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bookofmightylies · 2 years

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Another Life

This story will include themes of child SA, SA, substance abuse, and alcohol abuse. I’ll update any trigger warnings as they come up.

Chapter 3

“I think I’m dying. Is this what dying feels like? Because it feels like I’m dying?” Dani groaned, sitting down on the bench in the park beside Jamie.

“No, you’re not dying Dani.. I mean I’ve never died before but I think that dying feels different then caffeine withdrawal.” Jamie opened her pack of cigarettes and offering it to Dani who took one.

“These menthols?” She asked while fishing in her jacket pocket for a lighter.

“Yeah. They’re the ones with the little ball in the filter that you have to crush.” Jamie handed Dani her lighter just as she pulled her own out of her pocket.

“Oh great, my third ball crushing of the night.” She snorted. Dani light the cigarette and slowly exhaling while crushing the filter between her fingers to create a menthol cigarette.

“Sounds like you’ve had an eventful night. Mines been pretty boring. It’s just been a shit ton of 40 year old men cheating on their wives. It’s kind of nice though, all I gotta do is lie back and they’re coming in 2 minutes from all the excitement.” Jamie chuckled.

“It’s been.. something. That guy is nice though and as strange as it is it’s nice to get out a little bit of my frustration out with him.”

“I thought you said third ball crushing of the night? What was the second?” She raised her eyebrow. Jamie knew who Dani was talking about because he was a regular John of hers.

“The guy’s got two balls.” Dani stated as if it was obvious which made Jamie laugh.

“I think I’m going to grab a coffee before my 5am. I can’t do this no coffee thing anymore. I’m dying. I don’t know why I thought quitting caffeine was a good thing.” Dani checked her phone. It was 3:45 and she knew there was a diner right around the corner from where they were.

“I don’t know why either. Of all the things keeping your body going, you decide caffeine is the first thing you wanna quit?”

“Hey, I like to keep things interesting.” Dani shrugged. “Besides everything else is to fun and… stuff.” She knew she was in way to deep into the party lifestyle to stop everything. Alcohol helped numb her. The coke helped her find the energy her body needed to run on 3 hours of sleep a day and the opioids helped her chill out when her mind got the best of her and the physical abuse she suffered left her struggling to move. Everything else she took was just for fun, and she had no reason to stop. “Want to come with me to this diner I saw around the corner? We can go somewhere warm for a bit and I can drink coffee and then not sleep later.. which makes this plan a bad plan but I’m freezing and don’t have anywhere to be for an hour.”

“I wish. I got some guy picking me up at 4.” Jamie frowned. She would much rather join Dani then spend an hour in a sketchy motel for the 8th time tonight.

“Lame, we gotta starting scheduling our appointments together.” Dani stood up and leaned down to peck a kiss on Jamie’s lips.

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Now that it was the weekend the diner was busier then it had been during the week. She had spent some of the quieter times of the nights using the stage in the diner to practice her dance for her recital but it had been consistently busy tonight with people stopping in the diner for a bite to eat after broadway shows, and club goers. It wasn’t to much of a different scene then during the day when she normally worked but the drunk patrons could get on Santana’s nerves. Now that the clubs had been closed for almost two hours it was slowly emptying out and Santana knew it would be dead again soon. She hoped she could get in some practice, if only to keep her awake because she was more tired then usual tonight.

Santana sighed from behind the counter when she heard the bell chime and was about to go greet their new customer when her shift partner stopped her and said she would get it.

—————————————————

“Sit anywhere you like.” Dani acknowledged the waitress when she entered the diner. Dani took a seat in a booth by the window.

“Hello! My name is Angel. I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Dani smirked at the blonde. It was funny to her that two different jobs could use the same line on customers with two completely different meanings.

“Can I start you off with a drink or do you need a minute to look at the menu?” The question snapped Dani from her thoughts and she quickly scanned the menu. She should eat something and she was hungry but Dani only had enough cash on her for a coffee. Well.. she had other cash on her but she wouldn’t dare touch it because he would know if she short changed him and that wouldn’t have a good outcome for her.

“Just a coffee please.” Dani flashed the girl a smile.

“Coming right up.”

Dani sat back in her booth, enjoying the warmth of the place. Spring was here but on nights like tonight it didn’t feel like it. When her coffee was placed in front of her Dani thanked Angel when her coffee was places in front of her. She grabbed the sugar and poured some in her coffee, then grabbed a few creamers and poured those in before mixing her coffee. She didn’t expect this coffee to be the best she ever had, but it was needed.

With a sigh Dani rest her head in her hand, her elbow on the table. She just wanted to go home and go to bed but she knew that that wouldn’t happen for a few more hours so she hoped the coffee would do it’s job and wake her up. She wasn’t necessarily surprised to see that she wasn’t the only one in the diner, but it was busier in here then she expected it to. Her eyes scanned the restaurant, most people in here looked like they had left a club and were just here to have a place to keep the party going.

“Shit.” Dani felt her heart skip a beat when she continued to scan the diner and her eyes fell on the only other waitress in the diner.

No, no. It’s not her. She just looks like her. It’s 4am Dani, you’re at a diner miles away from Ohio and Los Angeles which is where her and Santana had made plans to run off to after high school. The caffeine withdrawal is just getting to your head. Dani was trying her best to convince herself that she didn’t just see who she thought she saw. There was no way that she did, even though she highly doubted not having coffee for a day and a half could cause hallucinations.. it could have. She had no idea. Okay calm down. Stop freaking out! That isn’t her. You’ve been through this. She’s gone. Dani she’s gone and with where the fuck your life ended up it’s a good thing. Santana was destined for great things and she wouldn’t have deserved to be dragged into all this shit you were. I didn’t either though. She thought to herself, staring down at her coffee that she hadn’t touched yet. Maybe I did? She didn’t though.

Dani shook her head. She didn’t need to be thinking about this right now because the waitress just looked like her, either that or Dani was finally losing it. Just to make sure that she didn’t see who she thought she did Dani took another peek at the waitress, who was laughing at a comment somebody at another table made. That laugh, she would recognize it anywhere. That was Santana.

All the colour drained from Dani’s face. Her mind was racing with thoughts. How was Santana here? Have they lived in the same city for years? Why was she here? Had Santana seen her to and recognized her? No it didn’t seem like it. Dani had a million more questions but she didn’t have time to search her brain for answers because she had to get out of here. Her ex-girlfriend, the one she had planned a whole future with was here in the same diner she was at 4am on a Saturday morning. Dani had to get out of here. She so desperately wanted to go up to her, wrap her arms around her waist and tell her how much she loved her. She couldn’t do that though. The last thing she needed was Santana seeing her like this. She didn’t want her to see the way she was dressed. She didn’t want her to look in her eyes and notice her pupils were the size of saucers. And she definitely didn’t need her putting two and two together and figuring her out before she had a chance to even have one conversation with the woman.

Looking down at the table Dani inhaled a shaky breath. She had to leave. The longer she sat here the more she would want to talk to the woman and Dani couldn’t do that or risk staying and being recognized. Dani knew as painful as it was that she was better off forgetting that this even happened. Dani needed to forget because her life was a mess that Santana didn’t need to be in, not again.

Opening her wallet Dani pulled a $5 bill out and placed it on the table. It was enough money for the coffee, that remained untouched and a generous tip. She tried to get up without drawing attention to herself, not even risking looking in the direction of the Latina while she slipped out the door.

It was taking all of her strength to not break down as she rushed back to the park hoping there would be a familiar face there that she could talk to. When she got back though there wasn’t, it was probably for the best though because she couldn’t break, not here. Dani still had to work for a few more hours to go and she knew exactly what to do to numb her pain.

Dani walked further into the park and knelt down behind a tree, out of view of the road and anybody else she could see. It had been almost five years since she last saw Santana. She didn’t know that it would be the last time when Santana dropped her off that night and what hurt the most was that she didn’t even get to say goodbye. Dani had been forced to leave and she hoped that Santana didn’t think she left because she wanted to or because she didn’t love her anymore because that was so far from the truth. She loved Santana, she still loved Santana. No matter how much she tried to convince herself she didn’t still love her, Dani did. It didn’t matter though. That part of her life was over. Maybe she could convince Jay to let her move cities? That was she wouldn’t be tempted to go back to that diner. Dani shook her head as she sat down. She was getting ahead of herself and for now she just had to shut her brain off and finish her night business as usual.

#dantana #dantana fanfiction #dantana fanfic #glee #glee fanfic #glee fanfiction #santana lopez fanfic #santana lopez fanfiction #santana lopez #demi lovato #Dani glee #naya rivera #Naya Rivera fanfiction #Naya Rivera fanfic #demi Lovato fanfic #demi Lovato fanfiction #another life

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aeslandsong · 9 months

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i'm not drinking coffee anymore. i'm not consuming sugar anymore and i'm trying to avoid most carbs. when i go home, i'll have more control over my diet and yes, i need to become obsessed with diet again to reach babe status. i haven't smoked a cigarette all day so far and they were offered to me and i even said no, so i have willpower again and that's good. i had been cutting it down to like 2 a day anyway over my chain smoking one pack a day habit. i haven't smoked weed in almost a month and i feel a lot better, i'm not even thinking about it. there was literally no point to me smoking at all, i would hardly get high and when i did, it would be like for the length of my cough so yeah. i don't feel like wasting what could benefit other people. i honestly did it for the company and it's like engrained in me to smoke because i've been doing it for so long. funny how i quit in the beginning of july when it became legal but sometimes you just have to focus on other things to make you happy. if you wanna smoke, by all means but it does not mesh well with my mental illness, and it affects my medicine which is what is keeping me stable and keeping me wanting to live. i'm going to take up running again because that made me happy to do recently and i'm going to try my hardest to reach happiness instead of depending on something that just hurts me over helps. hopefully i can eventually be proof that you can improve your well being and mental state if you get proper help. once i leave here, it's up to me to continue doing my best and just learning to say no and stop doing things out of boredom that are damaging me and making me miserable in the long run. i don't want to live with anymore regrets, i just want to move forward and be the best that i can be, which is a sober lifestyle. i went to rehab because of my marijuana abuse and they took me in but i was abusing other things too that i didn't disclose and i'm over it. i got away from what was influencing me and i'm not even thinking "i hope my medicine makes me feel good", and doing bioavailability and eating certain foods that'll affect my meds to achieve ANY type of relief for no reason and generally just being a desperate fucknut that wants to feel good when all i've really wanted over the years was to be free of every substance that i've abused and kept going back to just to cry over the guilt of what my family would think of me and wishing i could be different. i know that i'm still going to have obstacles but i'm going to continue down this path because i think i'm in the right direction for once. nobody likes me on drugs anyway, they make me a shitty person that becomes distant or psychotic and that's because of what goes on in my brain and i dip and isolate myself and it's just NOT WORTH IT. i've done an array of drugs, but marijuana is what ruined my life and sometimes i think about the shitty situations i've been in just because of it. i'm not going to let people manipulate me anymore to get something out of me or make me feel uncomfortable because they have certain intentions. it's a boring lifestyle to me where your friendships can become stale and you just generally don't want to be there. plus nobody liked me on weed anyway and people hated when i asked where i could get some. i'm over it, my life is not controlled by it anymore and i am going to refuse it no matter what. i'm a lot better sober, i don't want to be like... hanging out with a shady person anymore if i'm dry and just waiting and being antsy over it and then them asking to sleep with me or something lol. i'm just thinking about all the money i wasted on it rather than focusing on my health and the way i look. i'm lucky i'm still alive and i'm just going to lead my best life as much as i can until i reach independence. i know a lot of people in my life smoke, if it makes you happy, i'm glad! i hope it benefits you. we're all different. anyway, have a happy day. peace.

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milazka · 4 years

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Fifty shades of Pankow — Rudy Pankow

image found on pinterest

summary: the one where you watch fifty shades of grey with your boyfrend.

request: yes

content: fluff & smut

author’s note: it’s not my favourite one, i was not really in the mood to write smut, but i wanted to post something today so here it is! i hope you all still like it even if it’s short. you can find my masterlist at the end of this post if you feel like reading more of my stuff!

warnings: most of my stories may contain mature themes such as swearing, underage drinking, substance abuse, sexual language and scenes, fights and more. also, i do not intend to be offensive towards anyone who reads this blog, if anything written can be perceived as hurtful to any community or person, i apologize, it was never my purpose while writing it.

word Count: 1305.

2020 was supposed to be your year. It was the year where your very first Netflix series was going to be released and the one you were supposed to move into a cozy apartment in Los Angeles with your boyfriend Rudy that you had met through the show. It was supposed to be a year to remember, but the global pandemic had turned everything upside down. Fortunately, you had made some wonderful friends on the set of Outer Banks so when the quarantine happened, you all decided to stay in your little apartments in the building where you all lived during the shooting of the show in Charleston. It was the best way to stay sane during this difficult time. So here you are, two weeks into quarantine, looking for a good movie on Netflix to watch with your lovely boyfriend.

“What about Fight Club?” he proposes, remembering that you once said in an interview that you had the biggest crush on Brad Pitt.

“Nah, I’ve seen it to many times.”

“Okay, hmm, what about The good dinosaur?”

“You want me to cry like a baby? If so, yes we can watch it, but bring me a lot of tissues,” he sighs and you chuckles when you see that he switch to the next movie on your list.

“You have Fifty shades freed on your list?” he says looking at you with wide eyes and raised brows. “And you already watched it?!”

“Yeah, I watched it with Maddie and Bailey,” you shrug. “Wanna watch it?”

“Hell yeah!” he wiggles his eyebrows and you laugh, lying your head back on his comfortable chest.

Rudy is lying on your bed, his back leaning against the headboard so you can settle in between his legs, your back pressed against his torso that rise and fall at a steady pace. Every time you listen to a movie together, he places you like this so he can hug you in his arms because God knows that man is a big fan of cuddles! His arms are embracing your waist covered by one of his band shirt and you can see, from the mirror in the corner of your room, that he has his eyes fixed on the screen when Anastasia takes off her bikini top.

“Hmm, if you had done that when we went to Portugal, I don't think I would have controlled myself and fucked you straight on the beach,” his fingertips brush your soft skin, covering it with goose bumps while he whispers to your ear with his raspy voice.

You can't help but blush when Christian takes Ana against the shower wall and Rudy's body stiffens beneath you, his hands now wandering under your sweater, drawing shapes on your bare stomach. Rudy being Rudy, he's not wearing a sweater and you can feel his warm skin against your back when he lifts your t-shirt up a little bit. He cups your breast with his big hands, pinching your nipples between his thumb and index until he makes them hard. His right hand slowly goes down to the hem of your black shorts, playing with it. Your breath hitch when you feel his hand sliding in your short and rest on top of your clothed heat.

“Want me to stop, baby?” he whispers to your ear, his warm breath crashing against your neck.

“God no, please… I need you,”

You can feel him smirk on your neck as he drops open mouth kisses on your burning skin. He starts teasing you with his fingers, rubbing them against your already damp panties. Rudy loves to tease you until you beg him to do something and you know that if you don't ask him to please your burning core with his fingers, he won't.

“Baby, I need your fingers now,” you beg him. “Your wish are my command, pretty girl,” he smirks, the sight of you imploring him turning him on in no time. He brings his fingers to your mouth and makes you suck them before finally sliding one finger between your dripping folds. A soft moan escape your mouth at the so desired contact and you drop your head on his shoulder, tilting it to the side so he can see your face while he pleases you. He presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing it in figure eight shapes. Electric jolts are sent through your body when he slips one of his finger inside you and you can’t manage to keep moans of his name inside your mouth. The feeling of your wetness glistening on his fingers and your inner thighs makes him grunts and he can feel his cock getting tight in his black boxer.

“You take my fingers so well,” Rudy praises you when he pushes a second finger into you, his thumb still working on your little ball of nerves. He increases his pace while sucking and biting the skin of your neck. A warm feeling builds up in your stomach and your breath hitch, making him apply more pressure on your clit.

“Are you gonna cum for me, pretty girl?” he asks, his fingers disappearing in you at a high pace. You only moan as a response and feel the wave of pleasure running your body from head to toe, your nails lightly scratching Rudy's thighs under the warm and overwhelming feeling. You haven't even come down from your high yet that he's grabbing you by the waist and makes you straddle his lap, on of his hand firmly pressed on the back of your neck. His lips take possession of yours in a fiery kiss and you steady yourself by grabbing his muscled shoulders. He keeps kissing you, his tongue slipping between your soft lips that taste like peaches. Rudy pins you down on the mattress and lays above you, grinding against your sensitive core. The feeling of his clothed cock hitting you still sensitive clit makes you whine. You can feel his hard bulge pressing against your warmth so you do not wait any longer and slip your hand inside his boxer. You give his cock a few strokes before he takes off his boxer and strip you out of your damped panties from your previous orgasm.

“Ready to take Rudy Jr, baby?” he asks you, lining his hard cock up with your entrance.

“Fuck yes,” you whine and he easily slides into your already stretch walls. Every moan that you let out against his lips make him trust deeper into you, hitting a sensitive spot that makes you see stars. He praises you among the moans, telling you how much he likes to see you taking his cock so well.

“I’m close,” he grunts, resting one of your leg on his shoulder. The change of position makes him reach your g-spot which switch your moans to little screams of his name that turn in him on even more. You dig your nails into his biceps as little waves of pleasure spread inside your body when he starts to rub your clit with two fingers. You reach your climax, seeing white for a few seconds and clenching hard around him as he releases his cum inside you, moaning your name.

Rudy lays down besides you, covering both of your body with a blue blanket. You wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his still fast-rising torso. He kisses the top of your head and intertwine your fingers. Sex with Rudy is amazing and so is the after sex. He always likes to hold you in his arms as you slowly drift to sleep, serotonin flowing trough your veins.

“I love you, pretty girl. You’re the best thing that happened to me this year,” you smile and kiss him tenderly. “Uno reverse card, lover boy.”

─── °• ❀ ───

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windandwater · 3 years

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so I started adderall and hoo boy. lemme tell you. what a wild feeling, in so many ways, but especially right now where I’m like “I’m not doing anything shouldn’t I be panicking” and my brain is like “no. you have a lot to do. but you’ve also been working really hard. so it’s okay to take a break for a few minutes” and I BELIEVE MYSELF??

