#i wish there was more for me but i just wont let myself have it i wont let myself get help yknow? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toastsnaffler · 2 months

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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries

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s0fter-sin · 2 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Ficlet, Past Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Shirakumo Oboro/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Horror, Canonical Character Death, Angst, Sleep Paralysis, Unreliable Narrator Series: Part 3 of Soft’s Twt Threads Summary:

There’s something dead outside his window.

#dipped my toes into horror with this one lads #and i truely mean dipped this one be Short #but its also kinda why im posting my threads #i can get such good prose in my threads that for whatever reason i just cant get the hang of for full fics #theres some kind of block in my head that only lets me do ‘proper realistic’ writing for fics #and something more experimental that i can tap into for shorter threads #i dunno #but im super proud of my threads and i hate that they just get buried on twitter #hence this series #i wish i had the bandwidth to extend this and make it a proper scene but i know i wont so im not gonna force myself to try #i still have so many things that i want to finish that trying to force something new when im already so stretched is just a bad idea #but im still super happy with this thread and thats good enough!#word count doesnt equal quality or worth!#it’s hard to be the bard #erasermic #erasercloudmic #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #oboro shirakumo #loud cloud #bnha #mha #go beyond plus ultra

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pepprs · 10 months

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misery despair suffering etc etc

#purrs #delete later #two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before #but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought #of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t #text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or #whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i #wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was #more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me #and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who #you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have #all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry #to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post #that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to #stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone #reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a #and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be #kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there #to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and #hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to #again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it #and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to #post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want #anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual #people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first

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silverislander · 6 months

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if someone else shows more than two indications that they like a thing that's a good, normal way to tell they like that thing, which is normal, because people like things. but if I have more than two indications of liking a thing that means i am irrevocably obsessed with the thing in a way that deserves mockery actually. this is a worldview that makes sense

#i do. a lot of mental gymnastics to internally justify my anxiety. and its fucking exhausting and i hate it #levi.txt #i talked about carrie in One class Once mentioning i was writing my essay on it. i made a halloween wallpaper w a still from the movie #bc i like carrie! its an interesting story. its not smth ive ever become completely hyperfixated on but i do like it #but i couldnt use the wallpaper for more than a week bc i was like 'people are going to think im obsessed'#like. i cant show any interest in smth or else it becomes 'people will think youre a freak about it'#were going to watch tlou in class on halloween and i just know its going to be difficult #bc whenever smth i love is mentioned i have to put a lid on my emotions to the point that it barely looks like i care at all #bc me being excited is so often 'too much' (both in my mind and historically from the perspective of others)#i am IN the 'obsessed with stories' major and i wont even let myself be visibly into stories. make it make sense #just. aughhhh i dont hold literally anyone else to these standards and its tiring! and i wish my brain would stop torturing me w it #i wish i could just be excited and passionate abt my favourite things without feeling guilt or anxiety abt it #im working on it. im doing it anyway and its improving its just slow going

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gottarunfromthelaw · 1 year

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On the one hand I have alot of self restraint when it comes to me doing things that I know will eventually hurt me but also I really want to do the things that will hurt me.

#wish I had the same urges for helping myself in the long run instead #but alas I want to no longer be a thinking human being who feels things #wouldnt life be so much better if you just gave in and then die? I think it would.#like genuinely all I’ve been thinking about is alcohol I want alcohol so bad #and I almost accepted some cigarettes from a coworker I am not having a good time #I cannot let myself have any nicotine I know I will become unbearable and the absolute worst human being #I am barely a decent human being now #like realistically I know I should like. not purposely do things that end up hurting me or cause actually harm to my body #but also I genuinely want nothing more than to simply not exist #but also doing certain things will make me more aware of my body and of my thoughts #idk very much a ‘I think I need therapy’ hour #the thing vents #idk not really negative but I’m tired of having ‘ooooh you want to drink so bad oooooh you want to smoke so bad oooooo #‘oooooh you want to hurt yourself so bad so you can stop having these thoughts oooooo’#like shut the fuck up and enjoy the moment and be happy but my brain fucjing wont

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mushiishrooms · 1 month

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I always thought that gaslighting could only exist in the form of obvious lying about something the perpetrator did or said, but I learned from my own experiences that it can also look like making the victim doubt their own social reasoning skills. By definition, gaslighting is making the victim doubt their perception of reality. Which is why when it was happening, I didn't realize it was gaslighting. I'm a person who struggles with social cues and socializing in general, so when they would told things like "that's not what I said, you're putting words in my mouth" when it was implied with what they said, I accepted it because "well they didnt directly say it..." I'm used to literal speaking having so many autistic friends and I figured I was just making something out of nothing. It made me feel crazy, and I constantly doubted myself and my reasoning on things. even when I would ask a friend and they would agree on the implications.

