#i wouldn't be a leach and everyone would be so much better without me...

[fashionlandscapeblog]

I was recently introduced to Alec Leach's work, which I find so incredibly important, especially now that our planet is on fire.

In one of his most recent articles, Alec questions whether we need new ideas in fashion and makes a very valid point arguing that longetivity in a garment is far more important than how groundbreaking it is (in reference to Peter Do's debut collection for Helmut Lang, which was harshly met by critics calling it 'Helmut lite' for not offering enough subversion to the garments as HL typically did). I do agree largely with his point, but I am not sure I think this is an absolute.

To support his argument, he mentions that 'nothing is new anymore' and that 'Brands don’t sell new ideas anymore, they sell remixed versions of old ones'. He further argues that 'a totally original idea doesn’t count for much anymore.', because the industry should instead focus on solving the climate emergency. It's the part in bold I have a problem with.

First off, saying that there are no new ideas anymore and that everything has been done is kinda suggesting that fashion hasn't changed much during the past decade, when it massively has (IMO for the better). Or worse, is he suggesting that designers influenced by others, like Peter Do who has clearly been influenced by HL, do not offer something refreshing and different to their mentors? And no, it's not just marketing or aesthetics. He fails to understand that art has always evolved through inspiration and 'remixing version of old ideas' with new ones as does music.

Furthermore, I think creativity and longevity are not opposites, they can go hand in hand. I personally own several garments with a subversive twist which I've had for nearly a decade and which I still love and wear (I was one of the only influencers rewearing years old pieces of clothing). Not everyone wishes to wear uniforms or look 'normal'. I think that space fashion offers us to express our differences is incredibly important for us humans. It promotes diversity and tolerance. I think Alec is right in his concern , but he underestimates the importance of being different in a world where sameness is the norm.

Clothes need to steal your heart, and that is where the longevity comes in. It’s then when you will repair that hole and reuse it for years, and for a lot of us, basic, razor-sharped tailoring won't cut it

What needs to change is not the design of the clothes per se (longetivity?, definitely), it's our mentality regarding consumption or worrying about our clothes being on trend or not. I could not give a rat's ass whether my 7 year old cropped puff sleeved Tomé jacket is so 'passé', because it expresses who I am.

The attempt to create new things should always exist. After all, designers will continue releasing new collections and they might as well offer their creativity. I follow Peter Do since 2018 for his unique point of view. If he offered me what everyone else offers me, I wouldn't follow him. What shouldn't really exist is our mentality when seeing these new things and 'needing' to buy them. It is possible to see beautiful fashion without that impulse. It is possible for it to exist without destroying our planet. It's the way and quantities in which it is produced what really needs to change.

Finally, I truly believe there is a place for everything on this planet. While not everyone wants to wear avantgarde fashion and basic clothing is what is mostly needed, I think there should always be a space for new ideas, even if minimal. Not everyone can build like Zaha Hadid or Frank Gehry, nor should they (our planet doesn't count with the resources for every building to look like the Guggenheim de Bilbao, plus this would lead to countless other problems). However, I believe these buildings deserve their place in the world, as does anything different, including fashion.

#sustainability #fashion #fashion industry #climate crisis #originality #creativity #peter do #helmut lang #subversive minimalism #minimal fashion

[snowingmelodypoetry]

How could I be happy

I'm surrounded by friends in which only a small few are capable of seeing me as me.

I'm surrounded by people I love yet to tell them would be my undoing.

They tell me they love me but it's not the same. It could never be.

For it to ever be so would make me deplorable.

A friend but nothing more. Closer than any two friends could ever possibly be, yet my heart is the furthest it has ever been from a person.

It's not that I am without their love.

Or without love from the others.

It's not that I myself do not love them, nor that I do not love the others.

But my selfish yearning for more-

A self-inflicted wound upon my soul that I knew better than to fall.

The lies I tell myself to cover it up.

The lies I tell them to cover it up.

The stories I create in false hope to trick my own mind- gaslighted by my own emotions-

To fall l for the other- nothing but second best.

It is true.

If I were no such monster I could love another-

Yet to rip their lives from themselves just for me to live another lie I swore myself I would never do-

To suffer in silence after a vow to thrive in a melody.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to you, for loving you too much for my own well-being.

I'm sorry to another, whom I could love but would never be right.

I'm sorry to myself, for never learning even when I know I could. For continuing to live even when nothing else short from death would be what I desire.

I'm sorry that you all believe I deserve better- that I deserve more.

But you're wrong

You're all wrong

Death would not even be what I deserve.

I am being served what I already deserve.

Life.

To live never having wanted to.

To exist.

From the first seconds, even from before a formal birth- even as a pre-developed thought- I have existed.

Oh what sorrows my existence brings.

Hope to a mother, for whom I've leached from as a babe.

A legacy to a father, for whom I've tarnished more than his own sins have done for him.

A burden to a sister, for whom I've brought too much sorrow and worry.

I only wish to have never existed.

Not as a thought

Not as a person.

Ever.

By merely existing, I thrust my own selfishness into the consciousness of others.

For someone to even think to care for me.

I wish you wouldn't.

For someone to worry,

I wish you wouldn't.

Because you do.

And I could never repay you.

Because it means so much to me.

I cherish it so dearly.

I wish you wouldn't ask me if I'm ok.

I wish you wouldn't make sure I'm home safe.

I wish you would forget about me so I would stop existing in your mind, for I do nothing but bring the worst for everyone, including myself.

I cherish it too much and how ungrateful I must be to feel pain from it.

How selfish of me to wish you away so I could simply stay numb.

I don't deserve your care even when you say I do.

Because if I do deserve it then it hurts even more.

Because I could never be satisfied with that alone.

I am deplorable.

The hell I am in by existing is effortlessly fitting- I only wish in my hellish existence I did not have to bring you down with me.

For me to be honest with you- for which is the only thing I want to do- would destroy all of everything around us.

Even each other

And then that darkness

Would be a worse hell than I'm in now.

I can find no end in sight.

So it may just be better to create one here.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#6 weeks #i managed to be happy and excited for 6 weeks #i had motivation and hopes for the future #all gone now... #i just want to crawl into a hole and die #it would be so much easier for me and for my family... #i wouldn't be a leach and everyone would be so much better without me... #like sure emotionally maybe my mom would be sad #but they would get used to it and survive... #this is a crap country and nothing you do is ever enough #so yeah... all motivation and goals and any itty bit of hope i had for the future is completely gone #i'm back at square one with no idea how to be an adult or even pretend to be one #and this isn't just about dissappointing myself anymore #this is about being a big ass burden to my family... #i can't even be ok about the therapy i started cause i don't think i can afford it anymore so yeah... i'm literally back to how i started #but with more guilt #and even less motivation cause i see now that nothing i can do helps #this is great! (: #had to write it in the tags cause there's some of you out there who can't see when something is personal #even when i explicitly ask not to reblog it... #anyways pls don't worry about me i just gotta be a depressing drama queen for a bit it'll pass #i'm not writing this for pitty i know people have it worse i'm just venting... #and now i'm off to sleep forever #or at least for a while #seeing that i can't do anything that would bring me any joy rn #the only thing that would bring me a tiny bit of joy is if i could get a job right this second... #so pray some of the illustration agencies say yes #ok i'm done #angel talks #personal

[animeyanderelover]

This one wanted to be kept anonymous and what is asked shall be done.

Request: Can you please do Prompt 72 for Claude Faustus?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, overprotectiveness, kidnapping, sabotage, manipulation, teasing

Prompt 72: “Do you want your underwear back?”

