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manicrouge · 3 months

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Christmas Comfort

[ꜱɪᴍᴏɴ ʀɪʟᴇʏ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 25/12/23 (REPOSTED: 09/02/24)

[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: After Johnny's death and a failed mission, Simon returns home to his girlfriend.

[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 3.3k

[ᴛᴡ]: hurt/comfort, angst, a somewhat happy ending (it will never be fully happy without soap I am sorry) possible mw3 spoilers (if you have been living under a rock please avoid)

[ᴀ/ɴ]: THIS IS A REPOST !! I've had few issues with shadowbans and have moved accounts a few times (tumblr thought I was a bot). I want all of my stories to be on the same blog so I apologise for the repost.

ANYWAY !! ENJOY !!

Christmas this year is going to be tough.

You know it from when you open the door to him on Christmas Eve.

Time has passed, he hasn’t been home for months and you were starting to convince yourself that it’s going to be years before you ever see him again.

When you were talking on the phone earlier, sometime during the middle of November, he had made a comment that he wasn’t going to come back home until he had made sure he had the pleasure of declaring that the enemy that had murdered his best friend was officially gone for good. While your chest tightened at his comment, you had nodded along and assured him that they would catch Makarov eventually; there were only so many places one man could hide before he’d revert back to familiar ground.

You feared the same for Simon at that moment. In fact, even with him home safe, you still do.

Of course, you would never say that to his face.

Despite his capability in combat, however, you often find yourself awake at night wondering just how capable he was when it came to processing and dealing with loss. Had he done what you assume he has done, he was most likely going to run from it instead of addressing it. Problems will build up and up until they came tumbling down. It’s a simple thought to construct during the late nights you have been spending alone since the news of what had happened to Johnny had found its way to you. Just as such a thought is easy to construct, you find that another one comes to you quicker than the former: where would Simon be when the building he’d constructed over the years fell to pieces?

There were only so many places he man could hide before he’d refer back to familiar ground. Even if said ground was crumbling around him. Maybe in his misery, he would find solace in falling to his doom with the chunks of shattered earth surrounding him.

If that assessment is wrong, it doesn't matter; your brain has decided it before your heart even gets a say.

You have very little to go off of concerning with how he dealt with loss, the occasional comment about his mum was enough for you to know that he wasn’t the type to completely forget about a loved one.

He's vague about his past. The less said about it the better.

‘You keep pawing an’ clawing at my brain like a damn puppy,’ he said, trailing his hands through your hair. You were guilty, for sure you were. Curiosity was sure to be the death of you in that regard. He’d let small facts slip on occasion, although, you knew his accidental slip ups were most definitely intention.

Of course, Simon Riley was no fool.

’Just tell me something,’ you begged, ‘like… I don’t know, what was your favourite food to eat at Christmas when you were younger? Ooo, I bet it was something like liquorice. You’d so make your nan pissed by robbing all the good shit out of the sweet tin.’ You laughed at the thought of a tiny Simon Riley climbing on top of a chair, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he attempted to snatch the sweet, sweet treat of liquorice.

‘Are you fuckin’ kidding me?’ he scoffed, ‘actin’ like I’m an old man doll,’ he snorted, ‘stop tryin’ to pester me f’r memories you have no business viewing.’

‘Is it illegal to be curious now?’ you asked with a playful smile. It was silent for a moment, and you lifted your head in an attempt to find his eyes in the darkness.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said, ‘you don’t wanna know me from the past, love,’ he huffed, ‘doesn’t matter now.’

‘You won’t even tell me what your favourite food was during Christmas?’

‘No,’ he reverted back to the same Simon you had seen when Johnny had been talking his ear off during the rare nights out you had had with 141. ’Now go t’ sleep, gonna be tired in the morning if you keep rambling on. My ears are burning with ya, doll,’ he teased, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you firmly against his chest.

Despite everything telling you to pull away from him, you maintained your closeness, the warmth of him far too appetising to refuse. Exhaling deeply, you rested your head against the pillow, staring straight at the wall in front of you. Your heart hurt at the very thought that he cared so little about his past that he fought to keep everything from his earlier life away from you. Even the smallest things. Of course, you would never had pried him, only the few passing comments in hopes for him to slip up as he had done a few times before.

Another hard sigh escaped you as you close your eyes. He shifted behind you, resting his head against your shoulder. You thought nothing of his sudden movement; it wasn’t uncommon for him to do so while you were sharing a bed together. Only, he turned his head, his breath ghosting your ear. Inhaling, he swallowed hard. ‘Mum used to make us roast dinners,’ he whispered, ‘used to always slap my hand away whenever she was cooking cause I used to always rob the pigs-in-blankets while she was still getting dinner ready.’

A small laugh passed your lips as you turned in his hold, placing your hand against his cheek with a cheeky grin. He stares back, blue gaze gutting through the darkness, slicing your soul to pieces. ‘Now, will y’ stop huffin’ and puffing and just go to sleep?’ He asked, placing his hand over yours.

‘Soundly, Lt.’

Even behind the mask, you could sense the sadness, the loss. A flurry of emotions hits you when you first see him after what has happened. What can you say to him? Anything other than I’m sorry seems to be an insult to him and to the memory of the man that is sure to haunt him.

The mask hides his face, but it never hid his eyes, his tired and war-weary eyes. It's a brutal sight to see the man who had put the fear of God through you when you had first met reduced to this crushed soul.

‘Simon,’ you say after a while of the pair of you just standing there, staring at each other. For a brief moment, it felt as though you had opened the door to a stranger instead of your boyfriend. Lifting his head, his Adams apple bobs beneath his balaclava as he steps forward. You take a step back, letting go of the edge of the door. Still, he doesn't speak, only standing there, observing you. ‘I thought you said you weren’t coming home until—‘

‘Don’t wanna talk about it,’ he answers, closing the door behind him.

His clothes are branded with the stench of war, and you take note of his bloodshot eyes. Has he been crying? You thought it impossible for such to be the case, he’d do no such thing. But, when he shakily inhales, grabbing the edge of his balaclava, your stomach dropped.

‘Place looks nice,’ he says, though his eyes don't leave you, ripping his mask from off of his face, shoving it into of his cargo pants. His words were shaky despite the stoic expression on his face. ‘You been alright?’

You look at him with wide eyes. ‘I- uh- yeah, yeah, just sorting out last minute things for Christmas,’ you answer, ‘how about you go and get a shower, get changed into some fresh clothes? I’ll make you something to eat—‘

‘Not hungry,’ he answers frankly, ‘appreciate the offer, doll, but I think I’m just gonna go straight to bed,’ he says. All the moisture in your mouth disappears and you’re forced to swallow a dry mouthful of air as you look up at him.

‘Right,’ you nod, ‘I- I’ll be up right after you, just gonna turn everything off down here,’ you say.

He doesn’t answer you after that, dropping his duffle bag down on the ground by the front door as he traipses up the wooden steps of your home. The garland wrapped around the bannister winks at you as you watch Simon walk up the stairs, almost mocking you for ever think it was a good idea to decorate.

The entirety of your house is wrapped like a Christmas present, reds, greens, colourful lights- everything. Whether it was the right thing to decorate or not, you choose not to focus on it too much as you rush around the house, switching off the decorations and the lights, leaving the washing you had been doing on the counter in the kitchen.

All of it can wait. But he can’t.

So, with such a thought in mind, you busy yourself with your plan. What is included in that plan can be decided as you’re walking through the house, back to the staircase you have just seen your poor boyfriend walking up.

Jogging up each step, you decide that ultimately, everything that has happened in the past few months with be something he will not be willing to discuss with you; he made it clear when he walked through the door. Don’t push him on it.

When your foot hits the last step, you nod to yourself as you consider what you would do if he did want to talk to you about it. If he wants to talk to you about it, then you rejoice in his openness. But it isn’t necessary for him to have your undying support. No matter what he decides, ultimately, your heart is never going to fail on him.

Before heading into your bedroom, you gulp when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Pulling it out of your pocket, your eyes scan over the message, a shallow exhale escaping your lips.

Mum <3: Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. made sure to grab extra pigs-in-blankets incase Simon decides to appear sometime. Love you xx

Begrudgingly, you stare down at the message before looking at the bedroom door. From beyond it, you can hear the running water in the shower and all you can think about is him. So, with a deep breath, you look back down at your phone and begin to type.

From ‘me’: Slight change of plans but I don’t think we’re going to be able to make it there tomorrow. Simon’s just got home and he’s not good. Don’t think socialising is what he needs right now. Sorry, I love you xx

Choosing has never been easy, yet, when you pushed open the bedroom door and saw his clothes sitting on the bed the pair of you share, you decide that that choice was the easiest one you have ever made in your life. It isn’t a sacrifice when it is necessary. At least, not when it comes to Simon at least.

‘I’m not going home tomorrow,’ you tell him when he walks out of the bathroom. Part of you feels bad for bombarding him with something as soon as he walks out, but the affirming text from your mother causes your heart to swell, and when you see him again, it bursts. His hair is damp and he pulls his face out of the towel with a surprised look. His scarred cheeks are branded with a subtle red tinge from the heat exuding from the bathroom. The heat works well to melt his features just enough for him to mould them into a dissatisfied sneer. ‘I don’t wanna fight you on this, Si.’

‘You can’t cancel on your family,’ he says, approaching his dresser. ‘Not right. I don’t want you to do that for me,’ he continues, grabbing a t-shirt, pulling it over his head. ‘Go spend time with them, am fine here.’

‘I already told my mum,’ you say, ‘she’s fine with it,’ you quickly reassure, far too aware that he very well may be a ticking time bomb.

Oddly, you request of not fighting on it seemingly works as he looks over his shoulder at you. There is simply no fight left in Simon Riley anymore, you conclude it from the way he shrinks as he exhales, padding up to the bed. It was as though he had left the house as a grenade left the hands of a soldier. Upon his return, the body of what made him him: his danger, his determination, and his strength had all been lost and you find he has been reduced to the pin pulled from the grenade.

Looking up at him, you find that it is up to you if you’re going to discard it or keep it as a keepsake.

Pulling the edge of the duvet, you pat the side of the mattress, ‘c’mon,’ you say gently. He doesn’t wait to climb into bed beside you, resting his weary head against the pillow. It’s as though someone is pressing down on his chest as he heaves a sound unlike anything you have ever heard. Exhaustion was clear, but grief was easier to identify in his eyes. Leaning over, you turn the lamp on your beside off, trying your attention to him, lying on his side.

There’s nothing to say. Not to him, not for him, not for yourself. You just lay there and stare at him hoping something will come to you. Anything said will be a bittersweet lullaby, you’re convinced. Nothing is going to put him to sleep. ‘Your minds running; faster than mine, sweetheart,’ he says. His eyes are closed when you look at his face. ‘Don’t want you doin’ stupid things ‘cause of me.’

‘Nothing is stupid when it comes to you, Si’,’ you weakly state.

At this point, you heart is racing, your tongue tangled as you contemplate every single word on the edge of your tongue. ‘Mum said she’ll bring us dinner tomorrow,’ you say with a weak smile, debating on whether or not you should spoil the surprise. ‘We can eat it and watch something… if you want to.’

‘What’s she bringing,’ he asks.

‘A roast,’ you answer, ‘it is Christmas after all.’

He’s quiet for a while, almost as though he doesn’t even want to think about what day it is. December 24th. Christmas Eve. You’re unsure how exactly the holidays work in 141, only noting that he had been away a few times during Christmas. Oddly, this is one of the first ones he’s home with you. His second Christmas since knowing Johnny that he isn’t with him. Your heart weakens at the realisation, your brain cursing you with the knowledge of something so agonising.

They had spent Christmas together.

And now they won’t and never will and it isn’t just because of the distance between Manchester and Scotland.

Rather, it’s because of the distance between this life and the next.

Your eyes well with tears and you close them. Your heart hurts for the man lying in front of you, and when you hear him clear his throat, you find it difficult to contain your own sorrow. ‘Doesn’t feel like Christmas,’ he tells you, his voice trembling as he does. ‘Haven’t slept at all since ‘cause I can’t stop thinking about him just… lyin’ there,’ his throat tightens and his tone grows pitchy as he inhales deeply, swallowing hard. ‘I shoulda done something, I should’ve been there f’r him.’

He’s crying at that point, but not sobbing. In fact, you only know he's crying because, when you place your hand against his cheek and the pad of your thumb wiped away a tear that falls past his eye. ‘You were,’ you choke out, ‘even in death, you were loyal to him, Si’, don’t you dare go cursing your own name for something you were not responsible for,’ you demand. ‘You’ll get him.’

‘We’re fallin’ apart without him,’ Simon sniffles, ‘bet he’s sitting up there pissin’ himself seeing me like this,’ he utters. The pair of you share a laugh at the thought and you move close to him. ‘I just… I told myself after everything that happened to mum and Tommy, I wouldn’t feel anything ‘cause that fucked me up, but then I met Johnny a- and I met you.’

You hold your breath.

‘Simon—‘

‘And what if I can’t keep you safe? I’ve failed at it so much and that fucking pricks got me doubting myself now—‘

‘Shut up,’ you firmly say, ‘I don’t wanna hear it, Si’,’ you utter, ‘and neither would Johnny.’

You press your thumb against his cheek, ‘doubt is a killer, and it’s not me who you’re not gonna be able to protect if you keep thinking the way you are, it’s yourself,’ you continue, licking your dry lips, ‘and… and if you die, then who’s gonna steal the pigs-and-blankets on Christmas Day?’

Whether it was time for humour or not, you’re unsure. But, as you thinking for a moment, you recall the tales told to you by Simon during his time away, particularly his time with the Shadows.

Two goldfish are in a tank…

‘You still remember that?’ he asks eventually. You feel the muscles contort in his face as he smiles at you.

‘Always,’ you respond, ‘mums got them with the dinner tomorrow ‘cause I asked her too… said she got extra incase you planned on robbing any of them.’ You feel bad telling him such information knowing that you had chosen to cancel the holiday. If anything, you’re worried about the guilt you’re causing him by rambling on about the stupid fucking pigs-in-blankets. ‘My point is Si’,’ you take a deep breath, ‘I need you here with me so you can fulfil your duty.’

