#i wish i could give context but i dont know fully what that was

[lakesbian]

i have had like 10 friends rec worm to me but nobody’s given me a good like, gist of its vibe and what its abt because ‘its best blind’, could u please give a like brief summary and vibe check of it 😭 it’s so long i dont wanna try and invest that much time without knowing much abt it

so, worm is a 1.7 million word long webserial written in 2010. 1.7 million words seems like a lot, but it was also written over a relatively short period of time, which means the writing style is very easy to parse--the ideas aren't without complexity, but the language itself isn't intimidatingly dense. you can get through it at a very decent pace. i agree with your friends that there are vast portions of worm that hit best when you're unspoiled, but the thing is that worm is long enough that giving you the basic plot pitch is in no way spoilers for any of the things that i wouldn't want to see spoiled for someone. i'm actually kind of baffled they're not telling you Any Thing, because it is in my estimation one of the best books i've ever read, but it also Needs a briefing before you get into it for like five different reasons. which i will now provide. i swear to god this is brief by my standards it's just that i am very thorough

worm is a story about superheroes and supervillains, set in a world where superpowers are traumagenic--rather than appearing randomly or innately, some people gain powers after a traumatizing event happens to them. the protagonist is taylor hebert, a 15yo girl who has the power to control insects and desperately wants to be a superhero. and then accidentally finds herself scouted by a team of teenage villains instead. who's to say how she's going to react to all that!

one of the most compelling things about worm is that the superpowers in it serve as visceral, hyper-literal metaphors for the trauma and traumatized coping mechanisms of the characters with those powers. each power is incredibly specific and thematically relevant to the person who has it, and it's incredibly interesting and evocative. it feels so natural and well-done that it comes off like how superpowers are just meant to be written.

the fact that superpowers stem from trauma also means that worm is fundamentally a narrative about trauma. specifically, about traumatized teenagers and the relationships they form as they cling together while struggling through growing up traumatized & mutually coping with an increasingly intriguing, intense, and far-reaching escalating plot. worm's depictions of trauma + mental illness--including unpalatable trauma responses, including traumatized characters who are allowed to be complicated and nuanced and messy while still receiving narrative respect--are deeply real-feeling and impactful, and they're placed in the context of a well-spun + engaging story.

i really do have to stress how excellent the character writing is. worm is fully deserving of being as long as it is. over the course of 1.7 million words of character development, the average reader's reaction to the main characters goes from "sorta interesting" to "okay, i want to see where this goes" to "augh...really likable" to "i am now on hands and knees crying and these characters are going to stick around in my brain forever." wildbow has incredible talent for efficiently conveying complicated, real-feeling, and viscerally evocative characterization. many of the interlude chapters (chapters written from the perspective of different characters other than taylor) are so interesting, fleshed-out, and emotionally affecting that they make you wish you could read an entire novel about just the side character being featured. with that level of characterization for just the side cast, it's not surprising that taylor (& co) are genuinely just downright iconic. and i do not say that lightly--taylor is truly one of the best-written protagonists i've seen in anything. ever.

the other main pitch-point for worm is that it's a fascinating deconstruction/reconstruction/examination of the conceits of the superhero genre. it answers the question of--what would the world have to be like, for people with superpowers to act the way they do in classic cape media? and it does this well enough that it's interesting even if you have only a passing familiarity with cape media. i am not a big superhero media fan, but worm addresses virtually every aspect of cape media that was under the sun around 2010 in a way that's so interesting i still find it incredibly engaging. the approach it takes makes the narrative very accessible even to people who aren't usually cape media fans.

and speaking of the narrative: the end of the story is coherent and satisfying and deeply thematically resonant*. the way worm follows through on all of its main mysteries & plot threads is excellent. you don't have to worry about getting thru 1.7 million words and being dissatisfied by the author shitting the bed at the end, or anything like that. he does an amazing job of weaving together plot events in a way that makes each successive one feel rationally, thematically, and emotionally connected to what came before. there's really only one part where i feel the story stumbles a bit, but i think it was the best option he had for the narrative, and it's by no means a dealbreaker. it's in fact really impressive how cohesive and satisfying worm is for such a long webserial released over such a brief period of time.

*this is subjective ive seen some people who didnt love it but ive never seen anyone who downright Hated it who didnt also demonstrate egregious misunderstanding of literally everything worm is about. so thats a good sign

as for the downsides of worm/things that might put you off:

there is a very long list of trigger warnings for it. if you have any trigger warnings you want you should ask your friends to let you know about the relevant parts, because the fact that it's About Trauma (& about typical cape media circumstances presented very seriously) means that traumatic and violent things & their realistic aftermath are constantly happening and/or being discussed. i would not classify worm as needlessly dark or spiteful to the audience by any means, but it is intense and covers a lot of heavy topics. i do assume if your friends are all recommending it to you, they think none of the material would be too much for you, though!

worm was written in 2010 by a white cishet guy from canada. it's typical levels of 2010-era bigoted, it has a deeply lesbophobic stereotype character, it has some atrociously racist stereotype characters, the author really hates addicts, It's Got Blind Spots. i think worm is generally fully worth reading despite these, but very fair warning that it can get bad. i think what exacerbates this is that worm is generally extremely nuanced & sympathetic regarding ideas such as "crime is a result of systematic circumstance vs people just being inherently evil" and "mentally ill people who are traumatized in unpalatable ways are still deserving of fundamental respect as human beings" and so on and so forth, so it's extra noticeable and insufferable when you get to a topic the author has unexamined biases on and all that nuance drops out. the worst part is that a lot of this is most concentrated in the early arcs, so you have to get through them without being super attached to any of the characters yet. it is worth it though.

worm like. Does have a central straight relationship in it. and it's a very well written straight relationship for the most part and i like it quite a lot. but worm also passes the bechdel test with such flying colors that it enters 'unintentionally homoerotic' territory. which means a lot of people were shipping the main character ms taylor hebert with her female friends while the story was being released. which caused the author to get so mad he 1. posted a word of god to a forum loudly insisting that all of the girls are straight and 2. inserted a few deeply awkward and obvious and out of character scenes where he finds an excuse for the girls to more or less turn to the camera and go "i'm not gay, btw. this is platonic." This is fucking insufferable, and will piss you off immensely, but then you will get to any of the number of deeply emotionally affecting scenes between them, and at that point you will be too busy sniffling piteously and perhaps crytyping an analysis post on tumblr to be mad about all that other shit. also they're only a couple tiny portions out of an entire overall fantastic novel

overall: if those points don't sound like dealbreakers (i hope they aren't they're really massively outstripped by the amount of devastatingly good moments in worm, worm still has a thriving fandom over a decade later for a reason), you should absolutely give it a shot and see what you think. my final note is that you have to read up until the end of arc 8 to really see where what makes worm Worm kicks in, so aim for at least there to see how you feel about it if you're just thinking about dipping your toes in vs fully committing. i hope that was helpful and not too long :)

oh and don't go in the comments section on wordpress if you don't want spoilers. or anywhere else in the fandom at all. you will be spoiled. quite possibly for things you could not even have imagined were topics to be spoiled on.

