#i would never want to hurt anyone's feelings............ but i gotta keep my feed the way i like it

[freedomfireflies]

Bite Me*

Summary: Part of Halloween Kinktober, Freaky Fun

The one where your boyfriend, Harry, is a vampire.

And you wish you could feel what he felt.

Word Count: 3.2k

*Contains Mature and Explicit content! Please only consume what you feel comfortable with!💞You are so much more important!*

“Easy…easy, sweet dove. Need to relax for me. Can smell how nervous you are. Take a deep breath, hm?”

Shaky fingers gather in front of your stomach as you nod nervously. Staring up at your boyfriend with anticipation and remorse. “Sorry, I just…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing,” he says quickly, reaching up to brush some hair behind your ear. “There is nothing wrong with you, darling. It’s chemical. You’re meant to feel nervous around me. It’s nature’s design. To keep you safe.”

You nod again, catching a glimmer of light from the sharp tooth peeking out from behind his lip. “I know, I just…I wish it would stop. I wish we could just be, you know? Without me being so…”

He studies you for a moment, a look of adoration on his face as he hums again and cups your cheek. “I know.”

You nestle into his touch rather contently before he begins to smile, now dipping down to nudge his nose with yours. 

“If you want…I can make the bad feeling go away,” he whispers with a slight purr. “Can make it all better again.”

Hopeful, your lashes flutter. “Really?”

He nods once. “Mhm. Just wanna help you, dove. Want you to feel good.”

And now you understand what he means, the thought sending a spark down to your toes. It’s rare he feeds from you. After all, he considers the act to be degrading and disrespectful. He only ever feeds from animals or blood bags unless you’ve specifically asked.

But the truth is, you love when he feeds from you. For a plethora of reasons, one of which being the overwhelming sense of need and dependance on him that follows. Or the way his eyes grow darker and his entire demeanor changes. How much stronger he becomes feeding on human blood, specifically the blood of someone he loves.

But another reason lies with his fangs. The venom that becomes injected into your bloodstream, forcing you to feel whatever emotion or desire he feels. 

It’s a trick used to lure and calm his prey into submission while he feeds, but you find another use for it. Because if he’s filled with serenity or anger or lust…you feel it, too. You feel him. Only him.

And it’s your absolute favorite feeling in the world.

His other hand now reaches for your neck, fingers gently tapping the sides of your throat. “Just say the word, darling. And I’ll give you anything you want.”

You feel your chest deflate, all the air evaporating from your lungs as he slowly urges you back against the wall. Bracing you there as he awaits your decision.

He knows what you want. And he knows that you’d tell him otherwise. 

Your fingers tangle in the dark shirt on his chest, desperate to keep him near you. “Do it. Please.”

He tilts your head back, letting his lip curl up until his fang is revealed. “Are you sure, my dove?”

Another fervent nod. “Yes. Please, Har…please, need to feel it. Need to feel you.”

He leans closer, letting the tips of his sharp teeth graze over the sensitive skin of your throat. Right above your pulse point. “Gotta be really sure, darling. Don’t want to hurt you. Or lose control.”

“You won’t,” you exhale, feeling more confident than you sound. “Know you won’t.”

Truth be told, you wouldn’t mind if he did. Even in his darkest moments, he remains your fiercest protector. Never allowing anyone to hurt you.

Not even himself.

You feel him breathe against your neck, perhaps preparing himself for what he’s about to do. Or maybe he’s indulging in your smell. Reveling in the realization of what he’s about to do. What he’s about to taste.

Then, almost as if overcome with a surge of confidence, he bites down – hard. Enough to break the skin and allow his venom to travel into your system.

It’s instantaneous, the feeling. The way your muscles dissolve into jelly, the way your mind fills with a certain haze, and the way your stomach begins to coil.

It’s overwhelming, but it’s him. And you whimper as his other hand falls to your hip to keep you steady, making sure you remain upright and in his arms.

He waits a moment or two to make sure the venom has taken effect before he slowly retracts his fangs and pulls away. You know if he’d punctured you any deeper or kept the sharp teeth inside of you any longer, the taste of your blood would have driven him mad. Tempting him beyond reason until he began to lose control.

But he knows his limits by now. Knows exactly how far he can push himself around you, and you admire him for it.

Your legs shake as you slump against the wall, held up by his grip as he studies you carefully. Looking for signs of remorse or panic.

He’s learned a trick for sucking a majority of the poison out of your system – if it were to come to that. And while it’s tricky and tedious, you know he’d do it in a heartbeat if he felt you were in danger or if you regretted your choice.

Instead, you simply smile at him, and nod languidly. “M’good, Har,” you assure him. “M’so good.”

He seems to exhale a grateful breath, thumb stroking your cheek gently as he now glances over your wound. “I need to clean it—"

“No,” you whimper, keeping him close. “Not yet. Don’t go yet.”

He chuckles, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. “All right, dove. I’m here. How do you feel, hm? You feel calm yet?”

You nod again before your lashes flutter. “Yeah. Calm, and…and happy, I think?”

He hums. “I imagine. You do make me happy.”

“It’s strange, though,” you admit, brows furrowing in thought. “Feels…heightened. Or more potent. There’s this…this yearning. This need for something.”

He regards you for a moment more. Curious and seemingly amused by your confusion before suddenly, your eyes snap to his.

You suck in a sharp inhale – something akin to a gasp. “Are you…are you horny?”

You expect his surprise, but all you find is smug fascination. “Well,” he begins slowly, letting his knuckles graze delicately beneath your jaw, “the term horny is a little juvenile. And it could never even begin to describe what I feel for you.”

He steps closer, lips ghosting just above yours while you feel your breath hitch.

“But…yes,” he whispers, glancing down at your mouth with a smile. “I suppose I am. Can’t exactly help it, darling, can I? When you look…and taste…and smell so goddamn divine.”

Another whimper bleeds from your throat as he begins to guide you away from the wall and toward the bed just to the left of you.

“Tell me…how does it feel, dove, hm?” he murmurs, touch strong yet determined. ��Do you feel me? Feel how much I need you?”

This nod is quick and zealous. Because you do. It’s all you feel. This desire to have – to take and ruin. In the best possible way. It’s a similar sensation to the lust you already feel for him. Your hunger to explore the dangerous but loving man you call your own.

“Yeah?” He’s grinning like a mad man at the way you so quickly fall apart. “Can I tell you a secret, darling?” 

You whimper pitfully as you gaze up at him.

Lowering his voice, he tightens his grip. “When I’m with you…I always feel like this.”

With that, he nudges you down to sit on the mattress before surging forward to press his lips to yours. Kissing you so hard, you feel dizzy. It’s perfection. Like quenching a burning flame. Like taking that first drink of water on a hot day. Fixing a desperate need – succumbing to a craving. 

And it feels as though this kiss fixes every one of your problems. Because it does – he does. Breaks you and puts you back together again all in the same moment. It’s almost addicting. You feel insatiable, hands disappearing into his curls as you yank him down until his chest is flush with yours.

The two of you roll and writhe around on the bed for a minute or two before he leans back to offer you air. He knows you won’t take a moment to breathe otherwise, and his smug smirk merely worsens the ache between your thighs.

“Not so nervous now, hm?” he muses.

You hook your leg around his hip and attempt to grind yourself against his thigh. “Please…”

“Please what, dove?” He presses his lips to the base of your throat, trailing them down your sternum and toward your chest. “What’s it feel like, what do you need?”

But you don’t have any answer for him. Instead, all you can do is stare at the stunningly generous man as he works his way down your body. As he unbuttons your shirt and kisses over the swell of your breast. 

The stain of your blood from his lips smears across your nipple before he takes it into his mouth. Sucking and licking at the tender skin while he kneads the other one in his palm.

You arch from the mattress, desperate to disappear into his strong frame while he chuckles darkly and allows his fangs to reemerge. 

He uses them sparingly – not as a weapon but as a toy. A tool in the game of your lust.

The sharp edge pricks your skin, enough to make you gasp his name and tug on him harder. He smiles a bit bigger and carries on with his quest. Moving down your stomach and toward the waistband of your pants.

Cold, nimble fingers pop the buttons free and tug the fabric down your legs. Revealing your trembling thighs to his hungry gaze. He looks at you like you’ve been served to him on a platter. But not in the way another vampire might.

No, Harry’s look of mesmeric adoration lies in the idea of your body. In the warmth of your cunt and the soft skin of your legs. In the way you draw him in, the way you hold him, clench around him.

It’s hard for him to feel most things these days. 

But he always feels you.

He settles his body near your ankles, providing him the right angle and amount of space to spread you open and study you.

His thumb reaches for you. Pushes into your clit before dragging down between your folds as you gasp.

His expression reveals nothing. No inkling as to what he’s thinking but you know his mind is running wild with ideas.

He finds your soaked little hole, circling it once before dragging the wet substance back up and through. 

“Shh,” he coos, taming your desolate cries. “It’s okay, dove. I’ve got you.”

“Har,” you whimper, fingers itching to reach for him as he settles onto his stomach. “Please…”

You can see the reflection of light on his fangs. The way they extend past his red, swollen lips and ghost above your skin.

He nips at your hip a time or two – a slight sting that dissolves into something excruciatingly pleasurable – before he dances his mouth down. Torturing you with what’s to come instead of simply giving it to you.

“You smell divine, darling,” he purrs, groaning deep within the back of his throat. “Just might kill me again.”

You’d laugh if you had the strength, instead peering down your body at him with a desperate need. “H, I need…need—”

“Need me, hm?” He exhales a gentle breath across your clit and it’s so very cold. But it makes you jump, a new wave of arousal seeming to soak the sheets beneath. “Need me to make it better, yeah?”

You nod swiftly. “Yes…yeah. Hurts, Har.”

“Hurts?” he repeats with faux sympathy. “Oh, dove. Bet it does. Bet it’s all achy.”

Your head moves on its own accord, and you feel your stomach quiver when his cool hands curl around your thighs, keeping them spread.

“I imagine,” he whispers, returning his eyes to your pussy. “Cause I know how much it aches for me.”

He dives in, tongue lapping at your warmth and wetness without mercy as you cling to the sheets and arch from the bed.

His arms fold over your hips, keeping you pressed down and pliable to his intentions as he begins. Licking, sucking, and nibbling at certain spots – but never the spot you need him most.

The tantalizing edge of his fang grazes your soft, sensitive cunt. Sometimes harder, sometimes softer. But always impatient, desperate to feel you anyway he can.

Truth be told, you suppose he enjoys feeding on you this way just as much. In fact, this is what he claims is his nourishment whenever he’s feeling weak and unwell. One taste of your pussy and he’s a changed man.

He has you every day. Makes sure you’re at his beck and call – which you already are, anyway. 

If he’s working, if he’s cooking, if he’s reading. He merely gives you a look and calls you by that familiarly loving nickname, and next thing you know, you’re sitting on his face.

The stretch of your muscles is almost distracting, but not nearly as distracting as his groans of pleasure. The way he curses to himself as he swallows you down. Nudging at your cunt with his mouth like you’re the best meal he’s ever had.

And then…those perfect lips find your clit. He sucks, and moans, and you cry out his name. Grasping onto his hair in a futile attempt at stability and more.

He lets you tug him closer. You imagine – if he were still alive – he’d be suffocated by your pussy. Which…he’d probably enjoy.

As it is, he continues his ministrations almost mercilessly while you squirm beneath him and attempt to buck up against his tongue.

“I know,” he whispers, almost soothingly, and it feels like a vast contrast to the way he forces you into so much pleasure. “Know, darling. Can hear your pretty, little heart racing. Try to breathe, yeah? While you still can.”

You suck in a greedy gasp, eager to obey, as you focus on the sounds coming from between your thighs. It’s sinful and sensual and it echoes around the room until it’s all you hear.

“Doing so good, babydove,” he murmurs, glancing up just long enough to see the first tear slip from your eye. “It’s a lot right now, I know. I know, but you can take it. Always do so good for me. Let me see you cum, yeah? Let me see this pretty pussy cum for me.”

