#i wish i still remembered the lyrics to the song i would have written them down

[skbeaumont]

"I Remember Everything" | Joel x Reader

Part 2 of Play it Again, a new series where each story is a oneshot, but all are shaped around country songs.

Song: I Remember Everything, Zach Bryan ft. Kacey Musgraves Summary: Ten years after outbreak day, you and Joel try to find a way to forget. In the process he finds things to remember, too Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff if you squint, references to sex, alcohol and drugs, sex but not explicit, trauma, grief, just expect emotional damage basically Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: This ended up being both very angsty and quite sweet. Once again it was written with lyrics from the song pulled into the prose, so do listen as you read. If you've got any song recommendations for this series, let me know!

You were begging me to stay 'til the sun rose Strange words come on out Of a grown man's mouth when his mind's broke Pictures and passin' time You only smile like that when you're drinking I wish I didn't, but I do Remember every moment on the nights with you You're drinkin' everything to ease your mind But when the hell are you gonna ease mine?

The bar is crowded when you enter. Heaving with writhing bodies, hot in a way that has your shirt sticking to your back within moments of entering, a hazy, sharp tang in the back of your nose, a mix of moonshine and sweat.

Ten years today since outbreak day, and it seems everyone in the QZ is in here to forget.

Technically, there aren’t supposed to be any bars in the QZ, but as you squeeze between the crowds you spot two women you know to be FEDRA officers. It’s amazing what they’ll turn a blind eye to when it benefits them. One of the women looks pretty far gone already, leaning against the other with a placid, washed out grin on her face. The moonshine here is cheap, strong, and a poor imitation of anything that would have been served in a bar ten years ago.

You order two double whiskeys, watch the skinny youth behind the bar pour it out into a chipped mug, take it from him and hand over a creased, dog-eared ration card. A small price to pay for an evening of forgetting. You down the first double at the bar, then turn and push yourself on tiptoes to find an empty table, or a quiet corner to hole up in where you won’t be disturbed.

Instead, you find your gaze passing over a familiar figure at the back of the room. Joel’s recognisable even from behind – broader than anyone else in the room, the sloping lines of his shoulders pressing against the frayed seams of the denim shirt he’s wearing. It’s been a few months since you last saw him. You’re not sure where he’s been, maybe off on his smuggling runs; the two of you have never really kept a consistent line of conversation, your meetings generally consisting of a quick catch up and then a long, slow evening using each other to try to forget the hell of life in the QZ and your respective pasts. Unhealthy, probably, but it works for a few hours.

Joel turns where he’s stood and the dim lights in the bar illuminate the side of his face, the strong line of his jaw. He’s wearing a lopsided half-smile, leaning against a shelving unit filled with bottles, talking to a woman with dark hair. He’s clearly drunk: he only smiles like that when he’s drunk. It’s an impressive feat, considering how much you know he drinks on any normal day.

You’re still watching him, sipping your own drink, when he turns his head, eyes locking with yours. You don’t look away. The buzz of the whiskey is starting to sink through you, warm and familiar, and Joel’s eyes are just as intoxicating.

It’s always the same. There’s something about him that has you gravitating to him. It’s attraction, certainly, but it’s deeper than that. There’s so much about Joel you don’t know, so many unanswered questions and unexplained mysteries. But you know he’s like you. You know he’s lost people. You know he’s broken, and lonely, and so fucking angry that it scares him sometimes.

Joel watches you down the rest of your whiskey, eyes flicking to your lips as you lick a stray drop. He’s drunk, far drunker than he should be considering he has to be up at the crack of dawn in the morning for sewer duty.

He only got back into the QZ early this morning, spent rest of the day trying as best he could to get some sleep without resorting to rotgut whiskey to ease his mind. A lost cause, of course. He hasn’t slept without some kind of pill or booze in ten years. Eight hours in and he’d given it up as a bad job, downed a few bottles of home-brewed cider and headed to this hot, loud bar, hoping to distract himself from the date and all that its memory brings.

He hadn’t expected you to be here, and something uncomfortably like gladness settles in his chest as he watches you make your way towards him. All day he’s been on edge, wound up so tight he’s felt like something in him is going to snap, but the sight of you has it retreating, loosening his shoulders more than the piss-poor whiskey has.

He wonders for a moment what this thing you have – this relationship that isn’t a relationship, this love story that definitely isn’t a love story, just a way to forget for a while – would be like if the outbreak hadn’t happened. Would he sing you love songs, buy you flowers, take you to the beach and let your sand-covered hair blow into his face on the drive home?

Ten years since outbreak day, and he’s mostly wondering if you’ll help him forget in a way that the booze and pills he’s been knocking back since this afternoon haven’t managed to yet. Two whiskeys in, and you’re wondering if he’ll ease your mind like the liquor’s eased your tight muscles.

It’s this that carries you both out into the alley behind the bar, has him pressing you into the rough brick wall, hands roaming your body like you’re a route he’s trying to memorise so he can sneak back when the curfew falls. His mouth is hot on yours, his breath tinged with booze and counterfeit cigarettes.

It’s easy where it shouldn’t be; easy to let him lead you through the back streets to his apartment, easy to let yourself fall inside, easy to ignore the empty cider bottles that litter the apartment, the pill bags and loose cigarettes.

The sex is unrushed – it could be called romantic, if you were both other people, if it you weren’t both doing it to forget. The memories of ten years ago retreat for a while as he undresses you; the pain eases as he lays you back, slots himself between your legs and presses himself into you.

The movement of it is calming, familiar. Joel’s strong back under your hands, his muscles shifting and tensing as he thrusts into you, the harshness of his breath at your ear. He’s quiet, usually, hardly lets himself make a sound when he’s inside you, and then leaves before you’ve had chance say goodbye. Tonight, though, he doesn’t. When you’ve finished he rolls himself off of you and pulls you to his chest, wraps a strong arm around your waist and lets you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I missed you,” he whispers into your hair, and the words are so strange that you freeze beneath him, twist back so that you can look at him, see the truth of it on his face.

His eyes are dark in the half-light of the apartment, hazy with alcohol and something else, but they’re serious, his eyebrows furrowed, the creases that have started to deepen over the time you’ve known him lining his forehead.

Because the thing is, you make him forget. But when he’s with you he remembers, too. He remembers what happiness can feel like, the way that joy can take root in your chest and spread into something ethereal, something that Joel Miller doesn’t deserve to feel, hasn’t felt since the world ended ten years ago. He remembers every moment on the nights with you.

He wishes he didn't, but he does.

#joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #the last of us fic #joel x you #joel x reader #angst #hurt/comfort

[hannieehaee]

NO SONG WITHOUT YOU

18+ / mdi

summary: with zero experience or interest in the romantic aspect of his life, jihoon finds himself in an unexpected situation when his company decides on a collab between the two of you, not expecting the work-addicted producer to develop a bit of a crush on you.

content: idol!jihoon x idol!reader, afab reader, pining, jihoon's emotionally constipated, jihoon's pov, kinda inexperienced jihoon, smut, dry humping, oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 12.6k

a/n: this is probably my fave fic i've written so far!! love writing for jihoon aaaa anyways i hope u guys enjoy <3

masterlist

Jihoon was tired.

Beyond tired, actually. He couldn't remember the last time he'd left his studio at a reasonable time. He knew people on twitter made jokes about him being a bit of a hermit, with fans being able to spot his studio from outside the building, lights always on and indicating the producer was still inside.

He didn't have much of a valid excuse for this, other than being a 'workaholic', or at least that's the term Joshua had recently introduced him to, describing him as the prime example. Jihoon just couldn't help himself. He'd been like this ever since he could remember. If he had an idea, he had to work on it. And unfortunately for him, he was always full of new ideas. If Seventeen was releasing an album, that meant Jihoon already had enough material to fill up the next three albums backed up in a file somewhere in his computer.

Despite always having music prepared months in advance, - even having solo music up for grabs for whichever member desired it - he still found himself constantly working. It's not like anyone demanded this out of him either. It was quite the opposite, actually. From staff, to other producers, to members and even family, everyone always insisted that he took a break, maybe leave producing aside for a month or two. This was inconceivable to him, it was something that was simply out of his comfort zone.

The truth was, Jihoon felt lost. Any time he strayed away from work in some way or other, he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like a failure in many other aspects of his life. Granted, he was a successful idol and producer, talented in every area necessary in his field, but past that, what did he really have to offer? He'd been stuck in a rut for a few years now. He had his members, his family, maybe some staff, but his social life didn't go much past that. He didn't have many hobbies outside of work either. Sure, he was avid when exercising, even being an overachiever in that area, but that was also kind of part of his job. He knew he needed to step out of his comfort zone at some point and live his life, but he kept making excuses for himself. He was 26 now, and was, quite frankly, beginning to lose hope in certain areas of his life due to his career, - although blaming his career was just an excuse, really - the romantic aspect of his life being one of them.

Jihoon had some experience, okay? It wasn't like he'd never liked a girl before. He'd had a few crushes in elementary, maybe even some up until high school. He'd kissed one of the female trainees back when Pledis was a smaller company (okay, it might've been on a dare, but to Jihoon it counted). A few years after debuting he'd even gone on a few dates with a former staff member from his company. He'd lost his virginity to that same girl, kind of rushing into it due to feeling pressured to just get it over with - something he didn't exactly regret, but wished had been more of a memorable moment. The point was, Jihoon had had a few romantic experiences in his past 26 years on this earth. But, he hadn't ever even gotten close to find that one great love he'd hoped he one day would. For someone who received constant accolades for his lyricism, he was never really able to relate to his own music. He'd never been heartbroken, never had an insane need for someone, never felt romantic love, never been in the throes of passion with a beautiful girl, even. It was all his imagination. His lyrics, that is. And maybe the rest, if he was being honest. He'd dreamt about it lately; the perfect girl who he'd find and sweep off her feet. But that was all it was, a dream.

So, Jihoon was tired. Tired of hauling himself up in his studio to make himself feel something. But that was where he now found himself; stuck and in a rut, hoping for something more.

He was once again in his studio, working on god knows what at this point. He had just finished a quick welive with carats, feeling like he'd accomplished his quota of socialization for the day (I mean, even if it was a one-way conversation, it still counted, right?) and decided to get to work on one of the many unfinished drafts in his hard drive. This was kind of routine by now. He would either get a quick meal with one of the members during their break from rehearsals, or would go back to his studio for a bit to work on music. This would've been fine and dandy if it wasn't for the fact that Jihoon would eventually have ended up right back at his stuido either way. It was the illusion of choice, truly.

He spent a few hours in there, messing around with his guitar and even working on some guides for the members to follow next time they had some time to stop by the Universe Factory. Today felt like a productive day for Jihoon. Granted, he did this literally every single day, but he hadn't felt stuck at any point today. Maybe he was on a lucky streak. He decided to cut the day short there, not wanting to ruin what had been arguably an uninterrupted day of working on music. However, his separation from his studio did not last long, as he received a call from his manager just as he was locking the door behind him. He picked up without much thought.

"What's up?"

"Hey? Jihoon-ah, are you still in the studio by any chance?", Jihoon almost vocalized his amusement at the question. Where else would he be?

"I was just locking up, but yeah, I'm here."

"Good! Stay right there! Gonna head up to talk to you for a bit," and with that he hung up, not leaving Jihoon any chance to respond.

Jihoon and his manager were quite close. This was the case with most idols and their managers, having to spend so much time together. Still, Jihoon found the interaction to be a bit odd. Usually his manager would be one of the many people to insist that Jihoon get his ass out of his studio every once in a while. He didn't mind his request, though, so he quickly reopened the door and sat himself back down on his chair, deciding to mess with a few things as he waited for his manager's arrival.

It took his manager about ten minutes to arrive, Hybe was quite a big building, after all. He knocked on his door, not knowing the access code to Jihoon's studio. The only people who knew his key code were Jihoon himself, and Soonyoung (who had learned it without Jihoon's knowledge, but he was too lazy to change it by now). He got up to open the door, simply expecting another one of his manager's short overviews of Jihoon's schedule for the week, which might've been correct, except that when he opened the door he was met with his manager accompanied by an unfamiliar face.

It was you. Jihoon didn't know exactly who you were, but you carried a familiar air to you. He hadn't really been interacting with many people as of late, so maybe you were just someone he'd seen in passing, he wasn't too sure. You and his manager walked in upon Jihoon's gesture to please come in, moving aside as to not be in your way. He closed the door behind you, accidentally closing the distance between the two of you for a second and becoming a bit flustered at the proximity. He wasn't sure why his manager would bring someone unknown into his studio, but if Jihoon was anything, he was a relaxed guy (or at least he tried to seem like it), so he just sat back down without making any questions, his manager would probably fill him in any moment now anyways.

"Okay, so this is Y/N! You've probably met before, right?"

Uh, not right. And now a little awkward. Was he supposed to lie?

"Oh! No, we haven't, actually. I know a few of his members, though, but this is our first time officially meeting," you spoke up for the first time. So you were friends with his members? That might be how he knew you. That didn't really narrow it down much, though. There were 12 of them, and Seungkwan alone was friends with practically the entire industry.

"Oh? My bad. Well, then I should introduce you, right? Jihoon, this is Y/N! Her group was just recently acquired by Hybe. They moved into the building just over a month ago, if I'm not mistaken," He turned to you as you nodded in affirmation before proceeding, "Y/N, this is Jihoon, producer and partial leader of Seventeen."

He wasn't too sure why he was introducing the two of you. If he got personally introduced to every group Hybe acquired in the past year, he'd probably be here all day. He'd stopped keeping track of who and which groups were now roaming the hallways, being too many for him to count. He wasn't complaining or anything, he was just confused as to why go out of his way.

"Woozi-nim. It's so nice to meet you! I've always been such a huge fan. Your work is .. it's insane. I've looked forward to meeting you for so long," the enthusiasm with which you said this made his lip quirk up a little. Sure, he received accolades on his work every day, but knowing that fellow juniors of his looked up to him always brought a smile to his face, although it still made him a little sheepish at receiving such a forward compliment.

"Oh, I- Thank you. And you can call me Jihoon. It's nice to meet you, too," he smiled shyly at you, not really knowing what to say past that. He felt a bit shy looking at you for some reason, as if he couldn't hold eye contact for too long or he'd burn.

He looked expectantly over at his manager, the instigator of this interaction.

"Oh! Right. Well, as I just said, Y/N's group just moved into the company. And the company's been pushing for some collaborations as of late, you know, in order to maximize all groups within Hybe all at once," Jihoon could kind of see where his manager was going with this, "So, I've brought Y/N along with me since you two will be working together for a feature."

Hold on. Rewind.

"Us? As in just us two?"

"Yeah. Hybe is dividing you guys into subdivisions. Mingyu will be collaborating with someone in BTS a few months from now, and Chan will be with Yeonjun from TXT. I think Seokmin is scheduled with a member of Lesserafim. Not too sure yet, but you're up first. I sent you an email about it a few days ago with the general idea. Did you not get it?"

Oh, right. Jihoon was always quite diligent about his work, but his work mostly entailed Seventeen only. Checking his email wasn't much of a habit of his when he could just call up the few producers that worked for Seventeen whenever he needed to. Collaborations and producer work for other people were not that common to him, so for the most part he would disregard anything that didn't entail his own group.

"Oh, I, uh. No, sorry," he felt slightly bad at having disregarded the person standing in front of him, specially when you had regarded him such such respect. He was giving off a terrible first impression.

"That's fine. Now you know. Well, just wanted to take advantage that you were here today - Hah, well, when aren't you here?", chuckled his manager before continuing, "Just wanted to introduce you just in case. Check the email I sent you when you can, I'll send you over more details of your schedule related to the feature first thing tomorrow, yeah? Y/N here is the main producer for her group too, so you'll be co-producing."

You produced? He didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but there were just so many groups who didn't make their own music. He could sometimes get a bit of an ego over knowing he was an anomaly in his industry, always having taken pivotal part in a good 90% of his group's discography. Still, he wasn't too happy about the concept of having to share the creative process with a producer he had never heard of, if he was quite honest. For the most part he would only work with Bumzu and a few other Hybe producers here and there. He didn't even know your group or the music you were credited for. Hell, he had only found out about this project two minutes ago, having had no voice in the matter. One of the down sides of joining such a huge company that fathered way too many groups at once, he guessed.

He decided to not show his slight discomfort towards the idea, simply offering a polite response before bidding his goodbyes to the two of you. You had stayed behind for a few extra seconds after his manager exited the room, once more voicing your admiration for Jihoon and letting him know you were looking forward to working together. Jihoon had to admit that your praise did something to him. He didn't mean to sound like a total loser when he said this, but he did not interact with girls too much. So receiving such direct praise on his music from a pretty girl who also happened to share a passion with him had his ears turning red. He quickly shook his head at the thought, deciding to just stay at the studio overnight once more and maybe finally go over the email his manager had sent him.

He had to admit, he was quite impressed. Shortly after your arrival he had decided to research you and your group. You were quite well known by then, having debuted the same year as Seventeen and now being one of the top girl groups in the game. Just like Jihoon, you were from a small company and had climbed your way up, eventually being acquired by Hybe just a few months prior. Your stories were quite similar, if he really thought about it. You had also taught yourself how to produce before debuting, taking on the official role of main producer upon making your debut.

He had found out an embarrassing amount of information about you very quickly. He couldn't help himself. He was immediately intrigued by you, even going as far as looking at online forums about you; places that would detail information about you that only a true fanatic would know. He was now privy to trivial information such as your birth year (one year after his), your favorite color (pink), how many moles you had (seven, total), when you joined your company (exactly two months before he joined pledis), your most popular fancam (the one were you wore that pretty purple top), and just general information he'd be embarrassed to relay he now had memorized. He could call himself a bit ... infatuated. He felt beyond creepy, despite all this being public information. He had just met you, why had he just spent the past three hours binging content about you?

Jihoon decided to shrug these thoughts away, instead opting to mentally prepare himself for tomorrow morning, which was apparently the first day in which you'd be meeting to talk over your future schedules together for the next month or so. He had finally checked the multiple emails his manager had sent him about the collaboration, realizing that he'd now have to spend most of his non-Seventeen allocated time with you.

From photoshoots for promo, to the actual producing of the song, the empty slots in his schedules seemed to have filled up on their own, now being occupied by your company, and much to his surprise, he was not annoyed at this sudden intrusion. He felt a weird feeling in his stomach, but it wasn't like the usual nerves he felt before going on an important stage, nor the grumbling he felt whenever he met an idol of his. He felt ... giddy? He was looking forward to it. He felt nervous to see you again, which was really strange considering that he felt completely normal upon meeting you just now. Yeah, you were very pretty (he had eyes, this was just a fact he couldn't deny), but he hadn't had much of a reaction to it. However, now, as he looked at pictures of you on his computer, he couldn't imagine holding eye contact again. He was going mad.

Tomorrow arrived sooner than he thought. Now he was now sitting in his studio, awaiting your arrival. He had impulsively tidied up the place, now embarrassed that you'd seen it a mess the day prior. He also tidied himself up. As he recalled, you were wearing a pretty dress yesterday, so he felt bad you'd caught him in sweats and a three-day-old shirt. He wasn't sure why he wanted to impress you, but he did. Jihoon had the hope of at least befriending you, now having formed some type of interest towards you.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, making his heart accelerate at the thought of who was on the other side of it. Upon unlocking it, he found you on the other side, smile on your face as you carried in some bowls of .. his favorite meal? into his studio.

"Hi, Woozi-nim! I brought you food, is that's okay? I asked Seungkwan what you liked," oh, so it was Kwannie you were friends with. That made sense. It was touching that you'd gone out of your way to get him something you knew he'd like. Now he felt bad at being empty handed in his own studio.

"Oh, I- Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"It's no problem! Wanted to thank you for doing this. I know you don't do collaborations that often. Felt kinda bad about imposing," by now the two of you had sat down in front of his desk, chairs slightly too close for comfort as you unwrapped the food in the bags you'd brought in.

"You-you're not. Sorry if I made it seem that way yesterday, hah, I was just caught off guard."

Jesus Christ, he felt so awkward. Your close proximity had him at a loss. He didn't know where to look or what to say. Your perfume was also not helping matters. The pretty scent had him extremely distracted, his mind suddenly being flooded with the thought that, shit, everything about you was pretty. What was wrong with him? Was this his first time interacting with a woman? He had never felt more out of place, except that despite any improper feelings he felt, he still wanted to be in your vicinity.

"-Woozi-nim?"

Shit, had you been talking this whole time?