He shifts and pulls you closer, wrapping his arm around your waist, pressing his face into the nape of your neck. Your hand brushes through his hair, melting in his arms as his hot breath fans against your neck. ‘Wanna see your family tomorrow,’ he says, ‘I’ll go with you.’

‘Are you sure—‘

‘’Ave been stuck in my mind for nearly two months,’ he confesses, pulling away from your neck. ‘Fighting with myself over everything, I’ve hardly spoken to Price or Gaz,' he says. You press your lips together, the thought of him being alone nauseating. ‘Be a waste of money as well if I didn’t try pinching the food your mums made, wouldn’t it?’

You feel him smile as he presses his face back against your neck, his grip on you so tight its almost painful. But you relent, allowing him to have the comfort he so deserves. Resting your head above his, you close your. Whatever awaited you in the future can wait, you conclude.

‘I'm proud of you,’ you whisper, pressing a kiss onto his head. 'Never gonna let you doubt yourself ever again, not on my watch,' you continue, 'now sleep. We can talk more when you're ready.'

He smiles again.

'I know I can sleep soundly now,' he utters against your skin, 'got you beside me.'

With that, the pair of you fall into silence. You don't sleep, not until you feel his breathing steady against you skin, the subtle rise of his chest as he keeps his arms around you. You keep running you fingers through his hair before eventually, you find your eyes growing heavy and you drift off.

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angelicglib · 4 months

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‧₊✩ Christmas Comfort ✩₊‧

[ꜱɪᴍᴏɴ ʀɪʟᴇʏ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 25/12/23 (REPOSTED: 28/12/23)

[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: After Johnny's death and a failed mission, Simon returns home to his girlfriend.

[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 3,252

[ᴛᴡ]: hurt/comfort, angst, a somewhat happy ending (it will never be fully happy without soap I am sorry) possible mw3 spoilers (if you have been living under a rock please avoid)

[ᴀ/ɴ]: This is my first story here, please be kind I beg <3 also very sorry for this but I had the idea and thought it would be quite a bittersweet story for the holiday season !!

THIS IS A REPOST !! I've had few issues with shadowbans and have moved accounts a few times (tumblr thought I was a bot) so, if you would like more stories from me, my new blog is @manicrouge !!

─────────── ∘°❉°∘ ───────────

Christmas this year is going to be tough.

You know it from when you open the door to him on Christmas Eve.

Time has passed, he hasn’t been home for months and you were starting to convince yourself that it’s going to be years before you ever see him again.

You feared the same for Simon at that moment. In fact, even with him home safe, you still do.

Of course, you would never say that to his face.

If that assessment is wrong, it doesn't matter; your brain has decided it before your heart even gets a say.

He's vague about his past. The less said about it the better.

Of course, Simon Riley was no fool.

‘Are you fuckin’ kidding me?’ he scoffed, ‘actin’ like I’m an old man doll,’ he snorted, ‘stop tryin’ to pester me f’r memories you have no business viewing.’

‘Is it illegal to be curious now?’ you asked with a playful smile. It was silent for a moment, and you lifted your head in an attempt to find his eyes in the darkness.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said, ‘you don’t wanna know me from the past, love,’ he huffed, ‘doesn’t matter now.’

‘You won’t even tell me what your favourite food was during Christmas?’

‘Soundly, Lt.’

‘Don’t wanna talk about it,’ he answers, closing the door behind him.

‘Right,’ you nod, ‘I- I’ll be up right after you, just gonna turn everything off down here,’ you say.

All of it can wait. But he can’t.

Before heading into your bedroom, you gulp when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Pulling it out of your pocket, your eyes scan over the message, a shallow exhale escaping your lips.

Mum <3: Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. made sure to grab extra pigs-in-blankets incase Simon decides to appear sometime. Love you xx

‘I already told my mum,’ you say, ‘she’s fine with it,’ you quickly reassure, far too aware that he very well may be a ticking time bomb.

Looking up at him, you find that it is up to you if you’re going to discard it or keep it as a keepsake.

‘Nothing is stupid when it comes to you, Si’,’ you weakly state.

‘What’s she bringing,’ he asks.

‘A roast,’ you answer, ‘it is Christmas after all.’

They had spent Christmas together.

And now they won’t and never will and it isn’t just because of the distance between Manchester and Scotland.

Rather, it’s because of the distance between this life and the next.

You hold your breath.

‘Simon—‘

‘And what if I can’t keep you safe? I’ve failed at it so much and that fucking pricks got me doubting myself now—‘

‘Shut up,’ you firmly say, ‘I don’t wanna hear it, Si’,’ you utter, ‘and neither would Johnny.’

Whether it was time for humour or not, you’re unsure. But, as you thinking for a moment, you recall the tales told to you by Simon during his time away, particularly his time with the Shadows.

Two goldfish are in a tank…

‘You still remember that?’ he asks eventually. You feel the muscles contort in his face as he smiles at you.

‘Are you sure—‘

‘I proud of you,’ you whisper, pressing a kiss onto his head. 'Never gonna let you doubt yourself ever again, not on my watch,' you continue, 'now sleep. We can talk more when you're ready.'

He smiles again.

'I know I can sleep soundly now,' he utters against your skin, 'got you beside me.'

─────────── ∘°❉°∘ ───────────

129 notes · View notes

showtoonzfan · 1 year

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Accidentally deleted an ask regarding the scene with Blitz coming onto Stolas in “The Circus”, since I wasn’t finished typing and I accidentally posted it. Ugh, I apologize to that person, Tumblr needs to stop deleting the ask ALTOGETHER if you delete a post with an ask in it. Anyway, they made a good point with how uncomfortable it was and how Viv wants to portray Stolitz as hot and quirky, meanwhile Val and Angel are 100% bad. That I agree with, it’s very hypocritical of Viv to take certain themes like sexual assault seriously in HH, only to downplay it completely different in HB. Since the ask got deleted, I’ll just say my thoughts here on the Stolas and Blitz scene. So….at first yes, I was one of those people who went “Stolas is clearly drunk and not in his right mind”- when this scene came on, however I will admit that I now don’t necessarily think it’s 100% safe to say that Stolas was drunk. Sure, we see him gargle down a strong alcoholic drink, but between the time stamp there and the time he took Blitz into his room, I don’t think that’s enough time for the alcohol to fully kick in. I think it’s same to say that he was drunk either midway his and Blitz’s fuck session, or afterwards. However, wether drunk or not, Blitz was clearly in the wrong for that scene, he clearly wanted to take advantage of the situation he was in, and lured Stolas in to get to his book. It obviously wasn’t a smart decision since Stolas WOULD be drunk soon and already had strong alcohol in his system, so it only made the scene more ewey.

However, a problem I personally had with this scene altogether is that even though Blitz is the one who came onto Stolas, I still found it so weird that Stolas started the conversation with “You came here to ravish me didn’t you?” Not just that, but the fan servicey lovey dovey sparkles when he first saw Blitz.

It just never made any sense to me, because when did these feelings kick off for Stolas? When did he find a sexual attraction to Blitz? Where did these feelings even STEM from? These two (at the time) have not seen in eachother in 25 years, the last time being when they were CHILDREN. Then….Stolas reunites with him, and all of a sudden is just….completely in love and lustful towards Blitz. You may go “Oh well Stolas was clearly blushing around Blitz when he met him as a child so that’s probably where the feelings came from”- but not only does that not make any sense since Stolas never SAW Blitz after that or even made the effort to contact him if he really had a strong feeling, but I don’t even SEE Stolas’s blushy scenes as him being in love. One…he’s a small child, it felt more like puppy love, and two, he clearly expresses later in the episode how happy he was that Blitz was his first friend, so that’s how I see it, he was just happy to have a friend, NOT in love. The only reason he was blushing was for fan service honestly, regardless if it made sense or not. Moving that aside, Stolas states later that he was only “teasing” about the ravishing part, but honestly…..who JOKES about that?? Who reunites with a friend they used to know years ago, and just randomly is all like “Lol, wanna fuck? Jk I’m just kidding!”. I’m nitpicking and y’all can disagree with me, but that’s personally how I feel. Then Stolas goes from that to someone who doesn’t want it, when he was acting all nervous when Blitz came onto him, and that ALSO makes no sense to me, especially when you take into consideration that Viv is clearly trying to show that Stolas feels something for Blitz, judging by the pink outline and harp music when they meet in the screenshot above. So does he love him, or does he not Viv? It also doesn’t help that the scene overall is all over the place, just like HezuNeutral had said in her critique video, the dialogue flips back and fourth, with Stolas saying he has a good memory, only for him to reveal that he doesn’t remember Blitz’s name, only to THEN show that he remembers Blitz’s name having an “O” at the end. Like…if you’re tying to show us that they barley know one another or aren’t connected anymore, why have Stolas flirt? Why have the romantic music?

But yeah, the worst of all of this is the near sex scene, where Blitz bites Stolas and that…all of a sudden attracts some strong sexual feelings, because again, where did this come from? But most importantly, Stolas admitting that he’s happy, getting off to the fact that they used to be friends, so he’s giddy someone wants him this way. Blitz then feels bad, and screws him out of pity, and the writers want us to see that Blitz is clearly taking advantage of STOLAS and his feelings. And…he is but…dear god it was such a horrible writing choice. The writers clearly did this so they can alter Stolas and Blitz’s relationship, where instead of Stolas being the one in power who wanted someone to fulfill his fantasies due to his failing unsatisfactory marriage, he’s now this “HELPLESS Uwu sad bean who fell in love with Blitz but baddy Blitz never LOVED HIM AND MADE HIM THINK HE DID!”>>😫😭

And it’s all a load of bullshit, trying to make BLITZ be the one in the wrong when Stolas was the one who constantly treated him like a sex slave in the first place, and yes I get that Blitz is also a bad person who’s using Stolas as well, but for the writers to portray Blitz as the one who broke Stolas’s poor uwu heart and instead paint HIM as the victim, pisses me off. The writers cannot call Stolas out PROPERLY for the love of all things holy, and I hate how they’ll continue to excuse his actions and suck him off, portraying him as a helpless lonely bean even though in truth he’s just a selfish horny pervert who can’t take a hint that someone doesn’t like him. Everyone keeps pulling the “He doesn’t know how to love” card, so if he truly doesn’t, would you mind calling him out on that? Because just because someone doesn’t know how love works, that doesn’t excuse anything, or the way they treat someone. It’s also funny how the writers insist that Stolas gained these romantic feelings for Blitz first, when in actuality when never SEE any of that. Again, when did the feelings kick off? Off fucking screen?? I can’t with this show’s horrible storytelling, this ship just keeps going further down the drain as every episode passes and nothing the writers can say or even show me can convince me that these two should be together, wether they paint it in a completely different light or not. “The Circus” definitely retconned the ship, and “Seeing Stars” just….erased everything I guess, though I bet Viv will go back to her forced emotional more serious scenes in the next episode. Fact is, I’m just done with this ship lol, it’s toxic, it has no buildup, it’s gross, and it’s horribly written. The fans can call me homophobic and throw a baby fit on twitter for all I care, the writing for this show is ass.

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #anti vivziepop #hazbin hotel critical #anti Stolitz #anti Stolas #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #helluva critical #ask #reply

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handpickedberry · 1 year

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return for holidays 🎉

back in this account after more than a year, i think!!

for quite a long time, i’ve been wanting to start a blog of my own at substacks but i guess regularly writing a full blog is too energy-consuming for someone who easily gets tired like me so i decided to just use my tumblr acc for my life sharings.

what prompted this was this: i just had the happiest holiday i have ever had my whole life! even though i don’t celebrate christmas, i did share this day with my girlfriend who filled my heart with so much love and joy. i have always had my family to celebrate holidays with; sometimes i also visit my cousins. but it never made me feel this happy because all my life, i never really got to have a genuine connection with them. i’m not a family person and i know i’m not to blame because my family’s not a family person with each other, either. we weren’t really that affectionate and open towards one another. i guess we could even be considered as “housemates who happen to have blood relation” because that’s us! we’re not like other families who tell each other about their personal lives and problems and other stuff like that. there has always been a wall among all of us and though i grew used to that and eventually learned to accept it, there are still times that i wish i could have a happy kind of family. a loving kind. the type that knows each other, not just on a surface level. the type that you could genuinely, happily celebrate special moments with not because you have to for the sake of them being your family, but because you truly want to and they’re the best people in your lives. we still do regular family things like making sure there’s food for the others to eat, showing up and gathering for important events, yada yada yada, stuff like that. but the genuine enjoyment & contentment was rarely there because they didn’t know me and i didn’t know them the way we should have as a family.

because of this, my holidays has always been pretty lonely. there’s food, there’s them, there’s fireworks and noise all around, but no happiness shared with each other. no love tying all of us together. no special memories made with one another that we could look back on. being a big love person, it’s certainly not how i want my holidays to go but i’ve gotten used to it and i didn’t even wish to have something different. i guess, holidays just began to mean less to me. just another vacation, another season, another night, another socially constructed expectation.

until i met my girlfriend! in total contrast to me, my girlfriend truly LOOOVES holidays and is actually the most excited person i know when holiday season hits. it’s endearing and it’s lovely, to see someone glowing with thrill and excitement, and becoming one with the happiness around them.

today is december 25, their christmas day and i have just gotten home from our date. i left the house early (at 10am) to come over to theirs and we spent the whole day together. doing the things we love the most, having quality time together, watching, eating, napping, laughing, kissing, and other -ing things 😁 today, we reminded each other of how much we love each other. today, we shared assurances, sweetness, gentleness, and every kind thing that we could share together. all in their bedroom. after that, we went to the mall and ate dinner together then watched a yuletide show which was followed by a short fireworks display.

the thing is, today was simple. there wasn’t much of a grand event or a big celebration, but it was still so so special and the happiest because i shared it with my girlfriend. the whole day, the weather was so nice and the atmosphere was just… light. to quote david levithan’s Every Day, we were in the “temperature of happiness”. everything felt right. warm. safe. i was home with them and i have never felt this contented with anyone else before. we never stopped holding each other, taking good care of each other, saying “i love you” to each other. we fed each other, laughed together, acted like kids and found joy in little things, made really simple & special memories together, and just had an absolutely wonderful time together. there wasn’t a single dull moment.

i’ve never had that during holidays. and now that i did, it just filled me with so much love and joy because i never thought i could have it. all these good feelings inside me made me want to share it with the world, so i could capture this day into words, and remember that today, december 25 2022, i had my first happy holiday. i even reactivated my private twitter account for this but i decided to just do it here because i knew it would be long and i wanted it to be somewhere open but also at the same time, just mine.

i’m truly grateful for my girlfriend. what makes this happiness more special is that we have just gotten through a rough patch in our relationship which hindered us from feeling this kind of happiness for a while. having this again, sharing this again with them, i could cry from utter joy. all the emotions i have right now, they are bigger than me and they are surrounding me with so much warmth and security. i’m so relieved and i’m so glad to be alive with them. i don’t celebrate christmas but this kind of love, the one that we have, is truly something to celebrate. my heart is overjoyed because it is able to beat with someone else’s, with just the right rhythm for the perfect song. and me? i’m just genuinely beyond elated that i’m part of something bigger than me.

i don’t believe that today is really Jesus’s birthday. but if somehow most christians are right, then i’m glad i got to celebrate it with the most precious and amazing gift that He and God have ever given me.

happiest holidays, everyone! i wish all would always get a day just like mine 💜

🍓

#berryblogs

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with-love-from-hell · 2 years

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Vermillion Skies - Q&A #3 (continued)

Here’s the second part to the final Q&A since the final few questions didnt fit due to Tumblr’s photo limit on posts! there's some alt ending stuff in here so if you dont normally read the Q&As, you may want to read this one!