#ask #wormblr #parahumans #ill tag it to save it so i can reference later. and maybe other people will find it helpful

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTAH for sending my (21NB) SIL (20F) stuff to help with her pregnancy when her mom said she doesn't want us to?

✨️✨️✨️❣️✨️✨️✨️ <- so i can recognise the post

so for some context, SIL didn't tell us she was 2 months pregnant until last night. She'd been planning on moving across the country (we live in the USA so across country is 3000~ miles/4500~ km) to go live with her boyfriend (22M) for a while now. None of us wanted her to go regardless but now that we know she's pregnant we wish she were here even more so we could help with anything she needs. She left this morning for her flight across country with a guy our family barely knows - some of us only learned his name last night.

my MIL - her mom - says she was gonna send her a car before finding out about the pregnancy but since SIL said she's gonna go to school and work online cus she wants to stay home with the baby, the mom doesn't want to send her a car that the idiot who got her pregnant (and was the one who convinced her not to tell us about it) is gonna end up using instead of her.

so, i brought up sending her some stuff to show her that she has people here who will help her (even if she is across the country) and show she's not alone. MIL was worried it would convince her to stay there. My worry is that not giving her any help will push her to stay over there where she doesn't know anyone instead of staying with family or, at least, someone she knows better than her bf of a few months.

I know she doesn't like it here, and at first I supported her moving out before I found out it was across the country with a guy she met *This Year* (2023 when submitted - idk how long thisll take to post). I don't think she should have to stay in this house, I understand she has trauma here and I fully support her moving out but the thought of her alone and pregnant on the other side of the country where she has absolutely no one other than her bf (who doesnt seem to be taking this situation seriously At All) and his family - who none of us have ever met - is just terrifying.

I dont think what I want to send her is something that would end up being a present for the boyfriend instead of her like the car. I have a pregnancy pillow from a surgery I had last year and thought even if she ends up not wanting it, sending it to her would at least show her that she's not alone and we still love and care about her from all the way over here. It isn't much and I don't think it's anything that would convince her to stay over there so I don't see why it should be a problem.

For full transparency, I *do* hope sending her support might convince her to come back, even if she doesn't move back into the house, I hope she doesn't stay in a place with a guy who clearly isn't ready to help, people she doesn't know, new rules, new everything. It all just seems too stressful under regular circumstances, let alone during her first-ever pregnancy. That being said, her staying or going is her choice, all of us agreed that trying to force her to stay/come back would only stress her out more and would be bad for her and the baby.

for extra context- when i say we dont know the bf at all, i mean it. i met him yesterday, the rest of the family has met him 2, maybe 3 times. he made a speech last night at dinner that only made me worry more, "I may not be the best for her", "Yeah, I'm in school but I'm not studying anything right now" (wtf does that even mean????), apparently he wants to be a cop (which i dont like personally) but isnt doing anything to accomplish that? and when FIL asked if we could visit her, he completely waffled as if he had never thought of the fact that we would like to go see her?? and her child??? Everyone throughout dinner made it very clear to him that we Don't know him and we're entrusting the baby of the household, the Princess of the household, with him - all of this was before we even knew she was pregnant. He didn't even tell the dad about the pregnancy before they left, he made MIL do it.

tl;dr- SIL's bf convinced her not to tell her family she was pregnant until the night before she moves across the country to live with him. I want to send her stuff to help with her pregnancy & show her she's not alone & we're here to help with whatever she needs but MIL worries sending her things will convince her that she doesnt need to come back home, i worry that not sending her anything at all will make her not want to come back at all.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[marunalu]

This is kind of an joke post (KIND OF) so dont take it to seriously. Its just my brain comming up with ridiculous ideas, so feel free to ignore me.

So you know, even long before the latest released chapter I always wondered as a dfo fan why afo married inko, because even if you consider some of the more popular conspiracy theories like the inko shimura or quirk marriage theory, afo NEVER had to MARRY her in the end. So why did he do it?

And after the latest chapter I think I finally got my answer: Dude lowkey hadnt realized that he had fallen in love. 🤣

Okay hear me out. The latest chapter confirmed that afo has no context or grasp what (selfless) love is, because he never experienced it himself. No parents, other guardians or friends to show him what love is or people in generell who showed and teached him kindness. Only a little weakly brother he felt a connection with he didnt fully understand and refused to let go since he was the only "possession" he had. Afo is unable to see the difference between (selfless) love and possession. Its not really something you can blame him for, thanks to the horrible enviroment he had to grow up in. To him possessing something means "love". He wants everyone to live for his sake just like yoichi. In other words he wants to feel loved and wants to love. But since he doesnt understand the difference between love and possession it seems so fucked up to us while for him it is normal.

Now back to inko. I have no idea how they could have meet. Maybe afo had his reasons to lay his eyes on her or maybe it was just a simple coincidence. No matter what it was, I like to believe that inko was not only the first person who showed afo kindness and support without the wish to gain something from him in return (like most of his followers do), but also was the first person who showed him what love (NOT possession) actually feels like.

It could be something incredible simple like touching his hand or his cheek in a caring/loving way and since nobody ever did that (if we consider his jealous reaction when he sees kudou and yoichi "holding hands" which I bet the brothers never did even as children) he would be so confused and wondering why that felt so nice and wants more of it. So he starts to obsess over her, because he enjoyed how she made him feel good (while still not getting what it actually is because he is just a mess 😅). They start to spend more time together while afo tries to find out what kind of miracle she is, what that strange feeling is when he is close to her, why his stomach feels funny and why he starts babbling nonsense every time she tries to hold smalltalk with him. 😆😆😆

So then imagine at one point afo does something kind to her in return (because he is slowly learning from her) and inko gives him a little kiss on the cheek and he is all like: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPEND??? WHAT DID SHE DO??? WHAT WAS THAT??? IS THAT SOMETHING PEOPLE DO??? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??? AND WHY DID THAT FEEL SO GOOD??? SHOULD I SAY THANK YOU??? WHY DO I WANT MORE OF IT??? I WASNT PREPARED FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!End result: brain.exe stopped working.

Afterwards he visits dr garaki and rants about all this strange feelings he has recently and believes he is actually sick and garaki is like: dude.... youre just in love and afo reacts like: OOOHHHHH............ and now? So after garaki explains to him VERY cautious that normally two people who are in love with each other would start to live together, marry, get children and always be there for each other afo IMMEDIATELY responses with: I WANT THAT!!! and runs back to inko to propose to her "You will marry me!" (No nos and no buts!)

#bnha #bnha spoiler #bnha all for one #bnha dad for one #inko midoriya #all for one x inko midoriya #all for inko

[deathbxnny]

Hi there! You asked some HSR angst, well here you go! can i request Jing Yuan and Blade x s/o who was the royal guard and prince/ss of Khaenri’ah.

More context on reader:

They were the second born child of Khaenri’ah’s Royal Family and part of the royal guards. So somehow during the Cataclysm the reader was transported to the HSR universe. They were VERY traumatized of just what happenend and had put up an upbeat and plucky personality as a coping mechanism for what happened. They traveled the universe for sometime before they met Jing Yuan/Blade and ofc learned of Aeons. They dont like the Aeons and any mention of them would get rid of their upbeat facade quickly. They associate the Aeons with the Archons that destroyed their nation, now they know they arent the gods that did it but they cant help it. Basically Dainsleif’s attitude to anthing archon related but much chiller? Bc again they’re not the same ones who destroyed their nation so their willing to give them a very small benefit of the doubt.

