself back up.

Varian and Hiro exchanged confused glances and just shrugged.

Hiro sighed and decided to set the matter aside. "Well, Varian and I were just discussing what to get Aunt Cass for her birthday. Got any ideas?"

Fred hummed in thought as he gave the matter some consideration. "Well mom always wants to be taken out to some new fancy restaurant on her birthdays."

"Hey now there's an idea," Varian enthused. "We cook dinner for her!"

"Oh no, you are not fixing any more weird Coronian recipes." Hiro replied.

"Hey, my cooking isn't weird. Besides all you know how to make is cereal."

"Yeah, I'm not a chef, neither of us are."

Varian pouted at that but before he could respond Hiro continued on. "Look, why don't we take her out? It's something she doesn't get to do often and we could both split the bill, deal?"

"Well alright," Varian agreed, "at least it'll save us from having to do the dishes."

"Great!" Fred cheered. "I even know of a place you can take her. Mom loves it."

Just then Gogo burst through the cafeteria doors.

"Hey! Give me back my blades!" She yelled.

"Uh oh." Fred said and clumsily skated away as Gogo furiously ran after him.

"Come on, we better make sure she doesn't actually murder him." Hiro sighed as he started to run after them.

Varian followed, but paused long enough to cheekily wave goodbye to Miss Itamae, who had just finished cleaning up Fred's mess and was back to chopping vegetables once more.

"See ya, Miss Itamae."

The woman never answered back. Instead she just scowled at him as she menacingly held up her knife before slamming it back down hard upon a head of lettuce, severing it in two.

Varian gulped as he backed away and hurried out the door after his friends. Maybe they were pushing the little old woman too hard, he thought.

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"Are you sure it's not under Hamada?" Hiro asked the maître d' who stood at the front of the restaurant's door. "Then try Templeton."

No such luck.

"Hey, tell them to check under Quirinson." Varian nudged him.

Hiro, Varian, and Aunt Cass stood in line at the Aragosta; the fine dining place that Fred had helped them make reservations for. Only the host was having trouble finding said reservations.

"Okay, how about Quirinson?"

The host shook his head.

"Frederickson?" Hiro squeaked hopefully. The matradee frowned.

Hiro sighed in resignation as Aunt Cass gently scooted the boys out of the way of the other guests who were also waiting to get in.

"Hey, it's okay." She encouraged, "So they lost the reservations. It happens. We can go someplace else and still have tons of fun. How about karaoke instead?"

"Let me check back with Fred first, before we decide to leave." Hiro said as he pulled out his phone.

The phone went straight to voicemail and Hiro hung up in irritation. Things weren't going as planned.

Just then Krei, of all people, walked up next to them on the sidewalk. He was also on his cell phone and didn't seem to notice them.

"But mother, I had these reservations for weeks!" He complained. "Yes I know your annual fundraising event for Helpers Helping the Helpless is important…. Yes I understand that the juggling seals canceled last minute... but surely you could just hire a new act? Why, Judy, my secretary, she can juggle fire for ya, I mean how hard can it be if a dumb seal can do it, right?" He frowned as he listened to the other end of the call, and then sighed deeply, "Alright, you win, as always. Love you too, mother." And with that he hung up.

That's when Keri noticed their little group.

"Oh, uh, hi Cass. Intern. Intern's new cousin-brother-whatever... Fancy meeting you here."

He gave an awkward grin and rocked back and forth on his heels, like a school boy accidentally running into his crush at the mall.

Aunt Cass gave an equally awkward smile. "Hi, Alistair. Trouble with your date?" She joked.

"Oh well, you know mom. Lovely woman, but can't not take charge when there's a crisis." He nervously chuckled. "So what brings you to Aragosta's?"

"We're taking Aunt Cass out for her birthday." Varian replied.

"Oh, it's your birthday!? And here I didn't bring you a gift. Well, happy birthday, Cass. You look great tonight."

Aunt Cass blushed, "Oh well, thank you, but unfortunately the restaurant's lost our reservations, sooo…"

"So it looks like we'll just have to go elsewhere." Hiro interrupted. He gave Krei a hard glare as he tried to quickly shuffle away his aunt. "Bye, Krei."

"Oh now wait a minute," Keri stopped them, "You lost a reservation, and I got a table waiting for me that I'm not going to use anymore. Why not take my spot on the list?"

"Oh, that's nice of you Alistair, but-"

"No buts, I insist. Call it a birthday present."

Keri gave his most charming smile and Aunt Cass looked at the two boys questioningly. Varian enthusiastically nodded yes, while Hiro silently pleaded 'no' to her.

"Weeelll, if you insist." She agreed.

"Wonderful! I'll go square it with the matradee." And with that he hurried off to speak with the host.

"Aunt Cass, why?" Hiro whined as soon as the businessman was out of ear shot.

"Why not?" Varian spoke up. "He's giving us a free table. Just cause you don't like the gu-"

"Boys, boys," Aunt Cass interceded before an argument broke out. "Look, I know Alistair can be a little… hmm.. difficult to get along with sometimes, but he means well and this is a nice gesture. It'd be rude to turn it down."

With that final word Krei returned.

"You're all set. Table number five, and just tell the waiter to put the meal on my tab."

"We were going to pay." Hiro grumbled.

"Oh that's so cute," Krei laughed, "you boys, wanting to do something nice for your aunt. But seriously though, you'll have to take out a loan just to afford the hors d'oeuvres."

Varian raised a worried eyebrow while Hiro only gave an annoyed huff.

"Look this is my treat. Dinner is on me." Keri continued, "Just give the host up there my last name."

He then gave another awkward smile and waved goodbye before turning to leave.

Aunt Cass frowned and Hiro's stomach dropped as he realized what she was about to do. He tried to say no. He tried to speak reason with his aunt, but before he could stop her she was already calling after Krei.

"Oh, won't you join us?" She asked.

"Naw, I couldn't." He sheepishly kicked the ground.

"Good." Hiro said, but was completely ignored as Keri immediately followed up with a, "But if you insist."

He and Aunt Cass shared a smile as they stared into each other's eyes transfixed and Hiro could only let out groan.

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The lavish interior of the eatery was adorned with Tuscan columns, high vaulted ceilings, and expensive oil paintings that hung upon the walls depicting the ocean. The restaurant was known for its seafood and so there were also aquariums everywhere you looked, tucked away in the most unlikely of places.

Varian couldn't help but curiously stare at one particular aquarium lodged into the center of one of the columns. It didn't look like the most efficient place to house costly and rare tropical sea life to him, but hey, he wasn't a millionaire restaurateur, so what did he know?

The little party was seated near said column at a table covered in white linen and with gold plated cutlery already laid out upon it. They were then given menus bound in black leather by the waiter who was dressed to the nines in a tuxedo, complete with a bow tie.

Varian self consciously looked down at his own plain button down shirt and grey vest and felt hopelessly underdressed in comparison. This place was far more ostentatious than he had been unexpecting.

Well at least he had put more effort into his outfit than Hiro, who's idea of dressing up was to wear his black cargo shorts instead of his usual tan ones. Not that the other boy cared in the slightest. Hiro wasn't the least bit embarrassed about standing out in high society. He was too busy giving Krei the stink eye as the businessman flirted with Aunt Cass.

Varian rolled his eyes in dismissal of Hiro's petty disapproval of their aunt's choice in men and opened the menu. What he saw made his jaw drop.

"Ninety dollars for lobster!?" He sputtered. "Who pays nearly a hundred bucks for freakin' lobster?" He hissed at Hiro under his breath.

Hiro only shrugged, "Yeah, lobster is expensive. So what?"

"But it's lobster." Varian reiterated.

Hiro only stared at him blankly.

