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#i’d go as far as to say that right now romance makes me uncomfortable
tododeku-or-bust · 3 months
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hey I just wanted to ask about the ofmd post. I know you called the show racist so I’d like some elaboration if you’re open to that? I’m a bit confused as to what you mean. But there definitely is a racist interpretation that many people on tumblr ascribe to in which Izzy is a good guy.
Okay so I'm going to preface this by saying I did not watch OFMD. I personally don't find Taika Waititi's form of humor funny in general. (And now, with the whole Zionist thing, 🤷🏾‍♀️) So I can't sit here and point out scene for scene. But that's not really my issue to begin with.
The first part of my issue is the characters involved in the main romance. Both of them were slave traders/owners. It didn't HAVE to be those two people. The writers could have come up with completely fictional people for this pirate story, so... why? But that happened. Okay.
The second part is that it makes sense then, right, that some Black people would find themselves uncomfortable romanticizing people involved in their violent oppression irl. Because as far as I remember (before I blocked the tag out of sheer annoyance) no one was really saying "don't watch the show". They were saying "I'm not going to watch this show because-". If an important part of the show is relating to and liking these guys, and you think of your enslavement when you see them, then you probably won't want to relate or care lmao.
And what really bothered me was that when Black people would point out this discomfort ever since the show dropped- a completely valid discomfort to have- fans of the show would jump on the bit to be incredibly anti-Black racist, under the guise of "queer representation" and often considering themselves and their opinion simultaneously that of a white savior.
This whole video here (it goes kinda fast) is a joke, but it really does encompass that entire blow up of someone truly being shocked and appalled that "if we don't let our show with our racist ship exist, you'll RUIN QUEER REP FOR EVERYONE" type shit and tbh, it's a very white perspective to have. The vitriol, as though their rights were actually threatened, was honestly batshit (calling pointing racism out "infighting" 🙄). Queer rep doesn't just die because someone told you to not be racist or to consider how your creations may affect others (gasp! Brown queer people exist too!!) 🤣.
and while this person clearly had a meltdown live action, there are people all over fandom who unironically and consistently behave like this, who hide their racism behind their queer identity and act like they can't be called out and held accountable because of it.
It was and is disgusting behavior, it just got put on blast in a hilarious way that doesn't often happen bc the majority usually agrees with the racist assessment.
(It's why so many closeted racist posts on here get tens of thousands of likes and reblogs by people who really think they're not racist, yet don't even hear the dogwhistles behind what they're saying or sharing. But that's a tangent.)
In summary: it was the behavior of the fandom for me that was incredibly racist, and the thoughtlessness of the premise of the show's main romance that was racist. The show itself, I didn't watch, so I can't tell you about that. 👍🏾
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honey-dandelion · 2 months
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Hello everyone !! My name is AD, 19 and my pronouns are she/her!! I am a multi muse, filipino roleplayer/writer!!
I am quite new to the rp community in tumblr so please understand that I'm inexperienced. This blog is mostly to find more reigen rp partners who can giggle and ramble with me about Ron Weasley!
Currently, i am into Harry Potter!! I’d like to preface and say I do NOT support anything JK Rowling has said (as I am bi myself) and any transphobic statements she’s made is something I will never agree with.
My current hyperfixation character as of the moment is actually Ron Weasley! He’s my favorite character by far and I can go on and on about rambling towards him :3 though he doesn’t have to be my main actually! Im looking for any Ron role players :D as long as I get to write ships or just in general, sweet stories about him.
I have a few set of rules i would also like to make as a seperate post but as of right now, i will be writing them here so please take the time to read them in case you ever want to write or just simply chat with me about anything!!
* Main muses are Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy! I can also do the Weasley family and can even do Ron as well if preferred!
* usually write on discord and prefer to have a server for all the rps. I draw, write and speed out ideas a LOT btw so please be warned. I'm a rambler and I really love Ron a lot and want to interact with people who love it or just generally love Ron as much as I do!
* I am a big romance shipper but I also love writing platonic relationships between characters! Like family found dynamics and such. I am also a rare shipper kind of gal- like shipping Draco and Ron sometimes LOL
* I write mostly romance for aged up/adult characters
* I can word vomit and write long replies a lot- it's how I usually write so please don't feel pressured to write the same length as me!!
* Via discord rp; PLEASE tell me if I write something that ever makes you uncomfortable- I can edit it out and such, I don't mind as long as everyone feels safe.
* I'm really biased with Ron. I can be ooc with him a bit so please do not attack me if you have any problems with my mischaracterization of him. I am only here to have fun and write, to indulge myself with people. I don’t mind ooc
* I have school and responsibilities from my parents so if I don't answer, I'm probs asleep, working or @ college
* Lasty; Dont be shy with interacting with me! I am always happy to make mutuals and friends around here! I would love to answer any questions- either in character or just questions you would want to know about me!! So please dont be shy :D
• FOR NSFW STUFF; PLEASE STOP HERE WHEN YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE TOPIC. THANK YOU AGAIN.
• I usually just write doms/tops and I can get pretty hardcore with smut writing — please tell me if there is any kinks or stuff in smut you don't want to read! I also like dark topics but absolutely no adult/kid. That shit is not allowed in my rp blog. I'm very into some dark content and such but if that's not your cup of tea, please avoid the " DARK TOPIC // " tag.
• I only write nsfw of adult characters and ocs; cant do erp via me. I will only do them via discord as I am way too shy to write them publicly. PLEASE NOTE THOUGH that i will not just write on a whim. I will be able to make headcanons and such but i need to get to know you and feel comfortable enough to write it. I do write suggestive content here and there so my tags here will be " NSFW // " in case you ever want to avoid it.
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chellerbelles · 1 year
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Rogue & Gambit Week 2023, Only One Bed
Gambit only half paid attention while Rogue checked them into the hotel that night. It was the usual thing, nothing he hadn’t experienced plenty of times before, so he mostly tuned it out. The words that brought him back into focus was when the concierge confirmed the “romance package.” He looked at Rogue out of the corner of his eye.
“And would you like a red or white wine?” The concierge asked.
“Red, thanks,” Rogue replied.
“On ice?”
“Oh, um, room temperature will be fine, thank you.”
“Very good. Someone will bring that around to your shortly. And here are your room keys.”
“Thank you.”
Rogue took the keys, and Gambit picked up their bags once more. Rogue strode purposely towards the elevator and Gambit followed thoughtfully, mentally reviewing everything he knew about this trip. She had planned this trip while she’d still been dating her boyfriend. She had expected this to be romantic. And she’d just gotten her powers under control, gaining the ability to touch people without hurting them.
They got out of the elevator and Rogue quickly found their room. As she opened up the door, Gambit was certain he knew what he would find in there, and as the lights were turned on, his suspicions were confirmed:
Only one bed.
The rose petals arranged in the shape of a heart were a surprise.
He said nothing to begin with. He merely followed Rogue inside and found a place to put their few bags down. There were a couple of chairs and a table in the room, but overall it was a fairly standard sized hotel room.
Rogue stared at the rose petal heart.
Gambit took closer look at what was on the table and found the details for room service. He picked up the menu and kept his eyes focused on it.
“So, I think we should probably order breakfast now, and then I think I’ll make up the floor,” he said. “I think I’ll have the scrambled eggs and sourdough—”
“Make up the floor?” Rogue cut in.
“Yeah, so I can sleep on it,” Gambit said simply. “And I think I’ll have coffee and orange juice.”
“You don’t want to sleep on the bed?” Rogue asked.
“I’d love to sleep on the bed,” Gambit replied as he handed the menu over to her. “But we’re only fake dating, chere. I’m not going to—”
“Don’t be silly. We’re both adults. We can share the damn bed.” She practically snatched the menu from him.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I can sleep anywhere just fine, even floors. Believe me, I’ve slept in far worse places.”
“Well, you sleeping on the floor will make me feel guilty,” Rogue replied as she perused the menu. “I’ll have the same.” She handed it back to him. “I’m going to go change.”
She strode across the room to her bags, grabbed her pyjamas and then headed into the ensuite. Gambit sighed. He organised room service, accepted the wine when the attendant arrived moments later, and then went looking for his own pyjama pants and got changed for bed too.
He had a lot of mixed feelings. At first he saw this whole ‘fake dating’ thing as the perfect opportunity to finally get around Rogue’s “no dating clients” rule long enough to date her for real. Now all he saw was a woman whose half-healed wounds from her recent break up were opening up again.
Gambit sighed again as he flopped down on the bed. There was no point in trying to pursue a real romantic relationship with Rogue right now. She needed a supportive friend, not a new boyfriend. Any new boyfriend she got right now would just end up being a rebound. Gambit had been the rebound plenty of times before. Normally, he didn’t mind, but this was Rogue. He didn’t want to be thrown away by her.
Had he already set himself up to be thrown away by her by agreeing to this whole ‘fake dating’ thing?
Rogue emerged from the ensuite, dressed in her silk pyjamas that definitely got a second look from Gambit.
“You look nice, chere,” he found himself saying.
“Thanks. I like things that are soft on my skin.”
“I can be soft on your skin,” he replied automatically, and mentally kicked himself. Now wasn’t the time.
Rogue smiled and laid on the bed beside him. “I’ll bet.”
“Want a demonstration?”
Rogue was silent while he mentally cursed himself for digging himself in deeper.
“You know…” she said slowly. “That’s not a bad idea.” Gambit felt his heart skip a beat. “We should get comfortable making out in private before we start doing it in front of an audience.”
“Yeah, we probably should,” Gambit said as he slid towards her, while at the same time hoping this wouldn’t turn out to be a huge mistake. “We’ve been friends for years but we haven’t been physically intimate before. Wouldn’t want the first time to be awkward and public.”
“Right.” Her eyes dropped to his lips as she moved in closer to him.
His hand found her hip.
Her lips met his.
He kissed her back eagerly, spurred on by an electricity he’d never felt before. He kissed her like he would never get to again, and she melted into his arms.
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keerysquinn · 1 year
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Wherever You Point To I'll Find ~ Steve Harrington x Chrissy Cunningham
Nobody expected a budding romance between Steve and Chrissy when they were invited on this graduation road trip. But, as the two spend more and more time together away from the pressures their families, they just might find that they're the perfect match.
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masterlist | prev. | next
Tags: modern au, road trip, mutual pining, fluff, angst, discussion of mental health and body issues, eventual smut, adult themes and swearing throughout
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Word Count: 4.5k
A/N: This series is five months in the making and I'm so excited for you all to finally get to read it. None of this would exist without the help of @quinnkeerys. This story belongs to them just as much as it belongs to me, and I couldn't ask for a better collaborator in bringing this idea to life.
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As she sat down at their usual booth at Benny’s, Nancy pulled a thick binder out of her bag and slapped it down in front of her friends.
“These are the plans for our graduation road trip so far,” she announced. “But I’m still missing a few people’s lists of what they’re interested in doing, and I’m going to need them as soon as possible if we want to make sure that we get to do everything that we want to do. Even Eddie gave me his list already, and I expected him to be the last one finished.”
“Hey! You underestimate me too much, Wheeler. I’m the most reliable guy you know.” Eddie pouted as he wrapped his arm around Nancy’s shoulders and pulled her closer to him. She turned to kiss his cheek and leaned into his embrace.
A year ago, watching this would have killed Steve. Seeing his ex being so affectionate with another guy right in front of him would have had him ditching the rest of their hang out and fleeing the diner. But through his friendship with Robin and Robin’s friendship with Eddie, he and Nancy had been thrust together enough that they’d formed a comfortable friendship.
“I told you guys that I’m fine with just doing whatever you wanna do,” Steve said with a shrug. This is your graduation trip. Not mine. I’m just along for the ride.”
“Absolutely not,” Nancy replied. “This is your trip just as much as it is ours. Come up with a few things that you’d like to do, and I’ll work them into our itinerary. Now, what about you, Robin? Where’s your list?”
“About that,” Robin said as she stared down at her hands. “I kind of can’t go on the trip anymore. My parents surprised me with the plans for a family trip to California last night. All of my grandparents pitched in to make it happen. I couldn’t say no.”
Steve tried not to openly react to what he was hearing. While he was comfortable being friends with  Eddie and Nancy, he definitely didn’t want to be their third wheel for the entirety of their trip. He’d never back out on them over this, but he knew that he was in for an uncomfortable couple of weeks on the road now.
“Are you sure you can’t come?” Nancy asked. “We could always postpone it until you’re back from your trip.”
“Not if you guys actually want to do  this road trip the way we originally planned it. And I can’t afford to go on the trip with you guys if I want to spend any money on anything while I’m in California. You’re just going to have to go without me. And hopefully not be mad at me at all? Because I’d really hate it if you were mad at me over this.”
“We’d never be mad at you over something like this,” Eddie told her. “I mean, we’re bummed that you’re not coming with us, but shit happens. I’ll just livestream the entire trip for you so it’ll feel like you’re actually there.”
“What Eddie said,” Nancy reassured her. “The trip would obviously be better if you were with us, but we understand why you can’t go. We’ll just have to do something together once we’re all back in Hawkins.”
“Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate this.”
Steve and Robin had to leave shortly after that. Steve had promised that he’d sit with El that night while Hopper was on a date with Joyce, and since he was Robin’s ride home, she had to leave with him.
“So, what are our chances of this trip actually happening without Robin?" Eddie asked once their friends were gone.
"If we don't find a replacement for her? Slim to none. There's no way my parents are going to agree to me going on a cross country road trip with just my boyfriend and my ex. And the only reason my dad was generous enough to pay for our hotel rooms is because he was convinced I'd be rooming with Robin and not you."
"So we just need another girl who’d be willing to room with Steve? How hard could finding one of those be?”
“Eddie, I’m not vacationing with some random hookup of Steve’s. We want to actually enjoy this trip.”
“Then what do you suggest?"