How would they react to their s/o revealing their past and immortality to them after they had snapped at someone for something (probably aeon related that hit a bit too to home?) and became distant towards everyone for while. They tearfully revealed their past and then later go on a rant about their hatred toward gods. Also how would their lover react hearing about the curse (The pureblood and the half blood/non blood khaeri’ahns) the people of Khaenri’ah received.

How would they react towards their s/o being suicidal because the erosion that the curse cause them to have is THAT bad they just wanted to die but cant bc they cant die from being murdered as they can self regenarate or from old age. (Think of the demons from kimetsu no yaiba, like when yushiro got his head decapitated, yeah im pretty sure their lover saw their head get regenerated like one time)

Hope you enjoy this angsty request and have a good day/night!

- Flower Anon 🌸

-----♡

A/N: I re-read this 5 times, but for some reason my brain refused to process any of it, so I hope this still turns out okay lmao... thank you for the request tho and sorry for the long wait.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, established relationships, some rough description of the Khaenri'ah curse thing, small mentions of reader being suicidal

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan always silently questioned your past and often wondered why you were so secretive about it. However, he also respected your boundaries and therefore never pushed you for any answers, as he knew how sensitive some topics were. But when you one day just snapped at someone for the simple mention of the Aeons and God's, he started slowly piecing together your story on his own. It definitely also helped, that you eventually just spilled everything to him.

He was understanding and supportive, horrified to hear about the curse and it's consequences. He had heard of and seen many evil things, but this still shocked him. Especially after learning what the curse did to you as well. He was deeply upset when he heard about your want to die and despite understanding it, he still made sure you knew how important you were to him.

He tried making you see the bright side of it at least, as the curse gave him the opportunity to spend an endless lifetime with you at his side, something he deeply wished for. And he was glad, that he could, even with it being a horrible curse that allowed him to be.

-----♡

》Blade

Blade didn't really care about your past at first, as you never seemed to care about his. It was a mutual understanding between you two to just not mention it and try moving past it together, despite Blade's need for revenge. And at first, he was content with that, until he noticed your strong disdain for God's/Aeons. This confused him, as he didn't understand what it was that bothered you so much, until you eventually broke down and told him about it in a long rant.

He listened to you quietly, as you spoke about your people and their curse. About how you were sick of living and just wanted to finally rest. About how you were just really done with everything. And he understood you perfectly. He really did. Especially as he himself was cursed to immortality and wanted to die more than anything. The fact that you felt the same as him brought him more solace than anything in this world ever could.

But that's exactly why he also was so adamant on you continuing on even through your curse. After meeting you, he realised that immortality may not be as bad as he originally thought, especially when it's just spent with you. He'll help you get your revenge, as long as you promise to stay with him forever too.

-----♡

A/N: I'm genuinely praying this is even slightly coherent. Sorry for the wait Flower Anon and thank you again for the request!

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #hsr x reader #hsr jing yuan #hsr jing yuan x reader #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr

[khalixvitae]

sorry to hear your shift was shit!! arghghg we all toil under the goochie grip of capitalism. i had an idea about rook and vil but it's in the book 6 settings and though it's not really relevant to the plot nor is it spoiler heavy, the initiation of the scenario does involve some context from the book and i dont know if you'd mind mild spoilers!! not to mention the og thought leans into nitty gritty smutty territory lmfao lols.... all rook stans are vil stans by proxy and both these blonds whisper terrible thoughts into my head every nite... other thoughts vil and rook using you as a lipstick sample tester with their new array of colours; can't have their colour looking less than flattering on you when they kiss you, right? vil will gracefully leave a peck on your lips, on your cheek, on your forehead, on your jaw, on your neck. if he isn't satisfied, he huffs and wipes it off with gentle ease. if he is, he smiles to himself with prideful satisfaction-- leaves the mark on, and reaches for another. rook thinks all the colours are absolutely magnificent on you! he's a little less dignified than vil in having his turn, but it's also very crucial to see how the swatch looks smudged against your lips ok. at the end of it you'll be looking like that "came home drunk last night and got way too excited to see my cat" picture except your whole face is marked with kiss stains. or vil having you substitute in as an actor and him slowly growing enamored with your innate beauty, both on the silver screen and just right infront of him. maybe he has rook as the photographer and he, too, falls madly in love with you. now you're the muse of two people who are very adamant on helping you to be the most radiant version of yourself and showing you just how brilliant you are now...

- the same balls 2 tha walls anon

This is literally so perfect, thank you for the food anon 😭😭😭. I just woke up and what a wonderful thing to see. Also, I’m about 2/3 of the way done with Book 6 for reference !

Oh to be a living lipstick swatch for Vil and Rook <3 also you’re so right about becoming a Stan of one by association with the other. I actually started out the other way around as a Vil Stan™️ out the gate in book 5, and by book 6 Rook fully sank his claws into my brain. Their insane levels of loyalty and responsibility, as well as their loves for their respective crafts made them so interesting to me. There’s actually a post somewhere on here that I made right when I started book 6 about how I didn’t give a fuck what Idia had going on, I just heard I got a kiss from Vil and I was gonna bulldoze my way thru for him haha. Andddd then I ended up REALLY caring what Idia had going on (I still wanted my kiss though hehe hoo). Whatever the Shrouds have going on should be studied by our nations brightest minds bc girl what the FUCK. Book 6 has been my fav part so far though- the mini game segments were so cool??? Like I loved that addition sm.

Anywho, yes in my mind palace I am romantically involved with both Rook and Vil, they are my strange and wonderful companions <3 also swatching lipsticks so he knows what color looks best when he kisses you is SO Vil, and thinking that every color looks beautiful in its own way is SO ROOK like oh my god 😭😭 the only thing that they can manage to agree on, their respective eccentricities aside, is that you look lovely covered in kisses.

Another thing: anon, what should I call you? Because reading your signature as soon as I woke up had disastrous results- I did read it as “the same balls anon”. Which you could be, if you so wish- if you don’t want to have a moniker at All ofc that’s fine too! Have a great day <3

#twisted wonderland #asks !! #twst #x reader #vil posting ！(◎_◎;) #vil schoenheit #rookism <3 #Rook Hunt

