Tumgik
#i wish i could wear jewelry and chains and such without wanting to shrink into myself because people stare at me for the noise it makes
fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
Text
i wish i could force myself to follow my own advice on expressing yourself the way you'd like to bc it just makes me look like a hypocrite and/or idiot
#dont fucking rb#like. idk. id love to dress how id love all the time but im too much of a fucking coward to do that#my rsd is so fucking bad that it feels like my stomach is being violently ripped from my body every time i get weird looks and its hard -#- to justify making myself happy by expressing myself when it often just makes me feel awful if im not careful#i WANT to have fun with the way i physically express myself. god i want to. but i feel so trapped bc of my awful fucking brain#its so easy for other people and i hate that im genuinely jealous of them. i wanna have fun like that. i wanna make myself happy like that.#i wish i could let myself wear tank tops without feeling anxious bc of dysphoria and acne and scars#i wish i could wear jewelry and chains and such without wanting to shrink into myself because people stare at me for the noise it makes#i wish i could let myself mess with my hair without feeling terrified about going too far#i wish i could play with clothes without feeling guilty for not just sticking to one style#idk!! i know its fucking stupid!! people tell me that im just being an idiot for it!!! i know full well that i am!!!!#but god it feels like im trapped#its such a stupid problem and i should shut up about it but god its bothering me#and this is my blog and i get to say what i want to here#this turned out a lot angrier than i wanted it to. my emotional regulation has been out of wack the past few days.#i wish i didn't get pissed off as easy as i do but oh fucking well ig. this is a rant and im just gonna let myself have this.#delete later
2 notes · View notes
rosethornewrites · 4 years
Text
Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 5
The Admiration of Kagami Tsurugi Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki
Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi’s Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste’s Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo
Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi’s Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we’re all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone’s well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila’s brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit
Summary: The Admiration of Kagami Tsurugi
Notes: The kids are gonna be alright.
AO3 link
Chapters 1-2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
------------
Luka and Adrien’s eyes met after the girls left, and they couldn’t keep from giggling themselves stupid for a bit.
“Thanks for doing this, Luka,” Adrien said when he eventually caught his breath again. “I mean, I know it puts you out a bit.”
That received a shrug. “I really don’t mind. The liar has to be stopped, and if it keeps her from hurting you more, all the better.” He sighed softly. “I wish I’d been able to protect Marinette from her.”
Adrien nodded. “I didn’t expect Lila to get her expelled.”
“She threatened Marinette, as well, don’t forget.”
“What?” His voice sounded hollow to his own ears, and he propped himself up on his elbows. “She what?”
Luka’s eyes widened a bit. “Marinette didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
Adrien thought back on Marinette’s behavior, how she’d started to shrink into herself since Lila had returned to class. She always seemed on edge, jumpy anymore—even before the near-expulsion. If she’d been threatened, no wonder…
“When?” he asked after a moment, letting his head fall back on the sofa cushion.
“She said something about a blinding napkin? I didn’t really understand the context, but…”
He winced. So it had been before he’d given her his stupid advice. He was such an idiot.
“I told her Lila wasn’t hurting anyone.”
Luka gently pushed Adrien’s legs off his lap, then pulled him into a sitting position against his side. “Hey,” he murmured. “You didn’t know. She didn’t tell you. You gave her the best advice you could with the information you had.”
“I still should have… done something. Marinette deserves that much.”
“She isn’t one to demand that sort of thing.” Luka patted his shoulder. “Especially since Lila makes you uncomfortable, and she’s not blind to that.”
Adrien grimaced. “She keeps… touching me. Like she owns me. It’s creepy and invasive and I don’t like it.”
The hand moved away from him then back, like Luka wasn’t sure if this qualified.
“Not you, or Mari, or Kagami. I’m even okay with Chloé. But not her,” he clarified, leaning his head against Luka’s shoulder.
Luka’s hand settled back on Adrien’s shoulder. “Good. The goal is to make you comfortable, not make it worse.”
This was of course the moment Jagged Stone chose to walk back in. “Aw, aren’t you two cute? Time to call the salon, then, get done before the girls get back, yeah? You have a date with dye!”