WOW

anyway here’s some stuff under the cut about it because I can’t believe how well this is working out.

background: I’m hypoglycemic. one big reason I decided to do this was, I was having this issue where I get depressed if I don’t eat sugar. I was eating sugar to feel joy. I am at risk for diabetes but even if I wasn’t this is not...great. I’ve always had to watch my blood sugar and I’ve always been careful about what I eat but in recent years, the amount of actual dessert/candy I eat has gotten mildly out of control and my doctors have told me to watch my sugar and I just...wasn’t able to.

one of my coworkers who is also not-neurotypical and as such knows her shit, told me that this whole “sugar to feel joy” thing is an ADHD symptom. I knew I had ADHD (I’d been diagnosed in high school) but wasn’t being treated for it, but had never been told this was a symptom, and at that point I was like, you know what, fuck this, I can’t get my health under control on my own if I’m not being treated for my mental health as well. I’m talking to my psychiatrist about this.

so I did. enter adderall. and now I wanna talk about it because it’s been FASCINATING and I am all about brain medication when you need it. so here goes!

also I live-tweeted my first 24 hours on adderall because it was SO WILD and I’m so glad I did even though I have three (3) followers, more on that in a minute

(me: I can’t tell if it’s working, it’s supposed to kick in in 30 minutes but--wait I think my brain just went bOOP

coworker: is bOOP good?

me: it’s WEIRD)

the good

Y’ALL THE SUGAR THING WORKED IMMEDIATELY. oh my god I was stunned. absolutely stunned. I still absolutely have a sweet tooth and enjoy eating sweets but I can eat a normal amount, at normal times, and not because I need to feel something. it’s because I want to eat something sweet. I can’t believe in 24 hours I went from complete inability to control myself to just...not having to. brains!! who knew!!!

I focused on an entire conversation the entire time. the entire time. I was even very stressed because my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat, but I was able to put that aside because I knew I could deal with it when the conversation was over! WHAT THE HELL!

since then it hasn’t been that easy because conversations are, quite frankly, often very boring, especially for work. but it’s easier to focus when I need to, and not zone out halfway through or have to do something else in order to focus. or start stressing/thinking about other shit that doesn’t matter. I can listen to what people are saying!!! for an hour! it’s crazy!!!

I wasn’t tired all day! this is also part of the bad. you’ll see.

I feel more in control of my days now, and less like time is speeding by at a rate I don’t and can’t comprehend. I’ve gotten fairly good at planning out and prioritizing my time anyway, but now it’s like...better. and easier.

executive function is online, and as I alluded to, no more self-guilt-tripping if it takes me a minute to get to things. they’ll still get done! it’s okay! if I don’t do something right away I will still do the thing! I have years of experience parceling tasks into small pieces so I do them, but less so with not still getting on my own case about not doing them right away.

if I don’t have music or a podcast playing at all times, I can still focus on work. it’s still pretty nice, it’s just not absolutely necessary. this is throwing me off hardcore but it’s kind of nice to be able to be in silence occasionally.

I can still multitask but if I’m NOT multitasking I don’t feel like I’m going insane, and also, I don’t feel like my brain is hanging by a thread at all times that might break and cause everything to explode.

a tweet I made: “I was researching something and when I got frustrated I kept at it and didn't have to go take a break to do something equally frustrating and pinball back and forth between them until they both got done. I might have just been weaponized? “

it’s true. researching/looking stuff up is one of my skillsets and...I’ve been weaponized.

the bad

my appetite is allll fucked up. we’re adjusting the type of medication I’m on to try and mitigate this but wow it’s an appetite suppressant and wow that’s not okay when you’re hypoglycemic and have to keep your blood sugar up.

my sleep is also fucked up. anxiety keeps me from falling asleep and I’d gotten to a good place re: falling asleep at night. however I was also in a very bad place re: sleeping constantly (sleep apnea? quarantine depression? who knows!). but waking up constantly during the night ain’t the solution, chief. so we’re also adjusting to see if we can do something about that.

regarding that: the first night, I literally just did not get tired. it was very upsetting. if I hadn’t tweeted about it I would’ve had an out and out panic attack, but one of my friends talked me off the ledge, telling me she had the same experience when she first went on it. I was not warned and I wish I had been. I was still able to sleep (she wasn’t, when it happened to her) but hoo boy. no thank you.

pharmacies like to babysit you when you’re on controlled substances. ugh.

more shit to keep track of. ughhhhhhhhhhhh

unfortunately, I had a hard time finding mainstream resources for this stuff online. I’ve read a lot from tumblr and heard from other people’s experiences, but when I went looking for, say, information on adderall & sleep...a lot of it is related to addiction. I had a similar problem with ADHD & sleep: I wanted to know more about whether ADHD can make you really tired like I was, or whether it was just an insomnia type of thing, and there just wasn’t a lot out there. this isn’t really a problem with the drug, but like...it’s a pain when you really want to learn more about something, aren’t in a place to talk to your doctor yet, and are just left to the wind with the mainstream internet assuming you’re abusing a substance.

definitely also felt like I had to lay the groundwork with my doctor...I had been planning to talk to her about this for a while, so I mentioned my ADHD diagnosis early on so I could bring it up at some point and not just out of the blue ask her for meth. this stuff is hard.

(not making a statement of any kind of recreational drug use/addiction, just...I hate the US medical system. a lot. everybody loses.)

so that’s how it’s going! sorry for the long post, but I did want to document this somewhere besides twitter, and maybe some of y’all are interested.

oh also, my other favorite thing that happened is my doctor said to try to keep track of when I take the medication and it wears off, and I literally told her that that would also be a good marker of whether or not it’s doing its job, because in my natural state I literally cannot remember to do that, with anything, ever. and I did! I managed! WILD

anyway end the stigma. ♥️

#adventures in text posts #adhd blogging #mental health

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nev3rfound · 5 years

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when the party’s over : t.s

brief summary: tony taking care of you after an incident during a night out with natasha and sam

requested: nope, but requested pieces are coming! word count: 1.1k warnings: substance abuse - very slight and mentioned briefly

* requests are open if you have any ideas, feel free to drop ‘em in my inbox or message me. *

Dragging you through the compound your laughter had long died down. “What happened to her?” Natasha mutters angrily to Sam who shrugs his shoulders, lifting your arm back up as it slumps down.

“I told you, she was fine when I went to get you.” He spits back over you to Natasha who shakes her head in disbelief.

You were completely out of it. When Natasha and Sam had found you in the bar you were delirious, a big grin on your face that was bearing towards a grimace. Sam had never seen your pupils so dilated, so much laughter but fear rising in your expression.

Whatever you had taken quickly died down, leaving you completely numb as they escorted you out of there as fast as they could for your own safety. “Whatever happened, no one can know.” Natasha states and Sam nods in agreement.

“Why’d we leave the party?” You slur your words as you pout up to Natasha who scoffs lightly. “I wanna dance you guys!” Raising your voice you force yourself from your friends, falling over nothing as you smack your face on the cool marble flooring.

“Come on, Y/n.” Sam mutters as he reaches down to help you up, unaware of the blood around your nose as you had hit the ground.

Light footsteps came through the hallway until Natasha swore under her breath. Sam had a hold of you lightly in his arms as Tony stood before the three of you, his arms crossed as he glared to you all.

That was until he saw your face.

He noticed the blood falling from your nose as tears lined your cheeks. Pain evident in your eyes as you forced a smile to him. “Hey Tony, we in trouble?” You stammer as you glance back to Sam who wears a straight face.

“Is she okay?” Tony steps forward as his muscles are burning with fury as Natasha shakes her head. “What. Happened.” He clenches his jaw as he lightly takes a hold of your arm from Sam, looking at you with such concern you won’t even remember.

“She took something. We, we were gone for a split second.” Sam stuttered, but Tony lifted his hand, not wanting to hear any more.

“I’ll take care of her.” Tony speaks up as you limply lean against him, dyeing his white shirt crimson. “We’ll talk in the morning.” He exchanges a final glance with Natasha and Sam before walking slowly with you back towards your suite.

Sam lets out a heavy sigh whilst Natasha remains silent.

“She going to be okay?” Sam asks Natasha as they walk down the long corridor, the sight of Tony and Y/n long gone.

“She’s with Tony, I wonder more so if he’ll be okay.” She jokes and Sam doesn’t respond. “Oh come on.” She laughs lightly, but Sam merely shrugs his shoulders.

The shared looks between Tony and Y/n weren’t subtle but remained unspoken between the pair. He was always going to look out for her, and she would always be there for him.

As Tony helped you towards your suite your words were becoming more nonsensical by the minute. He tried to ignore them and focus on ensuring you were okay. Yet here you were, leaning on him for once rather than brushing him off. You were always denying yourself of accepting his glances, telling yourself they meant nothing. But to Tony, it meant more than you understood.

“And then I saw my drink fizz and he told me to drink up.” You mumble as you reach for your door, still unable to keep yourself upright and Tony’s hands go straight for your waist, keeping you balanced.

A laugh escapes your lips as you turn back to face Tony, a small distance between the two of you as his brows furrow. “He, he spiked your drink?” He tries to control the venom in his tone, but when you nod he can feel his blood pumping like fire through his veins.

“He told me pretty girls do as they’re told.” You shrug your shoulders as you lock eyes with Tony. “And I wanted to feel pretty.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Y/n,” He whispered as the door clicked and you wandered inside as you swayed from side to side until you fell onto your bed. “you don’t believe that, do you?”

Lifting your head up he can see the sorrow in your eyes as fresh tears replace the old. “I guess I do.” You mumbled. “I wanted to feel wanted, even if it was temporary.” Bringing your legs close to your chest faintly you could hear what you were saying.

Stepping forward Tony sat down on the edge of your bed, causing it to dip ever so lightly. “Please don’t ever say that.” He states as he lifts his head up, his eyes focusing on your exhausted face. “You’re always wanted, Y/n. Fuck, I wish I could explain.” He sighs loudly as he rises to his feet, your eyes carefully watching him. “I will always want you, Y/n.”

“You don’t have to be nice because I’m wasted, Tony.” You sigh as you lie down, burying your head into your pillow as the tears fall along your nose, dripping across to the pillow with a light patter.

“I’m not.” He speaks up before lying down across from you, making you see him. “If I was I wouldn’t tell you that you make me laugh by pulling those dumb facial expressions. Or when you dance around you make me want to join in. Or the time you managed to move Thor's hammer with your telekinesis I never felt more attracted to you. Or when you first joined I was in awe of you.”

Every single word is true, but you won’t remember them.

Tony places his hand on your cheek as you struggle to keep your eyes open and you move closer into him. “Tony?” You whisper as you hide your face in his neck. He mumbles in response as you lift your eyes up. “Will you tell me this in the morning? I think sober me could use it.”

Chuckling softly he nods, kissing your forehead as your eyes close.

Once he knows you’re fast asleep he lets you slip out of his embrace. No matter how badly he wants to stay, let you sleep in his arms like he always imagined he couldn’t. He would break you, and he couldn’t let it happen.

So Tony did what Tony does best.

He let you forget.

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sweetlittlevampire · 4 years

Text

Okay, let me - let me just reiterate this here, just to get these thoughts out of my head -

(Mentions of alcohol abuse, other substance abuse + physical/psychological abuse, and death mention under the Read More. Read at your own discretion.)

I seem to have a problem with drunk people in general, and sometimes - but very rarely - in fiction. And that’s okay, because confronting them in fiction might actually be able to help me confront them again in real life.

See, I’ve talked about this numerous times on here, but I’m not sure if I ever outright said it, and if you’re new here, you might not know this, but - my father died in 2008. Drank himself to his grave.

Addictive tendencies run in our family. My father’s sister also has a history with alcohol addiction and abuse, but unlike him, she was able to recognise her problem, and get help. After a very long time in therapy and still frequent visits to a therapist, she’s now over 70 and hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol since she was 57.

With her son, it was drug addiction and abuse. He went to therapy too. With me, it’s...similar. I had a stretch during my teens where I was so close to becoming addicted to a certain kind of pills - my girlfriend actually noticed and helped me. Never touched them again, but it was a hard way to get there.

My father, according to his two siblings, exhibited a penchant to drinking far too much already in his teenage years. He also exhibited severe anger management issues back then - he wrecked a door once because he was angry at his mother, and these European wooden doors we have are pretty sturdy.

He seemed to have behaved himself while he and my mother were dating - even my grandmother affirmed that he was exemplary. My mother wanted to get married, and to have a ton of kids, and my grandmother was delighted by the idea of her youngest son becoming a husband and father.

My father never wanted to marry or to have kids...but he desperately wanted to please his mother. And because he was old-fashioned, the idea of divorcing my mother after a certain time was absolutely out of the question; her divorcing him even more so. Turns out it would have been the best thing for everyone involved.

He nearly died from health complications shortly after they got married and was physically unable to look after me for a number of years. My mother was working full-time up to 1994, I believe, when she got her MS diagnosis. I spent most of my days at my grandmother’s; those were some of my happiest moments during childhood. My grandmother was more of a mother to me than my mum herself, who always tried her best and is still trying, but is hindered by illness and her own less-than-stellar experience with her own mother.

So my father began drinking again when I entered high school at age 12. At first it was a glass of red wine over lunch, so nothing special. It increased more and more; shortly before he died, alcoholic beverages were the only thing he consumed. If we refused to buy him some, we would face beatings, being choked, being threatened with knives, and verbal threats and abuse.

Fear makes you do the weirdest things, things you wouldn’t possibly do as a rationally thinking person.

I was used to the abuse. He told my mother he never wanted kids when I turned fourteen (he had a talent for hiding things very well), but he never hid it from me. I always knew that I was unwanted by him, and worthless and useless to him. He reminded me of it every day,

My mother...she tried, but stress made her illness flare up, and there’s only so much you can do when parts of your body stop functioning and your mental health plummets. My father, besides being very talented at hiding things, also had a way of presenting himself in the best way possible to the outside world, so whenever we tried to speak up, no one would believe us.

(My high school headmistress and the deputy headmistress knew, and they believed me. However I never went to them to seek out help - I was too afraid - so there wasn’t much they could do.)

So when he died - and he died very suddenly - it was very weird. To my mother and me, it was instant relief. We would have never wished death upon him - I prayed thousands and thousands of times that he would - you know, just pack his things and leave, but die? That was something different entirely. Still, we had to tell his mother that her youngest son had passed. Had to endure shame and criticism when neither of us two was able to cry at his funeral. Had to hide that we were actually feeling better in the months after his passing.

My mother doesn’t talk about it - I know that she is bitter. She has lost her belief in love; every healthy and happy relationship is doomed to fail in her eyes, because her own was so miserable. It’s really sad.

For me it is - I used to flinch and get scared when someone in my vicinity raised their voice in anger. I sometimes still do when I’m feeling unwell and/or if I’m sleep-deprived. When I’m with people and two of them start fighting? Literal hell. I speak to someone and they don’t instantly reply? My brain goes into the “Oh no I’ve annoyed them look at you you made them angry now they hate you and never wanna talk to you again”-mode (I’ve gotten better at that one over the years, but sometimes it’s still hard). I slide into showing off the things I can do, not because I want people to acknowledge how great my talents are, but because my brain is begging “Please say you like it, that I didn’t do this in vain, please say it means something, that it isn’t worthless, that I am not worthless” - I am still struggling with that one.

Now drunk people - not too long ago I witnessed two friends getting drunk for fun here on tumblr and blogging while doing so, and my brain instantly was torn between yelling at them to “please stop, you’re going to get addicted and then you can’t stop anymore and then you are going to die, and I don’t want you to die because I love you”, and “Oh God, just don’t say anything because if they notice you they will come for you and yell at you and hit you and punish you-” . yeah, it was unpleasant. I had no idea it would trigger me so much until it did.

Usually when I encounter drunk characters in a movie/on TV, or while reading, it’s fine because I can put some emotional distance between me and them. Today I read a piece of fanfic featuring a drunk character for only a few paragraphs, but the way they behaved and spoke and carried themselves was so reminiscent of my father that I could smell the beer and wine off them while reading. It was intense.

I love this fic, and I know this character won’t be drunk for the entire thing. And it made me realise that I won’t be able to avoid drunk people for my whole life. I’ve encountered a few of them in the years after my father’s passing, especially when I was out and about later in the evening or at night; most of them minded their own business, were occupied with trying to stand straight, or even singing loudly. Absolutely no threat to me, and yet I was so afraid to just walk past them.

People are allowed to get drunk. Not every drunk person is addicted to alcohol. Not every drunk person constitutes a threat to me. Hell, not every person addicted to alcohol constitutes a threat to me. I might stay cautious for the rest of my life and consume not more than a glass of alcohol per year, but I have to learn that yes, drunk people exist. Yes, people I love might get drunk sometimes. No, they probably won’t automatically punch the living daylights out of me just because they’re drunk.

I’ve reread that piece of fanfic again, and - it’s still vivid and hits home, but it’s...not as bad anymore.

What I might be trying to say is: trigger warnings are important. Use them if you need them. In my particular case, this is something a trigger warning cannot shield me from in real life. This is a fear that I’ll have to face one day or another, and while I won’t be seeking out media depicting (severe) alcohol abuse, I do think that confronting my fears through fic, within that safe environment, might actually be helpful to me personally. I can always stay away from it if I recognise that it does more harm than good.

That took a detour, wow.

#Sweet is rambling #tw: death mention #tw: abuse mention #tw: alcohol abuse mention #tw: substance abuse mention #you don't actually have to read this #it's just - sometimes it feels good to just talk about it you know?#Even if it's just to the nothingness of the internet

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who-is-olivia · 4 years

Text

Track 2. Sign of the Times

Harry Styles x OC

Harry meets Olivia and slowly falls in love in the cold London evening. [4.4k]

Genre: fluff

Warnings: substance abuse

March 2012

“Hey Oli, he’s here” Frank calls over the bar stools and Oli descends from the stage. Uncle Jim’s bar is still closed, so it gives the band some privacy to talk along with their manager, Uncle Jim.

“How was the meeting?” she asks Jim, who struggles to walk on his cane and sits on a chair with a thud.

“It was great, they’re really interested in the EPs and the live performances” Olivia smiles encouragingly towards Frank, Gina and Fiona. “But they have a few contingencies”

“What sort of contingencies?” Fiona cuts anxiously.

“Well, after they studied the material you gave, they want to test you out as an opening act for a British band that’ll debut in America this year, they think you hit the same target demo so it’s a no risk deal” he begins, throwing his sunglasses over the table. “However, you’d have to agree to change your image to become more in-sync with the band, and I won’t sugarcoat this... they want to change a lot”

“Like what?”

“Like Frank’ skirts, for a start”

They all protest, except for Frank. “Ok, I’ll do it”

“What?!”