Here's the previous Q&A post

CW: Somewhat graphic discussion of past events in the series thus far [sexual violence, blood/gore/violence among characters, nsfw, jealousy/romantic rivalry, PTSD, etc...], also an alt angst ending where Mc dies so beware- there's grief talk in here.

>> Though I have a Masters Degree in Psychology, I am not your therapist. If you have experienced any form of sexual abuse, assault, or harassment and are in need of help, please utilize the RAINN sexual assault hotline or online chat service, or find additional help using the NSVRC website. <<

Read all of my work related to Vermillion Skies here

Oh absolutely. This will be a theme in Melancholia. In lieu of spoilers, all I will say is that Michael especially strongly detests Mc’s existence. This is actually a direction I thought of taking the story if I were to continue on past 25, but figured instead I can incorporate it into the end of VS and the beginning of Melancholia!

So This was something I brushed past rather quickly, so thank you for asking to give me a chance to elaborate!

Mammon was absolutely horrified after being shot through that window by Simeon. Lucifer? sure. That’s to be expected for a demon of his strength. Even Beelzebub could probably throw him through a window no problem. But seeing an angel have the ability to do that when demons are notoriously more powerful? yikes.

He was also probably scared shitless of the transformation. He remembered how horrified at himself he was when he transformed- let alone all his brothers.

Seeing Simeon like that gave him some resemblance of shell-shock. Not necessarily selectively mute, but he just, couldn't process anything or get anything out.

There was nothing running through his mind as he sat on the windowsill staring blankly at the glass- until he saw you.

Then the only thing in his head was “keep her safe.” So he had to find a way to get your attention. After getting it, he just did what was instinctual- pick you up and get you the fuck out of there.

Everything was so dream-like for him. so when you demanded he put you down, his brain took a minute to figure out what you were doing. He didn’t mean to grab you so roughly- he was just confused as to why you didn’t realize he was trying to help despite the fact that he couldn’t communicate it to you.

so the TLDR of this is that he was in survival mode, and his processing abilities were limited due to fear/trauma. Sorry I didn’t explain this better. I could go on about Broca’s and Wernicke’s area for hours and how they impact processing ability and speech but I’ll spare you all the lecture lol

Sure! I cant draw so I’m gonna share photo references that I used!

(here’s the link to the etsy where I found these)

Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m glad it gave you so much hope- and samesies. I also wish more men were like how I wrote Lucifer.

Allow me to entertain another alternate outcome for the series in regards to the NSFW part- in the form of headcanons!

So, I imagine getting through the bulk of 22- the touching, giving each other oral, and that sort of thing.

Lucifer says “I want to feel you,” and you agree, your immediately second guessing yourself- but push through the discomfort and try to calm yourself down.

As he positions himself between your legs, teasing your clit with his cock, you begin to feel a bit more comfortable and give him the go-ahead. He eases into you, but something shifts in you and you begin to panic.

It starts to hurt a bit- not much, but enough to have you backing out- and you’re crying and begging for him to stop.

He immediately pulls out the length he got in (which I assume was about half way) and he’s cradling you gently, whispering that things will be okay, he isn’t going to hurt you, and that it’s okay that you asked him to stop.

if you apologize, he will have none of it. He will remind you that it’s okay that you said no, and that he only wanted it if you did too. He will provide lots of reassurance that you’re safe and he still loves you.

He will help you clean yourself off (if you allow) or run you a bath where he will gently brush your hair or massage your shoulders.

If you feel really uncomfortable being naked around him, he’ll run the bath and leave you to it, but it will only take a whisper of his name to have him back at your side, ready to comfort you.

He will snuggle you up until the coming events later in ch. 23- stroking your hair, humming to you, reminding you how much he loves and values you until you fall asleep.

He will be ever-attentive in the future when you attempt to have sex with him again, and will make sure to help you feel more relaxed next time. And if you’re not ready then either, that’s okay. He will wait until you are ready. He’s patient- and isn’t going anywhere just because you wont fuck him.

He loves you Mc- you just have to remember that.

Allow me to entertain an alternate ending for all my angst lovers! I am going to also do this in the form of headcanons!

So, I imagine the part in 24 where Simeon swings his arm back and sends MC flying toward the pillar. Instead of just a minor concussion, maybe the force was so strong that it killed her on impact.

I see Mc hitting the wall and the lights immediately going out, and the last thing that rushes through her mind before it is just blank and empty is how much she loves Lucifer, reviewing memories at rapid speed with him- so the last thing she sees is his face.

After hearing the yelp Simeon will whip around, similar to how he did in the regular story, dropping Lucifer to the floor. His face would drain of color, realizing immediately what he’s done. he’d be frozen in place, not sure what to do- if there’s even anything he can do.

Lucifer will be screaming because he saw you hit the pillar and now sees the lifeless haze over glossing over your eyes as you stare unblinking back toward him. He would run toward you, probably staggering due to just getting air back into his lungs and his own blows to the head, yelling at Beel and Satan to get away as he cradles your lifeless form in his hands.

Desperately searching for a pulse, or a sign of your breathing, but would see no signs of life. His lips would tremble as he would beg for you to be okay, repeating “no”s over and over as the realization that you were dead dawned on him.

He will sob relentlessly into your hair, clutching you to his chest tightly and rocking your body back and forth. His wails would be so intense that they could shatter glass, ringing out through the castle and echoing through every corridor of the castle.

Memories would come flooding back to him, trying desperately to cling to any piece of you he could. Your voice, the way you gently touched his skin, your sweet kisses, the way you blush...all of it.

The rest of the brothers would completely break down along side him, but reluctantly keep their distance due to fears he will lash out at them. Beel would be completely catatonic, not being able to believe that you had died in front of him again. Satan would try desperately to console the other brothers, fighting the urge to slaughter Simeon himself, knowing he needed to save the task for Lucifer. Asmo would completely break down crying, falling into Solomon’s arms. Solomon would remain stoic, but underneath his heart is shattered. Belphie and Levi would try to cling to their sanity, but slowly slip into inconsolable sobs. Belphie would be reminded of his past mistakes on top of everything, deep sorrow filling his whole being. Diavolo would be in complete denial. Barbatos would be shattered on the inside, but try to hold back his woe. If you look closely, you could see both their eyes glossy with tears, but they would remain eerily still. Mammon would run into the room after hearing Lucifer’s screams and collapse upon seeing you dead in Lucifer’s arms. He would blame himself for not being able to stop you from rushing into the ballroom where you met your demise.

Between his sobs, Lucifer would feel unspeakable rage building up within him. His blood would boil, limbs shaking in an anger unlike what he’s ever felt- even towards the individual who had assaulted you. He would hang your body to Beel, requesting he keep you safe despite the face that you were dead. Then he would turn toward Simeon, and he would be a completely different man.

His body would be surrounded in a fuming black and green aura- radiating further off of him like smoke on a smothered fire, and his sclera would have turned black. Piercing crimson irises that were still glossy with tears stared daggers at the former angel. His cheeks would continue to be stained in tears as he approached him in an eerie silence, the only sound from him being a deep, guttural growl.

His demon form would still be out, but subtle changes could be observed to note he was more angry than ever before. His wings would be spread wide, shuddering violently as if there was a powerful wind rippling through them. His horns would grow slightly longer, and there would be slightly larger fangs protruding from his mouth. His face would probably very sunken and gaunt, but his muscles would probably bulge more. I also imagine some feathers/scale type things pushing their way out of his skin. Like really looking like an actual demon.

The entire room would feel like the air had been sucked out of it as Lucifer’s wrath and grief completely took over. Like I imagine the room feeling like you’re on a high mountain and you get altitude sickness.

He would attempt to kill Simeon, and theres two outcomes for this that I can think of. Either he would literally plunge his hand through his chest, rip out his heart, and watch silently as he bleeds out; or he would be stopped by everyone (literally- I don’t think just one person could stop him) as Simeon is taken by Michael.

He would return to your body afterwards and take you to the bedroom, tucking you in as he just...cries. for days. Like he is completely inconsolable and he wouldn’t talk to anyone else, locking himself in the bedchamber with your body as you body loses warmth. He would still try to convince himself that you would come back like last time, but the longer it takes for that to happen, the more sorrowful he becomes.

He would absolutely collect pieces of you to keep as reminders of you. He would cut off a section of your hair and braid it, and would probably keep it in a small box along with photos and the various gifts he’s given you- plushies, the snow globe, jewelry, etc- and keep this under his bed. The perfume you wear would be everywhere- in his desk, near his nightstand, a small vial of it in his pocket, so he could keep the scent near him at all times.

At the funeral he would be dead silent, only crying when he could sneak away to be alone. he wouldn’t give a eulogy- not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t muster up the strength to even speak. He would probably understand why you had trouble speaking after your assault now- and would probably be selectively mute for many, many years.

He would probably have to downsize his bed after this, because the empty space where your body used to be would make him spiral all over again, but he would snuggle with your pillow every night, ensuring to coat it with the perfume so it smelled like you.

He would have a detailed portrait done of you and have it hung above the mantel in his office, and would spend just...hours...staring at it.

He would also get something to remind him of you tattooed on him- maybe your pact mark, or maybe something hand-written to him.

He would try to engage with his brothers and continue mending those wounds because you worked so hard to help him tend to them...but it will be hard. He will be distant, quieter than usual, and less strict. And will mostly isolate.

He probably will try to burry himself in his work, but your sweet voice reminding him to take a break; the phantom feeling of you massaging his shoulders and neck and placing gentle pecks on the back of his head...that will make him completely unable to focus and he would break down.

He would probably sleep a lot, preferring to be in dreams where he can see you again. But over time, your face may become distorted, and your voice may not sound the same any more- so he relies on recordings and pictures, but they’re not the same.

Lucifer had you buried in the HOL garden, so he would visit the grave every day for the rest of his life. Sometimes he’d pretend to talk to you, telling you about some stupid things his brothers were getting up to or telling you about the new RAD festivities. Other times he would sit in silence, just staring at the loose dirty that would slowly compact and begin growing flowers and plants because of the seeds Barbatos planted over you. He would still buy you lots of gifts- trinkets, jewelry, flowers, mementos, etc- and leave them on your grave, sometimes burying them near you.

The engagement ring would go on a chain around his neck, and he would never let it out of his sight or really even take it off. He almost buried it with you, but couldn’t bring himself to do it because he wanted you to say yes to him on your own accord- forcing it on you didn’t feel right. But the sentiment of it would serve as a reminder- who his heart truly belonged to. He would probably by a matching wedding band engraved with your name and wear it on his ring finger, despite never being married, to show to others to back off. He has no interest in pursuing any other relationships.

He would completely sever any ties with the celestial realm, and Simeon. If Simeon ends up in devildom because of his corruption, Lucifer would have to force himself to avoid him, but he wont ever forgive him for taking that piece of him away.

He wouldn’t really ever get over it. No one would have his heart the way you did. Part of him would definitely long to end his own life, but he knew you wouldn’t want him to.

He would probably desperately work with Solomon and Barbatos to try to find a way to get you back. Solomon poses the idea of a clone at one point because he had kept your hair, but he ultimately turns it down because he knows it likely wouldn’t be the same...Though on the nights where he especially misses your sensual touch, and finds himself getting off to the memory of the way it felt to make love to you for the first and only time, he will consider it again.

Really, he would do anything to feel any type of touch from you again.

Man this made me sob my eyes out lol. too angsty 5 me. Take care everyone.

I am so glad I’ve gotten so many eager questions. I’m excited for the finale! <3

#obey me!#q&a #vermillion skies #obey me #shall we date: obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me swd #headcanons #obm headcanons #obey me headcanons #obm lucifer

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that-damn-girl · 3 years

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How to Appropriately Tag Fics

Tumblr ‘How To’s

I have seen some great works here not getting the attention they deserve and it’s truly heartbreaking! Part of the reason might be that the fandom they’ve written for isn’t that popular, and sorry to say but it can’t really be helped. However, even if they’ve written for a popular fandom, the writer might not have enough followers to gain enough views - but this case can definitely be helped!

The solution, you ask?

Use the tags appropriately and TAG THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FICS!!! Seriously, it isn’t costing you any money or space, so what’s the damn problem? The more the tags, the better are the chances of people finding your fics, even if they don’t follow you. It only benefits you and the reader looking for that specific trope/au/kink used in your fic.

