#i wish i could stop caring

[ali3nboyfriend]

i see a lot of talk of fellow adhd and autistic folk feeling like they’re too much for other people but i don’t see a lot of talk about feeling like you’re not enough. low energy adhd and autism where it takes a lot of effort to use words so your way of showing affection is to sit there and vibe in people’s presence but it comes off like you’re not paying attention or it’s not “active” enough to count, or forgetting to reply to DMs (or like i said, Words Hard), and it again comes off as you not caring or ignoring people. it’s really hard to be putting in so much effort to maintain friendships you value only for that effort to not be seen, or to be read as apathy, or for it to be seen but still not be what other people want. even worse when you try and talk more and be more active in a relationship but you end up burning yourself out because you don’t have enough energy to maintain it.

#starscream.txt #i struggle a lot with feeling like i’m not Enough of a presence for people #i like to just. listen to people. but i’ve had several people stop talking to me because me just listening comes off as me not caring #or finding them annoying #which it isn’t #and it fucking sucks. idk #i understand RSD and the need for validation so i don’t begrudge anyone that #i just wish i could be met on my field sometimes. i wish my natural behaviors didn’t read like apathy #or annoyance #i wish people could see my ways of showing affection for what they are #vent i guess

[heronoegg]

squad going to Kinoko's pool party arc

#i just wanted to draw girls at the pool arent they cute????? #i guess idk #sorry for not drawing a whole lot #my skills went somewhere cause i stop drawing for awhile i wish i could just draw them how i used to #it looked so much better god #art #bnha #my hero academia #mina ashido #sero hanta #bakugo katsuki #denki kaminari #female sero #female kaminari #female bakugo #bakusquad #these are so bad like i could do better i can draw them better #dont talk to me about drawing umbrellas i dont care enough

[einaudis]

ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH

#filmedit #filmgifs #movieedit #moviegifs #All of Us Strangers #aousedit #filmtvdaily #filmtvcentral #cinemapix #fyeahmovies #dailyflicks #mine* #mygifs #movies* #I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene #I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs #and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs #I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning #and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present! #and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow #and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul #I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it #honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever #now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself... #so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it #GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH! #*runs down the hill screaming*

[runespoor7]

I'm thinking about least-carpet's Venn diagram of whether JC ships are about WWX and specifically about mingcheng, and I'm thinking that yes it is about WWX but it's also about NieYao, and I think it could be pretty fun projecting times actually!

So you're a sect leader and you gave preferential treatment to a SIC you trusted really really really a lot and who broke your heart and whom you totally failed to keep in line even after he'd proven how untrustworthy he was. How angry at yourself are you. How angry at someone who made similar yet not identical mistakes as you, and who has the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.

could be fun hatesex and self-hatesex about JGY and WWX. could turn into less than hatesex after JC is hailed as the hero who saved the jianghu from WWX. could end with JC breaking up because he can't deal with NMJ looking at him less like he's trash because he thinks JC killed WWX.

#talking about ships i don't ship #chengxian #at that point in time jc probably wishes his wwx could have been a little more like jgy #the jc redemption arc of caring about family: going from defending Wens (BAD!) to properly avenging your sister (GOOD) #but of course jc failed that latter part so. that doesn't help his self-image #i use the word break up loosely. stops their association fits better. in jc's eyes there is nothing to break up

[schmweed]

#David Tennant #Alec Hardy #Ellie Miller #Broadchurch #my gifs #Ellie just keeps sparing him any direct eye contact outside of serious work-related situations #And he only looks at her when she's looking away #The way Ellie lights up when she realizes what he's saying. #That 'mostly' from him is the kindest most genuine and delightfully playful way of expressing how much she means to him #Love how she lets him know she doesn't believe he lost his phone and therefore her number and yet doesn't give him a hard time abt it #he's too brilliant a detective not to have memorized her number or found a way to say hi #It's just that she probably thinks he didn't care enough #I think Tess gave him an ultimatum -- stop contacting his outstanding Miller if they're going to make this work or Tess won't try #How many times do you think he looked at Ellie's number when he was alone and ached to contact her in any way #Especially given how concerned he was abt her at the end of S2 #But trying to fix the family came first and honestly he's a wonderful human to do that for his daughter's sake #I think he's relieved Ellie would never in her wildest dreams suspect that's why -- but he still wishes he could tell her. #Complicated doesn't begin to cover it. But he decides basking in her presence for their endless hours of work has to be enough. Oh Alec. #Aww. Look at Ellie's beaming face. #I love them so much! <3

