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#i will make a dumb post for me and thats okay thats self care folks
femboty2k · 3 years
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Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably
I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.
There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.
Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.
So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”
This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful  joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3
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la5t-res0rt · 4 years
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i was just sent a post from the blog who must not be named it was a post reblogged from someone who ive added to my list of really bad people but one of the things that struck me was a tag i saw in the post
antis seek therapy
we do
we do seek therapy often to combat the trauma some of us have endured through being groomed and being abused we spend time on ourselves to heal we find ways to cope and enjoy life again after it feels like parts of ourselves have been ripped from us and broken and tainted and violated
we work to be comfortable again we work to feel like ourselves again we find things we love again we allow ourselves to enjoy media again
we are taught to stand up for our own levels of comfort and to take control of the space around us we are taught mechanisms to move forward and we are encouraged to help others and support others at least thats what my therapist of multiple decades told me
we all seek shelter in our own ways and many people seek it in media its literally what so many beetlebabes shippers claim to be doing like they’re quote reclaiming some lost childhood thing unquote and yeah i think youre going about it in a terrible way that continues the cycle of pedophila and is normalizing it but thats not even what this is about right now this is about the blatant disrespect and inability to open your eyes to someone elses experience and story
so many antis are so uncomfortable with the content created by beetlebabe shippers myself included since its so similar to the material used to character veil up abuse me character veil down
we try to curate our spaces for that we say beetlebabes dni dont reblog dont put yourself in this space im making for myself but then people come in and call it gatekeeping and try to illustrate how someone is a bad person for not wanting exposure so pedophilic content like its absolutely baffling to me that people can state such a clear and simple rule and then people will whine and moan about it as if its oppression newsflash its not fucking oppression you whining slime mold being asked to not interact on the ground of pedophilia isnt fucking oppression read a book go outside and learn something anyway
people are entitled to have control over the space in which they occupy people have the control to remove people from their spaces its like ok weird metaphor but this whole ordeal with wearing masks in public spaces yes you may have the right to refuse to wear a mask and you have the right technically to harass service industry workers but the businesses that employ these workers also have the full right to not allow you in and to even remove you from the property free speech also comes with consequences this is such a simple principle like talk shit get hit metaphorically is basically the same principle
coming into someones space after they specified that that your content is something that makes them uncomfortable makes you a major asshole and also makes me think youre dumb and maybe cant read
all of that is bad enough
but to continuously berate someone and belittle their very real trauma all in the sake of you wanting to ship and post pedophilia is simply abhorrent it is truly vile behavior to come back multiple times is truly a disdainful act in my eyes and im sure im not the first person to feel this way
if youre close to people in the field of psychiatric medicine you should know better than to belittle someones trauma and as a csa survivor yourself you should have the compassion to respect someones boundaries
have you discussed this behavior with this psychiatrist husband of yours not the pedophilic stuff but this blatant disrespect and dismissal of someone elses trauma and the growth theyve achieved thanks to their therapy and counseling have you addressed this narcissistic holier than thou approach you have to discussing such serious issues with people because thats something that should be addressed along with your acceptance and tolerance and even romanticization of pedophilia in media
this is harassment and gaslighting in action folks nether receipts I hope youre taking notes because you clearly dont know what either term means and the fact that youve gone out of your way to promote this abusive behavior is yet another reason why people dislike you i can’t tag you because youve finally taken the hint and blocked me so I see no point but you know who you are also people don’t hate you because youre a woman they hate you because youre a pedophile anyway this isnt about you
back to the person im actually addressing
trauma is not an experience that is easy to read and apply to every person you yourself sourced years of trying to deal with what you went through who are you to dictate how long someone can feel pain for what theyve gone through who are you exactly to say whether or not if has been too long of a time for someones trauma to effect them you of all people should know that this shit doesnt go away it lingers and it grips you forever it doesnt matter if you’ve been apart from it for ten days or ten years
in one sentence you belittled a person for still being effected by their trauma and then in the next stated that the battle is life long which is it which statement do you actually beleive because it seems to me you only seem to care about your own horrible self without taking this other person into account at all because their response to their trauma was to break the cycle and work to make his space safer for himself and i beleive that takes more courage and more strength to actively oppose what hurt you rather than let it become how you cope and it becomes something you reintroduce into the cycle by keeping the its all okay attitude alive
i do not usually do direct posts its not exactly my style but i am so disgusted by what i have seen and what has been shared with me that it would be a disservice to not alert as many people as i can about your behavior
for a closing statement i will quote you
quote i hope you find your way to it instead of wasting all of your time being afraid of pictures and words on a screen, and picking fights with people who harm nobody unquote
what the fuck so you think youre doing by coming back over and over to belittle trauma denounce treatment and all around be unpleasant and high and mighty thats fucking harming people you narcissistic fool
im sorry you were hurt that fucking sucks but that doesnt give your the right for one fucking second to come into someones space where it was specified that you were not allowed and proceed to harass them and belittle them like you have done
@soeur-tiame you should be ashamed of yourself
dont bother responding as ive shown before with that transmed guy i dont like to waste any more of my time on filth than i need to
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chromations · 3 years
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Does any Hermit vary drastically between your AUs? Like, personality or physique wise?
oho!!! yes!!! doc, ren,etho, iskall, and i believe. so. i co-own the war au (from my friend Chrome) and the voidskall au (from my friend shadow) doc: in the war au, he gets a bit power hungry and violent against the hippies. very mean, lashing out, basically make doc very violent, remove most his good traits since he's so caught up in the disappearance of the nho. in hardcore jungle he is very smart, learning things very quickly and picking up on body movement and cues. he wears a thick green cloak, no lab coat, and his robotics are wrapped in vines. throughout the story i plan to make him go a bit,,, returning back to creeper. like full on feral. redstone soda: he's a tamed creeper, just like the other aus. and has an immense hate for birds and roses/poppies
 etho: redstone soda, he's an aetherkind. i havent done much in the story about it but thats spoilers if i talk bout it here. :). harcore jungle: f as t, precise, a bit cold but long hair with an undercut? m. love. idk about war au and voidskall tho. 
ren: due to me loving ren so much. he. i love he. but in hardcore jungle: ohohoh man. hes a werewolf and nobody knows. hes a feral boy. he is f as t. he is strong. i love he. this man? perfect. except for the fact he wants to murder. war au: OHOHOH MAN. He's like. hes insane at the point the story was last updated. literally.. hes werewolf. he fuckig whimpers himself to sleep oh goD the hippies need hugs in that au. all of them. theyre all going insane from being trapped. oh ofgodogdfg in redstone soda he is a dogman. common knowledge on the server, just a big ol dogy man :) he is friendly. he is huggable. he is dumb but KIND and he can COOK and ;o i love this man. and in uhh.. what else. oh yeah! 
SoTRP and Voidskall!! in voidskall he has two different rens, one from another universe sorta? idk. but there's Den, who is Void!Ren. and there's Phen!Ren, who's a phoenix man :>
 and in SoTRP, he's Phen!Ren as well, amnesia and all because he does not recall there being an icebird!mumbo in this world or kitsune iskall. personality wise? in SoTRP hed bully void into self care. he fucking saved him from dying and :) in an au of voidskall, where Den and Void die due to voidhounds, Ren accidentally kills Den when trying to protect him but actually shoots fire at him. he hides away, and while the other void hermits fight over whos the leader now, he and Avrian (void grian) talk it out. 