“Guys, it’s a recording deal that already comes with a tour in America, can you imagine how big we’ll get?” he shifts in his seat excitedly, “So what if I can’t wear the skirts on stage, I’ll deal with that later”

Gina taps her nails on the wood agitatedly, “What do you think, Jim? Is it a good deal?”

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s way better than Dirty Hit. It’s hard for an act to get a deal this good so early in their career, I think you should take it”

“Right, then that’s all we need to hear” Frank gets up and pats Jim’s shoulder on his way to the bar. Gina and Fiona follow his steps, getting ready to open the establishment while Olivia stays put, still uneasy.

“I don’t like this”

“I imagined you wouldn’t, but it’s a really good deal, I wish I had one of those when I started”

“I understand, it’s probably good for our first album and stuff but changing the image to suit another brand? I mean, who are we opening for?”

“It’s a boyband called One Direction, they’re getting big in the UK, chances are they’ll get big here and you’ll want to ride that wave when it gets here” he gets up, leaning on the chairs. 40 years touring with a rock band did take its toll on him – that or the drugs.

Later, after their night shift, the four of them make their way back to the Columbia University dorms. Winter is just starting, but it’s still tolerable to walk the streets at night.

“This time next year we’ll have a flat each, imagine that” Fiona taunts Frank.

“Fuck, I wanna live in SoHo” he cries.

“Guys, do you really wanna do this?” Oli lights up a cigarette and frowns uncomfortably, “I checked the band today, they’re pretty clean cut, if we have to live up to that...”

“I checked them too, they seem nice” Fiona replies, taking a drag of her cigarette.

“Oli, you can’t judge someone you never met” Frank turns to her and hugs her shoulders. “Tell you what, we’re going to London next week to sign with the label, we should hit ‘em up and hang out, I bet you’ll change your mind”

On the other side of the Atlantic, Harry’s laying on his couch scrolling through Twitter when Louis walks in with Eleanor after a romantic night out.

“What’s up, curly?”

“Nothing much, hi Els!”

“Hi!” she says slightly before she and Lou disappear in his bedroom.

He drops the phone in his chest and stares at the ceiling. His ears are filled by their muffled giggles and whimpers, the thuds and thumps of two people who are clearly about to fuck. It kills him that not so long ago they were both moving in together and throwing house parties. At one of those occasions, when they were both hammered, Louis pulled him into that same bedroom and kissed him playfully.

Harry didn’t take it playfully. It was no secret that he had a massive crush on his bandmate and when given the opportunity he took it further. So he slammed Louis against the wall and went down on him, taking that first step to explore his sexuality more than he ever did before, but it stopped there. The next morning Lou said he was just messing around, it wasn’t anything serious. And now here he is, fucking his girlfriend a few steps away from where he lays. He can’t stand it. So he takes his car keys and leaves, opting to sleep at Zayn’s place.

Every night is the same, he sleeps at a friend’s to avoid getting his heart slammed under a rock when Lou and Els come back to the flat. One afternoon, he’s getting ready to go to Niall’s when Lou returns alone and on a rush.

“Where are you going?”

“I was just going to Niall’s”

“Niall’s coming with us to meet the opening act” he explains, changing his used shirt for a new one, “did you forget?”

“Uh... absolutely”

“Then come on, we’re late already”

As they rush out, Oli drags her getting ready ritual for as long as she can. She decides to make a very complicated beehive bun with her havana twist braids, putting all her rings in there, finishing up with a heavy smokey makeup. By the time she’s ready to go, Frank’s very irritated. All he did was to put on a dress and a leather jacket.

“Why the long face?” she taunts.

“I know what you’re doing and it’s not nice” he sits behind her with those angry puppy eyes.

“Frank-“

“You’re trying to make an impression and the way you’re doing it might make us lose that deal” he interrupts.

“I would never make us lose the deal, I know how important it is to you” she holds eye contact trying to convey how genuinely she means it. Frank is more than just her brother, he’s her best friend and the only family who hasn’t given up on her, she doesn’t take this lightly. “I do not, however, think you’re looking at the bigger picture, but I can’t just fuck this up, not when I know what’s in stake”

“Alright, come on, make peace” he reaches his arms to her and pulls her to a hug, slowly tumbling her over the bed.

She panics, “Frank, no! My hair!”

“Fuck your hair, I’m trying to make peace here” he laughs it off.

The One Direction boys are the first to arrive at the Clarance, a cozy little pub over at Trafalgar Square. Fiona and Gina arrive next, taking the seats closer to Zayn and Niall. Harry seats a bit distant, still very much immersed on his Twitter feed.

“Where’s the dude with the skirts?” Liam asks them playfully.

“He’s coming with Olivia”

“Who’s Olivia?”

“His sister” Fiona begins, “and they don’t look very much alike so please, don’t ask many questions, they get a bit embarrassed about it”

Harry frowns but ultimately lets the subject fade. He orders a second beer at the bar and when he gets back to the table he’s faced with the late guests greeting everyone from afar. The man in a dress sits closer to everyone in the table, leaving him and the woman in the furthest corner. It’s true, they don’t look exactly alike: Frank is as pale as snow while Olivia’s skin is really dark, but closely examining their faces he can see some similarities like the eyebrows, the chin and the pitch black eyes that don’t seem to absorb any light at all. However, her eyes are the last thing he notices when she sits in front of him.

She looks... intimidating, if he can say so. From hair to toe every bit of her seems meticulously crafted in an over-the-top way that makes her look like royalty, both in its beauty and its exclusivity. He feels like there’s a wall around her he can’t breach, even her posture communicates so. And she’s quiet but not meek, just commensurate. The only time he hears her voice is when she orders her drink then when she thanks the waitress. He’s too intimidated to talk to her but at the same time he can’t focus on anything else.

The table seems agitated in conversation, except from the two of them who’re too distant to take part in any subject, so he tries to take that opportunity and talk to her. At first he stutters but she doesn’t notice, so he tries again.

“You like London?” he asks.

She takes a second to answer, not noticing that the question is directed to her. “Oh, yeah, just a bit too cold and grim for my taste”

“I know, thought the same when I first came here”

“Where are you from?”

“Cheshire, it’s a small farm city, you probably never heard of it”

She chuckles, “I’ve actually been to Cheshire a few months ago”

“No way”

“I went to record some vocals, meet with some friends and stuff. It’s a nice place”

“And you? Where are you from?”

“I’m from the most beautiful city in the world, and I say this in the most unpretentious way” she mocks, biting on her tongue playfully and capturing his attention. “Guess?”

“Hm... Havana?”

“No”

“Fuck’s sake, hm... LA?”

“LA is hideous”

“I don’t know, you don’t have an accent” she laughs at his distress.

“Rio”

His drunken mind struggles to recall where Rio is, but he knows it to be somewhere in the coast of Brazil. “Oh... that’s nice, isn’t there where the Christ statue is?” he asks mimicking the open-arms stance and bumping into Liam.

She giggles out loud for once, “Yeah, that’s the place”

As they continue, the rest of the table becomes less important than their well humored chatter. Slowly, that unreachable facade starts to crumble as he finds talking to her as easy as breathing. He stops at the second beer and forgets to order anything else as he’s entertained by her stories about the band, Rio and her Uncle Jim.

“I’ll just have a smoke outside, do you...?”

“No, but I’ll come with”

They get their coats at the door and stand outside as she lights a long slim hand-rolled cigarette, blowing the smoke away from him.

“How long you’ll be staying?”

“We leave tomorrow, Frank and I were thinking about getting matching tattoos in the morning”

“Can I ask you something that’s absolutely none of my business and if you don’t want to-“

“Just go for it” she cuts.

“Alright... what’s the deal with you and Frank?”

“Oh...” her smile slowly fades and her eyes fall to the ground.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, your friend said you might get embarrassed and I really shouldn’t have asked-”

“No, it’s ok, it’s just kind of a long story” she dismisses, “and most times people aren’t as careful as you, specially with the whole skin color thing”

He nods understandingly. “I see”

“Well, what’s going on is that our dad knocked up two different women at the same time: his wife, who had Frank, and his mistress, who had me. My mom raised me in Rio with her family, she never told me who my father was until he came to see me and he brought Frank. I swear to you I never gave two shits about my father, but-“ she chokes, getting a bit emotional, “but they didn’t let me see Frank, and I just love him more than anything in the world. So my parents made me choose and I chose Frank” she smiles briefly, regaining her posture. “Sorry, I just don’t like to tell this story”

“It’s ok” he tries to soothe, “I have a sister, she’s in college so I haven’t seen her in a while. When we lived at my mum’ she used to drive me crazy, she was so fucking boring with her books and her clever stuff and her bloody cupcakes, now I miss her like crazy. Last month I got a tattoo with her name in Hebrew”

“Why Hebrew?”

“‘Cause it looks like a drawing” she snorts a laughter through her still constricted throat. He laughs along, pretty aware how stupid it is.

She wipes her nose quickly, holding the cigarette away from her face, “That’s brilliant”

“I know, I know” he fakes humility.

Suddenly, Liam and the girls leave with their coats on. “‘ello guys”

“Where are you going?” Harry asks.

“I’m feeling a bit nippy so I’m heading home, I’ll give ‘em a ride. Do you want a ride?” he asks Oli.

“No, thank you” she smiles politely at him.

“Okay, bye guys!”

They watch Liam and the girls get a cab and leave, then shortly after the rest of the group comes through the door, “What’s going on?”

“It’s too quiet in here, we’re going to a bar in Soho” Frank replies handing Olivia her purse, “you coming?”

“Hm... sure” she looks at Harry and he nods.

“Right, you have to get another cab, this one’s full lads” Louis informs and Harry sighs.

“It’s fine, guess we’ll just walk”

“If you say so” they all get inside the car and slam the door, leaving Harry and Olivia behind. Just as the cab leaves, a cold wind blows them in the face.

“Bad idea, bad idea” she sings, rubbing her hands together.

“Hey, give me your hands” she shoves her hands palms up towards him and waits as he fiddles in his pockets, finding a pair of mittens. He dresses them in both her hands and rubs them together until she’s warm. She watches from up close as he holds her fingers earnestly and squeezes them in reassurance, “Better?”

She misses a beat, too distracted to answer right away, “Much better, thanks”

They begin walking towards Trafalgar Square, bumping shoulders all the way to the monument. She takes particular notice of the clumsy way he walks close to her, it’s quite endearing how he scoots closer but is still too shy to walk confidently beside her. When they arrive at the Square, she suddenly stops and looks up to the sky.

“You know what I hate about London?”

He frowns, “The cold?”

“Can’t see the stars”

Harry then looks up to the sky and for the first time actually notices that the sky, when not covered by clouds, is always just a black-brownish color all throughout. He’s never seen stars in London, at least in the part of the town he lives in.

“Too many lights and the pollution, it’s a sign of the times really: you can’t see the beauty behind the outcome of progress. In Rio, anywhere you go there’s just so much sky” he discreetly glances away from the sky and towards her. “If you look up and realize that the small dots are actually massive balls of heated gas you can actually feel the distance between them, it’s some sort of... upside down vertigo. You feel your mind breaking through the atmosphere and the distances all align, it’s quite a sight”

For one brave moment he speaks his mind: “Don’t know about that, but things look pretty good down here too”

She looks back at him and laughs nervously, not knowing how to react to the compliment so she deflects it. “Hope you’re talking about the lions”

“You know I’m not...” he smirks, making his remarkable dimples pop.

Olivia smiles away from him, pacing awkwardly towards him. “You know what? I don’t want to meet them in Soho”

“Neither do I”

“How about we just... take a stroll around the city?”

“Alright, I can do that” he offers his arm and she laces hers with his.

“Wait, can we get one of those big red buses?”

“Sure”

They walk to a nearby bus stop and get on the second store of a big red bus that goes around Westminster and then up to St. Paul’s, passing through all the big tourist attractions.

“You’ve never been to London before?”

“No, but I’ve been to Cheshire” she explains as he smoothly rests his arm over her backboard, “Our old label had a studio in New York but it was too expensive to rent, so Uncle Jim sent us to a bunch of different studios in Chicago, Cheshire, Stockholm and such. He has a lot of friends in the industry so we practically borrowed them”

“Nice”

“It was nice, but the 4 of us were in college so it was a bit troublesome... even more because I met a guy...”

“Oh boy” he mock-gasps.

“Yeah, he was in a small band with his friends from school, they were recording an EP in the same studio as us and we he hit it just like that” she snaps her fingers, “but it lasted just as long as we were there. When I came back to New York we never spoke again... but I can’t stop thinking about it, it’s so-“

“Frustrating?” he guesses and she nods vehemently.

“Yes!”

“Yeah, I know what it’s like. You share so much of your intimate life, you become vulnerable with someone who doesn’t think that’s important” he finishes, staring at the distant horizon of the Thames as they cross the Lambeth Bridge. “And then he just brings his girlfriend over and have sex with her everyday to remind you that he didn’t want you, and you can’t tell that to anyone because you have an image to maintain”

She watches him quietly return from his daydream and whispers: “I’m so sorry, I had no idea”

He sighs, “It’s alright, just needed to get that off my chest”

She measures her words for a moment, deciding to just tell him everything. “When I met Matty, I had been struggling with my sexuality. I had dated a few girls but I wasn’t so sure if I wanted the same with boys. But I met him, and I was mad about him and I thought he was perfect for my first time. After that, we never talked again and I felt really stupid... I showed him the most vulnerable side of me and he didn’t even care, I was just a nice shag” Harry frowns sadly, nodding along in understanding. “And I had a few other affairs after him, but it was the first time and I felt so awful about it, I don’t know-“

“I do. I’ve been pining up for Lou ever since we first met, and like... I though it was just friendship but it’s not, I don’t feel that way. It’s not the first time I’ve felt like that about a boy, I do like boys and girls, but I’ve never told anyone – except maybe my sister” she chuckles briefly. “Anyway, one day he just kisses me, out of the blue, and takes me to his bedroom and I think this is my chance, and I straight up give him a gobby-“

“What’s a gobby?”

“It’s hmm-“ he leans closer to her, “a blowjob”

“Oh”

“Yeah, I did something I had never done before, I had never gotten that... intimate with someone. And when I did, the next day he said it was all a joke” he chokes a bit, “when it wasn’t a joke to me. But I can’t just not feel...”

She holds his hand, “I know what you mean... it’s like we know we’ve been in this situation before but we’re just stuck...”

He nods, ponderative. “You know, I don’t want to talk about this anymore”

“Yeah, this turned into a terrible conversation way too quick”

“I want a drink”

They drop at a little marketplace in Lambeth and choose to buy a bottle of wine. As she doesn’t enjoy red wine, they settle for a bottle of white and sit on one of the barricades at the margins of the Thames.

“You know what, Olivia-”

She snorts as the wine’s already working its magic, “Don’t call me that”

“It’s your name”

“But nobody calls me, it’s appalling!” she replies dramatically.

He leans over her folded leg, trying to balance the wine bottle, “What should I call you, then?”

“Oli is fine”

“Alright”

“How would you like me to call you?” she gestures towards him.

“I don’t know, people call me all sorts of thing: curly, curls, Harry, Hazza”

“I like Hazza, it’s quite inventive”

“Be my guest”

“Alright Hazza, you were saying?”

He frown, “What was I saying?”

“I have no idea” she laughs, falling over his shoulder and leaving a rim of makeup on his jacket.

He tries to recompose himself before talking again, “I think I was trying to tell you that I’m really excited about this tour, specially now that I’ve met you”

“Awn” she melts, “you’re so sweet... but I don’t know if I want to tour with you guys”

“Why not?”

“It’s just that the label is making some huge changes in our image for us to tour with you, I don’t know if I want to go through that and make a name for myself pretending to be someone I’m not...”

“But think about this” he tries to focus her eyes on his, “we’re kind of big here, and when we go to America we’ll get BIG big and so will you. Once you get that big, you can do whatever the fuck you want, you just have to go through this little hurdle and then the world is yours”

“I like that but I don’t know if that’s how it’ll play out”

“If it doesn’t then at least you’ll have a lot of fun, eh?” he taunts her with that big bright smile. “Come on”

“Haz...”

“Please, come on... I really wanna tour with you” he scoots closer to her, “I’ve been talking to you all night and I feel like we haven’t talked enough”, at this proximity, she has to turn her face away as to not look him in the eye. “And I think you feel the same”

“I... might feel the same” he bites his cheeks victoriously as she turns back to look him in the eye for the first time this close, “and I might take that tour but I can say anything for sure when I’m drunk”

“You’re not that drunk”

“No? Then why do I want to kiss you so bad?” she blurts and he raises his eyebrow with a dimply smile.

He wastes no time with a cheeky reply, just closes the small gap between them feeling sparks fly in his stomach. Her lips are cold but very soft and very patient against his, she doesn’t deepen it right away just savors that innocent touch. She cups both of his cheeks as he hugs her waist closer to him, feeling her chest against his rapidly rising one. He deepens the kiss by leaning over her and touching their tongues in a slightly sensuous fashion, making their exchange gain a lot of pace. Her hands slide from his cheeks to his chest, pushing him back a bit. When their lips part he can feel a tingle as if there’s electricity coursing through them.

She leans her forehead against his and for a moment they say nothing, just breath into each other. Before any of them can say anything, Harry leans and kisses her cheek earnestly, caressing the other with his free hand as she rests her head against the crook of his neck.

“You smell so good...” she whispers against his skin, making him giggle at the spontaneous commentary.

“Thanks, I try my best”

“You’re doing a marvelous job” she mocks, getting a grip on the wine bottle they’ve been sharing for a while now. “It’s empty already?”

“Yeah, I might have spilled a bit in the river while you were snogging me”

“Do you call that ‘snogging’?”

“How would you call that?”

“Making out?”

“See, I have a lot to learn, that’s why you have to come to the tour”

“Do you think you won’t go snogging other girls and guys when I’m on tour with you?” she teases him.

“I might even snog someone, but this” he pulls her closer, “I never had this with anyone... and I don’t know if I’ll have it again anytime soon”

“You’re not saying that just ‘cause I told you my sob story earlier, are you?”

“I told you mine too, you didn’t want to kiss me because of that” they laugh.

Eventually, they grow tired of the cold and of having to buy cheap booze on shady corner streets, so Harry walks her back to the hotel. The lights of the main hall are already out, save for one above the front desk where a night manager keeps watch. She calls the elevator and turns to him one last time.