You hated approaching that man, you hated being with him, no matter how hard he might try to change your mind. Being stuck with someone who wasn't even a human was really everything, but pleasant. Being completely isolated in a cottage you weren't allowed to leave was unpleasant. And the trues cherry on top of everything was his personality, rge unbelievable confidence he seemed to have in himself that he would get you to love him and all the teasing and provoking just to get his sadistic fun out of it.

His methods were rather simple, but smart and effective nevertheless. Whenever you were ignoring him, he did something to leave you with no choice but to seek for him. As much as you hated admitting it, he was the one who took care of you, meaning that without him you wouldn't be provided with the basic needs a human needed daily for living. Because you knew from previous experiences that as much as he chose to be lenient, Claude got quickly annoyed and was ready to punish you when you made him snap which didn't end always well. It wasn't like he hurt you physically, but he very much always showed you that he was the one in power and the one you would have to rely on for everything. Clearing this up hurt your pride more than anything else and you just knew that he wanted to embarrass you by having you admitting it.

Making you come to him, having you pleading him to help you had to be the most shameful for you to do, having to do what he wanted just so you would also get what you wanted. It wasn't good for your own self-esteem and knowing Claude, he did everything on purpose so this would happen. Your guess was to feed his ego a bit by knowing that you had to come to him when you needed help.

He probably intended to push you into developing Stockholm syndrome and forcing you to think that he was all you needed, you had figured out that his kind seemed to be more possessive over persons they had chosen as their "mates".

If you remembered right one of your friends had once told you that it was her dark fantasy to have someone going after her who would be ready to kill for her, everyone seemed to like this thought of having someone loving them who would do anything for the person of desire. And back then you might have even wanted the same, but now you could have beaten your ounger self up for thinking about this. People only knew better after having witnessed certain things, same counting for you. You were alone, helpless, left at the mercy of your captor.

You were in no condition to look in those golden eyes, not wanting to see the same amused and pleased look from all of this. No, absolutely not. But even without looking up, you felt those eyes sliding over your body, causing goosebumps to start coverin your whole body and your face to burn up, knowing what would await you in your nearest future.

It was all his fault, he had done it once again on purpose, you knew it had to be true. Why else would his eyes linger a bit longer on the place between your legs that currently was at it's most vulnerable, unprotected which added a new kind of shame to all of this? He must have done it, there was no other explanation.

"You seem to feel tonight a bit more bold than usual, don't you think so?", he asked, the slight amusement in his voice all too audible which had you boiling even more. How much you would have died to just smash him in his face to feel satisfaction. But it would only be for a few seconds before you might agitate Claude and making him angry was not a good idea, not in the least bit. Especially now that you were left so exposed.

"Claude...Where is my underwear?", you pressed out, eyes still trained on the wooden floor under your feet, not a single scratch or trace of dust on it. That you had to give Claude, he made sure that the house always stayed in top shape. What had he said once before? A pretty house for his pretty made? Something in that direction.

Black and polished shoes entered your vision, the sudden closeness causing your skin to crawl and make you stumble frightened a few feet back, not having sensed his fast approach. A short huff of air was heard from him, sounding like he was a bit annoyed and yet entertained by this small act of yours, making you bite angrily your tongue. Making yourself look like a fool wasn't what you planned on doing whilst being with him. It gave him only more stuff to irritate you with.

"(y/n)...I thought we already talked about this. You have to look someone in the eyes when you want something from them. Otherwise I'm afraid I won't be able to help you and you know I will gladly do anything for you if you would just let me. If you just wouldn't be that incorrigible."

Ah yes, that shit again. Your manners and the tantrums you sometimes threw about the situations you were stuck in, the disapproving looks from Claude whenever you acted out of the place, the constant lecturing that came afterwards. He really came in such scenarios over as a butler who wanted to make sure that others were behaving like they should be and scolding them if they didn't. It put you always down whenever he pointed those things out, you knew you weren't perfect and him rubbing it constantly under your nose wasn't helpful. It led you to such moments where you just felt like you were under average, reaching your lower points.

It was no reason to give up nor was it an excuse to stop fighting, especially since the butler planned on making you feel that way, to slowly break you. Still, he was currently the only person you were able to see, meaning there was no one to cheer you up, no one to tell you otherwise. You were all on your own with the only source of comfort being the golden-eyed man. And there were those times where you questioned if giving up your pride was the better and less painful option and indeed just giving in would make your life easier. The moments where you became all too aware of the one and only fact. That a human wouldn't be able to beat a demon, at least not a human like you.

This was one of those moments where you felt like a fly trapped in the web of the spider and where the only option was pleading and hoping he would choose to be lenient with you. "Just standing there and not saying anything won't help you nor can I help you when you are like this. If you don't have anything to say, please go back to bed. It's pretty late and I have to leave tomorrow morning early to work in the manor of my master."

He didn't sound happy whilst saying it, you knew that he didn't really like how his master was constantly bossing him around and on some days he complained for a few seconds about what a brat that boy really was, even more when because of him Claude had to be kept busy which meant leaving you longer alone.

You were stuck in denial, not thinking it would be good to do as he said. Not letting having it the way he wanted it to go was important for your own sanity, to prevent you from getting caught in his trap and grow over time too dependent on him. But you also could estimate what would happen afterwards. He would take something else from you away to push you into having to ask him once again and he would continue this for as long as he had the patience. That meant for you more and more embarrassment and hurt. Was that what you wanted? Or should you just go with the easy option to keep the damage as small as possible and live with this scratch on your pride?

You heard his footsteps slowly fading more and more away from you telling you that he was leaving you in your frozen state behind. Why wouldn't he? He had the time and the power to do so. Claude knew that the one way or another you would have to come to him and it was what allowed him to have confidence. This luxury was sadly only open for him whilst you were only allowed to live a good life for as long as he was pleased with how you acted. It was cruelly unfair, but you knew that this was how life was. The one in power and the one at the bottom.

"Wait.", you called faintly after him, making him stop, golden eyes being met with yours, the look in them being comparible with being tired and done with something. You looked leached out, your pride already having taking so many blows before and every time it became harder to fix the damage and pain he put you through like this. Maybe there would come a time where you would have to give up indeed, you doubted that anyone would be able to stay strong whilst suffering from this. But maybe you were wrong and there were people out there who would be able to stand their ground. And maybe you just weren't this person.

"Claude...My underwear.", you slowly muttered out, forcing your gaze to not waver too much and stay on him, knowing you would have to repeat it again if you would look away. And that would mean more poison for you to swallow.

"Do you want your underwear back?", he asked with a silk-like voice, smoothly walking with a few huge steps over to you to take a better look at your current state. How wonderful, he felt extremely satisfied in that one moment. You were slowly being stripped off your stubborness to accept him, instead starting to to him when you needed something. Just two months ago you wouldn't have even thought in your wildest dreams to ask him for help. It just told him that you were slowly breaking, were getting exhausted from all of this.

"Yes. Please.", you said in a more quiet voice, now that he was being so close to you again you felt your gaze shifting somewhere completely else, still not being able to shake the drilling look of him off. Hopefully he wouldn't force you to ask him once again.

"See? This wasn't as hard after all wasn't it?" His voice was laced with a certain sweetness in it, leaving you with a bitter stinging in your heart. That was not true at all. You had just now sacrificed a part of your own confidence. Not like he would care. And not like you would tell him that. You didn't feel in the mood to do so and now it would be dangerous to do so, whilst you felt so incredibly small and helpless. It would be too easy for him to get in your head.

Instead of answering you let out a noise akin to a gentle hum, making yourself a bit smaller, feeling a bit intimidated by the way he was towering over you. Claude seemed to take notice of this and to your surprise he was suddenly kneeling in front of you, although you had almost bet he would push your buttons a bit more right now. But maybe he didn't feel in the mood to be that way, not after you had for the first time ever finally broken a bit in front of him.

