#i wrote this instead of working on my dissertation

[napakmahal]

HIII, PHONOLOGY HERE !!! in all truth i dont blame u, i was really tired from uni when i wrote that, lmao.

okey so, like misunderstabding in the way he hasnt told hiro and aunt cass and reader thibks its bc tadashi thinks they wont last or is ashamed of her when in reality is just that he is very nervous and never finds the perfect ocassion

Normal Girl pt. 1

Hey pookie! This took forever but I realized midway through I needed to split it into three parts. Thanks for the request this was fun to make.

You wish you could lay here forever. It was raining and your puffy sheets were cold which would have bothered you if not for the warm body you were resting on top of. Tadashi had been under a great amount of stress. He wanted his doctor title and was the youngest candidate going for it. In order to do that he needed a dissertation of roughly 100-450 pages to defend in front of an academic jury. The paper was done, thank goodness. But he still needed to defend it and even then they could deny him his phD. If he’d spent his week trying to prepare for his defense he’d drive himself insane. So instead, he spent all his time with you. Watching movies, sleeping in, staying up, doing mundane tasks and trying to relax as much as possible before his defense. You’ve never had to refill your anti-stress tea collection and melatonin gummies in one week before.

But the defense was tomorrow and he desperately needed to calm himself. So he went through his presentation twice and then zipped it away in a separate backpack. You pressed your ear to his chest and listened to his breathing and muffled heartbeat. The patterning of the rain on the window going through one ear and the opening and closing of your boyfriend's valves pumping blood through his body in the other.

“I never want to get up.” You admitted.

Tadashi responded sleepily, “I know.” With his eyes shut. Gosh his eyelashes were so long.

“What time is your hearing tomorrow?” You brought your hand up to his face and started caressing it. All the prep work he was doing to defend his thesis had resulted in a lack of care for personal upkeep. He’d started growing stubble (which you found very attractive) but eventually had you help him shave it off to look presentable for his defense. (Something you were clearly upset about)

“10 a.m, I have to be there like two hours early though.”

You just hummed in response and continued to lay in his bare chest in silence. You’d gotten to the point where you could just be together like that without it being inherently sexual. On your nightstand, your phone buzzes and vibrates through the wood. When you checked, it was your mom. She sent you a photo of a four leaf clover she found in her garden with the text: Look what I found!

You knew she was wishing Tadashi good luck. Once while visiting her he’d let it slip that he wanted to be Dr. Hamada , and your mom actually squealed. She’d known him as long as you two had been together and she’d rather make sure he was fed before you were. She was proud of him.

“Look what my mom sent.” You smiled, pointing the phone towards your boyfriend's face.

Tadashi opened his eyes and instantly smiled. He took the phone from your hands and sent your mom a voice recording thanking her for all her support (and free Printer ink).

“She loves you so much,” you smiled and kissed his lips. “She really is my mother.”

Tadashi cupped her hands around your head and smiled at you. “Yes she is, pretty girl.”

You stayed that way while Tadashi whispered sweet nothings into your ears as the sky started to get darker and he had to leave. Aunt Cass was insistent that he spend that last night before his defense hearing back at home so she could make him sweet potato for good luck. He leaned over your bed and slipped his shirt back over his head and pulled his pants over his boxers.

You got up out of bed and slipped an oversized shirt over yourself and walked him out the door.

“Good luck, baby, I love you, my smart boy.” You buried your face in his neck with a hug.

Tadashi dug his face into your head and kissed the tops of it. “Thank you, darling . I love you too.”

“I’ll come pick you up tomorrow and take you out, wherever you want.” You promised.

Tadashi shrugged into the hug. “They may not approve my defense, you know?”

“If they don’t they’re morons but that still doesn’t matter. Because you worked so hard and deserve so much, right?”

Tadashi’s unrelenting and slightly irritating humbleness drove you truly mad sometimes. He had the work ethic of a mule and a brain like Berkeley. Everyone knew it but if you pointed it out he’d just say “oh, thank you but I’m not all that”. Not even in a pick me way. And you were determined to get his confidence up.

He just nodded, dropping his head into your shoulder while you combed your fingers through his dark hair.

“Right?” You repeat.

“Right.” He confirmed.

You gave him one last forehead kiss and sent him off the drive home. After he left you went to your kitchen and started cleaning what little appliances you had after not leaving your room with your boyfriend for nearly a week. Once the kitchen was clean you needed to shower and change your clothes. Showering with another person is not exactly the epitome of cleanliness, not that you’ve only been showering with Tadashi for the past week….. When you headed back to your room dripping wet you kicked something laying on the floor.

It’s Tadashi’s backpack. With his defense inside.

———————————————————————

Tadashi is very clean. He doesn’t like messy anything, his room remains clean and his schedule is so organized to the point it was more of a battle plan than a timeline. So this was not only out of character but IMPOSSIBLE.

Hiro was watching in horror as Tadashi wrecked the entire car and dumped every item of clothing in his overnight bag out onto the floor.

“What is happening?” Hiro asked, completely baffled.

Tadashi diddnt respond and continued to mutter under his breath “where the fuck is it?”

It wasn’t until Aunt Cass walked out back to the absolute wreck with a small bowl of sweet potatoes and matcha on a tray that he looked up from the wreckage.

“Auntie, have you seen my defense?!” Tadashi's voice dripped with desperation.

Before Aunt Cass could even answer Hiro practically screamed, “YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING DEFENSE?!”

“Hiro! Language!” Aunt Cass slapped him in the back of the head. “But seriously, Tadashi! What happened to it?”

Tadashi squeezed onto his hair so tightly it looked like he might rip a chunk of it out. “I don’t know! I had it ,I know I did!”

Silence between the three until Hiro perked up. “Wait, you have a copy of it on my computer. Just reprint it. I think the print room at the lab closes at 10, if you rush you can make it.”

Tadashi didn’t need to be told twice. He ran upstairs, sent the document of his defense to the schools Printer email, and texted Wasabi to ask him to stand at the printer so the techs didn’t shut down the printers for the night. And he was off, speeding over the speed limit (by two miles per hour) and headed to the school.

Unknowing to him you were making your way to his house to drop off his defense. You could have just called him to come get it but he didn’t need any additional stress including driving.

You’d only been to Tadashi’s house once and it was when there was nobody home. You just needed to use the bathroom and his house was closest. But you knew about his little brother and his aunt and about how he lost his parents when he was young. How could you forget? The way he talked about them made you cry harder than him.

When you pulled up to the front of the cafè the lights were mostly off except those coming from the kitchen. You swung the backpack over your shoulder and headed towards the door. A small bell above the door jingled and prompted a woman to walk out with a tray of dirty coffee cups on them.

“Oh, I’m sorry we’re closed.” She apologized.

You waved your hand and held up the backpack. “Oh no, I’m not here to order anything. I just have Tadashi’s defense.”

Hiro poked his head out the curtain after hearing the word “defense” to see you standing at the entrance with his brothers backpack.

“Oh! Okay, Hiro tell Tadashi that he can turn around.” She told him.

You handed your boyfriends aunt the backpack when she asked, “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”

“Y/n,” You smiled.

But the smile completely faded when Tadashi’s aunt turned around to look at his brother with a “have you ever met her before” look. Hiro shook his head before calling his brother telling him to turn around.

You added with uncertainty, “I’m…Tadashi’s girlfriend.”

Hiro pulled the phone away from his ear and perked up. “Tadashi has a girlfriend?”

The entire cafè went silent. They didn’t know? You’d never met them before but they didn’t even recognize your name? Who the hell did they think Tadashi was spending his entire week with? Who did they think he FaceTimed in his room at midnight pretty much every day? Either Tadashi’s family had the memory of a goldfish or….your boyfriend lied. Not just about you but your existence as a whole. The girl he said he loved.

You just nodded and let that sink in. You could see the collective “oh shit” look in your boyfriends family’s faces as they tried to salvage it by saying things like “you know your name does sound familiar” but it didn’t matter. Nothing anyone who wasn’t your boyfriend explaining himself was going to change how you felt.

Around that time an engine pulled up the front of the cafè and switched off. Tadashi had turned around and came back home. When he opened the door it was like the aroma of awkward bitch slapped his psyche across the face.

“Hey, hunny.” He whispered and brushed his thumb against your skin. “Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver. I love you.”

You didn’t respond. Only wished everyone a good night and left. Hiro looked at his brother with a look the read “what the fuck?” And Aunt Cass looked at her nephew with a look of “what did you do?”

Fun fact about Tadashi: he can take a hint and read social cues. So he ran outside in the cold and chased octet you right as you were about to get into your car.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He grabbed your wrist.

You looked at him with daggers in your eyes. “They don’t know who I am?”

Tadashi looked like he was going to puke. And you were having none of it.

“My mother invited you to her graduation, and you went to my cousins wedding. And your family does know who I am!” Now you were yelling. Tadashi’s neighbors were getting dinner and a show.

When he didn’t respond you forced yourself to ask the question that had been lingering in your head. “ Are you…are you like—ashamed of me?”

“No! Never!” Tadashi shouted back at you.

“Then how come they don’t know who I am!” You shouted.

Tadashi rubbed his temples. “I have mentioned you before, back when we were still just talking. But it’s not something we do! It’s just not! Every once in a blue moon they’ll check up on my romantic life but that’s it. Hiro liked a boy for five months before I even knew his name! When my aunt goes on dates she doesn’t tell us their names. It’s just not us! That’s all!”

It made sense. You know it did. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Tadashi grabbed onto your face and pressed kisses all over it. “I love you, I swear I do. Nothing you do will ever make me ashamed of you. You mean the world to me, please believe me.”

You grabbed his hand and gently removed it from your face as you started kissing his hand and his wrist. Your kisses trailed up his arm and onto his face until you gave him one last forehead kiss.

“Good luck, tomorrow.” And you hopped back in your car and drove off. Leaving tadashi standing there in the streetlight surrounded by urban darkness. And with every tire rotation away from him, Tadashi’s heart broke a little more until it eventually snapped when he could no longer see your car.

#baymax #big hero 6 #big hero six #tadashi hamada #disney #fanfic #hiro hamada #bh6 x reader #tadashi hamada x reader #napakmahal #writing #x reader

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

can you explain why you dont believe the titanic switch conspiracy theory? didnt they find a propeller with "olympic" written on it amongst the wreckage?

i feel like the phrase "you just activated my trap card" applies here but i have also never watched yu-gi-oh so dont fully know the correct use of that. anyway whats the text limit on a tumblr post because i think i might hit it with this response.

before we begin (if you wanna join me on this fucking journey), ill just drop some useful sources on the topic:

olympic & titanic - an analysis of the robin gardiner conspiracy theory dissertation by mark chirnside in july 2006

titanic or olympic: which ship sank? by steve hall and bruce beveridge

olympic & titanic: the truth behind the conspiracy by steve hall and bruce beveridge

with that shipkeeping housekeeping out of the way, lets jump into it after the cut

so hands up, how many people knew that this theory originated in a book from 1995?

yeah, its a pretty modern theory considering titanic sank in 1912. the theory originated in the riddle of the titanic by robin gardiner and dan van der dat.

and the theory argues that the ships were switched and titanic (actually olympic) was deliberately sank as part of an insurance scam. now they didnt do this at all for shits and giggles. instead, the theory posits that the navy enquiry that followed the 1911 collision between hms hawke and olympic was biased which meant white star line couldnt recover the costs of repair from lloyds (the insurance company), and therefore, they wrote olmpic off as too damaged to be repaired, lied about the amount of damage, switched the ships and sank olympic disguised as titanic to recover some costs.

far-fetched? oh definitely and it gets worse, but ill leave that til later in this gargantuan response because its really fucking funny.