“I’d invite you upstairs but there’s three other people in the bedroom so it might not be as romantic as the Thames”

“Yeah, I think we should call it a night”

“I guess I’ll see you around” she paces forward, giving him silent permission to lean in and kiss her goodbye. He cups her cheek, gently letting go of her lips just as the elevator arrives.

“Goodnight Oli”

“Sleep tight” she replies, getting into the elevator and disappearing into the night.

By the time Harry arrives at his flat the sun is almost up, this time he walks past Louis’ door without even noticing its existence. He crashes into the bed and recalls the events of the night, rolling over the mattress until he can properly rest his head. Finally after weeks of martyrdom he can stop crying over someone who won’t give him the affection he craves and just rejoice on the one he actually gets.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and groans for a moment as he recalls he did not write down her number. In this day and age when he can access people instantly it is tortuous to not be able to just reach out immediately to the one person that’s on his mind. It builds inside his chest like a dark cloud, peaking his anxiety all over again.

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okaybutlikeimagine · 5 years

Note

So I just read what you wrote about Billy wanting to get hurt and I'm a mess rn! I was emotionally/psychologically abused in my last relationship and I remember wishing he'd hit me. Because then it would be "real". It felt like my hurt would be justified instead of "whining that he hurt my feelings". I feel like Hop would know about feeling too much and it turning self destructive and he'd try to find an alternative outlet for Billy. Like maybe boxing? With a heavy bag or Hop holding target mits

I just wanna say I'm so sorry to hear that and while I'll never fully understand the pain you went through nor do i pretend to know everything you felt, I will say I had an extremely similar relationship w/ someone (I talked about it in the post) and i thought those same exact things. I would go to school sobbing about everything that was said to me as my abuser drove me to school and then feeling stupid for it bc I felt like I had nothing to show for it, y'know?? Like I couldn't point to anything physical, all i could say was that it hurt. I wanted bruises to point to bc saying "she yelled at me" or "she said this to me" felt overdramatic and ridiculous? But of course it wasn't and every type of pain is valid and luckily I had amazing friends who listened and never made me feel bad for crying over it and helped me through it in a way I couldn't even dream of and I really hope that you were able to have a similar type of support system❤️❤️ I'm sending so much love to you.

Anyway anyway, I DEFINITELY agree!!!! We see throughout the show that Hop abuses different substances like pills and alcohol, even while hes on the job. He sleeps around w/ a bunch of people in S1 but doesn't settle down w/ anyone. He very clearly went through some kind of depression bc his young daughter died and then him and his wife got divorced and I just?????? Hop would understand.

I also think he just… relates to Billy in so many ways! I feel like Hop had a really tough dad. Hop was also in the war and that comes w/ PTSD of his own. Hes dealt with immense grief and has a stressful job as of late and he was a police officer off in the city so he probably saw some shit and i just????? He DEFINITELY looks at Billy and sees a version of himself.

And I definitely think he'd do something like that!! I wrote about this in another post that i can't link rn bc I'm on mobile and I can't find it very easily, but like, imagine Billy getting so upset and angry and frustrated that he just starts punching and screaming and Hop holds his hands up and Billy's punching them like they're targets or something.

And maybes that's when Hop is like: we've gotta do something about this.

So he gets a heavy bag and hangs it up out on the porch and Billy's like: …… uhh seriously?

And Hop's like: yes, seriously. Hit it.

And so Billy does. He goes outside and punches it when hes frustrated from a day of school or from homework or from cooking dinner or just from the stress that eats away at him all day. When everything is too much and hes overwhelmed and filled to the brim with energy and frustration just from his thoughts and memories and anxiety he punches it out. Hop will come home to Billy punching the fucking lights out of it, rain sprinkling down, and he'll walk up to him with a: "Hey son, how are you doing?"

"Fine." Billy says, voice strained, sweat dripping.

"Wanna talk about anything?" And Hop will put his hand on Billy's shoulder and the tense feeling that's usually there will fade and Billy will sigh a bit and say:

"Yeah, that'd be cool."

And they'd walk inside and Billy will just feel so much calmer and I'm crying

#billy hargrove #chief jim hopper #angst #tw ptsd #???#tw mentions of abuse #ask #anonymous #stranger things #billy hopper #billy gets adopted #hopper is a dad #and he loves his son so much #and i cry #i had to answer this bc my heart goes out ti you #i felt vwry much the same way #sorry for getting all personal again bte #*btw

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howrry · 5 years

Text

once in a lifetime

a/n: sorry for the hiatus, i can’t find the strain i used earlier this year that led me to churn out a ton of writing so this was a little painstaking. here’s older!harry. bon appetit

warning: do i even gotta warn you that there’s smut? nc-17

w/c: 4.5k

***

Harry's life post-fame was, well, not so great.

His stardom, in his eyes, appeared to have no end. His friends and family had expressed concerns all throughout his career that he was peaking too early, but it seemed that life only got better. More music, meeting more of his idols, more new fans and more arenas sold out before his eyes.

Unfortunately, he noticed that as he got older, his body just wasn't accustomed to the touring, drugs, and partying like it was in his youth. He had a heart-to-heart with himself and realized that his best option was to retire, which he did in his late 30's.

He even got married, to an elementary school teacher named Grace. One of his friends had set him up with her on a blind date and he liked how predictable and simple she and her life were. She was such a nice change from the hecticness of his life before, and ended up engaged after only 9 months of dating (much to his fans' dismay).

But sadly, all that glitters is not gold. After less than three years of marriage, Harry and Grace seemed to be fighting more often than they got along. They argued over everything in the books; money, physical absence, their families, substance abuse, sex, the idea of having kids, the idea of not having kids, commitment, the list went on. Eventually it was clear that Harry was much more invested in the relationship than she, which devastated him. Regardless, he pushed on.

One night, when the air in his household was thicker than molasses, Harry went into the master bedroom of his home. He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped his trousers. He climbed into bed where Grace was reading a novel. She didn't move, or look over, or even acknowledge that her husband had joined her.

"Grace?" he asked softly. Still no reaction.

He was scared. Sure, he and his wife fought plenty, but as of late, she barely spoke five words to him.

"Please," he begged, reaching out and delicately placing a hand on her forearm. "We don't have to do anything but please talk t'me. Something is clearly wrong. We haven't even spoken or had sex in w—"

"Is that all that matters to you? God, Harry, think with your other head for a change," Grace snapped, closing her book and yanking her arm away. She stood up out of bed and H heard her footsteps all the way downstairs. The telltale slam of the basement door indicated that she'd be sleeping in the guest room and he would be alone for the night. Again.

Harry's head dropped back down onto the pillow. He wasn't much of a confrontational person and hated these conflicts they had. Harry closed his eyes tight and hoped as hard as he could that the yelling and the ignoring and the disinterest would end.

And in some twisted way, he got his wish, because a week later, Grace slapped half-signed divorce papers in front of him on the breakfast table. She wouldn't entertain any sort of reconciliation; she just wanted to be separated.

The divorce was brutal. The soft, kind woman H had married just a couple years ago was gone and replaced with a cold, unloving person who wanted nothing to do with him.

As if the whole process in and of itself wasn't bad enough, Harry didn't realize that Grace would be getting the house until far too late into the separation. Her lawyer even patronized Harry-- you're an ex-rock star, I'm sure you can find a place to go. If it weren't for Liam providing him a place to stay in the meantime of finding a house, he really doesn't know what he would've done.

***

Harry knocked on Liam's door, hat in hand, and was greeted by his old friend who pulled him into a hug.

"It's been too long, mate," Liam noted, before guiding Harry into his home.

"Y/N, get down here!" Liam called, and seconds later she bounded down the stairs.

It had been ages since he'd seen Liam's daughter, Y/N. The last time he'd been around Li and his family, she'd been 14 and was in the moody teenage stage, but she was so different now. She was taller and her hair was longer, and she'd filled out quite nicely judging by how well her tennis skirt fit her--

Whoa, he caught himself. That's his friend's daughter. What was wrong with him?!

"Show Harry to the guest room," Liam told her, shaking H from his terrible thoughts. "Until then, I'll pour us some scotch and we can catch up," he said to Harry before heading off to the lounge.

Harry followed Y/N upstairs and down the hallway to the plain yet comfortable room. She opened the door and gestured for him to go inside, tossing her hair and lazily swinging the door behind her-- not quite letting it shut, though.

"Sorry that it's not exactly Caesar's Palace," she joked. "Since Mom died, my dad just let the importance of interior design slip away."

Harry waved her concerns away, setting his bag on the bed. "Nonsense. This was really nice of you two-- I'd sleep on a couch if I had to." She giggled at this before turning towards him.

Y/N looked up at Harry and gave him the look. It wasn't one he'd seen since his younger days, when girls and guys alike in clubs wanted to bed him for the social status. They lowered their eyelids slightly, cocked their head, and the corner of their mouth would tug up a bit in the hopes that it would make him immediately swoon. It never worked on H because he wasn't stupid, but he still recognized it to this day. Harry had no option except to match her eye contact, as he didn't trust himself to not let his eyes wander down to her V-neck.

Before he could say or do anything, Y/N breezed past him. "Dinner will be ready in thirty," she noted, brushing her hand down his arm as she left the guest room.

What the fuck?

Harry went back downstairs to join Liam and his two snifters on the table. His daughter was nowhere in sight, so he assumed she was in the kitchen. Liam droned on about how he was doing (probably in an attempt to take H's mind off his divorce) but, frankly, Harry wasn't really listening.

There's no way Y/N is trying to seduce him. No way. He's just... not been with a woman in a long time and is a little rusty with the signs. I mean, get real. He's almost 40 and she's, what, 18? 19? What would she want to do with him?

Dinner ended up being fajitas, good comfort food. Halfway through the dinner, though, Y/N innocuously gave up on using a tortilla and ate the filling with her hands. In any other scenario, Harry would find this to be in poor taste, but the way she made eye contact with H while licking the seasoning off her fingers made him forget all about table manners.

"... and the pap actually followed me into the locker room of my gym! I ripped him a new one. Yelling about how I haven't made music in a decade and left the band twice that much time age, and when they'll ever leave me alone. On the bright side, I think I flipped the bird in enough of his shots that none of them saw the light of day!" Liam had been telling a story which H had completely zoned out from, but luckily caught on to the part meant to be a joke. All three of them laughed together, though only one was genuine.

***

Harry couldn't fall asleep.

It didn't have any natural explanation; he didn't have any caffeine after three, he had a nightcap with Liam, and the finalization of the divorce should've led to him getting more sleep, right? Nonetheless, after hours of tossing and turning, he'd essentially given up and resorted to watching the fan lazily spin around. A sudden knock on his door spooked him, and when the door creaked open, Y/N's head popped in.

"Hey, Harry?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?" he grunted, sitting up. "'S everything alright?"

She entered without permission and sat on the edge of his bed. In the light of the bright moon outside he could see she was in a sheer white gown that just barely reached her mid-thigh. Scandalous. "Couldn't sleep."

"Same boat," he admitted, leaning back on his elbows. Her face was bare, clean of the makeup she'd had on earlier. She looked so fresh and healthy and her white nightgown gave her skin a sun-kissed appearance

Y/N sighed, her eyes wandered over his entire body, or at least all she could gather in the dark room. "Can I ask you a question?" she started, a delicate hand creeping on Harry's knee. "It's kind of... personal."

He swallowed thickly. Was it bad that just her hand on his leg made his cock twitch? "O'course. What's up?"

Y/N pursed her lips before releasing them and darting her tongue out and in. "You've had lots of sex, right?"

And he nearly choked on his own breath. She's so... straight to the point. He managed to keep his cool and nodded carefully. Where was she going with this?

"Well... I haven't," she continued, her hand sliding up his thigh just a little. "I've been seeing this guy, and he's great and all, but he's not too good in bed. I wanna do things with a man who knows what he's doing before I go back to the losers my age who... don't. Would you show me what it's like?" Her soft eyes lifted to meet his, and he couldn't believe his ears.

"Y/N... I-I don't know." Harry rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, as if to make sure he wasn't hallucinating this whole thing. It took him a bit to appreciate that she really had been trying to seduce him and he wasn't just going crazy.

He thought over it for a second. "It seems so wrong. I mean, the age gap is one thing, and your dad is another, but if you're already in a relationship I just...," he trailed off, not quite finishing his point and scanning your smirking face.

"He'll never know," she shrugged casually. "Not Alex or my dad. It's just a one time thing and it won't happen again."

He dragged a hand down his face, thinking over her proposition. At first glance, the cons of possibly getting caught greatly outweighed the pros. How many moral guidelines would he be breaking if he took her up on her offer? On the other hand, he hasn't had sex in what felt like ages, and when would he get this kind of chance again? He was getting up there in age and, despite his ex-star status, likely wouldn't have an attractive young woman throwing themselves at him ever again.

Fuck it.

"I- alright. What did you have in mind?" Harry's cock was starting to harden in his pants and he prayed that the angle his knee was at was hiding it.

Y/N smiled delightfully. "That's why I came to you. I don't just wanna do stuff, I want to learn. You show me."

Harry was gonna die from this girl. "Fuck, pet, you're gonna wreck me. Do you wanna... I don't know, start by sucking me off?"

"Yes please," she whispered, and there was officially zero blood left in any other part of his body.

"C'mere then." She clambered over the bed and his legs until they were face to face. He cupped her face in his big hands and connected their lips. Her lips were so soft and he wasted no time deepening the kiss followed by flicking the tip of his tongue on hers.

She pulled back to breathe. "You're fucking good at that," she blurted.

He smiled-- couldn't help it. "Then we should keep doing it," he suggested. They giggled together and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They continued making out, Harry leaning back until Y/N was laying on top of him.

One of her hands crept down to feel him in his boxers, cupping his erection. He moaned into her mouth, and she popped off his lips, making a juicy sound. She shifted down and toyed with his waistband before hesitating.

"I've only done this once, so..." she started, eyes avoiding him, "you may need to show me what to do."

"S'alright, pet," he soothed, cusping her chin and bringing her to make eye contact with him.

He sat back and took his boxers off, fleetingly embarrassed at his already-hard cock. It subsided when Y/N's eyes landed on it and her mouth actually dropped open. He grinned and took himself in his hand, pulling the foreskin down and swirling the precum around the tip. "See something y'like?"

She nodded and dropped down to be level with his member. "It's... big." Y/N gently took his cock and leaned in next to it to compare the size to her face. "How am I supposed to fit this all in me?" she asked innocently.

He groaned. "You sure y're new to this? Cause y're doing pretty damn well so far and y'haven't even gotten y'mouth on me."

She smiled and dragged the flat of her tongue from base to tip, making his head roll back. "Perfect, love. Act like you're trying to keep melting ice cream from getting everywhere." Y/N nodded.

Her tongue worked over every inch of him before finally attaching her lips to the head. She delicately sucked before getting the nerve to push down further. H's hand tangled in the hair on the back of her head and her mouth instantly became softer and over half of his cock slid between her lips.

"Fuck," he bit, emphasizing the K. Y/N liked hearing him swear because of what she was doing and was only spurred on. Maybe she was a little too excited, because she went a little too far down and came up coughing up a storm.

"Careful, doll," he cooed, rubbing her back as she regained her cool. "Do it at your own pace, not what you think I'd want." She nodded, teary eyes meeting his dark ones.

When his cock bumped at her lips again, she spit on it before going back to her comfort level. Her small hands gripped his base, where she couldn't fit her mouth. She acted like she didn't care how much of a mess she made and Harry thought it was so fucking hot. Her head lifted and lowered in his lap, obscenities slipping from H's mouth.

It got to a point where Harry was involuntarily bucking into her mouth, and he knew he was about to overwhelm her. If he kept letting her blow him, he'd cum down her throat any minute. "Fuck, love," he groaned, pulling her off him by her hair. "I think it's about time for your turn."

Y/N pouted for a second and he almost snapped. Her lips were puffy from sucking his cock, her eyes were watery, and her cheeks were pink and it took so much in him to not shove himself back into her soft mouth.

But she nodded and allowed him to pull the nightie off her body, exposing her breasts to him. He resisted impulsively grabbing at them as she rolled back onto the bed, hair fanning out below her. He climbed up and kissed her, tasting himself on her lips. He dragged his own mouth down her jaw and neck, past her collarbones and attached onto her nipple. One of his hands toyed with her other breast and her back arched beneath his body.

"Stay still," he ordered, breath ghosting over her skin. To further assert this, his free hand pressed her body back down onto the bed. She complied, but let heavenly noises slip from her.

Harry continued trailing down her body until he reached her white panties, which he grabbed with his teeth and dragged down her legs. He used his hands to get them off the rest of the way and spread her legs, exposing all of her to him. "So gorgeous," he said, almost to himself.

"Do you touch yourself?" he asked, eyes flicking up to meet hers.

Her cheeks were a soft pink, bashful at the sudden eye contact. "Yes," ghosted out of her mouth.

"What do you think about?"

Y/N pursed her lips momentarily. "Getting eaten out," she whispered. "No one's ever done it to me, but I bet it feels great."

Harry laughed at this, and placed two of his fingers on her clit. They dragged down her core to her already-wet hole and slowly made their way back up. His pressure was so light, yet her heightened sensitivity had her head roll back. "Go on," he hummed.

Y/N sucked air through her teeth but obeyed. "Sometimes in porn, they 69 and I think that's so hot," she rushed out. "Like, both are getting pleased and moaning into the other--oh God," she whimpered when he momentarily dipped his middle finger inside her, only to pull it right back out.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Y'watch porn, hmm?"

It was Y/N's turn to smirk. "Everyone does." H pressed his finger slightly harder against her button and her back arched involuntarily.

His free hand pushed her back down again. "I said to stay still," he muttered, face hardening for a moment. "What else do you like to see?"

She gnawed on her bottom lip. "When they fuck missionary, I think it's really sweet when they make eye contact, but..." she trailed off.

"But what?" Harry pushed on, dipping his middle and index finger in this time.

"But... but I like when he fucks her from behind more. And it's really rough. And the girls cums all over his cock." Y/N exhaled, closing her eyes.

"Fuck, love, you're filthy," he noted. Harry spread her open and paid exclusive attention to her swollen clit, making her gasp as his rough fingers circled and flicked over it.

It was almost too much-- she was so sensitive she couldn't help but grab at his wrist to try and stop his actions. This finally got him impatient. He gripped her hand and huffed darkly, "Grab at me again and I'll tie you to this bed." Y/N's eyes were wide as saucers but her hands retreated and she allowed him to continue playing with her.