Avrian says he should be leader, and due to avrian being the one with the role of appointing new leaders, ren agrees and gets the signature golden tattoo. but he regrets it and hides in the void. but he goes insane, and rips off his feathers, cuts off his wing, just anything to get rid of his bird side. but its useless. he cant  do it. so his feathers start sticking together due to blood, tail feathers turining gold and into one long tail which he also dyes silver, his ear feather solidifying and turning into a horn the color of his skin, and his other wing becoming metallic and curved. 
his skin is blue, hair silvery. he bids farewell to avrian and hops into another universe. another world. because he has a new name. his name is now Den. and hes now an evil hermit in Redstone soda. 
 iskall: war au, hes on a77's side. he has adhd. hes scared of doc. hes just scared for his friends, scared for grian and ren. just scared. but he works for a77, believing his friends will get better. but they dont. Cleo and Joe help him out, they spend time devising a plan to find the hippies. until cleo gets bitten by a zombie horse, hides for a week, and when joe finds her in the snow, bleeding, and now a centaur, iskall panics and goes into the hippie commune, a mask on and ready to find em. he gets chased by a big spider aka ex. ends up close, but unable to find the hippies. 
 hardcore jungle: man. hes scared man. sure, he has the most comfort with bdubs, zloy, pixl, and ely in a treehouse. but hes scared for his friends. scared of the dark :( poor man needs break. 
 SoTRP and Voidskall: thats the name, he's voidskall. hes an ass. hes cold, turned from the void. he hates the voidhounds, wants to escape. but he cant. he has the shackles. but Ren helps the best he can, with his phoenix friend cuddling him sometimes. the heat, the warmth. hes barely felt it, being in the void. but he loves the warmth. also he needs SELF CARE GOSH DAMIG NNSJfksf 
 redstone soda; hes got an evil alternate known as Eskall. eskall despises shad (the nether being). hes been nearly mind controlled by glowshrooms. he knows what hes talkign about. but eskall ticks and fidgets by scratching himself, he cant focus. he accidentally prevents his redstone from working. iskall helps him out throughout the days of s5 loading in. also iskall is given the feathered protector, basically a legendary blade from the aether. he found the blade in the end when end busting with mumbo, but xisuma and siren actually told him what the blade was for and he was like "Ohhhh". 
also he is strong and i headcanon he works out with grian and false on weekends.
 bonus:
 cub: he is neutral in the war au, but he favors the hippies and tries to find them, working himself to sleep. in redstone soda, a part of his soul, disembodied (CubVex/CubBan), has the ability to split people into two (emotions/personality trait wise), and fuse people (eg: Doc and iskall in s5). Cub is aetherkind as well, and finds himself with the hermits in s5, waking up in scars base. because the evil hermits tried to kidnap him sorta, but badtimes was like: ok no not for us. give him to scar.
 scar: redstone soda au. he does not react well with potions. his scars? netherkind dealt those to him. hes been scratched by jellie on his hands. he scratches himself to keep himself awake as well (not healthy guys. but this is also me self projecting so). hardcore jungle au, the vex live in the crystal on his choker. he nearly died from the vex (chapter 2).
 war au, hes docs right hand man. hes just not enjoying the whole thing, but going along with it because hes too afraid to say no, and he is also under the guide that things are gonna be okay. 
 cleo: war au. shes on a77s side. she is a centaur some point through, though this is unwritten. she becomes a centaur because she is bitten by a zombie horse during research. she does not like being a horse. 
 mumbo: war au. hes more on a77s side, but also against, but also sorta not for the hippies. neutral, working against cub. he took as poultry man because he missed grian as well. he took one of cubs drones and with stress's help, he reprogrammed it for himself. also he has gone a bit insane if i say so myself also the meanie took iskalls adhd meds. dont do that folks
 also in redstone soda i will proceed to introduce grian as a shark man. because i love shar ks andi love grian :D whoa h i did not mean for this post to be so long-
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unseeliecourtjester · 4 years
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I'm watching the Witcher! I have thoughts but I don't want to liveblog by spamming my blog with single posts so I'm just updating this one as i go. We good? Good.
Don't read this if you haven't watched it obviously because A spoilers duh and B it is pretty much incomprehensible if you haven't (and probably also if you have lol)
I've watched 8/8 episodes
Ep 1:
And right into action we jump! Nice
Ok. Killing a monster and a helpless injured animal in the first scene, it's that kind of show.
Fun bantz with daughter and dad i presume, love that
Bombarded with exposition. What's happening?
Lots of grey morality. Like it.
Very mirrory, that eclipse girl and the wizard. Who's right who's wrong? Who knows, Im sure we'll lose either way.
Really good clothing and set design!
The soundtrack is banger after another just very very good
I knew I find manbuns and half up half down hair very sexy but man if Geralt and that wizard guy from the royal storyline don't remind me of it, thank you for your service!
The fight choreography where geralt takes those men is superb and camerawork supports it in a way that's its actually possible to follow and enjoyable to watch, great job!
Hmm okay so seems like timelines are a bit fucky, princess scenes after geralt scenes
"I love you" "find Geralt of Rivia" OUCH
Good scenes but oh man i wouldn't want my rulers to just kill themselves during an attack yikes
Not to say that those suicides make me excited and confused but well i am definitely confused and excited for the princess storyline and what the heck those nilfgard (sp?) folks want.
Ep 2.:
Poor girl. (i wonder if thats makeup or if they actually cast an actress that looks like that, which would be v good)
So weird eye colours mean stuff?
Rat boy?
YES WE MET BARD BOY! Predictably I'm in love already. What a good first interaction
*Chanting* shrek dynamic shrek dynAMIC SHREK DYNAMIC!!!
I'm wheezing they really brought onions into this 👀
Thank the makers for not showing graphic self harm scenes 🙏
Powerful magic woman giving a monologue about chaos and magic? Hnnnggg
"Here i go again delivering exposition" *snort*
Hmm. What's the issue with the races? Elves etc i mean. And what's up with the guy wjo had to give "Fiona" shoes? He's one of the "clean ones"? Oof
Poor Yennefer.
Another good speech from powerful magic woman
Count on the bard to bring the laughs. And oof those elves, theres obviously some tension there.
Being Not human not another race but a Witcher does have its perks in talks with elves.
Things like "the great cleansing" worry me
There are three plots going on rn (i think theyre at the same time by now) and my priorities are 1. Geralt 2. Yennefer and 3. Fiona though 2. And 3. Is very close.
Hands down the most unrealistic thing is how everyone can repeat that language perfectly from having heard it once.
Yennefer is a half elven?
Huh. A game of marionettes and masters. The wizard controls the boy, the magician controld the girl.
Sidenote, the magic system of channeling chaos into magic and newtons 3rd law is metal and i love it
Eels, huh? Interesting.
So taking stock we have Bard (Human) & Geralt (Witcher), Yennefer (Half elf) and Humans, and Ciri (Human) & Dara (Elf).
First two episodes are over and I'm hooked. Excuse me while I go listen to "Toss a coin to your Witcher" on repeat a few hundred times now.