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

You chuckled at him, clearly not taking offense to his distracted nature, "I was just asking if you had any drafts you wanted to use as a baseline? Or we could use one of my unused drafts? It's whatever you prefer, really. I'd love to work with something of yours, though. I love your style, it's so ... hah, I don't know. It's just so you."

Jihoon thanked god he had not cut his hair as some carats had begged, because now the length allowed him to cover the red of his ears. A single compliment from you had him heating up, clammy hands getting even clammier at the thought of you using his talent as a compliment. If you wanted to use his music, there was just no way for him to deny you. He wanted to hear more of your praise to him.

"Y-yeah? I have uh, a few that I could show you. They're just drafts, but you know."

You visibly perked up at this, scooting even closer to him as he began to fiddle with his computer, opening up some files to show you. Your excitement at his work had him swooning internally. The amount of interest you'd been showing since meeting yesterday was already getting the better of him.

"Woozi-nim, holy shit. These are hundreds of files. Are these all unfinished?"

"Uh, yeah. I uh, tend to have a few drafts saved for future projects."

"I get that. Me too, but these have to be over 300 unfinished songs," you were in clear shock (perhaps admiration?) of the endless tracks in front of you. Jihoon wasn't sure if he should feel ashamed at having so much unfinished work (which made bit feel like a bit of a loser), or be proud since you seemed to be impressed at the vast number.

"I like to be prepared. You know, just in case."

"It's .. wow. I knew you were good, but this is insane, Woozi-nim."

"I, you can call me Jihoon," he didn't really care much for the distinction between Woozi and Jihoon at this point; he was pretty used to both. But a part of him just wanted to hear you call him by his real name; the one only those close to him really used. He also wanted an out from the conversation, feeling too flustered at your compliments.

You chuckled, nodding at him, "Okay, Jihoon. Sorry, didn't really know what name to go for at first."

"No, it-it's fine. I'm only a year older. You can speak comfortably."

The rest of the conversation was filled with technicalities about the collaboration. Now that you two had established a, let's say, closer acquaintance, you were able to discuss your ideas more comfortably. Jihoon still had to put up with the endless compliments about his work as you two went through possible tracks for the song, but he tried his best to take them like a champ, simply chuckling shyly and shrugging them off. Your genuine admiration for his skill had him reeling inside, enamored with the tone of your voice any time you'd express excitement at hearing exclusive Universe Factory content. He hadn't felt butterflies in his stomach like this in, well, ever. He felt like he was a high school student with a silly crush.

The disappointment in his face as you parted ways must've been clear (which made him embarrassed beyond belief), as you pulled out your phone and asked him to put his contact in, letting him know you'd be seeing him soon. The possession of your contact info made him excited. He knew it was probably just for work purposes, but he held a stupid hope in the back of his head that you'd given it to him because you had interest in meeting again soon.

And you did see each other soon, consistently meeting in order to work on the song. A few of the times you were joined by Bumzu (who was also helping out with the song), or Soonyoung (who was just a nosy bastard who wouldn't leave Jihoon's studio), which made him curse out his two friends, wanting you all to himself. His crush had developed quickly after that second meeting. You were now all he thought about. Every morning when he got ready to start his day, he wondered which shirt you'd like him best in. Would you like if he trimmed his hair or did you like it long? What did you like in guys? (Except had already gone on incognito mode on his phone to search your ideal type, growing instantly embarrassed and exiting out of the tab). He thought of you as he exercised, wondering if you'd like his muscles and physique. His entire existence was surrounded by thoughts of you. And he hoped maybe he was also in your mind.

The first time he saw you outside his studio walls was at the Hybe gym as he worked out with Mingyu, Soonyoung and Joshua. He almost lost hold on the dumbbells in his hands upon spotting you, tight leggings and cropped shirt adorning your body. He had seen you in less clothing before (Only ever through a screen, in all the pretty concept photos your group had done, or in the occasional fancam he'd come across), but seeing your silhouette in the flesh had all thoughts leaving his mind. He felt ashamed at his way of thinking. He didn't want to objectify you like that, but the thoughts of your beauty had not left his mind for two weeks now, since the day he first met you.

But his eyes couldn't be helped, glued to your form as you walked into the place, paying extra attention to the parts that stood out most for him. He was like a depraved monster, his breath getting ragged as he watched you move around, licking his lips and sighing at every small movement you made. God, what was happening to him? Why was he so immediately aroused? Luckily, his thoughts were quickly interrupted by a cough from a very annoying Kim Mingyu, who had just been spotting him before his abrupt stop.

"Hyung .. You're too obvious."

"Wha-what are you talking about?", he did not like the smirk attached to Mingyu's face, nor the matching mocking smile in Soonyoung and Joshua's.

"You should see him when she's sitting in his studio. It's sad to watch," snickered the fellow 96-liner.

"Oh? She's the girl? Damn, hyung. She's really pretty."

"It's not- there's no girl. We're just working together," his feelings were already complicated enough, he didn't need the involvement of his members' teasing.

"C'mon, Hyung! It's okay if you like her. She's pretty, she's an idol-producer. She's perfect for you. I think you should go for it," encouraged Mingyu, in his optimistic Mingyu-fashion.

"Yeah, I mean. You were just about to cum in your pants at just seeing her in some leggings. I don't think you have anything to lose if you're already at the point of public indecency."

Yeah, this was exactly why he wanted to keep them as far away as possible.

"Soonyoung, I swear to g-"

"Jihoon? Oh my god, hi! I didn't realize you were here," it was you, now at a closer proximity and a slight sheen of sweat attached to your skin. Had Jihoon not been snapped out of his trance earlier, he probably would've been salivating by now.

"Oh. Hi Y/N. How are you?", he felt like he was being scrutinized for his every word and move by his members, which made him feel extremely awkward (more than usual).

"Good! I didn't know you used the company gym. I'd never seen you here before. You should've told me. We could've come together," you smiled before turning to his friends, "Hi! I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you!"

Soonyoung made a show of stretching his hand out to you, bowing way too low for such a casual setting (probably just to peeve Jihoon). He was followed by Joshua, who held onto your hand in a way that had Jihoon fuming to himself.

"Hello, Y/N. I think we might've met before. You're Kwannie's friend, right?"

"Oh, right! Yeah, I've been to your guys' practice room before, but Jihoon didn't recognize me when we first met, so I wanted to re-introduce myself just in case," you giggled in Jihoon's direction.

"Don't mind him. That's just Jihoon. He's too distracted for his own good. I'm Kim Mingyu, by the way," the youngest shot you a flirtatious smile.

He needed all of them to keep the flirting as toned down as humanly possible. Although jealousy was not an emotion he felt often, the thought of his best friends even looking at you had his ears turning red in anger. But in very expected fashion, they all continued to take turns flirting with you for the next twenty minutes, completely shrugging off any intention of working out they might've had before having spotted you. Luckily (and surprisingly) for him, you were not reciprocating the flirting, nor where your eyes ever off of Jihoon for too long, always including him in your responses to his members one way or another.

You were somehow immune to the charms of Kwon Soonyoung, which, yeah, Jihoon didn't blame you for. You were also unaffected by Jisoo, which was a little more rare from Jihoon's experience. What shocked him most, though, was that your eyes still stayed on him even while one Kim Mingyu blatantly flirted with you. He'd known one too many girls who had fallen victim to his flirting (whether it be intentional or not), and to see you fully shrug him off in favor of looking to Jihoon instead had his heart going at an inhuman speed.

The interaction ended not too much time later, leaving Jihoon's ears red, but now from embarrassment at his friends slyly suggesting his interest at you multiple times throughout the conversation. Despite them being subtle about it, he was still mortified, specially when by the end of it, they'd pushed him to walk you back to your practice room while they wandered off on their own.

"I'm so sorry about them. They can be a bit much."

"It's fine, Jihoon. Don't worry about it. They were really fun. I can see how you're all so close."

"Ah, yeah. You know how it is .. Uh, sorry they kept hitting on you like that,"

he knew he was a bit of an idiot for bringing it up, but he wanted to gauge your feelings on it. He needed to know if he at least held a chance against his members or if you'd just been being nice by not reciprocating in front of him.

You chuckled as you responded, "I know they weren't being serious about it, Jihoon. Don't sweat it. It's not them I'm interested in anyways."

Oh, great. That was good to hear .. Wait. What?

"W-What?l"

"Oh. We're here. This is my group's practice room. Sorry I made you walk all the way here, I know your practice room is like five floors up," you apologized sheepishly, completely disregarding what you'd just said.

"I-it's fine. I'll see you on Thursday, then?"

"Thursday? We have a shoot tomorrow, Jihoon. Remember? We need a jacket shoot for the collab. It was on the schedule."

Oh, fuck. He had completely blanked on that. You guys were almost done recording the finishing touches to the song, but he forgot you guys also needed to do the shoot for the promo and learn the choreo as soon as you gave the choreographers the finalized version for the single. There was still so much to be done, which only meant even more time spent with you.

"Yeah, right. Sorry, hah, completely spaced out on that. I'll see you tomo-"

"Come pick me up?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, stop by my practice room so we can walk together? Is that okay?"

Did you- did you want to spend even more time with him? He wasn't complaining. He wanted all his time to be consumed by you, but .. was the feeling mutual?

"Yes," he paused, realizing his answer had been too short and mechanical, "I mean, yeah, sure, I don't mind. I'll see you here tomorrow morning."

You giggled at him before bidding your goodbye once more, but this time offering him a quick side hug before disappearing through the door to your practice room. Jihoon was glad you were gone, because this time it wasn't just his ears that were red, but his whole face had begun to resemble a tomato.

It was time to admit to himself that he was down bad tremendously for you.

Jihoon had not at any moment stopped to wonder what type of vibe the collaboration was meant to follow. Yeah, he was working on the song (which was almost finalized by now), so he knew it was pretty much a pop-rock-ish vibe that they were going for, but he didn't know what the rest of the equation would look like, which was something he wished he'd prepared a bit better for.

He had walked you over this morning, even being enticed by Seungkwan into bringing you your favorite drink as a nice gesture (which worked perfectly, as it won him over yet another side hug). The two of you arrived to the designated area for photoshoots located in one of the lower floors of the Hybe building, then went your separate ways to head over to hair and makeup in order to get your outfits situated. He had to admit he liked his outfit. It was a little more provocative than usual, with it being mostly black leather and the top being unbuttoned enough to show off most of his abdomen. It was your outfit, however, that had him reeling.

Nothing could have prepared him for the moment he stepped out and spotted you doing a few solo shots in preparation, your outfit and makeup already perfectly in place. He had no words to express how he felt upon seeing you. You looked so ... gorgeous. Unsure of how to react at the sight in front of him, he stood there staring, almost as if he'd seen an apparition. It wasn't until one of the photographers called him over that he managed to regain sense of self and join you.

The entirety of the photoshoot was absolute hell for Jihoon. This was the closest he'd ever been to you (sans the now two quick side hugs you'd given him in the past day). The shoot was a bit .. sensual in nature. The first set of outfits were edgier, so the shoot was the basic scenario you'd picture for a punk-rock pictorial. The second set of outfits had been the issue, because they went in the complete opposite direction. You were in a beaten down motel room setting, wearing very simple outfits, although they were both very skimpy and thin, almost as if to signify the simplicity of the concept. You two posed together on the bed, with your poses getting more and more intimate by the minute. At some point he had been directed to embrace you as he looked into your lips, with the proximity being way too close for comfort (or at least that's what he tried to tell himself). At another point he was kneeling on the bed as he looked up at you, your eyes simulating lust as you looked down on him, hand on his chin, lifting his gaze to yours.

The shoot had been an experience, to say the least. Jihoon wasn't sure how he survived it without breaking. He thanked the gods for the years of preparation with all types of shoots he'd done with the members over the years. However, completion of the shoot did not mean he was unaffected. He had no idea how he'd get the image of your lips so close to his out of his mind. Despite knowing it'd all been professional and strictly fake, he could've sworn he felt something every time your eyes would meet when at such a close distance. He wanted it to be real so badly, but once again he chalked it up to being wishful thinking. At least the worst of it was over, and he could now get back to sitting next to you in his studio at a respectable distance.

~

Jihoon had been an idiot to ever believe that the shoot had been the worst of it.

It had now been a week since the dreaded photoshoot (The one that had him up at night imagining what it would've been like if he had just closed the gap between your lips, damning anyone else in the room), and now it had been a few days since the song had finally been completed. He had thoroughly enjoyed co-producing with you, geeking at your ability to compliment each other perfectly. Your voice was yet another thing he had fallen in love with during the process, fully enamored by every single take you did. It had actually slowed down the process, as Jihoon green-lit every single one of your takes due to the rose-colored glasses that prevented him from catching mistakes you swore you'd committed during a few of the takes. You seemed to be similar, however, as you continued to shower him in compliments (even at the shoot, where you had complimented him with his hard work at the gym - a moment he chose to disregard or else he would've lost his mind at the implications), refusing to admit any faults of his while recording.

Now, however, he found himself in very difficult and unchartered waters. Any other time in which he'd produced a song, he'd never been involved further than that. He'd done duo shoots before, with women at that, but what he'd never done was share a choreography with someone who wasn't a member of Seventeen. He had danced with women before, of course, even having participated in more sensual dances, but this felt different. All previous times had been with nameless backup dancers he had never known too well. This was you. He now had to work through an entire choreo with you as the two of you danced around each other (physically and figuratively, he believed).

Most of the song involved a very casual choreo, as the two of you danced mostly separately but complimented one another. The kicker was the bridge of the song, where the melody mellowed out a bit and allowed for a quick dance break of sorts. It was very sensual in nature, and required you and Jihoon to tangle against each other as you used the other's body to complete the dance. Going over it had been full of shy smiles and eyes that couldn't seem to meet. It almost made him believe that you'd felt just as flustered as he did. When you actually began to dance over that part, however, you left Jihoon's mouth watering at how easy it was for you to meld your body to his; how you would guide his shy hands to place them in all the correct places. The feeling of your body against his was new and unfamiliar, but it felt so right to him. He wanted nothing more than to leave his mark on your skin, signaling that he was the only one meant to touch there. He was truly going mad.

It had now been about two months since Jihoon had first met you. The song hadn't been released yet, but most preparations for it had been done. All that was left was a quick music video shoot plus a few music show appearances that would come after the actual release of the song. Thus far, the song had been announced, with a pending release date of a month from now. Jihoon had enjoyed public reaction to the unexpected collab, with people even going as far as calling you a dynamic duo due to your respective reputations as the main producers of your groups.

You seemed to also enjoy knowing the news had finally broken to the public, even going as far as mentioning Jihoon in some of your lives. He specifically recalled a moment he'd seen as he watched it live, one that had him blushing and kicking his feet. You'd been asked about what it was like working with Jihoon, to which you responded with a whole paragraph of compliments directed at his work ethic, along with a short quip about how cute you found Jihoon to be, deeming it 'difficult to focus with him around.' He felt like he was on cloud nine at the comment, despite how lightheartedly you had delivered it.

After that (and a few more instances of you shooting compliments his way), he had decided he wanted to see you outside of a work-related schedule. He had begun making excuses to find himself on your group's floor, going as far as using Seungkwan and Soonyoung (who you'd unfortunately befriended due to his constant unwanted presence as you two worked on your song) as pawns in order to not be as obvious whenever he went to see you. Despite your usually outgoing demeanor, you seemed a bit more reserved whenever it was only you and Jihoon. He wondered if it was because of his quiet demeanor, or because you might've maybe returned his feelings and felt too shy to be too expressive around your crush - he knew damn well that was his case, at least.

Today the two of you were working out together at the gym - a huge feat for Jihoon, who could not help but ogle at you whenever you weren't paying attention - with him playing the role of your spotter. He had extensive knowledge of weightlifting, which he had been proud to impress you with. Right now, you were working on your arms, which required Jihoon at a close proximity in order to make sure you didn't get hurt. He enjoyed this way more than he could admit to anyone or himself.

"Is this okay? Is this the right position to do it?", you questioned as you made eye contact with him through the mirror. Your arms were lifted above your shoulders, with dumbbells on each of them as you attempted to lift them both at once.

"Yeah. That's perfect. Is it too heavy? Do you need to stop?"

"No, I'm fine, Ji, I promise. Just stand a little closer, yeah? I don't wanna drop them. And put your arms under mine?", he followed your instructions, now towering over you from behind as you sat in front of him.

The two of you had grown more comfortable in the past two weeks or so, seeing each other almost every day while outside of official schedules. He'd learned that, unlike him, you didn't have any issues with personal space, often allowing him to stand too close for comfort. He couldn't complain, though, as he was always too hypnotized by the proximity.

"Shit!", you yelped, almost dropping the dumbbell before Jihoon managed to intercept it. You had begun to do a set before the one minute mark passed, deeming you too weak to lift the dumbbell all the way up. Luckily, you had instructed Jihoon to stand close to you in order to prevent any actual damage.

"Are you okay?", he asked as he placed the dumbbells on the ground, rounding the seat in order to stand in front of your sitting form.

It was mind-numbing, really. The angle in which he was looking down at you, with your pretty eyes looking back at him with a semi-worried expression on your face at the shock of almost dropping such a heavy weight on yourself. The incident left his mind immediately at the sight of you, a layer of sweat covering your skin as you panted while looking up at him. He pulled you up by your arms, helping you stand in front of him. In very cliche fashion, you tripped a bit, almost landing on him before he caught you by your forearms. The classic 'falling-atop-your-crush' trope did not happen, but he still ended up at even a closer proximity to you. Just when he had finally begun to forget the sight of your lips right in front of his from back when you did the jacket shoot together.

He did not move back, and neither did you, allowing the small distance between you to fog both of your minds.

"T-thanks, Hoonie. Could've really hurt myself," this was the first time he'd ever heard a stutter out of you, with your eyes not looking into his as they usually did. Your closeness still not diminishing even when the danger of the situation had already dissipated.

"'Course. Uh, I .. Maybe we should go back to a lighter weight?"

It took you a moment to respond, eventually choosing to look back at him with your pretty eyes, a seemingly empty head to match. He liked the look on you. He could've sworn he saw your eyes lower to his lips, but his mind was too clouded to confirm.

"Uh, actually, I think im done for the day. Is that okay? I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. I'll meet you in front of your practice room?", he was confused at your sudden departure, dreading the separation, but he figured one of you would have to break the spell eventually.

"Yeah. See you there, Hoonie. I'll text you later, okay?", you gave him a quick peck on his cheek before turning to the exit, leaving behind a beet-red Jihoon as he tried to get his heartbeat to slow to a healthy rhythm.

He was left standing there, in the cold and empty company gym as he pondered as to whether or not his feelings may be mutual.

~

The next day the two of you met again, no mention of yesterday at all. What would there be to mention anyways? That you two stood close to each other? Jihoon felt like such a loser even having considered it anything. He was just inexperienced at this, and very much touch starved, so any small suggestive interaction had him overthinking. Like right now, as you hooked your arm on his to walk along the Hybe building together, not a care in the world about anyone who would see you.

"Did you see the outline for the music video?", you spoke up once the two of you had reached the cafeteria, picking a secluded table to sit at - not that many people wandered there anyway.

"Hmm. No, what is it?", he still hadn't managed to beat the habit of not checking his emails.

You giggled, seeming a little flustered, "Uh, we're playing a couple. Very Bonnie and Clyde but with a grudge twist. Seems pretty cool, actually."

"Oh. We-we're playing a couple?"

"Yeah. I think we can pull it off. You did really good at the shoot. Did you see the finished product? Okay, never mind. I know you didn't. They look really good, though. We look very convincing."

He knew you didn't mean anything by it, but you constantly had him wondering. If you liked him you wouldn't be this direct, right? This must've all been very lighthearted to you. Sure, you were friends, but that's where it all ended for you. Jihoon was the complete opposite. Every single interaction you had had him falling deeper and deeper into a hole of infatuation for you. There was nothing about you he wasn't obsessed with. It had begun to manifest in all areas of his life, even his work. He had never had more unfinished love songs in his hard drive.

Unbeknownst to you, he had purposely avoided taking a look at those pictures, knowing his mind would go blank at the image of you looking at him with those lustful eyes from a third-person perspective. Living through it already had him in agony night after night as he thought of nothing but you.

"Y-yeah. I saw them," he lied, "You did amazing."

"Really?", you were always giddy at his compliments (which didn't come often due to his shy demeanor towards you), "I've never done a more provocative concept like this before. It's fun. It suits you a lot, Jihoon. I'm glad I got to do it with you of all people."

And you had no idea how glad he was too.