(seriously, i recommend you read til the end or just skip to the part where i start talking about the sinking itself because fam, gardiners theory gets wild )

according to van der dat, who is a dutch journalist and naval history writer with an incredibly dutch name, gardiner had wrote the manuscript after researching the titanic for however many years and sent it to his literary agent. this agent had previously worked with van der dat and so sent it to him to double-check the information by going back to the original sources. he then rewrote the book with line-by-line consultation with gardiner.

and would you like to hear a quote from van der dat regarding the theory? i think you would:

"the publishers were disillusioned when the theory did not stand up"

he also, in correspondence with titanic author and researcher paul lee, called it "bilge" which is a fun ship joke alongside calling the theory bullshit.

anyway, the publishers went ahead with the book anyway because fuck integrity, i guess... thats kinda harsh considering this first book (oh yeah, theres more) was praised for stellar research and for being balanced, and the final chapter of the book literally acknowledges that the wreck has titanics shipyard number (401) on it, hence disproving the theory.

in 1997, it was published in the us under the name the titanic conspiracy - cover-ups and mysteries of the worlds most famous sea disaster, and it sold like sliced bread in 1928 because 1997 was titanic fever, baby!

unsurprisingly, gardiner's following books (titanic: the ship that never sank? in 1998; the history of the white star line in 2001; the great titanic conspiracy in 2010) were a lot less well-received and were not co-authored by van der dat.

-

"but wait, kai!" you might shout if youre up to date with issues of the times from 1914, "what about raymond asquith's comments? he was junior counsel for the board of trade at the sinking inquiry!"

and i would say, what about it? the letter asquith wrote to the times was a sarcastic letter in response to a prior stance taken by the paper.

yes, he said "the architect, the owner, and the captain to repair their desperate fortunes by sinking the ship and sharing the insurance money" but said letter also included the phrase "manipulating dummy icebergs".

if were taking sarcastic or satirical responses outside of their original contexts as serious quotes, then i guess i need to cancel my dropout subscription since the company holds the opinion that oj simpson is innocent.

and while were here, that single deathbed confession from james fenton is not evidence of anything. his name is not on any crew lists or survivor lists, and not a single payment was ever claimed by a crewman called james fenton. he was not on board the titanic and his claims hold no weight.

-

now, my go-to explanation as to why i dont believe the switch theory is that their insurance scam would have lost them money and they would know that it would have lost them money.

see, it cost white star (which was a subsidiary of the international mercantile marine) £1.5million/$7.5million to build titanic and they insured it by lloyds (you can check their records on their website) for £1million/$5million.

you dont have to be good at maths to see a problem here.

they didnt just not insure the rest; it was self-insured by imm's insurance fund, but that still means theyd have lost £500,000/$2.5million on the sunken ship.

this whole insurance thing was established by uh the united states senate inquiry report:

"the vessel fully equipped, cost £1,500,000 sterling, or about $7,500,000. at the time of the accident the vessel carried insurance of £1,000,000 sterling or about $5,000,000, the remaining risk being carried by the company's insurance fund."

oh and the £1,000,009 insurance was announced in the daily mirror on 16th april 1912

and the insurance scam seemingly thought up by someones whose first and only introduction to maths was golf isnt the only way white star would have lost money on this.

after the sinking, olympic was temporarily pulled from service to increase safety measures like adding more lifeboats. obviously, a logical move made by a company with a brand new, safer ship on their hands who were desperate for any money they can make.

white star also halted construction of britannic, titanics other sister ship, in order to alter the design and make it safer. this costs quite a bit of money and is, again, an odd choice for a company apparently desperate for money.

-

and hey, question for you guys: if you were alive in 1913 and needed to cross the atlantic, would you

a) choose the near identical sister ship of that ship that sank last year and was the deadliest sinking of a ship at that time

or

b) choose any other option such as the lusitania or the mauretania or the ss france or the ss imperator

personally id take my chances with option a, idk about you

yeah so the point im making here is that the sinking of the titanic was what the kids say

a marketing disaster

it was the loss of the newest flagship on its maiden fucking voyage and it had been touted as "practically unsinkable". maybe just maybe people wouldnt feel that comfortable getting on a white star line ship after that.

i dont have any figures for you because reading through a detailed account of white stars history just is not on my to-do list, but that doesnt even matter. what matters is that its clearly a massive risk and who the fuck is taking that risk?

as titanic author, senan molony states:

"one doesnt need to compare designs and count portholes - a moments serious consideration of the reputational risk involved - individually and collectively - is all that is required to end any entertainment of the notion"

-

anyway, you guys wanna compare designs and count portholes? yeah? okay, here we go!

may i present a non-exhaustive list of differences between the ships:

olympics wheelhouse was curved; titanics was flat

titanic was 4 inches longer

the porthole arrangements on shelter deck c were different

on b deck, olympic had a 1st class promenade; titanic had 2 private verandahs and suites (put a pin in this by the way, it comes back in the best of ways)

titanic had additional cabins on promenade deck a

olympics promenade was open all the way along; on titanic, the forward half of the 1st class promenade on a-deck was enclosed with retractable glass screens

on titanic, the forward bridge wings aft docking bridge on the stern extended over the ships side by a couple of feet; this would not be true for olympic until the 1912/13 refit

the officers deck house was pushed out more on titanic

the iron gates of the elevators were different between the ships and this is evident in the wreck itself

their propellers had different pitches and hence not interchangeable (pitch is a theoretical concept which is like the distance a propeller would move if it turned once through something solid, yeah i dont know either)

the wireless cabin had an outside window on olympic, but not titanic

further, it was placed on the port side of the officers deck house on olympic but amidship on titanic

they had different air vent arrangements around the funnels

white star line cut the ships names into the shell-plating at the bow and stern, four feet high and a ½ inch deep

now, please, close your eyes, take a deep breath and consider how much money it would cost to switch just the list above. now compare all of that to the -£500,000/$2.5million youre losing in the insurance scam.

truly, a spend less on candles situation.

and while we're here, shall we quickly talk about how much hush money white star would be paying to silence everyone about this since its apparently an illegal insurance scam.

not to make another non-exhaustive list but heres just who i can think of that youd have to silence:

the 15,000 workers employed directly by the shipyard

the 20,000+ workers in support services or sub contractors

any permanent or casual staff at the belfast dock and harbour comission

all of the officers and crew who came directly from olympic onto titanic such as the captain or stewardess violet jessop (puppet history fans rise up) who interestingly remarked on how improved titanic was compared to olympic

any staff at white star, imm and harland & wolff (where she was built) who would be in the know such as designers

passengers who had previously sailed on olympic who then sailed on titanic

just like anyone in belfast who walked past while the ships were docked together

olympics wreckers: thomas wards & sons who kept huge loose-leaf ledgers for each ships. the one for olympic was 72 pages long and funnily enough olympics yard number and builders I'd frequently appear in it, as seen below

bob ballard who was the one who found titanic. hes known as a very honest man and didnt even claim salvage rights on titanic because he assumed everyone else would also recognise it was a gravesite. he also said "i think it is the titanic at the bottom of the ocean"

every other explorer or researcher like james fucking cameron or us navy consultant and titanic wreck explorer, parks stephenson

its been estimated likely over 60,000 people were involved in just the building of titanic. this was ⅕ of belfasts population and ⅓ of the working population. heres a photo of them leaving olympic at the end of the day

now maybe im just a fool, but that looks like a lot of people you need to silence, and unless white star were blackmailing them or idk fucking killing them i guess, thats a lot of hush money just in the photo above.

i mean, theres also the claim, from noted liar james fenton, that the surviving crew were forced to sign the official secrets act of 1911, but that act was about espionage that benefits the enemy military so im not sure how this is relevant to the switch, and also, again, the guy was never on the ship.

are you perhaps starting to get the picture as to why i dont believe the conspiracy theory because im still going.

-

okay so as established, if the ships were switched, there would have clearly been a lot of work that would need to be done to switch the ships.

and i only mentioned some of the structural differences, i didnt get into the aesthetic differences like the floor tiles and carpeting being different colours, or how the lounge furniture in each ship having the ship name on them.

mind you, this is what titanic looked like (in the foreground) when olympic was first docked next to her:

this was taken around october 11. olympic docked next to titanic on october 7th for repairs after that whole catastrophic collision.

now how much time do you think it was before olympic sailed away? mind you, titanic has already been launched at this point and just needs to be fitted-out, and that normally takes around 4 to 6 months?

oh, what was that? 44 days? why, kid, youre going somewhere. it was 44 days exactly!

now, i dont think i need to get into the fact that the dock only had 1 crane (which you needed to install and uninstall funnels and machinery) that physically couldnt reach olympic unless she was moved or how olympic was painted white for her launch and then painted black and that the white paint would get exposed in rough weather so the same would have to be applied to titanic so it would look convincingly like olympic.

i mean, you have that information now, but im hoping just by the words "44 days", you might get how off the wall insane it is to suggest white star was able to switch the ships so well no one noticed for decades in 44 fucking days.

"wait kai, youre forgetting that they were docked together again!" you shout, "after olympic threw a propeller, they were docked together from march 1st to march 7th 1912"

and i dont know dude, im pretty sure white star cant warp space time so i really dont know what eight extra days is gonna do.

i hate to strawman but man, the late robin gardiner would have won a gold medal in scarecrow hide and seek.

-

lets also take a quick detour into the idea that olympics repairs were so expensive.

without getting into gardiners claims about the damage because theres no evidence of it and as mark chirnside states "there are no credible sources indicating that the damage to olympic was worse than reported at the time - and indeed ample sworn expert testimony to the contrary", lets just quickly go over some financial stuff.

during the case, it was unofficially estimated that the damage didnt exceed $125,000. imm, by including lost passenger receipts, wanted to claim for as high as $750,000, but they lost that case.

during the year 1911, imms surplus profit was $822,062. so weve got:

750,000 > 822,062

now as we might remember from key stage 1 maths, the bigger number eats the smaller number, aka, their surplus profit covered the costs of repair.

aka, no ill-advised insurance scam needed.

-

"thousands of people in belfast would have seen the switch operation - and yet there is not one word in the papers of reporters or photographers rushing out to find out what was happening."

-dr paul lee

so this is the section where i ask how did no one fucking notice?

no one on titanic, who had previously sailed on olympic, ever said anything about the switch other than one guy who was literally not on the ship at any point.

no one who has ever explored the wreck or done research on it has definitively stated it was olympic. rather, they have definitively stated otherwise.

for example, what remains of the base on the wheelhouse shows it to be straight and not curved, and as you might remember: titanics wheelhouse was heterosexual straight and olympics was curved.