"You live right next to the ocean." Varian explained. "You can literally just walk down to the docks and catch yourself one to eat."

"Yeah, but who wants to do that."

"I would. I would much rather catch it and cook it myself than pay a hundred dollars for a lobster ." The disdain in his voice was evident.

"Yeah, but you're weird." Hiro quipped.

Varian gave him a hard look of annoyance, but Hiro only smugly smiled back; knowing full well that Varian wouldn't jump him in such an esteemed establishment with Aunt Cass right there looking on.

Varian grumbled under his breath and went back to looking at the menu. He was going to find at least one thing on here that didn't seem like a colossal waste of money, he swore it.

Back home, seafood was one of cheapest meats you buy at the market. Freshwater or salt, it didn't matter, anyone could catch a fish. Shellfish in particular were deemed low class.

In fact boiled lobster tail was one of the few proteins he could eat in prison. Every once in a while the chef would feed it to them as a 'treat'. But that was only because no one else in the castle wanted it.

He shook the memory away as he tried to calm himself. Never again was he going back to gruel and stale bread; and if he wanted a lobster for dinner, he was sure as heck going to fix it himself the way he liked it and not have to beg for it from anybody!

Aunt Cass and Keri, however, did not notice Varian and Hiro's discussion involving lobsters. They were completely engrossed with each other, giggling over some in-joke that only they two shared. Hiro had gone back to sulking while eyeing the adults disapprovingly.

The tension was only dispersed when the waiter returned to take their orders. Krei rattled off a ridiculously intricate and flamboyant entrée as a suggestion and Aunt Cass agreed to try it. Hiro ordered the most expensive thing he could find on the menu, just to spite Keri, and Varian chose the steak.

"Well it looks like it'll be a while before dinner arrives, so I'm just going to go powder my nose. Be right back." Aunt Cass excused herself.

As soon as she was out of sight Hiro lunged at Keri.

He grabbed the older man by the shirt collar and held up his fork up menacingly.

"Okay, spill it Keri! What are you up to?" He ordered.

"Nothing." The man insisted. "Can't a guy do something nice for once?"

"Not when the guy is you he can't." Hiro said. "Aunt Cass dumped you, remember? It's over."

"Wait, they used to date?" Varian asked, clueless as to what was happening.

"One date," Keri corrected, "and no I'm not trying to get back together with your aunt. Honest."

Hiro eyed him suspiciously and Keri met his gaze steadily. Finally, Hiro relented and let go of the other guy's shirt.

"Then what do you want?" He asked, confused.

"I want your aunt to have a good birthday. Nothing more. So can we please just have a nice dinner without any more threats, or revenge plots hatched by disgruntled employees, or any other weird superhero-y stuff going on?"

Hiro reluctantly sat back down in silent agreement and that was when Aunt Cass returned. Soon thereafter the food arrived and dinner proceeded smoothly for the rest of the night.

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"I tell ya work has been a nightmare since production started on this new phone line." Keri complained. "I'm at the office everyday it seems like."

"Oh I hear you," Aunt Cass agreed. "The Luck Cat has been swamped for weeks now. I haven't had a day off in almost a month."

Dinner was over and the little group stood outside waiting on their rides. The two boys looked on as the adults chatted. Aunt Cass and Keri had barely stopped conversing with each other the whole night and even Varian was starting to feel just a little left out.

But he had little right to be. When did Aunt Cass get the chance to just hang out with people her age and have fun? By her own admission she was usually either at work all day or taking care of them.

"Sounds like you could use a break." Keri said. "Oooh, crazy idea, I got a membership to a spa retreat up in Napa. They got hot springs and a killer buffet. I'm too busy to go right now, but I can schedule you a trip. You could bring a friend and have a weekend off. What do you say."

"Weeell I don't know... I mean it's tempting, don't get me wrong, but I got the café to take care of and who'll look after the boys?" Aunt Cass said.

"Well surely they're old enough to be on their own for a few days, and I can be on hand if they need anything."

"We can manage the café if you want to go to Aunt Cass." Varian chimed in, happy to help.

Hiro nudged him the ribs, hard.

Aunt Cass pouted and then forlornly shook her head.

"You sure?" Keri asked. "Cause it's no trouble to me. It's the least I can do after.. well, after what happened last time."

Aunt Cass raised an eyebrow and Keri held his hands up defensively.

"I'm not trying to ask you out again. Honest. I know that ship has sailed, and I also know that it was my fault. I just would like to apologize that's all."

"Oh Alistair, you don't need to buy me expensive things just to say 'I'm sorry'. "Aunt Cass smiled warmly at him before continuing on. "But the answer is still no. I just can't right now, not with everything that's going on."

"Well alright, but if you change your mind just give my secretary, Judy, a call. She'll arrange everything." And with that Keri handed Aunt Cass a business card and got into his limo which had just pulled up.

He waved goodbye to everyone before driving away.

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"I think you should have taken Keri up on his offer." Varian said as they returned to the Luck Cat.

"Why, just so he can try and weasel his way back into Aunt Cass's life?" Hiro grumbled under his breath.

However, Aunt Cass heard him anyways. "Hey now, I can take care of myself, thank you very much." She admonished him. "But no, I'm not going. There's too much to do around here."

"Oh come on, I can look after the café for a few days." Varian insisted.

"And who's going to look after you?" Aunt Cass asked.

Varian looked hurt by that reply. "We can take care of ourselves."

"Oh like how you took care of my toaster?"

"That was an accident, and I put out the fire."

"Umm hmm, and the alarm clock?"

"I fixed it, and it works even better now."

"..and the dishwasher."

Varian opened his mouth to argue but then shut again quickly as he really had no excuse for that particular mishap. They were still finding pieces of broken china to this day.

Hiro snickered at their argument as he reached down under the counter to grab a donut.

The food he had ordered at the restaurant was some weird seafood monstrosity made of jellyfish, kelp, fish eggs, squid tentacles and other unidentifiable fishy bits and bobs. Rich people were weird, was all he had thought as he picked at his meal all night. He was still half starved.

"Oh laugh it up, mister 'I never wash a dish'." Varian shot back.

"I've cleaned dirty dishes before." Hiro said with his mouth full.

"Boys…" Aunt Cass groaned, ending their argument. "Look, I know things have been stressful these last few weeks, what with finals, and the café being busy… and well, everything else, but we can get through this if we stick together, as a family, and not have anymore petty squabbles."

She wrapped an arm around Varian's shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze as she smiled.

The 'everything else' comment didn't go unnoticed by the two teens. Ever since Varian had come to live with them life had been turned upside down inside the Hamada home, in more ways than one, and while everyone was trying their best to adjust, there was still clearly friction over minor things, like chores and little mishaps here and there.

"That's why you should Aunt Cass." Varian insisted. "Finals end next week for us, but the café is still going to be busy no matter what. Why not let me and Hiro run the Luck Cat for a weekend? We can get along for just two days, surely."

"And we can call Chief Cruz if anything goes wrong." Hiro piped in.

Aunt Cass raised an eyebrow "I thought you didn't want me to go?"

"I just don't think you should fool with Keri, but of course, I'm all for you taking a break. Varian's right, you deserve a rest and a few days' of fun."

"Well, I mean, I could ask Tracy what she's up to next weekend, I guess…gee I haven't seen Trace in awhile..." Aunt Cass said as she mulled over their proposal.

"Who's Tracy?" Varian asked.

"She's Aunt Cass's roommate from college." Hiro answered.

"Ah…" Varian nodded in realization, but as soon as he was done Aunt Cass snapped out of her wishful reprieve.

"Oh no, I couldn't. It's too last minute. Besides I can still have fun here with you two." She flashed them a huge grin before walking upstairs.

Hiro ran after her, with Varian following behind. "Well in that case, you can open your presents then." He said.