[jackoino]

been really into dead games lately

#p4au #persona 4 arena ultimax #persona 4 arena #persona 4 #sho minazuki #labrys #labrys persona #persona #fighting games #been playing someone and he keeps beating my fucking ass w sho. so this is also self indulgent #i wanted 2 do more w this but its just been sitting finished like this forweeks andim not gonna do anything else w it so. puts it here. #i went thru all the trouble of lining it anyways so why not sob emoji #but i actually love these characters so much #labrys worlds first robot from boston i love youuuuuuu #and sho and labby they. holds their dynamic up to the light and rotates it like we are the same and we shattered the same just glued oursel #selves back together differently... but traumabond of having been thru the same fucked up lab shit #sigh #care for eachother in some weird way they empathize..but also not gonna let either stop their goals. #epitome of i wish we could have met under different circumstances :(

[strangerwheelerthings]

I don't know if it's because it's been too long since I last watched Stranger Things, but I genuinely don't remember a happy Nancy scene post Barb...

This is such an interesting thing to think about because it's not as if Nancy looks miserable in most scenes of the show. In fact, she often looks determined and occasionally excited even. She has smiled before, but excitement about progress in a case, something she's passionate about because of Barb, isn't necessarily happiness. So this is something you have to look beyond face value for.

Nancy suffers quite plainly with survivors guilt and with a lot of trauma. She isn't healed from what happened in Season One, and I don't think she even let herself really start until after season three. Not with so much unresolved. She also hasn't had the help she really needs either. However, Nancy has experienced happiness since Barb's death. There are moments she forgets. It’s only healthy that she's not so obessively mired in her misery that she can't have moments to breathe.

It's been a while since I've watched the show, too, so I can't say if there's a Jancy scene where she's just happy. Their get-together scene was very in the middle of Barb trauma, the wake up together scene is very stressed and rushed. Jonathan has been good to her, but all their scenes are a very mixed bag of emotions with happiness not really being the predominant one.

There are three small scenes from season four that come to mind. The first is Lucas's game. Nancy is quite genuinely proud and happy for Lucas in that moment of success. It's such a small shot, but it's one of a few scenes that show us that Nancy cares a whole lot more about Mike’s friends than she ever says.

The second is the scene with the dog, right before the plot plummets Nancy right back into her guilt complex. She's starting to live, and she lets herself be, for just a second, when she steps away from a murder investigation to just play with a dog. This is the first real evidence that her passion for her work is not just about Barb anymore.

The last scene is the officially friends scene with Robin. It's simply a moment of establishing connection, and both girls are just so warm in that moment. It's another sign of Nancy starting to actually heal. She's happy to have a new girl friend, not scared or guilty like she would have been before.

#yeah I gotta be honest I dont know if she had any really happy scenes in season 3 #i know season 2 is sorely lacking #as much as I love exploring Nancy’s trauma she is so much more complex than that #she does see the good in her life even if it's sometimes hard for her to accept #you're right though in that the show doesn't really let her be happy the way i wish she could be #thinking of some scenes took a second as i tried to determine when she even could have been during the seasons #the source of Nancy’s worst pain is also the source of her moments of joy #care for other people #Nancy sees the good in the world and she wants to protect it but she doesn't always feel worthy of taking it for herself #she experiences genuine happiness when other people are happy #and she has moments of pride and determination in season three #but season four really feels like the start of her taking some of that for herself #in the form of keeping robin close by #of stopping to talk to a dog #Robin is especially significant because she keeps her grounded in a moment where she very easily could have been pulled under with - #- reimerging trauma because of Fred and Vecna #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #jancy #ronance #stranger things

[cerise-on-top]