With his own face suddenly so close to his, you had no other place to avoid those golden eyes, scanning slowly over your embarrassed and ashamed expression. "You don't have to be scared of me. You know that I wouldn't hurt you. I'm not lowlife like other creatures you might have met."

"Then why do you do this to me?", you stuttered out, by now feeling your eyes tearing up. "Because I only want the best for you. I know how to treat you good, better than anyone else. And all I try to do is helping you to realize this. It would make life easier for you too. I just want you to trust me."

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere claude #yandere claude faustus

[noszkass]

ashley tempest winthrope.

thirty six. defense attorney. jai courtney.

“You're supposed to grow out of your horridness, aren't you? I don't think I ever grew out of mine. Sometimes I think it's still inside me, like something nasty I swallowed, that got stuck...”

content warning: mentions toxic, co-dependent relationships; abuse; death of a peer/family member (via murder).

dominant traits. logical, charismatic, gentleman, stoic, focused, patient, selectively affectionate, charming, observant, cautious, possessive, unpredictable, self-preserving, forceful, obsessive, demanding, melancholic, aggressive, irritable, distrusting, unrelenting, loyal, easily jealous, less hair-trigger more berserk button, no-nonsense, quick thinking, dishonest.

fictional parallels. elijah mikaelson (the originals); geralt of rivia (the witcher); henry winter (the secret history); pope cody (animal kingdom); richie gecko (fdtd the series).

○ born into the winthorpe family; known for their successful generational family law practice, as councilmen from neighboring townships, and good for nothin' criminals who latched onto the teat of a community that's long-since given up on them like leaches─depending on what side of miriam's well it is you live in. ashley's particular branch is the former. estate house in rosebush hill drive, debutant turned matron belle mother who just can't seem to find her way around or out of other people's business (including, if not almost invariably, that of all three of her children), and a certain amount of respectability he was brought up to live by.

○ on the surface ashley winthorpe is a deliciously handsome man. wealthy and put together. takes pride in his appearance and family name. he's also well-mannered and polite, and thoughtful in such infinitesimal ways that you never really think much of until after the fact. and there is something so very not right about him. he has a kind smile that never quite reaches the edges of his eyes and though it doesn't necessarily look disingenuous, there's something about it that doesn't exactly leave you with a sense of ease. like an unfamiliar gesture that's been practiced over and over, so many times that it's lost meaning. like it takes the muscles in his face a moment to pull before they settle in the correct spots. he'll have a conversation with you and while at times it seems he's looking right through you, others will have his attention so intensely undivided it feels as if you've been bared naked and left in a cold room. like you've just been caught lying about something and he knows. somehow, he's known all along. because he listens intently when you speak to him and you suspect somehow he never forgets a single thing he's heard.

○ there's no mistaking his booming voice, jarring, even at a whisper sending shockwaves through your core that has you on high alert. even when it's soft and lulling (in an attempt to offer comfort or catching him melt into the woman he's declared the love of his goddamn life from the corner of your eye through the crack in his office door), there's something threatening that looms. less like hard blunt force and more like a living, breathing fog that blankets you with strong arms, settles deep into your gut, coils itself around your innards, and wrings you dry. the confusing part? you know, without a doubt, he would protect you with no hesitation and ask for nothing in return. and, most of the time, you'd be right. because ashley winthorpe is a good man. no matter how your instincts thrash, screaming at you otherwise.

plot hooks.

i apologize, some of these are all very specific to a singular plot and i could've just included them in a legit request 😬🙃

○ sandbox love never dies. a very specific and imperfect friend group cast in the roles of bastard, bleeding heart, damaged, golden, grim, ingénue, temptress, and wild card. they've been together since any of them can remember. spent their whole lives dreaming about trying to get out of miriam's well, but instead only found tragedies that bind them to each other. tragedies, usually, of their own making. you'll be able to read a little more about these characters in the sandbox love request, which i promise is coming!! there is a doc in the works with more information + a plot server, so expect to be part of those things if you take one of these babes!

○ his secretary. in the past he's helped her out with something legally and she's kind of in his debt, though he insists time and time again she owes him nothing of the sort. i figured it'd be something along the lines of strong holding an ex-boyfriend or husband who wouldn't leave her alone (making her miserable, or something like refusing to pay child support he'd been ordered to pay, dragging her name through the mud, etc. general nuisances to nip in the bud/bad behavior in need of correcting before they became worse as they usually do. you get the idea), because that's notoriously right up his alley. likely using non-legal means to get there; intimidation is sort of his thing. and while he may not be the type of boss or co-worker who meets you for drinks after you clock out, he does have an affection for every single one of his employees and seeing as how she works with him the most, she'd be near the top of that list. maybe she was intimidated by him in the beginning and now she knows he's not everything he appears to be. and they have an understanding.

○ the weight of his guilt. [cw: murder. this will come much later in the plot!] the winthorpes are a family on two very extremes of a type of people. [the bastard] is his cousin on his father's side, a wayward little sister who got knocked up by someone unbefitting of the family and then marrying someone worse by their standards when the father got himself put away over an affair or something just as unbecoming. ashley was always raised closely with [the bastard], his father's hope to sway the boy of many wasted talents to the right side of the family, to make something of himself. but he's a product of his lineage. and only ever finds situations for ash to get him out of. eventually, [the bastard] who he will murder, cold and bloody and bury at the base of an old oak tree will disappear. and ashley's guilt will cause him to reach out. as far as anyone knew, they were the best of friends. always together (even if that relationship was practically handwrought by his father, and he had little-to-no patience for his cousin's antics). it'll be only natural that he come by every now and again to check on them, show care, help fix up things around the house that [the bastard] would have if he were still around. because it'll ultimately be ash's fault he's gone. partially. [the bastard] will deserve what he gets and no one who'll know will be able to convince him anything otherwise, but his family didn't deserve the fallout that came after. maybe a parent or sibling or someone [the bastard] claimed to love while making his way through the female population of miriam's well.

○ the other two winthrope children. they're expected to be upstanding citizens to combat the trash reputation the other winthrope side creates. father is one of a long line of lawyers (with a main practice just outside of town, ashley's secondary office in mw because he prefers it here) and mother is a homemaker whose extracurriculars might as well be solid, paying jobs. they have three children together; ashley (being the oldest son), a daughter magnolia (and the only girl -- taken by sage), and the youngest son, credence (who is very likely expected to join the family business, like ashley). i don't expect anyone to make the parents even though that would be incredible? but they all still have rooms at their home in rosebush hill drive to use at their leisure. it wouldn't at all be out of the question that some of the children still live there -- especially the daughter if she's unwed. they're very old fashioned southern that way. they do these big family events where everyone is expected to participate, go on vacations and holidays together, and church on sundays regardless of your personal beliefs on the matter (that you had very well better keep to yourself if they don't align, ashley has learned). their grandfather also lives in the family house after losing grandma a few years back.

#halfmoonrp #type: blurb #ch: ashley winthrope

[sashawhite1]

My Pace

Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 8

Pairing: Isabella Swan x Paul Lahote x Quil Ateara

꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷

4 Days later

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦ Quil pov ꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷︶

I sat on a log watching as half of the pack were having a good time joking and horseplaying in the water, and the other half was playing soccer on the beach.

I refused to participate in any shindiggery with the rest of the pack, no matter how bad I wanted to finally have a breather to live my life.

I knew that there was only a matter of time that we would have to go back to the riggers patrolling because another leach was running amuck on our land. I couldn't help that I wasn't in the mood to be around people, which was unusual since I was very open and social.

I laughed as I witnessed him body slam my Alpha, Sam Uley, into the sand, not noticing that our pack brother Embry was sneaking up behind him.

He, too, was having a hard time keeping his emotions and action under control, and I was thankful that he was not acting unsocial like I was.

