#i will never make anything funnier than this

[yokoyas]

power coming to love two humans despite originally believing they all deserve to die and aki coming to love two devils despite originally hating them and thinking it was impossible for him to care about one and denji who toes the line between the two coming to love aki and power like siblings despite his history of being abused by men and seeking validation through sexual/romantic relationships with women. and denji turning down a vacation to take care of power and aki trying to keep them from having to fight the gun devil and them going with aki to visit his family’s grave and lightening the mood for him and trying to cook him dinner and power asking denji to find her even though she won’t know him and to love her until she’s her again anyway i hate this manga for making me sob hysterically multiple times.

#sorry god i was thinking about how sweet it is that denji’s trying to make all that money so nayuta can go to college #and every time i think about part 2 denji i spiral like he’s been through so much he’s lost so much but he’s still got such a good heart #and he’s so nice to asa even after she was so weird and mean to him why do i care so much about this stinky chainsaw boy #god i love asa she’s so fucked up and weird but she’s trying so hard!! #also yoshida just showing up out of nowhere with no excuse like girl why are you just at the aquarium in ur school uniform #i hope he keeps being weird but never does anything significant. i don’t trust that kid but it’d be so funny if he’s just there for funsies #but also the dynamic of denji asa and yoshida being a wildly unsuccessful love triangle is funny to me #like i don’t think that’s actually what’s happening but it’s funnier than shipping any configuration of the three #like none of them are actually into each other but they just keep striking out and getting mad about it #beth watches csm #csm spoilers #i love to make a post about chainsaw man and then the tags are completely unrelated but still about chainsaw man

[cureblogging]

Gonna say something potentially controversial:

I think Heartcatch suffers from the Up phenomenon in that people remember it as an excellent, if not flawless masterpiece when it actually has One (1) excellent, if not flawless moment in the beginning and is otherwise nothing special.

#pretty cure #babs' musings #precure: heartcatch #i remember sitting there watching 4 episodes at a time and asking myself “so when does it get as Great as people say” #i admire how different it is in tone and style to other seasons. it really stands out in that regard! #but that doesn't make it automatically better (or worse) than other seasons #it was funnier. #but the story? really underwhelming imo #the only notable part about the plot was the very first scene that set the intrigue and mystery of Yuri's character #but what they deliver on that front was extremely disappointing for me #and all the other characters get pretty mid arcs as well #Tsubomi has anxiety about not being good at anything. nothing comes of that besides one or two insults from the villains. #Itsuki has to crossdress in order to continue the family business because her brother has vague illness #that's never confronted in any satisfying way. it just sorta fades away once she decides she likes being a girl #Erika's insecurity regarding her sister is honestly the most engaging of these arcs and that's because I have a little sister #I suppose I set my expectations too high for that season. but people call it The Best Precure Season when it's not even in my top 3 so far #and that's kinda concerning for me going forward #suite is also proving to be a huge bore for me. extremely artificial season going through the motions of the franchise #Hummy... save me. Hummy. Save me Hummy #I really don't want to struggle through 13 more unremarkable seasons in the hopes of recapturing the magic of Futari Wa and Fresh #argh. i hate not liking things #sorry for the rant in the tags.

[taaalia]

only the funniest things being allowed in goofs realm is giving me hope for yeet bigly content cause name anything funnier in regards to this godforsaken podcast

#manifesting anthony going you see brian griffin again.. you see a guy with a wheels for feet and an eyepatch.. #I WOULD SCREAAAMMM #And then throw up #i cannot for the life of me name anything funnier than the yeet bigly name reveal #i was walking home and doubled over in laughter because its just so fucking funny and also a little cringe cause yk its 2023 not 2019 anymo #id u went vack in time to tell me a year ago taht my favourite characters evee would be called yeet bigly and killa demall i.. #i wouldve believed killa #bur yEET BIGLY?? #would have laughed in ur face then continued reading shitty ao3 fanfics #dndads #dungeons and daddies #yeet bigly #anthony burch please ill never adk anything of u ever again #anthony imagine how confused the craihlist person would be!! #just do ir bro i know u want to *whispwes in ur ear very convincingly* #lets pretend i rolled a nat 20 on my persuasion roll anthony pls #i think i fr wrote the qords anthony and plwase 50 times in these tags #JUST LISTENED TO THE END OF EP 34 ANTHONYYY PLEEEASSEEEEEE #make that 52..