Without warning, H plunged his first two fingers into her down to his knuckles. He drew circles with his fingertips inside her pussy, stretching her open while stimulating every angle. Every four or five rotations, he hooked his fingers up to press against the spongey spot that had her whimpering and shaking.

"F-feels so good, Harry," she whined, struggling not to touch him and desperate for more. Her head tossed from side to side, as if to hide her moans and contorting face.

"Yeah?" he purred. "Y'like feeling m'fingers buried inside your tight little cunt?" Y/N nodded, slightly grinding her hips down. He allowed this, thumbing at her clit as she grabbed at the sheets.

Harry drew his fingers from her, and she groaned at the suddenly empty feeling. "Shh, love. Let's try something new." Her eyes confusedly begged for an explanation.

As soon as he uttered that number, Y/N's face brightened, she moved to let him lay on the bed and climbed so that her core was just above his face. She took his member in her hand as he grabbed at her ass with his big hands. The two of them dove into the other with carnal ferocity. Harry ate her like she was water in a desert, and this angle allowed his cock to slip right down her throat. The two devoured the other until the only sounds in the room were the slick noises of their own arousal and their muffled moans.

Y/N had never experienced this kind of raw pleasure before. He circled his tongue around her clit and, at the same time, pushed two fingers into her. She began to get a little greedy and pushed back against his face. He encouraged this, taking his fingers from her and wrapping his arms around her thighs and pulling her back on him. It wasn't long before she couldn't even focus on him anymore and virtually began riding his tongue. Her wobbly arms straddled his torso as he continued eating her out with the sounds of her gasps mixing with his mouth on her wet peach.

"Oh my God, I'm gonna--" she stuttered before reaching her high. Harry's tongue dove even further into her, letting her ride out her orgasm on his face. Even after she'd finished, he continued to lick into her.

Y/N rolled off his face and away from him. When he reached for her, she kept him at a distance with her arm extended. "I'm so... so..."

"Sensitive," he finished in a breath. She fell back onto the bed and he hovered over her. "When you come down, I want to be inside you."

Her jaw dropped at his boldness, but truthfully it was exactly what she wanted. After a few moments of her catching her breath, she laid back down on the bed and Harry towered over her. He caught glimpses of nervousness and leaned down to kiss her.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked, breath ghosting over her skin.

She shook her head. "No, but I'm not that... y'know..." Her eyes closed as she trailed off but Harry understood.

"Shh, s'alright. I'll be gentle," he promised. He lined himself up with her hole. "Are y'sure you want this?" he asked, just in case.

"Yes, please," she whined, and once given the green light, he inhaled sharply before gently pushing himself forward. The few seconds it took to fit his whole cock in her were perhaps the longest moments of his life. She was just so fucking tight, he had to count backwards from 100 to keep from harshly snapping his hips into hers.

Before he knew it, he looked down and his entire cock was buried in her cunt. He didn't dare move, allowing her to adjust before he really took off. It was so snug he thought he was about to go blind. Even with all they had already done, he still felt some level of disgust with himself.

Nonetheless, he couldn't stop.

She clenched around him, trying to hide her grimace. He leaned down to coo in her ear, "Shh, baby, take your time." H carefully kissed around her jaw and rubbed his hands up and down the sides of her body while continuing to stay still until she whimpered out one lone word. Move.

He straightened up again and reeled his hips back, revealing his cock now glistening. Harry pushed it back into her slowly causing her jaw to go slack and a soft moan to escape.

What really was the cherry on top for her was just the raw feeling of a cock inside her. The drag of it retreating and thrusting back into her, the empty feeling it left on the backstrokes, the tip pressing against the one spot inside her leaving her speechless. Sure, she'd played with herself and some boys had had the privilege of filling her with their fingers and whatnot, but nothing in her life had compared to a grown man stretching out her cunt with his thick cock.

Harry was shamelessly staring at himself disappearing into her walls and Y/N grinned. "Y'like watching yourself fuck this young cunt, hmm?" she teased, one hand grabbing the bedding and the other digging into his bicep.

"You've got a dirty mouth, y'little minx," he gritted out, a hand snaking up and gripping her throat as he continued fucking into her.

A devious smile crept up on her face, both frightening Harry and making his cock twitch. "Flip... me... over," she begged, voice straining through Harry's fist around her neck.

He nodded and pulled his cock from her. He moved back on the bed to allow her to lay on her stomach. Harry grabbed her hips and yanked her up on her knees and rubbed the tip of his cock up and down her slit to collect her arousal.

She arched her back and turned her head so that she could watch him fuck her. Her fingers clenched the sheets as he pressed the tip against her entrance before slowly sliding himself in again. Every thrust pushed her further into the pillows before he finally gave up and grabbed her by her hair, pulling her up so that her back was flush with his chest. The hand not tangled in her hair snaked around the front of her body for stability as he continued roughly fucking her.

He released her hair and brought the hand around to dip his fingers into her mouth. "Get 'em nice and wet, doll," he ordered and she complied, licking and sucking at his fingers until they were soaked. He trailed this hand down to her clit and began rubbing circles without breaking his rhythm.

Both of them were getting nearer to their orgasm, evident by Y/N's legs starting to shake beneath her and Harry's thrust becoming more and more erratic. "I'm g-na cum a-gain," Y/N choked out.

"Jus' a bit more, darling, and I'll fill your little pussy up," he hissed into her ear, which only made the both of them closer. Soon Y/N cried out so loud Harry had to smack a hand over her mouth, and his hips awkwardly stuttered as both of them came.

He drew himself out and both of them collapsed on the bed to catch their breath. Neither of them knew what to say or even think about what just happened.

Y/N shakily sat up after catching her breath."I can't stay here, or I'll fall asleep and my dad will catch us in the morning," she noted. "Thank you for that, Harry."

He snorted. "I should be thanking you. I haven't cum that hard in a long time."

She didn't respond, and it was quiet in the room for a few moments before Y/N finally broke the silence. "I think I have to break up with Alex," she muttered, slipping the nightgown back over her head and going to the door.

Panicked, Harry sat up on his elbows with his eyebrows furrowed. "What? Why?" His mind raced. Did she now regret doing this and felt guilty, maybe? Had he just made a huge mistake?

She stopped at the door, her hand on the knob, and turned to him. "Because every time I'm gonna be with him in the future, I'm gonna be thinking about what just happened," she explained with a grin before leaving and closing the door behind her.

If it weren't for the mind-blowing sex he'd just had and the sound of the fan soothing him to sleep, he probably wouldn't have let her leave.

#Harry Styles #Harry Styles Fan Fiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harryforvogue #jawllines #haroldloverboy #seriously guys whatever weed my guy had back in january/february was like talent in a plant #i would sit at my laptop and write THOUSANDS of words of Hontent #unfortunately for most of them once i got 1/3 of the way thru i got a new idea and abandoned the old one #i try to go back to them but it's a clear distinction of what i wrote in my manic frenzy and what I'm forcing myself to write #anyways sorry if you read all these tags i hope you enjoyed!

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

710

Have you ever done drugs and were able to quit for good? I’ve done milder drugs, like caffeine and nicotine... I don’t have like a dependence issue on them so it’s nothing I have to ‘quit.’ Are you against weed, or do you think it should be legalized? I honestly don’t know much about them since they’re normally shunned in our culture and is barely talked about/explored. I’ve heard they have medicinal purposes though and I’m finding it hard to find excuses as to why it can’t be legalized for that reason. Have you ever been taken advantage of while drunk? No. Is there any medication you refuse to take? (Like for ADHD, etc.) No, and I’m not familiar with the types of medication either. Ever watched an Above the Influence commercial under the influence? I haven’t. We don’t have commercials like that.

Have you ever or do you have an abusive significant other? Nope, just abusive family members. Are your parents too involved in your life, or do you feel forgotten? Uhh I get the feeling they want to be more involved partly because they’ve realized I’m getting older and it’s only a matter of time before I live my life on my own, so they’ll sometimes drop hints like wishing they got to know more about my love life, mental health, etc. But because we’ve been emotionally distant my whole life, it’s hard for me to open up at all so I refuse or get reluctant whenever they ask. How do you feel when it comes to love? Well I mean these days and for the last few years I’ve been optimistic about it. It’s been a while since I haven’t had a significant person that my life revolves around so my perspective is pretty biased, though. Do rainy, cloudy days affect your mood? They make me feel better. I thrive in bleak weather, and I absolutely hate sunny, humid days. Have you ever wished you could just move away and start over? No. I’m still pretty young so there’s still opportunities for me to do exactly this once I graduate. For the meantime I go through a bunch of shit, make mistakes, and learn from them so that I know better once I have to be an Adult. Are you impulsive, or do you overthink? I’m both. I overthink on my downtime but am impulsive when I feel pressured.

Are you or have you ever been addicted to any substance? No. Do you think beauty goes more than skin deep? Duh. It’s 2020, I think we’ve covered that a million times now. Do you remember your first date? How was it? My legit first date was at a nearby mall and we only had enough to afford Bonchon for lunch. We had just graduated high school so there wasn’t any reason for our parents to give us allowance anymore so we just relied on whatever we had saved in the last few days of school, which wasn’t a lot. But it was our first date after getting back together so we were simply happy spending time together in that simple date. Have you gotten caught in a HUGE lie to your parents? No, I’ve never gotten in trouble specifically for lying because I hate doing that to begin with. I’ve been in deep shit for other stuff, like getting caught cursing on social media when I was 10 or failing a test/class. Are your relationships unstable, or do you manage to keep friends a while? They’re mostly stable and I have friends I’ve kept for a very long time, but I tend to be very particular about actions. That means to say when someone does something I have on my blacklist (like breaking my trust or making fun of me directly) I’ll have no problem cutting them off in seconds, which some have been confused by cos it’s not really that common to do something so abruptly. Don't you hate when people have the nicest parents & treat them like shit? Yeah of course. Why wouldn’t that piss me off? Are your moods stable or do you never know how you're gonna feel? They’re stable for the most part. I can tell when my mood is about to shift and even then I have ample time to adjust for it and warn others if possible. Have you ever been on probation or arrested? If so, what for? Nope. The most/worst that has happened has been getting pulled over. Do you think that without drama and problems your life would be boring? Not that I exclusively thrive on drama lmao, but it’s sometimes nice to have it around just for the spice of it. I can definitely live without it, but yeah I’d say life would be a *little* bland. When you've had a bad day, do you seek an escape, or do you just face it? Depends on what problems I have. If it’s something I know will be sticking around for a while – like my anxiety toward my thesis – I’d rather have a quick, brief escape like eating out or having a few drinks. But if I’m bothered by something more pressing, something I know I’d lose sleep about, I just face the music. Do you think the bible's hypocritical, or do you live by it? Oh I dunno dude. I stopped paying attention to it when I finally didn’t have to read it every morning for school, so I’ve forgotten most of the lines. I have some memories of raising my eyebrows at some gospels though – like the one where Jesus flips out at seeing a marketplace near the temple, when these days a bunch of malls – public areas designated exclusively for shops – host masses of their own. Most churches are also situated near markets or have clothing or food stalls nearby for people to flock to after mass, so that bit confuses me to this day. Have you ever thought you were or actually BEEN pregnant? No, this has never been a concern of mine. Have you ever guilt tripped someone into something? LMAO just my parents, because I’m the most spoiled out of their kids. That’s not to say I’m spoiled rotten, I’m just a bit more expressive about what I want. Do you actually care about other's problems? UP has opened my eyes to the plight of the poor and the working class, and so I mostly care for their struggles. When it comes to the opposite sex, do you fall for them faster or slower? I’m demi. My concept of ‘falling’ is the same for everyone. Have you ever had or been part of an intervention? Never. I wasn’t aware of the concept either until I saw it being done for Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad. If you could, would you go back and change the way things ended with someone? No. Can you manipulate someone into getting what you want? I can probably do it but I never want being manipulative to be a dominant trait of mine. Does the type of music someone listens to tell the type of person they are? Sometimes? Idk, you’d be surprised at some of the music people listen to. I’m as basic as basic gets lmao but I know people would be surprised to see Rancid on my playlists. But then again, music is a form of expression and it’s still a good indicator of someone’s personality or aura. Have you ever felt like you know a person just from their survey answers? Several people I follow have said that their surveys serve as their journals, so in a way it is an avenue to find out who they are. I don’t wanna assume I know them 100% though because after all, I’ve only known them through Tumblr. Are there any problems within your family? If so, what? Land dispute problems primarily, as with all Filipino families. Another issue I’ve heard of recently is what to do with one of the houses we own – who’s in charge of selling it, how to divide the money once it’s sold, etc. Apparently my grandma wants some of the money to be given to one of her sons (my deadbeat uncle) which has pissed my mom off and she’s currently pushing for him not to get any of the money cos he hasn’t done anything to contribute to the family haha. It’s all honestly fun to watch and has taught me to take it easy on my sister when we get older. If you're in a bad mood, do you take it out on others or do you hold it in? I try to hold it in and handle it responsibly, but there are times I’ll snap towards other people. Most days I act fake and convince everyone I’m doing fine so that they don’t need to worry, though. Have you ever seen cocaine, ecstasy, heroin, or acid? Have you done it? Nah I’ve never seen any of these in person. Do you like a lot of attention or does it make you uncomfortable? Oh man I hate it. Once I start feeling there’s too much on me, I try to shift it to someone else. Have you ever wanted to help someone, but you just couldn't? I don’t think I’ve ever had to care for someone who was just too far down. In one way or another I’ve always been able to offer help to my friends who needed it. Have you ever contemplated suicide or talked someone out of it who has? Just the former. I doubt I’m mentally capable of handling the second one all by myself, so I’m a little relieved I’ve never had to do it. I’m sure I have friends who can do it much better than I would. Have you ever been homeschooled? Why? No, I’ve had traditional schooling all my life. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known where you were? Nah it’s never been this bad. I’ve woken up confused for a few seconds, but I’ve never been completely clueless. Has someone ever laced/slipped something in your drink? No, that’s awful. Have you ever had a party when your parents went outta town? Get caught? I don’t throw parties at my own place, and that’s not very common here either. Is there something you really wanna tell/say to someone but can't? Nah, I’m good. I do want to hug Angela because I’m sure she still feels bad about her grandmother passing away. Don't you hate when someone texts you and you're expecting someone else? Hahahahahaha, yes. That’s why I gave my girlfriend a separate ringtone.

#survey #surveys

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astarryon · 5 years

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Simpler Times

Characters: The Hargreeves Siblings

Warnings: Mention of potential substance abuse, the ‘f’ slur is used in passing (not as a direct insult)

Summary: On one of the last nights where the kids get to be anything close to normal, Klaus suggests they have some fun. His idea? Heading over to the 24/7 doughnut shop and getting absolutely trashed on sugar.

A/N: this is nothing but me working through grief as I wait a whole year for the next season of Umbrella Academy to drop. These kids deserve love and happiness and if the writers aren’t gonna give it to them I’ll do it myself!! (That’s only kind of true, this is somewhat angsty lol). Anyways, enjoy, let me know what you think, and stick around! This definitely isn’t going to be the last Umbrella Academy piece I write!

Based on Five’s line about how he and his siblings used to sneak out to eat doughnuts until they puked

—

October 20th, 2002

Klaus tiptoed across the floor, unable to keep from holding his breath out of anticipation. He was much too tired to tell whether it was anxiety or excitement causing his heart rate to spike — maybe a bit of both? — but he didn’t have the time to stop and wonder about it. He was already short on time, and with everyone else already waiting for them downstairs, he needed to work quickly lest they be left behind.

Slowly, so slowly that he could hear the click of the knob unlatching, Klaus twisted the door handle and carefully pulled it open. There she was — he just had to make it to the far side of the room without startling her. If he could do that, he could invite her, and they’d all be home free for the next couple of hours.

“Vanya,” Klaus whispered, shaking his sister gently once he was close enough to touch her. He climbed up on her bed, kneeling at her side and leaning over her face. Vanya looked so calm when she slept; he had to envy her for it. With as much as their father had been throwing Klaus into the mausoleum in an effort to get him to comfortably commune with the dead, he hadn’t been sleeping very well lately. He wondered what it was Vanya dreamed about, and wished he could experience it for himself. All his dreams were of pale faces with their mouths stretched into never ending screams.

Klaus hated to wake her, but he was almost positive she would be glad for it. “Vanya,” he whispered again, a touch louder this time. “Wake up, okay? It’s important.”

Vanya exhaled hard, lips parting as she made her way back from the land of sleep. Her lashes fluttered a few moments, tickling Klaus’ face, and when she eventually opened her eyes, she looked confused. “Klaus?” she murmured, rubbing a hand over her face and pushing her bangs out of her eyes. “What time ‘s’it?”

“Like one in the morning,” Klaus told her, curling up on his side next to her. “Sorry to wake you. You looked like you were having a good dream.”

Vanya frowned. She was familiar with what went on at night, what their father had taken to doing to Klaus. There had been a couple of times when she’d even snuck over to Klaus’ room to keep him company, usually just until he fell asleep, but the two of them had been careful not to share that with any of their siblings. It was more for Klaus’ sake — Luther and Diego would never let him hear the end of it if he confessed to having nightmares.

“I was,” Vanya confirmed. “Want me to tell you about it?”

“Maybe later, okay? You gotta get dressed and come with me.”

Vanya scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, fighting off a yawn. This wasn’t the first night her brother had crept into her room; Klaus was a lonely soul by nature, and he seemed to oscillate between spending his nights with Vanya, Diego, and Ben — Allison, too, when she was feeling especially charitable — but this was the first time he’d asked her to follow him somewhere. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s great,” Klaus told her, nodding enthusiastically. “But we have to hurry, because the others are waiting for us downstairs, okay? You know how Five gets if we make him wait for stuff too long.”

“I don’t get it,” Vanya insisted. “What are we making him wait for? Where are we going?”

Klaus couldn’t contain his excitement anymore. “We’re getting doughnuts!” he exclaimed, hands shaking out of pure giddiness. “Just us seven, we’re all gonna sneak over to that twenty four hour doughnut shop and party! No Dad, no Mom, no Pogo. Just us and about a million maple bars!” Vanya’s responding frown wasn’t exactly what Klaus had been hoping to see. “Hey, what’s wrong? Don’t you wanna come?”

Vanya sighed, crossing her arms over her chest subconsciously. “Do the others want me to go?”

“What do you mean?” Klaus asked. “Of course they do!”