He was acting like his usual self, taking the time to try to relax a bit, but I could tell that the distraction would be losing its toll very soon.

On the other hand, I was having a nervous breakdown inside my head over where my female mate could be doing at this moment. It has been a good week since I had last laid my eyes on her, and ever since that day, I have not seen nor smelled her scent anywhere. It drove me up the wall, wondering where she was and if she was safe, and things were not getting better with Billy lying to Paul and me.

I knew that Billy was not telling us something, and as our elder, he should disclose anything that he knew of her so that we could contact her, but he was being a thorn in my ass. He and the other elders were acting strange, holding on to a sea full of secrets they were reluctant to give out, which wasn't fair to the pack because this was Paul and I's imprint, their pack sister.

Like Paul and I, the pack could feel a pull to the group's new member, and it was driving all of our wolves crazy that she was so far from our reach. The elders and the other imprints could see that we were becoming more animalistic. However, secrets were still kept under lock and key, making things worse for everyone.

She was untraceable, which was bad for Paul and me because the effects of our missing imprint were becoming too dangerous for us to take. There were consequences when an imprint was not in contact with their imprintee for a significant amount of time. It was even worse when the circumstances added the imprint does not have a chance to accept the mating bond into the mix. We consistently had painful pulls in our chest pointing to forks, but we were slowly becoming weak and rugged with her not being found.

I was thankful for the one thing, and that was that I was not alone worrying about her, either. The pack has been a tremendous help trying to help us track her down. With the absent presence of the Cullens, we were able to run into Forks without worrying about running into them or having them be in constant contact with her.

If I was to smell their rotten stench on her body, I would have lost control over my wolf no matter if we had a treaty or no treaty. I would have no control over him killing them and dying trying to rip them all apart, and I would have had Paul's support to back me up.

I was thankful that we had the help and support from them and that they were trying to help us as much as they could, but it seemed not to be enough.

I sighed as I thought about her and couldn't help but think of everything I had engraved into my mind when I saw her for the first time.

She was the most beautiful thing put on this planet, from her dyed blond hair that seemed to be a perfect color to the pretty leopard print skirt that she wore.

I wouldn't say that I was biased on her looks because of being her imprint, but I knew that I would be lying. She was perfect, and I knew that Paul and I would have to control the feeling of jealousy in the near future, but even so, I was glad that I had an imprint that had a banging body.

I liked her because she was a tiny little thing, and that seemed like a funny haiku because she was the shortest out of all the imprints there was. I felt sorry for her being so short, and because between Paul and I, he was the tallest, and I was the buffest, making little mama look like a dwarf next to us.

When I finally met her, I would make it my mission to consistently pick her up and cuddle her for as long as possible. I wanted to know what she smelt like, and it was bothering not just my wolf but Paul's that we didn't know what she smelt like. I had wished that we had gotten her scented from Jacob's house before running next to her car as she went in the direction of forks. It would have been simpler for Paul and me if we had followed her to her residents in hindsight, and I regret following my Alpha's orders.

In the end, we would not be in this constant ache and had maybe got the chance to know the name of the woman that we imprinted on, but we were stuck being called to chase the redhead through the woods.

I got up off the log, harvesting the courage to have a conversation with my imprint Paul about some important matters. Something has been bothering me for the last couple of days, and I needed him to validate this matter for me. He was going through the same situation that I was going through and could be the only one to understand how I was feelings.

I did not like leaving things unresolved, and this feeling that I couldn't put my finger on revolved around our female imprint.

"Paul, I need to talk to you for a second, Now," I said, getting his attention away from the ass whopping that he was disseminating to Sam and Embry.

He looked at me, not sure if we wanted to follow me into the woods, but he knew that he had no choice in the matter.

Paul wasn't good at keeping his anger in check, but he was even worse at perfecting the emotions that he thought were a weakness.

Sometimes he has his moments with being tender and sweet. Still, it was a rare moment for anyone but the pack to see. Regardless, as soon as I became his imprint, he showed a more upbeat personality and was less damaging.

"Please, Paul, this is important. It has to do with her," I said to him, and I made sure to whip out my puppy dog eyes to make him comply.

If there is one thing to bring him to his knees, it's when I beg him sweetly with my unresisting eyes. They always made him yield to my wishes, and I was not looking forward to when we were finally in a poly relationship. I feared that our angel would have her own way of forcing our hand, and I did not want to be played like Paul was in this situation.

In the end, it would leave Paul to be double-teamed since he would know have two imprints to bend over backward for being the more dominant male between us. He was more at a disadvantaged than I was, making me happy I was the beta in this relationship.

When all else fell, the eyes did the trick.

He looked at me for a few seconds before nodding his head.

I turned around and made my way into the woods, getting weird looks from the pack and our elders. I knew that I would make sure that I walked far enough that the rest of the group didn't hear this conversation, and I didn't want them to hear, not knowing how emotional this could be.

As we got to the point where I knew that the pack couldn't hear what we were about to discuss, I stopped walking and turned around, facing Paul.

He stood there looking at me with worry in his eyes, and I knew that he too was feeling the effects of our missing piece to this trio.

The more I looked at him, I could see that he carried himself well but could not hide the effects of having her so far away from us and for so long.

" We need to do something about her. I can't take this pain in my chest any longer."

"I know, but there is nothing we can do unless you want to attack Billy and the rest of the elders for answers. We need to keep looking, taking our time to look everywhere we can. You know that if she had left the state, we would know."

I growled at that thought of her being anywhere but with us, but he was right. I rather she is close and me not know her whereabouts than for her to be halfway across the world not being able to reach her because of my duties to my people.

" Your right. This is better than the alternative. I just wish our imprint would reveal herself to us, and I don't like that she is so far from our grasp."

"Just calm down, Quil; we will find her," he said, taking his time to walk toward me, trying to calm me down as best as he could, but it was not working.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, putting my head into his chest, taking in his scent.

" I know, but it is becoming too hard for me to breathe because of the dangers that she could face not being protected. That vampire takes all the spare time we have patrolling to chase after her, and she is showing up more and more. What if she finds our imprint and uses her as her next meal or maybe just for a game of human hunting. I don't want to have that happen, Paul. We need to look harder than we have been doing."

He shuddered as he was reminded of what we could lose without having the chance to have it in our grasp. He did not reply and continued holding me as I panicked, trying to keep myself together.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, not saying anything, just trying to comfort each other as best as possible, but soon I started to feel different.

The pain in my chest was no longer pulsing so intensely, slowly but surely disappearing into the air. It made me think that I had imagined the pain all this time, but I knew that I wasn't because it did not entirely disappear.

I quickly separated myself from his arms," Do you feel that Paul. The pain......."

"......she's somewhere nearby.......I say she is less than 100 feet away from us......."

We both looked at each other in silence, knowing what this could only mean for us, and without thinking about our actions, we ran in the direction. Feeling the pull of the imprint trying to push us in the right direction, I noticed that it was coming from the path we had just come from.

This made me push harder to get towards her because it seemed like she was in the vicinity of where the pack was.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦Bella Swan︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦

Chaos

.

.

.

Those are the five letters that I would describe the remanding four days of this week that I endured. You would think my week would have operated smoothly, especially since I didn't have much to arrange but go to school.

Plus, I presented orders that would keep the others busy for a while, so I didn't come home to the house on fire again. Don't get me wrong, I admire them with a passion, but sometimes it is hard to be the eldest and the most responsible all the time. It was such a pain being in control of five other semi-grown human beings. I have been doing it for a lifetime, and you would think I would be used to it by now; you are 100% mistaken in that belief. They somehow discover ways to make me what to shoot myself in the head. I testify that they do half of the shit they do to provoke me for their own amusement.