(id be impressed if you did remember)

also, as parks stephenson has stated:

"weve got actual high def images of this wreck. ive seen with my own eyes. weve identified the name titanic on the port bow"

its difficult to make out but its there; the name is on the fucking ship.

also, as you might remember, titanics b-deck was different to olympics. the 2 suites there were nicknamed the "millionaire suites" and jim cameron has used rovs to go inside of them.

funnily enough, robin gardiner has gone on the record saying that these suites didnt exist so make of that what you will.

and further, no one noticed anything about olympic even though she sailed for 24 more years. theres no written record of anything, theres nothing in the board of trade reports, theres no photographic proof and theres not even fucking hearsay.

she served as a damn troopship in ww1, youd figure someone would figure it out as all of her fittings were ripped out.

but no, theres nothing.

as i mentioned above, olympic was scrapped in 1935, but some of her fittings were auctioned off and still exist today. and these have the number 400 on them because that was her shipyard number. titanics was 401 and the wreck reflects this also:

the wooden parts are from olympic; the other has been salvaged from titanics wreck.

theres even the famous myth that olympic or olympus as one person told me is written on the propeller at the bottom of the ocean. its not, but you can see the number 401 written on it:

-

and while were disproving myths about the name olympic being on the titanic, the story about olympic being engraved on titanics lifeboats is also false:

theres no written testimony, no sketches and no photographs of this.

white star didnt engrave names onto lifeboats, the names were on metal plates that were screwed on

do you really think they did all of this work but just didnt fucking swap the lifeboats? if theyre this stupid, how did it take until 1995 for someone to figure it out?

-

we can also discuss the stupid olympic room thing while were here. see theres a maritime superstition that changing the name on a ship is bad luck and obviously, if youre swapping the ships, youre changing the names.

so to... get around this? cheat luck? outsmart superstition? i dont fucking know, to take a detour to avoid this, white star named a room "the olympic room."

i cannot find any evidence at all that this room ever existed. its not in the design plans or the blueprints, and no passenger or crew has ever said it existed, so im pretty sure the room just didnt exist.

and even if it did exist, titanic was in the olympic class of ships. thats what olympic, titanic and britannic were. its not weird to have an olympic room on an olympic class ship. i mean it is weird in this case since the room didnt exist, but you get my point.

-

and heres some quickfire myths and falsehoods

the myth about the 14 vs 16 bow portholes is also a false. yes, titanic had 14 portholes on launch but an extra 2 were added before her maiden voyage so yes, the ship photographed departing southampton with 16 bow portholes is the titanic, and do you really think it would take 83 years to figure this out if it was this easy?

similarly, titanic did have evenly spaced b-deck windows on launch, but then the extra verandahs and suites were added so the window configuration was altered, so that photograph is off the titanic.

the idea that titanic had a 2 degree list to port like the olympic before her is evidence of the switch theory is, to borrow a word from dan van der dat, bilge. plenty of ships at the time and now have minor lists. the one on titanic was only recorded by 2 passengers and we know that the list was related to coal consumption. it means nothing.

jp morgan (owner of imm) did not cancel last minute. as mark baber points out on encyclopedia titanica, it was announced in the new york times that hed be in venice on april 23. at that time, transatlantic voyages took at least 5 days so it would at least be a 10 day round trip and likely not give him time to get to venice for the opening of a store of whatever it was.

also, j bruce ismays wife and kids also didnt cancel last minute. theyd already decided to go on holiday to wales rather than sail on titanic.

addendum to that point: if ismay knew it was going to be sank deliberately and so warned his wife, why would he get on board himself? further, why would harland and wolff designer thomas andrews (who did not survive by the way) get on board?

-

and we're finally at my favourite part of this entire mess: the sinking itself.

see, a deliberate sinking doesnt really make sense for titanic because the conditions under which she sank has led to the descriptor "freak sinking."

these are: a new moon meaning less light, unusually calm ocean that disallowed lookouts to watch for foam as waves hit any icebergs, ice having drifted further south than normal for that time of year, and a sideways glancing blow that breached more watertight compartments than the ship could handle and stay afloat.

and idk dude, is there not an easier way? like maybe some light arson. just call it an accidental fire that got out of control and led to the ship being a write-off, this isnt difficult.

but you see gardiner has an answer to this, and i am laughing as im typing this, he claims that:

titanic didnt hit an iceberg, it hit an imm rescue ship.

thats right, this guy fully says titanic didnt hit an iceberg. apparently it hit another ship and NO ONE FUCKING NOTICED

i mean we have testimony from survivors but fuck them i guess.

he claims that as titanic was apparently a "steel double-hulled vessel" so an iceberg simply couldnt inflict so much damage.

yeah titanic wasnt double-hulled. she had a double bottom, but it was only after titanic that shipbuilders were like ah maybe full double hulls arent an unnecessary expense after all.

theres also the issue of uh no evidence of this rescue ship ever existing? at all? i dont know where it came from, i dont know where it went, and who fucking knows, maybe it was called the rms cotton eyed joe.

yeah so weve got a theory riddled with problems and im just gonna introduce some more problems with this theory as gardiner has also alleged that:

the original plan was to open the seacocks and slowly flood the ship, but this was interrupted by titanic hitting another ship

1) titanic didnt have seacocks? and 2) was the rest of it a coincidence then? i think its meant to be a coincidence.

i believe his theory is alleging that the crew on titanic would open the seacocks that didnt exist to flood the ship slowly, and that the imm rescue ship that also didnt exist was in the area in advance to help evacuate passengers, alongside other ships such as the ss californian.

this is that ship that was like 10 miles away or something and didnt respond to titanics distress signals. according to gardiner, they were expecting a rendezvous with titanic according to the "original plan", but never received it.

instead, they saw the rockets of the fabled imm rescue ship and helped them instead.

this is fucking stupid.

i cant be charitable here, its a fucking stupid theory. i mean, that imm ship did not exist, and also californian is a ridiculous choice for a rescue ship. her capacity was 47 passengers and 55 crew; there were more than 2200 people on board titanic.

to counteract this argument, gardiner alleges carpathia was also in on the scheme as a rescue ship. she, at least, had capacity for the passengers, but theres also several problems with this too.

for one, it was fucking 50 miles away and famously arrived several hours after the sinking even though the captain had her running at top speed to get there.

for two, carpathia was owned by cunard, white stars rival. was their rival line in on the insurance scam??? how much money did they have to pay cunard for this????? why? just why?

do you understand why i dont believe it? please tell me you understand. i need you to understand. i need you to tell me that you understand that the guy who created this conspiracy claimed titanic didnt hit an iceberg.

#anon #this was a wild ride to write #i fully made notes and a structure plan #if im gonna answer why i dont believe in this theory I Am Going To Answer It #titanic #rms titanic #olympic #rms olympic #white star line #international mercantile marine #idk what to tag? #titanic switch theory #robin gardiner #conspiracy theory #yeah idk what the fuck to tag this as #james cameron #i mention him a few times #how many words is this? im writing it on mobile so it would be an effort to figure it out #but it feels like ive written my dissertation again but much better than the first time around #shipposting

[shannankle]

Shadow the Series and Hamlet

Okay so after finishing the first half of Shadow there’s so much to unpack. So instead of doing the research I should be doing for my dissertation, let’s dig into some connections between literature and BL once again!

This won’t be a fully formed meta, and I’ll probably have to make a whole other post once the whole series is out. But I wanted to start thinking about how the show is dialoguing with and speaking to similar themes as Hamlet within a queer framework.

I thought I’d work my way through some different interpretations of Hamlet and connect back to Shadow. To be clear, I’m working with scholarship on Hamlet rather than any personal interpretation of Hamlet itself (which I unfortunately haven’t read or watched in many a years).

A quick summary

Hamlet and Shadow via Freud's Oedipal Complex

Hamlet and Shadow via Lee Edelman's work on queerness, the death drive, and queer time

Hamlet and Shadow via self-recognition and resistant readings

A few other directions

Hamlet and the Oedipal Complex

Back in 1897, Freud wrote about Hamlet in a letter to a friend noting that “falling in love with the mother and jealousy of the father…[was] a universal event of early childhood.” So Hamlet was one of the texts that Freud was thinking about when he came up with the Oedipal complex as a concept.

You may be asking, as I often do, who gives a fuck what Freud thought? Well over time, Freudian interpretations of the play highly influenced how it was performed and the ways that themes about subjectivity and sexuality were portrayed.

The 1948 and 1990 film adaptations in particular put stress on a sexually charged dynamic between Hamlet and his mother Gertrude. The later film has Hamlet lying on top of and wrestling with his mother before they kiss. More recent adaptations tend to move away from this, but, overall, it’s been extremely influential in terms of how the play has been interpreted and adapted.

So how does this come up in Shadow? 

Dan’s role as Hamlet is closely framed around his relationship with his father who he beats up in the dream world right before his death. We’re introduced to Dan’s dad during his audition for Hamlet. Perhaps in the most obvious parallel, Dan recites Hamlet’s lines as he goes to find his father’s ghost. And of course, this is when Dan’s dad appears as a ghost as well.

Yet, Dan’s narrative with his father seems to buck the expected relationship between father and son. Throughout the play, Hamlet struggles between a desire to fulfill his filial duty and avenge his father and the increasing violence and tragedy this brings. But Dan? In the face of abuse, he chooses to defiantly reject his father and filial piety, accepting and even wishing for his death. In many ways, Dan’s dad is more analogous to Claudius, the usurper and man trying to kill Hamlet. Through his abuse he loses the right to be Dan’s father. 

A shallow oedipal reading of Hamlet, frames Claudius as the father Hamlet is trying to kill, but ignores that this dynamic is born from Claudius’ cruelty. By acknowledging abuse, power, and violence Shadow perhaps takes an interesting step away from a pure Freudian reading. Because ultimately Dan doesn’t want to be his father! In fact, as he speaks with him and beats him up, we can see the way Dan is shaken, not by the act of harming or killing his father, but by the idea of becoming him. His father makes clear that “becoming him” is aligned with ideas about what it means to be a man, to be “the father” within a straight patriarchal society. And in a beautiful moment of clarity and defiance as they discuss what love looks like, Dan clarifies that his mom left his father not him. 

Okay so he "kills" his dad, what about his mom?

To be honest, when I was wrapping up my watch of the episodes, my head went towards the oedipal theory as a crack theory. What if the ghost is his mom, that’d be pretty effed up lol...But now that I’ve seen that the connection isn’t just one I made, it doesn’t seem as far fetched. The scenes between Hamlet and Gertrude in the 1990s film certainly could be an influence on the shadow getting sexual if they went that route. But to be honest I don’t really think they’ll go this way. Or at least I hope not. They’re already doing more nuanced things with the oedipal dynamic. Plus I think there’s more going on if we turn to queerer interpretations anyway.

The Death Drive, Queering Freud, and Queer Time

In Freud’s work, he talked about two opposing forces. The first was the death drive (later termed Thanatos by later psychoanalysts). This was a drive toward destruction that stood opposite to eros or life-producing drives such as sex, survival, and reproduction. 

Now, in 2004, queer theorist Lee Edelman would come in and queer the heck out of these concepts. I’ll be over simplifying Edelman’s points a lot here, but hopefully the core will remain. 