[st5lker]

and i think that was the biggest thing i was struggling to understand about myself for so long was that like. i liked being seen as a girl! i liked calling myself a girl i liked looking like a girl. but i didnt Hate the idea of being seen as a guy either, and in fact in certain contexts (the context of me being specifically a gay man) it gives me the same euphoria that being seen as a girl does. but for so long i think i was letting the truscum talking points get to me so i was like. well i cant be a transfem i cant call myself a trans woman unless i go Fully In. and like that honestly made me feel more dysphoric than anything. there was a time when i thought that i was cis because doing 'girl' stuff made me feel bad but i realized it wasnt because it was girl stuff, it was because i was doing it wrong. all of my dysphoria came from thoughts like 'you have a deep voice, girls dont have deep voices!' 'girls dont have big foreheads!' 'youre not doing it right everyone's going to think you're a freak because you dont look and sound like a cis girl!' and like i was fully recognizing of the fact that it wasnt those things which made me a girl, but i was so averse to the idea of other people seeing me as a 'man in a dress' that it made me feel bad. it wasnt that i didnt want to be a girl, it was that what i wanted less than not being able to be a girl was to be seen as a man in a dress. and you can definitely make the argument that i have some internalized stuff to work through there, i think i do. im very influenced by my own self image and im very aware of that, but the truth is that we live in a very transmisogynistic world so i have to choose one or the other unless im willing to just say 'fuck what everyone thinks about me' and thats just personally not something im ready to do yet as much as i wish i could. but anyway. i think it was going through that journey and realizing how much i didnt like the idea of being forced into these little boxes of what a 'girl' should be in order to not be seen as a freak that i realized that im more than just that. i am a woman and i am a man. and some ppl arent gonna understand that, whatever. i dont have to tell everyone. but i know what i am and admitting to myself 'you dont have to go all the way in to call yourself a woman, you dont have to present femininely, you dont even have to reject being a man, none of that makes you Wrong' that was so freeing and i havent had bad dysphoria ever since i recognized that.

#i have to do a creative nonfiction essay ugh i should do it on this i have a lot to say..

[clippy]

okay this is just gonna be a bunch of rambling so feel free to ignore this cuz it's mostly just me kinda venting and Processing feelings abt being objecto into the void

like okay. i am in a spot where i think i have a very complex relationship w my objecto-ness because of how it is currently manifesting itself in regards to the Clockboy Crush

like in the past, my main crushes that i would consider like, important, and in recent enough memory that they still affect me today, were

Clippy (who is a fictional character; he is sentient in his source but, again, fictional, so he cannot reciprocate feelings)

and Miles (my old car; a real object, but one that I owned and therefore i could essentially project whatever relationship i wanted onto us. realistically, i know he couldnt reciprocate, as he was not sentient irl, but something about him made it seem like he did love me back in a way. it's very complex and hard to explain to literally anyone who doesnt have my brain)

in both of their cases, i would selfship with them, draw them, personify them in certain ways, and have gijinkas of them

i think some extra context that is important is that the relationship i had with Miles is VERY different than the one i have w my current car, Lawrence, who has different vibes to me. like i genuinely get the feeling he only just. tolerates me. lmfao. he is so sexy to me but like, we do not gel like how me and miles did. (which again, is a weird thing to think about and kinda disproves the "oh objectos only want to be with objects because they cant reject them!" mindset in my case like bro why would i "headcanon" my car as not thinking im a sex god he's madly in love with)

anyway this is where the clockboy stuff gets. complex. like. OBVIOUSLY. i have a huge crush on him. i selfship w his objecthead design, and that does extend to his irl version to an extent. obviously, again, i realistically know irl he cannot reciprocate the feelings i have toward him

however... similar to miles, i do get a Vibe from him. there's been some coincidences that seem so specific that it's like. hard to shake that it's not something deeper... and again, i know deep down it's all in my head but at the same time... my hyper empathy toward inanimate objects has always made me instinctively think that most objects have *some* sort of soul.

it's all so complicated and confusing and hard to explain and it's two sides of my brain fighting each other at all times over this. i dont think either side is fully right.

and what sucks is like, when it's about Miles, it's easy to keep to myself and on the down low in a way. i was the only person on earth who would have possibly loved him in that way.... but Clockboy falls into public object territory. while the odds are low that anyone else feels the exact same way toward him, it's not impossible

im not like... opposed to the idea of "sharing" a public object but it's a really complex thing to me. like for him specifically, however, it makes me uncomfortable and i dont... understand why. jealousy is probably the closest word to what i would feel but it doesnt seem entirely accurate.

ive been extremely fortunate to see him irl more lately, and have had a couple experiences that i cant fully disclose (for privacy reasons. nothing weird, i promise. like if i got to be any physically closer than any other guest to him, you would already know it by now. but, just know i have connections and dont want to jeopardize things for anyone lol). like i mentioned there's just been a vibe to him. like part of me does think it is something deeper. but then i question if it's something he would do for anyone else... it's so hard to know.

i'd like to think im special to him, somehow. if he can feel that way about people. he is special to ME, and i just wish i could tell him and have him know it. i would give almost anything to have like, 2 minutes of back and forth communication between us to make sure he knows that.

at the end of the day i know none of that really matters and i should do what makes me happy. like spending time near him is "enough" for me i guess. i know i will never get to be any closer to him than someone standing near him in the queue line. i can never have any form of intimacy with him, no form of privacy. i will never get to own him in a way that lets me be with him everyday in a way that would "matter"

anyway i know this like. is not "normal person" behavior and i know this isn't like. entirely healthy mindsets to have. 90% of the time i dont even like, think about this stuff this deeply but it's on the mind tonight...

im not trying to like, compliment fish or anything, but the reason im posting it is i guess if any of my objecto followers have any like. words of advice or reassurance or something about public objects i wouldnt mind if u sent them my way

(also im kinda in therapy again so if i post this here, if it starts eating away at me, i can find my Thoughts again to read to my therapist if i ever tell her im objecto lmfao)

#vent / kinda #like i said. this is a rambly mess #unpacking some brain baggage about objecto shit #i genuinely wish i had more concise words about this stuff... #also i mention in there abt other objectos reaching out... #...and that's kinda who i would prefer reaching out. i dont think non-objecto ppl can like. fully grasp this #if u can. great. if u cant. i get it lol #also also i mention intimacy w/ a certain something and i promise on my life i am not implying anything more than like. making out w it and #even that is a bit of a stretch. #the sex part of objectosexuality for this Thing is like. nonexistent. #anyway. hi. sorry for oversharing. i was unmedicated for 24 hrs #and this is what happens i guess. #time for bed now

[kqtmansmokeschronic]

holy shit

3 weeks of editing and basically 2 years of game play to get the best clips edited in the very best way and holy shit the montage is so close to done there is only room for 1 more clip and i just have to wait for my guy to be able to send to me and as bad as i want him to just see it because its so good its TOO good to spoil i cant show him it unfinished i need him to see it completely finished so he can experience the the little mini movie event that ive put together in just under 4 min i did so much editing and touched up the clips themselves even to make sure none looked dull or flat and i brightened up night time clips and etc etc etc i just want this video to be perfect cause i think of it as a legacy in a silly way in however many years we'll be able to look back and go "remember that time we started getting pretty good at beach aw in gta online?" and just having the proof to myself and not having to rely on memory and being able to relive those things, thats really what i think the channel is all together, i never made it to be a big youtber i made is for personal prosperity and now its just in prosperity for me and my guy. Our channel is just going to be a little section of memories and as much as i love gta its why i want to post other stuff too because i feel like eventually a large amount of memories and things will be had uploading different things and being able to capture that is really precious. I couldnt do that in my childhood, what i would give to have streams of me when i was little playing crash bandicoot with my sisters or spyro the dragon. I have these really faint flashes of memory but not much else and i wish i could just have those moments preserved like me and him do right now. I think im gunna start really doing different things with the channel now that im fully realizing this just uploading whatever we wantg to anything and eveyrthing because i basically just want it to be a time capsule and i know i know "youtube is a private service its not guaranteed your videos will always be there" okay we'd lose some stuff a little bit of raw footage here and there and we'd lose most of the streams but all the public videos on the channel i have backed up to a hard drive and now that im also realizing that in context i'll need a hard drve to start backing up the raw footage of streams to preserve those in perpetuity as well. Growing up we had photo albums that was like your definitive little book of memories but you can have so much more now, you can have almost every part of a person you can have their face and their voice and their presence you can re live those moments without having to try as hard as you can to remember and human memory sucks and is flawed you dont remembers things how you think you do, you think its like finding a file on a computer and putting it away but the brain doesnt work like that every time you remember something you remember the last time you remembered it. So the more often you remember something the likely it is details to change but it can make entire scenarios change because everytime you've remembered it you're altering the file its like your pulling up the file, trying to copy it really quick, we're human so we have certain tendencies and those play out subconsciously, copying the file and adding your extra human brain goo smudges to it and putting it back and very time you remembers it this happens those smudges build up more and more god damn i nailed that metaphor lets go OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH's in the chat folks