This week's headache is because I disregarded how wild they are, which was a great mistake to overlook. I really shouldn't say that everyone was the problem because not everyone gave me problems. No, this was more the development of the three shopaholics in the group. I had asked Nijel to buy everyone's vehicles since I knew everyone needed to get around and do their own thing. I respected that they couldn't get everything done without transportation. He did as I asked him to do, but he also went over the top in a sense and did the most.

He bought a car for Marlayne, and himself but not for the others, and I was cool with what he had gotten. They were dope cars, and I respected the make and model he had picked out. Hell, I wasn't even mad when I saw that they were expensive cars because I knew he loved buying fast and flashy automobiles. I didn't like what he decided to get for everyone else because I knew they wouldn't drive, and the rest of us were going to have to be everyone's uber.

What I had a problem with is that he decided to buy Sabrina, Bliss, Dakotah, and I motorcycles. fucking motorcycles, I say, and might I add that they were also stolen. I had no clue where the motorcycles were stolen from, but I knew that Nijel didn't find them in Forks or Settle. He said he plans to fix them up so that no one could trace them back to the original owners. He also said that he would give them a sick paint job personalized to our taste.

Did I forget to say that he bought a shed for the backyard to house them in before all of this? And he took it upon himself to convince Bliss into helping him make an illegal hidden basement under the shed to hide said bikes. This boy cannot be called dumb he knew what he was doing, and I'm not surprised. I have no idea that he got this done in four days, but it was all done before Saturday presented itself. But that's not the point. He just loves to watch me lose my shit, and I did because of how much work he decided to take on.

On another note, I misremembered how excessive spenders Bliss and Marlayne are. If you think that Nijel is terrible at keeping a budget or someone like Alice Cullen, who is up 24/7, you have never met Bliss and Marlayne.

These girls take shop to you drop to a whole new level, let me tell you. Never in my life have I engaged a person so excited to shop and spend all their money in one sitting. I swear I remember giving these two a limit that they could spend this week, and it's like they have thrown it out the window. Other than a Vampire, how can a person spend 3.7 million dollars in Four days? I mean, the job I gave them was finished, and the house looked perfect. It fit all the criteria that each member needed to do their part as assassins. It's just that I had people coming in and out of my house setting things up and dropping shit off all week. And let's not talk about all the extra lengths they went on certain items.

I'm just happy that the week is over with the drama at school and how crazy they were acting. I didn't think I would make it at school being so sweet and happy with all the drama.

With the whole Angela situation, nothing has been happening. It's crazy how nothing has popped off yet over some little, tiny stuff. You would think that a bomb was supposed to go off, but nothing. The few incidents were just Jessica or Lauren snickering behind our back talking shit, but there was a time that I had to hold Angela back when Jessica made a virgin joke about her and Ben.

Other than that, not much, but I knew there was only time before something exploded. You can't go to school with people like Jessica and Lauren and not have to watch your back every once in a while.

I sat silently in the sand by myself, calmly watching the ocean waves come crashing to the shore. The sun was shining so bright in the sky, making it an excellent day to go swimming, as well as the warm air. Honestly, I could do only so much, especially since I just got some new ink, and I didn't want to mess it up.

I soon grew bored watching the boys throwing back in forth a Football, and I grew bored sunbathing with the girls. And I hate to say it, but I was growing bored at starting at the ocean.

So, I guess the next best thing for me to do is take a long stroll down the beach.

While no one paid attention, I got up off the sand.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷︶꒦꒷♡︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

As I calmly walk down the beach by myself, I wonder how long it would be before Billy demands that I get ahold of them to get the DNA test done.

Of course, I was not going to make it known that I knew where they were with us, only just taking the necessary steps into counseling our whereabouts from the world. No one could find us at this point, and I was happy that not even Charlie knew where I lived. Surprisingly we did have a scare before things were finally set up. Still, things were handled, putting the interrogation chambers to great use.

On Tuesday, Sabrina received an alert on her computer of someone trying to dig around into our records and trying to get access to her laptop. It was just fortunate that they couldn't get past the new software that she had set earlier that day.

At first, I had thought it was Billy trying to get his hands on them, but soon I realized how crazy it would be for him to try and hack a hacker.

Especially since I remember not giving Billy the names of my friends and telling him anything that he could use, he was brilliant, but he wasn't that smart. I have no idea who was looking for us, but I would love to find out, especially since we had a run-in with a hitman just yesterday.

It didn't sit right with me how easy it was for someone to try to access our information one day and turn around and pay a Hitman to assassinate us another day. The good thing was the Hitman told us all that he knew, but it wasn't enough to keep him alive.

The bad thing is that Sabrina had difficulty tracking who did it since the person paid him in cash and didn't leave any traces. It would take her a few more days to find a lead that would give us the answers that we were looking for, but I was hoping that she would find out before another assassin tried to take care of us.

We were worried about who was out to get us since we had so many enemies out there, but Brina didn't know who it was, so it was just a confusing loop. A little voice in my head told me that I would find out in the long run.

I kept walking further down the beach, admiring the beauty of the ocean once again.

I didn't know how far I had roamed, but soon I started to hear voices and laugher.

They looked and sounded like they were having a good time parting and roughhousing, and I didn't want to intrude. I kept walking, not caring about where my legs were taking me, and tried not to bother the group.

The closer I got to them, the more I started to recognize a few faces. And soon, I was too close not to be recognized myself as I saw Jacob, Sam, Old Quil, Charlie, Sue, Renee, Phil, and Billy looking my way. I was confused about why my mother and her husband were not back in Tennessee, but I wanted no part in the drama that she brought.

I quickly decided to turn back around to go back to my companions, but luck was not on my side when I heard Billy calling my name.

I groaned before I turned back around and went to face the music.

I could see how my mother looked at me up and down, and I smirked because I could see her eyeing my tattoos. I comprehended that she disapproved of them, but hey, it is not like she could force me to remove them.

I could also see Jealousy flash in her eyes as she noticed how toned I was. I don't think she has ever seen me showing this much skin before, and all the training that I put myself through seems to have paid off, and I'm glad cause my type of work is dangerous.

When I was close enough, I murmured a quick Hello to everyone.

I made sure that a smile implanted on my face as I tried to hide the nerves that were creeping up my spine. The reason for the uneasy feeling name was Phil Dwyer.

We didn't have the best history, but the history between him and my friends was even worse.

He has gotten into a few verbal and physical fights with Nejel and Dakotah. It never ended well for Phil, who always ended up bloody, or something was broken. I mean, what grown man starts a fight with twin 13, now 16-year-old boys, over-breathing air, Phil that's who.

I looked at everyone sitting at the bonfire, and I was not impressed that they all stopped what they were doing to gawk at me. I could see that Jacob and his friends were the ones that were staring at me the hardest. I don't know if he was shocked that it was me or he was surprised how good I looked in a swimsuit, but I need them to stop.

I caught his eye, and I raised my right eyebrow at him. Boy did he look like a dead fish with his mouth open the way it was.

One of his friends, Embry, if I remember right from that night, hit him on the back of his head, snapping him out of his Trance.

"You haven't been answering your phone, Isabella, and I have called you enough times over the past few weeks for you to get the hint to at least pick up your phone for a single phone call. Even your mother and Charlie have been blowing up your phone," Phil said in distaste, but I could also hear the anger in his voice.

Before I could say anything, he cut me off," You had your mother worried and crying, thinking something happens to you. You seriously need to learn how to pick up your phone. Next time I have to come down here because you are unreasonable, I will lose my shit. I can't always take off from work because you decide to be a brat."

I could tell that everyone, but Charlie was surprised by how he was talking to me. Even my mother looked at him in horror as she had never seen this side of him before. I guess I must have hit a fuse if he was willing to do this with an audience. But I have lived with this temper tantrum for a while now, and I know that Phil wasn't about shit, and I love to call him out on it from time to time.