#i know there are times where i have been a little unreasonable #but looking back at something like this and going oh it was gaslighting #is a bit much #the end it was obvious gaslighting but #my self esteem was definitely degrading over time because of things like this #and i became more and more anxious #waugh it sucks i wish i left earlier #but i dont think i couldve realized it then #but what my sisters and others said about it being gaslighting later on makes me feel genuinely ill #sometimes i still feel crazy but im learning to reclaim my confidence in myself and my ability to understand rhetoric #thats something im good at! i wont let someone make me doubt that #never again #theres also a part of my brain that wants to blame me for it all that i want to beat up #like you DID make mistakes!! you did make mistakes and you want to take accountability and grow from that!#it was gaslighting! thats not your fault #<------ things i need to convince myself #im sorry to anyone who has to see this this is basically a diary entry #sometimes i just want to shout to the void you know #?

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thornedswan · 10 months

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When your mistrust starts very young, it sure ain't fun

#tae.txt #When you're tired of constant empty promise after empty promise it really becomes whatever #Don't come to me at all if you're not gonna come right because I've had more than enough #that's how things have molded for me the more older I get because I am tired of tearing up over things that don't seem to matter to others #It's not fun when you re-realize why you are the way you are because of these stages of life. But even then you remain soft and everything #feels like daggers down your spine. You feel like you have to have your defenses up but at the same time more than anything you want to let #people in and it just doesn't mix well. I don't have time anymore for people who could give two shits about me #I just want to be myself. I just want to be happy and simply myself with those who actually give a crap.#I feel lately I've been harsher than usual and I don't like that either. I just want to exist without having to curl in on myself.#It's either you're open and you get pummeled or you're closed and you get further into reclusion.#willdele.#I wish things were so simple and trust wasn't something so fragile. I've been handing it like freebies only for it to be pooped.#I think I learn and I don't. Or I learned and I'm still walking like lalalala this is fine it wont happen again

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tinylittlebab · 1 year

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hmm.

#ack. i wanna but a scale so bad but idk how much money i have rn #well at least since im restricting again ill have more money since i dont spend it all on food #wish i could get a job but id have to walk to it and i cant in the weather so im gonna wait till spring or summer #might wait till i turn 18 bc ill have way more options so i might aswell. its only like 2 months off from when i could even get one at all #hmmm. ill have to ask my mom to tell me how much is on my card bc i cant check it myself. im kinda regretting letting my sister not pay me #back immediately for $30 bc then i could buy a scale rn but she doesnt have much rn so whatever #going another month without a scale wont kill me. for the majority of the time before i recoved it didnt have a scale so whatever #but i remember feeling so awful not even knowing if the pain i put myself through did anything so idk if its worth that #i fall ever enough as is with my pots so idk if i wanna add starvation to tye mix when i cant even see the numbers drop #well. ill find out how much i have today and if i have a fair bit then ill buy one soon but if not then ill just cry ig #idk. i feel stupid for relapsing. i KNOW.it feels terrible and i dont even care much about getting skinny. i just miss starving myself #its not about getting skinny its just about seeing the number go down and hurting myself and i know it doesnt actually feel good but like #idk. my life has felt chaotic and out of control recently and i need something to hold on to even if it kills me #i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with #people who abuse me. i live with my only friend in a place where i can actually go places. not many places but theres at least something #idk. i think itd be easier to be ok if i had other friends but i just have my sister. i dont even know how or where you meet people #everything i read either says scool for minors or bars for adults which is useless to me. the only others things are things not around me #idk. i guess ill have to get a car eventually and when i do that then i can go places. i feel so bleh lately #i just. i wanna be sickly and skinny. not bc i think im ugly but bc i wanna be sick. i dont dislike my appearance. im relatively thin #not that it matters bc theres nothing wrong with being fat but like. idk. i used to hate my appearance so much but i dont now #so it feels so weird that im relapsing anyway #idk

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piratadelamor · 1 year

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(keep scrolling ok) i came back home ealier from the bar to shower and change before going to my school's end of the year event but when i got home i was already too drunk and exhausted to leave the house again but also honestly???? what really made me give up was how the pants i wanted to wear that fitted me just well in july didnt fit well anymore. my self esteem was crushed as hard as the brazilian team