And you want to more than anything. Chasing the need in your own belly along with the need from his venom. The combined rush of ecstasy that makes stars explode across your eyelids as more destitute sounds fall from your tongue. 

His hands suddenly slip beneath your back, forcing you from the bed as he repositions you and nearly pulls you right through him. 

Large fingers grope the tender flesh of your ass as he holds you against his mouth and sucks the sensitive nerves between puckered lips. 

“Tell me,” he ushers softly, a golden hue to those vivid eyes watching you closely. “Tell me how bad I need you. Tell me how much I love you—”

“Har,” you gasp, trembling in his touch. “Can’t…can’t…m’gonna cum, I…please—”

“Try. Tell me. Tell me that you feel me—”

“I do,” you whine. “I do, I feel you. Feel you, Har. So good. It’s so good, please—”

“All right, darling. You gonna let me taste you? Need to taste you, darling. Can’t live without it—”

“Harry—”

He pulls away just enough to raise his hand and smack it down your cunt. The cold metal of his ring catching your clit before two more spanks are laid in succession.

You moan loudly – almost undone by the eroticism itself – before he dips back down, and grazes the delicate bud with the edge of his fang.

You feel him slip a finger inside. Pumping you once – twice – before he adds a second. Wanting to fill you and finger-fuck you to the edge as quickly as possible.

It hits you then. Overpowers you and knocks the wind from your lungs. 

You fall apart in his hands, against his tongue. Moaning and whimpering as your toes curl and your eyes roll to the back of your head. It feels as though you cum twice as hard – perhaps a result of the venom or the symbolism of his need for you. The way your taste has satisfied his thirst.

“Yes, yes…there you go, that’s my fucking girl.” His tone is rough but riddled with lust. He groans like he’s never been filled with so much devotion. An anxious almost obsessed sound that drags your orgasm on at least a few seconds longer. “Give it to me, dove…fucking give it to me—”

“Harry—” You gasp his name like it’s the last sound you’ll ever make. Tears building in your eyes before they cascade down your warm cheeks. 

Ever the sadist, Harry works you through until your cunt is throbbing and far too sensitive to the touch. Despite your cries and whimpers for mercy, he carries on. Thrusting, licking, and sucking until you can hardly breathe.

Eventually he releases you and leans back. Perhaps able to hear the erratic racing of your pulse beneath your chest as he now works to hush your anxious mewling.

Crawling up your body with care, his fangs retract, and he buries his face in your neck to keep you still. Pressing his chest to yours in an effort to help calm you.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, lips grazing your skin as he speaks. “It’s okay, dove. You’re okay. God, did so fucking good for me, darling. Always taste so good, make me so happy.”

You tiredly grasp onto his arms, needing to hold onto him just as tightly as he’s holding onto you. Wanting to share in this moment as he smirks against your throat. 

“You okay?” he asks you now. “You’re nervous again.”

“No, I’m…I’m okay,” you assure him through a pant. “I just…it feels so good. So…heavy, you know? Overwhelming.”

He chuckles softly and pushes up onto his elbows to get a good look at you. Thumb finding your cheekbone as he traces the delicate curve of your face with great adoration. “Are you saying I overwhelm you?”

You nod, smiling giddily as you tug your bottom lip between your teeth. “In the best possible way.”

Grinning himself, he leans down to capture your lips with his. And it’s soft and slow and an oddly angelic end to such a devilish evening.

“Har?” you whisper, lashes fluttering shut as you nose your way under his jaw.

“Yes, dove?”

Your kisses trail below his ear, making his fingers flex. “You know what I think?”

“What's that, darling?”

You begin to smirk wickedly as you slip your hand around the back of his neck and tug him closer. Allowing the edge of your teeth to finally make contact with his skin.

He stills.

“I think it’s my turn now.”

Just wanna put in a quick note and clarify that even though she was feeling a bit of his horniness and desire, she was still very much horny all on her own HAHAHA this was 1000000% consented to from beginning to end from both parties!

Also vampire!harry is so fun?? And I loved this?? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??

~ Freaky Fun Masterlist

~ Main Masterlist

~ Blurb Masterlist

Amazing divider by @firefly-graphics! 💞

Taglist: @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @keepdrivingkisses @swiftmendeshoran @tiredinwinter @straightontilmornin @justlemmeadoreyou @harrysdaydreams @tiaamberxx @peterparker1sgf @myfavfanficsever @littlenatilda @vamprry @fdl305 @tchalametishot @ssaama @indierockgirrl @likeapplejuicenpeach @vane28282 @lukesaprince @closureesny @lc-fics @0nlythrowharrybeaux @hannahdressedasabanana @scndsofsummer @theofficialprongs

#harry #harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry edward styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #smut #harry styles concept #vampire!harry #freaky fun #harry and dove #concept #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing

[frankiensteinsmonster]

ID in Alt Text!

Hey, sorry I haven't been doing my daily outfit posts lately-- I guess I never mentioned why I started them, but it's this personal project that I'm working on where I take a picture (though, in all honesty, it's a lot of pictures lol) in whatever I'm wearing and I feature my cane to promote awareness and give representation to other cane users and members of the cpunk and Physically Disabled community. I'm working on building up the courage to take these pictures outside as well, because I do them on campus, but we deserve to see ourselves outside as well!

The reason I haven't been keeping up with it is because my partner and I have really been really struggling financially as well as with our mental health (and me with my physical health as well, obviously lol) we moved across the country to go to school and it is So Hard-- I had to drop three out of five of my classes because the course work was just too much in volume and I need a job really bad (which is going to be Hard to do since we don't even know why I'm in such chronic pain yet 🙃 it's hard not to feel defeated!)

Either way, I think going to start posting them with the tag #TheVainCanes and #MobilityAidVainity but I'm also going to host a poll for some options bc I want this to be a widespread community thing!

I'm choosing these names because I've seen from both ableds and disabled elitists this idea that we and our mobility aides need to look like they're fresh out the hospital for us to be Believed and deserving of respect, and anything beyond that voids our suffering and invalidates our experiences-- and I think that's reductive, harmful, and just plain wrong! Our mobility aides are an extension of ourselves and we deserve to dress them up however we want. We deserve representation, and the normalization of Joy and Having Personality While Disabled.

This will be intersectional as well (bc. I mean look at me. Also I don't need a reason!) , people from all identities are welcomed and encouraged to join! This is meant to be a celebration of Us, Disabled, BIPOC, LGBTQIA2S+, and All That Jazz! (If you use a mobility aid, you're in!) We're beautiful gorgeous handsome devils and I think we'd do good seeing how good we all look in a designated tag

Also my cash app and Venmo are @/cherubpunque 👀 if anyone has some spare change I could have that would be an amazing help towards feeding me, my partner, and our two cats!!

To kick things off, I am a 2S, Afroindigenous person (Gullah and Kanien'kehá:ka!) who experiences chronic pain and fatigue. I have PTSD and a few other brain things going on, less than perfect eyesight, and a great passion for Art, Music, Subculture, and Helping Others whenever and however I can! I'm majoring in art and am working towards becoming a published graphic novelist. Idk I just have a lot of love and support to give, and a big need for love and support for myself as well, and I'm hoping to offer us a good opportunity for us to connect in a space that's just for us! We're already living outside of society's expectations for health, so why should we let these folks decide the way we look while doing it? Express yourself! (I'll also be tagging myself in future as #mothie so you can find me in the tags! Anyways, I gotta go lay down. My back hurts.)

#cpunk #cripple punk #cane user #chronic pain #chronic illness #solarpunk #diy punk #c punk #chronic fatigue #afro indigenous #indigenous #alt subculture #gullah geechee #gullah #self expression #mobility aid #TheVainCanes #MobilityAidVanity #TheVainCanesProject #MobilityAidVanityProject #punk #punk fashion #**i always mask in public!! i just take it off for these photos while im completely alone** #but i do like to spice it up with a fabric mask over it for a little extra fashion #face mask #spoonie #black mutual aid #trans mutual aid #queer mutual aid #indigenous mutual aid

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐇𝐁𝐎'𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐔𝐒  /  𝐄𝐏  𝟑,  𝟒  &  𝟓.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ want your jacket back? ”

“ never been in the woods. more bugs than i thought. ”

“ i don’t want your sorries. ”

“ i wasn’t gonna say i’m sorry. ”

“ nobody made you go along with this plan. ”

“ don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault. ”

“ what are you looking out for? ”

“ is it something lame, like you fell down the stairs or something? ”

“ someone shot at me and missed. ”

“ i gotta grab some stuff i stashed. ”

“ you ask a lot of goddamn questions. ”

“ i had a friend who knew everything about this game. ”

“ there’s this one character named mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones! ”

“ ah, getting funnier. ”

“ dude, you got to go up in the sky! ”

“ so everything came crashing down in one day? ”

“ if you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? ”

“ there’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see. ”

“ well now i have to see. ”

“ whatever it was, think it’s gone. ”

“ dead people can’t be infected. ”

“ it doesn’t get old. ”

“ i’m not infected! ”

“ why did you take that long to answer? ”

“ i thought about lying for some reason, but the reason didn’t come. ”

“ i’m letting you go, so go. ”

“ if i feed you, then every bum you talk to about it is gonna show up here looking for a free lunch. ”

“ you already know i’m bad at lying. ”

“ everything tastes good when you’re starving. ”

“ i know i don’t seem like the type. ”

“ would you stop!? ”

“ paying attention to things, it’s how we show love. ”

“ there are no friends to be had. ”

“ i’ve actually been talking to a nice woman on the radio. ”

“ aren’t i the lucky one? ”

“ i got something to show you. ”

“ i like you older. older means we’re still here. ”

“ i was never afraid before you showed up. ”

“ took most of the night. i’m exhausted. ”

“ i’ve had more good days with you than with anyone else. ”

“ i should be furious. ”

“ you hear anything, you see anything, yell. ”

“ so they’re dead? ”

“ i used to hate the world, and i was happy when everyone died. but i was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. ”

“ we have a job to do, and god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. ”

“ we can just keep our histories to ourselves. ”

“ you do what i say when i say it. ”

“ they have hot water! i’m taking a shower, and then you’re showering, because seriously - pffff. ”

“ well don’t you look pretty. ”

“ it’s like a spaceship. ”

“ gas breaks down over time, this stuff’s almost water. ”

“ it doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary. ”

“ what did the mermaid wear to her math class? an algae bra. ”

“ i stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. ”

“ this make you all nostalgic? ”

“ hold your horses, i wanna see what all the fuss is about. ”

“ why are all these pages stuck together? ”

“ can we start a fire? i’m freezing. ”

“ no one’s gonna find us. ”

“ if you don’t think there’s hope for the world, why bother going on? ”

“ i’m not even tired. ”

“ i’m all turned around. ”

“ this is my second day in a fucking car, man! ”

“ you’re not hurt? ”

“ you don’t come out until i say, okay? ”

“ my mom isn’t far, if you could get me to her. ”

“ you can have it. ”

“ you don’t have to! ”

“ i can’t fit through. ”

“ i was alone. ”

“ you were wronged, and i’m sorry. ”

“ they put a gun to my head! ”

“ have i satisfied the necessary conditions for you to talk? ”

“ you think i won’t do it? ”

“ i didn’t hear that guy coming. ”

“ you’re just a kid. ”

“ i know what it’s like, the first time that you hurt someone like that. ”

“ i’m not good at this. ”

“ you shouldn’t have had to, and i’m sorry. ”

“ it wasn’t my first time. ”

“ you put it in your pack, you’ll shoot your damn ass off. ”

“ we’ll get through this. ”

“ let’s just handle what we have to handle. we can deal with this after. ”

“ where would you be without me, huh? ”

“ how did you know it was an ambush? ”

“ i’ve been on both sides. ”

“ we did what we needed to survive. ”

“ did you kill innocent people? ”

“ i don’t want someone sneaking up on us while we’re sleeping. ”

“ i don’t wanna talk about it. ”

“ so it gets easier when you get older? ”

“ did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? yeah, it runs in your jeans. ”

“ you laughed, motherfucker! ”

“ look at me, not at that. ”  

“ i used to be so scared of these people. ”  

“ did it make you feel safe? ”  

“ how does it make you feel now? ”  

“ i swear, i’ve told you everything i know. ”  

“ he won’t be talking. ”  

“ why go to the trouble? you can kill yourself right here. ”

“ do i look scared? ”  

“ i’ve been watching them, i know their patterns. ”  

“ we don’t wanna hurt you, we wanna help you. ”  

“ if i lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you, so you don’t hurt us, right? ”

“ that’s a weird fucking tone, man. ”  

“ that’s just the way he sounds, he has an asshole voice. ”

“ i’m gonna trust you. ”  

“ you know what happens when you do that to people? the moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you. ”

“ never killed anyone. ”  

“ pointing an unloaded gun at you was the closest i’ve ever come to being violent. ”

“ that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan. ”  

“ your dad’s kind of a pessimist. ”  

“ he’s not my dad. ”  

“ i’m not her dad. ”  

“ endure and survive. ”  

“ i wasn’t exactly telling you the truth, before. ”  

“ i am the bad guy because i did a bad guy thing. ”  

“ we’re not doing so good. ”  

“ have you been back to the room you grew up in? ”  

“ he would be horrified by the things i’ve done. ”  

“ this is what happens when you fuck with fate. ”  

“ are you ever scared? ”  

“ i’m scared all the time. ”  

“ i’m scared of ending up alone. ”  

“ if you turn into a monster, is it still you inside? ”  

“ stay awake with me. ”  

“ gimme the gun. ”  

“ what did i do? ”  

#( sentence. ) #sentence meme #sentence starters #rp meme #rp starters #tlou #the last of us hbo #tv series #apocalyptic #horror

[moefling]

And finally Any Way The Wind Blows reread...