Ep 3
Here we gooooo
I watched half of it on a train and was too engrossed to write about
Fuck it up Yennefer!
Boob window!
Ok wait so wait wait wait is Yennefer still a Timeline before geralt?
Oh man beauty is a difficult concept
I miss the bard
Ep 4
What's that warrior women tribe and why did the forest call ciri?
I've had the bard for a day but if anything hapoens to him I'll kille everyone in this room and then myself
I love how his song has taken off!
Fuck yeah sidequest!
If i were to describe everything i loved about that scene id have to transcribe it whole
Timelines are fuckin... Fucky
Oh now we'll find out why grandmother wanted ciri to get geralt. Guess he made an impression
Damn she's so metal
Oh btw we love when media passes the bechdel test
Aww Yennefer.
Hmm.
That has to be a gambit
Ok i just read up on the law of surprise, and like to almosr everything in this ep my reaction is "metal af"
WHAT THE FUUUUUCK
Ep 5
Are you making a humunculus?
Doppler!???!?
Oh no poor wizard man
Oh Fremdscham alter Freund
These German accents oof
Oh Yennefer
Ragamuffin LOL
Jaskier huh? Nice name
Well fuck
Right. Good.
Make him drink the water! The doppler doesn't have good intentions
Also i really hope ciri isn't promised to geralt by the law of surprise in a yucky way
I love how lust and sex is handled here
"Flora and (yikes) Fauna" oh jaskier every word out of your mouth is peak comedy
Oof that guy Yennefer is traveling with
I bet they're gonna end up being a team anyways, i mean our main characters. Some how the others will perish.
Oh doppler you're so dumb
Witcher good ending: Geralt & Yennefer make a life with Ciri (I'm sure 1. fics are being written as we speak & 2. It wont happen)
Oh man that route
There's so much suicide and suicidal ideation in this it's crazy
And: called it!
There are so many insanely good quotes
"it's hard to regret something you didn't chose" yeah
Yennefer! Don't sleep with makeup
Uh
You forgot jaskier!
Yeah the hints were there. Blorchs fancy jacket...
Why does nothing good ever last. Yennefer and Geralt are so good together
And poor jaskier
We really in it now, Ariana
Ep 7
Wow calanthe you should know by now that these foul tricks don't work
Man, geralt cant catch a break
He's such a nerd
Harsh teachers get a lot of mileage out of "You're my best student"
... And that's why it's so easily used against their students.
Fuck i really care for these characters. Especially geralt, Yennefer and jaskier.
Yennefer just wanted to send sad girls on the drug trip of their lives and they're just... Hmm.
Ideology is so dangerous when it makes sense to you
And to think, geralt was right there under cintra
Well that was... Hmm
Ep 8
We haven't seen elves in a long time
Uh... No?
I dont accept geralt dying like that and at that time
OH HELL YEAH THAT INTRO ANIMATION
There's nothing
Of everything thats happened so far, the magic, the hotness, etc etc, i feel like my biggest fantasy brought to the screen in the witcher is a powerful teacher appreciating and spending time with a former student.
(*Tissania waving a glass of ale at Yennefer* me: god i wish that were me)
Ok but what's happening with geralt?
Who is vesemir
All those magic scenes are so good
Oof they just keep missing each other
Are they gonna meet in the last scene?
... They did. In the last scene.
Colour me interested in season 2! Off to tvtropes i guess and the tumblr tag.
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literaphobe · 5 years
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hi michelle! so want to start saying that i identify as bi and honestly, I would LOVE it if jake was bi. I think it'd be great. But i'm also okay if he's not, bc how cool is it that they're allowing a man to break down traditional gender norms/roles! i think one of the greatest parts of loving a show like b99 is that it lets us escape the 'real world' for twenty minutes every week. and that means something different for every person watching the show. 1
SO while i believe you are entitled to your own opinions, and you can share them on your blog bc it's yours, i don't think its fair to invite people to share their opinions but shut down anyone who feels differently than you. for example, you said to someone who said they didn't care if jake was bi that you hope they 'get well soon'. also, you posted saying that if bi people didnt want jake to be bi then they're wrong. im sorry but thats really hurtful. you dont get to decide how people think 2
just bc someone feels differently than you doesnt make their feelings less valid, ESPECIALLY someone who identifies as lgbt+. you run a popular blog and it makes me sad to think people might feel their opinions are less valid or wrong bc they see it here. again, im not saying you cant have opinions or post them. but maybe just think about how your words can affect others. also saying this off anon bc i respect you and am open to having a conversation. Thanks for reading, hope u have a good day
hi. thank you for ur mannerly tone and for having the courage to go off-anon.
mlm/bi representation will always be more important than ‘straight man comfortable with his sexuality’. while i am not saying that straight men in media shouldn’t be portrayed as comfortable in their sexualities, the stance that it’s okay to take away representation from people in the lgbt community as long as we have Good Hets is harmful, and it gives people in the tv/movie industries a cop out. they don’t have to give us more lgbt characters! straight characters who Know What’s Up are good enough to make them seem woke and avoid criticism! and whether you’re comfortable with this happening as an lgbt has nothing to do with it. we have to hold the media accountable, we can’t just settle for less. whether you want to watch b99 uncritically or not is entirely up to you. i get that it’s exhausting to analyze the media content you consume! i more than understand just wanting to escape and not ask for more! it’s tiring! it’s draining! it’s disappointing, it hurts so much and it gets so so lonely. but we can’t just let the world stagnate. progress needs to be made constantly, and shows can’t be made to feel like they can just do one or two good things and not be expected to do anything else! i’m not asking you to fight for this, i just want the acknowledgement that this is the right thing to do
i didn’t exactly... invite anyone to say anything. i truly am just sending my thoughts out into the void. and yes, i am aware that my words reach a wider audience because i have a larger than average follower count. of course i know my words can affect others. that’s what i’m trying to do. aside from getting thoughts out my brain, i want to promote a less passive line of thinking. i want lgbt folk to want better for themselves. unfortunately, because words and actions have responses, people will climb into my inbox and start conversations that i inevitably have to take part in (sometimes i don’t though. it really depends on where my head’s at that day. having to discuss this repeatedly is draining). most of the time, i’m just making a statement
i don’t particularly enjoy “shutting down people who feel differently from me”. usually, if i’ve done that, i really am tired because i’ve likely discussed and explained numerous times whatever it is the person who got shut down said to me. i might also come off as mean-spirited or perhaps aggressive if i know some anon is just trying to pick a fight/spew hate at me. if you don’t understand where i’m coming from/don’t believe why having an opposing stance is harmful (this might vary depending on the issue), i am (given i have energy that day) more than willing to elaborate on whatever it is i say here. if i say stuff like ‘get well soon!’ it is a tired response to something i have already covered in depth and i am making some semblance of a joke to deflect/put a lid on the stuff i really want to say (likely because i have already said it) 
i never said that bi people who didn’t want jake to be bi were wrong. i was trying to get them to think deeper and explore why they don’t want that. being lgbt sometimes means that we allow and normalize a lot of unfair treatment. we think that we have it good enough so we decide not to ask for more, to settle. and i will never blame any lgbt for falling victim to this line of thought. we were brought up to think this way, we were conditioned to think this way. acceptance does not equal inclusion, and sadly many of us are so grateful for the acceptance that we do not bother to even think about having inclusion. or, better inclusion, for that matter. of course, it is definitely not up to me to decide how anyone thinks. i’m just trying to convince you! very desperately. but if you don’t agree no matter what i say then what can i do? it’s your life. it doesn’t affect me much in the grand scheme of things. i’m not going to hate you for disagreeing. i’m not going to sic the dogs on you. am i going to be kind of annoyed if someone walks into my inbox, turns on anon, and hurls insults at me? yes, that’s hurtful, and it’s kind of funny sometimes depending on how dumb you sound, but it’s mostly tiring and a lot of pain. so like... read, if u don’t like it, move on, if your well-being is drastically affected from reading the things i say, i’ll tag it so you can blacklist 