"Well, you and I wouldn't be able to room together anymore, which is a sacrifice I'd be willing to make in order for us to still be able to take this trip, but what would you say to us inviting a certain best friend of yours?"
"You know I'd love nothing more than to spend a few weeks with both of my favorite girls, but do you think her parents would even agree to this? They aren't exactly my biggest fans, and that was one of the main reasons we didn't invite her in the first place."
Nancy shrugged. "Parents love me though," she told him. "I'm sure I could persuade them to let her go if she wanted to come with us. And maybe this will get her to come out of her shell around me a little more."
"Have I told you that you're a genius lately?"
"Only three times today so far. I promise I won't let it go to my head."
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Chrissy laid on her bed and stared up at the ceiling clutching her well-loved Fozzie Bear plushie to her chest. Spending yet another Friday night alone was not how she'd pictured her last summer before college. But, ever since Jason had broken up with her and painted her as the villain in their relationship, she wasn't exactly getting invited to parties or group hangs at the mall or the diner anymore. She wasn't one to beg to be included, and she would never show up somewhere where she knew she wasn't wanted, so she had spent most of her summer so far watching whatever her younger brother was streaming and counting down the days until she could leave for college and put this lonely feeling behind her.
She was about to grab her phone and start mindlessly scrolling through tik tok when her screen lit up with a text from her best friend Eddie Munson.
Throw a bag together and tell your mom you're sleeping over at Nancy's. Be there in 10.
Immediately, Chrissy's mood brightened. While her parents openly hated her best friend and discouraged her from spending time with him, they had no issues with her spending time with his girlfriend, and as long as she didn't mention the fact that she was really hanging out with Eddie, they allowed her to go over to Nancy's pretty much whenever she wanted. Sometimes these sleepovers really did happen at the Wheelers' house. Other times, the three of them slept in the living room of the Munson trailer. Chrissy never knew which it would be until she was sitting in Nancy's car.
Shortly after she'd thrown her overnight things into her backpack and promised her mother she wouldn't eat any junk food over at the Wheelers’, Nancy’s car pulled up in her driveway, and she was racing out the door. Chrissy and Nancy had never hung out one on one before, and she would be lying if she said she was comfortable being herself around the other girl, but she was an actress, and she could put on a good enough show just in case her mom was watching. She tossed her bag into the backseat, taking care not to hit Eddie where he was hiding crouched on the floor behind the passenger seat. The trio had this routine down easy by now, and Eddie was popping up to sit in his seat and requesting that Nancy turn off the Top 40 station and switch to his approved playlist as soon as Chrissy’s house was out of sight.
One short ride to Nancy's house later, and the trio was setting up camp in the living room. Nancy announced that she was going to go make popcorn, and she and Eddie shared a look before she left the room.
“So, what was that look about?” Chrissy asked as she made herself comfortable on the mountain of blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags that they’d arranged on the floor.
“That was Nancy’s oh so subtle way of telling me to ask you something while she was gone.”
“And that something is?”
“Well, you know that road trip that we’re planning on taking this summer?”
Of course, Chrissy knew about the road trip. She’d tried to be happy and excited for Eddie when he first told her about it, but there was a part of her that knew it meant she’d be completely isolated from everyone she talked to while he was gone. The only friend she’d retained from the cheer squad after everything went down with Jason had a social calendar filled with all of the parties and hang outs that Chrissy was very much not welcome to attend, and while all of the other drama club kids were perfectly fine to hang out with, they were all wrapped up in summer theater productions and acting workshops that she’d decided not to participate in since most of them ended after she would be leaving for college. So, with Eddie and Robin off on their summer adventure, she was looking at several more weeks of staring at her ceiling and waiting for someone to want her around.
“What about it?” she asked.
“Robin can’t go anymore because her parents are taking her to California, and we were wondering if maybe you wanted to go with us instead?”
“Who’s all going on this trip again?”
“It’s just me, Nance, and Steve.”
“I don’t know. I don’t really know Steve all that well. Wouldn’t it be weird if I was just suddenly there?”
While it was true that Chrissy and Steve traveled in similar social circles, their paths crossed surprisingly little. She didn’t think she’d ever actually spoken to him in the three years that they’d been in school together. The only real impression she had of him came from the gossip of the older cheerleaders and the opinions of her ex-boyfriend. And while the cheerleaders painted a picture of a ladies’ man who most definitely deserved his title as the King of Hawkins High, Jason never had a single nice thing to say about him. He was constantly complaining that Steve was arrogant and selfish, that he only cared about himself and what made him look good on the court instead of what would actually benefit the team. The one time she’d interrupted his rant to point out that Jason was being guarded by two different guys when Steve didn’t pass to him, so he probably just didn’t want them to lose possession of the ball, Jason had yelled at her for being unsupportive of him and just being a bad girlfriend in general. After that, she just tuned out any and all mentions of Steve’s name to avoid that happening again.
Now that she and Jason weren’t together anymore, she was sure that most of what he said had to be an exaggeration fueled by his own monstrous ego, but there was still a part of her that was wary about what Steve was actually like.
“Why would it be weird?” he asked. “You’re my best friend, and I want you around, and that automatically makes it not weird. And anyway, you and Nance would obviously be bunking together, and I’m not gonna just abandon you with some guy you barely know to spend all my time with my girlfriend. If you’re coming on this trip, it’s so you and I can have some crazy adventures before you go away to college and I slowly waste away in agony because I can’t annoy my best friend every day anymore. You'll be sick of me by the time we get back home. I promise.”
A prolonged adventure with her best friend sounded like the perfect thing to lift Chrissy out of the funk she was in, but she was still hesitant to say yes. Because this wasn’t going to be just the two of them. This was them and Nancy and Steve. And, while she was perfectly capable of being herself around Eddie and not worrying about how he saw her, she couldn’t say the same about the other two. And three weeks was a long time to keep up the appearance that she was perfect without any real alone time. There was always the fear that she would do something to embarrass herself or somehow ruin the trip for everyone because she couldn’t live up to the expectations people set for her. She always ended up disappointing people when she wasn’t the perfect girl she was supposed to be.
But she never disappointed Eddie. Even when he had every right to be disappointed in her, he never made her feel bad about herself. This was the guy who had kept up a snapchat streak with her for nearly 1300 days even though he hated snapchat and didn’t get the point of streaks. The guy that let her cry on his couch for hours when Jason dumped her and then helped her bleach her hair back to her natural blonde since she’d only colored it because Jason said he had a thing for redheads. The guy who dropped everything to stay over at her house when her family was out of town and Jason had started spreading rumors about her just so she wouldn't have to be alone with her thoughts. The guy who never once said 'I told you so' even though he had every right to do just that. He was her best friend, and she trusted that he would never put her in a situation where she'd be uncomfortable.
"Say I agree to go on this trip with you," she started as she pulled her knees to her chest. "And I'm not saying I'm agreeing to this. Just, hypothetically speaking, if I were to tell you right now that I want to go on this road trip, do you actually think we'd be able to get my parents to let me go with you?"
"It might take a little convincing, but I think Nance and Harrington outweigh my bad influence, don't you?"
"Oh, I don't know about that. I think you're bad enough for at least three people."
"And don't you forget it." He smirked and playfully pointed a finger at her. "But I'll be on my best behavior when it comes to talking to your parents. So, you'll think about it?"
"I don't need to. I'm in."
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Trip's got a 4th again. More details to come. Get your list to Nance by tomorrow night or she hunts you for sport.
"Why is Nancy hunting you for sport?" El asked as she peeked at the text that had just appeared on Steve's phone.
Steve paused making their dinner and went over to check his phone where he'd left it on the kitchen table.
"Road trip stuff," he told her as he sent off a thumbs up emoji in reply to Eddie's text. "Which reminds me that I gotta tell Hop we're leaving on Monday so I won't be able to come over for a few weeks."
Steve wasn't entirely sure how he'd become Hopper's go-to babysitter for El. Frankly, the girl was too old to really need a babysitter now that she was in high school, but Hopper felt better having someone in the house with her when he had to work late or had a date night with Joyce, and the girl didn't like to be left on her own for too long either. Steve didn't know everything about what her life had been like before Hopper, and El never talked about her past, but he'd been old enough to understand that things weren't exactly great for her when the town first found out that Hopper had taken in a foster child and the gossip mill got going.
So, when El had become friends with the party, he started to feel just as protective of her as he felt for the rest of the kids. Joyce and Claudia must have talked him up to Hopper because Steve was one of the few people trusted to look after her. Maybe it was because he treated her like a friend instead of like a little kid, but El liked having him around, and he thought she was a pretty cool kid, too. He was happy to watch movies with her and make sure she ate something other than Eggos for dinner if it made her feel safer. Besides, he much preferred hanging out with El at Hopper's place to being alone at his own.
"How long will you be gone?" she asked.
"Three weeks, I think," he said as he went back to mixing the cheese powder into their boxed mac'n'cheese. "I'm not really sure. Nancy's planning the whole thing."
"So I have to wait three weeks to find out what happens with Haley and Andy?"
The pair had been binging Modern Family together whenever Steve was over at El's request, and she was very invested in Haley's dating life.
"You know, you could watch a couple episodes without me. I wouldn't be mad."
The offended look on El's face let Steve know that wouldn't be happening.
"I would never watch without you," she told him. "It's our show."
"Then you'll just have to be patient," he said as he turned off the stove. "Or we could eat in front of the TV to maximize our viewing time, so you get the answers you need tonight. And anyway, three weeks is barely any time at all. I'll be back before you know it."
"That reminds me," El said as she got up from the table. "I have something for your trip."
As El bounded out of the kitchen to head to her bedroom, Steve served up their dinner and carried it over to the coffee table. Shortly after he'd sat down, El made her way back in and sat down next to him on the couch.
"This is for you." She held out her hand, and nestled in her palm was a tiny, painted clay squirrel.
"Did you make this?" he asked as he took the figure from her to examine it more closely.
"I did. It's Mister Fibbley. I thought that you could take him on your trip with you and maybe take pictures of him doing all the cool things that you're doing. And when you get back, you can tell me all about his adventures with you. Only if you want to though."
"I think that can be arranged."
"Really?"
"Definitely. You'll have so many pictures of Mister Fibbley that you won't know what to do with them," he told her. "Thanks for this, El. I really love it."
El beamed as she leaned over to hug Steve, and he wrapped his arms around her in turn being very careful not to crush his gift.
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After hearing that Steve Harrington was the one driving them around on this road trip, it was easy enough to convince Chrissy's mother that she should be allowed to go on this trip. Their family had a membership at the same country club as Steve's parents, and that was enough for her mother to think she wouldn't get up to too much trouble. That coupled with the fact that Nancy promised there would be no co-ed sleeping arrangements meant that she was given permission to go.
The real hard part was sitting through the lecture her mother gave her about sticking to her diet and keeping up appearances while she was on this trip. Chrissy's only solace was that she'd at least waited until Eddie and Nancy were gone to start this lecture.
"I'm just saying that you'll need to watch what you're eating a lot more carefully now that you're really done with cheerleading," she said as she sat down next to Chrissy on the edge of her bed. "With those extra workouts gone, it's going to be a lot easier for you to end up gaining that freshman fifteen, and we don't want you to have a head start before you even get to college."
"It's not like I'm going to be sitting around doing nothing for this whole vacation. I mean, yeah there's going to be a lot of time just sitting in the car, but Nancy has all these plans for things we're going to be doing, and I'm going to be walking around so much that it'll be like I still have those extra workouts."
"I know how these trips go, Chrissy. You four will be too tired to make appropriate meal choices after everything you've done throughout the day, so you'll end up going to a drive through because it's quick and easy. And what happens then?"
She gazed at her daughter and paused to wait for her to answer.
"Then I end up bloated and feeling sluggish, and because I'm bloated and sluggish, I won't want to do anything which just makes it worse," Chrissy said as she stared down at her shoes. They'd had this same conversation more times than she could count, and each time it left her feeling worse than it had the time before. Just pounding it in that her entire body was her worst feature, and she would never be the perfect size no matter how much she exercised or monitored her calorie intake.
"Exactly. And if you don't want to do anything, how will you remember how to hold yourself and act in public? Your image is everything, and you'll continue to do nothing but sit in your room moping about unless you put in the effort to impress people. It's just a shame that you couldn't make things work with Jason. Then you wouldn't be having these issues now."
There was a part of Chrissy that thought her mother wouldn't be saying that if she'd seen what her relationship with Jason was really like, but she never told her what had really happened. She didn't know how she would react, and she was too afraid to find out now. Too afraid that she'd be appalled that she stayed, and even more afraid that she'd be ashamed that her daughter wasn't strong enough to endure it all and make it work.
Instead, she just gritted her teeth and beared it like she always did when her mother talked to her like this. It was all she could do in the moment without completely falling apart. Once the lecture was over, she'd be left alone, and she could go over every little comment her mother made and come up with ways to attempt to be better so she'd never have to hear those words again. So far, nothing she'd been able to come up with worked, but something had to eventually.
"I promise I'll make good choices on the trip," she said. "Really and truly. I know how important this is."
"You know I only want the best for you, right? I expect this perfection from you because I know you can achieve it. You just have to try a little harder."
"I know."
But even as she told her mother what she knew she wanted to hear, she knew that she'd never live up to the standards that she was held to.
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The morning that they were set to leave on their trip, Steve headed straight to the trailer park. He'd been texting with Eddie the night before, and Eddie'd told him that they'd all be waiting there for him when it was time to load up the car and head out. When he pulled up in front of Eddie's trailer, Eddie and Nancy were sitting together on the front steps, and another girl that he thought recognized but couldn't place was standing off to the side talking to Eddie's uncle. They'd never actually told him who their new fourth was, so he assumed that was her.
"Harrington!" Eddie jumped up from his spot and bounded over to his uncle and the girl as Steve got out of the car. "Allow me to introduce you to my best friend and the girl who'll be riding up front with you for the next three weeks. You remember Chrissy Cunningham from school, right?"