#no but fr my body never changed much in my life but now all of a sudden it changed A LOT and im hating it #specially bc i KNOW its also a consequence of these past months in which i couldnt exercise bc of my injury and also how #i felt so so bad all this time and i havent been eating well like not at all im only eating trash i skip meals and eat trash all day #sorry idk how to tag this #i dont like how i gain weight i dont like how my body is shaped i hate seeing my body looking more like my mother's and the worst of all #is knowing that this is all bc i havent been taking good care of my own health really this is what makes me feel worst #i feel like i cant take care of myself i feel so guilty for not being healthier this is my ONLY wish for 2023 to take care of my body #really really i need to change this about myself so so urgently #im gonna make so many medical appointments in january im gonna start going to the gym im gonna do everything i can #i need to cook for myself again i need to have time and energy to do all these things #its not that much about my body its about EVERYTHING ELSE #i cant stand living like this anymore its driving me fucking crazy #i dont wanna hit my 30s keeping such unhealthy habits its now or never #bc all these changes take time and next month im gonna be 27 and time keeps running and i keep doing shit and living like shit #this body feels weird i feel trapped i wanna do things w rollerskating and i cant do so many of these things #and when i can and when i see how fast i evolve when i actually have time and energy and support to practice its INSANE #its like holy shit i can actually do this. my body can actually do this. and then this body is suddenly broken and it ruins everything else #and then this body changes its shapes and i dont feel comfortable in it anymore and i look at it in the mirror and i see my mother #and i want to cry. i dont fucking want to look like my mother. i hate this #i want a strong and healthy body i dont care about being thin or whatever i just wanna be STRONG. i want a body that wont let me down

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sukiipjs · 22 days

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✿ TRUTH OR DARE

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ matt sturniolo x fem reader

↳ words - 1397

↳ summary - a stupid game of truth or dare with your best friend turns into what you’ve always fantasized about…

↳ contains - smut, swearing, fingering, oral, sex, praise, pet names (baby), use of y/n, fluff at end, idk

↳ song - void by the neighborhood

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

me and matt are best friends, ever since we met, we just clicked with each other but honestly, also ever since we met… i’ve liked him, wanted him… of course i never told him, or anyone but myself and i don’t act on anything, just think… think of all the things he could do to me, fuck.

currently, i’m over with matt and we just finished up a movie -that i’ve been clenching my thighs the whole time while watching it- and now we’re bored again, we sit on his bed, facing each other and decide to play truth or dare, sure it’s basic but who cares it’s something.

“okay truth or dare?” i ask matt as he answers, “dare” i try to think of a non boring dare to say, and then i remember this one video i saw… perfect chance to just get something to fuel the churning feeling in my stomach, “uhhh i dare you to do five push ups… and say my name in between them.”

he laughs a little, getting off the bed, “…weird but whatever, trying to make me work out or something?” i watch him as he gets on the floor, his hands and feet supporting his body as he starts to push down, “y/n” he says normally before going up and back down again, “y/n” his voice starts to get breathy.

i move one of my legs on top of the other, squeezing my thighs again to feel something… oh god, “y/n” my teeth hold my bottom lip hard as i try to subtly move my body, trying to get a little more friction, he’s so fucking hot, i wish he was moaning my name for real “y/n…” he grunts as he picks himself back up again, “shit- y/n” he shakily says one more time before he lays his body on the floor, breathing to catch his breath.

“okay maybe that was a good dare, could barley get to three,” he laughs a little, picking himself off the floor as he looks down at me, my cheeks flushed red and lip swollen from the bite. “jesus you okay? you look sick,” he bends down a little, letting his thumb graze over my lip, i stare at him, his face so… so close to mine. “no i’m fine, i just pick at my skin,” i try smiling a little, picking up my hand to swipe his away, my face still red with slight embarrassment now.

“whatever,” he rolls his eyes a little, sitting back down on the bed next to me, “okay my turn, truth or dare?” i play with my fingers a little, thinking of which one to choose. “truth” i look at matt as he thinks of a question until he asks, “do you have a crush?” i let out a slightly embarrassing laugh, being so caught off guard by that.

“that’s a stupid question!” i try hiding my face a little, still burning up, why would he choose that out of all thinks to ask. “you only say that cause you do!” he laughs out, “who?” i shake my head a little “i never said i had one!” he sighs a little, eyeing me, “look at you. who is it cmon?”

i shake my head again, hiding my face with my hands, “okay, i might but i am not telling you.” he pushes me playfully, my body rocking as i take my hands off my face and push him back, “rude.” he rolls his eyes again, “fine. but since you wont tell me, i’m telling you a dare and you can’t back out on this.”

i roll my eyes back, “fine, what?” he moves himself a little, sitting more comfortably as he stares into my eyes, a small smile coming to his face, “kiss me.” my smile drops slowly, my eyes widening a little, “what.” he moves his face closer to mine, “you heard me” is this real?