the sad thing is, being a member of the lgbt community doesn’t automatically make your opinions on lgbt issues valid/unproblematic. internalized homophobia exists. things i described in the point above can lead to this. just because a bi person says ‘im bi! and i don’t care/don’t think bi jake is important!’ doesn’t mean that suddenly, there is no need for him to be canonically bi, that we aren’t being queerbaited/pandered to by the show. do i think that the show is intentionally/heinously queerbaiting us? not exactly. but lack of awareness and lacking understanding on why bi-coding jake w no intention to make it canon is just as harmful bc it produces the same result (in jake’s case)
once again, i don’t intend for people to feel “less valid/wrong” when they read what i have to say on this blog. self-reflection is important. sometimes, people have opinions that are wrong! including myself! which is why more often than not i think deeply into the things people say to me here and consider whether my opinion holds up. you don’t have to feel bad for being wrong. we are all constantly wrong on stuff. everyone, at some point, has had a bad take/the wrong take on something. if you hold yourself up to this standard that you must always be right or you are suddenly a horrible person/must feel bad and demoralized, i suggest that you change your approach to issues such as this. i hate to say this but it is not my job to make sure everyone is 100% cool and chill about everything i do and say here. some things need to be said. some things need to be acknowledged. i’m sorry if any of you have been hurt/upset by anything i’ve ever posted but after a certain point... that is your issue and not mine 
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emikvs · 5 years
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﹤𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙺𝙾𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚂𝚄, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello EMIKO " EMI " SATO. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY ONE, how you're a CLASSICS major,  and in fact.. how you LIE AND TELL EVERYONE YOU STUDIED ABROAD FOR A YEAR WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN REHAB. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?
*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! SDBJWBDJW what’s up......its xan aha ... this is gonna be the biggest mess ever ...just winging it as i go. and u know what ? thats on on brand babey ! lets get it ...TW: drug use/mention, accidents/hospitalization ( just in case)
backstory
virginia born and raised babey ! she’s the youngest of five siblings and ...it shows. SJDBJWBDJW growing up would have been pretty chaotic had it not been for the fact that her dad was a pretty well-respected police officer in their town ! him & her mom were high school sweethearts which made no damn sense to emiko considering they’re still happily married...the concept just seems fake to her </3
while her parents had a lot of  mushy love for each other, when it came to their kids they opted to take a more emotionally distanced kind of parenting style bc they didnt wanna like spoil their kids or anything but.....it wasnt exactly the best plan ! emi and all her siblings just learned to be very good liars JDSBWBDJW as kids with strict parents do
being the youngest emi took a while to get into her rebellious phase. for a while she’d just watch her older siblings sneak out and party and do walks of shame and all that jazz...and while she was always down to help them get out of trouble none of them ever really trusted her ? since she was the baby they figured she’d be the most likely to snitch which just made her really ///: bc she wanted to be included so bad
flash forward to senior year of high school and finally emi’s like . okay fuck this it’s MY turn ! her dad had recently decided to get into politics with some encouragement from the police chief so he was busy with his career and her mom was busy helping him. it was the perfect time to do what she wanted since it was less likely she’d get caught
so she goes to this graduation party.....and it’s BAD like she gets fucked up & carried away so she calls her oldest sister ( who had come back into town for emi’s graduation ) to come pick her up & on the way to get emi from this house party, her sister ends up getting into an accident 
she didn’t die though JSBJDSBBWJDBWJDBJWDW just broke some stuff and ended up needing surgery ): and emi obviously got busted that night by her parents which ... wasnt pretty at all especially bc they low key blamed her for her sister’s accident which just made emi feel like pure shit babey ! 
visiting her sister in the hospital is what kinda sparked her fear of hospitals ! bc emi was like super guilty and paranoid that maybe her sister was gonna die or her surgery would go wrong and she’d essentially be at fault...it was just a lot of anxiety that turned into a genuine phobia of hospitals after that
but her sister made it she was okay and her dad used all the buzz and tragedy around his family to kinda boost his political career....which was ugly. her sister had been prescribed some pretty heavy pain killers for the pain & thats where things got.....messy
emi isnt sure when exactly it started but between the guilt she was harboring over her sister’s accident, the stress from her parents as her dad got further and further into virginia politics as well as college anxiety since she was about to start at the universoty of virginia.....she stole some oxy and thats what started what would be a very messy and tumultuous addiction  
as soon as she started college, emi felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. she was living away from her family for the first time and dorming so she promised herself she’d take these four years to grow and figure out who she is......except that didnt exactly happen. instead of exploring herself in a healthy way, emi was using drugs as a sort of escapism from her “old” self. she’s extremely smart and she loves her major, but her professors would often comment her papers had the energy of a “rambling and troubled mind”. by the time she was about to finish her sophomore year she was getting so high people would find her literally passed out in the dining hall. but no one was that worried bc for a good two years, she was a pretty high functioning addict. 
cue the summer after sophomore year when emi overdoses at a party. she woke up in a private hospital room with only her father sitting on the couch, the look on his face something she’ll never forget. while him and her mother knew exactly what happened to emi, they hadn’t told any of her siblings. or anyone at all, for that matter. instead her dad had informed the university emi would be taking a year off to privately study abroad and told emi that’s what she was going to tell people bc he’d just decided to run for mayor ! he essentially guilt-tripped her into thinking telling people the truth would be a selfish act, and one that would basically ruin the family reputation and make everyone really miserable JSDWDBWBDJW he also tells her she’s gonna be shipped off to rehab ! 
so she goes to rehab for a good seven months. everyone at school thinks she’s studying abroad in italy, and emi is literally just counting the days til she can go back home to her dorm bc she’s lonely !!! in rehab !!! and she gets that she should take it seriously but shes just so mad at her dad and herself and the world too ig ... just some good old fashioned angst ! but she finishes rehab and her dad got elected as mayor of her hometown in virginia and shes like good for u can i go back to school please JSBDWJDBJW and he says yes
so she’s back ! ready for the universe to give her a break.....ahaha.....
personality + tidbits
so emi......my baby......she’s a strange one. she’s that bitch that’s super nerdy but in the weirdest way like the stuff she’s into is so specific and just....generally stuff literally no one else would care about but to emi it’s like holy shit this is the coolest thing in the world JSBDJWBDJWBJD she knows a little about a lot so she has the tendency to come across as pretentious if you don’t know her outside of class when in reality she’s just read one too many random facts. also weird in the sense that she’s a STRONG believer in the paranormal and in aliens and in witchcraft and stuff like that as well as believing in things that seem “logical”. it can be confusing to people who view that stuff as silly that someone so smart would be into it. 