Luka and Adrien met each other’s gaze and started giggling again.
--
Kagami watched Marinette fidget, a habit she knew from prior interactions was an indication of the girl’s nerves. She often couldn’t help but be impressed by her friend, and this was no different. Clearly Marinette had taken charge to come up with a plan to help Adrien—and had not taken advantage of the situation to become his fake girlfriend.
Which, actually, if Kagami considered, made sense—she would not wish to do that, either. It would be more painful than anything. Marinette had approached the situation wisely.
She was further surprised that they had decided upon Luka as the faux boyfriend, as he seemed to be courting Marinette.
But she had put Adrien above herself, as a true friend would. Truly, Kagami had learned much from her about friendship in their short acquaintance, and she was certain she’d learn more as time went on.
The limo pulled up outside a store that had outfits that looked far more intense than Kagami usually considered viable for her clothing, but in the case of Adrien’s rebellion would likely serve perfectly. She slid out and offered Marinette a hand getting out.
“You’re very kind to help Adrien through this situation,” she noted, hoping to put her at ease. “And I thank you for thinking to include me. I haven’t ever had fun like this.”
The smile she received was almost blinding, and Marinette’s nervousness seemed to dissipate. “I’m glad you’re here, Kagami. It’s always more fun to do a makeover with friends.”
Penny entered the store ahead of them, and Kagami followed with Marinette in tow.
“To be honest, I am not good with choosing clothing,” Kagami admitted. “As a result I often simply wear my school uniform.”
That earned another brilliant smile. “I’d be happy to go shopping with you sometime. Or, I make a lot of my own clothing, and it’d be fun to design something for you.”
Kagami offered a smile in return. “I would be honored to model your designs, Marinette. In the meantime, I look forward to learning as you pick out Adrien’s new look.”
Marinette flitted around the store, choosing several pairs of black jeans, some pre-worn with holes, others with strategic rips or even chains. As the shirt was already taken care of, she looked at different jacket options, eventually choosing one which zipped at a slight diagonal and had a larger silver zipper and fittings. She also selected a black zip-up hoodie with green trim, similar to Luka’s.
Eventually, she made her way to the footwear, seeming torn between a couple of options. Marinette turned to her, holding up two styles. Both were black leather boots that would reach about halfway up Adrien’s calf; the first laced and also had five rather large buckles, and the second not only laced and had three buckles, but were further accented by chains above and below the buckles held in place by fixtures shaped like silver-colored brass knuckles.
“Which do you think, Kagami?”
She was glad Marinette was including her in the process. “Aesthetically, they both seem to have the desired rebellious tone. However, the ones with chains seem a bit impractical, and perhaps too much.”
Marinette nodded, setting aside the pair Kagami had rejected—her opinion, as inexpert as it was, had been valued.
They ended the trip near the jewelry, looking at the various options. A jade-green beaded bracelet caught Kagami’s eye, and when she pointed it out to Marinette it was added to the pile. Marinette found a leather bracelet with a Jagged Stone logo which was also added to the pile.
At the earrings, Marinette paused.
“I know he has pierced ears, since he modeled some of my earrings, but he doesn’t normally wear any…”
Kagami nodded. “Is that not reason for him to do so now?”
“Good point!” Marinette graced her with another smile. “I’m so glad you came with.”
They worked together, and Marinette laughed, her voice ringing out like bells, when she found a pair of black studs with a neon green Chat Noir paw on them. Kagami didn’t quite understand the joke.
“He originally was going to choose Chat Noir’s colors,” she explained. “I guess Chat represents rebellion to him.”
“Ah, so then these are perfect—they allow him to stick with his initial idea a bit.”
Penny was waiting for them, chatting with the clerk, and pulled out Jagged Stone’s credit card without even looking at the price.
“Didn’t take you two long,” she commented as their items were being packaged. “I doubt they’ve finished the dye job yet.”
“Marinette had a vision,” Kagami responded. “She is quite efficient.”
She blushed at the compliment and grabbed two of the bags. Kagami grabbed the third, and they left the store, ready to return to the hotel for the rest of the plan.
63 notes · View notes