Edelman would point out that the life-drive was often weaponized rhetorically, politically, and socially as a way to reproduce cultural norms. Edelman often writes about "the Child"--that is the mythical idea of a child that we should be building society and the future for. Think of how often the “think of the children” rhetoric gets used in anti-queer politics, for example. In fact, Edelman points to oedipal readings of Hamlet as one way that dominant straight society has attempted to manage a narrative where reproduction and futurity are foreclosed. Oedipal readings of Hamlet, then, could be seen as an attempt to suppress the death drive, to put it out of sight where it can’t cause disruption or anxiety.

Of course, Edelman also notes that the death drive is inherently tied to and projected onto queerness and queer people–onto “those abjected as non-reproductive, anti-social, opposed to viability, and so as threats to the Child who assures and embodies collective survival”. And so, Edelman argues that queer people should embrace the death drive and queer time–that is non-futurity and non-linear, non-productive time. 

So how might these ideas be showing up in Shadow so far?

I might think of even more later, but here’s a short list:

1. All three of our main characters are abjected. Nai is gay, Trin is gay and mentally ill, and Dan is potentially both. I think we could argue that the connection all three of them have to death also quite literally marks them as abjected. And perhaps we could consider how the supernatural elements thematically and symbolically connect to their alterity and the way this is in conflict with social norms. In fact, I’d argue that, unlike Nai and Trin who are explicitly stated to be queer and/or mentally ill, Dan’s alterity is playing out through this more allegorical channel so far. 

2. Literal death as a central focus. 

3. Haunting as a limbo between past and present. This liminality feels very queer here.

4. The idea of vengeful ghosts makes the death drive perpetually present in a way that haunts futurity. Interestingly Edelman describes the death drive as a “negativity that haunts the social order” and which is “projected onto those who occupy the position of the queer.” Haunting has very queer thematic possibilities. 

5. Think of the ghost story told in the market in episode seven. The homophobia on display clearly ties queerness to death in a way that speaks to straight norms and anxieties. 

6. Dan is told by the monk that what is happening has to do with overlapping time frames: past, present, and future

7. Dan often loses his sense of what is real or a dream, but he also has moments where he loses his sense of time and temporality. Notice how when the art statue fell and he saw his classmates dead we jump back to before he even spoke with Nai. It’s not just losing time but jumping back and forth. 

8. Sexy times with a shadow monster are certainly non-(re)productive 

9. We learn that Trin has been trying to change things, disrupt the social norms, but he is shut down and told the school needs to hold onto tradition. While we often think of tradition as referring to the past, it is very much about continuing and reproducing this into the future. School director: "But think of the future Children who won’t get to experience the epic highs and lows of high school hazing”

10. There seems to be a tension at play between Brother Anurak who is trying to get Dan to just stop believing in the shadow (not sure if that's his actual motive but still) and Dan who is slowly starting to embrace the shadow (literally and figuratively). Perhaps this could be read as embracing the death drive and queerness. 

Hamlet, Self-Recognition, and Resistant Reading

Another theme that has often been explored by folks interested in Hamlet is that of self-recognition. The play focuses so very much on Hamlet struggling with his sense of self. And this speaks well to contemporary western ideas of the individual. One scholar, Marjorie Garbor, has noted that “the experience of Hamlet is almost always that of recognition.” While another, John Gouws remarks that Hamlet and Shakespeare’s sonnets both “seem capable of functioning like Rorschach inkblots, by making us reveal (increasingly) more about ourselves the more we try saying something about them.”

It’s interesting to me then that Hamlet and Rorschach tests are both used in Shadow, but they don’t seem to say all that much about Dan. The blot is simply a tool to test if Dan is still seeing the shadow. It isn’t used to psychoanalyze him further. And when Cha-aim asks Dan to compare himself to Hamlet he hilariously just says both their dads are dead. Of course we know that Hamlet’s dad and Dan’s aren’t exactly analogous either. Dan rejects this sort of self-identification. Or perhaps, the play rejects him? At the very least we know that he can’t perform the type of filial love that Hamlet has for his own father.

But perhaps this rejection has queer implications as well. There’s a really lovely article from the perspective of a queer South African director, Thys Heydenrych. He talks about reading and staging Hamlet through a queer and decolonial lens. In his piece he quotes Hanna Kubowitz who discusses queer readers' relationship with texts. She notes that “[b]eing heterosexual has several benefits…One can enter into most cultural narratives…on the basis of simple and satisfying identification.” This of course made me think of the moment when Cha-aim asks Dan to identify with Hamlet.

Whether we read this as an active refusal on Dan’s part or as the play being inhospitable to Dan’s identification, Cha-aim is asking Dan to express and perform identity here. Perhaps this could be read as her asking Dan to narratively self-identify with straight culture and values. It makes sense in the context of her having feelings for him and ties well into the scene where she tries to pick his costume. While Dan isn’t yet identifying as queer, he seems to be dis-identifying from straightness just as he dis-identifies from his father’s version of manhood. 

Still, motifs of self-recognition or the struggle to understand oneself seem to abound. The use of mirrors in episodes 6 and 7 speak to this theme well with the blurring of self and other, while also tying into both horror motifs and the Greek mythology being referenced (Orpheus and Eurydice, narcissus perhaps). Is the shadow a part of him?   

What I’ll be curious to see is how the show chooses to engage with this theme. Will Hamlet continue to serve as a narrative that is inhospitable to identification or will it be queered. There’s a tradition of scholarship that thinks about resistant reading. This is when a reader engages with a text that wasn’t designed with them in mind, but finds potential despite this. Certainly Shakespeare’s work and Hamlet in particular have been interpreted as queer at times, and Hamlet is definitely open to these readings.

When it comes to Shadow, however, I’m interested in what one scholar, Lois Tyson, has asked about resistant reading: “How might the works of heterosexual writers be reread to reveal an unspoken or unconscious lesbian, gay, or queer presence?” This idea of a hidden queer presence speaks well to the idea of haunting. I’m really interested to see how the use of Hamlet as a narrative might speak to the idea of queerness as hidden presence and whether this continues to play out in the second half.  

A few other connections that I want to wait to think on more:

-Madness seems to be a shared theme but I want to see how Shadow handles this as a whole before commenting, but you can check out my post on queer and crip time in The Eighth Sense if you're interested in that element at all

-Power and oppression. Heydenrych’s article mentions a 2010 production that focuses on Denmark’s repressive political system and themes of surveillance, control, and abuse of power. These seem like themes working their way into Shadow but I’d want to be more familiar with the topic in Hamlet

-Suicide. There are versions of Hamlet that heighten this theme further with Gertrude and Ophelia in particular being framed as making attempts. 

-Play within a play and the blurring of fiction and reality

-Decolonial and religious elements

Sources:

Heydenrych, Thys. “‘To tell our Storie’: Reflections on a Queer Adaptation of Hamlet in Twenty-first Century South Africa” Shakespeare in Southern Africa vol 30, 2017. pp. 43-55

Edelman, Lee. “Against Survival: Queerness in a Time That’s Out of Joint” Shakespeare Quarterly, 62.2, 2011. pp. 148-169.

Edelman, Lee. No Future: Queer Theory and The Death Drive. Duke University Press, 2004.

Note: Most other sources were mentioned in the Heydenrych piece

#shadow the series #my meta #hamlet #shadow the series meta #meta #my posts #thai bl #queer series #bl series

[gothhabiba]

Plug-in’s [company hired by Moroccan broadcasting company 2M to dub foreign media] team included translators who wrote scripts in Moroccan Arabic, Standard Arabic and French. Plug-in co-director Chraïbi explained that “Nous avons dû ‘créer’ un nouveau langage… une nouvelle darija, qui ne soit ni trop casablancaise, ni trop fassie, ni trop chamalie, ni trop vulgaire” (Ziraoui 2009), ‘we had to create a new language… a new Moroccan Arabic, that isn’t too Casablancan, too Fessi, too Northern or too vulgar’ (my translation). For example, curse words in the original language recording were not translated into the curse words commonly associated with the speech of inner city Casablanca residents, but instead were changed or removed altogether. This ideology that the work at Plug-in consisted of creating a neutral or an unmarked variety of Moroccan Arabic that “everybody” could listen to and understand was one I heard repeatedly from voice actors and staff at Plug-in. It was a position that aligned with the generally held ideology discussed in Chapter 1 that Moroccan Arabic was the lingua franca of Morocco. As shown earlier in the present chapter, however, the observation was made by viewers that the variety of Moroccan Arabic used in dubbing was not neutral, for various reasons, including that it was marked too strongly as Casablancan and that the lexical items chosen were ‘dirty’ and ‘rough.’ Indeed, the fact that there are no ideologically “neutral” translations, in that all translations involve the negotiation and discursive construction of social and linguistic relations of power, is one that has long been recognized by linguists and anthropologists (Jaffe 1999b). The basic assumption by Plug-in that a Moroccan Arabic translation would be understood by “all” Moroccans[] erased a significant body of viewers who were monolingual Tamazight speakers. My question to employees at Plug-in if serious consideration was ever given to creating a Tamazight translation of a foreign series was met with laughter and incredulity.

— Jennifer Lee Hall, Debating Darija: Language Ideology and the Written Representation of Moroccan Arabic in Morocco (PhD dissertation), 2015, pp. 210-11

Jaffe, Alexandra 1999b Locating Power: Corsican Translators and Their Critics. In Language Ideological Debates. J. Blommaert, ed. Language, Power and Social Process, Vol. 2. Berlin: Mouton de Gruyter.

Ziraoui, Youssef 2009 Darija. Série Je T’aime, Série Je T’adore.

#Jennifer Lee Hall #Morocco #Tamazight #Darija

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump

Let's Talk Whump is a series of interviews with the wonderful members of the whump community. I'm Malice and I'll be your host. Joining us today is the one and only @oddsconvert !

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump! Do you mind sharing a little about yourself?

Hi there, I’m Shannon! I’m a 21 year old psychology and criminology graduate from the UK! My favourite colour is yellow. I basically have a zoo of pets bahaha; I have four cats, a dog, a rabbit, two rats, three fish and two tarantulas (not mine - they terrify the life out of me!)

When I’m not whumping and traumatising my fictional babies, I love to crochet, listening to/playing music (I play piano, guitar, clarinet and ukulele), and I’m currently teaching myself to draw…for whump purposes ;)

What does whump mean to you? 

For me, whump is freedom and release. Not only is it enjoyable, almost like scratching an itch? But it’s cathartic, and what I now see as a healthy coping mechanism for managing difficult feelings and a way to navigate my own trauma. Although, looking back, whump has been something that’s always been an interest of mine since early childhood, and has stuck ever since! Like rewinding disney films when the princes get tied up ahahah.

And also the comfort element of whump, I think it also helps me explore wants and desires in my own life. Writing my caretakers and their fierce protectiveness, and unconditional care over whumpees feels like it heals a part of me that maybe needed that at times. It gives you such a heartwarming feeling when you see these characters go through hell and back, and have someone to fall on at the end who will be there through thick and thin, regardless how choppy the water gets. 

And how did you find the whump community? What made you want to join? 

I used to scour pinterest for writing prompts! I only ever wrote in private, I’ve never EVER shared my work publicly before and never dreamed I would. But the more and more whumpy pins I was saving I was like “hmmm. These all come from the same site! Let’s go check that out” and then I scrolled the  #whump tag for endless hours instead of doing my university dissertation. I remember coming across @deluxewhump and @darkthingshappen first!

