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#i wish i could make my own fanart
filigreefarm · 1 month
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i drew alex and sam from this post :)
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bizarrelittlemew · 3 months
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i wish i could hide individual posts on twitter like sometimes people i like post my gifs (other than the ones i've posted here for everyone to use freely) and i have no more fight in me left to ask people to credit because people over there have been hostile about it (so like, even when the poster is nice about it, i've had "popular" accounts jumping in on conversations they weren't part of to try and claim that crediting other fans for their work was "unreasonable", and in the first place it's pretty 50/50 whether people respond reasonably and add credit or if they ignore and mute/block me so they can continue stealing my gifs without me being sooooo mean and unreasonable and linking to the source i guess) and it's someone i don't wanna unfollow or mute but it just drains my spirit to see that post you know. please let me know if there is a thing like xkit on tumblr that works for hiding individual twitter posts
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manguopudding · 7 months
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copium 4 me
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pokimoko · 1 year
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I was reminded recently of how much I loved the Moon Knight SG Poster series and so I thought I’d take a crack at the style and make some posters for my own MK fanfic series, Eternal Sunshine of the Absent Mind. Consider these the official posters of my very official fic series ;). 
[Image ID:  First Image: A silhouette-style monochrome minimalistic style poster inspired by Pokimoko's Moon Knight fanfic 'The Absence Of Fear', the first fic in the ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Absent Mind’ series. The poster depicts a black background with white at the bottom; at the centre nearing the top there is a circle which has been made to represent a simple shield; the shield is cracked in the top right corner, and at its centre are two silhouettes, one of Steven who is facing us and is dark grey, and one of Marc, who is facing away but looking back over his shoulder, and is a lighter grey. Steven has a black line over his eyes, and there are more black lines across the shield, imitating black out poetry. Above the shield are stars and constellations (Cassiopeia, Pegasus, Ursa Minor, Pisces and Cygnus). Under the shield is a white pigeon to the left and a pile of books to the right. At the bottom of the poster, the title of the fic is written.  Second Image: A silhouette-style monochrome minimalistic style poster inspired by Pokimoko's Moon Knight fanfic 'In the Absent Place' , the second fic in the ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Absent Mind’ series . The poster depicts a black background with white at the bottom; at the centre there is a white house that merges with the white at the bottom of the poster. Inside the house sits the black silhouette Steven at his computer, the light of which beams out behind him and lights up the edges of Jake's white silhouette which merges into the house. He is reaching out to Steven, and behind him Khonshu—who is a black silhouette and merges with the black background—has a hand on Jake's shoulder, with the tendrils of his costumes also reaching out to Steven. Above all of them is the dial and display of a old time radio. Above the house is a grey circle that has rain cometing through it. The roof of the house is shaped like a pyramid, and there is a sword going into it, which has a handle that is in the shape of Khonshu's ushabti. Around the circle is a scattering of Scrabble letter which spell out 'DON'T GO INTO THE BASEMENT STEVEN'. At the bottom of the poster, the title of the fic is written.  Third image:  A silhouette-style monochrome minimalistic style poster inspired by Pokimoko's Moon Knight fanfic 'In Your Absence', the third fic in the ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Absent Mind’ series. The poster depicts a black background with white at the bottom; at the centre of the poster there is a white round fishbowl that merges with the white at the bottom of the poster. Inside the fishbowl is a layer of sand, upon which is a black sarcophagus; a poppy grows out from its stomach. Standing to the right of the sarcophagus is Steven, who is looking over to the distant silhouette of the house, which is the same shape as the one shown in the Absent Place poster. Inside the house are four doors at different heights, one of which is open. Above the fishbowl are two white goldfish swimming through a scattering of forget-me-not flowers. Below the poster is a black goldfish swimming in the opposite direction of the other fish and who is followed by a trail of black shards. At the bottom of the poster, the title of the fic is written. Note: The white at the bottom of all these images flow together to create a seamless flow between the posters. /. End ID]
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end-orfino · 1 day
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ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it
#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something#but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized.#and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this-#-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace-#-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller#which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this#and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely#oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it-#-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart#so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it.#fun./sar#i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to#because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get-#-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of#its probably the resilience though#im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically#this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it#just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear#it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over.#i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts#this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement.#its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every-#-time achievement#what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past.#even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again#if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa
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mychlapci · 10 months
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when youve been thinking of something for months straight with no interruption and it consumed your entire mind and body and perception of the universe but then when someone casually says something on the topic the only thing you can say in order to not let everyone know youre a complete lunatic is "haha yeah. cool!"