speaking of smart.....she’s a polygot which basically means she can speak a bunch of languages ! she’s self-taught, and since she’s a classics major some of her favorites to study include greek and latin ( dead language who ? ). she’s pretty chill about it though and if you wanted to learn she’d be the type that’s 100% down to teach you. she always learns the curse words first just you know....for the fun of it ! she probably has very specific “pet names” for everyone in the friend group in random languages 
anyway she’s also stupid. ASDJWBDWBJDBWJDWJD i mean like in the way that she makes the most .... impulsive decisions that usually have negative consequences. she’s the type to convince herself she knows exactly what she’s then come up with the worst plan you have ever heard in your life. an example of a dumb decision emi has made ? your girl ate a pot brownie the day after she got back in her dorm after rehab bc she convinced herself it was a good way to de-stress. some other dumb decisions include various drunk tattoos ( which thankfully haven’t been too bad save for the words eat me tattooed in small font on her ass ). also owns a stick & poke gun so she’s for sure tried to tattoo friends while intoxicated despite.....not being a tattoo artist ... she’s not even an art student .... SJBDJWBDJW....but she’s very very good at convincing people to join in on her dumb antics so be weary
big on photography !!! she loves taking pictures. always that one friend who reminds you to document the moment and you get annoyed but then when you want to post a picture on insta you’re thankful she was there <3 she has the energy of like .... the dad friend when you need support JSDBWBDJWBDJW she tries to be caring but it just turns into like ... emi high off her ass putting her hand on your shoulder and being like “you know fuck it man you’re amazing” not that good at the emotional stuff like she really wants to be but she legit doesn’t know how.......kinda accidentally turned into an emo kid bc she channels her feelings though some kick ass playlists and the notes app in her iphone instead of talking to people JSBDJWBJDBWJDBJ 
she’s high key struggling but she’s the type to be like no its fine this is fine life is a ride babey better hold on ! tries to keep things flirty and fresh 99% of the time but then you’ll witness the rare emi breakdown which.....involves a whole lot of tweets that will all be deleted within 24 hours and emi will in fact deny they ever existed
really a laid-back girl but the chaotic energy is there folks......she can also very easily get into her youngest child complex if she’s upset which just involves emi being a pain in the ass and everyone having to deal with it JSBDWBDJWBDJWBDJW  she likes to make it hard to say no to her.....not exactly manipulative but sometimes she can get close /: not listed in her fears but she is in fact scared of genuine love and affection ! it’s like she craves it so much she’s terrified abt what will happen if she ever gets it.......so she makes sure she’s never in danger of that by never getting into anything serious.....but then at night shes like damn . kinda want a freak to hold my hand rn and tell me they love me ... JSDBWBDJWBDJWBJDWJDW it’s all fun and games.............
ok thats it im done rambling.................this is so long..............and for what !!!!! i made her more of a clown than i intended but thats okay (: JSDBJWBDWJDBWJ emi might hate clowns but im embracing them ! 
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silver-falling-star · 5 years
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Sing me a song, o muse, of your bitter hatred against catcher in the rye bc SAME
Oooooh boy, I smell one of my long winded rants coming on. Strap in folks its about to be a wild ride.
So, Ima preface this by saying that I have NOT read it since I was forced to read it in 11th grade. For like, several fucking reasons. (the primary one being that I don’t want to, the 2nd one being I don’t know which bookshelf my dad stashed my copy on. He stashed all my required readings on various bookshelves after I was done with them. Because we were all given copies for free by the teachers that we were allowed to keep. I’ll chalk this up to private school benefits I guess? I’ve been out of the public school circuit since the end of 5th grade) So basically my memory of like, most of the events that take place in the book are foggy at best and unremembered at worst.
@ my mutuals and followers who like this book, that’s fine you do you, but I personally am not and probably will never be a fan of Catcher in the Rye. My feelings of why I dislike it are my opinions and I’m not gonna force them on you.
Problem 1: Main character is an unsympathetic asshole
My biggest gripe about the book is honestly a gripe I have about SEVERAL books. Unlikable characters, and I don’t necessarily mean written poorly (though I don’t remember being awed by how the book was written, I’ll be honest.) I mean unsympathetic asshole little bastards that make you want to just chuck the book across the room. Other books that share this problem are The Great Gatsby (that book is hot fucking garbage in terms of likeable characters and I WILL die on that fucking hill do not even @ me), Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Main character is an asshole little snobby bitch and despite being a murder mystery written in first person she literally figures things out at such a pace its not fun for the reader because she STILL ends up caught in shit situations she KNEW WAS GOING TO GO DOWN BECAUSE SHES SUCH A SPECIAL LITTLE SHIT- okay that’s a rant for a different post) and The King Must Die. (If you ever want to read a book with shit diction, pick it up.)
Now, as a writer/roleplayer of almost a decade, I’ve made plenty of characters that fall into the unsympathetic asshole role. My problem isn’t with the archetype, it’s often used and often done well (fandoms later trying to apologize for them aside) My PROBLEM comes when that’s either the archetype for the only character given any spotlight, or ALL the characters have that problem. (see, Great Gatsby.) Holden Caulfield(or however the fuck you spell it) is an unsympathetic asshole, and also the character who’s perspective is the only one we get to see, and the only character we really know much about. (Mainly cause he just doesn’t deign to care to give a legitimate effort in giving a damn about anyone else aside from how innocent children/his sister are. More on how creepy that shit is later.) Making a book like this means that I’m far less likely to enjoy it because I want to be able to root for someone. I can root for an asshole, so long as they’re likeable in some regard. Holden is a grade A fuckboy in the making and as such I am not a fan.
TL/DR: It’s possible to have likeable unsympathetic asshole characters, it is almost impossible to do that if that’s all you have exposure too in your cast.
Problem 2: I was really not in the best place to receive such a fucking depresso espresso lesson about life.
Switching gears momentarily from problems with the writing/book itself to problems with the timing of this book showing up in my life. High school was the time when all my trauma I’d successfully… repressed? Avoided dealing with? whatever, basically all my mental health shit suddenly decided to spring itself on me and yell “SURPRISE, YOU’RE MENTALLY FUCKED AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!” in 10th grade and it wasn’t until halfway through 11th grade that I even started getting a handle on shit. I almost failed high school and it was *bad*, especially for someone who was just trying to get to college so I could get to vet school and be qualified for a job that requires an ass load of education. So in walks this fucking book and it’s message of “adulthood is a sham, nothing matters and you really should just fuck around and do whatever because it’s all bullshit anyway. Childhood was where it’s at.”
Like???? Alright, that’s not what I need to hear when I’m barely passing high school. Go to fucking therapy and get some help, we all have trauma and therapy is the best path to work through it. I dunno like, yeah okay some people need to hear that message at whatever time in their life they read the book, but that message really wasn’t great to my Anxiety/Depression/ADHD struggling ass trying to just stay steady enough to get into college.