I really dislike Matali. Like of the the Adults who should have seen The Mages abuse, she is on the top and she is throwing it back in Penny's face!?? (f*ck Matali Bunce)

*sobbing* but also I love angst so also 😈

Dev is a Pitch?!? Idk why but I thought he was a Grimm (tho I did read the fanfic rebel rebel just b4 starting my reread so maybe that's my confusion)

How long is Simon's tail? I'm pretty sure that based on how it's described to twist around things it's gotta be like the same length Simon is tall (5 foot whatever)...

"He already gave me a sword, but I'm not magickal enough to call it." (page 6) this is so sad, I remember seeing a tweet from Rainbow saying the Sword of Mages was still in him he just couldn't call it and just that makes me want to cry for Simon

i love that Fiona continues to use the numpty joke with Baz because that is such a real family thing to do (page 14)

Premal and Simon should have a talk... they both have very complicated feelings about the Mage (i mean Simon wins but)

Poor Penny. she used to solve all of Simons problems and now she can't so she feels useless

"I'm ready to let go - to be me again. The me I thought I was before the Mage ever showed up." (page 37)

"I hate the sight of him. All I see is what I've lost- who I was. His match." (page 62) this f*cked me up because its a call back to CO when Baz says he loves that Simon is screwed up because "they match" and that quotes is VERY popular...

"I know I'll never love anyone like I love Baz. I know he's the love of my life. Of all my lives" "This was my life to find love. The truest love. The biggest. Buti it isn't my life to have it." "I'm too... broken. I don't know how to be close to people." (page 65)

we need for Fiona moments. the fact that she is marrying a vampire but can't ask Baz if he needs to feed? (page 82)

lol Simon showing up unannounced again and commenting on Baz's clothes (page 87)

Simon cuts so deep but i love it because it's real and he is telling everything so Baz knows

"I didn't get to keep anything... What did I get to keep, Baz?" (page 91) i think this hurts even more because he still thinks he's removing his wings and tail. to literally at this moment he doesn't think he got to keep anything: his magic, his mentor, his friends, his purpose in life, the safety that came with knowing what comes next

when Simon tells Baz he loves him to me the tone from Baz questioning it was even sadder because he wasn't just questioning Simon saying it but (to me) it seemed like a question that anyone would tell Baz that

headcanon that not only was Simon deprived of a magical childhood he also didn't have a normal one so he doesn't know things like Disney movies (or really used a cell phone)

i love that Baz switches between Simon and Snow regularly even in his own thoughts

gosh this book has the snowbaz bants that i've been looking for. referencing when they were enemies but now in a funny/ cute way

"'Christ, Baz, I never thought I was straight. I never thought about it at all.'" (page 127)

""I met him the usual way.' 'You chased him off the road?'" (page 167)

i love that there isn't really any comparisons between the Salisbury's and Simon until the end. it's not shoving it in your face if you can't remember the first book (no bronze hair like Simon or Ruth eats like Simon - there is a moment where it is mentioned that Jamie sucked at reading and talking and Simon thinks same but it is Simon thinking it not a comparison someone else is thinking)

is the light touch over simulation or has Simon just never been touched gently before so he doesn't understand it...

""I can touch you less gently, but I won't love you less kindly.'" (page 222)

when Ruth gives the glasses to Simon i remember on my first read i though that was how Simon was going to get his magic back...

i'm 80% sure Lady Ruth was ready to adopt Simon before she know he was Lucy's son and i'm 85% sure she would be very fine with them using the glasses for.... other purposes

the Demon turning to Penny after and basically winking as saying call me...

"'..it was children who brought down the Mage!'" (page 399) i think we need to talk about this more. the fact that Fiona is ok with it but all the Kids have BIG trauma about it all (and f*ck Matali again for victims blaming the Kids)

Simon using a pet name for Baz 😍😍

"'And you don't have to wear a jacket in the middle of June. Do you know how jealous I am?'" (page 407)

(something half baked about chosen ones being warm to the touch)

Baz wearing this boyfriends ex girlfriends sweatshirt

a note that Simon couldn't feel magic at all after Smith zapped him

so Smith's spell.... does it imply that you can waste magic? if you only have so much? or...

so what is Simon.... is he sorta a dragon?

Notes for Snow for Christmas

i love that this exists so we can see happy snowbaz without them doing chosen one shit

i love and hate that Baz tells Simon he is coming back after a fight (page 222)

i've decided that they should tell Lady Ruth about Baz's vamp thing because she would probably blink and then offer to keep blood in the fridge for when he visits. and she wouldn't tiptoe around it either

i like that Simon takes some responsibility to not drink because he kinda has a problem with it

Question... did Baz know he was a vampire before his teeth came in..? cuz knowing his family idk if they would have told him...

do Baz's siblings know he is a vampire? Simon asks but it isn't really answered...

#snowbaz #baz grimm pitch #simon snow #simon snow trilogy #any way the wind blows

[wyrmskulls]

I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT

here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)

"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️

".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"

" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."

"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"

"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD

"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏

"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)

get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"

"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"

act 2

Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)

"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."

Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl

"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈

"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"

"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly

"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD

"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃

act 3

found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"

"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋

"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇

"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"

"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."

*****

and now I'm tired XD

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate spoilers #bg3 spoilers #spoilers #asexual #i haven't proccessed my feelings yet #astarion spoilers #wyrmskulls

[pesterloglog]

Rufioh Nitram, Damara Megido

Act 6, page 5398

RUFIOH: gotta be honest damara... 1 been feel1ng pretty bad...

DAMARA: なぜですか？ [Why is?]

RUFIOH: um... you can keep a secret, r1ght?

DAMARA: はい、もちろん。私はあなたの友達です。[Yes, of course. I am your friend.]

RUFIOH: yeah...

RUFIOH: 1t's horuss... and you know... been th1nk1ng about break1ng 1t off w1th h1m...

DAMARA: 何を壊す？彼のホーン？ [What you break? His horn?]

RUFIOH: hahaha! naw... that wouldn't do much good...

RUFIOH: 1 mean... 1 feel l1ke a chump for even th1nk1ng about 1t... he's been so cool...

RUFIOH: but d*mn! etern1ty 1s a long f***1ng t1me!!! 1 dunno 1f a relat1onsh1p should really last that long...

DAMARA: あなたのセックスライフはどうですか？ [How is your sex life?]

RUFIOH: whoa, uh... k1nda personal quest1on? anyway that's not 1t...

RUFIOH: 1 feel gu1lty for say1ng so... 1'm just not 1nto 1t... so many repet1t1ve dates over the m1llen1a... so much l1ke... talk1ng about l1vestock and b1g muscular an1mals and... 1 dunno. those aren't really my 1nterests...

RUFIOH: maybe we were never that compat1ble and 1 just never had the guts to say so?

DAMARA: RUFIOH 。私はあなたにこのことを告げた。毎日。永遠に。[RUFIOH. I told you this thing. Every day. Forever.]

RUFIOH: 1 know, 1 know... 1 d1dn't l1sten to you... 1 f1gured you were st1ll all mad and jealous!!!

DAMARA: 私は怒って嫉妬した。[I was jealous and angry.]

RUFIOH: r1ght... 1 just don't know what to do.

RUFIOH: he's great... but he's so cl1ngy! 1 don't know how he keeps that up after all th1s t1me... dude's got stam1na... 1'm just l1ke... romant1cally exhausted. you get me, doll?

DAMARA: はい。愛が私には死んでいる。ので、誰かがずっと前に、心臓を介して私を刺した。[Yes. Love is dead to me. So long ago, someone stabbed me through the heart.]

RUFIOH: heh, touche.

RUFIOH: but for real... 1 just don't want to hurt h1s feel1ngs...

DAMARA: あなたは私が彼を殺したいですか？再び？ [Do you want me to kill him? Again?]

RUFIOH: no!!! god, no... don't hurt anyone... let's not go there aga1n!

DAMARA: 私が彼を誘惑したいですか？ [I want to seduce him?]

RUFIOH: er... 1 guess 1f the two of you are l1ke... um. that's really between you and h1m? not sure he would go for that... anyway, 1 don't th1nk that would actually help me...

DAMARA: 私は彼の魂を消費するために悪魔をもたらすでしょう。[I'll bring the devil to consume his soul.]

RUFIOH: man, no! 1 told you, please don't feed anyone's soul to ANYBODY!!!

RUFIOH: you've got to keep crazy talk l1ke that down, damara!

RUFIOH: 1f people knew some of the sh*t you sa1d... how you say crazy sh*t l1ke you want to serve h1m... f***!

RUFIOH: 1t wouldn't be cool... people would fl1p...

RUFIOH: h*ll, d1dn't you hear meenah was try1ng to ra1se an army to k1ll h1m?

RUFIOH: 1f she could hear some of the th1ngs you told me... sh*t... 1 can't ever let her f1nd out...

RUFIOH: 1f she knew, you'd both start f1ght1ng aga1n...

#}:(

DAMARA: あなたは必然だけを遅らせる。[You're only delaying the inevitable.]

DAMARA: 私たちの終了時間が近いです。[The end of our time is near.]

#homestuck #rufioh nitram #damara megido #homestuck act 6 #page 5398 #homestuck act 6 intermission 3 #openbound

[not-a-space-alien]

Savage Sunset Chapter 10S

Let's see what Lex is up to in chapter 10 :) (hint: she's also not having a good time)

Story masterpost

Complementary chapter

Little reminder...my stories gotta have a happy ending, it's the entire reason why it's fun for the characters to get dragged through the mud for me. so dont worry :)

Content/Content warnings for this chapter: Aftermath of torture, starvation, heavy emotional distress, mind control, whump of a female character, blood blood BLOOD, unsanitary/vomit, brief eye whump

Ari was only lying in the coffin for about ten minutes before she heard footsteps upstairs.  She craned her neck to see Nick at the top of the stairs, a stupid grin plastered on his face.  “Well, well, I bet now you’re happy that I didn’t listen when you tried to chase me off.”

“I’m never happy to see your ugly mug,” Ari said.

Nick came down the stairs.  “You could at least try being nice to me.”

“Just let me out.  The key is on the table.”

“The vampire left the key, how thoughtful.”  He picked up the key.  “Maybe I will, if you apologize to me.”

“For what?”

“For threatening me.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Don’t you want to save your girlfriend?”

“I will, as soon as you let me out.”