Of course, Steve remembered Chrissy. She'd been co-captain of the cheerleading squad during his senior year, and she'd always been the loudest person cheering during every basketball game and pep rally. They'd traveled in the same social circles, but he didn't think he'd ever actually spoken to her since she seemed to avoid a good majority of the team hangouts and parties, and when she did attend, she'd never left Jason Carver's side. But the Chrissy standing in front of him looked different. A lot quieter and more reserved, and he was pretty sure the Chrissy that he remembered wasn't a blonde.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Chrissy said, sounding a lot more quiet and reserved than Steve remembered her being.
"You, too," he replied. He barely had time to get that out before Eddie was pulling him over to start loading everyone's things into the car.
"So Chrissy's our new fourth?" he asked as he opened his trunk.
"Yeah, I hope that's cool," Eddie said as he started placing bags in the trunk. "I know you guys don't really know each other, but we needed another girl or Nance's parents never would have agreed to this trip."
"I get it. She seems a lot quieter than I remember her being. How's that work being best friends with you?"
"Very funny. It's just because she doesn't really know you yet. She'll warm up to you in no time, and then you'll see that she's even louder than I am."
"I find that hard to believe, but I'll take your word for it." Steve paused to place the last of their bags in the trunk. "Am I remembering this wrong, or was she a redhead when I was still in school?"
Eddie slammed the trunk closed as his joking demeanor all but vanished.
"Hair can change, Harrington," he answered. "Don't worry about it. And don't bring up the red hair phase with her, okay? It's kind of a sore subject."
"Noted. I promise I won't bring it up."
The two made their way back over to where Wayne was giving goodbye hugs to the girls.
"Now, you two, be sure to take care of these two while you're on the road. I'd hate it if anything happened to my two favorite recent high school grads."
"Hey! I graduated this year, too!" Eddie pouted. "And I'm your nephew!"
"And yet these two are still my favorites. Imagine that."
Wayne smirked at Eddie before pulling his nephew in for a long goodbye hug. When they pulled apart, he acknowledged Steve with a slight head nod.
"Have fun, be safe, and make sure to take lots of pictures for me, okay?" Wayne said as the group headed towards the car.
The group promised him more pictures than he would know what to do with before piling into the car. And with that, they were off.
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multigenderswag · 1 year
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I actually hate being multigendered. I lay awake at night debating on whether I should just re-closet myself or lie and say “I was wrong, I’m just a cis girl!” so I can have an easier time navigating both queer spaces and romance. I’ve always felt that I’d have a hard time in terms of dating because everyone’s views of man and woman are so black and white.
The only thing stopping me from this is that some days I’m so undeniably uncomfortable with she/her (I’m bigender/fluid), and other days the thought of not being able to be called “he” or perceived as a man or a boygirl upsets me. I get so much joy from people using mismatched terms for me- like “she’s a guy who’s….” or “this lady thinks he’s…” etc. and i the thought of that not being able to have that happen makes me sad. It leaves me feeling hollow.
But I’m just so tired of arguing with terfs and exorsexists and transmultiphobes. So tired of being ignored and invalidated and degendered. So tired of spending time and enjoying myself with the guy I’m interested in and holding back the urge to confess because if he found out that I was also guy I’d feel like a liar or a predator.
Being multigender often times feels like a curse.
Do you have any words of encouragement?
I'm aromantic, so I haven't had the experience of difficulty being multigender in terms of dating, but I definitely relate to the urge to re-closet myself and just pretend I'm cisgender. But I try to just remind myself of how dysphoric and alone I felt when I was fully closeted, and how much happier I am now that I have some friends using my pronouns and name. That helps me realize I don't want to go back to how I used to feel.
The thing about being multigender is, I don't have a choice in the matter. I am who I am, and I can't change that. Really my only option is to live with this identity, so I might as well learn to like who I am.
As far as arguing with terfs and exorsexists and transmultiphobes, you don't owe them shit. You're not obligated to engage with them. Some advice my friend gave me that I try to keep in mind is "I will not engage with people who want me dead." Walk away, or block them. Their bigotry is not worth your time.
Something that really helps me have hope is just... seeing or hearing about other multigender people living their lives. Seeing posts about multigender people feeling euphoria, or finding multigender art or poetry or music, or reading about multigender history. There are other people like me, expressing themselves or finding joy in their identities or just existing.
There are going to be people who accept you, anon. Maybe you're in a position where your irl friends will be supportive, in which case, being able to be yourself around them could be immensely helpful. Or maybe you're not safe to come out right now, but someday you will be. Being multigender may feel like a curse right now, but it won't feel that way forever. Once you make it through this difficult part you will find support and euphoria and pride in your identity, okay? I wish you the best of luck, anon.
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Actually yknow now that I’m thinking about Belle, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen in media another situation where a character goes in for a kiss, realizes the other person is uncomfortable without that character overtly reacting or saying anything, and then backs off to go for a hug instead.
Honestly there’s a lot to love about Belle, but the way it reframes things, both in universe and out, are some of my favorites about it. I feel like those who felt as though the ‘romantic buildup’ led them on and were dissatisfied when it instead became platonic… kind of missed the point. It was never meant to be romantic, and it used those cues to make you question your assumptions- and moreover make you notice that something was off. honestly I think the movie and it’s themes work far better without it. It’s a really elegant demonstration of realizing the importance of someone without automatically assuming romance, that not being romantic does not mean lesser, and that, well, things aren’t always what they seem. Really what better tale to draw inspiration from for that kind of story?
As for my own experience watching it, honestly I can’t really quantify why I got the feeling early on that the whole romance thing wasn’t very romantic. I had nigglings of doubt as early as the beast crashing the concert (yes, actually. No, I really cannot tell you why. I didn’t think much of it at the time, assuming it would smooth out later) but by the time the dance rolled around all I could think was ‘this is either a horribly executed romance or it’s not supposed to be one at all’.
So of course when we got the twist I was delighted, because I’d been right. The pieces all slotted together in a wonderful harmony befitting a movie where music is such a central device.
I’m just gonna go ahead and blame kingdom hearts for this. It’s taught me too well to listen to my gut when it comes to the tone of a scene lol.
Belle took all these romantic tropes, the very direct homages to beauty and the beast, the roses and dances and imagery, and so smoothly shifted them from romantic potential to platonic ideal that I’m legitimately impressed. What’s more is that not for a second did that shift to platonic ever feel like a downgrade. The characters feelings did not lessen, only given new context and understanding both by the audience and the characters themselves, nor were they treated differently by the narrative. I don’t know if people understand how rare that is.
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johngravessimcoe · 1 year
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SHIPPING INFO! ♡
Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog!
WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? tbh i like all ships equally, but simcoe x hewlett has a special place in my heart (thick red.)
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? anything and everything, just ask. simcoe probably won’t get abusive to any s/os though, he’s not the type. when it comes to different dynamics other than romance, i’m a big sucker for enemies to even worse enemies (possibly with benefits), enemies to begrudging friends, and one sided love (cough anncoe). simcoe doesn’t have many actual friends so this is the consequences he has to suffer
HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? i’m not picky about age gaps as long as both characters are over 21, go wild. the only thing i will say is that since it’s the 18th century, i highly doubt any potential suitors would’ve lived to over 70
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? not really, i don’t think. if you can explain the dynamic to me then i can usually roll with it. i’m more biased towards canonical characters though, so just keep that in mind.
HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED N / SFW? it’s mostly a case by case basis, but usually the second something becomes more than kissing i put it under a read more. sometimes i’ll tag it before that point.
WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? right now it’s been mostly /annastrxng’s anna and a friend’s hewlett (they hate eachother dearly) + their oc. me and /viola-ophelia created the monstrosity that is simcoe x andré, and i’m also testing the waters with another oc atm. let me know if you’d like to join his list of mortal enemies
DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? i’d prefer if you did, unless you’re writing a canonical character that simcoe has displayed attraction towards (i.e. anna and/or lola). this isn’t anything against you, i just prefer knowing how simcoe should respond to someone if you have an established dymanic in mind (simcoe has a mind of his own and will usually default to only tolerating you)
HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? i. have no idea what this means!
ARE YOU MULTISHIP? absolutely! i have several ships with this stupid awful man and i don’t mind collecting more ^_^
ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? i like my non shipping threads as much as i like my shipping threads. however, there’s nothing like some old fashioned torture ;)
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? assuming this means ships simcoe is involved in, aside from simcoe x hewlett for special reasons… i’ve been in a huge anna x simcoe mood (if you couldn’t tell)
FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? dm me with scenarios and i will probably get into the ship sooner or later! i don’t know, just talk to me LOL
TAGGED BY: stolen <3
TAGGING: steal it from me :3
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bipolareffigy · 2 years
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I must be aromantic. Or at least demi. Because my bestie is falling hard for a girl he barely knows and I’m over here just—“Don’t get your hopes up.”
Am I a terrible friend? I feel like a terrible friend. But at the same time…dude you gotta chill with the crush like what if it turns out bad? Better to not get hurt I say. 😬
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stickandthorn · 2 years
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I’m gonna be honest, I’m a little uncomfortable with how immediately and fervently people are shipping Imogen and Laudna together, and it’s not because of the ship itself. In fact if they choose to do a romance I’d actually like it a lot. No, the main reasons why I’m uncomfortable are:
1) Laura’s characters always get treated as shipping objects. Every time. Both Vex and Jester got treated far more as a pawn in some pc romance instead of their own separate characters with their own goals and story, and then when they did something that wasn’t in line with what the fandom wanted they’d infantilize the character or demean Laura’s choices to all hells, being extremely shitty to that character, all under the guise of loving Laura and her character. So when she makes Imogen and the first thing people do is instantly ship her, I get uncomfortable. It’s not even the ship itself, it’s that literally 98% of the content I see for Imogen pertains to shipping her with Laudna. There’s almost nothing about just Imogen, it’s all in relation to Laudna. There’s content for Laudna not relating to Imogen, but not the other way around. It just makes me so annoyed to see her character once again being treated not as an individual with their own shit going on but as a piece of a ship right out of the gate. 
2) I hate the weird pressure for Marisha and Laura to have a romantic relationship between pcs. I get there’s some dynamics you want to see between specific players, that’s great, but when it’s say Sam and Liam people want to see romance each other it’s always a very chill, “hey the husbands should finally be husbands” thing, but when it’s Marisha and Laura, there’s an actual, legitimate pressure from some parts of the fandom. I’ve seen people say this is Laura’s master plan to finally romance Marisha, or that they owe a romance to the fandom because of not making Beaujester happen (which is disgusting imo no one owes you any sort of romance in any form that they don’t want to do it), or that they’re obviously setting up a romance right now, or that it’s about time the two of them did a romance and finally they’re doing it omg. And as someone who’s roughly a woman, or at least fem presenting, who’s been pressured into romances in ttrpg settings, it’s a very, very uncomfortable place to be. So to see that happening with Marisha and Laura, to see people expecting or demanding they do a ship together, making conspiracy theories about how they’re definitely gonna romance each other, and then feeling like it’s a betrayal when they don’t (spoilers it isn’t), that just makes me deeply uncomfortable.  Like I said, I don’t hate the ship itself. I think the characters are cute together and I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with shipping it, and if it does pan out in game I’ll be happy, I just don’t like the baggage that goes along with it in fandom.
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books-and-catears · 3 years
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I liked the one about a ghost MC it was a really cute idea! I wanted to request something similar, where the MC who has a the appearance of the Japanese slit mouthed woman. She is a regular human and you can decide if she got the scar's from an accident or not, but she always where's a face mask to hide it and eats alone rather then with the brothers. When she's asked why they say "People can't eat when I they see my face." But one day she finally trusts the brothers enough to show her face.
OH MY GOD I KNOW THIS GHOST. If I'm not wrong, this ghost is called the Kuchisake Onna, kuchi meaning mouth.
This is so wholesome I love it. Your asks are so adorable :')
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It has been forever since the accident. And yet the scar makes it feel like yesterday. Two scars running up towards your cheeks, making it look like you're constantly smiling. You hated mirrors at this point, without your mask especially.
You hear loud talking from the dining room downstairs as you stare at your meal on your study table. When was the last time you ate a meal with other people?
"What do you mean you won't eat with us MC?" Mammon and Asmo parotted every other day.
"People can't eat when they see my face." You left with that reply, refusing to answer the follow up questions.
Yours was a face only a mother could love, they said. Some screamed, some smiled sympatheticallly, the others nervously scattered away from the last time you tried to eat out by yourself. The restaurant requested you to leave since they were losing customers.
You walk up to the stairway, watching the brothers in their usual chaos. Maybe - just maybe, they won't be repulsed. Surely they've seen more horrifying things than you?
"Um..." You cleared your throat loudly. All of them stopped and looked at you. You usually never showed up until half an hour after meals.
But today you called out to the one of them. "Would you mind eating with me tonight...?"
Lucifer
"Of course I wouldn't mind MC."
He promptly got up with his plate as if he was already prepped for this day. Swiftly follows you into your room.
He sat down across you and began eating normally. "Thank you for inviting me in MC. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Nothing just..." You said untying your mask. "It felt like a good day." The mask fell off your face into your lap.
You paused and stared at Lucifer. He only looked shocked for a split second before a hidden rage clouded beneath his eyes. "Did someone deliberately-"
"No it was an accident. I was getting my teeth fixed when the lights went out and I moved. And something cut through my- well you can see." You explained.
"I see. Well that's quite unfortunate." Lucifer said and began picking at his plate.
You felt uneasy as chewed your food."You can leave if you feel repulsed. I wouldn't force you to-"
"No such thing MC. I was just thinking of consulting Satan and Solomon. Surely they know of spells that can heal your scars if you want them gone." Lucifer replied promptly. "And it's going to take a lot more than scars to scare us demons away."