“you think i never notice how you stare at me, clenching those thighs? you think i didn’t know what you were doing when you asked me to basically moan out your name? kiss me. i dare you.” he sets a hand on my thigh, gently squeezing it as his nose almost touches mine now, whaaaat the fuck.

i quickly move my mouth to his not letting this opportunity go, our lips pressing against each other, his hands move to hold my face, not letting me go of the kiss. “fuck- you have no idea how long i’ve been dreaming of you,” he grins, staring at me, his hand still on my cheek until it starts to travel down my body as i move to lean on his headboard.

i keep my eyes on his hand as it goes lower and lower on my body, stopping at the waist of my pants as he looks up at me, “can i?” i nod my head vigorously as he gives me a smile, eyes going back to his hands that start pulling down my sweatpants and underwear off my ankles.

“so beautiful,” his hands make small movements up and down my thighs, he starts to gently move my legs apart as i bend my knees to prop them up. matt scoots closer, his hands keeping my legs apart as he starts to kiss at my inner thighs.

i stare down at matt between my legs, waiting for him to touch me more. he finally lands his lips onto mine, his stubble scratching slightly on my skin. “matt-“ my hands squeeze onto his sheets, my back arching slightly as i moan out his name. his tongue dancing around my clit, his warm breath being felt on my skin, his fingers creeping on my thighs, making sure i don’t close them.

my hand moves to grip onto his hair, pulling him gently onto me more, bucking my hips into him. “fuck!” i moan, my eyes shutting and jaw clenching. one of his hands leave my thigh and i suddenly feel two fingers plunge inside me, starting to pump in and out making me moan out more.

my grip on his hair tightens and i feel the knot in my stomach release over matt’s tongue. “fuck you taste so good baby,” he smiles, lifting his head out my legs, fingers out me and leaning to kiss the lips on my face.

he continues kissing me as he starts to yank off his pants, letting his dick spring free. he slowly pulls away from the kiss, throwing his pants to the side off the bed. he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me down to lay more as he holds his hardness, guiding it over my folds.

he grabs onto and moves one of my legs to rest above his shoulder before pushing inside me, finally. “fuck!” i moan out, feeling myself stretch around him. “oh shit…” he starts to thrust inside me, low groans and sighs coming from his mouth.

“fuck y/n…” i shut my eyes as i moan out, matt starting to lean down to kiss at my neck, leaving dark spots on my skin. “you like that? hearing me moan your name out? this what you wanted?” he smiles as he goes back to sucking at my skin. i wrap my arms around his back, scratching my nails into his fair skin. the vibration of his mumbles tickle my skin as i clench around him, “close-“ i moan out more, matt still marking my neck.

i let myself go, cumming around him as he makes a few last thrusts, leaning back up smiling at the spots he made on me. he pulls out, stroking himself to cum too. i lay back, catching my breath and replaying what just happen, fuck this is perfect.

matt flops over beside me, laying down and quickly wrapping his arms around me, letting his head rest on me. “you okay?” i nod, “i’m perfect” he smiles, “i know you are,” we laugh a little as i start to rest my hand on his back, my finger running circles on his back, “matt?”

“yeah?” he asks back, my stomach churning just from his voice. “i really like you…” i speak softly, kinda nervous even though we just did something way more. “me too,” i feel his smile grow on my skin as he holds me closer, tighter.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @teenagetrash00 @matty-bear @venusbabysblog @m0r94n @junnniiieee07

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beonetta · 2 years

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#i just found out that one of 2 of my best friends' boyfriends lives 2 hours away #and shes so in love and so happy and i am endlessly happy for her esp bc her last relationship was GARBAGE #but i just know that shes probably gonna move up with him eventually and my other best friend is ABSOLUTELY moving away again at some point #which ive made slightly more peace with bc i know it makes them happy and theyve already done it once before #and i had the other friend to help support me through it #but the idea that theyre both gonna be moving away and leave me all alone with just... aquantences. really hurts and scares me #im in 100% support of both of them getting out of town to chase their happiness but im really scared of being left behind missing them #esp bc i have bad object permanence and im really bad at maintaining online relationships #hell i was even wishing that id have a friend in that town bc the one that did live there moved out of state and its just far enough away #that goinf there for just 1 thing is a pain in the ass and its easier when you have a buddy that lives there #but i wanna keep seeing her every week like i already do dammit :(((((((#the idea of having 0 close friends nearby is really hard but i wont let my friends languish in this shitty town for my sake #even if i kinda feel stuck here due to family stuff #and the thing is i know this future is probably pretty far off but i also kinda.... know it will happen....#at least my tarot cards have me pretty convinced #but i cant help myself about being upset about it today

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flowerflowerflo · 2 months

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𓍢ִ໋♡𓂃 ࣪ ִ receiving your blessings! ୨🧸୧

˚₊‧꒰ა roots ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

• feeling guilty about being given things you supposedly "dont deserve", like lots of love or gifts or whatever it may be, comes from a lack mindset.