Nick frowned.  This wasn’t how it was supposed to work.  Nick had the power; that meant Ari was supposed to grovel, the way his vampire toy did.  He’d never met anyone so utterly impervious to bullying.

Ari stared at him with hard eyes.  He relented and came over, unlocking the coffin.  She sprung out of it, getting up and immediately starting to rifle through Nick’s supplies.

“I see you destroyed all my hard work,” said Nick, seeing the pile of molten goo in the furnace.

“Yeah, I’m sure there’s some stuff left, though.”  She made a face as she dug in a box and stumbled upon a whip.

“Ah,” said Nick.  “Well, maybe we can scrounge up some supplies…If we want to do some real vampire hunting, though, we can simply forge some of our weapons again.”

“Hm?”

He smiled.  “We won’t have time for anything complicated though, like padding or steel coatings.  Just simple silver.”

***

The ride there was long and awkward.

Lex was tense the whole time, fully expecting him to at any moment have her pull over so he could feed.  He was obviously starving, and when she saw the flash of fangs in his mouth, there was also drool pooling in the corner, like a well-trained dog sitting at attention in front of a juicy steak.  Maybe he just didn’t want to affect her ability to drive, since he was clearly in no state to do it himself.

They went deeper and deeper into the night, away from salvation.  Lex tried to cry, but it felt like her emotions had been locked behind bars.

As long as Ari was out there, she had a shot, had hope. Ari would move heaven and earth to get her back. Ari would walk through the fires of hell to save her. Ari would gnaw through the metal cage to get out if that's what it took. She was willing and more importantly, she would figure out a way and not just sit there crying and feeling overwhelmed like Lex might.

Ari had already done it once before. Teenage Ari had simply driven her father's pickup truck straight into vampire territory to retrieve her, against all odds, and come out successful, somehow. Adult Ari could handle this. Adult Ari would crash through the door soon with fire in her eyes.

It was the only thing that was keeping Lex from having a total breakdown.  She was suddenly 18 again, snatched up by vampires and taken lightyears away from her home, in the middle of the night, crying and begging for them not to hurt her, which had only earned her scornful laughter.

Of course we’re going to hurt you, girl, that’s what you’re here for.

She looked at the vampire in the passenger’s seat out of the corner of her eye, tense panic pooling in her stomach, building.  She knew exactly what he was going to do to her once he had her where he wanted her, in his lair, in safety.

He licked his dry lips, eyes bouncing to her and back.  And then:

“For the record,” he croaked, “I never killed anyone.”

Sure, maybe not directly.  But he was with the blood farms, here to snatch up helpless people like her, to cause years of nightmares and anxiety in the case of someone like Lex, who was the best case scenario.  He’d personally ferried hundreds or maybe even thousands of people to their untimely ends.

Of which Lex was the latest in line.  Her hands shook on the steering wheel.  The persuasion made it an uphill battle to do anything he hadn’t commanded her to do.  She wanted to cry, but it was stuck inside of her.

The irony of the sudden reversal of their situations wasn’t lost on her.

His bony hand suddenly reached out and turned on the radio.  The squeal of the emergency broadcast system came out.  There was a V alert on the radio, which meant someone had called in and reported a vampire had been spotted somewhere in the county.

Had Ari already gotten out and sounded the alarm?  Normally this would be accompanied by chatter from a CB radio with details to coordinate movements in the field, but it was turned off right now and he showed no inclination to turn it on, if he even knew it was there.

He said nothing and, with shaking hands, turned the radio back off.

Time crawled by in silence, but eventually the sun started to come up.  They were still on the road, not to his safety yet.  Maybe this could be her salvation.

He let out a terrified moan and crawled over the seat into the cargo space in the back of the van.  Lex glanced in the rear view mirror, but caught no sight of him.  He must have been taking cover away from the windows.

Finally, when they were truly out in the middle of nowhere, Lex found her hands pulling the van into the driveway of the house they’d pulled Valen out of.  The one car out front–presumably Valen’s car, since it didn’t appear to have moved an inch since her first visit–was missing its tires, up on four cinder blocks.  The front passenger’s seat window was also smashed in.

The vampire behind her scrabbled to get upright, to peek out.  Lex caught a glimpse of him in the rear view before a stray patch of sunlight reflected onto his face.

Lex nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound he made.  It was an earth-shattering, preternatural screech no human would ever be able to make.  He immediately dropped down out of sight once again.

Her ears were still ringing a few moments later, but she heard faint whimpering, followed by the next round of persuasion:  “You will–  You will go–go inside–into the house and–and you will–go into–the closet–and find–and bring to me my cloak–and boots–and–enough to cover myself.”

Here we go.  Dread built up inside her again.  As soon as he managed to get her inside the house, it was coming.  The thing she’d had nightmares about for years.

Her feet moved mechanically to get her up onto the porch.  The front door wasn’t locked.  The lights were all off–the electricity must have been shut off long ago when no one had been paying the bills.  The broken kitchen window had been boarded up–by who?  A neighbor?

She checked the first floor closet and found a cloak and boots, but nothing else.  She went upstairs and found pants and shirts.  She did not find that getting further away from him would let her break the persuasion, somehow.

She bundled up her finds and brought them outside, walking harmlessly through the sunlight and throwing the van doors open.  The vampire scrambled backwards in terror as though she weren’t literally his slave at the moment.

She clambered into the cargo space and dropped the clothes next to him, waiting for the next command.  She stood perfectly still like a coat rack as Valen shakily stood, pulling his pants on painfully slowly, one hand on her for balance.  He stepped into the boots, kneeling to try and tie them and failing miserably.  He did not make Lex do it.  His torso disappeared last, a t-shirt swallowing his breasts, followed by the cloak coming over his whole body and being cinched tight.   “You will–you will escort me into the house.”

She helped keep him upright as they crossed the lawn.  She could feel him shivering with fear.

Why are you scared.  Why are YOU scared.  I’M the one who’s about to be drained of my blood.

Every step towards the house increased her anxiety.  This was it, she had managed to escape being a vampire’s snack all those years ago, only to fall back into it now.  If he didn’t kill her, it would probably only be because he wanted to keep her as a thrall for the rest of her life.

She was having flashbacks, trudging through the muck to get her brain not to freeze in the way it had when she’d been narrowly rescued from the blood farms.  But this was so much worse.  Being taken hostage by the nobility who kept humans like pets would be so, so much worse.

They came into the shelter of the house.  Safety for him, a death knell for her.  She expected him to fall on her and start tearing into her throat then and there.

He shut the door.  “Close all the blinds.”

They were mostly already shut, but she walked around and pulled the blinds, drew the curtains.  Her feet padded from shag carpet to tile as she finished up in the kitchen, finding herself compelled to draw the shade over the broken, boarded-up window despite the lack of sun.

He hovered in the dining room, lurking, looking like he was making a decision.  Where to bite me?  Where to dump my body when he’s done?

He walked unsurely into the kitchen, ignoring Lex and going straight for the fridge.

The fridge.  The fridge that had been full of blood when they’d been here last.  Besides the fact that the electricity was off, and the fridge surely hadn’t preserved it in the intervening months…What was so special about that blood that he would rather have it, old and spoiled, than feed from Lex?

He leaned forward to stick his head in the fridge, then jerked back at the smell.  Lex nearly gagged when it hit her nose as well.  She couldn’t see into the fridge.  She was thankful for that.

His face dropped into despair.  Why aren’t you feeding from me?  What are you waiting for?

“F-follow me,” he stammered.  “Help me–help me down the stairs.”

Ah, downstairs, into the murder basement.  Of course he would rather do it down there.

She supported him as he wheezed and chugged down the stairs, clearly grinding against the limit of his physical endurance.  Lex saw a blur of motion in the dimness, and he gave a shriek, stumbling backwards into her arms.

Based on the pittering feet, it’d been a rodent of some kind.  Of course.  The house was abandoned.

Lex couldn’t see very well, but the basement was mostly as she remembered: a laboratory bench of some kind, glass bottles and bins everywhere.  She could see their outlines in the dim light.

He let go of her, staggering over and nearly falling, catching himself but knocking over some of the glassware and shattering it.

Was he going to clear it off and have her lie down on it to feed from her?

But no, he didn’t clear it off.  He started tinkering with the supplies there, lighting a flame and then extinguishing it, desperately scrabbling for bottles that turned out to be empty, letting things fall to the floor in despair when they turned out to be insufficient.

He clung to the workbench and leaned over, head down, crying pitifully.

This was the point at which she realized.  Realized what he was doing.

The frantic, hungry quality of his motions.  The fact that half the glassware was still crusted with red.  The output nozzle positioned so perfectly above a glass jar, identical to the ones in the fridge.  He was trying to make something to eat.  This setup that had so baffled them, it was for synthesizing blood.  

The blood in the fridge wasn’t actually blood.  There had never been any human captives because he’d made the blood from scratch.  Some of Lex’s off the wall guesses about him had been correct.  She’d never heard of such a thing, never would have thought she would have been right.

He wasn’t biting her because he didn’t want to.  He was looking for some other way to feed his starving body, and was despairing because it wasn’t working.

He’d been telling the whole truth about never having killed anyone.  His family name was that of the blood farm owners, but he himself…?

Who are you, Valen Kithrara?

It seemed absurd, impossible, but what other explanation was there?  She could think of nothing else that so neatly encapsulated all the evidence she’d seen so far.  And she probably wouldn’t have believed it, unless she’d pieced it together herself.

Had they somehow managed to find the one vampire out of the whole population who was inclined to be nonviolent?

Her stomach dropped out from under her.  Had they somehow managed to find that one vampire and…given him to Nick?

Her overwhelming terror gave out under the weight of the guilt.  She’d been trying so hard to make herself believe he’d deserved it, and he hadn’t even deserved it.

She’d managed to find one vampire who was actually trying to be a good person, and just utterly crushed that out of him.  She’d forked him over straight into months of brutal torture.

Yet he still didn’t want to feed from her.  That was the kind of person she’d so completely torn apart, someone who would look the person responsible for his torment in the eye and still try to find a way to help himself that didn’t involve hurting her.

She’d held something so incredibly rare and valuable in her hands, oblivious, and had destroyed it.

Could she still save that side of him?  Could she appeal to it to save herself?

He got up, knocking more things off the counter, and snarled at Lex, tearful face twisted up.  “You will help me up the stairs.”

What is he going to do now?  The looming panic about being fed upon was still there, but now there was crashing terror about the possibility that he wanted revenge.  And weighty guilt about what a rare thing she might have thrown away.

She supported him up the stairs, now reading into every little motion of his, every wheezing breath and shaking step.

She helped him back up, trailing off as he staggered back into the kitchen, ripping the door of the fridge open again.  She was behind him this time, and saw the bottles of rotten, congealed blood, with mats of mold floating in them.

She stood catatonic and watched him, unable to decide what to do, unable to think of any way to solve this huge nightmare the both of them were in.  Not knowing what she could say even if she wanted to fight through the fog to say it.  Still processing the implications of what she was seeing: a vampire desperately looking for an alternative to feeding on a human, as though it were unthinkable.

He knocked bottles out of the fridge, shoving them to the side, heedless of how they cracked and rolled away.  He took out one that looked like it didn’t have any mold, holding it up to the light and looking at it like a man drowning.

Don’t…please don’t drink that.

He tilted his head back and upended the bottle into his mouth, clumsily spilling half the thing on himself, the thick, rotting fluid dripping down his neck and onto his clothes.  He immediately gagged, spitting it back up, throwing it to the ground.

He sat there on his hands and knees among the glass and dark, lifeless liquid around him, heaving with desperation, a vampire painted with blood and still starving.  Water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

Why don't you want to feed from me?  Why do you care this much?

As if he’d heard her thoughts, he slowly raised his head, looking at her with fresh, hungry, appraising eyes.

She caught a sob in her throat.  Please.  Please, don’t hurt me.

He scrambled to his feet, his face and arms and torso absolutely drenched with blood, a terrifying, ghostly image, a skeleton approaching her with vicious intent.  “Kn-kneel down.”