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new-lorien-artist · 2 months
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#i don't like how this past year has been me getting really anxious because of my health#because it really put me on edge deciding whether i want to draw and finish my projects#or do my schoolwork and finish college#because i haven't been able to imagine myself anywhere past graduation and my health situation hasn't helped matters#i could be overreacting and i'm actually fine and this is a temporary pain issue#because i'm continuously denied getting my pain checked out due to expenses and the like#everything is too expensive#who knows maybe i'll live past graduation and i can continue my art as usual#but i'm panicking more over the pain daily and feel like stopping my classes and just draw draw draw#i'm more concerned about making fanart tbh because i have so many ll wips#and i sincerely want to give back to the fandom more than ever#but a dead artist can't contribute#neither can a living artist who is in too much pain to work#still thinking about posting my wips and ideas and maybe they'll inspire some other people here#ideas and concepts will get lost in translation but it's better than nothing#... i wish we had more artists here#maybe i won't feel this way if that was the case#ernest talks#i really don't meant to death scare anyone reading this i could be overreacting over my own health#it just ties real closely to how worried i get about the fandom in general and how much time i dedicate making projects for the community#so i'm just.. scared i guess#how would people know when a blog largely on hiatus is permanently inactive? will i let people know in time if something happens to me?
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the-forest-cryptid · 1 year
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God I want to play touchstarved so bad but everyone keeps saying it's gonna come out around 2025!! I gotta wait 2 years to play it!!? 😭 My classes got canceled this quarter because there wasn't enough students so right now would be the ideal time for me to play it so I'd have something to do this quarter. I'm running out of games/TV series, which if I had classes it wouldn't be that big of a deal since I'd be doing school work but I don't!
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gmaybe666 · 1 year
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me: has like 10 half done multiple fandoms projects and drawing ideas for comics and stand alone pieces and animations and zines I want to do
me also:
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readymades2002 · 8 months
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something difficult about writing/storytelling but only in short disconnected bursts is that writing anything longform is very difficult. there isn't as much time to practice long-term character development or subtlety (implying character instead of immediately clarifying) when its not really meant to go anywhere but a notes app. its a little frustrating...i'd love to do something more longform though. i've considered maybe just doing some short writing scenes in my various original universes a lot recently mostly because i just havent had time to draw anything fancy recently </3 maybe that would be something...
#briefly talked about it with a coworker today bc i mentioned my brother makes music#and she got excited because she paints and she showed me some of her work (beautiful btw!!!)#and said she hopes he pursues music and doesnt get his heart crushed by retail like we do#we still make things but ive been thinking about it...it really is like#i feel like ive had less TIME to make things but ive also developed more interest in my own ideas#and in constructing them on their own terms. its hard to describe and even harder to share because its#not churning out fanart for a response i guess?#i dont know. i do feel more satisfied with what im planning but theres less to share#anyway i promised her i'd show her my art sometime so essentially i have to flee the country now#she does lovely work she paints pictures of pets and it seems so nice. she seems so happy with it!#its like...i love it. im a little jealous of it. i feel so much pressure to Do Something New with my art#try to craft scenes and settings (i think setting is such ann important part of storytelling but i have so much trouble drawing it!)#and try new compositions and poses and just not have everything look the same all the time#its led to a lot of work im proud of but its also hard to create under those expectations...#i wish i could find a niche and settle into it comfortably. i think fun character drawings could be that for me#but its...it frustrates me to post those because it feels like if its easy and i like doing it and how it turns out then im not trying#okay i think im done now. sorry for these rambling introspective posts lately lol im#trying to warm back up to posting so i can use this website again (despite how very very bad it is)...#i want to see my frieeeeeends <//////3 i want to be here without running away <///3
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i-miss-lotor · 10 months
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Ngl I really like my snk x mdzs crossover where I ship Levi and Jiang Cheng, so I will share this here because I can
https://archiveofourown.org/works/41050065/chapters/102884814
The fic's name is This Reincarnation Sucks, because Jiang Cheng remembers his past life as a sect leader from Lotus Pier. When in that life Jin Ling met with a tragic end, he promised himself that he would prevent that from happening in this one. You can imagine how hard it is when you live in a world full of man-eating giants, and then Jin Ling turns into a titan himself.