"More presents?" She asked with a smile as she sat in her favorite comfy chair in the living room.

"Yup!" Hiro said as Varian brought out a gift bag that was hidden in his room, and Baymax, having heard his humans return home, came down the stairs carrying a wrapped box with a bow on top.

"Oh boys, you shouldn't have." She said.

"For you Aunt Cass. Happy Birthday." Baymax said in his usual clipped voice.

"Honey Lemon, Gogo, and Wasabi helped me pick something out for you."

"Oh how nice of them." Aunt Cass exclaimed as she opened up the gift. It was a cute apron with a matching headband and dish towel. In the pocket of the apron was a little booklet of printed recipes that Baymax had downloaded.

"See I told you that a cookbook was a good idea." Varian whispered to Hiro. The other boy shushed him.

"Oh thank you Baymax. I love it." Aunt Cass said as she flipped through the book. As she was reading Mochi, curled up in her lap.

"Do you have a birthday gift for me too, Mochi." She cooed at the cat as she scratched under its chin. The cat of course gave no answer other than a purr.

"I doubt he does, but I think Ruddiger made you something." Varian said in all seriousness.

With that the raccoon popped his head up over the top of the chair, startling Aunt Cass. The forest creature gave her an affectionate nuzzle, causing her to laugh, before jumping down and running off.

Only to immediately return dragging something along the ground with it's mouth.

Once the raccoon had made it back to the chair, it turned around and lifted the thing up with it's paws, as if offering it to her.

It was a plate, and on the plate was an apple inside a cupcake liner with whipped cream swirled on top and a single lighted candle stuck in the center.

"Ooooh how adorable!" She laughed.

"Make a wish!" Varian insisted.

She did and blew out the single candle easily.

"An apple cupcake; oh how did you ever come up with such a clever idea?" She asked of Varian.

"Oh I didn't. It was all Ruddiger. I saw him in the kitchen earlier today putting it together."

This gave Aunt Cass pause. Raccoons were smart, true, but the idea of one actually cooking was ridiculous. But the sheer earnestness of Varian's comment left her confused as to if he was pulling her leg or not.

Ruddiger for his part, looked as proud as he could be, for a raccoon, as he crawled up Varian's back and perched himself on the boy's arm.

"I guess he figured you'd enjoy the same stuff he likes. Oh and don't worry I rescued the cool whip can from him before he could eat the rest."

Aunt Cass tried very hard to keep the smile on her face as the news of the wild creature rummaging in her food stores, again, was made known. She gave a tense laugh, "Well I hope the kitchen is clean by tomorrow before the rush."

The implication in her voice was not lost on Varian. "Already done." He chirped and Aunt Cass sighed in relief.

"There's one more present." Hiro said as he took the gift bag from Varian. "It's from the both of us."

A lump formed in Aunt Cass's throat as she pulled out the gift. It was a framed photograph, of all three of them hugging.

"I had Baymax snap the photo earlier so you wouldn't notice and had prints made." Hiro explained.

"And I bought the frame so you could hang it up." Varian added.

She couldn't stop the tears from flowing as she choked back her gratitude. Instead she excitedly jumped up and ran around the room looking for the perfect place to put it. T'was a difficult task as she already had so many photos scattered throughout the home.

Finally she decided to hang it up on the wall next to the staircase, right alongside an earlier family portrait, this one depicting Tadashi as a young kid and Hiro not much older than a baby.

"I love it." She finally said through her tears, as she stepped back to admire it. "It's the best birthday present I've ever gotten."

The two boys walked over to join her and she wrapped them in a hug that mirrored the one in the picture.

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Hiro carried the tray full of dishes into the cafe's back kitchen. He placed the heavy load onto the counter and let out a sigh. He then took a moment to gather himself before heading back out into the fray.

The Lucky Cat was packed today; more so than usual. He had volunteered to help out now that his final project was done ahead of schedule, only for them to get slammed with a bus load of tourists in the first 10 mins of opening, on top of the regular customers who usually ate breakfast there.

No good deed goes unpunished; he dryly thought.

Just then Aunt Cass walked into the kitchen as well.

"Phew, it's like a madhouse out there. Have you seen Varian this morning? I know I told him he could have the day off, but I might have to ask him for a rain check on that."

Hiro shook his head. The other boy had left before sunrise, leaving only a text that he was going down to the pier. For what reason though, Hiro could only guess.

He didn't have to wonder for long however, for Varian returned at that moment.

"I didn't!" He sang as he burst through the back door carrying a small wooden crate in one hand.

"Did what?" Hiro asked.

"I caught a lobster." Varian eagerly replied. "See?" And with that he held up the fisherman's trap close to Hiro, who jumped back when a claw emerged from between the gaps in the wooden planks and snapped at him.

Unfortunately there wasn't anywhere to run to and so Hiro wound up crawling onto the counter to escape the creepy creature that Varian teased him with.

Hiro wasn't the only one in the household who didn't care for the lobster either. Ruddiger popped out of the storage cabinet he had been hiding in and crawled up upon Hiro's shoulder and hissed at the invading new animal.

This did not make Hiro any more

comfortable.

Varian though was blissfully grinning ear to ear, too proud of his accomplishment to notice or care about their disapproval.

"I caught him this morning. He's got to be at least 16, no 17, pounds! I've never seen one so big. He barely fits into my homemade fishing crate."

"That's great sweetie," Aunt Cass said with a strained smile, "what are you going to do with him? Have lobster thermidor for supper?"

Varian's smile deflated somewhat as he sheepishly tried to explain to Aunt Cass the circumstances that he found himself in.

"Well that was the plan when I went out fishing this morning, buuut, I kind of, sort of, named him."

And with that admission he hugged the crate as if cuddling a kitten.

This proved to be a bad idea though. As the lobster did not like to be cuddled. It turned its claws to snap at Varian instead who dropped the crate in surprise. The fishing trapped shattered and broke apart upon hitting the ground, freeing the creature inside. Then before anyone could stop it, the overgrown crustacean scurried out the swinging doors and into the café.

"Lorenzo!" Varian called out after it as he ran to catch it once more.

Both Hiro and Aunt Cass stood there dumbstruck as the screams of customers and loud clattering noises, that sounded suspiciously like china breaking, could be heard through the other side of the door.

Hiro snagged a weary sidelong glance at his aunt wondering what she might do. All she did was just stand there, wide eyed, unblinking, with shocked dread upon her face.

The clean up of this mess was going to be a nightmare. She'd probably have to spend hours refunding customers, apologizing profusely to them, and practically begging them not to give her a bad rating online.

Hiro took pity on her, and fished out Keri's business card and her phone out of her purse which was hung up on the coat rack by the back door.

"Here," he said as he handed the phone and card to her, "maybe you should take up that offer." Then he also ran back into the café to help Varian catch the wayward lobster.

On his way out the door he heard Aunt Cass say over the phone, "Hello, is this Judy? Hi I was calling back about the spa…"

#varian #Hiro Hamada #krei #big hero six #tangled #bh6 #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #big hero 6 the series #of rocks and robots #aunt cass

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loyalflutist · 5 years

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Snowstorm (F!Byleth x Edelgard)

Challenge: Edeleth Twitter Week (09/29/2019 - 10/05/2019) Day 1: Snow Day

A/N: If I told you that I did this all under two hours, would you call me crazy? (please nod) I had totally forgotten that this challenge existed right after I uploaded Dorothea’s Birthday fiction, so I went ham on this. Please look forward to the rest of this week’s content!

---

“I didn’t expect us to be separated from the snowstorm…”

“…”

“…Hey, are you doing okay, my teacher?”