• that is where you feel there is not enough of these things like love, gifts, money, etc. to go around. you think of the world as though there is always "not enough" and feel the need to push away the blessings you receive for someone or something else, or hold on to every little scrap of everything you find bc you fear you wont find it again.

• this comes from having a lack of things like love, money, affection, etc. in childhood and continues on as you grow up & get older.

one thing i've noticed is a lot of people actually treat this as a normal thing to push away the things youre given because you think "this is too much" or "i dont deserve this" or anything along those lines.

🧸 "i dont feel worthy of this" if you werent worthy it wouldnt be given to you. everyone and everything comes into your life for a reason, good or bad, and its your job to accept that and learn the lesson that comes from said thing or person. if someone offers you a gift, money, a job offer you've wanted, etc. if you know its safe then take it !!

── there are people with less money than you, less talent than you, less potential than you, out living your dreams just because you were too scared to take that opportunity you were given and just go for it. dont look back and think "oh, i should have taken that". dont let yourself have regrets when you know you can avoid them. life is to be lived, not feared.

🩰 "im not sure if i should" the opportunity wouldnt arise if it wasnt 100% certain it would benefit you in someway. obviously if you feel its sketchy or unsafe for whatever reason stay away from it and obviously do not go through with it or take it but if you know its safe and fine but youre still not sure then what are you doing!!! take it!!!

── you are refusing the gifts being given for what? worry? worry about what? who are you to doubt the gifts you are being given when you know its safe and you should take it? would you be concerned if someone gave you a gift on your birthday? this is the same thing. every day is your birthday if youve got the right mindset 🫶

🧸 "someone else deserves it more" what. think if you got a present on your birthday and it was something you'd wanted for aaaaages. would you sit there and think "no, someone else deserves this more than me"? if the answer's yes then you need to get your priorities straight ml im sorry. this was given to you for you. why are you doubting the universe- the world????? what???? girl what

── ok this can go two ways. if its something someone else genuinely needs because they dont have it and could heavily benefit from like fresh water, a job offer, a housing offer, fresh food, i would give it to them if i already had those resources for myself too because everybody needs those. they're basic necessities to live & thats basic empathy. but if its something you dont need to live but really really want and are being given the chance to obtain then what. are you doing. girl. take it! what is your problem!

🩰 i think if you find yourself saying or thinking these things often, pause for a second and ask yourself why you think this. is it something to do with growing up, the people around you, your financial status.. whatever it may be, it always helps to find the root of the problem. ♡

treat yourself to whatever you wish! you deserve it just because you are alive. that is a difficult task in itself. you deserve it just because you want it. you work so hard, so why shouldnt you have the things you want? take that gift, take that money, take that date, take that offer. life is too short to regret what you could have had 🫶💕

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cheriladycl01 · 1 month

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I cant do this anymore - George Russell x Wolff! Reader Part 6

Plot: You are the daughter of Toto Wolff team principle of Mercedes-AMG Petronas, you've worked your whole life to become an engineer. However, your dad has other ideas for you and doesn't want you to become a race engineer. You start to confide more in the Red Bull Racing Team Principle to help you get an engineering job, and see him as your present father figure.

Credit to russellius for the GIF

You'd texted your dad, just asking if he wanted to meet in The Luxor, it was a hotel that you knew none of the drivers would be in to interrupt and hopefully fans would be to a minimum as it was quiet an expensive hotel.

You thought it would be better, breaking the ice with your dad first before fully speaking to George. Your dad hadn't said anything as bad as George did, so you felt like now was the time to have an adult conversation with him.

So that's where you were right now, you were stood watching over the Casino's ground floor from the balcony. You felt a sort of shadow next to you, and it made your head turn left. Your dad walked up standing next to you, his arms leaning on the balcony banister pushing the cuffs of his sleeves up to his elbows.

"Hey Dad!" you smile looking over at him a soft expression on your face.

"Hello Barchen" he says softly, looking over at you with the softest expression you'd ever seen on his face. Tears welled in your eyes at the sweet little nickname he'd always used for you.

"Dad I-" you start but he places a large hard over yours, keeping eye contact with you.

"No, I'm sorry for everything I said to you. You deserved a place on the team, you've done wonderful things for Red Bull. And as much as i want you back in the garage I wont ask that off you!" he admits, your head swinging to look back over him as your gaze had travelled down back to the busy casino life.

"I, but what if I want to come back?" you ask, in shock. Did your dad not want your help?

"I know you don't want too, you've found a place in Red Bull that i wish i could have given you and I'm so so proud of you. I think I was just so scared about seeing my Little Bear grow up. I always want to protect you and I don't know, making such a big step and becoming an engineer in the team..." he admits.

"I thought, you didn't think I was good enough!" you say tears brimming in your eyes.