And while he's supposed to fall in love with Levi later, his first impression of the man is beating his nephew half to death, so you know, not great.
It's basically a what-if retelling of snk, and Zizhen is there too because I love him and he doesn't get enough attention. I also can't wait to write about old grumpy man slowly opening up to each other and being soft while everyone is dying around them. Fun times.
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jayskai · 1 month
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i love drawing and designing characters <3 I hadn't felt this joy in a while
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ohthepain · 4 months
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You know you’re in rarepair hell when the only decent fanart you can get is from rule34
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wrathful-reptile · 8 months
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thinking about Puzzle Key
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notmyneighbor · 16 days
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Let Me In ~ Doppelgänger Francis Mosses/The Milkman x Female Reader
Chapter 6
Word Count ~ 3.9k
Rating ~ Explicit
CW ~ sexual content
Also available on AO3
taglist @luthien-elvenia-asher @fishfetus @gaudesstuff @nekee-lilac02
Fanart used with permission @kaworinx on Instagram and TikTok
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Early morning. Almost time for Francis’ delivery route to begin.
“Good morning.” You look at the doppelgänger. His face is pressed into the living room pillow he’d borrowed from the couch, offering you the solitary one on the bed. A sleepy smile of greeting.
“Good morning, love.” His hand cups your cheek and you trap his fingers, turning your face to kiss the inside of his wrist. “I’m glad you stayed last night.”
“Me too.” Its earlier than you’d normally rise, but you kind of like it. That sense that the rest of the world is slumbering and the two of you have this time reserved just for you.
“Tell me to go get ready. I don’t want to leave this bed.”
“Go get ready. I’ll press your clothes for you while you take a shower. Get coffee going.”
“M’kay.” He sighs, sitting upright. Stretching his arms, his legs hanging over the side of the bed. A dog barks outside and someone hisses for it to be quiet. The replicant freezes, his arms dropping down sharply.
“Francis? What is it?”
“It’s not a dog.” He stands and goes to the window, edging the curtain back. “I don’t recognize them. Not from my squadron.”
“A doppel?”
“Yes.”
You sit up, the languid, cozy feeling evaporating instantly. Bringing you right back to reality. “Does the owner know?”
“No. They’re human.”
“Are they trying to come in?”
“No. But they sense something. That’s why they barked. They’re already halfway down the street. You’re safe.” He lets the curtain drop back into place.
“Didn’t you say no doppels would try to enter the building anymore?”
“Yes.”
You worry your lower lip. “That’s going to look suspicious to the DDD.”
“The DDD.” He says the name of the organization contemptuously. “I wish you’d leave.”
“It’s not just a job. It’s my career. I can’t leave.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want to help people. I promised I would.”
“You could do something else and still help people,” he mumbles. “Fine. If it’s going to draw more unwanted attention here, I can make certain some doppels do come in when you’re working.”
So much for the relieved idea that you and the residents would finally be safe and secure. “You can do that?”
“Of course.”
“And not let them harm anyone?”
“That is more than I can promise.”
So you’d still be putting the residents at risk. Encouraging it, even. You’d have to make absolutely certain never to let one inside.
“You’d be condemning your own kind. I’d have to call the cleaners if they threatened violence.”
“I’m aware. I have to keep you safe. If that means risking some other doppels, so be it.”
You leave the bed, walking over to the closet. Francis didn’t have many clothes aside from his work attire. He’d had few personal possessions in general from what you’ve seen so far in the apartment. Living so humbly.
The imposter rests a hand on your spine on the way past you to the bathroom, pausing to kiss your cheek. “Are you going to be alright?”