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

I gotta admit, Limbo is one of those characters i do NOT want to get better, I love how thoroughly wicked they are, how his obsession with Seimei could spiral so out of control that he becomes a monster his own self fears. (and then Limbo is ONLY those parts of Douman so its even more emphasized) I love seeing him show up and be so over the top evil, wanting to make people suffer, and especially those he fixates on. I love that he couldn't even become a Beast because of his lack of love for humanity! Sometimes you just wanna see a guy hurt others as much as possible and destroy everything in their path

#i think the fact he's so awful makes the times where he plays nice even funnier too lmao #and i like that his evil is fundamentally human... but still so over the top #like he's more complicated than it seems but that doesn't mean 'secretly a good person' #the way i see it he couldn't best seimei->turns to hurting and mocking others to get that sense of superiority he never could with seimei #mock them the way he feels seimei was to him #this goes way WAY out of control and now he lives for that pleasure of hurting others #well. its rather pitiful too... #anyway yeah that quote about seeing no worth in anything including himself? yeah. #infel's fate tag

[waugh-bao]

*

#dying at the realization someone blocked me over my opinions on the Glimmer Twins/the new album #(very first person I followed here which somehow makes it funnier) #I don’t care #actually I’d been contemplating blocking her for a while b/c she kept posting not so subtle things about ‘idiots’ who don’t appreciate how #much the Stones give us and how the Glimmer Twins are the most romantic relationship in all of human history #but I got more amusement than angst out of the rage. so why bother? #sorry I won’t bow to the cult of boomers who will eagerly accept any crap they’re given because they don’t want to accept their mortality #(I mean fans there) #or that I actually heard it when Keith said there was something missing in the music with Charlie gone #never mind dare to transgress the Glimmer Twins as the only important relationship in the band #cause ‘ya know. it’s not like Keith ever wrote a song about Charlie’s ass or anything #no chemistry there

[doodles-dearest]

im so funny

#i dont even like star wars #when i made this i literally cried from laughing #this is the peak of my comedy career #im never gonna make anything funnier than this #star wars #obi wan series #obi wan fanart #obi wan #obi wan kenobi

[wackernagels]

will not lie mfs who say jojo part one isn’t good are lying i have never seen anything as insane as the dio and jonathan character arc

#mumbles #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #the way that in the span of like TWO minutes they went from ‘yeah this guy kinda sucked but we’re cool’ to #‘i am committed to ruining everything about your life’ #and then going from THAT to ‘we are dying and tbh you were kind of ok’ #like????? bitches insane good for them #go on your funky little adventure jojo!! #i have never seen anything funnier than the COMMITMENT dio has to his bit #jjba part one #i think the funniest thing is that dio makes a promise at like 12 and committed to the bit #and the bit was like normal and relatively realistic and then he was like ‘oh mask??’ and modified the bit to be the most insane #cartoon villain goal possible

[matoitech]

do u ever see some cis persons oc from like their webcomic or something and they’re like he’s a cis man and ur looking at this guy and ur like no he is not but like small webcomic not like a tv show or something sort of deal here not gonna say shit. let’s just say if u change ur mind the transes r not gonna be surprised. this isn’t gender exclusive or whatever btw it is just based off a real example in my mind

#i don’t rly check out webcomics very much u just see some like reoccurring characters on google sometimes #so bcuz it doesn’t happen much to me it’s way funnier when it does #u see the cis creator just Assume bcuz they r cis and they think ofc my protag boy is cis #but u r in peace bcuz u think it is out of ur hands now the train has left that station. u trans swagged him #AND UNLESS THIS BLOWS UP U WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT WE CAN RECOGNIZE INSTANTLY #it’s more funny than anything. characters u see and ur like you would have a dedicated transgender fanbase #i will say if i was making a webcomic or whatever i’d love 2 see ppl relating to stuff like that even if it wasn’t intentional #leaving some shit open ended for ppl #tho this scenario would never happen w smth i’d make cuz i wouldn’t have cis characters unless they were someone’s parents or something #BUT I DO LIKE HAVING CHARS WHO DONT HAVE RLY SPECIFICATIONS FOR STUFF. IDK WHAT THE SEXUALITY IS DO WHATEVER

[homunculus-argument]

The absolute height of the unintentional comedy of life that I have seen was in the finnish glass museum. Interior design is one of those things that's kind of a big deal here, one of those things that people who grew up somewhere are surprised to hear that their country is not all that known for. My friends share it in the group chat every time an american movie or show they're watching has a vase, water glass or candleholder in the background that they immediately spotted was by a finnish designer. I took up a whole paragraph to make it clear that this is A Whole Thing here.