"Lucifer...thank you." You said quietly.
"If possible I'd like to eat dinner with you from now on, MC. Frankly it's much calmer and it's a relief from my brothers."
After a long time, you laugh without your mask on.
Mammon
"I'll be right there, MC!"
Hurriedly grabs whatever food he has making a mess and jumps to his feet. He is in such a hurry, it's a miracle he didn't drop half of his dinner.
He plops down across the table from you, grinning ear to ear. "Of course you'd choose the Great Mammon to eat with ya!"
You nodded and chuckled, "Of course. But would you choose to eat with me?" Your pulled your mask away from your face.
His eyes went wide and then watery in the same instant. Is he..crying? "I-Im sorry..." You feel horrible so you hurry and tie the mask back up. Mammon grabs your hands and holds them down.
"I'm not crying stupid human! I'm just...you..you must have been in pain..when that happened." He said. "Who did this to you..."
"It's okay it was an accident, Mammon." You try to calm him down.
"Then why do you hide it? It's not even your fault!" Mammon said pouting. You looked down, "People get uncomfortable..."
Mammon shot up from his chair. "WHO DARE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT? Show me I'll get them all! Noone messes with my human! I'm yer protector ain't I?! You never have to wear that thing around me!"
You blushed as he moved forward and hugged you, burying your face into his shoulder. "Mammon..."
You knew he was the best protector out there.
Leviathan
"I'm coming right away, don't worry MC!"
Stumbles around with his plate at your sudden invitation. His day has come. He is the chosen one.
He struggles to sit down, feeling estatic and nervous at the same time. "I didn't think you'd want to eat with me of all people, MC..."
"After tonight, maybe you'll feel that way about me Levi..." You said, taking off your mask. His face lit up as he let out a loud "Woahhh!"
Thinking he was scared you tried to hide it again before he screamed, "MC you look just like my favourite character from that horror romance anime "I fell for my best friend's scarred smile! That's so cool!"
You blink at him, blushing. What is with him and his oddly specific anime names!? Levi was oblivious to your shock ,going off at his own tangent. "You could pull off the perfect cosplay, come to my room tomorrow I can design it for you and then I'll make my own to go with it and we can go to the next convention-"
"Levi Levi calm down you'll run out of breath!" You couldn't hold in your laughter.
He stared at you awestruck,"So cute...why would you hide that cute face MC?" You shake your head, "Not everyone sees it as cute Levi."
"Well sucks for them to be such stupid normies." Levi blushed and scoffed.
Levi was the best friend everyone deserves and you were glad to have him.
Satan
"I'd be delighted to join you MC."
Was slightly taken aback at first but quickly composes himself and his dinner and follows you. His pace faster than usual.
Pulls out your chair for you like a gentleman and sits down himself. You smile and blush at the action. "So how was your day MC?" He asks like a gentleman, avoiding the elephant in the room, choosing it normalise it. You let the mask fall off your face.
"Oh..." Satan sat up straight, his shoulders stiff, his eyes going wide in anger. "Who dared to-"
"No no no Satan it was an accident!" You had to explain the whole thing for him to calm down. Then he nodded and held out his palm. "May I see how the deep the scar is MC?"
That was new. Noone has wanted to touch your scars before. When you nod, he reaches out and runs his fingers softly across your scars. "Hmm don't worry. They're not too deep. I can have them gone in a matter of days. That is if you'd like to me to."
It's like he knew. As much as you hated that scar, it kind of helped you see people's true intentions. You looked down unsure. Satan held your hand. "It's normal to get attached to scars you have for too long. None of us here will treat you any differently with or without it."
You smiled at him and held one of his fingers playfully. He laughed, his cheeks turning pink. "Ah now that's a smile I'd love to see everyday. May I have dinner with you more often MC?"
"Of course." His words and his presence were always calming to you.
Asmodeus
"I was wondering when you'd ask MC!"
Daintily picks up all of things and paces after you. He was excited but he restrained himself but he didn't want to scare you off.
Sits down close to you, smiling gleefully. He's just happy to be there with you. Grabs something off your plate with a fork and holds it upto your mouth. "MC come here let me feed you!"
It was probably the most nerve wracking to open your mask in front of him. The Avatar of Lust, the most beautiful being in Hell, and you- ugh, what's the point? You've come this far, let's get it over with. You put your mask down, bite off the potato off his fork.
You'd think Asmo would probably gasp and act all dramatic and hysterical. But instead he cupped your face, his eyes filled with worry and tenderness. "MC how long have you had this...?"
"A little over three years." You answered honestly. Asmo looked like he was about to cry. "You've been hiding away your pretty face from people for three years..." Asmo pulled you in a hug. "Noone deserves that. It's too lonely."
"Oh I'd hardly call it pretty-" Before you can even retort, he is glaring and pouting at you, holding your shoulders.
"I think I know beauty a little better than you, MC. And I say you're gorgeous and I'm going to eat with you everyday now." Asmo huffed to which you laughed.
Everyone deserves a hypeman like Asmo in their lives.
Beelzebub
"Oh? Me? Sure MC!"
Is surprised but happily goes along with you with all his food. You know he loves you when he gets midway from eating just to eat in your room.
He sits across, already muching away at his food. "Thank you for asking me to eat with you MC." You nod and tentatively take your mask off, trying not to draw too much attention for it.
Beel looks up shocked, his mouth full of food but he stopped chewing. He involuntarily reaches out to touch you, "Does it hurt MC?"
You shake your head. "It's years old Beel. It's okay. " Beel looks genuinely relieved at that and goes back to eating again. He doesn't seem bothered by it at all after that.
"Say MC will you be free next week? I could use your help in the new workout I'm doing. I need to train particular muscles for the big game they said." He switched to a whole new topic just like that. "Also this means I get to eat with you every day right?"
You felt warm inside. You were more than just your scar and Beel made you feel like that by hardly saying anything at all.
Belphegor
"...me huh? No I wouldn't mind."
Has a smug grin on his face as he gathers up his meal and slowly heads upward with you, making sure his brothers see how you chose him over the others. Cheeky cow.
He sits leaning into you cause he's too lazy to sit up straight. "So what's the special occasion MC? A face reveal?" Wow this one is direct.
He is staring right at you, as you pull off the mask slowly, thinking if it was a bad idea. His eyes grow wide for a split second before his fingers are already near your mouth feeling the scars.
"Deliberate or accident?" He asks. "Accident." You answer. He nods, "Good. I'm too tired today, wouldn't be able to take appropriate revenge." His fingers never leave your face.
"Is that why you keep it covered? You're embarrassed of it?" He asks. You think about it for a while. "I think I accepted it, it just seemed to make people uncomfortable and scared, if I smiled or opened my mouth to eat." You answer.
He smirked. "Then smile more. Let their cowardly selves feel uncomfortable. It's their problem that they can't see how cute your smile is."
That was surprisingly thoughtful. You smiled at him. "Thanks..."
He smirked back, "Also I'm going to be eating here from now on. My brothers annoy me."
He's cheeky but he has a good heart. Smiling never felt so easy.
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zhongli-topper · 3 years
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Hi could you do scenarios for Childe & Zhongli’s fem s/o who’s insecure of herself for being a virgin?
a/n: thanks for the request, nonny! i wasn’t sure if you wanted to include sex scenes in this one, but I hope you still like it 💖
pairings: reader/childe, reader/zhongli
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When the two of you first decide to become intimate, you aren’t quite sure how to tell your boyfriend that you’ve never had sex with anyone.
◈ Childe is surprised. A girl as gorgeous as you has never been with someone? No, it’s not a problem, but anyone you’ve ever taken an interest in has absolutely missed out. Well, good for him, he’ll have you all to himself.
Even as he goes on in that vein, you can’t help but feel a little insecure about your lack of experience. Childe isn’t being pushy about having sex with you, but he’s enthusiastic about it, and you’re growing more than a little nervous.
You can’t help but compare the difference. He’s been with a few people, but you’re the first person he’s serious about. It’s part of the reason he’s careful to take things at your pace, because he absolutely doesn’t want to fuck it up with you.
Even at this point in your relationship, you know how physically affectionate he is, and now, how he’s praising you for something you haven’t even done yet. He’s very handsy, even when you make out, and even (sometimes especially) in public. He’s not afraid to let the world know that you belong to each other.
If you’re feeling a little down about it, he catches on pretty quickly. He’s used to taking care of his siblings, and he’s good at comforting you and reassuring you.
“…They’ll never know what they’re missing,” he says, a smirk on his lips, “’cause you’re all mine.”
He’s holding you on his lap and nuzzling into your neck, trailing kisses down your jaw. You’re flattered, but also nervous—with your lack of experience, you don’t have any point of reference. Would you even be able to satisfy him?
He notices you’ve gone quiet. “Babe?” he asks, squeezing you lightly around the waist. “Talk to me. Is it bothering you?”
“…What is?” you ask, unwilling to admit that you were afraid of disappointing him.
“That you’ve never slept with anyone.”
When you look away, that confirms his suspicion. He lifts his head from your neck and presses his lips to your forehead.
“Baby, you know that doesn’t matter to me,” he says. “I’m serious about you.”
“I know,” you say, chewing on your bottom lip, “but still. I’ve… never done it before. I don’t know if I could… please you.”
He frowns at your words before shaking his head and looking you in the eye. “I love you,” he says. “No matter how much experience you have. Fuck, it even makes me happy that you’re willing for your first time to be with me.” He kisses you on the cheek, close to your lips. “As long as it’s with you, I know I’ll have fun.” The cocky tone creeps back into his voice as he looks you up and down, the want clear in his eyes, causing you to blush.
“Childe…” you protest, close to laughing under his affectionate caresses, and he does laugh, pulling you closer to him in his arms.
“Whatever you want, babe, I want it too,” he says, and kisses you on the lips, softly and quickly enough to tease and make you chase after him when he pulls away. The smirk returns to his face when you follow, and he whispers,
“But I want you so damn bad. You know that, right? Whenever you want… I’d just love to see what you look like naked in my bed, and know that nobody else is ever gonna see you that way too.”
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◈ Zhongli knows that his long, long lifespan is cause for many uncertainties when it comes to having a relationship with a mortal like yourself.
Zhongli has never given you cause to be insecure. He’s always been gentle and loving to you, always mindful of your boundaries.
Despite how long-lived he is, he has relatively little experience. He’s a man that believes sex is for people who love each other, and as such has never involved himself in casual dalliances. The last person he had been with is Guizhong, a long time ago.
However, you haven’t been like that with anyone. Maybe you were interested in some people before, but it had never progressed that far. Zhongli would be your first, and you were worried you wouldn’t measure up, especially to someone like the Geo Archon.
It takes a long time before he brings up the idea of being physically intimate in such a way. Zhongli is patient and likes to take things slow, especially in romance. If possible, he’d like to marry you first before you have sex—such an act is sacred to him, and the depth of your commitment is important to him.
When the time comes that the both of you decide to go all the way, you can’t help but feel less than confident. You weren’t his first, and how could you, an inexperienced mortal, possibly measure up to a god?
“…”
Zhongli could tell that something was troubling you as you clenched your hands in your lap, looking down at them instead of him, when the subject of sexual experience came up. He had told you about his previous wife, and when it was your turn, you admitted to him that you had never been with anyone in a quiet voice.
He is, admittedly, a little unsure himself. He knows you must be uncomfortable with the enormous difference of life experience between the both of you, and some small part of him feels a little ashamed, of being so much older than you, afraid that maybe you would rather be with someone more equal to you, a younger man less time-worn than he. However, it’s hard for him to admit, and despite his misgivings he loves you, no matter your relationship history (or lack thereof).
“My love,” he tells you, gently twining your fingers with his own, “if it makes you uncomfortable, we need not do it. I will never force you to do anything you dislike.”
His eyes and voice are warm as he holds your hands, trying to let you see his sincerity. You look up and shake your head slowly.
“No, I want to do it… I guess I’m just worried,” you say. “I’m only human. How could I…”
He lifts a hand to cup your face and meet your eyes with his. There’s a gentle smile on his lips, but something sad in his gaze, and you furrow your brow, trying to figure out what it is.
“Do not worry about that, darling,” he says. “You could never disappoint me. I only wish that I could be more suited for you.”
“What do you mean, Zhongli?” you ask, genuinely confused.
“I often wonder if you would rather have someone… younger than me. More like yourself, not...”
You almost laugh when he mentioned his age, but the doubt in his eyes is real. You shake your head, seeing that your beloved Zhongli was, in his own way, anxious about it. “I love you Zhongli. Whether you’re a man or a god doesn’t matter to me.”
He smiles at you, touching the hand on his cheek with his own. “And I feel the same for you, my love. So, do not be nervous.” He pulls your hand away from his face, only to kiss your knuckles lightly, a perfect gentleman. “Whenever you are ready, I will be happy to have you.”
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cappymightwrite · 3 years
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What draws you to incest ?
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*sighs* Ok, here we go. I'm a real card carrying Jonsa now aren't I?
Anon, listen. I know this is an anti question that gets bandied about a lot, aimed at provoking, etc, when we all know no Jonsa is out here being all you know what, it really is the incest, and the incest alone, that draws me in. I mean, come on now. Grow up.
If I was "drawn" to incest I'd be a fan of Cersei x Jaime, Lucrezia x Cesare, hell Oedipus x Jocasta etc... but I haven't displayed any interest in them now, have I? So, huh, it can't be that.
Frankly, it's a derivitive question that is really missing the mark. I'm not "drawn" to it, though yeah, it is an unavoidable element of Jonsa. The real question you should be asking though, is what draws GRRM to it? Because he obviously is drawn to it, specifically what is termed the "incest motif" in academic and literary scholarship. That is a far more worthwhile avenue of thinking and questioning, compared with asking me. Luckily for you though anon, I sort of anticipated getting this kind of question so had something in my drafts on standby...