She wasn’t so sure about that. Her siblings weren’t exactly the greatest at including her. Five did his best, often staying up late to make peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches with her, and Klaus and Ben always roped her into their hijinks one way or another, but most of the time it seemed as if her siblings hardly even noticed she was there at all. Half of them probably wouldn’t even bat an eye if she ran off to join the circus.

“I don’t know, Klaus,” she mumbled, frowning at her brother. She pretended not to see the tired bags beneath his eyes, tried to imagine that her brother was a normal and well rested boy the way he deserved to be, one who wasn’t haunted by dead people in dark crypts. “I mean, should we really be sneaking out anyway? You know dad’ll flip if he finds out we left without permission.”

“He’s not going to because none of us are snitches!” Well, except maybe Luther, but Klaus was trying to inspire confidence, not break it down further. “Come on, Vanya, please? For your favorite brother ever?”

She was silent a moment, contemplating. It was no joke that their father would be pissed beyond belief if he found out they’d all snuck out; Vanya couldn’t even begin to imagine the consequences. Plus, they all had a strict wake up time of eight o’clock sharp; if it was already one in the morning, the seven of them were sure to be dead tired when they next awoke. Still... when was the last time they’d gotten to act like normal kids, powers or no powers? When had they ever been able to do something so silly? When would they ever be able to again?

“Okay,” Vanya murmured, sitting up in her bed and waiting for Klaus to right himself as well. “I guess doughnuts sound good. We don’t have any money, though, so how are we supposed to—?”

“Trust me, I have money,” Klaus told her. “Don’t worry about it! I’ll wait outside your door, okay? Make sure you put on something warm.”

“Got it, Dad,” Vanya teased, smiling at her brother. They were the same age, and Klaus certainly didn’t act like it, but Vanya liked to pretend that he was something of an older brother to her. “I’ll be right out.”

—

“They’re taking too long,” Diego complained, leaning his forehead against the nearby wall. He was doing his damnedest not to let the others know just how tired he was, but that was proving exceptionally difficult. “I say we just leave them.”

“That would be rude,” Ben pointed out, tugging his sweatshirt on over his head and stifling a yawn. He wasn’t afraid to look as tired as he felt.

“Not to mention that Klaus is the one with the money,” Five added. His head was covered with an oversized beanie, and the scarf wrapped around his neck only served to dwarf him further. He looked like an adorably oversized, half thawed toddler. “This whole thing was his idea, and he’s the one paying, so. No Klaus, no doughnuts.”

Allison rubbed her eyes, trying not to fall asleep where she sat on the bottom step of the staircase. “Where do you think he even got the money?”

“Probably stole it,” Luther muttered. “I’m still not sure we should be doing this.”

“If you don’t stop being such a killjoy,” Klaus announced from the top of the stairs, Vanya just a step behind him, “then you’re uninvited. We’re going out to have a good time, Luther, not to suck a rulebook’s dick.”

The comment won a collective chuckle from the siblings. Vanya covered her mouth, always amused at Klaus and his eccentricity, and Ben reached up for a high five as soon as the two had made it down to the foot of the staircase. Even Allison let out a bit of a giggle. She wasn’t one to admit it, but excluding Luther, she was pretty sure Klaus was her favorite brother.

Not that any of them would say it out loud, but Klaus was everyone’s favorite brother.

“Is everyone ready?” he asked, reaching into his pocket and patting a small wad of bills to make sure it was still there.

They all looked around at one another, making sure their affairs were in order. In truth, the seven of them looked ridiculous, what with their bundles of warm, black clothing. Vanya, pressed for time, had simply tugged her thick winter coat on over her pajamas, shiny black rain boots adorning her feet. Luther had oversized gloves obscuring his hands, which he kept rubbing together in an effort to gain some feeling back into his fingers. Diego — stupidly, in everyone else’s opinion — had forgone any particularly warm clothing, claiming that only sissies complained about the weather. Ben had taken one look at his brother and gone back to his room to put on an extra layer of clothing, partly because just the sight of Diego had him shivering in his boots, and partly because he wanted to make sure a coat would be available if his stubborn brother changed his mind. Klaus, the only one who had known this outing was coming, had been the most prepared and yet also somehow managed to look the most wild, wrapped in an oversized bubble coat and ready to take on any weather the night may throw at him.

If they were any older, someone might see them out on the street and think they were on their way to vandalize city property. Any younger, and people might’ve assumed that they were dressed as a gaggle of robbers, out to trick or treat at the wrong time of year. Either way they hacked it, this was, perhaps, the first time the siblings had looked anything close to normal in their thirteen years of life.

Their walk wasn’t a long one, thankfully enough. Griddy’s doughnuts was only a few blocks from the academy, and the cold temperature of the night was incentive for the kids to make quick work of the trip. There wasn’t much talking, save for the occasional complaint about the whether and Luther grumbling about how this wasn’t a good idea. Allison tried to convince him not to worry so much, though her words weren’t seeming to sway his paranoia. Klaus made a mental note to himself to thank her for her efforts sometime later.

“Are we even going the right way?” Diego demanded, trying not to let his shivering effect his voice.

“Do you want my jacket?” Ben whispered to him quietly.

“I’m not cold,” Diego snapped, crossing his arms tighter over his chest.

“Trust me, I know where we are,” Klaus responded. “You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay, but you’re sure?”

“Seriously, Klaus,” Luther added. “It’s way too late for us to be getting lost in the city.”

One of these days, Klaus thought to himself, his siblings would have enough confidence in him to take him at his word. Or maybe they wouldn’t. The truth was, he really didn’t care much either way.

“This isn’t the first time Klaus has come out at night,” Five murmured, tugging Vanya sideways by the hand to make sure she avoided stepping in a particularly large puddle. “He probably knows where he’s going better than we do.”

“You’ve gone to get doughnuts without us, Klaus?” Vanya asked, sounding particularly put off by the idea. She felt left out as it was, what with not being able to participate on family outings for crime fighting. Klaus tried to include her as much as he could, more than the others tended to, so to hear that he might’ve been going out on adventures without her hurt her feelings just a touch.

“Oh, no, this is the first time,” he answered quickly, offering her a kind smile. While Five wasn’t technically incorrect — fucking snitch — Klaus had never gone for doughnuts on his late night outings. In fact, the idea of his siblings finding out that he’d actually been making late night trips to buy substances to suppress his powers was terrifying to him. Klaus knew the look that Ben would get, knew that Luther would give him a self righteous talking to and Diego would fix him with a disapproving look. Vanya and Allison might be a bit gentler with him, if the slightest bit judgy, and from the sounds of it, Five already suspected what he was up to. Still... saying it out loud made him feel itchy. “Oh, look, there it is! Who doesn’t know where he’s going, brothers mine?”

Each of them looked across the street to where Klaus pointed, a bright, neon sign winking invitingly at them. For the seven of them, children who had been kept from the outside world in favor of practicing and honing their powers, often against their individual wills, the well lit interior of the doughnut shop was just about the most exciting, wonderful thing they had ever seen.

Diego took one look at the place and let out a shout of relief and desperation, dashing across the street and immediately making for the door. He wasn’t about to say it, but he was just about done with freezing his ass off to look tough. “Let’s go!” he yelled back at his siblings, wrenching the door to the shop open.

The other six exchanged glances with one another, their giddiness bubbling up and out of them. As Five was already grasping one of Vanya’s hands, Klaus grasped her free one and then reached for Ben’s with his other, who in turn grabbed onto Allison’s, who was already holding Luther’s. They all squeezed each other’s palms, reveling in this night of freedom and silliness and borrowed time to behave like children, and let out their own cheers of delight as they charged their way across the street, following in Diego’s footsteps.

—

“Uh... hello... ma’am,” Luther greeted the dumbfounded blonde, middle aged waitress behind the counter. He wasn’t sure why, but he strained to make his voice deeper. It didn’t change the fact that she was staring at him and the other six like they were some freak show — which, technically, they were anyway — but it was enough to make him feel a little more adultish.

“Are you kids lost?” the woman — Agnes, if the name sewn into her uniform was anything to go by — prompted. Her eyes got wide in a way the kids weren’t quite used to. Normally when people were staring at them, it was because they were curious, or they wanted to try and catch a glimpse at them using their powers. This lady seemed more concerned for them than they had ever seen an adult be before. “Where are your parents?”

“We’re old enough to be out by ourselves,” Diego told her politely, trying his hardest to look neither guilty nor disrespectful. “Could we order some doughnuts? Please?”

Agnes glanced between the seven children with wide eyes, taking in the sight of their oversized clothing and pink cheeks as each of them in turn gave her suspiciously innocent grins. She couldn’t be sure whether they were runaways, didn’t know where they had come from or why they were out so late. The only things Agnes did know for certain was that it was nearly two in the morning and below freezing outside. One of the children wasn’t wearing a jacket, and the rest of them looked like they’d just stepped into the White House, they were so amazed. She couldn’t just kick them out... but...

“I’m sorry, kids,” Agnes told them, hating herself for having to steal their excitement away. “But I really can’t just let you sit in here. This is a business, and—“

“Oh, don’t worry!” One of the boys, the tallest of the bunch, stepped forward and climbed up on one of the barstools, shoving his hands into his pockets. When he brought them back out, he dropped several wadded bills — large ones — on the counter in front of her. “We’re paying customers!” When Agnes only managed to stare further, the boy hesitated, glancing at his siblings and then back to Agnes somewhat nervously. “This... that’s enough, right?”

More than enough, actually. Just a cursory glance at the bills that boy had offered up told Agnes there was enough money there for a dozen doughnuts at least six times over. Still, though, where were the kids’ parents? How had they gotten here? Were they plating hooky? Were they trying to escape from authorities? Agnes really should go in the back room and make a call to the authorities, right?

Then again... who was Agnes to deny these kids their fun?

Sighing and resigning herself to the fact that an angry adult could show up at any time, Agnes pulled out her pen and her order pad. “Make yourselves at home, kiddos,” she told them, smiling gently and looking each of them over as they other six climbed up onto stools. “What’ll it be?”

—

“So, are you gonna tell me why you had all that money?”

Klaus glanced sideways at Diego, not bothering to hide the slight flinch he’d given out of surprise. Diego was always quiet, annoyingly enough, and Klaus had found himself on the other side of a never ending prank war because of it.

“Don’t see why that’s any of your business,” Klaus replied. He didn’t mean to be unkind, but his siblings were a bunch of cryptic assholes, and Diego was especially dramatic. Could anyone really blame him if that caused his anxiety to spike? “Not like I robbed a convenience store or anything, so you can drop the wannabe Batman voice.”

“I’m not doing my—“

“There it is again!” Klaus teased, pointing a playful finger at Diego’s chest. “Come on, dude, you have to know you don’t sound as tough as you think you do!”

He was deflecting, and he knew it was stupid obvious, but if it got him out of Diego’s interrogation then Klaus could overlook his own shitty acting skills. Besides, it wasn’t like he was acting too much to begin with. He really was happy to be out with his siblings, happy that they could stop pretending to hate each other to enjoy a sweet treat with one another, if only just for a couple of hours. Klaus knew this wasn’t going to last forever, and couldn’t be entirely positive that it was ever going to happen again, but he was just happy that he knew for a fact that his siblings were having a good time because of something he’d done, if only this one time around.

“Hey, I’m macho as hell, scrawny ass,” Diego shot back, unable to help his own little chuckle. Klaus liked his brother best when he was willing to drop his act like that. “And you’re changing the subject.”

“I saved it,” Klaus mumbled, letting his gaze wander over to the shop counter. Vanya and Five were busy seeing how many donuts they could stack atop Ben’s head without the tower falling over. Allison and Luther were whispering conspiratorially to one another, wide, stupidly happy grins on each of their faces. “And I took some stuff to the pawn shop downtown the other day. Guess I was just excited to spend it. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Diego gave his brother a long, blank stare. It made sense Klaus wouldn’t think he’d know any better; all the siblings were generally a bit distant from each other, confused as to whether they should consider the others allies or competition, and Diego made it clear which way his opinion swayed. Still, though, that didn’t mean he never paid attention. His siblings were competition second, family first. Not even their father’s repetitive droning would knock that idea out of his head.

“Let me try again,” he eventually sighed, fixing Klaus with the sternest expression any thirteen year old had ever managed to muster. “What were you gonna do with that money before you decided on a family donut trip?”

“Does it count as a family trip if Mom and Dad aren’t here? And, do we count Pogo, or—“

“Klaus.”

Klaus sighed, suddenly finding the neon vibrancy of the jukebox he’d crossed the room to peruse particularly fascinating.

“I... you remember when I was sick last month?” He kept his eyes on the jukebox’s track list, but made sure to focus more on Diego. This was a sensitive topic for Klaus, and while he was never embarrassed to share his feelings, he was a bit scared of what his brother might think of him after hearing what he was about to say.

Diego thought a moment, trying to remember the incident Klaus was referring to. “That time you cried every time you swallowed ‘cause your throat was so sore?” He’d been worried Klaus was going to die of laryngitis or whatever he’d been sick with, not that he’d taken the time to express that out loud. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Right, that’s the time.” Jesus, this jukebox was filled with a lot of old school crap, wasn’t it? “Well, anyways, Mom gave me some NyQuil one night, just to help me get to sleep. I don’t think she liked seeing me in pain.” He paused, feeling his eyes growing threateningly warm. “She didn’t know Dad was planning on throwing me in the mausoleum again that night.”

It was silent for a few beats, and Diego scratched the back of his neck in confusion. Klaus kindly ignored the slight horror on his face at the mention of the mausoleum. He’d known their father made Klaus undergo particularly cruel experimentation, but Diego tried not to think about it too often. Shit was depressing, after all, and sympathy wasn’t going to do Klaus any good. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” he said simply.

Klaus frowned, searching for the words but unsure whether he actually wanted to find them. “It’s just... I didn’t see any ghosts that night. Usually they show up as soon as Dad locks me in, but they weren’t there. You know that’s the first time I’ve ever not seen a ghost outside the house?”

He tried not to sound too excited, but that was hard to pull off. Klaus was so used to living in terror, not that his father cared. He liked to think his siblings might, but any worry they offered him wouldn’t be productive, considering they had about as much power as Klaus did. It was a terrible situation that he was powerless to stop, making the fact that he finally had a way to help himself his greatest accomplishment in life.

“Mom gave me more the next night,” he continued, pushing the words out. “And I didn’t see anything then, either. Dad doesn’t even let me take ibuprofen because it’ll inhibit the ghost goggles, you know? But the NyQuil kept knocking me out, so I figured I should try something a little... stronger.” There it was; his big secret. “I was going to try it tonight, but I got too scared and didn’t want to be alone. I had a little money left over and figured you guys would wanna hang out with me if I had doughnuts to give you.”

Diego blinked, trying to make sure he understood correctly. This was the one time he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. “So, you... you bought...?”

“Drugs,” Klaus finished. “Yeah, I did. It’s just weed, but I hear it’s not so bad, and you don’t get, like, addicted. Better than some of the other stuff, y’know?”

Diego was still having trouble processing. His brother Klaus, the freest, most carefree person in the house, was experimenting with drugs? Klaus, who never seemed to be bothered by anything or anyone? Who let Allison paint his nails and flipped off the asshole kids who waited outside the house with the rest of the crowds just to call him a faggot for it with a shiny black-tipped finger?

Klaus was hurting?

What a stupid question. Of course Klaus was hurting; they all were.

“Don’t tell the others, okay?” Klaus pleaded. He clasped his hands tightly in front of him, hoping against hope that Diego would be as cool a brother as he knew he could be. “If they tell Dad, there’s no telling what I’ll—“

“That’s your business, dude.” The words had come out a bit rougher than Diego had intended, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t tell if he was more horrified that Klaus wanted to stoop to as low a level as taking drugs to numb his powers instead of facing them, or that their father had been the one to drag Klaus down to that point in the first place. “It’s got nothing to do with me, just... be careful with it, alright?”

Klaus’ face softened as he understood, able to see through the curtain of Diego’s barbed words. “Love you too, brother. What do you say we go shove some doughnuts down our throats?”

“Sure, Klaus,” he sighed, watching as his brother finally selected a song from the jukebox before heading back over to their siblings. The urge to say something about what his brother had just admitted — Diego wasn’t sure what he could say, only knew that he should say something — wasn’t easily fought off, but he managed. For the sake of this desperately sought out good time between the siblings, Diego let it go.

It wasn’t until he was a few years older and saw just exactly what Klaus would become that Diego wished he would’ve said something, anything to derail the path he’d allowed his brother to take that night.

—

“I’m gonna... oh my god, I’m gonna puke,” Ben muttered, clutching at his stomach in agony as they all trudged home. “I knew I should’ve stopped at that eighth custard filled one. The doughnut holes really messed me up.”

Diego — now noticeably wearing the extra jacket Ben had made sure to bring — carried his brother along, slinging his arms tighter around his shoulders. “What, you would’ve rather gone down like a coward? No, dude, you did good.”

“Yeah,” Allison sighed, leaning heavily on Klaus. Normally that was a position reserved for Luther, but Klaus’ height made him a better standing pillow. “At least you didn’t actually throw up.”

Klaus laughed hard, ignoring his sister’s dirty look. Poor Allison had only made it about four jelly filleds in before running outside to hack her guts up. He wished he’d had a way to record it, if only so they could all laugh about it together later on. He guessed they’d just have to settle for memories.

“I’m gonna pass out,” Vanya sighed, stumbling a bit over a crack in the sidewalk. Five made sure to reach his arms out to catch her, just in case she actually did fall. “Does anyone know what time it is?”

“It was almost four when we left Griddy’s,” Luther muttered, furiously rubbing his eyes in an effort to stay awake. “Are we almost home?”

“We’re literally two feet in front of the mansion, you big baby,” Five scoffed. “God, I’m still coming down off that sugar high. This was such a good idea.”

“Everybody say ‘Thank you, Klaus,’” Klaus teased, shifting his grip on Allison so he could lean forward and pull the door open. He half expected his father or Pogo to be waiting for them all at the door, ready with a shaking fist and a sharp reprimand, but the foyer was dark and no one was to be seen.

“Thanks, Klaus,” Allison murmured down at his side. She smiled at him kindly, using the fact that she was already leaning against him to engulf him in a tight hug. “Really.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Diego chimed in as he and the rest of the siblings shuffled inside. “This was... really cool of you. We love you.” That last sentence was punctuated with a meaningful look, and Klaus had to try really hard not to let it mean too much to him.

“Thanks, Klaus,” Vanya murmured, darting forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

They all took their turns thanking him, hugging him, telling him they loved him and each other. It was the kindest they’d ever collectively been, and that fact was enough to make his chest grow warm.