Anyway, in the glass museum, one of the displays was a feast table set with the absolute classics, hits and highlights of finnish glassware designs - the absolutely fanciest plates and serving dishes, wine glasses and water glasses, carafes and pitchers. I could pretty confidently say that the entire presentation, if sold item-for-item, cost more than my first car. Perhaps twice as much, easy. An unfathomably expensive, fancy, finest table set of finnish design that you and I are too poor to ever get our hands on.

And on one of the plates was a dead fly.

And I had never seen anything funnier in my life. All these fine dishes and plates all empty, and on just one plate at the end of the table was a dead fly chilling on its back like that was the whole feast. The main course. One single dead fly. A human could not have thought of anything more absurdly funny than the specific location that one random fly had died out of pure happenstance. I fought myself so hard to keep my volume to museum-acceptable levels that instead of laughing out loud I went straight into hysterical gasping with tears in my eyes. I could not perfectly recreate the image from memory, but I can't let you go before I try to sketch it nonetheless:

[libraryofgage]

Steddie brainrot continues to worsen to a concerning degree but here's a crack idea that is absolutely sending me:

Famous Spicy Six in which Jonathon is a director who decides to work on a passion project: a Scooby-Doo movie. His ideal cast is as follows:

Nancy Wheeler (investigative journalist with a few special appearances on crime dramas) as Daphne Blake

Argyle (an actor with a habit of playing small parts; he acts only because he thinks it's fun, so he's not concerned with significant roles) as Shaggy Rogers

Robin Buckley (a well-known voice actor who is more well-known for her social media posts and clap-backs) as Velma Dinkley

Steve Harrington (basketball star who is also more well-known for his social media clap-backs and for being Corroded Coffin's number one fan) as Fred Jones

Eddie Munson (frontman for Corroded Coffin, an insanely popular metal/punk/rock band and "infamous" for unashamedly posting Steve Harrington thirst tweets) as the voice of Scooby-Doo

Corroded Coffin is also creating an entirely new, original soundtrack for the movie

And because I think it's funnier this way, this is also an AU where the Upside Down still happened, so Jonathon just calls his friends up and is like "Okay, so hear me out"

The absolute insanity that breaks out when both the movie and cast are announced because nobody can figure out how Jonathon managed to convince all these powerhouses to join his movie.

The further screaming online after one of the movie promo interviews where a reporter asks how they all agreed to the movie and Nancy hits them with, "Well, Jonathon asked, and he never asks for anything."

Which leads to the discovery that they all knew each other in high school, and the reporter jokingly asks if that means they've all dated each other, too, which leads to Eddie jumping in with absolute delight like, "Well, that's a funny story, there. See, Stevie here dated Nancy, who then dated Jonathon when they broke up, who then dated Argyle after they broke up. And I thought Stevie and Robin were dating, so I was very confused when I saw Robin and Nancy kissing. But then I found out that Robin was a true-blue lesbian, which meant Stevie here was open for the taking, and we've been banging ever since."

and Steve is just sitting there, head in his hands while Robin cackles and decides to tell the reporter all about Steve's "fuck I have a crush on Eddie" crisis

This interview, of course, leads to even more freaking out online and comments like "I know I asked for poly Scooby gang, but this is ridiculous," and "I can't believe that in this, the year of our lord 20xx, ScoobyXFreddy became a canon ship," and "if I had a nickel for every romantic relationship the Scooby gang actors have had with each other, I'd have five nickels, which is way more than any of us fucking expected to have," and "suddenly Eddie Munson's thirst tweets make a lot more sense, but can we talk about Steve Harrington's CC tweets now," and "everyone say thank you to Eddie Munson for revealing that mess of a relationship map," and "finally, the canon lesbian velma and daphne we deserve"

The movie is a box office hit, btw, and bloopers from filming roll with the credits, among which is Eddie Munson making Steve Harrington lose his shit laughing on set while dressed in a Scooby Doo onesie and singing Corroded Coffin songs with his Scooby Voice

#Steddie #Steve Harrington #Eddie Munson #Jonathon Byers #argyle stranger things #Nancy Wheeler #Robin Buckley #scooby doo #Scooby Doo is my special interest btw #I know more Scooby lore than you could dream of babygirl #thoughts of this AU completely send me into absolute fits #please appreciate the sheer crack-value of it all I'm begging

[tricky-pockets]

My boyfriend keeps looking at me like 😐... 🥚 when I tell a story that happened pre-transition and it gets funnier every time, so I present to you, in no particular order,

egg shit that SOMEHOW did not tip me off:

Played in numerous d&d campaigns in college; didn't play a lady character even once.