Honestly, even to this day I HATE HATE HATE books with depressing messages like that. I already deal with the struggle of being afraid of failure, getting where I want to be, all that shit. I don’t want that in my literature. Give me a person who struggles but still succeeds and finds some sort of happiness and self-worth in the end. Give me someone overcoming their traumas in such a way that they can at least have a good quality of life afterwards, even if the trauma will never leave, so long as they’re happy. I’m tired of YA novels that try and sell our generation and gen z the message that life sucks. Give me more hope, more heroes, more people making a difference because hell life is short so best make the most of it making a difference.
To quote GotG, why do I care so much about stories that revolve around saving the world, even if that world is just as small as a found family?
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And my existence might as well be a happy one and have HOPE GOD DAMMIT.
TL/DR: If a book leaves me feeling like shit after reading it because it ends on a super shitty note, I’m generally not going to enjoy that book. And the fact that most YA novels these days that are given to highschoolers fall into this category is hot garbage when this is around the time they’re trying to find some sort of direction in life.
*Note: I realize that there are times and places for books that give more somber messages. Hell, I’ve even enjoyed some books with messages of such a tone. But media these days, and honestly for most of my life starting in mid to late teenage years (and maybe earlier) has started taking a turn towards the more depressing/somber stuff, and its overwhelming and just bad. And even back then when first reading it this was something I picked up on and didn’t enjoy. It just was not the right time in my life to hear a message so devoid of giving a shit.
Problem 3: Holden is honestly, super fucking creepy.
Okay, we back on the train of the actual book’s writing. Holden the dipshit is honestly, really fucking creepy. Towards women specifically. I have no direct quotes from the book specifically, but I DISTINCTLY remember the way he talked about women (or even young children/girls) being creepy as shit. Like, he waxes lyrical about his kid sister and her classmates and how innocent they are and how he wants to be the “Catcher in the Rye” to keep them innocent and to keep them from realizing how bad the world is. Great, lovely sentiment Holden. Except that the way you’re going about it comes across as being a pedophile.  You’re at the very least sexist as fuck, because you’re objectifying the fuck out of people anyway.
That scene with the sex worker in the hotel room is also one I remember making me feel super uncomfortable. Not because the sex worker is there, but because uh, just, god, that whole scene gave me the creeps. Probably because I felt bad for the woman, coming into the room expecting to be paid for work and there’s just this kid who breaks the fuck down, tells her some depressing shit, and maybe pays her? (does he pay her? I can’t fucking remember, I’d like to think he does, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t, because he’s an ass.) Actually, bigger question IS HE EVEN OF AGE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER LEGALLY? HOW OLD IS THIS KID? HES STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT?
…. so I looked it up, he’s 17. SEVENTEEN. HE IS A M I N O R. I’m like 99% sure that the woman he hires is like, twice his age at least. That’s straight up illegal.
god this just gets worse.
TL/DR: Holden is a 17 year old creep who comes off as a pedophile in the way he talks about kids, and also definitely hired a sex worker while he was underage. Idk if that was legal at the time this book was written, but if it was (and I doubt it), that has aged very poorly.
Problem 4: It’s got a lot of male fans who fall into that all too dangerous category of having Fight Club or Rick and Morty being their favorite bit of visual media.
Okay, again, not a problem of the book. But when the majority fanbase (or at least, the most vocal part) are a bunch of abusive men who don’t realize that the message they took away from a work of fiction is incredibly problematic? Or worse, know and don’t care because they think their take is superior? Uhhh, how do I say, big yikes.
Like, this could be your favorite book, whatever, that’s you, I don’t care, but if your reasoning for it is because Holden is, in your opinion, an unflawed idealized version of yourself/your ideals?
thats a nope from me bro.
———-
That’s all I can do off the top of my head without going in and reading the book again. Which I probably won’t do for a long time, because I don’t need to hear that struggling to make a place for yourself is dumb and proves you’re just “part of the machine, the man has made you his bitch.” while I’m still trying to y’know, get to where I want to go.
But there you go, four solid reasons why I really really do not like Catcher in the Rye.
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This Week in Gundam Wing 03-09 March 2019
Here’s this week’s roundup!
Remember to give your content creators some love! And join in on the events at the bottom!
~Mod Hel
Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:
@doctormegalomania​
Eldritch Holiday (Creature of the Night) (Ch. 4) https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802668/chapters/42634412
Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner
Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei, Lady Une, Sally Po
Horror, Body Horror, Occult, Comedy, Eventual Romance, Post-Break Up
Heero returns home to find out Duo thinks Heero won't stop him if Heero doesn't know.
@lemontrash​
Dinner https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/183343614879/dinner-by-odamaki-podfic
Podfic of Date Night
https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/183333729884/episode-9-portrait-of-a-ruined-country-by-radio
Episode 9, Radio Meteor
https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/183333908149/episode-six-the-footnotes
Episode 6, Radio Meteor, footnotes
Gonzo Valentine https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798489/chapters/41991014
Chang Wufei & Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell
Drink Spiking, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Rescue Missions, Drag Queens, ludicrous situations, Crossdressing, Gangsters, No beta reading we go down with our typos yelling
The one where Wufei is No Fun At Parties, temporarily becomes the new Messiah and eventually has a great time when shit goes boom. A.K.A the one where Duo is very definitely NOT going to have to report back to HQ that they accidentally got his partner high and then lost his ass somewhere in the city on the back of a getaway car. Nope, no sir, he can fix this himself. Even in these shoes.
In fact, between ghosts, gangsters, drag queens and nuns, it's just a typical Valentine's Day on L2- right?
Fanart:
@duointherain​
http://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/183325465714/terminal-velocity-time-line
Duo Maxwell, comic strip, Terminal Velocity timeline
@mubiu​
https://mubiu.tumblr.com/post/182394889366/an-old-love-gundam-wing-been-rediscovering
Duo & Heero
@seitou​
http://seitou.tumblr.com/post/183255378530/icon-commission-for-timelordnomad-for-out-gundam
Duo, Heero, Trowa in Stardew Valley
http://seitou.tumblr.com/post/183259534685/this-is-for-duointherain-they-wrote-this
Heero/Trowa based off of @duointherain​‘s story.
Photosets/Screenshots:
@burntsparks​
https://burntsparks.tumblr.com/post/183219207185
Tallgeese
@clair-audients​
https://clair-audients.tumblr.com/post/183324703418
Relena Darlian/Peacecraft, gif
Head Canons:
@disturbed02girl​
https://disturbed02girl.tumblr.com/post/182811715015/thisweekingundamwing
WuFei Chang
@lemontrash​
https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/183314811699/hjbender-in-2010-i-learned-two-things-1
@hjbender​
Some... >_> Face Claims? lol
@offspringchick29
https://www.pillowfort.io/posts/523086
Heero Yuy, OCs
Quotes/Dialogues:
@incorrectgundamwingquotes​
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183182787403/sharing-a-safehouse-duo-can-we-go-to-a
Duo & Quatre
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183209935663/quatre-whats-everybody-thinking-about-wufei
Quatre, WuFei, Duo, & Everyone...