Lex did so.  Please don’t, please please don’t hurt me.  There was something inside of him that wanted to be good, that didn’t want to be cruel, she knew it now.  Was it too late to appeal to that?  Or had that already been completely crushed out of him?

I know I made this monster, but please.  You’re just doing this because you’re starved and terrified.  You aren’t too far gone.  It’s not too late.  She tried to open her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Lex whimpered and averted her eyes as he came closer, kneeling, the stench now overwhelming.  He fell onto her, smearing bloody handprints down her top, smearing rotten liquid on her thighs with his own.

He lowered his head into the crook of her neck.  A disgusting, slick hand came up and took a handful of hair, tilting her head, opening her neck.  She could feel his breath and his too-cold lips.  It was surprisingly tender.

His body trembled with sobs, and she felt a gentle kiss on her neck.  Just one, a shocking, miserable action, an act of yearning for gentleness when none could be found.

She slowly brought her hands up behind him, onto his back, hovering there as though she wanted to return the embrace, to hug him.  Maybe she should say something.

Please just stay here.  Just stay right here.  Just cry right there, and when Ari gets here, I’ll explain everything to her.  You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but you can.  We’ll be gentle with you, we’ll help you.  I see you now.  I see– 

Her eyes widened as she felt the softness disappear, the sharp bite on her neck, the two points sinking in and releasing blood.  She felt the warm, wet drip down her neck.

She felt his tongue lapping at her broken skin, his breaths getting heavier and more intense.  She tried weakly to pull away, but his grip had suddenly become iron-tight, hand in her hair keeping her bent that way, other hand on her shoulder, pinned underneath his legs.

No, no, this can’t be happening.  I’m not food, I’m a person, you know that, you see it, please, please– 

She cried out at the pain when he bit down a second time, making a bigger wound, opening the firehose of blood even more, slurping it like a drowning man.

She heard the sound of his throat swallowing right in her ear, again and again and again.  He wasn’t stopping.  Blood dripped down her shoulder, soaking her shirt.  He’d released so much of it that he couldn’t even drink it all, and yet he still ravaged her neck for more.  She started to feel light-headed.  Her limbs grew heavier.  He’s not going to stop.

“You’re–” she choked out.  “You’re going to kill me.”  Please don’t kill me.  I don’t want to die.  Don’t make yourself a murderer.  

His tongue dipped into her wound over and over, mechanically, like a cat lapping up water from a bowl.  Black started to creep into the edge of her vision.

He released her suddenly, staggering away.  She gasped, panting, shaking with panic, clamping her hand over her neck to try and stem the flow of blood, blood running through her fingers immediately.  She heard him retching distantly, collapsing onto the floor himself.

Lex cried, expecting each breath to be her last, fighting the urge to pass out.

She was vaguely aware of the vampire moving past her, to the phone on the wall, dialing.  She slipped in and out of consciousness, only hearing snatches of the conversation.

“I want to talk to–”

“-come get me.”

“-please, please, please.  Please come rescue me.  I’ll be-”

“I even–I even have my own–”

“I’ll do anything.”

“--it doesn’t matter now.  Just–just please, please”

“The hunters know where I am, they’re coming, they’re going to find me.  Please, Priscus, please save me, I’ll do anything, anything.”

In, out, in out.  Her eyes fluttered closed, then open.  Vague shapes moved above her, a loud sound, followed by another, activity and people shuffling far away, way up there.

“Give her back!” yelled a voice, breaking through her haze.  Ari.  Ari!

“Ari…” she managed to get out, before her limbs collapsed under her and she passed out one final time.

***

Tag list <3

@annablogsposts

@darlingwhump

@nicolepascaline

@oddsconvert

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@soursagas

@thecyrulik

@whumpsday

#hurt/comfort #angst #vampires #whump #vampire whumpee #whumpblr #my writing

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Gotta vent. Sorry.

Life is so….

I woke up after three hours sleep. I was too worried about things to go right back to sleep, and music wasn’t distracting me enough. I open Tumblr.

The third post I see is one if those damned “helpful” OMG warning signs you have a deadly disease and should rush to a doctor posts. I have an extreme medical “professional” phobia from serious traumas at their hands, no health insurance, no money at all, no local doctors in my rural area (no hospital in the damn county even), no one I can trust to help me……I mean, I haven’t been to a doctor in longer than some of you have been alive, and that was a horrible experience I do NOT want to repeat. Yeah, these helpful post send me into a freaked out spiral of fear.

An e-mail comes in. My reloadable debit card has been declined. New panic! I’d ordered a book, a gift in a way. I’d promised to read Mom this book over the phone as a birthday gift next month, and I’d found it cheap. I can’t afford books for me anymore, but this is for Mom, so I can’t just cancel it.

Frantic I scramble to figure out where the money went. I’m horrified to find out it is all looking legit.

I go to the bank website and move $100 over so I can pay for the book and beginning of the month stuff like my phone.

I see the numbers and my chest hurts, like a fist around my heart.

Today I have to do the shopping because I’m half way through my last bags of animal feed. I start doing the math.

After the animals I’ll have $100 for all my groceries, gas for the car, kerosene for the hot water heater, bandages for my ankle, batteries for the lanterns where I don’t have electricity, mouse poison for where I found the damn rodents had gotten into my storage container of clothes, and everything else. Too much else. I’d skipped everything I could last time, so I am out of everything from trashbags to toilet paper.

$100 and not a penny more for two weeks.

And OMG, that includes Halloween! I need a pumpkin and candy to give out!

Just $100.

I cried.

I get mad at myself for crying. I already got yelled at by someone disgusted and angered by my crying a couple days ago.** I HATE when I can’t keep from crying, even alone.

I felt so much…I dunno, everything. I needed to lash out. A sensible person would break something, but breaking something is stupid when you can’t afford to replace anything. I sure as hell don’t ever want to hurt anyone. So what did I do? Slapped myself in the face as hard as I could.

And geez, it was SUCH a relief! That tells you something. Physical pain is much, much easier than emotional. I’ve said that since I was little.

Sometimes I really miss Pop. I mean, I always miss Pop, but it was so nice to have someone that cared. Mom loves me, but she was never the cuddly one and not great at noticing emotions. She could be impatient with crying, once she finally noticed. Pop though… I got all upset and cried he’d pat my back or head and say “Poor Teffy Weffy” I miss feeling comforted. Loved.

Anyway, so I worried and tossed and turned and cried and worried some more and….

I’ve had three hours sleep. The sun is up. My ankle is already hurting. I have to go do the shopping without enough money, and not feeling up to it.

Damn it, I want to get to have a breakdown and not get out of bed! Just one day in my life I don’t want to get up!!! Or how about have a lazy day and do nothing? A guilt free nap, at least?

I am so fucking sick of making myself go through the motions of being alive, of watching it all drain away between my fingers while trying to laugh about it. Get up, take care of the animals, fix my meals, do my chores, repair endless things, research the day’s new problems….

Busy. Busy. From the moment I get up until the wee hours if the morning when I finally crash, stay busy. No time to think or dream. There is just too much to do!

Work on so many things I can never quite fix but keep trying, always trying, trying, trying, trying…

And failing.

I’m so tired of life.

** It was an awful incident, on a very bad day when I was already sick and in pain. I’d told by my brother they were sending the jelly I’d sent to Mom back, unopened, and no one of the rest of then would eat it.

I apologized to Mom for sending jelly since I didn’t know she didn’t eat the stuff, and she said she actually liked jelly. My brother started roaring at her, shouting at her to not say that, that she was a liar, that she never ate jelly, none of them do, don’t ever contradict him… (BTW, when I was there she ate jelly AND they had opened jelly in their fridge, so saying none of them ate jelly baffled me)

Mom was being yelled at because of me. I begged her to stay quiet to not provoke him, and I could hear his shouting…

I don’t get him. He’s always so… Not like the rest of us in my immediate family. Angry, aggressive, hostile, mean even.

I started sobbing. Guilt at causing Mom trouble. Helplessness to do anything to make things better. Frustration. Despair at how we are bound up, in so many ways at his mercy, and he is not a merciful soul.

Usually I am so good at this. I never cry when I’m on the phone with Mom. I try not to let anyone see me cry, but on the phone with Mom it’s especially important. I don’t want to upset her. She can’t help me, so I have to hide my struggles a bit.

But it’s also because of him. It makes him angry.

He yanked the phone from Mom to say some thing and he heard me crying. Disgust. Rage. He finds tears to be the way the weak manipulate people, a pathetic, scummy way of fighting, an attack on him. He snarled and ended by hanging up in me.

I think the call didn’t last three minutes.

I’d been on the verge of a meltdown for days as life was getting worse and worse, and I was dealing with feeling rotten on top of it. Now I actually wailed. Good thing I was in the woods, though the poor critters must have been terrified by the banshee.

#my day #tired #busy #problems #poverty #exhaustion #I’m really worried about the car BTW #I haven’t been able to afford to take it to be worked on in years #I’m having nightmares about it failing entirely as I deal with problems on my own #ten miles from a grocery store you need a damn car #i hate cars

[trashcatsnark]

WIP Day

Hewwo~ I was tagged by the ever lovely @derelictheretic to share a WIP and I'm actually sharing two this time! Because for once I am trying to get my ass to work on more than one fic at a time!

First is an upcoming chapter of Can You Feel The Sun?

Her eyes water as she leaves the apartment complex and slides into MaiMai. She's okay, she's okay- she just needs to work and distract herself. V reminds herself- she's been alone before. 

She had a life before Johnny, before Jackie, before Nibbles- before anyone. She's used to being alone and it shouldn't hurt this fucking much. She shouldn't miss anyone this much. It shouldn't matter that her car feels painfully quiet, it shouldn't matter that her passenger seat is empty, and nothing smells like cigarettes, and that when she gets home tonight her apartment will be empty. 

She just has to remember how to live with the ache. She got too used to living without it. 

And I'm actually working on This Is Love, my fc5 fic again~ So, have a little John and Dahlia interaction~

“Our church is growing, I offered them a generous offer merely so I could feed and shelter my flock as well as those in need- how could you find greed in that?” 

“How could you find greed in two people wanting to hold on to something they fought to keep while still being kind and giving to the community?” She throws back, a pointed look and a raised brow. 

“Hmm, it’s my job to recognize the sins in our flock- to hear their confessions and deliver their atonement. I know greed when I see it, deputy.” 

“That so,” she murmurs and rolls her eyes, “Speakin’ of sin, gotta say- never pegged you for a sloth guy.” 

Pride and vanity swell his chest at seeing her eyes drift across it- where sin marks his flesh. He searches his gaze for any signs of lust, but finds none- not sure if his disapointment is because he’s yet to unveil her sins or something deeper. 

“And how would you peg me?” He can’t resist, flirting with Joseph’s newest fixation, voice heavy with innuendo while seeing how small she looks beneath his arm. Her brows furrow, head cocking to the side like a curious dog as his meaning drifts far above her empty little skull. 

Tagging: Everyone who sees this- DO THE THING

#wip day #cyberpunk 2077 #far cry 5 #johnny silverhand #john seed #aidan becker #dahlia hale #so many johns in my life

[olivieblake]

Okay part 2/3 of my love/praise of/for YES!

The Golden Age of Monsters: I love monsters and paranormal jazz so of course. I also loved how there were tiny connections between the monsters you used like rusalka (like what Sasha was called in OFME) and the finfolk of course from “Captain McIver’s Ship of Souls”. You were at your very best banter wise for this story. It was incredible and gave me so much joy. They really could never resist a jab at each other and were always bickering and I was living for it. The angst too in this one ugh my heart really hurt. It went through it (in all the best ways) hahaha. Also Margo being scattered brain, me too girl, loved it.