"Never, I'm always so proud of you, my beautiful beautiful daughter. I just fear that I'm loosing you. You've been such a big part of my life for the last 23 years that...I can't let go! You come everywhere with me"

"I know, which was why branching out was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it needed to be done. I love being the daughter of Toto Wolff, not because your Toto Wolff the Team Principle of Mercedes, but because your the man who drove me 3 hours when i slipped over in the garage and cut myself on some metal. Your the man who was there for me when i first ever had my heart broken, your the man who cheered so loudly when I collected my GCSE's because I didn't have anyone else to celebrate with, and most importantly your my dad. I love you, but I wanted to prove that I don't feed off your income, and that I can pave my own way. Honestly I don't think I even would have had the chance at Red Bull if it wasn't for your last name, but I still did it" you ramble, and all your dad can do is stare at you in awe at all the memories you recounted together.

He remembered when how scared he was when he heard a little scream followed by yells from all of his mechanics. He trusted them to look after you, and he knew it wasn't their fault but he was furious that you'd slipped and gotten yourself hurt. He made sure he stayed with you in the garage at all times after that.

He remembered holding you why you cried to him, picking yourself apart and asking him why you weren't good enough. Two hearts broke that day, as his did when yours did. Seeing his little girl, crying over such a stupid and insolent boy... Toto would make sure his changes getting into F1 were zero to none.

He remembered the day you went to collect your GCSE's from the nearest school to the Mercedes F1 headquarters in Brackley. You walked in, seeing loads of people that you didn't know all excited to see each other and showing each other what they got. Some were laughing some were crying for all different reasons. It kind of reminded Toto of the last race at the end of the season in Abu Dhabi. He cheered so loud the hall looked over at the pair of you when you presented him your amazing grades.

But recently since 2021, he'd realized how absent he'd been as your dad. In the process of wanting to keep you with him as his little girl all he'd been doing was just pushing you away. And he hated himself for that.

"I know - I know I've done a lot wrong, but I'd really like it if you could find it in yourself to forgive me!" he says, pulling you into a searing hug, so tight and so warm and you'd missed it dearly.

"You know, you guys cooked really do with my help at Merc" he smile, looking away from him and back down at the casino. You hear him chuckle from your side and he observes down on the gaming floor with you.

"Mmmmm? What would you suggest?" he asks. You laugh in turn.

"Ah, see you might be my dad, but right now you're my competitor. I can't be dealing in secrets" you admit and he looks over to you in shock.

"But I'm your dad!" he fakes his offence taken making you laugh a little more.

"I know, so technically this" you say gesturing between the two of you. "Is a conflict of interest! I can't be seen meeting you in secretive locations!"

"Well, maybe you'll consider coming back to Mercedes but I want to let you know just how proud I am of what you've helped them achieve at Red Bull!" he smiles, pulling you into a tight hug, one that you didn't want to get out of.

"So, I guess I'll see you in Abu Dhabi?" you ask.

"I was actually hoping you'd come home for a bit. The house has felt so empty despite George coming over most days in the off season" he admits, knowing he'd do anything to have you come home even if it's just for a day or two.

"Well, I think I'm needed in the Red Bull Centre on the 20th, but I'll stay with you for the rest of the week, and travel to Abu Dhabi with you!" you grin, knowing you would like to spend some time with your dad Suzie and Jack.

"You're coming home?" he beams.

"I'm coming home dad" you smile nodding.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @kapsylia @laneyspaulding19 @lazybot @malynn @cassielikereading @viennakarma @teamnovalak @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @jlb20416 @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @seomako @urdad-hot @formula1mount @tinydeskwriter @butterfly-lover @ironmaiden1313

@fordlita @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @samantha-chicago

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 #formula one #formula one fanfiction #george russell smut #george russel imagine #george russel x reader #george russell x reader #george russell imagine #george russell #toto wolff #toto wolff dad

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

Text

...