You really don't have to look far, or that deeply, to be hit over the head by the connection between GRRM's literary influences and the incest motif. I mean, let's start with the big cheese himself, Tolkein:
Tolkein + Quenta Silmarillion
We know for definite that GRRM has been influenced by Tolkein, and in The Silmarillion you notably have a case of unintentional incest in Quenta Silmarillion, where Túrin Turambar, under the power of a curse, unwittingly murders his friend, as well as marries and impregnates his sister, Nienor Níniel, who herself had lost her memory due to an enchantment.
Mr Tolkein, "what draws you to incest?"
Old Norse + Völsunga saga
Tolkein, as a professor of Anglo-Saxon, was hugely influenced by Old English and Old Norse literature. The story of the ring Andvaranaut, told in Völsunga saga, is strongly thought to have been a key influence behind The Lord of the Rings. Also featured within this legendary saga is the relationship between the twins Signy and Sigmund — at one point in the saga, Signy tricks her brother into sleeping with her, which produces a son, Sinfjotli, of pure Völsung blood, raised with the singular purpose of enacting vengence.
Anonymous Norse saga writer, "what draws you to incest?"
Medieval Literature as a whole
A lot is made of how "true" to the storied past ASOIAF is, how reflective it is of medieval society (and earlier), its power structures, its ideals and martial values etc. ASOIAF, however, is not attempting historical accuracy, and should not be read as such. Yet it is clearly drawing from a version of the past, as depicted in medieval romances and pre-Christian mythology for instance, as well as dusty tomes on warfare strategy. As noted by Elizabeth Archibald in her article Incest in Medieval Literature and Society (1989):
Of course the Middle Ages inherited and retold a number of incest stories from the classical world. Through Statius they knew Oedipus, through Ovid they knew the stories of Canace, Byblis, Myrrha and Phaedra. All these stories end more or less tragically: the main characters either die or suffer metamorphosis. Medieval readers also knew the classical tradition of incest as a polemical accusation,* for instance the charges against Caligula and Nero. – p. 2
The word "polemic" is connected to controversy, to debate and dispute, therefore these classical texts were exploring the incest motif in order to create discussion on a controversial topic. In a way, your question of "what draws you to incest?" has a whiff of polemical accusation to it, but as I stated, you're missing the bigger question.
Moving back to the Middle Ages, however, it is interesting that we do see a trend of more incest stories appearing within new narratives between the 11th and 13th centuries, according to Archibald:
The texts I am thinking of include the legend of Judas, which makes him commit patricide and then incest before betraying Christ; the legend of Gregorius, product of sibling incest who marries his own mother, but after years of rigorous penance finally becomes a much respected pope; the legend of St Albanus, product of father-daughter incest, who marries his mother, does penance with both his parents but kills them when they relapse into sin, and after further penance dies a holy man; the exemplary stories about women who sleep with their sons, and bear children (whom they sometimes kill), but refuse to confess until the Virgin intervenes to save them; the legends of the incestuous begetting of Roland by Charlemagne and of Mordred by Arthur; and finally the Incestuous Father romances about calumniated wives, which resemble Chaucer's Man of Law's Tale except that the heroine's adventures begin when she runs away from home to escape her father's unwelcome advances. – p. 2
I mean... that last bit sounds eerily quite close to what we have going on with Petyr Baelish and Sansa Stark. But I digress. What I'm trying to say is that from a medieval and classical standpoint... GRRM is not unique in his exploration of the incest motif, far from it.
Sophocles, Ovid, Hartmann von Aue, Thomas Malory, etc., "what draws you to incest?"
Faulkner + The Sound and the Fury, and more!
Moving on to more modern influences though, when talking about the writing ethos at the heart of his work, GRRM has famously quoted William Faulker:
His mantra has always been William Faulkner’s comment in his Nobel prize acceptance speech, that only the “human heart in conflict with itself… is worth writing about”. [source]
I’ve never read any Faulker, so I did just a quick search on “Faulkner and incest” and I pulled up this article on JSTOR, called Faulkner and the Politics of Incest (1998). Apparently, Faulkner explores the incest motif in at least five novels, therefore it was enough of a distinctive theme in his work to warrant academic analysis. In this journal article, Karl F. Zender notes that:
[...] incest for Faulkner always remains tragic [...] – p. 746
Ah, we can see a bit of running theme here, can't we? But obviously, GRRM (one would hope) doesn’t just appreciate Faulkner’s writing for his extensive exploration of incest. This quote possibly sums up the potential artistic crossover between the two:
Beyond each level of achieved empathy in Faulkner's fiction stands a further level of exclusion and marginalization. – pp. 759–60
To me, the above parallels somewhat GRRM’s own interest in outcasts, in personal struggle (which incest also fits into):
I am attracted to bastards, cripples and broken things as is reflected in the book. Outcasts, second-class citizens for whatever reason. There’s more drama in characters like that, more to struggle with. [source]
Interestingly, however, this essay on Faulkner also connects his interest in the incest motif with the romantic poets, such as Percy Bysshe Shelley and Lord Byron:
As Peter Thorslev says in an important study of romantic representations of incest, " [p]arent-child incest is universally condemned in Romantic literature...; sibling incest, on the other hand, is invariably made sympathetic, is sometimes exonerated, and, in Byron's and Shelley's works, is definitely idealized.” – p. 741
Faulkner, "what draws you to incest?" ... I mean, that article gives some good explanations, actually.
Lord Byron, Manfred + The Bride of Abydos
Which brings us onto GRRM interest in the Romantics:
I was always intensely Romantic, even when I was too young to understand what that meant. But Romanticism has its dark side, as any Romantic soon discovers... which is where the melancholy comes in, I suppose. I don't know if this is a matter of artistic influences so much as it is of temperament. But there's always been something in a twilight that moves me, and a sunset speaks to me in a way that no sunrise ever has. [source]
I'm already in the process of writing a long meta about the influence of Lord Byron in ASOIAF, specifically examining this quote by GRRM:
The character I’m probably most like in real life is Samwell Tarly. Good old Sam. And the character I’d want to be? Well who wouldn’t want to be Jon Snow — the brooding, Byronic, romantic hero whom all the girls love. Theon [Greyjoy] is the one I’d fear becoming. Theon wants to be Jon Snow, but he can’t do it. He keeps making the wrong decisions. He keeps giving into his own selfish, worst impulses. [source]
Lord Byron, "what draws you to—", oh, um, right. Nevermind.
I'm not going to repeat myself here, but it's worth noting that there is a clear through line between GRRM and the Romantic writers, besides perhaps melancholic "temperament"... and it's incest.
But look, is choosing to explore the incest motif...well, a choice? Yeah, and an uncomfortable one at that, but it’s obvious that that is what GRRM is doing. I think it’s frankly a bit naive of some people to argue that GRRM would never do Jonsa because it’s pseudo-incest and therefore morally repugnant, no ifs, no buts. I’m sorry, as icky as it may be to our modern eyes, GRRM has set the president for it in his writing with the Targaryens and the Lannister twins.
The difference with them is that they knowingly commit incest, basing it in their own sense of exceptionalism, and there are/will be bad consequences — this arguably parallels the medieval narratives in which incest always ends badly, unless some kind of real penance is involved. For Jon and Sansa, however, the Jonsa argument is that they will choose not to commit incest, despite a confused attraction, and then will be rewarded in the narrative through the parentage reveal, a la Byron’s The Bride of Abydos. The Targaryens and Lannisters, in several ways excluding the incest (geez the amount of times I’ve written incest in this post), are foils for the Starks, and in particular, Jon and Sansa. Exploring the incest motif has been on the cards since the very beginning — just look at that infamous "original" outline — regardless of whether we personally consider that an interesting writing choice, or a morally inexcusable one.
Word of advice, or rather, warning... don't think you can catch me out with these kinds of questions. I have access to a university database, so if I feel like procrastinating my real academic work, I can and will pull out highly researched articles to school you, lmao.
But you know, thanks for the ask anyway, I guess.
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wheelsup · 3 years
Text
the taming of the shrew | one
he is more a shrew than she
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penelope reveals her plan to get you and spencer together. unfortunately, her plan has a few hitches. 
A/N: again, big thanks to @homoose for being my helpful beta reader, and to YOU for reading it now. 
category: fluff, spencer reid x fem!reader, series
wc: 4.1k
<- prev | next ->
Penelope came back to your place the following night, bearing a new bottle of wine and a collection of materials she mentioned were integral to executing the plan.
Very quickly into Penelope’s explanation of this Genius Plan –– her words, not yours –– you remembered what it was she did for work. Officially, she was some sort of technical computer-y person for the Federal Bureau. As you knew her, she’s a danger to society and anyone with a traceable digital presence.
She managed to construct a comprehensive list of every place in D.C. and Virginia that her friend liked going to, along with the approximate times in which you were most likely to find him there. Approximate meaning, exactly which days he visits and the roughly time of day, down to a mere one hour margin of error.
You scanned the list over, shocked at its detail. Where he cut his hair, got his coffee, bought his books. His favorite restaurants, the chess clubs he’s a member of, his local hospital.
His local hospital?!
“I’m not going to need to know that, am I?” you paused.
“Probably not, but it comes in handy with this job,” she shrugged with a nonchalance that was rather alarming.
There had to be a dozen more places on the sheet –– ranked, in order of his (assumed) preference for them. Penelope calculated it based on the frequency of his visits, their average duration per session, and how often he’d mentioned about the place.
“What?” she tossed her palms up, taking offense when you asked her if she had evil plans to take over the tristate area. “Hang out with him long enough, you tell me if you pick up a knack for researching or not.”
Researching. Mining private data through questionable methods. It’s a small difference to Penelope.
“Remind me not to get on your bad side, Penelope,” you muttered under your breath, flipping the sheet back and forth. “You could ruin my whole life with ten minutes on a computer.”
“I wanted to be thorough,” she defended, shrugging. “And I’d only need five.”
You laughed through your nose, giving the paper one last scan. “You left out one important thing, though.”
“No, I put his home address on there,” her brows wrinkled together as she pointed it out on the sheet with one hot pink polished finger.
“His name,” you berated. “Jesus, you think I’m going to show up at his home?!”
“Again! I’m thorough,” she cried at your accusatory tone. “His name’s Spencer. You’ll like him when you meet him.” 
_
You didn’t doubt that Penelope’s friend was a likeable guy, but you weren’t exactly dying to go out of your way to meet him. You told her that you’d get around to it when you had a chance and left it at that.
And two weeks later, you found yourself in need of a caffeine fix that your tea kettle wasn’t strong enough to satisfy. You started on a new piece late the previous night, and midnight rolled into four in the morning, which pushed you into the arms of seven o’clock. Reinforcements were needed.
Throwing on a large sweater to cover up your messy clothes and grabbing the closest pair of shoes you could find, you originally planned on heading to your usual spot just around your street corner. Just as you were leaving, the list, still sitting untouched in the exact spot that Penelope left it in, caught your eye.
It’d been a while since you told Penelope you’d help her out. Enough time had passed that you now felt like there was an invisible deadline over your head.
Maybe it won’t hurt to try something new?
Besides, meeting someone at a coffee shop seemed like an easy, foolproof way to go about this. From all the movies and romance novels, you knew that cafes are the pinnacle of meet-cute situations. Or, in your case, a meet-forced.
Regardless, it should’ve been simple enough, and it would’ve gotten the favor off your shoulder.
You scanned the sheet for the cafe Spencer would be at on a Thursday at 8 a.m., and got there with barely five minutes to spare before he was expected to show.
It was just your luck that he had to pick a cafe practically as far from your home as he could get, and the transfer train had to have a delay that made you walk the last three-quarters of a mile there. Call it crazy, but you didn’t expect to actually have to put in work for this. You expected it better be worth the hassle.
You took a seat in the back of the cafe to catch your breath as you waited for him to show up. Sitting in the booth, with your head down so you coudn’t be seen, the plan started to feel stupid all over again. You were running around the city, spying on this stranger, and for what?
The silver bell hung over the door frame interrupted before your thoughts could travel down that path of questioning. It rang each time a new patron enters, and within the next twenty minutes it rang only eight or nine times. None of them appeared to be Spencer.
You were prepared to call this one a failure and leave, when you realized your colossal mistake. You only had his name, and no idea what he looks like. So unless he happened to wear a name tag around you could’ve already missed him. You realized then that there were more than a few flaws in this plan.
Keeping an eye on the door, you dialed Penelope’s contact as a swarm of new patrons flooded in.
“How am I supposed to know what he looks like?” you whispered into the phone, failing to cover it with a hand cupped over the speaker. Penelope was confused for only a second by the apparent lack of context.
“Oh! He’s tall, has mousy brown hair but he cut it recently. It’s like… missing on the sides, but it’s all there in the front!” she explained.
What the hell does she mean missing?
“Pen, brunette? That’s like all the guys in here…” You took a look around the full cafe; various men typing on computers, taking calls. All of them looked the same, from their brown hair to their khakis and puffer coats. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than brown hair.”
Penelope struggled to explain and with each new feature she gave you, your mental picture of him got more clouded. “He’s skinny! Dresses like a vintage teddy bear!”
“Does he have kind of like… a hot English teacher vibe?” you quirked your head, spying a man approaching from the sidewalk and drinking him in with your eyes. Tall, brunette, clad in corduroy head to toe with a plaid sweater vest underneath. Vintage Teddy Bear F/W 1978 collection.
“Yes! He teaches sometimes! And you think he’s hot?”
Your mouth gaped even though she couldn’t see you. “No, I - I didn’t say that. I said he had the vibes of a hot teacher.”
“And how different is that from saying he’s––”
“Pen, I gotta go. Your guy’s walking in.” You put the phone away before she could pick apart what you said.