Hiya! May I ask for a fluff alphabet for Price, if you haven't done that already. Since I saw in a recent post you only do 8-9 letters at a time now (which is okay!), may I specifically ask for: A, B, C, F, G, H, N, & Q? Thank you! 💗

Hey there! Sure you can! I've been in the mood to write something for Price anyway, so this came at a good time ^^

Fluff Alphabet for Price

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

On the one hand, he really loves going out to do something with you. Something along the lines of the occasional short hike, taking care of your shared garden or even just taking a stroll through the city, taking in all the sights and finding new ones you weren’t previously aware of. Those are things he likes to do when he’s been home for a while now. However, if he’s gotten home not too long ago then he’d much rather just stay in and sleep a little bit. Will want to cuddle you or just have you be his background noise. Don’t be mad at him if he dozes off while you’re watching a movie together, he’s just extremely tired and needs that rest.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires how resilient you are. Price knows that life isn’t easy, that it always makes an effort to throw one impossible thing after another at you, but you never seem to give up. No matter how rough life gets, no matter how often it knocks you down, you always get up, dust yourself off and continue to smile. Even if it really took its toll on you, you strive to make your life better. Although it may get you down when you’ve had the worst day of your life, you still won’t stay down forever. You do what you can, and that’s what Price loves about you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

When you’re sad he’ll give you a hug, provided you’re okay with it. He’s a very good hugger, his hugs are very comforting and warm. Afterwards he’ll put on your favorite movie or series and watch it with you. If enough time has passed and you still feel down, then he’ll cook something you really like. Although he knows he can’t make the sadness go away forever, he’ll try to temporarily cheer you up. If you need to talk, if you need some advice, he’s also your man. If you have a panic attack then he’ll try to calm you down by taking you to a location with few people. Price can talk for a while if he needs to, so he’ll ask you to focus on his voice. Might also give you a rather simple task to take your mind off of things, such as counting backwards from 100.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

If it’s you, then he would forgive pretty easily, as long as it’s not something too big. If you accidentally knock down a mug he likes, then he might sigh and be annoyed, but he’ll forgive you. If you cheat on him, then he won’t. He’s usually calm and collected, even while fighting. Sure, he could be aggressive towards you and snap at you, but he loves you, so he tries not to. It’s sort of obvious when he is annoyed, his sentences become much shorter and he’ll actively try to get away from you. Won’t yell at you, won’t do any erratic movements either, but if he’s too angry then he’ll simply walk away from you until he’s calmed down.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Yes, he is aware and he is very grateful. How could he not be? You have the patience of a saint when it comes to him. He knows it’s rough to be with someone who is part of the military, he’s away more often than not, but you still decided to stay with him. You cook for him when he’s tired, you draw him a bath when he’s sore, you reassure him when he feels like you deserve better than him. You’re so much more than what he deserves, he doesn’t feel like he could ever repay you for everything you’re doing for him. He tries, though, but it’s never enough. Price could give you the universe and it wouldn’t suffice.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Aside from the obvious, such as military intel, he doesn’t really hide anything from you. Price doesn’t see the point in keeping secrets from you. You’re together, aren’t you? You deserve to know just about anything about him. He might not tell you everything from the get go, but once you’re close enough you can ask him about anything. You wanna know about his time as a private? Sure. How he came to be a captain? Yeah, he can talk about it. Just ask and he’ll likely tell you. But in the same vein he hopes that you trust him enough to tell him just about anything as well.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He doesn’t really use very many nicknames. Just the classic ones, such as “love”, “sweetheart” and “dear”. Sometimes he feels the urge to call you “sunshine”, but he usually represses that since that’s what he’s called his soldiers before. As much as it would fit you, he tries not to bring work home. He likes to call you by your name too, though. But aside from that there’s nothing he really calls you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He can keep calm in just about any situation, so he won’t lash out on you. He has an air of authority to him, so it’s not too often that someone is being a dick to him. And that extends to you as well. Price is a well respected man, so not very many people will come up to you and demand something from you. You, too, will be respected by most people, he’ll make sure of that. Regardless of whether you’re shy and timid or loud and boisterous, no one will bad mouth you. Price can fight, he will protect you. He will also fight for your honor if he needs to. He may have self restraint most of the time, but no one should ever talk badly about his partner.