At first I joined as a faceless, lurking blog. I really wanted to hop in and join all the creators I was loving so far but I was terrified. I think I had a bio as something like “working up the courage to post.” And then some lovely anon sent me my first ask saying they’d love to see what I’d post! And I slowly crept out of my shell and bit by bit started building my profile and adding my name and posting my whump drabbles!

Pinterest whump prompts gang rise up! That’s exactly how I found the community too! Has your view on whump changed since you joined? 

I used to be ashamed of liking whump. Like it was some dirty little secret that made me a terrible person and I should keep it to myself. Hide it at all costs. Since joining, and interacting with this world-wide community of whump enjoyers, I realised it’s not something that should be taboo. If anything, it almost feels normal! Look how many thousands love it! And every single whump creator I’ve had the pleasure of meeting has been so kind, supportive and such genuine people! 

It really feels like coming home when you find the whump community and realise you’re not a weirdo! Would you like to share your favourite whump tropes? 

I’ve definitely discovered more about my whump taste! I used to just purely like captivity whump, usually with creepy/intimate whumpers. That was always my go to. Now? I’ve discovered SO many tropes I never even knew about and love! BBU?! Pet whump, whumper turned whumpee, bad caretaker, vampire whump, sickfics, hero/villain and so much more! 

Non-optional, you have to share a favourite piece you've written? Hype yourself up, we want to hear it!

Without a doubt, my first ever chapter of ‘Shattered’ - my bloodbag whumpee/vampire whump series. I’m usually very self-critical of my writing, but I really love how this one came out and how well it was written. I pretty much never get whumperflies off my own writing, but my poor sweet Declan - just living dead and the way Vince is forced to take care of him. 

But also honorary mention - my latest chapter of ‘Play Pretend’ . Play Pretend is my baby, and it was the first chapter of this series I had beta’d by my wonderful friend @whumpcereal and I felt like she just took it to the next level and kicked it up a notch. Josh’s fear and exhaustion came to life and I really enjoyed writing his inner monologue!

You weren’t kidding about the whumperflies in “Shattered”! Hot damn! What's your writing schedule usually look like? 

Night time for sure! Dead of night - 3am most often ahaha. I’m a night owl, through and through. I’ll try and write in the day and nothing comes and then night comes and I’m like brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, whole chapter done! I usually have some music on in the background, sometimes I make a specific playlist for whatever vibe I’m feeling! And I mostly write when the inspiration strikes, as much as I can get out until the motivation vanishes.

And do you find that the words flow better for somethings than others?

For me, I find it really easy to write my creepy/intimate whumper scenes. For Play Pretend, writing Felix’s deranged and creepy obsession with Josh just comes so naturally (maybe I should be concerned…). The way he’s so unsettling but so adoring with how he speaks to Josh and touches him, I could write it in a heartbeat.

More recently I’ve been trying to delve into the nsfw portions of whump and writing. But I’m a newbie with it, and I really struggle with writing it or making it sound good. 

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

My usual schedule swings around, I update my series in an order. It tends to be, A Taste of Your Own Medicine, Shattered, then Play Pretend - and I’ve just updated ATOYOM so Shattered is up next! I’m primarily working on a flashback chapter with August currently! But I dot in and out of future chapters too.

I also have planned future whump series to come whenever my current ones finish up! But that’s a little while off yet. 

Give us some writing advice. Bless us with your wisdom, oh awesome one!!!!!

I WILL SCREAM THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS - WRITE FOR YOU!

Never ever write based on what you think people like/don’t like.  The absolute joy in writing is the freedom in putting the pen to paper, or cursor to doc , and just letting your imagination run wild. Your audience is out there. People that will love and cheer for your writing, and I think you can really tell when an author has enjoyed and had fun with what they’ve written. There’s no good in getting bogged down with what others think. 

Write for you, post for you, and if others hop along for the ride - all the better!

Is there anyone you’d like to give a shout-out to?

I love absolutely everyone in this community, I’m gonna tag so many people - my besties alongside some of my favourite blogs and creators. Ily all you talented people. 

@whumpcereal @darkthingshappen @sparrowsage @quietly-by-myself @whumpsday @for-the-love-of-angst @emmettnet @turn-the-tables-on-them @yetanotheraltwhumpblog @kira-the-whump-enthusiast @pigeonwhumps @whumpshaped @t0rture-me @ha-ha-one @not-a-space-alien @whump-queen @justsomewhumpee @livelaughwhump @writereleaserepeat and I’M PROBABLY MISSING SOME BUT YOU’RE ALL AWESOME

Finally, anything you'd like to add? 

The whump community has quickly started to feel like home to me, I have a lotta love for whumpblr and every soul I’ve met here! Thank you so much for having me and to whoever nominated me!

It’s been a pleasure! 

Happy whumping, people!

Thank you so much for joining us today, @oddsconvert! And to all you awesome folk at home, have a whump-derful day!

[anghraine]

Hello! Sorry if this seems out of the blue and naive, but I have to ask: Do you write about P&P on an academic level and if so, is the fact that you write thoughtful near-academic content about it on social media detrimental to that? Basically I am trying to ask this:

Are you allowed to write academically about something after you wrote so much about it on social media? Especially since what you write about it isn’t, you know, “memes”, but textual analysis?

Again, sorry if this sounds weird and ignorant, but I also wrote extensively about my favorite novel on here and I also one day want to write about it on an academic level, but I don’t know if it is “allowed”, so to speak?

Sorry if this is a personal question. You can answer it in private if you want to or ignore it.

Hello! It's no problem.

I've written about P&P for grad school (both in my MA and PhD) and a bit in my dissertation, but much more about Mansfield Park. That's about all I've done with P&P academically. I've actually had more ... let's say, success as externally defined with early modern (Renaissance) stuff, which I also specialized in. So there's that.

But there's also the fact that my style and approach are quite different between academia and fandom. My Tumblr style is probably more academia-adjacent than is usual (partly for autism reasons, to be sure), but it's still comparatively casual for me and integrates fandom conventions far more than my academic work, so even when I talk about ideas that I initially was thinking through in Tumblr posts, I handle the discussion differently in an academic context and tend to advance it very differently.

So there's not much of a connection in terms of my colleagues and there isn't really anyone who's going to say, well, this basic point in the larger discussion was already made in a different context on anghraine dot tumblr dot com, you don't get to talk about it. I do avoid talking about ideas that strike me as really novel or really specific to me on social media, though.

That said, while I've maintained some separation between my Anghraine social media presence and my academic one, a lot of academics rely on social media to publicize their work and engage with other academics (for better and worse) outside the glacial pace of academic publishing.

I used to have a Twitter account for that (before the reign of Musk) and I'd just ramble on about academic stuff, including Austen, and it was usually in respect to Austen that I'd have really interesting conversations with considerably more advanced academics than me. People aren't going to want to share so much that full publications are meaningless, but they do often share enough to participate in academic discourses.

But another factor for me personally is that I actually try to avoid mixing full-throttle academic work and the works I love the most. People talk a lot about finding a way to commodify integrate what you love most into work and making it a kind of vocation, but for me, at least, that does not remotely work. It just drains the joy out of something I used to love.

I could have specialized in sci-fi/fantasy scholarship, for instance, and it would likely have been much easier in some ways, but it would also likely have soured me on SF/F (my great love otherwise). That was one of the main reasons I decided not to do it and instead went with things that interested me quite a bit, but not too much. So I tend to shy away from thoroughly mixing things that are extremely important and joyful for me with academia.

When it comes to stories I love, I kind of relate to them like a dragon with a hoard, you know? Nobody's going to take this from me! So a lot of the things I write about academically have rarely or never shown up in my fandom content because I maintain that bit of distance.

So it can be a bit complicated. I would say that I imagine publicizing some ideas makes them less likely to be published, but at other times, it's helpful in connecting with people and becoming part of academic discourse. It really depends, which is probably not very useful despite the length of this response. But there aren't many people who are in a position to allow or disallow me to write professionally about whatever I want and am professionally equipped to discuss.

#faintingheroine #respuestas #ivory tower blogging #long post #austen blogging

[ofbreathandflame]

Honestly I was one of the people who didn’t care about Lyria (beyond the first pets of her plot is Iron Gold but tbh I wasn’t paying attention anyways) and brushed past people’s sentiments of actively separating and disregarding her from the arc. And damn, I was wrong. You describe her wonderfully. I pushed through Dark Age again the part few days and with your posts in my hindsight, it was a really good experience. Her dialogue and inner monologue is objectively effective but also so insanely touching on the personal levels

Hi anon!!!!

I honestly had a whole ESSAY in the works but this anon really made me jump with joy when I saw it💜💜 I just found Lyria (and Ephraim) to be such important characters for the story. I feel like there a return to the heart of the series in a way, and a lot of the critiques I had for the series were addressed with Iron Gold - which honestly is my favorite book in the series, thematically. I just thought Pierce did a great job of showing Lyria as a parallel character to Darrow at the beginning, while showing the ways Virginia and Darrow were different from Octavia. I loved that her anger was validated by the story, that all of the complexity of her position wasn't shoved down in order to prop everyone up. Instead, the story allowed our main characters to realize (1) how the intentions, while good, were ineffective and (2) that the only way to address the problems is to acknowledge it. It's just refreshing to see Brown build a dialogue between Lyria and Virginia (and later Victra) instead of writing a caricature of them in which these characters learn nothing from one another. Or even little moments where Lyria ponders about being a Gamma, and how they (on a microlevel) were kind of interpolated into a system that thrived off the backs of the other clans. It's just nice to see a women of color be given complex emotions that don't make her a villain and don't get invalidated.

Having a balance between characters at the top of the society and the people at the very low of the series seems like an important thing. It made me love all of the characters more for it. Just watching Lyria struggle with losing her identity, and then in the limbo state where she's promised something that seems like it'll never come, and then have her suddenly lose even that along with her entire family. Only for her to be thrust into this high struggle battle where she feels even smaller, where she has access to power, but is so full of hate she doesn't know how to express it. To see her go from that to a girl who would start a mini rebellion and risk her life for others while gaining confidence in her abilities. Literally couldn't have asked for a better story for her.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I swear I'm sorry for keeping this anon waiting, but it made me too excited and I had to just scrap the dissertation I had wrote.

#haha this ended up being kind of long too #so you know the og draft was crazy #but thank you anon i loved this so much #lyria of lagalos #red rising #darrow of lykos #iron gold #dark age #anon reply

[bcbdrums]

📂 Go fam HC's?

Thank you for the ask!!!!

First of all, unpopular opinion but I do not headcanon that their names follow the first-letter format. So, no H-name for Hego, no Sh-name for Shego... It's something I just can't stand. I get why people do it, it fits with the KP universe... Still, I just cannot.

But, moving on from that.

This....this is gonna be long. Sorry not sorry. Huge Go fam dissertation under the cut.