-Some moments I loved:

Margo staking her ex’s Venmo feed it so funny but also relatable I have done this once (not an ex I was just in a stage of absolute boredom and had nothing better to do so I just scrolled down venmo like it was twitter or something hahaha). Alec is such a grouchy men but I love grouchy men so love it. I absolutely loved how Alec knew Margo could be so powerful and wanted her to become that for herself that’s just so important. Her making him beg lol YES GIRL. SHE KNOWS HIS THREE PRIMARY FORMS OF AMUSEMENT FOR HIS MOUTH AND HAS A FAVORITE AHHH. Their little cute domestic routine they had going on for a bit was so cute. Her glaring and getting back her favorite form of amusement on him (aka my favorite thing ahhh). HER SEEING ALEC EVERYWHERE IN THE MANSIONS SHE IS RESEARCHING AWWW. Dan showing up and Alec being jealous and interrupting their meal and telling him Margo is not the same Margo he knew and wanting him gone ugh such good scenes (I love jealously scenes so much-that’s probably a problem but oh well). Dragon!Alec saving her ahhh. Alec is also hot af. AND HIM KNOWING MARGOT WOULD HURT HERMES FIRST AND THEN HE WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM SECOND LOVE THAT LIKE EQUALS AHHH. Forehead kiss awww. The bottle opener as a tool for dulling out their miserable lives lol. Him hoping the rock hits Poseidon that he threw into the waves LOL Hermes is so funny. Her remembering all the requests he had that he wanted her to ask (from the first time they almost had sex to now) AHHH. THE LOVE CONFESSION IN THIS ONE (i have it in the quotes later but like you write the best ones oh my god). Take me. Have me. I’m yours. THEY STILL ARGUE ALL THE TIME BUT COME BACK AND SAY I LOVE YOU AND KISS. She feels like she belongs there 🥺🥺🥺. THE ANGST OF HER LEAVING AND WANTING TO STAY OR FOR HIM TO CAN’T BUT HE CAN’T AND SHE HAS TO LEAVE UGH SO GOOD. Her splashing him with water and telling him to “Say goodbye, asshole” and him lowering his sunglasses to look at her and mouthing back “impossible witch.” I DIED I LOVE THEM. She keeps looking for the Draco constellation awww. “Hey, asshole,” she said. “It’s about time you showed up.” a mood I love how the banter never stopped for one second truly. STOP THEM LOATHING AND LOVING EACH OTHER ALL AT ONCE. Her own personal golden age 🥺🥺🥺 (and how golden age is in the story title ugh love it)!

Also Henry and Hermes being a thing was so fun, from the moment they talked in like the grocery store I was like oh? Is something cooking here?

-Some quotes I enjoyed/reactions to them:

“Well, it’s either make jokes or worry about dying” LOL gotta love it me too girl making jokes that are bad is my coping mechanism

“He was by far the worst thing on the island” AHHH I LOVE IT

“Is it ever going to cool down?” Margo lamented, fanning herself and Alec gave her one of his warning glares, this one was warning her to silence, but it wasn't too severe, so she pressed on.” LOL LOVE IT

“…and I think I realized that I didn’t love him so much as just wanted to be loved by someone. Anyone." mood. Me too girl me too.

“You’re magic Margo West” 🥺🥺🥺

“I don't understand how this happened. He was so awful. I've never met anyone more irritating or more relentlessly, oppressively off-putting than Alec Del Mar. He constantly gets under my skin. He's vain, blunt, arrogant, manipulative, infuriating, selfish, maddening, clever, funny, and strangely kind..He's not what I would have chosen for myself, but that's the worst part, isn't it? He's nothing I ever knew I wanted, and somehow, he's everything I can't live without.” SCREAMING OH MY GOD

“Of all my lives, the one I had with you was the best one.” 🥺🥺🥺

“Men,” Saide scoffed, ruthlessly tearing off a piece of her croissant, and though Margo knew she probably shouldn’t agree (knowing, as she did, that the only distinction between Sadie’s damaged pastry and actual human disembowelment was a few degrees of moonlight), she still found it highly relatable.” MOOD

“Besides I think the term ‘monster’ might be relative. Aren’t we all a little monstrous in our own ways?” we are!!!

“I just meant that not all mysteries are a bad thing. It’s not so bad to face the unknown. Kind of beautiful, actually.” She took a deep breath, letting the salty sea air lick her cheeks. “I think I love the way the water stretches on forever. But, at the same time, I like the horizon, too. I like how it’s steadying, in a way. It’s like I can finally imagine a happy ending, because I know the water shines brightest right where it hits the sky.” THIS QUOTE IS MY FAVORITE I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH

“I don't want to take caution," she told him, already a little breathless at the thought. "I want to get dragged under the current, I want to be pulled down to the depths." She watched his breath halt, motion rescinded. "I want to get swept away, Alec," she told him softly, and he bent his head with a shiver, taking her chin gently and holding her still. "Margo," he said. "We've talked about these self-destructive impulses." She tugged him down to her, laughing into his mouth. "Believe me, I know," she murmured, and he kissed her anyway, molding himself to the shape of her as the ocean slid up to wash over their toes, the waves themselves sighing with satisfaction.” AWWW

“Then, gradually, he’d moved closer, fitting himself at her feet or, on one occasion, nudging her over in a state of drowsy half-sleep to serve as her very amenable pillow. The day before, she’d woken up to him sitting on the floor, and when she’d slid her leg out towards him-giving his shoulder a nudge to indicate her state of consciousness-he’d reached around and curled his fingers delicately across her calf, pressing a kiss lightly to her ankle.” DOMESTIC MARGOALEC AWWW

“I don't understand how this happened. He was so awful. I've never met anyone more irritating or more relentlessly, oppressively off-putting than Alec Del Mar. He constantly gets under my skin. He's vain, blunt, arrogant, manipulative, infuriating, selfish, maddening, clever, funny, and strangely kind..He's not what I would have chosen for myself, but that's the worst part, isn't it? He's nothing I ever knew I wanted, and somehow, he's everything I can't live without.” OBSESSED

“Margo West, impossible woman and disastrous witch, I’m inadvisable, inarticulately, implausibly in love with you. I love you , with every strand of this form and with all my others, and because of you-” He broke off, tightening his fingers in the mess that was her unwashed hair. “Because of you,” he murmured, “I no longer hate this island. I no longer hate this job. I don’t even hate the gods.” LIKE THE BEST LOVE CONFESSION EVER

“Either that or we’re just so good together it feels like instinct; like something brand new. He knows how to touch me in ways he can’t have gotten from anyone else, and I am more myself in his arms than I have ever been. I no longer worry about being something so paltry as normal.” She doesn't have to worry about being normal!!! Ugh love

“And with that, Margo West crashed into Alec Del Mar with the inevitability of the tide, breathing in the sea-salt taste of summer from his skin as she finally touched her fingers to him, to her own personal golden age, and to the undisputed glory of the horizon.” Happiness awww

Pars Fortuna: LilySam my second favorite binary stars (you probably were waiting for me to read this to tell you I screamed at the quote right?). They are just so cute! Me 🤝 Sam 🤝 having bad luck (literally though reading this I was like well maybe I too was just born under unlucky stars haha). They just had such good tension from the moment they met I was like okay KISS please (you should see how many times I have “their tension 🥵” in my notes lo)l. The banter was also excellent. This story was so funny but also emotional, it was the one story I cried at. The angst was so good too where she was trying to decide between her love for Sam and wanting success that she thought she needed her luck for ugh I loved it.

-Some moments I loved:

Their meet cute was so funny hahah. She likes Sam with his shirt off LOL my girl. She’s so clumsy around him he’s constantly having to catch her and I lowkey love it??? OOOH BOLD OF HER I LOVE IT to say “you can buy next time” (and his voice getting softer when he is teasing her). How he touches her waist while she is trying to get a different card AHHH SUCH GOOD CHEMISTRY/TENSION. Picking on her and the glare and the glare making him laugh ugh MY FAVORITE THING. Oh no he’s gotten stuck in a lot of elevators (I have been stuck in one with like 19 other people on a 90 degree day where there was no AC it was not a fun experience haha). Sam is also so hot, you just write hot people tbh. THE JOLT WHEN THEY TOUCHED AHHH. THE LIGHTS BUZZING AND FLICKERING WHEN THEY KISS AHHH. THE GHOST KISS ON HER NECK STOP I LOVE THOSE (as she fumbling with her key to unlock her door). Him reminding her to not text him back until the morning since she’s a busy woman and so he wouldn’t get the wrong impression that she might like him lol LOVE. HER LIPS STILL BUZZING WITH THE TASTE OF HIM! HER SMILING AND HER HEART FLUTTERING WHEN SHE GOT THE TEXT saying “that was fun” from him. Awww she wants to gossip to her grandmother about it and the whole scene where she admits she told her grandma about him was amazing. THE KISS ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. I love how he tries to protect her from his bad luck it’s adorable. Him offering to fix it/find her another pair/cook her dinner because she looked sad about her canvassing shoes. HER THINKING ABOUT THEM COOKING TOGETHER AND BEING ALL DOMESTIC AND DANCING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR AWWW. Her finally getting to wipe away the grease smear after she wanted to before ughhh loved the call back to that. STOP THE I WANTED TO BE A LIFEGUARD BUT I DROWNED LINE MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. STOP ALL THE THINGS SHE MISSES ABOUT HIM AND HOW SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD BE NORMAL WITH HIM I’M CRYING IT HURT. His whole speech about missing her and what he wants ugh loved! HIM BEING SO NERVOUS AND HIS ARMS TIGHT AROUND HER BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT HER TO LEAVE HIM AND HER GIVING HIM A REASSURING KISS AHHH. Her getting to talk to her mom via the ouija board is what made me cry. Just seeing how happy her mom was for her and her mom telling her that she was her lucky star and that whatever she chose is the right voice. It was just adorable and so meaningful and beautiful tearing up just thinking about it again. AHHH SAM WENT TO A WALLACE HART RALLY TO DEFEND LILY. Stop the little montage into the future of him meeting her grandmother and mother and their wedding where the lights go out was so cute! The last thing with the “oh you don’t really believe in luck, do you?” that Lily said made me laugh hahahha. He registered to vote wooo important and she won yay!!!

-Some quotes I enjoyed/reactions to them:

“What’s good here?” “Democratic freedom,” she told him sternly. “Our fiduciary duty as citizens to vote.” “Mm,” he replied, not looking up. “And does that come with pork, or…?” She groaned, and he glanced up, half-smiling.” LOL

“He was at the door in a matter of moments, pulling it open and giving her a surprised half-smile. By then, she’d only known him three ways: one, scowling at her with annoyance; two, coaxing her with humor; three, kissing her to breathless insanity.” SUCH A GOOD QUOTE

“Things can go wrong, and they often do. It’s not really a question of luck so much as probability.” truth!

“Lily closed her eyes, saying nothing. There was nothing to say, really. The irony of her grandmother being right was that what it might take for Lily to regain her luck currently felt like the unluckiest thing of all.” 😭😭😭

“If she wanted to capitalize on her luck, that meant no Sam. And the idea of not seeing Sam again, even for the next few weeks, felt like an unbearable betrayal.” CRYING

“He took a step forward; pausing right in front of her, until the two of them were mirror images straddling the threshold.” MIRROR IMAGES MY FAVORITE

“She tried to shove it away, reaching for Sam, but he hesitated. "Let me do something," he said. "I can make you dinner?" “What, here?" she asked, gesturing around his apartment with a grimace. "Sorry, I don't think so." He rolled his eyes, kissing her forehead. "Tomorrow night, then," he said, "let's make dinner together, okay? Your apartment, if you want." God, and didn't that sound blissfully normal. Normal, and really kind of sweet. She had a brief image of them cooking together while Norah Jones played from her tinny iPhone speakers. She'd wear shoes she didn’t care about and a dress that didn’t matter if it got stained and maybe he’d dance with her on the kitchen floor and she’d tell Zaniah, See? It’s not about luck.” SO CUTE

“I worked too hard to put all my faith in luck,” she told him, and then corrected herself. “I work too hard to let the universe take credit for everything I’ve done.” YES GIRL

“All she wanted to do was fall back into bed with him; to lean into the palm of his hand and say hold me, Sam, until I forget; until today becomes tomorrow without me lifting a finger; until I no longer have to live in this place of uncertainty, because the stars already made up their minds for me. Unfortunately, that probably wasn’t the case.” 🥺🥺🥺

“He brought her hand to his lips, brushing a kiss across her knuckles. “For what it's worth," he said. "You changed my life, Lily Nasser." She winced. "Did I, though?” "You made me believe in something," he told her, "even if that something happens to be a political campaign." In response, part of her wanted furiously to pry him open; to find their cosmic flaw and rearrange it. Stitch him back up and say I solved it, we're fine now. Now, for the first time, Lily truly believed her grandmother was right; she had spent most of her life being lucky. Certainly luckier than she'd realized, because she was fairly sure that pulling away from Sam was the toughest thing she'd ever had to do.” Fix their cosmic flaw ughhh love

“I’ll never win you the big stuffed bear, Lily, but I will believe in you, I promise.” Which is the best and most important thing

“Maybe Alya knew that Lily would be the start of a ripple effect, the first shatter in the glass soon to break; or maybe she’d seen only that her daughter, the bright spot in her short life, had fallen for someone who treated her like something precious, and Alya had found just the right time to tell Lily fuck the stars, live your life baby girl, and don’t let a single thing stop you.” my favorite quote from this story, I love it so much.