The bell on the front door rang as he came in and you stared intently at his face. If this was like the movies, he’d turn his head right then, at the perfect time, and make eye contact. He’d fall madly in love from the first look, and your work would be done. You sat at the edge of your seat, burning holes into his skull, waiting for that moment.
But alas, he never looked up from the linoleum flooring as he walked up to the counter. With a groan, you slid out of your booth and quickly hopped into the line before anyone else could claim the spot behind him.
New plan: eavesdrop, order the same coffee as him, and pretend to go for the cup at the same time. Laugh about the coincidence, how if you share the same coffee order you must certainly have a lot in common, and have him fall in love with you.
But you overheard him rattle off his order and were absolutely horrified. Black coffee, extra sugar. Like, extra, extra sugar.
You were going to need a second change of plans.
You eyed him up and down, searching for something you could approach him about. He was donning black converse under a fitted pair of dark brown corduroy trousers, with a blazer to match, and a deep green plaid vest underneath. On paper, this outfit shouldn’t work. In practice, it… really did.
A little too well, given how good he looks in it. More fashionable than a federal agent ought to be as required by dress codes, right?
“Can I help you?” you heard, and it poked the bubble of your thoughts. Your head shot up to meet his for the first time, eyes wide as heat crawled up your face.
“Uh. No ––” Shit. You didn’t even realize how long you were staring at his legs. Long, long legs. And shit, why did you say no? That was your opening to talk to him.
The man –– Spencer –– nodded his head slowly, uncomfortably, and turned away with a forced grin. He grabbed the coffee cup placed on the counter and you thought now was the time to say something. But by the time you thought of it, he’d already picked up his cup and made his way to the door.
The stupid silver bell mocked you as he left.
__
The first attempt left you slightly jilted, but a few days later you found yourself in need of a few grocery items. You just happened to be in his neighborhood that day, and though it was very much out of the way of your own, you didn’t plan on it being a problem. He’d never see where you lived anyways, and he’d never need to know how unlikely this chance encounter really was.
You had Penelope text you the address of his regular grocery store, and upon arrival, felt immediate concern. It was not a grocery store. It was a convenience mart slash liquor store at the corner of the street, below a building of worn apartments.
As you walked through the aisles, the only things you found were a large assortment of wines that took up half the small store space, an aisle of candy packets and chips, a section for household supplies, and one measly aisle for canned and boxed foods.
Cereal, instant noodles, soup cans, pancake mix… nothing very fresh.
Spencer seemed like a pretty scrawny guy. You now believed it might’ve been from the fact that his food choices were so off-putting that he simply didn’t eat. It wasn’t your place to be concerned, but you decided that if you ever ended up taking him out, a farmer’s market might be good for him.
You loitered around for perhaps longer than necessary. The inquisitive shop attendant asked if you need help –– as in, why are you still here, get out of my store –– and you told her you were just really conflicted on which detergent brand you needed. Finally, the man you were after arrived at the scene.
“Hi, Dolores,” he greete with a small wave. The attendant, Dolores, greets back with a positivity that she sorely lacked when talking to you. Dolores has favorites, apparently.
An unexpected panic settled in your stomach and you quickly turned back to your selection of fabric softeners. You weren’t hiding, you just didn’t want him to catch you staring again. You picked up your two props, pretending to read the labels on the back and compare the chemical formulas on each of them, when you saw him out of the corner of your eyes.
He went into the aisle in front of yours, and over the short shelves you saw the back of his head sweeping over the modest food section. He turned around to inspect the other side of the aisle, and you ducked your head even lower. It was in vain. He spotted you anyway.
You fixed your eyes even harder onto the bottles, afraid to look anywhere else. He shuffled out of his aisle and turned the corner into yours. You started sweating a little.
“Uhm. Excuse me,” he said.
“Yeah?” You looked up from your bottles, putting on your best caught-off-guard face. Like you were a girl in a movie, reading a book on the beach (not detergent labels in a liquor store) and your romantic interest just noticed how beautiful you looked doing it, deciding he had to introduce himself.
“Can you… can you move…” he asked, gesturing to the section of cleaners that you’re blocking.
Never mind.
“Oh! Yeah, sorry.” You burned up, moving out of his way. He reached for what he needed and you peeked down to inspect the contents of his basket. Organic whole wheat bread, cream of mushroom soup, and somehow, he’d managed to find the only two apples this place must carry. At least there was light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.
He tossed a bottle of Snuggle fabric softener and you raised your brows. Given that he was “grocery shopping’’ in a three-piece suit –– a good one, too, black trousers, vest and blazer with an eggplant purple shirt and lavender tie –– you would’ve expected him to simply send his clothes out for dry cleaning.
“Snuggle, huh?” you said. He gave you a confused look. “Oh, uh. I was looking at these. Couldn’t pick between the two.” You raised your two bottles of softener; Snuggle and Tide.
You needed him to know you weren’t just saying Snuggle to insinuate that you would like to do that to him. You remembered Penelope telling you he had a degree in chemistry or some sort of science field, and asked, “Is… is that one like, more organic? I was trying to read the formulas but I don’t… I don’t recognize the chemicals,” you trailed off. You could see yourself losing his interest the more you spoke. He barely looked at you as he grabbed whatever else he needed.
“I don’t know… I just like it,” he bristled. You looked down at the bottle and flipped it over to the front. It had a drawing of a teddy bear on it. How fitting.
You go to comment on it but yet again he’d made an escape, already at the checkout counter and unloading his basket by the time you looked up again. You rolled your eyes, wondering if it’s even worth it to follow him into line and see if he sparks up a conversation this time.
You could tell that he wouldn’t. So you gave him the space to buy his items and leave.
You didn’t really need the detergent, but Dolores gave you a pointed look before you could even think about putting it back on the shelf. You ended up buying the detergent, a loaf of bread, and two packets of sweets out of guilt.
As you took the train home, digging into your packet of sour peach rings, you began to doubt if you can carry out Penelope’s request.
_
After two failed attempts, you were prepared to tell Penelope that this just wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t expect it to be this difficult to talk to Spencer nor did you see yourself getting closer to him anytime soon. It would be best if she just found someone else to do it.
You caught her in the hallway, leaving her apartment just as you came home from the store. It seemed like as good of a time as any to let her know how unsuccessful your escapades were going. With your tail between your legs, you approached her with the intention of breaking the plan off.
But the second she saw you, it was like she could read through you. She clocked what you were about to say and before you could, she gave you a warm hug. It was the first one you’d ever received from her, actually. And she thanked you for trying.
It didn’t make you feel guilty, per se, but it definitely made you feel weird about telling her the news. So you bit back on telling her what you were really going to say. She didn’t need to know the details of your failure, or the fact that you were seconds away from giving up on her friend.
Maybe you didn’t need to give up right away.
After all, you did only talk to the guy twice. Don’t they always say the third time’s the charm?
You left the conversation at just that –– letting her know that you’re happy to do this for her, even if you aren’t really –– and slinked back into your apartment. The list, buried under the magazines and paint tubes and half-full cups of cold coffee on your table, called for you.
If by any stroke of luck you happened to share one interest with this guy, you promised yourself to give it one more try.
According to the list, that overlapping interest was the wonderful world of Gatsby Books –– a small, locally owned bookstore residing in the heart of D.C. ’s arts district. That neighborhood was smack in the middle of your’s and Spencer’s, and it was where the gallery you showcase at was.
You’d been meaning to get down there for a while now, anyways. It really was the cutest bookstore in the world; inside it lived a white, bushy-furred cat named Gatsby, and he was always there. After all, it was his bookstore.
It wasn’t such a burden to make your visit fit Spencer’s schedule, really. And it would make Penelope happy if you did. So on Saturday afternoon, you took a lovely walk through the sunny arts district of D.C., a smile on your face and a tote in hand for all the books you were planning on hauling back.
The smell of paper and coffee greeted your nose at the door, and you practically fell into a trance, letting it lead you through the aisles of the store without much thought of where you wandered. Not that it mattered, you could’ve roamed the shelves aimlessly all day long.
In the mystery and thrillers section, you found Gatsby. He jumped down from his perch on a step stool and weaved between your legs, greeting one of his long-time regulars. He was such a good shop owner.
“Hi, Mr. Gatsby.” You smiled and bent down to give him a little head scratch when he started running off in the other direction, taunting you into following him.
He rounded the corner and came to a stop at a pair of boot-clad feet; your eyes moved up to find your favorite employee (after Gatsby, of course) restocking the shelves.
“Miles!” you whispered, but he still jumped out of his skin. He turned around, hand still over his chest, and sighed when he realized it was just you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” you laughed.
“Hey, long time, no see. Back for some more recommendations?” You ‘ooh’ed at his offer.
“I was just gonna say, the ones you gave me last time were so good. I finished them in, like, a week.”
“Really?” He smiled, brows happily up his forehead. You nodded in assent. “Okay, well I’ll give you more this time, see if the list’ll last you a little longer than that.”
You grinned eagerly, following him to the shop counter where he pulled out a stack of bright green post-its and a pen.
“I’ve actually been waiting for you to come in, I already had these in mind for you,” he mumbled, scrawling across the paper quickly. He handed the note over, and it took a moment to decipher the chicken scratches.
“Okay, first you gave me Al-Shayk and Bradbury. Now you’re giving me Chaucer, Dickens, and Doyle,” you recited the note, giving him a teasing look. “Are we just going through the alphabet, Miles?” you joked.
“Honest mistake. But I’d be happy to give you all the other twenty-two letters of the alphabet if needed.”
“I might hold you to that.” You nodded, folding the post-it in your palm to prevent the sticky backing from gunking up. It’d make quite the good bookmark for later. “Thanks for these!”
“No problem, just a part of the job.”
Nonetheless, you thanked him again before disappearing back into the aisles. You found Miles’ books as well as a few of your own and nearly lost yourself in the rows of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, until you made a turn. Standing in the middle of the next aisle was Spencer.
A week ago, he was the whole point of coming to the store. That day, you completely forgot about it, and it stopped you in your tracks to see him there. He was just standing in the middle of the walkway, staring blankly at the shelf in front of him.
“Excuse me,” you grinned, “Could you move?”
You thought it was a cute reference back to the laundry detergent fiasco, a chance for you to turn the tables, but he had no reaction to it whatsoever. His face was straight as he merely pivoted his shoulder out of your way as you reached for the book you needed; The Narrative of John Smith.
His eyes narrowed at you and his nostrils flared, and you wondered if it was called for because you grabbed the last copy they had in stock.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want this?” you asked, waving the book in his face. He was just standing there for so long, you didn’t think he actually wanted anything since he never picked it up.
“No,” he said coldly.
Contrary to Penelope’s review, he didn’t actually seem that warm of a person. But you smiled tightly at him, letting a forced laugh fill the stale air.
“I… I swear I’m not stalking you,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. Technically it was a bit of a lie, but he didn’t need to know. It’s just something people say when they have the happy coincidence of running into a stranger so often.
“What did you say to me?” he bit. His tone was sharper than you felt like this conversation deserves.
“I mean, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot… it was, like, a joke? Like, ‘ahh watch out, I’m stalking you!’ you know?” With each second he stared you down, you felt your throat dry out, getting more flustered as you felt the need to over explain yourself.
“Maybe you should work on your comedy routine,” he barked, his voice just faintly cracking. He shoulder-checked you as he rushed out of the store in long strides and a brisk pace.
What in the absolute fuck.
You couldn’t stay in the shop for another minute. You dropped your stack of books at the counter with Miles, giving him a rushed apology for leaving them behind as you stormed out of the shop and headed in the opposite direction of where Spencer ran off to.
The air outside was now frosty as the sun disappeared behind the horizon; the wind nipped at your hot cheeks as you charged home. There weren’t enough words to quantify the anger you felt. Your mind ran rampant with how much you now hated this man.
Not only did he bite your head off for no good reason, but he publicly embarrassed you at your favorite place and had gone so far as to bruise your shoulder to make a point. And you know what? If he really wanted you out of his way, you were more than happy to leave him the hell alone for the rest of your life.
You reached into your jacket pocket for your phone and dialed Penelope.
“Hey! How are––” she cheered.
“It’s off.”
“What?”
“It’s off. I’m not dating your fucking friend.”
“What happened? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding––” she started in a panic. She pleaded that you overlook whatever went wrong and promised that she’d have a talk with Spencer about it. She’d try to encourage him into the direction that you need.
None of that registered in your brain, hot blood filling your ears instead of her words.
“He’s a fucking ass,” you spat. “The more I see of him, the less I like him, and… I’m pretty sure we’d rather kill each other than date at this point. So yeah, I’m done.”
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Fated
Karl Heisenberg x Autistic, Sound-sensitive Reader (Female)
Warnings: Swearing, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Noise sensitivity
Genre: Romance, Comfort
Summary: Not everyone could love a man like Heisenberg. But Y/N isn’t everyone, nor is she just anyone. She loves him as the whole package he is: murderous intentions, human experiments and all.
Requested by @phoenixofthevalley Hi dear! Here you go - the first fic I’ve ever written for Karl Heisenberg (first of many) and thank you so much for being my first ever Resident Evil 8 requester! Hope you enjoy the read! Feel free to correct me if I’ve described anything incorrectly or in an accidentally offensive manner. I have no intention of spreading hate or any type of misconception so I’d really appreciate the correction. Love, Vy ❤
Watching Karl get so excited over this grand plan of his - the destroying of Mother Miranda, his revenge - it all makes me feel uneasy. I can’t explain the feeling, mostly cause I’ve never felt it before, and I can’t quite describe it either. I don’t connect to people easily and I’ve always been told I’m the problem but I guess it took the right person to make me feel things I haven’t felt for no one else all my life.
“The weren’t worthy of your emotions, darling.“ Karl told me on one of the rare occasions when I opened up my mind to him. I felt his words wrap around me like a comforting embrace. For the first time in my life, I felt understood.