Shooting the music video had somehow been even more agonizing than the photoshoot. It was two grueling days of constant time spent together. He loved your company, but the stylists kept insisting on dressing you in the most provocative outfits imaginable to man. He couldn't think while he looked at you. You were like a siren. Even the strongest of men wouldn't be able to resist you.

The worst of it came in the form of the director instructing you two to act like two lovers against the world. Word for word. It wasn't difficult for Jihoon to pretend he was enamored by you, but he was truly at a loss of words over how well you also played your role. By now he had become numb to your touch, having run through the choreography with you multiple times by now, and with you having become increasingly touchier through the time you'd known each other.

He thanked god under his breath as soon as the two days came to a close, knowing that now he could at least keep his feelings under wraps for a while. It was now about two weeks until the release of the song. According to the schedule, all that was left was one pre-recorded Studio Choom performance, two comeback shows after the release of the song, and two variety show appearances together. It was all pretty straightforward from now on. There was no way Jihoon wouldn't be able to put up with what was left. He had this in the bag.

The worst thing imaginable happened after that. Jihoon had not planned for this, nor had you, apparently.

It was very sudden and came completely out of left field. It pertained to you, but had affected Jihoon more than anyone involved.

Dispatch had released an article just a week before the official release of the song. Promotions had only begun, but had been slightly disrupted by this sudden interruption.

The article featured you, and an unknown man. They were clearly pictures taken off-guard, from a distance. You were in front of some building, ignorant to any cameras nearby. You were too close for Jihoon's comfort. He knew there was some type of relationship there. The caption to the picture didn't help matters either. Something about an estranged lover you'd been keeping secret from the media. There were too many pictures for Jihoon to process. In some you were embracing, while in others you were sharing a low-quality peck from what he could tell.

Seeing that article had been an absolute punch in the gut. There was no argument against it. There was clearly something between you and that guy. He was standing too close to you, even holding onto you in most of the pictures. You could barely tell it was you, but to Jihoon it was obvious. He had never felt heartbreak like this before. The two of you had never dated or even insinuated actual interest in the other, but it still felt like betrayal to him, as irrational as that thought was. It was all his fault, really. Had he told you about his feelings, maybe things would've been different.

Jihoon felt like an idiot. Of course this had all been just a business transaction to you. You were assigned to work with him, just as he was you. Even if he had led himself to believe that the feelings might've somehow been mutual, it had all just been in his head. What would you see in him anyways? Yeah, sure, you had a few things in common, but who in their right mind would ever want to be with the empty-hearted producer who cared for nothing but work. Hell, the day he met you was yet another day in which he had been willingly locked in his studio all day. That was what you would've been signing up for, had you looked his way. He didn't wish such a loveless relationship to anyone. He knew by now that he did- he did love you, but he knew he was probably unable to love you in the way you deserved. He was incapable of that. At 26, he'd had no experience with love. Why would someone as beautiful and amazing as you want to be with someone like him?

He was in love with you. That was something he could now full-heartedly admit to himself. Within these two months he had fallen deeply in love with you. Nothing could change that by now, not even knowing that you were already taken. He couldn't help himself in locking himself in his house after that, ignoring and all messages from both you and his manager regarding the few rehearsals he had skipped over.

Hybe did their damage control, making the situation go away as soon as it arose, but to Jihoon the damage had been done. He felt like an irrational idiot being hurt by this, but he needed to be away from you for a few days. You hadn't done anything to him, but he couldn't see you right now without feeling pain. He was punishing you with no proper justification, but his feelings were too strong for him to put up with.

A little over an entire day went on like this, with no communication from Jihoon to anyone. He was surprised no one had come looking for him until now, the moment in which bangs against his front door could be heard all the way from his room. Whoever was looking for him had made liberal use of the doorbell too, not giving him a single break from its constant ringing as he tried to ignore it. He finally grew too tired of it, deciding to give up his moping and going downstairs to beg that person to leave him alone to his misery. He still needed a few days before he could go face his reality. He couldn't face you just yet.

Except the choice had been made for him. His first mistake had been not checking the doorbell camera, which would've made him privy on who exactly was knocking on his door. He felt bad at thinking this, but had he known it was you, he never would've opened it.

He was beyond embarrassed at his appearance, once more wearing a three-day-old shirt and his cheeks damp with the tears he hadn't yet wiped away. You, on the other hand, looked as beautiful as ever. You carried a worried look on your face, lips pouty and eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him. He was not given time to welcome you in before you barged in for yourself, launching yourself at him in a tight hug before he could say anything. He wasn't an idiot, and he was too weak for his liking, so he held you back just as tight, enjoying a good three or so minutes of silence as you held each other.

You pulled away too soon for his liking, unhooking your face from the crook of his neck as you spoke up, still holding onto him, "Jihoon ... I'm so sorry. It's- it's not what you think, I swear. Please believe me."

He wasn't sure why you were so apologetic. You didn't owe him anything. He felt like even more of a loser at making you feel like you had to apologize for having a boyfriend. He knew that by now there was no way you didn't know about his crush on you, which made him feel even more humiliated at the situation. He separated himself from you for the first time ever, creating some distance as he refused to look at you. He took this chance to close the door he had left open when you had attacked him with your embrace.

"You don't have to ..."

"No, Jihoon. Listen to me. Please."

Your eyes were glossy now, and Jihoon felt bad at causing you any distress, so he signaled at you to continue.

"It's not- it isn't what you think. Yeah, I ... I did have a ... a thing with that guy. I know Hybe denied it being me, but you know- you know it's me. But it's not how it looks!"

"Then ... what is it?", he couldn't believe he was even letting himself ask that question, as if you had to explain yourself to him. But part of him really wanted to know. He wanted to somehow hear you say that it wasn't true, that you would never look at anyone but him.

"It's an old picture. He- he used to work for our group, as staff. We had a thing. It ended badly. Haven't really dated since then. This was before I met you, Jihoon, please, I need you to know that."

"You .. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you need me to know that?", he hoped against all hope that you'd answer with what he'd been wanting to hear since he met you, but he knew he was playing with the devil when asking you that. He knew there was a very logical chance that you'd just confirm your platonic feelings for him, or straight up reject him.

"You know, Jihoon. I know you know. I- I'd never do that to you. I'd never look at anyone but you."

"Do you-"

"Yes', you paused, 'I like you, Jihoon."

And then his heart stopped beating.

"So much. Since we met. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the day we met. I like you so fucking much. I can't think of anything else. I thought it was just because I've always been a fan of yours, but ... being around you just made me feel so happy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Fuck, I'm sorry I made you feel like there was someone else in the picture."

He didn't know what to say. You'd said everything he had wanted to hear for the past two months. You liked him. It wasn't one-sided. There was nothing stopping him from making you his now. Those feelings he thought had been fake for the portrayal of your song's concept had been genuine all along. He'd never felt such relief.

"Jihoon? Is it not ...? Fuck. Did I misread everything? Shit, I'm sorry. I should, uh, I should go-"

Fuck. No! He needed to reciprocate, he just had no idea how. He couldn't have you thinking he wasn't equally (if not more) obsessed with you. So he did the one thing he could think of in that moment. Something he had imagined time and time again, but never had the courage to do.

You yelped against him as he pulled his lips to yours, but immediately began kissing him back. There was nothing tender about the kiss as Jihoon would've expected. It was a complete mess from the start. The kiss was a testament to how badly you'd both wanted each other this whole time.

Jihoon felt lightheaded at the feeling of your tongue sneaking its way into his mouth, and the moans that accompanied it. He couldn't help but feel immediate arousal at your touch. He wasn't sure how to kiss you. He'd never shared such a passionate exchange before, but he wanted to give you everything in him with his kiss.

You only pulled away when you were out of breath, still keeping yourself as close to him as possible as you breathed into each other's mouths, your lips lightly closing over his as you regained your breath.

"Hoonie ..." the sound of your breathless voice muttering his name did shameful things to him. There was no way he could handle a conversation right now.

"Tell me- tell me you like me. I need to know. Please ..." the sheer lust and desperation in your voice were things that would never leave Jihoon's mind.

"So much. I li- I love you. You have no idea. Every day was agony not acting on it. I'm sorry if it's too much, but it's true. I've never felt this way before. I'm in love with you. The thought of you with someone else made me wanna give everything up. It's ... God, I just love you."

You didn't seem to need any more words before closing the gap again, this time backing him up against the nearest wall as you kissed him with all your might. You took full control of the kiss, grabbing his cheeks and angling him so you could play with his lips as you saw fit. He moaned and writhed against you, shyly attempting to hold onto your waist but not actually daring to. You must've caught wind of his intentions, grabbing onto his hands and forcing them on your waist, pressing your chest up against his. He began to caress your waist, falling in love with the slope of your back in the process. He was still shy with his movements, but his lips were nothing but. He adored your soft sighs against his lips any time his tongue would suckle on yours, or any time his teeth nibbled on your bottom lip.

You must've eventually grown tired of his shy demeanor, grabbing onto his arms and pining them above his head, beginning to softly grind against him as you began to lick and suck at his neck. Jihoon was on cloud nine. His body was unsure of how to react to such pleasure from someone he had already grown so addicted to.

"Hoonie ... want you so bad ... please," his knees buckled at your begging, your warm breath hitting against his ear as he groaned out at the thought of you in his bed.

He was simply a shell of himself at that point, so it had been your responsibility to drag the both of you in the direction he pointed his bedroom was at, but as soon as you were there, you pushed him to lay on the bed. He was ready for whatever you were willing to give him. He had no chance against you anyway.

"Hoonie, shit. Been wanting you for so long. Can I, please?", you'd begun to straddle him, leaning over him as you ghosted over his lips. He swore he wasn't going to make it, body heating up at the mere suggestion of you touching him.

"P-please ..."

You began kissing him again, running your hands up and down his torso, eventually landing on his crotch, softly caressing it as he whined into your mouth.

"Oh? Jihoonie ... You're so hard. Want me to help you?"

"Fuck ... Need you so bad, please ..."

"But we haven't even started to have fun," you moved your hand away, now sitting up a bit to begin grinding against his crotch, deep movements making his eyes roll back as his arms laid limp on his sides.

"Won't you touch me, Hoonie? Don't be shy. You already know how much I want you," you guided his hands to your hips, making him clamp his fingers on the clothed flesh while you moaned out at the feeling of his hard cock gracing your most delicate parts.

You were both beginning to heat up, which led you to throw your shirt off, now only in a bra and some sweats. He audibly moaned at the view, only causing you to play it up for him as you caressed your own covered breasts, "Want me to take my bra off, baby? Hmm?"

"Y-yes. Wanna see you so bad. You're so beautiful."

That was enough for you to wiggle your way out of your pants, throwing off your bra right after. The sight had his cock squirming under you. No amount of lonely nights thinking about you could have ever prepared him for the sight before him. Your soft skin shining under the soft light of the half drawn blinds. He wanted to memorize your body, leave his mark on every inch of it, but his arms would not move from your hips. He knew that the moment he got his hands on you he would finally face insanity. There was not a single detail he wasn't already obsessed with. He wanted you so badly, but he didn't know what to do with himself. His cock was extremely swollen under his sweats, begging to find comfort in any crevice of your body you would allow. The fleeting thought of fucking your pretty tits flew through his mind, making him shudder as he continued to pant at the beautiful girl sitting on him.

"Touch me?", you asked, already guiding his hands to your breasts, making him sit up to be face to face with you.

"Holy fuck ..." he moaned at the warmth of your breasts in his hands. He couldn't help himself in getting his fill of you, hands squeezing and running all over your chest. The moment he dared to pinch at your nipples he truly saw heaven, hearing you whine his name in the prettiest sound he'd ever heard.

"Hoo-Hoonie ... Please. Touch me more. Just like that," you let your head fall back, sighing at the soft touch of his fingers pinching at your nipples, "Your mouth, Hoonie ..."

That was all he needed to lower his head and begin licking at your nipples, biting lightly as he pulled at them, dick twitching desperately at the pretty sounds leaving your lips. He could've sworn he'd cum just from how beautiful you sounded. His ears were ringing by now, only able to process the feeling of your hand pressing his face against your chest and your hips suddenly restarting their movements against his own.

You let him make out with your tits for a bit before pulling him off, much to his dismay. You giggled at his reaction, but began to pout at him to get him to remove his top.

"Shit. God, Hoonie, you're so gorgeous," you breathed out upon seeing his bare chest, running your hands up and down the blank canvas. You let your own fingers pull and pinch at his nipples a bit, slow in your movements as he whined at you. He understood now, how fucking good such a light touch in such a sensitive area felt. He was beginning to lose all air in his brain, mind foggy as you gave him all types of pleasure.

He needed you now. Needed attention in his nether area so bad. He could feel how wet you were through his sweats, softly begging you to please let him have you. The whisper against your ear had you pulling your hands away from his chest, separating yourself enough to look into his eyes.

"Want you too. Can I have it, Hoonie? Fuck ... Will you judge me if I beg? I just ... Want you in my mouth so bad, Hoonie, please."

He felt embarrassed by his reaction, but he couldn't help but moan loudly at that simple sentence, nodding like crazy at the proposition. The last time he'd been in someone's mouth had been years ago. He had felt intimate touch before, but only a handful of times total. He was fully unprepared for what your mouth encompassing him would feel like.

Before he knew it, you had thrown off both his pants and boxers, enticing him to sit at the edge of the bed as you knelt in front of him. You were looking at his cock as if it were your last meal, eyes crossed and a moan leaving your mouth at the sight. He couldn't believe a gorgeous thing like yourself would ever show so much thirst for him. His soul left his body the moment you lowered your tongue onto his tip, kitten-licking at it as you looked up into his eyes. What truly made him lose his mind, however, was the moment you began to bob your head up and down his cock, with your hands playing and scratching at his balls. His hands clutched at the sheets, unable to hold himself in a sat up position due to the unimaginable pleasure. He was unsure how he didn't cum the moment you put your mouth on him (or the moment you kissed him, if he was being honest).

"So- fuck ... So fucking good. You're perfect. Please ..." he wasn't sure what he was begging for. The pleasure was clouding his mind. And then you did something that had him gasping for air. You unglued your mouth from gagging on his cock in favor of licking and sucking at his balls. His eyes rolled all the way back into his brain, back arching against the bed as you took turns licking his balls and worshiping his cock.

Unsurprisingly, he came in your mouth moments later, almost blacking out at the feeling. He was unable to catch his breath for a good minute, all the while you swallowed his seed and sat back on him. Before he was able to resume his breathing, you had already shoved your tongue back in his mouth, making him whine at the mixture of your saliva and his cum twirling in your tongue. He couldn't help his hands running all over your body, hugging and squeezing at every curve he could reach.

"Baby, I-"

"Taste so good, Hoonie, fuck. You have no idea how much I thought about that. Every time you wore those tiny little shorts to dance practice all I wanted to do was kick everyone out and beg you to fuck my mouth."

Jesus Christ. He hated how outspoken you were sometimes. He felt himself begin to harden again at just the simple thought of you wanting him as much as he did you (even though he was 99% sure that was impossible). He felt bad, but he was a bit sad he had cum in your mouth. He had thought of the feeling of your cunt wrapping around him almost every night for the past month. He knew he'd get it sooner or later, but a sinister part of his brain was begging him to flip you around and go to town on you. He might've been inexperienced, but he knew that his body would take him there if he needed it.

"W-wanna ..."

"Hmm? Yeah, baby?", you softly caressed his cheek, looking at him with so much love in your eyes.

"Please ..." he couldn't bring himself to say it. He felt too ashamed at asking for even more out of you when he'd already made you do all the work to confess and even made him have the best orgasm of his life.

"Yeah, Hoonie? Want me? Want you too. You have no idea ..." he thanked god the moment you started grinding against his bare dick yet again, leaning down to lick at his lips, "Can I ride you, baby? Please ... Been dreaming about it."

All he could do was whine and nod as his hands squeezed at your ass, trying to entice you into lifting your hips so you could finally sit on his now hardened dick.

No words left his mouth as you finally lowered on him, all his focus on the pretty expression on your face as you moaned out at the feeling of being impaled by him. His back arched, head digging back into the mattress at the feeling of your cunt tightening around him. He felt your back arch too as you leaned down to kiss him, mouths open as you whined and mewled at each other.

You began humping him with no proper rhythm, causing him to thrust upwards to meet your own grinds. He was so desperate for you. Nothing compared to how good he felt in that moment. Your body was drawing all types of pleasure out of him.

"F-feel so good. Hoonie ... You're so- Ah! So fucking good for me."

"Me? You ... Shit. Never felt this good. You're perfect," you tightened at his words, making him plant his feet on the bed and begin to frantically fuck upwards, leading you to scream and whine his name for all his neighbors to hear.

"Love you so much- Fuck! Been wanting you forever. Didn't know how hard I'd fall for you that day, shit. You're everything to me," he couldn't help himself in rambling yet another confession in your ear as you attempted to match the animalistic pace of his thrusts.

"Love you too, Hoonie. You have n-no idea. Never letting you go. You- you're mine now," and yours he wanted to be forever.

Jihoon had never imagined he'd feel love like this as long as he was alive. He had lost hope in finding the perfect girl many years ago, assuming his lifestyle to be too difficult for him to find someone to love him so strongly, but now he had you. Now he had you in his arms as you professed your love for one another. He had never felt such happiness. His ability to think left him soon after, however, as you clamped down on him with yet another scream of his name as you found your end, taking him with you in his own.

After the two minutes or so that it took you to regain your breaths, you managed to cuddle up against each other, unable to stop caressing each other in one way or another. The smiles wouldn't leave your faces. Jihoon couldn't help but think of his life; how he had everything a man could ever want, and now he had you on top of all that, and you'd quickly become his favorite thing. You spent the rest of the day in his bed, making love and waxing poetic at one another. You completely disregarded any collab preparations for the day, opting instead to finally give into each other to the fullest extent.

Soon after, all promotions finally ended. You and Jihoon received equal accolades on your ability to mix both your styles, achieving a successful collaboration between two monster producers. The praise over being all rounders was also endless, as people commended you both for the production, vocals, dance, visuals and chemistry demonstrated all throughout the promotional period.

People noticed how comfortable you were around each other, despite having never publicly interacted before the release date of the single. People believed it was simply amazing work ethic being showcased by the two of you, but what didn't meet the public eye was the genuine love and enjoyment behind every interaction. The two of you had made it a point to begin appearing publicly together often from then on (strictly as friends to anyone who asked, of course), which allowed you to hide your relationship in plain sight.

Jihoon had never been happier, now having you as yet another companion to visit him at his Universe Factory any time he would lock himself in there to work, a habit that began to diminish as he grew more and more addicted to your company outside the confinement of those four walls.

Today was yet another one of those occasions, as you were sharing yet another meal together at the Hybe cafeteria. Staff was mostly unaware of the nature of your relationship, but you two liked it that way.

"Hey," you called out to him as you played around with his phone.

"Hmm?"

"Did you see this email from Bumzu?", he shook his head in denial, "He said Hybe's requesting your help producing for Gyu's collab with Jungkook. Cause of how well ours did."

"Yeah?", he chuckled, "Gonna have to talk to him. Not doing it without you."

"Oh, really?", you grinned at him, "Wanna team up again?", you leaned closer to him, but not too close to draw suspicion from the few other idols and staff around who were eating there.

"Mhm. You did most of the work. Couldn't've done it without you."

He knew that to be completely true, as he would've remained in his slump had you not come out of left field to make his life do a 180.

"Wanna team up with you for the rest of my life."

You smiled at him. He could see in your eyes you wanted to show some sort of affection towards him, but could not due to the public setting. All it took was one look between you for him to know you felt the same. You held his hand under the table, going back to conversation about your next possible collaboration together with your other labelmates, happy to have found a soulmate in one another.

a/n: idk how other writers are putting out 20k+ words monsters jesus christ. anyways i rlly hope u enjoyed <33 this concept had been plaguing my mind for a while so im rlly happy to have finally finished it!!

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #seventeen #svt #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen oneshot #seventeen smut #svt smut #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen angst #svt angst #jihoon angst #jihoon fanfic #jihoon x reader #jihoon smut #woozi scenarios #woozi fanfic #woozi x reader #woozi smut #woozi imagines

[venusgirltarot]

What Would An Album About You Sound Like?

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

Pile One

Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night

“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”

The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.

They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.

Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.

Track list:

1. Pretty

2. Blooming

3. missing you

4. Shinning Eyes

5. Dying Slow

6. Party Streamers

7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)

8. Starlight

9. Nova’s Surprise

10. Sunset

11. morning after

12. You

Pile Two

Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.

I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.