Invented a male persona so I could sub in when my boyfriend's frat was a man short for Beer Olympics.

Maintained that male persona and later pledged the frat.

Was regularly the only girl invited to Boys' Night because "you're a guy like at least 40% of the time anyway".

Planned elaborate costumes every halloween; never once went as a lady or anything lady-adjacent.

Actually won 'Sexiest costume (male)' at a theatre event.

Regularly auditioned for male roles in theatre productions. Landed a small part in an all-female production of As You Like It as Silvius and was never more psyched to be in a play.

Watched Ouran High School Host Club straight through by myself; felt weird and immediately chopped off all my hair about it.

Messed around with my college boyfriend while in boymode, using masc pronouns and an assumed name.

80% of my wardrobe in college was hand-me-downs from that same boyfriend.

Went as a wizard for halloween multiple times as a kid, with the beard and everything; never once considered being a witch.

Invented a male persona in middle/high school just for going to hockey games with my uncle.

Made out with more than one gay dude who said "I don't know what it is about you, I'm usually never attracted to women."

Ended up effectively living in my buddy Jake's dorm room every single year, no matter what my official living arrangements were.

Started wearing Old Spice in high school because a boy I liked wore it and I liked how he smelled. Pulled the same move in college with a particular brand of shampoo.

Wore the men's jeans+high-impact sports bra combo in an astounding number of photos.

And I didn't know! My oblivious ass sat there in my boyfriend's old pants with my titties tied down, calling myself Jack, playing a male illusionist for the 76th time in a d&d game with my frat brothers and making plans to go to Boys' Night afterwards for Streetfighter and beer, and I didn't figure it out.

#😐... 🥚 #egg things #trans men #transmasc #sam tag 🌌

[yenqa]

firsts

synopsis — sakusa and you have never had a conversation, and honestly you’re terrified of the man. but one conversation turns out to be many more of your firsts with sakusa.

warnings — reader is scared of men LMFAO, not really any

pairing — sakusa x implied fem!reader

wordcount — 710

a/n — happy birthday to himm! also my first hq post in a while OOPS also not proofread sorry!

You’ve never really talked to Sakusa.

You had been the manager of the volleyball team since your first year–and you had known him since then, but for some reason, you haven’t talked to him unless it’s volleyball related.

In fact–you don’t think you’ve ever had a conversation with him. But there's a first for everything, right?

Itachiyama has made it to nationals (not like it’s a surprise), and everyone has just arrived. The room continues to fill with people you don’t know, so you decide it’s best to stick with your team so you don’t get lost.

Well apparently that was a horrible idea to everyone else. Because you’ve lost everyone but Sakusa. 

And you’re terrified. Surrounded in a room full of men you don’t know sounded like your worst nightmare, and you were living it currently.

Frantically scanning the room for anyone that’s not Sakusa, you somehow can’t spot any of the familiar bright yellow and green jackets your team is wearing.

Everyone knows that Sakusa doesn’t like to be bothered. But when you make eye contact with him, you change your expression to a way where he understands you’re pleading for help.

And he nods once.

Your mouth breaks out into a smile, and you shimmy your way to the crowd. Letting out a sigh of relief–you lean on the wall for support, muttering a small thank you to Sakusa. 

You don’t expect him to say anything back, but you can hear his muffled voice say, “You okay?”

Tilting your head slightly up to make eye contact with him, you smile as you say, “Yeah–I’m fine. Are you nervous?”

You’re not sure why you ask the question, he probably doesn’t want to be bothered. I mean–you were still kind of shocked that he let you even be near him.

“Not really. Are you?”

You’re even more shocked when he continues the conversation. You’d expect he’d be the most rude person if he didn’t want to talk. “I-uhm I am a little bit. But we’re exempt from playing today right?”

Yeah–this definitely is the first and last conversation you’ll ever have with him.

He nods.

Then it’s silent.

Surprisingly, the silence isn't the most awkward thing you’ve experienced. It feels as if you’re just two people co-existing.

You watch as everyone excitedly hugs each other or glares at their next opponent. One person even tries to rile up the other, eliciting a small chuckle from you.

From the corner of your eye you can tell he’s curious, but he hasn’t said anything yet. This time, you take initiative to point at the players, also describing the jacket colors.

And you swear you can hear him laugh.

Not a full–hearty laugh obviously, but a small chuckle. A quiet one that you don’t even notice. But it’s definitely the first time you’ve heard him do anything resembling a laugh.