P.S. tag ONLY according to the main character/pairing. Never tag side characters/pairings. Tag appropriately, not unnecessarily. (It’s really annoying to find a fic of your favourite character/pairing only to discover them mentioned in a sum total of five of lines).

P.P.S please for the love of all that’s good use [keep reading] for longer fics! How to insert [Keep Reading] (through Chrome browser on laptop & mobile) (on mobile Tumblr app)

P.P.P.S. (idk if there’s such a thing) observe what tags other blogs writing for the same fandom as you mostly use.

(If you use Tumblr through the app only, I think you might face a restriction of 25-30 tags per post. But even then, they are quite a lot. From my understanding, the chrome browser doesn’t put any such restriction)

How and what kind of tags must be used?

The ‘tag’ part of a fic must definitely include:

main character(s)

main pairing(s)

particular theme(s) (if any) - kink, au, trope…

trigger warning(s)

My suggestions are listed below!

P.S. for dark!fics, please add dark! in front of every tag mentioned below. And please pay special attention to the ‘trigger warning(s)’ part mentioned below!

P.P.S. I’m not sure if keeping the first letter of each tag in capital affects anything or not, but I prefer not using it.

(I’m taking bucky barnes and reader as a pairing for examples)

main characters(s)

bucky barnes

I would suggest tagging just the main character(s) first, since the post particularly features content related to them.

main pairing(s)

bucky barnes x reader

No matter whether your fic is romantic or platonic, ALWAYS use this tag. It is such a general tag which includes ALL kinds of relationships.

To specify further as per your fic, I would recommend using these:

bucky barnes x platonic!reader bucky barnes x single!reader bucky barnes x girlfriend!reader bucky barnes x wife!reader bucky barnes x avenger!reader bucky barnes x civilian!reader bucky barnes x poc!reader - (person of colour) bucky barnes x sister!reader bucky barnes x daughter!reader bucky barnes x black!reader bucky barnes x desi!reader...and many more!

Extra: I’m not sure how effective this is, but just to be on the safe side I also use:

bucky barnes x you bucky barnes x y/n

smut/fluff/angst

bucky barnes smut bucky barnes fluff bucky barnes angst bucky barnes x reader smut bucky barnes x reader fluff bucky barnes x reader angst

These can be used as per your fic.

particular theme(s) (if any) - kink, au, trope…

There are honestly endless possibilities here. But I’m going to use as examples some of the most popular ones that I can think of.

bucky barnes x reader breeding kink bucky barnes x reader age gap bucky barnes x reader sex pollen bucky barnes x reader one bed bucky barnes x reader enemies to lovers bucky barnes x reader friends to lovers bucky barnes x reader strangers to lovers...

bucky barnes x little!reader daddy!bucky barnes x reader daddy!bucky barnes x little!reader

bucky barnes x sub!reader dom!bucky barnes x reader dom!bucky barnes x sub!reader (The dom/sub dynamics can be reversed too. This is just according to my preference)

king!bucky barnes x reader bucky barnes x princess!reader bucky barnes x queen!reader king!bucky barnes x princess!reader (Same for knight, servant or any other post) bucky barnes x reader royal au bucky barnes x reader medieval au

mob!bucky barnes x reader bucky barnes x reader mob au

dad!bucky barnes x reader single dad!bucky barnes x reader bucky barnes x mom!reader bucky barnes x single mom!reader

alpha!bucky barnes x reader alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader bucky barnes x reader abo au

bucky barnes x reader modern au bucky barnes x reader bakery au bucky barnes x reader coffee shop au...

And many more in this format! Again, seriously, tag the damn hell out of your fics without being shy!! It only benefits you and the reader looking for that specific trope/au/kink used in your fic.

drabble/oneshot/series…

I like to specify the kind of post my fic is.

bucky barnes x reader imagine bucky barnes x reader drabble bucky barnes x reader headcannon bucky barnes x reader oneshot bucky barnes x reader series

Extra: Also, just to be on the safe side again, I like to fanfic tags too:

bucky barnes fanfic bucky barnes fanfiction marvel fanfic marvel fanfiction

trigger warning(s)

These are so important to tag. They must obviously be written at the top of every fic, yes, but they must be tagged as well.

These warnings may not help in letting others find your fic, but for the well being of the readers and your followers, these must be used. People who have blacklisted these warnings, your fics tagged with these will not be visible to them. We need to accept that not everyone likes or is okay with everything.

(I’m not entirely sure which is the correct way, so I use tags both ways)

tw smut smut

tw angst angst

tw breeding kink breeding kink (or any other kink...)

tw knife play knife play

tw cheating cheating

tw violence violence

tw gore gore...and other appropriate warnings.

This is important especially for dark!fics!!

tw noncon noncon (means non-consensual/rape)

tw dubcon dubcon (means dubious-consent; where consent for sexual activities is ambiguous or the character/reader is themselves confused about whether they want it or not)

~~~

These are only my suggestions. But still please tag your fics appropriately. Hope this helps!

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andrea-lyn · 3 years

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The Recs (Less Travelled)

I’m excited to bring you the first installment of my ‘roads less travelled’ recs! I will be doing another round of this, probably once the Ted Lasso fic tag hits about 25 pages, and then I’ll also grab a couple more fandoms to collect in there!

The Rules:

Each fandom/pairing was sorted on Archive of Our Own by completed works. Anything recced here was not in the first ten pages when sorted by kudos at the time of reccing. There may be some more well-known authors on this list, but the specific fics I’ve picked are ones that didn’t crack that top ten or just didn’t get much traction and I think deserve it, so hopefully I have also balanced it out with other under the radar (and still great!) works. As ever, I have a pinned post of my other recs (none have been duplicated from there), so you can also check those out! Under the cut you’ll find 10 recs in each fandom for:

Raven Cycle

Roswell New Mexico

The Old Guard

Inception

Star Trek (mainly Kirk/McCoy)

The Raven Cycle

savor all the little pieces by littlelionvanz

“Since when do you garden?”

Ronan snorted, “Since I grew up on a fucking farm, genius. Jesus who gave you permission to pursue higher education.”

the old grip of the familiar by littleseal

"There is a single black feather and a printed out picture of Gansey, Blue and Cheng standing in front of some fucking monument Ronan didn’t care enough to remember the name of. Gansey sent it to Ronan’s phone some time ago, but it sat in his messages until Adam picked it up and grinned at it so hard that, one afternoon later, Ronan cursed and kicked and glared his old printer back to life in order to print it out.

Fuck, he thinks, I’m in love with a hoarder."

Adam collects things. Ronan is in love with him.

No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin by gansey_is_our_king

Ronan Lynch has wanted to kiss Adam Parrish for a long time.

(alternately titled: four times that Ronan could have kissed Adam)

Cheers to Another Seven Years! by skyermirth

Adam left Henrietta for Harvard and never returned. Now, seven years has passed, and an unexpected work assignment has brought him back to a place and people he hardly recognizes.

Row, row, row your boat by emmerrr

“What. Why are you smiling at me,” he says suspiciously.

Adam shrugs. “You’re cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m terrifying.”

“Terrifyingly cute,” Adam says.

and now the world is ours to take / and every single move is ours to make by thatlittleblackcat

"Adam was the scientist, Ronan was the data, and Orphan Girl was the key that explained the strange outliers that Ronan presented, his previously unexplainable actions."

Adam sorts out his feelings, Ronan helps him, Gansey is the number one dad friend, Blue is the number one mom friend and Henry tries to make Ronan smile. Otherwise known as the story of how Orphan Girl became Opal.

All These Things You Make Me Feel by SilverOpals394

It was late. Adam could feel the long day catching up to him as he left Boyd’s, all his energy exhausted. When he started his car, the tape deck whirred to life once more. He sighed and raised his hand to turn it off, but before he did a soft melody began to play.

AU in which the mixtape Ronan made for Adam only plays the murder squash song until Adam realizes he's in love with Ronan, too.

Ways to Communicate by Jalules

Blue Sargent reflects on an early memory (and gets busy with her boyfriends.)

(The two things are related, trust me.)

Hold Me Closer, I'm Safe in Your Arms by actuallyronanlynch

“You wanna tell me why I had to hear from Henry Cheng that my boyfriend was at the hospital?” Adam hissed, though his voice wasn’t as acidic as it could’ve been. Ronan took small victories where he could.

“You don’t have a cellphone,” Ronan pointed out flatly. “It’s not like I could’ve gotten a hold of you.”

arts and crafts and the inevitability of death by sunshineinthestorm

Adam comes to the public library in search of a study spot, not a boyfriend.

But it must be his lucky day—because he ends up with a bit of both.

Roswell New Mexico

a conversation between insignificant others by Bellakitse

“Hey…have you noticed that our boyfriends are madly in love with each other?"

“You noticed that too, huh,” she answers dryly, letting out a huff of reluctant amusement.

***

Forrest and Maria share a drink and a conversation and start a friendship.

Own Personal Hell by BeStillMySlashyHeart

Now that Isobel's getting the hang of her telekinesis, Michael decides to test out his telepathic abilities. It backfires. Badly. Now Michael's trapped inside his own mind and only one person can break him out.

Drop the Hammer by brightloveee

Max makes a new friend at the shooting range, who turns out to be even more bad-ass than he expected.

(Takes place mid-S1)

Boys Like You by forgadgetsandgizmos

Curly, dirty blond hair (the mere description ‘curly’ felt like an injustice) twisted in every direction off his head, a sharp contrast with the scruff darkening his strong jawline and scowl-ridden face.

Alex made a mental note to compliment Maria on her excellent taste in men.

—

Or, Alex has coffee with Maria's one-night stand, a man who he definitely does not have a crush on.

let's exchange the experience by lostin_space

Michael decides they need to quarantine.

Michael floods Alex with love and care over and over and over.

This Is Hardcore by Anonymous

Michael makes a proposal. Alex accepts. Michael wonders what the hell he’s gotten himself into.

i don't know what to think (but i think of supernovas) by Milzilla

michael discovers that the console can talk. then, he discovers it can do far more than that.

iridescence on skin by Lire_Casander

In a world where (almost) everyone has a tattoo on their right wrist with one set of coordinates that point to the place where their soulmate is born, Alex thought he wouldn't be any different. He couldn't be more mistaken.

He has two.

The Real Thing by elliebird

Max checks on Michael the morning after Michael saves Max’s ass from Wyatt Long and his dumbass buddies. He sees more than he’s supposed to.

Written for a Tumblr anon who one of their friends walking in on them or anyone of them finding out about Michael and Alex in an interesting way

Sundering by romancandles

“You know it was just an Air Force balloon, right?” says Alex.

Michael smirks. “That’s what they want you to think,” he says, with a wink.

The Old Guard

Peer Reviewed by ishandahalf

[From:] Journal of Medieval Studies ([email protected])

[Subject:] Ad-hoc note from the editor

I have noticed an uncommon level of animosity in your responses to your reviewers (or rather, one reviewer in particular). I am writing to ask if you would please do your best to keep your interactions civil. In fairness, I have also sent a similar request to the reviewer you seem to have this friction with. I trust you will both try and remain more professional in the future.

Again, thank you for submitting your work to this journal.

Sincerely,

James Copley, PhD

Editor-in-Chief

Journal of Medieval Studies

An (accidental) academic epistolary romance as (inadvertently) documented via a (theoretically) rigorously blinded peer review process.[citation needed]

third for a word and the song keeps going Macremae

It was honestly shaping up to be a pretty uneventful year before the Vatican got on Nicky’s bad side.

Or: three times in 2008 that the team genuinely thought about killing Nicky if only to get him to shut up about the changes to the Catholic English Mass and his unrelenting opinions on them, and one time Nile did.

Apex Predators In Island Ecosystems (Freeman et al., in press) by Sixthlight

Palaeobotany PhD student Nile Freeman and her supervisor Joe al-Kaysani are invited to billionaire Stephen Merrick’s new project – a theme park full of cloned dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?

This Rough Magic by Marivan

When Joe came to Scotland to study the sea, he did not expect to also encounter a beautiful man claiming that A. he’s a selkie and B. they’re married because Joe picked up his scarf.

It sounds like a fairy tale and that’s a problem. Because Joe’s a scientist. And selkies don’t exist.

Wars for the broken by Yuliares

Five years into his exile, Booker is joined by a companion he never expected to meet. Together, they try to work on healing.

Sometimes they go down to the sewers just so she can scream and scream. “I like to hear it echo,” she explains. “Underwater, you can’t hear anything. Here, at least I can be heard.”

“I don’t feel like a warrior anymore,” she tells him, throwing bread crumbs at pigeons. “I feel broken.”

“You’re still a warrior,” he says roughly. “This is still fighting.”

a good (eighth) impression by deanniker

Over the next few months, Joe runs into Nicky every so often at the farmer’s market. Some weekends Nicky doesn’t make it, because of his work schedule - Joe doesn’t understand it because he doesn’t ask, though he does start to recognize when one of those missing weekends is coming up because Nicky will stock up on things with longer shelf-life. When they do run into each other, they make small talk and move through the stalls together.

Joe doesn’t mention it to Lykon when he stops by, because it is kind of weird, that Lykon’s ex-boyfriend texts Joe things like - If you’re here, the apples look particularly good this week and thank you for that recipe, I did not know what I was going to do with that much couscous

Or,

Joe wouldn't usually consider starting anything with his best friend's ex, but as long as they keep it casual, it shouldn't be weird... right?

get back to where you once belonged by tenderjock

Nile takes a sip of her cappuccino and closes her eyes.

(Booker and Nile get that coffee. Life happens, along the way.)

a house; a home by mehm

“Is this a kidnapping?” Joe asks as Nicky checks both their seat belts. “Like, I don’t mind. It’s just not quite what I expected for my birthday.”

In which Joe gets a birthday surprise, because that’s the stuff you have time for when you and the love of your life become mortal at the same time.

the ties that bind by damaskrose

“There’s a story I heard many times,” Andy begins, “in the Mediterranean. Threads of fate and three sisters. One to spin, one to measure, and one to cut.”

Clutter And Croutons by flawedamythyst

Joe and Nicky have an argument, and then Nicky talks to Nile about what it really means to be in a relationship for 900 years.

Inception

My Big Fat Slightly Annoying Wedding by jibrailis

Arthur and Eames elope for ~tax reasons. Certain people in their lives are not happy at the lack of a wedding.

Remember Sydney by pathera

When Eames shambles into the safe house outside of London, he finds a red light blinking on the phone.

For the inception_kink prompt:

Arthur is on a plane which is about to crash. No way anyone is going to survive. Instead of panicking he calmly calls the team's office and gets the answering machine. He hangs up before the plane crashes.

Give me Arthur's last message to the team.

(TW: Character Death / Angst)

Of Such Deceitfulness and Suavity by delires

In which emotions manifest themselves in unusual ways.

YO, K2tog (it's like a code) by lazulisong

“Oh my God,” moans Arthur. “I’ve paid less for Somnacin. Good Somnacin.” A horrible thought strikes him. “How much is the yarn --”

“I want you to have an unguarded reaction,” Eames tells him, and pulls him up from the floor.

(They run an extraction on a knitter.)

hit the ground running by orphan_account

"I travelled halfway around the world for you. I dealt with the French for you."

Valley by wldnst

It's an old story: a knight, a prince, a kingdom in peril.

If This Is Rain Let It Fall On Me and Drown Me by Brangwen

We used to be so brave, Eames thought. Of the two of them, Arthur had always been the more fearless.

a gentle familiarity by jollypuppet

Two weeks later, Eames is on his doorstep with bad Italian takeout and a grin, and Arthur tells him he can sleep on the couch.

Your Crisis Cannot Be Completed As Dialed by sevenimpossiblethings

Arthur doesn't do snow, Ariadne is determined to be as Midwestern as possible, and blizzards make cell phone service unreliable.

Let’s Say I Do (I Do) by xsilverdreamsx

There were, perhaps some things worse that this, Arthur thinks, as he glares at the letter in his hand with his name printed clearly in bold ink, indicating his presence in two weeks for his esteemed marriage to one William H. Eames, III, at St. Catherine's Church in London, England.

Star Trek (predominantly Kirk/McCoy)

Show the World That Something Good Can Work by knune

Leonard McCoy is a doctor, not a personal assistant, and maybe that's why he can't stand working for Jim Kirk.

It's in the little things by winterover

Bones is bemused by a persistent secret admirer.

"Wedding" Away with It by pendrogon

One morning, Bones wakes up and he's single. By the same afternoon, he's married to Jim Kirk for Arbitrary Fic Reasons(TM).

How Long Will You Stay (For Your Whole Life) by withthepilot

Jim Kirk, deputy director of the Enterprise parks and recreation department, sees all of his hard work fall to pieces when budget specialist Leonard McCoy arrives from the state capital to cut Jim's budget and threaten the livelihoods of his colleagues. But thanks to a major parks project, Leonard finds a place in the department, as well as in Jim's life—and when all is said and done, Jim doesn't want him to leave.

All-Time Favorite by mardia

What to do when your best friend suddenly starts making new friends.

Joy Ride by Cards_Slash

While running for their lives from an alien species Kirk had accidentally enraged, they come across a car. And well, if you were to come across a car while being chased by aliens that wanted you dead, and you possessed some lingering knowledge of how to drive a car similar to said car, you would have decided to drive it toward the nearest cliff too.

Also a gunfight.

Syncytia by epistolic

He’d signed up for Starfleet on an impulse, but Starfleet meant James Tiberius Kirk: the first – and second, and third, and fourth – big mistake of Leonard McCoy’s life.

Renovation by canistakahari

Jim has a whammy put on him by an alien death ray and he suddenly craves domesticity. He's crazy with longing to shop at space!Ikea and get potted bamboo and he starts looking into adopting AND HE HATES HIMSELF AND CANNOT CONTROL THE SHIT. Luckily, McCoy is drunk all the time and plays house.

17:08 by butterflycell

She'd watched the news holos with a sick feeling, searching for information that was completely obvious in its absence. Amidst the reports of the the Enterprise's miraculous recovery and the damages sustained, there had been next to nothing about the crew or her captain. Jim had been mentioned only in passing, his name shied away from as his first officer limited interaction to the bare essentials.

The Honey of Hybla by shrift

"Bones, prepare to be my date."

#recs #fic recs #recs project #star trek recs #inception recs #the raven cycle recs #the old guard recs #roswell new mexico recs

46 notes · View notes

myworldisfictional · 2 years

Text

I posted 8,077 times in 2021

172 posts created (2%)

7905 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 46.0 posts.

I added 335 tags in 2021

#young royals - 92 posts

#hsmtmts - 54 posts

#high school musical the musical the series - 46 posts

#prince wilhelm - 25 posts

#wilmon - 25 posts

#simon eriksson - 20 posts

#hsmtmts season 2 spoilers - 20 posts

#ricky bowen - 18 posts

#nini salazar roberts - 18 posts

#gina porter - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and wilhelm even felt bad for telling the society about his money problems becuase he thought he was the one who betrayed the trust in their

My Top Posts in 2021

I saw a few people on Twitter say that we’ll now officially be the OG fans and I just want to say that we will NOT be gatekeeping young royals. It has impacted so many people in a positive way and as many people should enjoy it as possible. It also doesn’t matter when you join the fandom you are just as valid. I know Twitter is toxic already but I know the yr fandom on tumblr is much better. That being said if I see any of you being cliquey and doing this OG bullshit I will come and slap some sense into you

297 notes • Posted 2021-09-22 18:18:49 GMT

Y’ALL I - I CANT EVEN-

335 notes • Posted 2021-09-24 15:02:34 GMT

I saw a post that said season 2 needs a scene where Wilhelm and Simon close the curtains and it got me thinking how August filming/leaking that video almost definitely created a sort of trauma for Simon and Wilhelm. You can see Wilhelm flinch when Felice shows him the video. And I feel like this could be a really interesting point for them to address with the boys possibly having issues being intimate together. They both felt so safe and happy in those moments together and August ruined it for them

376 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 04:06:30 GMT

I’m so sad they cut the scene in the car where Erik and Wilhelm were singing remember and not only because it would have given us more insight into their relationship and the backstory that that was Erik’s favourite song but also because it would have implied that Willie talked to Simon about Erik and that was probably why the choir sang that song at the memorial

390 notes • Posted 2021-08-18 04:34:31 GMT

I will never shut up about how incredible and important the “we didn’t do anything wrong” scene is. Because it really emphasizes that they’re not ashamed to be together and that it’s only the outside pressure of Wilhelm being royalty and in the public eye that makes it an issue. It shows that it is okay to be gay and have consensual sex and it’s not wrong. And that is so important, especially for young lgbtq who usually feel shame and guilt because they’re not shown that it is okay.

2991 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 04:50:30 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #wow you can really see how yr took over my life #also can’t forget about my hsmtmts obsession when season 2 was on #young royals #hsmtmts #edvin ryding

15 notes · View notes

dayseternal-blog · 3 years

Note

If you ever finish answering all of yours awaiting asks...

45 questions for you 👀

https://myaekingheart.tumblr.com/post/650107314353897472/fic-writer-ask-game

Lolllll BADLUCKBREBIS, you are so funny.

Inspiration and Reading Asks:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

It looks like I started writing in 2017. I've been reflecting recently on how there are so many regularly active writers now compared to in 2017-2018. It was the tail-end of some of my fave writer's activity within fandom. Utsus was posting less and less. The Tumblr NaruHina fandom seemed to disappear, a whole community of writers left for other things (matchaball, nekomamoru, magmawrites, cherryjutsu, spyder-m, tenney-shoes, eliphya, among others). 2018 was a very quiet year, but! I avidly read katarinahime and bunnyhoodlum's works! In 2019, quirrrky restarted things with NaruHina Week!

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Recently I’m primarily a reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because there's so many writers now!!!!!!!!

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Yeah, let’s list them. “A Special Friend” by agitosgirl inspired “Nightdreams. “Medicine” by @grimmjowkurosakidrake inspired “White Lilies. “Torch Song” by @mmmbuttery inspired “About You.” The language in “Unless the World Were to End” by @bunny-hoodlum inspired the language in “That was the plan.” “In Between Drinks” by @peppercornpress inspired “In Between Drinks NH.”

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

“Operation: Bring Home Naruto” by Dragonwannabe - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata's been assigned the mission of getting Naruto back home safely after his last dangerous assignment. But can she handle the undercover identity as his girlfriend that she’d been given without revealing her true feelings for him?

“The Mission” by Lunawraythe - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. It wasn't that Hinata never expected to work with Naruto, just never on a mission quite like this.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which...Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

ahhh. I do have quite a few pet peeves. If the fic is Canon-Compliant or Canon-Divergent, I expect Naruto and Hinata to behave like Japanese people. Say what you want, but the Naruto Universe is definitely Japanese in my book. So that means no shoes in the house. Nothing rattles me more than reading Hinata taking her sandals off before climbing into bed. Like, what? she was wearing her outdoor shoes indoors this whole time??

mmm... another pet peeve is when the writer describes Hinata in a kimono, but it sounds like an American Halloween costume, like the slutty version, instead of an actual kimono.

mmm... and the other big pet peeve I have is when it’s Hinata’s first time eating ramen because Naruto is showing her the wonders of ramen. lol. why. how. in what world would a Japanese person make it to their teenage years without ever eating ramen.

I have a bunch of other little pet peeves regarding Japanese culture in fanfics. But in general, it doesn’t stop me from reading the fic if I'm already in the middle of it. I’ll continue reading it and will probably recommend it to other people anyway. If I can tell based on the summary, then it's not for me, and I don't read it. If this makes anyone feel nervous about writing fanfiction, that's not my intention! I would also be happy to be a sensitivity reader if necessary.

6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction?

I primarily read fanfics on AO3 and ffnet. I find new ones by constantly checking the Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto tag on AO3 or looking into a writer’s favorites list on ffnet.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

Short fics.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

I reblog pretty often. I don't comment as often as I used to😕 I used to comment on every fic I liked.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

Uhh?? Idk. I think recently the writing group here is pretty tight, everyone seems to know everyone.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Naruto fandom and NaruHina.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

I usually take it from words used in the story or from the prompt.

12. Tell the author your favorite fic title of theirs (not the fic, strictly title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?

I think...maybe "Tell Me of Forevers" or "Nightdreams." I like those because they aren't taken word-for-word directly from the story, but touch on a theme in the story.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yes, I outline. They wouldn't get a headache, I think. It's usually just a summary.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Nope. I didn't know people do that.

15. Tell the author your favorite fic of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite fic continues to be "It's No Secret."

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

Yes, I do. I've done historical and folktale research for "Little Samurai." I did area/location research for "Last Chance." I did historical research for "About You." I did fairy tale research for "Catskin." I did a ton of astronomy research for "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl." And I did lighting research for "Inspo." I go pretty deep.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

I don't. I usually have something else I need to do or I go to bed.

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

I actually think I can finish all of mine if I just try.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I always edit before posting to AO3. Anything I post directly on Tumblr might not be edited.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Posting!

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Starting a new chapter.

22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?

On occasion. If someone sends me a request, I'll think about writing it. Sometimes I do write and post it, sometimes I leave them in my drafts for a better day.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

From what I already have posted, probably friends-to-lovers, secret relationship/forbidden love, or high school au. I don't think I have an intentional favorite.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

Public humiliation / public degradation.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

No, not usually.

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

Tumblr feed, all the pictures to scroll through mindlessly.

27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random?

lol, whatever is fine.

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

Well, pressure to update is not a big deal to me. I do this for fun, so I don't think I unnecessarily pressure myself too much. With negative comments, I don't get too many of those, and I think I do my best to avoid situations where I might get negative feedback.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it?

Yeah, I like the events. My favorite was NH2020, the year-long one last year. I also enjoyed the Secret Santa last year since @badluckbrebis was my giftee.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

haha😈

Ecstasy slides through his veins, blooming over his mind, cocooning him in pleasant sensations, cum shooting out in eager twitches against hot, milking flesh.

31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Naruto Uzumaki, always.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

Top 3 faves in order:

That was the plan: "She shifts in his arms, and cloth and cleavage come pillowing up to his face, and he’s certain that she’s scooped from the same puffy stuff his adolescent daydreams were made of."

Tell Me of Forevers: "What he wouldn’t do to inspire every blush, every smile of hers for an eternity when such moments already only speak “forever” to him."

White Lilies: "Whether at his feet, in his eyes, ears, mind, if not reaching his heart, she never landed anywhere. (It’s okay.)"

I consider "White Lilies" to have my technically best writing, so it was kind of hard to choose just one line from that fic! But I decided that one's my favorite line from the whole story.

33. What do you like writing better: one shots or multi-chapter stuff?

One-shots.

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

A lot of my life experiences are in my writing. Hmm, I think readers probably think I'm...hmm...either empathetic or really perverted?

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

I spend a lot less time on real-life social media than before.

36. Are there any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been part of?

I'm kind of embarrassed of "Honeymoon at the Hot Springs" lol. It's fine.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

My current WIP is that A/B/O fic I started for February Smut Month Prompts: Sweet as Candy or Love Bites. I'm going to title it "Sweet As," and it'll be about how Naruto and Hinata become Alpha/Omega mates. It's really kinky, really smutty, and totally what I would want to read.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

uhh???? a 1?? I've never once thought of my writing process as chaotic. Ahh, then I think of bunnyhoodlum's multiple drafts for the same chapter, and I realize that there exist types of writing processes that I would not be able to handle...

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

My smut.

40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)?

Idk about Tumblr,,, maybe White Lilies got the most attention here. My most popular fic is Nightdreams on AO3.

42. Asker: pick three of the author’s works. Author: rank them 1 (the best) - 3 (the worst) based on whatever criteria you want - this could be something totally random that isn’t quality related (like simply ranking fics based on how many trains appear in them) - have fun!

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

I will always remember how people congratulated me for finishing White Lilies😭 Also, when peppercornpresses made that FIRST art of my story, I just, I just stared at it all day.

44. Rant about something writing related.

hmmm, I don't feel like ranting about anything. I just recently ranted about my pet peeves above.

45. Fic specific questions - if you have any weird questions about specific works, here’s your shot to ask them!

I did them all! Nice questions.

#anon #*anon*#fic writer ask game #i will send these questions right back at you

20 notes · View notes

becca-e-barnes · 3 years

Note

The "minors DNI" posts that I've been seeing crop up everywhere by fic writers are always so interesting to me.

First and foremost, I 100% support your decision to post a "minors DNI" for your safety and their safety. You're being responsible, doing your due diligence as a responsible adult, and trying to ensure that everyone enjoys what you put out there in a safe way.

And I know you specifically have not said this so this is not a slight on you by any means, but I think you'd be more open to the discourse of such an interesting topic like this—the problem I have with some fic writers is that is them saying they will block anyone who does not have their age posted in their blog.

This, I believe, is an incredibly dangerous precedent to set. On the one hand displaying your age if you are over 18 seems like a non-issue, right? Sure. But setting the precedent that people should display their age in their blog encourages minors to share their age on the internet which in turn can make them an easier target.

Personal preference for me—I'm a thirty-two year old lady (plz sing this appropriately) and do not share my age in my tumblr because, well I don't want to.

We're all technically violating TOS anyway, so it doesn't really matter if a minor interacts with your fic or not at this point—by interact I mean like/reblog/comment, not DMing you to talk about sexual stuff. That stuff you should absolutely block/delete for obvious legal and safety reasons.

And while I understand the legality thing, if you are not explicitly engaging with said minor, there's not a whole bunch that could hold up in court. How many lawsuits do you think E.L. James gets for 13 year olds waltzing into a bookstore or buying 50 shades of grey off amazon and reading it? There was actually an interesting article written about the "common sense" engagement with this book back in 2012.

Anywho, you are right to ask and set a boundary, and do what you feel is right to protect yourself and using the DNI minor blanket statement is ultimately a good thing, especially if it's a personal uncomfortableness with minors reading your work. However, even if a minor just decided to lie and say they were 21 and read your stuff anyway, unknowingly interacting with a minor is just as bad legally as knowingly doing so so at the end of the day, we're still just taking risks. The safest thing for all of us would probably be to not interact with anyone or ask everyone to use anon, but there's not fun or friendship in that. Your mutual who has stated they're 25 could still be 16 and you wouldn't know it.

My perspective may also just be entirely outdated as well because I grew up in the internet age of it being a lawless wasteland and everyone lied about everything, so I don't see the value in trying to police my work when people will just read it anyway and I don't have any control over that at the end of the day other than to tag appropriately and/or not post anything at all ever.

This was long and not necessary to answer, I'm just always fascinated by the rigor at which fanfic writers are so quick to banish people for not putting their age in their bios when I think it is inherently more dangerous for minors to do so because it puts a target on their back.

Before I start, I recognise that we’re of the same line of thought! I saw this long message and panicked thinking that someone had taken an issue with my stance on it and I’m glad that’s not the case 🙈 Anything I raise here is in the interest of discussion and I completely respect your point of view. 💗

This is really interesting actually and truth be told, I’ve avoided any discussion on this topic for a very long time for fear that I won’t adequately explain my stance on it. I feel like I’ve had a chance to do that and I hope it’s been taken up by everyone as I intended.

I will admit; as a minor, I read smut. Without going into detail, it entirely warped my perspective on how relationships should look. To provide a little context on my stance, at 14/15 (and younger), I had no business reading the things I was reading. Unfortunately, I was in a “relationship” at the time and I fully believed that I had to engage with my boyfriend in ways that mirrored what I was reading. I ended up in situations I didn’t want to be in. To me, it’s my responsibility as a writer and as someone who learned the hard way, to ensure that younger people don’t make the same mistakes I did.

I do fully agree, minors stating their real age on their blog raises all sorts of different issues, as you rightly said. You’re absolutely right, to a minor there are no advantages to displaying your real age on here. Fic writers will block you, creeps will be more likely to engage with you. So I fully understand that this might seem like a reason to lie or provide no age at all.

Leading on from that though, if a minor lies on their profile and claims to be over 18 and they interact with my smut, from a legal perspective, that is not going to have any repercussion on me. I have put my disclaimers up, I vet as many profiles as I can and I do everything I would be reasonably expected to do in the eyes of the law. (This isn’t an area of law I studied in significant depth but that standard of reasonable expectation would still apply). I do as much as I can to protect myself and them.

You brought up 50 Shades and I understand your point but the issue here is not just the fic itself. If anyone comments/ reblogs my fic, I like to send a little reply back! I love when people take the time to give me feedback and I want to thank them for it, as a lot of other writers do! The issue here being that if the blog commenting is a minor, the writer would be engaging in a conversation about sexual material with a minor. And that’s fucking messy. This is mainly where fics differ from a teenager buying a copy of 50 shades. In that situation, there’s no interaction there between the author and the underage fan so it loses that personal element.

On the issue of blogs with no age, I see where you’re coming from and I see that you both read and write fanfiction. But I also see it from the other perspective given that a lot of writers like to do as much as possible to protect themselves and potential minors.

I totally support that’s a boundary that you set and it’s your choice. In the same sense that it’s a fic writer’s choice to protect themselves by blocking you. It’s a matter of boundaries clashing at the end of the day. I really do see both sides here. I’m a really organised person so honestly, if anyone wanted to send me a private message just confirming they’re over 18, I’d put them all into a list to make sure I don’t accidentally block them for interacting. But of course, not every writer would be able to do that and I’m sure many readers would want to do that either! I just see it as the only way to compromise on that issue and keep everyone happy.

Thank you for sending me this! I hope I covered everything and if I haven’t been clear enough in some areas, feel free to come back to me! 🙈 And I really appreciate actually having a discussion on here! It’s so great to hear others’ points of view in a nice, respectful way. Tumblr loses that sometimes! Have a lovely evening 💗

#asks answered <3 #anon #long post #discourse #peep me getting to use my degree ahahaha #tw: sa

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theycallmebeccawrites · 4 years

Text

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 22

Hello my lovelies! I hope you guys are doing as well as you can in 2020. As many of you know, I am in Oregon and I’m kind of in the middle of all the fires. Thankfully, myself and my family are safe. A handful had to evacuate, but they were able to do so and only one family member lost their house to the fires. But we were lucky, because we have several towns that were essentially destroyed by the fires and we know lives were lost, but we still don’t know the full numbers. So it has been a stressful 10 days in Oregon on top of everything we’ve dealt with in regards to Covid.

All the said, here I am with another Chris and Ellie episode for you guys. And it’s only been a couple weeks since my last update, too. And if you follow my main tumblr, you might have seen my post last night about getting a lot of writing done lately. I’m hoping to have more updates for you guys in the coming weeks/months. Don’t want to say too much... cause you don’t want to tempt 2020...*knock on wood*

Enough of my yapping... enjoy the episode!

Shout to @nomadicpixel @heather-lynn @alievans007 and @mrs-captain-evans for their assistance as always :)

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG

Warnings: n/a

Episode Summary: Ellie has finally found a new place to live

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 21.5

Episode 22: Home Sweet Home

July 25, 2014

Ellie sat at the table in the breakroom at the bookstore, once again looking for an apartment in the Los Angeles area, but not finding anything. Sighing, she rubbed her temples.

"You're moving?" her coworker Adrianna asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Trying to," Ellie replied with a shrug. "Not having any luck."

"I thought you were living with a guy," Adrianna said.

"I was," Ellie answered, hesitantly. "It didn't work out."

Adrianna nodded her head sympathetically. "Guys these days are the worst," she commiserated.

Before Ellie could do more than nod in silent agreement, a voice called from the shop and Adrianna left the breakroom.

"So things didn't work out with you and the actor then?" Her boss Veronica said from the doorway to her office.

Ellie shook her head as she turned to look at her.

"I dated an actor once," Veronica said as she sat down at the table next to Ellie. "Worst decision of my life. They're too self-centered."

Even after everything that she had been through with Chris, Ellie couldn't stomach the idea of bad mouthing him. Even to someone who would never meet him. "My current dilemma is that I can't find a place to move that's in my budget and will let me keep my dog," she told Veronica. "I'm even considering moving back home to Oregon."

Veronica frowned and said, "Why didn't you say something sooner? I know a place."

"You know a place?" Ellie repeated. "Where?"

"Here," Veronica said, nodding her head towards the ceiling. "Or rather, upstairs."

"But that's your apartment," Ellie replied, confused.

"There is a studio apartment on the floor between the shop and my apartment," Veronica told her. "It's a three-story building, you know."

"I knew that, but I thought the second floor was just storage," Ellie said, gesturing to the stairs that led up to the second floor. She’d only been up there a handful of times to help bring down decorations.

"It only takes up part of the second floor," Veronica told her. "Come with me. It's been a couple months since anyone has stayed there, but if you want it, it's yours."

Standing up, Ellie followed Veronica towards the back entrance of the shop, but instead of going outside into the alley, Veronica opened a door that led upstairs to what Ellie had thought was Veronica's private residence. They climbed the first flight of stairs and at the top of the landing was a door.

Veronica unlocked it and pushed it open, stepping inside before gesturing Ellie into the apartment. "I keep it cleaned and partially furnished," Veronica explained. "You never know when someone needs a place to stay for a couple nights." She smiled at Ellie. "Or a new place to start over after a breakup." She held out her keys and said, "Take a look around and lock up when you're done."

"Thanks, Veronica," Ellie said, trying to keep her bubbling emotions at bay. Less than five minutes ago, she'd been virtually homeless with no idea of where she'd be living. Now, her mind was trying to wrap itself around the sudden change of events. Added with the emotional fatigue of her weeks of searching and the post Chris stuff, her emotions were lingering just below the surface.

Once Veronica had gone downstairs, Ellie felt tears start to well up in her eyes. She brushed away the ones that dropped as she looked around the small, studio apartment. From the looks of it, it was slightly bigger than the guest house she and Daisy were currently living in. The living room area already had a floral-patterned loveseat along one wall and the kitchen opposite it had a breakfast bar with a couple barstools so she wouldn't need a table.

Going farther into the apartment, Ellie opened the one door in the entire place and found a bathroom that even had a bathtub in it. It was nothing like the bathtub in Chris's master suite or as deep as the one in the guesthouse, but it was a bathtub.

Leaving the bathroom, Ellie went behind the wall that separated the bedroom area from the rest of the apartment, finding a queen size bed with a mattress that looked practically brand new. On the back wall of the bedroom area, there was a small closet. It was smaller than that in the guest house, but there was room for a dresser and she could always store things under her bed.

She chewed on her lower lip as she made her way back to the living room portion. It seemed like the perfect place for her, even her gut was telling her it was a good idea. But after everything that had happened with Chris, she wasn't sure she could trust her own thoughts and feelings just yet.

Knowing Scott was on set that day, she sent him a text, asking if he could stop at the bookstore before he went home. He replied almost immediately, saying he would.

Going back downstairs, Ellie knocked on Veronica's door.

"What do you think?" Veronica asked as she accepted the keys from Ellie.

"It's nice," Ellie replied. "But are you sure you're ok with me having a dog up there?"

"Normally, I don't allow pets," Veronica told her. "But for you, I will make an exception."

"Do I have to give you an answer right now?" Ellie asked. "My friend Scott has been helping me look and I want him to see it before I make a decision."

"Take all the time you need," Veronica told her. Then she took the key to the apartment off the keychain and handed it to Ellie. "You already have a key to get into the building through the alley. Once you decide whether you're going to take it, we'll sit down and talk about money. I own the building, so we'll come to an agreement that works best for your budget."

"Thank you," Ellie replied, feeling her eyes pooling with tears again. "Excuse me."

Leaving Veronica's office, she slipped into the employees’ bathroom and took a few minutes to compose herself before she returned to work.

When Scott got to the shop, a few hours later, Ellie was clocked out for the day and waiting for him to get there.

After instructing him to use the alley entrance, she met him at the back door and led him up to the apartment. As she led him inside, she felt even more confident that this was the right choice. She just hoped Scott would agree.

Scott was silent as he checked out the small place. He knew that she was waiting for his approval, he could see her twisting her hands as she waited for him to say something. If he was being honest with himself, a part of him didn't want to give it to her because that meant she would move out. At the same time, he remembered how carefree she'd looked and acted when they'd taken her away for the weekend and how that had vanished the second they'd returned home.

"It comes furnished?" he asked her.

"Partially, what's here stays," Ellie replied. "And Veronica said that Daisy isn't a problem. And since I'll be right downstairs, I can let her out during the day, too."

"Can't beat the commute," he said with a small smile that was more for her benefit than because he felt like smiling. Changing the topic, he pointed at the couch. "That though…"

"It's ugly I know," Ellie said with a small laugh. "But maybe I can buy a slipcover and make it my own." As she started to imagine making the small apartment her own, she felt her palms start to get sweaty. Turning to Scott, she asked, "Am I making the right decision? Moving out?"

Scott wanted to say no, but he wouldn't lie to her. "Yes, you are," he said and held out his arms. She came to him and he wrapped his arms around her. "You're making a smart choice for you, Ellie. And as much as I'm going to miss having you for a roommate, I'm proud of you."

"You can come over whenever you want," Ellie told him.

After Scott left, Ellie went downstairs to talk to Veronica about taking the apartment. They quickly and easily agreed to terms with Veronica promising to have paperwork for Ellie to sign the next afternoon. Meaning that Ellie would be able to move in that weekend.

As Ellie drove back to Chris's house, she started to create mental lists of everything she needed to do before she moved. When she got to the house, she found that Scott had already let Daisy out and had ordered dinner for the both of them.

The next day, Ellie spent the morning working in the guesthouse, packing up her things. After lunch, she drove to the bookstore to sign the rental agreement as well as take measurements of the apartment.

When she got back from her errands, Scott was home and volunteered to take care of dinner again. Aka order in.

It wasn't until after they'd eaten and were in the guesthouse packing up the rest of her stuff that he dropped a bombshell. "I can't help you tomorrow," he revealed. "We ran into some technical issues on set today and tomorrow is the last day that we have access to the property."

Before she could even wonder how she was going to move without his help, he added, "But I've already talked to Pierre. He is available to help and he said he wouldn't take no for an answer."

"You could have started with that instead of trying to give me a heart attack," Ellie muttered as she threw a pillow at him from her bed.

"Sorry!" Scott said with a laugh.

It took them another hour to finish packing her stuff and when they were finished, there was barely any room to walk in the guesthouse.

"I hadn't realized how much stuff I had accumulated," Ellie muttered as she surveyed the boxes. "And I don't even know what I'm going to do with my boxes in the basement. My new place is a little bigger, but not that much."

"You can leave those boxes here," Scott told her. "You don't have to move everything."

"That's not really your say is it?" Ellie responded, her eyebrow raised.

"No, but we both know Chris would say the same thing," Scott insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. "He wouldn't want you to spend extra money to store stuff when he has space he isn't using here. Besides, I'm living here and it's not like you won't be coming over regularly to take care of stuff here."

"True," Ellie replied, all the while knowing that there was no reason for her to keep coming to the house while Scott was living there. That was a whole different can of worms that she didn't have the energy to think about right now.

By the time she went to bed, most of her things were packed and ready for the morning. She and Scott had carried most of the boxes up to the big house and had stacked them in the hallway. She had also touched base with Pierre and he had offered to pick up and tow the trailer she had rented since his car had a trailer hitch on it.

The next morning, after Scott left, Ellie packed her last minute stuff. Including the box she had purposely kept out of his sight the day before. Pulling it out from under her bed, she set it on top of the comforter and stared down at the gifts Chris had given her and the mementos she'd kept from their short relationship, including her ticket to the World Series game where she and Chris had had their first kiss.

She found herself studying and remembering each item as she sorted through the shoe box. She wasn't ready to part with any of the mementos, but at the same time, she also knew that in order to get over Chris, she couldn't have them with her in her new apartment. Instead, she carried the box to the basement to leave with other boxes she was leaving behind.

Scott had been right, she knew. Chris would have insisted that she keep her boxes here instead of renting a storage unit for them. She set the box of memories on top of the others and brushed away a tear that had rolled down her cheek. She hadn't realized how hard it would be to say goodbye to the guest house.

Hearing her phone ding, Ellie looked at it and saw that Pierre had arrived and was waiting for her outside. While the bookstore was open, they were going to run errands before they went to get the trailer. Then, when the bookstore closed for the day, they'd do the actual moving of her stuff.

With so much on her mind with the move, her physical and mental checklists, Ellie was able to focus on everything but her emotions. But after lunch, when she and Pierre were back at the house and loading the last of her stuff into the trailer, she felt her resolve start to slip.

With every box they loaded, she got closer and closer to saying goodbye to the place that had been her home for the last year and a half. She tried to blink back her tears, but they fell anyway. Not wanting Pierre to see, she tried to turn her face away, but she wasn't quick enough.

"Oh, Ellie," he said, his tone one of empathy as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

She buried her face into his chest and sobbed.

Pierre rubbed her back and let her cry, knowing it was exactly what she needed to do. This was the first step in closing the door that had been her life with Chris.

"I'm sorry," Ellie said, a moment later, sniffling. "I got snot on your shirt. That's disgusting."

"It's ok," Pierre assured her with a gentle smile. "I have a washing machine."

He meant it as a joke, in hopes she'd laugh, but she only gave him a small, feeble smile in response.

"I need to do another quick check of the guest house," she told him as she used her hands to dry her face. "And then we can go."

"I'll wait out here for you," Pierre said, knowing she needed a couple minutes to compose herself.

Going into the house, Ellie went into the bathroom and splashed some water on her face. Then she went back out to the guest house for one last look. She'd have to do the actual cleaning of it another day, but all her personal items were gone. All that remained were the furnishings.

Grabbing her purse and Daisy's leash, she called the dog and then locked up as she made her way out of the house. She loaded Daisy into her crate in the backseat of her car and said, "We're off on a new adventure, Daisy girl, just you and me."

With the bookstore closed for the day, Ellie expected to find the place deserted. Instead, she found her coworkers waiting in the breakroom.

"We stayed to help you move in," Adrianna told her. "We figured more hands would be helpful."

Ellie hugged her and then hugged her other two coworkers, Raven and Joanne. "You guys are the best," she said.

In the end, Ellie ended up being in the apartment with Daisy while the others passed boxes from the trailer and up the stairs. Between the five of them, it took less than an hour to get all her stuff into the apartment.

After that, her coworkers had to leave, but Pierre stayed for another hour to help her unpack before he too had to leave.

"Thanks for all your help today," Ellie told him as she followed him down the stairs. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"You're welcome," Pierre said and gave her a hug. "See you later. Lock the door behind me."

Ellie did and then made her way upstairs to where Daisy had already made herself comfortable on the couch.

"It's just us now, Daisy girl," Ellie said, scratching the dog's head. "Now what to unpack next?"

Deciding to focus on her bedroom, Ellie made her way around the wall and opened a box only to find the Donald Duck stuffed animal Chris had gotten her in Disney World sitting at the very top. She'd seen Scott pack it the night before when he'd been clearing off one of her bookshelves, but she hadn't had the heart to tell him not to pack it.

Picking it up, she studied it as she remembered the conversation that had led to Chris buying it for her. It had been almost a year ago and they'd been on their way to the wedding of one of his close friends. She'd thrown out a random Oregon Duck related fact, about how Puddles, the Ducks mascot, was basically Donald Duck. Chris had remembered that conversation and had sent him to her.

As she debated what to do with Donald, her phone rang. Picking it up, she saw that it was Tanya Kelley, the wife of one of Chris's friends, calling.

Glancing at Donald and then back at her phone, she answered it, all the while wondering if she'd accidentally awoken some secret Disney magic with her memories. "Hello?"

"Ellie!" Tanya's friendly voice rang through. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Ellie replied, hesitantly. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Tanya said. "Hey! I'm calling because we're working on the final head count for Tessa's baby shower next week and I noticed that we hadn't heard back from you, so I just wanted to check in."

Ellie cringed and looked at Daisy, who had followed her into the bedroom. She'd received the invitation but given the circumstances hadn't felt right accepting and had put off responding not wanting to ruffle any feathers. She'd hoped they'd just assume she never received it, but clearly that wasn't the case.

"I'm not going to be able to make it," she told Tanya. Then sighed as the guilt of lying to Tanya, who had been nothing but friendly to her, quickly got to her. "No, that's a lie. Sorry, Tanya. The truth is Chris and I... We broke up. And given his close friendship with your husband and the other guys... I didn't think it would be right for me to come."

Tanya was silent for a moment before she said, "We didn't like you just because you were with Chris. We like you because of who you are, Ellie."

"I know, but it complicates things," Ellie sighed, shaking her head. "Especially for… well the... future." In her head, she knew the future meant Chris's future relationships and eventually, a wife, but she couldn't say those words aloud.

"I suppose you're right," Tanya conceded with a sigh. "I don't have to like it though. And, for the record, I already don't like the future."

Not expecting that, Ellie laughed and realized that for the first time in a long time, it felt really good to laugh. Then she did something she hadn't planned to do when she'd answered the phone. She told Tanya that she moved and promised to text her new address. She even answered a few of Tanya's questions about the breakup but didn't go into too much detail.

"Take care of yourself, Ellie," Tanya said as they started to say their goodbyes. "Chris is a dumbass for letting you go."

After hanging up, Ellie looked down at the Donald Duck stuffed animal and decided that she wasn't ready to part with all the memories she and Chris had together. Picking it up, she carried it out to the living room and set it down on the back of the couch, with the wall propping it up, where it would be out of the way until she and Scott could build her new bookshelves.

Episode 22.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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My tag list is always open, just let me know if you'd like to be added!

#theycallmebecca #theycallmebeccawrites #chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x ofc #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans x original character #chris evans x original female character #chris and ellie #chris and ellie series

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momentofmemory · 4 years

Text

FICTOBER 2020 - day twenty-five

Prompt #25: “Sometimes you can even see.”

Fandom: The Old Guard

Characters: Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani

Words: 1937

Author’s Note: In the aftermath of a rough mission and all the philosophical questions it entails, Joe takes Nile to the Aarhus Art Museum in Denmark. All pieces mentioned were displayed in the Objects of Wonder: From Pedestal to Interaction exhibit, which ran from Oct. 2019- March 2020. Nile POV.

>> the sweetness remains

Nile scrolls mindlessly through Pinterest, wishing for not the first time that she’d been allowed to recreate her socials.

Copley had barred her from practically all of the actually useful ones, but she’d bullied him down to just having an account on Pinterest, with the argument being that no one cared about the site. Granted, she doesn’t really want to be on Pinterest either, but sometimes the comfort of an app with infinite scroll is all she’s looking for in a distraction.

And right now, she really, really needs to be distracted.

Overly photoshopped cat pics.

Memes ripped straight from tumblr or twitter.

The most white girl aesthetic imaginable.

Three slugs ripping through her abdomen and spitting her liver out the other side—

Nile breathes in sharply. Exhales.

Her thumb resumes scrolling.

Photos of downtown that feel like home.

Recipes for harvest butternut squash soup.

Tips for keeping braids fresh longer.

Nile scrolls, and scrolls, and breathes.

Her abdomen still aches every time her lungs expand, even though she knows it really doesn’t. It’s perfectly healed; not even a scar for her troubles. But it’s hard to forget how her instincts had screamed that a gut shot like that shouldn’t be survivable, even as she pushed herself towards the next target.

(She didn’t survive it.)

(She didn’t survive the next half dozen times it happened, either.)

“Did that phone of yours do something to offend you?”

“Whoa!” Joe’s sudden appearance next to her only makes her clench her phone tighter. She forces out a laugh and eases the tension out of her fingers. “Feel like you should know better than to sneak up on someone that’s part of a bunch of immortal warriors.”

“Most of them would have caught me coming long before you did.”

Nile snorts. She scrolls a few more seconds, then closes the app and opens Temple Run. The game’s ridiculously old, but she’s a millennial. Sue her for being nostalgic.

She can feel Joe watching her as she starts the round.

“Am I correct in thinking you enjoy the arts, Nile?”

It’s not the question she was expecting, and she winds up tilting the screen to the left a half second late, and her character falls off the bridge.

It’s okay though, because she can just use a gem and respawn in the same place, so it’s basically like not dying at all.

Right?

“Uh, yeah,” she says. She winds up restarting the round entirely. “The military was supposed to pay for my degree, but I don’t think I can cash that if I’m technically KIA.”

“That would present a certain set of problems,” Joe agrees. “Andy talk to you about that?”

“Yeah.” Nile’s stomach twists. “Guess it depends on how easy it is to schedule classes between firefights.”

She’s practically laying the opening for a talk out herself, but Joe seems uninterested in taking it.

Instead, he shifts beside her, propping an elbow on his knee. “What kinds of art did you want to specialize in?”

She dies again. This time, she begrudgingly uses the in-game save. "I prefer classic sculpture, but I’m not against modern.”

“You like what was modern art for me, then.”

Nile rolls her eyes. “I dread the day I become as weird as you guys.”

He laughs, patting her on the shoulder as he stands. “I suspect by that time you’ll be too busy tormenting our next recruit. But unfortunately, the exhibit we’re going to will be more in the contemporary style.”

It takes Nile a half second to register his words. “Wait, what?”

“The description said it would be 1960s to the present only. If it suits you, we could hold off on our discussion of it for another thousand years or so. I’m sure we can claim it as classic at that point.”

“What?” Nile locks her phone and zeros her attention on him, registering the mischievous glint in his eyes this time. “Museum?”

“The Aarhus Art Museum has a special exhibit on loan from the Tate Modern at the moment.” He glances down at her phone, the corner of his mouth forming a grin. “I’m told its purpose is to help move its audience’s attention from their devices.”

Nile scowls and looks back down at her phone. “I died a dozen times yesterday. I’m allowed my coping mechanisms of choice.”

And.

Whoops.

“Of course you are,” Joe says, offering his hand to her, and she’s once again surprised he doesn’t force the conversation. “But phones are portable. You can take it with you to the museum.”

Nile worries at the edge of her lip with her teeth. She doesn’t really want to go anywhere right now, but…

But Joe’s brown eyes are warm and welcoming, and his callouses help steady her when she takes his hand.

“You said contemporary sculpture?”

The grin he gives her is blinding. “For now.”

_________________

It’s a twenty-five minute drive from their safe house to the museum, and the route takes them next to the Bay of Aarhus for most of it.

Nile stares out at the water, determined to not give Joe any more ammunition for making fun of her regarding her phone.

It’s hard. She’d never considered herself a technology addict—never had enough time to be one—but she really, really wants to stop thinking about the fact that she knows what the inside of her liver looks like.

Or did look like, she guesses.

Nope, nuh-uh, not going there—

“D'you know about the Ship of Theseus?” She spits it out before she can decide against it. She figures if she’s thinking about it, she might as well talk about it. “And don’t say you were there for it. You’re not Andy and I at least know enough about you to know when you’re lying.”

The grin on his face tells her that he was very much intending to before she called him out on it. “It’s a thought experiment. The character Theseus owns a ship that, over a long span of time, has all of its parts replaced, until nothing of the original still remains.”

“Yeah, and so then the question is, is it even the same ship,” Nile finishes.

Joe weaves in and out of traffic, a pensive look on his face. “I assume you aren’t asking simply to test my knowledge of early western philosophy.”

“No.”

Nile looks down at her hands. She can still remember how horrifically mangled they were from her impromptu dive off a skyscraper, but at least—at least she’s pretty sure they’re the same ones she had before.

Though that might not last long.

“In your opinion,” she says, cautiously, “if—if there’s nothing left of the original—if you have to rebuild something that many times—”

“Nile.” The sound of the car’s turn signal distracts her spiraling thoughts. Joe nods towards the windshield. “We’re here.”

It’s a large, red brick square building, fairly nondescript but for the circular and multi-colored glass walking track at its top.

“Come on, he says, parking the car. “I find physical objects superior to mental ones for solving such issues.”

Nile doesn’t understand why the one time she wants to talk about something like this is the one time Joe decides to go full mysterious.

She climbs out of the car and follows him inside.

Despite her misgivings, she quickly discovers Joe was right. The exhibit is genuinely incredible, and there are pieces from multiple names she recognizes—Anish Kapoor, Donald Judd, Rasheed Araeen—and pieces she finds herself strangely moved by, such as Damian Hirst’s Away from the Flock, Richard Long’s Red Slate Circle, Rachel Whiteread’s Airbed II. Nile stares at that last one in particular for a long time: a concrete casting of an airbed, the artist’s presence made known in the negative space where her body had pressed the material down.

Joe, however, seems to be moving with a specific purpose in mind, and it’s not until they round one of the walls of the orange-pink room that Nile has a guess as to what it is.

In the far corner, bathed in the additional light of a single fill light, is a massive pile of multicolored cellophane wrapped hard candies.

Joe walks her over to it, an almost reverence to his steps.

“Untitled: Portrait of Ross in LA,” he says. “Are you familiar with the piece?”

She shakes her head, bending down to inspect it. It doesn’t look like much more than what she’d seen from a distance—candy, multicolored, on the floor. She looks to Joe for an explanation.

“Felix Gonzalez-Torres’s partner died from AIDS,” Joe says. The grief on his face is hard to look at. “To honor him, he made this as a portrait—one hundred and seventy-five pounds of candy, representing Ross’s weight from when he was still healthy.”

Nile looks at the pile—it’s a lot, but it’s not a hundred and seventy-five pounds worth of a lot.

Joe notices her confusion and smiles. “Take one.”

“What?”

“Take one,” he repeats. “The purpose of the work is to invite you to partake in both enjoying his presence and lamenting the lack of it. A sort of communion—choosing to take part of his body into your own. It was a powerful statement when so many were afraid to even be in our presence at the time.”

Nile looks at the pile again, and just like with Airbed II, her heart aches at what isn’t there, rather than what is. She selects a red piece and brings it out of the pile, cupping it in her hand and considering its weight.

“What happens when it runs out?”

Joe selects his own piece—a green one—and it rolls around in the palm of his hand. “It has. Many times. But that’s the beauty of it—it’s the curator’s responsibility to replenish the pile, metaphorically granting immortality and new life to the loss.”

The cellophane crinkles in Nile’s hand as she unwraps the piece. “How do they decide where to get the candy from?”

“The only firm rule is the original weight. Outside of that, there are no set instructions for the candies themselves.” He chuckles, threading his fingers behind his neck and leaning back against the wall. “Sometimes you can even see these strange combinations of greens, oranges, and purples.”

Nile considers the candy. “Not your favorite?”

“It has an almost Halloween quality to it. I tend to prefer the rainbow.”

The candy in her hand feels heavier than it did before—weighed down with the knowledge of what it represents, what it’s taking away.

She slips the candy into her mouth and her eyebrows raise in surprise. “It’s sweet?”

“It’s candy,” Joe says, unwrapping his own piece. “Did you expect something else?”

“I thought it’d be…” She pauses, trying to parse out her feelings. “Bitter. Or sad, somehow. Considering.”

“It could have been,” Joe agrees. “But the portrait isn’t meant to represent just grief and loss. Candy is a happy thing—a reward for yourself, or a lover’s gift on Valentine’s. And even when it’s gone, the sweetness remains. Still lingering on the tongue, or dwelling in the mind. It is the love of friends and partners that keeps the memory alive—and what keeps this the same portrait, even though its pieces have been cycled through many times.”

The candy melts away on her tongue, and she closes her eyes in grief for its loss, appreciation for what it was, and hope for the pieces that would come after it.

She swallows the last piece of it down.

Her stomach settles.

#fictober20 #fanfiction #the old guard #nile freeman #yusuf al-kaysani #joe | yusuf al-kaysani #philosophy and art #memsfic

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nox-artemis · 3 years

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Isidro brings out the worst in Berserk (or, me going on a long, dumb tangent like the old days)

Tis’ time.

I was watching The Kavernacle’s recent upload about how a lot of anime capitalizes on this weird fetishization of women and girls - which is for the most part true and is why I personally try to stay clear of a lot of anime. Honestly, any anime that focuses way too much on the “Japanese school girl” archetype and anime that depict nearly all female characters as though they’re still in the adolescent stage either behavior-wise or “phenotypically” (like that moe shit) kind of weirds me out.

Berserk has kind of stayed away from this, but it seems like it teeters on that because so many of the female characters in the series are under the age of 20. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that but I noticed in the chapters where the Guts’ party first arrived on Elfhelm, the character designs were on the borderline of giving characters that round cherubic type face, but especially with the female characters. In the recently chapters (From the last two years) Miura seems to have chiseled the style again, which is more preferable IMHO.

But I think this kind of tangles into some wider problems I find with some character designs. If people remember me and my content, probably my biggest gripe with Berserk as a series was its usage of sexual violence toward women. It still bugs me but I can give Miura credit in that he seems to have teetered away from using it so exploitatively. THAT SAID, I think as an older fan (and an older person altogether) I think a bigger overarching issue with Berserk is that Miura was never really that good at creating female characters.

(I can have so many interesting opinions now that I don’t care about making friends within this fandom)

No I’m not saying people shouldn’t draw any adult female character with more youthful features (I mean, as some who is at that age where I experience ageism, a lot of people - particularly men - believe that as soon as a woman hits 25 they’re suppose to shrivel up??? 🤨) just -

DON’T KNOW WHY A LOT OF (MALE) CREATORS DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT WOMEN CAN HAVE DIVERSE FEATURES AND DIVERSE PERSONALITY TYPES.

I think that diatribe is for another day (I know I’ve been explaining this to other people on my other social media during my Tumblr hiatus). But to condense what I’m saying, I notice that there isn’t a lot of age diversity of female characters: most of the female characters are in adolescent. Now, I don’t think it was a big issue in early Berserk because - and even though I still take some issue with how over-exploitation was handled - we still got to explore these young girls as characters whether it were girls like Casca, Theresia, Rosine(Rosalind), Jill, or even Erica and we’re meant empathize with the cruelty (or potential cruelty in the case of Erica) that the world dished out to them. Even with Luca and her gang we got explore the concept of sisterhood if just for a bit.

Now there’s less of that - WHICH CAN BE A GOOD THING because not every female character’s traumatic origin has to be rooted in a gender-based violence backstory. I like having Schierke not having a clear backstory and being “wise beyond her years” and we can just keep it that way. Only problem is that I see a lot more that weird lol!con humor when it comes to her - especially with her relationship with Guts.

I’m thinking of the excuse they use in hentai where, “the young prepubescent girl character is really a 7000 year old demon-lord from another dimension - so it’s not really p*doph!l!a.” Schierke is way mature for her own age, so she’s practically an adult. 😒

This isn’t just an issue with Schierke. Like, I notice a lot of up-skirt shots with these newer young girl characters; with Isma it’s kind of worse because she also embodies that “too naïve to know that she’s a turn on” when she’s like what? Thirteen? Fourteen?? I guess we’re also given the excuse that a lot of these characters are magical/supernatural/near-human so you can away with a lot more. Now that they’re on Elfhelm and there is a litany of these female characters we just have a bunch of the fantasy-universe version of the Japanese school girl shit, where we enter -

Ugh. Isidro.

I wasn’t too fond of him the beginning but I could appreciate his place a little. But his introduction was the point where we we start to see more of that typical dumb, pervy schoolboy humor in the series. I get it: Isidro is a teenage boy.

So was Guts.

And Griffith.

And Rickert.

And it’s just as important to have a diversity of young boy characters as well, but it’s just that for the amount of spotlight Isidro is given, not much of it is meaningful, especially in recent chapters. If anything his character is devolving IMO. MAYBE it’s some weird affect that Elfhelm has on him and other characters that is yet to be explored, but I somehow doubt it. Maybe it’s a phase that’ll be gone soon. I dunno.

Maybe just overall the time spent on Elfhelm isn’t being spent as productively as I had hoped for. I mean BY NO MEANS AM I OVERLOOKING THE FACT THAT AFTER OVER 20 YEAR OF WAITING CASCA IS FINALLY CURED WHICH IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN THIS SERIES EVER but I think with so much anticipation of what comes next for her and Guts it’s frustrating to see other side stories that aren’t focused on their to reconciliation spent so frivolously. We got a bit with Guts and the Berserker armor; we got a bit with Schierke and her training; we got a bit with Farnese and her training; we got a bit with Casca retraining her self and her trauma.

See what I’m getting at a bit? We’re just getting bits and shit, it seems. No streamline story arc. We get introduced to one bit and then POP where at some other point with some other character. I get that things are a bit different in this setting because this is the first time in a long while that Guts, Casca and their company are actually physically safe from the affects of the formers’ brands. I with so much rest and recreation time I WANT there to be more retrospective time as well.

I’ve said elsewhere that I’m super duper disappointed with how Puck has gone downhill, especially in regard to he and Guts’ relationship. We haven’t gotten any sort of meaningful interaction with him since Isidro came into the story. AND EVEN BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IT’S MORE OR LESS MEANINGLESS FRIVOLITY. Couldn’t Puck and Isidro be using their on-screen time more wisely, even if it has to be away from each other. What happened to Isidro wanting to be a bad-ass swordsman? Like, just being associated with two badass swordsmen (now that Casca is active again) is not a replacement for character/skill development. DO SOMETHING. BE INSPIRED OR SOME SHIT (INSTEAD OF LOOKING UP WITCH SKIRTS).

And what the hell is Serpico doing? And Roderick? And aren’t there like three or four other -

- OKAY this is what happens when have these big ass fantasy adventure parties where only a third of the occupants actually contribute shit of merit. That’s why the O.G. Band of the Hawk worked; I guess that’s neo Band of the Hawk technically works but I just don’t give a shit about them because #fuckgriffith.

GOD DAMMIT I JUST NEED THE STORY TO GET BACK TO THE HOLY TRIAD CHARACTERS ALREADY (GUTS-GRIFFITH-CASCA). PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET MOONLIGHT BOY BE A BRIDGE TO THAT HAPPENING SOON. щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

I think I have to stop here.

Don’t you miss this? Me starting on one note and ending on something completely different but universally important?)

#berserk stuff #my berserk stuff #isidro #casca #guts #schierke #anime was a mistake

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cheekblush · 3 years

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i feel your pain with rocky friendships. i haven't had a deep connection in a while. i have like... 2 friends now but one of them lives miles away and in a different timezone and has her own life. the other one chats up a storm when it's about her but when i say something she replies with "haha" liiike bro give me at least a SHRED of interaction. i'm dying lol i didn't think my social life would be this dry at 25.

hello rose petal 🌹 i'm really seeing myself in your message.. i also expected my life to be a lot more lively and exciting at this age (turning 25 tomorrow 💀) of course we live in very difficult times currently (can't believe we're living through so many moments that will be in future history books.. it's so scary) but nonetheless it has also been difficult for me to really connect to people before the outbreak of this pandemic. it's just so hard to find genuine friends these days.. it seems most people only look for company or 'friends' they can have fun with. in my last years of uni i formed only superficial friendships i had no one i could rely or confide to and after so many miserable experiences with friendships i can't help but feel "is it because of me? is it my fault? maybe i'm just not likeable or asking for too much" but the answer to all of these is a big fat NO!!! we're not asking for too much when we want friends that actually care about us and that show the same effort and commitment to the friendship. so that "friend" of yours that loves to talk about herself but doesn't have anything to say when it's about you? that's not a friend. i also had to learn this the hard way with a lot of painful experiences and it really sucks that it's so fucking difficult to at least make one genuine, sincere and true friend. like you i also have several friends who live in other countries, in other timezones. i have met most of them through tumblr and will forever be grateful for having encountered such wonderful souls on here (i mean it's always easier to connect online bc you usually get to know people with the same interests) but when it comes to irl friends *crickets* i consider like 3 people my friends but just like with your situation they are not the best friends.. i feel like i haven't had a true best friend in years or at least someone i'm very close to and can come to with all my problems and thoughts (maybe these days only a therapist can be that person..) and with my online friends... well that's the thing the friendships are online and the chances of actually meeting them are so slim especially in the current state of the world. still a lot of the times they are the people that keep me going and look out for me. it really makes you think when people from all over the world care more about you and understand you better than your "friend" that lives a few minutes away from you... idek where i'm going with this anymore... i wish i could take away your pain, i wish i could be your friend irl or magically make a genuine friend appear at your doorstep.. unfortunately i can't do such things and maybe for now we can find comfort in the fact that we aren't actually alone with our loneliness and our feelings. it is extremely difficult to make real friends in the time we live in and it also doesn't get easier the older you get. kindergarten, school and uni made it easier to get to know people but even then most of these friendships didn't last for me or weren't sincere to begin with. i guess we can only hope that the right people will come along eventually. i deeply hope they do. friendships are so fundamental to life and platonic breakups are just as devastating as romantic ones. maybe you can try to talk to more people online? of course it's very one sided when the communication is mostly through texts and you can't even meet up but it's still better than nothing! you might find like minded people who share the same interests and experiences. to bring this very long and dragging reply to an end: i just sincerely hope that better times are right across the corner for all of us. that this darkness and loneliness will pass soon and we'll be able to meet refreshing and genuine people after all. until then, take care of yourself, be your own best friend and stay safe! 💗🧸🍡💫🎀🥠🕊🍊💌🌱🍯🎠💕🦋🎐

#sorry this got so long..#thank you for reaching out to me and i hope this brings you at least a little comfort 💌#have a wonderful day/night and make yourself your first priority! 💗#maybe we should work on loving ourselves more instead of searching for it in others and begging them for attention..#my only problem with online friendships is that i'm very bad at staying in touch bc i just can't text 24/7..#but real friends understand when you need time for yourself 💞#but since you crave communication and connection maybe that's exactly what you need rn? like just message a mutual and try starting a convo #i really really hope you'll find true friends irl soon too... i know firsthand how frustrated lonely and heartbreaking it can be 😔#but don't give up... the right people will be worth the wait 💗#replies #anonymous

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