“…yes.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“…”

A misty exhale escaped from the vermillion female. What should have been a simple mission for the Church of Seiros ended up having the entire Black Eagle House separated from one another from an unforeseen snowstorm. Its powdered droplets blurred their visions and forced the students to scramble for the nearest shelter on this high mountaintop. Their screams and hollers were muted by the whipping gusts. Eventually, that led to a dispersion of the class.

To make matters worse, their professor collapsed in the middle of their operation. Byleth had not been feeling well for almost a week straight. It started off as a simple cold. A couple of coughs erupted from her throat during lecture and training. Many of the concerned students suggest that she get some rest. The instructor brushed it off. By the third day, Dimitri and Claude teamed up with Edelgard to drag her into Manuela’s clinic. Lest to say, the simple cold had transitioned into the flu. Medicinal herbs were provided in large quantity and a long scolding from both the experienced songstress and Jeralt.

Unfortunately, the Church of Seiros was not as lenient as Jerealt, Manuela, and the students had expected. Not even her girlfriend’s pleas could budge Rhea from her decision.

“I expect a great deal from Byleth… for if she were to fail this mission, then I have no use for her.”

Questionable, yet none were courageous enough to object with the archbishop’s commands. The holy maiden’s words were absolute, especially on monastery’s ground. Not that Jeralt and Edelgard trusted her in the first place. Had it not been for Byleth’s abrupt interjection during their dialogue exchanges, the Adrestian Empire’s princess would sock Rhea squarely in the face. It did not matter if she was marked with treason. What mattered is how out of character the archbishop was when it came to Byleth’s well-being.

The end results were the collapse of her significant other in midst of the deadly storm. A fever ravaged the poor instructor as her respiratory rate picked up its pace. Byleth furrowed her brows, her strengths trickling out of her body with every passing second and the cold seeping inward in replacement. If it weren’t for Edelgard’s presence, the teal-haired would have accidentally been left stranded within nature’s fury.

Thus, that led to where they are right now after hiding out in a nearby cave.

She stood in place for a second. Edelgard pursed her lips as she adjusted her hold on the older woman from behind. Despite the frigid temperature that threatens to cause frostbites and the relentless sunshine that dare to cause sunburns, the fur-coat student continued to march through the blanketed landscape in search of her comrades.

She marched like a little toy soldier.

Every single step dug her legs past her ankles. There would be the occasional wobble whenever she jutted her boot out too soon. Sometimes, if she was unlucky, she would land face-first on the soft surface with a small “oof!” Byleth would slip off from her back and gently plop on her side. The professor’s eyes peered through her slits as the white-haired struggled back up to her feet. She would brush off as much snow as possible from the older female’s figure and return to piggybacking Byleth.

She marched like a little toy soldier.

Another adjustment with her grip. The student glanced over her shoulder to check on her girlfriend. Fortunately, the ex-mercenary was still awake. Though there were times she would fall into a minute nap during the traverse… Edelgard grimaced whenever Byleth violently shuddered from her back. The fever was not going away anytime soon, and it appears to have worsened thanks to the harsh weather. She would rather freeze than stay warm from the flaming body heat that protrudes from her teacher.

She marched like a little toy soldier.

How long has she been walking for? Trails of her footsteps slowly came to erode due to the rapidly falling snowflakes. She paused and glanced upward at the sky. The sun was still high, yet the snow was not stopping any time soon. Misty breaths puffed out of her mouth as Edelgard resumed her travel. They had to travel upward to the summit. If she remembers correctly, there should be a village for them to rest. From there, she could reunite with her comrades and make plans to unify those that are still lost on the mountain. As for the mission… well, they could always do something about that in a later time. Rhea did not explicitly tell them when it should be completed. Newfound energy kicked her into gear, the student’s legs picking up the pace to their destination.

She marched like a little toy soldier.

It was becoming steeper. Natural, as climbing any mountain requires mental and physical fortitude. This was extra challenging considering how she had to carry Byleth. She dryly swallowed and examined her surroundings. Rocks and slabs… These minerals that formulated the structures of these mountains were becoming no more than hassles. If only the land was flat in its entirety… Just imagine how much time and energy would be saved for everyone! Edelgard shook her head and tightened her hold on Byleth. She must continue forward to their goal. As much as she wishes to sit down and take a breather, if the sun were to sink, they would be left in the darkness. During darkness, the temperature begins to scale down to a zone where no living creature would survive. Harsh conditions were avoidable with careful planning.

She marched like a little toy soldier.

Her worst-case scenario came true. Traversing by foot was too easy for the female, says the gods. It was time to place a barrier between where they were located and the village. The white-haired frowned with the sight of the white plumes. Those smokes were clearly from the area they were headed to. There’s just one complication to overcome… A rock wall presented itself before the female. Edelgard mouthed a numerical value as her lilac hues darted. If Byleth is able to remain awake and firmly hold onto the student for a minimum of 15 minutes, the axe-wielder should be able to safely cross them over.

“Byleth?” she gently shook. “Are you awake?”

“…”

“Byleth?”

“…?”

“I need to climb this wall.”

“…”

“So… I need you to hold onto me as tight as possible.”

“Okay.”

She marched like a little toy soldier.

Difficult is a euphemism to describe her situation. Perhaps it is her short stature to blame. Edelgard cursed her slow growth in heights as her white gloved hands grasped ahold of the rocks. Although she had no issue rock climbing, the fact that Byleth hung onto her added additional weight. It would be wrong to call her teacher a burden. She blamed herself for not training hard enough. What kind of emperor would she be for the Adrestian Empire if she fails to carry someone important towards their destination? Edelgard grit her teeth as she pulled her body up, sweat rolling down her face from the extreme condition. Half-way there… She just needs to hang on a little more…

She marched like a broken toy soldier.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID! A careless mistake led to an outcry and hand reaching outward. Hot breaths brushed Edelgard’s earlobe as Byleth began to whisper incoherent mumbles. The young lady ignored her instructor’s babbles. Feverish symptoms were likely to explain the teal-haired current personality. Yet she should have been more careful. She should have been more attentive to her girlfriend.

“I’m… sorry.”

Those were her last words as Byleth’s grips loosened. Edelgard had no way of catching her. She immediately released one hold on a rock, twisted her body around, and furiously attempt to snatch the free-falling professor. The older woman’s naturally outstretched fingers slipped past the grabbing motion.

“BYLETH!!!”

She marched like a broken toy soldier.

Nightfall came. It was to be expected as Edelgard had spent most of the evening searching for her professor. She trampled and fished for the teal-haired after scaling down the rough terrains. Although it should have been easy to spot the landed woman, the strong wind began to kick up a flurry of white flakes. Old footprints and traces of their travels were well-beyond recognizable with a new layer planted on top. Another snowstorm also rumbled from the distant. Edelgard’s arms swished and swooped her surroundings. This caused the normally stoic house leader to go into a frenzy. Now that the moon replaced the sun, she began to uncontrollably tremble from the lack of heat.

Before, she had Byleth to keep her warm. Now, she had no one. Her teeth chattered as her shaky hands scooped another chunk of snow and tossed it to the side. Still no trace of Byleth. Just… where could she be? Edelgard began to sniffle as she tearlessly wept from her fatal mistake.

How will she face Rhea? How will she face Jeralt? Most importantly… how will she face herself?

She marched like a broken toy soldier.

“I’m not dead… am I?”

Edelgard cracked open her eyelids. Safe to say, the darkness that had engulfed her earlier dissipated in a matter of seconds… though it is likely from the illumination of an oil lamp. She blinked. Then, she sat up from the straw mattress. A quick scan told her that she was inside of a hut. Decorated furniture and supplies resided. Nearby was Hubert, who crossed his arms and slept while sitting. The noble stared at him for a short period of time. He would normally be awake by now by the sound of her movement. Alas, he did not. The young male continued to slow his breathing, and his eyelids sealed shut for the public.