I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”

Track list

1. movement

2. Adelaide’s Interlude

3. mother

4. farmhouse

5. leave me behind

6. baby blue

7. mustang

8. you’re gonna go far

9. more than this

10. peace

11. at your own pace

12. growing pains

13. at last

Pile Three

I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.

However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.

I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.

You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀

Track list

1. October

2. Cosmic

3. Full Moon

4. Bourbon Street

5. She’s All Over Me

6. Starla

7. The Empress

8. Diamond Eyes

9. Find More of Me

10. Dreamscape

11. Escapades

12. Midnight

13. You’re All I Need

14. Mirror

15. Apartment 32

16. Deep End

17. Eternity

#free tarot readings #free readings #tarot cards #tarotblr #tarot reader #spirituality #tarotcommunity #tarot related #paid readings #tarot #love tarot reading

[piratefishmama]

I Wish | Part 4

They were playing first. Their kit was on a real stage, set up across from where the ‘host’ would sit, along with a long couch and an extra chair set closest to the host’s desk.

They’d be taping live, which meant real singing, real playing, and Eddie felt… alive.

He expected to feel terrified, out of his depth, expected to be a complete shambles but Steve was right. Eddie felt at peace on stage. He knew the lyrics, they came to him one after the other without any delay, as if he were the one who’d written them instead of a man he didn’t, and frankly didn’t want to know.

He bounced around the stage like a teenager, exuberant, blind to the cameras, to the lights, the laughter mid-way through his lyrics was real, cackled down a microphone alongside Jeff who seemed just as thrilled to be there as he did, their smiles real their energy electric, their chemistry like lightning and where they were, what they’d accomplished no matter how hard it’d been to get there, they’d captured that lightning, bottled it.

For a brief moment, he caught Steve’s eye, the Genie off to the side of the stage, watching through the curtains that lead back behind it all, saw him smile, A sun’s worth of warmth radiating from that soft grin, a true cherry on the top of the sundae that was his life in that moment.

Then the climax, the ending riff, Jeff taking them home with the last few chords, and they were done, final note echoing through the studio until the audiences cheers replaced the ebbing echo of that final note.

It blew by so fast, Eddie barely remembered what he’d done, what he’d sang, but he’d done it.

His chest ached, his skin felt clammy, his hair was a mess that’d be fixed before they moved onto the actual talk show element of the talk show, but nothing could kill that high. He didn’t know how he could have possibly gotten addicted to anything but the thrill of being on that stage, couldn’t imagine the buzz he’d have gotten from something like The Garden if a talk show stage had given him that.

He wanted to savour it, wanted to celebrate, to ricochet off of the walls with his friends, and turning around he expected to be able to do that, but—

They weren’t on that level with him.

Gareth was already grabbing a bottle of water, hopping from the stage to meet with his own small group of stylists, Dougie had already set his bass down, his attention on getting himself backstage too, and Jeff… well, Jeff was already gone, just the sight of his back disappearing beyond the curtain, patting Steve on the shoulder as he walked past him.

Steve, who could only offer that same damned sympathetic smile before he motioned with a gentle nod of his head to return to backstage.

It wasn’t the same for them. They’d done this a thousand times, talk shows, award shows, concerts, basement gigs, dive bars, the works, they’d been around the block, done the song and dance, a talk show wasn’t anything huge for them, it wasn’t an accomplishment and even though they had all that energy during the performance it wasn’t for anyone. They didn’t have to stick around and be full of life and excitement, the audience didn’t expect it, they had the claps, the cheers, and then once the prompters cued silence, it went quiet.

They could just. Go through the motions.

He set his guitar down in its stand, he didn’t recognise it, it wasn’t his Warlock, he had no idea where his sweetheart was now, did he still have it? He didn’t know, it wasn’t in the hotel room, he’d have for sure noticed it there. There was no time to linger on that though.

His team of stylists were rushing to collect him, he didn’t even have a moment to speak to Steve before he was whisked back to his dressing room, didn’t get a moment to decompress before he was cleaned up, hair fixed, clothes changed, and anti-glare makeup reapplied for the cameras.

A whirlwind of things happening all around him and all he could do was sit there and wonder just when his friends had lost the spark for it all. Which year had been the last time they’d picked up their instruments as if it were the first time. Which year had they stopped treating their fame, their opportunities as a miracle and started treating it like just another Tuesday.

He really was trying to see the positives though, having gotten a glimpse of the highs while on that stage, he knew it couldn’t be all bad, there had to be more good because why else would they continue if the rest wasn’t worth it in some way?

There had to be other highs right?

Eddie was waiting, waiting for their cue to join the host up on stage when everything became just a little. Weird. Time slowed, the movements of everyone around him became sluggish, lagging, as though someone had actually slowed time for everyone but himself “Alright, so—” Eddie damn near jumped out of his skin as Steve appeared at his side

“Is this you?” He motioned to the state of the people around him, he could see Gareth nearby in an incredibly slowed down attempt to ‘quickly’ eat a cream donut before they joined the host on set, the sight of cream slow-mo bursting from the other end of the donut one that he would never forget ever, it was seared into his brain and would remain there regardless of whether or not he went home.

Steve nodded his head “I wanted to give you a heads up, everything is happening so fast and you’re super overstimulated right now.” True, he felt like his nervous system was about to anxiety its way out of the nearest window. Steve rounded him though, stood in front of him, then reached to rest both hands on Eddie’s biceps, holding him, grounding him, eyes locked, Eddie’s focus had to stay on Steve, as if it could ever stray. “Just breathe, the host, Jimmy? He’s great, a really nice guy. He’s a singer, not professionally but he sings, got his start in comedy. He’s respectful, and he’s not going to try and trip anyone up. I would not have dropped you on some Larry King shit show, I swear. There’s gonna be a few questions about your tour, and then he’s probably going to have you play some fun little game with him, it’s going to be okay.”

“A—a game?”

“Yeah, Jimmy isn’t usually a strictly business kinda guy, I’m surprised he didn’t have you tape some weird little opener with him, they might do that in a bit once he’s met you all properly. Listen, you’ve never been on here before, so don’t think you have to pretend to know him personally. Just be yourself an you’ll be fine.” Steve had so much faith in him, and while Eddie didn’t really believe there to be any grounds for that faith given how short their time together had been, it felt nice to have it shown so freely.

Even if he couldn't help but ask, “…why are you so nice to me, Steve?”

“I told you already, I like you.” Steve brushed a stray curl away from Eddie’s face with that same warm smile, Eddie’s poor little heart thudding heavily against his ribcage. Wasn’t he a little old to be blushing like a school girl? Maybe physically, but he sure as shit felt that warmth in his cheeks anyway. He sure as shit felt the need to hide behind his hair that he currently couldn’t do. “You have a good heart, Eddie…” Steve pressed a gentle hand to his chest, fingertips resting atop his rapidly thumping heart “filled with all the right stuff.”

Don’t develop feelings for a Genie, don’t develop feelings for a Genie, dooooon’t develop feelings. For. A. GENIE.

If nothing else it was UNETHICAL.

Time returned to its natural state without warning, momentarily throwing Eddie for another loop because Steve wasn’t there anymore. Just his friends. Gareth shoving a new shirt over his head, Jeff fixing his funny little bow tie, Dougie sniff testing the shirt he was wearing as if he hadn't just put it on, last minute fixes before—

“Please help me welcome to the stage, Corroded Coffin!!” Cue the applause, and they were on. His three friends headed on first, Gareth being the only one who looked back at Eddie, Eddie who'd delayed for a second longer, having taken a step and slammed directly into a wall of nerves. Gareth took his hand without comment, and coaxed him out, a nerve destroying smile on his face that made everything just a little less scary.

If Gareth could handle it, little no-longer-baby-faced Gareth who once upon a time Eddie had looked after in his first year of high-school, all the way back when he was wide-eyed and scared of the rapidly changing world around him, Eddie could handle it.

He’d be fine.

He'd be fine.

#PirateWrites #IWishFiclet #Steddie #No Upside Down AU #Genie!Steve #is he gonna be fine? #only time will tell!

[spadesolace]

the idea of yoo - 1.1. alone with yoo (half-written)

previous | next

words: 1.5k

warnings: a bit of homophobia, discussion about religion, implied cheating

the sun shining through a small window, your eyes twitch as the sunlight hits you perfectly. in your line of sight, sight adjusting through the bright yet also dim room. it smells a bit rugged, similar to yeonjun’s perfume he had made you and rei smell before his date, bed is a bit harder than your usual one at home, and you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes. in the corner of your eye, was the table tennis - you’re at the choi household.

slowly sitting up, looking for your phone that yeonjun had placed on his bedside table, along with some medicine, water, and hangover drink. underneath was a note with messy handwriting.

hey, when you wake up i would be at rehearsals for tomorrow’s dance battle. left some medicine so drink it right away. yeonie

as you hastily drank the medicine and pick up the hangover drink, ready to leave and get some proper meal. the sound of footsteps and chatter was making its way towards your destination. vaguely, you could make up yeonjun’s mom’s voice and yoo jimin.

“yeonjun is at rehearsal, but you can leave that here on his-” his mom sees you by the bed, wearing your coat and getting your stuff, along with hiding some of the letters that you’ve written for yeonjun’s recipe to food critics to try, and letters from jimin.

“yeonjun’s japanese friend, didn’t hear you come in.”

“just dropping off some notes.”

“jimin is also drop-” the faint breaking of glass was heard upstairs, making yeonjun’s mom rush back upstairs.

the last time you were alone with jimin was when you bumped into her in the hallway, the start of it all. it’s a bit awkward, looking like you spent the night - in which you did - but also it seemed like you’re dating yeonjun. deep inside, you’re thinking how pretty jimin is despite it being so early in the morning.

“hi.” she breaks the tension, a small smile plastered on her face.

“hi.” your breath is taken away; standing in front of a girl who you considered could have been sculpted by aphrodite.

“are you and paul-” then you remember, she’s not here for you.

“OH GOSH NO! he is totally 100 percent into you.”

“you know about… us?”

“that’s what the notes and books are for, he wanted to do some extra reading.” jimin seemed amused by it, partially because no one has been that thoughtful to learn more about their interests and hobbies.

the awkward silence slowly crept back, part of you wanted to leave, no longer wishing to take part in this. the girl you developed feelings for is talking to a guy who you helped in writing the letters for, making an image of him in her mind. 

you deceived jimin.

you deceived yeonjun.

they fell in love with the image you had made to deceive both of them.

all you could hear coming out of jimin’s mouth was self-deprecating words regarding her first impression during their first date. nothing made sense anymore, nothing held you back.

“you could never be an idiot. yeonjun wouldn’t think of you that way.” you still held back, not wanting to expose yourself. there is the desire to leave and run away, forget this entire thing happened.

“i should probably get back home.” picking your bag up, noticing jimin was holding onto a piece of paper.

“this- its- its nothing really, something i made during the trip.” still she handed it over to you, lyrics; you assume it to be lyrics of a new song she wrote.

“i like one of the lines from the second verse… lonely yet hopeful.” giving it back to jimin, smiling shyly about to leave her in this man cave that is yeonjun’s room.

“he’ll love it.” i love it.

“yeah…”

“i should get going.”

“can i come with?”

you don’t know how it happened, how you’re walking in the middle of an abandoned train track kicking a stone as you pass by the abandoned cart, no longer filled with writings. there’s another one, not that far off that you and rei go to when you need a change in your routine.

“you’re not scared?” stopping in your tracks, slight confusion evident in your face.

“no, i’m used to this route. a change in scenery.” jimin hummed as the stone you were kicking seemed to have merged with the rest of the pebbles.

“you wanna get out of here?”

it feels surreal, you’re in jimin’s car, listening to the radio mostly 90’s music playing, windows down and the wind blowing your hair. months ago, you couldn’t believe that jimin knew who you were, yet here you are.

“where we going?”

“my favorite secret place.”

you stopped in the middle of a forest, a part of you sort of feared where this was going because who would bring someone to a forest if not to kill them? or maybe you’ve been watching too much true crime that rei has been so adamant in you watching it with her. when you saw the clearing, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to be killed by the girl you like. it’s just a hot spring, and it worried you when jimin started unpacking her duffel bag, only to pull out a small radio. you’re just stuck in this place with her, turning your back at her when she started removing her sundress. you’re not sure if she removed her undergarments but just the idea that she’s probably skinny dipping makes your face heat up.

jimin turns around as your gaze looks everywhere except for her. you looked at her back for a bit, toned, smooth, and her hair despite being wet already it stil remained smooth and silky. so, you stripped, not fully. she only turned back to face you when she heard a bit of water splashing. an embarrassed smile was evident as jimin takes in what you’re wearing.

“oh i almost forgot.” you thought it was from the heat from the hot spring that made you feel this way but confirming that jimin is indeed naked walking around the area and setting up the small radio. you submerged yourself underwater.

“there’s no cell service here, nothing could reach us here.”

“so if you kill me, completely leave me here to decompose and scream, no one would come to rescue me?”

it was a lighthearted joke, one that made jimin laugh as she dipped back into the spring and you still avoided looking at her body. things were going well, talking about interests, family, religion, everything under the sun as you played around in the water.

“i don’t think i’ve hanged out with a girl and not talk about boys before.”

“oh… sorry.”

“no, no… it’s nice, actually.” you nod to her statement, maybe this could be a way to help yeonjun out.

“yeonjun’s nice.” jimin looks at you, pondering. she can’t put a finger on it but she tries to explain her emotions.

“he’s... confusing.” 

“how?”

”when i’m with him, i feel... safe. he’s a sweet guy, don’t get me wrong. then he writes these things that feel... not so safe.” you tilt your head as you process everything, you wrote those things, the letters, the messages, everything - you wrote it.

“not safe?”

“makes me wonder, think about things - all this time i was set on this idea of marrying jeno but then here comes yeonjun when i asked god for a sign. god doesn’t know either or he’s not telling.”

“i don’t believe in god.”

“that must be so nice.”

“it’s not…” you slowly submerged yourself into the water, jimin still observing you, everything feels weird. “it’s lonely.”

“i wished i knew what i believed in.” you tune everything out, listening to jimin’s rant about jeno already planning their future wedding, her asking a sign to god if that was what love is. simply accept it and be grateful. but the letter appeared the following day, the letter you wrote and what started this whole thing.

“silly, right?” you shake your head as you swim closer to her.

“no, its not.”

“but you know what’s silly?” everything moved so fast that your oversized shirt was removed from you, a triumphant smile but easily replaced by her laughing.

“did you layer?” now, you’re left with your undergarment and a black tank top.

time went by so slowly, you’re talking to her about life, love, religion, while floating on your back next to her listening to a radio playing old songs. the current song playing was your mom’s favorite song, waiting for the best part, the climax as she would say.

“my mom also told us that every song, movie, story has a best part.” patiently waiting, letting it pass and enjoy each other’s presence and the song you heavily associated with your mom. a part of you wants to reach out to jimin and hold her hand as the song continues on. 

“was that it?”

“you asking or stating?”

the best part - is when you actually hold onto jimin’s hand as you float like otters. the song playing in the background as the lyrics perfectly encapsulate what you feel for her. words can’t express your feelings - pain from knowing the girl you like is straight and seeing your only friend but also happiness from getting such a small moment together that you’ll cherish till you leave this little place called kwangya.

you may not believe in god, but if falling in love with yoo jimin is a sin. call me a sinner, then.

taglist [CLOSED]:

@1luvkarina @beawolfbealionbeyou @pandafuriosa60 @txtbrainrot @rinapomu @limbforalimb @yoontoonwhs @noascats @thefckghost @petruchiosstuff

#aespa x fem reader #karina aespa #aespa smau #aespa x reader #aespa karina #aespa #karina smau #karina x reader #karina imagines #karina #yoo jimin x reader #yoo jimin #the idea of yoo smau

[rubyreduji]

what you don't know — ljh

summary: what jihoon doesn’t know, won’t kill him

tags: established relationship, light angst w/ happy ending, idol!jihoon, graphic designer!reader, gn!reader wc: 4.3k an: something inspired this fic i just don't remember what ajfksl all i remember is being in the bathroom. i just wanted to do a “jihoon being a busy producer” trope w/o making jihoon a giant asshole so here we are :) slay healthy relationships and open conversations

You wake up to an empty bed. It’s nothing that’s new, you’re honestly used to it at this point. You just wish you weren’t. Instead of letting it get to you though, you just get up and stretch before heading to the kitchen to make your morning coffee.

There’s a dirty coffee cup in the sink already along with a bowl. Good, he actually ate breakfast today.

As you go through your morning routine you make a mental list of everything you need to get done today. You need to do laundry and clean the kitchen before starting dinner. You have to finish up some commissions from your art site and you have a phone call meeting at 2pm to go over a design with one of your clients. 

Your life as a stay at home graphic designer is a lot different than your fiance’s job as an idol and producer. He wakes up early and comes home late and even when he’s resting he’s still thinking of song lyrics and choreography moves.

You’ve found it’s something you’ve gotten used to over time. You can admit to yourself that it’s not your most favorite thing in the world, but it’s not something you would say outloud to Jihoon. You are aware of how much hard work he’s put into getting where he is and you don’t want to deter that. You just sit back and play the role of the supportive house spouse while he goes out and plays the role of Woozi.

Sure it sucks when he has to cancel date night, or is too tired to watch that movie you guys were wanting to see, and you always miss him a little too much when he’s on tour, but in the end there’s not much you can do about it. It’s his job, and most importantly, it makes him happy. You understand it’s not a life for everyone, but you do your best to accommodate him. You tell yourself he’s living out his dreams, so of course you’re going to stand by his side and cheer him on. 

The only people who know you even feel like this are Joshua and Jeonghan, and you still don’t tell them to the full extent of your feelings. You actually met the band through those two, initially being friends with them first. It just so happened that you and Jihoon hit it off. You still frequently talk to the two ‘95 liners though. They get texts from you asking how Jihoon is doing as you express your worries about the man overworking himself and hinting that you want them to suggest to Jihoon he goes home. You think the songs Jihoon produces are amazing, but you also think the most amazing thing is having Jihoon at home in your arms.

You know Jihoon loves you, sometimes it’s just hard to see it. It’s a bit hard to receive any kind of love, no matter the form, when he’s hidden himself away in his studio. The worst days are when you go all day without seeing the man. The only indication he was even home at all being the dirty dishes he left in the sink after eating his dinner and the new set of clothes inside the laundry hamper. 

Yesterday was one of those days, meaning you haven’t seen him in over twenty-fours hours. Your fingers are itching to text him but you don’t want to bother him while he’s at work so you instead boot up your computer so you can get to work on your next design.

The only thing that soothes your running mind is the knowledge that Jihoon is sitting in his studio, working on a song that was written for you. And it’s the most you can do for now.

“Woozi!” Jihoon picks up his head from his desk to see Jeonghan and Joshua walking to the studio. Joshua drops a bag on his desk before sitting down on the couch.

“What’s this?” Jihoon nudges the bag, a bit afraid it’s another one of their stupid pranks.

“Lunch,” Jeonghan answers simply.

“I didn’t ask for this.” Jihoon frowns as he pulls out the cartoon of extra rice. This makes him frown even more. Jeonghan is too cheap to pay for extra rice, so either something is wrong or he wants something.

“Maybe you didn’t ask for it, but someone else did.”

“What?”

“Y//N,” Joshua sighs and finally explains to Jihoon. “They asked us to make sure you ate today and then they sent me some money.” That makes more sense. You’re always doing things like that; taking care of him even when you’re not physically around. “I didn’t take their money obviously, but I assured them you would be fed.”

Jihoon reaches for his wallet. “How much did it cost? At least let me pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it, really Jihoon,” Joshua says. “Just make sure to take care of that fiance of yours as well.”

Jihoon scoffs. “I do, not that it’s much of your business.” Jihoon doesn’t mean to come off so rudely, but he’s always been a bit sensitive of his relationship with you. He doesn’t like when the members try to get into your guys’ personal business.

“It may not be my business, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look out for my close friend,” Joshua says offhandedly.

That’s another reason why Jihoon doesn’t like his members talking about you. You’re best friends with Jeonghan and Joshua and they like to hold that over his head. Even as his fiance, you sometimes come off as closer to those two than Jihoon.

“Looking out for them?”

“Listen Jihoon, we love you of course, but Y/N means a lot to us as well,” Jeonghan pipes up. “We don’t want them getting hurt.”

“Why the hell would I hurt them? They’re my fiance, if you haven’t remembered.” Jihoon is progressively getting more annoyed now, impatient with the way the older two are talking.

“Just because you don’t mean to, doesn’t mean you aren’t,” Jeonghan answers. “Y/N is really good to you, you know.”

“Yes I know. Is there a point to this? I appreciate the food but I do have work to do.”