I think that’s what took me the longest to get used to - being understood, seen and validated. My opinions had never before been taken into account seriously, my personal boundaries were rarely respected by others and people always had a hard time dealing with how distant I can be. But what bothers me above all is how people refer to me as dramatic because of my sound sensitivity - something no one took seriously when I’d tell them about it.
Karl did though, surprising me to no end.
He respects that I like my personal space and prefer not being shown much affection, especially not physical. He understands that I have a hard time showing people affection myself. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m ok with whatever it is he’s doing, saying or suggesting. And I’m sure that if I were to ever tell someone about this, they wouldn’t believe me. That’s most definitely due to his rough exterior and intimidating appearance. Also probably because he comes off as downright selfish and rude when you first meet him, but getting to know him was a journey worth taking because I now know the real him. A trust me, his rough exterior and the softness of his true self have nothing in common. Although, he does claim that softness is only reserved for me.
With all that laid out, it’s completely understandable that I don’t want him going up against Mother Miranda. Thanks to Karl I’ve never had the displeasure of running into her, but I’ve heard countless stories of how powerful and downright terrifying that witch is. Bottom line: I don’t want Karl walking into something that’s the equivalent of suicide.
And I’ve finally decided to let him know exactly how I feel about it.
I’ve been sitting here, searching for my voice as I observe Karl in his deepest thinking space. He’s constantly in it, if you ask me - constantly thinking, looking for ways to make his innovations better, stronger, more powerful to add to his chances of victory against the sadistic ruler of this village. He was already at his desk when I walked in, hunched over dozens of drawings drawn with cut-edge precision yet in his mind they are probably not near good enough. In his mind, all he does is never good enough. He prides himself on this factory and what he’s produced thus far but he cannot stay proud of himself for very long, he constantly feels the need to better himself in order to remain worthy in his eyes. I wish I could change his mindset on those grounds but I know that my tries would be futile and pointless.
“Karl?“ I suddenly speak up, surprising both him and myself. I don’t know what I was thinking opening my mouth when I still have no idea how to go about this without making it seem like I don’t believe in him. That is in no way the case. I believe he can defeat her, if he cannot do it himself, his robo-army most certainly can. But I don’t want defeating her to cost him his life cause without him in mine I’m not sure what will be left of me.
He straightens up from where he’s been hunched over for the past God knows how many hours, rolling his shoulders and stretching his arms as her turns to look at me, his sunglasses capturing the white neon light in the office as he does so.
“What is it, darling? Something wrong?“ he takes a step towards me as I stand up and go to approach him.
“Actually...“ Suddenly, that thing he keeps in a safety cell just below this room starts going off with that annoying loud sound it makes. It’s always disturbed me, ever since it came to exist which was not so long ago considering it’s been his latest project. It not only terrifies me but triggers my sound sensitivity as do most of the machines in this forsaken factory.
I close my eyes tightly shut as I cover my ears with my hands, praying for the sound to go away as soon as possible because I can’t take it. It almost makes me physically nauseous and gives me vertigo, bringing me to the brink of tears because of its loudness and intensity, like it’s drilling right into my brain.
I can’t quite pinpoint the exact moment the sound went away because when faced with such a pain-inducing experience, my senses tend to tune out while I still remain conscious, but when my hearing returns I the only thing I’m able to hear is a steady heartbeat and a steady breathing. 
“It’s ok, darling. You’re ok.“ I hear Karl’s quiet whisper, giving me peace and coaxing me into opening my eyes.
When I do so, I come to realize why the rest of the world has gone quiet. Why I’m suddenly so flooded with comfort like no one is able to bring me. No one but him.  One of my ears is pressed up to his chest while the other is covered by his warm hand which travels up to move a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ear as he repeats his soothing words like a chant, slowly starting to let go of me out of fear that he’s crossing a line. He’s always so wary about that and I’ll forever be grateful to him for it.
“Are you ok, sweetheart?“ His hands gently cup my cheeks, tilting my head so I can look him in the eyes - directly in the eyes, for he has ridden himself of his glasses. I’ve found he does that often when around me - removes his glasses. I once asked him why that is but the answer he gave me was vague, all the while a small smile played on his face. Guess he’s a bigger secret-keeper than I primarily thought. It doesn’t bother me really, I know the only secrets he keeps are the ones that would be a hazard for my safety if he exposed me to them, so I allow him his secrets and I keep some of my own to myself. It’s only fair, after all.
I nod, blinking up at him, “Yes, I’m ok. But...“ Now or never, girl. Now or never. “But if you want me to be honest, I will be.”
He looks baffled by my answer but he doesn’t falter, quickly regaining his composure before he replies, “Of course, dear. I always want you to be honest with me. What’s on your mind, what’s bothering you?“
Now “I haven’t been really ok for a while now.” I take his hands in mine, removing them from my cheeks but holding them firmly between us - a gesture that surprises me just as much as it shocks him. Never have I felt the need to be so close to someone. It may be momentary and temporary, but I refuse to dwell on that as I push forward with my argument, “I haven’t been ok since you told me about your plane. The whole thing with Mother Miranda and all that...” Not the time to be leaving me, words. I started this, I’ll finish it. “Look, Karl, I know you and your army can bring that witch to her demise but...”
“But what, Y/N? Tell me.“ He encourages me softly, his hands subtly tightening their hold on mine as if to keep me grounded, remind me he’s listening closely to every word I’m saying. Like he always does.
“But what if it doesn’t go as planned?“ I blurt out, biting my bottom lip nervously. It makes me anxious, being so honest and emotionally exposed. That’s so rare for me I doubt I’ll ever get used to it, but that’s the only way I have at least a fragment of a chance of convincing Karl to drop this. “What if things go south and you end up killed or turned into a monster or something else?“
The concern on his face washes away when he hears my words, getting replaced by a soft, consoling smile. I quickly look away, feeling that confession on my part was quite odd. I feel out of place but not uncomfortable, I don’t know how to explain it. It almost feels like relief, like I’ve finally gotten a huge boulder off my chest and I can finally breathe properly. But I can’t, not until I hear his reply. That smile should probably tell me something but it doesn’t - I won’t believe anything until I hear it come out of his mouth with my own two ears.
“Oh Y/N, darling, you won’t lose me. Ever.“ His thumb swipes across my knuckles soothingly, drawing abstract patterns on the skin of the back of my hand, “You never need to worry about me, hun, I ain’t going anywhere. No one can take me away from you or you away from me. Anyone who dares to try, well, bad things will happen to ‘em.“ He chuckles, easing the tension enough for me to able to look up at him again. When our eyes meet again, I see something I can’t name nor describe. All I know is that what he’s telling me is genuine and comes, “I’ll always be here, by your side, Y/N. I will always be here to shield you from anything and anyone. Any rogue lycan or any loud sound, I’ll be there to prevent it from reaching you. Never forget that. Ok?“
That urge to be have him close takes over me again. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I see a clock ticking down, counting down the numbered hours we have together before he inevitably carries out his plan. As scary as that is, I think I can do nothing but accept it.
And so, that’s exactly what I do.
Wrapping my arms around him tenderly, enveloping him in the first hug I’ve ever given him - probably the first hug anyone has given him - I accept our fate, silently hoping it changes somewhere along the lines.
“Ok.“
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takaraphoenix · 3 years
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Ship game!! What about Nico and Will?? It’s pretty popular, but I don’t think I’ve seen you write much of it…
That's an interesting one in that I have vocalized my reasons for disliking it way back when it first became popular but instead of just linking that, it has been years so I think it's time for an updated version.
Firstly: This post is gonna be properly tagged and not crosstagged so if any shipper comes across it and feels the need to bitch about it, just don't; your lack of curating your own tumblr experience is not my problem! ;D
Now, there are three key factors that play into my dislike of this ship: How it was written, what it represents, how the fandom around it acts.
1. It’s rushed and uncomfortable
In BoO, it was incredibly rushed. They had literally five sentences of interactions before they walked into the literal sunset together. Five. It was just entirely born from Riordan's Noah's Ark Complex, where he just can't let people be single. The series was ending and he needed Nico to have an endgame so he rushed into some random romance with zero build-up.
The way their interactions went down was also severely uncomfortable for me. Will was acting so offended by Nico not wanting to go to camp and be friends in an entitled way that he had no right to be, he downright guilt-tripped Nico about how he had wanted to be friends. Nico has been just so severely traumatized at such a young age and his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was, was to run away and hide. Will acted like Nico not wanting to form attachments to people who could potentially leave him again was somehow just an Edgy Emo Decision and not a direct reaction to his trauma. His entire approach to Nico was basically all these hippie posts of "Don't have depression!! Just go out into the sun and stop being depressed!", which is already a bad take with non-medical people but he's supposed to be a doctor (and let's not get into the shadiness of him technically being Nico's doctor).
There is also an inherent "I can fix him" angle to this ship and to me, only few ship dynamics are more uncomfortable than that. If you want to fundamentally change a person's behavior and personality, you... don't actually want to be with this person.
Now, here's where my points overlap, because the following parts of their writing that bothers me also stand for what this ship fundamentally represents.
2. Solangelo is a queer ship written by and for straights
I'm a queer woman and as a queer woman, I want queer wish-fulfillment, not what straights want out of queerness. I'm kind of tired of that, I've been sitting through it for enough decades now. That's, of course, not to say that no straight writer can give proper queer representation, but far too often do straight writers - even the most well-meaning ones - project straight desires of queerness into their queer representation.
Let me explain that closer through this ship.
Nico's been in love with Percy for years and I'm going to do my best to not hijack this post with some Percico agenda; that's not what this his about, this isn't some "my ship is better than your ship" ship-war nonsense. It's simply a canonical fact that Nico has had romantic feelings for another character for years.
A character who, in this medium, is heterosexual. And if you're queer, you've been there. In love with your straight best friend. It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.
We have also all been well-meaningly rejected by said straight friend.
And here's the straight desires for you: The queer person who was in love with a straight person just immediately stops having those feelings and will then as quickly as possible fall in love with the next queer person they meet to be happy and no longer uncomfortably in love with a straight person, because that thought makes the straights uncomfortable.
Queer wish-fulfillment would be for Percy to return those feelings, for the queer character to get his first love, to not be rejected. That thing queer teens always dreamed about for themselves.
Aside from the wish-fulfillment angle, the pacing is another problem. Let me repeat, Nico was in love for years. But a five sentence conversation with Will once causes a crush on Will and we see him physically turn away from Percy and toward Will just immediately to rebound and actually fall out of love with Percy and in love with Will. Anyone who's ever been unlucky in love will attest to just how unrealistic and ridiculous the pacing here is.
It's also straight queerness in another respect; Nico has been the first ever queer character we meet in that world. He loves a straight guy - and to get over that, we introduce the second queer character. Because heaven forbid there are multiple queers to pick from. No, in straight-written queer romances, there is always that one main queer and then they introduce a second one and the two just immediately hit it off and develop a romance like all a queer person needs to form attraction to someone is the confirmation that the other person shares your sexuality.
Also the notable gay guy on gay guy ship here, whereas the more queer-wish-fulfillment option would have also included more nuance to the queer experience, because Percy doesn't have to be heterosexual just because he has only been with girls so far. It's a very old-fashioned - think 90s and early 2000s - kind of straight-written queerness that there are only exactly two homosexuals and that those two homosexuals then pair up.
And, listen, I'm not immune to these outdated straight-written queers entirely, I have many such ships that I grew up with that I am still fond of because they were groundbreaking at that time and they weren't outdated yet back when they happened in said 90s and early 2000s. I am however a grown woman now and just like I have grown, so has queer rep so I am not as easily baited into falling onto my knees in gratitude for canon rep. You have to go with the times. And this ship, by all that is given to us, is just entirely outdated straight-written rep.
Which, I mention earlier that even straight-written rep can be good. If the author tries. Riordan doesn't really try though; he does the bare minimum when he writes any of his rep - and there have been many, many more qualified voices being very vocal about his depiction of people of color and, as a woman, I've been vocal about his depiction of women. I don't want to derail this post with all of that, but I do think that it bears mentioning that Riordan doing rep but only doing a bare minimum and not putting in the necessary work to deepen the representation he wants to give is a repeating pattern that has been pointed out many times by now.
(I’d also like to point out that no, it is not just the ship and not just the listed instances that make it straight-written rep for straights. It’s Nico’s entire queer arc, starting with his forced coming out. A severely traumatizing event that is completely brushed over because the straight author doesn’t understand the impact this has on queer people. Not to mention the framework; Nico’s coming out isn’t Nico’s story, it happens in Jason’s POV, it is given to us through the POV of the straight bystander who gets to be Best Ally by assuring Nico that being gay is okay. This kind of coming out is not a queer wish-fulfillment, it’s a straight wish-fulfillment of getting to be the straight savior, the ally to show the gay the light of acceptance. And, additional to the ridiculous pacing of how fast Nico gets over his love for Percy, Nico also gets over years of internalized homophobia just because of, I don’t know, Jason’s few encouraging words and the fact that Will paid attention to him? For a gay kid who was in the closet all his life, the nonchalant way in which he publicly confessed his crush to Percy at the end made absolutely no sense and was written as basically a joke, finished off with Nico literally high-fiving Percy’s girlfriend despite those two never having seen eye to eye before but this is straight wish-fulfillment so all straights are Super Allies, because that’s the way straights want to see themselves, even though Annabeth has shown before just how jealous she can be and she most definitely wouldn’t go around high-fiving people who confess to her boyfriend. Nothing about Nico’s queer arc in HoO felt natural or queer or satisfying.)
Sure, Solangelo on a surface level is big because it's a canon queer couple in a YA book-series and kudos for that and yay for the kids who get to grow up seeing queers in YA books, but I actually do think that kids growing up with books written in the 2010s shouldn't grow up with 1990s levels of representation, because the 2010s overall are actually at a far more nuanced and better level of representation when it comes to queerness. And I do reserve the right to quit on too straight-written and too outdated queer rep in a landscape where I can get more satisfying representation elsewhere; we don’t live in times anymore where you necessarily have to love every bit of rep because it’s the only one you get.