“…”

He must be tired. If Edelgard was beyond exhausted from the march, then the same could be said for her classmates. She widens her eyes. Classmates… Professor… Byleth! The vermillion female hurried out of the hut and broke out of the shelter in her casual wears. What a mistake for her to go out unprepared as a blast of cold wind tore through her epidermis and into her frail bones! Edelgard immediately hugged herself, teeth chattering, and nearly backed into her hut. She rooted her bare feet to the snowy grounds and glanced at her surroundings.

There were many huts. Fortunately, many of them had a source of light during this dark time of the day. Edelgard moistened her lower lip and began to hurry into the nearby hut. When she peered inside, suffice to say, it was a stroke of luck she did not need to rush into another hut.

Byleth was sleeping on the straw mattress, her blanket falling and rising at an even interval. Sitting by her side were both Linhardt and two elder males. All three were awake, so when they spotted the Black Eagle’s house leader, their brows rose.

“You’re finally awake, Lady Edelgard,” one of the older men spoke. “How are you feeling?”

“How’s Byleth?”

“Straight to the point as always, Lady Edelgard…” Linhardt scratched the side of his face as he diverted his attention back to their professor. “The professor got a nasty fever, but with the medicinal herbs and the power of her Crest, she should be fine.”

“…”

Linhardt curled his fingers inward and shot a look at Edelgard.

“Are you worried about the others?”

She nodded.

“…Don’t be. We’re all here by some miracle. It perplexes me as to how we all manage to come back together after our separation…”

Turns out, Linhardt, Caspar, and Hubert were the first ones to find the collapsed Edelgard. They frantically took her to the village first. As for Dorothea, Petra, Bernadetta, and Ferdinand, they were tasked by Hubert shortly afterward to search for the professor. It appears that Lady Luck marathon through her blessings as they had found the half-buried instructor in a nearby forest just minutes after the discovery of Edelgard.

“It seems a little too good to be true, isn’t it?”

“…Perhaps. If it weren’t for you all, then we could’ve lost the professor because of my mistake.”

“Don’t take it the hard way, Edelgard. You have us. We’re always here for you.”

She marched like a big toy soldier.

They had spent almost a week in the village. Lucky for them, their mission was situated in the same premise. A simple chore of exchanging goodies from the monastery with the merchants was all that had to be done. Not a single bloodshed became reality during their exchange. As for Byleth, she has been recovering at a steady pace. The medicinal herbs that have been ingested were conducting wonders upon her vitality. During this time, her students went out and about to assist the villagers with any other activities. Many of them studied and grasped the necessary survival skills for any snow day. Perhaps this trip wasn’t such a waste after all. Throughout their stay, Edelgard was always seen popping in and out of Byleth’s hut.

“You’re such a worrywart,” she teased the student and rubbed her head. “I won’t go anywhere.”

She marched like a big toy soldier.

Everyone had said their farewells to the villagers and their chief. Supplies were replenished and, even luckier for them, Pegasus riders were prominent here. Many of them were eager to bring them back to ground level from the mountain. It was the least they could do for these children and the recovering professor.

Many of the students engaged in their last-minute banter with one another as they hopped onto the horses one-by-one. Before the duo left onto their respective ride, Byleth pulled aside Edelgard. She planted a kiss on the girl’s forehead and smoothed her white hair.

“Thank you, Edelgard, for everything.”

Finally, she came home like a big toy soldier. This would be a snow day Edelgard and Byleth would never forget for a long time.

#edeleth #edelgard #Edelgard von Hresvelg #byleth #f!byleth #f!byleth x edelgard #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #edeleth week (twitter)#fan fiction #fan fic #fanfic #fanfiction #one shot #os #day 1: snow day #loyalflutist

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another-stupid-writing-blog · 4 years

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Area 6 - The Woods

Your trip westward through the village is uncomfortably quiet. Neither you or Ronan say much of anything, for fear of provoking Xoknath, who seethes with anger at every step. The villagers aren’t running away anymore, but they’re not approaching you, either. They peer at you through the hut windows, or back away by about 10 feet to let you past. They seem to sigh at relief seeing Xoknath near you, though.

You reach the end of the village and Ronan waves. You nod and thank him once again, before following Xoknath into the woods.

A feeling of regret washes over you. You realize now why these people think you are unstable, and yes, they bring up good points about things you should work on. However, you do resent that Xoknath is not getting as much criticism as he maybe should. Even if his axes burn the wounds shut to prevent bleeding, that hurts like absolute hell, and is actually really unnecessary since non-bladed weapons exist. And since they could still kill you if he ever went for the easy target (your torso), it frankly seems irresponsible for the council to let him have these.

Come to think of it, what is up with that whole “Council of Elders” thing? Sure, in human societies, that works, but only because everyone cycles into that eventually, assuming everyone lives to that age. But given how many animals the elders had fused with, it seems that post-mortem age still counts as age in the monster tribe. No-one cycles into it! It’s just those same 12-or-so people forever. It’s like the bullshit monarchy you dealt with in the city, only worse, because Lord Calvin would still be there no matter how many times he was assassinated.

But again, you can’t do anything about it. You barely made it out of your own war when it was just regular humans. Add superpowers to the mix, and there’s no way you could feasibly win. Besides, you may see problems with how this other culture handles their government, but… the civilians seemed happy and healthy enough, you notwithstanding. It’s fine. It’s fine… If they need help, they can come to you for it. No need to butt into their business when you have your own shit going on.

You are quickly snapped back to reality when Xoknath puts his arm in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. Two wild boar stand on the path ahead.

BOAR #1: [YOU! TALL ONE! DO YOU HAVE ANY FOOD?]

XOKNATH: [SORRY. I DO NOT.] HUMAN! YOU HAVE FOOD?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Inventory pops up on screen, prompting you to select an item. The only foodstuffs you have are the Salted Ham Steak, the Lightly-Stale Bread, and the St. John’s Wort.

From gaming instinct, you go to select the least useful item you have, but your finger slips, and you accidentally select the Salted Ham Steak.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You hand the Ham Steak to Xoknath. He looks at it for a moment, sniffing it instinctively, before realizing what it is and jumping. The Ham Steak flies out of his hand and lands between the two wild boar. With a happy squeal, both start digging in.

You look at Xoknath, whose expression shifts from fear, to frustration, to embarrassment, and then to exasperation all in, like, a few seconds.

As the hogs finish their meal, both look up at Xoknath.

BOAR #2: [THANK YOU, TALL ONE. I WILL STICK AROUND YOU NOW.]

BOAR #1: [I WILL TOO.]

You got 2 PET HOGS! One auto-equips to your Companion slot and the other to Xoknath’s. Be sure to keep them well-fed!

XOKNATH: NO! WE NO USE THESE! HUMANS AND MONSTERS HOLD BACK. BOAR KILL AND EAT.

With that, the two Pet Hogs are de-equipped.

You continue on your way, admiring your new pets, when you come across a circle of dried mud, with intricate patterns, poems, and illustrations scrawled into every inch. You look up to see another dryad planted firmly in the center of this circle, with both hands covering a massive wound in their side, leaking tree sap, but not blood.

DRYAD: [Hey, Xoknath!]

XOKNATH: [OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?]

DRYAD: [Not really! Seems a logger was having an off day and mistook me for a normal tree. I need to get this gash closed up before it gets infected. Will you be able to get me some Creation Stone for me?]

XOKNATH: [OF COURSE! UH… DO YOU HAVE TIME FOR US TO FINISH THIS MISSION FIRST? I PROMISE, WE WON’T BE LONG.]

DRYAD: [Uh… okay? Sure. Thank you!]