“You laughed.” You blurt out, before you even realize. 

He furrows his brows, “I did.”

Your eyes widen, “Sorry–oh my gosh, it’s just the first time I’ve heard your laugh before, Sakusa-san. I swear I didn’t mean it like that–you just have a nice laugh–”

And now he’s actually laughing–like not even hard to hear.

He’s laughing, he’s hunched over, shaking and clutching his stomach. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more mortified in your life.

“It wasn’t that funny was it?” You ask, a frown on your face.

Sakusa catches his breath, “Funnier than any of the jokes Komori tries to make.”

“There wasn’t even a joke! And I happen to like the jokes he makes!”

“Only if you’re sick in the head.”

You scoff at his remark, “Wow, Sakusa-san, you’re very hard to please.”

“Kiyoomi.”

“Another complaint?” You tease, trying to play dumb at what he’s trying to imply. 

“Call me Kiyoomi.”

You can feel heat rush to your cheeks, you tuck your hair back behind your ear and mutter, “Okay, Kiyoomi.”

And even though he’s wearing a white mask, you swear you can see his eyes crinkle and you can assume the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. 

You’ve had many firsts with Sakusa today. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile–just maybe next time he’ll do it while his face is fully shown.

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

#yenqa’s works! #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x y/n #sakusa angst #sakusa imagines #sakusa fanfiction #sakusa x you #kiyoomi sakusa x reader #hq sakusa #haikyuu sakusa #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu au #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyu fic #haikyuu fic #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader smau #haikyuu x you #haikyu fluff #haikyu smau

[suiana]

(yandere! artist x gn! reader) (this was funnier in my head)

"..."

"..."

"Erm-"

"Just wait a minute... I'm almost done..."

You purse your lips, holding the position reluctantly as you eye the artist. You feel your body shiver lightly, a sign that the cold air in the room was starting to get to you.

However, you could only let out a small sigh, staring at the artist who was painting your nude body with the most focused look you've ever seen. You know things would be worse if you defied him.

What were you even doing right now? You couldn't believe you'd actually allow him to paint your naked body in exchange for money and some freedom!

But... It was just too tempting. Things were starting to get a little boring after all.

Plus, you know he'd make you model for him either way. You'd rather do it willingly and get rewarded than be forced to do it and get punished. And either way, you know that it wouldn't be sexual. You know he'd be too focused on getting everything right to focus on his desires.

"Darling could you come here please?"

He mumbles, eyes focused on the easel as he continues to paint. You feel yourself rejoice slightly as you stand up and make your way over to him. You grab his jacket and wrap it around your body.

You relish in the warmth, snuggling into his jacket. But your comfort didn't last long, for he made you sit in his lap as he pointed out some mistakes that only he could see.

"The lighting over here looks a bit too hard... And the strokes here-"

You didn't bother listening to his complaints. I mean, it's not like you were an artist or anything but even then, you could tell the painting was a piece of art. Everything looked perfect to you, and you couldn't see the mistakes that he pointed out.

But you suppose that it was because he was an artist and that was his art. Therefore it would make sense for him to critique it more sternly.

"Darling you're too beautiful... I can never paint you perfectly."

He mumbles, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You freeze slightly, still not used to his touches before relaxing as you stare at the painting.

Even if you hated this guy for forcing you to be with him... You couldn't lie that he was an art genius. And you just couldn't understand why he thinks you're like this perfect being. This painting made you look like a heavenly angel!

"Um... I think the painting is amazing... I think it's good enough-"

"Darling, it will never be enough."

He looks up from his position, eyelashes fluttering as he tightens his grip on your waist.

"Why won't you understand that you're the perfect muse? Give yourself more credit..."

He sighs in bliss, nuzzling your neck with his cheek as you grow slightly exasperated with him. Damn, you can't believe that an NPC like you managed to get him to fall for you.

You shiver again, feeling the cold air hit your bare legs as you sit in his lap, enjoying the warmth his body radiated. Now, the painting looks done so...

"So um can I wear clothes now?"

"No."

"Damn."