Klaus watched as, one by one, his siblings disappeared to their rooms, sleepy smiles on their faces and their stresses and anxieties temporarily relieved. Maybe they didn’t get along all the time; maybe they were all obsessed with outshining the others so that their father would like them best. But Klaus had managed to give them all the gift of childlike excitement, had made it possible for them to let go of their worries for a little while. The fact that he had that knowledge, that he knew he’d been responsible for making everyone fell better, that?

That was magical to him.

He went upstairs to his room, changing into pajamas and taking one look at the box on his night stand, the box where he was hiding the drugged brownie he’d managed to get his hands on before disregarding it entirely and moving to get some sleep. His siblings might not have realized it, but they’d given him a gift in return for the one he’d offered. None of them knew it, not even Klaus himself, but sneaking out together to go get donuts and make happy memories together had bought Klaus his last two weeks of sobriety.

But, then again, no good deed ever truly went unpunished. Five would go missing in the next week, lost to a stupid desire to prove that he could time travel, and Ben would die horribly the week after that, leaving Klaus the only one who could speak to him for the rest of his days. Luther and Allison were closing themselves off, Diego was pushing him away, and he couldn’t stand to look at Vanya anymore because he knew Five wouldn’t be beside her like he always used to be.

So, eventually, Klaus ate the brownie, then began experimenting with other, stronger things, and before he knew it, he’d all but mentally checked out of reality. Let his surviving siblings call him a coward, let his father consider him the greatest disappointment imaginable, Klaus didn’t care. As long as he could numb the pain, as long as he could look back on that happy memory of the donut shop and forget everything else that had happened to both him and his siblings, he would be fine.

Because finding bliss? Being happy?

That was all that mattered now.

Klaus would never see a sober day again for the next sixteen odd years, but as long as he had that last good memory to hold on to while he was doping up and numbing the pain, he didn’t much care.

#the umbrella academy #tua #umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #diego hargreeves #five hargreeves #allison hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #luther hargreeves #umbrella academy fanfiction #one shot #fanfic #fanfiction

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yaminosonarhedgiebat · 5 years

Text

Hold On

Trigger warnings: Attempted Suicide, Substance Abuse, Mental Health

Song: "Hold On" by Chord Overstreet

youtube

Yugi was driving faster than usual down the busy streets of Domino city. The familar roads all a blur right now. His mind a buzz as his focus was on the road infront of him. Frantic, praying. The phone next to him the only passenger, still on the text message open to Atem's somber farewell text. A few days ago they had a fight. One of those petty fights that he doesn't remember why they ever fought in the first place.

"Loving and fighting, accusing, denying"

Fighting tears that threatened to blur his vision on the road, he shouldn't have left Atem alone. He knew he should have listened to his gut not to trust Atem's 'oh-so-convincing' smile and lie that 'he was fine' after they made up, but still felt the need that they needed some time a part for a few days to clear the air. A few days he totally miss counted while he stayed with Joey halfway across the city. He knew what today was. How can he be so stupid to forget?!

"I can't imagine a world with you gone. The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of I'd be so lost if you left me alone"

Yugi cursed at himself as tears ran down his cheeks, gritting his teeth as memories of their laughter played in his mind, all the times their's and their friend's life were in danger and in chaos, the time he lost his soul to the orichalcos. Showed each other their demons by that cursed green stone and that horrible card. Today was THAT day that happened years ago in America. Of all days to be gone, today was NOT suppose to be one of those days! He finally saw their apartment complex, parked where he could and ran to his apartment. He grabed the emergency key under the carpet having forgotten his key the day he left after their fight, and open the door and didn't bother to close it again. Running all over their apartment searching for his boyfriend. "ATEM!! PLEASE ANSWER ME!! WHERE ARE YOU?!" He ran to the last place he can think of.

"You locked yourself in the bathroom"

He knew it, he pushed on the door and banged on it repeatedly. "ATEM PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!! ATEM!!" Hearing no response, he kicked and banged the door harder.

"Lying on the floor when I break through"

Yugi felt like he couldn't breath. As if someone stabbed him in the heart and he was gasping for life. What he saw in front of him, he will never unsee. There on the floor was Atem, a bottle of pain killers next to his hand and a few pills still laying around scattered. "ATEM!!!" He yelled, running and fell by his boyfriend's side.

"I pull you in to feel your heartbeat"

As soon as he felt the faint heart beat, he knew he wasn't comeplelty gone as he thought, a slight relief, but he wasn't in the clear yet.

"Can you hear me screaming,"

"Please don't leave me! Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you. Let me take your hand, I'll make it right. I swear to love you all my life. Hold on, I still need you." Yugi cried into Atem's ear as he held him close, tears falling onto his face as he held onto Atem's limp hand, before laying it on Atem's abdomen and carried his boyfriend to his car.

"Long endless highway, you're silent beside me"

Yugi was racing down the roads, signs and lights blurred as he headed straight for Domino Hospital, taking quick looks to his passenger side at his partner slumped on the door.

"Driving a nightmare I can't escape from Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading"

He wished it wasn't taking this long to see the hospital in view, he could see the paleness showing on his lover's once rich tan skin. Tears falling down his face at the sight, he really hoped it wasn't coming down to that. He really didn't want to lose him this way. Oh please someone end this nightmare! As if on que the Domino Hosptial sign was straight ahead and he rushed to the ER side honking his horn to catch the nurses' attention.

"Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones"

Hands were still shaking, but he tried his best to keep his composure as his car was swarmed by doctors and nurses, checking his lover. Only mouthing to them 'OD' cus words failed to come out at the time.

"They took you away on a table"

Yugi watched as they rolled Atem to a room, IVs getting started.

"I pace back and forth as you lay still"

He was too worried and he watched as the doctors worked, the heartmonitor showing a very weak pulse, and then slowly coming to a flatline.

"They pull you in to feel your heartbeat"

Doctors now scrambled for the defibulators as they tried their best to revive his lover, he couldn't take what he was seeing playing out in front of him.

"Can you hear me screaming,"

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

He rushed into the room of doctors, ignoring their commands to get back and trying to pry him off his lover.

"Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you." He chocked out, tears falling on his lover's chest, he fought the nurses trying to take him away.

"Let me take your hand, I'll make it right"

Yugi grabed Atem's hand and squeezed it tightly wishing that alone would wake up his lover from this death sleep.

"I swear to love you all my life. Hold on, I still need you."

They finally pried him off his grip of his lover and ushered him out of the room kicking and screaming for Atem, the last of his view of him before the door closed was the doctors setting up for another shock. He was all alone in the waiting room. Lost within his thoughts.

A few hours later...

"I don't wanna let go, I know I'm not that strong." Yugi said softly, Atem was in the ICU now. Heart monitor beeping a soft rythem, monitoring his vitals. Yugi sitting by his side holding onto his hand as he continued to whisper to his lover. Hoping somehow he would hear him.

"I just wanna hear you saying, "baby, let's go home"." Tears fell as Yugi gripped tighter on his partner's hand as he kept speaking.

"Let's go home. Yeah, I just wanna take you home. Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you." Was all Yugi can say, the silent prayer hoping to be answered, before leaning his head down. He kisses his partner's hand before he rested his forehead on his and Atem's joined hands on the bed. Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just gives it to someone else.