Xoknath heads north, and you follow.

Now that you think about it, who in their right mind would choose to be reborn a dryad? Sure, you get a tougher body to walk around in those first few years, but having to stay rooted to one spot for years after doesn’t sound fun at all.

Then again, maybe being able to live off of sunlight, with no expectations from anybody, outweighs that. You remember how tired of farming you used to get, and how much you wanted to just curl up into a ball and do nothing for like a month. Makes perfect sense why they’d do that.

Still, you’re sure it’s unfortunate having to be alone constantly, and having to rely on others whenever something happens that they can’t fix.

Whole thing must be a mixed bag. But so is everything, you guess.

You make your way north, and two goblins make their way south towards you, one male and one female. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, but given their hunched posture, limp gait, and foaming mouths, you’re guessing these aren’t normal goblins.

BATTLE START!

You rush past Xoknath and try to bash the head of the male zombie-goblin. (Zomblin?)

You rolled a 5, plus 4!

You get a hit in, but the zomblin’s thick skull prevents him from taking much damage. He loses 1 HP, having 6 left, and stumbles back. He hisses at you and lunges forward.

His long fingernails slice through the air as you dodge to the left.

With one hand, Xoknath tosses a rope to you, and with the other, slashes at the female zomblin. He rolls a 1, plus 5.

She grabs the handle of the axe before the blade can hit her.

With her other hand, she slashes at Xoknath, but he grabs her wrist before her nails can make contact.

You try to crack the staff against the side of the male zomblin’s head, but you roll a 1 (plus 4). He blocks with his arm, taking 0 damage.

He goes for a bite. You back up and see him bite at nothing.

Xoknath lifts the female zomblin and slams her into a nearby tree, rolling a 5, plus 2. Of this, she takes about 3 damage, and is left with 4 HP, no longer having a grip on Xoknath or his weapons.

She gets up from the ground, snarling, and goes for a bite at his legs, but she crit fails, and faceplants into the dirt.

You equip the rope Xoknath gave you.

The male zomblin shakes his head all about, flinging mouth-foam in all directions. You try to cover your face, but you are not fast enough. It gets into your eyes and mouth, leaving you Infected.

Xoknath tries to pin the female zomblin down with one hand, rolling a 4, plus 3 (Strike being in place of strength), but she struggles against him and can’t be held in place. He applies the other, but he rolls a 1 (plus 3) and she breaks free of his grasp.

She tries to run away, but Xoknath runs after her and manages to grab her by the arm.

You throw one end of the rope around the male zomblin. You rolled a 5, plus 1 from your Shoot. The zomblin, while not fully bound yet, will have a disadvantage next turn!

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 8 HP left.

He attempts to get the rope off of him, but cannot.

Xoknath tries to bind the female zomblin’s hands, rolling a 5, plus 2 (using Shoot in place of accuracy). He succeeds, and she can no longer attack by scratching.

You run around the male zomblin, coiling the rope around him. Using Dodge in place of speed, you roll a 4 plus 3. He is unable to get out, and you finish tying a knot to keep him bound.

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 7 HP left.

The female zomblin tries once again to escape. Again, she fails.

With a roll of 2, plus 2, Xoknath binds her feet so she cannot move.

…

Zoknath pulls out 2 rags and puts them over the mouths of each of the two zomblins.

YOU WIN!

You each got 100 XP and a ZOMBLIN CAPTIVE!

Deliver these to the Monster Queen to gain access to communal meals!

LEVEL UP! Your Max HP Increased from 9 to 10!

Your Max MP increased from 0 to 1!

Your Dodge increased from 3 to 4!

You now have an EXTRA TURN in combat!

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 6 HP left.

XOKNATH: HUMAN! YOU SICK. GO NESRINN. FAST. IF FAST, NESRINN HELP. IF SLOW, YOU BE ZOMBIE.

Initially, you’d just planned to ignore your condition and let Xoknath defeat that zombie knight, but based on what Ronan told you, you don’t think there’s a cure that works after you turn, at least not this early in the game.

At Xoknath’s request, you head back to town.

You pass the wounded dryad again.

DRYAD: [Oh. Are you back already?]

XOKNATH: [NO. SORRY. THIS HUMAN ACTUALLY DID GET INFECTED AND NOW THERE’S A MUCH SHORTER TIME LIMIT FOR GETTING TO THE DOCTOR. WE’LL BE BACK FOR YOU, I PROMISE!]

DRYAD: [Okay.]

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 5 HP left.

You keep walking.

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 4 HP left.

You eat the St. John’s Wort, bringing you back to 8 HP.

You see a downed tree on the side of the path, with another slug-like creature melting it the same way that slojym melted the grass earlier, and turning a very yellowish color to match it. This wood-slojym (or “wudjym”) turns to look at you.

BATTLE START!

You take your staff and slam it down against the wudjym, rolling a 1, plus 4.

It tanks your attack effortlessly, and proceeds to eat your staff for good measure.

…You decide not to attack a second time.

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 7 HP left.

Xoknath strikes the wudjym with his right axe. It auto-crits against the wooden foe!

With a 3, plus 5, times 2, he deals 16 damage, out of which the wudjym takes 8. This also saps 1 MP and deals 4 Burn damage, bringing the poor thing down to 8 HP. The beast is also now on fire.

Xoknath strikes again with the left axe, rolling a 4, plus 5, times 2! It takes the beast’s head cleanly off.

YOU WIN!

You each got 100 XP!

You also got 2 WOOD PULP and 1 CHARCOAL. Either can be used as kindling.

Xoknath's axes would have acid on them now, but it burns off really quickly.

You take 1 Infection damage, and have 6 HP left.

You finally make your way back to the village.

RONAN: Oh! Back already! Wait, where’s the zombie?

XOKNATH: [TAKE US TO THE HEALER’S DEN. NOW!]

RONAN: [Wha— Oh. Okay.]

As you walk, you take 1 more damage, and are left with 5 HP when you make it to Nesrinn’s hut.

Healer’s Den Revisited

Link to First Page

#vengeance of aldrick #the vengeance of aldrick #text adventure #fantasy #writing #creative writing #imaginative writing #tw: violence #tw: violence against animals #orc #werewolf #zombie #goblin #fantasy weapons #video games #Video Game Logic #rpg

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nostalgic-blood · 6 years

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so i went to california a few weeks ago and...

No, I didn’t go ham. I had friends who were like “HERE HAVE THIS” and then I had this thing, and later went to a convention and THEN I went ham.

Also this was my first non-family trip so I sort of bought a souvenir anywhere I deemed important enough to do so... America, you took a lot of my money. Oh and Disneyland too.

...also I couldn’t fit some things and forgot others in that top pic.

this wall scroll my cat is trying to destroy

a backpack I bought solely so I was able to even bring all this back, and the posters/prints I STILL needed a friend to ship back anyway...

and this cute koishi i bought, all of three of which were from fanime, yes...

Disneyland souvenirs! A friend (Souless) bought the one of the left. You may have noticed Minnie Mouse ears on the first photo! I didn’t actually get them from Disneyland itself, t’was a gift from our Disneyland veteran who led us to many-a-ride and the least amount of waittime possible, Souless’ fiance Kat. :)

And yes Inside Out is my favourite Pixar movie. Watched Coco recently which was really good, but it’s only second to Inside Out. P:

Let’s start off with my ridiculous friends who decided I needed to own more merch:

All of this was bought by my friend Cannibalfood AKA Akira who went to cons and saw stuff I might like but never got around to actually shipping them to me.. and then, came with me to California and brought this stuff. This is why Negima is on there. It’s been that long.