Now that we've gone through my first two gripes, let's wrap this up with the final point, because it also directly ties into this.
3. The new wave of antis hiding behind this ship
A huge part of the fandom is so busy kissing Riordan's ass solely for giving them queer rep at all they think that both the author and the ship are beyond flawless and that kind of attitude is not good. Just because an author includes rep doesn't make either perfect. Absolutely no one is beyond critique - especially not when said critique comes from the very people the author is representing. And even beyond any "valid" critique on the ship, quite frankly, someone should also be allowed to just not like it, without any reasons given at all.
But there is a certain... protective obsessiveness about this ship that doesn't allow a not liking. Very similar to how PJO bore this mindset around Perc/abeth already. It's okay to have OTPs, even OTPs that you have a blindspot for and just don't want to see any flaws in. It is however not okay to then go around attacking people who don't like the thing and mind their own business.
Solangelo's bred a new generation of antis in this fandom. And, particularly with the fact that this post too receives an "anti" tag, I feel like there needs to be a clarification (because tumblr likes to forget what actually makes an anti). Not liking something doesn't make you an anti, venting in properly tagged posts doesn't either; it's the people who harass others, who seek out the content they dislike to then complain that it even exists and who actively try to make others stop creating for it - those are antis.
And with Solangelo's popularity, there was a high rise in Percico antis, who sought it out, were unnecessarily nasty about it, harrassed creators and tried to enforce some kind of "Solangelo supremacy" that won't allow other ships for the characters.
I've been in fandom long enough to be perfectly aware that not all Solangelo shippers count into this category and that there are completely normal and nice Solangelo shippers, but this is a Venn diagram where the overlap between Solangelo shippers and antis is too large to not widely associate the nasty people with the ship itself. (I've been there myself, shipping the very ship behind which a fandom's antis all hid. The second-hand embarrassment of having these people give the ship a bad name is horrendous and I do feel bad for all the normal Solangelo shippers.)
The more often I encountered these people, who made Percico bad (sometimes in wildly ridiculous manners that bent and deliberately misinterpreted canon) and who in the same breath praised Solangelo high, the more tired I grew of that ship. It's a simple game of association, really. You see that linked to the gross and nasty behavior and you start associating the ship itself with that gross and nasty behavior - and with all the things I said before that already weighed into my dislike of the ship, this just was the final tipping point, really.
And that's it. That sums up why I dislike Solangelo. It was hastily rushed, uncomfortable in its execution, it is outdated rep that very much feels as straight-written as it factually is and it does not feel aimed at me as a queer person but rather at the straight audience and it has gathered a cult following of quite uncomfortable people who on their own would be reason enough to avoid it so you can avoid them.
Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it
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engie-ivy · 3 years
Text
Everyone seems to think it's just the most hilarious prank Sirius was given a potion to make him think he's in love with Remus. Remus himself, however, doesn't quite like hearing Sirius say everything he's been secretly dreaming of, and not meaning a word of it. However, there might be a bit of truth to Sirius’ words. Or a whole lot of truth.
Truth Be Told
Remus is haggard. After a long day of classes, he has spent the evening tutoring a second-year Hufflepuf, and it would surprise Remus if the boy can even tell the front from the back of his wand. All Remus wants now is to drop down on a couch, and unwind with his friends. As he enters the Gryffindor common room, he spots them sitting at the back and makes his way over.
“Wotcher, Moony,” James greets. “You look bloody knackered!”
“Alright, Moony?” Peter grins. “Long night?”
“Moony!” Sirius says. “I’m so glad you’re back. Even when it’s just an hour, I miss you whenever we’re not together. You light up any room you enter, no matter how tired you look. Just the sight of you makes my heart skip a beat, as you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
The boys all fall silent and stare. Remus blinks a couple of times. Then James bursts out laughing, quickly joined by Peter. Horror appears on Sirius’ face and he clasps a hand over his mouth.
“Eh,” Remus says hesitantly, as he sits down. “What’s going on?”
James, still laughing, wipes a tear away from his eyes. “D’you remember how Sirius hexed McKinnon last week, making everything she ate taste like earwax for the entire day?”
Remus nods. As funny as the prank may have seemed, dealing with an angry and hungry Marlene McKinnon hadn’t been an experience worth repeating.
“Well, she got back at him just now by spiking his Pumpkin Juice with some sort of potion, but so far, we hadn’t figured out what kind of potion. Until now, that is!”
“A Love Potion?” Remus asks incredulously.
Sirius, face bright red, is pointedly not looking at Remus.
“The potion must have made him so head-over-heels, he’s too overwhelmed by your all-encompassing beauty,” Peter snickers.
Remus is still stunned. “Why a Love Potion to make him fall in love with me, though?”
James shrugs. “Girls have a weird sense of humour, mate.”
Remus shakes his head. “That’s ridiculous!”
James wants to say something, but Sirius cuts him off. “There’s nothing ridiculous about being in love with you!” He exclaims. “You’re the kindest person there is. You have such a good heart, and you’re always there for me, no matter what. You always make everyone feel at ease. You’re clever, hardworking, and strong. I don’t understand how everyone isn’t in love with you! And Merlin, you’re so attractive. The way you bite your lip when you’re trying not to laugh is so bloody sexy.”
Sirius isn’t the only one blushing now, as Remus feels his own cheeks heat up. “Err, thanks,” he mumbles.
James and Peter, however, nearly fall off the couch laughing. “This is gold!” James manages to say in between his laughs.
Remus doesn’t agree. He finds it more embarrassing than funny that apparently, McKinnon thought making him in love with Remus was the best joke she could play on Sirius. And even worse, and Remus will take this secret to his grave, like a bloody twelve-year-old who reads too many romance novels, he occasionally fantasizes about Sirius illuminated by candlelight, holding his hands, waxing poetically about his undying love for Remus. To now hear Sirius say similar words, without meaning any of them, is definitely more painful than funny.
Sirus doesn’t seem amused by it either. “I’m sorry,” he says miserably. “I know I shouldn’t be saying this! I mean, I know I don’t have a chance with you, Moony. You’re such a good person, so much better than me. I truly don’t deserve you.”
“Merlin,” Peter laughs. “Sirius Black thinking he’s not good enough? I wouldn’t have thought it possible! What the hell did McKinnon give him for a Love Potion?”
Remus wonders that as well, as he watches Sirius hide his face in his hands. With the Love Potions Remus knows, the person under the influence at least doesn’t realise how insane they’re acting, but poor Sirius seems perfectly aware.
“Moony,” Sirius says pleadingly. “Normally, I think every minute spent apart from you is a minute wasted, but as I can’t seem to stop embarrassing myself in front of you, would you mind terribly to maybe stay away from me until the potion has worn off?”
“You really do say the most ridiculous things,” Peter agrees.
Sirius glares at him. “You calling me confessing my deepest feelings ridiculous is actually really hurtful, Peter.”
Peter blinks at him.
“Right,” Remus says, getting to his feet. “Yes. That would probably be best. Just... take care, and let me know if you need me.”
“I always need you, Remus,” Sirius says. “And I always will.”
“Err, right. Yes. Okay. Great. Eh, bye then.” Remus hurries away.
As Remus makes his way through the common room, he walks past Marlene, Lily and Mary sitting together at a table.
“Oi, Lupin!” Marlene calls, with a smug smile. “Is Black having a nice evening?”
Remus folds his arms over his chest. “You think you’re bloody funny, don’t you, McKinnon?”
Lily raises her eyebrow. “Come on, Remus. Black had it coming.”
“I suppose he had,” Remus sighs. It’s true. Marlene and Sirius are always pulling pranks on each other and retaliating. “But next time, please leave me out of it!”
“Leave you out of it?” Marlene repeats. “When have I ever gotten you into it?”
“Please, a Love Potion to make him confess to being in love with me?” Remus rolls his eyes. “I can understand how you’d think Sirius Black fancying me is just the biggest joke, but please, don’t.”
The girls fall silent.
Mary is staring at Remus with wide eyes. Lily is nervously tugging at her braid. Marlene is shifting uncomfortably in her seat.
“What?”
Marlene and Lily exchange a look, then look back at Remus. “Eh, Remus,” Marlene says carefully. “The potion I gave Black wasn’t a Love Potion.”
Remus begins to ask “Then why-” But Marlene continues talking. “It was Veritaserum.”
Sirius is lying face-down on his bed, wondering if there’s a spell that can make the ground swallow him up whole. Damn Marlene and her damn Truth Potion! At least his friends, and most importantly Remus, had assumed it was a Love Potion. Luckily, James and Peter had eventually left him alone, thinking that the fun was over anyway after Remus left, so perhaps the universe doesn’t completely hate him.
He has barely finished the thought, or the door to the dorm opens. Sirius glances up, and when he sees Remus walk in, he considers smothering himself in his pillow.
“Moony,” Sirius groans. “Please. I really want to be alone.” For once, he and the Truth Potion are in perfect agreement on what to say.
Remus ignores him and sits down cross-legged at the foot of Sirius’ bed with a huge grin on his face, because, yes, the universe has it out for Sirius. Sirius pushes himself up and wraps his arms around his legs. “While normally I would be thrilled to have you on my bed,” Sirius says, because of-bloody-course he does. “Right now, you shouldn’t-”
“What potion did McKinnon give you?” Remus interrupts.
Sirius opens his mouth to say it’s the Love Potion, but what comes out instead is “Veritaserum,” which, really, he should’ve expected. He wonders if it’s too late to still smother himself in his pillow.
Remus grins brightly at him. He knew, Sirius thinks. The bloody bastard already knew.
“You know,” Sirius says irritably. “I’m so gone for you that you could probably push me out of the window, and I’d still be smitten,” has he mentioned that the universe hates him? “But I must say, Remus, it kind of hurts that you found out my deepest secret and came here to rub it in my face and laugh about it.”
Remus seems a little taken aback by Sirius’ blatant honesty, but he should’ve known that’s what he would get. “What? No,” he says quickly. “I’m not laughing about your feelings! Or well, maybe I am laughing about your feelings, but because I’m happy about your feelings!”
Sirius looks away and mutters “Well, I’m glad you at least enjoy my desperate pining.”
Remus moves forward, and places a hand on Sirius’ cheek to gently turn his head back to him.
“You on my bed, sitting this close, and touching my face like that is Doing Things to me,” Sirius says, and he kind of wishes Remus had pushed him out of the window.
Remus lets out a breathless laugh. “Good, because what I wanted to say is, I’m happy about your feelings, because I most definitely return them. I’m gone for you too.”
Sirius’ eyes widen. “Really?” He breathes.
Remus smiles softly at him. “Really. I’m not taking any Veritaserum, though, so you’re going to have to take my word for it.”
Emboldened by the notion that he can’t possibly embarrass himself more than he already has, Sirius shifts a little closer understand. “You know,” he says, nervously licking his lips. “They say actions speak louder than words.”
Remus immediately understands. The hand on Sirius’ cheek moves to his neck and the next moment, they’re kissing.
Sirius briefly chases Remus’ lips as the other boy pulls away, and sighs while he blinks open his eyes. Kissing Remus is the best feeling in the world, leaving him dizzy, and rather hot and bothered. And of course, in his current state, he immediately informs Remus about this.
A flush appears on Remus’ cheeks and he chuckles. Sirius hides his face in his hands and groans. “And just like that, I turned the best moment of my life into the most embarrassing moment of my life.”
Remus grabs his wrists to pry his hands away from his face. “No, Pads, it’s okay! More than okay. I love kissing you as well.”
Sirius lowers his hands and looks into Remus’ soft, honey-coloured eyes, that look back at him affectionately. “I love you,” he breathes.
Remus lets go of his wrists and his eyes widen in shock.
Sirius winches. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I wouldn’t normally go from first kiss to full-blown love confession in like zero seconds, but that damned potion! That potion goes by the rule ‘if you feel a strong emotion, immediately speak it out loud’, and loving you is the strongest emotion I’ve ever felt.”
Remus’ eyes widen even more.
“Oh, Merlin,” Sirius says. “I’m only making it worse, aren’t I? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to freak you out like this.”
“No, it’s... I mean, I...” Remus scrapes his throat. “I don’t mind. I admit, it’s all going a bit fast, and I wasn’t expecting a love confession so soon, but I think I’m... happy?” Remus lets out a nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry, this is all very new to me.”
“It’s new to me too,” Sirius says softly, and then, just in case he hadn’t freaked Remus out enough, “You’re the first person I’ve ever said those words to.”
Remus nearly topples off the bed.
The universe must be having one hell of a laugh.
“Oh, bollocks!” Sirius says. “I keep saying these wildly inappropriate, way too intense things, for which it’s much too soon! I won’t blame you if you want to get away as fast as possible. As a matter of fact, you probably should stay away from me for now, before I end up telling you I’ve already been envisioning our wedding.” Sirius’ laugh sounds forced, and Remus’ sounds a little too high-pitched, and Sirius can see clear traces of panic in his eyes. Yet, Remus doesn’t move from the bed.
“You know,” Remus says a tad nervous. “Perhaps I could stay, but prevent you from speaking?”
“How are you...?”
Remus smiles shyly. “My idea was to keep your mouth... otherwise occupied?”
Sirius’ eyes widen, and then a bright smile appears on his face. “Remus Lupin, you always have the best ideas!”
Remus wakes up the next morning with Sirius’ body pressed against his back and Sirius’ arms around his waist. “Hmmm,” he hums happily, covering Sirius’ hands with his own. “I love waking up next to you.”
He can feel Sirius smile against his neck. “Me too. Waking up next to you and falling asleep next to you. Even your snoring is music to my ears.”
Remus snorts. “I gather the Veritaserum has worn off, huh?”
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