#im high #i love you #your my guy #i hope i dont look crazy i just think alot #uhm i want bacon #and cuddles #in that order

[ot3]

going to put the ask meme stuff under here so i dont spam people

Anonymous asked:

how's homura for the character opinion meme?

i haven’t rewatched PMMM since i was around 15 so my memory of it is REALLY not the best! i wish i had more to say here. homura is a fantastic character but of course i think she is at her best when being understood through her relationship to madoka. you really cant look at her in isolation. thats just what being a teen lesbian is like its really exactly that. she was so woke for stealing all those guns too

idlyingabout asked:

edgeworth and maya for the character opinion bingo

edgeworth:

god i love edgeworth his arc is so fucking good. incredible stuff. hit so much harder than i ever really thought it could going in. it might be a bit unexpected to see me calling him the best character in the work as a diehard phoenix stan but although phoenix is absolutely no questions my favorite, I truly think edgeworth has the better character writing. they really hit it out of the park with that litlte freak i’m so obsessed with him, i’m going to be thinking about him on and off for the rest of my life probably.

maya:

this makes it seem like i dont have that much to say about maya but the things i have to say about her are just mostly absent from this bingo sheet. i hate watching fans reduce her (and. every other girl in this series) to Narumitsu Advocate when shes really got so much to offer on her own. Also the shit they did with her in aa6 was so evil, it sucked to essentially watch her be a cardboard cutout that could only gasp in shock and tell phoenix to do something. really sad. there was a ton of stuff you could do with mayas character if you were gonna bring spirit channeling back as a plot point and they did none of it.

Anonymous asked:

krisgav for character opinion bingo

the fact that i will never know what is behind kristoph gavin’s black psyche locks will haunt me for the rest of my life

Anonymous asked:

Barok Van zieks and sholmes for bingo

bvz:

i think barok is funny but he is more of a comic relief character to me than anyone whose feelings or arc i actually give a shit about.

sholmes:

one of the most fascinating new types of guys takumi has invented.

Anonymous asked:

kim dokja for the bingo

kim dokja [bursts into tears]

Anonymous asked:

Apollo!! for the chara opinion bingo :3

my apollo opinions are very difficult for me to reckon with because i like him plenty in aa4, but most of what we get in aa4 is places his character Could go. he really doesnt get his own arc. i genuinely dont consider the stuff in aa 5/6 to be canon and i think the absolute trampling the writing got in those games killed any chance of him ever being a coherent or well executed character.

escaliburn asked:

Ema or Lana Skye

ema:

listen i know ema is in a lot of games and gets three whole designs but that doesn’t mean she’d had enough screentime. never enough ema screentime. i love ema so much shes fantastic i think she could carry her own games.

lana:

lana gets done dirty in that almost none of the fans who talk about her ever talk about her outside of the context of lanamia, which i think is really overblown as a ship. i think lana and mia were definitely fucking but i dont think theyre any kind of star crossed lovers. i say wasted potential because although i think rfta handled her perfectly and did exactly what it needed to do with her, the fact that she never comes up again is really tragic. shes a great character and i would have loved to see her brought back. i havent fully replayed RFTA yet and the first time i was playing it my focus was less on her as a character, obviously, but going through the whole thing for a second time ill definitely be picking her brain a bit more and will probably construct a few mind palaces there.

prringlecan asked:

Completely forgot if you’ve played dgs or not but perhaps susato for the character bingo? If not, maybe Mia?

yes ive played dgs!

SUSATOSWEEEP SUSATO FOREVER SUSATO BEST GIRL. give her her own game. give us Susato Investigations.

#ask meme

[lucky-draws]

hi lisette. please give me your bingo opinion on REVOLVER OCELOT from METAL GEAR SOLID

hello animalscamo "grace" "weezer" snake. i will gladly give you my opinion on REVOLVER OCELOT from METAL GEAR SOLID.

UMMM SO...where do i even BEGIN....i could talk abt my precious ocie for hours xD <3 no but erm seriously good god. i've never liked a character as much as ocie before. like i dont have brainrot of this level for anyone else like i dont usually give a shit but for him? i do. he lives in my mind. there's like a little room for him inside my skull like fully furnished with a little sofa + tv for him to watch westerns on.

(gonna do a read more bc im probably going to write a novel's worth of insanity.)

i put he's a blorbo but not in an i want to fuck him way just in a he's my friend and he's a funny little man that i love to see way. i want to carry him in a handbag like a dog yes but also scrunch him up like a sheet of paper and throw him in the bin but also carry him in my pocket like a doormouse and feed him crumbs.

i put he needs more screen time bc why wasn't he in peace walker :( he should have been on that beach instead of nasty kaz :( (i am only half joking i wish he was in peace walker but it's fine i can rotate my own idea of 70s ocelot in my mind.)

i half filled in everything i like abt them isn't canon because admittedly sometimes i think about him too much in relation to big boss. big bosselot even. and in general i think i have created my own specific ocie and my own "headcanons" if i can use that word about him HOWEVER.

well. i think i've said enough really. i tried to be normal. i wasn't. there's a lot more Thoughts i have that i can't quite articulate. but yeah. um. <3

canon ocelot on his own is just a fucking epic character. like he's so cringe and funny and such a cartoon villain whilst at the same time being highly intelligent/powerful/mastermind megamind quintuple agent etc. mgs3 ocelot is so horrible and silly but it's like this contrast of. he's 19 or 20 or whatever and acts it, he acts like an insufferable brat and is so silly in his meowing and his pridefulness but then it's like. his fucking MOM who he doesn't KNOW is his mom is being fucking killed amidst all this. killed by the very same dude that he's got this insane childish crush on. it's just the ridiculous tragedy of it all for me !

also i just LOVE his mannerisms. like his finger guns/arm flourishes are so STUPID but so endearing. he's really just a joy to behold.