"Sorry," I said sweetly, " I have been runny without a phone for a while. Since someone cut my phone off a few days ago. So, I had to buy my own, and with the way my life has been going, I was a little bit too busy buying a house and dealing with school."

It was true, but I wouldn't tell him that I knew that he turned it off. I wasn't crazy to call him out like that, just like how I was trying not to be a bitch in front of strangers. Well, I wasn't trying to straight out say it, but I knew that a few of them caught on to what I was throwing out.

On the other hand, my mother looked from Phil to me like she was watching a tennis match. I knew that what we were saying was flying over her head. She was trying to turn a blind eye, but we both knew Phil would say something where she couldn't save face.

" Be as it may," Phil said as he glared at me, knowing that I was calling him out on his shit. If he thought I didn't realize that he, had it shut off, then he was crazy. I tried to reframe myself from rolling my eyes at him trying to act like my 'father'.

It wasn't working since I would never see him in that kind of way, and it wasn't new to me since he couldn't have kids. He tried to act like my father, and I shut him down straight away. I think it's why he and the boys always buck heads and why he was pulling shit with me all the time. But that would particularly explain why he continued trying extremely hard, in the beginning, to see if he was in on the secret.

" You claim that you are a responsible adult, and you need to act like it. Having a way for your mother to communicate with you comes first," He finished tilting his head to the side.

I can see that Phil dared me to speak back to him in the same smart-ass way that I was doing.

This time I did roll my eyes at him.

Be more responsible did he know who he was talking to. I was more accountable than his bimbo of a wife and him put together.

Heck, if it wasn't for me doing their taxes and making sure that they paid their bills on time, I don't think they would be living it up half as good as they were.

" I think we both know that you are the last one to talk about responsibility," I said as my bitchiness started to slip through," So how about we skip the bullshit. What is the real reason you and my mother came to Forks."

" That's what we have been trying to get ahold of you for," Renee said, cutting whatever witty remark was coming out of Phil's mouth.

I was surprised that she collected enough courage to speak.

"It seems your friends have gone missing from their homes in Jacksonville," continued Charlie, "Parents say that you were the last person to reach out to them. After that, they have been M.I.A., and no one has seen or heard from them."

"Parents started an investigation of their disappearance and didn't have any news for a week before an investigator found documentation of emancipated papers with their signatures," Phil continued for Charlie while glaring at me.

He kept watching me, trying to get a read to see if I knew where he was going with this. I did a bit, and I didn't let anything past my bitchy facial expression.

"I find it funny cause those papers dating back to a few weeks ago," He said as he started to laugh, but you could tell it was fake," It was dated around the time your mom came to visit you. You wouldn't have anything to do with that or know anything about it?"

He tried to look intimidating, but it wasn't working for him. It made him look like a drowning cat, and it was pretty funny to look at. I was close to laughing at him, and if he continued to look at me like that, I will.

Instead of responding, I just shrugged my shoulders. I knew it was going to make Phil mad by not saying anything. I mean, it's not like he could do anything about the papers, and they were legit as far as anyone knows. Plus, I didn't know about them until recently, so really, I was genuinely clueless to all that he was saying.

I watched smoke come out of his ears, and my mom tried to calm him down. It made no budge on him as he started to yell at me, but it's not like I didn't say that it was fun to watch him lose his temper and losing it he was.

A laugh passed through my lips, and I caught a glimpse of 2 guys walking out of the woods. What I could see was pure perfection, and I mean that shit.

They resemble something that was only described in a fairytale and let me tell you; they were a sight to behold.

I continued to side glance and notice that they were well-toned and freakishly tall. One was a lot taller than the other, and he seemed to be a bit darker too. His face was in a scroll, and I would be exaggerating if I didn't say that I wasn't turned on by it.

I could only describe the other as a mountain of flesh. No lie, it looked like he could crush me with just his thumb with how much muscle was on his body. It wasn't like the other guy wasn't shredded. He was, but he just wasn't as ripped as mountain men, and what eye candy he was. I didn't help that they were also not wearing any shirts, yet for some reason, the more I stared at them, I couldn't help but feel an unfamiliar sensation in my chest.

I continued to stare at them as they slowly walked, and I couldn't help but think of how perfect they looked. I began to imagine what it would be like to have one of their heads pushed in between my legs. Or to maybe hold onto them as I felt their muscles move while they were pleasuring me.

I needed to get laid if I was fantasizing like this. I soon pushed this thought away as they stood next to Jake and Sam.

I turned away from them in disappointment as I couldn't believe I was gawking at strangers.

Heck, I was more weirded out that I was gawking at members of my brother's well-known gang. It wasn't a secret about all the shady shit that went on in La Push with the residents of Forks. It's even harder not to hear being friends with someone in these parks too. People are quick to tell you all you need to know to learn in only seconds. I didn't get why police had done nothing about them, and I could tell that Billy wouldn't stop them. Heck, his son was a part of this gang, the same one he wanted no business with. Hell, I found it weird that not two weeks ago, he looked like a skinny 16-year-old. But anyway, I think they were sloppy enough to get ratted out about being gang members, but they stood next to the chief acting all buddy-buddy.

I shook my head as I overheard Phil raise his voice louder and louder the more that I ignored his presence. And the more I did, the more he began to lose himself and started spewing out some insults and slurs about me. I wasn't surprised this was the Phil not many get to see, and I knew Rene had never seen it in the six years they married.

I could recognize that it was getting to the people surrounding him. Charlie looked a tiny bit green, Rene looked like someone had said to her that God wasn't real, and Billy was close to snapping at Phil himself.

I didn't blame him at all.

Phil had a particular way of making people see him as a nice guy.

I think this was a surprise for everyone else, and I felt sorry that they fell into his multi-personality.

As soon as it looked like Billy could take no more and was about to speak out, I heard my name getting called repeatedly behind me. I knew that it could only be a handful of people since I didn't have many friends. It also didn't hurt to mention that not many would come looking for me or knew I was on the beach.

I turned around to witness Dakotah and Nijel screaming their head off, calling my name as they ran down the beach.

When I said they were running, it looked like they were getting chased by a pack of Wolves. I was puzzled as to why before I recollected that I was taking a walk and didn't tell them.

So, they must be in a panic to find me.

I let out our signature high pitch whistle capturing their attention immediately.

They quickly made their way to me, and the first thing that Nijel tried to do was tackle me, which would have landed us into the sand.

Luckily, I stepped out of the way, and he ended up face planting into said sand instead. I didn't want to be attacked by him or Dakotah; that shit would hurt badly.

Dakotah stopped himself from having the same fate, but he did end up scooping me up and pulling me tightly into his arm.

I detected two growls from behind me, but I could have imagined it as he squeezed me too tight. The longer he held me, the more he pressed, and the more that I couldn't breathe.

"Dude, let her go. You know you are too strong, and nobody can withstand your freakish strength," Nejel said as he tried to pull at Dakotah's arm, "Damn, it, bro, her face is turning blue."

Those seem to be the magic words to Dakotah, and soon I felt my body be released from the iron chains known as Raedwolf. I wasted no time quickly taking big gulps of air as I tried to put a lot of distance between us.

I was not trying to get caught up back into his grip.

"Damn, Alpha, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to grab you so hard," Dakotah said, rubbing the back of his neck," You know my emotions and strength go hand in hand together. With you disappearing without giving us a warning I..."

He stopped talking as it became clear that it was a huge mistake not letting them know of my whereabouts. Since I had separated us for so long, I forgot that they were more dependent on me than I was on them.

It became apparent in their minds that they needed to protect the only other family they had, which just happened to be me. They saw me as someone that needed to be looked after and protected from all things that wanted to harm me, and their sole mission was to be more possessive, protective, and clingy to me.