“Of course you have work to do,” Jeonghan mutters.

“Excuse me?”

“What he means,” Joshua cuts in, “is that maybe you should be giving more attention to your fiance, and less on your work. We just had a comeback, Jihoon. This is our down time. Yet, you’re still here, cooped up in your studio working as diligently as ever. It’s an admirable trait, don’t get me wrong, but you have a fiance waiting back at home. When was the last time you even saw Y/N?”

“I saw them last night,” Jihoon says.

“Seeing them for five seconds before going to bed doesn’t count,” Jeonghan adds. “Especially if you didn’t even exchange words. Y/N does everything for you. They’ve been nothing but supportive of our career, and what have you done back for them?”

“You two aren’t making any sense, and honestly I don’t have time for this. My relationship is perfectly healthy, especially with people butting in. I would know if something was wrong with Y/N,” Jihoon snaps.

“Suurreee,” Jeonghan not-so-discreetly rolls his eyes.”Since you know so much about them.”

“What are you talking about?” Jihoon’s brow furrows as he looks over at Jeonghan and Joshua.

“Hmm,” the evil twins hum, implying that Jihoon should know what they’re talking about.

“I don’t have time for the two of you today. Either get on with it or get out of my studio. Your non-committal grunts aren’t going to do any of us any good.”

“Snappy today,” Jeonghan mutters under his breath.

“We’re just saying that maybe Y/N isn’t as content as you think,” Joshua answers with a shrug. He’s attempting to come off as indifferent, like he can either be right or wrong, but Jihoon knows better. He knows that the two know more than they are letting on. 

“What has Y/N told you?” Jihoon demands.

“Maybe you should be asking them that yourself,” Jeonghan responds, leaving Jihoon with a sour taste in his mouth.

“Y/N? I’m home!” Jihoon calls as he walks into your apartment.

“Jihoon? Honey?” You appear from the bedroom. You have a look of concern plastered on your features and one of his t-shirts in your hands. “Why are you home so early? Is everything alright at the studio?”

“Everything’s okay,” he assures you, “I just wanted to come home at a decent time today.”

“Oh, well, I wasn’t expecting you home so soon or I would have made dinner already. Let me finish folding the laundry and I’ll get right on it,” you tell your fiance. 

“Hey wait, I can make us dinner,” Jihoon protests. “You make dinner every night, it’s not fair of me not to pull my weight.” 

“I don’t mind. You’re just so busy all the time, it’s the least I can do,” you say. “You should go get changed and relax.” You disappear back into the bathroom. 

“Baby, wait,” Jihoon quickly follows after you. You’re placing his clothes inside the dresser. You hum in Jihoon’s direction but don’t stop your actions. Jihoon huffs. Why is this so difficult? “Baby stop for a sec.” Jihoon grabs your arms and holds you still.

“What’s wrong? Are you sure you’re okay?” You frown and reach up to cup Jihoon’s face. “Are you getting sick? Should I get you anything?”

“Y/N,” Jihoon says pointedly and you stop. “Let’s just sit down for a moment okay?” You nod, a bit concerned and confused, and sit down onto the bed. “You know I love you a lot right?”

You pull away from Jihoon a bit. “What’s this all about? Are you…are you breaking up with me? Oh no, don’t tell me there’s someone else.” Your hand flies to your engagement ring as you fiddle with the band. It’s a habit Jihoon has noticed you picked up after you two got engaged. At first he thought it was just normal boredom fidgeting but now he’s starting to wonder if it’s a nervous habit.

“No, no! Of course not.” Jihoon reaches for you again. He envelopes your hands with his warm ones. His thumb brushes over the top of your knuckles as he tries to soothe you. “I promise, there is nobody else but you. I wouldn’t want anyone else. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

You stare down at your hands with a small frown. “Is this because I asked Han and Shua to get you lunch? I know you don’t like to be bothered while you’re working but I wanted to make sure you were eating properly. I won’t do it again if you don’t me to.”

Jihoon’s chest tightens. Before you came into his life, Jihoon always saw himself as someone who wasn’t made for a relationship. He can write lyrics about love and heartbreak and romance but it wasn’t something he could truly relate to. He’s never known how to be a good boyfriend who is loving and doting on his partner. He doesn’t know how to work someone into his life and be able to take care of them and be able to give and receive love in the way romantic partners do.

Then he met you and you were perfect. You’ve always been so independent and supportive and Jihoon doesn’t have to worry about any of those things because being with you was easy. You never asked for much and you were always there for Jihoon when he needed but still gave him the space he liked so much. You two didn’t work as two halves of a whole, you two were your own people who lived your own lives. There were no expectations, no pressure, you were understanding and attentive and you were the best person Jihoon has ever met. You still are. That’s why he asked you to marry him.

Looking at you now though, Jihoon wonders if he made a mistake along the way. If he can still fix it. When did it get to the point where you think he doesn’t appreciate your gestures anymore? Where you’re afraid to bother him during work so you apologize for just trying to look out for him. When did it get to the point where Jihoon barely exchanges three words with you throughout the day? Where you do all the chores and errands on top of your own job and looking out for Jihoon as well. Where Jihoon comes home late and eats the dinner that you made and he can’t even thank you for it because it’s so late that you’re already asleep.

Maybe Jeonghan and Joshua were right. Are you as content as Jihoon was led to believe? Does Jihoon still make you feel loved and cherished? 

“I really appreciated it baby, you even remembered the rice, thank you.” Jihoon leans over to press a gentle kiss to your cheek. “It’s just that uh, the hyungs were talking about something weird.”

“Jeonghan and Joshua?”

“Yeah…” Jihoon pauses, trying to figure out how to bring up the topic. “We’re…okay? Right?”

You tilt your head to the side in confusion. “Yeah? Of course we are. Do you think that we’re not?”

It’s not the answer Jihoon wants, but he’s not sure how to go about bringing it up without scaring you off. “I just…had some concerns I guess.”

“About…us?” You frown again. “Jihoon please what is this about? I’d like to go make dinner, so if you’re breaking up with me can we hurry this up? I don’t want to cry today so can you be nice about it?”

“Baby no! I’m not, I’m not breaking up with you,” Jihoon rushes to tell you.

“Then what’s wrong? I think we’re fine and I’d like to have dinner and spend the night with my fiance who is finally home for once.” You pull out of Jihoon’s embrace to stand up. “Does chicken sound good?” You don’t wait for him to respond though, heading out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Jihoon sighs. Maybe it really isn’t that big of a deal. Jeonghan and Joshua were just being annoying as usual. Jihoon doesn’t want to dwell on it though and he rushes after you so you at least don’t have to make dinner alone.

“Y/N!” You turn to see Soonyoung approaching you. “It’s been a while, how are you?” He pulls you into a quick hug. You’re at an event for Seventeen to celebrate their newest album hitting the number one spot on Billboard’s Top Albums.

“I’m doing good, keeping busy. Congratulations on the album by the way.”

“Thanks! A lot of the credit goes to that fiance of yours though.” Soonyoung nudges your arm with a wink.

You chuckle a bit. “He is pretty amazing, isn’t he? I’m just glad all of the hard work pays off. It helps me know the long days alone are worth something.” It’s supposed to come off as a joke but you can’t help the way sadness creeps into your tone.

“Where is Jihoon anyways?”

“He said he has to finish something up in his studio and that he’ll be here soon. You know the work never stops with him,” you say. 

“He didn’t accompany you?” Soonyoung frowns.

“Ah, no. It’s okay Young-ah, I don’t mind. He’s very busy, I understand that. You guys wouldn’t be able to do things like hit number one album if it wasn’t for all that time put in. From all thirteen of you. I’m not going to hold back his work process, I get this life is very important to him.”

“Not to pry or anything, but does that not bother you?”

“I wouldn’t say…bother? I’m glad my Jihoonie is happy, I’m glad he loves what he does. I just guess sometimes I wish it was different. Not that I want Jihoon to change anything, it’s just a bit lonely at home. I wake up and Jihoon is long gone, I go to bed and he comes home when I’m already dreaming. I don’t want him to sacrifice his work, I would just like more time in a day, you know? Be able to have him to myself once in a while. His work is very important though, to all of you. I wouldn’t want him to change the importance of it just for me. It’s silly anyways. Ah, I’m sorry for rambling Soonyoung-ah. Forgive me.” You bow slightly to Soonyoung. “Excuse me, I think I’m going to go find Jeonghan and Joshua.” 

Pain claws at your heart, but you ignore it. You don’t like thinking about Jihoon’s time balance, let alone talk about it outloud. You came to terms with a long time ago and it’s a decision you made, so now you have to live with it. You know the day will come when Seventeen doesn’t renew their contract and Jihoon will settle down and be able to give you more of his time, but right now is not that time, and you just have to accept that. It’s the price to pay to be able to have him later.

You could have it much worse anyways. Jihoon doesn’t yell at you or ever get aggressive. He always makes sure you have what you need and you know that he loves you. You don’t want to be selfish and ask for more when he’s already giving you so much. You think back to a week ago when Jihoon tried to ask you if you think there’s anything wrong in your relationship. You told him no, because you didn’t want to worry him. You can be patient and wait for him to give you his time. You’ll survive.

“Y/N-ah.” You stop in your tracks to see your fiance standing in front of you. His hair is a bit of a mess and his suit is crumpled and you don’t know whether to chuckle or sigh. You walk up to the man and start to fix his hair and outfit right away.

“You’re a mess Hoon,” you say to him softly. “Did you get everything settled at the studio?”

Jihoon reaches up and takes your hands off his tie to hold them in his own. He leans down and presses a kiss to your knuckles. “Yeah, everything’s all good. But I should have been here with you the whole time, I’m sorry that I wasn’t.”

“Don’t worry about,” you brush him off, “Soonyoung kept me company.”

“Oh boy,” Jihoon mutters. “I really should have been here then.” You chuckle at the fake disdain your fiance has for his best friend. “Hey, let’s go home yeah? I don’t think I want to be here much longer.”

“You just got here honey, are you sure?”

“I think I’d rather just spend time with you, alone.” Jihoon grips your hands tighter. “If you’d like.”

“I always want to spend time with you, my love.” You answer. Jihoon flashes that sweet adorable grin of his and you two leave the venue.

When you get back to your apartment you both change into comfier clothes before Jihoon wraps you both up in a blanket and holds you close to him.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for honey? You haven’t done anything wrong.” You shuffle around so you can look at Jihoon in the face.

“Ah, but I have. I…haven’t been a very good fiance to you. Or boyfriend for that matter.” Jihoon ruffles his hair, a habit he has when he’s stressed about something. “You are…perfect. You always have been. You are the most understanding, supportive, selfless person I know, and I am so lucky to call you mine. You do so much for me even when I don’t ask you to, even when you could easily not.

“Recently it’s come to my attention that I’ve uh, not been doing the same for you. Relationships should be 50/50 you know, but this one has been more 99/1. I haven’t been giving you what you need. I’ve been so focused on everything for Seventeen, that I forgot the most important thing to me: you. I love music, it’s my life, but I love you too, and you’re my future. I should be splitting my time more evenly. I should be doing better at being an actual romantic partner.

“And don’t tell me that it isn’t an issue, because I know it is. You’re so strong and caring and you’d do anything for me, even sacrifice your own feelings. I want you to stop doing that, because you matter too. I want to be better as well. You deserve better.”

“Jihoon��” you start when he finished his whole speech, “what brought this on?”

“I heard you talking to Soonyoung earlier, about always being alone and how I’m always working. Why did you tell me? If I knew it bothered you so much I would have done something about it.”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. Seventeen and being an idol means so much to you, I don’t want you to stop expressing that passion just because of me. As you said, I’m your future. We have the rest of our lives to be together, but right now, this is the time for you and your career. I can wait.” 

“That’s not fair to you though!”

“Jihoon,” you scold him lightly. “I didn’t want you to know because I don’t want to worry you. You’re doing exactly that right now and I didn’t want to bother you with it because it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Baby…it’s a big deal to me, okay? Even if it’s not to you. I want you to know that I love you and that you are being taken care of just as much as you take care of me. So be selfish for a moment, please. I want to talk about it.” Jihoon’s eyes read nothing but sincerity and you take a deep breath. You love Jihoon and know that he loves you back. You trust him and finally you let yourself open, knowing nothing bad will happen.

“Most days it really doesn’t bother me, you know? It’s something I knew would happen when we started dating and I knew that if this relationship was going to get anymore serious I would have to accept the fact that your time is mainly spent on your music. I do miss how we were in the beginning. The spontaneous dates and sweet gifts and spending time together as much as we could. I don’t mind where we are now though. We’re more secure this way. It feels right, more real, you know? Maybe the right word is domestic. 

Like I said, most days I’m okay, but every once in a while I become hyper aware of it. I just miss you. I’m well taken care of and I don’t mind looking after you either, I guess I just like seeing your face. I want you to tell me about your day as we eat dinner together. Those kinds of things. Maybe wake up beside you a few days a week. I know that it’s not going to happen everyday but every once in a while would be nice. I know that you love me so recently it’s just been a waiting game for me. I know there will be a day when you have as much free time in the world to spend with me, but right now is not that time. I’ll be okay, no matter what happens, but if you would like to find a few hours every once in a while to spend time with me, I think I’d cherish those moments more than anything.”

When you finish telling Jihoon about your thoughts you finally focus back on your fiance to see his eyes starting to collect tears. Jihoon quickly wipes them away but you’ve already seen them.

“I…love you so much,” Jihoon starts off. “I am so lucky to have someone like you by my side. I miss you too. I know that I can’t promise things are going to get better right away, but I’m going to try, okay? For you, because you deserve nothing but the best.” Jihoon pulls you in closer and you nuzzle your face into his neck.

“I’ll be happy no matter what, as long as I have you.”

“I just don’t want you thinking you’re not the most important thing in my life, because you are. I promise to you I’ll be home more often, and if I’m not, come knock some sense into me, okay?”

You giggle. “Okay. I’ll accept your promise, but I still want you to do your work, I know that it means the world to you. Just…balance your time better, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon agrees. “And I promise I’m going to make it all up to you, everything. I’ll be here when you wake up and I’ll help you do the chores and I’ll even rub your back when you’ve been at your desk for too long.”

You laugh at your fiance’s proposal. “Well aren’t you a charmer? Mm, as nice as all of that sounds, I think for right now I’m content just being here in your arms. Let’s stay like this for a little while longer.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Jihoon says and he presses a kiss to your temple before securing his arms tighter around you, exactly where you should be. You know that things still aren’t going to be perfect, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but for now, you’re going to relish being held by your fiance, your heart full knowing he’s going to put effort into fulfilling the promises he made to you.

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[heaven4lostgirls]

wish you were sober

band!singer!remus x singer!reader

cw: mention of alcohol, teenage drinking, kissing, fluff

being with remus was like sipping coffee whilst the sun rose. he was a breath of fresh air whilst still remaining calm. you had loved him before you had even known that you did.

you and remus had met in your 5th year at hogwarts, you were a half blood like remus however you were a transfer from a wizarding school in south africa. he knew that you were different the moment you stood up and told sirius black to shut the fuck up in the middle of slughorns class. he had fallen not only for your looks but for your wit, humour and somewhat alike shyness you both seemed to share.

remus had first proposed the idea of you joining the marauders band in his 6th year when marlene had decided to focus on her owls and her new girlfriend, dorcas meadows.

you were more than excited to join the band considering you had been at their practices ever since remus lupin had stuck to your side since you joined hogwarts, and their music exceeded words.

you now stood with remus in the front of the room of requirement which had been changed into a concert venue where the boys and you would be playing a brand new song.

‘wish u were sober’ was something you and remus had written and composed together over your late night talks in the gryffindor common room whilst sipping butterbeer and the slight mix of firewhiskey.

the opening of the song started and you and remus faced the crowd as you took a deep breath and began singing

This party's shit, wish we could dip

Go anywhere but here

Don't take a hit, don't kiss my lips

And please don't drink more beer

you felt remus’ eyes on you as he smiled slightly towards you as he started the next verse

I'ma crawl outta the window now

'Cause I don't like anyone around

Kinda hope you're followin' me out

But this is definitely not my crowd

you both held your microphones as you turned to face one another and belt out the chorus

Nineteen, but you act twenty-five now

Knees weak, but you talk pretty fly, wow

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

Take me where the music ain't too loud

sudden flashbacks invade you mind if you and remus sitting at gryffindor parties after the end of exams, at the end of the quidditch up and at the end of the year. all around you is flowing alcohol and inebriated people however all you can focus on is the boy who’s lap you’re currently sitting on who’s scars have suddenly become more beautiful than the last time you saw them. your eyes flick to his lips and his flick to yours too.

“can i kiss you rem?” you hear yourself asking

“merlin, you don’t know how long i’ve wanted to hear that,but not like this, not here.”

Trade drinks, but you don't even know her

Save me 'til the party is over

Kiss me in the seat of your Rover

Real sweet, but I wish you were sober

you both continue to sing and finish the song whilst looking into each others eyes. the energy feels electric in the air and the room of requirement feels like it’s buzzing. you can’t hear the screams of everyone around you but you can see remus’ eyes drop to your lips.

you do the same and you can almost feel the tension rising as you both stand panting in front of one another out of breath from belting out the lyrics.

suddenly it alls goes static in your head as you feel a pair of chapped lips on yours. you faintly hear sirius and james yell out in unison and excitement. this. this is what it felt like to be home.

the love that encompassed you and remus in that exact moment was one that you would remember when you told stories to your children and for when your children would tell their children.

music had brought you and remus together, and fortunately nothing could break you apart<3

#remus lupin #james potter #harry potter #marauders #juliwrites #sirius black #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff

[fire-hashira]

Where The Wind Blows (part one)

(Back to reclaim my throne on this dead part of the fandom, I'm basing r/n on Myne cause.....well i can sue me)

(this'll be a 2 part story) A young girl with (h/c), (e/c), a person who lived a lonely life, Mc hated attachment because, after all, everyone leaves so why should they try?

Mc had already lived a harsh life, abandoned by their parents at a young age, eating a devil fruit, the uta-uta fruit, betrayed, abused, again and again to the point they no longer wished for friendships, love, connections, they only see them as a waste of time.

Music was their only way to healing, from a young age they learned how to use their devil fruits, their power over song and dance as well and its rhythm, they made people happy, and they were happy.

Until they came to Devildom. Sure they were happy her first year, they let down their walls and allowed everyone in, sharing their pain and past with them, they trusted the brothers wholeheartedly, Diavolo and Barbatos became her second family, and Purgatory Hall was their ears, and they loved them all dearly, Mc even became happier and brighter, until it went all crashing down.

r/n came and it went all went downhill, she looked like an angel and her eyes were like stars but she was the biggest liar, it started small.

"Mc didn't -" "Mc stole my-" "Mc lied-"

week by week, The brothers slowly believed r/n, at first they would hear Mc, of course they did they loved MC, but it was becoming too much, slowly and slowly r/n had them wrapped around her finger, at least they had everyone else on their side, but it hurt them extremely that the brothers were treating mc badly for r/n's sake, even when Diavolo told them off they continued on the down low.

The first people Mc trusted after so long gave the most pain, Mc was angry that they even allowed them to break her walls if they easily replaced her, Mc began to go to how she used to be, emotionally withdrawn, distant, and cold, yet she still gave r.a.d performances to remember, to the other students they were still their favorite diva from the human realm, their unmatched idol, their shining star, Mc still had them so they felt a bit better. "Maybe I was better off without them," Mc thought to themself, why should they bother with people that were close to them, only to push them aside?

Maybe they'll give one hell of a performance before they leave.