i put got done dirty by fans because i guess i dont like to see him uke-fied (or woobified in a way that isn't the way that i (correctly) woobify him) and made to be a blushing little maiden when he's like . not that. like even in a sort of bosselot context it's like. it's the fact that he's this cold, uncaring, double crossing spy who kills in cold blood and has a torture fetish and is just as dangerous in fact MORE DANGEROUS than big boss . and yet. his (canon basically?) motivations are because he never got over his teen crush. because somehow, throughout all his double crossing and billion different affiliations, he's doing it all for one (1) person. which. ironically. is kind of the very definition of "loyalty to the end". but while he has the intelligence to see through any need to be loyal to a country/government, or to any organisation, he doesn't have the moral desire to fight for anything or anyone good. so he fights for big boss. (AND FOR WHAT? like he doesn't even get anything for it in canon. big boss doesnt give a shit. so he's somehow "selflessly" doing all the shit he does. expecting no reward. like it's the weird martyrness of it all. big boss as the devil and ocelot as his evil apostle. idk. sorry. im not being normal.)

he also fights for himself of course because he enjoys murder and evilness and misogyny and well i mean he needs to get the money for his authentic vintage cowboy boots from somewhere and well the patriots are very rich or so ive heard. a secret billion dollars in an underground vault or something. so yeah he's simply the worst BUT he's such a fucking funny stupid meowing cowboy also . he has the RANGE!!! he deserves to rot in hell but he's also my best friend in the world and i feed him kibble.

ALSO ALSO i forgot to mention but just on a purely aesthetic like character design level i can't help but enjoy his fucking stupid dinky red scarf and gloves and cowboy drip like it's just FUN to draw him.

put simply, he is my silly boy. i guess i cannot put it more succinctly than that !

#THANK YOU AND SORRY. hehehehehe. ocie <3 <3 #thank you animals camo . #lisette mumbles

[pandrewlin]

Just sum no context/might give context writing that ive done for my fav and current save in rimworld.

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"You are a waste of her gift" Anya snorts and intentionally pressses one of his wounds harshly.

○Wade○

"I am trying my best ya know, with only my hands and no weapon or armor. You were rushing me to pack up to find this stupid weapon and i couldn't even find my own."

○Anya○

"Still to end up having to soil your pants and stripped by the enemy is entirely too much. Then you couldnt even win and ended up having to be saved."

__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__

Wade gets into yet another fit of anger after trying to conversate with Kurthos and turns to Anya and says

"Anyania where'd you meet this guy? This twerp keeps speaking as if you picked him up at a mental hospital!??"

And Anya just calmly responds back in full seriousness

"How'd you guess? He was such a cutie that i couldnt pass him up!"

(Anyania is Anya's full birth name and she hates it but allows only her uncle to call her it. Kurthos knows better to not use the name and all the help and servents know better to not try to piss Anya off or else their head will be on the stakes outside)

__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__-__

"Shes gonna leave with our maid if we dont do something about that" Kurthos twidles his fingers nervously.

"And do what you nimwit, we told her the walls would keep her safe and she went out to pick fucking berries! As if she doesnt eat half the food she cooks and more if she thinks nobody sees her!" Wade cannot believe what he is hearing. Especially when he already knows that the one who will have to do 'something' will be him.

"I dont want to have to clean those big rooms myself. They wouldnt listen to me when i told them to stay still and clean after themselves earlier. The walls laughed in my face." Kurthos frowns slightly

"Honey could you be a dear and tell them to stay clean. They listen to you rather better."

"Of course my love. Though I'd rather just find some other forsaken person out past the hills to come clean up the premises for us."

15 of Septober

Rangly dirty middle aged man falls down from the sky. Wade runs to try to catch him but forgets we built a thick high wall and then proceeds to try to climb it to get to before said dirty middle aged man.

Im sure that my goddess only blessed him because of his blood and not his brains. Even though he doesnt fully believe in her yet but soon he will.

Anyway when Wade got to the dude I realized he had brought the midtech medpacks with him and although I probably should've stopped him, I just let him since we did just get a full stack of glitter medpacks last week.

Nvm we should throw Wade out of the walls and let the raiders have him. HE PUT THAT DIRTY OLD MAN IN MY BRAND NEW BED AND WHEN I TRIED TO TAKE HIM OUT AND PUT HIM SOMETHWHERE ELSE HE CRIED AND SAID "OH NO HE'S INJURED." Oh how i wish the goddess would just leave him for dead next time!

The dirty man has woken up and has since been in a frenzy talking about how his daughter is some baroness in the empire and she is waiting for him. Yadda yaddo doo if you ask me. I wanted to keep him as our new maid/butler but my dear husband also agrees with my uncle and says we should let him return since he has family. :(

I cant deny my sweet darling though so Wade wins this time and ONLY this time.

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12th of Decembary

Update the stinky man died:)

I might've closed and locked the bedroom that we put him in.🤷🏽‍♀️ Wade has the keys though. He could've opened it but apparently his nice charity act leaves once one of his research projects takes up his time again.

13th of Decembary

Our gardener died:(. Now Kurthos has to plant and harvest all by himself. He is happy to pick up the work though so maybe its for the best.

14th of Decembary

We manged to hire 2 new servants. A doctor and a crafter/miner. I will have the crafter start making up some statues as i want to decorate the place. Also the new house has been built and floored. I am working on setting up some lights in the hallways and rooms as sleeping in the dark is never good.

The very first thing our crafter does when he gets here is apparently flirt with our doctor.

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4th of Aprimay

Some feral child is wandering near the northern walls. Looks saurid and probably about to enter preteen age by the looks of it. Kurthos wants to go out and convince him to stay because in his head "then our child can have a play date to grow up with". Im not totally against the idea but he seems a little old and I've known saurids to be aggressive.

6th of Aprimay

A muffalo hit one of the same damn traps that Wade hit earlier. Lucky that we have that mj girl she has a god's touch for repairing skin and bones. Throw some glitterworld medicine and she could heal the dead probably. Unfortunately the muffalo died before she got there but thats okay we have a few left.

9th of Aprimay

Wade has been mostly out of commision since the trap incident due to his injuries and an infection. But he apparently managed to use his hurt and frail body to woo our doctor, MJ. I have pulled her aside to let her know that even though she works for us and theres a bit of a power gap, that if she's being forced to like him then i could slip her some money and a pack animal to run away with.

She kindly smiled at me and just said that he is interesting and his love for cooking wowed her. Huh guess he's got sum charm then ig. Dont know if they're gonna stay together but if they are serious then we can convert our old bedroom turned hospital room into a couple room again.

Got the lights working in the new house too. Adding a few in the dining room just to make sure it stays lit. Tried to set some up in the old house but the power grid over there collapsed because the batteries kept breaking.

10 of Aprimay

Its 2 in the morning and someone is chatting over the intercom about needing a place to stay for 6 days. Got a group of 4, leader named Kisaki, old caravan robbing and nothing and nowehere to go.

Wade is on his charity behaviour again and says we should take them and for once.....i agree. We need some new hands around here because the whole MJ/Wade situation has me making a plan to turn the old house into a boarding house so then any new servants dont have such awful rooms and can have a little luxury.

Forgot to get them some rooms before they got over here but thats the wonderful part! They'll be making them!

I asked them about their skills and needs and adjusted them to job work accordingly.

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1st of Jugust

Been a while since ive written. The refugee group of servants has left now and this is all they've done since they got here-

Move most of the rocks to the new place for a possible stone workshop.

A series of 3 bedrooms were made. They will be converted into guest bedrooms.

