#i will delete this later probably i just needed to vent

[inklessletter]

Having an anxiety attack in the middle of the office, in front of everyone (clients and co-workers) is absolutely mortifying. I couldn't breath, couldn't stop crying and the only thing I was able to feel is embarrassment. And it shouldn't be like that. I know it shouldn't, and there is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens when it happens. But fuck me if I wasn't feeling pathetic and stupid in a moment like that, being more worried to stop crying and making a fool of myself instead on focusing on, I don't know, how to fucking breath again.

It is really a horrible day.

#i will probably delete this later #just needed to vent

[nell0-0]

Too tired to draw, what is this curse. I wanna draw so badly but can't even focus on the screen, augh

#talk tag #rant #i guess? #i feel super bad about complaining in here #but where else would I go with it #I just got a stressful job and keep messing up #not the job itself. but relationships with coworkers #it's so stressful bc I don't wanna come across as mean #it's just my face/voice when I'm not constantly making sure it's soft and nice #I don't wanna be mean #can't just go and say “it's the neurodivergence” #since I don't even know wtf is wrong with me #<- afraid of therapists #bc if I go to even one therapists and disregards my struggles I may just cry. and impostor syndrome again #rambling in the tags #will delete this later #i just needed to get this out #I also keep infodumping to clients and not sure how that's gonna fly with the bosses #...probably not well #english is hard today wtf #tw vent

[lanaevyssmoved]

there is a very specific part of astarions own personal groupies that makes me feel so physically unwell and triggers me so bad and i cannot block them all fast enough !!!!

#fray.txt #i am trying so hard not to see but it keeps ! popping up ! #i don’t wanna start drama so i’m blocking every single one ! #but sometimes i read something that makes me actually puke in my mouth and i just need to scream for a second !!!! #in which i’m using tumblr to vent oho when has this ever been a good idea #i’ll probably delete this later i’m just so upset rn lol

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I try to stay away from discourse but this is just rubs me the wrong way.

I hate how my generation of lgbt people hate on gay men so much and act like they are these spoilt privileged people. Like gay men have historically and still currently all over the world faced some of the most horrible homophobic violence. Even in countries where gay marriage is legal.

It just disgusts me honestly. You can talk about problems in the gay male community without completing disregarding all their struggles. They aren’t the “straight people” of the community. They aren’t the privileged monolithic overlords. Do you hear yourself?

Like hot take but maybe gay men are being stand-offish to you because you are saying the most untrue , heartless and heinous things about them that completely disregards their important impact and their trauma

#I’m just so annoyed by it #I’ve been seeing it everywhere lately and it really upsets me #I feel like I’m stubborn with this too and won’t change my mind so I probably will be annoying and not answers anons on it lol #I don’t want people yelling at me because I hate bringing up discourse but I’m just so frustrated by this and I needed to vent #who knows might delete it later

[emberglowfox]

#fool me once shame on you fool me four thousand times shame on me and there will be shame on me again #i was excited to talk to you. i don’t understand why you won’t even look at me. #vent #delete later probably if i remember. i don’t know if want this staying up because it’s a bummer but i just need to get it out #but spending a week with a friends caring father and coming home to the guy i live with who won’t look at me or answer me when i say hello #just because he doesn’t feel like it or whatever the hell #hit me harder than i expected. #rounding in the year with the usual vague disappointment i guess #sparks speaks

[dravencroft]

Decisions.

#dravensart #vent art #decisions #idk I just needed to get this out of my system #who thought it was okay to let me become an adult? I'm not an adult. I'm not even a human being. #I don't know what to do. this decision is way bigger than me. #delete later probably

[mokeonn]

I think the frustrating thing about Spotify recommendations is sometimes it really does introduce me to lots of cool Indie Bands that I really vibe with and allow me to try some new stuff and sometimes it keeps telling me that I need to Listen to Mother Mother (I have not listened to Mother Mother ever and at this point I never will because it is a pride thing.)

Or a random unfunny tiktok joke song from 3 years ago/ a viral YouTube song from over a decade ago.