They knew that I could protect myself, but their instincts wouldn't listen to the logic, resulting in them overdoing things like they were now. It's why I can conclude that the girls did not know that the boys had come to look for me. If they did, they would have stopped the boys from trying to run around the beach, screaming my name, panicking as they had.

"You just got worried," Nejel cut in as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

I felt him nuzzle his face into the crouch of my neck.

Awe, this boy was making me feel guilty as hell, and he wasn't even trying.

" Yea, you disappeared sort of terrified us a little bit when you didn't come back after an hour," said Dakotah as he smacked at Nejel's arms and pushed him away to wrap me back into his arms.

This time they weren't as tight as before, but I could feel how relieved he was to find me.

" You all good wolf, don't beat yourself up about it," I replied to him, trying to ensure him as best as I could.

I knew that I must have frightened them because it wasn't like me to leave them alone for an extended period.

Like I said before, they were becoming more protected and possessive of me, but for Dakotah (Raedwolf), it was even worse than before, and I could see why he was kicking himself at the moment.

I pulled him into a hug and patted his back.

As I held him, I could see the faces of the bodies behind him and boy did they not look happy. Somehow Jacob and his friends watched us, and let me tell you, the two boys from the woodlands were shaking badly. I swear that I heard growling again, but I thought it came from them this time.

Jacob and Sam saw that I was staring at them, and they quickly whispered something to the remanding members of their little group.

Slowly I freed Dakotah from my hug, making sure to kiss his cheek as I fully released him.

I made sure to wink at a smirking Nijel.

Luckily, he was standing at an angle that Dakotah would not have noticed.

" I mean, we all know that it's not your fault that you are the size of a lumberjack," I said, and Nejel started to die laughing, "It was a matter of time before someone died from you squeezing them so hard, but I guess it might as well be me. Next time you need to be careful; if you can't learn to control your strength, we won't be able to bring any animals into the house."

I tried so hard not to giggle as I saw Dakotah's facial expression.

He never liked being picked on, but he quickly picked on others.

I heard a snicker behind me and looked at Nijel, who was trying not to laugh and was failing miserably at it.

Dakotah was not known for being a fast individual, but he can be in the right circumstances. Before I could even blink, he tackled Nijel into the ground giving him tons of noogies, and because of the strength difference, Nijel couldn't escape.

" Excuse me, are you going to ignore us like this. You do know it's quite rude not to acknowledge your elders right," Phil said, ruining our sibling moment.

Of course, he could be a buzzkill once a party pooper, always a party pooper. Realizing whose presence, they were in, I watched as my baby brothers stopped fighting.

They looked at each other and smirked up at me. When I told you they liked to piss off Phil, I meant it. I knew it was a matter of time before their playful banter became a free for all.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with their presence, brother," Dakotah said as a scroll appeared on his face.

"Damn its Mr. Stickup your ass," Nijel said, joining in Dakotah's mood.

"Can't you see that we are trying to have a moment? You could have waited until we were done, or maybe if you were more well-mannered, you could have got our attention more sufficiently," Dakotah declared to Phil shaking his head at him in disappointment.

"I don't need to have manners to interrupt children," Declared Phil, as he got off of the log he was sitting on.

" You should learn that disregarding your betters is ill-mannered, especially if you decided to interrupt a gathering of strangers. You should have introduced yourself to these individuals before doing what you were doing. Let what I am telling you be a lesson that you should keep engraved in your mind in the future. Wouldn't want something bad happening to you boys because you were not being taught properly, resulting in you getting the shit knocked out of you again."

My eyes grew the size of a basketball as I saw my baby brothers start to move closer to Phil in anger.

They did not seem happy, and I even saw Renee's body freeze as she looked between Nijel and Dakotah, who were close to fucking Phil up on sight.

She comprehended that they were being abused at the White House, and I sometimes went over to clean their wounds when the wife and husband were gone.

It was a low blow for Phil to bring it up, and I could see he was trying new tactics out.

" Hahaha...get the shit knocked out of us, this man said. God, you are so funny thinking that anyone can fight against the two of us and win. Unlike you, we are capable of fighting our own battles," replied Dakotah sizing Phil up.

"Plus, I didn't think you knew how to fight," Nijel continued," Last time I checked, you were still sucking on your wife's nipples collecting milk. Not much of a man if you can't walk the walk while you talk the talk."

Phil started to step towards the boys but was quickly intercepted by Charlie.

He couldn't get past, so he started bucking at the boys like he was going to try something. From my angle, it looked like he wasn't making much of an effort to get passed, Charlie.

On the other side, my brothers looked like they wanted to fuck some shit up. Mind you, it has been a while since I have seen them fight, and I knew that Phil didn't have a chance with either of them.

Charlie, though, looked like he would shit his pants as he tried to stand in between both parties. He did not know what he was getting himself into because when it comes to Dakotah and Nijel, they act like animals fighting over a scrap piece of meat.

I quickly took my phone out and texted the girls that the boys had found me.

While I was at it, I made sure that I included that Rene and Phil were in town and needed to get all the shit packed up and wait for us by the car.

I knew that I couldn't have the boys fighting Phil like this, no matter how much I wanted him to get his ass kicked. While I was sending my text, Phil had got past Charlie.

I don't know if it was an accident on Phil's part or if Charlie stopped holding him back, not believing he would hit a minor, but it was a big mistake.

Before I realized it, Dakotah got hit in the face by Phil's fist.

No one made a move and just watched as blood started to ooze from his nose. Nijel let out a dark chuckled; he knew Phil had just released the beast.

I put away my phone and sighed as I knew it wouldn't be easy to stop what was about to happen. Hell, Dakotah was even worse to try to control when he got into his assassin persona.

As if he was scared at what he had done, soon Phil began to back up.

He must have forgotten the last time he had hit Dakotah.

Phil backing up was all it took before Hunter finally snapped, flying at Phil, landing a punch at his jaw.

Rene and Sue started to scream as him as Dakotah started to punch Phil.

None of the males tried to help Phil, maybe because they saw it coming or thought he deserved it.

Whatever it was, they didn't make a move to help. Jacob and a few of his friends were just egging Dakotah on, laughing their asses off.

And Dakotah was letting him have it, and no yelling from Sue and Renee was getting through to him.

Dakotah was in his assassin persona, and there was not much that anyone could do to stop the ass-kicking that was happening.

It was true that I could say something or let out another signature whistle, but I was enjoying myself a little too much.

Renee tried to run towards them, but Charlie quickly grabbed her and kept her in place.

Dakotah was getting in some good punches and kicks, and you could tell who was the better fighter.

Regarding how tired Phil looked, he was still trying to hold his own, and really, I felt terrible that he was getting his ass kicked by a minor, but hey, he asked for it. Phil went to hurl a punch, but Dakotah dodged it, and Phil wasn't fast enough to move the arm out of his reach. As quick as a cheetah, Dakotah grabbed the arm and used it to launch Phil over his shoulder and into the sand.

"Are you done, old man," Dakotah laughed as he stared down at our Step-father, who was breathing very heavily," Cause if not, I can scrap for a bit longer. You think you say what you want to my siblings and me without any repercussions. I don't believe that you were this dumb to open that mouth of yours nor dumb enough to think that you were big and bad to hit me and get away with that shit."

He let out a little chucked as he started to circle Phil like the predator that he was.

You could tell that he was in his element.

"You talk all this smack over the years trying to show others that you are the better man. It is kind of sad that all you are is a fuck up that can't amount to anything but disappointment," Dakotah asked as he now had stopped circling Phil.

" Where is the man that wasn't afraid to backhand my brother and me. Hell, where is the guy that told my adoptive father a bunch of lies resulting in the abuse that we got every day for ten years."