Mc looked into their song book, lyrics they have written and enchanted songs they found or were given as gifts, looking around till they found what they were looking for Blacklight? no that won't do, Fleeting Lullaby? no not now, soon mc found the perfect song, smirking as thy saved it for a special occasion

"Tot musica"

(its kinda shit but its been awhile)

#obey me replaced #obey me mc #obey me angst

[antiv3nom]

Bedman (Romeo)

omg havent had an excuse to talk abt bedman in a hot minute thank u anon...

favorite thing about them:

i love the tragedy of his story arc... that feels like a weird thing to say but its the first thing that came to mind! just. look. the road to hell paved with good intentions bit taken to the extreme really works here!!! the idea that he remembered the name of every person he ever killed because he was under the impression he could bring them all back, only to have the rug pulled from under him? hurts me! in the best way!!!

other than that i do enjoy his design, both romeo himself and the bed :] i wanna give my bedman cosplay another try sometime for sure, it didnt work out for various reasons but i have most of the components and would enjoy cosplaying him fr in the future

least favorite thing about them:

i think i dont really dislike anything about the way bedman is written in the source material strongly enough to point it out here? i think my main gripe is the way the fandom treats him to either extreme, like theres "bedman did nothing wrong ever" people and "bedman is horrific" people and i wish both camps would chill out and recognize hes like. a complex character? but i do think most people do this already which i can appreciate

favorite line:

im a little obsessed w his win line against may in xrd

"I do not understand humans who are motivated by love. A person is born, lives for a number of years, and interacts with up to eight billion people. What proof is there of something they can't even define?"

bc like. buddy. you dont even realize it. YOURE driven by love. all this shit wasnt just for yourself but it was for delilah too!!! fuck!!! you dont even see it as love you see it as necessary because shes that important to you!!! and dont even get me STARTED on the bed in strive and how its still running because of his last minute code additions which almost act as the last part of his will to protect delilah. GAHHHH

brOTP:

BEDMAN AND AXL INTERACTIONS. PLEASE. PLEASE. their dynamic is so interesting as characters with such fascinating ways of interacting with the world...gah. GAH. and no one fucking talks about it!!!

OTP:

sinbed. must i wlabo.

ok but i will, im not as into them as i was like a year ago but i still do really enjoy their dynamic. sin being such a beacon of hope and being so willing to see people as good contrasted with a post-xrd living bedman (bc all my sinbed stuff exists within au but im having fun out here so sue me) seeing himself as inherently evil due to his actions despite his intentions and believing no one would ever care for him? it hits for me

nOTP:

i dont know of anything off the top of my head that ive seen for him??? nothing prevalent at least.

actually on second thought i think ive seen like one instance of bedman and ram in a romantic sense, and that im not a fan of but i guess i could see the appeal, just not my thing

random headcanon:

this motherfucker would have gotten heated in some internet forums or wiki talk pages, DEDICATED to accuracy out here and he WILL fight you about it

unpopular opinion:

not entirely certain i have one? i think the "bedman while flawed is not actually a terrible person and was doing his best given his extremely fucked up circumstances" is a pretty cool take by this point for most people

i think the only thing i have is that my interpretation of bedman has always been as like a young adult rather than a kid but like i dont really have a concrete opinion on that and i totally understand people who do see him as a kid like its entirely understandable to do so

song i associate with them:

other than his character themes, its GOTTA be dramaturgy by eve, which just. it gives the vibes. read the english lyrics it will make sense i prommy

favorite image of them:

THE EEPER...

OTHER than this one its more an animation but his 6p in xrd is so silly i love it so bad...and for a more serious option his instant kill is really cool

#ask #random ramblings #bedman #ask game #anon

[sweetqueerinthesummer]

evermore and the regrets

Before reading this analysis I would recommend researching the theory about the failed coming out (I think this post from @sophietv is the best I've read on the subject), and reading my previous analysis of The Archer, since I consider these songs to be heavily connected (in my head they're sort of a trilogy with Dear Reader, which should be my next post).

Second thing, I’m not considering the lyrics to be from different pov even though it’s a duet, so even if i put in purple the lyrics that Bon Iver sings in the studio version, I don't believe that it has a particular meaning, but if you have another interpretation, I would be delighted to read it. ^^

A quick reminder of the timeline this is based on, just so we’re on the same page: Taylor would’ve hoped to come out on June 30th 2019 New York pride parade, but didn’t, probably because of the stealing of her masters. She then started really quickly to shift from the colorful Lover era to wearing mostly black, and performing pretty sad songs acoustically (go watch the Live in Paris and the BBC Live Lounge studio for example). It’s also the time where Taylor and Karlie may have broken up, from what I know, we don’t know for sure in what order the events happen, but it may be linked in some way, which might be adding to the pain she feels connected to that period. 

This song takes us through her journey, of understanding and accepting the way things turned out during the Lover era.

I would like to start by highlighting how she uses the imagery of winter (I put it in blue) in that song. She was supposed to come out in at the end of June, and this song is filled with cold, ice, winter, etc, which, I think, represent the way she felt like she was frozen in the closet, incapable to move and to join the queer community during the summer.

Gray November I've been down since July

It may seem obvious, but the beginning of July is the end of June, pride month, and as I said before, she wanted to come out on June 30th: July was exactly the time when she understood that she hadn’t been able to, and must’ve been a period of great doubt and regrets: she never got answer to the questions she asked in the Archer, she never got to see the outcome of all that anxiety she felt, it just didn't happen.

Motion capture Put me in a bad light

This is probably about the Miss Americana documentary, which was allegedly supposed to be a coming out documentary, and ended up being about her talking about politics. After the documentary, she never talked about politics in such an open and determined way again, which might put her in a tight position. The documentary is just another reminder of her “failure” (she might think of it that way, if you want my opinion, not being able to come out is never a failure on your part, it’s a failure from your environment to you), and puts her in a bad light at least in her own mind, since she backtracked right after.

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone Trying to find the one where I went wrong

She replays the events again and again, trying to understand where she made a mistake, where she should’ve acted differently. 

Writing letters Addressed to the fire

And she thinks, again, of all her coming out speeches she might have written (“I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you”, the Archer), with the bitterness of knowing that none of them were ever destined to become more than wishful thinking.

And I was catching my breath Staring out an open window Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

She fears that she’s never gonna overcome those regrets and that she’ll be stuck with these feelings forever. (I’ll develop a bit more on that part when i’ll reach the last chorus.)

Hey December

At the beginning of the song, we were in November, thinking about July. Here, time has passed, but she’s still caught in the winter...

Guess I'm feeling unmoored Can’t remember What I used to fight for

Here again, her not being out can be one of the explanations as to why Taylor stopped talking about politics as much as she did at some point. She can’t find the hope she had before, about her future and her life, and she may have lost the will to fight, feeling like if she wasn’t “even” able to come out, she wasn’t able to fight for anything else.

I think it could also mean that the breakup and/or everything that happened at the time made her lose her desire to come out in any way. 

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause On the very moment all was lost

She can’t understand where everything went wrong, she can’t remember what happened, how it happened, how she ended up where she is, the only thing she remembers is the feeling when she understood that she had “lost”, that she wouldn’t be able to win this.  

The way she says “all was lost” means – in my opinion – that she held so much hope, and that so much of her future was dependent on her coming out, that not being able to do it made her feel like lost everything she had worked for.

Sending signals

The beginning of the Lover era was probably one of the moments Taylor was the loudest about her queerness…

To be double crossed

…But in the end, she was betrayed and she couldn’t get through with it, she couldn’t actually act on these signals. In that situation, she was betrayed, but she could also feel like she betrayed those who understood what she wanted to do.

And I was catching my breath Barefoot in the wildest winter Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

Can’t not think of all the cost And the things that will be lost

The anxiety is still there, and she’s wondering if it’s worth it. She was sure it was, in the Archer, but now she isn’t anymore, she realized what she could lose, how much it would cost her. 

Oh, can we just get a pause? To be certain we'll be tall again

Can I just take time to think, to make sure that it’s still what I want, to be certain I won’t lose everything (again) if I end up doing it.

Whether weather be the frost Or the violence of the dog days I'm on waves, out being tossed

This seems to confirm that the the cold represent the closet: whether she stays frozen in the closet or she faces the violence of being out (a violence that echoes hundreds of years of oppression), she's not in full control. It’s something I’ll develop further in my analysis of Dear Reader, but at that point I think she realized that whatever she does, it’s gonna be at least in part determined by the society she lives in, its intolerance and expectations, and she understands that the closet does not have less worth, as a choice, because coming out is also something that is dictated by heteronormativity. This choice is deeply personal, either ways it’s gonna be hard, and she can finally take a decision without being afraid of “betraying” or “lying” to people. 

Is there a line that I could just go cross?

Is there a way for me to just get through with it and never have to think of it again, is there a rule I could break that would make it impossible for me to be mistaken, and for people not to understand who I am? The answer is no, whatever she does, her queerness will never be fully recognized and accepted. 

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you  In the cracks of light  I dreamed of you  It was real enough  To get me through And I swear  You were there

I *think* she’s talking to her fans here, the ones who wouldn’t have left, had she actually come out. The end of the song is a call for hope and she actually end it up in an optimistic way.

And I was catching my breath Floors of a cabin creaking under my step

In the first chorus, she’s “catching her breath / staring”, she is the most silent possible, voluntarily and she doesn’t move, she’s watching passively. Then in the second one, she’s “barefoot in the wildest winter” you can imagine the snow, she doesn’t make a sound when she walks, and the sound of the wind is covering her anyway, she could not be loud even if she wanted to, but the focus is back on her feet, she’s in movement but it doesn’t change anything, she isn’t able to make a sound. Now, the floor is creaking under her step, she’s back home, in a cabin and she can finally walk loudly without fear or being caught. Is it because she’s finally comfortable in the (glass) closet she now lives in, or because she intends to be fully out at some point, I don’t know, but the end of this song, I think, convey the feeling that she’s safe, or that she’s going to be, at some point.

And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn't be for Evermore

This goes with what I said before, she ends up accepting herself and stops seeing the failed coming-out as an irreparable mistake, she understands that it’s a period of time and that the way she felt at this specific moment will eventually fade out.

#evermore #evermore the song #gaylor #friends of dorothea #lgbetty #taylor swift

[mrsnancywheeler]

hiii omg so sorry i haven't been in your inbox! finals have been sweeping me away, but i've been lurking 👁️👁️ ok so i was listening to my playlists and had some #thoughts, so I shall share them to make up for the time i was gone 🤝😎 ----- I Want to Write You a Song - One Direction

I want to lend you my coat One that's as soft as your cheek So when the world is cold You'll have a hiding place you can go I want to lend you my coat Everything I need I get from you Givin' back is all I wanna do (…) I want to write you a song One to make your heart remember me So any time I'm gone You can listen to my voice and sing along I'm such 1D trash 😭😭 But this was on my yearning playlist (lmao) and I was thinking about how Finnick would 1000% write this song for his sweet girl. Like this is such a simp song (respectfully) and we all know Finnick is so in love with her its SICK ----- In Agreement - Lizzy McAlpine I talk to my friends about you Pretty sure they're tired of hearin' it I say "I met a guy, and he treats me real nice" Which is good for a change I talk to my friends about you And I think they agree my exes weren't always great And I don't really buy into fate But you tell me I'm pretty And you don't ask for too much 'Cause you know and I know That promises sometimes can hurt When it's barely begun And I don't want this to fall through Collapsing is what I'm used to But we're all in agreement This is something I should hold onto (another song on my yearning playlist LMAO) but this is very much sweet girl coded #idk bc this is definitely her inner monologue when she first meets Finnick and they start dating 😭😭😭 AND WITH THAT IN MIND, IT MAKES THE LYRIC "'Cause you know and I know that promises sometimes can hurt when it's barely begun, and I don't want this to fall through. Collapsing is what I'm used to" HURTTTT ----- girl i've always been - Olivia Rodrigo *just the entire song*

No like, walk with me here 🚶‍♀️ because this is definitey something that could've been written by Billy's muse HOWEVER, it can be either about Billy OR, OR!! Eddie. Do we see the vision👁️👁️. For Billy, it's written from the pov of a reader who has a lil kick to her, who's done being the doormat and rips into him after he disrespects her and he's all like "???" For Eddie, it's more from the perspective of a reader who is always gonna pick Billy over Eddie. And she told him this many times. Yet, he still pursues her. And yet, he still get's upset that she always picks Billy. His intentions aren't coming from a good place. Like that one blurb you did about Eddie not being a fully good guy, y'know? I'm not good at explaining things so I hope I'm making sense LMAO ----- BACK TO FINNICK AND HIS SWEET GIRL! Block Me Out - Gracie Abrams

Now I only let me down When there's no one else around I've been thinkin' way too loud I wish that I could block me out I wish that I could block me out, out I think I'm burnin' alive, but nobody sees the fire 'Cause when I open my mouth, I seem to be stuck in silence And I thought of leaving tonight, but I couldn't drive this tired Plus, after all of this time, I should be a pretty crier (😭!!) Wish I were heavier now, I'm floating outside my body It's not their fault, but I've found that none of my friends will call me Until I'm left to myself, it's honestly kind of funny How every voice in my head is trying its best to haunt me This is another sweet girl coded song. This could deffo be applied to her after her games and after she's rescued from the Capitol :(((( ----- Finishing off with a bit of Miss Swift, this one part of Delicate reminds me of Finnick's sweet girl in the last couple of chapters: This ain't for the best My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me Where she's finally letting Finn back in and allowing herself to be comfortable with him :') Also, some its and bits of Marjorie also remind me of this fic when I think about it from two perspectives:

The autumn chill that wakes me up You loved the amber skies so much Long limbs and frozen swims You'd always go past where our feet could touch And I complained the whole way there The car ride back and up the stairs I should've asked you questions I should've asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should've kept every grocery store receipt

If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around I know better But I still feel you all around I know better But you're still around

One being Finnick when he's missing the reader while he's in 13 and she's at the Capitol :( (Sometime I remember that part in Chapter 1 of The River where he smells peaches in his oatmeal and starts breaking breaking down, and I cry 🥲) But the other one being the reader thinking about Conway. Even though he tried to kill her, she still reminisces about the best parts of her friendship and can't help but feel the guilt and regret whenever she does. ------ OK HEHE THOSE ARE MY #THOUGHTS 💆‍♀️ I didn't realize how long it's been since i've been in your inbox and it's been WAY TOO LONG! never again 🫡 I love yapping about these things and I love hearing your thoughts about it!! Also, apologies in advance for when Tortured Poets Department comes out bc it'll be the biggest yap session ever once I make a connection between Finnick/Billy and any of the songs -🦅

AAAAAAA POOKIE I CALLED AND YOU CAME ILY 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺💋💋💋💋

(sorry this took so long to get to I get so easily distracted and there's an to get through)

you're all good pookie, I hope finals are going good and that you're taking care of yourself babes 💕

finnick odair the type of man to make you a mixtape that's kinda messy and done wrong but you don't care because he's so sweet and you can hear him talking and all the songs that make him think of you, he's such a simp, and so adorable

justice for finnick's sweet girl. she really had so much hope, felt so loved, so in love and had it all torn away from her. she's so giddy to be perceived by someone especially finnick odair and just addicted to him

billy's muse getting annoyed with eddie and giving daisy some lyrics about eddie instead this time bc she's so done with the way he's always being so sweet and comforting and lovey dovey and then trying to convince her to leave billy for him even though she's told him from the start she wouldn't, and he makes her feel so selfish, and cold for it. but "now you're on my case, how could I go? you never dreamed I'd be so cold and, then with venom on your tounge you ask me who I have become" honestly in this case I think billy would love the song because it validates that she'll always pick him, that eddie, although he's a nusciance, isn't a real threat and never had been.

and eddie gets annoyed for a good while and is pissy about it, which is painful for muse because she feels like she's got no one when her and billy argue. but eddie comes crawling back trying to win her over again regardless of how clear she's made it that he never stood a fighting chance.

SIDE NOTE: this song also makes me think of conway and sweet girl especially in that moment during their games when he's realizing everything and says she's changed which she denies. "so don't say that I've been acting different, I'm nothing if I'm not consistent" "I got wrapped up in the game again and you woke up in an empty bed, and I can't say I'm a perfect ten, but I am the girl I've always been"

aaaaa finnick's sweet girl, my poor tortured baby. the crying, the destructing when left with her thoughts, the death wishes, the silent cries for help that really aren't that silent, I want to hold her so bad

and for delicate, finnick's anxiety about not knowing what's not enough and too much for his sweet girl, where is the line? "is it cool that I said all that? is it chill that you're in my head? cause I know that it's delicate."

finnick thinking about how he should've done more, should have paid more attention even though he has her memorized, that somehow he should have savored every moment with her because he can't bear being without her. and the guilt because he wishes he'd supported her more, helped her heal more, he lies awake thinking about how he should've convinced her that life was worth living, that she was worth it because he has no idea what's happening to her now.

AND her thinking about conway, how she should've really paid attention to each tiny detail of their life before the games, each smile, joke, laugh, every damn moment before she destroyed it all. before snow destroyed it all. and she does see him everywhere and try not to break down, the beach they used to play on, the alleys they used to hide in to chat endlessly, their favorite field, favorite swimming hole, everything and it just makes her grieve.

I LOVE YOU POOKIE AND MISSED YOU 😭😭❤️❤️

SO REAL AND PLEASE SO I'M SO SO EXCITED FOR THE ALBUM AND I'M ALREADY SEARCHING FOR CONNECTIONS (billy and his muse as my boy only breaks his favorite toys, but daddy I love him, I can fix him (no really I can) I can do it with a broken heart)

#wanda 💋 #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair x you #the lakes #finnick odair angst #finnick odair x reader fluff #the river #billy dunne #billy dunne x reader #djats x reader #eddie roundtree #🦅 anon

[bp4545]

Tightrope (Angst to Fluff)

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: There is a little bit of swearing, also mentions of intoxication/being under the influence. This is based on the song 'Tightrope' from The Greatest showman. I got inspiration from it, there will be lyrics of it through the story.

Summary: You and Draco have been happily married, and you have a son and twin daughters. Draco has important business to attend to at the Theatrical Hall in Muggle London, when you see on the Daily Prophet, a picture of Draco kissing an unknown woman.

---

Some people long for a life that is simple and planned Tied with a ribbon Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land To follow what's written But I'd follow you to the great unknown Off to a world we call our own

You looked at your three children from the kitchen to the living room. You smiled as you saw Scorpius with his blonde head of hair watching some cartoon on the TV, and your two girls taking turn braiding each others hair. Scorpius took after his father, icy blue eyes, white blonde hair, but he had your smile, and he had your kind loving heart. Your two girls on the other hand, had your (hair colour) hair, and your sweet personality, but unfortunately took after Draco's signature cold stare. You chuckled as the two girls started fighting over knots in each others hair. You learnt to leave them be, they make up in the span of seconds.

You thought back to you and Draco's life, all the wonderful bonds the two of you built way back at your life at Hogwarts. You and Draco took quite the risk back then, you two loved each other until the end of time, but fate just didn't allow that, it denied at every chance, whether it was Draco's parents, to your own insecurity, to other girls seeking the attention of your boyfriend because of this social status. 

That was one thing that always bothered you in your relationship, you didn't trust other women around him. You had learnt the hard way one day when you caught a woman flirting with him at one of his business photoshoots, and you could tell Draco didn't appreciate the attention and tried to get her to back off, but she didn't seem to get the hint. You laughed as you remembered walking up to him to save him by linking arms with him and looking the girl dead in the eyes, she looked at you skeptically before you not so discreetly flashed your hand at her, a silver engagement ring adorned on your delicate fingers. She immediately walked away in embarrassment.

Nothing for you and Draco was ever perfect, but you knew that as long as you oved each other, you didn't need a whole life planned out. You would follow him wherever he went, with full trust, because that's just how your life with Draco was, unpredictable, and you loved it. You were happy and that was all that mattered. 

Hand in my hand And we promised to never let go We're walking a tightrope High in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking a tightrope                                                                               

Never sure, never know how far we could fall But it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking a tightrope

A tightrope. That's exactly how you would describe your life with Draco. A straight line, a destination, but a whole lot of risk and mixed emotions along the way. It would mean balance, , a balance between maintaining the kids and a balance a balance between work and home. The latter was still a struggle for you and Draco, he was always off at work lately, for some new things he has released in his company. 

Right now he was hosting a party in Muggle London, the Theatrical Hall, for his new success in his company. You were so happy for him, sure, but you wished he wasn't so occupied so he could spend time with you and your little family. But soon he would be home, he would be there for you to fall into his arms, he would be there to catch you if you fell. 

Just then you heard the door open, and keys jingling. It was only about 8 pm. The party surely should have gone until midnight? Why was he home so early, though you weren't complaining. 

"DADDY!" Your two girls yelled in excitement. Scorpius whipped his head around and a huge smile was on his face as he looked at his father. You took a look at Draco, he looked a bit flustered. The girls attacked his legs.

"Hey my darlings" he chuckled at the two of them, and picked them up in each arm peppering them in kisses. Then he looked at you, your apron still on from cooking dinner, and he quickly put the girls down and rushed up to you. You looked at him confused, and he grabbed you by your waist and kissed you deeply, a hint of desperation. You kissed back and heard an 'ew' from Scorpius and 'aww's' from your girls, you chuckled and pulled away from him.

"Why are you home so early? Don't you have a party to run?" you questioned him, clearly confused.

"Missed you" he mumbled into your neck as he hugged you tightly. You were a taken aback by his confession, as you held him, there was no way he ditched his party to come home just because he 'missed you'.