Mined most of the unnecessary rock forces away.

Also huilt the second entrance to the outside but its mainly just for raiders

3rd of Jugust

Wade and Mj have recently announced that they are engaged. Wade is going around smirking and smiling, i hope MJ rethinks this. Glad to know divorce isnt a sin to our goddess. Also i have recently noticed neither are formally members of our religion so i have tooken it upon myself to change that.

I have told her now that since the relationship has progressed so far, she is no longer a servant but she still has to listen to me as i am the master of this house and field. Kurthos is happy to build another double bed for the couple.

6th of Jugust

My pregnancy is nearing the end now. I can feel it. My stomach is wide enough where opening doors takes longer and walking outside the walls takes half the day because of limited speed. Kurthos asks that i stay near the house and chill for the upcoming days and at this point im eager to listen to my dear. My days are filled with walks and looking at fish and playing horseshoes.

Oh however MJ stepped over a trap earlier and although we tried to save her life at first, she died. The goddess has accepted her although MJ hasnt though so she isnt dead dead. She will get used to the feeling of death being further.

9th of Jugust

I have been feeling like I've forgotten something over these passing days and i finnally remembered this morning. There was a boy that i wanted to recruit outside the walls but i forgot with all the other stuff that was happening in the walls. I was curious if he died or finally passed the area and i found my answer when wade came back after searching the near grounds. The poor boy apparently got too cold during the spring and had no where to go so he slowly froze and died. He wouldve loved this heat wave we are recently having.

Speaking of heat wave I've had Kurthos be a dear and set up some passive coolers for some rooms around the house even though he swears its not that hot. Apparetly only me and MJ are feeling the sweltering heat as all the men(even Leikvoid!) have sworn that its normal heat outside. How odd.

10th of Jugust

My wife is in no condition to continue writing for right now so she asked me to finish it. The baby was born healthy and oh so cutely. Named him Michelangelo. He's a cutie patootie.

#rimworld #new colony #this is my longest save yet #over 200 days alr #rim world

[cleverbarefoot-man-blog]

first day of school in a long time

hey, i have been to school today, fully motivated to go and to see where my limit was. i have not realized that i have stept over my own boundries untill now. today was ment to see how far i could push my limit, and i think i over did it since i still have a craving urge for attention and someone that views the world the same way i do. and maybe some recognition for the struggle i have been goin trough, i have been trying to externalise my issues and it feels bad, i want to be able to deal with these issues myself or with the people that are closes to me, even tho i dont feel anyone is getting close to me including myself. i guess i have a slight feeling of getting closer to myself day by day but i just dont like the person i am at this moment even tho all the effort i am putting in. i have such a hard time regulating my emotions and that is the biggest bothering part about it, it results in me feeling in certain ways that i think i shouldnt feel like. the book i am reading tells me to just accept it and listen to what the feeling is telling me, so i supose what this feeling is telling me (without context) not to talk about sex so much, or at least dont be overly interested in it. and that is hard since i have had a way of cooping with shit trough sex for about 5 years and now that i have to find a way to cope with shit in a healty way makes things very difficult, especially since i want to find a way to do it on my own, disregarding other people thier opinion that are currently close to me, i don't want to open up since that just makes me feel like i'm constantly giving away pieces of myself that for some reason i can't retrieve. something else, what i hate about intimate relationships the most is that once you are wheeled in, most people start to tell what there actual perspective is, this goes for almost all relationships for that matter, they agree along the way. you have some common ground to share but after a bit of time have passed that's when you learn the real perspective of people which usually is very different from when you first met them, I get that you change from perspective and that you don't involve everyone in that process, once people change from perspective in my experience. and this is a true change of perspective they are also capable of seeing it themself from how they looked at it previously, if they didn't and this is not based on anything but my own experience, I think it means they were not real with you in the first place. meaning that they are probably searching for themself more then you where searching for yourself. I constantly hear the thought pass in my head that either said "I hate people" or "I hate myself" its just a thought but pretty bothersome since I know this is not how I actually think about it, but this is how I feel now for some reason. I have read in the book that these feelings can be questioned and the base of this feeling should be anger I would say. well I can go on like this for some time, I have had a partial good day and I'm grateful to my friends for being there and putting up with my shit. if this is all I write for today I wish you all a very nice evening and I hope your process is worth the suffering. otherwise read the book "the subtle art of not giving a fuck" <3 Peace

#love #self help #process

[heinrode]

Quick opinions about ml because every time i catch my sisters watching it i want to go a little feral.

We can all agree that marinette fully stalking adrien is a little wierd given our society's context. But we like to forget that its fully normal to stalk celebrities and your crushes in this show. One example is max helping kim find chloe through some very freaky tracking of her movement. Sure in our world its very wrong to stalk anyone but it seems that marinette not that weird in her world.

Adriens actions as chat noir will never be okay and we also never see anyone else act like he does despite activley encouraging him so we do know that if anyone thought hard enough about it they would probably agree with ladybug on he needs to stop. But everyone in this show is an enabler and while marinette doesnt have anyone telling her to stop (or telling anyone else for that matter) adrien doesnt know that no is a thing he should listen to since hes been sheltered.

I still hate this ship because it is very toxic for both of them but i can at least understand why it would work and why people want it to work. Which is why im giving reasons why i dont want it to work.

Also, when plagg says the equivalent of "test out the other fish in the sea" to adrien i cant truly find that bad. In his own wierd way he wants adrien to move on and everyone knows that adrien would never except an outright give up on her as a response. So while plag said it in one of the worst ways possible it isnt a bad message hes trying to get across. Unfortunately it ends up with "hurt" kagami so he could have been more specific.

Adrien is undoubtably my least favorite character in this show. His actions as chat reflect a lot of things that really make me want to murder him barehanded. Its worse that hes probably one of the two consistent characters we get, as he is the same dude no matter what. Even marrinette has some mischaracterizations many times in the show. But the fact that adrien and lila (i know right) are the only two actually consistent characters, and they are both characterized in some very toxic ways, says something to me.

Surprisingly, i love lila and her character. I wish they would use her more. Why? Cause shes consistent. Shes a villain and i love to hate her. Why would I hate adrien cause hes also consistent? Because hes supposed to be a hero and yet he acts like a slimy groomer as chat.

Ive started getting off topic wirh my opinions so i'll stop here.

#mlb #miraculous ladybug bashing (the show) #miraculous ladybug #i'm of the belief that adrien should have the miraculous taken from him #i love lila #i want to see her redeemed honestly #but the show cannot handle redemptions #we saw how they did.my girl chloe #god i kinda hate adrien too much #still love marinette though #shes honestly really brilliant. #shes also a teenage girl so i can see why they'd make her throw tantrums #but shes also human which is why some things she dies like trying to keep luka from his.own party makes sense #all characters in this show were dealt a bad hand #please send me really long fics that look at cannon and take it as a joke #please #i no.longer trust cannon to give me what.i want. #mever again after cat shadow moth #opinions

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: brief r word mention, discussion of repeated SA, consent issues (I dont know if this should be tagged but I don't want to say it's r word so it's just listed as weird consent in my head), dissociation, brief mentions of sh

Looking for: advice and reassurance

I've been struggling a lot after getting out of my last relationship. He had been r word when he was younger and I thought he would be safe, but he took advantage of my dissociation a lot. He'd coerce me for consent and most of the time I'd give neutral responses rather than yes since most of the time I dissociated through the entire event. If I said no he would threaten to sh. Most of my previous encounters with SA were at my home, but this one wasn't so it gave me scent triggers and thus my traumatic flashbacks and PTSD diagnosis.