Oh the non-weeb stuff is souvenirs I got with her while we were in San Fran, including Alcatraz touristy photos since we have few pictures together, a taxidermy place where we each got matching stingray barbs, how romantic. The rock was my very first souvenir. I wasn’t expecting on buying anything else in that shop, so it is the most boring thing here.

Here’s a look at the Touhou artbooks!

One of two CDs, this one with best 2hu on it. I recall from reading the back that one of these has some TAMUSIC on it, which has lovely classical pieces.

Here’s a semi-random page with some artwork. I recognize some of the artists!

The other one! I cannot read anything in these books, and yes there’s plenty of text as well as the art.

Some sample of the art! I’ll have to revisit these books later but from first glance I think I prefer the art of the first book? Idk.

Next is stuff given to me by various people. The gacha is from Magus, the guy who I stayed at for about half the trip and spent the entire trip WITH since he also went down to SLO and I also shared hotels with him for Fanime. Awesome host, will do again. 10/10. I have another button from someone else but I accidentally included it wit my fanime merch pile photos, so it’ll be along shortly.

The dreamcatcher was made by SlimeMush’s friend who I paid $10 for, and for some mysterious reason it kept being returned to him every time he tried to send it to me. I couldn’t get a good pic of it alone because my cat kept attacking the feathers. SlimeMush also gave me the Flareon button! Apparently all the Eeveelutions he had went to those whose favourite was so-and-so, and apparently there’s equal amounts of love for all of them except for the two he kept himself because he loved them the most. Yes. Flareon is my favourite. :D

The gacha is a ditto + a ditto version of Sableye.

This Monster Hunter blindbox was given to me by Wolfe, whom I’ve had a few MonHun merch exchanges with so far. I also gave him a MonHun figure from another line, which I’ll elaborate further (because I gave them all out similar to SlimeMush giving out the Eeveelution buttons) and kept whichever was left behind. This is Monoblos! I didn’t fight him all too often so I don’t have much impression of it as a monster, also I thought he was white but w/e, still very cool looking to add to my collection!

Now of all my loot THIS is the stuff I really could have done without in terms of when and where I spent my money. I bought that Incineroar evolution line figure sort of on a whim at a random city in the middle of nowhere, California while on the long drive down to SLO. The Touhou blindboxes, Digimon CD, and RWBY manga came from Kinokuniya in Japantown. Just wanted to buy them because. Even if the Tri series was mediocre in the end the nostalgia still has a strong grip on my heart, especially that music with Kouji Wada. ;_;

And the most touristy thing was buying this wind chime at a gift shop in a spa that I really didn’t need but it was pretty so w/e.

See? Pretty.

The results of the blindboxes. Not the luckiest result as I wanted other characters but you CANNOT SAY NO TO WEEB MERCH!

As much as I have been distancing myself from the show, RWBY’s manga has wondrous art. It also decided to focus on some random unknown side character named Ruby instead of the main characters, which I thought while was quite the bold move, was rather refreshing.

DELICIOUS WEISS BACKSTORY. I recall posting something about this particular chapter on here before. YEEEEE!

So yeah I went to the island prison in San Francisco where AAAAAALL the tourists go. In my defence I have a genuine interest in prisons. Just ask my 300k RWBY fanfiction in which the first quarter of it is set in a prison. It is also not my first prison fic. I put lots of research in that setting to write that kind of shit.

Also all the souvenirs were the most gimmicky things possible that I didn’t think I’d ever use or would just be paperweight. Except this bag! I may actually use this bag! I know!

And excluding the stuff that is too big or I forgot to take a pic of near the beginning of the post, THIS was the Fanime loot! Magus got me the Monokuma onesie which was extremely nice of him and now I am no longer perpetually cold. Ah yes the warmth of the hide of a psychotic bear. So good.

I could not believe the artist who made one of my favourite Aya pics EVER was at the artist alley. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. Obviously this was an instant purchase. This was my phone background for the longest of times. She had Touhou artbooks too but they sold in the first twenty minutes of the first day of the artist alley. Wow. My friend may try to snag me some at AX in July, so here’s hoping!

I didn’t see a lot of specifically Weiss prints there, and this was the best of the lot IMO. My only wish was that it was a brighter print, or that Weiss herself being so white would stand out more because it’s the least noticeable thing on my wall atm, which is a shame.

I say this when I saw precisely ONE Aya print (jackpot) and one of another coming up in this bombardment of pics.

THIS IS PERHAPS THE MOST PROVOCATIVE ONE HERE LOL. But it was the only Tenko, and DRV3 merch was the most difficult of everything I was looking for to find. Unlike 95% of Tenko art SHE ACTUALLY HAS VISIBLE ABS HERE, which according to the official artbooks she’s supposed to have, so bonus points for that. I had a brief discussion with the artist too and we both agreed Tenko was the best and Ouma was overrated. He has great taste.

Overwatch on the other hand was all over the place in this con, from merch to art, to cosplayers. There were so many cosplayers they didn’t even have enough time to run through half of the tanks and all the supports at the shoot! So sad, so sad. This piece of Widowmaker is beautiful though, so I had to have it.

I saw this online a while back and really loved this image of all the Overwatch ladies being formal. There was a suit-version too, but for whatever reason I preferred this one. Sadly this print is quite small, as it probably would have benefited the most in being larger what with the many characters and thus detail.

Out of all this mess the one thing I wanted the most and hunted for the most was charms. I found NO GOOD CHARMS that fitted my taste and interest, and the closest were these buttons. Oh, and I met my good friend Raphyninja at Fanime and he gave me EXCLUSIVE RAPHYNINA MERCH! Thus that button being here and not in the friendo pile. ANYWAY. There was a deal, 3 for 5, so aside from the obvious ones I grabbed Kork. I love Kork. I didn’t think I would for that type of character, but somehow DRV3 managed it. He will of course be very far away from Tenko and Himiko though. >_>

Here’s a page from one of the Touhou doujins I got, which in hindsight I maybe should not have got? Way too late I noticed that I recognized the seller who I think showed up on a Tumblr post warning of a creeper at the Touhou shoots. He’d try to take pics of cosplayers in a private hotel room at weird, uncomfortable angles as far as I remember, so uh, oops? I was just so excited at finding Touhou doujin for the first time ever that I paid zero attention to the person selling so hopefully I am wrong and they were just someone that resembled that person.

Also I recognized this artist for their cute Satori Koishi content, but could not find any of their Koishi doujins. Sadness.

I bought two Monster Hunter blindboxes at Fanime because CLEARLY I need more, right. I got a Nargacuga, including the box left remaining in the pile I gave away and the one I already have... I now have three Nargacugas. That’s quite a lot for something I never fought before...

I also got this tiny Zinogre. If we include my buttons I have FOUR Nargacugas now and FOUR Zinogres. The difference is I have fought Zinogre multiple times (I have no idea exactly because I have 600 hours in 4U >_>) and actually really like him! Sadly, in grand tradition like the last time I visited San Francisco (when I was five) I lost something, that being my favourite MonHun button, Zinogre. It is now in the wild with my teddy bear and my hat, forever gone in the California abyss. ):

I got this at the swap meet for 6 dollars. It may not have a stand and is rather dusty, but damn is that a bargain. My only regret is not having the GIGA DRILL BREAKAAAA model instead. I also got that Monokuma bag there too, but that was just because I went there and couldn’t find a single thing I wanted until I saw the bag, which I was on the fence on but wanted to buy SOMETHING from there and got it, thinking that was it ... but then this and the Touhou doujins showed up, soooooo...

Finally this other Nargacuga that was left behind became my monster in that line of figures, the rest in the hands of my friends. It’s actually cuter than I expected, and barely fit in this cheap crappy display case I bought at a Daiso. I moved my dresser a nudge and the Pokemon fell over, so yeah.