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183226992297/wufei-i-think-you-owe-me-an-apology-duo-ill
WuFei & Duo
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183231712467/quatre-self-care-is-eating-pineapples-heero-i
Quatre & Heero
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183322591551/duo-this-is-so-dumb-heero-sitting-on-duos
Duo & Heero
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183330090498/zero-system-give-in-to-the-hatred-inside
Zero System & Quatre
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183285521552/duo-im-bisexual-and-stupid-thats-all-i-am-god
Duo
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183286156534/in-siberia-zechs-in-tallgeese-you-ready-to
Zechs & Heero
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183344824455/at-the-safehouse-wufei-opens-fridge-and
WuFei
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183351033744/quatre-okay-this-is-very-important-no-one-do
Quatre
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183348907799/wufei-remember-that-cooperative-dinner-you-made
WuFei & Sally
https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/183127780053/wufei-you-cant-fit-that-many-cookies-on-one
WuFei & Quatre
http://fadedsepia.tumblr.com/post/183253200687/terrablaze514-incorrectgundamwingquotes-duo
Duo
@terrablaze514​, @fadedsepia​
@lifeaftermeteor​
https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/183253559214/relena-if-i-wasnt-a-pacifist-id-pass-my-fist
Relena
@remsyk-blog​’s Adam Ruins Everything
Calendar Events:
@acworldbuildingzine​
Rhythm Generation https://acworldbuildingzine.tumblr.com/post/183129411794/applications-are-officially-closed-and-we-are-go
Applications CLOSED
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The Rhythm Generation zine will be released digitally as a PDF on May 4.  To receive a copy, please be sure to sign up via our Mailing List Form!
@gwcocktailfriday​
Cocktail Fridays!
Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.
Here’s the prompt for Friday March 15th! https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/183335008742/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-march
For those going to Pillowfort, find us here.
If anyone has ideas for prompts, PLEASE send them in!
@our-summer-of-zechs
Summer of Zechs 2019 Ideas https://our-summer-of-zechs.tumblr.com/post/181628092091/we-appear-to-still-be-up-and-running-folks
Come let us know how long this summer’s event should last!
What Month is it? https://our-summer-of-zechs.tumblr.com/post/182355135746/what-month-is-it
Come vote on a month for the event to be hosted in!
Here’s the Pillowfort discussion
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spacephant0m · 5 years
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cw for personal talk about religion/spirituality and trying to find myself. Srry for typos
I’m in my room on the verge of tears and switching between crying and having a blank stare, watching brendon’s livestream on my ipad while i type this. I’m trying to study witchcraft to some extent as I’ve never really read much of anything about it before. Specifically I was reading about christian witches. Now the thing is like, i grew up as a christian. And nowadays i still believe in God definitely, but i hate christian practices. I remember reading and studying world religions in college last year and absolutely loving it and being so sad because i never experienced such practices in my own faith that actually seemed..... like, fun, and super connective. Me bawling my eyes out at church camp and being “lost” was not exactly what i originally thought it was. I was just mentally ill and didnt know it. Deep down i always knew i had a connection with God that wasnt faltering over silly shit a kid does wrong. Kid sins. Whatever the fuck. As much as i fucken prayed and asked for forgiveness, i was fine. Christianity is always a race to be closer to God and its like.... how close can i get when im doing the same fucking exact practices over and over.... they never really taught us about meditation and becoming one with your surroundings and idk, letting your spirit free. They kind of talked about it sometimes.
But i just hate the entire setup of church. I miss the family aspect so much. Thats all i miss. I miss bible study but really i just miss the points where we talked about life. Thats usually what we did, we would have an entire lesson setup and it would become totally derailed by our conversations. And it was real and i had a sense of community that i cant get anywhere else. I havent been able to find it anywhere else. But i also miss my personal sense of spirituality. I love that word and i love that it has so many encapsulating meanings. I dont wanna be like a white man self acclaimed guru who’s like read this book it’ll help you change your life....... i feel like those guys really appropriate culture and commercialize it. Its kinda gross. I try not to associate myself with that idea but every time i think about meditating more and shit im like “ew im gonna be a gross white guy whos all at peace w himself and lives in the mountains and shit” AND IT MAKES ME MAD. I’m having a beer right now instead of a cup of tea. Probably a mistake. Tea helps me feel better but im filling my body w shit at the moment bc thats what happens when i get this sad.
Anyways i really hate the idea of practicing a religion. I made a post before asking for sort of an advice on this, like was it okay for me to like witchy things and not actually be one. I was told yes its totally okay. And im not disrespectful of anyone and i dont make fun of any religion. I just persoaally cannot see myself involved with having an actual religion. I dont even consider myself christian so how could i ever proclaim myself as a christian witch, idk.
I dont want to label myself at all. Maybe i dont need any of this. Maybe i just need to play dnd and live vicariously thru my character. Use that shit as therapy. I hear it helps a lot with mental health and social skills. That of which i am verily lacking. I’m just hurting and im pissed off. I dont know why exactly. I just want to do meditation and i wanna buy my crystals and start doing yoga again. This year i have been stretching more. Actually i started on the first of feb. i stretch every day and do vocal exercises to help my voice get more control and deepen it a bit (transmasc).
I am also just a bit overwhelmed at everything. I dont know where to start. All i know is i want to burn incense like i used to growing up bc it always made me happy. And that i only believe in like..... cleansing through these elements and a prayer to God. But i’ve always had faith issues because im so insecure, i never think God will actually help me because maybe i dont deserve it or maybe he just doesnt want to.
I’m also scared im gonna do something wrong or fuck something up. That something bad will happen or something because im dumb. I dont know if i could mix my own herbs that feel right to me, or if i should use a recipe. I feel stupid that i dont have as much faith in prayer as i wish i did, but i have faith that little rocks will help to cleanse negative energy and things like that.
I dont know why im crying, i guess because im so insecure? Or maybe life is just rly hard and i’m overthinking everything. I just feel kinda bad. Yet when my friends tell me theyre praying for me, i do have faith in that and it means the world to me.
I know none of this is a big deal to anyone, and maybe none of it should matter. But im like. Idk. Im very interested in plants and medicines of the earth and shit like i always have been ever since i was young i thought of myself as like. Awakened and shit LOL whatever that means @ 10 year old me. I dont want to feel like anything controls me or owns me, i want to feel like i am in control of my own life and that i could harness the energy around me to not only like bring me peace of mind but to help me through my journey of life.
But i guess my biggest issue is i have no fuckin clue where to start. I hate reading and all this research im trying to do to help myself figure out what i enjoy is just. Making me so fucken overwhelmed. I only read like. 1 blog post and 2 articles and im already losing it. I always grew up w the mindset that God will take care of everything but like. He already has. In my mind. Because he’s already given us all the tools we need. But folks just like. Wanna be lazy and wait for things to happen. Sometimes all u can do is wait but when it comes to like, being THE ONES IN CONTROL, “prayers for america” is dumb as fck.
Idk i dont know anything and its okay to not know right now but i want something more in my life but i want it to be like.... totally personal and i dont want it to be absolutely everything my life revolves around. I want it to just be something i do and that i love. I dont need a label for it. But idk. I just dont know what to do.
If anyone has any sort of advice or is dealing with anything like this i’d love to hear about it. My ask and msgs are open as well. I feel pretty alone right now. Im just patiently waiting for my paycheck tomorrow so i can buy these crystals i rly want. But who knows what it will take to satisfy my hungry soul.