“Yes.” You select a shirt and pair of pants, folding the items still on the hangers over your arm. “I’ll be fine. Go get ready.”
The sound of the shower starting fills the background as you collect the folded ironing board from inside the closet and plug in the iron. You pad barefoot into the kitchen to get the coffee pot on, wearing one of Francis’ undershirts and your panties. You’re a little sore from the previous evening’s events. Internally. The times he had pounded into you deeply. The new bite on your shoulder. The swelling and redness seem to have dissipated. The mirror above the dresser doesn’t reveal anything too drastic looking. The puncture marks are almost invisible.
You’ve got the milkman’s pants ready when he emerges naked from the other room, still slightly damp from the shower. The brazenness still makes you blush. You know what he looks like nude by now, of course, but it feels different when it isn’t during intimacy. You watch the imitator rummaging through the dresser drawers to retrieve underwear and socks and a bow tie, secretly admiring the way his muscles shift in the warm yellow glow of the lamp, the curtains still shielding the window. You can smell the coffee brewing in the other room, easily pervading the entirety of the tiny apartment, and you inhale that enticing aroma deeply.
“So you mentioned earlier you’re in a squadron. Like a military sort?”
“Not precisely as you know it, but I suppose there are a few vague similarities.”
“What rank are you?”
“The equivalent of a lieutenant colonel, if you had to label it.”
You inch the work shirt further over the side of the ironing board to continue the pressing, smoothing out the wrinkles. “Where is the rest of your squadron?”
He shrugs. “Around,” he replies vaguely. You think he knows exactly where they are and he’s not willing to give them up. Still somewhat loyal, in spite of what’s happened between you.
“They don’t wonder where you are? Or vice versa? You don’t have some kind of a leader you have to report to?”
He pauses midway through pulling on a sock. “It doesn’t quite work like that. We are…autonomous, I suppose you would say. Working independently, but striving for the same goal.”
You hand him the shirt and he slides it over his shoulders after finishing with the socks. “So why have ranks at all then, if you’re all equals?”
“Because we’re not. Not everyone can do what I did. It’s still rare. There’s no way to instruct how to do it. It just…happens. Or doesn’t.” He finishes buttoning the front of his shirt. You help him with the cuffs of his sleeves.
“Why did you choose Francis?”
“Opportunity. Nothing more. Sheer random encounter.” You step back as he pulls each pants leg on and stands, zipping and buttoning the fly. The belt is coiled on the dresser beside the black tie. “The best decision of my existence,” he says softly, his forehead bending to touch yours.
You’re so conflicted. He’d killed the man you’d loved. But in some ways was still the man you loved. Only not. An enemy you’re supposed to be guarding against, except he no longer seems to bear any malice towards your kind. Coexisting peacefully. But the cost of that. Oh, the cost.
“I can’t say I’m grateful for what you did. But I am glad it was you, and not someone else.”
His hand cradles your head and he draws you against him. You can smell soap and shampoo. Aftershave. Your arms tighten around him.
“What did happen? During that random encounter?” You ask against his chest.
“Why do you want to know the details? It won’t change anything.”
You draw back to see his face. “Consider it a weakness of humans. There is a car accident on the interstate. The vehicles wrecked, the passengers gravely injured. We slow down or stop to look, even after emergency services have been called, even though there is nothing left to be done. We can’t look away. We have to face it. Confront our fears head on. Grieve our losses. Knowing the truth of what happened is the only way to do that.”
“If I tell you, you’re admitting he’s gone.”
You chew your lower lip, hesitating. “I suppose that would be true.”
“If that happens, you won’t have any reason to be with me anymore.” He strokes a thumb over one cheek. “Is that really what you want?”
“I…no.” Your heart is beating madly in your chest. It would be like losing Francis twice, somehow. You can’t fathom it. “I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s best I don’t know. I won’t mention it again.”
After a time the replicant finishes dressing. The black bow knotted neatly. Belt secured. Wallet tucked into his pocket, followed by his keys. You’ve hastily gotten dressed in yesterday’s clothing. You’ll return home and get properly washed and changed before returning for your shift afterwards.