#my brain is not very good at solidifying concepts so im just going rant a bit until i can made sense to myself #the conception and evolution of life is so fucking cazy. its a self assembling machine. building and building and building #without direction. traits flow like a river. branching. halting. repurposing parts for new adaptations #what we see now was not the goal. what u see is an assemblage of traits that avaided death #the creatures u see are not always reflective of their total evolutionary history. somtimes the organisms that survive originate from the #group of weirdos compared to their sister species. the freak survives to confuse paleontologists #paleontology has infinity elevated my appreciation for the study of animals and plants. ive never been very interested in either but the #way they change over time. the creeping of traits. animals are organic machines of flesh and blood. i cant not see them that way. ive been #watching dissection videos and the complexity. the way theyre structured. skin and muscle and viscera all working in perfect order until #theyre not. robust and impossibly fragile. and they came to be as they are by the tumble of genetics thru history. a record of which we #have below our feet. pressed flat. years and years and years. and all that started with a tiny assemblage of molecules that didnt even take #that long to manifest on this plant in the grand scheme of things. it seems impossible that life couldnt be common under the right #conditions. there's so much we'll never kno. we have a limited record but with what we have we can see so much #its just so... its so fucking profoundly interesting. leaning abt paleontology has profoundly changed how i see the world. im so fucking #glad i started listening to common decent bc its warmed my fingers just a tiny bit and i was so so cold. im still cold #im so tired. my brain is exhausting. i wish it understood that if i slept for more than like 4hrs i could focus better #bc i wanted to spend my weekend learning. not stuck in a fog making myself miserable. and yet i dont let myself sleep. i could if i tried #but my brain wont let me try. in my cells is a history of life for a single lineage. my Brain is so remarkablely complex that its capable #of self awareness. introspection. and the intentional inflation of pain upon itself and it's host body #robust but fragile. another aspect of life i find most interesting is where things start to break down. what are the limit?#at what point do things start to come unspooled? and why? what does that say about our history?#sometimes i have a thought thats very unproductive. we humans are destroying the planet. our actions will and have perpetuated vast amounts #of suffering and death. but at the same time life has crept around so much death and suffering. a world without us would continue to #proliferate. we cant kill literally everything. something will survive to stretch across the surface of rhe earth once we're gone. change #continuing. unproductive as i said but also somehow comforting. a nearly empty world filled with now useless information abd only things #tbat creep and crawl. or thats what i like to think. we could prob kill everything if we tried #complex brains capable of infinite destruction #unrelated

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bedoballoons · 6 months

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Genshin Mens with an S/o that always so happy and bubbly from the outside/public but at home they are actually tired and secretly crying in the bathroom while the shower is on so hoping that They wont hear the reader crying

I have been waiting to write this oh my gosh!! Love this idea, but just in case you're feeling like the reader, know it's okay to cry and if you ever need to talk to someone you're welcome to talk to me and I'll do the best I can to comfort you <3

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃

{༻~All alone~༺}

CW: Angsty: Hidden emotions, crying, depression, some slight yelling in Xiaos and worried characters! Modern AU! (Pet names: Lyney: My love, Zhongli: Darling, Xiao: Flower, Kazuha: Honey, Neuvillette: Mon amour)

(Includes: Lyney, Zhongli, Xiao, and Kazuha!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Lyney:

Lyneys knuckles gently tapped against the wooden door of the bathroom, his voice sweet and filled with love "Mon amour, you alright? You've been in the shower awhile" ...although if you listened closely, you could hear the undertone of worries in his words. No matter how well you hid it in public, he could always sense you were off, he knew when smiles were genuine and yours rarely was anymore and no amount hiding in the bathroom could make your pain less noticeable to him.

Meanwhile you were on the other side of the door, knees pulled close to your chest and tears rolling down your cheeks as you tried to breath in the mist filled room, the sound of the shower drowning out your soft sobs to the best of its abilities. You sniffled, trying to make your voice sound normal despite the emotions that were tugging at your throat, "Yeah honey! I'm fine! Just wanted to pamper myself a little!"

The magician sighed, slowly sinking to the floor... he wished so desperately you'd just let him in, let him lighten the burdens you were carrying, " Mon amour...I know that's not true. Please, let's talk.." You could barely hear him over your own mind screaming at you...worries and images of your issues dragging him down with you, drowning any ideas of actually accepting his offer to the bottom of your heart.

"I'm fine."

𑁍༄Zhongli:

You laughed out loud, others laughing along with you like everything was absolutely perfect...while Zhonglis yellow eyes saw otherwise, his gaze never leaving your sweet face. He could see it in your eyes, the way your laughter no longer sounded the same....the way you held yourself differently when others were around compare to when you were home alone with him. He just didn't understand why you weren't talking with him...why you were hiding your feelings.

Of course he wouldn't pressure you, he'd do his best to encourage you to lean on him...rest when you looked tired, do his best to show you how much he loved you, but it didn't seem to stop. You'd still disappear into the bathroom, shower running while he paced back and forth outside the door, wishing he knew more about human emotions, wishing he could just do...something.

"Darling, I'm here if you need me...I love you."

"Just taking a shower!....love you too!"

𑁍༄Xiao:

Xiao was panicking, all his life he'd never found love till he met you and now you were hurting in a way he didn't know how to solve. He thought you were happy, smiling and laughing like usual...but overtime he would notice that something had changed. You no longer laughed till you cried anymore and even when you seemed at your highest...you still had dark bags under your eyes, sadness clinging to your words.

Now he'd caught you crying behind a closed door, sobs barely audible over the sound of the shower running and breathing messy...uneven, you sounded like your heart was shattering. He couldn't stand hearing you sound so broken, standing there doing nothing to help you when one of the things he loved most was protecting you, so he teleported into the room..hoping you'd forgive the intrusion.