You may have noticed a drop in quality in the photos and that’s because I cannot be bothered to touch up such a gargantuan amount of images anymore, not with the time I have. Would be nice tho. SO, THAT IS THE GIANT POST OF SPOTTO’S MERCH, NOW WITH 100% MORE QUANTITY THAN BEFORE! I spent too much money so I might as well get something out of it by BRAGGING about it! Right?

Ye.

#spotto's merch #too much stuff to tag not even going to bother #not all of it can even fit in this one image too!#and I forgot stuff to include as well!

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johnnymundano · 5 years

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Pieces (1982) (AKA Mil gritos tiene la noche)

Directed by Juan Piquer Simon

Screenplay by Dick Randall and Roberto Loyola (as John Shadow)

Music by Librado Pastor (Spanish version) or Stelvio Cipriani, Carlo Maria Cordio, Stephen Ham, Alain Leroux, Fabio Frizzi, Enrico Pieranunzi and Silvano Chimenti (International version)

Country: Italy, Spain

Running Time: 89 minutes

CAST

Christopher George as Lt. Bracken

Linda Day as Mary Riggs

Frank Braña as Sgt. Holden

Paul L. Smith as Willard

Edmund Purdom as The Dean

Ian Sera as Kendall James

Jack Taylor as Professor Arthur Brown

Isabelle Luque as Sylvia Costa

Gérard Tichy as Doctor Jennings

Hilda Fuchs as Grace, the Secretary

May Heatherly as Mrs. Reston

Alejandro Hernández as Timmy Reston

Roxana Nieto as Virginia Palmer, First Victim

Cristina Cottrelli as Jenny, Pool Victim

Leticia Marfil as Suzie, Locker Room Victim

Silvia Gambino as Mary, Elevator Victim

Carmen Aguado as Carla, Aerobics Instructor

Paco Alvez as Alister Schwartz

(Guilt Bleat: Seriously, how could anyone pause to take screengrabs while watching this...unique creation. So off to IMDB I went.)

Pieces is a legendarily terrible Spanish slasher flick. Pieces is a tremendously enjoyable Spanish slasher flick. If you think those two statements should be mutually exclusive then stay away from Pieces, which, uh, is a Spanish slasher flick. You have been warned.

Pieces sets out its tawdry stall early, erupting busily into action with a riff on the opening scene of Deep Red (1975). The latter was stylish, restrained and chillingly suggestive whereas Pieces’ opening is…very much not. Starting as it means to go on Pieces thunders into life with an oafishly crude start involving a nudey jigsaw, matricide by axe and a couple of Keystone Cops. Somehow, by some inexplicable cinematic alchemy, this laughably squalid business is enlivened by a kind of feral energy which never entirely dissipates over the following eighty-blah minutes, despite the unarguable terribleness of the movie. This, I think, is the key to Pieces’ successful bypassing of any finer sensibilities you may mistakenly believe you possess - the maniacal gusto with which it assaults the slasher flick formula. Sometimes Pieces is so bad it’s funny, but not as often as you think; sometimes it’s funny how bad it is and yet…and yet, ridiculously, it somehow works. Which is to say, I enjoyed it but I’m not proud of that.

In 1942 a young boy playing with his absentee father’s porny jigsaw is surprised by his uptight and highly agitated mother. The short-trousered scamp surprises her in turn by axing her in the head and dismembering her corpse with a hacksaw. When the police turn up he tells them a bad man did it and ran away; they believe him because, hey, why would you not? Case closed. Whoosh! 40 years pass! And, as so often happens, a girl roller skates into a pane of glass, triggering the killer’s dormant psychosis. Suddenly the peace of a college campus in Boston (an area in American where no one speaks English, apparently) is smashed in the face by a hammer made of flamboyantly violent murders. Murder having a detrimental effect on any educational establishment’s reputation, the Dean (Edmund Purdom; prissy) keeps things on the QT and very, very hush-hush, while Lt. Bracken (Christopher George; distracted) attempts to catch the killer, mainly by wandering about angrily with an unlit cigar in his mouth. This proves an unfruitful approach and more young women are butchered in scenes which seem to take an unseemly pleasure in the ridiculous splatter on show. Cunningly Bracken employs student babe-magnet Kendall James (Ian Sera; ridiculously unsexual in a knitted Starsky & Hutch jumper affair) and ex-tennis champion cum police detective Mary Riggs (Linda Day; not very good at tennis) to make undercover enquiries, unfortunately they find this places them in the deadly path of the killer. Can the killer be brought down before he completes his insane aim of creating a jigsaw of human parts?

Actually, that’s the least interesting question Pieces raises. All the really interesting questions Pieces raises centre around why you are spending time watching something so ridiculously trashy. Also open to question is whether the people who made Pieces were catastrophically inept or whether the people that made Pieces just had utter contempt for their audience. There’s no getting around it; there’s no redemption under the flag of camp possible - Pieces is just garbage basically, possibly even the legendary hot garbage of which the young speak. And yet…and yet it’s impossible to look away. With its unholy, slapdash fusion of the giallo and the slasher Pieces creates an irresistible aesthetic car crash which even hardened fans of the bizarre can only boggle at. Choosing to do a slasher in the giallo manner is a pretty clever move, let’s face it.

That said, beyond the awesomely and unapologetically gross kills, it’s the only original thing about Pieces, everything else is slightly soiled hand-me-downs. Pieces has no shame; it is quite happy to caper about in someone else’s unwashed knickers. Often many people’s unwashed knickers at the same time. And just as Pieces is itself a wonky jigsaw composed of mismatched parts from other, better, movies the main cast of Pieces all look like cheap knock-offs of other, more famous people. Christopher George looks like a bad tempered George Segal, Linda Day looks like a sedated Loni Anderson, Paul L. Smith looks like Paul L. Smith but with a squint, Professor Brown looks like a constipated Chevy Chase wearing a creepy moustache, and Edmund Perdom looks like ex-Prime Minister Gordon Brown after a month at a health spa. There’s always something onscreen to entertain, because in Pieces there’s always something stupid onscreen.

Deciding whether the stupidity in Pieces is intentional or accidental is trickier than you might think. On more than one occasion Pieces acts as a fantastic parody of the slasher form. The bit where the policewoman/tennis champion is attacked by a martial artist for absolutely no reason whatsoever is funnier and cleverer a lampoon than anything in the Scary Movie, uh, movies. As are the parts where a killer dressed as The Shadow carrying a giant chainsaw enters an elevator without raising any suspicion in the victim, or where the flamboyantly attired villain stalks a woman in a swimming pool despite his being clearly visible at all times. This stuff transcends brute idiocy and ascends effortlessly to the divinely satirical. But is it supposed to be? Does intention matter? At one point a woman is stabbed to death on a waterbed and the killer’s knife hits her head and bends; it’s a split second, but I doubt any other split second comes as close to encapsulating the entirety of Pieces within it so successfully. Then there’s the climactic build-up where the killer attempts to drug his victim into insensibility but gets the measure wrong, and has to make her another cup of coffee, including boiling the kettle, irritable spooning, huffy stirring etc. while the victim sits there unawares as the police close in. What with the imperilled blonde and the race against time it’s like some Hitchcockian set piece, but one by Barry Hitchcock, Alfred’s unknown, glue huffing cousin twice removed who writes only in crayon. And don’t even get me started on the final shot; if you’ve got enough self respect to burn, Pieces is worth watching for that final “???!!!???” moment alone. In the end I think that is the only sane, human response to Pieces: “???!!!???”.

TL:DR: Pieces is stupid. Pieces is great. Pieces is stupidly great.

#pieces #movies #horror #giallo #slasher #spain #1982 #the 1980s #juan piquer simon #mil gritos tiene la noche #christopher george #linda day #edmund purdom

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