#simon says #will probably delete this later #but yeah my recommendations are all mother mother and my spotify weekly is a mix between sweet ass new bands and unfunny bad joke songs #my spotify weekly has Cherry Bomb by the Runaways which is a good recommendation and then the Creative Song from don't hug me im scared #which is a bad recommendation to be clear #i know I have a couple of odd songs from things like shows or cartoon bumpers in my playlist (i got whats new scooby doo on there) #but that doesn't mean that I need to be recommended fuckin Death By Glamour?? #like there's no videogame soundtracks in my playlist why the fuck is that there #If I wanna listen to Undertale music I would just listen to the vinyls I own!! #anyways this is just a vent against spotify #my weekly seems to have a LOT more indie stuff so imma check it out real fast #i want to discover more music because I do eventually want to just swap to mp3s and an mp3 player instead of spotify #that is one thing I like about Spotify the most is that it helps me find more bands that I like #but I could probably find stuff via looking up youtube playlists as well #so it's not worth paying for anymore #I asked for an mp3 player for Christmas so hopefully I get one and I can just start using that instead #i miss my mp3 these last 7 years without it have sucked I miss my designated music device #anyways dont have to worry about going ad free if you just have the digital files on your computer and put them directly in a player #😎👍

[aqours]

... tbh sometimes i really can't help but wonder

how did someone like me who makes so many mistakes, often repeating the same mistakes when i try my best not to, meet so many wonderful and amazing people? how is it that no matter what there's... always people there?

like i'm not saying that to brag or anything, it just... i make so many mistakes and it takes me forever to do anything, but even when i have fights or fallings out and never talk to some people again: there's always other people there

and i... genuinely never have fully understood that

how did i pull that off? is it just my mannerisms? how quickly i am to talk to people? what God wants? like, i'm grateful for it, but it... honestly confuses me a lot of the time, i've never imagined myself anything special, shouldn't i have just messed up and run out of people to talk to by now? i try really hard, but then i make the same mistakes without even realizing it until i've done it: how is everyone not sick of that already?

... maybe it's just bc april makes me just a little weird, idk, but

i'm thankful for it, just................ confused, and every time i think about it i just get upset after a while and stop wondering about it...

... wondering what you all see in me, sometimes, and becoming very afraid i can't live up to that expectation or ideal and i'm gonna let you down one day

#starposts #vent post #sorry i'll probably delete this later it's just #it's something that's weighed on me for years and years now #and i just needed to get it off my chest

[arthur-r]

hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes) #anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all) #anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES) #(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never) #ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!! #i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!! #P.S. text or call if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[seariii]

*big sigh* I'm sad

#might delete later #we need to order food and do all of that... #im not hungry... yes you are you are just sad. lets order something whatever is fine something comforting #come on we need to get this done time keeps going by. we HAVE TO do this #come on just today and tomorrow. Saturday might be a bit hard too but we've got this! im so scared of Saturday... #'everyone is polite' but.... ill probably be the youngest... and im terrified of what if im the only girl... i don't wanna be there #lets pull out the intp then... #for now lets eat something and finish this so we can get some rest! we have to get to an 80% at least today! so tomorrow you can print it #sigh.... why am i here #vent post

[prussianvenom]

.

#vent #will probably delete later #i just need to write this out so ill stop feeling sick #but you ever like #realize you need to talk to someone for help #but you dont #because like #feel like they hate you #and you feel it so intensely even though you know its not reality #and you don't feel like you can talk #because you already talk and bitch so much #why would anyone want to listen to the guy whos always crying about feeling like his friends don't like him #i hate #feeling like im a rescue animal #that needs constant attention #and just becomes a hated burden #and is abandoned again #I KNOW ITS NOT TRUE #but it doesn't change how my brain makes me feel #i just #i don't want to keep feeling like im waiting for the day where the people i hold close tell me theres no longer a place in their life #im grieving for something that isnt dying #but what if #what if its going to happen #i can say i can grin and bear the thought and just enjoy the time i get to have with them #but i dont want to #i dont want to be alone #im so scared of being too much #i dont want to have to give them up #i dont know

[qilinkisser]

I need to stop engaging in things that make me compare the attention I get with others. unfortunately if I want to exist on the internet at all I have basically no choice. sorry about that 😔😔

#Vents 🌧️ #I think I may die (exaggeration. probably) #just. bad bad bad all around #unfortunately jealousy is rooted deeply into my heart. I love everyone so so much and I wish I got that love back #I feel like it's filling up my chest. its surrounding my lungs and tightening my body #I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't do this #every time I finally think I have enough of anything it's never enough because everyone around me gets more #it hurts. I can't fucking do this. but I don't know where else to turn to #am I supposed to take a break from the thing that was supposed to comfort me? the outside world isn't any better #perhaps I'm condemned to a life where I can do nothing but simply get over myself.. #sorry. I didn't mean to. say all of this #I'll probably delete this later but I need this out of me now

[fairytales-and-folklore]

.