He was shocked at first, to see you curled up by the door crying, barely able to breath as you rocked back and fourth...he wanted to run to you, pull you into a tight hug, tell you he'd make it all okay if you asked, but he didn't want to startle you and make the situation worse, "Flower...I'm here...can I help?"

"Xiao?!? What a-are you doing in here!? G-get out!"

"I'm worried about you, you're hiding your emotions and pretending like your okay when you aren't...I just want to help you."

"You're not one t-to talk! You hide what you're f-feeling all the time! Just leave me alone!!"

"No, I'm not leaving here until I figure out what's going on. I haven't waited thousands of years to find love and let it slip away because I didn't offer comfort when I should have!"

You covered your ears and opened the door, "THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED L-LONGER!"

𑁍༄Kazuha:

Kazuha sighed, humming against the doorframe while he thought of your wonderful smile that always made his heart race...and your bubbly personality that contrasted so well with his calm collected one, but lately things hadn't had the same magical loving feeling they used to, even his poems barely made a glint in your eyes, you just seemed so put out. Even after sleeping, when he'd try to hold you close and make sure you rested comfortably in the morning, you'd almost instantly pull away...leave to take a shower.

"Hey honey, you doing okay in there? I don't want to bother you...I've just noticed you seemed to be feeling down more often. I guess I just...worry about you. I love you and I want to make sure you're happy..." The shower flicked off as he finished his sentence and for a split second he had hope you would talk with him, but when the door opened, you stood in front of him wrapped in a towel...eyes red and puffy, and that same fake daunting smile on your lips.

"Kazuha honey, what're you doing outside of the door? Were you talking to me? I didn't hear anything..."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

◥(•̀￦•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧

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slttygeto · 1 year

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COMFORTING YOU AFTER A BREAKDOWN

featuring: gojo, geto.

genre: fluff, comfort.

note #1: super self indulgent. my best friend had just finished comforting me from a breakdown and i thought why not write something abt these men being sweethearts.

note #2: double update???? see yall in 2024 i guess /j

—GOJO

im not even being biased when i say hes the best at comforting

he’s extremely intelligent. but his emotional intelligence makes him feel safer

he wont really act “goofy” like most of the fandom makes him out to be

but rather sit with you and wait until youve calmed down before he can ask you if youre ready to talk

it seemed as though the more he tried to get you talk, the more your lip quivered before you went back to crying again. this has never happened before, and it’s not like gojo was panicking about how to comfort you, he was just extremely worried as to what pushed you to such a breaking point.

rubbing your arms with his thumbs as you stood between his legs and cried on his shoulder, the tall white haired man remained as quiet as possible, slowly wrapping his arms around you.

“do you want me to rock you a little bit?” he rested his chin at the top of your head, gently swinging your body from side to side as he listened to your stuttered breaths and little sniffles that slowly broke his heart to pieces.

“are you ready to talk?” the question itself brought tears to your eyes once again, your arms wrapping around his torso to squeeze him tight and pull him closer to you.

“okay, okay, that’s a no I guess,” he added in a teasing tone, chuckling a little when he heard you snort in between sobs.

you were sure of one thing, and it was that no matter how shitty your day was, getting to be with satoru was able to fix everything.

—GETO

goes into protective mode the moment he sees that youre crying because he knows it takes a lot for you to breakdown this hard

will hold your hands and repeatedly ask you if youre hurt somewhere or if you need to go to the hospital

only to realize halfway through that it was just a bad day, a bad week or maybe even a bad month since you tended to brush things off until you were going to explode

“you scared me,” when he said this, he didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. yet watching you slowly sit up on his lap, swollen eyes filling with tears once again as you let out what he understood to be a “im sorry” in the shape of a sob, shattered his heart to pieces that he had to place his hand on the back of your head to have you hugging him again.

“not saying this to make you feel guilty baby, it just shows that i care. i care when you’re going through something and it affects you this much,” you knew he was referring to the fact that he found you sobbing on the bathroom floor, messy hair and attire being a sign that you weren’t even able to get out of bed the entire day.

“it was just a bad day. was too tired to try and lie to myself,” you mumbled against his chest, body relaxing when his fingers started to trace your back gently.

“if it’s a bad day, then let it be a bad day. even if it physically stops you from getting things done, you’re doing more than enough.”

and sometimes, you wish you were able to record when suguru was this…soft. not that he wasn’t on other days, but seeing him be this careful with his words wasn’t really often considering his blunt personality.

yet, you were still grateful for every part of him.

#moon's works #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto smut #gojo smut #geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojo x reader #gojo satoru headcanons #jjk geto #jjk gojo #geto suguru headcanons #jjk headcanons

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