Hego (I apologize in advance for the mini-fic you're about to read and that my HC's about the others aren't nearly as broad)

Brendan is his name. I HC a bit of an Incredibles world in his mind from the very beginning of the movie, where he sees all his actions as pure and all "evil" must be stopped no matter what. Has multiple blind spots, and Shego's leaving didn't really do anything to take those away. No, what took those away were his girlfriend... One day he was forced to save a girl from a hit and run without changing into costume, there was no time. And as he was out of costume he had no excuse to vanish. And he didn't want to, seeing this lovely girl with the soft brown hair and kind, inviting eyes that suggested she would hear everything he ever had to say and happily. So he started dating Sarah and eventually told her the truth. He cared enough about her to reveal his secret identity. But the hero world still had its hold on him, and he could never say the L-word to her. And she knew... She knew that he was trapped in that world. So when she went away to college they didn't officially break up, but she just...stopped returning calls or answering letters. And he knew too, after the first few weeks, but he didn't want to admit it to himself... And over time, he found that missing Sarah not only distracted him from hero-work... But it was more important to him. He really, REALLY struggles to wrap his mind around this. His solution however is just to take Shego's parting advice to him... To go to college. So he finally, secretly and sheepishly, enrolls in a university and hopes he'll one day be able to work through whatever it is that he is... Less for himself... And more for the hope that Sarah might still be there when he can make himself worthy of her someday. (This story of Sarah is a WIP I've never finished btw lol maybe I'll be inspired now or maybe I'll be satisfied since I tossed it out into the public finally after like four years.)

Shego

Her name is Rachel. I could have honestly gone with Rhonda or Roxanne, and even now I lean toward Rhonda the most strongly. But Rachel is what I wrote into fic, so that's what I'll stick with. She's possibly the most tragic of the siblings. The only girl in a family of boys who are all so extremely boy. And then the comet... Family falls apart... They're put under the custody and rule of Global Justice, as weapons to be used at their whims. Not all of this is revealed to the children really, but Shego knows. No mother to help her in anything growing up, no real life at all... She wanted to be a cheerleader. She really, really, wanted to be part of that crowd. To do her hair and makeup and nails and wear the uniform and stand on top of the pyramid, to feel like she was flying, but even more to feel that support of the people holding her up--friends who she knew would have her, both in that moment and metaphorically... People she could invite in and trust. But she couldn't have that. She had to have a secret identity. And she had to go out on missions instead of to high school football games. So it was a dream never realized. She finally DID leave though, went to college, chose teaching mostly because the only worlds she knew were GJ hero-work and...going to school. Nothing else existed in her life. She tried to get custody of her younger brothers, but it never worked out. And the teaching... She was simply a fish out of water. She tried. She genuinely, truly, tried to be a normal person for about a year out of college. But she had no skills, no support, and didn't know how to ask for help and even if she did...wouldn't have known what to ask. So she left. She gave on on hero work and gave up on being normal. The only freedom at all was in a blue-skinned man who didn't know her name when she walked into the room. She wasn't the celebrity. She was a stranger to him, and finally for the first time in her life had a fully clean slate. She could finally find and make herself, and did so at the side of another person who life had done dirty, and who never, ever judged her for anything at all. It was the first thing about Drakken that made her look at him more closely, and she learned how to be a friend, an enemy, a family, and a life partner through him.

Mego

His name is Brody. I just see tall wiry guys with that name. Maybe cuz of Adrien Brody lol I only just realized that connection, that's exactly the reason. Anyway. Uh. Actually... I got nothing. I had zero feelings for this character when watching the show and anything I have right now is just whatever is in my fic "Forget the Days Gone By" which I don't remember and I'm too lazy to link sorry and...yeah this is just not a character I care about. The one who cares about him is @gothicthundra and anything I could try to say about him here would just be her fantastic headcanons, sooooooo ask her haha.

Wego

Names are Dylan and Alex. Dylan after one of the Sprouse brothers and Alex after one of the twin bro characters on Full House. Yeah that's it for these two as well. I got nothing. Except well...I guess since they were given their powers and sucked into being heroes at infancy, they'd be the most deluded and have the most to gain from escaping it all someday. And I headcanon that Shego adores them and wants to take them away but she never could, Hego and GJ (the evil overlords responsible for Team Go in my headcanon) would never allow it... Yeah sorry I am just into into them.

All right I'm not as lazy as I thought. Here is my Team Go backstory/Shego backstory fic, Forget the Days Gone By. Sorry this lost steam halfway through. I'm just not into Team Go.

#kim possible #team go #hego #shego #mego #wego

[mademoiselle-red]

Reading the Renault fandom dissertation, part 5: more Renault fandom analysis

An academic, Jui-an Chou, wrote about us, online fans of Mary Renault’s works, as part of her phd dissertation in 2018 at Duke University. As the subject of her research, I have a few thoughts.

(Here is part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4 and part 6 of my series of posts on this TC fandom study)

In part 5, we continue with Chou’s analysis of the online Renault fandom, with the focus now shifted to tumblr fan art. The dissertation does not credit the artist of the piece below, but the tumblr source link takes us to @februeruri, a popular fan artist for both TC and Renault’s Greek novels.

Here is what Chou has to say about the artwork above:

“In contrast to the previous artwork, this piece strips away the Greek setting, leaving two young male bodies at the center of the work, again engaging in suggestive gestures and looks. Both artworks incorporate Renault’s novel but strip away its references to Greek life, politics, and the historical specificity of Greek pederasty, extracting only the young male couple that embodies the ideal of romance and erotic tension in slash/BL aesthetics.”

I think Chou’s argument that the artwork strips away historical specificity in order to focus on idealized romance are unreasonable and slightly absurd. The art work above faithfully depicts a scene from The Last of the Wine where the two protagonists are on an isolated beach where they share an erotically charged moment. Since the scene takes place outside their familiar urban environment and away from the presence of other people, an artistic adaptation of it cannot be reasonably expected to depict Greek life, politics, and institutions. Just as no one would reasonably expect an artist drawing a modern greek couple skinny dipping on an isolated beach in 2023 to also portray contemporary Greek life, politics, and institutions in the same image.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Chou’s decision to focus on fan art for Renault’s works is not only flawed but also conveniently serves her argument that Renault’s online fans fail to engage with the “reality” of queer life. Unlike Japanese BL manga, which uses text alongside illustrations to convey its messages & storytelling, online fan art does not, as a genre, usually use text to flesh out the context of its subject matter and explore its ties to historical and present reality. Instead, historical specificity and analysis is more likely to be found in fan fiction and meta (fan analysis posts & discussions), where the primary medium is text.

“These fan artworks suggest a new way to read Renault’s male homoerotic historical novels. For slash/BL fans, history is but an excuse to indulge in a homoerotic narrative that is disengaged from modern gay politics due to its distance from the contemporary world.”

By choosing to focus her close analysis only on illustration (and completely ignoring fan fiction and fan essays), Chou sets up the online Renault fandom to fail her test of “historical specificity” and intellectual engagement with modern gay politics (not to mention that literature & fiction does not have an obligation to engage in politics. Why make art or write fiction in the first place when you can write a treatise?).

This flawed methodology enables her to then come to the to conclusion that:

“History, both of ancient Greece and Renault’s mid-twentieth century, serve as fantasy material for 21st-century fans. History promises a world in which beautiful boys are free to fall in love with each other without social persecution and without the need to “congregate” and to wave banners in the streets. In this sense, Renault’s relationship to politics is surprisingly closer to her 21st-century fans than to her gay readers in the 1950s to the 1970s.”

Chou once again makes a baseless assumption that we (the online fans of Renault’s works) all agree with Renault’s political views and don’t care about LGBTQ+ political rights. First of all, fandom spaces are not primarily spaces for political activism & organizing. I do care about my political rights, but fandom is a place for fun & socializing! I don’t want to devote every aspect of my life to politics. That’s exhausting! Besides, there are plenty of online spaces devoted to queer political work. Furthermore, because Chou chose to ignore the fan fiction and analysis produced by the online communities she studied, she was unable to see all the ways that many fan writers did engage with “real issues” such as internalized homophobia, trauma, persecution, conflicts within the queer community, the desire and struggle to find belonging and love.

As Ralph Lanyon would say, she’s working up queerness into a religion, rather than just something that one simply is.

Continued in part 6

#the charioteer #fandom writes back #mary renault

[bedlamsbard]

700 words written today -- I'm doing more SHIELDRA AU for my little concept writing project, but it's me so instead of doing any of the cute stuff it's *waves vaguely*. I also worked on my dissertation today, so at least there's that.

Snippet from WS Steve AU concept (which is a very misleading name, but I'm not changing the nickname).

“Nick got away,” he told her after he had given her the Cliff’s Notes of the situation over at SHIELD – much worse than he had given out, Peggy had found out later, since there were still active sieges going on at half a dozen SHIELD stations worldwide even while he had been sitting in her room drinking tea.  “We’re doing what we can to find him, but cleaning up SHIELD is going to take priority.  Besides, he knows the entire playbook – he wrote the playbook, at least the parts of it that you and Howard Stark didn’t write.” “You’re absolutely certain?” Peggy had asked.  “Turning us against each other is the sort of thing our enemies have tried in the past –” Pierce had put down his teacup to gesture one-handed at the sling on his left arm.  “I got this when he shot me.  Personally.”  He picked up his teacup again.  “I wish I had any doubt at all.” Peggy nodded slowly.  “Will you be all right?” He smiled a little.  “Flesh wound.  It will take us months – probably years – to untangle all the damage he and his people have done.  We’re not sure yet how deep it goes.  I’m sure you can imagine the calls I’m getting right now.” “Certainly an eventful start to a new administration,” Peggy observed.

#daily fic snippet #ws steve au concept tag

[iread-studies]

03.08.2023 || Soooo remember me talking about how I was going to work on my dissertation starting last Monday? That didn't happen lol. I'm not even sure why I've been procrastinating this, I must journal to find out, I guess.

Things I did these last few days instead of working on my dissertation:

Created a profile on a website

Applied to a paid internship

Watched Shiny Happy People

Watched 3 movies in a day

Wrote a letter

I could have at least finished reading the book I'm reading

But also, I self-shaped my eyebrows today! I think I did a decent job of it considering that it was my first time :)

Things to do today:

Hindi Duolingo

Yoga

Make lunch

Have lunch

Go pick up moisturizer from the shop I ordered it in (i'm excited) (but let's hope it's the right kind) [it wasn't but also it was? i'm confused]

Prepare package to be shipped off

Finish reading book I'm reading

Journal to find out what the hell is wrong with me

DO NOT watch movies

#studyblr #studyinspo #studying #uniblr #collegeblr #uni student #student life #study motivation #langblr #dissertation #notebook #notes #productivity #journal #journaling #to do list #diary entry #journal entry

[destinyc1020]

So cute new pics of z in New York wearing the his and hers bulgari rings again, his pinky ring, the silver diamond earrings and necklace shes been wearing a lot lately which was no doubt from Tom and also it appears one of his watches that we’ve seen him in a lot. She was like while my guy is busy working today I’m gonna wear all of his stuff lol they are too cute honestly I love how they share everything, clothes shoes jewrelly whatever haha. Also I wonder if z has finished her scenes for dune or if she just has a decent amount of time off cause she’s still in New York. Just really does show their commitment to each other and how important time is with each other cause knowing she was going to come to New York and spend such a decent amount of time there yet he still went to Budapest to spend time with her first and then just had a quick few hours stopover in London instead of spending those days in London and meeting her in New York they are so dedicated to each other, and to all those people complaining he’s family and friends understand that’s how it is when your in a serious committed relationship that person is your priority. I’m sure she’s been visiting Tom on set too while she’s been there unfortunately tcr doesn’t seem to be filming outdoors at the moment though so we don’t get to see any sightings. Honestly though I live for their love and they have shown me not to accept anything less for myself like Tom has shown if a guy wants to he will, all these other celebs couples that breakup and use distance as the issue are full of shit cause all your really saying is you weren’t invested enough tiny he relationship or into the person enough to put in the effort even when sometimes it’s harder and your apart for longer cause Tom and z have shown if you want to be with that person then you will make it work. Sorry this was so long

Wow....and I thought I wrote dissertations! LOL 😅🤣 Jkjkjkjk lol But anyway, yea I love their love. They're trying to make things work for them, and it seems to be working quite well! TZ have been back together since 2020, and are almost about to surpass how long they dated each other the first time! So, they're still going strong, even despite them living on two different continents. We love to see it. 🥰

And honestly, at this point, can we really say that they live on two different continents lol? 😅 Tom has been living more in the US than in London since 2020 as far as I'm concerned lol.