#yandere #tw yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere concept #yandere artist #yandere artist x reader #gn reader #suiana rambling #suiana brainrotting

[unpretty]

I want cecil to win so badly now. like I didn't care about this before and I haven't listened to night vale in years but I need this. it would be funny. and he deserves it

i did not even give half a shit about the sexyman polls but when i voted cecil in round three and saw he was only beating the anime meme boy by 2 points i was so offended it turned me into a monster. i did not expect him to hold his own against reigen but it's been an hour and they've been at 50/50 for the last thousand votes. i want desperately to make this happen. do you understand how funny it would be. when twitter voted for their idea of what a tumblr sexyman is they voted out cecil in round one. they cannot conceive of a sexyman who looks however the hell you want. they need their sexyman to be real and defined and not completely made up by everyone who loves him. they don't get it. we love shit that doesn't exist. we love build-a-blorbo. even onceler only obtained his sexyman status by becoming an infinite number of characters that never came close to existing in canon. i simply cannot imagine anything funnier than "the winner of the true tumblr sexyman competition is the guy twitter ignored because they weren't on tumblr".

#original #i was supposed to be asleep hours ago #but i can't stop refreshing

[hatsunemitskislobotomy]

˚◞♡ ⃗ ❝ 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙚 ❞* ೃ༄

↳ ♡₊˚. ❝ ¡love and deepspace sorta kinda spicy! eluding headcanons lolz! ❞

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

something about those boys and ripping pantyhose’s… sigh

sure it’s attractive, quite attractive actually but more often than not the boys seem to miss the mark as to why you’re wearing them (and why it’s not okay to suddenly come back not wearing them) until one day you overhear tara and some of your other female colleagues discussing a durable pair of pantyhose’s perfect for the summertime where the typical deepspace hunter pants tend to be a little bit on the heavier side.

however your interest was piqued either way— might as well do the girls a favor and test how really durable they are

xavier

you two are so in sync with once another, gentle touches and heightened breathing— your reactions from each other drove each other crazy, it was perfect

which is why he looked like a kicked puppy when he realizes that the pantyhose’s you were wearing were NOT coming off with the hook of his finger

“i… i dont understand…”

oh poor thing they never do

you explain to him that the other female deepspace hunters wanted to test out their durability— you just happened to know a good test for them

he understands, but he still doesn’t know why you’re wearing it with him

you sigh, the initial test was a success but now he was really trying to make you spell it out for him

you pull out the small dagger out of its sheath that rested on your thigh

he looks at you in confusion as you wrap his fingers around the hilt

“i’m sure you can figure out your way around this obstacle.”

and then it clicks and his face of confusion is no more

it’s safe to say, the same trick won’t work on him twice

rafayel

this man takes it as a personal attack— like you might as well have had called him a lemurian slur

“so you want me to die?”

you loved him, but this man was always doing the absolute most but he won’t admit it

if anything you’re getting ALL the blame, you got him all worked up and then you stroll up wearing the indestructible pantyhose’s from hell

he flickers a flame in between his fingers

talking about some “i wonder if they’re fireproof”

you was not about to let him find out— YOU WERE STILL WEARING THEM

“what? can’t handle a little fire?”

and he had the nerve to act like you did an attempt on his life meanwhile this man was scheming as he poked and prodded the thick mesh around your thighs

you two practically start wrestling until he has you pinned

“fine we’ll do things your way, but promise to let me burn them after they’re off.”

zayne

you had been a brat obnoxious all evening it was no wonder he was itching to put you in your place

as per usual it was attractive how he’d reach over your body to pin your arms against the bed as face to face with your torso looking absolutely starved

but right when he was about to tear into you (figuratively and literally), that pesky pair of mesh you always sported were NOT budging

he had to pause and take a minute to reflect

my man was ready to ravish you like how a predator would to their prey but he was being bested by fabric

you were trying so hard not to laugh because you can see the cogs turning in his head

“it seems that i’ve played into your hands.”

you chuckle, innocently claiming that you were getting a tad bit tired of all the pantyhose’s that he’d tear into, it was a lot of money wasted

he insures that it’s never a waste he keeps a collection of all the ones he’s torn

the entire situation is too funny to you, you really can’t help but giggle at him

he really can’t stay annoyed at you, he also did find it a lot funnier than it should’ve been

he still wanted to have his way with you

“it’s no matter, all this is to show that i’ll have to be the gentleman you deserve.”

sure your pantyhose’s were spared that night but you weren’t

❀° ┄───╮

a/n: y’all this idea literally fell from the damn sky— well actually i just saw those instagram promo stories about those hella thick and durable pantyhose’s soooo thank instagram ig?

it’s nothing crazy— i can’t write smut without having a visceral reaction sooo uh… i salute the girlies on here who can bc PHEW 🫡🫡🫡

also i wrote this on the bus lolz, thank god for privacy screen protectors

okay love you all mwah mwah MWAHHHH

╰───┄ °❀

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