The imposter pours you both a cup of the freshly brewed coffee. Strong. The way you both like it. A little cream and sugar to kill some of the bitterness stirred in.
You’re standing by the front door now. The doppelgänger holds the milkman’s cap in his hands. He doesn’t like wearing it. You can tell. You pull it from his fingers and set it on his head. Tugging the brim down a little. Smoothing some of his hair back underneath. He really did need a trim soon. You’d never seen it get this long.
“Be safe today,” he says.
“You too.”
“Do you think I could get away with coming over tonight? Is your organization going to stalk me?”
“I’m hoping they’ll calm down after a bit. They are still watching you. Me. Us. So maybe wait a couple of days, make it not so obvious.”
“I don’t think I can manage a couple of days.”
“You’ll still see me in the booth.”
“That’s not the same.”
“I know, Francis. If circumstances were different…I’m trying keep you safe.”
“I know.” He sighs. “Alright. A couple of days, then. Surely the weekend as well?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
He smiles. “Things looking up already. Alright, sweetheart.” He bends to kiss your mouth. “I’ll see you later.”
You exit the apartment and he locks the door. Still no one else stirring in the building yet. He ignores the elevator and begins descending the staircase. You follow him. He’s faster than you, his longer limbs making short work of the steps. Already nearly an entire flight down from you.
He pauses on the landing, looking back at you as you halt, fingers curled over the railing.
“Francis.” You rush down the stairs, throwing yourself at him when you reach the bottom, the momentum pushing him back against the wall. Planting kisses along the freshly shaved cheeks and jaw. “I miss you already.”
“Me too, love.” His arms envelop you and you bury your face against his shirt. Suddenly you find yourself wanting to cling to him desperately. So afraid for him. More than you were even for yourself.
It’s a relief when you see him return safely later that day; it’s all you can do not to open the booth and fling yourself back into his arms. But the camera mounted on the wall over your shoulder is a constant reminder. You’re being watched.
You’re not safe at all.
***
Saturday morning finds you standing in what was once an impressive garden beside your house. Now chock full of wildflowers and overgrown with weeds. Francis’ copy is beside you, kneeling down, his fingers raking the earth, pushing impatiently at the intruding vegetation. “The soil is still good. You could plant here again easily.”
“My grandfather would have been happy to see that. It just got to be too much for him to maintain. He had a hard time finding help for the farm. People lured into moving to the city. Better paying jobs. Fancier homes. A variety of exciting new stores to shop in. My parents both had that itch.”
“You’re somewhere in the middle.” He stands, dusting his hands off.
You nod. “I guess I am. I can appreciate the value of being in the city. The benefits. But I recognize the drawbacks, too. I love being here. It always feels right. I wish I could restore things to the way they were.”
“Maybe you could. Not to the extreme of running a business with employees, but to build it back up, little by little.”
“It would be a full time process.”
“You could do it. We could do it,” he adds softly.
“Is that really what you’d want?”
“I want you,” he says, his hands now seated on your waist, drawing you closer. He kisses you and you sigh contentedly.
“When I’m with you, it’s like the rest of the world goes away. There is no DDD or invasion. It’s just us.”
“It could really be like that.”
“No one ever leaves the DDD voluntarily. And you’d be labeled a deserter, wouldn’t you? We’d be chased. Hunted down. There’s only one punishment for someone who’s a coconspirator.” It didn’t happen often, but occasionally there were stories of humans accepting bribes. Working together with the doppels. It did not end well for the humans making those bargains; did not end well for the invaders, either.
“We’ll keep running so they can’t catch us. To the ends of the earth.” He tugs on your hand and you allow him to, following him. Navigating through the overgrowth, threading through it to find your path. Moving faster and faster, a full jog now. Still anchored to the doppelgänger’s hand.
He halts abruptly and you collide with him. Both breathing heavily. He descends and you tumble down with him. You’re in a patch of wildflowers, their perfumed scent heavy in the air.
You lie together like that with your head pillowed on his chest, one arm tucked around you. “Did you ever have anything like this before? Was there someone else?”
“Never.”