RE: Long-distance.... I just wanted to say however that just because two people CAN'T make it long-distance it doesn't mean that they weren't into each other. Some people just can't do long-distance relationships for whatever reason. LDRs aren't for everyone. 🤷You try to make it work, but in the end if it doesn't really work, then it's best to just break up amicably so that both of you can find people locally who you might be better suited for. But when two people ARE making it work even despite the long-distance, that most certainly means that they are deeply in love and are in it for the long-haul, because otherwise, it would have crumbled long time ago. Some couples are able to handle the LD type of rlshp much better than others.

[1016anon]

Title: Four Tulips Author: 1016anon Fandom: Bridgerton Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma Summary/Intro: Debate moderator: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Anthony: Yes.

Kate: It depends.

Debate moderator: …

Anthony: The falling tree makes a sound because sound is a well defined physical phenomenon wherein vibrations are propagated through some medium such as air or water. It exists independently of human observation.

Kate: You presuppose that such a medium exists in this hypothetical forest with hypothetical falling trees. If the tree falls in space, it would not make a sound as there is no medium through which an acoustic wave could travel.

Anthony: Must you always?!

--

A/N - Hi you-know-who-you-are. I wrote this thing. Maybe it will be finished. Maybe it won't. But I hope you enjoy its ridiculousness! (Lol also for those of you who like chess, no offense intended. It's my own inside joke thing.)

"I cannot stand her!"

Simon rolled his eyes. He decided to take the high road and refrained from saying here we go again.

"I don't see why Kate shouldn't be captain of the debate team," Daphne said, well aware she was riling her brother up but also determined to make a point. "She was the one who carried the team to victory for the semifinals."

"Only because she got a topic on post-colonial influence in the world! She's practically written a dissertation on the topic!"

"That sounds like a good thing, Anthony," Francesca-- who could normally be relied upon to support her brother, replied. "You certainly wouldn't have won that debate."

Anthony huffed.

"I'll have you know, Kate has argued with me on the subject so many times, I anticipated every point she brought up."

"And you would have taken all the credit, given none of it to Kate, and decided you were a subject matter expert from that point forward," Eloise retorted. "God save us from the mansplainers."

He hated it when the triplets ganged up on him. El always argued against him; Daph was, as the eldest triplet by fourteen minutes, always determined to keep the peace; but it was Fran's betrayal that cut to the quick.

Yes, he was dramatic. Benedict often suggested he should have taken up theatre instead. Anthony had frowned at him and asked what could possibly be enjoyable about auditioning for The Crucible, which was one of the most depressing things he'd read in a while. Besides, who would he argue with? Mrs. Featherington considered herself something of a dramaturg.

Anthony had read those scripts Colin brought home. Every year, Mrs. Featherington insisted they put on a performance of her latest play, which was usually some overwrought period drama. Anthony would rather join those obnoxious pricks in the chess team-- they all considered themselves geniuses-- than find out how Mrs. Featherington was going to butcher The Crucible.

Benedict, who worked designing set pieces and drawing the very attractive, enticing posters promoting the school plays (Anthony always felt like he ought to report his brother to a consumer protection bureau for deceptive advertising), shrugged and said at least they could recycle the costumes. He was more than happy to relinquish costuming duties to a new girl-- Sophie something-or-other.

Simon was suppressing a smile. No one knew it, but Anthony did. That's what happened when you were attached at the hip since preschool. Simon was the triple threat: captain of the mathletes (led the team to fourth place-- the first time the school had ever gotten that far in the rankings), winner at state's in cross-country last year, and handsome to boot.

It was unfair, because Simon admitted that when he was running, he was usually thinking about some difficult math problem; by some stroke of nefarious magic, it would almost always solve itself towards the end of the race and he would put in a burst of extra speed because he needed to write the solution it down.

Then again, Anthony fenced. And excelled at fencing, because he was usually thinking of all the counterarguments he would have made against Kate during practice the other day.

The point was, Simon was suppressing a smile. Which meant he thought Anthony was being deliberately obtuse.

Come to think of it, Simon had been suppressing his smile often these days.

Anthony chewed very noisily and viciously on baby carrots and slurped his juice box. Yes, he liked juice boxes. They came in the format of boxes, which meant he could organize his lunch bag in an optimal configuration. Anthony watched youtube videos of Japanese people creating bento boxes, wishing he had such organizational and culinary talent.

The only talent he really had was arguing (his inner Fran came to his rescue and told him to stop feeling sorry for himself, he had many skills, one of which was to look pretty). But it had served him very well. They had an unusual family and had been subjected to many remarks, to put it politely, over the years. Anthony's natural protective instincts reared its handsome head and just... stayed there, like a sea monster who decided the view was better above the surface.

He didn't have the full story of how CDEF came into his life, but part of it was that his father was very wealthy and his grandparents, as a condition of accessing the trust fund, required Edmund (and his siblings) to engage in at least twenty hours of community service.

It was how he met Violet, a social worker who found his idealism and good intentions charming (most would have, and had, found it off-putting; Edmund was given several harsh lessons about privilege and that this job was not a hobby to make rich white men feel better about themselves. Edmund took those lectures to heart, but was of the sort of disposition who always looked for the glass of orange juice, never mind half empty or half full).

Something something (Anthony didn't care about the details of his parents' dating), they got married, had Anthony-- a difficult pregnancy-- then Violet's birth control failed and they had Benedict shortly afterwards-- another extremely difficult pregnancy. They decided to have Edmund get a vasectomy.

Violet and Edmund knew they could not save every child in the system. They knew the system failed so many children, and it often felt like a a hopeless battle. But they somehow managed to draw healthy boundaries between their job and their home life-- a lot of it probably had to do with the individual and couples therapy they went to, the support Edmund's siblings gave, and the fact they had two young children of their own.

But then--

But then-- Anthony was twelve, Benedict ten--

Col was ten, Daph, El, and Fran were nine. All from the same family. A horrifying story involving gangs, drug wars, DEA stings, sealed court records-- CDEF had their names changed for their own safety-- things Anthony still didn't know. Violet and Edmund volunteered to keep the children in protective custody. When the dust settled, CDEF's parents were dead, their closest relations were in prison or deported to an unnamed country in Central/South America (those records were also sealed). The chances that CDEF would all be adopted together were slim to none.

In the meantime, four Latino children thrown into a new neighborhood, all of them with a history of severe neglect and conditioned to endure the abuse-- they were easy pickings for the school playground.

Anthony and Simon started a lot of fistfights, which Colin, taking his cues from Anthony, soon joined. (Sometimes Benedict joined. Mostly he went to get the teachers before it devolved into Anthony and Simon holding a kid down to make him eat his own socks.)

Thus began the many, many sessions of therapy for anger management (for all the boys) and lectures on "Use your words, Anthony," which led to Anthony yelling and insulting and generally using words too large for other children (or himself, to be honest) to understand. But something about facing off Anthony Bridgerton's ferocious temper (Simon and Benedict standing menacingly behind him) and his history of stuffing a kid's nose with their own non-toxic Crayola markers seemed to get a point across.

What that point was aside from "you bully my siblings, I'll make you choke on wood chips," no one would know. Anthony's first forays into "debate" were rather one-sided.

Violet and Edmund decided to adopt Col, Daph, El, and Fran. Simon, Ant, and Ben were essentially siblings by the end of the two years the children had been in their protective custody. The children had settled into the neighborhood, did well at school, had friends-- ripping them away from that was cruel. It would be... a lot... to adopt four children, but Violet and Edmund couldn't in good conscience abandon them.

So, Anthony's siblings-- who had, in his mind, been his siblings the moment he threw his first punch on their behalf-- became his siblings legally. (Simon was another story. It could be summarized as: they lived in the same neighborhood; Simon's dad was a POS; Simon pushed Anthony in the mud when Anthony had made fun of his stutter; they became best friends. Children were mysterious.)

And now here he was, betrayed by his best friend and his sisters. The only reason why Col and Ben hadn't joined in the razzing was because they had a different lunch period.

No doubt Anthony's grousing would reach the ears of Edwina also. She and Eloise were dating. It was liking living with a spy.

He exaggerated. El didn't care enough about Anthony's debate team woes to talk about them with Eddie. They had much more important things to do, like reading Simone de Beauvoir.

Which brought him to Kate. Sharma. Kathani Sharma.

The absolute bane of his existence ever since seventh grade.

--

The rivalry began, as all great rivalries did, with a complete misunderstanding which was relatively easy to clear up, and subsequently had been cleared up because their friends were annoyed by their complaints, but by then it was too late.

The hatred was entrenched.

It was rooted deep. Nothing short of a drill designed to extract ice cores from the Antarctic could resolve it now. They were sworn enemies.

They both didn't remember what the misunderstanding was, but it was the principle of it, Siena, don't you understand? I don't care if he's cute, no, please, go ahead and date him as long as you don't bring him to our movie nights-- Siena! Siena!!!!

The misunderstanding was that Anthony was blessed with the worst (best) sense of timing when it came to Kate. She always seemed to hear the tail end of a joke which was not sexist, it had been approved by Eloise, for god's sakes, why don't you ever listen to what I'm actually saying?!

The point was, no one remembered the misunderstanding (except Simon. Simon had a terrifyingly sharp memory, one he liberally used against Anthony when his friend was being a prick. But Simon wasn't going to rehash that entire sordid history because since Anthony and Kate didn't remember their own misunderstanding, they argued about who had the correct understanding of the misunderstanding, which was Simon's cue to silently leave them in an empty classroom. Alone. Unfortunately, that plan never seemed to work. But one must make do with what one has).

Kate's own history with debate was because she had immigrated to the States when she was in elementary school and had been mercilessly teased for her accent. She worked extremely hard to iron it out but found that even when she had, the children found other things to pick on her about.

Using her newly found voice, Kate discovered she had a talent for delivering vicious tongue-lashings which left the children paralyzed like shrimp tangled in a jellyfish; not know why they were stuck with fear in their hearts yet knowing they were going to be eaten alive all the same.