Another problem i rly have honestly is just like. Spending a lot of money on a lot of hobbies. I feel shitty for having so many things i enjoy doing. I try to narrow it down. I havent started embroidery bc i dont wanna spend more money and i feel like i’ll never have enough time to practice. Im just. Mediocre at a lot of things instead of rly super good at one thing. I mean i think im pretty great at drawing but thats about it. But ive been doing that for 10 years so ofc im good at it NOW. But ffs. I wanna do so many things and its overwhelming. I work a minimum wage job and its. I dont have enough money for anything lol so most of my stuff is low-budge† which is fine i guess but. Idk. Im tired. Im sad.
I dont know how to be more spiritual i dont know where to start. And my mind is telling me to slap a label on it or its not anything of value. Which is bullshit. But y’know. Anxiety n shit.
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daddiesmonsterboi · 6 years
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Kinky Quiz
·         1:Kitchen Counter, Couch, on top of the dryer? All of the above – beds and floors and against walls.
·         2:Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: It was really good, and was with my mister! He touched me and pet me a lot.
·         3:A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: Ummm I think about this a ton – maybe Terry from Brooklyn 99 because he’s SO STRONG and also very gentle? Now I’m blanking on everything I’ve ever read or watched.
·         4:Something that never fails to make you horny: That Dom voice, or being told what’s going to happen, most power play stuff
·         5:Where is one place you would never have sex: the beach – even though I have I wouldn’t do it again. SAND, sand everywhere!
·         6:The most awkward moment during a sexual experience? I mean, I drew blood once? Not on purpose? Not in a kink situation, just like, vanilla, getting to know you sex. That was rough.
·         7:Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: OH MAN, I am the prince of weird boners. Ever since Scar and Hexus’s voice in their animated movies, to like a LITERAL SIDEWALK that had spray paint on it? There was green paint that said “hole” with an arrow, and I was like, “What if I was like, ON THIS SIDEWALK with this sign and exposed… and and…Essentially I am a mess.
·         8:What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Meh, anything that gets the job done. Rope, cuffs, chain, cage whatever you want.
·         9:What is the fastest way to make you horny: Add dirty talk/power play into the situation, mix and repeat.  
·         10:Top or bottom? I am currently mostly a bottom/sub, but have topped in the past. I think I’m 85% a bottom, with occasional mean top thoughts and impulses.
·         11: Ever get caught having sex? Yes, but like, just roommates coming home sort of thing. Also boarding school. That was worse.
·         12:Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?  I think it depends on the type of orgasm and the situation. Sometimes the first one feels like a warm up orgasm, and other times I would melt if I tried for another, so I guess? It depends?
·         13:Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: Not much really, I guess my mister’s little blade for knife play, but I don’t really care.
·         14:Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you? Sir has a ton of nick names for me, riffing on my name, but none of them are really weird. An ex called me her muse a few times and that made me like, SO ILL.
·         15:Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: Like: when it’s paired with other stimulation. Dislike: I’m sometimes self-conscious about it, and it can sometimes be triggering
·         16:Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: Like, sucking my toes? But that wasn’t really weird, it was just tickly.
·         17:Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yup, kissing folks who have just gone down on me.
·         18:Is it ever okay to not use a condom: Sure, if your partner(s) consent to that and you both are aware of the potential risks, why not?
·         19:Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? Okay, I get crushes on teachers like woah. I’ll say my high school’s bio teacher.
·         20:A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: I’m not really into food during sex.
·         21:How big is too big: When it hurts?
·         22:One sexual thing you would never do: Not into scat or anything to do with actual animals or minors.  
·         23:Biggest turn on: These days, probably power and personality.
·         24:Three spots that drive you insane: My bum, collarbone, aaand back
·         25:Worst possible time to get horny: During a presentation? Yay discreet boners
·         26:Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: Yes please
·         27:Worst sexual idea you ever had: Bondage with shoelaces? Kids are dumb
·         28:How much fapping is too much fapping: When your hand starts to cramp
·         29:Best sexual complement you ever got: You’re my good boi.
·         30:Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: I don’t really care, as long as I can get all in there
·         31:Is it good sex if you don’t cum? It really can be
·         weird… where did 32 go? somewhere
·         33:What your favorite part of your body: huh… I don’t know. My lips maybe?
·         34:Favorite foreplay activities: General touching, telling me all the things you want to do, bondage,
·         35:Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to] Meh, I think they are different things entirely and can be joined or not.
·         36:What do you wear to bed? Sometimes jammies, but I mostly wrestle them off in my sleep so wake up NUDE
·         37:When was the last time you masturbated: A couple of days ago with my Sir
·         38:Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? Yus
·         39:Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? I totally would again, and the last time was in a tent in the woods!
·         40:Have/would you ever have sex outside? Yes I would!
·         41:Have/would you ever had a threesome? Yes please and often
·         42:What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? Ummm, a pillow? Kind of boring.
·         43:Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? I have, but then again I used to live at my school so…
·         44:Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? Probably not
·         45:What is one song you’d like to have sex to? Most things by Rhianna, thumping music with good bass and a sexy beat.
·         46:What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? The rumble of a bus, the power and vibration sometimes just get to me
·         47:Most attractive celebrity? I think Lucas from the Cliks is a stone fox
·         48:Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? I have, more gay porn these days than lesbian. I like to switch up what I enjoy because my sexuality is all over the place.
·         49:If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? A day old!
·         50:Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? Yus, with my permission.
·         51:What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? Apathy, bigotry
·         52:Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) I think I might have a few, and I don’t mind them I guess. No one has ever really mentioned them.
·         53:Do you like giving head? (why/why not) I have to be in the right mood, but when it’s on, I really enjoy it.
·         54:How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? I love them.
·         55:How would you feel about taking someones virginity? I’ve done it in the past – I would be pretty hesitant at this point in my life. But if we knew each other and they wanted that, I would work with them.
·         56:Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Most things – I don’t really mix food and sex.
·         57:Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? Nope
·         58:Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?) I have a bunch! Some straps and insertable toys, my plug and tail, my chest harness and some floggers and paddles and thwappy toys and thunky toys and our little blade and and and
·         59:Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? Sure
·         60:Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? Probably a lot
·         61:Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Hmmmm I think it would be good to mix the two and be a sex worker who made media and worked with people
·         62:Do you watch porn? Yup
·         63:How small is too small? No such thing
·         64:Have you ever been called a freak? Why? I don’t think so.
·         65:Who gave you your last kiss? My Sir this morning before work!
·         66:Would you switch phones with your significant other for one day? I guess so – it seems impractical
·         67:Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Not so much
·         68:Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? Nope
·         69:If you could give yourself head, would you? Probably not, I’ve got stuff to do
·         70:Booty or Boobs? Probably that booty
·         71:If you had a penis/vagina, what would you name it? DOOMBRINGER, or like, Cap’n Snugs
·         72:Have you ever been on an official date? Yeah! I like dates
·         73:Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Yes, for complicated reasons.
·         74:If you were a stripper, what would your name be? Jacque Coqlette
·         75:Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) NOPE
·         76:How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? I would be so confused 1) How are you in this state? 2) You’ve been divorced for 20 years 3) what the hell?
·         77:What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina? SO scared, SO intimidated, SO happy
·         78:If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?  UM
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