You took his word for it. 

The five of you watched a movie, then you put the kids to bed and got into bed with Draco. He was being way too affectionate since he got home. Maybe he had seen his parents at the party and decided to go home? Something seemed off.  About the way he was holding you protectively around your waist in your sleep, about the way he kissed you, it wasn't just love and desperation. You sensed... guilt.

Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between Desert and ocean You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream Always in motion So I risk it all just to be with you And I risk it all for this life we choose

You woke up the next morning, Draco's arms trapping you against him.

"Draco darling please let me go, I need to check on the kids" you groaned, your morning voice a bit croaky. He just hummed in response, with his deep morning voice, raspy but attractive. He loosened his arms and you got out of bed to go into the kitchen. 

"Morning loves" you go to tickle your children as you see them watching SpongeBob on the TV.  

"Hi mommyyy" your girls reply in unison. Scorpius however was looking at you with an odd expression, one you couldn't quite read. 

"Mommy I need to tell you something" He told you, and gestured you to come to where he was sitting. You weren't sure what he wanted to discuss, but it got you worried, because Scorp was never one to talk to you about his feelings, he was shy and mature for his age(9), but he was really making you worry this time.

"You know the newspaper that comes every morning" He said, and you nodded, as you knew he was referring to The Daily Prophet. "Mommy you have to read it, I don't know what's happening". 

Now you were really worried.

What was going on? You walked to the dining table and picked up the newspaper, and right on the front was a picture. A picture of Draco at the party event last night, kissing a woman. Her arms draped around his neck, and the worst part was she looked gorgeous, beautiful even, you looked like a rock compared to this gem of a woman.

The headlines read 'Draco Malfoy and Violet McDowell: Are they official?'. You were furious at these people, were they mad? Did they not know that Draco had a wife and three god damn children before they put such a headline.

You were more angry at Draco. He was cheating. Knowing full well that he had a family waiting for him at home. You wanted to break down and cry, but for the sake of staying strong for your children, you remained calm. 

"Mommy are you okay?" Scorp asked grabbing around your leg. You had tears in your eyes, how could Draco sabotage the wonderful life you two have created.

"Mommy's okay darling" you choked on your tears "Daddy seems to have found someone else he loves."

You couldn't hold back the tears anymore, you cried, catching the attention of your twin girls. 

"Mommy what's wrong" they asked, and you sat down as they hopped on your lap. Scorpius put his finger over his mouth as if to shush the two girls, and he showed them the paper. 

"Daddy loves someone else mommy said" He pointed at his father kissing another woman and the two girls gasped.

"Scorp. Don't show them that love, they don't need to know about it" you told him, you didn't want your children to think of Draco badly, it wasn't his fault he fell out of love with you.

You cried for a bit as your children tried to comfort you, with small hugs, and little kisses. You loved them so much, until your very last breath, you just wished Draco loved you the same way.

Hand in my hand And you promised to never let go We're walking a tightrope High in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking a tightrope Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?

"Y/n? Love what's wrong" Draco walked into the kitchen area to see you with puffy eyes, crying with all three of your kids sitting on your lap and on the table. You didn't say anything to him, you had nothing to say. It was self explanatory, Draco just didn't see you the same way he did all those years ago, he had lost the love, he had let go of your hand, you were falling, always depending on him, to catch you, if you ever fell. 

His eyes travelled down to the table, as he looked at the Daily Prophet, his eyes went wide as he panicked. He looked at you, guilt, fear, and tears flooded in his eyes. 

"Y/n, I- I promise it's not what it looks like. I can- I can explain" He said, his voice breaking, his shirt was off, and he was still in his bedhead state. You looked at him, the same tears flowing down your eyes. 

"No Draco. Not in front of the kids, they don't deserve to hear that" You stated. You stood up and told your kids to go watch TV or play, and you walked to you and Draco's bedroom.  He looked like he had gone through 8 stages of grief. he kept opening his mouth, as if to say something, but he just didn't know where to start. Of course he wasn't cheating on you, why would he ever, how could he ever. He didn't know what to tell you first, he was to scared to lose you, to let go of you. 

"Care to explain" you said, you felt numb.

"I- y/n, you know I would never cheat on you" he said, voice shaky as he gently grabbed your hands that were by your side. You were quick to pull them out of his grasp, and he looked hurt that you didn't trust him to hold you. 

"Draco how do I know that? How would I fucking know. You're never here, you always have 'work', the kids hardly see you anymore, for all I know you could be screwing your secretary! I don't even know if that's the first time you've ever kissed that woman! If you fell out of love with me why didn't you just tell me?" You were exasperated at him, you realised how much trust you put in him, how much trust he had broken. 

Draco was hurt, he was hurt that you would ever think that he would do such things with someone else other than you. Before he met you, he had been that kind of person, the kind who struggled to commit, the kind who would play around with girls and break their hearts in the end. He would never have thought he would change to be the person he is now, but he did change, because of you. You were his anchor, you drew him in, you made him feel like he belonged somewhere. He loved you, there was no doubt. He could never imagine having what he has with you, with anyone else, he couldn't imagine waking up next to a different head of hair, or walking down the aisle with a different arm linked around his, or staring into a different pair of eyes when he said I love you, he couldn't.

You watched different emotions flood through his eyes as he looked at you with a soft gaze. He didn't want to scare you away, no, that was the last thing he wanted. He took a deep breath and held your hands again, this time you didn't pull back.

"Y/n" he said, "Y/n you know I love you, you know I would never cheat on you!" he wanted to yell, he wanted to scream at you, how much he loved you, how he didn't want you to leave. He was scared, because he knew you would think the worst, he knew you would be hurt, and it made him feel horrible that he was the one making you feel hurt. "A-At the event yesterday, I arrived and got a bit tipsy" he admitted. "I was greeting everyone at the party and this woman came up to me, I don't even remember her name-" his voice failed him as his crying wouldn't cease.

"Violet McDowell" You stated. He looked into your eyes, filled with all kinds of hurt, anger, he just wanted to pull you into him, and whisper in your ear that he loves you, he wanted to beg you to stay, because he was so scared you would just leave.

"Yes." he said in a small voice "Her." he stopped to catch his breath as he squeezed your hands bit tighter. "She came up to me and started conversation, then the cameras came up to us and we smiled for the photos, when she grabbed me by the neck and kissed me. Y/n I promise I didn't kiss her back, I never kissed her first, I would never. " He was crying now and holding you by your waist as the two of you cried into each others shoulders. 

"Then why didn't you tell me Draco" you said quietly. You couldn't be mad at him, even if you weren't 100% sure he was telling the truth. You couldn't be mad at him when he was crying, desperate for your embrace. He pulled away and looked at you with tear filled eyes. 

"I- I didn't know how I could tell you without you getting upset. When she kissed me it felt so wrong, I felt so disgusted at her, and myself for being naïve enough to let that happen. I quickly just left the party and wanted to get back home to you and the kids, I didn't think it would be in the Newspaper, I'm so sorry my love" He started crying into your shoulder again, whispering ''I'm sorry'', and "I love you" over and over again. You sighed and looked at him, you had been with him for so long, you knew when he was lying. You ran your hands through his hair and he gripped onto you tighter, loving the way your touch felt so right on his skin.

"I love you too Draco." You said quietly and he pulled away to smile at you. 

God he loved you. You were too trusting, too good for him, he didn't know why you put up with him all these years, stood by him at the worst of times. He loved you until his last breath, and he would never stop. He didn't deserve your love, but he was oh so grateful for it, he felt like he was the luckiest man in the world when he was in your arms. 

Well, it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking a tightrope

He knew as he held you, that a love like yours would take more than that to tear it apart. Your love was a tightrope, the two of you were in it together, no matter what risks, as long as he held onto you tight enough, your love could never die. He knows that as the sun sets, and the clouds rise, the love he feels for you, the ache in his heart, it will never go away for as long as he lives. He knows, that no matter what, he will catch you, if you should fall. It's all an adventure for him, and it comes with a breathtaking view. He's walking a tightrope, and everything will be okay.

With you.

---

a/n: I didn't really like the way I ended this one ahaha. It was kind of difficult to close it off but hopefully the fic was still okay:)

#draco angst #draco imagine #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco fluff #draco #harry potter #harry potter universe #fluff #angst

[waterparksdrama]

ok track by track review of Intellectual Property. GO!

as you wish anon. be warned this is literally like one of maybe 4 times i've listened to this album in full again

st*rfucker - a bit too saccharine on first listen but it has better replay value as time goes on. the beginning of the shoehorned jesus lyrics and the continuation of limo imagery to represent fame which is actually fitting admittedly bc just like a limo that is supposed to represent glamour and celebrity living, they are just as widespread and accessible as him and aren't really that glamorous at all. also this is me saying again wow he complains a lot about fame for someone who isn't really that famous. i still hate the cutoff at the end bc. cmon man. 7/10

real super dark - ok i did like the gilbert gottfried inspired melody i think that's fun actually. the song lyrics? uhhhhhh. just more complaining. if you have listened to any of the albums since fandom you are not missing much there other than the otto serial killer jokes he has inserted here? which is a choice i guess. instrumental is great tho. i feel incredibly stupid listening to a lot of the other parts of the song tho. 7/10

funeral grey - god i can't bear listening to this one on my own i'm sorry. live it's fine, but the studio recording i would rather kill myself than listen to again. IT'S SO ANNOYING. the terrible overenunciated vocals. awsten's attempt at humor by writing these wattpad fic lyrics that make me cringe to my core because i know there's a part of him being genuine. the one direction ripoff hook because he managed to get one of 1d's actual songwriters to help write the track. the only saving grace is the ending but at that point it's too late for any redemption. 2/10

brainwashed - ironically this was written with the 1d guy again and. i'm actually fine with this one LOL. it's simple and lowkey so it's considerably less annoying than funeral grey. considering awsten said the lyrics on this album were hypersexual, but it's 2023 so this is fairly tame, it just makes me wonder how much he has repressed in his psyche. 6/10

2 best friends - ok now we're back to simple annoying. if you tune out the lyrics enough, it sounds like disney channel filler music. but it's actually about ~~sExxxx~~ hahahahaha everything about this album so far is like reading fanfics clearly written by middle schoolers. awsten's sad about his situationship so he goes out with his 2 best friends to forget but it doesn't work :( but he could just fuck his friends bc it wouldn't hurt to try at this point. hey what if this was what the song was actually about that because in travis' insane songfic he made jawn and awsten hook up during this chapter #neverforget #riptravisficeventhoughmebitchingontumblrmadehimkillit 4/10

end of the water (feel) - hearing awsten try to hit those high notes reminded me of people saying brendon straining on his high notes on the last panic tour was like hearing a dog that needed to be shot out back for its own good. this is very obviously a charlie puth ripoff to the t because not only does he hit high notes that no man should ever reach, but i'm pretty sure the verse instrumentals rip off "light switch" by charlie. anyways more of "ughhhhh i'm not getting a text backkkkkk" that makes me want to throw awsten's phone into the pacific. i still don't know why kurtis conner is here and how this is supposed to relate to any of this at all. also actually now that i'm crossing checking the genius pages for these, the descriptions for these songs make them sound much better than they actually are lol. 3/10

self-sabotage - this one is mid on it's own but funny because i remember the amount of twitter discourse this song has spawned. "awsten's being toxic and misogynistic" did we not listen to some of the songs off fandom "awsten has bpd" what if he just sucks sometimes. the memories of this are more memorable than the song itself. 5/10

ritual - remember when i found out the soundbyte at the beginning was from an aids psa. good times. fine song other than the shoehorned soundbyte. the entire song is just a repetition of the verses and chorus like a ~~ritual~~ spooky! i like the flair vincente void adds with his screams i feel like this feature makes more sense because it's a song about protecting yourself from the doctrines of religion that harmed you when you were growing up and apparently vincente has known awsten since he was 13???? only thing i hate is the corpse ripoff ending so much so that i have a personal version where i edited that out. 8/10

fuck about it - BORINGGGGGG OH MY GODD. if you've heard one blackbear feature, congrats you've heard them all because they all sound the same and blackbear adds no energy whatsoever. he made a bayside instrumental sound boring you really can't underestimate him. anyways back to the song itself; the situationship has dissolved into pure sex and disinterest and annoyance outside of that and with the way awsten sounds like he plans having hate sex, i don't think he's ever had hate sex before. there's the ending synth i think is fun and that's the only reason this gets a point at all. 1/10

closer - it's a sweet song but um. haven't we heard this in a way before? *cough cough 21 questions* i think this is the closest (lol) parx comes to at a return to pre-fandom form, but when i listen to the chords too much i'm just like "did he lowkey rip off that one smashing pumpkins song". anyways it's just about needing to be closer to someone or ending the relationship completely. simple but effective but not nearly as effective as 21 questions for me sorry. 7/10

a night out on earth - ok i had physical tickets to the last tour bc i won them on idobi so i was like "THIS SONG BETTER BE AT LEAST DECENT BC I STILL HANG UP THE TICKET WITH THIS NAME" and it was at the least. it's like. a good waterparks song, but i feel like i've heard it already? my mind goes back to see you in the future but for these i can't tell who's ripping off who more lol. yeah i feel like other than some interesting production here and there it's a rehash of shit we already heard before. shoehorned religious lyric. fake ass band guys. "i turn my agony into songs and people only like when i'm hurt". "i've been dead since 2016" (part two). "i'm evil now. idgaf. wat ever."

and then i think the part that makes me go awwww but also confuses me is the im a natural blue radio interview snippet? like why does this all tie in together now. geoff's not even here bro how is this the only release where otto's the only one namedropped when awsten hasn't even named dropped him until last album. 80% the album is about some random relationship how is this supposed to tie into all of these.

idk i feel like i've just had this on my mind when when of my mutuals made their own analysis on awsten's mindsets towards life and said how he uses fear as motivation but his perfectionism keeps him from using failure as an editor and how this song was the peak example of this; the rehash of the same ideas over and over because despite his stubbornness, despite "ultimately -not- giving in to the perception that you’re worth ‘Demonizing'", he never confronts the problem for real, just compartmentalizes the problem away and doesn't truly overcome the root of his problems. that's what i feel like manifests in this album for me to be put off by it at its core. nothing ever changes, he just finds a new situation to complain at. maybe that's also why his fans never change even as new ones come though. maybe that's why we also stay stagnant in this with him.

again i get it, he's a public figure; if he did dive too deep into this and didn't choose to generalize the lyrics for his own sake, he would probably end up incriminating himself way too much and have a hard time performing some of these songs. but i can't help but wonder. if he's truly getting over a mental obstacle like that, or keeps himself so set on the future that he ignores the problems he never solved. like he always does. like he always seems to be doomed to. anyways, 7/10 song.

all in all, it's an album that tries to reach a concept of coming to terms with your sexuality and religious trauma all entwined in fame but in reality it's mostly just about a sucky situationship and awsten complaining again while putting in random religious references sometimes and the beginning and ending are about fame. my hot takes are: tennis imagery = gay sex, there's not enough of a distinction between "soulsucker" and awsten to make "album lore" when the overarching concept of parx's discography is "awsten's life sucks", and darth vader is luke's father. - iz

#i hope you liked this one anon and i hope it explains or relates to any other longtime fan's thoughts on the album #track by track

[musicalrecs]

Today's shameless promotion is for one of my favorite musicals that I can't believe isn't more people's favorite: Bring It On: the musical.

tl;dr: This is going to be a long post, so allow me to sum up: if you like Newsies but wish it had a cast of about 2/3 girls and don't really care about the plot so long as there's idealistic teenagers singing and dancing like they've consumed a dozen energy drinks each, building up to a happy ending with more singing and dancing, then you'll love Bring It On. You may now press "j" to skip to the next tumblr post.

Still here? Then please, allow me to reminisce. When I first saw Bring It On, it was on tour before debuting on Broadway, and they were still getting the kinks out. This means I got to see, for example, the original staging of Killer Instinct, and while I get why they changed it for Campbell's character development, I do prefer the original narratively.

It also meant there was no cast album available, and no internet hype that I was aware of. I was there strictly because I saw most shows at this theater if I didn't actively dislike them, and was all "Cheerleading in a musical? Even if the plot is bad it should be a lot of fun!" When I sat down and perused my program I recall turning to my date and excitedly saying "Oh wow, Lin-Manuel Miranda worked on this! You don't know who he is, but he did In The Heights and Sesame Street, this might actually be good!" I also had no idea Ariana DeBose was anyone of import. I should dig out that program and see if I got her to sign it...

I had only the first movie to go on for the plot, which I vaguely remembered the end of. This meant a) I rolled my eyes at conveniently putting Campbell on the "right" team early on and b) I was quite surprised by the ending.

Whatever I was expecting, it was BETTER. Bring It On grabs you with the beat from the get go and and then starts throwing cheerleaders in the air as rapaciously as Jim Henson ever tossed penguins. I hadn't been so captivated by a show's live energy since I first saw Rent.

And the plot? Reader, it was my very favorite kind of plot: girl is in unfamiliar situation, does her best, makes surprising new friends, screws up, learns something, demonstrates leadership, ends with stronger friendships and supportive love interest to boot. (See also: Legally Blonde) You know, the kind of plot guys have had catering to them for millennia so much that the second I hear "coming of age story" I peace out. But it turns out I am not immune to gender-targeted storytelling, particularly when it also has dancing.

It's been an age since I read the reviews, but I recall complaints that Jackson high school was much too "nice," "diverse," "unrealistic" and, had those reviews been written today, they would have almost certainly included "woke." I, on the other hand, was thrilled to see high school portrayed not as a battleground but as groups of friends supporting each other while still enjoying "krunking in the parking lot." (I have never been cool enough to do any equivalent to "krunking" but I admire kids with the confidence to do so, and I did overall enjoy my high school years.)

I am the kind of person who unironically appreciates songs about how it doesn't matter if you're fat or trans or otherwise not society's ideal so long as you love yourself, and songs about how winning doesn't matter as long as you know who you are and have friends. So I loved "It Ain't No Thing" and "Cross the Line."

Plus, a supportive, non-threatening soft boy singing about how high school isn't forever so you might as well "Enjoy the Trip"? Keep your "cringe"; I'll take a dozen more musicals just like this one, please. (No, really. Please let me know if they make any.)

So I mentioned Lin-Manuel Miranda up there, but this wasn't just his show. To quote Wikipedia, "Bring It On: The Musical is a musical with music by Tom Kitt and Lin-Manuel Miranda, lyrics by Amanda Green and Miranda, and book by Jeff Whitty."

Tom Kitt has a pretty eclectic resume, ranging from Jagged Little Pill to Next to Normal to Spongebob. Lin-Manuel Miranda, of course, is best known for trying to sell real estate to Big Bird.

Sidenote: Tom Kitt and LMM had another collab that you may have heard of: the 2013 Tonys opening number, "Bigger!"

Although I couldn't get my hands on the album for over a year after I fell in love with the show, since one didn't exist, nowadays you can of course listen to the whole thing on Youtube, Spotify, or wherever. You can even buy the CD; it comes with a nice booklet with all the lyrics!

But as for seeing the show, I don't recommend trying to watch it online. A quick search doesn't turn up any proshots, and local productions just aren't going to be the same. Half the cast was made up of pro cheerleaders, and their intense choreography is part of the thrill. If a tour ever comes near your town, I highly recommend you get yourself tickets. Even if the moving screens aren't as cool and innovative now as they were in 2011, it's still a wonderful spectacle.

So that's Bring It On: the musical. I suppose I could have actually described the plot (head cheerleader Campbell gets redistricted to another school which - gasp! - has no cheerleading team), but really, does it matter? You're there for the characters expressing themselves through song and dance (and cheerleading), not how easy it is to fool gullible teens by editing Wikipedia (actual plot point). I hope you get a chance yourself to fall in love with its unabashed enthusiasm for friendship and being tossed really high on stage.

#shameless promotion #musical recommendation #bring it on #bring it on the musical #musicals #lin manual miranda #tom kitt #Youtube

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 10th Studio Album: ‘Midnights’

You would expect by the time a pop star has spent over 15 years in the spotlight that they would run out of steam. But on her 10th studio album, Midnights, Taylor Swift is as energized as ever. Even more impressive, the debut numbers are the biggest of her career yet, landing on a whopping 1.578 million, 1.1 million of those in pure album sales alone. These first week numbers are even larger than that of 1989, which is a huge feat.