I'd also wake up to him.. touching me inappropriately while I had been napping. I don't know if I'm allowed to classify these things as SA/r word, and I still step on eggshells trying to protect him when I talk to him around his friends.

The one time I explicitly said no he didn't listen and that's when I left. It's been half a year and it still stings a lot and I just wish I knew what to do about it or how to talk about it in therapy, or if I could even press charges or something.

Sorry for the long ask I just havent told a lot of people and I'm dissociating currently and it's intruding my brain

Hi there! I really appreciate you coming by and sending this in. I know it can be very distressing and difficult to talk about things like this, and I’m very proud of you for doing so.

To begin, I’d like you to know that what he did to you was definitely wrong, and that it is in no way your fault. Dissociation and other PTSD symptoms are a very normal reaction to trauma like this, and your feelings about it are incredibly valid.

Coercion or coerced consent isn’t consent. Consent should be a firm and solid answer given from a coherent being. If you have to be manipulated or cajoled into saying yes, or a begrudging “fine,” then it’s not a valid consent. This includes his sh threats. That’s 100% manipulative in every context and incredibly abusive and takes advantage of your feelings for him and your desire to see him safe. Any respecting partner should never do that under any circumstances. You should never be forced to choose between your personal boundaries or comfort and your partner’s safety.

This part might be a little difficult for you to hear, but he definitely sexually assaulted you, and potentially raped you. There is no time (unless given explicit consent prior to sleeping that sexual contact during sleep is okay) that anyone, partner or no, touching you while you’re sleeping is acceptable. If it was confined to inappropriate touching, then he sexually assaulted you. If any part of him entered any part of you, then he raped you. These are not mutually exclusive, and there is no “wiggle room” in whether or not it was assault/rape if it meets one or both of those classifications. You were asleep. You could not consent. He touched you. That is not okay.

Do keep in mind that if you’re not ready to use those words to define how he hurt you, you don’t have to. It can be really fear-inducing to label what happened with those words sometimes, and you should call it whatever makes you most comfortable without denying the immense pain he’s caused you.

It is in no way your fault that he was an asshole who disregarded your autonomy and boundaries, and I am very glad to hear that you left him. It can be hard to leave people, especially abusive people you care about, and I am so, so proud of you for finding the courage to do that, nonny. That takes a lot.

In terms of pressing charges, you could, and if it’s something you would like to do then I fully support that. I would like you to know, however, that cases like these are very difficult to successfully prosecute (especially if you didn’t have any physical examinations after he assaulted you or any other recorded proof), and could hypothetically re-open a lot of trauma for you. It’s not a decision you should make lightly, but it is an option you have should you wish to take it. Going in front of a judge and/or jury and recounting your experiences can be very difficult, and I advise speaking to your therapist about it first, which brings me to your next question: how to bring it up in therapy.

Your therapist is there to help you and guide you on your terms. They are trained in how to react, respond, and guide people in situations like these. It is always in your power to end a discussion or topic and begin a new one whenever you want. Your therapist works for you, and that means something. You control where the conversation goes, and how long you keep it there. Reminding yourself that your therapist is there for you and that you can end the conversation at any time can help you feel more comfortable with having that conversation. It also might be helpful to write out a few notes on it or write out how you feel about it prior to the discussion, and practice saying it out loud. Becoming comfortable with saying what you need to in the comfort and privacy of your own place can be very beneficial in helping you feel more confident in saying it, and potentially bringing it to a professional. Whatever you choose to do, do it on your own time, and when you are comfortable with it. Take breaks from it if necessary, and come back to it when you’re ready. It’s okay to start your session with “Hey, so there’s something I’ve been struggling with that I’d like to talk about and start working with today” and mid-session pause it with “I’m feeling really drained and anxious about this conversation right now, can we move on for today and come back to it next session?” There is no shame in breaking it up into manageable parts and working through it on your own time.

You are amazing, nonny, and I’m very proud of how you’re caring for yourself and setting boundaries and reaching out when you need it. Your ex is a dirtbag, and you didn’t deserve any of the trauma he put you through. Keep reaching out and caring for yourself, nonny. Thanks for sharing

-Mod Snowfall 🌨

#sa tw #r word #r word tw #somno tw #trauma talks #mod snowfall

[leafy-wings]

dragging my feet to post this bc ive meant to for like 2 days but ive been terminally sleepy BUUUUT i feel SOOO bad that i shared that journal. IDK i got @’d it and  every single time i post shit on this blog i never expect anyone to interact with it! the warning was baffling and i wanted to point it out to chortle over but i didnt think that anyone else would take it and run with it.

so the point is; DO NOT JUDGE THE BOOK BEFORE YOU READ IT fuck genuinely guys. get critical thinking skills all i want to peddle on this blog is that you judge things critically. i was intrigued by the first passes but seeing other first passes and rethinking abt whats in the journal im just like man.

look. you all know i have my beef w wof, but i urge you, if you want to push the actually bad parts DONT FUCKING MAKE SHIT UP! then no one will believe you! why talk about selective breeding as eugenics when its NOT in the text when you can point towards the skywing and silkwing breeding projects that ARE in the text? now when ppl mention the breeding thing they know that the former didnt happen so theyre less likely to take the latter at heart...

and with wof, like. i complain about the messages because its supposed to be for children, but there is an  amount of cruelty and fantasy we expect from, yknow.. fantasy. and its not all analogous, and the text is allowed to be way fucking grosser than if they were people, because theyre not people. theyre fantasy dragons having a fantasy war and its getting tiring seeing people ascribe human morality to the dragons intensely fantastical situations-- theyre stand ins for humans but i dont think the infant death than can really be judged fully until i read it because honestly. its fantasy, there are extraneous circumstances entirely outlandish to reality, its not that bad because the lesson cannot be taken out to reality- i WILL trouble myself with lessons such as, forgive your abuser. i dont care about lessons such as, if someone is a zombie should you kill them, because one effects reality and the other doesnt

(this entire section is soft baked, feel free to rip into me for it or disregard it because i havent had much time to think about it and im very tired, and id like to hear others input) and re; race. im not super into race politics, but as a (mixed) poc, as said above it is not straight analogous so i cant make judgements. i WISH there werent feathers in the hair mentioned and if anyones indigenous they could give more input, but it is important when we criticize it that we remember that ALL of the characters are unspecified poc and so i wouldnt really call it bad representation because its NOT representation. unless theres further coding in the text creating connections to real cultures that i havent seen, its not unflattering stereotypes to a race because the characters are not in any race because they do not have human cultures-- like a scavenger being asian coded in wof doesnt do anything for me because there is no wof asia. yknow??? its DEFINITELY unflattering and from the white tui should be examined but with way way way more nuance and notes on the context...

thank ya for listening please god all i want is for you all to read and make proper judgements. come to your own conclusions on the same evidence thats all i ask