#are you serious #did I really just spend the past month dealing with a horrible cold #bookended by two horrible periods #only to catch ANOTHER ONE this morning #this is some bullshit #I have so many projects I want to work on 😭 #personal vent I'll probably delete later but I needed to shout into the void for a minute

[vaxxy-the-raven]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

#im safe #i just need to vent #already calling my boyfriend #please don't worry #just brain busy must yell #cw whatever the fuck this is #how do i tag this shit #triggering content #is this the ocd or the trauma? is it both? (: #vent #aaaaaaaaaa #cw child neglect #cw intrusive thoughts #cw grooming #i guess??? feels wrong to me but i think?? #im so fucking tired #will probably delete later

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so there was this pub, the crooked house or the siden house, where im from that was kinda famous for being the "wonkiest pub in britain". its been there since 1765 (it was originally a farmhouse) and let me tell you, the inside was some of the coolest shit ive seen. it was fucking bostin.

but four days ago, it burnt down. now its nothing but rubble, and its being treated as an arson for the investigation.

and just,,, im so gutted. i have that kind of sadness where you feel empty inside because this was our pub. we're an impoverished area and a lot of our country laughs at us for the way we speak, but we're proud of our local culture and history.

honestly the siden house represented us; we're a little wonky bunch with our dialect the most close to old english and banding together like misfits in a movie.

but now its just gone. its one of the few tranklements of our history we get to hold and its just fucking gone, at someones hand. it was probably new developer who just bought it because its the cheapest way to clear a lot.

and i ay even angry at whoever it was, im just sad. as a brit, i hold no pride for my country and the history of it. but i am a proud yam yam, and right now, it just hurts.

#kai rambles #personal #delete later #probably #i just need to vent #because just #i day feel good rn #like ive been to the crooked house and it was so cool and i fucking loved it so much #and it was so unique and it was ours #it just feels like someones took part of my heart away #like i can be proud of my local history because it was the yam yams who dug the canals and mined the coal and built the factories #and transported the coal via canal and built the railroad tracks and built up all our little towns #and obviously there was exploitation happening and you know weve always been a working class area #we got our name the black country from how much dust and coal and steam was in the air round here #theres an entire story where apparently victoria came round in a carriage to visit an area very essential to industrialisation and she #refused to open the curtain on her carriage window because she was so disgusted with us #it was all local folks making the steel and the cars and the chains and the trains and all the rest #obviously we benefited from colonisation like any area of britain but we were also being oppressed and exploited by rich brits ourselves #but so much of our local architecture was built by us and the culture was built by us and the dialect came from us #and the siden house was part of that #and now its simply gone most likely because some fucking clarnet developer decided oh ill do some light arson to cut corners #who cares about our local culture or history? instead you can just laugh at our accents and our dialect and rewatch benefit street! #because weem all backerds roun' here day yow think? eatin faggots and fittle wommucking it down an' gooin to the foot of our stairs? #ar weem right gawbys in yo eyes. goo on gawp at us tek notes if yo want. just doe dither abou' it an' weem haven no more cotter with yow #ye im probably gonna delete this later #i fully just went yam yam slang there #im just upset and a little bit maddened

[raiderlucy]

I don't think this guy I used to work with/was friends with realises I'm ghosting him and I don't think he understands that if i wanted to talk to him I would have replied to his messages months ago...

#sorry need to vent he's text me twice today #and tried to call me twice within like 5mins of each other #it's like god get the hint i don't want to talk to you idiot #(and yeah i know i should probably just tell him i don't wanna talk to him but he's a normal person not a weirdo like us tumblr folk...) #maybe delete later #aimz talks