End

~~~~~~~~~

Sorry y'all, the lyrics to the song just spoke to me in ways that tore my heart out, but it helped me with my own situation going on in my life right now. It opened up my eyes to something I was blind to. So it caused me to write this very emotional story. Sorry for the angst and tears.

#yugioh #yugi mutou #puzzleshipping #atem #tw: mental health #TW: attempted suicide #tw: substance abuse #angst story fanfic #angst puzzleshipping #ptsd #Hold on by chord overstreet #song lyric story #fanfiction #puzzleshipping fanfiction #ygo fanfiction #angst

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 5 years

Text

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Ten

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

Chapter-Specific Content Warnings: Frostbite/Hypothermia

August 18th, 2016

Virgil frowned slightly, looking up at the man his mom had introduced him and Patton to as “Charles.” The man was looking down at him with a small smile that made Virgil’s skin crawl. Patton was looking between Charles and their mom with wide eyes. Patton pointed to Charles. “Is he gonna be our dad?” Patton asked.

Charles’ smile disappeared and Virgil’s alarm bells starting ringing. “Not necessarily, Patton,” their mom said. “But he’s very important to me, so I want the two of you to be nice to him, okay?”

Virgil scratched the back of his neck. “Okay, Mom,” he said softly. He knew that Charles was no good, but he didn’t want to upset his mom, so he didn’t say anything. Not to mention, he thought that if Charles got mad, it wouldn’t end well for either him or Patton.

February 5th, 2019

Virgil was worried. He didn’t want to let Patton know, because he knew Patton would worry ten times more if he knew Virgil didn’t like this, but he couldn’t deny he was worried.

It was snowing, and even if the snow wasn’t quite sticking yet, that meant it was freezing at best. You could get hypothermia or frostbite in these types of temperatures. Patton had some baby fat left on him, so he might be warmer longer, but Virgil himself was thin, and he knew he wouldn’t be okay in below-freezing weather without a jacket for long. He was already shivering.

Patton was always the one who took care of him at home. He appreciated Patton for that. When there was a set routine, or someone needed quiet, Patton would help Virgil keep quiet, either gently or by force depending on how much it was needed. If Virgil was hungry, Patton would make them both something to eat if Mom was busy with Charles.

When it came to situations they were unfamiliar with, though, Virgil usually found himself in charge. Virgil was the one who could put on a tough, angry exterior. The one who could make other people stay away. He was the one who could make sure the bullies hurt if they came after Patton.

They kept walking in the cold, and he didn’t fail to notice Patton’s shivering. “You feeling okay, Pat?” Virgil asked.

“Cold,” Patton said.

Virgil stopped, and put a hand on Patton’s chest to stop him. “Maybe we should put on extra layers of clothes. That could help.”

Patton nodded and they both put on an extra shirt, and Virgil tried to get on another pair of pants but couldn’t succeed. He stuffed the pants back in his backpack and grumbled, but continued to walk. He looked around, in the dimming light, and knew that soon it was going to feel even colder. “Do you want to play I Spy while we walk?” Virgil offered.

“No, I wanna pay attention to the street signs,” Patton insisted quietly.

“Okay,” Virgil said. That made practical sense, even if he wished that he could get Patton to smile a little bit.

Virgil stuffed his hands in his pants pockets. He was cold, and he knew it was only going to get worse. He shivered, and ran over the signs of hypothermia in his head. If he stopped shivering, that was bad. If he got confused, that was bad. If he was sleepy, that was bad. He had to stay awake, stay alert, and keep shivering as if his life depended on it. Because it did.

Eventually, they got to Main Street, and Patton whooped in victory, and Virgil smiled. They had been walking for an hour, and Virgil was feeling exhausted. He knew Patton’s heavy breathing meant he wasn’t much better off.

They headed in the direction of the railroad tracks, Patton chattering away, his mood significantly improved from what it had been before they reached Main Street. Virgil didn’t have the heart to tell him it might be several more hours before they reached the shop.

It couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes later that Virgil stumbled and fell to the pavement. He pushed himself up, back onto his feet, and brushed the snow off his shirt as best he could. It had started to stick sometime in the past half an hour, and Virgil was even more worried when he finally noticed it.

“You okay, Virge?” Patton asked.

“Fine,” Virgil said. “Let’s keep moving. It’ll help us stay warm.”

“Don’t know how warm I can be,” Patton admitted.

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed. “But we’ve gotta try.”

Patton gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and nodded. Virgil lead them down the street and continued to breathe, focusing on that and not the dull cold surrounding him. He was still shivering, but it was slower and less frequent. They had to find somewhere warm soon.

He blinked, and he didn’t recognize where they were. He looked behind him and saw the shops they were approaching behind him. “Woah,” Virgil breathed. “I must have zoned out.”

“Yeah, you seemed out of it for ten minutes,” Patton said, worry coloring his voice. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“No,” Virgil admitted, knowing that this was a very bad sign. “But I’ll be better when we can get somewhere warm.”

Patton nodded, biting his lip. Virgil smiled at him, praying that it actually made it into his eyes. “I’ll be fine, baby bro. No need to worry.”

“If you say so...” Patton said.

“Yeah,” Virgil said, and they kept walking.

Virgil could feel his muscles getting stiff and he stumbled again, trying to force himself up into a standing position, but he didn’t quite have the strength for it. “Virgil?!” Patton asked, voice easily reaching a panicked shriek.

“I’ll...be...fine, Pat. Just...need a minute...” he mumbled.

“Virgil, we don’t have a minute. We have to keep moving, keep us warm,” Patton said frantically. He gripped Virgil’s shirt and Virgil could feel how cold Patton’s fingers were through the thin material. “Come on, Virge, get up!”

He knew, logically, Patton was right. But he wanted nothing more than to sleep right now. “Pat, just a minute...please.”

Patton sounded like he was crying. “Virgil, no! Stay awake, Virgil, please!”

Virgil couldn’t even get his mouth to move and request one more minute. He blinked slowly, and Patton was sobbing over him. “Help!” Patton screamed. “Someone help, please!”

There was no one around in the cold air. Just the snow greeting them as Virgil laid on the pavement. It wasn’t the comfiest place he had ever slept, but it beat home after Charles had been drinking, when the whole house smelled like stale beer. “Pat...shhhhh...” Virgil whimpered.

“Someone help! My brother’s in trouble!” Patton wailed. He stood and moved away, but Virgil couldn’t tell where to. He hoped somewhere warm. He might freeze out here, but that was no reason for Patton to, as well. “Sir, please, my brother...he...he...we’ve been walking for hours!”

“It’s gonna be okay, kid, just breathe for me, all right? Your brother’s name, what is it?” an unfamiliar voice asked.

“V-Virgil,” Patton stammered out.

Virgil forced his eyes open, though he couldn’t push his hair out of his face. He could just barely make out a man like the one in the news article they had seen kneeling over him. “Hey, Virgil? Can you hear me?”

All he could do was make a small mewling sound.

“He must have been cold for quite a while before this,” the man murmured. “Virgil? I’m going to lift you up and get you and your brother in my car, all right? We’re gonna get you warmed up, buddy, just hang on, all right?”

“Uh...huh...” Virgil managed. He didn’t even try nodding.

The man grunted and lifted Virgil up, and then everything was blissfully warm. Patton was still crying next to him, and Virgil wanted to reassure him that it was all right, he’d be okay, but that took so much effort.

“H-he’ll be okay, won’t he?” Patton asked through tears.

“I hope so,” the man said. “I’m taking you both to the hospital, you shouldn’t be out alone at night, especially not in this weather.”

“Th-thank you,” Patton blubbered. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it, Patton. My husband would kill me if he knew I left two kids to fend on their own in this weather.”

“What’s your husband’s name?” Patton asked.

Virgil suddenly felt like he was moving without moving and he just barely made out the word, “Emile,” before everything went mercifully dark.

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #danger gays

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staticscreenwriting · 5 years

Text

All you have to be is here - Part 7

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who has a phenomenal smile and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 7 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6

Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you ♥

Attention ! If you wanna be tagged pls send me a message or an ask it’s easier and faster for me than going through the tags of each part every time. Thank you :)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

Billy’s is perched on top of the lifeguard tower, watching people splash around in the pool. This job is an absolute drag and he can not wait for pool season to finally end.

Tommy has decided to come around and keep him company, which is secret Tommy code for “ I fucked up again and Carol is giving me the cold shoulder “.

“ So, I haven’t seen much of you these days. Carol’s throwing a party on friday, you should come. “

Billy has never had a massive desire to hang out with Carol and her parties are usually pretty shit anyway. Tommy he can deal with, he’s an idiot but he’s an alright guy. Carol is just — mean, just for the sake of being mean. And being around her is pretty exhausting to be honest.

Billy has other plans anyway.

“ Can’t. Got a date “

“ A date ? “ Tommy questions “ with who ? “

“ (Y/N) “

“ Oh “

Something about the way Tommy says oh, irks Billy. Like he wants to say more but doesn’t. There’s a negative connotation placed on the word and it makes Billy really fucking irritated.

“ What’s that supposed to mean ? “

“ Nothing just — “ Tommy says and raises his eyebrow in that stupid way that lets Billy know there’s more to come and he probably won’t like it “ you’re spending a lot of time with her, huh ? That something serious ? “

That’s something Billy’s been asking himself for a while now. Sex, that’s something he’s used to, that he can separate from any emotional relationships. But cuddling ? Holding hands ? Sharing a bed in a completely non sexual way ? Those things are new and he’s not sure what they mean for his relationship with (Y/N). He sure as hell isn’t gonna discuss that with Tommy of all people though.

“ That’s none of your business, amigo “

“ Ah don’t get defensive now. Just wondering. She seems to got you wrapped around her finger. Before you know it you’ll be getting all cozy, moving into a townhouse in loch nora, have her poppin out a few babies. Ah I can just see it, the Hargrove family. That’s a chick’s dream ain’t it ?! “

Billy grows more and more uneasy with every word that leaves Tommy’s lips. He likes (Y/N), a whole lot, more than he ever liked another person. But is this what’s happening ? Is this a future they’re moving towards ? Is this really something he wants ?

What about leaving Hawkins after graduation ? Is that sill in the cards if things with (Y/N) become serious so quickly ? What if she really wants a future much like the one Tommy has just painted ? What if she wants all the happy family stuff ? The stuff that Billy can’t give her.

Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t know how. He’s not that type of person, has never had a proper family. Billy doesn’t know the first thing about love and relationships and family. How is he gonna built a future on that foundation ?

(Y/N) deserves so much more than what he can give and it scares him to think about it.

“ Hey Tommy, how about you shut the fuck up ? “

Maybe it’s time to have a talk with (Y/N). The talk. The “what are we “ talk. Thing is, talking is not something Billy is particularly good at. So he’ll just take his girl on a good date and see where things go.

His girl. His girl ?

It’s friday and the clock in his car says 9:02 and Billy hates himself. He’s not supposed to be here, speeding down the winding streets of Huckley, ACDC blasting from his stereo. He’s not supposed to be here in an old black shirt with more holes in it than he can count and with a bouquet of wilting squashed up flowers resting on his passengers seat as a silent reminder of the one thing he will never be good at — romance.

The plan was to pick (Y/N) up from work, have dinner at the Moonlight diner next to the drive in, then see a movie and maybe, maybe if he was real lucky she’d ask him to come back to her place and if he was extra super lucky she’d let him make her cum again

Fact is, he’s two hours late and when he’d arrived at the restaurant they told him she had already left.

It’s not his fault that he’s late, it really isn’t. The thing is, he should’ve known better. That good things don’t work out for Billy Hargrove, that plans never work out for him either.

Not as long as Neil still has a say in his life.

Of course Max wasn’t home on time and of course Billy was the one being blamed for it. The one responsible for finding her and bringing her home.

“ As soon as your sister is home safe and sound you can go running off with whatever hussy you want to, for all I care. But you better bring your sister home first. “

Billy wanted to punch him so desperately then. Just one hit, right in his snarl. Right in the middle of his mean face. Thinking about it, Billy wonders if he’s ever seen his dad smile. A real smile.

If so, he can’t remember it.

So instead of picking up (Y/N) from work, he drove around all of Hawkins to find his sister, who once again wasn’t where she said she was going to be. It took him an entire hour to locate her and drive her home.

It took another half an hours drive to Huckley, even with his leadfoot. By then he was sure (Y/N) wasn’t at her workplace anymore. There was a flicker of hope in his heart, that maybe she was at the restaurant waiting for him. Eating breadsticks and drinking cherry cokes and waiting for him to show up.

She wasn’t though. She’d been there but had left after spending an hour and a half all by herself. The waiter had told him so with one of those ugly tight lipped smiles. Those that pity you and yet they’re quite fond of your misery.

So what is there left to do ? Leave and forget about tonight. Forget about the date and the restaurant and — well, forget about the girl as well.

But he can’t do that, can he ? Not after everything. Not after all he’s shared and all she let him know.

He wants her in his life though. It seems — easier. Life seems easier when she’s around. Lighter. Happier.

So what else can he do ?

Grovel.

Billy Hargrove, doesn’t usually grovel. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness either. Billy is reckless and selfish and careless. But there’s a part of him, one he kinds of likes, one that’s only recently come to light. One that thinks sometimes there are things worth fighting for.

And that part grovels. It asks for forgiveness and swallows it’s pride because the alternative is losing (Y/N) and that’s not something he wants to even think about.

So all that’s left is hoping that she forgives him. That there’s a part of her that wants to keep him in her life. That thinks he’s worth it even though, heaven knows, he’s not.

He’s picked up some chinese food on the way to her place. One might call it a peace offering, Billy honestly just wants to make sure she’s getting some good food after all. Even if it isn’t some fancy restaurant. Really, anything’s better than her cooking.

An unfamiliar sense of dread is rushing through his system. He’s been trying to hard to be enough. To do things right. Or at least what society seems to think is right.

God, he hates feeling like this. Like disappointing (Y/N). He knows nothing he ever does is good enough for Neil and it seems he wasn’t good enough for his mom either, but (Y/N) honestly made him feel like he had a chance. Like he isn’t all bad. To realize he might’ve fucked this up, scares him shitless.

As he walks up to her apartment, plastic bag from the china place in one hand and a sad sad bouquet of flowers in the other, his feet feel incredibly heavy. He never usually feels like this when he’s here. This has become a place that makes him feel comfortable and safe and — happy.

He wants to go back to that, oh god he wishes he can.

As he knocks on her door, for a moment he wants her not to open it, to just ignore him. Maybe that would be better than seeing her disappointed face. Than hearing her confirm what he’s always known. That he doesn’t deserve her and that he’s fucked up once again.

But she does answer the door, dressed in a big sweater and sleeping shorts and she looks — happy.

“ Look I’m s — “

He doesn’t get to finish the sentence as in the matter of a moment her arms are thrown around his middle, pulling him into the apartment and as close to her as possible.

“ Thank god, you’re okay “ she mumbles against his chest.

“ Uh, yeah. “

“ Billy, “ she says and pulls her face away to look up at him. There’s so much worry in her eyes. Worry but also relieve. Did she honestly worry about him ? About HIM ?

“ I thought something happened. I was so worried. I just — I don’t have a phone number so I couldn’t even call you and even then, would you have been at home if something had happened ? No. So I — I’m just so relieved. “

In that moment he wants to hold her as tight as possible and never ever let her go. This girl puts so much trust in him, her first thought wasn’t “ oh Billy the asshole is ditching me” her first thought was “ something must’ve happened “. She worried about him, genuinely worried something wasn’t right.

He does not deserve that trust, not with the way he was and the way he still is. It’s a responsibility, an expectation he’s afraid he can never meet.

But god, it feels so good. And the selfish part of him yells louder than the rest, telling him to enjoy it while it lasts.

“ I’m alright. “ He confirms and places a soft kiss on her head. Her hair is so soft and smells so comfortingly of lavender. She smells and feels like home if ever Billy knew what that word meant. “ Sorry the date was shit. I had to go find Max then bring her home and dad was just being an asshole as usual. I am — “ he takes her face in between his hands “ — so sorry. “

Billy Hargrove isn’t sorry about a lot of things.

He is genuinely sorry now.

A slow smile pulls at the corner of (Y/N) lips “ did you bring food ? “ she asks, eyebrow raised.

Her face is squished between the sad flowers and the handles of the plastic bag containing the food containers and Billy thinks she looks adorable.

“ I did “

Smiles come so effortlessly to him when she’s around. Sometimes he feels them creeping up on him and sometimes they catch him by surprise but he never has to fake them. (Y/N) just make them appear on his face. Like magic.

He lets go of her and walks towards the kitchen, placing the bag on the counter and pulling out the cartons. “ I didn’t know what you wanted so I got a shit ton of stuff, hope there’s something there you like. “

She doesn’t answer and after a moment Billy’s eyes wander up to see what’s going on. But she just stands there, looking at him all soft eyes and kind smile and she’s leaning against the doorway all effortlessly beautiful and unbothered and he thinks he might faint by the way she makes his heart beat in his chest and takes his breath away. She does it all by doing absolutely nothing. By just being herself.

He wonders if she feels it too. He hopes she feels it too.

“ What ? “

“ This feels very domestic. I like it. I like you being here. I — I really like you Billy Hargrove. “

It’s not that he doesn’t know what to say in reply. There’s a thousand things he wants to say. Only they don’t come out easy, they never had to come out before. This entire situation is a first for him. So he keeps the words in and waits for another moment when he feels ready to say them. He just smiles and throws her a wink “ You like Kung Pao chicken ? “

“ Why are all these parents absolute dickheads ? “ (Y/N) asks, taking a last bite of her spring roll while pointing at the TV “ Tina’s mom is shit, Nancy’s mom is — drunk ? And her dad looks like a Ken doll but that’s irrelevant. They’re all so dumb“ .

Billy loves to listen to her ramble. She does it with the same passion, the same excitement that’s always present in everything she does. She exudes an aura of euphoria. Of wonder. Of magic.

“ Oh yeah, because we have such a good track record when it comes to parents, huh ? “

She considers his words for a moment before giving him a shrug in agreement “ Guess you’re right. “

She’s cuddled into his side as Nightmare on Elm Street plays on the small tv in her living room. This feels like it should be, it feels right and that terrifies Billy to the core. This feels too good to be true.

“ So, what did you initially plan for our date ?. I mean after dinner. “ (Y/N) questions, looking up at him through her beautiful eyes.

“ Wanted to take you to see a movie at the drive in. Maybe a scary one so I could’ve held you when you got too scared. Like a real gentleman I’d drive you home, kiss you a little. Maybe make out a little, maybe you’d invite me up … ? “

“ Make out, huh ? “

“ mmh. Would’ve been the makeout of your life. “

“ Oh really, huh. Well Mr. Hargrove let me tell you something. I don’t need a fancy diner with burgers that cost 15 bucks. I don’t particularly like drive ins because the sound is shit and people are dumb. Watching a movie on my couch and pigging out on chinese food is a pretty sweet date in my book. I like ir and I think this is a great date. Even with the flowers looking the way they do. I really really like it. “

“ You do ? “

“ I really do. Now how about that makeout ? Let me judge that for myself ? “

“ Oh baby, “ he says and cups her face “ you have no idea what you’re up for. Makeout of your life, I promise “ .

She pulls him closer by his shirt and connects their lips in a soft kiss, growing needier with every motion. He wants her closer. Closer. Needs her closer. Needs more.

Kissing her feels soft and warm and comfortable. He loves kissing her. It sends electric currents through his body, shivers of excitement. They’re not sexual though, not entirely. It’s more. There’s more when he’s kissing her and it both excites and terrifies him.

For a moment they get swallowed by a feeling of pure and unfiltered bliss. It’s all consuming, tinting their worlds in hues of reds and pinks and all that matter is the two of them. Just them caught in a bubble, forgetting about the world outside and getting lost in their kisses.

Though after a moment, the bubble pops, the wave crashes and the magic vanishes and life is life again. Oh how Billy wishes he could’ve stayed in the moment forever. To kiss her forever.

As they pull away, (Y/N) looks in his eyes and there it is again, this perpetual radiancance. Her hands are softly brushing the curls away from his face before she places some gentle kisses on his cheeks. It’s these moments of affection and being close that he cherishes to dearly. Those feel new, like nothing he’s ever experienced before.

If only he could allow himself to hold on to them.

“ Are you gonna stay the night ? “ she asks, hope swaying in her words.

“ Might as well “ Billy replies as kisses her one more time before getting off the couch.

There’s a little red adidas duffle bag in his car, hidden beneath the passenger seat. It’s been there ever since he’s gotten the Camaro. Ever since he first took off for the night. Just him, the duffle bag and that awful black eye.

It’s there for emergencies, when he can’t go home before school but things are — bad. Teachers start asking questions when you come to school in the same clothes 4 days in a row and not brushing your teeth is nasty.

So Billy keeps the bag filled with clothes and a toothbrush, deodorant and some extra cologne.

“ Let me just go grab my stuff from the car “ he says, already turning towards the door, when a hand reaches out and holds onto his arm.

“ Actually — “ (Y/N) says then rushes towards the bathroom. When she comes back she holds out her hands and it takes a moment for Billy to realise what it is she’s presenting him here. That’s until he DOES realise and his heart sinks to his stomach.

It’s a toothbrush.

“ So, I uh — I just thought that you always dragging your bag from the car to my place to the car, over and over again is kinda exhausting so I got you a toothbrush you can leave here. If you want I can clear some space in my wardrobe for some of your clothes “

She’s so hopeful. So so hopeful.

Tommy’s words come back, echoing around Billy’s mind and taunting him.

This is the first step into a future he so desperately wants to be able to give to her. One he can never see himself in. On he doesn’t deserve.

“ Billy are you o — “

He grabs his jacket from the back of the couch, fumbling around for his keys. “ I gotta go. I gotta go “ he murmurs over and over again.

She wants to keep him around, wants him here. She allows him to be a part of her life. Significant. Important. She trusts him to stay around.

He can’t fuck this up but he will. He always does. Maybe this is his superpower. Billy Hargrove also known as Mr. Fuckup, superpower: ruining everything.

(Y/N) deserves more than that. She deserves a good life in a pretty house with a pretty dog and pretty kids. She deserves so much better than him. So much more. He can’t even take her on a fucking date. Not even one single date.

“ I gotta go “

“ What do you mean you gotta go ?”

There’s so many voices in his head talking over one another. All taunting. All teasing.

You’re a disgrace, Billy. You are never gonna amount to anything, Pussy. That’s a chick’s dream, ain’t it ?

Neil's voice, Tommy’s voice. Billy’s own voice.

And they’re all calling out to him listing all the insecurities he’s ever felt cursing through him.

A chick’s dream, huh ? An emotional wreck that never learned how to deal with his feelings in a healthy way. Afraid of commitment because he’s afraid of rejection, of loss.

That’s a full on dream guy if he’s ever seen one. God he’s so pathetic.

It’s like his body is working on auto pilot and he only regains complete control again once he’s back in the camaro.

So much for talking eh? He couldn’t even bare to look at her. To see her face as she realises what an asshole he really is. To see disappointment in her eyes. To see sadness. All of which he himself put there.

Yeah Billy, you do what you always do. What you do best.

Just fucking bolt. That’s brave. So brave.

It pains him that the voice calling out the loudest, is his own.

The job of a lifeguard has quite a few disadvantages.

You have to boil in the sun while everyone else gets to enjoy the cool water of the pool.

You mostly sit around on your ass all day doing nothing but getting a sunburn

You have to work long hours when others get to enjoy their summer break.

It’s a shitty job all around, Billy is the first to admit it. He hates the job. There are some things about it though, that he enjoys quite a bit.

He gets to yell at kids all day long

He has a set of keys for the property.

Billy’s always felt a certain kind of freedom and liberation whenever he was in the water. Ever since he was little, the beach was his favorite place. When you’re out in the ocean, riding a wave, nothing matters but the here and now. Only him and the water. No Neil, no troubles, no fears.

Just him and the wave.

There’s no waves here and no ocean and no salty breeze. But when the pool is closed and he’s the only one around, sometimes he gets into the water and closes his eyes and lets himself drift on the surface. It never feels like home but sometimes it helps him remember what home felt like.

As he floats slowly around the pool in his boxers, looking up at the stars, he tries so hard to remember home. The liberation. The freedom.

He can’t thought because lately home wasn’t that. Lately home was (Y/N).

There’s a weight deep inside him like as if he swallowed a bunch of stones. It’s a horrible feeling, an all consuming sense of dread. He shouldn’t have left just because it scared him that she cared. He should’ve let her.

But what then ? What if what they have is only temporary. Good things don’t last for Billy why should this be any different ? Good things never last. The trust she puts in him, the affection, he deserves none of it. Never did. Probably never will.

“ Hey asshole “ a voice calls out to him through the sapphire blue of the night.

The lights around the pool, illuminate her like some kind of heavenly goddess. An angel walking barefoot across the ugly cold cement floor of the Hawkins community pool.

Billy swims towards the edge of the pool, as (Y/N) plops down letting her feet dangle into the water.

“ How’d you know I was here ? “

(Y/N) shrugs. “ I didn’t. I knew you weren’t gonna go home but I couldn’t find you at the diner and so I drove around Hawkins trying to spot your car somewhere. It’s a bit flashy, I gotta tell you. “

She was looking for him. No one’s ever been out looking for him before. He’s the one doing that usually. For Max. For mom …

Billy is always the one searching never the one being searched for. Never the one being found.

“ Why ? “

“ What do you mean, why ? “ (Y/N) asks and leans back on her hands “ you just left with no explanation. That’s not how things work with me. “

“ Well tough luck because that’s the one thing I’m good at, other than sex. So you’ll have to get used to the running . “

“ Or you’ll have to learn to let people care about you, you stubborn fuck. “

Every time she swears she gets infinitely hotter to Billy, why ? He has no idea but there’s something about this pretty girl swearing that makes for a perfectly chaotic anomaly.

What shocks him though, is that she so clearly, so effortlessly sees behind his walls and defence and gets right to the bare bones of it all. His inability to let people care about him because he care so little about himself. Because no one ever really did.

“ Yeah, I know what it feels like. Billy, I probably understand better than most people. “

“ What you want — “ he chokes out “ what you deserve, is more than anything I can give you. Just figured it’s easier to get out now before — “

“ Before what ? “

“ You know “

“ Say it ! “

He takes a breath. The words are tingling at tongue just asking to be spoken. Like a whole package of pop rocks popping and sizzling.

“ Before I fall in love with you “.

A silence settles upon them though Billy is sure they can hear his heart beat all the way over to Indianapolis. It’s beating so loud. So hard. He can feel it about to burst out of his chest.

“ Before you fall in love with me.” he adds “ I’m gonna fuck up eventually and I don’t want to pull you into the mess. “

“ That’s my decision to make, Billy. You don’t get to make that one for me. “

“ I don’t — I don’t deserve you caring so much. “

“ Well shit man I do anyway. Maybe no one ever told you this or no one ever made you feel it, but Billy — you don’t have to earn love. Or affection. Or care. People give it because they want to, because you mean something to them. Let me love you. Because I do. I — I’m like 95% sure I’m in love with you and It’s so scary. You literally just walked into my life and at first I thought you were the worst and your hair is stupid. You’re not the worst though, not even close. “

“ What about my hair ? “

“ Still stupid “

He has to laugh. Because what else is there to do. What do you do when someone tells you they love you ? What do you do when you love them back ?

“ I never thought I could get so attached to someone so quickly and all my strong female instincts tell me to be careful and to not let myself fall too fast too quick. I’ve known you for a few weeks now and I — I feel like you’ve been all that was missing from my life for so long. It’s scary. It’s so scary.I know life isn’t a fucking fairytale and I am terrified of this crashing and burning but I — life gives me so few good things, I need to keep them close. I need to let myself feel them. “

Billy pushes himself up on the edge of the pool to be eye-level with (Y/N), hands placed firmly on the concrete floor.

She softly takes his face in her hands and brushes the wet strands out of his eyes.

“ I don’t need fancy dates and flowers and holding hands. I just want what we have to stay. That feeling of belonging. Of understanding each other. Of home. I like us together. I love us together. What we have that’s — good and it’s pure and — “

“ The sex is fantastic “

“ The sex is really fucking great yeah “ she says and chuckles through her tears “ We don’t have to think about the future, that’s so far away. I just wanna feel like home with you for as long as life lets us. Let me love you, sad boy “

Billy carefully, almost as if he fears breaking her, places his lips on hers. Maybe this is worth the anxiety and the fear. If he gets to feel like he’s feeling right now, safe and appreciated and warm and — loved. Maybe if this can stay, it’s worth the fear of losing it.

Maybe being afraid of losing something isn’t so bad.

Maybe it means you care. You love.

Maybe it means that some things do matter.

Billy pulls back and looks deep in her eyes “ You know what ? “

“ What ? “

“ I think you’re way too dry right now “

“ Huh ? “

Before she can really think about his words, Billy has pushed himself out of the pool and swoops her up in his arms, taking a few steps back before breaking into a sprint and jumping into the cool water of the swimming pool.

He can feel her laughter vibrate against his chest. God, he wants to stay in this moment forever. Just them and the night and the unfiltered, untainted bliss of being young and in love. With a person. A feeling. With life.

As the water surrounds them, Billy opens his eyes and looks at her through a blurry vision. And just like that, he remembers. What it feels like to be one with the ocean, to forget all your problems and live for this one single moment when life seems easy. Light. Happy.

He remembers what home feels like.

The moon shines down on the two as they swim around pool, splashing each other and getting lost in themselves and their kisses. In the unshakable truth that home is not a place but a person. A feeling of belonging.

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