#cod #cod x reader #john price #john price x reader #I didn't think I'd receive any more requests for the fluff alphabet but I don't mind either #I think a hug from Price could heal broken bones #okay that's an exaggeration but I do believe that his hugs would be so very healing. he's warm he's tall he's strong #what more could you possibly want? I've been talking about hugs again a lot as of late haven't I? but I just can't help it they're so good #I hate it when men touch me but I'll make an exception for some of the cod men. I am just so touch starved #some praise from Price would also make me feel better. just a small “you're doing so good love” and I could keep going #I've also commissioned someone to draw Price for me. once I have the full tf141 set I'll post it #I already asked her to draw Ghost and Soap #now only Price and Gaz are missing #I asked for the four of them with a turtle each. turtles are just such cute and precious little creatures #definitely my favorite animals. I wish I could give one a little kiss on its head. but alas there's salmonella to worry about #anyway Price with a turtle. cute. show stopping. very much needed in my life #I don't care about canon they will be turtle owners and love and care for them. they will build them nice things and take pictures #they send each other unsolicited turtle pictures

[ozlices]

nintendo het baiting w sidon and his fiancee only to pull the gayest shit ive seen in a While by having sidon renew his vows w link (they got married at the end of ruta’s quest in botw. obviously. clearly.) and giving him a power that lets him ‘stay by his side forever’. i see you husbands i am so glad your marriage is thriving. good for them. good for them. they also both have two hands for anyone who wants to pull any nonsense im js. there is room for yona she just has to understand link has held sidon’s heart for years first.

#idk it is just genuinely funny 'oh yeah uh this chara that we never met or heard mentioned in botw has been my childhood friend #and also we are engaged. #anyway so link is my best friend and when he went missing i was so worried i couldnt handle it and i love him the most in the whole world- #and also i wish we could stay together forever and he agreed so i used my sage powers to grant him a piece that lets him do that-' #i love them your honor. sidon tysm for taking such good care of my precious son i trust u and u alone w him in my stead #and ik u take that seriously thank u sidon. my king [bows] #totk #totk spoilers #legend of zelda #botw 2 spoilers #mine #sidlink #nah but fr i completed the water temple a few days ago and havent stopped thinking abt it since i loved it SO much #sidon is my favorite descendant by far bc he loves link just as much as i do so getting to fight w him like that #and having him being there cheering link on and encouraging him sincerely meant the world. #and seeing how far sidon himself has grown and aaaaaaaaaaaaa #im not gonna go into details beyond that bc i dont wanna spoil more than i have but. yes. yes i sobbed my EYES out #at the final cutscene of the story quest for the mission oh my GOSH

[imminent-danger-came]

I think people don't appreciate how much heavy lifting ROTSQ did for both DBK and Red Son's arcs

#like we see here that their main motivations are each other #Like #DBK indulged Red Son's wish to start a food truck #It was also SWK insulting DBK's family that enabled him to you know. Break out of their bindings #Red Son finally got a win #The father son relationship was improved #And like. The moment you help Red Son save his family he is in your court #Literally why he's saving MK and Mei and Sandy in 3x06 (1x10 + ROTSQ did him in) #it's about the like #''not that any of you would care'' to ''you and the noodle boy will stop at nothing to free them'' pipeline #Also why Red Son followed Mei in s3 #idk this is me disagreeing with ''They abandoned the DBF's arcs'' takes #I'm like #no they didn't asdfasfdadsf #We have plenty #And they're side characters #I could talk a lot about the DBF but my tag rants are long enough #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk rant #lmk DBF #lmk DBK #lmk Red Son