I knew that this shit was now personal and that it would get a lot worse from here on out. Phil got up out of the sand and ran at Dakotah, swinging at him like a wild animal, but Dakotah just dodged and weaved every last one of them.

Out of nowhere, Dakotah suddenly dropped and swept Phil's feet right from under him, and that was all Dakotah needed before he got on top of him.

As soon as Dakotah started to resume punching Phil, Charlie decided that now was the point to be a hero.

Charlie tried to grasp Dakotah up off Phil, but he was immediately blocked by Nijel, who urged him back. That didn't stop Charlie from trying to struggle to break it up, but Nijel wasn't have it.

And before I knew it, Nijel grabbed onto Charlie's arm and twisted it behind his back before he pushed Charlie into a kneeling position in the sand.

It looked like Nijel was putting a lot of pressure because I saw Charlie grab the elbow of said arm. As he held Charlie, Nijel started to yell boxing moves to Dakotah that he wanted to be done on Phil and believe it or not; he was doing them. I watched, enjoying how Phil was getting his ass handed to him. I know I'm a terrible person, but I never said that I did a good thing, just that I tried not to get caught.

I continued to allow them to do their thing, and it was funny to watch as Charlie tried to get out of Nijel's hold.

It didn't work, of course, and Nijel straight up put him in a chokehold, and I could tell Charlie would not stay still, making Nijel angry.

Charlie wasn't seeing that Nejel was trying to be friendly and save him from Dakotah, double-teaming them by himself. In anger, Nijel grabbed Charlie's right arm and disconnected it from its socket in the shoulder.

Charlie's cry in agony stopped the chanting of encouragement from the peanut gallery, and I saw that they looked like they were going to intervene.

"Wolf, Bunny, that's enough of that," I said to them, and they immediately stopped what they were doing to look up at me.

(Of course, she made sure not to call their assassin personal with by standards around, especially with a cop nearby.)

They could see that I was in Leader mode and that what I had just said was not advising but an order. And they knew that going against an order was not something that they should take lightly. I just wanted this fight to stop, and I had to look suitable for those watching.

"Get up its time to go home, and I think you boys had made your point that you wanted to make," I said, raising my right eyebrow at them.

They both released their victims and dusted themselves off, making their way where I was standing.

Nijel saved me a sheepish smile, but Dakotah just crossed his arms. I knew that he was still running on adrenaline, so I didn't say anything, but I did see the slight nod of his head, confirming that he was all there.

I looked at my mother as she ran straight to Phil, trying to help him up off the ground. It was laughable that she was crying over what had happened. He was fine in my mind, a little banged up and a little bloody but nothing Phil shouldn't be able to handle. Maybe a black eye, a bruised ego, jaw, and a few more body parts, but it was nothing compared to having a dislocated arm.

Speaking of Charlie, Sue had him in her arms as Old Quil was calling 911.

" I'm sorry about them, Billy. They are very dominant individuals and having this Dirtbag talking smack. It was only a matter of time before they lost their cool. Please don't think bad about them; they are good kids, just have problems controlling their anger," I gave him one of my smiles of apology before turning to Charlie, ready to provide him with a good talking to because of his actions.

" You should be glad, Charlie, that you made it with only a Dislocated arm, and it makes you think twice about trying to help a child abuser," I nagged him as he groaned in pain," Would have liked it if you would have stayed to the sideline. Nijel did you a favor in trying to stop you from joining the fight between Dakotah and Phil. But you just had to continue to try to get pass him to defend Phil, huh."

I turned my glance at my mother's husband, and he was now at this point off the ground and leaning on my mother's shoulder.

"You should have learned your lesson the last time you decided to use them as punching bags, Phil," I said, glaring at him and my mother," You lucky I was here, or something terrible would have happened to you again. Learn from your mistakes cause next time. It won't be Dakotah that you are fighting the next time you will be answering to me, and I'm a lot worse than he is."

I glared at Phil before giving him my scariest smile, which promised pain in the future.

My smile seemed to have weirded him and my mother out cause they both winced, and I would lie.

I enjoyed it.

The looked that I gave him was one that a predictor gave their prey before they went in for the kill.

It took me a few years to perfect, but I never lost it once I had it.

At the moment, I was not Isabella Swan, daughter of Renee Dwyer and Joshua Uley. No, right here right now, I was Shadow, Leader of the Tueurs de Mouchard.

Shooting one last smile at Billy and the rest of the elders before I turned around, making my way down the beach.

꒦꒷︶꒦꒷♡︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷︶

A/N: So, I made a Poll on quotev, and if you have the time, you can follow the extended link at the bottom if you would like to vote on the other genes of Bella and her younger brothers.

Word Count: 8,929

#twilight #paul lohote #quil ateara #the twilight saga #jacob black

[howdoesoneliveinthesedays]

Anxiety and depression

Trigger warning: semi graphic descriptions of bulimia and anorexia, self harm, sexual abuse, and drug-alcohol abuse.

I am tried of Anxiety running my life. I am tired of depression determining the outcome. I want to live. God, i want to LIVE.

But how can i live when anxiety and depression coil together inside me. I fight against myself every day and night just to do the same things everyone else does without a second thought.

The simple tasks in life seem so hard to me. A simple meal, a conversation, going out with friends, school, love; it's supposed to be easy but for me it's a burden to face. Anxiety pressures me to act, afraid of being left behind, while depression ties me to the bed.

Many people have told me to just LIVE. That if i really wanted it then all i had to do was go for it, that anxiety and depression were excuses i have put upon myself but I'm not sure they understand the effort i have to put into just taking the next breath.

Have they ever had to force food down THEIR throat because they haven't eaten in three days and water isn't going to cut it anymore? Stood in front of mirrors, stood on scales, binged ate and purged. Hated the reflection that stared back, mocking. All because a little voice in the back of their head told them they were not good enough.

Do they live in constant fear of fighting against THEIR own body?

Have they ever broken down in the middle of conversations with people because of the amount of pressure it takes to hold one? Always silently watching their facial expressions, picking up on the tilt of their voice to assure yourself that you are reacting correctly. Gone home and replayed every moment of the day just to analyze what they could have said better, done better. Helpless to listen to the whisper of anxiety belittling them, telling them they were useless because they couldn't 

Act normally.

Have they ever felt the unspeakable need to retract themselves from the lives of those they cared about because they deemed themselves unworthy? Sat alone for days, never uttering a word, waiting. Locked inside a room checking again and again if anyone had noticed. Only to realise no one was going to call because this was a pattern and no one really cared all that much.

Have they been forced to give their body away in fear of losing love? Have they felt ashamed, as they lay wrapped in hotel sheets? Have they been mislead by those they thought they could trust. 25 to 18, they should have know better? 23 to 13, they should have known better!

Have they gone numb, going through the days wishing that the next day maybe death would take pity and take them? Have they felt too much, paralyzed by emotion, anxiety and depression gripping their insides, until tears ran out and sleep was forced upon them because their body couldn't take any more?

Have they turned to drugs and alcohol in hopes that maybe that could take it away for a little while? Only to watch as smoke filled the room and bottles litter the floor. Only to lose more of themselves in the vice than what they had originally planned to. Have they ever flushed pills down a toilet or cut their hands and feet picking up the glass of broken bottles?

ANXIETY isn't an excuse. Its a demon.

Depression isn't an excuse. Its a ghost.

I am haunted by them. They leach off of me and no matter how hard i try to fight them they always seem stronger than me. So no, i CANT just go for it, if i could i wouldn't live the way i do.

On wattpad: thoughts from a lost mind by Avb98skz

#poetry #thoughts #poem #writers #written #late night #triggering content #anxeity #depresjon #my story #true words #i hate it here #it gets better #it gets deep #words #wordstoliveby