She used her talents to defend (and subsequently befriend) Siena, who was beautiful but not the right kind of beautiful, and therefore the target of taunts by other girls. Siena was scrappy and could fight on her own but that was the problem; she fought, physically. Kate volleyed insults that no one quite understood until three days later, when the lightbulb moment happened and they realized what "face that would turn a Gorgon to stone" actually meant.

The first year of middle school, neither Kate nor Anthony had any classes together. They passed each other in the halls constantly and traded insults.

"Congratulations on your math test, Bridgerton. Who knew you were so square that even a cube root left you rational?"

Simon nearly spit out his water, coughing because it went down the wrong pipe.

Anthony was tempted to thank her because he heard the word rational so surely it couldn't be that bad, but given Simon's reaction, it probably really was that bad.

"What?"

"Ant, she's saying you're so stupid you don't even have the brains to realize it."

"What?!"

"I can tutor you. 64 is really dismal-- it's just algebra."

"What does rationality have to do with it? Shouldn't it be irrational?"

"You're kind of proving my point here."

"There is no point!"

"She said you're square-- the only other squares you can get greater than 64 are 81 and 100, which if you take the cube root, are both irrational numbers."

"I'm talking about the wordplay."

"Oh. Well, she's saying you should be pissed off for doing so poorly which-- she has a point-- but you're not, so that means you're either complacent or you know you can't do better."

"That is the most convoluted insult I have ever heard!"

"I thought it was kind of clever."

"Whose side are you on?"

But the real games began when the following year, in eighth grade, they joined the Model UN team. It was a disaster, in the best sense of the word. No matter if the countries were close allies or the topic uncontroversial-- Kate and Anthony invented ways to make it controversial and adversarial.

They had their own points system: ad hominem attacks were prohibited; so was historical mud-slinging, unless the topic in question was a direct consequence of a country impinging on the sovereignty of another; hyperbole was considered poor form; deviation from the country's actual policy in favor of their individual opinions was also prohibited, since the whole point of Model UN was to represent a country's policies.

It was the last rule which they both chafed against. Having their options for arguments hamstrung by a real country's declared position felt not only limiting, but insincere. They couldn't pour themselves into an argument they didn't believe.

Anthony and Kate had two classes together: geometry (as it turned out, Anthony was pretty good at writing proofs. He especially relished drawing the little square at the end to signify quod erat demonstrandum), and English. Unfortunately, there were no debates in English class, just lively discussions on the degree to which 1984 was still relevant in the internet age.

What they were to each other was something only understandable in the complex prison hierarchy of the modern teenager's sociological expression of tiktok.

They weren't friends-- aside from the short-lived (one) date Siena went on with Anthony (characterized by awkwardness, pizza, and a kiss which tasted like buttered popcorn kernels), her circles did not intersect with his. They weren't enemies-- they no longer insulted each other in halls, reserving that mental energy for class or Model UN.

Anthony didn't take up a disproportionate amount of Kate's CPU, nor did she his. The misunderstanding had caused enough of a rift that they weren't interested in being friends, just interested in besting each other, but it wasn't personal (yet). If someone else had been the best, Kate and Anthony would have transferred their attentions accordingly.

Unfortunately, this "someone else" never materialized. So for all of eighth grade, they were just fellow students floating like rigatoni noodles in the broth of bubbling hormones; they somehow remained above it all, but it was only a matter of time before they passed al dente and sank to the depths of soggy despair.

In other words, they had not yet been hit by the pheromone bath bomb which completely disorients the teenager's brain and leads them to conflate all sorts of emotions and signals with their opposites, agonizing over the placement of the word "you" in a sentence and wondering if there's a greater meaning to the fact they kept spending time together and looking at each other.

But it was only a matter of time. In many ways, it was a foregone conclusion. Kate and Anthony were cursed with the kind of dynamic which resulted in them constantly challenging each other, making each other try harder, do better; unbeknownst to them, they were condemning them to a positive feedback loop which would spill over into all other aspects of their lives.

Forever stuck in a race where they were always neck and neck and obsessed with how to gain the advantage, they sealed their fates.

Soon, they too would be stewing in an explosion of sexual dimorphism and social media, all of which led to volatile brain cells sparking and misfiring as neural pathways were laid down, ripped out, laid down slightly to the right, &tc., until all roads led to Kate and Anthony, fucking against a tree (k-i-s-s-i-n-g!).

Which brought them to ninth grade: high school.

By mutual agreement via trash talk, they signed up for the debate team.

The rest, as they say, is a mystery.

#bridgerton #kathony #fanfiction #hs au

[alvallah]

omg your tags about Babel I felt the same way…and it got so much fawning praise idgi

Oh god I’m not even halfway through the damn thing and I have never felt so insulted by a book lmao maybe some people like being talked to like a baby. Maybe it’s a symptom of the increasing need to be spoon fed information instead of using your brain yourself idk.

My thing is okay, you’re writing a book about imperialism and racism, especially as it pertains to academia and the powerful elite. Know your audience. The people who want to read a story like this are presumably educated and experienced in this area of interest. You don’t need to explain that something is racist for us to get it. You don’t need to explicitly tell me —a reader intrigued by world politics and interested in the impact of imperialism— what silverwork is supposed to represent and why it’s fucked up how the characters are treated. I promise I can get it on my own lol the footnotes are such a waste of time with the exception of historical context tidbits.

I told my friend, this book sounds like someone trying to earn a creative writing credit AND finish their dissertation with one work. And it’s just not great. Yes the information and the concept is interesting. I loved the high importance of etymology and linguistics as a whole, I love the investigation of orientalism and imperialism as it permeates academia for the benefit of western powers, I love the magical alternate universe vibe, I love the drama of Babel as a concept, but GOD do I wish someone else wrote this book. The only personalities the characters seemingly have are “unconvincing two-dimensional tumblr SJW that somehow always speaks in perfect academic jargon” OR “same exact racist cunt copy-pasted five times”. No nuance, no depth, no indication of development, no meaningful emotional attachments, no artistry outside of weak thinly-veiled metaphor, etc and it comes off more preachy than eye-opening or thoughtful.

Idk man. You can be intelligent and scholarly but that does not necessarily mean you’ll be a great storyteller y’know? I think I’m just salty because the concept of this book had soooooo much potential and joined so many areas I’m interested in only to flop terribly. Disappointing!

[And I know I haven’t read her other works but after this idk if I’ll feel like it. There are so many talented authors of a variety of backgrounds and experiences that cover similar topics with so much more grace.]

#and yes you can create beautifully rich magical stories about social issues and politics #but this one missed the mark #sorry #asks

[wendellcapili]

(july 1996). i graduated from the university of cambridge with an mphil in social anthropology. i wrote a thesis on the relocalization of japanese immigrants in davao before world war 2. i owe a great deal of gratitude to dr. michaelangelo ebro dakudao, my sempai at the university of tokyo, for introducing me to members of davao kai, the association of japanese immigrants in davao, especially tanaka yoshio, the association's historian. through tanaka-san, i interviewed surviving members of davao kai all over japan before they passed away. i also frequented tanaka's yokohama flat, where i was given access to papers, pictures, and folders containing autobiographical narratives, constituting a huge chunk of my study. several times, tanaka brought me to his favorite japanese restaurant, where we had tempura, sukiyaki, and sashimi for lunch. we drank sake afterward. tanaka also assisted me in working on my original ph.d. dissertation proposal--a study on japanese immigrants in davao who accidentally settled in ecuador instead of proceeding to japan after the war. for this, i was accepted for ph.d. studies by five universities in the u.k. but i had been on study leave (with pay) from u.p. after being in tokyo and cambridge for three years. some local university authorities then informed me that i should go home and let other faculty members, who had been waiting in line, pursue their studies overseas because i had already been away. they also added that my dissertation topic was irrelevant to the thrusts of my academic department. “anthropology is not related to literature," they used to say. such was the state of mind in academia way back then. i reluctantly returned to the philippines to render my years of service to u.p. i got tenured and became a university administrator. after i graduated from cambridge, i returned briefly as a british council fellow at downing college in 2000. i have not gone back ever since.

#university of cambridge #Cambridge

[mrgammakay]

Remember when memes used to be questionnaires instead of gifs??? I AM ANCIENTTTTTT. @imindhowwelayinjune​ has placed a curse upon my house and now I’m honor-bound to dispel it.

Last song: Burn by 2WEI & Edda Hayes

Last show: The English was the last show I watched all the way through. I’m here for a good western and gotta use that accidental Amazon Prime 30 day free trial while it’s there.

Last Movie: I honestly can’t remember. Last time I was on a plane with in-flight entertainment, I watched Jurassic World: Dominion. It was terrible. But, hey, there were dinosaurs eating people.

Currently watching: I’m making my way through Rise of Empires: Ottoman Season 2. Work is holding me back but I WILL watch ancient political corruption, thanks. If all documentaries were shot like historical dramas, they would be my dragon hoard and I’d roll in a pile of them like a cat in catnip.

Currently reading: I’ve been trying to finish Women of Troy for over a month now, but I got distracted by a strong desire for magic ninja content. I also have A River Enchanted and Babel queued up in the reading roster.

Current obsession: I will never be able to escape my preoccupation with Uchihas. At this point, they’ve haunted me for over two decades and will haunt me for decades to come. I’ve been rereading the manga since Christmas. My DnD group has listened to 45 minutes of dissertations on power scaling problems in Naruto canon. Kishimoto continues to drag me to emotional narrative peaks joined together, not by sensible plot arcs or logical character motivations, but decimated, wasteland valleys of absolute plot fuckery.

Anyway. Sasuke’s a bitch, Itachi’s a god, and Shisui is a pure tragedy. I’ll be in this hell for the rest of my life.

------

Five books I’ve enjoyed since September

Okay, I basically didn’t read in October or November but I sprinted through about 10 books in December to try to reach my reading goal for the year (unsuccessful).

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan. New favorite book of all time. It’s got all my kinks: war, ancient history, swords, horses, deep-seated loathing (self and otherwise), vague mythological magic systems, khans. Never in my life have I connected with a character in a more visceral, unwanted way. My existential crisis was full-blown. I didn’t want to identify with a eunuch on a profound level, but here we are.

Greywaren by Maggie Steifvater. I reread the whole series before going into the final book, so I can’t remember if Greywaren was my favorite. But I’ve never read a magical world similar to the nonsense that goes on in the Dreamer Trilogy. It’s real good. Ronan is also a peak character. Aggressive goth Gryffindor farmboy representation matters.

Rogues: True Stories of Grifters, Killers, Rebels and Crooks by Patrick Radden Keefe. Like true crime but don’t like gory details? I don’t understand you, but this is the book you’re looking for.

Furysong by Rosaria Munda. I found the character arc resolutions a little unsatisfying in the end but overall, this is probably my top young adult fantasy series. Dragons. There’s so many dragons.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. What a ride. I saw a lot of her interviews about this book before I read it, so I knew exactly what I was getting into. It’s powerful for someone to talk about their bullshit in a way that doesn’t sugar coat it. 

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Last line written

I wrote almost nothing this year, but somehow this question caught me when I’ve just started working on a project again. The rust on this keyboard has been corroding since 2020.

“Still alive?” He asks. Irunae looks remarkably better than Énkava feels. He’s sitting up, for one. “So you’re not completely useless, then.”

#gammanigans #ask meme