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[maddgical-boy]

dunno if this applies to anyone else who was at one point religious or tried to get into it, but a big part of why i simply can't be religious is that my madd makes it so that there is no way to decipher between a supposed message or vision from the gods and my daydreaming brain, so i literally can't trust it

i was religious for all of 3-4 months last year (dabbling in hellenic polytheism specifically) and maybe it's just the Chronic Oldest Sibling Syndrome but it was because i wanted comfort and love and hope from the gods. i was very drawn to and worshipped aphrodite and hermes who in a few myths are lovers and so they were sort of parental to me, but at what point do daydreams of them and me end and messages from them begin? at what point are they sockpuppets of my brain and at what point are they not? who's to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

idk i just don't have anyone in my life who i can talk to about this so tumblr can have it. hee hee

#this goes hand in hand with my natural skepticism. i dont think any religion will ever work out for me #which most of the time im good with and then there's those rare times #where i wished i could wholeheartedly believe that there's gods out there that are watching over me #and want to guide me and help me and care about me #instead of just being some random speck in the universe all alone #especially in parental and/or queer aspects of the gods because. idk. i'm messed up like that #maladaptive daydreaming #madd #immersive daydreaming #religion #hellenic polytheism #mark stops daydreaming for a sec.txt

[hillerska-official]

I'm about to have a birthday as an adult you know what that means!

#its not that i dont wanna get old or anything like that #its just that i spent today alone in bed playing video games and doing homework #and tomorrow ill go to class like normal and i wont get to see any of my friends #and i think about the fact that there was a time when birthdays were so special #when i was little and theyd wish you a happy birthday on the morning announcements #and you could bring in cake or pizza and have a 30 minutr party with your whole class #or when i was a bit older and youd show up to school on your birthday and get fuckin mauled #and you just spend all these years with birthdays meaning something until it just stops #and you're turning 24 and finals season is about to start and you dont even have the time to bake cupcakes to share with friends #and you're the only one who cares #not yr #vent #personal

[bilestat]

.

#I wish I could stop caring as easily as her #but unfortunately my feelings are just going to constantly get hurt over and over forever #when it’s obvious she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do #I’ve learned to stop texting beyond holidays for the most part because it hurts getting disappointed when I don’t get answers #but it really fucking sucks she saw my insta story about my birthday but couldn’t bother saying anything to me #good to know where we stand #but again: idk why I’m surprised when she has not told me directly when she: #moved to my state from the opposite coast #set a wedding date and also got married #and moved a half an hour away from me #had to find that all out from the internet #so why would my birthday matter? lmao I’m an idiot #like at least she’s remembered in past years and does answer on holidays but #she hasn’t texted me first beyond my birthday last year in like two years #anyway wish I didn’t feel like crying rn #personal #to be deleted #and I feel conceited for caring but I know it’s not #and it extra sucks to still be hurt about another ex best friend that ghosted me years ago that shares my birthday so the sadness is just #inevitable #especially when combined with the fact that my dad’s birthday is in five days #so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year

[iamthemaestro]

had a character development moment today where I realized maybe I simply do not have a healthy relationship to classical music anymore

#i always felt terrible about 'losing interest' but it never felt right to say that #partially as a music student but partially because i *love* classical music I always have and I still do #so perhaps it's not that i've lost interest #for lack of a better term i just can't be normal about it anymore #it just. exhausts me #like i wish i could just turn the analysis brain off even for a moment #and just enjoy it #but it's ironic because the analysis brain is a result of the fact that i love it so much #idk. i just want to be able to listen without it feeling like it has to be a source of self-improvement. #without it feeling like an educational endeavor every single time #i love learning about it but if you turn every single interaction you have with a thing into a learning interaction #it does kind of eat away at the fun you have with it if you're not careful #because at a certain point you stop thinking about what you enjoy about it and what you love about it #in favor of what you can glean from it #and like. if you just think about that out of context. that's not a healthy form of love #idk. ironically enough maybe i need to not immediately jump to the score videos #i think i need to just listen to things again #like I don't actually Need to know how they work immediately. that information is going to be there regardless #i can just. try to listen again #idk. very specific problem to have #the things you go through when you spend your life so intensely steeped in one art form #i would be more normal about it if i was less intimate with it in a way. it's a double edged sword #because at least i know it's this thing i carry with me so deeply and so permanently #this thing that has ingrained itself into my very being and the way i think #it's as dangerous as it is wonderful #i just wish i could wield it better #anyway. #composerposting #mine

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful