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grailfinders · 24 days

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Grailfinders #337: Hai Bà Trưng

happy easter y’all, I hope you’re all enjoying your chocolate, eggs, chocolate eggs, and eggs in the shape of chocolate. we’re back at it again with a crisis, both a water monster crisis, and the fact that I can’t really spell the Trưng Sisters’ names right on this keyboard, so from this point on expect me to use the wrong kind of u.

spelling aside, the Trung sisters are a combo of Glory Paladin for their winning attitude and glowy weaponry, as well as an Echo Knight Fighter because… duh. there’s two of ‘em.

check out their build breakdown below the cut, or their characters sheet over here!

next up: “so what’s it like being split into a thousand consciousnesses?” “eh, it has its pros and Cons”

Ancestry & Background

the Trung sisters are probably human, unless you believe in that ascending to the heavens bit, but either way they’re close enough for it to work here. that means they get +1 Strength and +1 Charisma, as well as proficiency with Animal Handling for their elephants and the Ritual Caster feat to actually get those things. with this feat you get two first level wizard spells like Find Familiar and Comprehend Languages that you can ritual cast as many times as you like- the former one of your lil elephant friends, and the latter is the grail translating for you. you can even add new spells to your ritual book if you find them lying around in scrolls or other spell books, so keep an eye out!

also the Trung sisters are Nobles, so they get proficiency in History and Persuasion. if you took a shot every time we released one of these builds with a noble background the only thing that would save your liver is our update schedule. and again, we know noble is a big step down from king, but we do what we can.

Ability Scores

going off the standard array, Charisma should be your highest stat to start out with. it’s literally one of your abilities, and it makes all your paladin stuff extra juicy. second highest is your Strength, since you kill things with spears and swords. R.I.P., Infinitiger. your third highest stat has to be Intelligence since that’s how we qualify for ritual caster, and you definitely know your way around a battlefield. this means our Constitution is lower than I’d like again, but it’s okay for now. the real problem is your low Dexterity making your outfit choices a little difficult to work with, but at least that’s better than your Wisdom. half of you is too busy being a siscon to pay attention when they’re on watch, and you died because your underlings betrayed you. rough.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: starting as a paladin gives you proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as Athletics and Insight. despite dumping their wisdom, the Trungs are good leaders and judges of character. paladins also start out with a Divine Sense, letting you pick out extraplanar creatures nearby. you learn their location and what they are, but not who they are. I don’t think the kons are extraplanar, but if they were that would make them so much easier to round up. also if they get chomped on by a fishman you can patch them up with Lay on Hands- you get five HP per day per paladin level, and you can touch someone as an action to either heal them or use five HP to cure a disease of theirs. real useful when you live on a deserted island with no casters.

2. Paladin 2: second level paladins get a Fighting Style, and while Defense would be the smarter choice for +1 AC your spear and sword are both one-handed weapons, so I’m getting the Dueling fighting style instead. that gives you +2 to the damage done with a one-handed weapon every time you hit with it! extra armor might protect you from some damage, but killing will protect you from all future damage!

you also learn Spells which you cast and prepare using your Charisma, but the only spell I really want at this point you’ll get permanently next level so I’ll cover it then. for now, you can also use your spell slots for some Divine Smites- burn a spell slot, deal extra radiant damage when you hit something, deal extra extra damage when you hit a demon or zombie.

3. Paladin 3: third level paladins have Divine Health, so now you can never get sick. anime characters don’t get sick unless they do, and if they do it’s plot related anyway so your DM probably won’t let you off the hook even if you have this.

more importantly, you are now fighting for the Glory of your people, so you get some oath spells! they’re always prepared and they don’t count against your prep limits- Guiding Bolt hits a guy and gives the next person to attack them advantage, and Heroism is the spell I was talking about in level two. with this spell, you can give a creature immunity to being frightened plus some bonus temporary HP every turn for up to a minute!

you also get two Channel Divinity options, and you can use one of those each short rest. you can either become a Peerless Athlete for ten minutes to make up for how spread out your stats are, or you can use an Inspiring Smite to give temporary HP to nearby creatures after you make a divine smite. both of these options use your bonus action, so you can squeeze them into your turns pretty easily right now.

4. Paladin 4: now that you can cast spells you can become an Eldritch Adept using your very first Ability Score Improvement- technically I should save you getting your Armor of Shadows for later to coincide with your third ascension but I’m not going to leave you at 10 AC for the whole dang build. now you can cast Mage Armor on yourself for free, adding 3 to your AC total while unarmored.

5. Paladin 5: fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each action, so now you can hit twice a turn! I mean. there’s two of you, that tracks. you also get 2nd level spells, including your freebies Enhance Ability, again to overcome stat spread, and Magic Weapon, to make your weapons all glowy for your NP. they also get +1 all attack rolls and damage rolls.

you can also Find Steed now to give your elephant the boost it needs to be ridable! sure it’s still not elephant sized yet, but you can get it up to a warhorse, that’s pretty neat! also you can use Gentle Repose to keep those water monsters from doing their con-eating trick. they might not be undead, but it keeps them from getting up again so it’s close enough.

6. Fighter 1: we’ve got plenty of Trung now, so let’s work on the sister part. bouncing over to fightergives you a Fighting Style, which means we can take Defense after all! or Dueling if you were smart and took the AC first. speaking of AC, you also get a Second Wind once a short rest, letting you heal up as a bonus action!

7. Fighter 2: second level fighters get an Action Surge, so now you can make a second action with a second attack for a total of four in a single turn!

8. Fighter 3: third level fighters can become Echo Knights, letting them Manifest Echo as a bonus action. this creates a copy of you with better AC and 1 HP that you can move around the battlefield as you wish, as long as it stays within 30’ of you. you can attack from its position as well as your own, and you can even swap places with your sister as a bonus action too!

you can also Unleash Incarnation up to Constitution Modifier times a day, adding an extra echo attack to your attack action! right now that’s only once, but it’ll get better as we go.

thanks to the echo knight’s funky splitting, we can use buffing spells like Magic Weapon and it will improve both sisters’ weapons at the same time!

9. Fighter 4: fourth level fighters get another ASI, so grab the Slasher feat to round up your Strength score as well as protect the precious cons! once a turn you can slow down a creature you hit with slashing damage, and your critical hits force disadvantage on the attack rolls of whatever you sliced through! if you’re going to bring marshmallows to the front lines, it’s best to make sure they don’t die.

10. Fighter 5: fifth level fighters get… nothing! extra attacks don’t stack like that.

11. Fighter 6: as a consolation prize, sixth level fighters get a bonus ASI, so bump up that constitution for 11 points of health (remember that +1 each level is retroactive) and for more unleashed incarnations! now you can attack up to six times in a single turn! that would use up literally every spell slot you have right now, but you can!

12. Paladin 6: sixth level paladins have an Aura of Protection, so everyone around you gets a +3 bonus to all their saves! now your cons won’t get blown up by a fireball… as much. I’m sure a successful save would still get the cons knocked out though.

13. Paladin 7: seventh level glory paladins get an Aura of Alacrity, so everyone around you gets a movement speed boost. again, it’s keeping the cons out of harm’s way!

14. Paladin 8: at eighth level you get another ASI, so bump up your Strength for stronger attacks!

15. Paladin 9: ninth level paladins get third level spells, and you get Haste and Protection from Energy for free! I’m sure you could argue a D&D build would have to be perma-hasted to even stand a chance at keeping up with a servant, but really the only third level spell I want here is Elemental Weapon. in contrast to magical weapon, you still get a +1 bonus to attacking, but the bonus damage is a little stronger, and you can make that damage an elemental type like acid or fire. I’d use cold damage here for their demon slayer-esque water sword attacks. or you could use something like Crusader’s Mantle to give everyone around you mini-smites for up to a minute.

16. Paladin 10: at tenth level your natural leadership abilities give you an Aura of Courage, so nearby creatures can’t be frightened while you’re around. it’s a shame it only has a range of ten feet, that would’ve really come in handy while you were alive.

17. Paladin 11: I hope you like radiant damage, because an eleventh level paladin has an Improved Divine Smite, adding a d8 of the stuff to every melee attack you make. that basically doubles your damage output most of the time- there’s a lot of doubling going on in this build, almost like you’re two people or something.

18. Paladin 12: twelfth level paladins get one last ASI, so bump up that Constitution again to not die! not dying’s my favorite hobby, and I bet its yours too, we have so much in common.

19. Paladin 13: our last level of paladin gets you Compulsion and Freedom of Movement and a bunch of other spells but who cares because it also gets you Find Greater Steed, letting us finally have an elephant-sized elephant. well, actually a rhino-sized elephant but it’s waaay closer than a horse.

20. Fighter 7: our true final level is going back to fighter to become an Echo Avatar. now you can transfer your mind to your sister and basically play as her, with the max range of the echo increasing to 1,000 feet while you do so. this also doesn’t prevent you from switching places with her, so you can trivialize a lot of traps by just sending the more expendable sister ahead of you.

obviously I don’t think this level’s in character, but it’s at least slightly moreso than the next paladin level where you can break curses by touching people, so here it is.

Pros & Cons

Pros:

while I didn’t go over it much in the build itself, Paladin has some nice spells, and unless you’re super dedicated to playing in-character I highly recommend you look at the full spell list before committing to just using spell slots for smiting and elephants. also, ritual caster doesn’t look like much on the surface but if you play your cards right it gives you access to a ridiculous amount of Utility, giving you plenty to do outside of combat. with ritual caster you have access to spells no paladin would ever be able to cast like drawmij’s instant summons, and you can become the party’s communication hub with spells like Contact Other Plane or Skywrite.

you can attack way more in a single turn than a paladin really should be able to, which means you take the paladin’s burst damage potential and crank it all the way up to eleven! with action surge and unleash incarnation, you triple the number of attacks a paladin should ever be able to get, making you a burst damage machine. assuming a regular longsword with elemental weapon on it, you deal 6d8+36 slashing + 25d8 radiant + 6d4 cold, for an average of just under 200 damage in a single round.

I know this last one isn’t much, but. riding an elephant is so cool y’all, it gets its own section.

Cons:

pretty much all the damage you do is either radiant or physical, so the second you come across something that can handle those two your damage output is completely neutered. I really hope there aren’t any celestial monsters on the islands…

I know paladin spell slots are really, really good for smiting, but as written we aren’t using them for anything else. okay yeah there’s summoning elephants, but that’s still a very small part of what paladins can do- they’ve got plenty of healing spells and defensive buffs they can offer, and while that might not be in-character, it’s a smart tactical decision.

your AC is bad. but you can just wear heavy armor if you feel like it. yeah two of these are just “if you deliberately kneecap yourself, you play worse,” and I’m sorry, but paladin’s a good class, fighter’s a good class, they’re just two great tastes that taste great together. their biggest real weakness is a lack of area of effect spells, but that’s not super punchy, and even then you can slice through six guys like it’s nothing with the only area you’re really affecting being your sword!

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Trung Sisters #Hai Bà Trưng #ha

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teopatra · 8 months

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✨🤭 BIENVENUE 👋🏽👋🏻👋👋🏿

Let me preface by sayin, I went on Google, found some images, saved these images, but I DO not own them and i am NOT citing my source 😆 BC I CAN *karlie red’s voice* teehee yes I did yes I did somebody plz tell ‘em who the EFF I IS 🤪 I’ll give updates if someone takes legal actions 🥳

♍️Pick a fictional Virgo♍️

Since it’s both Virgo season ANND mercury rx im going to be doing a lot of readings themed around this season for research 🧐 purposes 🤓

1. Rue (real life ♍️ Zendaya)

What do you need to work on?

Either you have an unhealthy addiction or attachment to something OR you need to be focusing more on something like your life depends on it due to either procrastination, laziness, self loathing/not believing in yourself ENOUGH OR just not dedicating enough time to something. If you have an unhealthy attachment to something like social media or video games, know that it’s okay to indulge in certain things but you have to have balance and know wen it’s time to take a break.. your screen time could be high but if that’s the case how are you using that time to create content or make that fun thing lucrative for yourself. You can make tiktoks even if you may think it’s stupid bc the views will bring more traffic to your page but only if the intentions are good and you aren’t harming anything or displaying inappropriate behaviors. Also if you play video games you can stream, if you like to read you can do voice memos and turn it into a podcast, reel, YouTube video and you don’t even have to show your face. I’m getting mercurial energy from this pile bc it’s something to do with your voice and hands .. maybe you build, play instrument, make beats, sing, do ASMR whatever ..

Additional Messages: while mercury is in retrograde this is a good time to work on your craft not perfect it just work on it.. beginning stages will not exhibit perfection so if that’s what you expect out of yourself there is where the shadow work needs to be done. You need to make a schedule; it doesn’t have to be time exact focused but you need to have better intentions for your day.. you need to strengthen your upper body especially the arms.. practice breath work and work on healing and or balancing your lower chakras: root chakra, sacral chakra and or solar plexus whatever one resonates with you..

2. Hermoine Granger 📚

What is holding you back?

Your mouth is holding you back because you don’t understand what it means to move in silence. Just because you didn’t tell people about it or show the internet doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Learn how to enjoy the beauty of life on your own. People will begin to see right thru you and not take you serious if you’re always posting every little thing. Know your own worth, other people see it but it doesn’t seem like you’re being authentic to your true self. Maybe you tried doing shadow work and wanted to reinvent yourself; but who are you trying to be like? If you’re not being you then you’re being a carbon copy and that will just lead you down a path of self destruction.

Additional Messages: I see you’re experiencing some type of food allergy maybe gluten or dairy and hormonal imbalances. You will benefit from journaling, sound baths, and meditation music. Gemini energy somewhere in your chart maybe your moon; if it’s difficult for you to quiet the mind rn maybe bc of issues within the family relating to health or finances then you have to unwind the mind. It’ll take time, (bars) maybe you want to write music is so then do it.. work on the crown chakra, heart chakra, sacral and solar plexus chakras, you really need to recalibrate cuz you’re out of wack and your body or tummy is stressed

3. Bella Swan 🦢

How can you hold yourself accountable?

You use other people’s problems as a way to distract yourself because you want to feel needed by other people. You refuse to do things for yourself or by yourself bc maybe you realize that wen you’re by yourself you’re really sad or lonely.. figure out the root of this sadness and loneliness and heal your trauma. Tell yourself that what happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT. People will still love you even if you aren’t available for them at the moment, if they’re meant to be in your life they’ll understand. But you don’t want to accept the fact that the people you hold dear to you are probably not meant to be in your life at this time.

Additional Messages: are you using your financial status and material meals to define your happiness? Who would you be without those things? Who are you? Do you even know? You’ve been going thru the motions for so long, that you’ve put your true desires in life aside bc you feel guilty . Heavy guilt issues, check your sun sign and your Saturn and the houses they’re in.. Heal your root chakra and if you’re going thru a Saturn return you better understand what that means for you now since the start of it until the end or else you’ll have to wait another 27 years to really dive into what you love…

4. Frodo Baggins 🧝🏽‍♀️

Where you need to communicate better…

If you have a speech impediment or your first language is diff than those around you causing language barriers do NOT be afraid to express yourself. If anyone makes fun of you for the way you speak they’re a loser and work on your confidence so this doesn’t bring you down. You know what you’re trying to say so maybe work on how to express yourself better with words. You may deal with self doubt, insecurity, trauma, and you may shut down when you feel like others don’t understand you. It’s mercury retrograde and I see for the next 3 weeks people just may not listen , that doesn’t mean talk louder, that doesn’t mean argue, become a better listener and this will help you with your communication. I feel Aquarian energy like you’re different and the ones who know you understand when you speak but you have to have balance and be able to speak in all aspects don’t be afraid or shy it’s okay.

Additional Messages: check your 11th house, and aspects to your Aquarius house, work on your throat chakra and your root chakra. If you’re in school for psychology or you’re an astrologer then you already have the answers you seek you just don’t trust yourself so work on the heart chakra as well.. idk why you don’t trust yourself you’re actually very intelligent but you have some type of disability maybe, confidence and time will strengthen this

5. Jorah Mormont 🗡️

What isn’t working for you anymore?

other people opinions aren’t working for you; you keep allowing people to put their 2 cents in when you need to trust your gut. You have a very keen eye and people feel important wen you ask their input. It’s okay to ask advice from others time to time but ask the universe, the divine, your spirit team, and or your higher self to enlighten you. There may some evil eye around you in regards to your work, others see that your hard work will lead you to success but people feel left out and want to siphon all your energy. Insecure and low vibrational people aren’t working for you. Your challenge rn is to know wen is a good time to just put your phone on DND and do you whether it’s rest or meditation. Strong Leo energy, check your sun sign your 5th house and anything aspecting your Leo house.

Additional Messages: you may need more sunlight or you may need to use more sunblock so you don’t get radiation poisoning. Or some of you could be outside n the sun too much which is draining you in some way. Vitamins could benefit you or orange foods like oranges and carrots. Maybe try drinking smoothies, cut out carbonated drinks and snacks high in sodium, it’s causing brain fog and memory loss. Fatigue is happening to you bc you’re probably over worked and don’t drink enough water or the right type of water.

6. Neo 👽

How to be more productive?

Be more imaginative , be more delusional, exercise your neptunian or piscerian energy by making your dream or fantasy world reality. You need to strengthen your psychic abilities maybe by asking the universe or higher power to give you a sign.. work on your telepathy by imaging a certain object you want the universe to use to communicate with you to affirm. Stop doubting your intuition just because it may scare you. If you believe that we live in a simulation and nothing is real then why are you allowing this reality to bring you down. Pretend you’re in a video game or movie and you’re the main character or final boss. You may need to move your body more bc your blood isn’t circulating enough or properly esp if your body parts have been falling asleep lately

Additional Messages: it would benefit you to detox, drink more water and take on a healthier diet or lifestyle because something is clouding your judgement and intuition. Check your chart for what planets are in your 12th house or aspecting your Pisces placements. You’re in a self deprecating mode rn and you have to snap out of it. Eat less meat especially if you’re a water sign bc you’re taking on the energies of those unalive animals your eating you feel their pain.. also stop eating GMO food for 60 days…

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3:03 on the clock

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3am-starry-night-sky · 2 years

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What we can take away from the Hidden Strifes event: Diluc and his current relationship with Kaeya

I have too many ideas and new theories filling my mind, so I’ll be making several separate posts. Many things have already been mentioned by others, so I’ll be going over those things briefly or maybe even not at all.

Ok, let’s start with the new info we have regarding Diluc and the series of events that followed his father’s death.

Diluc did not leave right away. And it was actually Alice who gave him the idea, and from the wording of both of their letter, it didn’t seem to be so much about going on a killing spree, but more about getting away and finding himself (being lost due to the recent events) and along with that also the truth. Also, Kaeya somewhat helped him with it, keeping Jean and Varka from stopping Diluc and giving him a tip on how to leave.

(A part from Alice’s letter)

(A part from Kaeya’s letter) The way He worded the last part, makes it seem like Kaeya himself has thought about doing something similar.

Not so much about Diluc, but we learn that Kaeya kept Diluc updated about the Eroch situation, even though the other hasn’t been shown to have replied or requested the info. You know the “You don’t have to reply” Also that the whole Eroch process took quite the effort from the Knights and probably also time.

EDIT: I also want to add that Kaeya might be aware or at leas have suspicions of Diluc working with a secret organization. Or those “businessmen” were from the fatui. But I’m more leaning on the first.

Diluc isn’t so much against the Knights of Favonius, but due to their different approaches and differences in philosophy, he prefers steering clear of them, unless cooperation is necessary. Also, we can not forget that Diluc still holds a grudge towards the knights actions following his father’s death.

Lastly, it becomes even more clear that Diluc’s character is built on justice and righteousness. And also that he’s someone who thinks about the present and future more than the past. Basically, someone who strides towards the better future, rather than sulking in the past. But interestingly it seems like he also takes a lot after what he has experienced in the past, sort of gets stuck in his feelings and doesn’t forgive so easily.

(This is opposite to Kaeya, someone who lingers on the past and holds onto mementoes from everything he can, but yet is quick to forgive and put aside his own feelings. He feels hesitant about the future and prefers not to think about it, rather enjoying what he can in the present)

(I might make a separate post about talking about How Kaeya and Diluc are both parallels and opposites to each other)

Now to unpacking Diluc’s and Kaeya’s relationship:

The most important thing we can take away from this event, is that the two have been exchanging letters over the years. Kaeya took the initiative almost immediatly, and even though Diluc was at first resistant, he eventually started sending in replies.

(I’d like to add, that these reveals are very important. I personally feel that they have made not only both Kaeya’s and Diluc’s characters feel more fleshed out but also their relationship and the string of events more clearer and civil. Basically, it feels much more realistic now. And I’ve certainly felt my perception of the two shift a little)

It seems like their relationship isn’t as bad as some thought, but at the same time it seems like it’s still not as good as some hoped for. I’d say they have found some common ground and are at least on speaking terms. And interestingly you can feel the tone of the letters get better over the years.

Talking about the tone of the letter. It seems still a bit cold/resistant and there are some jabs at each other here and there, but overall it does seem better than how they communicate in real life. I think an interesting thing to note when comparing the letters to the others, is that while the tone of the other letters reflect more respect and warmth, it’s partially because the letters sent to Albedo, Alice Jean and Varka have been written in a rather polite manner. In an opposing way writings exchanged between Kaeya and Diluc are much more casual (Kaeya’s more than Diluc’s, but still).

Maybe I’m looking too much into this, but this line right here, is one of the jabs that actually also seems to have some compassion in it. It seems to be sending a message “Why don’t you worry about yourself instead, I know you act similarly/you aren’t any better, so please do take of yourself too”

Overall it feels like they both have moved past their initial conflict, but there still seems to be a rock between them that makes it awkward.

It seems like Kaeya holds no grudge towards Diluc and his actions and instead takes the blame himself (While they both certainly hold some blame, it feels a bit unhealthy to forgive everyone who hurts you, but you do you, honey). It does feel very Kaeya-like to look at both sides of the conflict and not lable people as good-and-bad or hero-and-villain (Given that Kaeya himself stands between a conflict, having seen both sides, and I’d say that that experience is the base of Kaeya’s character and his actions, but that’s an entirely new topic I might post about one day)

There’s no backup to this claim (at least not one I can think of right now), but I’d say (and I’ve seen others theorize this), that perhaps Diluc seems hesitant towards Kaeya, because he sees his actions as a wrongdoing, a misguided justice, a violation of his own philosophies and while he has tried to learn from that, he still (depending on whether he knows or not about kaeya never having blamed him) doesn’t see himself as worthy of forgiveness. As “I should uphold myself to same standards as I do others” (So If I can’t forgive others why should others forgive me). And thus keeping a bit of distance from Kaeya, at elast emotionally.

(Or It’s Kaeya who can’t accept that Diluc has changed, and is thus approaching the matter from the wrong angle. Always referencing things from the past, perhaps thinking it will bring back the old Diluc.)

Lastly, I’d say that we got even more proof about how much the two work together behind the scene. At this point, Kaeya might as well be sponsoring Diluc’s whole Darknight-hero affair.

And the fact that Kaeya immedaitly figured out that Diluc was the Darknight-hero (though let’s be honest, it’s not that hard) and that similarly Diluc figured out that Kaeya wasn’t blinded, shows that despite both having changed and their relationship not being what it used to, they still know each other better than they’d like to admit.

PS: Sorry if the post is a bit all over the place and long. My thoughts themselves have been all over the place after the reveals. Plus, I’m not best at putting my thoughts to words sometimes, well actually most of the time.

#genshin #kaeya #diluc #ragbros #hidden strifes #spoilers #a lot of stuff already #but I might add mroe stuff #I sometimes feel bad for only talking and theorizing about these two #wow why did this take an entire day to post #also 16 tabs open

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goldustwomun · 2 years

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feel again (e.m.)

pairing: eddie munson x best friend! fwb! reader

summary: sleeping with your best friend was never a good idea, and though he’s confessed his feelings to you, they were feelings he felt for an entirely different girl.

warnings: a shit ton of angst, of swearing, lots of hurt but yanno what follows hurt! comfort! fluff! resolution! i had to adapt the season’s events for my plot and tbfh, i’m worried it’s a little slow in the build-up and i can’t write action to save my life -- but i think the ending makes it worth it!!!

wc: 6.1k+

note: i’m in tears! i can’t believe its done, i wrote a fic! a series! i’ll admit, not sure if it’s my best writing but i can genuinely say i had so much fun writing it; i have people asking me about eddie and whether he’ll end up alright and honestly, everyone’s love and support has kept me going when i was about ready to give up and call it a day, so please, please, enjoy! reblog! leave a comment! i love you all <3

read part one - part two

Eddie had been missing for two days, and you were starting to lose it.

What a fucking jerk. To have sought you out that night at the party, showered you in kisses and apologises and conveniently left out the fact that he was on the run from the police and Chrissy was–

You couldn’t think about her. That burning in your throat, the bitter taste of bile, intensified when you thought about her. Hadn’t it been just last week when you’d imagined, or rather fantasised, of her hurting? It was an irrational, intrusive thought – one you were sure you hadn’t actually meant to come true.

But you were unbelievably petty and emotional and so fucking lonely without your best friend, and she was a living, breathing, annoyingly cheerful reminder of everything you no longer had.

Was.

Because now she’s gone. And as much as you hated her guts only days earlier, you couldn’t help but wallow in the sorrow you felt now, knowing the gruesome end she had met.

She was gone, sure, but so was Eddie. He hadn’t reached out to you since the bathroom incident, when Nancy had found you frozen to the spot an hour later. She was speaking to you, words muffled and unintelligible against the ringing in your ears.

You remember odd bits and pieces, like a puzzle missing some of its pieces – Chrissy. Dead. Trailer. Eddie.

You’d come to when you heard his name, brows furrowed in worry and confusion as she explained what everyone in town was now talking about, what everyone now believed about Eddie.

Eddie Munson had corrupted Chrissy – made her a satan-loving, drug addict, just like him. He lured her back to his trailer, a quiet, almost desolate part of town, where he brutally murdered her.

It was all a fucking lie, you knew it.

There was something else going on here, but the devastation you felt, a never-ending cycle of fear and concern, had you bedridden since you’d found out. Your parents had hounded the police to station officers at your house, convinced Eddie would try to get in contact.

They worried you’d meet the same fate, and no matter how much you argued that it was all bullshit, they’d confined you to your room, no visitors allowed – not even Nancy, Steve and Robin.

That didn’t stop them from sneaking in, though. Hawkin’s finest weren’t actually all that great, and come 9 o’clock, the two officers stationed outside would be snoring so loud from their ‘tactically’ placed police cars that your friends would easily climb up the side of your house where you’d greet them through the window.

You told them they could use the front door, your parents weren’t home and not even a pack of demadogs could wake the two snoozing officers. But it was ‘about the principal’ as Steve put it.

So every night since, you’d leave your window open for them to update you on what they’d learned, and most importantly, whether anyone had found Eddie.

“We found him!” you heard Robin call from outside your window.

You wasted no time, shoving your feet into your sneakers, grabbing your flashlight and a pocket knife because the town was really taking paranoid to a whole new level since Eddie had been accused of murder and reported missing.

You shimmied down the drainpipe, landing with a hard thud on the ground. Pain shot up your calves but you ignored it, instead focusing your attention on your friends in front of you.

“And?” you prompted impatiently, unable to stand still and wishing to whatever God or all-powerful being watching you now that Eddie was fine, that he hadn’t been found or met the same fucked-up end as Chrissy.

“Well, Max said she saw him running from his trailer, th– that night. It was suspicious because he looked afraid and why would a murderer run like a little girl from their intended murdered victim. And then Steve and I, well it was a fluke, really, can’t believe we caught it–”

“Robin! Get to the point, where is he?”

“Right, right. Reefer Rick’s place. It’s abandoned, he’s in jail, I think. On Lover’s Lake,” she managed to explain eventually. You knew you shouldn’t be mad at them, felt that sting of regret after scolding Robin, but they didn’t know about the guilt coursing through your veins every day since he’d disappeared.

It was your fault, and no matter what anyone said, your mind couldn’t explain the thoughts away. You had pushed him into Chrissy’s arms. And when she died, he’d wasted precious time – time he could have spent getting away – to find you.

So you excused your temper, promising yourself to apologise to Robin later. “Okay, then what are we waiting for? Let’s go,” you announced, taking all of one step before Steve stepped into your path, stopping you from walking to his car.

“About that…” he trailed off. He looked afraid, like he was certain you’d start swinging any moment. “You’re not coming.” He was right to look afraid, you decided.

“Move, Steve,” you insisted, attempting to push past him but he held his grown, all crossed arms and stern stare. The others mimicked his stance, and you knew they were in agreement.

“Why?” was all you asked.

“Because last time something like this happened, you almost didn’t make it,” Nancy interjected before anyone else could speak. She was the only person you trusted as much as you had Eddie, having known her since the two of you were in diapers.

While you weren’t a ‘trouble’ child per se, it had always been Nancy’s voice of reason that had prevented you from getting caught countless times.

And it was Nancy you had blatantly ignored when you’d jumped in front of the Mind Flayer to save Max.

You’d never spoken about it with her since then, having brushed it under a carpet in your mind, locked the door and tossed the key. You didn’t like thinking about what would have happened if Billy hadn’t intervened, but it was instinct and you didn’t regret any of it. You couldn’t.

“Well that’s not an excuse, Eleven’s always throwing herself in front of the–”

“She has super powers! Don’t be stupid! You don’t!” Nance scolded, pushing in front of Steve to speak directly to you, face to face where you couldn’t hide. “We can’t let you come, not this time. We all discussed it and you’re just too much of a liability. The cops are still watching you, the whole town is because–”

“What? Because they know I was fucking the freak they’re hunting?” you stated crudely, eyes glued to the floor. Your head was shouting at you to shut up but your heart was aching too much to care. You felt that surge of senseless anger and, unfortunately for your friends, they were the only ones around to aim it at.

“You’re all acting like you wouldn’t sacrifice yourself for anyone else here. You’ve all done it countless times. Fended off the Demogorgon, Demadogs, the Mind Flayer – how is this any different?”

“Because you love him, sweets. You love Eddie so much that we’re afraid you’ll give up everything for him.” Robin’s words did little to soothe you, and though you knew she was right (they all were, really), you couldn’t be stopped.

“If you don’t let me go, I’ll wake up those cops and send them straight to him. To Lover’s Lake.”

Silence.

You were as shocked as they were, mouth agape at what you had just threatened. But you needed it to work because if you didn’t see Eddie soon, scold him a little for acting like such a fucking idiot, then have him explain what actually happened – fuck, you were driving yourself crazy.

“You wouldn’t do that,” Nancy called you out, not taking the bait. She could see through your facade, like a cat scrambling for safety in a pool too big, biting, scratching its way out – anything to escape the dread creeping in. “We’re going, you're staying.”

You watched them leave, gaze unforgiving.

It was only when they backed out of your driveway that you collapsed, sobs clawing their way out of your mouth as you held yourself tight, squeezing once, twice, three times like Eddie would.

The legs of your jeans were caked in dirt but all you could focus on was the fact that they were right, if you went, if Eddie was in any kind of danger, you’d throw yourself in, head first, to save him. You’d jump in front of whatever it was that had murdered Chrissy, would let yourself meet the same fate in under a heartbeat if it meant Eddie would be alright.

If this was what love felt like, you thought, you didn’t want it.

Radio silence for three days.

You felt like a patient under quarantine, what with the limited access to the outside world you had. For three days, you sat by your window, all day and late into the night, waiting for someone to tap on the glass and tell you everything was alright.

Anytime a branch brushed against the side of the house, or the wind was just a little too loud, your head snapped towards the window, expecting to see someone, anyone, Eddie, perched on the ledge.

But for the past three days, you waited, waited, waited, and no one ever came.

It was entirely your own fault, you could admit that. Your dwindling emotional stability did nothing to assure your friends that you were fine, could be trusted to find Eddie and figure out what had happened that night in his trailer.

Your parents tried to pry you from your room, knocking politely (something they never did before) on your door every house, asking if you wanted a scoop of your favourite ice cream, or to watch a movie downstairs.

But you couldn’t look them in the eye knowing they believed what everyone was saying. You’d spent the first few days locked inside trying to convince them, but eventually even that seemed futile.

You’d never felt this completely, utterly, helpless. Your world was falling apart around you and because of your paranoid parents, a prejudice town, and two idiotic police officers watching your every move, you could do nothing to stop it. Just stand and watch as slowly but surely, everything and everyone you loved dropped like flies around you.

It happened on the fourth day.

You’d been granted permission to go on a walk, finally going stir-crazy and your Mum was desperate to clean your room after you’d been holed up in there. The cop car followed a few feet behind, never letting you get too far ahead.

The streets were eerily empty, though. It was a pleasant day outside and you’d expected the pavement to be filled with kids on their bikes or doodling on the concrete with chalk. Yet there it was, deserted. Even the constant chirp of birds had disappeared, so you slipped on your headphones and walked alone.

You didn’t realise something was happening at first, too preoccupied with calculating how fast you’d have to run to lose the two imbeciles following you.

But then you looked up and the blue of the sky had been replaced by swirling black ash that suffocated the midday light.

You stopped. Music blaring even as you pushed your headphones off. People rushed outside, startled by the sudden disappearance of the sun. They looked up at the darkness, panic erupting amongst families and children. In the distance, you could see where the smoke came from – a black column of spiralling ash that emptied into the sky, coating the world in shadow.

This time, you didn’t bother to calculate, you just ran.

Behind you, you heard the screeching voices of the officers, commanding you to stop. Ignoring them was about as easy as breathing as you ran faster, sneakers pounding against the pavement. You were the odd one out, running towards the danger, unlike everyone else who tripped over themselves to get as far away from it as possible.

You didn’t know what exactly it was you were running to, figured you’d know it when you saw it.

And Jesus Christ, were you right.

The ground had split open, fire erupting from the gaping cavern that had been made, like someone had carved a knife into the Earth and crushed everything in its path. That pesky thought that had been tapping against your skull for the past few days, the one that warned you this might all be Upside Down related, it returned, only pounding, screaming, smashing, not tapping.

“Holy shit,” you whispered for no one to hear, taking a few cautious steps forward to peek into the encroaching flames. They raged and flared, barking at you like a watchdog sensing danger. And though your head told you to run the other way, go home, check on your parents, call Nancy’s house, or Steve’s, do anything but continue on the road you were on, a road you weren’t sure had a very pleasant ending.

But you couldn’t do that, not when your friends, your best friends, your family, were out there, somewhere. Probably in the eye of this flaming storm and fighting off some sort of monster not even your nightmares could conjure up.

So you ignored your mind, the pounding, screaming, smashing against your skull. You ignored the rational thoughts still pleading relentlessly with you, and started running again.

Something told you that if this all started with Eddie, in his trailer, that was where it would end.

It took longer than you expected due to the obvious obstacle of a 10-foot wall of flames, but you made it in the end. Despite the chaos of the town, the trailer park looked mostly the same. Dead leaves crunched under your feet, each step leaving your heart racing that much more than it already was.

Nancy was right to have been mad when you’d thrown yourself in front of the Mind Flayer. And as unfeeling and unafraid as you tried to act around your friends, the churning in your stomach said otherwise.

You were terrified.

Not for whatever was waiting for you on the other side of wherever it was you thought you were going. Or even the perpetual question of ‘were they alive?’. For once, you weren’t even afraid for Eddie, not in that moment, anyway.

No, you were terrified for entirely selfish reasons. Because the last time you’d done this, you’d almost died, and the thought of leaving your parents, your friends, Hawkins, behind, without a proper goodbye and tampered death certificate – it didn’t seem right.

But you persisted, you had to.

Screw fear and its ability to control you in times of need. Screw the Upside Down and its seemingly never ending supply of monsters it kept throwing at you and your friends. Screw Eddie Munson for not loving you when you needed him. And screw the whole fucking world, galaxy, universe, for messing with you, time and time again.

You wouldn’t let it mess up this storyline, though, you deserved more than that.

Wrenching Eddie’s trailer door open, you peered inside, eyes darting to the make-shift rope dangling from a hole in the ceiling – a hole in the universe? You stepped towards it, craning your head to get a better look at what looked like a reflection of the room you were in, only bathed in darkness and decay.

With a steadying breath, you looked around, looking for anything that could be turned into a weapon. It was only when you were rummaging through Eddie’s room that you found a possibility. You’d hidden your favourite lighter in a shoebox under his bed, away from your parent’s prying eyes. In his grimy bathroom, you found rubbing alcohol in the first aid kit, and behind his bedroom door, a stick (Eddie liked to pretend it was a staff for D&D campaigns) large enough to be turned into a torch,

Soaking the end with the clear liquid, you held it under your arm as you stared at the descending piece of cloth. You knew if you thought about it too much, you’d never be able to make it up, so you took a few steps back, and ran towards it, jumping at the last second and hoisting yourself through the hole.

You landed in a tangled heap on a deflated mattress, groaning as your shoulder took the brunt of the fall. On shaking legs, you rolled off the ground, rushing to the window to look for any sign of your friends.

It didn’t take long. His short frame was hobbling towards a swarm of something, chasing after a fleeing figure.

Dustin.

You ran outside, catching up with him in no time. It was only when you got closer that you heard it. Even over the roaring in your ears, you could hear him sobbing. “Dustin– hey! Dustin! Wait!” you called out, sighing in relief as he turned towards your voice. He was shaking worse than you, covered in dirt, sweat, and someone’s blood.

“Are you hurt? Hey, hey, hey, what happened? Where are the others?”

He couldn’t get the words out, and you grew antsier by the second. “Dustin, please, tell me,” you pleaded, hugging him tight and praying he’d calm down soon enough to speak to you.

The urgency in your voice must have done it because the moment you pulled him in, he stuttered out a name you didn’t want to hear, not here. “E–Eddie. It’s Eddie. He went–” he pointed towards the moving black cloud.

You didn’t wait to hear the rest of his sentence, already sprinting down the familiar street, using screeches of what could have been bats as a beacon to follow. You were panting, hard and fast, when you saw him. Completely surrounded, flailing a makeshift sword and shield at the flapping beasts.

“Eddie!” you shouted, but he couldn’t hear you. So you took out your lighter, wrapped in neon pink tape so you wouldn’t confuse it with Eddies, and lit the end of the staff-slash-stick.

Then you ran to him.

You’d always run to him.

You woke up in bed, at home, convinced you’d hallucinated the whole thing. Hawkins erupting into flames, climbing through the trailer ceiling, a distraught Dustin, Eddie fighting for his life… you remember all of it, like a project playing it on loop in your mind.

But you were in the warm embrace of your sheets, new clothes on your body, clean hair fanned around you on the pillow. How could you have been in the Upside Down one moment, and back in Hawkins the next?

Your body protested as you stumbled out of bed, slipping your feet into your fuzzy slippers as you padded down the stairs, searching for someone to explain what the hell had happened. The house was empty, and when you walked past the windows facing the front yard, even the police car wasn’t there.

You were in the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of orange juice when the phone rang. Your stiff muscles groaned as you scrambled towards the ringing, picking it up immediately. “Hello?” you questioned into the static.

“You’re awake! Guys, she’s awake!” Dustin. He didn’t sound upset anymore, rather, he sounded brighter, more cheery than you’d heard him in weeks.

“Dustin – what happened?” Already disoriented by the conversation as a dull throbbing in your head alerted you to an oncoming headache.

“Don’t worry about–”

“If you finish that sentence, I’m going to reach through this phone and give you the most unbelievable–”

“Okay! Okay! What I was going to say before you threatened me–” you snorted into the receiver, “--was that we’re coming over, all of us, and we’ll explain everything in person.

You nodded and it took you a few seconds to realise he couldn’t see you. “Okay. Okay. Sounds good.”

You paused, voice hesitating as you asked yourself whether you wanted the answer to the question you were about to ask. “And– Uhm– Eddie? Is he– Is he–?”

“He’s fine,” he assured you. “Pretty beaten up but you made sure it didn’t get too bad. He’s in the hospital still, was acquitted of all charges while you were asleep – God, you sleep a lot, don’t ya?”

“Oh, fuck off,” you scolded, but the bite wasn’t there as you laughed at Dustin’s crazy antics. You hadn’t smiled, let alone laughed, in over a week, but it seemed fitting that Dustin – probably the only other person that cared for Eddie as much as you did – would be the one to pry one out of you.

“I’ll see you all soon.” You hung up, wobbling up the stairs to change, eager for fog in your mind to be lifted.

“So, that’s it,” Nancy finished, leaning back in the arm chair. Everyone was sat in your living room, huddled on the sofa or the carpet with discarded napkins and half-eaten pizza crusts littering the table.

“Huh. That’s it,” you agreed, chewing thoughtfully at the slice of pizza in your hand. “Well shit,” was all you managed in the end, not knowing what words could truly encompass or resolve the events of the past few days.

“Yeah, and apparently Victor Creel confessed to the murders. Not sure how or why–” Robin stared pointedly at Nancy who simply shrugged and leaned into Jonathan’s embrace, “-- so the whole town is sort of backtracking on calling Eddie a murderer.”

“They do still think he’s a bit of a freak, but anything is better than murderer,” Steve added as an afterthought. You couldn’t help but agree. No one could be arrested for being a freak, so you were grateful for the (albeit, reluctant) change of heart.

“So when does he come home? I mean– when can he leave the hospital?” You didn’t know where he would stay. Definitely not with you, your parents would throw a fit, but he sure as hell couldn’t go back to the trailer.

“I think Wayne got a new place– a new trailer? I don’t know, so probably back with him.”

Nancy was staring at you again, the worry unobscured and evident in her gaze. You looked anywhere but at her, instead nodding along to what everyone was saying. She’d said he was asking for you everyday she’d gone to visit, but you couldn’t bring yourself to see him, not yet.

You were afraid of what he’d say. It felt like years ago, though you think it was only a few weeks earlier, when he’d confessed his feelings for you, cornered in Steve’s upstairs bathroom. But that was then, and he’d almost died in the meantime, so you weren’t sure if those feelings remained. Were too afraid to find out if they had.

So, yes, you were actively avoiding someone who was literally incapacitated in the hospital. You weren’t proud of it, but you’d do anything to delay whatever end was headed your way. In your head, you thought back to that night, pressed up against Eddie with his lips whispering all the things you’d dreamt of hearing. If you closed your eyes, you could still feel the ghost of his breath against your skin, against your neck, against your–

If you confronted him, those dreams and fantasies would cease to exist. You weren’t ready for that, weren’t sure if you ever would be.

Eddie came home on an ordinary Sunday afternoon.

He’d been in the hospital under strict observation for almost two weeks. The inexplicable bites and missing chunks of flesh all along his torso had left the doctors perplexed by what he’d actually been through, but after blaming everything on a wild bear (you weren’t even sure there were any in Hawkins), he was finally given the okay to be discharged.

It was an ordinary Sunday afternoon, but it was also his birthday. The big ‘two-oh’ as Steve had called it while he hung streamers and fairy lights in Wayne’s new kitchen. It was a very modest one bedroom, not necessarily in the best neighbourhood, but it offered enough stability for Eddie while some of his wounds still healed.

You didn’t know what he planned to do after high school, knew he still needed to boost a few of his grades in order to graduate, but you didn’t doubt his ability to do so.

Where he planned to go, what he planned to do in the future – it was all a mystery to you. You’d heard back from all of your top choices, never having really worried about college or university, any of it, so you knew you could go anywhere, do anything. And while you were grateful for your parents and the opportunity presented before you, you still wondered if you’d be doing it all alone.

The gang was crouched behind the chairs and table when Wayne stepped through, a battered but smiling Eddie on crutches following close behind. Everyone shouted ‘Surprise!’ and he beamed at all of the faces gathered in his honour. It only took a few seconds before his eyes landed on you, and you flushed under the intensity of his gaze.

But it was his day, and you weren’t about to ruin it because of how that pesky heart of yours ached at the sight of him. Instead, you offered him what you hoped was a sincere smile, and blew the party horn perched between your lips.

“You guys,” he cooed at everyone, hopping on his crutches to Steve who he hugged, whispering something in his ears that hid him cackling. Dustin pulled a chair out for him, and he sat in front of his cake, admiring the wonky letters scrawled in pink and green icing.

Happy Birthday Munson, it read.

“Happy birthday, Eddie,” Robin called out, bringing a knife over and setting out the paper plates. No one awkwardly sang to him, Wayne had warned that Eddie hated ‘Happy Birthday’ and would probably drag himself across the floor to escape the traditional tune. It seemed like an appropriately dramatic, entirely Eddie threat to make so you’d all obliged happily.

“How you feeling, Eds,” Lucas asked around a mouthful of cake as he sat across from him on the table.

“Oh, I’m much better than before. Got a few scars, need some help with the ointment, by the way, in case anyone wants to volunteer, and this ankle of mine has to stay off the floor for another week. But hey– I’m not dead and I’m not going to jail so I call that a win,” he pointed out, raising a spoonful of cake into the air as a toast.

Everyone copied his movements, hollering and cheering before the scattered conversations and arguments continued, drowning out the seriousness that had lingered for a moment.

You were perched on the kitchen counter, struggling to lift your head enough to meet Eddie’s stare that you could feel burning holes into your head. It took a quick mental pep talk and a grounding pinch to your thigh before you finally looked up, eyes immediately locking with his.

You knew what he wanted immediately as he nodded towards the door that led to his bedroom. You’d managed to salvage some of his things from the trailer but had otherwise been rummaging through thrift stores in town to fill it with anything that could make the room feel like him for Eddie.

It meant you were forced to spend a lot more time with Wayne, who you had come to realise was more of a Father figure than Uncle to Eddie. The two of you had talked about him for hours while he was still in the hospital, and he’d driven the furniture for his room from the shops back to his house once you’d managed to snag yourself a deal.

You shook your head at Eddie, mouthing ‘later’. You knew it would be a long and undeniably difficult conversation. And for now, you just wanted him to enjoy the company of his friends, and the cake you’d baked with El and Max earlier that morning.

He glared at you teasingly before he was pulled into a heated debate between Mike and Will on who the superior member of the Fellowship of the Ring truly was. You didn’t need to pay attention to know his answer. Sam. He’d explained it to you countless times before.

Sam, because he was the hero no one expected.

And looking at him now, bandaged and scarred but grinning all the same, you couldn’t help but think he looked a lot like a hero as well.

It was close to midnight when everyone finally made their way out. Steve offered to drive the (his?) kids home, while Nancy, Robin and Jon left in Nancy’s car, going on about a new conspiracy theory they wanted to run by Murray.

Wayne had left two hours earlier for his night shift, and so you were left collecting the garbage off of the tables and the floor, Eddie watching you, quiet and intent.

“Want to sit in my room?” he asked eventually as you washed your hand. You turned to face him, nodding but not saying anything. You weren’t entirely sure where this conversation was headed, so you opted to stay quiet, not wanting to say the wrong thing and spook him into leaving you again.

Eddie limped into his room, collapsing back into his bed that was tucked neatly into the corner of the room against the wall. You’d found a cassette player that was in pretty good condition, had organised his own tapes according to genre, and had spent a whole day taping posters to the wall. He took in your handiwork as you shut the door behind you, joining him on the bed.

This was the closest you’d been in weeks, sat next to each other, arms and knees pressed close. But he felt out of reach, emotionally distant in a way he hadn’t been before. You were dreading this, already convinced you’d be running out in tears very soon.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. Your head snapped to him, bewildered by the confession.

“What?” you asked dumbly, not quite believing the words he was saying.

“I said, I’m sorry,” he repeated, looking at you now with those doe-eyes of his. You fought the urge to soothe the creases of his frown lines, to kiss the worries away.

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I don’t know. Everything? For Chrissy, the party, how you had to run in and rescue me – you could’ve died.” His words were horse, choked up with the sheer amount of emotion coursing through him. “I won’t ever be able to properly apologise, I don’t think there are words for it, but you have to know – I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop, Eddie,” you were shaking your head at him, and he looked so utterly defeated.

“No– please, I have to– I’m–”

“Eddie--” you interrupted before he could dig himself any deeper into that hole of guilt. “You have nothing to be sorry for, you fucking moron! And even if you did, even if, in some screwed up sense of logic, you were by any means at fault, so am I.”

You weren’t sure if you meant to berate him like you were, but you couldn’t listen to him ramble on any longer – it made it all so much harder. “I pushed you away when I shouldn’t have. Even if you didn’t feel the same and our relationship had become a messy, tangled heap of– fuck, I don’t know. But you were my best friend, you are my best friend.”

It was your turn to talk yourself into the ground as you spoke with no end in sight. All of the pent up emotions of the past few weeks were finally ready to burst out of you, and poor, still recovering Eddie was about to face the brunt of it.

“And then you showed up at Steve’s and I thought I was going to fucking combust or something, because you said exactly what I wanted to hear and I would have given you everything, Eddie. Everything. But then you were gone and no one would let me help and I felt so useless because there you were, running for your life, and I was sleeping the days away.

So when I thought I could do something, anything, I came after you and then I woke up and you were in the hospital and I just– I couldn’t– It was too much– You were–” You stumbled over your words as every worry, anxiety, ill feeling rushed at you, all at once.

Eddie couldn’t just sit and watch you fall to pieces in front of him, no. So he shut you up the only way he knew how. His hand slid easily across your cheek, and your babbled words came to an abrupt halt as his mouth covered yours in the most agonising kiss the two of you had ever shared.

Agonising because so much had happened and so much would happen and as much as the uncertainty scared you shitless, the heat blazing between the two of you had you feeling safe – safer than you had felt in ages.

Your chest splintered, cracked, then shattered open. You could do nothing but give in as you disintegrated into his arms, scooting as close as you dared with his cast and injuries still gnawing at the back of your mind.

But you kept going, kept kissing him hard and desperate and like you’d wanted to since the day you’d first met him, first day of junior year outside the cafeteria.

He’d just come from the principal’s office, grumbling under his breath about how ‘fighting an evil warlock and saving the world’ should be a good enough excuse for not handing in his English paper. You’d found him endearingly sweet almost immediately, and though he was a brooding, leather-clad stranger to you, the moment he noticed you staring, the biggest smile you’d ever seen lit up his face.

How could you not have fallen for him?

“Eddie,” you tried to speak between the frantic kisses, forcing your hands on either side of his face to reign him back. He let out a whine that had you seeing black but you knew the two of you needed to talk a few things out. “I know– fuck, I know, Eds. But listen to me,” you began, breathless and mentally cursing yourself out for interrupting such a deliciously perfect kiss.

“I’m listening,” he said offhandedly, still fixated on your lips as you spoke.

“Eddie!” you scolded, pitching his chin up so he’d look at you, not your mouth.

“Sorry,” he muttered sheepishly, that cheeky smile plastered to his face that told you he wasn’t sorry at all. “I’m listening now.”

“I can’t be your friend,” you said plainly, and you knew the minute the words left your mouth that you needed to explain further because Eddie was recoiling like he’d been slapped in the face and kicked in the gut.

“What– I– What?” He looked about ready to argue with you but you held up your hand to stop him.

“I can’t be your friend,” you repeated, then continued. “--because I am so disgustingly in love with you, Eddie Munson. I’ve been driving myself crazy, trying to find the right words, so much so that I basically hid from you ever since you’ve been in the hospital.”

You let out a shaky breath but your voice never wavered as you confessed what you’d been wanting to for what seemed like months now. The last time you’d come close to these words, it had ended in tears and sobs and a piercing melancholy you were sure would kill you. But you weren’t in denial, not anymore.

You could see it in the way he looked at you, spoke to you, kissed you.

The words you were looking for, you realised, didn’t have to be complicated, profound, or even poetic. They could be simple, like a fact, a truth, a certainty. “I love you,” you said again, the hint of a smile tugging at your lips.

He couldn’t hold back, had to say it before it burst out of his chest and hit you square in the face. “I love you too. I’ve always loved you,” he admitted easily, grinning down at you like you were his world, his galaxy, his whole damn universe. He kissed you slow, savouring every second of his lips against yours “You make me feel again, sweetheart.”

Other people might believe in a God, a philosophical question, a certain moral ruling or even nothing at all. Everyone has their own unique reasoning for their actions, their words, their life. And while you’d never treaded down such an existential road, had never considered why, what or who, one thing you could close your eyes and believe in, without hesitation, was love.

And Eddie Munson sure gave you a whole lot of it.

screaming. crying. throwing up and throwing hands. reblogs appreciated x

tag list:

@julehack @zucchinimalfoy @tomhollandisabae @fujiihime @authorlovers @munsonzzgf @earthtokace

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 4 #false god #my writing

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kusagrasskusa · 1 year

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Hi there! so i have read your request rules and i have no idea if i can find if they are opened or closed but if they’re closed, please do not take this!

Raiden finding his S/O dead after a argument. Not a suicide, just a murder. I’m about to go all out on these details. 😭

So S/O and Raiden got into a argument about his safety and what not and they separate for a few hours (not break up, just avoiding.) He noticed how the house they shared got a bit to quiet. He went to go and find her, but found her dead on the living room floor dead with a tranquilizer (filled with poison) in her neck. I know my request is crappy and probably makes no sense whats so ever. 💔 But if this is not crappy to you, you can write it! But if your request are closed, you don’t have to. Also, no happy endings for NOBODY. 😍

But thats all for my request. Ty for your time!

Ohhh I like this!! Thank you so much for your request! I love it whenever people give me a scenario with details, it makes it easier for me to write and not worry about if the requester will like it 😂❤️ But fr though, happy endings are no bueno… life just isn’t gonna be a happy place, especially if you’re named Y/N 😈 or in this case, Raiden too

Also I found this sexy piece of art from u/all-men-die on r/MortalKombat!! All credit goes to them! And also, Raiden has hair in this hehe.. sorry not sorry 😋❤️

And I’ll update my Request Rules after I post this!

Raiden finding S/O dead after an arguement

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎ ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

Shinnok had been given a fate worse than death and his blood may fall to Raiden’s hands. He was no longer the thunder god Y/N had married- no, he was someone else entirely. Y/N was a human but it didn’t take a genius to learn of Shinnok’s amulets’ doing to her husband as suddenly his mercy had disappeared overnight a while ago. Ever since then it had been a weight on her shoulders; this was a man who killed those who he believed to be a threat to his ideologies unlike the man who had once advocated to protect Earthrealm at all costs, and murder was only needed in certain cases. A genocide against all his foes was something Y/N couldn’t sleep at night to the thought of. Who had her husband became?

Y/N was biting her lip in thought, leaning over her kitchen counter. Her eyes were blank as she daydreamed, and her focus only broke whenever her husband had suddenly walked in through the front door. It was a little house she lived in near the sky temple that was provided by her dear husband, though now, it almost felt like a prison. “Raiden?” She called out instinctively as she turned her head towards the front door. The lightning god himself and stepped in, removing his conical sedge hat and sighing.

“Hello, dear,” he replied with a tired voice. Y/N was easily the mother type whenever it came towards caring for her husband, and simply hearing that string of tiredness made her anxious. She quickly made her way over to her husband as his hair dropped down and a little tangled, making her frown. “I have something important to discuss with you.” Y/N wrapped her arms around her husband with a feeling of dread in her stomach, but nodded softly.

She knew her husband had something bad to say, but never this.

“Raiden, how could you!” Y/N seethed, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes wide with rage. “Why in the heavens would you be so irrational? Do you ever think about yourself in those moments?”

Raiden’s emotionless stare was enough to tell her he wasn’t at all feeling guilty for this actions. “Shinnok was the greatest threat to Earthrealm. I would have thought you to be more reasonable,” he replied in a serious tone, “had I not put an end to him, you may never know what evils he would bestow upon Earthrealm again.”

Sickening; Y/N felt like vomiting just then. Raiden had come home from torturing Shinnok and then beheading him. Yes, the Elder God was a cruel creature however how could Raiden act on such torture? Whether one agrees that Shinnok deserved it or not must understand the one who enacted on this was someone who would have never done something like this just a little bit before now. “This isn’t you, Raiden,” she hissed, standing up from the couch. “Will you subject anyone who defies you to such torture? A fate worst than death? Had you ever considered the effect of your actions? Had you ever considered the effects on you?”

Zzzz-CRACK the lightning went, appearing from no where. Y/N gasped and fell from her seat. Raiden stood up off of the couch, towering over her. “Y/N, I don’t suppose you are defending him, are you?” Lightening trailed off of his body in a threatening manner, which she would have thought attractive if she wasn’t at the victim of it. Her moment of fear quickly passed as she shot up off the ground. The lightning quickly disappeared as if quickly realized his mistake.

“Raiden, until you are thinking more clearly, I want you away from me. It’s for your own safety, and it seems I must think of my own when I’m around you as well.”

The look in his eyes were obvious that he was sorry. Though the words didn’t come out since he knew the way his wife would get- she wouldn’t accept it until she feels better. He nodded his head and began to walk down the hall and into their shared bedroom, leaving Y/N to look out at him as he walked. She felt a pain in her chest when she watched him leave but… what just happened? Who was that man who had just threatened her just then? It couldn’t have been the same god she fell in love with.

She let out a little gasp as she spun around, having heard the door open. Did Raiden walk around her without her noticing and tried to leave?

No, he had been in the bedroom for at least a few minutes at this point. He laid in their bed, hands on his head, as he processed what was going on. “Dearest, I hope you’ll understand one day,” he mumbled, “but please forgive me. I had stepped out of line and made you feel threatened.” He spoke as if he were praying to her for her forgiveness which he sort of was. Why, she’s the (now) immortal wife of the lightning god. She’s close enough, is she not?

And to a mortal praying to their god, him praying to his dearest wife is something just as dear if not more. He promised eternity’s worth of protection and love yet he had almost broken the first promise. How could he make up for it? As he sensed the amulet’s energy off of him, he sighed, “perhaps it has darkening my judgement… No, this is it. I shall no longer let this evil cloud the better of my mind.” He seethed through his teeth as guilt began to wallow inside it. Dammit, what had he done?

However, the deafening silence as minutes and minutes to half an hour has passed made it a little hard to think. “That is it,” he decided, getting up out of bed, “no more fighting until they call me to it.” He smiled softly, combing his hair with his fingers as he walked out of the bedroom. Actually, during one of his thought processes, he decided to change out of his regular gear and put on a special outfit his dear Y/N made for him during one of his trips. It was soft, warm and had obviously had the perfect loving touch of his wife and so he felt like it would perhaps appease her to see him have it. As he stepped out into the living room, he looked around- no one.

“Y/N?” He called out softly, furrowing his eyebrows. He made his way around the couch, calling out, “Dear, I know I have upset you, but-… Y/N?” He voice was the most unstable anyone had ever heard of the pronounce lord, however whenever he saw his wife laying on her back, wide eyed, and mouth gapped on the floor, he was more distraught than he had ever been in his entire immortal life.

“Y/N!!!” Running to her side, he lifted her head up as his breathing hitched and grew unstable. He felt like he was being choked. Beneath her hair was a tranquilizer filled with a foggy substance, and he yanked out and threw it across the room. His fingers ran over her pulse as he checked, praying- praying the fucking gods above for the sanctity of this situation. “Y/N please! How could i have let this happen?” He cried upon no pulse. He urgently picked her up in his arms and teleported to the SS base where Johnny and Cassie were per usual- and upon his arrival, they were quick to hear of his presence.

Y/N had quickly been taken into their poison control and as Raiden stood by her side and learned there was nothing they could do to being her back, it was so clear to see how the color had drained off of him.

“That is all?” He asked distaughtly, his eyes not even being able to focus on anything. “There is nothing to be done?”

Raiden obviously knew the answers. He had been around and seen it happen for millions of years but this mortal- this woman- was something that had exceeded all his expirences and knowledge together. He never knew he could love someone as much as this woman who now lay lifeless with a bag over her. This is what he remembers warning his brother about before entering Earthrealm. He remembers warning him of the dangers of falling in love or getting too close. Yet in the end, he had tasted the feeling love brings and had felt incredible loss his mind was not capable of comprehending.

Now, he no longer had a reason to care for those who inflict pain on Earthrealm and their inhabitants.

And with how he let his wife die, he no longer cares for himself either.

#mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat #mk x reader #reader insert #mk mortal kombat #mortal kombat x #mk10 #mk11 #mkx mortal kombat x #raiden x you #raiden x y/n #raiden x reader #mk raiden #mortal kombat raiden #sad :(

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plussizeappreciationfics · 1 year

Text

OS: Was it worth it? Pt.2

Idea by: me

Requested: No

Pairing: Namor x Plus!Size reader

Warning(s): none

Images/gifs found on google/pinterest

A/N: Ya'll know I'm messy so here's part 2 lol

Your heart pounded in your chest as you sat on the throne, your baby boy sleeping in your arm and wrapped in soft cloth to keep him warm and comfortable while you held your royal spear in the other, clenching your hand around it as the nervousness started to become very intense. The guards held their positions while staring at you, keeping you protected by every passing minute. A rush of gratefulness washed over you as it still was weird to have them in the palace, your own palace. The fact that they voluntarily followed you only made you even prouder as former Queen of Talokan as the biggest lessons had never been forgotten by your people: that you stuck together as a civilization through good and bad times.

You let out a shaky sigh before clearing your throat and raising your chin a little bit. reminding yourself who you are.

“He’s here”.

You spoke in a cold tone, sensing the waves of quick motions through the water. Your heart skipped a beat before it increased its pace again as you didn’t feel fully ready to face him again. Unfortunately, you didn’t have a choice, you couldn’t keep the secret to yourself as he had every right to know the reason why everything happened in the first place.

Just seconds later the giant doors to your throne room were slowly pushed open, half of your guards turning their bodies towards the new guest while the others ’s continued to face you. Your eyes immediately rested upon Namor who came swimming into the room with the help of one of his servants, his right foot wrapped in bandages and cuts and bruises resting all over his body.

You couldn’t hide the amused smirk when he approached you before kneeling down and keeping his head bowed down to show you his respect, his servant copying his actions a few feet behind him.

“Leave us. I’ll be fine. He won’t hurt me” you ordered, sensing the doubts of your guards as they feared for the life of their Queen but still obeyed you and made sure to stay outside the room in formation in case something would happen. Namor waited until the last guard left the room and closed the door before lifting his head up and finally looking at you.

Thud…

You listened to his heartbeat which was steady as a rock, his eyes filled with shame, sadness and love.

You continued to scan him from head to toe and couldn’t help but feel a sense of longing, desire and love wash over you as you looked at your husband. He had obviously gone through a lot the past months and you knew all about it because your spies kept you updated on his every move. You couldn’t deny that there were days where you wanted to end it all but you couldn’t do that as the former Queen of Talokan, and now current Queen of Talyra. You were raised to be strong, to not give up as there was always hope on the other side.

“Speak” you ordered.

“[Y/N], former Queen of Tenoch, Queen of Talyra, Mother of Tenoch and my wife, I am coming to you as a humbled King that has been defeated in a war I seeked out. Talokan has suffered a great loss, first of its Queen and now of its citizens….” tears brimmed the eyes of your husband as he allowed himself to sniffle and take a deep breath, his eyes still staring intensely into yours.

You nodded your head as a signal for him to continue.

“I-I lost everything….My honor as King of Talokan, the love of our grown children who have fled our shared palace to join you here and your love. I was a fool. Fooled myself into thinking that I would end up rising like a phoenix from the ashes without you. With someone new”.

You swallowed hard as anxiety.

“What do you want from me” you whispered softly.

“My Queen, please allow me to prove myself as a worthy husband and king to you again. Please forgive me for the hurt and pain I put you through and please let me prove that I’ve learned from this awful mistake and show you how much I still love you and will continue to love you”.

It’s time to show him, mama, the tiny voice from your son spoke in your head, making you look down at your baby boy who was now staring up at you, hiding in the royal wrap while his beautiful big brown eyes spoke to you. You nodded at him and smiled, making him let out an adorable giggle that made your and Namor’s heart flutter in happiness. He was bursting with anticipation to see his son. You averted your gaze back to your husband, dropped your spear and slowly rose from your throne and moved your way down the few steps before hovering in front of him.

“Stand up”.

“As you wish, my Queen”.

The two of you locked eyes once the king rose to his feet and for a split second, your souls connected again. Delicate shivers ran down your spine and your heart fluttered in your chest. Even when being apart for months, your love for him was as strong and powerful as it always had been.

“Look at your son” you shakingly whispered before removing the cloth covering your baby boy and tossing it to the ground. You held baby Namir in front of his father and watched pridefully how his tiny wings fluttered on his little feet. Your husband gasped in shock before kneeling down again, pressing his forehead against the floor while soft sobs left his body.

“The reason why you have been defeated is because you were never meant to win this war. You were never meant to rule over the dry lands. Our son Namir will ease us into a new era, an era where we might have to fight against the dry land walkers. But if we don’t, we will continue to develop into a stronger and smarter civilization. You and I will not live for eternity.”.

“I will spend the rest of my days fighting for your forgiveness, my Queen '', Namor vowed while intense shivers ran up and down his spine. He couldn’t put into words how proud yet ashamed he felt, proud for knowing that his legacy would never cease to exist but ashamed that he thought that he was worthy of eternal life. That he’d be the sole main ruler of Talokan.

He slowly got up to his feet and widened his arms towards Namir, silently asking you permission to hold his son and bond with him. The same way he always had held your other shared children and formed a beautiful bond.

“Not yet. Answer me this question” you spoke, having found your voice again while holding Namir in your arms again so that he could be comfortable.

“I will answer anything you ask me”.

“Was it worth it?”.

The King froze as he never blinked at your question.

“Yes. It was worth it”...”.

Thud…

“I’ve now realized that this was meant to happen…She was meant to happen” your husband spoke without his heart skipping a beat, telling the truth to you.

“I allowed my ego to become bigger than everything you and I have created. Bigger than you, our children and people. She and I were able to share the same generational hatred and disappointment. I confused our shared history of pain with love. We are allies, waiting to merge our forces when future generations attack us. Only allies”.

Tears brimmed your eyes as you nodded your head.

“I am still deeply wounded by your foolish and traitorous actions towards me and our marriage, Namor”, hearing you say his name made him fight back tears again.

“I built this city on my own, in honor of Namir. This is a sacred place I will not allow you or your enemies to destroy”.

“That will never happen”.

Talyra will continue to exist along with Talokan, am I clear?” you stated.

“Yes, my Queen”.

“You and I will continue to reign over Talokan and Tylara as equals. Our children will continue our legacy”, you took a deep breath, “I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to process what you put me through, I cannot guarantee full forgiveness”.

“I’ll make sure to show you every day that you are the love of my life, mother of my children and Queen of Talokan and my heart, even if you find me worthy of forgiveness, [Y/N]”, Namor vowed again before surprising you by gently approaching you and holding you and Namir close to him.

“I am nothing without you, [Y/N]”, Namor his lips against yours, pouring his undying love for you into the kiss and silently promising that he’ll do anything to help you heal from the wounds he inflicted. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you couldn’t help but slowly kiss back, not knowing how your marriage would continue after a disaster like this but hoping tht it would turn for the better. For you, your children and the people of Talokan.

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-Emmanuelle 💋❤️

#namor fic #namor x reader #namor of talokan #namor the sub mariner #namor x oc #namor x plus size reader #black panther

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spilledkauffie · 2 years

Text

🤍 Nurse of the 501st — Preface

Pairing: Captain Rex x FemaleNurse!Reader (ft. the 501st) Word Count: 4.1k T/W: fluffy ☁️A/N: happy 5/01 day and welcome to a little series I’ll be updating every now and then! All parts will be able to be read solo or together!

Reader is assigned to the 501st as their main nurse; already knowing Kix she’s welcomed into the group pretty easily. Still intimidated about meeting Rex, the boys try and make her feel more at ease in her new situation, which helps once she learns Rex isn’t as scary as she thought he’d be.

Preface / Injured / 79's / Orphanage / Suit Up / Taken (pt.1)

↳ m a i n m a s t e r l i s t

“Remember, they are your team, your family, and your friends,” Jedi Master Rig Nema told you in the elevator.

“Do I have to leave the hospital wing so soon?” you asked, shoulders slumped as you stared o the elevator floor.

“So soon?” Master Nema gave a silvery laugh, “it’s been years, and Kix asked for your transfer personally, which means they need more medical help. You’ll be doing a great service to many people.”

Taking a deep breath you nodded, meeting her eyes, “I know, Kix has been a great friend to me, I’m honoured that he’d request me, but…I just don’t know if I’ll fit in with them; I’m not a soldier, I’m not a hero, I’m not even a Jedi.”

“You don’t need to be,” Master Nema set a hand on your shoulder maternally, dipping down to talk to you as her species was much taller than the average human, “you just need to let them know that you are there to help in any way you can, respect and experience will get you far with Captain Rex.”

She encouraged a nod out of you, but you were still anxious, sad, and scared all at the same time, had you been a Jedi you knew you’d be scolded for it, but you weren’t so you felt every emotion as it hit you. You’d never been on a trooper cruiser, you’d never been in action, you’d never been off Coruscant, the whole experience was overwhelming. Everyone on board seemed to have a routine and you had no idea where you fit in. While you were looking around the hallway, trying to get a glimpse of open doorways, Master Nema repressed a chuckle at your childlike curiosity.

“Ah, Master Nema,” you straightened up and snapped your gaze forward at hearing the familiar voice.

A smile broke out across your face, “Kix!”

He greeted you with a wave as you approached, “always good to see you, Master.”

“Likewise, Kix,” Master Nema bowed, “I am honoured that you requested my…student.”

The pause stung, you knew what she wanted to say and you knew what you had wanted to hear. Padawan. It was something forever out of your reach. As much as you tried to push past the fact that you were now far too old to even be considered a Padawan, it was something you forever wanted.

“Well, I only wanted the best,” Kix tilted his head to subtly wink at you. It made you smile, Kix went through medical training with you, and even though his program was accelerated and he was sent off to the 501st, he still kept in contact with you, which you greatly appreciated.

“And the best you shall have,” Master Nema put a hand on your back, softly pushing you forward, “I know she will do great things.”

Now standing beside Kix, the sense of anxiety returned.

“I cannot stay long, and I understand you will be underway soon,” Master Nema stated, noting your furrowed brows, “I will always be in contact should you need me, but I have every faith you will be just fine.” Kix shifted, knowing that she was largely talking to you, but trying to avoid attachment at the same time. Sharing one last glance she nodded to you, “Goodbye,” Master Nema bowed to you respectfully, “and may the force be with you.”

You wanted to call out saying ‘Master, wait,’ but you never earned the privilege to call her such, all you could manage was, “and with you,” bowing likewise and watching her head for the elevator to take her back to the hangar floor. She’d be back at the Jedi temple and you’d be off somewhere unknown to you. It felt like your heart had lost a piece.

“It’s really great to see you again,” Kix suddenly spoke, snapping you out of your gaze.

“Oh, yeah, you too Kix,” you stumbled, trying not to show your teary eyes.

Kix noticed you swiftly lift your hand to wipe away some tears, but opted not to say anything, knowing we all deal with sadness in our own way, instead he offered some words that would cheer you up, “you’re not alone,” he placed a gentle hand to the top of your shoulder and gave you a most sincerely look, “follow me, I’ve got plenty of brothers I want you to meet.”

Nodding, you put on a smile and followed him a little way down the corridor until it opened up into a large common room. There were clones everywhere; it made you smile at how unique they all looked. It was so different from some of the reports that made them all sound the same. Tattoos, scars, haircuts, and armour modifications made practically all of them identifiable from each other. You took in the room, seeing a dartboard on the side of the wall with a group playing. “You couldn’t even hit a clanker if it was three feet in front of you,” one teased another who was losing at the game, “how on earth have you managed to survive this war?”

On the other side of the room, you saw one with his nose in a book and a handprint on his armour, while another with a 5 tattooed was trying to talk to him. Kix let you observe for a moment longer and amused himself at your facial expressions when observing their occupations.

“Aye, Kix’s back,” one called out, “let’s meet the new shiny-”

They all came to attention and just as fast halted, seeing your figure standing next to Kix. You wore an outfit that was somewhere between a Kaminoan nurse uniform and a Jedi’s undergarment. Mostly white, with hints of blue, the uniform had the signature Kaminoan half skirt and pants with a metal belt that hugged the curve of your hips tightly with a blue gem in the centre, while the top half resembled a Jedi’s under tunic, fitted everywhere except for the sleeves, which flared out at your wrists. It had been gifted to you in order to match the colours of your new squad, but it was still a uniform you were familiar with as it had hints indicating your medical status, but clearly, the clones weren’t familiar with it at least not on a female human figure.

You waited for someone to say something, eventually looking to Kix, who was still amused, now by his own brother’s reactions. Finally, Kix spoke, “alright, you gawkers,” he clapped his hands, but their expressions didn’t change, “this is our new squad nurse, I’ve worked with her several times before and she’s the best of the best, she trained with Jedi Master Rig Nema on Coruscant,” Kix glanced around, rolling his eyes, looking to you and winking, he added, “and she’s force sensitive, mind-reader, so watch your thoughts!” With that they all snapped to attention, looking at Kix with an anxious expression.

“No, no,” you lifted your hands, concerned with how worried they looked, “I’m not a Jedi, so I can’t do those kinds of things.” You were partially lying, but you wanted them to feel at ease around you, not constantly worrying that you were reading their deepest darkest thoughts.

“So, you’re from Coruscant, you’re force-sensitive, and you trained with a master, but you’re telling us you’re not a Jedi?”

“Easy Fives,” Kix said, turning to you, knowing your past, “you don’t have to tell them anything if you don’t want to.”

Thinking it over for a moment, you pushed your lips together, giving Kix a look that you were okay, he turned back to face the company, “I’m not a Jedi,” you started, “and I’m not from Coruscant either. I was identified as force sensitive when I was a very small child, I was taken to the Jedi Temple, but…I failed the entry tests; I was too scared, too emotional, and empathetic according to them. It weakened my connection with the force in the way the Jedi look for it, especially now with the war.”

“So why didn’t you get to go home?” the clone with a handprint on his chest plate asked with more sympathy in his voice than his counterpart.

Taking a deep breath, you began to feel a little more at ease as you told your story, “Master Nema felt that I could be of great assistance as a medic alongside her in the Jedi hospital wing. So, she let me stay, she trained me to be a nurse, how the force can be used as a kind of medicine, a detector, and an aid. Despite never being able to be a Jedi, I grew up in the temple, but I was never…well, that’s not very interesting, but that’s most of my story,” you concluded with a smile.

The clones took to you quickly, they began asking questions about your time on coruscant and of training in the Jedi medical wing. It made you happy that they were so interested.

“Ma’am have you ever worked on General Skywalker?” A clone asked, trying hide his smile.

“Oh yes,” you admitted, knowing he was their general, “let me tell you he’s a squirmer, I can’t get him to stay still for the life of me.”

The troops erupted with laguhter, which made you smile, feeling more and more a member of their family by the moment. After a few more questions, a command came over the intercom, Kix told you that you might want to find a seat, the cruiser was going into hyperdrive. You hadn’t even realised that it’d left the bay or the planet, which startled you a little. Nodding, you found a seat on the windowsill, you wanted to see first-hand what it looked like, having never been off-world.

You saw Coruscant as a little planet beneath the cruiser, for a few moments it just got smaller and smaller, until the stars stretched around you and blurred your vision of the planet, before turning into swirls of blue and black. Just like that, it was gone, you raised a hand to the window, a heavy exhale leaving you. You felt like a child leaving their mother for the first time, you knew you were stronger than this, but nothing could prepare you from leaving the only place you’d ever called home.

“You alright?” A voice asked behind you.

Turning in your makeshift seat on the windowsill, you looked up, “oh, yes, thank you,. . . um, Fives, was it?”

“That’s me,” he said proudly, sitting opposite from you, “so, never been away from home?” You nod in response, “well, don’t worry, we all kind of know what that’s like, with Kamino and all, but we manage and I bet you will too.”

“Thank you, Fives,” you tilt your head to rest it softly against the window watching the stars, there was a comfortable pause between the two of you, he already felt like a best friend, “hey Fives, how’d you all get your names if you don’t mind me asking?”

Setting his helmet down, he began to explain that it was just something all clones did before leaving Kamino, it was a way of having some individuality in the legion. He was kind enough to actually identify everyone in the room for you, sometimes he broke into a little story about why someone had that name, like Echo. Eventually, they realised what was going on and some came to personally introduce themselves to you.

“We should give you one!” a clone shouted out after Fives finished introducing you to everyone.

“But I already have a name,” you shrug, wondering why they’d suggest it.

“Yeah, but now you’re in the five-o’-first, you’re one of us,” Fives gave you a smirk that made you blush a little.

“Yeah, okay!” you agreed enthusiastically after they all chimed in reasons you should have one.

After a few good laughs about suggested names, they finally settled on one despite your hesitation and objection, they insisted that it suited you, so you complied. Asking if this was the ship you’d be on the majority of the time, you decided to familiarise yourself with the passages and rooms. Kix offered to take you to the medical bay a little later but could sense that you wanted some time alone to take everything in. Kix literally had to stop a group that offered to show you around.

The halls were big and bright, you liked how clear the instructions you’d received were; it was a whole layout of the ship, the only problem was that it was a tiny hologram picture projected from your wristlet. You’d never had one before, always familiar with a pad or screen, but since you were going to be on the ground and out in the field they needed a more compact version for you.

“Okay…,” you were staring down at the little projection, “so if I’m here…then I need to go- oof!”

You’d run right into the back of someone. Taking a step back, you were prepared to apologize profusely, mildly embarrassed that you hadn’t been watching where you were going, but the figure turned around and you went silent. He was a clone, but there was a presence you’d never felt before when you met his eyes.

“Careful there, girly,” his deep strong voice said softly and kindly.

“So-so sorry, sir,” you managed, “I’m not familiar with this layout and I’ve never been on a ship before.”

“Ah, a shiny aye?” Rex raised an eyebrow and smirked, it wasn’t condescending in fact it felt more flirtatious. You smiled slowly, trying to repress the blush rising, Rex chuckled, ‘a little flirting wasn’t a bad thing’ he told himself, assuming you were probably just being transported and he’d never see you again, “let me see where you’re headed, I’m sure I can help.”

Bringing your wrist in front of you, Rex moved beside you, examining the map, hand on his chin. You were distracted by his proximity, you not so subtly looked over to observe his profile. Although you’d seen it before, he was different and you couldn’t explain why. You softly smiled noticing his short blonde hair, a personal modification. You could also smell a signature cologne that was different from everyone else’s. As your eyes came back down you were noticing just how much of his neck was exposed without the helmet on. A smirk came across Rex’s lips, he shifted his eyes over to you for only a moment, returning to the hologram. “You really should work on keeping your eyes where they need to be,” Rex said, knowing it’d fluster you.

Lips parting with a shock at your own behaviour, you stared forward, uncertain how to respond, chest now rising and falling far more obviously than you wanted it to be. There was a burning blush on your cheeks that even you couldn’t repress.

Straightening back up, Rex pointed to a box on the projection, “you’re headed here, it’s the hangar bay, I assume you’ll find your transport there; we’ll be prepping for a mission soon, so I’m sure you’ll get your instructions for departure there. And if you need any more help before then…just find me.” Rex winked.

“Oh right- yes, of course, right,” you fumbled, still feeling embarrassed, “thank you so much, I- I will be sure to tell Captain Rex how helpful you were.”

Rex tilted his head amused as he watched you quickly walk away, shocked that you had no idea you were talking to Rex the entire time.

When you found your way to the hangar bay, you met up with Kix and the 501st. There was a routine squad check before you were sent on your mission. So, you fell in line with the rest of them once it was announced the Captian was present. You swallowed harshly, eyebrows furrowing up together, fiddling with your fingers behind your back as you stood amidst the rows of the 501st. Kix looked over to you with a subtle reassuring smile, to which you tried to convincingly returned, not wanting him to think any less of you just because you’d never seen action and that you were anxious that this Captain Rex would be like a drill sergeant because you were a “shiny” as they called it.

‘If only the clone I met earlier were the captain, he was so sweet and nice, and-’ Lost in your thoughts you stared down at the floor across from where you stood, biting the inside of your lip you questioned if this was the right call, if you were cut out for this, did any of them really like you, what if Rex– it was then that you realized you were the only one with your head down instead of snapped into attention. Looking up and to your left swiftly, you saw Rex making his way towards you, his signature Jaig eyes markings were far more intimidating than you imagined. You held your head high and tried to mimic the clones around you even though you stuck out like no tomorrow. Rex had been simply and quietly walking past them, but your throat tightened when he stopped a few paces after you and retrace his steps, walking backwards.

“What are you doing here?” Rex asked, placing his hands on his utility belt with commanding ease.

“Well, I’m,” you began, trying to read his expression, but it was nearly impossible with his helmet on, “I’m the squad’s nurse.”

“We already have a medic,” he countered, really asking for you to divulge more information.

“Yes, but-”

“I requested for her transfer, sir,” Kix joined in, still staring straight ahead as he spoke like his training encouraged, especially while speaking out of line, meanwhile you and Rex simultaneously looked over to the clone defending you.

“Why?” Rex questioned, his tone not mad, nor upset, he was just looking for an honest answer.

“I need the extra hands, and she has abilities none of us have which are most beneficial medically,” Kix continued, “she’s the best I’ve ever seen, sir, and I have confidence she’ll save many lives.”

Rex slowly tilted his head to meet your gaze which was switching between the two men in uniform eagerly, “I see. I trust your judgement Kix,” the Captain concluded.

You released a breath you’d been holding but sharply inhaled when Rex moved to stand directly in front of you. Straightening up once again, you looked up, an anxious look still across your face. Rex lifted his hands and removed his helmet, tucking it under his forearm and holding it against his side. You met his eyes; jaw nearly dropping, lips parting and eyes widening, you recognized him immediately. Blinking you waited, knowing that if you spoke it’d be “out of line,” as he outranked you and he hadn’t asked you another question. You panicked thinking how disrespectful you’d been not to address him as Captain easier in the hallway.

“Welcome to the Five-o-first,” Rex gave a half-smile, lifting his hand to shake yours.

Staring down at his open hand, a soft smile spread across your face. Happily, you brought your hand to meet his, and glanced up, truly meeting his gaze again, your smile caused your eyes to squint a little as you spoke through it, “thank you…Captain, I’m glad to be in such company.”

Rex’s expression softened, and the tough, firm Captain attitude briefly faded, his face relaxed when he looked at you. In that moment, he didn’t treat you like another soldier, instead of a hard handshake, he automatically tilted your hand, his caressing yours from underneath, thumb pressed gently across your knuckles. He wasn’t sure where it came from or how he learned it, he’d only ever seen it when Anakin helped Senator Amidala down steep stairs, or out of a cruiser. Rex caught himself staring down at your hand in his, he carefully pulled his hand back from yours, not harshly, just suddenly, subtly shaking himself out of it, he looked at you once again.

“Well, yes, we should get…going,” he said, placing his helmet back on and continuing his inspection of troops.

You followed his path with your eyes, even leaning forward, head striking out from between the line of clones to watch him as far as you could.

“I think he liked you,” Kix playfully elbowed your arm as he looked down to you.

Leaning back into proper position, you smiled to yourself for more than one reason, before answering, “you think so?”

“I’d say,” another voice chimed in from your other side, it was Fives, he was one clone down from you and there was a slight amusement in his tone, “I’ve never seen the captain so stunned.”

“Stunned?” You lifted an eyebrow pondering that word, “oh, then I’m not so sure-”

“Trust us,” Echo, who was directly beside you, placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “we mean it in a good way; I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looked at you, so take that as a good omen.”

Nodding to them, you could tell the line had been dismissed as Jesse came over to your little group from where he stood across the aisle, “See, not so scary, is he? What’d he say to you?”

While you and Kix began explaining the encounter to a few more clones who joined the conversation, Fives and Echo were waved over by Rex. As they left, it caught your attention; looking over your shoulder, you saw Rex standing with arms crossed, staring straight at you. His gaze made you quickly look forward once again despite the fact that his helmet was on, it felt strong.

“Sir?” Fives and Echo said in time, nodding to their superior.

Rex hesitated before pulling his stare away from you, “what do you know about her?” he asked them, not particular about who answered.

Fives exchanged a look with Echo and began, “well, she’s force sensitive-”

“A Jedi?” Rex interrupted with a frustrated tone, already drawing assumptions that you were undercover and they left him out of the plan.

“No, sir,” Echo hastened, “they identified her, but…she didn’t pass the entry exams when she was a child.”

“Ah,” was all that came from beneath Rex’s helmet.

“She trained under Jedi Master Doctor Rig Nema for her medical training though,” Fives added, “so who knows what tricks she might’ve still picked up. Could be quite useful in battle.”

“I’m not making her fight in our battle,” Rex said plainly.

“She’s coming with us though, isn’t she?” Echo asked, momentarily confused.

“She is,” Rex nodded, “but she chose the life of a medic, she’s a healer, not a soldier.”

“But Kix-”

“Is one of us,” Rex finished Fives’ thought for him. Seeing the troopers’ confusion, he removed his helmet to talk to them face-to-face, in a quieter tone he explained, “Kix is our brother, he was born and bred for battle, then he was medically trained. She’s not a soldier, she has abilities we don’t understand, but that doesn’t mean she should be forced to use them in war, she wasn’t trained like the generals,” Rex looked between the two, “understood?”

Fives and Echo again exchanged a look, now understanding what he meant as they looked over to you, bright eyes filled with an eagerness to learn about the trooper lifestyle, but an innocence that was soon going to be lost to war.

“Yes, sir,” they responded.

“Good,” Rex nodded, ending the discussion, about to put his helmet on when Fives coughed to grab his attention.

“What- uh, what do you think of her, Sir?”

Echo gave an eye roll, not impressed with Fives’ attempt at subtlety.

“What do I think of her?” Rex repeated, raising an unamused eyebrow. He knew what they were asking, but for now, he wanted to avoid the feeling that had stayed in the pit of his stomach since he first saw you.

“Well, all the men have given her a nickname so she feels a bit more like one of us,” Fives continued, “they decided on Angel,” Fives glanced to Echo when he noticed Rex staring in your direction again, “they picked it because she’s been so nice to us all, and she’s a nurse, so healing and all, and well maybe…” he paused, “some of them fancy she looks like one, you know from the moon of Iego?”

There was a part of Rex that was amused by the fact that his men were already falling for you and a part that related. Rex wasn’t sure what it was about you, but the gravity you had seemed to pull him in immediately. Everything in his life had been accelerated, his age, his training, his entrance into the war, he began to wonder if his emotions were too.

“I ‘s’ppose it does,” Rex smiled.

899 notes · View notes

flightlessangelwings · 1 year

Text

Trust and Intuition Chapter 3- The Rebels

Din Djarin x fem!reader (no use of y/n)

Word count- 3.2k

Warnings- smut (18+ ONLY!), protective!Din, soft!Din, feelings, we learn about reader’s backstory, drama, leading up to action

Notes- This is the biggest change to this story in this rewrite. I basically re wrote this part from scratch, save for 2 little scenes (the kiss and the last exchange with Din). I also made reader’s backstory more ambiguous compared to what it was in the original. I also added smut because why not lol! Enjoy and thank you for reading!

Fic is tagged if you want to catch up on parts you missed! To stay up to date on when I post, also follow my update blog and turn on post notifications @flightlessangelwings-updates

“Your highness!” an older man with grey hair and a warm, kind face greeted you the moment the Mandalorian landed the Razor Crest at the rebel base on Durane.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him and you ran towards him with your arms wide, “Sion!” you sighed in relief as you crashed into him, both of you embracing each other tightly, “It’s been too long!” You paused as you pulled away to meet his gaze, “But I told you not to call me that. You’ve known me since before I was a queen, and that’s all I want to be to you.”

Sion grinned at you like a proud father, “You were always a queen to me even before you could walk straight,” he nudged your nose playfully, “And I’ll always be proud of the woman you grew up to be,” his gaze trailed over your shoulder to the Mandalorian and the child who made their way off the ship. Sion looked at you, and when you nodded, he made his way over to him with his hand out, “Thank you, Mando,” he greeted him, “Our transports have been down, and I wasn’t sure how we would get these kids out this time. I’m more in debt to you than you realize.”

The Mandalorian took his hand and shook it, “No debt is necessary,” he said softly as he glanced over to the children who cautiously followed behind him, “Children should always have a place where they are safe,” he glanced down at his own foundling as he spoke.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Sion beamed at him before he addressed the children, “Come this way kids,” he guided them inside, “There’s food and a place to rest your heads for the night.”

The children’s faces lit up as their energy seemed to spark back at the mention of a warm meal and a safe roof over their heads. Gleefully, they bounded inside, following Sion’s lead while you and the Mandalorian tailed behind. Mando couldn’t help but notice the relief on your face as you found yourself in need of safety as well…

“Vero has Dria in a grip,” you spoke at the table where Sion, Mando and you gathered, “At first glance, things seem normal, but there’s more going on than anyone realizes. He’s taking children for Maker knows what, he’s hiding and destroying texts and books, he’s openly allowing stormtroopers in the palace now…” you turned to Sion with a pleading look in your eyes, “We have to do something before the Empire destroys everything Dria stands for.”

Sion sighed as he ran his hand across his face, “What can we do though?” he sounded defeated already, “He has an army. He has the Empire at his back. We number 30 at most.”

“I don’t know,” you exhaled as you dropped your head, “But I think he knows I’m the vigilante…”

Sion breathed your name as concern laced his face. He glanced over at the Mandalorian, “We’ve all lost everything at the hands of the Empire. Families. Friends. We’re all we have left.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Mando said.

Encouraged by Mando’s words, you lifted your head up and a fresh conviction was apparent in your eyes, “Everyone thinks the empire is gone, that we won,” you spoke with authority that you learned from your time as queen, “But that’s not true, and I think you know that. They’re all around us, planting seeds that they wait patiently to grow. But it’s our job to stop that. We have to stop their weeds from taking root and growing so big that they choke us and take out our light. I’ve been fighting this nettle since I was small, so have you Sion, and I don’t plan on stopping until either they die… or I do.”

Mando watched with his breath caught in his chest. He wasn’t sure what to think, or even what to do next. All he knew was he wanted to help you and the others. “So what’s your plan then?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you sighed.

All Mando wanted to do was reach out to you, but he stayed still. His eyes never left you, though.

Sensing the tension, Sion interjected, “How about we rest for the night,” he looked at you with melancholy in his eyes, “I think we all need it especially after what you two have been through.”

The Mandalorian sat alone in the little room he had been given for the night. An empty bowl sat in front of him as he gently guided his helmet back into his head. The silence echoed in the room as he sat alone with his thoughts, wondering what he should do next, and how to keep you and everyone else safe. The image of your face lingered in his mind as he let out a sigh to himself.

But a knock at his door broke Mando out of his thoughts. He quickly stood and opened the door, relieved to find you on the other side. He breathed your name as he stepped aside and allowed you in, “Is everything alright?”

A soft smirk briefly graced your face, “I came by to ask you the same thing,” you glanced over at the empty bowl, “I hope that was ok for you…”

“It’s fine,” Mando cut you off as he moved next to you.

You looked around, “And your kid? The others?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Mando replied, “Your father took all the kids to get something to eat.”

“He’s fine with them,” you reassured the Mandalorian, sensing the concern in his tone, “Sion is the closest thing I have to family left,” you thought out loud.

“I didn’t mean…”

“It’s alright,” you interrupted, “We’ve all lost nearly everything to the Empire. We have to hold on to all the family that we can,” you met his vizor, “Otherwise we would all be completely alone. It’s been lonely enough being married to Vero. But the rebels needed a spy on the inside… And it appeared that I was his type…” you let out a deep breath, “Sion almost had a heart attack when I told him I’d do it,” you laughed bitterly, “The sacrifices are worth it though, as king as those kids are safe,” you fired a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes, “Even if I have to do this alone.”

Mando reached out and squeezed your shoulder as he spoke your name, “You’re not alone. As long as I’m here, you’re not alone.” It was then he made a silent promise to himself to protect you, and he realized in that moment just how much you meant to him. He also felt a wave of anger towards Vero and what you must have gone through to remain a spy for the rebels.

You looked at him with wide eyes and even though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel his energy. In his touch, you could feel how he cared. You felt as though the two of you shared a special connection, and you wondered if he felt the same way. Warmth spread across your face as your thoughts turned from your past to your present.

“Do you trust me?” you asked him as you lay your hand on top of his. Nerves pulsed through your veins, but you fingered you only had this one night and it was now or never.

“Yes,” his answer came without hesitation.

You ripped a long piece of fabric off your shirt and wrapped it tightly around your eyes. When it was secure and your vision was completely blocked, you reached up to his helmet. You could feel his gloved hands over yours as he helped you take it off. You listened as he set his helmet down.

When his hand cupped your face, you realized he took his gloves off as well and it was his bare skin against yours. You reached out and felt his chest in front of you, the beskar cold under your touch. You moved your hands up to feel his face. It was warm and you could feel scruff along his jawline. His gaze was fixed on your lips as your hands roamed over his face and into his hair.

He kept one hand on your cheek and his other securely on your waist. Slowly, he pulled you close to him and gently touched his lips to yours. It was a light kiss at first, then you deepened the kiss as you held onto his soft hair. Your tongues danced to a song without music as waves of feelings rushed from the two of you. The kiss spoke more than words could for either of you as both your and Mando’s emotions ran wild.

Reluctantly, you broke away for air, but your faces did not stray far from each other. Mando rubbed his thumb over your cheek tenderly as he studied every inch of your face. He pulled you close again as he rested his face against yours. You held onto him tightly, as if you were afraid he would disappear if you let go. Even though his vision wasn’t blocked, Mando had the same fear.

It was then you heard his voice, “Din.”

“What?” Your voice was just a whisper.

“My name. It’s Din Djarin,” he repeated softly.

With this, you knew how much he trusted you, and it made you realize how much you cared about him. Din held you tightly as you both enjoyed these last few quiet moments together. You were both fully aware of what was to come, and that this may be the last time you would have a moment like this.

Feeling a sudden sense of need, Din pulled you against him as he guided both your bodies back towards the cot that sat in the far end of the room. Trusting him fully, you didn’t resist at all, and you sighed as you felt his strong grip on you.

“Is this ok?” Din asked in a whisper as his lips hovered over yours and his hands gripped at your clothes.

“Yes,” you answered immediately. It was more than ok. It was what you had wanted since he took your hand. And unbeknownst to you, the Mandalorian had the exact same thoughts.

You lifted your arms as he carefully stripped you of your shirt first, then his hands wandered down your body. Goosebumps erupted on your skin at the feeling of his bare hands on you, and you shivered despite feeling warm. You heard his breath hitch in his throat as he stopped and cupped your breasts and soft moans escaped both your lips.

Din then unclasped your pants while you held onto his shoulders and stepped out of them eagerly. His hands landed on your now bare hips as he guided you once more towards the cot. His grab never faltered even as he fumbled backwards onto the cot, bringing you to straddle his waist.

“Fuck,” Din breathed.

You gasped, “What is it?”

“You’re beautiful,” his hands roamed up and down your body, memorizing every inch of you before he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you in for another kiss.

You moaned into his mouth as you parted your lips for him and slowly rocked yourself along his stiffening cock. Even though the fabric, he felt so good underneath you, and you instantly craved more.

“Din,” you whined as you buried your fingers in his hair, “Please… I need you.”

He groaned through gritted teeth as his cock twitched, “I’ve got you,” Din’s voice was low and full of his own need. He kept one hand on you at all times as he fumbled with his own pants, eager to free his cock.

You slipped your hand in between your bodies to help him, and when your hand brushed against his cock, you let out a soft gasp. Din moaned as a pulse was sent through his veins the moment you touched him. And it only grew as you pumped his cock slowly while your lips hovered over his.

“You’re perfect,” he groaned as his eyes rolled back into his head.

“You’re perfect,” you echoed back as you lifted your hips and felt the tip of his cock as your entrance, “Fuck… Din…”

Both of you gasped loudly as you took him inside you. Heat radiated from your bodies as you sunk down on Din’s cock slowly, and both of you clung to each other as if your lives depended on it. Perhaps it felt like they did at that moment.

Once your hips met Din’s and he was fully inside you, engulfed in your warmth, Din tightened his grip on you and slowly thrust his hips as much as he could. Rocking into you from below, Din watched as your mouth dropped open and your breasts bounced from the motion. He was mesmerized as you rocked your hips to match his rhythm, and together the two of you lost yourselves in each other.

Moans and soft sighs escaped both your lips as you rode Din. Your hands stayed on his beskar covered chest as leverage, but you felt safe and secure in his strong grip. Behind the darkness of your blindfold, you saw stars every time his cock sheathed fully inside you and hit that spot that drove you wild.

Din groaned your name as he ran his hands up your back until he cupped the back of your head. Using the leverage, he guided you forward and crashed your lips against his once more in another heated, and this time more desperate, kiss. He swallowed the moan you let out as the new angle hit every sensitive spot inside you.

“Din… I’m…”

“Me too,” he groaned your name as he gripped you harder, “Let go… Cum for me mesh’la…”

With just a few more pumps of his cock, you came with a cry against Din’s lips. Your forehead stayed firmly against his as your release triggered his own as he came hard with a growl. Din wrapped his arms around you and yanked you close as he rocked his hips against yours, riding out both your climaxes together.

Your entire body trembled as you felt Din spill himself inside you. Goosebumps erupted on your skin as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into you until you couldn’t take it anymore and you collapsed down onto his chest. Din immediately held you close as he groaned at the feeling of you around him.

“You alright?” he asked in a whisper as he ran his hands up and down your sides, caressing your body.

“Perfect,” you breathed as you grinned against him, comfortable in his strong embrace.

The two of you settled into a comfortable silence as you laid together in your afterglow. Eventually, you rolled off of Din and you both hissed as his softening cock slid out of you. He never let you go far, though, and he settled you into his arms as you rested your head against his chest. And while both of you were comfortable and content, the tension in the air still lingered as the uncertainty of your future silently hung over your heads.

“Din?” you broke the silence with his name.

“Hm?” he muttered back as his grip tightened instinctively.

“Can we just stay like this for a while longer?” your voice was just a whisper.

“Yes,” Din replied in a soft tone, “As long as you want, mesh’la.”

The next day brought the challenges back as you, Din and Sion met with the rest of the rebels to plan your next move. Din never left your side, and his little green child sat in his pram right next to him. Sion glanced between you and the Mandalorian as if he could sense that something happened between the two of you last night, but he chose not to say anything for the time being. As long as this warrior was willing to stay and keep you safe, he was content for now.

“We’re at a clear disadvantage,” you said, “But there are secret tunnels under the palace that we can use to launch a surprise attack,” you pulled up a holo map of the palace layout and pointed to a shadowed part, “We would need a distraction though… Something to pull the troops away from this wing,” you gentured to the south wall.

“What do you suggest?” Sion asked. He watched over you like a worried parent, though it did not escape his notice the way the Mandalorian never strayed far from your side.

“Vero has a bounty out on the Vigilante,” the smirk in Mandalorian’s voice was apparent as the two of you shared a knowing look, “Why don’t we collect on that?”

“Absolutely not,” Sion raised his hands, “You are not going to be the bait for this. I let you become his wife and be our spy, but I am not letting you put yourself on the line like that again.” He sounded like a worried father as his brows scrunched.

You sighed as you gave him an exasperated look, “What choice do we have, Sion?”

Silence filled the room as everyone waited for him to reply. With a heavy breath, he finally conceded, “None…” he looked down for a moment then back up at you and Mando, “But I’m coming with you then. I’m not letting you face him alone.”

“She won’t be alone. She’ll be safe,” Mando tried to reassure him as his hand brushed against yours.

“Captain,” Sion called to one of the other men, “Let’s get a plan going. We still have some other rebels hiding on Dria, don’t we? Let’s figure out a way to get to them.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you felt his presence at your side. It was quickly a comfort for you, and you felt more confident with the Mandalorian there. But, as the others chattered about the details of the plan, you glanced at the little one at his side. You felt a connection to the child somehow, and his big bright eyes made your heart flutter.

You furrowed your brows as you asked, “What about the kid?”

The child cooed happily at you in response.

“He stays with me,” the Mandalorian said in a tone that left no room for argument.

“But Mando, it’ll be dangerous,” you protested, “Wouldn’t he be safer here with the other kids?”

“No,” his voice was firm but not harsh.

Your eyes darted around the room as if you tried to look for an answer on the walls or the floor. Everyone else drew a blank, and some looked almost afraid to go against the Mandalorian’s wishes. Then, an idea came to you, “Do you trust me?” you asked him in the same tone you used the night before.

He looked directly at you, “Yes.”

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yellowkitkieran · 1 year

Text

Two Minutes (Kieran Tierney)

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: Kieran isn’t very good with words, which leads to you thinking he doesn’t care, which he very much does. Requested by @oh-saints

Kieran is a man of few words. You learned that very early on when you met him. His actions speak louder anyway; what be can't say with his mouth, he'll let you know through his actions. Well, in most cases that is.

Before you officially started dating, Kieran was an attentive man. He sent you messages after dates to make sure you got home okay and sent you flowers after your first dinner together. Now that you're officially his girlfriend though, something seems to have shifted. You don't hear from him as often. When you do, it's rarely anything substantial, usually only a quick chat about your days before he's yawning and telling you he needs to rest.

You lay in bed, staring at your phone. For the third night in a row, you wait up for a text that doesn't come. Kieran's been busy with training for the London derby tomorrow and your schedules haven't lined up to let you see each other for what feels like ages. You miss him, plain and simple. You'd do anything to see him for five minutes. But apparently, Kieran doesn't miss you enough to so much as send you a short message before bed.

It isn't too much to ask for. You message him a few times throughout your day, updating him on the monotonous things in your life like your exam scores and the fact that the kitchen on campus ran out of jam and muffins this morning. He's read them but hasn't replied to a single one, and that's getting on your nerves.

Three dots appear on your screen and you almost think you're hallucinating until a message pops up.

Hey, sorry I've been so busy. Are you still coming to the match tomorrow?

You want to leave him on read so he knows how you've felt all day. However that's just not something you can do; you'll take any opportunity you can to hear from him, seeing as you're not sure when you'll get the chance again.

That's my plan! Are you busy now? We could maybe facetime xx

I really need to get to bed… but I'll see you at the stadium?

Kieran's message pulls the plug on your mental sink, draining your excitement in seconds. Can't he spare two minutes so you can lay eyes on him? At this point you're half convinced he wants nothing to do with you and is just stringing you along.

Oh, yeah of course. Sleep tight Kieran xx

You don't bother waiting for a response when you know it won't come. He's probably already plugged his phone into the charger and put it face down on his nightstand. He's probably put on his white noise machine playing and is cuddled up under his fuzzy white blanket, waiting for sleep to take him.

The irony is, you know Kieran's pre-matchday routine like the back of your hand, but you doubt he could even tell you how you like your eggs. You could make him a full breakfast just the way he likes, with his fruit in a separate bowl from his oatmeal and everything, and he doesn't even know if you like fruit.

Overall, you can't shake the feeling that Kieran just doesn't care. Is it irrational? Maybe, but if he cared, he'd try and make time for you, wouldn't he? Even just two minutes, that's all you're asking for. Two minutes of his time. Apparently, that's too high of a cost for Kieran to pay.

**********

You suppose the nice part of being a wag is the fact that you don't need to pay for parking. You're allowed to park in the same lot as the players, which is a treat considering you also don't need to wait in a long, winding line to get inside.

You're early. Like, really early. When you woke up this morning you decided you were going to see Kieran whether he wanted to or not- so here you sit, scrolling through Instagram on your phone while you wait for Kieran to pull in. And he can't miss you either; you made sure to park in his unassigned assigned spot so he can't claim he didn't see you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a gray Audi. Your heart becomes stuck in your throat as it parks next to you. You force yourself to wait until Kieran knocks on your window to roll it down and look up at his smiling face.

"Hey, I didn't expect to see you here so early. Wow- you went all out today didn't you?"

You bristle, glancing down at your jeans and Arsenal jersey with Kieran's number in the center of your chest. You barely bothered to do your hair and you only put on a minimal amount of makeup. What's he trying to say, that you don't normally put any effort in?

You shake your head, "I wanted to see you before your match today so I could wish you luck. Seeing as you've barely spoken to me all week."

Kieran's face softens and you almost feel guilty. "Right, I'm sorry about that. I've been busy like I said-"

"Too busy to text me and say goodnight?"

You don't mean to accuse him so directly before an important game. It just tumbles out of you like rocks down a hillside, and you're powerless to stop it. You can't take the words back once they're spoken, despite the fact that Kieran looks like you've slapped him.

Kieran straightens with a sigh. His hand falls off your door and you begin to panic as he walks away, tears pricking your eyes. That's one way to break up with someone you suppose. You rest your head on the wheel, nearly jumping out of your skin when the passenger door opens and Kieran climbs inside.

"What are you-"

"I'm not going inside until I've spoken to you about this." Okay, maybe you should stop jumping to conclusions, because Kieran looks as close to tears as you are. He takes a breath, reaching across for your hand. After a week of nothing, his touch does wonders to calm your frayed nerves. You feel your panic ebbing away like the tide, soothed by the way his thumb rubs over your knuckles.

"Look, I'm terrible at communicating. I'm doing my best but clearly I'm not doing enough, because I don't mean to make you feel like this."

"It feels like you don't care anymore." Your voice is a barely recognizable whisper, heavy with months of pent up emotion. Your throat feels raw, though a weight lifts off your shoulders as you finally lay it out for him, "in the beginning you were so in tune with me? Sweet gestures all the time, messages to check in on me… what's changed Kieran? Is it something I did?"

"No, no, my love, you haven't done anything I promise," Kieran murmurs, quick to soothe you. "We started dating during the off season, remember? I had so much more time then than I do now. I realize that isn't an excuse but most days I come home from training and literally head right to bed after I eat. Getting back in the swing of things has been exhausting. And it doesn't help that I really have no idea what I'm doing here. You're the first proper girlfriend I've had."

"Wait… I am?"

Kieran nods, his cheeks red. "Yeah, you are. So I'm doing what I think I'm supposed to but like I said, I have no idea. I'll message you more, okay? I promise you that. And I'll make more of an effort to see you. Actually, take this."

Kieran digs in his pocket and pulls out his key ring, removing a silver key and placing it in your palm. "You can come to mine whenever you want, okay? I wouldn't mind walking in and having you be the first thing I see when I get home."

"This is your house key."

"Uh huh."

"Like, you're giving me a key to your house."

"Aye sweetheart I am. I hope that's alright?"

You stare at the metal in your hand. Suddenly you feel stupid for doubting him when he clearly has perfectly valid reasons for being distant lately. You have trusted Kieran since the day you met and he hasn't given you a reason to doubt him. Your insecurities simply got the best of you this time, but you're determined not to let it happen again.

"It's perfect Kieran. Just like you." You smile, grabbing the front of Kieran's shirt and pull him to you for a passionate, heavy kiss that certainly isn't appropriate for your surroundings, not when one of his teammates honks when they drive by. You break apart, both laughing as you try to catch your breath.

"Go get 'em, Key. Score a goal for me."

"Anything you say sweetheart. I'll meet you at home after, yeah?"

"I'll be waiting."

#kieran tierney #kieran tierney fanfiction #kieran tierney fanfic #kieran tierney fic #kieran tierney imagine #arsenal fc #arsenal #footballer fic #footballer fanfiction #footballer fluff #footballer imagine #jac writes #forbidden fruit

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arabaka · 7 months

Text

hello everynyan !!!!!!!!!!!!!! how are you !!!!!!!!!!! (jokes aside) i missed you all! i wanted to give an update on this blog and my wellbeing. but i also wanted to be transparent! i’ll include a TL;DR so if you want more info, please look under the cut!

LOVE YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

original pinned post

TL;DR:

ill be going by my first name now! names jackie, pleasure to meet everybody!

i have bpd and that resulted in me having a terrible breakdown that ended up hurting my friends. i have since made amends and strengthened the bonds with SO many people.

there is someone i engaged with frequently on my blog i have since blocked. i ask that you be mindful of sending me mp100 fanfic/fanart. i won’t disclose this person’s identity.

i’m BACK! so expect to see me <3

as some of you may know, i suffer from BPD and am believed to be on the spectrum. BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. some quick notes on this disorder and what it entails:

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to manage their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others.

People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.

People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their interests and values can change quickly, and they may act impulsively or recklessly.

now people with bpd experience something called splitting and this is:

BPD splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). It’s when a person sees everything as black or white, good or bad, or best or worst. Splitting is a defense mechanism people living with BPD use to deal with emotions (such as the fear of abandonment) that they cannot handle.

this past week, i had the worst episode ive had in a long time and some of you may have seen it going by the last few posts on my blog. i was incredibly volatile, distrusting, and upset but worst of all, i let that affect my relationships. i vented to some people, very similar to the sentiment i was posting on here, but i also said some pretty hurtful things that made these people feel like i discredited their love by saying i didn’t feel that way from anyone. but the thing with bpd, and a lot of other mental illnesses/disorders… it warps our perception and our view on reality.

all these people wanted to do, like many of you, is help and i pushed it all away preemptively due to past trauma was rejection and abandonment. but this hurt one of the most important people in my life and on top of that, i subtweeted that person on a venting insta for the purpose of hurting them. it’s a big regret of mine and i’ve vowed to NEVER let that happen again to ANYONE.

mental illness/disorders can explain your reactions and actions but should not excuse it.

i have since made amends with my best friend and everything is back to normal, if not better because i have a new appreciation for her and our unbreakable bond.

but i can’t say the same for someone else, someone that i engaged with pretty often and someone that was special to me.

but i learned that this person… was never a good friend.

they showed their true colors and showed that they were not as supportive as i thought. now, that’s not to absolve myself of any blame! because i did hurt them too! but instead of being open to communication and growth, they said i had hurt them several times without ever bringing this up to me. they expected me to listen to their venting but suddenly couldn’t when it came to me. that they didn't have the capacity to do so. yet, were upset that i didn't confide in them?

this person is out of my life now. i’ve blocked them on everything. i won’t disclose who this person is but i will be triggered by their art/writing for a long time. again, even though this person has disappointed me greatly and hurt me in turn (with other things i will not go into), i do not wish any hate on them. with that being said, please let me know who the creator is before you share any mob psycho fanart/fanfic with me and i’ll let you know if it’s okay or not.

fortunately though, this taught me a lesson. a lesson in appreciating my friends (AND ALL OF YOU!!!), trusting their word, AND watching what i do and say so i don’t hurt people.

moving on to my content, i am going to be BACK!!! back and posting!!! so expect my ass B)

we’re back to normal, we’re healthy and we’re striving for growth!!!

# .˚₊ ੈ 📣 ˎˊ˗ ꒰ heads up! ꒱

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alexanderlightweight · 1 year

Note

hello! I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm so happy to have all these new works and updates to read.

If you have any more ideas for it, I'd love to see more from the "claimed by fire" fic

Hey thanks anon, I loved writing claimed by fire, I’m happy to add more.

—

Magnus is just weaving the last web of the cruelly tight secrecy geas, when the magic monitoring Alexander goes off.

He finishes with a flare of magic that is inconsiderate for its victims' pain. The geas sets into the souls of all who have learned of Magnus’ treasure and Magnus portals away as soon as it clicks into place.

Alexander’s eyes are already open when he gets there. His hand is stretched out, like he’s been reaching for Magnus across the bed.

And Magnus wasn’t there.

Magnus grabs his hand, holding it tightly as he presses kisses to each knuckle and then sets his teeth to worry a mark on Alec’s wrist.

Alexander untenses, relief in his face but something dark in his eyes.

“What’s wrong, darling? What do you need?”

“You left. I could feel it, could feel you even asleep. And suddenly you were gone, your warmth, your magic, your hands.” Alexander’s eyes are gleaming with tears and his lip trembles, “you left me here.”

Magnus knows that new bonds are fragile but this is so new to him. He didn’t realize how delicate the balance is.

“Then I won’t make that mistake again, sayang. When I leave from now on, you’ll go with me.” Because while Magnus cannot bear the thought of Alexander in danger, he too feels the chasm opening between them when they part.

He had thought he was only hurting himself with his actions, he never imagined Alexander would feel that same ache when so deeply asleep.

“Good.” Alexander says, a pout on his mouth as he curls closer to Magnus, a moth seeking a flame. “But you still left.”

“Ah,” Magnus has to hide a smile and schools his face into a serious look. “I did. How should I make it up to you, Alexander?”

Alec can’t hide his pleased smirk, or the hungry gleam of his eyes as he presses his cheek to Magnus’ thigh and rubs against him. Magnus has to swallow, his mouth suddenly dry.

His soulmate is a little minx.

Magnus is thrilled.

“Kisses.” Alec finally tells him, “you weren’t here to kiss me awake. You should fix that.”

And Magnus is helpless to do anything but obey.

—

Alexander almost falls asleep after they finish, but the moment Magnus starts to leave he’s awake. Alert and aware, all the dazed pleasure gone and replaced by a glower.

“I’m merely moving to my office,” Magnus tells him. He’s helpless with how endearing he finds Alexander’s grumpiness.

Alec huffs and then gets up, his muscles shivering as he forces them into motion. Magnus isn’t sure if he’s still unsteady from pleasure; or a life lacking luxury and safety.

“Then I’ll rest in there.” Alec says, voice sulky like this should have something Magnus thought of.

And it might have been, if Magnus weren’t still adjusting to having someone who wants him. Every piece of him and every moment with him.

He can’t help it. He scoops Alexander into his arms, his soulmate yelping from surprise. Alec settles into his hold immediately after, hooking his arms smugly around Magnus’ neck.

He looks incredibly pleased and —while Magnus will never do his soulmate the disservice of comparing him to any of Magnus’ ex lovers— Magnus can’t help but notice that Alexander’s quiet joy from something so simple, eclipses Camille’s awe at the many extravagant and rare presents Magnus gifted her with.

Magnus laughs and kisses Alec’s nose, sitting in his armchair with Alexander snugly in his lap.

“Alright, then. I’ll take the opportunity to tell you about my dearest companions, Catarina and Ragnor. Oh, and I should explain a bit of the Council of Elders, they’re a bit important.”

—

Magnus portals them into the waiting room of the Labyrinth, confident in his and Alexander’s appearance and timely arrival.

There are quite a few warlocks present and Alec looks over them curiously, wondering which are Magnus’ friends and if any are enemies.

“Oh! What’s this? Magnus brought someone to the Labyrinth?” A warlock calls out, chortling as he waves at them. “That’s a first since Camille.”

“Whose Camille?” Alec asks and a different person laughs obnoxiously, as if he’s said a grand joke.

“Only one of Magnus’ worst attempts at a relationship.” The man guffaws; oblivious to the sudden and fierce rage on Magnus’ face and the cold mask sliding over Alec’s. “She broke his heart so many times, I’m surprised he still has one to share.”

There’s silence beyond the laughter as several people wince, not realizing how bad a mistake has been made, but knowing that one has been.

Alec gives the speaker a viciously withering look and walks out of the room, his foot violently connecting with the man’s chair and sending him still laughing to the floor.

Magnus follows him, but Alec doesn’t stop.

“Darling, I think you are misunderstanding something.” Is said behind him, fingers brush his sleeve and Alec viciously jerks his arm away.

There are tears in his eyes and his heart hurts.

Like it did before he met Magnus.

He’s spent so long waiting for Magnus, that it never occurred to him Magnus wouldn’t wait as well.

It’s stupid.

He tells himself bitterly as he ignores Magnus’ voice and the calls of his name. The stairs he finds are coiling and massive and he runs up them without regard for his muscles or his lungs.

He wants to break everything, including himself.

Magnus has been alive for eight hundred years. Of course he wouldn’t wait. But Alec thought that even if he had sex elsewhere that he’d guard his heart.

How could he let someone break his heart —multiple times at that— before Alec even had a chance to love him.

Is there even any room for Alec, or is his heart too wary and scarred for Alec to have any place there?

Alec doesn’t realize the worry of being not enough —he’s never enough— is sending him spiraling until he’s out of breath. He’s choking on his own pain and panic and then he’s being viciously knocked into a wall.

He fights for a half a second before he recognizes Magnus and then he snarls to hide his sobs.

—

Alexander runs and Magnus follows, furious at himself and his peers as he runs.

Someone else will explain to both Evander and Dominic the colossal mister they just made, and Magnus prays to Lilith that Dominic at least will avoid an in person apology. Because depending on how this conversation goes —and it’s not looking good considering Alec’s still running— Magnus may require his death as the apology.

Everyone was supposed to know that Magnus was bringing his soulmate. A sacred connection he’s been blessed with after centuries of waiting. And instead, he and his incredibly new soulmate were smacked in the face with Magnus’ deepest regrets.

Camille.

It broke something in Magnus, to hear her foul name pass Alexander’s lips. And now, to have Alec fleeing him, avoiding —flinching— from Magnus’ touch.

It’s devastating.

So when Alexander climbs the stairs, Magnus chases, until Alec starts to shake, nearly falling but still running. And then Magnus boosts himself with magic and slams his boy into the walls of the Labyrinth.

“Do not run from me.” Magnus snarls, body pinning Alexander's struggling frame to the wall. His hands cup Alec’s face so he can’t look away. “Do not ever run from me again, Alexander.” And then, with Alec’s tear filled, tortured gaze meeting his own, he presses his lips to the corner of Alexander’s lips and murmurs, “my Alexander, do you really think I would ever let you go?”

Alexander huffs and scoffs at him, trying to pretend there aren’t tears rolling down his cheeks or that half the reason he can’t breathe is because he’s holding back sobs.

Magnus licks away his tears and presses kisses to Alexander’s face, ignoring how he tries to shy away.

“What will it take, sayang? What do I need to do to rid you of this feeling? You’re hurting so much, my heart.”

Alexander shudders against him and his hands are like vices from where they clamp to Magnus’ waist.

“If you say I’m your heart, then your heart is mine. But you let her hurt your heart, Magnus.” Alexander finally says, devastating in his sorrow. “Your heart is mine, she should have never touched it.”

And Magnus, Magnus knows it’s wrong to enjoy this, but Alexander’s pain and possessive anger is so sweetly intoxicating.

“You’re right, angel.” Magnus concedes gently and presses a little closer, using magic to cushion Alexander’s back. “I should have been more patient, but I was younger then. Too angry with the world for denying me you, that I looked for comfort elsewhere. Sometimes,” and Magnus sighs and admits, “sometimes anywhere. I wasn’t kind to my heart, sayang, but—“ and Magnus catches Alexander’s chin and forces their gaze to meet.

“I will never, ever let anyone touch the heart you have given me. I will bathe the world in the blood of anyone who tries to take you from me. I will not suffer another to hurt you, to touch you, perhaps even to talk to you.” Magnus says idly; his thumb presses to Alexander’s plush mouth. “I would destroy the very foundations of this world, to make you happy. And I will collapse entire realms to keep you safe. If you must, judge my lack of self-care, Alexander, but you must Webber doubt my devotion or adoration of you.”

He kisses Alec before he can respond. Tangles their tongues and licks in deeply, chasing away his panic with pleasure. Alexander whimpers against him, bites Magnus’ tongue until it bleeds and then suckles the blood away like that simple little nip was him doling out punishment.

It’s so very charming.

“Magnus.” A calm, soothing voice interrupts them and magic flares in a shield about him. It recognizes the other presence and allows it to approach and Magnus finally pulls away from the temptation of Alexander's lips to greet Catarina.

He’s pulled back into another, deeper kiss before he has to forcibly gentle Alexander and keep him still.

“Darling, I’ll give you as many kisses as you want, but catch your breath first.” Magnus promises, and then he forgets his own words to kiss Alexander thrice more before actually pulling himself away.

Cat is watching him with an indulgent smirk but her eyes are both watchful and sad. It makes sense that she was summoned to fetch them. She and Ragnor are the only two who can approach him while he’s like this.

The only two he would allow to approach Alexander during this.

Alexander looks warily at Cat over Magnus’ shoulder and Magnus kisses his cheek absently.

“It’s alright, sayang. This is Catarina.” And Alexander immediately relaxes, knowing from the quick stories Magnus told how important Ragnor and Catarina are to him. “Cat, you’ve come to soothe the savage beast, I see?”

Cat scoffs at his words and shakes her head, they both know that if Magnus was actually feral, she would have joined him in his battles.

“The Elders would like to welcome you and your soulmate, and apologize for the poor hospitality our people have shown.”

She gives Alexander a welcoming nod, but keeps her attention on Magnus.

Alexander scoffs and burrows closer to Magnus. Cat raises a brow questioningly and when Magnus mouths ‘Camille’ at her, Cat’s aura flickers with her protective anger. No previous relationships should ever be mentioned lightly around a newly found soulbond and to bring up Camille, it could have created a tragedy.

Magnus settles a little, knowing that Cat will take care of things until Magnus can get to them.

“If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you both to the Council.” Cat says and turns, offering her back and walking back down the long stairs. Alec follows only when Magnus guides him, arm around his waist.

Magnus is half tempted to throw Alexander over his shoulder and carry him down. Instead he activated his personal maze array. They get to the Elders in a quarter of the time Magnus spent chasing Alexander with the array active. And Alexander stares in curiosity as doors appear before them, Magnus smiles at his quiet awe and waves his hand in a grand flourish. Cat laughs at his antics before she opens the doors and says:

“Welcome, Magnus and Alec. To the Council of Elders.”

#shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #immortal husbands #mood #prompt fic #prompt fill #writing wednesdays #writing wednesday #anon reply #anon prompt #lumine writes #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets #words are a weapon and i do with them what i can #claimed by fire au

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celaenacc · 2 years

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My Stance on Perma-paywalls, Early Access, and EA’s “nEw PoLiCy”

I really debated even posting about this or not, but I’m seeing so much hate and vitriol in this community targeted against creators that have played by the rules for years and have treated their followers/the community with respect, that I feel I need to say “Please stop the hate”. This post feels super long, but I hope that it helps clarify the situation and my stances thoroughly and effectively.

TL;DR: There’s no new policy and early access is not retired. Your “evidence” isn’t actually evidence of what you’re claiming. Stop treating early access creators like greedy criminals for no other reason than they’re still practicing early access.

Now that I’ve clarified that I am not addressing a “new policy” or an “updated policy”, let’s move to the hate some of you are harboring for early access creators in the community. Did you feel the same way about early access in relation to the EULA and community one week ago as you do now? If the answer is yes, then this conversation doesn’t apply to you. Since we’ve established the EULA/ToS for The Sims 4 has not been changed/updated, it should be obvious where I am taking this conversation. If you felt one week ago that simgurudrake’s allowance for early access was valid, then you still should today, as nothing has changed with the EULA. If you feel that an official sim guru (at the time) could not make that allowance, then that also has not changed. I’m not here to argue on whether or not early access is allowed, because the existing EULA would have it be a “no” and the simgurudrake comment (as well as an “EA App Team” member agreeing to its validity) would have it be a “yes”. I’m instead here to argue that whatever your early access stance was a week ago, that’s what it should be now. The only real change is that EA now has an actionable method of reporting EULA-violating creators and they might follow through on reports - that’s the only change and it’s not a policy change, it’s an enforcement change, which is different.

Edit: 350pm EDT : EA Help has updated the article to reflect early access still being allowed. So to all of the people who thought I was illiterate or stupid or whatever, turns out my stance was right. Please let this post die down now.

First off, to everyone claiming that EA “updated their policy on custom content”: They haven’t. This EA Help article that has everyone either celebrating, trying to figure out how to adjust, or outright going on a tantrum (specifically referring to a post I saw earlier saying stuff like “F*ck all of you” and “I’ll still love you when you all hate me” or whatever)- yeah, it’s not an update to their policies. It is a paraphrasing of the Sims 4 EULA; they used laymen’s terms to help those that can’t understand the terminology of the EULA to understand their already existing policies towards monetization of custom content/mods/”user generated content”. Some of us (including myself) asked them to do this via a petition we signed, which stated “To EA/Maxis, you have the time to release a paragraph-long statement explaining how the EULA relates to permanently paywalling UGC and the resulting doxing and harassment that follows players redistributing UGC that these creators have no legal rights to be committing crimes over. Use specific wording that cannot be manipulated, protect your players, and get yourself some easy positive publicity.“ EA did exactly this via the EA Help article. An End User License Agreement is not updated via a help forum article meant to help you “Learn about The Sims policy towards Mods” (their words); it simply serves as a rephrasing of the EULA to help users understand that permaaywalling cc has always been against the Sims 4 EULA. Please stop calling this a new policy, or an update to the TOS- it has not changed and saying it has makes the permapaywallers of the community feel like they previously had the right to practice permapaywalling, which has never been the case.

As far as my stance on early access, I like to go off not only the aforementioned allowance, but also the fact that the EA Game Changers/Creator Network program has had and still has early access creators in it as of today (August 2nd 2022). If we’re going off what EA does or doesn’t allow as the “right” thing for our community, you need to accept the fact that EA says early access is provisionally valid. If EA comes out and tells their creator network to stop early access, then that will be an actual change and I will agree with you at that point that creators should stop early access. Until then, stop shitting all over respectful creators simply because they continue early access if a week ago you agreed with early access.

“But Celaena, we asked EA Help via chat for confirmation and they said early access isn’t allowed!” ~ Asking EA Help via chat is like asking the McDonald's cashier what McD's corporate policy is on trademark infringement of the golden arches. I’ve heard they spoke with EA Help chat supervisors: asking for a chat supervisor to rule on early access is like asking your local McD's shift manager about the corporate policies on trademark infringement. They don't have the qualification to state that it is or isn't allowed, and quite honestly, they probably would have said the same thing a month ago as they are now because they aren’t decision-makers at EA. Without giving specific details as to my personal purchases, I’m going to use the fact that Amazon chat once refused to refund me for a purchase they never even shipped and I emailed corporate with screenshots of what a chat rep stated was policy; CEO Jassy ‘s assistant made sure I got my refund and told me chat was wrong. EA Help chat reps =/= EA decision-makers. EA Help chat reps =/= confirmation that cancels out a sim guru’s statements or EA’s creator network existing practices. Once more for those who may not yet understand: Chat representatives or even chat supervisors are not qualified to confirm something as against policy when EA literally has a program that provides early access incentives to creators who practice cc early access; if EA does not want or allow early access on cc, EA will make their creator network not use early access on cc.

“But Celaena, the EA Help article says cc has to be free for all users.” ~ Absolutely correct, but it doesn’t specify when, nor does the legally enforceable EULA, just as always. Perma-paywalling = direct violation. If you’ve never heard of “Contra proferentem”, it’s essentially the legal premise of "interpretation against the draftsman" when there is ambiguity in a contract (such as an EULA). Meaning, legally speaking (and I’m not a lawyer or law expert, so for legal purposes, this is in no way advice and you should look into the relevant legality yourself before you make decisions), early access creators could very well not face any legal repercussions if EA was to pursue them, which again is unlikely because the creator network supports early access creators. Early access does not require money as the only way to use a mod/cc because you can wait 2-3 weeks at which point it becomes free for all users, as required by the EULA and the EA Help article paraphrasing said EULA.

“But Celaena, you’ve always seemed against greed and paywalling in the community.” ~ Also correct. I’m against permapaywalling as it is against the EULA, the community's best interests, and is overall fuel for classist assholes to belittle those that can’t or choose not to pay for pixel clothing from every creator that makes at least a quarter-decent piece of cc or mod. I’m against early access that is purposefully longer than 3 weeks as a habit (frequency of like once or twice over the span of years is understandable when it was completely accidental/unplanned because maybe they genuinely forgot to schedule public release once or something serious came up). I do not see early access as “paywalling” because you have the choice of waiting instead of paying, therefore you could just as soon call it “waitwalling” instead of “paywalling”. If you can’t wait 2-3 weeks, then you might be the greedy one in the situation- and the reason I say might is for exceptions like pride cc being locked till the end of June or early July, or a game saving fix that’ll be patched/not needed anyway by the time it becomes a public mod. As a friend of mine likes to say, “it’s not black and white”. But as for the greys I choose? They’re closer to the side of early access than not.

“Celaena, there are early access creators acting absolutely horrible and throwing tantrums over this; they don’t deserve to make money off the community.” ~ Completely 100% agree with you there. That type of behavior should be seen as unacceptable here and they do not deserve money if that’s how they act. I want to specify here that this is not referring to great, respectful creators who have been explaining unfair treatment against them and asking for it to stop while remaining mature over it. This is referring to posts (and I’m not going to link it because if you haven’t seen it, you don’t need to) that are just like “Fuck you, fuck EA, you’re all going to hate me but I’ll still love you anyway, screw you,” etc. If you’re that creator, listen, I understand the hate that was coming down on you over continuing early access, but that response was a) clearly going to get you more bad rep and hate sent your way (to other readers, don’t send them hate, just move on from the situation please), and b) not at all the way to show you love your followers despite using those words somewhere in there. I’ve never heard of you before the last 12 hours, but I really hope you can find a better situation for you than this community you seem to hold rage towards; seriously, I do wish you well, it is not sarcasm. That being said, I want to see creators that react this way leave our community, but not by being harassed out, please just ignore these creators till they feel staying isn’t worth it rather than tagging or messaging them with a bunch of hate and attention. If any early access creator needs a tone reader before posting, just ask me or anyone else in the community, I’m sure there’s a lot of us who won’t mind helping you say the right thing the way you mean it. If you don’t care about what you say to the community and have the mindset of “can’t make money off you, don’t care what you think”, please get the fuck out and have a nice day. To the creators who do care about the community and are just struggling with what to do in this situation, please stay and wonderful day, you deserve the opportunity for people to choose to support you financially since you see them as people rather than dollar signs.

“Celaena, you’re just going off because you want early access money.” ~ If I get this as a response, I will genuinely laugh IRL because I’ve not only been on an accidental hiatus for like almost a year, but I also stopped even trying to practice early access back in like 2020 because it just wasn’t suiting my habits/self-discipline. When and if I create for the game again, it’ll be immediately free upon release, so I have no personal benefit from some of you chilling the fuck out about early access right now.

Put the pitchforks down and take a deep breath everybody. Do you want this community to move forward on a foundation of hate and vitriol? Or do you want it to be a place of understanding and actually coming together as a community to solve problems?

Letters to Creators

To the creators who a) are remaining respectful and community-oriented this week and b) are also continuing early access until EA publicly tells you using the words “early access”, I want you to know that I still appreciate you being here and I hope this situation gets easier for you going forward. If you don’t have the energy to write this much about why you’re not sure about the early access provision, feel free to link this post as an explanation.

To the creators who are a) are remaining respectful and community-oriented this week and b) are discontinuing early access to be safe, I want you to know that I also appreciate you for being here and that I hope followers continue to pledge to you without early access. If you decide to go back to early access after reading this post, feel free to link it as the reason why rather than having to summarize this ridiculously long post.

To the creators who are a) are remaining respectful and community-oriented this week and b) have already removed your paywalls, thank you for taking the policy clarification in stride and adapting with grace. You are also appreciated for being here.

To the creators who are not remaining respectful and community-oriented, please change that or leave. This isn’t the space for you. If you don’t like that, block me because I will not be arguing with you.

#EA policy clarification not update #please put down the pitchforks #ts4 permapaywall discussion #ts4 paywall discussion #ts4 early access discussion

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