“Like my grandmother always says ‘giving up means you’re dead and not even that stops most people,’” LOL but also mood and true!

Also I am extremely excited to welcome my fellow Aries-OFME (olivie’s version)-to the family! I think she fits into the Aries energy well. Feeling very thankful it’s in April too because that’s the one month every year where I pretend I have money and buy myself gifts without guilt, so much love. (AND THAT FAIRYLOOT EDITION IS STUNNING OH MY GOD).

Will be back hopefully soon for some praise for Optimist! I’ve been really enjoying it so far (even though you have already given me an existential crisis) I’ve just been reading it slow because life is just extremely busy this year (not in a super bad way just as life gets sometimes). Also just thank you for dealing with me this year on all the platforms.

-Amanda ❤️

hahaha @ “dealing with you” like it’s such a trial to be told my work has meaning. LONG SUFFERING SIGH

just as a fun bts, the title of this collection comes from stone’s throw but it ALMOST came from the line you called out in pars fortuna—that part of the collection was so strong we almost named the anthology “fuck the stars”

#filling the bucket #the answer you are looking for is yes

[anxsity]

atlantic division teams as paramore songs

as assigned by me (don’t take this seriously) if the athletic gets to assign emo songs to nhl teams so can i

boston bruins - pressure “tell me where our time went / and if it was time well spent”  “i can feel the pressure / it’s getting closer now” ah yes, one of those teams that won it all before and are now trying desperately to bring that glory back. but with an aging core and uncertain contracts, do they feel the pressure growing?

toronto maple leafs - hate to see your heart break “there is not a single word / in the whole word / that could describe the hurt / the dullest knife just sawing back and forth” “for all the air that’s in your lungs / for all the joy that is to come / for all the things that you’re alive to feel / just let the pain remind you hearts can heal” can i get an F for the leafs. i’m sorry but i couldn’t not use this song. the brutality, the let down, the heart break year after year? and maybe it’s just from my standing as a caps fan and the stunning similarity there but i assure you it’ll come. maybe. possibly. im sorry

buffalo sabres - last hope “i thought i would be happy by now / the more i try to push it, i realize / gotta let go of control / gotta let it happen” “it’s not that i don’t feel the pain / it’s just i’m not afraid of hurting anymore” 11 years since the sabres have least seen playoff action, 11 years of rebuilding and subsequently tearing down. Their savior, their golden boy, arriving only to be banished in disgrace to vegas the desert. shouldn’t they have been happy by now? or should they let go of control and pray for the lottery’s favor?

montreal canadiens - brighter “so this is how it goes / well, i, i would have never known / and if it ends today / well, i’ll still say that you shine brighter than anyone” “and i’ll wave goodbye watching you shine bright / and i’ll wave goodbye tonight” oh the injury gods have not been kind to the habs. first their captain (originally i meant weber but now suzuki is also injured) and now with price’s future uncertain this song only felt like the right match. if it ends today, they still shone brighter than anyone.

detroit red wings - careful “the truth never set me free / so i did it myself” “when all that is waiting for you / won’t come any closer / you’ve got to reach out a little more” for a song with such strong vibes of “fuck it, i’ll do it myself” what else could it be other than the wings? a team speed-running it’s dynastic rebuild by patenting it’s very own Yzerman™ technique of trades. when your future is waiting for you, you just have to reach out and grab it.

florida panthers - caught in the middle “i’m just a little bit caught in the middle / i try to keep going but it’s not that simple / i think i’m a little bit caught in the middle / i gotta keep going or they’ll call me a quitter” “i don’t need no help / i can sabotage me by myself” cats i am so sorry, another team eternally damned to suffer in playoff limbo. cannot progress to the finals and no longer has the resources to kick in a partial rebuild. Having heavily mortgaged their future (draft picks) at the last trade deadline they gotta find a way to get out of this rut themselves. gotta keep going or they’ll call em a quitter.

tampa bay lightning - ain’t it fun “you’re not the big fish in the pond no more / you are what they’re feeding on” “you see it’s easy to ignore trouble / when you’re living in a bubble” welcome back to the real world of suffering, tampa! it fucking sucks! no longer the defending champs: a dynasty denied. with rivals building their own respective rosters, you’re not the big fish in the pond no more. guess you’re on your own now in the real world. 

ottawa senators - escape route “paid my dues and i tried to be loyal / but now im done with all that” “i’m in all the echoes that have faded out / so... im moving on / cause i just want to feel for once that i belong” oh ottawa, how it does feel like they’ve quietly become someone over the offseason? and maybe im more so focusing on giroux here, but it does have this feeling in the air of “fuck it”, like senior spring. but maybe that’s just how it feels to have brady tkachuk as your captain. they’re not quite there yet, but nobody’s weighing them down with the expectations that they have to be yet. hell, after this offseason, “crossed the state line and called out a warning”, might be more applicable than previously thought.

#i am not tagging all these teams are you kidding me #hockey #nhl #panthers #red wings #like. thats it #all the other divisions have already been done ill post em later #i am not accepting constructive criticism at this time #paramore

[disfrutarconleo]

I couldn't log into my old account, so I made this one.

I needed someplace to put all these, when I go to work and get bored so I just freeform write things.

Ok new day, I had some crazy nightmares last night (thanks emdr) and I totally forgot to feed the cat so I gotta run home on my break and feed him. I feel so bad ahhhhh. Hopefully he will be okay until 2. And then gotta change the cat litter for have and clean up her mess. What a goon. I hope she doesn’t always do that. Made some solid weekend plans which feels good. getting some food w meg and then maybe hanging w Oscar? Not sure. I still am hurt about the whole ch situation. And I keep checking to see if they unblocked me. Fuck them it doesn’t matter. But apparently getting mad isn’t letting it go. How do I do that? god the nightmares were so annoying last night I feel like I barely got any sleep. Im hungry, I need a little snack. I didn’t do a very good job shopping but hey at least I got some food. im ready for my weekend and I want to go home already gahhhh. I also get a little bummed out no one really texts me but also im starting to get to a place where I don’t want to hear from anyone, especially if its someone that is just randomly hitting me up aka they’re not someone consistently texting me. 

Omg yay I actually got off for Nola. I gotta get my wheels aligned and my oil changed but that should be it. Tomorrow Ill get my tires fixed and get my meds, Sunday will be a day of chill (literally) I feel a spike in my blood sugar which gives me energy and I get a lil hyper but its 12 I have 2 more hours until I can go home

Sometimes I start thinking about what I would have done differently in my other relationships. How I would have acted or what I wpuold have Done as acts of service to like, ward off them leaving me. But this feels like intellectualizing my relatinships. Which im trying to get away from. Can I just accept that they didn’t work out, regardless of who was at fault? Not really because then I just blame myself and get into a bit of a spiral. I’m trying to shut people out, or just remove them from my brain as much as possible. I don’t wanna think about meme or ch or k or a or anyone really. I feel like it’s my responsibility to push those people out push the memories down. So I can forget. I miss them all, in some ways. maybe I miss the person I was when I was in a relationship. The kindness, the love. Something. I want to find that person again, without having to see it in someone else. I want it to just be me me alone. Whoops I got Too Real and started crying. Man. I am such a cryer. When is that gonna change? Probably never. Ive had ex gfs tell me that they love how soft I am, how much I can cry. Do I need to just be with people that can cry too? People with oceans inside them, with rivers and lakes. My cancer moon tends to take over. I can’t help it. Love me love me don’t fucking leave me but honestly do leave if that’s what makes you happy I want you to be happy (with me please)/ my therapist asked me who would I be if wasn’t trying to always please other people and the truth is I don’t have a clue. Maybe the person I was when iw as a kid, climbing trees and running barefoot down the sidewalk. When did I change? How did I change? Maybe it’s something that happened as I grew older…more burdened with society, who knows? i think I want to be in a relationship but really I don’t want to, im scared of messing up and sliding further into sadness and depression. I just type and type and hope I can be okay, I need a freaking blog or something. Maybe I should start posting on Tumblr again? Lmao. What a trip let me see if it’s still up. Mani totally forgot my old spam email password so im going to have to start a new one/ that’s okay with me

WELL HERE WE ARE

got lunch in about half an hour, so I can tcob. I think people will find me (stupid instagram) but maybe I'll just change this before that can happen.. I'm so fucking hungry and I need to get better about packing breakfast. or snacks at the very least. when I went to the grocery store yesterday I sure got some shitty food. but at least im eating again. but I might need to chill on the food, just because I know im gaining weight again. there was a minute there where I was doing well, but I'm back to not doing so hot. mentally also I need to get back to taking my meds regularly.

whoops I just found out that there's some queer Memphis bullshit happening at cameo . I wish I could go sometimes but also....that's probably not a great fucking idea. I don't even like it there. and im not really a lesbian I think. kinda exist outside of there. man. depression sets in so quickly . almost time for lunch. im hungry, I bet knight is hungry ahh im sorry I feel bad, there's likeONE thing I had to do this morning and I totally forgot. also what the heck I don't want to wake up to texts at 6am from my father. that's like prime sleeping time. gonna start putting my phone on DND. I used to have it where ch was the only person that could get through my dnd. and maybe it's still like that? not sure, since I don't have their number saved anymore. god...what a sad time. idk. I just feel ...you know? its hard to say is all. I think I'm done here for now. can you still edit these? I guess I can always double or triple post. who cares?

ok, guess I can edit. I started crying again on the way home. I'm feeling like I wanna be around friends just so I won't get too sad. I guess im just really...thinking about the ch situation. I get sad thinking about what it looks like when I see them again, or if I never see them again. I know im spiraling! gotta just tell my brain to shut off when this starts to happen. I want a reason for why im feeling the way I do. what's wrong with me?

sometimes I wanna unalive still. its def not as intense as it used to be...but I do consider it. not planning or anything. just still get hit with overwhelming emotions and it feels exhausting.

[jade-parcels]

The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

—————————

Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact writing #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact baizhu #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact venti #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact childe #genshin impact xiao #xiao x reader #albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #zhongli x reader #baizhu x reader #childe x reader

[mehidktbh]

Okay okay okay I’m back and this request is kiiiiinnnndaaa similar to the other one in a way but like also different sorta.

How about the same three boys (my favorite angels💕) Tommy, Jason, and RZ Mikey with a reader who is just not strong. I lost my muscle and am now just generally a physically weak person. When I think about the big strong slashers, I lowkey kinda like feeling weak bc they’re just so large and I’m kinda sorta rly submissive (as previously mentioned lmao😳)…

Like how would they react to a weak reader who lowkey likes that the slashers are so much stronger. It could be playful wrestling matches, them just showing off, anything honestly.

I loved your last one so so much and again, take as much time as you need and pls don’t overwhelm yourself because I totally get it! Thank you so much💕

A/N: Omg yes! I can relate so much, I just want a strong man in my life. Is that too much to ask for :( But thank you sm!! You are so sweet and I always cry when you request stuff, you are too kind!

THOMAS HEWITT

- He adores you...

- No joke.