You burrow a little deeper, satisfied with the answer. Would you have been jealous if he’d said yes? Strange to think that way. But yes, you would be, you realize. The concept of sharing, the idea of affection for someone other than yourself bothers you.
“Do you think you could ever find yourself caring for me? Not for the face I wear. What’s behind it, I mean. My true self.” Your head lifts, your eyes searching his features. “I want you to love me as much as you love the man. More than that.”
“You said…you don’t even have words for human emotions. They don’t exist for your kind.”
“They don’t. They didn’t. A change now. Evolution. Something unanticipated. That’s what the ache is, isn’t it? How terrible this feeling is. How wonderful. Paradox.” He pulls your face towards his, kissing you. “I need you, sweetheart. More than you’ll ever know.”
You kiss him back. You can’t speak with words. It’s too overwhelming. Too confusing trying to separate the man and the invader. You’d been telling yourself all along it was your feelings for the former that had driven all your actions. That had been true enough in the beginning. But now. Now there were doubts creeping in. Wondering it wasn’t the other that you had feelings for. Could you really love a monster?
“Need to feel you, love, please.” The sound of his belt being undone. Dark slacks today now that he wasn’t working. Your fingers join him there, finding his cock already hard, leaking in anticipation. So hungry, so fast. Your body responding in kind, drooling for him.
You straddle his hips, the hem of your skirt bunched around your waist. Struggling to hold the crotch of your panties aside, to guide him inside of you. Gasping when you succeed. You lower yourself down onto him. The sun is warm on your back. You lift up slightly and sit back down. Impaling yourself again. Your hips roll back and forth as you lean down to kiss him. Rocking, sliding that prick in and out of your pussy. He slips completely free and you hurriedly snake a hand between your bodies, realigning him. The drag against your clit sending sparks through you. You keep the hand there, touching yourself, touching him. Feeling the heightened friction of the panties digging against your hand, against your lover’s dick. The nails of your other hand raking his chest through his shirt.
You kiss him, tasting the salt of the perspiration that has begun. It’s so hot. Outside. Inside of you. His fingers touch your cheek, seed your hair, hold your mouth against his as his hips lift to meet you. Driving him deeper inside. You look down at the man whose face you’d seen behind glass for all those months. Those dark, tired eyes on yours. Lick his mouth back open, enjoying the mash of the hand still between your bodies, grinding against the bundle of nerve endings. His lips at your jaw and throat and beside your ear. “I love you,” he whispers, and you shatter around him, your walls spasming, your body jerking through release.
It’s easy to say the phrase back to him when you’re in the height of bliss, just three simple little words that escape above his face, panted between noises of pleasure.
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
His hips snap up and you feel the jet of seed inside you. Your forehead drops to his, your arms and legs suddenly shaking. You dismount and drop down beside him, your face burrowing again.
“I meant it,” he says softly. “What I said.”
“I know. So did I.” It’s the truth, you realize. Somehow, the impossible had happened.
You’d fallen in love with a doppelgänger.
***
The weekend flies by.
You are back in the security booth once again the following Monday. Straightening out the desk once more. You really could not understand why your coworkers were so disorganized. You’ve nearly finished the task when you realize through your peripheral vision that someone has entered the apartment building.
Your head lifts to see Izaack Gauss.
Or what looked like him; your instincts kicking in once again. It’s most certainly a doppel.
The face has been perfectly replicated, the second floor resident’s exaggerated features all ones you recognize: the large cleft chin and wide nose, the thick dark eyebrows set above glacier blue eyes, that wide stretch of teeth just a little too large for comfort, becoming almost a rictus grin. One that doesn’t touch the imposter’s eyes.
“Good morning,” he greets you, sliding his ID card and entry request through the stainless steel slot at the bottom of the window.
You look over the identification first. Expiration date checks out, the image and name both correct. Your eyes flick up before you study the other document. On the day’s list. DDD logo present. Occupation of reporter correct. Address verified.
“May I come in? As you can see everything is in order.”
The ID card is still clutched in your hands. You tap it against the desk absently. You know it’s not really him. You just don’t have any evidence to support your suspicion yet.
“Let me just make a quick phone call to your residence.”
You lift the receiver off the hook, dialing the first number.