Many pieces factor into success like what we’re seeing in this case. One is Swift’s exceptional marketing skills. Her dedicated fans will come out in droves to purchase her art, and the mysterious buzz that centered around the album intrigued the public to tune in. The star’s highly acclaimed releases of folklore (2021’s album of the year) and evermore (a 2022 album of the year nominee) during the pandemic certainly brought in a ton of new fans who perhaps overlooked her sharp lyricism before. But Taylor wants you to know that despite her magical stay in the forest and woodlands, she is in fact still bejeweled, and ready to remind everyone how much her shine still shimmers as a pop titan.

Presented as a loose concept album, Midnights centers on 13 sleepless nights throughout Taylor’s life (plus 7 songs on the “3am edition” that also fit the theme). Surely as she has been re-recording her albums as Taylor’s Versions, old feelings and memories have come to the surface that she is revisiting from a new perspective. Midnights still showcases Swift’s unmatched lyrical ability while taking us on a Jack Antonoff led synth journey.

1. Lavender Haze “All they keep asking me is if I’m gonna be your bride,” Swift laments on the opening track “Lavender Haze.” Which is funny because she spent 2019’s Lover with a bridge of wedding vows and a song about marrying her boyfriend of 6 years now, actor Joe Alwyn, with paper rings. But it is also an astute observation on how the world sees women, as she rejects “the 1950s shit they want from me.” She doesn’t want to follow anyone else’s wishes or timelines, or answer anyone’s questions, she just wants to stay staring at the ceiling with her partner, immersed in the lavender haze (a saying she caught from an episode of Mad Men). She knows that’s where she’s safest, because she’s “damned if I do give a damn what people say.” As an opening track, it delivers sonically and melodically, even in its smaller moments (the little “yeah oh yeah”s in the pre chorus are addictive), it’s a grand number.  Best lyric: “I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say.”

2. Maroon The title track of Swift’s project Red is placed at track two. So it’s no surprise that Swift placed a song with red shade as its title in the same spot. “Maroon” details all the little scarlet moments throughout the ups and downs of a relationship, some examples including wine, hickeys, the sky, and rust. The first verse shows the relationship at its peak, “laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closest friend,” and the second verse juxtaposes it with its breakdown, “sobbing with your head in your hands, ain’t that the way shit always ends?” The final chorus on the track holds some of Taylor’s most interesting (and sensual) vocal delivery to date, her lower register extremely impressive and underrated. Best lyric: “The rust that grew between telephones.”

3. Anti-Hero Do you remember in 2012 when everyone and their father would make jokes that Taylor Swift should write a song called “Maybe I’m The Problem” as a response to her breakup songs? Well, ten years later, she gave them something very close to what they asked. “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me,” she sings in the chorus of the lead single “Anti-Hero” (though not released prior to the album), which Swift claims to be one of her favorite songs she’s ever written. On folklore and evermore, Taylor sang about mental health struggles without explicitly saying that she was the subject of those songs. However, here, it is clearly autobiographical without question. As a fan, to hear her so blatantly say “my depression” in a song was both jarring and relatable. The track lays out her intrusive thoughts about herself, her maladaptive behaviors, ignoring people or pushing loved ones away instead of letting them in. While she sings “I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror,” the song shows how much her music is safe haven for her to sneak a glance at her reflection.  Best lyric: “Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman?”

4. Snow On The Beach (ft. Lana Del Rey) The dreamy “Snow On The Beach” is a romantic love ballad in which Swift is mesmerized by the fact that the person she wants actually wants her back. She can’t quite believe their love, and she’s afraid if she speaks of it, she’ll find out it was an illusion all along. Throughout Swift’s music, and especially in this song, she uses light to describe her partner, singing “I’ve never seen someone lit from within, blurring out my periphery.” While Lana Del Rey, someone Swift hails as one of her musical idols, mostly singing background vocals might seem like an odd choice, just like seeing snow on the beach, it’s “weird, but fucking beautiful.” Best lyric: “Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful.”

5. You’re On Your Own, Kid “You’re On Your Own, Kid” is a journey through Swift’s life and career thus far. The song starts by detailing an unrequited love, which leads her to writing songs in her room and playing them in the parking lot, eventually running away and pursuing her dream of becoming a star. And although her dreams aren’t rare, her success surely is. But even at the height of her success, no longer sitting by herself at the lunch table at junior high, she still found herself alone. “I hosted parties and starved my body, like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss / The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends from home don’t know what to say.” She was degraded by the public and degraded herself. And just as things got better, her life’s work that she put her blood, sweat, and tears into was sold out from under her. But the Taylor’s Versions have been able to give her some solace, “Everything you lose is a step you take.” She ends the song on a hopeful note, reminding herself that she doesn’t have to be afraid; she’s always been on her own and she’s always made it through, and she always will. And the listener can resonate too. We’re all truly on our own at the end of the day, but we’ve gotten this far; we can keep going. Best lyric: “I hosted parties and starved my body, like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss.”

6. Midnight Rain On “Midnight Rain,” Taylor highlights the differences between the life she could’ve had and the life she pursued. “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain / he wanted a bride, I was making my own name,” she (and a distorted voice) sings in the chorus. That life of a small-town girl is far away now, and not one she ever truly wanted, but one she sometimes sneaks a peak at through postcards and time portals and wonders what it might be like. Similar to “Lavender Haze,” this track establishes Swift’s aversion to societal standards, and her embracement of constantly changing and evolving, as evident through her music and career to date. It’s a real catchy ear worm, and after a few listens you really learn to love that voice distortion. Best lyric: “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain.”

7. Question…? While Taylor leaves many hints as to what or who some of her songs might be about, “Question…?” Has one of her most obvious clues to date, as the song starts with a sampling of her song “Out of the Woods” from 1989, a song famously known to be about her relationship with Harry Styles. Not only is there the sample, but also lyrical parallels. “The rest of the world was black and white / but we were in screaming color,” she sings on “Out of the Woods.” On “Question…?” She says, “I don’t remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I’ve searched for since.” One could assume while going back and rerecording 1989, she may have reflected on the relationship, with questions popping up. While it seems as if Swift knows the answers to these questions already, she still wants to ask them and get the confirmation and closure she’s searching for, a very relatable feeling. Just like in life, though, she doesn’t get any explicit answers in the song, but maybe she doesn’t need them anymore, anyway. Best lyric: “Does it feel like everything’s just like second best after that meteor strike?”

8. Vigilante Shit When listing the things that kept Taylor up at night, serving as inspiration for this album, one thing she cites is plotting revenge. In the revenge fantasy “Vigilante Shit,” Swift tips off the FBI about her enemy (presumably Sc**ter Br**n) and his “white collar crimes,” and assists his ex-wife in winning their divorce. “I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends,” she croons. Which, historically, is true. Swift has rarely been the instigator of a feud or fight, but when she’s targeted, she comes back on top every time. After all, karma is her boyfriend. Best lyric: “Ladies always rise above, ladies know what people want / someone sweet, and kind, and fun / the lady simply had enough.”

9. Bejeweled “Bejeweled” is an exciting and fun pop song about letting go of the people and things that drag you down and allowing yourself to shimmer again. We can surmise that “Bejeweled” represents a night during a dead-end relationship where she finally prioritized herself again and learned she can still shine on her own right. In a radio interview, Swift said that “Bejeweled” mirrored her re-entrance into the pop landscape after her folk escapades, and that she had to pump herself back up into believing that she could still do it. The track itself proves that Swift stills rules without competition. Best lyric: “And when I meet the band, they ask, ‘Do you have a man?’ I could still say, ‘I don’t remember.’”

10. Labyrinth One of the few ballads on the standard edition, “Labyrinth” tracks Taylor’s thought process as she realizes she’s falling in love again, despite all of her fears after being burned in the past. She laments her pain and acknowledges her worries. The progression from “uh oh,” to “oh no,” to “oh,” before the line “I’m falling in love,” shows her trepidation turned to acceptance, due to the length’s this person would go to just to make her smile. While there are some synth sounds that seem slightly out of place, overall it is a song anyone who is learning to open up their hearts after being hurt can relate to. Best lyric: “Break up, break free, break through, break down.”

11. Karma “Ask me why so many fade, but I’m still here,” she sings on “Karma.” The answer? One could be her incredible talent and hard work ethic. But an additional answer is because her and karma vibe like that. In this catchy pop hit, Taylor reaps the rewards of staying true to who she is while karma takes down her enemies who never keep their side of the street clean. She knows karma is on her side, and she can relax trusting that it’ll do its thing. And so far, it has served her well. In the most Taylor Swift™ fashion of all time, she compares karma to a cat purring in her lap because it loves her. And it is! It does! Best lyric: “Karma’s a relaxing thought / aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?”

12. Sweet Nothing Co-penned by William Bowery aka Joe Alwyn, “Sweet Nothing” is a love song from Swift to Alwyn. She discusses all the negative things going on around her and the way people push and shove to get a piece of her, while her partner is just in the kitchen humming, asking nothing of her, just loving her as she is. We get a brief peak into their dynamic in the truly sweet lyric, “On the way home, I wrote a poem / you say, ‘what a mind,’ this happens all the time.” To be loved for your mind rather than your status is a gift for someone like Swift. I’m sure the poems are lovely. Best lyric: “Outside, they’re push and shoving, you’re in the kitchen humming / all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.”

13. Mastermind A word that has been weaponized against Taylor over the years is “calculated.” On “Mastermind,” the standard edition’s closing track, she owns the claim, singing, “I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cuz I care.” “Mastermind” is Taylor’s confession to her partner that she masterminded their entire relationship from the first night he saw her. She confides in him in one of her most personal lyrics yet, singing, “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / to make them love me and make it seem effortless.” She thought no one could love her unless she tricked them into it. But upon her confession, his smile proves her wrong, because he knew the entire time that she thought she was masterminding their relationship, but in reality he went along with it because he wanted her too, schemes and all. She finally found her effortless love. Best lyric: “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / to make them love me and make it seem effortless.”

3am Tracks

14. The Great War On the first 3am track, Taylor teams back up with her other folklore & evermore collaborator, Aaron Dessner of The National. “The Great War” seems to be about a fight in a relationship, and Swift’s difficulty bouncing back from it. She lays out her lack of trust from past relationships and how that has interfered with reconciliation efforts, as she sings, “And maybe it’s the past that’s talking, screaming from a crypt / telling me to punish you for things you never did.” But despite some of these maladaptive behaviors, her partner still reached for her hand, trying to make things right. And they did it, they survived, and that survival brought back her faith.  Best lyric: “You drew up some good faith treaties / I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone.”

15. Bigger Than The Whole Sky “Bigger Than The Whole Sky” is a song about loss. Although the loss of exactly what is unclear, the grief is palpable. She searches for what might have caused such a tragedy, wondering if she was at fault. There are so many questions in grief to which we never receive answers. This song has resonated with many fans online, relating it to their own personal experiences of miscarriages, deaths, and pet losses.  Best lyric: “Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness.”

16. Paris In this fun pop song, Taylor compares the view of her partner to that of the city of Paris. She’s so in love that she might stop breathing, that she doesn't care about her friends’ gossip or what’s on the news. She’s transported into a world of romance where nothing else matters, where alleyways appear and cheap wine tastes like champagne. It’s the excitement of completely falling into someone as the rest of the world fades away. Best lyric: “I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever.”

17. High Infidelity “High Infidelity” is an intriguing track, produced by Aaron Dessner, about the end of an unhappy relationship. We can presume that she is referring to her ex, the DJ known as Calvin Harris, her previous long-term boyfriend before meeting her current partner, with lyrics like “put on your records and regret me” and “put on your headphones and burn my city.” In the song, Swift is implying that there was some type of infidelity, whether physical or emotional only is not quite clear, but either way she admits, “I bent the truth too far tonight,” and asks, “do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?” But she didn’t think it would matter much to him, and is surprised by his sense of betrayal and hurt, but not particularly remorseful. Best lyric: “You know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love / the slowest way is never loving them enough.”

18. Glitch Another Antonoff produced track written alongside Sam Dew and Mark Anthony Spears, “Glitch,” is one of the sexier tracks on the album. The concept is that Taylor can’t quite fathom how this love of hers has worked out for 2,190 days (that’s 6 years, if you didn’t know) and counting when all she’s been used to is situation-ships and dudes who give nothing. So if it’s lasted this long, it’s gotta be a glitch in the system, right? Best lyric: “And I’m not even sorry / nights are so starry, blood moonlit.”

19. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve While “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is arguably one of the best tracks on all of Midnights, everything Swift does is for a reason. When you listen to the song, it becomes quite evident why she put it at track 19. “And I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at 19,” she sings. As an avid fan, you immediately hear the echoing of the best song on her third album Speak Now, “Dear John,” which has the lyric, “don’t you think 19’s too young to be played by your dark twisted games when I loved you so?” And it becomes clear what she’s discussing: the power dynamic in her relationship when she was 19 with John Mayer, who was 32 at the time (Swift’s current age). One could assume rerecording Speak Now (which Swift has highly hinted at being the next rerelease) brought up some old feelings. “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve,” is a powerful track filled with intense regret. She describes him as a “promising grown man,” putting a spin on the monicker often given in defense of younger men who abuse women. She likens the relationship to religion: “you’re a crisis of my faith,” “all I used to do was pray,” “gone along with the righteous.” This was a man that she idolized, and the fall from his pedestal crushed her in irreparable ways. “Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first,” she pleads with a heart wrenching ache in her voice. It’s hard to listen to this song without feeling pain for her, especially as she ups the octave for the outro, making the regret feel more urgent, more palpable. Best lyric: “God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be / the tomb won’t close, stained-glass windows in my mind / I regret you all the time.”

20. Dear Reader The 3am edition closing track is “Dear Reader,” a letter to her listeners. She gives advice about avoiding traps, starting over, keeping secrets, and aiming for the devil. But she also gives the caveat, “Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart,” supposedly referring to herself. But the best advice comes from those who have fallen, who have experience, who feel a range of emotions quite like Swift does. That’s why she is so popular; because people can relate to her words and they keep them close to their hearts. “You should find another guiding light,” she suggests. But this sign can’t stop me because I can’t read! Best lyric: “You don’t have to answer just cuz they asked you.”

Target Deluxe Edition

Hits Different The Target Deluxe Edition exclusive song “Hits Different” marks the return of Swift, Dessner, and Antonoff all together. The song feels very vintage Swift, almost like it could’ve been a recent “From The Vault” track. “Hits Different” is about a breakup that is much harder to get over than any other she’s experienced. She hears their song everywhere, she stops receiving invitations because she can’t stop slurring his name when she’s out with friends, she cries over a hat. She’s so far gone in this breakup that she thinks people are coming to take her away. Anyone who has experienced a tough breakup could probably find a lyric in this song to which they can relate. But even without being able to relate, it’s a fun, funny, enjoyable track served as a nice treat for loyal fans who actually go out and buy CDs these days. Best lyric: “I pictured you with other girls, in love / then threw up on the street.”

---

In conclusion, 16 years into her career, you best believe Taylor Swift is definitely still bejeweled, and on Midnights she shimmers more than she ever has, even when touching on long-gone relationships and peering into old wounds, being more vulnerable than she has on projects past. Each album and era seems like her peak, yet she continues to outdo herself in multiple ways. With more Taylor’s Versions on the horizon, hopefully Swift will continue to gain inspiration in various ways as a result of revisiting her old work. But if she doesn’t, we know she’s always got some tricks up her sleeve.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: Taylor Swift is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want, she is the friend that everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.

#midnights #album review #taylor swift #lavender haze #maroon #anti-hero #snow on the beach #lana del rey #you're on your own kid #yoyok #midnight rain #question...? #question #vigilante shit #bejeweled #labyrinth #karma #sweet nothing #mastermind #the great war #bigger than the whole sky #paris #high infidelity #glitch #would've could've should've #wouldve couldve shouldve #dear reader #hits different

[mimisempai]

All these little things

Summary

Dream coming across Hob humming while cleaning leads them to discuss what they love about each other.

Notes:

Flufftober Day 17 - Insects

On AO3

Rating G - 1041 words

"When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad"

Hob had not heard Dream arrive and was humming while cleaning the living room.

Dream leaned in the doorway and watched him, amused. When Hob paused in his song, he asked him, "Is it because of that song that you're always so hopeful?"

Hob turned around, slightly surprised but clearly used to Dream's impromptu arrivals. 

He chuckled softly, "I'm a lot older than that song and I'm nothing like a nun turned nanny. But yeah, sometimes, minus the cheesiness, that song could have been written for me."

He walked over to Dream who also approached and they exchanged a soft kiss before heading to the kitchen.

Hob poured them cups of coffee, handed one to Dream and brought his own cup to his face. He breathed in deeply and Dream watched with fondness the expression of pure delight appear on his lover's face.

Of all the things that made Hob endearing to Dream, he didn't know which he preferred more between his insatiable thirst for life, his eternal optimism or his love for the simplest little things in life.

"There's so much to do, so many things to see. Women to swive. Ale to drink. People to drink with."

"Why would any sensible creature  crave an eternity of this?"

He had taken with disdain these words of Hob, the day of their first meeting.  He thought the man was absolutely superficial, although he probably wasn't, or maybe a little. These words had finally illustrated Hob's ability to rejoice in the smallest things that life put in his path. An ability he had shown Dream more than once over the centuries, even in their very short encounters. More surprisingly, a quality that had never wavered, despite his long life that could have made him bored. 

"I've hated every second of the last 80 years, every bloody second. You know that?"

"So do you still wish to live?"

"Are you crazy? Death is a mug's game. I got so much to live for."

At that moment, Dream had known that Hob was an exceptional human being. Who could want to go on living when he had lost everything and when life had taken everything away from him?

But Hob had continued.

He had moved forward, fallen, and got up again. He had made mistakes, assumed them and tried his best to repair them.

"Dream?"

Hob called softly, bringing him out of his thoughts and asked with concern, "Is everything okay?"

Dream nodded, taking a sip of coffee and then Hob continued, "You seemed lost far away in your thoughts."

Dream reassured him with a smile and replied, "I was thinking back to the lyrics of the song you were humming and wondering if I'm also one of your favorite things, that help you not feel too bad when things aren't right."

Hob shook his head and, walking over to Dream, he tied his arms around his neck and said teasingly, "You my dear Lord, have a unique place. You are not one of my favorite things but you are indispensable to me. As vital as the air I breathe. My favorite things don't matter if you aren't there."

Dream should know by now, Hob was the man who never ceased to baffle him. Never where he expects him to be. Always so sincere.

He closed his arms around Hob and leaned in to press his lips to his in a tender kiss before holding him close.

After a few moments Hob stepped back a little and, running his fingers through his lover's hair, he hummed to the tune of the song he had sung before, "Your hair tousled no matter what time of day...." 

Dream gave a little smile and Hob, passing his thumb over the smiling lips, continued, "That little smile of which I am the reason..."

Then his hand went down Dream's arm and, interlacing his fingers with those of his lover, he continued, "Your hand that fits perfectly in mine, these are a few of my favorite things…"

Dream chuckled softly, "Hob Gadling you kept from me that you were a poet."

Hob retorted, "You bring out the best in me and then I didn't want to overshadow Shaxberd."

He smiled openly at Dream to show him that there were no more hard feelings between them about this time. Dream smiled back at him and couldn't help but ask, "Tell me more about those favorite things."

Hob smiled knowingly and resumed his song, "Your familiar figure in the back of my classroom, holding your hand without worrying about people walking by," He paused to trace Dream's eyebrows with his finger and continued, "That gaze you have that is only for me, these are a few of my favorite things..."

Then Hob brought his lips to Dream's and whispered against his lips, "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember that you're my favorite thing, and then I don't feel so bad."  

Hob returned to a speaking voice and continued, "Actually that's an understatement, it's not that I don't feel so bad, it's that I feel much better. Dream, I'm serious. I loved life before you, if anything I love it so much more with you in it. And this is probably my favorite thing of all."

Dream, overwhelmed by emotion and unable to answer, did the only thing he could, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against Hob's in a passionate kiss. 

Later when they parted to catch their breath, Dream, taking Hob's face in his hands, said panting, "I don't know where to begin if I'm going to list all the favorite things that have been mine since I've known you. I suspect, moreover, that I have only begun to really know Robert Gadling and have plenty more to discover yet."

Hob replied with a cheeky smile, "That's good, we have forever for that."

Dream leaned over and dropped a light kiss on Hob's nose before saying with a smile, "An eternity to discover you? Now that, that could become my favorite thing."

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Dreamling Flufftober here

Dreamling Masterlist here

#the sandman #the sandman netflix #dream of the endless #hob gadling #dreamling #dreamling fic #centennial husbands #centennial boyfriends #morpheus #morpheus x hob #hob x morpheus #flufftober2022 #flufftober