- But come on how can he not, we all know Thomas will love you either way!

- He is into anyone and all body types so when he sees that you don't have that much muscle this man is falling head over heels for you. You're so cute and he is definitely protective over you, keeping you away from any victims or his family. He knows how his family can act and feed on the vulnerable and we all know Thomas would rather die than see that.

- Though if you're thinking about hoping to get your muscles up, good luck. Unless you actually talk to Thomas and tell him that you want to be more muscle he probably won't let you carry anything heavy. Your carrying plates? Nope, it's his now, Picking up something that's heavy and you're bending your back a little bit too much? NO! Didn't you know how much that could hurt you Y/N!? Shame on you >:(

- Also you can't tell me this man wouldn't give you piggyback rides 24/7! Or carry you around all day.

- if you want to do playful wrestling matches with him he is so down. I mean he always goes soft at you, but in the end, he'll let you win and always exaggerate how exhausted he is, just to get his point across on how you won the game fair and square.

JASON VOORHEES

- *Cough* Size kink? *Cough*

- Jason all very much adores you, I mean who wouldn't.

- Through I think Jason would also maybe let you exercise, you know... Gotta keep that muscle up now Y/N! Through can you imagine waking up early just to go outside in the freezing cold while Jason hands you a bunch of logs to do wights with. SO CUTE!

- I mean Jason would be your personal coach, he cheers you on from the side and encourages you to keep going. But also making sure to force enough water down your throat, gotta stay hydrated.

- But then again Jason also doesn't mind if you don't want to excise, he is happy with the way you are now. He's like Thomas, he will love you no matter how you look.

- If you ever bring up about playful wrestling matches he'll be nervous at first but agree after some time. And when you finally get to play he's just standing/sitting there waiting for you to make the first move. And he'll also be extremely soft, and also let you win every game :)

- He'll also make sure you're eating enough food, plenty of greens and iron in there. Through some times he will need his mother's help and others he'll let you lead.

RZ MICHAEL MYERS

- Omg the thought of him lined up against your body, he is amazed.

- Michael is super caring and supportive of you, he is always happy coming home to your caring face and warm hugs. He'll always pick you up no breeze and maybe swing around a little.

- He would never really make you work out just to get your muscles up, you look perfect and an angel the way you are now. Why change that? If you are really into getting your muscles up and stuff, Michael would be more than happy to help you or instead watch intensely at the gym as you work out instead.

- He'll make sure you eat right and always have enough iron in your food. Through he knows your more than okay to keep up with feeding yourself.

- And if you ever bring up wanting to have some playful wrestling matches with him, he'll say yes! Michael wouldn't be ruff but he wouldn't be so soft either, his man won't push your limits but he will know much he respects you as a human by making sure he doesn't go too soft on you.

- And if you like your matches ruff then oh God, your in for a ride with him. He'll happily let himself win some matches much too your complaining and sometimes he'll let you win.

#thomas hewitt #slashers #slasher #horror #thomas hewitt x s/o #thomas hewitt x y/n #thomas hewitt x you #thomas hewitt x reader #texas chainsaw massacre #jason voorhees #jason voorhees x y/n #jason voorhees x you #jason voorhees x reader #jason voorhees x s/o #rz michael myers x reader #rz michael myers x s/o #rz michael myers x y/n #rz michael myers x you #rz michael myers #rz halloween

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

#antisylki #loki meta #kinda #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti loki x sylvie #anti loki series #anti sylvie #frosty bby #loki deserved better #I don’t even like TVA!Loki tho so I guess it doesn’t matter with him lmao #tva loki #loki laufeyson

[gavin-plz-call-me]

The Brothers + Dateables & Luke react to MC owning a cat named lucifer

A/N- To attempt to avoid confusion, the demon Lucifer’s name will always be capitalized, while the cat lucifer’s name will never be capitalized.

~

“Now,” Diavolo said, obviously nearing the end of his speech, “Do you have any more questions, MC?”

You nod, “Is my cat up there all by himself?” you ask, “I don’t want him to get lonely, and without me he wont have anyone to feed him.”

The men, no, the demons in front of you stared, all obviously dumbstruck. You had been ripped out of your home, brought to a strange place, and told you were to live here for a year, and your first thought was of your cat? What a strange human you were.

“We can arrange someone to take care of your cat,” Diavolo said, smiling wide, but your face fell at his words. Diavolo seemed to sense your discontent as he spoke again, “Or we can arrange for your cat to be brought here?”

“Yes, please,” you spoke almost immediately.

Diavolo called for a demon named Barbatos, telling him to go to the human world to retrieve your cat. He disappeared then reappeared in a matter of seconds, your cat laying comfortably in his arms.

“Oh, lucifer,” You cooed, taking your cat away from Barbatos, kissing the cat’s forehead.

The hall went silent once again, before someone, the demon they introduced as Asmodeus, spoke up, “Honey, that’s Barbatos.” He said, a slight chuckle laced within the words.

Confused, you glance back up at the hall of demons, you point to your cat, “No? His name is lucifer.”

Lucifer

Can't decide if he's confused or insulted.

He's confused because, who the hell would someone name a cat of all things after a demon

and he's insulted because WHO THE HELL WOULD NAME A CAT AFTER HIM?

He's one of the strongest Demons in the Devildom, much stronger than a mere housecat, the insinuation that he, Lucifer, avatar of pride, shares anything in common with a cat has him fuming.

Of course, he shows none of these emotions outwardly, keeping his face stoic as always.

And any one of his brothers who dare joke about this cat's name will be hanged from the ceiling in a matter of seconds.

Is fairly annoyed with their shared name in day-to-day life, and not just because it's insulting.

But, many times a day, Lucifer'll hear his name called through the halls and, when he goes to investigate, one of his brothers is cooing over the damned pun intended cat.

Will eventually get used to lucifer and will definitely be seen cuddling with him.

Is like the dad who insists he doesn't want a cat, but as soon as he gets one they're inseparable.

At the end of the day, he loves that damn cat.

Mammon

Laughs out loud at the revelation that the cat's name is lucifer.

Until he realizes now he has to look after the human and the cat.

Will complain about it in typical Mammon fashion, but he warms up to lucifer about as quickly as he warms up to you.

Buys him a bunch of cat toys when he has the grimm, and loves to play with him

especially with a laser pointer.

Also loves to cuddle, but always acts very tsundere about it.

"What is it lucifer? Oh, of course, you want to cuddle with the Great Mammon."

Will either steal lucifer from your room at night, or sleep in your room to cuddle with him and totally not you, of course, but you should be honored he's even sleeping in your room.

Leviathan

Thinks it's hilarious as well.

Though he prefers anime, Levi is well versed in other human media, especially classic Disney films, so, because of Cinderella, he's well aware that lucifer is a popular cat name in the human realm.

That doesn't make it any less funny, though.

WILL NOT allow lucifer into his room.

He has too many expensive figurines to risk it

Plus, he doesn't want to risk Henry 2.0 getting hurt.

Will only play with, pet, or cuddle with lucifer if he initiates it.

"He probably doesn't want to be pet by a gross otaku like me," as if cats know what otakus are.

Will, at some point, sew lucifer a costume that looks suspiciously like what his older brother tends to wear.

He may or may not have been hanged for that one, but it was totally worth it.

Satan

Like Lucifer, Satan is conflicted.

On one hand, cat! He loves cats, he wants to pet this cat all day, and give him kisses and cuddles and love.

On the other hand, Satan would rather his soul be ripped apart than give love to something named after Lucifer.

Will try his hardest to completely ignore the cat's existence.

Has to leave the room if lucifer comes in because he can't trust himself to not pet him.

Is like this with lucifer until he sees him respond to the name luci as well.

After that, you cannot separate Satan from lucifer even if you tried.

Spoils him rotten.

The two are often found reading together in the library, Satan leisurely petting lucifer.

Fights with Mammon at least once a day for lucifer and always wins.

Goes on long rants about how cat lucifer is much better in every way than demon Lucifer.

Asmodeus

Another one who thinks it's hilarious.

Definitely thinks lucifer is cute but hates all the shedding, so he usually keeps his distance.

Like Levi, Asmo doesn't allow lucifer in his room.

Will constantly complain about fur getting all over his clothes.

Has had to buy more lint rollers in the first year you spent in the Devildom than he had bought in the last century.

Constantly posts pictures of lucifer on his Devilgram because, despite being a furry monster, he is just the cutest little kitten around.

Beelzebub

Thinks the name is a bit weird but accepts it pretty quickly.

It's just a name, after all, lots of people who are very different share names.

lucifer's food has to be hidden from Beel because he can, and will, eat it.

"It just smelled so good, and I was so hungry."

Apologizes by buying him some luxury cat treats that took all of Bee's willpower not to eat on the way home.

At first, he won't interact with lucifer unless lucifer approaches him.

Beel is so big, and lucifer is so small, he doesn't want to crush the little cat.

But with enough time and reinforcement, Beel will pick lucifer up himself for some much-needed cuddles.

Before Belphie comes down from the attic, Beel'll bring lucifer up to their room at night when he's feeling a bit more lonely than usual.

Beel will invite you up to his room as well.

Belphegor

Finds out about lucifer after everyone else, due to the whole, being locked in the attic, thing.

Hears Asmo trying to coax lucifer into a good pose from down the hall.

"Oh lucifer, cutie pie, you gotta look at the camera."

Is surprised that Asmo is still alive talking to Lucifer like that.

Is even more surprised when he turns the corner to find Asmo talking to a cat, not his eldest brother.

Thinks it's hilarious, but Lucifer is already over it so teasing him about it doesn't do much.

Won't actively seek out lucifer's attention, but will gladly nap with him.

Beel continues his habit of bringing lucifer up to their room for cuddles when Belphie returns, so the three of them usually end up in a big cuddle pile.

Bonus points if he brings you up too.

Diavolo

Thinks it's very amusing.

Laughs about it, probably for a bit too long.

He can't help it, especially because he knows Lucifer is most definitely a bit upset about it.

Will tease Lucifer once or twice about it, but will ultimately leave it alone.

When he visits the House of Lamentation, he'll give lucifer a nice pat, hello, but won't go very far beyond that.

Barbatos

Read lucifer's name tag while he was collecting him from the human realm.

Wasn't surprised in the slightest because nothing ever surprises him

Is definitely excited to see everyone's reactions to his name, and is not disappointed.

If given the chance, he will spend hours brushing lucifer's fur and pampering him

but doesn't get the chance to do so often, if ever.

Solomon

Has had a cat named lucifer in the past.

I mean, he's lived hundreds of years, it's not out of the realm of possibilities.

Named his own cat lucifer because he thought it was funny, and the humor hasn't faded since.

So he's very amused by this new lucifer in his life.

Will unabashedly cuddle and play with lucifer whenever he's given the chance.

I mean, this lucifer reminds him of his own cat, so he becomes pretty attached pretty quickly.

Whenever he visits the House of Lamentation, he'll hold lucifer until the very last minute he possibly can, and will be pretty sad when he has to leave.

Will joke about stealing lucifer, may actually try to steal him.

Simeon

Like Levi, Simeon is pretty well versed in human media, so the concept of cats named lucifer isn't new to him.

Still finds it a bit funny nonetheless.

Tells Michael right away.

Likes cats well enough, and, when he's in the House of Lamentation, will seek out a few pets from the kitten

but he doesn't venture to the House of Lamentation too often, so he never grows too close to lucifer.

Luke

WHY? WOULD YOU NAME A CAT? AFTER A DEMON?

There are so many better names for a cat!

Like whiskers, or oreo, or simba.

Is genuinely confused, and maybe even a bit concerned.

He's afraid you were consorting with demons before coming to the Devildom and that's why you named him lucifer.

After his brief stay in the House of Lamentation, Luke is absolutely in love with lucifer.

Plays with him constantly.

Wants to pick him up, but doesn't know how to.

Luke will end up getting scratched eventually, but Luke forgives him.

Bakes lucifer special cat treats and hopes you'll let him feed lucifer one.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levithan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me mc #gender nuetral reader #obey me headcanons #obey me gender neutral mc