“I can smell him on you.”
Your hand freezes. “I’m sorry?”
The large nostrils flare and the suited figure inhales deeply. “All over you. Inside of you. He’s been there, hasn’t he? You’ve let him in.” Little burst capillaries spidering across his eyes now. A thin trail of spit glistening on his lower lip. “You could let me inside, too.”
You flip the plastic shielding covering the alarm down and slap the red button, the steel shutters instantly dropping down to cover the glass. Hanging up hurriedly and dialing a new number, the DDD operator answering you in the same calm manor they always adopt, assuring you the cleaners will be on their way shortly.
Time seems to slow to a crawl. You hear the sounds of the disposal team making their way inside. Yelling. Gunfire. Then silence. The alarm stops sounding. The steel shutter retracts. On the other side of the window, you can see a member of the DDD wearing a yellow hazmat suit. “The doppelgänger has been taken care of. You can return to work now.”
You nod, willing your shaking hands to be still.
***
“There was a doppel today.”
The piece of cake you’re chewing tastes like ash. It’s from your favorite bakery, a treat from your replicant beau. Washed down with an ice cold sample of the milk he delivers. You wish you could enjoy it. But your taste buds won’t cooperate. You’re still shaken from what had happened earlier.
“Yes. There were to be several. What’s wrong?”
“He knew about us, Francis.”
He sets his fork down slowly. “Tell me what happened.”
“He looked just like Mr. Gauss. The reporter that lives alone on the second floor. Paperwork checked out. But I could tell something was off right away. And he said he could smell you on me. In me. He knew what we’ve done together.”
You see the copycat milkman’s Adam’s apple move above his shirt collar as he swallows loudly. “And then you called the cleaners?”
“Yes.”
“Did he get a chance to say anything to them?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“And the surveillance cameras?”
“Video feed only, no audio.”
A heavy sigh. “Alright. I’m sorry that happened to you. That was not a member of my squadron, I assure you.”
“You said they wouldn’t come near the building, because of the marks. Other than the ones you sent as decoys to fool the DDD.”
“I didn’t think they would. Honestly, I didn’t. I would never deliberately put you in harm’s way. You know that.” His hand reaches for yours across the tiny kitchen table in the third floor apartment. “Had to just be an anomaly. Had to be,” he repeats, sounding as if he’s trying to reassure himself as well as you.
“What if it’s not?”
He pushes back from the table, kneeling beside you, reaching for one of your hands and pressing his lips to it, holding it against his cheek. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I swear to you. I love you,” he says, and your heart flutters. The palm of his free hand rests somewhere along your ankle. Sliding up, bringing the hem of your skirt with it. He kisses your knee. The top of the joint. The inside. Stands and pulls you with him. Lifting you and sitting you on the counter, your skirt gathered in messy folds around your hips. His fingers dig into the sides of the underwear clinging to them, dragging them roughly down. He’s impatient, possessive. Scared, you think.
“I want to make a baby with you.”
“Francis…” Your sex throbs at the suggestion. Such a dangerous idea.
“I want them to know you’re mine. Fuck the DDD and fuck the other doppels.” His face moves against your throat, one hand on your hip as he thrusts into you, the other braced on the overhead cabinet behind you.
“I am yours.”
He huffs a moan. “You’re so perfect for me.”
You gasp when he reaches deeper inside of you, clutching the back of his shirt collar, your other hand at his waist, knees digging into his hips as he ruts against you. Your fingers travel to his hair, those cocoa locks that are growing curlier the more they lengthen. You have to cut them for him, or send him to a barber, or…
“Say it. Please, please say it. Do you want me to beg? I’ll do it. Please…”
You know what he wants. What he needs to hear. “I love you.” The wood behind you groans with the tension his hand places on it as he fucks you harder, faster. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” uttered each time he’s sheathed inside you.
Touching his cheek now, watching his mouth fall open, the kind of wonder in those dark eyes, as if he’s discovering you all over again for the first time, coming apart, waiting to be rebuilt. You both shatter and then there is silence save for the ticking of the clock mounted on the kitchen wall and the breaths you trade, a warm exchange of air in the scant space that divides you.
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